Narcissistic Families That Resemble Cults, featuring Meredith Miller
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
- Dr. C interviews Meredith Miller who helps individuals traumatized by highly authoritarian family systems. Her psychological thrust goes beyond just surviving, but in helping survivors shed the victim's mindset so they can move fully into a rewarding adult identity.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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I was raised by a narcissist parent and indoctrinated from birth as a Jehovah's Witness. I was shunned at age 20 for "wrongdoing," and family and friends cut off all contact with me. This is a cult tactic meant to force people back into compliance. Because I was so hurt and shamed, I stopped attending JW services and stopped reading their literature. The shunning actually led to my waking up, since I had that distance and a hiatus from the constant reinforcement of indoctrination. Being discarded at times is exactly the space a survivor needs to start waking up and to start healing.
Amen!
Same. I now see that my family is full of them. I chose to take a different path and it did make me awaken to what was really happened. I am now 45 and free from indoctrination.
Meredith was my introduction into narcissistic abuse years ago she basically saved my butt from going crazy cause I had no clue what was happening in my marriage, but she helped me lift the veil and that was the beginning of the end of my marriage. So glad I’m far away from that pain and trauma. thanks guys
Same😣😁
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Mine too. I was in awe that she knew what I grew up with and what I married. So grateful to her
Same here - Thank you so much Meredith from Denmark - for being there for me, when we most needed you, I am very good today.
Now you have MANY Clues !!!❤
Totally Agreed! I spent over half of my 66 years trying to escape this evil family system and still become angry with unrest when the thoughts of them creeps in.
❤
I left my abusive narc mother when I was 27. I didn't know how to cook, run a washing machine or anything. She made sure I was completely dependent on her. So the practical matters were many. But worse, I was immediately ostracized from the family for 'abandoning them' and she told me to not even THINK of coming back if I fell flat on my face. I thought once I was away, everything would be normal from me. NOPE! That inner dialogue.....It was like she was still there. I had nothing to replace her voice with. I did not know what normal was. I wound up in an abusive marriage and it was at a women's shelter that a counsellor opened my eyes to what narcissistic abuse was. I'm in my 60s now...divorced....and still learning what normal is.
It can take a lifetime for us to learn how ro truly protect and understand and care dor ourselves by developing excellent perception about other people. But we take all this learned wisdom with us. Those who dont learn are the ones who turn into the flying monkeys and the enablers who fall into line with the dysfunction and toxicity because they arent at a level to understand why its wrong. So give yourself credit for being in the percentile of higher emotional awareness and connection to the inner light of goodness. Youre on the right path. 🤍🙏🌸
I can totally relate to this dynamic. The family will cull out of the group anyone who does not think exactly the way the rest of the family cult thinks. The "group think" is huge. The one who speak something different from the main narcissist will be raged at, demeaned or completely ignored when all the other tactics don't work. Then when they see they cannot control you they will gossip so that the extended family think something is wrong with you too. Been there had all this done to me. What they don't realize is that being rejected in this way is a blessing, we can carry on to be our real selves and have friends who don't act the way the cult acts. It's wonderful when we can choose our friends. This happens in church gatherings too.
My favorite word is crazy. If I didn't do what they wanted I got referred to as crazy by all family members.
Oh yeah, in families that belong to a church group and they're addicted to a way of thinking .. that they think.. is right, is godly. Oh the gaslighting mileage is Huuuuge.
Yes. I finally stood up to and left my narcissistic husband but not early enough our two children are extremely narcissistic exactly like him. They’ve completed shut me off for pointing out the abuse. I’m not allowed to see my two grandchildren. I thought of continuing to stay with the abuser because I knew his tactics and he’d use our children and grandchildren against me. He did.
@@alycewarr5332 it's like living on another planet. What are the customs?😳
@@alycewarr5332 so sorry this happened to you. The only thing I can say is when I realized I would not have my grandchildren and my children and their spouses would not change I decided to leave it to God and get on with my life. Ruminating continually day in and day out does nothing to revolve anything. God can change their heart if they will eventually listen to Him but I cannot. So I have had wonderful peace ever since I got on with my life doing the things I want to do, filling each day with purpose. When our children and grandchildren are our only purpose we are in trouble because they live their own lives and often we are not a part of it. I let them all go and moved on with other friends and pursuits. If they happen to come back in sorry for their disrespect and wanting to start again then I will move forward with caution. Often narcississts will come back in because they want something, then I will be able to politely and lovingly say "no, that will not work for me." Independence from family has been a blessing to me, so often people don't realize toxic family are not a blessing but a burden and that we can move on.
I’m 42 year old black male from Dallas texas. I had a nde and started a spiritual awakening and walked away from my family completely moved to another state just to find myself living in another just as toxic environment, so I am working on healing and resetting nervous system cause I’m tired of being around toxic people
Best wishes to you. FYI, when I was in Dallas I lived near Preston Rd. and Forest.
How do you heal your nervous system? Mines a wreck
XMy dad was a overt narcissist and he was selfish and mean and abusive to my mom and us kids. I was the escape goat in this family. So I moved to Florida to save my sanity... I went back home for my mom after ,3 years away but I wasn't taking any more of my dad's crap. Unfortunately I met and married a cover narcissist thinking he was opposite my dad because he was a minister but he was worse than my dad. I am free from him now and the cult like religion he had us both involved with.
@@ekj24uk Go to your doctor and tell them your symptoms. You’ll likely receive a diagnosis of ptsd. Then you can begin seeing a proper therapist. You need to begin by letting others know what happened to you, this is your support team. I would also suggest working part-time instead of full-time for a while, and going to stay somewhere in the countryside for about a year. Walk outside in nature every day. Look up Dr. Abdul Said. He says to go to bed at 10:30pm, eat properly (I eat low carb every day), and drink enough water. I’ve been doing this now for 5 years.
You got this! 🙏
Meredith is a treasure!💜Through her, I discovered there was a world narcissistic abuse awareness day, June 1.
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I didn't know it either. Good idea!
Isn't it wonderful that there's finally a day of awareness for it😊?🌞❤️🩹
I didn't know there is such a day, great! 👍
Wow. I will celebrate!
@@malaikavida They need to sell cakes in stores every year to celebrate it, I'm sure plenty of folks would happily get them for their own little celebrations🥳🎉🎂🎊.
"Awareness first , then boundaries ...Trauma gets frozen in the nervous system".
“We seek connection more than we seek truth” so deep and so sadly true
Wow that's spot on 😃
My older sister is a malignant narcissist and she took over my family, turning my own adult kids against me. She started this grooming when they were much younger. BC had no one to take care of her as she aged, she set her sights on my own. She has succeeded. Truly a cult dynamic in place.
A step daughter, in my case, without going into the horrendous detail.
There are more of those mutants than we people think there are.
Yes this was my family. My mother is the narc and I would not allow my children to be around her without my presence. I knew exactly who she was.
Years ago, I found Meredith on UA-cam and learned so much. She helped me understand my mother’s narcissism and how I needed to start my healing journey.
My late MIL was a covert narcissist (she passed last April). My husband is the only boy of six children, and over the past 38 years I've watched him struggle with all the expectations his mother placed on him from infancy. Now that she's *finally* gone, his oldest sister has now stepped into that toxic role so we're very low contact with her and the rest of the family. The battle is real!
It’s hard for outsiders to understand. I have a covert narcissistic mom and a high functioning autistic child. People misjudge when they haven’t lived it.
@@shellyhawkins1739 So true ... my in-laws hate me for setting boundaries with them and their need for control over our lives. I'll take their hate over feeling smothered & controlled any day.
My mil tell my narc husband take care of your brother (grown ass men) when I'm gone.
She's top narc right now.
They hate me cause I filed charges.
Male cousins, aunties,his mother, brothers all toxic
I filed for divorce too they are being ugly now. I'm glad to get out they never liked me and the feeling was mutual. Moved 4 hrs away. My narc husband moved back over there to his clan. Was always on the phone when he was here but his mind and concerns were over there with his clan.
Oh indeed, the siblings need observing too. When I listened to podcasts about the actions of Narcissists and recognising their methods - oh my goodness it was so mind blowing to realize thats what I had been going through and i realised i was feeling so awful because i was enmeshed with ny older siblings. Once my Mother passed away the dynamics became more obvious. I'm so grateful for this lovely Doc and the other podcasters who got me through.❤
Yes, I grew up in a cult type family, and my son married into a true narcissistic cult family. It’s so real and they cannot see it in any way.
💯
Dr Carter! THIS is a dream come true for me haha! My journey to freedom began with Meredith! I spent years wondering what was wrong with me. Then i spent years thinking the n was going through early onset dementia. I was so confused. I had never heard of narcissism. Had no idea what “self awareness” meant. I didn’t understand the meaning of “passive aggressive.” Until a friend of mine sent me the video of Meredith interviewing Dr Simon. My mind was blown! (As was the n’s cover!) Meredith has helped me SO MUCH! I’m really looking forward to your interview with her!!!
Edited for typos
the same happened to me!... I also came to know exactly what was happening through Meridith and Dr George Simon videos! God bless these people who help save lives!... I pray for everyone of them ❤every day!
Kelly, you know I've already interviewed Dr. Simon, but I had not known of Meredith until recently. I think it great to be able to glean from multiple sources like this! On a separate note, the ginger turmeric tea is the best!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you Dr for bringing these amazing people!
I agree 💯 percent Stampin' she showed me the light for the first time also ! I love her so much , & I will be forever grateful to her . 🤗❤️
@@texaspatty458 wow! I always wondered why we didn't get to see as much of her as we needed ❤️so good to see her
Some of us were born into cults, not "recruited". The International Cultic Studies Association refers to cults as "high demand groups" and that certainly describes a lot of families. And religion plays a big part in that. Especially those that are based on a patriarchal system where the man is "in charge" and the wife and kids are "in subjection" to him. He feels he has the "god-given right" to be a controlling narcissist and she is an enabler because she has been taught that that's her god-given role.
Narcissistic people will utilize any belief system to serve their own purposes; consider how Darwinism’s often misquoted as “survival of the fittest” as an excuse to dominate
This is my lifestory.
I am 55 years old and only for a few years now i am totally disconnected and free from the familycult i grew up in. I was the one who was awake and left at age of 18. My siblings are flying monkeys, i slept with my sister in one room and she was grooming and gaslighting me over and over. It was exhausting. What helped me survive was promising to myself to keep my integrity and honesty no matter what. In highschool i found a teacher who helped me.
Thank you.
These video's help me healing and not feeling alone.
Very similar circumstance for me. I knew very early on what type of family I was in. I always stood up against it and spoke truth at a young age. I was the scapegoat since early childhood .
“the abuser would be powerless without the enablers”
All the enablers have to do is not cooperate. But I think the reason enablers go along with the abuser is because the abuser is brazen and cruel in a way that the enabler isn’t. It’s fascinating to watch even when it’s incredibly cruel to the targets.
the enablers have the capacity to shut down their empathy and in an unconscious way are perverted too often, especially when older adults, I mean they decide and have learnt nothing from life.... in a weird way they subconsciously dream of being the narcissist but since they cannot they support the game. of course I'm not talking of victims of narc parents here who when they are young support the system to some extent to survive. But once adults and especially nowadays adults who are still enablers with all the information around are sick inside too!
But you don't get it. Most don't ever know they are being played.
@@movingforwardfco1587 Yes and No. Do they know they’re being used to deliver cruelty to the target? Maybe not. Do they find it thrilling that other people are so shameless?
Well, you only have to look at the MAGA movement to get confirmation of that. The bully gives them permission to indulge in their secret feelings. “I like him because he speaks his mind”. The bully is the proxy through which they can express that feelings that they know are cruel and inappropriate. So yeah, the bully is using them to rise to the top and gain control. But it’s a symbiotic relationship. The enablers definitely get something out of it even if they know it’s wrong.
@@movingforwardfco1587 when they have the capacity to shut down their empathy towards a victim they decide!
A few years ago, I discovered Meredith's video on gossip. It changed my life and that of my children's. From that day forward, I vowed to do better to not relish in family gossip. I have been able to protect my children from much sorrow by committing not to tell their personal information to extended family. I am not perfect in not talking about family behind their backs. It is a form of entertainment that I experienced my whole upbringing but the efforts I have consciously made have brought much peace to my soul that would not have existed otherwise. I sleep a lot better these days with a lot less aftermath and mop ups necessatated after speaking about others behind their backs.
Good point
Thank you so much for inviting Meredith! She's great! We can learn a lot from such experienced professionals like you two.
Meredith really knows her stuff 🔥 Thank you, Dr. Carter, for having her as your guest ❤
There’s a phrase “thinning of the Veil” I think becoming aware of cluster B behaviors in family or community systems is similar to that experience.
When I was younger I would meet really healthy people I would run away. I admired them so much but was so uncomfortable and unworthy almost shamed that I could never have that. Thank you now I realize that I am ready to only have those people in my life.
Yes this happened to me too. I'd only date messed up people that would use me 😢
Meredith Miller is the first person I encountered when I began my narcissistic abuse recovery journey! So wonderful to hear this dialogue!
I haven't seen Meredith in so long. Great to see her. Good show, thank you. 😊
This gives great insight to narcissistic family’s that gangstalk people when they feel a threat internally or externally even if they’re is not a threat ❤🇮🇪my stalkers are teaching their children how to do stalking tactics and behaviours maybe like they were taught in childhood I love children and it’s so sad too see this happen not only is this criminally insane but demonic and involves about four hundred off the same family members. Totally crazy being subjected too this for me the victim it’s hard too fathom as a 63 adult who thought I saw everything in life 🇮🇪
Me too! My family are gangstalking me and they're also Freemason's so they have that whole cult helping them out.
Stay strong. The Imagination Podcast by Emma Katherine is a great support resource for us!
I absolutely love Meredith , she was the first person I found that was talking about narcissism . She has such a wonderful insight into this mixed up narc situation . I'm looking forward to this !!
Meridith Miller and Dr George Simon videos were the very first ones to get me to know what was happening in my life!... Thank you for bringing this amazing lady on the show, Inshaa'Alllah! ❤
Same!!
@@rs33823 ❤️ God bless you and everyone else who had to go through all of that
But she did not succeed in curing your religious braintumor. :(
Hope you can be healed from that. I wish you and your family to stay strong until you arre free again from this vile desease.
@@ricklocket2812 Meridith and Dr C don't seem to be bothered!..
And they certainly don't try to fix people around here!
I like the light that they are! ❤️💐
They are truly amazing!
These two have saved my life; listen to them today. And again tomorrow. And as long as it takes to get yourself free. What a gift! Thank you Dr.C and Meredith for your important work.
So nice to see Meredith. Here is someone who really put it in articulated verbiage that hit home with me!
True. My ex was a fake southern baptist pastor . For 20 yrs my daughter and I could not wear makeup, wear earrings, wear shorts. have long hair, ; me and my 3 children were not allowed to listen to anything but church music,. However, he watched pornographic movies, books, went to strip clubs, addicted to prostitutes, etc. He kicked us out of our home in 1989. He already had a new "supply". .....
So sorry to hear that, Judy.Just heartbreaking and hypocritical.
That should have never happened to you! Nor your beautiful children.
Hope you are doing ok now.❤🙏
@@katheenrochefort9759 thank you. My children despise their father......he hurts and rejects them. My fault for being too patient for way too long. I want to read the book "It Didn't Start With You".....family trauma is passed down to descendants.
@@judycrawford4415 Don't blame yourself, Judy.I was in an abusive marriage also. They have so many tactics that I have had to learn of. I am sure the same for you. They remove your very instincts from you so you don 't trust your gut a ymore!
All the gaslighting and manipulation.
So that we never find out they are leading a double life! It is so horrid!
Sounds like a true Christian. 😂
The normal developmental milestone of individuation is punished in the narcissistic family cult. Thou shalt not be a separate person from the narcissist who desires to subsume you.
Meredith was also my introduction into narcissistic abuse back in 2016/2017 timeframe. Her podcasts helped me understand what I was dealing with and experiencing. Because of Meredith, Dr. Carter, and BetterHelp I have moved forward with my life and have a happy soul.
She was intro to narcissistic parents and the Trama Bond she literally changed my life .
Most greatful ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yes. It was a much later romantic relationship that woke me up to the dysfunction in my childhood family
The narc here pointed out I had Stockholm syndrome and blamed me for it! What a guy.
My fixer is broken and im glad. My helping wasnt helpful 😅 im taking care of me❤😅 thanks very much.
She’s the reason why I found out my family was scapegoating me! I literally tell the story 100 times, but I was in my Amazon truck and I found her video while surfing through the web trying to figure out my relationship with my ex partner who is a narcissist. As soon as I watched her video, I knew exactly what I was dealing with, and it all made sense. Ever since I was a little boy, I knew something was off with my family and the video just answered so many questions, and what is the domino affect of all my personal development work. ❤💯 thank you 🎉
Yes! Yes! Yes! on all of what Meredith and Dr. C. are saying! SO spot on, and yes, it's SO much more difficult and painful when the "uninformed, naive" outsiders to the abuse attack you, shoot and throw verbal and emotional arrows, and 'grenades' at you, doing all they can to continue cutting you down. We are called on to cut off, let go, and become all the stronger inside ourselves in order to get through it, walk past it, healing one small step at a time. Move on, love yourself, move forward and upward. Thank you for this excellent clarity of information.
💯❤️🙏🏽
Only GOD can change a person. I choose to live the rest of my life away from dominating, manipulative relatives, and now I know I can’t change anyone.
Wow! This makes so much sense! Even though I’m aware that my family members are toxic I still feel like I need their love, affection, and approval. I have to remind myself how toxic they are so I stay away from them, but I still feel like I need them. It’s odd.
All abusers are the same. Groups, individuals etc. my mom’s the head psychopath. My whole family goes along with it, but I never could. They communicated me and still try to break me. They’re nuts
How cool! Meredith's videos have been such a light!
Agreed!
The clear sign is the love to hate scenarios. They can barely interact with one another without a competition. You cannot tell who is loyal to who. They are distinctly disloyal but unified by their hate for others on the outside and need to protect those on the inside, even when they know this is an unworthy cause. You can be sure at the heart of the matter is a big-dark secret that will eventually affect the units' pocket. If it were the pocket of just one of the members, that person would be chastised and separated like the weak link in the animal kingdom, basically left to die.
Merediths is very knowledge, she clearyly has a lot of experience with this and an amazing amount of expertise. So few people understand. I'm glad there are people like Dr. C and Meredith who can help educate the general public.
When you are talking about the hierarchy what is important for me to understand is that everyone is 100% responsible. That includes the enabler.
I literally had to separate from everyone in my life. My family was connected to everyone in my life. I did also realize how unhealthy everyone in my life was.
Going from victim to being responsible for my life. I had to first admit that I was a victim. I try to surround myself with people that push me to be responsible for my life. I let go of people that are in that victim mentality and people who see me as a victim. As I started transitioning into this the people that were around me freaked out and as I continue being more responsible for myself I continue to get resistance from people that I have never met. This is a huge process for me. A couple of different sayings "my side of the street" and "inside my hula hoop." When it comes to things that people "should be doing" like Doctors practicing medicine and Auto Mechanics fixing cars I still find myself going outside my hula hoop and on the other side of the road. I do their job so that I can get my needs met. Yes I will switch from Doctor to Doctor and from Auto Mechanic to Auto Mechanic. With both if I find a good one I will stay with them.
Fix them.. There are 2 sayings that come to mind.. 1. Going to the hardware store for milk and 2. Pigeons do what pigeons do..
Professions.. I got into multiple professions because of my family.. I was good at all of them and actually I did enjoy them but it was never good enough for my family.. That kind of wrecked the professions for me..
🩷🙏🩷 Much Gratitude for the knowledge Dr. Carter & Meredith Miller share!! 💞💞💞Peace & Blessings... Most of all Love!!💞💞💞
I have much admoration for Meredith. I sure do miss the channel
I feel sick to my stomach. I watched my mother abuse my little sister and did nothing. I was an enabler. She forgives me, but sometimes I feel so stupid and duped.
Be gentle on yourself. Likely you were surviving yourself. We don’t know what to do , what we don’t know. If that makes sense.
@@lisabowden402 thank you, and you’re right. It’s hard not to look back and feel silly but we are growing every day.
@@gigicolada yes mam we are. The last thing you ever need to feel is sick or upset with your self. We were truly children . We were supposed to trust those who were to protect us. None of this is on you sweet one.
Meredith is a genius on narcissists. A real treasure. She's spot-on about moving on which is what it's all about. I believe that I was born to two narcissist/psychopaths so that I could reach up to my higher self and God for a greater understanding of all that is.
Thank you, Les and Meredith. Two of my favorites are in one space, and we are blessed for your teachings.
I just took crap. Now I stay away.
I've made a lot of therapeutic mental health progress taking on Dr.Carter & Meredith Miller's work individually. To have two wonderful professionals collaborate together on such a serious & important topic is invaluable
The brain is changed and this is the unseen damage that society and others don’t understand.
Ms Miller, I learnt a lot of your videos
some years ago. I missed your vids!
And I learnt so much on
this Channel. Thank you, Doc
Carter!
You are so welcome!
Wow! That's exactly it. I got away, got my " freedom" but I've never felt more stuck. Can't remember/ feel what I wanted out if life. Everything is cardboard. Thank you both❤
My goodness! This is so POWERFUL! Trained neurological trauma . She said you are programmed at the nervous system to seek the connection because the nervous system recognizes disconnection as life threatening wow. Programmed. My goodness
Oh my! This is so scary! Im afraid its whats happening to my 6 year old granddaughter. I dont think she gets to go outside much, cant see her extended family, doesn't get to attend public gatherings because her mother (my daughter) has made her afraid! I saw them in a store and my granddaughter was not allowed to speak to me. This is horrible! Thank you!
Meredith, Dr. Carter, Dr Vaknin, (and some others) all helped me some 10 years ago. ❤
It's so nice to listen to you two have a conversation. I really was excited to see Meredith Miller was still doing this work, which she's good at, and that so many of us need! Thanks, Dr. C, for doing this video. You have really good people as guests on your videos.
Cults are always closed.
Grateful as a survivor from a cult
Thank you for this episode Dr. Carter and Meredith Miller. It is enlightening and empowering. This is helping me move forward.
Meridith you are so smart, intelligent. Having the ability and experience to say out loud what we know in our minds and heart.
Looking forward. Haven’t seen Meredith on You Tube for a while and always enjoyed her videos.
I wonder why she left UA-cam..
Thank You. Shine the Light into the darkness.
I used to say, when I got away from
my kid's dad, that it was like coming out of a cult. I was susceptible to his narcy charms for a number of reasons. 1. I was a 16 year old undiagnosed autistic girl, who was homeless, when I met him. 2. He was in a band, his band, and he wrote songs that I thought were virtuous and were in keeping with my values (environment care, human rights, peace and positive) so, being a autistic teenager, I thought that meant he was a good guy. 3. My mum had been similarly narcissistic and similar values to him ("hippy" vegetarian) so it was familiar to me.3. He was twice my age when I met him. 4. He got me pregnant very quickly. 5. I thought I had no options due to having kids with him, no family help, my autism, and I already had complex trauma/cPTSD. It took me 20 years and 7 children and near death and meeting my current partner to get out. I was ostracized by the majority of our children for many years. 6 out of my 7 children are no longer estranged from me. My oldest daughter even mentioned "brainwashing" in relation to her dad a few years ago. Autism made me more susceptible to it and made it harder to see my way out. He gaslit me a lot (screamed at me that I was "crazy" stuff like that). I thought it wasn't abuse for so long because "he didn't hit me". He malnourished me. Overworked me. Sleep deprived me. Drugged me. Kept me isolated in the bush for years. And I was too busy nurturing our children the whole time. Literally barefoot and pregnant for years. We were on the road, living in a vehicle for years, or living in the bush for years. I never learnt to drive. So there you have it. How a young "hippy" raised autistic woman can get caught up by a narcissistic older man. I was in his band for ages. I could hardly talk to people when I met him, due to autism and trauma in childhood, performing helped me a lot. He boasted a few years in that he had wanted a homeless teenager that he could "mould". Smoking the Cannabis and its illegal status was another factor in the control over me and being stuck. It actually helped with the autism. There is clinical studies that back this up now. But being criminalized added to my susceptibility to being controlled and stuck for so long. He used the drug in a very controlling way. He used the children almost like hostages saying "If you leave me, you will never get or see the children, because you are crazy". I believed him for way too many years. I have been out for 14 years now. Have done a lot of trauma recovery, a lot of inner work. Most of my children (adults and 2 grandchildren) and I have healthy relationships now, or are working towards it, except one, who is still very in his father's "spell". He is very unhappy and unwell, still. It's painful and difficult, but, I'm much more at peace with all of my past and the situation, now. I have a lovely relationship with a man who also is neurodivergent and in recovery from narcissistic abuse. Life is good and I am free! :-).
Dr C, appreciate your programs - and a special thanks for using the words: "brainwashing" "indoctrination" "brain is trained" ... every single situation is uniquely different even though we use the blanket term narcissism/sociopathy etc. "Reprogramming your nervous system" - thanks Meredith. It can all be quite complex. Our grown children were trained by a malignant narcissist (I didn't know the'big words' then) and it's not a pretty sight although we are all survivors. Narcissistic people are dangerous - bottom line. They will never 'cease and desist' with their sabotage - not even with their death - their legacy of pain anguish and destruction live on creating generational abomination. "No contact" does not mean you're healed." And "it's not your fault" however future "choices are our own." True enough. Accountability belongs to everyone. Timshel.
Trauma to purpose - all the way healthy!
This discussion was GOLDEN. I have watched so many videos on narcissism and i never get tired of it because narcissism is on the rise in the world and i want to stay alert and educated on how to manage myself in this narcissistic world
There is so much truth and wisdom in this video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us! I feel your peace through the video ❤❤❤
Thanks so much.
And once again dr C has shown to be an excellent host for interesting guests!
I recently read Daniel Shaw’s book Traumatic Narcissism. He discusses these issues of the parallels between a cult and a family headed by a narcissist in fascinating detail. He also gives case studies of therapy with people who have grown up with a narcissistic parent. Excellent book on Kindle and Audible
Meredith Is one of my favorites ! I discovered her channel in my quest to understand (what I now understand as toxic) dynamics in my life. She speaks so eloquently on very deep matters. Thank you Meredith and Dr. C !
Thanks for sharing!!
I married into a “Shiny, Happy People” family that actually had sent my future wife to a Bill Gothard training. She firmly believed all of it, but found ways to justify not being accountable.
My life has changed so much for the better because of Dr. Less Carter. I have learned, grown and healed because of this channel. There is still some risidual pain but my life and my relationships have immensely improved. I am in a much happier place in my life.
Thank you Dr. Carter ❤
Ditto
I am so relieved to see if she’s doing all right. I was wondering where she’s been.
This should be a good one. A dream team.💛
17:16 yes! Meredith is the BEST! Hands down. Thank you, Dr. C.
I remember the feather painting behind her, from her earlier videos. I watched them so, so many times as I was beginning to figure out what was going on around me in my relationships. It was as if I never noticed the wallpaper of my life, because it seemed just like a normal view - I just couldn't see things that were right in front of me because I had never known anything else. She helped me to recognize what I couldn't see.
Her work and way of speaking has always been so refreshing and kind and I learned so much from her. Glad to see you both together! Thank you to both for the good work you do -
Meredith! So great to see you! ThanX Dr.C! ☆♡☆
Our pleasure!
Let her finish what she was saying about therapists who don't get it!
Thank you for introducing me to Meredith Miller. This information is powerful.
You're so welcome!
I need to know how to heal my nervous system 😢
I love Meredith, her work has been so healing and validating for me.
My mother is the covert narcissistic type, and for such a long time NOBODY else could see it. I honestly thought I was going insane. Occasionally still I fall into self gaslighting, so it’s really nice to have someone else validate just how damaging and crazy making it is, breaking away from covert abuse.
Funnily enough, a decade earlier, I left an actual cult (religious), and ten years later, extracting myself from my family of origin was EXACTLY like leaving the cult, just on a much smaller scale.
It’s great that we have people like Meredith who the older generation can pass the baton to and keep their work going.
To little is known of narcissism and the pervasive and unhealthy it has on society. How it breeds fear is one particular thing which has not been sufficiently studied.
Keep up the great work. Have been a savior to me.
Complying to avoid a beating in childhood. Still was beaten once I entered college and then moved out.
Unfortunately, I married a covert narcissist not recognizing who he was, I was notally naive which was trained into me apparently. I delayed marriage to avoid this type of abusive relationship yet I walked right into it. I am now Old. I am very Sad that I am ending this life after such abuse .
Where the heck have you been, Meredith?!?!?!? 😭😭
Meredith is unique in that she not only dives deep into the process of the complex healing process in her own unique way with respect to readiness at different levels, but she speaks in such a genuine and yet gentle softspoken way. No wonder people adore her so. HIGH respect for this amazingly beautiful woman.
I was so happy when I saw her pop up on my newsfeed! She literally changed my life years ago.
Only several minutes in. This is really a great wonderful education on these in some instances very scarey family networks. Thank You Dr. Carter and Meredith Miller!
Yep....we struggle and wrestle to break free...then when the day arrives and we realize we are free from THE NARCS we don't know what to do next. Its not easy to figure out what we do with out time after we awake free. Very good point. Thank you for this excellent presentation!
"A negotiation between the soul & the divine.."
Amen!
The cult is so true. One of the first weird things I noticed in my ex wife's family was this strange hushed muttering she and her mum did. They spoke in some kind of bizarre 'in code'.Then I saw how her mum would mercilessly abuse her dad, often belittling him in public. He seemed too scared to ever object. The mother then started to make snarky comments at me. I objected and that was it. From that point I was seen as the enemy of all 3 of them. They drove me to the bottom of a deep dark pit of despair and confusion but there I found love and peace in my own heart. Perhaps I should be grateful for that? Maybe the viscious cruelty acted like the cutting and grinding tools which carved the rough stone in the direction of the diamond? Maybe, but watch out for the signs of the cult like mannerisms of a family you may be getting involved with. Grow your inner love and spread it out!❤
Another great interview, Doc. Every guests brings new insights into the insanity of dealing with the narcissists in our lives and how to heal. Thank you, Dr. C!
Thank you, thank you, Dr. Carter, and Meredith Miller.
Thank you for discussing this Dr. C People are marrying into these families and have no idea who and what is going on. Boy I did and it was more of a nightmare.
There were a few things that woke me up in the past, but then I went back to sleep.
I got married and my husband was able to wake me up. BUT I didn’t make any real changes or set boundaries that stuck until my son came along. That was my experience. He sort of forced me to make changes and save me from myself.
Nothing we can do to wake someone uo! I hope there will be a bit of waking and they will know I'll understand and help them. So hard to have lost all my children at this point.... Thank you for declaring the TRUTH.
This lady is amazing her words touched my soul shes describing everything i feel and it is so lonely.
💝💖💙
Definitely same procedure of my healing process. so moving. Thank all of the researchers to this topic, I owe you.
So good to see Meredith again!! She’s my absolute fav!!