Pretty Privilege and Being The "Exception"
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- Опубліковано 11 лип 2021
- Original Video: • Video
This is a safe space to share your experiences. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to be heard and understood for the things you are healing from. This is one of the things I happen to be healing from.
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I deeply relate to your experiences. I'm in my early 40s now and let me tell you, many black men are way to comfortable deconstructing your physical features and acting like they are doing you a favor by dating you. If you prefer thicker women or lighter skinned women why did you even approach me, sir? It took me quite some time to realize that the issue was the men I chose had a very limited self-concept and limited self-esteem. No one who is truly settled within themselves will go out of their way to criticize and diminish you. That is actually emotional abuse! Ladies, if a man is consistently demeaning you with comments and criticism about your hair texture, skin tone body type etc...RUN, don't walk. That man is trying to impact your self esteem with the intention of keeping you in a stagnant position. You are in the presence of a man who actually feels less than worthy within himself who is projecting that self-hatred onto you. Pour into yourself and know that you are resoundingly worthy of being loved, respected and cherished as you are. Be Well!
Yes to all of this! Pinning this comment ❤️
Most men try to humble me. To your other comment, men feel if you’re not perfect in their eyes, that they shouldn’t have to do much to get you. Even if they are less attractive lol. Black men do act like they’re doing me a favor because they feel as if they’re the prize, and they don’t value black women
I’m dark skinned. I’ve never heard you’re pretty for a black girl but I’ve always heard you’re pretty for a dark skinned girl. It’s colorism and it’s a back handed compliment.Feeling like the exception is so true and it’s a shame, it makes me feel like ppl think that dark skinned ppl aren’t pretty, I’ve actually had someone tell me that most dark skinned ppl aren’t pretty.
Same, I remember going over to one of my friends to do a school project and after we were finished , she introduced me to her friends in the neighborhood and i remember them saying "wow you're really pretty for a darkskin girl cause you know they're all really......you know" and then the friend that brought be said " i know right, i keep saying the same thing". It wasn't the first nor the last time I got that compliment especially from her.
😮😮😮😮
WTF!?!?!
Who the hell says that most dark skinned people aren’t pretty!??? That person is obviously ignorant because
that’s such an ignorant statement to make!!😡
Black people are the most racist people in terms of being anti dark skin. White people admire a sun tan. We admire dark skin. Also bare in mind if you hear a white woman tell you that you are pretty for a black girl, it is because that particular white woman is not that good looking, but being a woman, she will be envious of other pretty women and will find a way to put them in check. Ostensibly it is colorism, but really it is just regular old female on female envy.
I’ve always grown up thinking I’m a second option. If somebody likes me they’ll eventually find someone better than me cause I’m not all that. I’m 23 and things haven’t changed. So thank you for your inspiring video. Imma do better for myself from now on.
I have always been the exception and never no one first choice. I remember I was working a job with my niece. I got her the job. We worked retail. I was working there for five years and never told i was pretty or approach. She's mixed with black and Hispanic. Even from my female boss she say oh she's so pretty and she gets all the guys. I eventually said i get it im ugly. Being single all my life I accepted i was ugly a long time ago. I had a crush on a white guy and told him he rejected me. I was told by a mutual friend because i was black. Funny thing is that he was attracted to my mixed niece. This was two years ago and haven't been able to build that confidence back up.
AWWW SIS! You cannot continue to do this to yourself! It's PLENTY of white guys that like black girls! Trust me on this. You just have to be where they are. My daughter is dating a white guy and my daughter is dark skinned..once you start believing YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL it'll be reflected outward to the people around you try it!
Ur not ugly. U can look better. That’s clothing, hairstyles and lengths. Make up styles that whole combination can make a big difference. What already helps if h don’t do that already. Focus on nude, white, brown and black color clothing makes u look more put together. Look up people on Instagram that have a similair body type like yourself, an other with a similair faceshape for what kind of make up, an other for headshapes to see which style suits u better. The more asymmetric the better. If your features are more loud u need to create calmed in your hairstyles, clothing anything else to balance it out. Same way vice versa. Other wise everyone will look like a clown
Hey, i have been told i am handsome for a red head. Don't ever think that this is a problem specific to dark skinned people.
I am the exception with a wide nose men will gas me up saying I'm so beautiful until they see a mix or light skin woman or sometimes a dark skin woman with small facial features they even will purposely try to make me feel ugly when they around these strange women while out on a date or something which is sooo weird
Super super weird. I’ve learned to steer clear of those type of men. I only go where I am seen as the standard of beauty and not the exception
Yup I dealt with this. When people find me attractive it’s a weird surprise that they find me as pretty as they do. I’ve been asked if I were mixed and told I that I was an exception as a dark skinned girl. This was not all my life though only after a glowing up and my face becoming more balanced and “pretty”.
Im surprised that you get surprised when people find you pretty lmao 😂 😍
I mean look at you. Pretty period 👀
You really are gorgeous 😍😍
If your around men of other races they'll just say your pretty ,don't allow blackistan to teach you that your pretty for a darskin girl, your gorgeous period.
@@libfuzzy4629 Men of other races have called me "too pretty to be black" I don't think this is limited to black people
Yep been through that. Now I don't even care. If they like me they like me, if they don't they don't.
HEY ! many south asian girls go through this as well. I am Bengali and many people if a they find bengali girl pretty they will say " U look Pakistani" this is colorism because people from pakistan are usally more fair skinned than people from Bangladesh
That’s interesting! Can explain colorism affect you community? I want to go Bangladesh 🇧🇩. But I got wait a while since I’m only 15. Also me as dark skin black girl and I can relate as well. Instead they would ask if I was mixed or if that’s my real hair.
Yupp, I’ve heard this a lot from Asian girls. I know a Pakistani girl (a coworker and someone I would never call a friend) say that she hates when someone thinks she’s Bengali cause she’s “not that dark”
I get what you're saying I've only had the "exception " experience with bm (dark skinned bm) to non blk men I'm just beautiful PERIOD.
THIS!
EXACTLY! Non black men, are not as familiar with the colorism, they don't necessarily equate beauty with skin tone...
@@scourge3 Maybe where you are from, but in most of the world people do associate beauty with skin tone unfortunately.
you’re gorgeous and i’ve experienced every single thing you’ve talked about here, being dark skinned as well. i just don’t deal w black men anymore which has made me feel better, but i’m still repairing my self esteem and the years of damage.
Damn thank you for sharing this story
As an Liberian it’s so relatable ❤️
I felt every word.
You nailed the thumbnail with those 3 beautiful ladies. They are the epitome of this topic of conversation
Pretty for a black girl…. What they meant was pretty for a Dark skinned girl… that comes from the old mindset that dark skinned ppl are ugly and light skinned is pretty… dark ain’t ugly and light ain’t always pretty I’ve always looked at features… my mom is darker than u and she’s heard that all her life… she would always correct ppl and educate them on where that comes from…it’s so sad that ppl still think this way
i have been told I am handsome for a red head. So this is not a problem exclusive to dark skin women. Also, bare in mind that pale white people of northern european descent admire a sun tan, we admire someone with naturally dark skin.
I believe alot of colorism comes from family. I dated a light skinned guy whose family told him to only date light skins! Or if a guy or girl is handsome/pretty the family is super jealous.
Oh, absolutely!
I've never been told your pretty for a dark skin girl if someone finds me attractive they usually just say I'm pretty 🤷🏾♀️ i think that where you live also may have something to do with it 🤔
I live in Texas. People said this when I was younger. It also happens all over the world so....
@@starrjohnson1327 I'm sure it does, just hasn't happened to me
You aren't dark skin then...
@@KC-ki9uj yes i am I'm about the same shade as Kelly Rowland and Lauryn hill 👀
@@libfuzzy4629 did you grow up around majority black people?
I don’t have pretty privilege but I’m cool with it because I hate attention. People stare at me every where I go and it’s really uncomfortable. It makes me feel like they think I look like an exotic animal. I’m like, if you don’t like how I look, by all means PLEASE look at something else!
I feel the same way!
I always have had to deal with the “ for a dark skinned” compliment. It’s disheartening.
Listening to all these pretty privilege videos is making me truly realize just how abusive bm are towards bw. No wonder some bw thing when a non blk man shows them interest that he must have some sort of fetish......these non bm aren't fetishizing us, where just SO used to being abused by bm.
Darling just because some brothers have issues with us doesn’t mean that the majority of white men are not fetishizing us.
@@janetmccoy7945 Okay and we can say majority of BM fetishize whyt women. What now? Men of any race will do it to any race of woman.
But black men fetishize other races of women and those women take advantage of it! Black women for some reason have a problem milking that privilege of being fetishized and instead chase men who think they are prettier than their own women aka black men!
This the one ☝🏾
@@janetmccoy7945 it ain't some sweetie......and you know it.
Honey, at least you didn't get the "you don't look African" comment... yup, and it's typically from black Americans.
Anyway, your experiences are real and it can suck sometimes. You always wonder/worry if you are really, truly appreciated for who you are, or just because of your looks. Beautiful women don't always know who's truly there for them as a friend versus users and haters. I have seen women become friends with a beautiful chic to get some shine, yet bad-mouth their beautiful friend behind her back . I think each side have their own struggles.
Oh, girl I got that comment! I asked her, “…and what does an African look like?” She had no answer. But yes to this. I have been told more than once, “I love that we’re friends. I love having pretty friends in my group.” That has always made me feel like I was more so of an accessory than an actual friend
I always get this. 😩
I’ve got it from African people they never believe me when I say I’m Liberian I be fighting for my life proving I’m Liberian they always think I’m East African or Caribbean I’ve always wondered what that means
So relatable, thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️
This video was so relatable
Or these black men like the appeal you have to white men. For me, they don’t even bring up their dating history. But I also have a lot of physical privileges, and I see right through them trying to make me a trophy. I’ll be a trophy, but you gotta earn it 🤣🤣🤣
White European woman here. I so don’t understand this all.
That black guy you dated, why is your skin color a problem and his not?
If you would live in Africa, would you be an exception? No of course not, people would value you as beautiful.
Within a few decades the world population will be predominantly black (and Asian as now). Nigeria will be the largest country. So white people are basically the exception.
I really don’t understand why people think skin color is a factor in beauty, it’s probably also contextual (like in US the history of slavery) and I hope the idea of white as some standard will disappear soon. You already see it changing with things as K-Pop idols, fortunately.
Omg! Love your background and your intro!
First time here!
I looooove your perspective!
The exception is such a great way to say it!
Joining the tribe, New Subbie!
Thank you so much 🥰❤️
But being pretty can actually get someone a high paying job.
This is true. The halo effect is very real
Very intelligent young lady.
Please use lapel mics. They cut down background noise and allow us to hear you better.
facts!
Pretty for a black girl, what a immature and dumb way to compliment a girl. Tell her she's beautiful and leave color and race out of it. Good video 😊
You’re pretty
Thank you ❤️
First of your so pretty thank you for being so open ! As a lighter skin brown woman I made a video too of my experience and I think your features are more conventionally acceptable . You dont look like the typical west African woman with wide nose , big lips this is coming from me a Nigerian woman. Even at time I have faced featurism especially having a small nose and being skinny before . Either way ty for sharing this I think this has brought me a different perspective on pretty privilege
Yep, you are pretty.
Thank you 💗
Being the exceptiom sucksssss because i was raised with a light skinned mom and sister.... I waut had long hair and that would be my exception.... where they would even suggest having babies or that they usually do light but im pretty.
But im sure men have theirs like height lol women saying they usually prefer tall but will date them
Subscribed.
You are gorgeous and intelligent ma sista.
Thank you! ❤️
Seeing pretty people complain about being pretty is like watching a rich person complain about being rich in front of poor people
Yo skin poppin
All I had to hear was Liberian for me to sub 🇱🇷
❤️💙❤️💙
Doesn’t saying those things to a child that your beautiful smart and cool, setting them up for insecurities, shouldn’t we be teach them ways to accept themselves regardless. Gasing them up as children or adults never helps themselves.
Flaw will always be present, I don’t get why you dated those them when they stated you aren’t they want, that’s on you.
Being seen as beautiful doesn’t give you characters and values,
I don’t agree that affirming/complimenting your children sets them up for insecurities. It builds their confidence. I, do, however, agree that we should teach them to love themselves regardless. I can also agree that physical beauty does not equate to having good character or values. The missing piece to your point, is that no matter how much you prepare your children, you can’t control what they’ll face once they’re out in the world. I also don’t see my skin color as a flaw. --- As far as my dating decisions, these men wanted me (I was pursued and not the other way around), but made remarks that contradicted that. In my growth, I’ve learned I have no desire to date these kind of men again and I can take full accountability for choosing to date them. One thing is clear though: I’m not with them now and that’s what really matters.
well yeah agreed but I don’t see compliments as affirmations to accept themselves, exactly because of the world they will face out there. I disagree they actually wanted for anything serious with those statements. Never meant your skin was a flaw in any way.
Thanks I’ve taken notes
Jubril Adebayo Fair enough. For one of them, yeah he probably didn’t want anything serious. As for the other, I was with him for 4 years and ultimately made the decision to leave 🥴 - thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Ignore that dusty, you were a child, why is he blaming you but not the rude guys? Men 😷
How about people just learn to accept complements and move on. It’s not a scientific hypothesis that must be analyzed vigorously. It’s a complement. Accept it, say thank you and move on. It’s all a sign that we are living in a society that external validation outnumbers self awareness.
Pretty for a black girl is a stretch, considering all the many other gorgeous bw out there! Pretty for a dark skinned girl is more popular, which is also not genuine compliment.
Wow thts shi fucked up fr, I don’t wanna overstep but I think going to therapy might help u heal from tht
Not an overstep at all. Therapy has actually brought me here and I hope that sharing my experiences can help someone out there. Understanding and making peace with your traumas is such a vital part of healing. Thank you 💕
Having a degree or license of high value supersedes pretty privilege
Your so pretty just the way you are!!
I couldn't stop looking at your dimples😍😍😍😍
Thank youuu 🥰
If a woman has a pretty face, but not a nice body to match, then i am sorry but she does not have pretty privilege. The woman's figure is so important.
👎🏾
Colorism = heightism
Stop false claiming pretty privilege
How is her claim false?