Out of all the videos I have viewed you are truly the most informative and provide so much clarity. I would not be surviving and at the best peace I can be at without your videos at this time.
My Ex DA broke up with me almost 1 month ago. It was the third break-up. I've immediately started NC without asking him for any explanation. By watching a lot of videos on UA-cam I finally have learnt about attachment styles. I had never heard of this before. The result of my research was that my Ex is an DA and suddenly I understood the reason of the break ups. The reason for the first one was "rejection," the second because of pressure, and the third one because I've triggered his fear of controlling him. I'm still in love with him and I really hope that he will recontact me, so we both could try to get a third chance for a relationship, now that I know how to "handle" a DA. Meanwhile I move on and I'm working on being much more secure!! Sorry for my English! Greetings from Germany. Alexis you are the best "therapist " and you helped me a lot. Merci beaucoup! PS: I did the test, my score is 21 🤞
I tried to save the relationship 3 times but in vain. She was totally hardhearted, refused to meet me. After the 3rd time, I wrote her the best love letter ever and said goodbye.
You really helped me to just understand so much on what went wrong. Still have some of his stuff & class reunion days after the election. So I’ll give it time n space n see what takes place . ❤TU Joanie
I especially like this one, Alexis. I’ve been giving him a lot of space this last week and a half, but he messaged me this morning that he wants to come over and talk to me, and I’m pretty sure from that tone, he’s going to break up with me. So it’s good to see what to do and not do before it actually happens. I have no idea why he would want to, except he’s really avoidant and the more I see him feel, the more he’s been pulling away. We actually get along really great. So sad.
@@kellyseager8163 nothing- he never had the guts to face me. I haven’t seen him in nine weeks and don’t want to at this point. He sent me a generic/vague letter about how hard this is for him because of his feelings for me and how I deserve better and more, as if it went up to him. He’s cowardly and weak. I didn’t respond- I was still waiting for the face to face, which he’s not brave enough to do. I’ve put myself wayout there for him, and moved here etc- I will never do anything based on someone else again. I’ve lost so much from my former life by coming here, and feel really foolish.
My ex and I hang out at the same places. Hard to avoid him. He has been seeing all the men I am now talking to. He can stay at home and watch tv, just as he wanted to do when we were together.
I had to break NC after 8 weeks to deliver some bad news. I asked if he would be open to talk when he had some time to process he said no. I never heard from him again over 1 year....so don't live in hope these things are different for everyone. All he needed to do was communicate but he couldn't face it. I never begged I respected his descion and I told him there were things that weren't working but that Loved him and wanted someone to grow with and solve issues. He appologied 3 times for his behaviour at the breakup..complete mystery nothing made sense. It was like everything he told me Didn't add up. 😢🤷♂️
Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm in the same boat and tbh I don't think he will ever want to hear from me again but at this point I am starting to grow into a place where I don't want his toxic ghosting and inability to take responsibility for his actions and how they effect other people near me either.
The wonderful thing is that, the more I watch these types of videos, the lazier I feel about trying to get back my ex BF. I broke up with him a few months ago and have been exploring the depths of my remorse... I think maybe I "done good" putting him back on the shelf. Alas, if only we could have a CONVERSATION... LOL... but that is the magic sauce they forgot to throw in the bag at the drive-thru... I'm like: should I turn around or just go home?
have to dissagree. some times people are so afraid of rejection, they may want to reach out but wont, beause of unprocessed guilt. fearful avoidants specifically can sometimes have so much guilt it prevents them from reaching out because they're terrified of being rejected...especially if they're rejection sensitive folks like myself and my ex..we're both adhd and both an the autism spectrum .
My man i don't know if i should call him an exe or what.. He just went silent after an argument, he is an introvert and we are on a long distance relationship.. Ihv tried reaching out we solve the problem but in vain, its now 3 weeks no communication. I started No conduct after the 3 weeks, hope he comes back
Same situation here with my ex, she me ghosted after 10 months, and I sent 3, 4 messages since her last contact, over the course of 3 wweks, just asking for some clarity and why she was being so weird about replying. Went no contact after too.... How are things for you now?
My avoidant ex is a clinical depressive. He is unsure about whether ours is a wise relationship and is sending mixed messages. The chemistry between us is really good and I care deeply for him. I can't resist giving this my best shot. Is this foolish?
What if I broke it off and he keeps. Coming back after I tell him to leave me alone, to move on and let me go. He won’t stop. All While blocking me and unblocking me. I broke it off a year ago. Why won’t he leave me alone if he won’t heal.
What if you aren't contacting them but they're contacting you 1-2 a week? I dumped him originally but we both decided recently to reestablish boundaries since he needed it as an avoidant but so do I, as an anxious but don't tolerate it as well.. I will say it's difficult to not have any expectations in this case. We do intend on getting back together, I think, so it seems ok. Perhaps I just need to manage my anxiety better..?
But if you broke no contact 2-3 times chasing your ex for half a year and then leave her saying on the last time that she can reach out if she ever desires so? Another half year passed over the last break of no contact and she is now on tinder, but still stalking me on instagram, watching stories and liking my posts. But hasn’t reached out.
Dismissive Avoidants are tough.
Yes you're right.
You deserve so many more subscribers! Your insight and format of these videos are hands down the best on youtube!
Out of all the videos I have viewed you are truly the most informative and provide so much clarity. I would not be surviving and at the best peace I can be at without your videos at this time.
My Ex DA broke up with me almost 1 month ago. It was the third break-up. I've immediately started NC without asking him for any explanation. By watching a lot of videos on UA-cam I finally have learnt about attachment styles. I had never heard of this before. The result of my research was that my Ex is an DA and suddenly I understood the reason of the break ups. The reason for the first one was "rejection," the second because of pressure, and the third one because I've triggered his fear of controlling him. I'm still in love with him and I really hope that he will recontact me, so we both could try to get a third chance for a relationship, now that I know how to "handle" a DA. Meanwhile I move on and I'm working on being much more secure!!
Sorry for my English!
Greetings from Germany. Alexis you are the best "therapist " and you helped me a lot. Merci beaucoup!
PS: I did the test, my score is 21 🤞
I tried to save the relationship 3 times but in vain. She was totally hardhearted, refused to meet me. After the 3rd time, I wrote her the best love letter ever and said goodbye.
Heard from her since?
@@marinab2503 I asked her to pay back some money she did and after doing so she "unfriended" me. I have moved on.
what's the update?
You really helped me to just understand so much on what went wrong. Still have some of his stuff & class reunion days after the election. So I’ll give it time n space n see what takes place . ❤TU Joanie
You have really helped me. Please know you are much appreciated.
well, there is also limited contact. Perhaps for the ones that wait two yours not contacting and ignoring their exes
I especially like this one, Alexis. I’ve been giving him a lot of space this last week and a half, but he messaged me this morning that he wants to come over and talk to me, and I’m pretty sure from that tone, he’s going to break up with me. So it’s good to see what to do and not do before it actually happens. I have no idea why he would want to, except he’s really avoidant and the more I see him feel, the more he’s been pulling away. We actually get along really great. So sad.
What ended up happening in your situation?
@@kellyseager8163 nothing- he never had the guts to face me. I haven’t seen him in nine weeks and don’t want to at this point. He sent me a generic/vague letter about how hard this is for him because of his feelings for me and how I deserve better and more, as if it went up to him. He’s cowardly and weak. I didn’t respond- I was still waiting for the face to face, which he’s not brave enough to do. I’ve put myself wayout there for him, and moved here etc- I will never do anything based on someone else again. I’ve lost so much from my former life by coming here, and feel really foolish.
I want to know too!
Give space is good advice
Thank you for your work you do. Much appreciated
Never touches base on when the DA is dumped lol
My ex and I hang out at the same places. Hard to avoid him. He has been seeing all the men I am now talking to. He can stay at home and watch tv, just as he wanted to do when we were together.
As well as no contacts should I avoid places I may see her ?
the starting point already very revealing
16:09 😂😂made me laugh when I was watching this with a heavy heart 💔
Thank you for this. Funnily enough it is what I did two days ago.
Is this schematique the same for all avoidants whether anxious or dismissive Alex?
Thank you🌈
Not all, but most. They have similarities and differences.
As an Anxious in this ended relationship i didn’t respect her DA boundaries she was trying to meet me but I pushed for more
I had to break NC after 8 weeks to deliver some bad news. I asked if he would be open to talk when he had some time to process he said no. I never heard from him again over 1 year....so don't live in hope these things are different for everyone. All he needed to do was communicate but he couldn't face it. I never begged I respected his descion and I told him there were things that weren't working but that Loved him and wanted someone to grow with and solve issues. He appologied 3 times for his behaviour at the breakup..complete mystery nothing made sense. It was like everything he told me Didn't add up. 😢🤷♂️
Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm in the same boat and tbh I don't think he will ever want to hear from me again but at this point I am starting to grow into a place where I don't want his toxic ghosting and inability to take responsibility for his actions and how they effect other people near me either.
Feeling better today
Damn as an Anxious (the dumpee) I broke no contact..so likely f’d it up..
Not too late
The wonderful thing is that, the more I watch these types of videos, the lazier I feel about trying to get back my ex BF. I broke up with him a few months ago and have been exploring the depths of my remorse... I think maybe I "done good" putting him back on the shelf. Alas, if only we could have a CONVERSATION... LOL... but that is the magic sauce they forgot to throw in the bag at the drive-thru... I'm like: should I turn around or just go home?
What could he have done to get you to want to work on it?
have to dissagree. some times people are so afraid of rejection, they may want to reach out but wont, beause of unprocessed guilt. fearful avoidants specifically can sometimes have so much guilt it prevents them from reaching out because they're terrified of being rejected...especially if they're rejection sensitive folks like myself and my ex..we're both adhd and both an the autism spectrum .
That’s hard not to do in the moment but am trying to work on me through it.. just hard
My man i don't know if i should call him an exe or what.. He just went silent after an argument, he is an introvert and we are on a long distance relationship..
Ihv tried reaching out we solve the problem but in vain, its now 3 weeks no communication. I started No conduct after the 3 weeks, hope he comes back
Same situation here with my ex, she me ghosted after 10 months, and I sent 3, 4 messages since her last contact, over the course of 3 wweks, just asking for some clarity and why she was being so weird about replying. Went no contact after too....
How are things for you now?
My avoidant ex is a clinical depressive. He is unsure about whether ours is a wise relationship and is sending mixed messages. The chemistry between us is really good and I care deeply for him. I can't resist giving this my best shot. Is this foolish?
There you have the answer. You care, you think. But he doesn't. Do no contact ASAP. If he reaches out, set boundries and check if he can fulfill them.
Love you man ❤
thank you this really is helpful
Hey coach i wanna ask you does me being in the same group with my ex even if we dont speak to each other a good ideea?
Should i leave it?
What if I broke it off and he keeps. Coming back after I tell him to leave me alone, to move on and let me go. He won’t stop. All
While blocking me and unblocking me. I broke it off a year ago. Why won’t he leave me alone if he won’t heal.
The link to take the text doesn't work
What about if your ex told you not to contact him/her? Would you still contact him/her after some time?
no. I would listen to what they say. That's the mistake I always make. When they say they need time or space just listen.
What if you aren't contacting them but they're contacting you 1-2 a week? I dumped him originally but we both decided recently to reestablish boundaries since he needed it as an avoidant but so do I, as an anxious but don't tolerate it as well.. I will say it's difficult to not have any expectations in this case. We do intend on getting back together, I think, so it seems ok. Perhaps I just need to manage my anxiety better..?
How do i do no contact effectively when she is with my child :(. I had to contact my 3 year old and i had to go through her
Of course you need to stay in touch but dont talk about you 2. Focus on being the best father you can be 💪
Its been 8 months since break up, no nearer to even talking to her, do i just give up?
But if you broke no contact 2-3 times chasing your ex for half a year and then leave her saying on the last time that she can reach out if she ever desires so? Another half year passed over the last break of no contact and she is now on tinder, but still stalking me on instagram, watching stories and liking my posts. But hasn’t reached out.
DA is an attachment style, i’m no expert here but sounds like there’s a lot more goin on there than just an attachment style.
Any update?
What is the french opening song?
Simple entendeur. Le temps est bon
With all due respect. What self respecting individual would put up with this type of degrading, manipulative behavior? 😂