How can we know when to reach out when we wont know which stage our ex is in??? if we reach out too early it destroy our chances and if reach out too late, well its too late. this is the reason why after 2 months i am resisting myself from contacting my ex becos there is no way of knowing where she is at post breakup... its so frustrating!!
This is the question i always have aswell. All these online coaches never talk about timeline. I think is bait so that people use their services. Also its fair to say that every situation is different. But do they even really know when we should reach out. Its all a gamble. The idea itself of getting back with an ex is in reality only hope. Statistically the chances are low. But who knows really. Its depressing. I'm just hoping that in a couple months i'll feel good enough to have more clarity about it all. Did you ever reach out? Its been 3 months.
@@13thbornpr she just randomly sent me at txt at around 2am in the morning with a word "sorry". I replied in the morning "its cool... no worries". later that day she requested a meet so we met at a cafe in the afternoon mainly just a casual catch up talk. B4 we part ways she gave me a hug. a week later we got back together organically and we are taking things slowly
Do not engage with anyone who is not equally yoked. If you are opposite on politics, beliefs, desires, if these don't match you don't belong together. You may have fun but it wont last long. Alex, not sure if you talk more about people who Monkey Branch and the stages the monkey brancher goes through.
It’s been 3 months of no contact and I haven’t heard a thing. 6 months since break up. I’m doing everything, working out, spending time on my business and spending lots of time with friends and family and dating. I don’t think she’s coming back even though we had a 4 year relationship. I’ve accepted that and am moving forward
Same here friend. NC for around 1 months, four months into the breakup after 5 years. Hit the gym, started airsoft and hema, jogging and HIIT. Dropped 25 kilos. Almost quit smoking completely. Started CBT/DBT/Mindfulness. Working on my anxious attachment style. But yeah, I'm also believing she's not coming back and....it hurts. I'm getting around to accepting it, but then on certain days it hits like a wall of bricks...
It’s interesting when you say they are angry when their emotions creep into the cracks of their angry walls they create. I know he tries to resist his feelings for me. Im fully in no contact now but I’m not hopeful of him reaching out if I don’t
I dumped HIM after months of disrespect and dismissing my feelings. I regret losing the comfort of a home and a heater but Id rather the cold van and my dignity. I think about it but then I remember how he treated me and how that affected my health.
Ex texted me on my birthday. Some cumulated/forgotten pain came up and I replied that instead of texting we could have gone somewhere like we used to but that he always chose sth better (he told me he was meeting his female friend on my bday). I know I overreacted and probably destroyed all changes of us getting back together but I felt good that I let him know how I felt. What do you think? Was it inappropriate reaction or how to let them know that we are not there for their breadcrumbs. Before he was coming back with occasional messages that didn't mean anything, after my reply he stopped.
@@AlexisFriedlander I know... which is why I broke it. I entered no contact after some begging. And we had a chance meeting in the street two months later which lead to a more than a minute-long hug with hand-holding afterwards also lasting very long. We subsequently have had some in person and soft interactions (we are indirect colleagues) which indicate that she is still emotionally attached but confused because of the situation. (Her objection to kissing was I can't now (moral) and she has shown some regret by calling herself a diragoratory term for what she has done) I am trying to focus on self-growth (paint and refurbish apartment and build business) and not rebound myself but it has been very hard. I am in a summer no contact period with some soft interactions never initiated by me. (She sent a friend request on my professional Facebook(I accepted) , loved picture and story and soft interactions in work WhatsApp) I never felt so strongly myself having avoidant tendencies which can be triggered and a complicated situation made us enter the avoidant-anxious dynamic, me being the anxious one... As there has been a ten to fourteen soft interaction pattern, I have disappeared completely to break it I'm aiming to reassess the situation after 21 days of being a ghost. Thank you for your content, it has helped me. Merci!
The seperator and the connector, could be better than, dumper and dumpee, or the disengager and the engager, or how about the uniter and the distancer, or maybe cooperator and the uncooperator?
I did NC for 45 days. I am looking forward to reconnect with my ex. I have learnt to focus on myself more and also utilized the time to hone my music skills. Can I text my ex with a video clip of my music? I 've learnt the first text after NC should be light and easy. Any suggestions, please?
I was in no contact for 2 and half months when he called me. He found out I was ill. Then he smiled alot when we met passing by. Then he called me on my BD. Didn't want to end the call. Next day found an excuse to visit. Eagerly toched me. I didn't envite him in, it was after 21.30. (Now I'm panicking, that maybe I should have envited him for a tеa or something)Then next time passing by was really smiling again. I smile allways too. But that's it...🤦♀️ He is not doing anything else. Should I try something myself? What in that case?.... I'm really devastated now. Maybe I did something wrong. Should have been more eager?.. What do you think?🙏 Unfortunayely, I can't afford a coaching call since my mother died. Allthough I really would like to do that.😔
I think you did the right thing by holding your standards. I think he was testing how far he could go. How would you feel if you let him in and have his way with you and then ghosted you..? (You'd be devastated and he would be thinking that he won the break up) You did the right thing..
@@Trex7124 he got me to bed eventually. Told me we would have beautiful kids and so on. Then he threw me out of his bed once. That was it for me. And now he seems to have dumped the woman he was with when we broke up. So he is an asshole. Don't need such a peace of crap in my life
@@AlexisFriedlander really...coz I have been in no contact since he pulled away, it's been 2 months already and I'm beginning to think that he has broken up with me... just realized now by watching your videos that he's an avoidant.
At first the relationship was going on well when we met as I was unattached, he kinda liked the space/ the distance in between, but as soon as I became a little vulnerable and wanting some closeness as i felt safe with him, he was turned off by it and so He pulled away. I didn't chase him, beg or even asked any questions, I just pulled back as well. Was just wondering if I'm doing d right tin😏 coz I'm feeling like he has indirectly ended the relationship
How can we know when to reach out when we wont know which stage our ex is in??? if we reach out too early it destroy our chances and if reach out too late, well its too late.
this is the reason why after 2 months i am resisting myself from contacting my ex becos there is no way of knowing where she is at post breakup... its so frustrating!!
This is the question i always have aswell. All these online coaches never talk about timeline. I think is bait so that people use their services. Also its fair to say that every situation is different. But do they even really know when we should reach out. Its all a gamble. The idea itself of getting back with an ex is in reality only hope. Statistically the chances are low. But who knows really. Its depressing. I'm just hoping that in a couple months i'll feel good enough to have more clarity about it all. Did you ever reach out? Its been 3 months.
@@13thbornpr No I did not reach out and I maintained NC... but she reached out to me last month
@@jeffreyyeo how did she reach out and what happened?
@@13thbornpr she just randomly sent me at txt at around 2am in the morning with a word "sorry". I replied in the morning "its cool... no worries".
later that day she requested a meet so we met at a cafe in the afternoon mainly just a casual catch up talk. B4 we part ways she gave me a hug.
a week later we got back together organically and we are taking things slowly
@@jeffreyyeo Oh wow! So happy for you! Inspiring! Do you know what attachment style she is?
Do not engage with anyone who is not equally yoked. If you are opposite on politics, beliefs, desires, if these don't match you don't belong together. You may have fun but it wont last long.
Alex, not sure if you talk more about people who Monkey Branch and the stages the monkey brancher goes through.
It’s been 3 months of no contact and I haven’t heard a thing. 6 months since break up. I’m doing everything, working out, spending time on my business and spending lots of time with friends and family and dating. I don’t think she’s coming back even though we had a 4 year relationship. I’ve accepted that and am moving forward
Same here friend. NC for around 1 months, four months into the breakup after 5 years.
Hit the gym, started airsoft and hema, jogging and HIIT. Dropped 25 kilos. Almost quit smoking completely. Started CBT/DBT/Mindfulness. Working on my anxious attachment style.
But yeah, I'm also believing she's not coming back and....it hurts. I'm getting around to accepting it, but then on certain days it hits like a wall of bricks...
It’s interesting when you say they are angry when their emotions creep into the cracks of their angry walls they create. I know he tries to resist his feelings for me. Im fully in no contact now but I’m not hopeful of him reaching out if I don’t
I dumped HIM after months of disrespect and dismissing my feelings. I regret losing the comfort of a home and a heater but Id rather the cold van and my dignity. I think about it but then I remember how he treated me and how that affected my health.
Ex texted me on my birthday. Some cumulated/forgotten pain came up and I replied that instead of texting we could have gone somewhere like we used to but that he always chose sth better (he told me he was meeting his female friend on my bday). I know I overreacted and probably destroyed all changes of us getting back together but I felt good that I let him know how I felt. What do you think? Was it inappropriate reaction or how to let them know that we are not there for their breadcrumbs. Before he was coming back with occasional messages that didn't mean anything, after my reply he stopped.
I havw done NC several times and it NEVER works. At least in Europe.
How does this work if yourbex friendzoned you and then entered a relationship while still having very strong feelings for you?
she can't have both. You are giving her the best role / situation. She can't have both of you. this is unfair
@@AlexisFriedlander I know... which is why I broke it. I entered no contact after some begging. And we had a chance meeting in the street two months later which lead to a more than a minute-long hug with hand-holding afterwards also lasting very long.
We subsequently have had some in person and soft interactions (we are indirect colleagues) which indicate that she is still emotionally attached but confused because of the situation. (Her objection to kissing was I can't now (moral) and she has shown some regret by calling herself a diragoratory term for what she has done) I am trying to focus on self-growth (paint and refurbish apartment and build business) and not rebound myself but it has been very hard. I am in a summer no contact period with some soft interactions never initiated by me. (She sent a friend request on my professional Facebook(I accepted) , loved picture and story and soft interactions in work WhatsApp)
I never felt so strongly myself having avoidant tendencies which can be triggered and a complicated situation made us enter the avoidant-anxious dynamic, me being the anxious one...
As there has been a ten to fourteen soft interaction pattern, I have disappeared completely to break it I'm aiming to reassess the situation after 21 days of being a ghost.
Thank you for your content, it has helped me. Merci!
Does it apply to people with dissmissive avoidant attachement?
Great question!!!
No
How in the world can no contact work if you have to work together?!??
The seperator and the connector, could be better than, dumper and dumpee, or the disengager and the engager, or how about the uniter and the distancer, or maybe cooperator and the uncooperator?
What if the feelings the dumper has are reversed? Meaning they feel angry and missing the ex first?
Then the dumper broke up because of something horrible or un forgivable
I did NC for 45 days. I am looking forward to reconnect with my ex. I have learnt to focus on myself more and also utilized the time to hone my music skills. Can I text my ex with a video clip of my music? I 've learnt the first text after NC should be light and easy. Any suggestions, please?
I was in no contact for 2 and half months when he called me. He found out I was ill. Then he smiled alot when we met passing by. Then he called me on my BD. Didn't want to end the call. Next day found an excuse to visit. Eagerly toched me. I didn't envite him in, it was after 21.30. (Now I'm panicking, that maybe I should have envited him for a tеa or something)Then next time passing by was really smiling again. I smile allways too.
But that's it...🤦♀️ He is not doing anything else. Should I try something myself? What in that case?....
I'm really devastated now. Maybe I did something wrong. Should have been more eager?..
What do you think?🙏
Unfortunayely, I can't afford a coaching call since my mother died. Allthough I really would like to do that.😔
I think you did the right thing by holding your standards. I think he was testing how far he could go. How would you feel if you let him in and have his way with you and then ghosted you..? (You'd be devastated and he would be thinking that he won the break up)
You did the right thing..
@@Trex7124 he got me to bed eventually. Told me we would have beautiful kids and so on. Then he threw me out of his bed once. That was it for me. And now he seems to have dumped the woman he was with when we broke up.
So he is an asshole. Don't need such a peace of crap in my life
How do you handle the situation if you are married living together?
If you're married try to know what caused the problem and try to resolve it. try to save your marriage if you still can.
Does an avoidant's pulling away also mean breakup? 😢
No, not really.
@@AlexisFriedlander really...coz I have been in no contact since he pulled away, it's been 2 months already and I'm beginning to think that he has broken up with me... just realized now by watching your videos that he's an avoidant.
At first the relationship was going on well when we met as I was unattached, he kinda liked the space/ the distance in between, but as soon as I became a little vulnerable and wanting some closeness as i felt safe with him, he was turned off by it and so He pulled away. I didn't chase him, beg or even asked any questions, I just pulled back as well. Was just wondering if I'm doing d right tin😏 coz I'm feeling like he has indirectly ended the relationship
Socio pathy