Finding out I was Autistic was the most important thing in my life. Everything makes more sense now. Not easier all the time but better. I feel like I fall into burn out still because I don't know enough about energy management but I am learning.
I had a huge breakdown in a parking lot before visiting family for christmas with my wife in the car last year that this video reminds me of. I kind of thought people didn't love me, people hated me, no one wanted me around... but I came to a realization all at once and had to pull over that basically I'm never going to get what I need from other people in that way. And I never realized that was unreasonable, I wasn't even aware of HOW to ask for that sort of treatment, and it wasn't going to just happen 'one day', like you say here. I won't be "fine" and then my life will be 'normal'. I'm going to be the way I am now at 32 and how I've been for 32 years prior basically forever. I had to stop and cry some of the hardest cries in my life realizing that #1 My parents will never 'love' me the way I've been waiting for them to #2 They simply can't provide what I'm looking for, so I should stop hoping and expecting that #3 I can get what I need from myself, my wife, and my friends and community that I've found since my ADHD diagnoses and highly suspect autism (Aspergers basically) and ALSO #4 My family likely has similar issues but comes from a generation that more or less will never fully come to the understanding that I have about human differences and that's just going to have to be OK. Since then, my relationship with my parents has actually improved exponentially. There was a sort of bitterness I realized I had inside me, built up over years of 'waiting to be loved correctly' that I thought was what normal did and got. What I came to realize is that their love is different than what I'm scanning for, but I should think of their intent more than anything, and stop expecting them to understand me without me even explaining. And realistically, they won't be able to understand because I only understand myself after like 3 years of intense research into these conditions. I can't expect them to do that. It would be nice, but that's just not how they are. Just like I just am not like the neurotypicals, I can't expect others to change their entire being just for me. Anyway, since then, we've moved in with them due to economic pressure but I'm able to connect in ways never before possible now that this bitterness at... SOMETHING is gone. I now realize that strange, looming SOMETHING I've never understood was neurological differences undiagnosed.
As for your parents understanding you, bear in mind that Autism and ADHD are highly heritable: it almost certainly came from somewhere. So there's an excellent chance that at least one of your parents understands the lived experience of AuDHD quite well (and the other was at least able to fall in love with an AuDHDer). Coping mechanisms, exact traits, life history, etc. may be different, but they probably understand more than you think, even if there's not a common language to describe it. And your ability to connect now may well have to do with them not having been able to understand the mask: understanding a neurotypical is hard enough, understanding an AuDHDer pretending to be a neurotypical is harder, and neurotypical behaviors are often hurtful to us. Plus if you were making them feel they had to pretend to be normal around you...
they're forcing me back to the office as of the start of the year. it sucks. I did file ADA paperwork a year ago so at least they agreed to only 2 days a week. but it still seems so useless to be here. I'm hoping only 2 days is ok to not get the overwhelms (and subsequent migraines) that I'd been dealing with for DECADES before my dxes...we're going to re-evaluate this arrangement if it's too much.
I feel for you. I don't think I can ever work in an office environment again. It's so funny that before I knew I was Autistic I rearranged my office space such that I could block out all sensory input. I didn't even ask because I thought I was just doing something that was going to help me. I ended up bringing in my own lamps so I could shut off the over head lights. I pushed my desk into the back of the room away from the door but facing the door and then I found a bookshelf and put it in front of part of my desk and put my computer monitor behind it. This way I could sort of keep an eye for anyone coming in the room but I could block out general traffic passing by. Then I just wore noise cancelling headphones. I had office mates occasionally but because I wouldn't really talk to them they mostly requested another office. Worked for me though. How did I not know I was Autistic 😂😂. I hope you get to revisit the ADA accomodations. I have a coworker that also has ADA accomodations that allow him to work entirely from home and he is extremely productive. There are so many jobs that have no excuse for making people come into the office.
Thank you for covering your personal perspective. I have watch a lot of UA-cam shows about autism spectrum & everyone has their own unique experience. Some of the things you mentioned resonated with me, so thank you for helping me understand myself better.
You're welcome! For sure so many perspectives and experiences. There are a lot of great content creators out there that are helping me along. I am glad people are finally talking about this a lot.
Thankyou so much. I cannot describe in words how much this Haas helped me. I can't look into the camera either. Thanks for making me feel not alone. Lots of love
You're welcome. I think it's so important to get this information out there because before I learned about all this I felt like you too. Very alone. Turns out there are so many of us..we are all just hiding.
Thank you your video found me today I'm 60 and I was diagnosed with AD HD this yearApril and autism diagnosis in June. Ptsd as well..Thank you for explaining that out especially The bucket reference , And the relational meltdown yes I would say that's 90 %for me.I love How do you explain it exactly down to having the water I went as far as having to make my own water Filtration system for my Water well and storage tank where I live I bottled my own water and take it on trips when I Drive no airport nearby for hours so I don't care to fly as well ,I will But I run into anxieties just like you do. Thank you for sharing I found it very comforting in a difficult time.
I wanted to add that I figured this out myself the last couple years Even though I have an official diagnosis I can say that you have self diagnosed well it's exactly how it is and to get a female perspective on it For me is really helpful for me because then it helps me explain to my female friends .
thank you for the video ❤ I loved it, been going through something very similar, have my ADHD diagnosis but she can’t believe me when I describe my crying outbursts as “meltdowns”, she says it’s just emotional regulation from ADHD but I really think it’s autism.
I thought mine was ADHD for a long time too but the intensity of them and my real confusion seemed more autistic. I think there is overlap but if you think Autism you are probably right.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m struggling with my AuDHD issues right now, especially when it comes to sensory issues, socializing, and executive function. I’m a college student and there is so much to keep track of and so many new relationships to manage. It’s overwhelming me right now, and it felt good to cry with another person who understands the same feelings.
That is tough! I ended up taking a year off in between sophomore and junior year in college because I couldn't handle all of it for that long. My grades were plummeting. I now realized I was in Autistic burnout. I don't know what supports you have available at your school but I hope there is some way they can support you. There is an awful lot to keep track of. I did end up going back and after a year off I was able to really focus and do well. I didn't have much social life though. I just couldn't do both school and the social thing. I hated college parties and I liked to go to sleep on time and doing my special interests alone. I eventually made friends when I was out in the working world but college was a real struggle in probably all the ways you mentioned.
@@christinadonnelly781 I cried today when talking with my mentor because she really wasn’t understanding my support needs (especially since I struggle to process all of the verbal info and instructions she gives me) and so I finally wrote out all of my needs and how AUDHD effects me in an email to her and she responded well. I hope things will improve. She really didn’t realize just how many hours it took me to prepare for lab work with lots of detailed steps, and how much effort it took to transition between steps and overcome the executive dysfunction. I worked 19 hours and barely had anything to show for it, but a large part of that was that I got 0 training and very little support. Now she said she’ll work with me more, and hopefully we can work to share information better. One of my roomates has been horrible to me lately though. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t say how she feels, reads into small gestures and words, and is very passive aggressive. I couldn’t imagine a worse Roomate. I’m very glad she moves out in a month. My other roomates are direct, know how to verbalize their emotions, and are very chill and value saying yes or no to social time without judgement. I love them. They are great friends and have helped get through this year. Last year was 100% struggle and burn out. Now I’m slowly building back up.
Make sure you put on your ticket during booking (you can even do it later) that you require disability support. When you get to the gate, tell them what you need with your support. I always ask for more time, but you could also make sure that you get some water and snacks right away. This will save you from having to spend money and save you the trouble of having to navigate through a store in a timely manner, as well. I felt extremely uncomfortable with this before I did this on my last trip and it wasn't that bad and I really benefited from just the additional time to get situated on the plane before there is a crowd.
I actually appreciate the fact you didn't look at the camera. I don't do that very well either so when I see other Autistics not doing it it's just refreshing.
@@rahbeeuh thank you! It would feel so weird to look into the camera. I could do it but it would be a mask and I would then have to mask everything. My speech, my manner. I can only mask everything or nothing. I am glad it makes you more comfortable.
@@christinadonnelly781 You're most welcome! I almost didn't notice til I read your comment. However, I figured since you didn't look at the camera it must be difficult for you and I'm glad you didn't mask. Masking is so exhausting and it takes a toll on one's mental & even physical health. Best to minimize doing it whenever you can. Allistics tend to encourage looking at the camera and some Autistics can do so without masking but for those of us who find it difficult we shouldn't be discouraged from making videos or taking photos because of it. It's this reason, plus I liked your video, that I encourage you to do what's best for you on your channel! ♥️
Thank you so much for sharing your inner world with us I took notes, I'm new to knowing too, but I've been realizing that I'm not an iPhone I'm an android and I have to get the right apps and the right voice commands and the right task manager etc It's so liberating to be able to stop trying to climb a tree, because I'm a fish, I should be going towards the water where my true abilities will show! Here's a gift ua-cam.com/video/O50BkP16eZo/v-deo.html Lol, the nerds solved another problem
@@WoohooliganComedy thanks! I have gone further on my journey and although I am more of a hermit than I was even last year at this time I am much better physically and energetically. I am still learning about my brain all the time. Glad you are here!
I'm in the same position as you but I have social and generalised Anxiety to go with the PTSD and depression 😢. The only meds I take are Venlafaxine, I'm 53 and won't give in ❤❤
I understand. I really want to go to the Amen clinic and get brain scanned to get proper treatment. I want to try EDMR as well for CPSTD. I've heard it's the quickest and most effective way to heal by placing the memory in another region of the brain so it cannot affect you the same way
I appreciate you putting yourself out there. I was diagnosed last year at age 49. Videos like this are especially helpful for us old ones.
Finding out I was Autistic was the most important thing in my life. Everything makes more sense now. Not easier all the time but better. I feel like I fall into burn out still because I don't know enough about energy management but I am learning.
I had a huge breakdown in a parking lot before visiting family for christmas with my wife in the car last year that this video reminds me of. I kind of thought people didn't love me, people hated me, no one wanted me around... but I came to a realization all at once and had to pull over that basically I'm never going to get what I need from other people in that way. And I never realized that was unreasonable, I wasn't even aware of HOW to ask for that sort of treatment, and it wasn't going to just happen 'one day', like you say here. I won't be "fine" and then my life will be 'normal'. I'm going to be the way I am now at 32 and how I've been for 32 years prior basically forever.
I had to stop and cry some of the hardest cries in my life realizing that #1 My parents will never 'love' me the way I've been waiting for them to #2 They simply can't provide what I'm looking for, so I should stop hoping and expecting that #3 I can get what I need from myself, my wife, and my friends and community that I've found since my ADHD diagnoses and highly suspect autism (Aspergers basically) and ALSO #4 My family likely has similar issues but comes from a generation that more or less will never fully come to the understanding that I have about human differences and that's just going to have to be OK.
Since then, my relationship with my parents has actually improved exponentially. There was a sort of bitterness I realized I had inside me, built up over years of 'waiting to be loved correctly' that I thought was what normal did and got. What I came to realize is that their love is different than what I'm scanning for, but I should think of their intent more than anything, and stop expecting them to understand me without me even explaining. And realistically, they won't be able to understand because I only understand myself after like 3 years of intense research into these conditions. I can't expect them to do that. It would be nice, but that's just not how they are. Just like I just am not like the neurotypicals, I can't expect others to change their entire being just for me.
Anyway, since then, we've moved in with them due to economic pressure but I'm able to connect in ways never before possible now that this bitterness at... SOMETHING is gone. I now realize that strange, looming SOMETHING I've never understood was neurological differences undiagnosed.
As for your parents understanding you, bear in mind that Autism and ADHD are highly heritable: it almost certainly came from somewhere. So there's an excellent chance that at least one of your parents understands the lived experience of AuDHD quite well (and the other was at least able to fall in love with an AuDHDer). Coping mechanisms, exact traits, life history, etc. may be different, but they probably understand more than you think, even if there's not a common language to describe it.
And your ability to connect now may well have to do with them not having been able to understand the mask: understanding a neurotypical is hard enough, understanding an AuDHDer pretending to be a neurotypical is harder, and neurotypical behaviors are often hurtful to us. Plus if you were making them feel they had to pretend to be normal around you...
they're forcing me back to the office as of the start of the year. it sucks. I did file ADA paperwork a year ago so at least they agreed to only 2 days a week. but it still seems so useless to be here. I'm hoping only 2 days is ok to not get the overwhelms (and subsequent migraines) that I'd been dealing with for DECADES before my dxes...we're going to re-evaluate this arrangement if it's too much.
I feel for you. I don't think I can ever work in an office environment again. It's so funny that before I knew I was Autistic I rearranged my office space such that I could block out all sensory input. I didn't even ask because I thought I was just doing something that was going to help me. I ended up bringing in my own lamps so I could shut off the over head lights. I pushed my desk into the back of the room away from the door but facing the door and then I found a bookshelf and put it in front of part of my desk and put my computer monitor behind it. This way I could sort of keep an eye for anyone coming in the room but I could block out general traffic passing by. Then I just wore noise cancelling headphones. I had office mates occasionally but because I wouldn't really talk to them they mostly requested another office. Worked for me though. How did I not know I was Autistic 😂😂. I hope you get to revisit the ADA accomodations. I have a coworker that also has ADA accomodations that allow him to work entirely from home and he is extremely productive. There are so many jobs that have no excuse for making people come into the office.
Thank you for covering your personal perspective. I have watch a lot of UA-cam shows about autism spectrum & everyone has their own unique experience. Some of the things you mentioned resonated with me, so thank you for helping me understand myself better.
You're welcome! For sure so many perspectives and experiences. There are a lot of great content creators out there that are helping me along. I am glad people are finally talking about this a lot.
Thankyou so much. I cannot describe in words how much this Haas helped me. I can't look into the camera either. Thanks for making me feel not alone. Lots of love
You're welcome. I think it's so important to get this information out there because before I learned about all this I felt like you too. Very alone. Turns out there are so many of us..we are all just hiding.
Thank you your video found me today I'm 60 and I was diagnosed with AD HD this yearApril and autism diagnosis in June. Ptsd as well..Thank you for explaining that out especially The bucket reference , And the relational meltdown yes I would say that's 90 %for me.I love How do you explain it exactly down to having the water I went as far as having to make my own water Filtration system for my Water well and storage tank where I live I bottled my own water and take it on trips when I Drive no airport nearby for hours so I don't care to fly as well ,I will But I run into anxieties just like you do. Thank you for sharing I found it very comforting in a difficult time.
I wanted to add that I figured this out myself the last couple years Even though I have an official diagnosis I can say that you have self diagnosed well it's exactly how it is and to get a female perspective on it For me is really helpful for me because then it helps me explain to my female friends .
thank you for the video ❤ I loved it, been going through something very similar, have my ADHD diagnosis but she can’t believe me when I describe my crying outbursts as “meltdowns”, she says it’s just emotional regulation from ADHD but I really think it’s autism.
I thought mine was ADHD for a long time too but the intensity of them and my real confusion seemed more autistic. I think there is overlap but if you think Autism you are probably right.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m struggling with my AuDHD issues right now, especially when it comes to sensory issues, socializing, and executive function. I’m a college student and there is so much to keep track of and so many new relationships to manage. It’s overwhelming me right now, and it felt good to cry with another person who understands the same feelings.
That is tough! I ended up taking a year off in between sophomore and junior year in college because I couldn't handle all of it for that long. My grades were plummeting. I now realized I was in Autistic burnout. I don't know what supports you have available at your school but I hope there is some way they can support you. There is an awful lot to keep track of. I did end up going back and after a year off I was able to really focus and do well. I didn't have much social life though. I just couldn't do both school and the social thing. I hated college parties and I liked to go to sleep on time and doing my special interests alone. I eventually made friends when I was out in the working world but college was a real struggle in probably all the ways you mentioned.
@@christinadonnelly781 I cried today when talking with my mentor because she really wasn’t understanding my support needs (especially since I struggle to process all of the verbal info and instructions she gives me) and so I finally wrote out all of my needs and how AUDHD effects me in an email to her and she responded well. I hope things will improve. She really didn’t realize just how many hours it took me to prepare for lab work with lots of detailed steps, and how much effort it took to transition between steps and overcome the executive dysfunction. I worked 19 hours and barely had anything to show for it, but a large part of that was that I got 0 training and very little support. Now she said she’ll work with me more, and hopefully we can work to share information better. One of my roomates has been horrible to me lately though. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t say how she feels, reads into small gestures and words, and is very passive aggressive. I couldn’t imagine a worse Roomate. I’m very glad she moves out in a month. My other roomates are direct, know how to verbalize their emotions, and are very chill and value saying yes or no to social time without judgement. I love them. They are great friends and have helped get through this year. Last year was 100% struggle and burn out. Now I’m slowly building back up.
Make sure you put on your ticket during booking (you can even do it later) that you require disability support. When you get to the gate, tell them what you need with your support. I always ask for more time, but you could also make sure that you get some water and snacks right away. This will save you from having to spend money and save you the trouble of having to navigate through a store in a timely manner, as well.
I felt extremely uncomfortable with this before I did this on my last trip and it wasn't that bad and I really benefited from just the additional time to get situated on the plane before there is a crowd.
Upon reviewing to potentially edit I realize how little I ever look at the camera. I really can't. How do others do it?
I actually appreciate the fact you didn't look at the camera. I don't do that very well either so when I see other Autistics not doing it it's just refreshing.
@@rahbeeuh thank you! It would feel so weird to look into the camera. I could do it but it would be a mask and I would then have to mask everything. My speech, my manner. I can only mask everything or nothing. I am glad it makes you more comfortable.
@@christinadonnelly781 You're most welcome! I almost didn't notice til I read your comment. However, I figured since you didn't look at the camera it must be difficult for you and I'm glad you didn't mask. Masking is so exhausting and it takes a toll on one's mental & even physical health. Best to minimize doing it whenever you can. Allistics tend to encourage looking at the camera and some Autistics can do so without masking but for those of us who find it difficult we shouldn't be discouraged from making videos or taking photos because of it. It's this reason, plus I liked your video, that I encourage you to do what's best for you on your channel! ♥️
I don’t even look at people while talking to them in person so don’t worry about it ….
Thank you so much for sharing your inner world with us
I took notes, I'm new to knowing too, but I've been realizing that I'm not an iPhone I'm an android and I have to get the right apps and the right voice commands and the right task manager etc
It's so liberating to be able to stop trying to climb a tree, because I'm a fish, I should be going towards the water where my true abilities will show!
Here's a gift ua-cam.com/video/O50BkP16eZo/v-deo.html
Lol, the nerds solved another problem
Thank you for sharing.
I’m 43 diagnosed last year with the same along with complex maths disabilities and anxiety
Thank you, Christina. 💖 I'm also late dx audhd. Let me know if I can help with anything.
@@WoohooliganComedy thanks! I have gone further on my journey and although I am more of a hermit than I was even last year at this time I am much better physically and energetically. I am still learning about my brain all the time. Glad you are here!
I'm in the same position as you but I have social and generalised Anxiety to go with the PTSD and depression 😢. The only meds I take are Venlafaxine, I'm 53 and won't give in ❤❤
Wow I'm going through exactly the same thing right now!
I understand. I really want to go to the Amen clinic and get brain scanned to get proper treatment. I want to try EDMR as well for CPSTD. I've heard it's the quickest and most effective way to heal by placing the memory in another region of the brain so it cannot affect you the same way
anyone thinking about a formal diagnosis should watch Sydney Zarlengos video " is self diagnosis ok? rethinking my clinical Dx"