Відео

Okay I know I’m a bit late but this is going to be long, Ever since I was little I felt out of place with myself the world and everyone around me, I grew up in a old household from my grandparents, I had an uncle with schizophrenia and didn’t have my mother I witness verbal abuse neglect and much more bullying and social interaction was more traumatic for me my mother had me for six mothes with lack of stim my dad wasn’t really aways their and he does repeated actions hypervigilent just like me, I was tested for ASD and was skipped I didn’t get support groups or anything I felt out of place with everyone around me, I grew more hate against the world and worry about the worst outcomes school would bring emotional flashbacks where you feel the feeling you felt previously but without isn’t visual or audio, I would have outburst episodes I listen to the same music I aways seek resurgence I feel like the people that are close to me don’t know me or understand or care I feel shame and guilt I hate, I feel like I’m running out of time I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t go to school dances I avoid the skate park because was beating up and recorded for no reason I was aways cleaning onto my grandma when I was little, I don’t like being tooken advantage gaslight etc, it’s exhausting, people with ASD and obsess over topics same with those with OCD etc, life feels edgy I do get abandonment nightmare, everyone shows trauma differently rather that be seeking help because they feel their running out of time or their fully just done I believe everyone different and we will overlap and also coaxis, I say with my experience sadly it’s a yes I do suffer horrible. Edit mom tried taking me away 10 years later, she’s currently resting from breast cancer.

Interested, but background noise was overwhelming the message.

Thank you so much for your openness and honesty!.. I can really relate and it really brought some comfort and relief to some triggered pain from a current toxic relationship and my loneliness❤

Thank you, that was beautifully expressed and described. I’m working on my own journey with IFS and it’s slow and there’re many thought-patterns and defenses and emotions to yet to untangle but even now having access to a more a calm and (self-)compassionate adult-self liberates a lot of internal resources. It’s been such a relief even though I originally didn’t believe I had any of that in me. It was great to hear this part of your story and I really liked the way you phrased it. Best wishes for future healing ❤

Thank you Christina. Your story gives me hope ❤❤

Wow, I relate to your story and your interpretation makes it even clearer, Thank you.

Thank you, you explained this very well, there are details I haven't yet heard like.... Trouble expressing needs and feelings that *I* perceive as not being in allognment with the person I am talking to.

I wish I could . But it should not be forced by a group of any kind.

I was diagnosed AuDHD in Feb of 2024 at 39. I always knew I was adhd but was blindsided by the ASD diagnosis… and I have a son who is ASD Level 1. You making the comment about rubbing your face was just a HUGE lightbulb moment for me as I have done this ALL MY LIFE! New stim revealed ❤

Just came across this video, thank you for attempting to verbalize all this. I’m INFJ and late diagnosed AuDHD and relate to just about everything you say, as well as being alexithymic. One thing that has helped me tremendously with communication is weed (I’m in California so it’s legal). Weed for me “un-kinks the hose” so to speak, and my thoughts come out so easily and I can actually hold conversations, and it’s probably the only reason I was able to have a social life throughout my 20s. I still ended up burning myself out socially by the time I was 27-28 or so, and had to pull away from just about everyone just to rebalance. So weed didn’t cure my autism or anything, but it helped me blend in with others a little better, and I had a lot of amazing experiences because of it. I’m now 37 and have spent most of my 30s alone, and have been focused on learning about myself so I can take better care of myself, because I don’t want to experience that burnout again. I didn’t find out I was AuDHD until I was 35 (after my son was diagnosed ADHD) and I agree that being INFJ explains my AuDHD traits. I came across a website called “Peripheral Minds of Autism” and I agree with their theory that autistics are essentially the “outlier personalities” of society, which makes sense why autistics seem to be mostly intuitive types.

INFP here. Figured it out around a year ago, at 53 and I have had a lot of similar realizations. Good channel!

💖 I experience a lot of RSD, and in the moment, despite being autistic... im also adhd, but i think you're right that RSD is something that most ND people experience regardless of their specific ND makeup.

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I also got my autism dx late... about 17 years ago in my early 30s... didn't realize I was adhd until a few years ago... that wasn't allowed when I got my autism dx.

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Thank you, Christina. 💖 I'm also late dx audhd. Let me know if I can help with anything.

I have been diagnosed ADHD since childhood and as an adult was diagnosed with bipolar two, which then changed to bipolar 1 and then generalized anxiety was tacked on top of that….. only recently have I been really starting to question if I’m actually dealing with the same combo as you, autism and cptsd. It’s frustrating to know you need a professionals help to find out what’s wrong but then also feeling like none of the professionals actually can find out what’s wrong bc they don’t know enough about these things. Thanks for speaking about this. It’s vulnerable to share, and I know you probably did so hoping it would help others, and it genuinely is helpful. Keep being you!!! Wish you the best

Bless. As I’m rediscovering myself cptsd has been at the forefront of toxic coping. I pray you’re treating yourself with kindness and navigating life safely.

It sounds like you've been talking with psychologists and the community a lot. There is a lot of value in learning about our challenges and how we can change our expectations for ourselves and give ourselves that mental space we need so we don't reach a state of overwhelm. However, I think that there is some toxicity within the autistic community around the beating into our brains this notion of "ableism". I get it and I wish we could do with less of it, but I am not going to create false limitations for myself for the sake of the autistic community. The value in it is being able to recognize when things are beginning to overflow and determine what it is you really want to do and what you'll need to make it happen. Productivity is something that exists in life... and I am not talking about human life... I mean ALL life. If we're not productive, nature isn't kind to us. Can we leverage cooperation to make things easier, we most certainly can... but we also shouldn't have to make ourselves into beggars for the sympathy of society and granting of accommodations (though we should fight for what we need). In order to be productive, we need to be able to focus on our strengths and accommodations afford us that ability; so we can apply reason and share that with those that want to see some productivity from us and hopefully we're able to find something in our lives that we enjoy and is based in our talents so that we can have success. Does that mean being a billionaire? Nope. It means achieving what we want in life. You've made it this far in life. I know it has been tough and you probably feel as drained as I do. Find your strength, give yourself the care you need. But don't let people tell you the way that you need to be. If things are really rough for you, certainly... take the help that you can get and ask for more. But don't let a community or society establish limitations on you. You deserve what you want out of this life.

I watched a couple of your videos and I see myself in you...even things like itching your nose, allergic looks playing with your face and the way you speak, etc.I experience an additional area of difficulty though: I live in Canada and speak English as a second language and have always been super critical of why my speech has not imporoved much although I have been living here 23 years. Recently, I realized the way I talked in my native language was a bit atypical too but if I were to say something in an eccentric way in English, people would think I am not fluent and that is why I think I am also masking by trying to talk in a normal way.

Make sure you put on your ticket during booking (you can even do it later) that you require disability support. When you get to the gate, tell them what you need with your support. I always ask for more time, but you could also make sure that you get some water and snacks right away. This will save you from having to spend money and save you the trouble of having to navigate through a store in a timely manner, as well. I felt extremely uncomfortable with this before I did this on my last trip and it wasn't that bad and I really benefited from just the additional time to get situated on the plane before there is a crowd.

I go into nature with my dogs too, more into places with no humans when I'm overwhelmed. I struggle too to stay in the moment, my mind is always racing here and there.

I’m 43 diagnosed last year with the same along with complex maths disabilities and anxiety

Hey dude, thanks very much. It's still quite hard for me to communicate clearly.. I watched this over an hour ago, and have been trying not to be too overwhelmed. I'm 54, recent convert to AuDHD, but I have been basically stumbling from one confused situation to another for a while now. Adoption and bullying were childhood traumas that added to the RSD. The feelings/emotions that can repeatedly change in intensity, duration or even context.....do truly build over time: which eventually led to rehab. where I started looking properly at my mental health and welfare. So it took me 3.5hrs in all - after writing, changing, accidentally deleting and tearing-up. and stare-thinking.

Thank you for sharing

I'm in the same position as you but I have social and generalised Anxiety to go with the PTSD and depression 😢. The only meds I take are Venlafaxine, I'm 53 and won't give in ❤❤

"You have to ask the why." But thats what NTs don't do 😕

I can relate a lot to what you said about not having the words to describe what is going on inside oneself. I've always felt like there are no real words to really describe emotions, like they are a language of their own and that each individual person speaks their own version of that. As if each person were part of a geographical structure that pertains exclusively to themselves. And I've often felt like the more similar that language is in a group of people the more confusing those social dynamics become for me. Because I simply don't have a frame of reference of how to translate my own. It's very isolating. I think this is why I like writing so much. I don't have to use words to describe emotions, I can simply show a situation and let the reader see what I'm seeing.

A lot of doctors in the psychology space don’t like the DSM either, mainly due to a lot of things missing. Your thoughts about the criteria being based on observable things is spot on, if I remember correctly this is part of the “rules” for the DSM - it has to be observable by a practitioner. Which sadly rules out a massive amount of what having adhd and autism is.

Infj here, subscribed

Super relatable on nearly everything you're talking about here. After basically self-diagnosing about 5 months ago I got an official diagnosis about 2 months ago. There's so much relief and grief at the same time.

Thank you so much for this video! I have also been through therapists telling me I'm just fine when I know I'm not. I'm figuring out that I have autism, and learning about that and which experiences line up with which cognitive issues is, I think, essential to move forward with healing. Thank you for sharing your experiences!!

I’m going through this process right now. 58 y/o, diagnosed with ADHD last year and now being assessed for autism. I have been researching autism in women since the possibility of me being autistic was mentioned 3 months ago. By now I have absolutely no doubts that I am autistic. Reframing my life has been an interesting and also deeply painful process. So much trauma from being misunderstood and rejected! And I am glad to finally understand why I’ve had so many difficulties just navigating life. I’m learning to be more compassionate with myself now. Thank you for making this video and sharing it here. It was helpful for me. I also touch and rub my face to soothe and calm down. I’ve done it all my life and often been told off for it. No more! I embrace this and other stims. Be well! ❤

Yup yup yup and the fact that psychiatry insists there's no such thing as an adult onset personality disorder yet refuses to diagnose PDs until adulthood is just the flipside of not treating the disordered parent who has induced their child to ADHD or ASD. The reason ADHD and ASD treatments don't work is because the parenting doesn't change. So newsflash, B-Cluster parenting induces one or the other according to whether the primary attachment figure experiences postpartum psychosis (wish for the child to become "unborn") and doesn't make a SIDS death of her brand new scapegoat or regards the child as a pleasing Mini Me to either herself or the child's father (whose identity she is essentially channelling in that particular situation if she's that disordered). Being the favorite of that kind of parent absolutely grooms a kid to never forget a slight and maintain grudges forever, but ADHD doesn't have the discipline to resist interrupting others because chaotic parenting teaches nothing constructively but does raise timid autistic and schizophrenic scapegoats people will find polite by raging at them to regulate its own mask of sanity.. Most of what psychiatry is called to treat in both pediatric and adult populations is trauma from child abuse. But you can see their ineptitude to do so in thinking ASD level 1 gets diagnosed later than ASD level 2 and level 3 because it's not characterized by speech delay. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't but probably they think that for not figuring out MOTHERS WHO DON'T NOTICE THE SPEECH DELAY ALSO DON'T NOTICE THE HYPERLEXIC ASPERGER-ESQUE STRONG VERBAL INTELLIGENCE THAT KICKS IN WHEN WE HAVE TO TEACH OURSELVES LANGUAGE. (As if echolalia isn't very obviously the perseveration of failure to flatter an uninterested mother into dialogue 🙄) So I think psychiatry is inevitably medicine's biggest failure (and medicine & law society's biggest, and civilization mankind's biggest) because psychiatry doesn't have the privilege of adult patients who'll tolerate the use of reality in treating their incapacities to deal with reality. As my mother demonstrated very well by concealing an asperger diagnosis from me (because the comorbid intellectual giftedness wasn't what her Munchausen had in mind for a proxy) that took me nearly 40 more years to figure out situations in which they insist upon treating the adult as well as the victim usually fall apart because those adults can't tolerate being seen as child abusers. They are the kind of adults who need any kid but a mini-me to be seen as an idiot and who in fact would rather kill any kid incapable of becoming mini-them anyway. Psychiatry doesn't go there because society doesn't go there, but civilization obviating the need for hunting in our omnivorous species is almost certainly the origin of intraspecies predation (regulating masks of sanity by directing irrational barbarism toward culturally approved ideological outgroups usually by way of fixed religious or political delusion). Seems to me if psychiatry and surgery even sleep at night after accepting the invitation to sterilize pediatric patients (undiagnosed autistic females, who internalize displaced rage toward their mothers as self-hatred unlike autistic boys) by legitimizing transgender delusion (usually an attachment strategy in toddlers rejected for their physical sex or adolescents rejected for their sexual orientations) it's only because they don't have the balls to give pediatric ASD patients they do diagnose with autism the actual reality that they shouldn't have kids and will have developmental incapacities to enter contracts including marriage. It's very clear that ASD is an evolutionarily adaptive postponement of ego development that allows us to survive parents who couldn't tolerate the emergence of our own autonomy long enough to escape them and try to raise ourselves in a better environment. It probably goes badly more often than it goes well because our undefended egos make us magnets for exploitation but we do have the ability to individuate from our mothers if by some miracle we managed to avoid catching a PD in early adulthood (usually by way of serious betrayal or our unanticipated emotional unpreparedness for parenthood). IDK if telling young autistic kids their mothers are incapable of love and that's why they have this attachment-based problem would improve patient outcomes but MDs' actions make it obvious favoring adult patients who want anything but the truth is about predatorily advancing their profession's own outcome. Treating their pediatric patients by telling them anything but the truth cinches it. So they don't diagnose PDs until adulthood despite insisting they develop in childhood to conceal the uselessness of their pediatric treatment protocols knowing full well that adult-onset ASPD and BPD are sequelae of ASD developmental delay. While postpartum psychosis giving way to BPD in underlying ASD is the obvious mechanism of behavioral heritability from an autistic mother the reason ADHD seems less handicapping IMO it's because it's just the pediatric name for NPD... meaning there was at least the early benefit of enough contact socialization to foster cognitive empathy. Cognitive empathy can't read autistic alexithymia because suppression of emotional signaling is adaptive to surviving emotional vampires we at some point realize gaslight us about every imaginable thing.. because only scapegoats who don't clue in are even subject to schizophreniform decompensation. MD's think schizophrenia is psychosis because the mothers of the young adults who present with it offer no help in contextualizing the ego discontinuity they've gaslit into them. ASD SIDS and schizophrenia are 75% male while Alzheimer's dementia is 80% female simply because natural selection prioritizes the relative mental health of the primary attachment figure in her childbearing years by way of the inability to regard little boys as extensions of themselves as easily. We think child sacrifice is not endemic to civilization but it's just currently iterated as SIDS and autistic suicidality. The abrahamic filicidal impulse on Sinai during the era of animal sacrifice well-illustrated untreated postpartum psychosis (hell yes dads get it too) giving way to proxied Munchausen when Psycho Abe didn't mind using Isaac to overcorrect amage to his reputation for having schwarzeneggered his maid. Because we must be stupid if we think he was ever going to harm Isaac. It was wanting to kill Ishmael that was psychogenic to his delusion of favor from and obedience to the made up god of his culture. A culture who figured out that any hoe among them could have induced her child to a messianic delusion by blaming her infidelity on an angel so decided to put themselves forth as the so-called chosen people to any descendants of those who initially couldn't tell the difference between a grave robbery and a resurrection. People stupid enough to kick Asperger out of the autism club for being a Nazi overlook Hitler's autism as the other part of himself he was externalizing the desire to eradicate (after being 1/4 Jewish which would have predictably caused him to be cruelly excluded as a quarterbreed by the original master race--whose act the Holocaust was his effort to steal). All of which just is what it is but we're too intellectually and morally enfeebled to admit.

Wow... I tested for the last 10 or so years every time as INFJ (I retest every 6 months) and just recently after my granddaughter was diagnosed discovered I was also very autistic. That's so crazy that the puzzle pieces fall together this way. I wonder if we would get along? Never met another of both that I know of.

This is me 100%.

Im INFJ and Autistic. I'm a social worker.

I was diagnosed just recently. Once I started seeing more accurate portrayals in the media then I was pretty sure I knew my group of people. Before that I just knew I would feel some sort of bond with people that others found odd or I would understand without even having to think about it what is causing someone actions that can't be seen. I had my mom take the screener test and I nearly stopped a third of the way in because it was so obvious. The facial rubbing stim (like yours) should have given it away alone.

Interesting I just shared this topic in my latest video, "Masking, In Art and In Life". ua-cam.com/video/35msuMpVIB4/v-deo.html

I've been self-diagnosing myself lately and have been researching about autism. There's definitely a correlation between being an INFJ but there’s one thing that maybe I'm not and that's catching sarcasm. When I read about the criteria and signs that's one thing that I don’t relate to. But obviously, that's just one thing so do maybe I need a professional help

Microaggression is absolutely the right word to use! I also made this connection recently, that the ND experience is fraught with microaggressions from NT people. Like, the idea that "different equals bad" is woven into NT speech with things like "weird", "crazy", "insane", "lazy", and "creep". Even when they aren't targeted against a particular individual, they reinforce the idea that diversity is unwelcome. It's really validating to hear someone talk about NT bigotry in terms of microaggressions.

Thank you Christina, that was helpful. I am trying to tease out my understanding of these things. I know I have had situations in the past where I felt rejected and just stopped trying, like being rejected for art college by the least prestigious place and then being accepted by the most prestigious college but felt I was not good enough by then that I didn’t go at all and just gave up because my self esteem was hit so hard.

Thanks for discussing this. I’ve been wondering how infj combined with fa attachment style would behave.

Everybody hated me and I couldn't leave. This is the sense-memory that haunts me, and from so many different times now that I'm in my 40s. The demand that I stop being myself and be Better.

this. this. thank you. if you ever feel shame for your perception of "rambling", please dont. your gentle nudging of a perspective of a concept from adjacent nuances is a magical unveiling of the inexplicable. you've just been able to verbalize and communicate things i've been unable to even identify/untangle let alone communicate to my psych team. i survived a stroke 2.5 years ago age 51, which blessed me with a level of support that would otherwise have likely been unobtainable to me. im dx ADHD CPTSD PTSD self id AUTIST. or as i self refer "Sparkley AF" i make sense out of my new special interest as a pile up of unaddressed burnout tsunami. thank you again. you are WINNING

I'm

There is a lot more information on the internet about symptoms for these things now but there is also a lot of misinformation and overlap between various symptoms and conditions. I've been trying to self diagnose and find a definitive label for my issues for years now but still cant be sure of anything. Its hard work. ADHD vs cPTSD in particular do have a lot of overlap with a fundamentally different cause. Nice video!

I'm autistic and i've realized that i am very trauma sensitive to feelings of being wronged, having my freedoms/autonomy violated, or feeling threatened, and the experiences of me being in psychiatric facilities because of manic episodes, especially when, despite how bad my mania was, i was *never* a threat to anyone else, never really tried to hurt anyone, and wasn't even threatening or trying to hurt *my own self*. so i feel like this scummy society just imprisoned me just for a supposed 'crime' of having some mental health issues and needing help just so said scummy society didn't have to deal with me that more than anything has caused a lot of cPTSD in my psyche

Thank you 🕊 🙏

Gurl; same. 💗✌️