The Abusers Are Gone, But The Hurt Still Needs Healing
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
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It’s human nature to require justice. Somehow we NEED to know in our bones that the kind of harm that was done to us as children is NOT RIGHT, and should not have happened, and someone should have come to our aid. And yet the people who harm kids rarely take responsibility for it. So many of us never get an apology, or we lack the basic support of a family, or get shamed and ostracized by them. And still, even though you can clearly feel the empty place inside sometimes - you find a way to heal and go forward.
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Robert, if you are reading this: I am so sorry that you did not receive the love you rightfully deserved and still deserve. You are loved here and valued. May you seek, find, and attract people in your offline life who reflect back to you what and who you are: love, kindness, worth, beauty, respect. May your grief, trauma, and injustice be alchemized into deep healing, peace, and new wholeness.
It CAN happen.
My faith in humanity restored! Not quite, but this reply was so nice to hear.
Oh Robert! This whole community is rooting for you and sending you so much love❤❤❤
Prayers sent for Robert.... praying he can find a measure of peace in his life after all he has endured....
I am crying with you, Anna. No child deserves such horrible treatment. This man deserves the best in his life. If I only could be his friend and support him.
Oh Ana....I was crying right along with you. Thank you for validating Robert. He is surely a very special soul...a lightworker/healer who has had to overcome so much toxic negativity. God Bless all of us!
Sometimes I feel these awful people that have children (I refuse to call abusers parents. They don't deserve the title without doing the work.) just to abuse them can sense that light and wish to, sometimes literally, kill it out of jealousy or what have you. They can't stand seeing a truly happy soul around them and seek to destroy.
I am so appalled for this man. Wherever he is, I hope he can find peace within himself.
It's so tragic and unfair how trauma and abuse steals from us in multiple ways. Robert's story is horrific. I wish I could wrap him up in a hug. I want to also validate how strong and courageous he is. He is strong for enduring that and courageous for staying kind and loving. Hearing his background was really humbling for me. I wish you all the success and love in the world Robert.
I feel like sharing, especially for those who are younger. I went no contact over 30 years ago. My parents are dead, my mother didn’t ask but I refused a deathbed visit with my father.
It does get better, though I’ve accepted that I need therapy for the rest of my life. No contact allowed me to start to heal, their deaths helped too. It meant I was safe.
Stay in therapy, keep working. I’ve overcome alcoholism, an eating disorder, ugly divorces. But I’m still here.
This reminds me of my gay brother who died of AIDS. I had to drive across the country to get him & took him home for psycho mom/ex nurse to “care for him.” I caught her abusing him. He was near death.
I pulled him out & got a lawyer. I protected him, but not from the battle over his custody. That’s when I went no contact. I warned my mother that if she didn’t give up she’d soon lose two children, not just one. She didn’t. She didn’t believe me. Wherever she is now, she knows better. So sorry for you Robert. You’re not alone.
I'm glad you helped your brother, he was lucky to have you.
@@lindafrantz7545 Thank you. Honestly, I was his only help. I’ll never regret it. No one deserves a horrible death. He did ultimately die in peace & I was liberated from all the abuse. His name was Duane. He died at 35.
Oh Robert, I'm so very sorry for what happened to you😢. Please don't give up. You are a sparkling, precious man. ❤
Dearest Robert, how brilliant of you to write to Anna for help with your next step on your healing journey. I can tell from the comments that the whole community here is rooting for you! I would just like to address the "is 48 too old to still have hope?" question. Definitely not! I am just about 20 years older than you and I gotta say - I had no idea how young 48 is! Certainly, none of us knows how long we have. But I think if you take Anna's advice, don't rush, build your friend-life and do the things.... you have plenty of time to blossom into the life that you so richly deserve. God speed you, you're a good man. 💕
My God! This is horrible! I know Robert you are probably leery of Christians but please know I love you and have prayed for you. I pray you find peace and closure in all your pain. I'm so sorry for the abuse done to you. You are loved and valuable.
How could anyone treat their own child with such cruelty and hatred? His parents must have been so sick in the head.
I wish you all the love and happiness now Robert, you 100% deserve love, you always did. Children are innocent and no one deserves to be treated that way.
This story. It's terrible, what happened to you, Robert. And amazing, because what shines through is your heroic, beautiful spirit.
Aww, what a FANTASTIC SOUL❤❤❤❤❤ I would love to become their friend!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Hugs also to our sensitive and loved Fairy🫂💕🫂💕🫂💕
Oh, Robert, words fail me. All I can say is that you didn't deserve to go through that. Lots of love man. I hope you find your peace ) :)
I listen to every single video you create…this one…this one hit me. God bless this man and heal his wounds! Lift him up and bring him love and joy and bliss! Amen!
Black men especially in the LGBTQ+ community get judged easily but due to something worse and stereotypical which I cannot mention due to being NSFW.
So many things are terrible.
Must be nice for those black families that accepted him. But again so many with CPTSD are neglected to gaslighted by the world for our scars we bared but hide daily.
I'm sorry for your suffering Robert.
If you see this I would give you a hug if I could.
You aren't alone.
Closure is no such thing.
Let Robert know we care for him. He pulled himself out of a difficult hole on his own. Congratulations❤❤❤
I really feel for you Robert. These things should never have happened to you. You're a good man and you have brought so much good into the world despite everything. I wish you the absolute best.
My heart breaks for this man and the child he once was. I believe in Jesus as my personal savior & King. May the real Jesus who loves us where we are, heals our broken places, and make all things new make Himself known to your inner man, Robert. I weep for what you have waked through. And I will pray that God lifts you up and erases the pain of those times. I hope a loving caring person will find the beautiful you -- to share a life with.
Bless you Robert.
Sending you lots of love Robert ❤
A lot of people don't get full justice to apologize nonchalantly in a condensing tone.
So many who don't deserve justice get it but in the end they are the abusers.
Many cops in the US are easily gaslighted against the victim. It is revolting this is when it gets dangerous.
Hey Robert, if you're reading this: you made it. You went through a lot, suffered a lot, experienced some of the worst things a human being can go through, and you made it. You are alive. And that's your achievement that no one can take away from you.
Totally get where this man is coming from. I grew up in a "home" - if one can call it that - of total hate, anger, and extreme various abuses. Both parents were high-level narcissists who hated each other, but took it out on the kids, especially me. Dad is gone and mom is end stage Alz. Zero contact with anyone in the family. Always felt since day one like a square trying to fit into a circle. Met my wife - the greatest thing that ever happened to me - than lost her to cancer and now I'm right back to where I was almost 35 years ago. At this point in life I don't think my return to mental and spiritual isolation will ever change.
I understand....completely. I try to fill my days with simple pleasures, like morning air, my kitty and delicious food and tea and coffee. But I feel a pain inside that will never go away. The current environment in the USA is not helping either.
@@lindafrantz7545 Thanks, I do the same except for the kitty. I have a new rescue dog, whom after just 3 days, has bonded very tightly to me and decided I'm her new best friend. She's given me some meaning again. 😊
SENDING YOU BIG BIG HUGS ❤Stay Strong
Your Wonderful Robert❤
Brave Robert ♥️ what a hero! You’re the real deal & deserve love everlasting
Robert, So many adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). You should be proud to have even survived. I am impressed. Humanity is lucky to have you. You have absorbed so much crap and are such an asset to the rest of us. Any potential romantic partner would be lucky to have you. You are in the right place.
Robert writes so eloquently. Even though he has endured so many horrors, he still had the courage and stamina to make a great life for himself and become 'someone'. I think it is truly a miracle, as you yourself say, Anna.
The dating game is not for the faint-hearted. From what little I know of the gay scene, I think pubs and clubs aren't really the best place for something meaningful maybe? Most I knew who were scenesters were looking for hook ups. It may be different in other places.
I dearly wish for Robert to find his heart's desire and to know he is a very special human being. He chose to forgive his abusers and to not give up on himself. Don't give up on love, either! It's out there!
(PS: I don't think this video needs a trigger warning - surely the subject matter of the channel is enough information, some stories will be subjectively worse than others). I found it harrowing too but it made me admire and root for Robert all the more.
Sending you mountains of love!
Hero. You will find love! If one person in this world who deserves it, it's you.
I was crying, too.
Sending you love Robert. ❤
I wish Robert the best on his healing. I bet he's a gorgeous black man with a beautiful soul.
My childhood was similar to his and it's terrible that parents would treat us this way. And one thing that really hit me is when you mentioned your spirituallity. I became really reluctant of spirituallity in my life and when people ask me I just answer that I just don't want to believe. But in this context I see that's not the whole scentence but rather that I don't want to believe that there's another life where I get to be with my parents again after they're gone.
Oh, my heart. Robert deserves so much love. Robert IS love. All I can do is fall to my knees and pray that you continue being the perfect diamond who came from utter blackness. You deserve every good thing under the sun. If you ever need another soul to connect with and talk about anything that comes to mind, you can reach out, and I will respond with peace, love, and open arms, heart, & mind. You deserved better.
I’m crying too😢
Robert, sending you loving vibes❤
😭 I can't see to type. Sending my love, Robert.
This made me cry too. I relate so much to his story. I’m not doing so well with romantic love relationships but I feel so blessed to have friends. I’m learning to accept that for now as I keep healing.
Wishing you the best!
I was crying when I hear you letter. I understand how hurtful it is to be alone in the world. I am right there with you. There is something special about you and you have a special mission in this world. Please seek community groups.
God will make a way he always has and always will. Even if I do not see a way. Lord give me strength to overcome every battle I face as a single mom raising two sons with special needs because Lord I’m struggling to support them financially please Lord give me courage and faith as I struggle to provide for my children please give me a sound mind to keep faith and believe and trust in you.❤️💕
You are a warrior. I admire you! God loves YOU!
Honestly, I just want to heal. My abuser may not be apologetic but I’m more concerned about myself. I know exactly what it feels like to go through constant hurt, especially when it comes to romance. Hoping everyone will get the healing that we so deserve.
We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Praying for you Robert..you are an amazing person..australia loves you ❤❤❤
for those of us raised as dogs - there is little hope it seems. i relate with you in so many ways. may you find peace.
May you find peace as well ❤
I'm really glad that Anna mentioned the military. I know it's not the main focus of this video, but I agree. I think that people with PTSD from the military maybe had underlying stuff, and then the trauma of war added on top of it. Of course, for WWII and Vietnam, there was no choice but to be drafted. But I see it today, young men joining the military. Some join from a healthy place, truly wanting to serve our country. But others do it because they are poor, disenfranchised, and the military is the only way up and out of their situation. I think that's sad.
The latter was my story. I joined at 18. Was living in my car. Thought it was the way out. Ended up on drugs and discharged 13 months after entering. I didn't know I had cptsd at the time. Army compounds everything.
@@dougcoleman8972 I'm so sorry to hear that. It's hard to embrace military life when you're dying on the inside, and lack a stable foundation. "Tough love" approach just hurts when love was never first received.
We love you Robert 💛
This video needs to come with a trigger warning.
Wow this was so heart felt. While I haven't gone through the level of abuse that Robert did, I also feel that my childhood trauma has set me up to fail in relationships. I really loved the tips that Anna gave on how to regulate emotions and not to feel ashamed for sometimes choosing partners that echo the abuse that happens in childhood. I just pre-ordered the book!
I hope you'll continue to heal and find the love you deserve. Glad you ran away. It shows strength and moxie on your part. I was abused too, was the scapegoat in many ways, and was molested and verbally abused by my mother. Healing is possible, but it is a step-by-step process. I know because I've been there and in many crappy relationships, but no more. You are not alone and here for a reason. Sending you love, success, and healing. ❤❤❤
I wish I could give you a hug. You've accomplished so much and made good decisions. I pray that our Higher Power sends you your soulmate. ❤
Robert, you are my hero! 😢
You sound like a wonderful man. I don't have romantic relationships either and also have a traumatic childhood history. I do, however, have great friends. Big hugs x
Robert you’re amazing! You’re in my thoughts.
Robert, thank you for sharing your pain and for having a heart. ❤
Sending you love Robert. Happy healing..
omg - Robert...... I love you!! You were a victim of there own self hate.
I can relate to this man
In many ways not in the lifestyle but about wanting to be loved
Dear Robert, you are so much stronger than most people. I reacted the same way that Anna did when I was listening to your story. There are no words sufficient enough to express how sorry I am. The depths of depravity so many parents lay out for their children is unspeakable. When people mistreat us just for being who we are and for things we can't ever change about ourselves, it really makes us completely lost and unable to find ourselves for a long time. The parent-to-child/ren abvse is the most unnatural of all because they are the people who are supposed to protect and love us no matter what but they didn't even fulfill less than minimum of parental requirement.
It's not just that the people who have caused such harm to us as children will never be remorseful, but the fact that those people will never be punished the way they deserve to be. They almost always get away with it with zero consequences. I think knowing that is what's really k ! 11 ing me. There's nothing anyone can say that will make me feel better or at peace with it. Does anyone?
You definitely deserve the greatest love ever, I really hope you find that person. Someone who accepts the terrible things which have happened to you but also knows that you are so much more than how you were treated by your family. Also someone who knows how fortunate they are to have someone who has experienced so much in life, because a lot of people live very safe lives in their protected bubble and never fully go through real human experiences. Reading the comments, I can see that people really want the best for you. I hope you receive the best in life.
Your kindness for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
Robert, thank you for sharing your story! Ana, thank you for your work! I'm starting to piece together my own story more because of the honesty between other survivors at different points of their lives.
You deserve the best Robert keep working on your life thinking of you
I relate with LOTS of this story.
Like I write ✍️ in my journal each day in my phone each morning
Robert, I don't mean this in any other way than curious and to provoke inner thought.
Maybe you aren't gay?
You said you never came out of the closet and were told by others you were gay from a young age. Maybe you took up that label because it seemed easier at the time or weren't allowed to stand up for yourself. I can really emphasize with that notion. I took up the incorrect labels my family put on me. Its so hard even identifying what is real and what is a label they gave me.
There are no conclusive studies that have proven homosexuality is an immutable characteristic. Some people say it is, some don't. There are also stories of peoples lives that have changed their sexuality in non-horrible ways, in both directions (straight to gay and gay to straight).
Please imagine the best most heartwarming and almost uncomfortably tight that lasts just a little too long hug, I'm imagining giving it to you.
Dream Therapy. Lucid dreaming, while replaying the traumatic memory. Like the movie "Sucker Punch," give yourself weapons, or objects. Imagine your best friend in the room with you, then copy them...til your mind is just filled with your friends. Use fictional characters like "Pennywise the Clown," to fight with you against the monsters. By corrupting the memory, it becomes less painful over time.
Does anyone have a similar experience as mine? I think I do have some form of childhood ptsd (emotionally abusive, controlling mother, father mostly absent) but the thing is I did experience healing in my late teens through faith in God. The experience was so profound that I seriously contemplated joining a religious community and was sort of preparing for this through my high school and first years at the university. Something happened at that time that probably triggered some of my old wounds and I was still immature at that time so everything that happened was black and white for me and I felt as if I didn't have control over anything. My biggest problem was that I couldn't find any joy in prayer or anything. I spiralled down into anxiety and depression and it took many years to recover from depression. However, I think that wound of not being able to realize my calling is still there and I have no idea what to do as I don't feel like I'm getting the green light to pursue my old dream. There's still much to do and learn about myself...
Man my heart goes out to you to Robert man
I don’t agree with things but no need to be treated like that it’s awful I know about wanting love ❤️
Good lesson thanks
I wen't to job corp too!! The Best thing for my life!! I remember the epiphany that I was going to be ok!! & I was going to be out of that atmosphere & environment!! I now' have a MBA!! I'm so sorry you had to endure that Cruelty & Mistreatment!! I giving you Love' Compassion' & Freedom!! I hope they burn in Hell' for mistreating You!! You Are' & Deserve Better!! Even if it's just Air Hugs!! I'm Sending them Your Way!! 💝💝💝💝💝💯💯🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🌟🌸😃💯
I always listen on 2x 🎉❤
Robert I love you 🥰 ❤❤
I wanna be Roberts friend
Closure is very over-rated. I've learned to be content to watch things take their course. Nasty people usually get their comeuppance. Sometimes it takes decades, but watching the downfall can be satisfying. Sometimes it doesn't take very long at all. I've been surprised once or twice by how quickly they do themselves in, spectacularly.
I can relate!! I feel like my cptsd is gonna keep me lonely
You can heal! Hope Anna's content will help you with this.
Nika@TeamFairy
15:34 that’s me exactly! If only my dad would love me before he dies 😢! Like why do I care???? He is 90 and doesn’t speak to me or my brother. I don’t know how to NOT CARE, regardless of the way he has treated me for 56 years. I am like a puppy that has been kicked- I STILL just want him to LOVE ME. if he doesn’t love me then I feel unworthy 😢
My heart goes out to ROBERT 🩵🦋🩵 My mom huffed one up and spit in my face. I understand what that feels like😢 At 61 I recently stopped talking to my 81yr old mom. The stress of trying to being around her is killing us both. This way even though I'll never have closure at least we'll both live longer. My heart goes out to my Narcissistic mom. I feel so bad for her and the abuse I've endured.