Set your life free from Childhood PTSD! Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2 And if you'd like to join our Members' Book Club (where we read books about CPTSD together) become a Member here: bit.ly/CCF-Membership
I went to a party last night to meet new people (I recently moved to a new town) and I was so nervous before I went. I meditated and did the daily practice and made myself a mug of tea to go. I drank tea instead of alcohol (I have had a history of drinking when I feel insecure= recipe for disaster) and I focused on really being present with the people I met. I had a wonderful time and was invited back for breakfast this morning. This is a huge win. Thank you so much for all your guidance. We CAN heal!
Yep then you are prone to more abuse and trauma. That’s why people who come from broken homes usually have a broken life and constantly get into toxic relationships and friendships. I know people who don’t even try and aren’t self aware and just go with the flow of allowing abusers into their lives. It’s all they know. So self awareness and getting help is very important. Like attracts like.
Sadly, this is true. I've attracted a lot of unavailable men - those living with a girlfriend and one that was married. It seems they thought I was easy to take advantage of. No more.
@@rowanphillips3497 but we're "higher" than pure animal instinct. We have a much more complicated brain than animals. Sorry you can't see the difference. 😅
People can smell fear. A negative aura drives good people away and attracts narcissists. That’s exactly what happened to me with a very nice person I met in my meditation class. Before long, I found myself putting MYSELF in the underdog position with this person. Taking the “backseat,” or slipping into the “omega” position, is what I call it in hindsight. My cousin literally asked me once, why I always “volunteer” to take the backseat when we’re getting in the car with friends, or why I always want to sit off to the side in restaurants, etc. The only way we can change a habit, is to be painfully aware of it. Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic.
I am still choosing a corner table in public spaces but occasionally I get brave and sit in first row of chairs during some events but it's more about seeing and hearing better as I'm petite woman. Last two failed and traumatic relationships did something terrible to my self-esteem and self worth from which I'm still recovering.
The difference is that a beaten dog is lavished with affection and healing and giving and love. A beaten man is abandoned and judged and treated like a liability.
I'm constantly mentally drained and it's difficult for me to socialize with people. Unfortunately it might make people think I'm being cold and standoffish.
Imo, people who are pushed away by someone's PTSD or take advantage of traumatized people are no worth the trouble to get to know to begin with. Who the heck would want to be friends with people with whom everything's fine only as long as everything's fine, or who start playing some toxic social game with you the moment they notice you're not at your best? I'd rather be alone than in bad company. I'd also never miss an opportunity to get to know people just because they give "underdog" vibes. Instead I'd try to become their friend just to help lifting them back up if nothing else, and bring at least a little bit of positivity into their lives.
Thank you SO MUCH for not judging, and being the light we need. I do this too, when I can, because it's nice to feel accepted and wanted around, even if you're struggling ❤❤❤
I've always thought people were just smelling it on me. I figured that's why people tend to not take me seriously and feel comfortable pushing me around, insulting me, even assaulting me physically. Somehow they know they can get away with it. If I try to act like the tough guy, they just laugh. I was the HR person at a company I co founded, second only to the guy who bought the company. As soon as I assumed the role everybody just started behaving like monkeys right to my face, being defiant, cursing at me. How did they know. They all knew. What is my tell?
Maybe body language try to stand confident don't say more than is necessary speak slow and deliberately watch mad men Donald draper character everyone listened because he spoke slowly
This is a great question, truly. When people think of leaders they tend to categorize certain personality traits as weakness and others as strength. I have a similar issue to yours, your friends and family probably don't want to tell you what the problem is and likely can't give you the best solution. Maybe a professional can give you clear feedback on your presence.
Hopefully this comment will help someone out here: I can usually tell if someone is insecure if they’re negatively self-absorbed. Like Anna said, it’s being highly critical of yourself and not really letting people in. Unfortunately this can turn the other way and show itself as highly critical of others (as in a “I’m going to judge other people before they judge me” sort of way). This one time, there was this girl I met who was making these really funny voices, so I laughed. She thought I was laughing AT her instead of WITH her, so that’s how I noted she was insecure. She would also make passing judgments at other women that revealed that she wasn’t that much better than the women she said were judging her. It started to get unpleasant being around her because then she started to nitpick at me. Consider if you like being around someone who criticized you or constantly thinks the worst of you because they’re insecure. How you think of self reflects in how you see others, which is why that saying “how you see people is a reflection of yourself” or something like that. Or “wherever you go, there you are”. Now the example I gave was not a great one, but any good person should be able to see whether or not you’re earnestly trying to put yourself out there. Shy people (not necessarily insecure) just need to be around the right sort of people to come out of their shell. Have a little faith in yourself and others. And if they prove themselves to be icky, know you can always give them the boot.
I loved this share. And yes, it resonated w/me & was helpful. Very true words esp. "“how you see people is a reflection of yourself” / “wherever you go, there you are.” Thank you.
Good insight! If i might add, it also works both ways. When we view others through "critical glasses" we see ourselves through those same glasses. When we view ourselves through the critical glasses, we then see others through the critical glasses. This is the human nature of perception, it affects everyone. When we catch ourselves being critical of others, it helps to tell ourselves "I need to take these glasses off, before I start looking at myself critically."
Yes, this is so true. What I don‘t like is when people make everything about themselves in a negative way… this tells me That they are very Self-conscious and have negative thoughts and are in search for somebody else to tell them, that they are „not that bad“… like a friend, who is an artist, had an exhibition and said „my paintings are Not good enough“… and told me, that the reason he says this, is to get reassurance from other people that his paintings are in fact great. … but actually he comes off as insecure.
I relate. In my darkest lowest self esteem days, I would judge any woman that was into me way more than I would judge other people. Even the tiniest flaws would stand out to me. Why? Because instead of thinking about her, I was thinking about everyone else and how they would perceive me if I was with an ''ugly'' girl. It took me a while to realise that this behaviour was absolutely pathetic. I was judging people harshly out of my own low selfesteem. The biggest lesson I had to learn was to care way less about the opinions of other people.
Our past trauma pushes people away… I think this may be more a negative reflection on them than myself. You mention the abused dog… we tend to care more about, much more, the abused dog than mankind. Abused, hurting person, no time… get away. Abused dog, ‘C’mer baby…’ I have my faults but this isn’t one. I care about both.
SO TRUE There is something grotesquely out of whack, especially in modern Western society, about what you just stated - have seen this to such a level, that “smothering mothering” types are willfully prioritizing even predatory animals above their own loved owns and humankind!
@@allheartandsong I agree completely, it takes very little effort to raise someone up, to breathe life back into a dying soul… Very little effort. Lend an empathetic(?) ear, hear their voice, their cry… The very act of such will display compassion, this is something desperately lacking today. I can’t even say whether or not sincerity is a prerequisite at this point. Lie to me.
@@sea2sea2seevanlife92I think it's our primate status seeking behavior that keeps us from being kind to strangers who are down or keeps strangers from being kind to us when we are down. Many primates have grooming behaviors that are very important to their emotional well-being. However, grooming is also a key indicator of status. When primates are anxious or traumatized, being groomed or grooming each other helps relieve the anxiety and return the individuals or group to more harmonious states. But you won't observe much grooming between individuals with a large difference in their social ranks. Higher status individuals groom other higher status individuals while lower status individuals groom lower status individuals. I think we humans do pretty much the same thing, only instead of physically grooming each other, we offer other forms of social validation. We give each other winks and nods and verbal "pats on the back" instead of picking bugs out of each others fur, but the effect is much the same. As such, high status humans are loathe to offer such forms of social validation to lower status humans. When we are feeling down and unworthy, no one wants to "groom" us for fear of also appearing lower status and losing rank. It's just a thought. Probably not worth sharing. I'll go back to my corner now.
Then there are those of us who live with chronic intense physical pain from all the abuse, beatings and torture. As much as you try to live a normal life, it isn’t normal, it’s physical intense pain 24/7 which also leads to many health issues. Yes people pick up on something is not “normal”. If I were able to be free of this intense pain I would in an instant.
Have you ever tried Somatic Therapy? It’s a body based trauma therapy and I couldn’t recommend it more. It helped me get out of severe chronic pain that didn’t allow me to live normally no matter the efforts. I hope it can help you as well
This is exactly why I love myself conditionally rather than unconditionally. This is why I only love myself when I’m happy and positive every single day of my life. This is the exact reason why I limit and restrict myself from the things that regulate and help me, and benefit me. Because society sees it as socially awkward. Society sees it as, it’s not part of their rules and expectations. As someone who is completely blind, on the autism spectrum, and has complex PTSD, I navigate the world so differently from everyone else. I work every single day to fix myself, and to love myself, for who I am. Instead of hiding myself from everyone just to please other people. I have overcame so much. I now know that I am capable of getting through hard times. I now know that I am capable of anything. Now, it’s about allowing myself to go through those hard times. Allowing myself to do the things that help me, that benefit me, that regulate me. Even though society says you need to mask in order to fit in with the rest of the crowd. Unconditional, self-love, self acceptance, and the freedom to just be myself without the fear of judgment or rejection. I can do this! I need to let go of perfection. And not expect myself to change overnight!
@@CassandraXI it’s never OK for me to ask for help. It’s never OK for me to ask for support. I have to do everything on my own. And it’s never OK for me to ask for love from others.
Low Self Esteem is my middle name! I embrace it; I wear it like an old coat or a war wound. Whenever I mistakenly feel proud or confident, I remind myself of my place in life. I remind myself of my many failures.
@@letsreadtextbook1687 Thank you for your thoughts. After reading the original posting, I wondered if that person had moments when they did feel better self-esteem. Maybe wishful thinking on my part. Instead, maybe they find some relief in acceptance although I imagine that to be sad.
How can you be this spot on? That’s exactly how I’ve felt from the time I can remember. That cloak/cloud that surrounds me is very real. Not a good place to be in. Glad you can take the time to talk about this very important issue.
Thank you Anna.. This was very, very good to take in. So true - cPTSD is not our fault but teaching the new perspective that, yes, bc of it, we too can admit that we have hurt others, developed bad habits & can chronically remain in victim-hood. I love your hopeful message that we CAN heal / control our triggers through regulating our emotions & look inward to see what we can change about ourselves (making it 'an inside job") instead of ruminating about how much was taken from us or how unfairly (though, true) others have treated us. Such an important message♥
Got bullied hard as a teen throughout school and my father wasn't great, to say the least. Obviously, for me, that led to poor self-esteem, poor value in oneself, and low self-confidence. 90s was not a great time to grow up as a teen. Bullying was harsh and schools and teachers did not care. Then again, is growing up as a teen throughout any period a good time? It might be even worse now, thanks to social media. At least people are aware of bullying, and realize it's a bad thing nowadays. In the 90s and before, however, no one cared. And there were absolutely dire consequences because of that. As Anna said, we can't expect apologies from our bullies and/or parents, and ultimately, would that help us find peace from all the past trauma anyway? I'll never understand why my male peers throughout school were so harsh on me. Hierarchical structures or "cliques" among young boys, perhaps. Shaming someone if they're perceived as being "off" in any way. I don't know. In one aspect, my parents neglected my nutrition big time throughout my entire life, and I was overweight. In my later years of high school, once I lost the weight, the bullying stopped. And overall, I was treated better. If you improve yourself, you will also uncover a harsh truth: society and people are hopelessly shallow. It is unbelievably difficult to find the confidence and value within oneself. I think we search for that outer validation from others, instead. I'd like to argue that if bad people change you for the worse, good and healthy people can change you for the better. If we run into people who treat us well, can we not build confidence and self-esteem through them? But another harsh truth may be that we can only meet good and healthy people if we can build true self-esteem, value, and confidence from within. Building that self-esteem has ultimately been a struggle and a journey for me, but I've found that improving yourself in any aspect of life, no matter how minuscule, can do wonders for confidence. Finding something - anything - you're decent or good at, picking up a skill or a hobby, and really honing it can build confidence by having knowledge of this one thing. By extension, then use that as confidence for yourself as a whole. That's helped me a bit, and that's some slight advice for people with esteem issues, like myself. To anyone out there who's still reading this very long comment! Thank you for this video, Anna. It resonated greatly with me.
This is why a true relationship with God that transforms your identity at the very heart of who you are into a beloved child of God is so healing and is freedom! We are all broken but there's freedom in Jesus. I couldn't get any healing until I started believing what His word says about me.
Boundaries are key imo. Jokes on you are a no no. self deprecating jokes not funny either.... talk to yourself with dignity and others will do the same. If someone is disrespectful call them out calmly and say this is not acceptable and if necessary remove yourself from that situation. Take things slowly... allow time to really know people. Treat your information as high value and do not over share. You matter. ❤
I don’t want to be misunderstood as someone waiting for that apology or as someone who still holds onto that grudge, I’m not. He was full of narcissistic and bitter rage… a man created. Yes, it was extremely painful growing up but I don’t point my finger at him anymore… As an adult I’m fully aware I am responsible for my life, my decisions, and this I accept all the while knowing of the influence an abusive father can have. Difficult indeed but I am responsible for my life.
This video really clarified a lot for me, thank you. I feel like most of my adult life, friends who cared about me would tell me the reason I couldn't find someone, or the 'right' person, or why they felt the person I was dating wasn't treating me well enough, was because I didn't have enough self esteem. I always rationalized that I thought I was a good person with good qualities, but also always trying to improve myself, and in turn, saw the good in these partners and understood their 'flaws'. But so many of your videos have illustrated the maladaptive thinking I had. This one in particular, especially by listing the 3 ways trauma affects self esteem. I'm going to listen to this again and work on these ideas with my therapist. Thank you.
I struggle with conversations, when I’m out and trying to connect through conversations, I always feel that people are checking out of the conversation the moment I try to contribute to it, their body language changes and they look like they are disinterested, the moment I say anything, then I feel like I’m not seeing their ques beforehand and start to feel less than. That’s when I guess I project that, not sure how to overcome that feeling
Whenever I’m proud of something I’ve done I am Leary of saying anything for fear of being asked to do more. I am usually shocked when things turn out right……it was a fluke. Being asked to do something…anything, is high stress.
That is so interesting that childhood trauma survivors have distorted perceptions under stress. I have experienced this during key points in my life, specifically at my wedding. It was a very busy wedding with friends and family flying into another country and so much to do. I procrastinated doing my wedding speech because I didn't like the idea of having to speak to my family (I had trauma, right?). I think I self sabotaged and left it to the last minute when I was 1000% stressed a week before the wedding. I ended up saying some things that were very damaging to the family and I believe it's because the stress overrode my ability to reason or judge something correctly. This was so helpful to know thank you.
I have some of that " faulty decision making" regarding not giving myself enough time to get out the door. Here's an insight to it: having jobs where I was treated like " you're not doing it fast enough" made me want to slow down my energy to regulate myself.
Honestly I would just say try to find a job that matches your pace because stress and mistakes are not worth it maybe your more of a thoughtful person than what your job requires
@@tabathaterry2998 I love fitness, music, ballet, jazz, singing. I was a secretary for 18 years then customer service for fast companies w tech. They always rush you and half hour lunches were stressing me out! I really believe that some of us need a more creative job with more of a say-so.
THANK YOU! And thanks for mentioning the MRI documentation as you tell us how you personally grabbed your own bootstraps and took yourself out of the neurological loop sometimes known as “learned helplessness”… Which means some of us watching will become free whereas we may’ve had zero chance b4… had we not seen your testimony and how-to teaching. ❤
I'm so tired!! I don't want to be around no body it's to much !! I feel safe and at peace alone . I really hope your program helps cause I have zero faith in humanity.
I think everyone knows that. But having low self esteem is just a fact many of us have because of neglect,l or abuse in our childhoods. I think it's also very common to struggle for a long time. No one should ve ashamed ot having low self esteem. It just shows you you should work on yourself, very likely you will need outside help for that. Try to see the positive in that and don't punish yourself for the traumas in your past that broke you. It's not like we really have a chance as kids anyway.
Interesting. I believe other people hold the key to healing our self esteem. We are not solitary creatures by design. If I was suddenly surrounded by kind, honest and emotionally intelligent people with high moral values who would like me the way I am, I would have no issues with low self esteem. I am not enough only when I am surrounded by superficial people who have too much self esteem and shallow values.
If it makes anyone feel better, I will gravitate towards the underdogs. It doesn’t bother me unless someone is heavy on being judgmental of others and deliberately cruel. I don’t care if someone struggles with trauma or insecurities. Being “negative” doesn’t scare me away as much as being a genuine asshole does. Just show your best self and take accountability when you mess up. You don’t need to be perfectly healed to make friends or find love. It just improves the quality of relationships when you’re actively working on your healing, taking accountability, and being vulnerable.
Once again Anna the angel comes to the rescue ❤After my healing, which took intense suffering and time, I notice unconscious people get uncomfortable around me.I let them ❤
Anna thanks again. I think you are an excellent communicator. I need to be reminded that there actually IS a way out of this horror. You've already taught me a lot. Helped me a lot.
Oh yes, so true. There is no point in waiting for the abuser to take away the pain they caused. I threw the pain and discomfort back into my mothers lap at least a hundred times. And at least 80 of those, she acknowledged where she went wrong and that it must have been hard on me and she offered her apologies. For which I am for ever grateful because there for we are able to have a somewhat loving mother daughter relationship. But, all here excuses did not take away the seeds of pain, hurt, distrust and low self esteem that were planted in me. Only I could take those out of myself. So I made the decision to no longer discuss those feelings with my mother whenever they come up again. She did her fair job at apologising, what more can I wish for. I have to dig deep into myself to let those seeds flower into something beautiful. It’s still hard work. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. But I’m getting better at it. Also, your video’s and lessons are very helpful. Thank you, Anna!❤
❤ i just stumbled upon your channel. I've been struggling with everything you've been saying. I just bought your book, and im looking forward to reading it. Thank you for the work you're doing. One issue I have, is that my cptsd comes in waves, memories that just ignite painful emotions. I think it's the hurt that's shutting me down and not allowing me to move forward sometimes.
Thanks for this video, Anna. In regard to inviting abuse through one's actions, I heard a message about boundaries that communicated that strong boundaries will drive abusers away. I am an underdog. I am working on being clear and firm with everyone vs accomodating.
Check my habits, regulate my decisions toward health and serenity, have goals and challenge my perceptions when I am confused or feeling small. I can persistently remember that healing is possible.
Numerous pieces here for me, all related to the attachment rupture - developmental trauma, betrayal & neglect - I am integrating and healing, but still often feel like the twelve year old gifted kid. Hard to explain. Getting closer, though, healing, integrating, slowing things down, CNS calmed, generally more even overall. There’s so much here, yet just LATENT, due to aforementioned. I often wonder if there’s something I could “do” - an integrating “activity”, that would bring all the fragmentation, incompletion and disorganization together, sync it all up. Sync me up. There’s got to be.
Thank you! This is very helpful, not just to me personally, but also for my novel, where the protagonist suffers from trauma like me and has trouble making new friends.
I think what she meant was...we're stuck in that mindset, and for good reason. When we've been abused at home, as children, then in adulthood, because of our upbringing, we're still locked inside that mindset, or role. I think it was just poor word choice, but we're all human, even our therapists ❤
@@dreamscape405 Yes, could be. This does happen, (just my opinion), more than it should. I remember watching a video of hers some time ago where she mentioned a certainly population, perhaps those severely depressed(?), and said they, (myself), look “weird.” My thought… yeah, I know, the truth hurts but did you NEED to blurt it out like that? I do remember one other immediate thought but, well… 🤷♂️😁 It still chaps my pimply arse. 😏 I watch those videos of hers which appear to be something I’d benefit from, something which catches my eye, I get more out than I have to complain about so it’s a net positive. 😁
the friends i have accept me for feeling bad about myself. if they see i feel bad, they don't leave. if i can't have other people just like the friends i have, then i dont' want any other friends. You have to be an elect, and not a typical human to be my friend. ONly elect. only star people.
Very informational video, Anna. Are there any videos that i can watch and books i could read about childhood ptsd and low self esteem. Can you make videos on childhood trauma due to friendships and it's effects. This topic is not spoken enough . Thank you for what you do ❤
You can put the term that interests you in the channel search bar to find literally dozens of videos on the subject. You can try tips Anna teaches in videos, and if you want to go deeper, look in the description section (under the video) for the courses Anna offers. As for the book recommendation, check out Anna's new book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj Nika@TeamFairy
okay, so how do we do it? the solution is apparently “regulating ourselves from our disregulated state”, how do we measure that? how do we even know we’re in it?
This video was right on time! Last week I was at the beach for my annual family vacation. I’d just been dumped by a guy I was seeing and was obsessing over what I did wrong. I’ve always had a low self-esteem but I took it so hard. I didn’t tell anyone about it.. I wore sunglasses, had a drink in my hand and was taking in the view of the ocean. Throughout the day my brother kept asking if I was okay. I was so certain I hid it well; socializing, laughing, smiling, celebrating, but no matter what we say or do, people really can pick up on our energies. I think this is my sign to get regulated! lol
Let me just state it bluntly then - I am a sucky loser with low self-esteem. I want your approval and validation but you won't give it to me because I'm not worthy of it. Thanks for listening.
Hi! I have yet to write a letter, even though I intend to, but I had just watched one of your videos and you mentioned you have a kid. My question is, how are they? I know you've been doing this for years and you're constantly growing/learning.. but what are some little, and some big things you've had to adjust along the way?
I think maybe because both are symptoms of cptsd. I struggled with being late then hurrying as well as having low-self esteem (plus for me many other symptoms). Everyone might not have all the symptoms.
Ehh this isn't it either 😭Im doing something wrong. I form good working relationships in a professional setting & Im able to maintain friendships (I dont have a TON of friends, but I got 8 relationships lasting 15 years and another 10+ lasting more than than 8). I've also been in 4 relationships... none of which lasted longer than 3 months & each one required ~24 failed first dates first Im a little weird & I like that about myself. But there is definitely something I am doing wrong. Ive got almost a perfect hit rate when it comes to professional relationships & a ~70% hit rate when it comes to maintaining friendships indefinitely. But relationships.... nah, it aint going well. Given my success in other areas & the volume of interest I get from people romantically + my actions aligning with my goals, Im signalling something wrong. But I dont think its this either Oh well, if I watch enough of these videos Im sure to find it
@@u2havenosoul Why would I? Sure they have very good results when it comes to dating and career advancement... but not necessarily the war I would want to live my life even if it did produce good results
😮😢. @crappychildhoodfairy I am so distraught and depressed bc I realize the points you make in these vids is what I see in my wife. 😢. I have tried to be supportive but I know I've been over the top sometimes when I get frustrated with her. I have shared a couple of your videos with her and she acknowledge about 50%. Tomorrow is her bday and last night we had alone time in our pool in the dark. She cried and said this is why I take ambien and alcohol, bc I don't want to deal with stuff in my head. I tried to console her, and said i will never give up on you and I think you need to deal with these issues instead of masking them. It won't resolve if you keep pushing under rug. It's 2x difficult in my opinion, bc I have PTS from military for 16yrs. I want her to face her demons but I know I can't make her. It tears me apart inside bc children are my priority and I see her childhood was not what it could have been, but like you said, quit dwelling in past and deal with present. It's so hard to watch the one you love wrestling with turmoil. I love her so much. Idk what I'm expecting for you to say in response?? I don't expect much of anything anymore. Sincerely, heartbroke.
Keep being a safe, reassuring person for her. It may or may not be enough. That's up to her, but you showing her love and acceptance will help. And that's beautiful.
Why do I switch different words when typing sometimes? Is it adhd? The last word absolutely made me terrified it happened during exam I legit dont remember typing it. Please someone reply
Could be simple dyslexia. No one talks about that anymore, for more trendy mental health conditions/disabilities. Society and social media is training many of us into ADHD habits though.
It is not too late for you to start your healing process. There are older folks in our community here and they've already benefitted from Anna's teachings. Don't give up! Nika@TeamFairy
i’m thinking about buying your book or taking one of your course (i can only afford one) what do you recommend? I need to heal so bad but I don’t know it it’s a cptsd thing or not (I have chosen my college degree that was based on my family’s preference and now i’m hating every day of it (i don’t know whether the family will bail me out of the career path or not until i graduate which is about 2 years from now 😭😭😭 I’m isolating, don’t have any closed friends & i don’t feel like studying at all although the exam is imminent. Please I need to heal
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
Set your life free from Childhood PTSD! Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2
And if you'd like to join our Members' Book Club (where we read books about CPTSD together) become a Member here: bit.ly/CCF-Membership
I went to a party last night to meet new people (I recently moved to a new town) and I was so nervous before I went. I meditated and did the daily practice and made myself a mug of tea to go. I drank tea instead of alcohol (I have had a history of drinking when I feel insecure= recipe for disaster) and I focused on really being present with the people I met. I had a wonderful time and was invited back for breakfast this morning. This is a huge win. Thank you so much for all your guidance. We CAN heal!
Hell yeah! That's awesome
Great job❤🎉 really, that is huge! Keep the momentum going.
Good on ya, girl! ❤
Wow!! Way to go!!👏👏👏 Thank you for sharing! Your action prep steps were rewarded in the Universe! So inspiring!!
Brilliant! Well done ❤
You should be really proud of yourself, best wishes from UK x x 💗
It also attracts "predators"--it's as though they get a scent that you're easy prey
Yes exactly
Yep then you are prone to more abuse and trauma. That’s why people who come from broken homes usually have a broken life and constantly get into toxic relationships and friendships. I know people who don’t even try and aren’t self aware and just go with the flow of allowing abusers into their lives. It’s all they know. So self awareness and getting help is very important.
Like attracts like.
@@kyladanaeyeah self awareness and working on yourself is very important for healing.
Knowing this is a primary step to get out of this mess.
Sadly, this is true. I've attracted a lot of unavailable men - those living with a girlfriend and one that was married. It seems they thought I was easy to take advantage of. No more.
People mess with others more when they sense weakness. Its a sad society we live in.
Its not even society. Thats just how animals are
Predators everywhere, and now more than ever, it feels like our society is becoming survival of the fittest.
@@rowanphillips3497 but we're "higher" than pure animal instinct. We have a much more complicated brain than animals. Sorry you can't see the difference. 😅
@@dreamscape405 you’re not making a very good case for your point :)
@dreamscape405 that's the lie they want you to believe.
People can smell fear. A negative aura drives good people away and attracts narcissists. That’s exactly what happened to me with a very nice person I met in my meditation class. Before long, I found myself putting MYSELF in the underdog position with this person. Taking the “backseat,” or slipping into the “omega” position, is what I call it in hindsight. My cousin literally asked me once, why I always “volunteer” to take the backseat when we’re getting in the car with friends, or why I always want to sit off to the side in restaurants, etc. The only way we can change a habit, is to be painfully aware of it. Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic.
Amen - so true. Same here. Thank you for sharing. Anna understand cptsd & is helping millions.
I am still choosing a corner table in public spaces but occasionally I get brave and sit in first row of chairs during some events but it's more about seeing and hearing better as I'm petite woman. Last two failed and traumatic relationships did something terrible to my self-esteem and self worth from which I'm still recovering.
@@breakthroughmoment1647 what deep insight. Thank you for sharing this, you are not alone.
@@andziagreen4922 me too, sis. Here for you ❤️
I always get predators latching on to me even I try to get away they won't leave me alone any advice?
The difference is that a beaten dog is lavished with affection and healing and giving and love. A beaten man is abandoned and judged and treated like a liability.
True
Yes By kind humans but other dogs maybe not so much 🥲
Yep. I noticed that where I live too. I got a dog and it is treated way better than myself at doctors and stores etc.
Getting a dog was the only way I could enter society because of the trauma I am ostracized but the dog makes everyone be friendly to me.
You need a woman.
People just think I’m rude when I’m just trying to function. Unfortunately, I still think that someone possibly talking to me is a threat.
Stephanie ❤️🩹
So relatable. I have resting B Face and crap posture too.
Wounded animals attract predators so maybe your not totally wrong for this but there are other qualities that normal people like about you
I'm constantly mentally drained and it's difficult for me to socialize with people. Unfortunately it might make people think I'm being cold and standoffish.
Know the feeling 💯 percent
I’m not the underdog anymore. I used to live in that victim state looking for people to save me. Now I save myself and no one will dare mess with me.
❤❤
This. 🙌🏾
It's nice to hear that it can be overcome. I'm working on it.
Yesssssss 😊❤
How?
Imo, people who are pushed away by someone's PTSD or take advantage of traumatized people are no worth the trouble to get to know to begin with. Who the heck would want to be friends with people with whom everything's fine only as long as everything's fine, or who start playing some toxic social game with you the moment they notice you're not at your best? I'd rather be alone than in bad company. I'd also never miss an opportunity to get to know people just because they give "underdog" vibes. Instead I'd try to become their friend just to help lifting them back up if nothing else, and bring at least a little bit of positivity into their lives.
I wish there were more people like you out there😊
Thank you SO MUCH for not judging, and being the light we need. I do this too, when I can, because it's nice to feel accepted and wanted around, even if you're struggling ❤❤❤
Because of low self esteem, I never had a love life.
Hang in there! Hope Anna's content will help you change it.
Nika@TeamFairy
I've always thought people were just smelling it on me. I figured that's why people tend to not take me seriously and feel comfortable pushing me around, insulting me, even assaulting me physically. Somehow they know they can get away with it. If I try to act like the tough guy, they just laugh. I was the HR person at a company I co founded, second only to the guy who bought the company. As soon as I assumed the role everybody just started behaving like monkeys right to my face, being defiant, cursing at me. How did they know. They all knew. What is my tell?
Yep....it's in the spirit realm. Its what you are giving off.
Maybe body language try to stand confident don't say more than is necessary speak slow and deliberately watch mad men Donald draper character everyone listened because he spoke slowly
you were probably too nice... or using self deprecating jokes....
This is a great question, truly. When people think of leaders they tend to categorize certain personality traits as weakness and others as strength. I have a similar issue to yours, your friends and family probably don't want to tell you what the problem is and likely can't give you the best solution.
Maybe a professional can give you clear feedback on your presence.
Have you tried the daily practice??
Hopefully this comment will help someone out here:
I can usually tell if someone is insecure if they’re negatively self-absorbed. Like Anna said, it’s being highly critical of yourself and not really letting people in. Unfortunately this can turn the other way and show itself as highly critical of others (as in a “I’m going to judge other people before they judge me” sort of way). This one time, there was this girl I met who was making these really funny voices, so I laughed. She thought I was laughing AT her instead of WITH her, so that’s how I noted she was insecure. She would also make passing judgments at other women that revealed that she wasn’t that much better than the women she said were judging her. It started to get unpleasant being around her because then she started to nitpick at me. Consider if you like being around someone who criticized you or constantly thinks the worst of you because they’re insecure. How you think of self reflects in how you see others, which is why that saying “how you see people is a reflection of yourself” or something like that. Or “wherever you go, there you are”. Now the example I gave was not a great one, but any good person should be able to see whether or not you’re earnestly trying to put yourself out there. Shy people (not necessarily insecure) just need to be around the right sort of people to come out of their shell. Have a little faith in yourself and others. And if they prove themselves to be icky, know you can always give them the boot.
I loved this share. And yes, it resonated w/me & was helpful. Very true words esp. "“how you see people is a reflection of yourself” / “wherever you go, there you are.” Thank you.
Good insight! If i might add, it also works both ways. When we view others through "critical glasses" we see ourselves through those same glasses. When we view ourselves through the critical glasses, we then see others through the critical glasses.
This is the human nature of perception, it affects everyone. When we catch ourselves being critical of others, it helps to tell ourselves "I need to take these glasses off, before I start looking at myself critically."
Yes, this is so true. What I don‘t like is when people make everything about themselves in a negative way… this tells me That they are very Self-conscious and have negative thoughts and are in search for somebody else to tell them, that they are „not that bad“… like a friend, who is an artist, had an exhibition and said „my paintings are Not good enough“… and told me, that the reason he says this, is to get reassurance from other people that his paintings are in fact great. … but actually he comes off as insecure.
I relate. In my darkest lowest self esteem days, I would judge any woman that was into me way more than I would judge other people. Even the tiniest flaws would stand out to me. Why? Because instead of thinking about her, I was thinking about everyone else and how they would perceive me if I was with an ''ugly'' girl. It took me a while to realise that this behaviour was absolutely pathetic. I was judging people harshly out of my own low selfesteem.
The biggest lesson I had to learn was to care way less about the opinions of other people.
@@Adama.1wow. This kind of self awareness heals everyone eventually 🎉
Our past trauma pushes people away…
I think this may be more a negative reflection on them than myself. You mention the abused dog… we tend to care more about, much more, the abused dog than mankind. Abused, hurting person, no time… get away. Abused dog, ‘C’mer baby…’
I have my faults but this isn’t one. I care about both.
People need to have empathy and be there for those who have been hurt.
SO TRUE
There is something grotesquely out of whack, especially in modern Western society, about what you just stated - have seen this to such a level, that “smothering mothering” types are willfully prioritizing even predatory animals above their own loved owns and humankind!
@@allheartandsong
I agree completely, it takes very little effort to raise someone up, to breathe life back into a dying soul…
Very little effort. Lend an empathetic(?) ear, hear their voice, their cry…
The very act of such will display compassion, this is something desperately lacking today.
I can’t even say whether or not sincerity is a prerequisite at this point.
Lie to me.
@@sea2sea2seevanlife92I think it's our primate status seeking behavior that keeps us from being kind to strangers who are down or keeps strangers from being kind to us when we are down.
Many primates have grooming behaviors that are very important to their emotional well-being. However, grooming is also a key indicator of status. When primates are anxious or traumatized, being groomed or grooming each other helps relieve the anxiety and return the individuals or group to more harmonious states. But you won't observe much grooming between individuals with a large difference in their social ranks. Higher status individuals groom other higher status individuals while lower status individuals groom lower status individuals.
I think we humans do pretty much the same thing, only instead of physically grooming each other, we offer other forms of social validation. We give each other winks and nods and verbal "pats on the back" instead of picking bugs out of each others fur, but the effect is much the same. As such, high status humans are loathe to offer such forms of social validation to lower status humans. When we are feeling down and unworthy, no one wants to "groom" us for fear of also appearing lower status and losing rank.
It's just a thought. Probably not worth sharing. I'll go back to my corner now.
I also agree that past trauma doesn't push everyone away. Kind people don't runaway from kind but traumatised people.
Then there are those of us who live with chronic intense physical pain from all the abuse, beatings and torture. As much as you try to live a normal life, it isn’t normal, it’s physical intense pain 24/7 which also leads to many health issues.
Yes people pick up on something is not “normal”.
If I were able to be free of this intense pain I would in an instant.
Have you ever tried Somatic Therapy? It’s a body based trauma therapy and I couldn’t recommend it more. It helped me get out of severe chronic pain that didn’t allow me to live normally no matter the efforts. I hope it can help you as well
This is exactly why I love myself conditionally rather than unconditionally. This is why I only love myself when I’m happy and positive every single day of my life. This is the exact reason why I limit and restrict myself from the things that regulate and help me, and benefit me. Because society sees it as socially awkward. Society sees it as, it’s not part of their rules and expectations. As someone who is completely blind, on the autism spectrum, and has complex PTSD, I navigate the world so differently from everyone else. I work every single day to fix myself, and to love myself, for who I am. Instead of hiding myself from everyone just to please other people. I have overcame so much. I now know that I am capable of getting through hard times. I now know that I am capable of anything. Now, it’s about allowing myself to go through those hard times. Allowing myself to do the things that help me, that benefit me, that regulate me. Even though society says you need to mask in order to fit in with the rest of the crowd. Unconditional, self-love, self acceptance, and the freedom to just be myself without the fear of judgment or rejection. I can do this! I need to let go of perfection. And not expect myself to change overnight!
Beautiful words.
Yes!!! ❤
How nice for you that you can do all this for yourself.
@@CassandraXI it’s never OK for me to ask for help. It’s never OK for me to ask for support. I have to do everything on my own. And it’s never OK for me to ask for love from others.
@@siennaprice1351
Sienna, these are lies that you've told yourself.
Low Self Esteem is my middle name! I embrace it; I wear it like an old coat or a war wound. Whenever I mistakenly feel proud or confident, I remind myself of my place in life. I remind myself of my many failures.
Have you found any ways to fight back against this habit?
@@Smidgen-x4i No, I'm 54 - a bit late in life to change. But I do keep away from socialising
@@Smidgen-x4i i think what op was saying is they don't intend to fight it
@@letsreadtextbook1687 Thank you for your thoughts. After reading the original posting, I wondered if that person had moments when they did feel better self-esteem. Maybe wishful thinking on my part. Instead, maybe they find some relief in acceptance although I imagine that to be sad.
This is valid belief if you have been surrounded by shitty people in your life. Think about it. Do you think your precious self really deserve that?
How can you be this spot on? That’s exactly how I’ve felt from the time I can remember. That cloak/cloud that surrounds me is very real. Not a good place to be in. Glad you can take the time to talk about this very important issue.
I’m not insecure, I just don’t like a lot of people’s energy near me. They make me sick with their bad vibes..
EXACTLY
Thank you Anna.. This was very, very good to take in. So true - cPTSD is not our fault but teaching the new perspective that, yes, bc of it, we too can admit that we have hurt others, developed bad habits & can chronically remain in victim-hood. I love your hopeful message that we CAN heal / control our triggers through regulating our emotions & look inward to see what we can change about ourselves (making it 'an inside job") instead of ruminating about how much was taken from us or how unfairly (though, true) others have treated us. Such an important message♥
54 years and still struggling with this... 😢 sad...
58 yo -- me too
You're in the right place to heal. Don't give up!
Nika@TeamFairy
Think back to where you came from probably a long way
Got bullied hard as a teen throughout school and my father wasn't great, to say the least. Obviously, for me, that led to poor self-esteem, poor value in oneself, and low self-confidence. 90s was not a great time to grow up as a teen. Bullying was harsh and schools and teachers did not care. Then again, is growing up as a teen throughout any period a good time? It might be even worse now, thanks to social media. At least people are aware of bullying, and realize it's a bad thing nowadays. In the 90s and before, however, no one cared. And there were absolutely dire consequences because of that.
As Anna said, we can't expect apologies from our bullies and/or parents, and ultimately, would that help us find peace from all the past trauma anyway? I'll never understand why my male peers throughout school were so harsh on me. Hierarchical structures or "cliques" among young boys, perhaps. Shaming someone if they're perceived as being "off" in any way. I don't know. In one aspect, my parents neglected my nutrition big time throughout my entire life, and I was overweight. In my later years of high school, once I lost the weight, the bullying stopped. And overall, I was treated better. If you improve yourself, you will also uncover a harsh truth: society and people are hopelessly shallow.
It is unbelievably difficult to find the confidence and value within oneself. I think we search for that outer validation from others, instead. I'd like to argue that if bad people change you for the worse, good and healthy people can change you for the better. If we run into people who treat us well, can we not build confidence and self-esteem through them? But another harsh truth may be that we can only meet good and healthy people if we can build true self-esteem, value, and confidence from within. Building that self-esteem has ultimately been a struggle and a journey for me, but I've found that improving yourself in any aspect of life, no matter how minuscule, can do wonders for confidence. Finding something - anything - you're decent or good at, picking up a skill or a hobby, and really honing it can build confidence by having knowledge of this one thing. By extension, then use that as confidence for yourself as a whole. That's helped me a bit, and that's some slight advice for people with esteem issues, like myself. To anyone out there who's still reading this very long comment!
Thank you for this video, Anna. It resonated greatly with me.
This is why a true relationship with God that transforms your identity at the very heart of who you are into a beloved child of God is so healing and is freedom! We are all broken but there's freedom in Jesus. I couldn't get any healing until I started believing what His word says about me.
Boundaries are key imo. Jokes on you are a no no. self deprecating jokes not funny either.... talk to yourself with dignity and others will do the same. If someone is disrespectful call them out calmly and say this is not acceptable and if necessary remove yourself from that situation. Take things slowly... allow time to really know people. Treat your information as high value and do not over share. You matter. ❤
I don’t want to be misunderstood as someone waiting for that apology or as someone who still holds onto that grudge, I’m not. He was full of narcissistic and bitter rage… a man created. Yes, it was extremely painful growing up but I don’t point my finger at him anymore…
As an adult I’m fully aware I am responsible for my life, my decisions, and this I accept all the while knowing of the influence an abusive father can have.
Difficult indeed but I am responsible for my life.
My energy is what attracts people like me
This is exactly what I’m feeling today. I needed to hear this. So grateful for finding your channel
You can not control people, places, or things.
Oh, social engineering is definitely a thing; the press and social media is currently having a field day with it.
@@tablescissors meta scale using nudge theory is different. That phrase relates to everyday occurrences.
We can't control nouns 🤔
We do have some control. Not absolute obviously, but some
i only Control Myself
This video really clarified a lot for me, thank you. I feel like most of my adult life, friends who cared about me would tell me the reason I couldn't find someone, or the 'right' person, or why they felt the person I was dating wasn't treating me well enough, was because I didn't have enough self esteem. I always rationalized that I thought I was a good person with good qualities, but also always trying to improve myself, and in turn, saw the good in these partners and understood their 'flaws'. But so many of your videos have illustrated the maladaptive thinking I had. This one in particular, especially by listing the 3 ways trauma affects self esteem. I'm going to listen to this again and work on these ideas with my therapist. Thank you.
I struggle with conversations, when I’m out and trying to connect through conversations, I always feel that people are checking out of the conversation the moment I try to contribute to it, their body language changes and they look like they are disinterested, the moment I say anything, then I feel like I’m not seeing their ques beforehand and start to feel less than. That’s when I guess I project that, not sure how to overcome that feeling
Yup, I immediately shut down and keep quiet😢 ughh
Whenever I’m proud of something I’ve done I am Leary of saying anything for fear of being asked to do more. I am usually shocked when things turn out right……it was a fluke. Being asked to do something…anything, is high stress.
You're not alone!
Nika@TeamFairy
That is so interesting that childhood trauma survivors have distorted perceptions under stress. I have experienced this during key points in my life, specifically at my wedding. It was a very busy wedding with friends and family flying into another country and so much to do. I procrastinated doing my wedding speech because I didn't like the idea of having to speak to my family (I had trauma, right?).
I think I self sabotaged and left it to the last minute when I was 1000% stressed a week before the wedding. I ended up saying some things that were very damaging to the family and I believe it's because the stress overrode my ability to reason or judge something correctly.
This was so helpful to know thank you.
I have some of that " faulty decision making" regarding not giving myself enough time to get out the door. Here's an insight to it: having jobs where I was treated like " you're not doing it fast enough" made me want to slow down my energy to regulate myself.
I used to be 5 minutes late to work every day. I think it’s because I hated my job.
Honestly I would just say try to find a job that matches your pace because stress and mistakes are not worth it maybe your more of a thoughtful person than what your job requires
@@tabathaterry2998 I love fitness, music, ballet, jazz, singing. I was a secretary for 18 years then customer service for fast companies w tech. They always rush you and half hour lunches were stressing me out! I really believe that some of us need a more creative job with more of a say-so.
@@tabathaterry2998THIS!!
THANK YOU!
And thanks for mentioning the MRI documentation as you tell us how you personally grabbed your own bootstraps and took yourself out of the neurological loop sometimes known as “learned helplessness”… Which means some of us watching will become free whereas we may’ve had zero chance b4… had we not seen your testimony and how-to teaching. ❤
I'm so tired!! I don't want to be around no body it's to much !! I feel safe and at peace alone . I really hope your program helps cause I have zero faith in humanity.
Thank you for watching. Hope you'll find Anna's videos helpful and start working on social life.
Nika@TeamFairy
I think everyone knows that. But having low self esteem is just a fact many of us have because of neglect,l or abuse in our childhoods. I think it's also very common to struggle for a long time. No one should ve ashamed ot having low self esteem. It just shows you you should work on yourself, very likely you will need outside help for that. Try to see the positive in that and don't punish yourself for the traumas in your past that broke you. It's not like we really have a chance as kids anyway.
Interesting. I believe other people hold the key to healing our self esteem. We are not solitary creatures by design. If I was suddenly surrounded by kind, honest and emotionally intelligent people with high moral values who would like me the way I am, I would have no issues with low self esteem. I am not enough only when I am surrounded by superficial people who have too much self esteem and shallow values.
Sounds like you need to surround yourself with good people. See -- you are the key.
If it makes anyone feel better, I will gravitate towards the underdogs. It doesn’t bother me unless someone is heavy on being judgmental of others and deliberately cruel. I don’t care if someone struggles with trauma or insecurities. Being “negative” doesn’t scare me away as much as being a genuine asshole does. Just show your best self and take accountability when you mess up. You don’t need to be perfectly healed to make friends or find love. It just improves the quality of relationships when you’re actively working on your healing, taking accountability, and being vulnerable.
Once again Anna the angel comes to the rescue ❤After my healing, which took intense suffering and time, I notice unconscious people get uncomfortable around me.I let them ❤
Anna thanks again. I think you are an excellent communicator. I need to be reminded that there actually IS a way out of this horror. You've already taught me a lot. Helped me a lot.
Glad you are here and learning!
Nika@TeamFairy
Oh yes, so true. There is no point in waiting for the abuser to take away the pain they caused. I threw the pain and discomfort back into my mothers lap at least a hundred times. And at least 80 of those, she acknowledged where she went wrong and that it must have been hard on me and she offered her apologies. For which I am for ever grateful because there for we are able to have a somewhat loving mother daughter relationship. But, all here excuses did not take away the seeds of pain, hurt, distrust and low self esteem that were planted in me. Only I could take those out of myself. So I made the decision to no longer discuss those feelings with my mother whenever they come up again. She did her fair job at apologising, what more can I wish for. I have to dig deep into myself to let those seeds flower into something beautiful. It’s still hard work. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. But I’m getting better at it. Also, your video’s and lessons are very helpful. Thank you, Anna!❤
I appreciate your kindness and suggestions great video
Thank you - you're awesome - a saint in the sisterhood
I got no tangible actions from this video
Understanding is half the battle tho
Usually need to pay them for the fix
@@PandolfoCarla🤣🤣🤣
Life-changing insight! Thank you
Thanks for posting this, very helpful insight
❤ i just stumbled upon your channel. I've been struggling with everything you've been saying. I just bought your book, and im looking forward to reading it. Thank you for the work you're doing. One issue I have, is that my cptsd comes in waves, memories that just ignite painful emotions. I think it's the hurt that's shutting me down and not allowing me to move forward sometimes.
Thanks for this video, Anna. In regard to inviting abuse through one's actions, I heard a message about boundaries that communicated that strong boundaries will drive abusers away. I am an underdog. I am working on being clear and firm with everyone vs accomodating.
Keep up the work! We're rooting for you!
Nika@TeamFairy
Check my habits, regulate my decisions toward health and serenity, have goals and challenge my perceptions when I am confused or feeling small.
I can persistently remember that healing is possible.
Numerous pieces here for me, all related to the attachment rupture - developmental trauma, betrayal & neglect -
I am integrating and healing, but still often feel like the twelve year old gifted kid. Hard to explain.
Getting closer, though, healing, integrating, slowing things down, CNS calmed, generally more even overall.
There’s so much here, yet just LATENT, due to aforementioned. I often wonder if there’s something I could “do” - an integrating “activity”, that would bring all the fragmentation, incompletion and disorganization together, sync it all up. Sync me up.
There’s got to be.
Thank you! This is very helpful, not just to me personally, but also for my novel, where the protagonist suffers from trauma like me and has trouble making new friends.
Unspoken? I openly speak with low self esteem!!
“Playing that role” of the person filled with shame?
Those who truly hurt, I don’t see it as ‘playing.’
Perhaps I misunderstood you.
I think what she meant was...we're stuck in that mindset, and for good reason. When we've been abused at home, as children, then in adulthood, because of our upbringing, we're still locked inside that mindset, or role. I think it was just poor word choice, but we're all human, even our therapists ❤
@@dreamscape405
Yes, could be.
This does happen, (just my opinion), more than it should. I remember watching a video of hers some time ago where she mentioned a certainly population, perhaps those severely depressed(?), and said they, (myself), look “weird.” My thought… yeah, I know, the truth hurts but did you NEED to blurt it out like that? I do remember one other immediate thought but, well… 🤷♂️😁
It still chaps my pimply arse. 😏
I watch those videos of hers which appear to be something I’d benefit from, something which catches my eye, I get more out than I have to complain about so it’s a net positive. 😁
You hold the key❤
Thank you, Anna.
What are the signals? What are the signs of showing low self esteem unconsciously? Maybe I am showing some of those but I don’t realize it.
the friends i have accept me for feeling bad about myself. if they see i feel bad, they don't leave. if i can't have other people just like the friends i have, then i dont' want any other friends. You have to be an elect, and not a typical human to be my friend. ONly elect. only star people.
I relate to, and am drowning in, all of this, but why is help so far outside of my financial reach? Without it, I don't feel I'll go much farther.
Her.daily practice course is free.
Nobody ever asks if I'm okay. 😂
Are you OK?
No. @@TimmyBobinson
@@CassandraXIhow come?
Same.
@@CassandraXI want to talk about it?
Don’t see it as a need for self esteem. ! It’s all about self worth ! Self value! X . Why not try that ?! X
Its so frustrating being broken
thank you
Very informational video, Anna. Are there any videos that i can watch and books i could read about childhood ptsd and low self esteem. Can you make videos on childhood trauma due to friendships and it's effects. This topic is not spoken enough . Thank you for what you do ❤
You can put the term that interests you in the channel search bar to find literally dozens of videos on the subject. You can try tips Anna teaches in videos, and if you want to go deeper, look in the description section (under the video) for the courses Anna offers. As for the book recommendation, check out Anna's new book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Nika@TeamFairy
okay, so how do we do it? the solution is apparently “regulating ourselves from our disregulated state”, how do we measure that? how do we even know we’re in it?
Wow. This hit home big time
This video was right on time! Last week I was at the beach for my annual family vacation. I’d just been dumped by a guy I was seeing and was obsessing over what I did wrong. I’ve always had a low self-esteem but I took it so hard.
I didn’t tell anyone about it.. I wore sunglasses, had a drink in my hand and was taking in the view of the ocean. Throughout the day my brother kept asking if I was okay. I was so certain I hid it well; socializing, laughing, smiling, celebrating, but no matter what we say or do, people really can pick up on our energies.
I think this is my sign to get regulated! lol
Let me just state it bluntly then - I am a sucky loser with low self-esteem. I want your approval and validation but you won't give it to me because I'm not worthy of it. Thanks for listening.
No, you are worth it. Everyone is worth it, even if they'd have temporarily lost their light.
😁😁😁😁
You certainly have a sucky attitude. Work on that first.
Could have used this video last Sunday. xD lol
This is very useful for me, thank you!
Hi! I have yet to write a letter, even though I intend to, but I had just watched one of your videos and you mentioned you have a kid. My question is, how are they? I know you've been doing this for years and you're constantly growing/learning.. but what are some little, and some big things you've had to adjust along the way?
Don't get me wrong, but the example with being late at work doesn't seem to have any relation with low self esteem.
I think maybe because both are symptoms of cptsd. I struggled with being late then hurrying as well as having low-self esteem (plus for me many other symptoms). Everyone might not have all the symptoms.
This is best so far 💖
think so too
I often feel like I’m not just signalling it to others unknowingly, but that I’m intentionally and knowingly doing it.
I ve been through this so many times.
The video I needed ❤️🥰
big time
Ehh this isn't it either 😭Im doing something wrong. I form good working relationships in a professional setting & Im able to maintain friendships (I dont have a TON of friends, but I got 8 relationships lasting 15 years and another 10+ lasting more than than 8). I've also been in 4 relationships... none of which lasted longer than 3 months & each one required ~24 failed first dates first
Im a little weird & I like that about myself. But there is definitely something I am doing wrong. Ive got almost a perfect hit rate when it comes to professional relationships & a ~70% hit rate when it comes to maintaining friendships indefinitely. But relationships.... nah, it aint going well. Given my success in other areas & the volume of interest I get from people romantically + my actions aligning with my goals, Im signalling something wrong. But I dont think its this either
Oh well, if I watch enough of these videos Im sure to find it
Have you explored narcissism?
@@u2havenosoul Why would I? Sure they have very good results when it comes to dating and career advancement... but not necessarily the war I would want to live my life even if it did produce good results
This is so real! 💯 💯 💯
yes indeed
Hello, you're content is so helpful l
How do others know when i always behave happily and extraverted ?
😮😢. @crappychildhoodfairy
I am so distraught and depressed bc I realize the points you make in these vids is what I see in my wife. 😢. I have tried to be supportive but I know I've been over the top sometimes when I get frustrated with her. I have shared a couple of your videos with her and she acknowledge about 50%. Tomorrow is her bday and last night we had alone time in our pool in the dark. She cried and said this is why I take ambien and alcohol, bc I don't want to deal with stuff in my head. I tried to console her, and said i will never give up on you and I think you need to deal with these issues instead of masking them. It won't resolve if you keep pushing under rug. It's 2x difficult in my opinion, bc I have PTS from military for 16yrs. I want her to face her demons but I know I can't make her. It tears me apart inside bc children are my priority and I see her childhood was not what it could have been, but like you said, quit dwelling in past and deal with present. It's so hard to watch the one you love wrestling with turmoil. I love her so much. Idk what I'm expecting for you to say in response?? I don't expect much of anything anymore. Sincerely, heartbroke.
Keep being a safe, reassuring person for her. It may or may not be enough. That's up to her, but you showing her love and acceptance will help. And that's beautiful.
Why do I switch different words when typing sometimes? Is it adhd? The last word absolutely made me terrified it happened during exam I legit dont remember typing it. Please someone reply
Could be simple dyslexia. No one talks about that anymore, for more trendy mental health conditions/disabilities. Society and social media is training many of us into ADHD habits though.
Thank you!
I don't think anybody ever heals from past trauma. I don't mean that to be negative. Once you become fragmented it cannot be put back together.
You can still heal the symptoms.
Nika@TeamFairy
Wat exually is normal behaviar after abuse????? You are totally messed up after abuse.
So what im just damned to suffer then?
I move felt a heaviness for years….comes & goes…..like a weighted blanket over me
How do you know if it’s too late for you, and you’re just destined to live out this pattern? I’m almost 50
It is not too late for you to start your healing process. There are older folks in our community here and they've already benefitted from Anna's teachings. Don't give up!
Nika@TeamFairy
It is infinitely better to be an "underdog" or whatever than a usual American normie.
So I shouldn't be hiding that? 2:54
What do I do? I drink.
i’m thinking about buying your book or taking one of your course (i can only afford one) what do you recommend? I need to heal so bad but I don’t know it it’s a cptsd thing or not (I have chosen my college degree that was based on my family’s preference and now i’m hating every day of it (i don’t know whether the family will bail me out of the career path or not until i graduate which is about 2 years from now 😭😭😭 I’m isolating, don’t have any closed friends & i don’t feel like studying at all although the exam is imminent. Please I need to heal
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
What non verbal signals?
I Was Constantly Pre-Judged & Hated Attacked By Evil ......Learn More At JT Quicks UA-cam 💕
This might be what fuels my delusion of Thought broadcasting.
The predators know who you are. Be careful.
is this true?
This is why I hate myself and people can pick up on that too
Unfortunately i think its the side effects of my medicine. Its just not my type treatment
I always feel less than
Hang in there. You are worth healing.
Nika@TeamFairy
Christine Albright
"Brilliant Vidio"❤!...
"Thank You"💕!...
"+"!..."🙏"!...
Oh, the irony of being an event planner who cannot plan their own birthday parties because of trauma...
I'm blaming you for my PTSD! Why couldn't you have been my Mama!😂
Will you be my Mama now?😅
(Kidding.....mostly)