Confessions of an "Emotionally Unavailable" Man...
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
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I’ve learned that detecting an emotionally unavailable person easy is that feeling of not quite being able to touch them. There’s a wall between you and when there’s a wall, love, connection, communication and commitment can’t flow back and forth. Emotionally unavailable people typically have a lot of short term relationships, whether it’s months or just a few years…they can’t commit to going to the next level of the relationship because they’re disconnected from themselves. Emotionally unavailable people can’t tap into their own feelings. They won’t talk about feelings, so look out for that. Their default emotions are either anger or indifference. If you want to detect them early on, ask them what their default emotion is…they probably won’t be able to name it. Give them an example scenario to find your answer. Emotionally unavailable people will wreak havoc on your self esteem. They will take a healthy secure person and annihilate their self worth if that person doesn’t leave when they first see the signs. Emotional unavailability is painful for those dealing with it but also for the people connected to them.
💯💯💯💯💯
Another key sign I've noticed is that they don't have dreams or clear plans for their life. They're not used to living for themselves, but rather for their internalized expectations from the outside. They end up surrounding themselves with people who seem controlling. And while they complain about these people having expectations of them, they also set no boundaries, because they don't know what else would drive their life, if these people didn't plan life for them.
In my experience, I was being accused of having low self awareness by the one who was emotionally unavailable while he was projecting and transferring his issues and feelings onto me.
Same here..he would always say..some messed me up. Smh.
Wowwwwww...I swear I lived thus for a year with a man that I love so much..
I love to see this movement of black men being vulnerable enough to use their platform to help guide others, this is what the community needs.
Thank you family🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 our healing will lead to the rebuilding of a powerful community, as we come back into union instead of being enemies of one another
I think this is nothing about race.
i would like that from ALL MEN -
I love it too! We’re made for each other and stronger together! We’ve let lies and manipulations from outside groups divide us and inject their unsolicited 2 cents change into our affairs for long enough! Coming together and communicating our experiences with openness, grace and understanding is important!
@@aquariuswaiveagreed! Although it’s a lot of trickery to unpack, it has to happen. And once we bring those hidden truths to light, we will stop pointing fingers of blame toward each other, reestablish the trust that was lost and truly reconnect spiritually, AS WE SHOULD! ❤
I appreciate you and this conversation!
Sadly I was devoted for 15 yrs to a man like this. What he never realized is I saw past all of his flaws and was devoted to him anyway. But he wrecked us and has been relationship hopping for the last year. While I’m sitting here healing and trying not to blame myself.
20 years here! He recently admitted that I deserve better when in reality he doesn't feel like he deserves me. Despite all his bravado it's really low self esteem.
Thank you for sharing. I recently chose to walk away from someone I love deeply but is emotionally unavailable. He was a wonderful man to me, but just couldn't commit and I never understood why. This is my first time really experiencing this type of relationship and loss so I've been left confused and seeking answers about him and myself (I know I hold some accountability as well). To hear you verbalize what it is you felt or experienced is healing to me. I appreciate you being brave enough to share your perspective. Looking forward to watching your other videos.
Same for me. It's hard but we'll get through it 🤗
T my friend! Nothing is sexier than an emotionally available & a vulnerable man! This part is the manly part thay only few men can ever rock! Respect & much love 💕
Lol sure.
I say this with all my heart: this is THE BEST video I have ever seen on UA-cam!! I don't even have words to describe it. This is the realest, most honest video with the actual truth of what is going on in a lot of us... ❤
🥲 my heart is full…wow. Speechless
Thank you for this…
Thank you for this! It helps me to understand why the guy I was dating was the way he was. It feels so very personal for him to end things with me. But there were def red flags!!! That I chose to ignore because I wanted a relationship. Some of which are: he pulled away after a wonderful, close night together, wouldn’t put a label on us, kept asking if he was just an option, comparing himself to my ex, said he had never had a “normal” relationship, his fiancé left one month after moving in with him, wouldn’t look me in the eye while kissing or intimacy, etc. So painful for an empath with abandonment wounds like myself. Maybe it was a trauma bond 🤷♀️ Still it hurts like hell!! I know he is in pain and I told him that. He must want to heal… maybe someday he will reflect on his life and have a breakthrough and want help. I tend to want to help and fix these men, but it is not my job. We all have this internal work to do for and on ourselves. Thanks again for your honesty and vulnerability to help serve others. ❤
If only men realized how attractive this sort of vulnerability and emotional openness is! This is true masculinity. And men don’t realize that the red pill community is just single men trying to keep other men single.
Its divide and conquer that whole red pill nonsense. It also brings out the worst in men.
You're so caught up in fear of loss and trying to avoid rejection that you keep someone at arm's length, always looking for the next sign they're going to leave u. Your idea of love is control, it's where u feel most safe.
Thank you for being so transparent- this kind of vulnerability is what is needed within our men. It is not easy. But it signifies internal growth, which is a personal journey. In this place you develop self love, making up for the love that wasn’t given in the past. PART 2 pls!
Currently seeing a guy JUST LIKE THIS! I’m not the type of woman that has an issue letting a guy go… I’m a professional runner… but I SEE this guy even though he doesn’t see himself. He is so worth it & I don’t think he even knows. He scares the hell out of me because I’ve never wanted to hold anyone as close as I do him. Thank you for this video. I appreciate you.
Hi how did that work out for you?
How is going on you bet. you..
Yes. I walked away. I didn't want to. I see he needs love but he keeps pushing me away. I wish he never said anything to me 😒
Sounds like you need to walk away. In hindsight, it's silly to see more in a person than they see in themselves.
@@itsthetates. I in fact did walk away about a month after I commented. We’re still “cool” because we run in the same circle of people so I can’t not see him but I’ve let the desires I had for him go long ago. Honestly, being around him and seeing how he operates I dodged a bullet. I still think he is a great guy but he’s been through a lot of pain and he hasn’t dealt with it. He’s going to just unintentionally hurt people until he works on himself.
I just realised just last year that I am actually emotionally unavailable. I crave for love and intimacy yet I equally fear it too. The idea of opening up and risking getting embarrassed and rejected is beyond crippling for me. I view it as being vulnerable and being at someone’s mercy. For a long time I have suppressed my emotions because I have convinced myself I do not care about them nor do I have to time to unpack them. I refuse to look within because I am afraid of what I’ll discover but I have promised myself to look inside because even though I am surrounded by people who I know love me, I still feel lonely.
You gotta allow God to help you Heal ALONE! Especially, If you’ve been hurting people all your Life, or Dismissing Passed failures, and making the Same Mistakes..
I was in a situationship w someone on and off for 2 years. Spent a lot of time thinking something was wrong with me. Had to end that / block that for good to put me first,,,
What a sad way to live . I like to feel the good and bad - each one is a lesson and experience.
I think you may have forgotten to say is ; As a dismissive avoidant attachment , you rather not connect .
Commitment to people who are this way , feels like their freedom is being threatened. And self sabotage by creating a storyline about a person before hand from nothing happening yet.
Live life with a purpose
Date with a purpose
Golden Rule : treat others how you want to be treated.
So close to narsisisim I dated a man like this avodent dismissive with narcissistic traits so unhappy and unfulfilled never again.
Thankful to hear you're living from a spirit of wisdom and self respect now
@@aquariuswaiveI noticed that if women come across a man that is not interested in them it makes him a narcissist lol. It’s like women believe every man wants them. 😂😂
But is it actually narcissism? A lot of dating experts say that the word is thrown in way to often and unnecessarily. Sometimes it can look like narcissism but in reality it can overlap with issues with self esteem or other disorders it’s not actually narcissism.
He wasn't available and he didn't want to put the investment in. He was selfish and you stayed with him for X amount of time. You don't know if he was narcissistic or avoidant? No clear diagnoses. Most people aren't narcs.
Damn this is me currently and I don’t know how to fix it
I was with an avoidant/emotionally unavailable man on and off for 10 years. I gave all I had and he would ghost me and come back. He did tell me love me and there were moments I thought that. He told his parent in front of me we were getting married. No pushing from me. Even pushed me to look at rings, then ran away again. Its been a full year now and he hasn't come back. I have been working on myself and to be honest he did damage to me. Thank you for this insight.
I’m incredibly grateful I found this. He told me a year ago when we met he’s emotionally unavailable. I didn’t even know what that meant. I want so badly to break through his walls, because he’s the most incredible person I know.
Definitely with one. I actually broke up with him. He was always the ones to break up in a relationship. I was the first. He couldn’t get past this rejection. I know he loves me. I wanted to reconcile and work on the issues, but he just couldn’t allow himself to go there. My heart hurts for him. I just can’t fix him.
My ex was emotionally unavailable, it's so hard to be kept at arms length and then discarded. I'm interested to know if you ever reached out to apologise to your exes for the way you treated them?
Emotional available men are etremley attractive
I tried and like u said i started thinking it was something wrong with me. I dealt with him saying we’re locked in to all of a sudden ghosting me. Blocking and unblocking to blocking me from social media without any adult conversation and refusing to talk yet get mad when i decided to live my life and call him out on his bs and tell him he needed to heal because he is definitely broken as he admitted. I still care but i love me more. If there is no reciprocity i dont want it. It’s too dangerous to be going from woman to woman tryna fill a void and i cant take those chances with him.
The fact that you were able to recognize your own value in the midst of this is the greatest gift…more than just leaving, you were able to leave with self-respect, and self-esteem🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 that’s a beautiful thing
Can’t stand emotionally unavailable men
OMG I realize how much of this is me a emotional unavailable woman 😢😢😢 the line between being emotionally unavailable and thinking I’m protecting myself. is really starting to get blurred.
Thank you. Often men are lonely when they keep being emotionally unavailable
Absolutely!
They are absolutely miserable. And can resent women as well.
honestly this is the first time I try to see from the point of an emotional unavailable man ... a guy that I knew ghosted me and I was so hurt that I completely cut him off but I do have to admit that even 7years after I think about it but without any "closure" the confusion is still there in my head! thank you for your video it allowed me to understand
This is POETRY to my ears😊❤. Thank you for the transparency. God is giving revelation to his sons!!🫶🏽🙏🏽
Not a geminin, not a virgo, not a libra, not even a damn scorpio, a Fucking Aquarius. We been right the WHOLE TIME, the ACCURACY.
One, I need more of this subject PLEASE!! I’m in a relationship of 13 yrs with a man that you described to a T!! Everything you said is exactly him! I need to know more. Is there any hope or do I walk away? How can I help him? Or can I? I’ve never related so much to a video in my life!!
Wow…this is what I can divine order and alignment.
I’d honestly need more specifics of where you are and where you both are them from there I can guide you to the most relevant next steps either in content or coaching🙏🏾 aquariuswaive@gmail.com feel free to give me more context here
Thank you sir for your vulnerability. Your story is a familiar story. I thank you for putting words to what I felt in my marriage. There was no connection emotionally to this man. It was very painful. Separated. Now on my own healing journey with therapy. Learning about oneself is hard... it's offensive and can break your own heart...but if you can see it and change or recognize..you become aware of how we treat or don't treat others... Is how we do better.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Bro for the longest time I didn’t know why or what was wrong w me, and why the exact same thing happens in all my relationships and this is me 100% that’s so crazy. Thanks for the video bro
@@jamesonreiling4484 to wake up is the greatest gift in life brother…more life to you on your journey 🙏🏾✨
I was in a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable. It was the result of childhood wounds in him that were being left untreated, and ultimately led to effecting betrayal trauma in my life.
Have you reached out to this person? Just curious if you have and got back together
@@oomorboo1 He and I have not reconciled, nor spoken to each other since - and I expect that's due mostly to my withdrawing and flightiness and his expecting me to become savage if he says anything further that might in his mind set me off (he tends to come across as combative/dismissive in disagreements, and I have ADHD and am in a state of almost-constant mental overstimulation regardless of masking, and matching those two qualities with his struggle to read body language accurately and asserting his perspective like wielding a hammer rather than asking questions with humility, interest and curiosity in a place of peace and patience, space is definitely necessary). It may not happen at all. It's also only been 3-4 months post-breakup.
And I'm stubbornly holding onto the mature unconditional apology I'm owed by him before opening that door, while expecting I won't receive it (he's very proud, and stubborn himself). So it's pretty much a coffin nailed shut.
Thankyou for being vulnerable and sharing ! Part 2 would be fabulous X
Thank you very much for taking time to listen🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 and beautiful! It is on the way!
Thank you!! I wish all men could become this vulnerable! ❤
@@CarniBarbie thank you for tapping in🙏🏾✨🌊
Exactly my soon to be ex was just using me and im out lol
I wish I could share this video with the emotionally unavailable man I love, should I?
Don't do it to yourself especially if you expect some recognition. That person is probably not ready to hear it.
I want to thank you for helping me to understand what I was experiencing within my life.... You are truly a blessing.....I pray God continue to bless you and your family!!!! Thanks A MILLION!!!❤❤❤
I have been dealing with this unfortunately for a couple years and I have finally decided I've had enough!!!!! Thank you brother
Now this is a real man 💗 Thank you for this video. I have been on the receiving end of this attitude/behavior and this video has been very healing to ME.
Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ Yes, please a 2nd part.
I believe you healed so many of us who have been hurt by men like this. Blessings to you brother 🙏
And blessings to you sister!
i thank you for sharing! this has been my marriage for the last 8 years up unitl he made the decision to leave! I never been in this type of relationship before! how do a person go from you are the BEST woman ive ever had to i am not happy and for NOTHING!! WE didnt even has issues so it was a total shock! i started to gradually see he was emotionally unavailable to me but i thought i could love him through it but when i saw he did the same thing to his children i knew i couldnt!!! this is so hurtful but i know i have to keep moving! i hope he finds healing as i am in therapy now for my ownself! I have def learned ALOT!
I’ve been with an emotionally unavailable man. It’s truly awful what some parents do that gets these people this way, so afraid and unavailable. I loved my ex, so much, but I couldn’t break up with someone during a time where I was so alone. In the end, he broke up with me. I was so confused at first, because I thought he truly loved and cared about me. To this day, I hope he heals, I hope he can come to a more secure self.
THIS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME IN MY 8 YEAR MARRIAGE! I wanted to leave but was afraid and so he end up leaving the union w/o no explanation. Ive NEVER been in a relationship like this before to understand something like this! THIS HAS BEEN THE WORSE BREAKUP I HAVE EVER ENDURED WHEN I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT!!!
@@patricesledge4564 , I understand how you feel, you aren’t alone. Like you, I did everything right too. But alas, it’s very hard to completely please the Agoidant and unavailable types of people. They have to do the work to heal themselves. Nothing good ever comes from being so secretive or unavailable.
I think this is the most honest video on this topic
Highly Insightful. Thank you, tremendously, for sharing! I would love to pick your brain and ask some pertinent!
Beautifully delivered ❤
Thank you very much!
I don’t know why this video showed up in my feed, but thank you for your vulnerability and truth. This happened to me. This man hurt me so bad that this video shook what I hope is left of the tears. I think I needed to hear that it was never me about me. ❤
He has trauma he isn't willing to deal with and might really love you but his walls are too high that he'd rather lose you than face his demons
@@dulcejoao5465🙏 dealing with this right now but I have to let it go
Omg this video helped me so much. I’m a woman and I was this same type of person. Also,I’m an Aquarius too and I relate to all your content.
I appreciate you making this content because when you spoke about limiting beliefs that is SUPER true to me about why I lack committing.
This video is necessary! Thank you for this 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
🙏🏾💙
I can tell u hold a lot in because once you started talking about it you almost couldn't stop and it came out sort of naturally or maybe it just seemed that way but a lot of what you said is exactly what I'm going through with my relationships and even career choices and I always felt like my issue with not finding a more stable job was somehow connected to my avoidant type personality
This is Gods work right here!
@@tinamarie8061 I appreciate you 🙏🏾🌊
I'm trying to be in a relationship with I believe a man that is emotionally unavailable. I think he wants to be available but he gets scared & runs! I've held on tight & so far he comes back. I will ask him why he ran & he always says he doesn't know? I do know he went thru several relationships & actually had a girl talk him into marrying her & she burned him bad! He told me he deserved it for all he did in his previous relationships but hurt is hurt. We've been friends & more off & on for over 15 yrs now. I know his deep down secrets & I don't run. I'm praying he realizes that I'm the one that really cares & love him. Idk if he will ever really be emotionally available but I will prob always love him.
Thank you for sharing it, helps to understand better people like that...men or women.
I believe I became this way also, and didn't realize I was attracting later similar people, Not all. Now, I'm learning that something is changing in me...fear is there, but less than before. I tried to dumb my feelings too, to not deal with more pain. I guess it was a defense mechanism.
I'm working progress now.
Thanks...helps understand!
Hopefully she never married you when you were in that space
Thank you, it's interesting to get to understand the mechanisme behind the pattern. Its helpful. Thanks for sharing
Men like you are a blessing. Happy enlightenment 🪷
@@WifeOfTheBeast bless your soul✨
Thank you so much for your vulnerability on this subject, this explains so much
Thanks you for sharing. I was trying to make it work with a beautiful man with avoidant personality… I just broke up, I’d given myself 8 weeks to patiently observe how I felt with him AND let him be comfortably himself with me. I felt pretty terrible by 5th week. Called out few things in 6th week. He kept talking to me in week 7 whilst signing up on dating app, whilst promising to move in together in 3 months …. I’m heartbroken because I did fully open my heart , I’m also proud of my courage …
Much gratitude for this perspective.
Thank you for taking time to listen🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@aquariuswaive 🙌🏿no doubt. This was actually tough one for me. I’ve had to do a lot of healing and reflection surrounding my childhood, self worth and thought patterns about relationships. I felt as though I used to attract emotionally unavailable men. Same person different body. 😐It has not been the easiest process to traverse 😂however it so important to take the time to acknowledge and own our behavior in order to create change. 😮💨😮💨it’s hard out here 😂not impossible though. Thanks again
I've been on both ends.
Thank you so much! This was eye opening for me and helps me to understand what is going thru his mind. God Bless!
What was the turning point for you? To do the washing & mending in your life, your affect on others, how your encourging others helps them & your own growth?
I just released the 4th installment when I go in depth about this!
ua-cam.com/video/F6ey5pX1ZR4/v-deo.html
I appreciate hearing your truth. It truly resonated with someone I’m currently dating that is emotionally unavailable.
Thank you for sharing because I met someone with those traits, I had no other choice but to go not contact in order to heal and move on.
Subscribe and subscribe. I appreciate your vulnerability. I enjoyed this video. I applaud you. ❤
You are so self aware and I really appreciate your insight and honesty
Thank you
Thanks for sharing, it clarifies a lot to me, starting to feel sorry suddenly for my ex husband Who made me feel so frustrated many times.
Omg thank you for this, I needed this.
Great video
This was absolutely clear and powerful. Thank you for this! I am a person who was dealing with an emotionally unavailable person and it wrecked me completely, but I’m learning so much that this is in pertain to attachment styles. The more I learn the better I’m healing. And what you described is very accurate to what I went through, thank you so much for this my brother 🙏🏽
This was an insightful listen.
So honest, come on brother, you preaching it, pls check book of proverbs ... You have so big potential and God have amazing plan for you
Love your transparency
Your story helps women like me really understand how an unemotional available man really is.Thanks for sharing your truth.
Spot on!
Right now I can relate with you because I'm in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner
Thank you for this content.
This is great content! Why isn’t this more viewed? I can see myself in most of the things the bruh said.
Thank you family🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
That you for sharing your story ❤️
Thank you for tapping in🙏🏾💯
Proud of you! And every single other warrior fighting to heal! 🙏
Thank you for sharing. I'm on the opposite end where I'm with the emotionally unavailable man and I've been with him for 10 years. We've worked on a lot of childhood trauma together, however I'm still not able to get through on a deeper level with him. I recently started therapy to help heal my wounds from past trauma, but I'm dealing with the predicament where I'm not sure how to discuss this with him, because he constantly acts like emotions are a weakness and refuses to accept his own, therefore he doesn't care to talk about anyone else's nor accept theirs as a form of healing. I love him dearly and he loves me in his own way so I am hoping he is able to work towards emotional awareness. Is there any advice you may have in how I can help him see it's not just him and he's not the only man/person dealing with this?
How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
Just turned 28
@@aquariuswaiveYou woke up early. There are 40/50/60 year old men who still don't get it.
❤I'm really happy for you❤ You are so selfaware, nothing can stop you now!❤ Hope I'll find a man like you... I still have attachment wounds which makes it hard to attract a heathy partner. I need someone with the same wound but aware of it like we are now❤
Thank you for being honest and authentic, this is so insightful to hear from a woman’s perspective
The amount of clarity i just got. Thank you for posting
wow I felt every word you said, thank for so couragesly sharing this. L
Thank you. I hope you talk about this to other men (especially straight men) in your life as well. This will make them very attractive to women.
Thank you for pouring your heart ❤.. Are you an Aquarius sun..?..
11:26 Thank you for sharing your experience and experiences around this topic it is highly valuable to me and means a lot to hear you be so open around such a sensitive topic. Not only is this educational to those who are not emotionally unavailable but it helps us those who deeply deeply, love someone who is like this and cannot understand him, which is my current position in the moment and to say it is hard is an understatement
New Sub.
You are appreciated
I loved this & I hope more men can become more healed & emotionally available.
Powerful!!!❤
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Wow!
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for showing up with all the things you understood of you acting and reacting in relation to others ❣️
Thank you for taking your response-ability to really understand the/your patterns to heal yourself and your numbness..every healing is healing the rest of our beautifull collective..
And my heart, soul, every drop of blood,every cell, my whole being is filled up and dancing with joy and love when i see and feel a beautifull human being going this way of (Self)realisation 💎
Thank you dear one ✨🙏✨
✨🙏✨
Thank you for being honest
Amazing content! Thank you!
Thanks for sharing this. This was so real.