Part 4/5 | അടുപ്പത്തിൽ അകലവും ഉണ്ടായിരിക്കണം- Dr Philip John Psychiatrist | @iamwithdhanyavarma
Вставка
- Опубліковано 21 сер 2024
- About our guest:
Dr Philip John is senior Consultant Psychiatrist in Kochi and UAE - in practice for over 45 years. He graduated in medicine from Medical College Thiruvananthapuram and holds MD in Psychiatry from NIMHANS, Bangalore, the premier institute for Neuroscience in Asia.
Dr Philip is noted for pioneering the shift of Psychiatry into mainstream medicine in Kerala and de-stigmatizing it in a General Hospital setting.
He also pioneered the introduction of Child Psychiatry services as a Division of Psychiatry with Peejays Child Guidance Clinic in Kochi. He has authored several books and chapters. He has worked as an expert in Learning Disorders fro CBSE and his research and books in this field are known. The Vishakha Oration Award instituted by the Indian Psychiatric Society has been bestowed on Dr. Philip John. Currently Dr. Philip heads Peejays Neurocenter in Kochi.
In this five-part series Dr John covers a wide range of topics. In Part-1 of the conversation he talks about his journey into Medicine and later into Psychiatry. In the other parts of the conversation, he covers what is the difference between Psychiatry and Psychology and the stigma surrounding both the streams in Kerala. In this part, he talks about the mistakes we make in Parenting. He explains in depth the myths that surround parenting, why it is important to keep a distance as a parent. He talks about the value of discipline. He also talks about how he openly says that he took medicines when he had depression and how he things it is important to normalize conversations like these. He talks about the role of Deepika Padukone in removing the stigma surrounding mental illness. Pls watch the entire series and share the videos so that there is more awareness around mental health in our society.
#drphilipjohn #psychatrist #interview #iamwithdhanyavarma #dhanyavarma #dhanyavarmainterview #dhanyavarmayoutubechannel #psychology #psychologist #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawarenss #depression #mentaldisorders #mentalillness #counselling #therapy #parenting #overcomeanxiety #overcomedepression #personalitydisorders #mooddisorders
DISCLAIMER :
The views and opinions expressed in this program are those of the speakers,
commentators and experts. They do not explicitly or necessarily reflect nor represent the channel's policy or the views held by this channel. The channel or the host cannot be held accountable for all or any views expressed during this program. The channel doesn't have a warranty of any kind, the accuracy, validity, reliability, availability or completeness of the information shared by the participants.
For Advertising enquiries on this channel- pls send an email to mail@dhanyavarma.com
Collaborations
Customized Furniture: The Sofa Company ( ...)
Equipment: Red Studios (www.redstudios.in)
About this channel, I AM with Dhanya Varma.
This is the official UA-cam channel of Dhanya Varma, a talk show host, actor, emcee, a TEDx speaker based out of Kochi Kerala. She was the host of the very popular show The Happiness Project on Kappa Tv. The channel has two shows I AM with Dhanya Varma, which profiles the guest and In Focus with Dhanya Varma which primarily looks at various topics of interest to us viewers.
I AM with Dhanya Varma is the flagship talk show on the channel. It is a candid conversation /Talk show in Malayalam, that hopes to bring out stories from the lives of various people, featured as guests on this show. It covers a person`s personal and professional journey. The interview show hopes to bring out aspects from people`s lives that could inspire/motivate you and help better your lives. This Malayalam Talk Show while being entertaining also hopes to add value to your life by bringing in new thoughts, ideas and start conversations around the same. I AM hopes to bring you life lessons and motivational ideas that you could apply in your life.
Team I AM
Producer and Host: Dhanya Varma
Camera: Shanavas, Amrit, Amal
Editing: Amrith Nath C
Audio: Anupam, Adarsh
Production Assistant: Adithya
Do stay connected with me on:
Instagram: www.instagram....
Facebook page: / iamdhanyavarma
|| ANTI-PIRACY WARNING || This content is Copyrighted to the owner of this channel. Any unauthorized reproduction, redistribution or re-upload is strictly not permitted. Legal action will be taken against those who violate the same.
Iam an Allied Health sciences student . Iam disagreeing with the doctors concept about parenting. I was following all the episodes of DR. Philip John and iam satisfied with what he said in the last 3 episode. I think we no need to be that much strict to the children and it will affect the personality of our child. From my perspective iam saying that the child should be confident to tell any thing to their parents like a friend. For getting that confident the parents should be friendly to their child . one day your child
will make a mistake
or a bad choice and
run to you instead of
away from you and
in that moment you
will know the value of
peaceful, positive,
respectful parenting
True.... Other wise they won't tell u anything out of fear, if u be too strict with them and show too much authority...
He already said not too strict or not too close ..and he added if his child has a problem he comes first to him to tell it..That is the distance basically needed .Not being too strict.He is talking based on brains reward system parenting or scientific parenting.what if we didn't keep a distance is that our children get to adapt and understand that this trick will get our parent into our hands and we don't want that.They have to only see us as parents and not to be tricked ...
It's not about distancing that he was talking, but the importance of teaching the kid about maintaining boundaries in life.
True man.. I was really worried by his 4th episode.. A dangerous mix of science and religion
He is not talking abt toxic parenting!!.i assume he is alking abt fear that comes from respect ..
Its like our cricketers would follow sachin guidance not bcz of fear bt for his wisdom knowledge and respect..
Thanku sir❤️ഇത്രയും മനോഹരമായി parenting നെ കുറിച്ച് പറഞ്ഞു തന്നതിന്
പണ്ട് കാലങ്ങളിൽ മാതാപിതാക്കളും കുട്ടികളുമായി ഒരു അകലം ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു.. എന്ന് വച്ചു അവർ എല്ലാവരും വഴിപിഴച്ചു പോയിട്ടില്ല....പക്ഷേ ഇന്നത്തെ കുട്ടികളോ.. എന്തും തുറന്നു പറയാൻ ഉള്ള സ്വാതന്ത്ര്യം വീട്ടിൽ ഉണ്ടായിട്ടും എത്ര കുട്ടികൾ മോശമായി വഴിക്ക് പോകുന്നു...അന്നത്തെ കുട്ടികൾ സാർ പറഞ്ഞ ആ പോയിന്റ് മനസിലാക്കിയിരിന്നു...അച്ഛൻ അമ്മയ്ക്കും ഉള്ളിൽ എന്നോട് സ്നേഹം ഉണ്ടെന്ന്... അതായത് അവർ അകലം പാലിച്ചാലും ഉള്ളിൽ അടുപ്പമുണ്ടെന്നു.... അച്ഛനമ്മാരെക്കാൾ കഴിവുള്ള ഒരു വിരൽ തുമ്പിൽ ലോകം കാണാൻ അറിയാവുന്ന ഇന്നത്തെ തലമുറയ്ക്ക് എവിടെയാണ് പിഴവ് സംഭവിക്കുന്നത് എന്ന് ചിന്തിക്കേണ്ടിയിരിക്കുന്നു ⁉️
Thanku mam for this interview ❤️
Crossing boundaries is wrong. Husbands do it. Wives do it. Kids do it. Parents do it. He is absolutely right about keeping a respectful distance from all and giving space. Its number one in healthy relationships.
I m glad that I am not wrong, though many criticised my parenting style….. I am a modern Mom with authoritative parenting styles…. I am proud of my kids ❤
Dhanya mam i don't know right or wrong but i completely desagree about his statement about parenting. Waiting more insights from you❤
Absolutely love your show and can understand why Dhanya has to post every part of an interview as a host, but this message on parenting is very dangerous on so many levels. It is also a very good example on how expertise and degree can fall flat when you try to explain parenting as also a science, but by mixing it with religious views. They do not go well together.
When I was 8 years old or so, my Mother once sat me down for a haircut. The lower portion of one of my ears was cut accidentally by her and she didn't realise it. I saw the portion of my ear with the hair too and I was in pain, but I didn't cry or scream because I was scared of her and she was always very authoritative as a parent. I cried when I was being bathed after the hair cut. She asked me what happened, and I told her that my ear was being cut. I remember my cousins laughing a lot by saying that I didn't make any noise because I was scared later on. But if you ask me today why I didn't cry loudly, I'll tell you because I didn't feel safe and was scared of her. This is what authoritative parenting does to many children, especially when parents follow one formula for all children without understanding their emotional bandwidth or sensitivity. Many parents also do not understand what the limit of any style is. They just simply believe that being harsh on children is the only way.
Unlike authoritative parenting, why conscious parenting where parents become aware of their ego and respond to children's needs in a healthy way is looked upon is because parents are evolving and aware too. My mother was never a parental figure I liked until a few years ago, when many people confronted her that her method was wrong and that it took a toll on me for years, and the minute she acknowledged it, our relationship changed. The only reason I think I was ever able to forgive her for all those years was because she was willing to understand that it was the wrong way to go about it. And yes, as ironic as it can seem, my mother is a psychiatric nursing professional too, like this doctor. She has worked abroad and treated patients too, and is now a professor who teaches psychiatric nursing. Sometimes, some stories come packed with the greatest ironies. Let's wish for psychatrists also to understand that sometimes the first heartbreak of a child comes from their parents, which they carry for years and affect them in things and ways they cannot even understand.
Now, before I get any response for this, I'll tell you something- I love my mother and she has done a lot of right things for me as a child the way she knew. Just like all of us, she has also failed, because she believed in one formula. But she was willing to unlearn too. And that makes her forgivable and loveable. I could also understand why she always had to be such a figure too. So that made it easy for me too, to let things go. We're good. 😊
If what you have written is correct I totally sympathise and agree with you 😢😢 for many cases the source of trauma could be their own parents, unfortunately. It also depends on the child’s basic character, some are rebels who don’t care and opposes such parental behaviours and some kids are fearful and obedient/submissive who usually ends up in such trauma. I often feel the ‘understanding’ factor is much less in older generation compared to ours. They might be blaming their parents. Anyways world is changing and we are in a better place for these issues. And I think the parenting style cannot be generalised, it need to be adapted to type of child you have got, with some kids we can’t be friends/lenient, they could end up really taking advantage of your kind behaviour and end up even beating the parents as the doctor has told from his psychiatric experiences, yet there are other kids who need to be treated gently so a too authoritarian behaviour from parents could end up being a cause for their trauma/less confident attitude.
I totally empathise with you on your childhood experience.. I totally believe that a persons childhood moulds them.....i totally agree on conscious parenting and not authoritative parenting. At the end of the day they are your own children your flesh and blood ..loving them and creating a conducive environment where they can speak their heart out is what we need to do.
Authoritative parenting destroys the childs self esteem and the emotional trauma remains one's entire life....
Authoritative parenting is firm and kind. Its the same thing as gentle parenting. The firmness u show is the respectful distance u keep from ur kids and the kids keep from u, so that one day u dont crush ur kids boundaries and the kid dosent do it either. These are the children who will grow up to maintain a respectful distance with their spouces and bot take them granted. What u and the doctor is against is the Authoritarian style of parenting, gooogle it.
Greatly appreciate your courage, Dr Philip John, you've been so brutally honest about modern day parenting.
The child should respect his or her parents because of love not because of fear
Bringing kids up with fear is easy..and love needs work..probably lazy parents opt for fear..
Who is speaking about fear ?!
Also, should not be stingy with children. My parents were generous with me. It is so important. Also, express your love. They will express theirs
Depends on how you’re communicating it to your children..if you’re being stingy, you can tell them why.. I don’t recommend being too generous with your children. Buying unnecessary stuff is not good. My husband and I have clearly explained to our child, the difference between Want and need and to think if she really needs something or she simply wants it..
Expressing love should come in the form of gentle guidances. Kids will value their parents love more, when they are lead in the right direction.
I absolutely agree with Dr Philip John. One has to look at the larger picture of what he has said instead of taking words phrases out of context and commenting. Authoritative parenting is based on clear boundaries and open communication and has been proven to be an effective and balanced approach. It emphasizes support, guidance, and respect for children's developing autonomy. Countless studies have shown that children raised with this style tend to have better social, emotional, and academic outcomes.
അകലത്തിൽ ഉള്ള അടുപ്പം., Not too strict, not too lenient. That's a very fine thread and that's where everything about parenting lies. And it is indeed tough.
മക്കളെ വരച്ചവരയിൽ നിർത്തണമെന്ന് നിർത്തണമെന്ന് വിചാരിച്ച് വളർത്തരുത്. നല്ലത് പറഞ്ഞു കൊടുക്കുക. കെട്ടിലെങ്കിൽ വേണ്ട. അവരെ അവരുടെ വഴിക്കു വിടുക. അവർ ജീവിതത്തിൽ നിന്നു പഠിക്കട്ടെ.
🖐️Please with great difficulty we kids are breaking barriers with our parents and trying to be empathetic towards each other...as he said...aage uru achan olu...yes we have only one dad ..y to keep that distance from him...u think it's respect kids are giving ..no it's thier trauma and fear....we all are in our unlearning learning phase...nashipikyardu ..with all due respects.....let kids be nourished with love and respect..
Watch the interview again.. you clearly didn’t get what he’s trying to say..
My mother is always friendly.i share everything with her.But she has another circle of wisdom.She overlooks at me above my wishes and aspirations.She acts me as a friend but she judges me and monitors my attitude.But this attitude helped me a lot .I later recognised how a parent views things and how we view things.
Parents തീർച്ചയായും friendly ആയിരിക്കാം അതിനർത്ഥം hostile ആകരുത് എന്നാണ് മനസ്സിലാക്കേണ്ടത്.
Parents വെറും friends മാത്രമായി ഇരുന്നാൽ പോരാ അവർക്ക് പല higher duties കൂടി ചെയ്യാനുണ്ട്. Ex: കുട്ടികളുടെ safety, health സംബന്ധിച്ച കാര്യങ്ങൾ ; കാരണം അതൊക്കെ അവരുടെ മാത്രം ചുമതല ആണ്.
കുട്ടികളുടെ ശരിയായ guidance പ്രത്യേകിച്ച് ചെറിയ പ്രായത്തിൽ -അത് യോഗ്യരായ,മുതിർന്ന വ്യക്തികൾ തന്നെയാണ് നിർവഹിക്കേണ്ടത്.
Doctor പറഞ്ഞത് ഒരു പരിധിവരെ ok ആണ് ഏകദേശം13 വയസ്സ് വരെ.അത് കഴിഞ്ഞാൽ friendly ആയി കാര്യങ്ങൾ പഠിപ്പിക്കുന്നതാണ് നല്ലത്.ഞാൻ അമ്മയില്ലാതെ വളർന്നതാണ്..പക്ഷേ അച്ഛൻ്റെ സ്നേഹം അറിഞ്ഞു വളരാനും കഴിഞ്ഞിട്ടില്ല.അതൊരു വലിയ സങ്കടം ആയി ഇന്നും ഉള്ളിലുണ്ട്.അതുകൊണ്ട് എൻ്റെ parenting നേരെ തിരിച്ചാണ്.പിന്നെ സാർ പറഞ്ഞത് പരെൻ്റിങ്ങിൻ്റെ pbm ആണ് ഇന്ന് കാണുന്ന ഡ്രഗ്സ് ഉപയോഗം എന്ന്.വിലയിരുത്തൽ തികച്ചും തെറ്റാണ്.കാരണം അന്നും ഡ്രഗ്സ് ഉണ്ട് ഇന്നും ഉണ്ട്.പക്ഷേ ലഭ്യത ഇന്ന് വളരെ കൂടുതൽ ആണ്.അതിൻ്റെ കാരണം parenting അല്ല.
The role of constant, consistent, firmness in parenting to develop discipline ❤️
This is the Essence of judicious Parenting! Without having to punish! Many viewers simply have not listened appropriately to the conversation and the simple examples used !
@@philipjohnifyI have heard the whole conversation, I agree to most of what you have said and understand where it is coming from.
The thing that is difficult to understand is, even if parents follow constant consistent firmness, without bribes, without consequences for bad behaviour, without timeouts how will one discipline a child, unless the child is instantly obliged to follow a firm Parent. What is the strategy to use otherwise.
Would be good to know.
I would never say no to my parents, never back answer them. They hardly used punishment to discipline me, but my child is not like that. She likes to test boundaries.
As a parent & physician absolutely 💯 in agreement with Dr Philip. He has deep insight. Thanks for sharing Dhanya dear. All the episodes are very good. Since our community cannot digest bitter truth many may disagree but he is in every bit making sense. Current generation parents, a good chunk are lazy & have no discipline in families. They have no sense to parenting & eventually have resulted in a current poor situation of society. He is absolutely right there is a assertive way to approaching children. He nowhere is asking to torture kids in fear.
The way Dr. explain about parenting was really amazing.It will guide current generation.Thank you Dhanya for introducing him to us.
I think his concepts on parenting is completely unrealistic...
Kuttykalod authority alla kanikendath just love ...❤
True. That's when they get to learn healthy standards about love when they meet people from the outside world. Otherwise if they grow up with authoritative parents, they see the world also the same way. And the result will be another generation full of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Codependent Personality Disorder children. Much more too. 😢
I really think he should rethink on his concept of parenting.. I felt like mixing religion with science... I was really astonished by many of his remarks
Just listen it again , and think once he is not against friendly lovely parenting there are some problems with that parenting, when they getting age 14 and more so much families have problems kids become authority apo no paranal no Vila teenage agumbol cherupathil angu snehichu vashalaki muthirumbol I mean after 13 14 they can't controllble
His views are correct. Everyone has their role. A parent is a parent and a friend is a friend. When we need a friend a parent cannot be that, or even a wife cannot be one. As he says children should be given a space for them. Over caring can be a problem. But I would love them unconditionally like till 4 and it does not mean to spoil them.
One reaps what one sows!
I liked his comments on stopping performance based comments and identifying what kids are good at and push them to skills based education. These are key factors of parenting which will develop a brighter future generation.
സ്നേഹം കൊടുക്കണം, അവർക്ക് attention kodukkanm,understand your child first. Cheriya cheriya karyagalil avarude opinion kelkkanam,tell the what is right and what is wrong,kuttikale epolum oru individual ayi kanuka, my perspective 🤍
Coming from a medical background, I can agree with what we said, and that’s how parenting should be.
I agree with Dr. Philip John. The authoritative parenting style helps to develop a strong, deeply committed relationship between parent and child based on communication and mutual respect. This style is in contrast with authoritarian parenting.
In our experiences, Dr. Philip John is quite an expert in his field. Thanks to his treatment, we have got very positive health benefits for the patient. We see God in him is the final answer to health issue. Moreover, my close friend and her Husband who suggest and doing everything for consulting Dr. as my God. May he be ever happy, healthy and blessed
I partially agree and at the same time disagree with the parenting style discussed above.
1.Parents do not own the child but they are responsible for the upbringing of a child till the child is ready to be own their own. In India, its 18 yrs but may require few more years in the current scenario.
2.Religious beliefs cannot be mixed up with parenting bcoz its subjective.
3.A parent is not a friend of course, but has to be friendly
4.In this democratic world, child should practice democracy and not autocracy. The child should develop as citizens who knows their rights, responsibilities and duties. Mutual respect is the key in relationships.
Thank you🙏
Agreed ❤
I totally agree with what Dr Philip says. We shouldnt misunderstand him when he says we have to maintain a distance with children, he only means we shouldn't be too liberal.We shouldn't be too much authoritative too. There should be a fine balance between the two.We must always be in a position that the kids respects us and lookup to us if they are in problem.
Exactly, truee this is the concept he is saying
Many peoples don't understand thiss
completely agree
Exactly . I have the same opinion
Dear Dhanya ma'am,sorry to say that this interview doesn't contribute any positivity to the parenting needs of our society!As a parent and a teacher,I completely disagree with his views.Love is to express...Childhood security feeling is much related to that expression of love that parents express towards their children and vice versa.If a child is given love and democratic treatment at home,he or she will be a very successful person who is in the right path by all means.
Doctor's opinion on parenting is the danger of mixing religion with parenting concepts. A parent can be a friend and guide at the same time. But you should first understand what is meant by a friend. Being a friend doesn't mean overdo things for the child.
His concepts are based on the concept that a parent owns a child which is not true. A child mimics what parents do, but not tend to obey what they say authoritatively.
Exactly 💯💯💯
Exactly
Did someone speak religion here anywhere !!
Though you don't explicitly say it, its obvious.And also, Kuttikal physically strong aayal avar thirich thallan sadhyatha ullath kondalla, avare physically punish cheyathirikandath.
Physical abuse to anyone is not right, it comes from the fact that the other person is not physically strong enough, be it a child/man/woman. Wisdom is when you can guide them right.
Say for, ex: parents spending whole day on phone and asking the child to not use phone is a contradictory scenario in the child's perspective and the child will not avoid phone at all.
I think you have a misconception on being a friend to a child. Success of a parent is when they can be a role model to the child. Not when they can be superior. Comparing 'being a parent' to 'being a superior person' is not right. Though what you are trying to say is with the intention of raising a child right, you should closely watch people of older generation who is instilled with lot of traumas, behaviorual problems, short temperdness etc. Due to poor parenting.
Sir paranjathoke 💯 correct! My father was very strict that even my friends are afraid of him, but we both, me and my brother knows, njangalude achanu njangale jeevan aanennu, achan used to say us that. Aa adupathilum oru akalam achan vechirunu. Still in our 40s we are so homesick that, whenever get out of our home (we all are in different countries) we will cry and our father will tight hug with teary eyes… ❤In our family, that parenting worked well. Oro family lum vyathyastham aayirikaam…
Thanks for bringing experts like Dr to the show. This was a much needed one and gave me a lot of insight to the mental health.
Of course I agree with this statement 100%. Only a strict parent can mold a good youth, a good personality, a good character, and good manners should be acquired from the family itself.
So interesting. Happy that Dhanya chechi is trying to incorporate topics other interviewers don’t have the capacity to think of.🙌🏼🙌🏼
❤Yesterday I went to sadana forest in pondicherry...before visiting ..we were given certain set of rules to be followed..and one of the pointer..was To respect and treat kids as your equals ...they don't go to schools but learn in abundance in every day life ..and I could see kids soo happy and care freee....soo what I meant to say is...let kidsss be raised with love care and respect...let there be a generation devoid of childhood traumass..so plss stop preaching such ideas ...
❤
As a teenager i totally Disagreeing with parenting statement 😢💯 we know what toxic parenting is 🥲
True 😢💯
Information early stage consume cheyyunna oru generationod pazhata generation eppozhum oru tharam asahishnutha und ,ivar enthinaanee invalidate cheyyunnath enn manassilakunnilla
Seriously, we are struggling to heal ourselves from the trauma that they given
😢
Constant consistent firmness without having to punish doesn't involve toxicity.
He is not talking about toxic parenting. He clearly says not to punish children even to shout at them (I do not know how is that possible), but what he says is not to be a toxic parent.
Dr. പറഞ്ഞതിനോട് ഞാൻ 100% യോജിക്കുന്നു. Parents ഉം കുട്ടികളും തമ്മിൽ ഒരു gap വേണം. സത്യം പറഞ്ഞാൽ എന്റെ 9 വയസ്സായ മകളാണ് എന്നെ ഭരിക്കുന്നത് എന്ന് തോന്നും. അച്ഛൻ വേണ്ടാന്ന് പറഞ്ഞാൽ അമ്മ support ചെയ്യും അമ്മ വേണ്ടാന്ന് പറഞ്ഞാ അച്ഛൻ സപ്പോർട്ട് ചെയ്യും
Being a parent myself, i felt this is a very wise and valid take on parenting. Thank you.
I see here a lot of people here are confusing authoritative with authoritarian. What he says is absolutely right. The proof of the lost art of parenting is evident in our society. Friendly ennu paranjal control illathe valarthunnathalla.
He is so true..Parents today are making it all so easy for children that kids r not ready to get a No for an answer and also they dont get to face failures in their growing age..But life eventually will bring problems thats these children r not trained to face..i believe this is also amajor reason why we have many cases of suicides on the rise today..
Dear Dhanya,
Do you really agree with Dr's concept of parenting?
I totally disagree with what he said , oru yadasthika chintha aan , munpulla episodes same aan
@@user-te9yo4sx6qnope what he is saying is time tested method....when our civilization followed that method we were on the top of world culturally, financially(before the invaders came to India) when the invasions happened they have turned everything topsy turvy and we are left with colonized mindset and confused to our core.... identity crisis looms,parents with identity crisis cannot nurture a good offspring, kids will be more confused and do whatever their emotions tell them
Doesn't matter whether she agrees or not. This is just a platform that gives you new thoughts or insights. If YOU can connect, take it otherwise leave it.
@@sreeraj8808 exactly 💯 ppl are getting triggered by hearing truth
@@sreeraj8808what's toxic should be questionned in a healthy way, without ignoring it.
പേരെന്റ്സ് ഫ്രണ്ട്സ് ആവണ്ട.. ബട്ട്, ഫ്രണ്ട്ലി ആവണം... സ്നേഹം ഏറ്റവും അടിസ്ഥാനം ആണ് ലൈഫ് ന്റെ.. Too strict um ആവരുത്,, too ലിബറൽ um ആവരുത്.. ബാലൻസ് ഉണ്ടാവണം... അവരുടെ എല്ലാ ആഗ്രഹങ്ങളും fullfil ചെയ്യണ്ട കാര്യമില്ല... ബട്ട്.. കുട്ടികളുടെ basic നീഡ്സ് അത് ഫുൾ ഫിൽ ചെയ്യണം....discipline പേരെന്റ്സ് ന് തന്നെ ചെയ്ത് എടുക്കാവുന്നതേ ഉള്ളു.
Athu thanne aan Dr parayan udeshichath enn thonnunnu
Constant consistent firmness without punishment - Agree with that.I see many families where grandparents or relatives contradics parents ways.If parents wont meet the child's demands grandparents or unmarried uncles or aunts does.I disagree with that.Over caring can cause selfishnesh.
But, its hard to understand why love should not be expressed to ones' children. Wouldnt that cause a sense of abandonment, neediness etc ?I am not a parent, but from what I seen, when parents create a healthy nurturing/loving(even pampering the child) environment, without "helicopter parenting", physical/verbal/emotional abuse, it creates the environment for the growth of a decent happy human being. The child should feel safe to talk to them about anything.Parents on the other hand should not dump their emotional baggage on children.
Respectfully disagreeing
True
Dark anallo! Have to disagree at so many points. Discipline matram allallo parenting.
Proper aayi nurture cheyyunna parentsinte makkal orikalm vazhi thettilla, sneham illatha oridathaan ee distancing oke vendath, kuttikalk bodam vskkunnath vare avare manipulate cheyyunna karyangalilekk pokathe sookshikuka ,ath peer group aakam phone aakam
Did this man give any solution. He is creating on problem and he blaming everyone parents psycologist grandparents and even cardiologist. This man is frustrated because he is not getting ample patients. Thankyou Danya for bringing him because everyone could know the attitude of psychiatrist.
Onnu podo thante oru kandupidutham. His children are also psychiatrists.. no speciality in medical science is inferior.. infact all dept are necessary for the proper function of health system
@@reenarenjit2360 nee oru karyam cheyyu ayaleyum makkaleym thalayil vech kottayil nadakku. Atha ayakku athyagraham
@@reenarenjit2360 ayal thanneyanu epsode 1 2 3 il irunnu chelakunnathu.
@@SambathSulu now everyone can understand who s frustrated
ദൈവത്തിന്റെ അടുത്തുള്ള "അയിത്തം" തന്നെ പ്രേശ്നങ്ങൾ ആണ്. അന്നേരം അതിനെ മോഡൽ ആക്കി മക്കളോട് പെരുമാറണം എന്ന് പറയുന്നതും, ദൈവം തന്ന കഴിവാണെന്ന് പറയുന്നതും എത്രത്തോളം ശെരിയാണെന്ന് ഇദ്ദേഹത്തിന് ചിന്തിക്കാൻ കഴിയില്ലായിരിക്കും.
Orupaf freedom koduthit eppozhathe പിള്ളേരുടെ അവസ്ഥ എന്താണ്....
I enjoyed all episodes but disagree with " parenting " concept of Dr.Phlip John.
I am back to the channel after a long time to listen to this interview. It was a meaningful discussion. His idea of parenting makes a lot of sense, except most people have no idea how to implement it in real life situations. Also, one of the parents or the grand parents not understanding this idea of parenting can jeopardise the whole situation. Awareness is required before marriage about marriage, parenting, relationships, struggles and life in general, add the stress levels involved in today's world to the mix. We have a long way to go. Thanks Dhanya.
The first three episodes were partially disappointing. But this episode has a good message on parenting. The guidelines are really apt for the current generation parenting. Yes Parent bashing is one topic which is forbidden from voicing out. Good take Dhanya.
Many of today's parents perpetuate the parenting styles they experienced from their own parents, often becoming victims of a generational cycle. So they apply the same to their kids
After hearing these viewpoints I think I might have to unlearn so much, that I have learned within these 2 years about parenting and related things.
Very interesting! He makes you get fully involved.
I totally agree with doctor Philip John, hierarchy is very important in a family to have disciplined kids, which used to happen in Koottu kudumbam.
Doctor 's view on parenting is very correct.I got this insight by reading the Bible. It is clearly said in the Bible.you can't be parents by simply having kids.you have to put so much effort.you are moulding the future generation.
He was basically saying that non authoritative parenting is what ruined the family structure in kerala and pushing children to bad behaviour. In my point of view and the various examples i have seen, i strongly think that 'authoritative parenting' is what ruins the family. Of course boundaries are needed in every relationships but authoritative parenting leads children to disobey and dislike their parents which will lead to a constant urge of not doing what they say regardless its positive or negative, ending them up in miserable situations.
Huge realization 😢 thank you doctor 🙏
I absolutely agree with Doctor on his insights about parenting. As discipline and resilience are the key factors that should nurtured through parenting, how a friend -parent can bring it up? Love is not just providing but denying also❤
As a mother of a girl child im 100 💯 agreed with dr philip . Up to 20 to 24 years i build up such a continuous way to build education morality health career etc in such a good way when father given her full freedom everything burnt out . Ellavarum avarude stage il ethumbol manasilakum our parents punishment is right at that time we will loose everything thats true nammude cheru prayathil kittiya panishment d upadesam now inthis old age only realised that's great. New generation will blamed us ugly fellows but year's go on they are correct 💯 agreed with dr philip great sir
Thanks for this much needed series!🫰🫰In many cases the source of trauma could be their own parents, unfortunately 😢😢It also depends on the child’s basic character, some are rebels who don’t care and opposes harsh parental behaviours and some kids are fearful and obedient/submissive who usually ends up in such trauma. I often feel the ‘understanding’ factor is much less in older generation compared to ours. They might be blaming their parents. Anyways world is changing and we are in a better place for these issues. And I think the parenting style cannot be generalised, it need to be adapted to type of child you have got, with some kids we can’t be friends/lenient, they could end up really taking advantage of your kind behaviour and end up even beating the parents as the doctor has told from his psychiatric experiences, yet there are other kids who need to be treated gently so a too authoritarian behaviour from parents could end up being a cause for their traumatic/less confident attitude. Firm yet approachable for anything could be the parenting style.
What he said is so true about parenting! Can’t agree more. Keeping consistent behavior, firmness, beautiful distance especially at the younger age below 10, is a must. It doesn’t mean parents don’t show love. As a resident in US for past 16 years, only giving what they want out of ‘love’ is dangerous. As a mother, of two boys, didn’t understand this before when my husband say this exact same thing. Now I can relate 100%. 🙏
I respectfully agree to disagree to almost everything he's saying here... If parents won't express their love towards their own kids then who's supposed to?? Has he heard of nuclear families?? What are kids in such families supposed to do? Whom should they turn to for their emotional needs? He's practically asking parents to be robots who are programmed to only provide the superficial needs of their kids and bring them up in fear and with low self esteem by dictating and forcing their terms onto their kids. Throughout all 5 parts of this interview I felt like he's desperately crying out for help financially and mentally. I don't think he has recovered entirely from his trauma. One of the main reasons why people are afraid to go to psychiatrists are because they are selfishly into money making business with no regards whatsoever for the patient's or their family's situation. I have personally had bad experiences with psychiatrists. The ones that he's talking about are maybe only in his dreams. Psychotherapy is as important as psychiatry. No doubts about that. You can't say psychotherapy is bad or talk so low about it. It shows even more desperation to attract more people into psychiatry so that they can make money.
I agree with most of the things he talks about parenting. You have to be strict when its needed. Learn to say 'no' to your child if needed. In today's world , especially in our state, most of the parents dont or cant say no because they are of the opinion that their child should get everything that they didnt get when they were kids. Thats where the problem begins.
@@kavithakautrapu1069 a child's wants are unlimited. It is not necessary that we should give them everything that they ask. If its not necessary we should know to say no to them otherwise the kids will never be able to cope up with failures and challenges and sacrifices in life when they grow up
@@kavithakautrapu1069 moreover, they will not know the value of money or the difference between need and want
സ്നേഹം കാണിക്കാതെ കുഞ്ഞുങ്ങളെ വളർത്തണമെന്ന്! Aaaha Soooper....
സ്നേഹിക്കേണ്ട സ്ഥാനത് സ്നേഹിക്കാനും ശിക്ഷ കൊടുക്കേണ്ട സ്ഥാനത് ശിക്ഷ കൊടുക്കണം.. അപ്പൊ കുട്ടികൾ നല്ല രീതിയിൽ വളരും.. ശിക്ഷ കൊടുത്താൽ ഉടനെ toxic എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞു വരും ചിലർ... സ്നേഹം ഉള്ളിടത്തെ ശിക്ഷ ഉള്ളൂ..
Excellent parenting advice , but seems extremely tough act to follow at present environment ,to be honest most parents are weak in this territory
God is Love! ❤
We cant make much changes in our own styles of parenting .. honest truth
Really informative, thank you so much Dhanya🙏🏽
നമ്മൾക്ക് അവർക്കു സ്നേഹം കൂടുതലല്ലേ അവർ മറ്റുള്ളവർക്കും നമ്മൾക്കും സ്നേഹം തരുള്ളു. അതിന് കുറച്ചു friendly ആവേണ്ടേ
Distance idunna parents ulla kuttikalk Abandonment issue undakarund , ath pole makkale abuse cheyyunna parents ithoke normalise cheyyunna oru society aan
What dr said is a bit different. He actually meant to raise kids by establishing boundaries. He specified about not to punish, bribe and all. He tried to emphasize on being authoritative. Ipo gentle parenting en paryunath actually authoritative parenting aan. Authoritarian patti alla paranjath.
@@gayathrygireesh7046u said it 💯
@@gayathrygireesh7046 kuttikale 30 mins koode kidathi pinnne eneett pokan parayunnath enth tharama gentle parenting aanenn manassilaayilla , avide kutti confused aakille
@@user-te9yo4sx6q eth age group aan adeham parayunath en manasilakendath und. Oru statement situational anusarich parayunath ale. If the kid is healthy, emtnly, mentaly, physcly, spiritualy onum down alla en parentsinu urap anu engil after giving that parental comfort we can ask them to settle in their own rooms. If they are down we shud be there no matter what. Pulli udeshichath oru habit which can effect others personal space avide we shd establish a boundary.
Ipo authoritative parenting and permissive parenting styles kude kuzhanj oru prateka avasthayil aan pokunath. We are the parents, our duty is to protect the child. Being a friend is different and that of a loving parent is different. We should model how to regulate emotions, how to be an independent individual. If we can become the PARENTS then we dont have to be their friends. Namak palapozhum parents ayirunilla so we made our friends in our parental comfort. Because friends matram aan namde feelings and emotions validate cheythath. So we get offened when someone say we should not b friends with our kids. As we knw, we along with our friends chilapo sheri ayi ula theerumangal ayirikila edukane. But if someone is there to guide us validating our state of existence angane ayiriknam parents. Parents must be friendly but shouldnt be the friend.
The doctor is talking about being an Authoritative parent and not Authoritarian parent or a friend. An authoritative parent is firm and kind. In this parenting style, the parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. They attempt to control children's behavior by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning. They listen to a child's viewpoint but don't always accept it. And thats fine. Kids need to respect parents boundaries. And parents need to respect kids boundaries. Else destruction ensues.
What one needs to be careful of is Authoritartian parenting. Authoritarian parenting is a strict style of parenting that places high expectations on children. Authoritarian parents set rigid rules with no explanation, and expect their children to obey them without question or face severe punishment.
Deeply grateful- you have understood the distinction between two clearly different conceptualisations, and explained them. Many responders have not cared to distinguish this. Mere criticism without comprehension is the bane of the permissive Malayalee !
@@philipjohnify Thanku for the reply. Ur talk was very helpful. I knew about maintaining a respectful boundary with kids and parents. But the one i ignored in this was my husband. But from ur talk i understood that its for everyone. Even for the husband and wife. So it helped me change somethings in my life.
I totally disagree with his parenting concept.. not punishing is ok, but u can't keep distance with your child so brutally like waking him up from sleep and asking him to move out.., what is ur opinion Dhanya chechi @iamwithdhanyavarma
😢 True. I was shocked to hear that. So toxic.
I am not a psychologist but a parent and feel the doctor has some regressive ideas(I concur to most of what he said) about parenting.
I would rather follow a Dr Gabor Mate than heed to Dr Philip’s approach to parenting.
Psychiatrist have been wrong in the past, time will tell how much of what is trusted now is proven wrong in the future.
Edit : Going through the interview once gain, I might have got authoritarian vs authoritative parenting which Dr Philip is advocating mixed up. But still it would have been good to have some insights on how to do this.
Apologies Dr Philip for misunderstanding what you said.
I am an old school in parenting. So i feel what dr said s correct. Being abroad for more 15 yrs i couldnt find a balance b/ w സായിപ്പ് inte style n our style . I hav seen even സായിപ്പ് is friendly n all but they r firm in No .but i feel for our gene rude way s the best😅. In term of showing love we need to show tat. Spend time with them correct them . Discipline is the key
അതിഗംഭിരം, സത്യം ,പരമാർത്ഥം ..
Beautiful and meaningful parenti g tips❤
Not an expert of psychiatry, but as a listener, I was getting agitated listening to what the doctor was saying at the beginning of the conversation because of the tone used I guess. Towards the end there was a lot of clarity to what was being and my agitation died down but again, I think this idea that there has to be a hierarchy for a family to function is not something I agree with at all. I’ve not seen very pleasant outcomes from any of these hierarchical institutions.
Also, in the doctor’s narrative the humanity and compassion of a child is utterly undermined and not even discussed.
If a parent is not a power wielding force and has the ability to explain the emotion or logic behind what they are saying, a child has the ability to comprehend what is being told. I’ve seen children understand things much better if the parent takes time to calmly explain to them the essence of their statement/advice and have conversations with a child without seeing them as some lesser beings just because they are young.
So, yes, respect parents, but respect a child also, and it is so possible to do this without distancing yourself from your little ones. In today’s world I hope the aim is not to create more and more malfunctioning hierarchical structures but to inculcate the feeling of compassion and kindness in everyone, especially in children in whom it is an inherent human trait.
Disagreeing with parenting concept...toxic parenting...💔
You are totally right
Not all fathers, mothers or teachers are disciplined themselves. Avaru kuttikale discipline cheyyaan nokkiyaal... The whole process becomes a joke. Ee oru reality accept cheythukondu aanengil what he says can be accepted.
It's not right to generalise all parents as being liberal to kids. I feel, keeping boundaries/ being strict with kids is dangerous that they will fear to share their inner thoughts n worries to their parents.
Absolutely agree with you Dr.
So disappointed. Don't express love 😮100℅ disagreement
Valare nalla program...upakara podunna arivu ..oru schoolum padippikkatath...
His disdern for other treatment modalities is really disappointing. Therapy works wonders! Not every problem needs medication. Some do, absolutely! ADHD does need medication if it is hindering a person's functioning. But therapy also helps a LOT in managing compulsive behavious, setting plans etc.
100% agree that pharmacological intervention in required in certain cases, but to belittle the effect of therapy and other treatment modalities is such lack of wisdom.
PS: throw away all the 'olakkas' when it comes to parenting.
Ummichi had no idea about any specific parenting style, but she ensured all this... its really surprising... I am 29 now. My mother became a friend of mine only after 24. Thats what made us disciplined, independent, strong and bold. And not expressing love ... I am not agreeing with that.
I agree with Dr. Kids these days are not kids anymore. They are spoilt and rotten monsters. Kids today are not innocent anymore. I was always surprised at the way my parents raised us. If dad said no to something, we could never get a yes from mom and vice versa even if they didn't know what their decisions were. They were a team. Because of that, we disagreed with them when we were kids. But after we grew up, we have become fine human beings, learnt how to communicate, we know each others problems. Now we hear from rest of the family and our parent's friends, we are jealous of how you look after your parents, our kids dont listen to our problems or even care.. I feel proud of my parents. They are an amazing team as parents. All those cousins who were given all the luxuries in life turned out to be indifferent to their parents...
In pleasant agreement with you. Some of the viewers haven’t grasped the essence of what I put forward. I have picked up a new theme drone you : Parents as one Team !
Lord Bless you and your beloved Family!
@@philipjohnify thank you.. 😍
Not a good advice doctor...please understand the society...
Amazing thought !
Classical example of an expert in one field trying to express his opinion about other areas without no proper research with so much authority and making himself look like a fool... 🚶
Idheham parayunna science maathram edkkaa allaathe pothu vinyaanam onnum edkknilla😊
Disagree this parenting statement 👎
A littel distance in every r'ship is a must ❤
He’s impressive except for the constant reference to god/creator . How can a person who reminds us that today’s information is redundant tomorrow can still hold onto a misinformation that’s spread thousands of years ago? I wished Dhanya would’ve probed him a bit on this . But overall great , needy conversation 🎉
മകന്റെ അച്ഛൻ film പോലെ ആവില്ലേ ഡോക്ടറെ 😐
Doesn’t agree with his parenting opinions
Obviously...
👍👍👍
True
He doesn't studied psychology only he knows the medicine which he derived from his medical studies.. authoritarian parenting is the method he is trying to apply. Its not good for a right parenting. And one more thing. Our indian culture has somany limitations which he again trying to club into parenting. Just feeling pitty for this doctor
It's called Authoritative parenting style, not authoritarian.
Psychiatry enn paranjaal medicines mathram padikkalalla.Even I am also disagreeng with his opinion.He just told about his opinion.But that doest mean every psychiatrist has same view
Unable to digest his thoughts on parenting and that too in a modern society. I dont think keeping distance with the kid will bring a structure to the family... Totally disappointing... i am worried of the fact that parents who see this will be negatively influenced, as i could see there are ppl who support his views😢
Boundary is important but ath eth karyathil aanenn koode orkanmam ,, kuttikale koode kidathathirikunnathinte logic ethra alochichitum manamssilakunnilla
True 😢😢
Good thought❤
Totally disagree with his views on parenting. Maybe his concept of love in parenting is different. And mixing it with religious concepts dosent make sense in today's world.
❤❤❤❤❤