This one hits especially hard today, and I find myself skipping back often to relisten to the stories multiple times each. I had no idea how much unacknowledged abuse and neglect, I apologised for most of my teen years pretty much every sentence. :( It's taken the bulk of my life, and I'm now retired, to understand I was groomed by two people I idolised and trusted implicitly. This was amplified in my marriage, where very large expectations were placed upon me while I just needed to be happy with what I got in return.
self sabotage. i was an emotionally stunted child because my mother never came to me when i cried. i have sociopathic traits and lack much desire to be around people. i far prefer solitude and before figuring these things out it was destroying my current relationship but now she sees me and all i have been through and she loves me at a distance. we spend lots of time together but she knows when i need to be by myself. things are slowly getting better..
I'm one of those people. I'm almost entirely silent when I move and i talk out loud 4 or 5 times a day most days. I have deep sunken tired eyes with dark bags underneath. I'm almost always serious and I almost never have any sort of emotion on my face. I'm very analytical and I pick up on things insanely fast. Otherwise I'm a normal guy with normal interests. Edit: This video helped me notice a few other things i do. I also stash food, overexplain, and overapologize. 8:35 this. Oh and despite looking "really angry" as I'm told, I'd like to think I'm a very calm and rational person. I have a lot of empathy for others honestly to a fault.
I was abused a lot and nearly killed some years ago. Why, I asked myself. I find out it was probably simply just because my mother was nearly drowned by her step-brothers, and my "father" has some sick fascination with doing the stuff done to her by those men to his kids (me and my brother). I am all out of emotions towards it, but I do cry sometimes. Why must I live with scars from chlorinated water, always feeling them every time I cry, and they make me want to claw my own jugular out myself with my own nails. I never give in, because I refuse to die because of the pain that man forced upon me. He wanted me dead, I refuse to die. I used to be so suicidal and almost tried multiple times, until that day. I realized I want to live, I want to be able to keep my brother from having to bury me. I'd rather bury him first than let him, who truly raised me after our mother died, bury me because of a horrible "father" who abused us both. I'm seen by others as calm, but also extremely rude and standoffish when talked to. People say I'm so mature for only being 20 soon, but it's because I've stared death in the face and survived. It was horrifying, and you truly never know how it feels until it happens. Please don't discount how others feel, because you *can't* feel how they do when they've survived that kind of hell, unless you've felt similar yourself.
Oh man i really hope you're okay now, reading all that was really hard and I can't imagine how much of a pain it was to live it. You're incredible for going through all that and still standing ❤
The whole quiet walking thing. My friends in high school used to say " you could walk into class and sit down and nobody would know you were there" also one time i was at a technical college for carpentry and accidentally sliced my thumb with a box cutter i calmly walked over and cleaned it up.. another thing to add is easily identifying footsteps to Determine whos awake. the gallows humor is true like I'll make a dark joke, and some people react like, "Jesus christ, you can't say that." I'll just be sitting there laughing .
I apologise all the time, over explain things and I absolutely cannot take a joke. I was tormented and bullied ruthlessly my entire school life and had no true friends I could count on. The bullying and teasing was always phrased as "It's just a joke!", but it never was and it was always about my appearance (I'm overweight) and my mannerisms (didn't find out until 2020 that I have ASD, when I was 35). I always told teachers when I was being bullied, but I did it so much, they got fed up with me and told me to stop telling tales and shooed me away. I also had a medical emergency in 2022 and I caught Covid while in hospital and it was a harrowing experience. I'm not as jovial anymore and I don't feel genuine happiness very much either.
The comment around 8:30 and 11:30 (inaccurate timestamps, but the comments are being spoken) sum up my own experience quite well. Always tired, always in pain, always exhausted and not wanting to be seen, heard, anything. Its all deeply ingrained behavior. Overexplaining, Overapologizing, Overthanking & not wanting to be a burden. In my case it does not help that i am not even a remotely functional adult, i got or had (not sure anymore) issues that to some extend made me at fault. I mean i was at fault for not being able to control myself, to not be able to somehow still overpower that pressure that makes you explode, lose control and become uncontrollably violent while you try to wrangle back control over your own body. I also understand that i in turn shared and dished out a lot of trauma and this is my punishment. For all the hurt i caused because i couldnt simply remain calm, focused, in-control regardless of how harsh or mean the bullying got. At least i am not actively suicidal woo! (I'm not telling my whole experience, i am simply too exhausted again to do so, if you got the skills you can piece it together from my comments, though i have yet to see the option to read all comments i ever wrote so i could have a better picture of myself aswell. Better means to find ways to help myself, see how bad it is and thus better judge the urgency. Its quite hard to know, even with my overall distance to it all)
I’ve been through so much my whole life. I’m barely 27 and I’m still going through a lot. My life has been a never ending roller coaster ride. Lately it’s been on the low side especially right now. I’m so tired of being strong, but I have no other choice but to keep on living.
1:08:00 THIS. This is why I hated Encanto. I remember watching it with an ex or something and when it was over I was like "that's it?" I couldn't articulate *why* I hated Encanto then, but I think I can now. Explains why that relationship fell apart too. That ex was literally the real-life version of whoever Encanto's protagonist was, just taking what I could see was obviously abuse with a smile and asking for more. Any time somebody says "but they're family" in a movie unless it's about chosen family makes me sick.
I have been called calm a lot. But im actually just well aware of the limited emotional energy i have and don't feel like spending it on crap that doesn't warent it. Unfortunately this also means i struggle to feel strong positive emotions too, ive gotten better at feeling small bits of happyness which makes the day worth getging through. But ya, its less calm and more limited emotional resources.
Having your head on a swivel like you're seeing if there's anybody lurking behind every corner. Not knowing how to budget and save is a big one too, coming from an upbringing where your parents spent their money on drugs and/or alcohol doesn't teach you the best way to pay bills or to fill out an application for a home. Relating to homeless people more than you do your friends, constant eye movement, their character as well. I don't ever want to see people go through what I've been through whether that'd be physically mentally or emotionally. I try my best to be there for everyone around me because I remember all too well how it feels to have nothing and to have nobody.
I listen to these videos at work, and I'm barely 17 minutes in and these feelings and ideas are resonating so hard with my current struggles. It's comforting and heartwarming but personal enough to make me want to cry. At work. No urge to, but that sinking feeling in my chest is there.
I never thought that my memory issues could be due to trauma... I'm always frustrated not being able having clear memories like most people. And if I remember something I often remember doing fun things but never remember with who.
... Well damn, I forget stuff easier, feel bad for people even wasting time on me, apologize for the smallest things, feel bad for living, age regress. ... Guess I forgot good lives exist some times and it's not about "this day will at least be easy" fuck my life man
Omgosh yes! This first account is absolutely how it was for me and then the gaslighting except I did grow up poor and my parents at the time did add that guilt to it. I'm 40 and a parent myself and still not over it. Idk if I can ever heal from that. Thank you for sharing.
ive been a victim of domestic abuse (emotional/mental/psychological) since my preteens, and the entire string of psychiatrists ive been to have told me the following first one kept repeating im a “smart girl” so i should “figure it out myself” second one, i told her how ive been wanting to run away but i was just a kid, and so she told me, in a month, she expects me to find an apartment of my own once i come back for my second appointment the third just told me to suck it up essentially since i could tell on her face she didnt rlly mean to listen to my story or give much of a damn at all and my final one kept telling me “yeah cus you dont go exercising/going to the gym and this is why it happens” its either that or she turns around and calls my parents into her clinic and just tell on me abt what i told her
As some people mentioned in this one, yeah, everyone really does react differently to trauma. And something that one person shrugs off can traumatize another. There are patterns, but no universal "tells". That said, if you want to know more about this topic, there have been some _fantastic_ books on trauma written by clinicians, and a lot of them are available in both print and audio format. Start with _The Body Keeps the Score._
Adding this here, because this came from one of the best men I had the chance to learn from. You make your own happiness, don't let the outside tear it away from you. Drill sergeant King.
When I realised how much I hurt my former friends, and TW: I nearly could've ended myself but thankfully didn't, I still regret everything but they also kinda betrayed me as well
When literally nothing phases them. We could see someone get stabbed or something and still be unaffected. On the bright side, I'm always calm when everyone is freaking out in an emergency.
16:30 -ish Sounds like someone with deep, unaddressed trauma that they aren't dealing with. Denying you need help alongside a grim outlook is one of my favorite "I'm seriously not okay and haven't been in some time" tactics.
I don't agree to some of the generalizations in it. There is no "we" like this to be honest and i think all of us are kind of different there too... ...that being said, the badass at around 14:30 definitely is just acting the part. lol
I can tell you from the experience, you feel that can not show vulnerability in front of others. Including crying in front of other people. I can't really go into the shit my so called "peers" did to me as a kid but crying in front of them when they did things to me made everything worse. I got used to a blank look when shit happened. Also, if I did fight back... I never lost but also I agreed to never say anything if they leave me to hell alone. They knew if others found out I beat the crap out of them it would destroy them socially.
I recognize myself in a lot of these. I'm not going to get any deeper into the whys, but I don't trust people even when I've known them for a long time and have no reason to think they would "turn on me". I'm surface level polite and kind to people I come across in my life, but that's as far as it goes with pretty much everyone.
I unfortunately relate to a lot of this. I walk really quietly. If I’m in the house, walk on the balls of the feet. If I’m out, touch down on the sides of my boots, roll my foot to the ground. It’s just habit at this point. Hell, sometimes I get nervous I’m simply breathing too loudly. I also have lost my fight or flight/panic response. A lot of people think it’s a good thing, but it’s really not. I had a horse turn and throw a kick straight for my head, and I just sat there like “oh. Well, if that hits me I guess I’m dead.” Fight or flight or reflexes in general for that matter are a good thing that can keep you safe before you even realize what’s happening.
If they talk to me regularly.. there's a solid chance. also just generally hating having money spent on them.. if someone wants to date me, that's also a sign of some issues..
Taken from my own experiences: 1. Answering questions as though you are a defendant on the witness stand. "Yes," "No," " I had a nice time." You offer nothing more than what you absolutely have to, and are purposely elusive with details. 2. A compulsion to help others, sometimes to your own detriment. 3. Very, very very slow to come out of one's shell / trust others / act like yourself. You're kind of an automatic, based on what scenario you are in. 4. Don't know if this is unique to me or if other people experience it, but - using Television shows to learn social norms. I used to watch a lot of old shows like "Little House on the Prairie," so my social interactions seemed 'quaint.' - Because nobody in my home taught me how to introduce myself, speak in social situations, or handle difficult conversations. 5. Feeling the need to not just repay, but to 'over-repay' kindnesses. You buy me a gift, I must buy you two. You pay for one meal? I now must pay for 3 of yours. You say "thank you" I must say, "thank you So much! It means the world to me!!" 6. I hate being touched from behind, in any way. When anyone comes up and surprised me by touching my shoulders, my back, or by trying to put their hands over my eyes (the "guess who" game), I flip out. 7. The ability to consciously shut down one's emotions. When anyone says, "this movie / show / ad / story will make you feel sad / mad / happy, " etc. It's as if I defiantly refuse to feel however that person thinks I should feel. 8. Wanting desperately to be in a closer personal relationship, while also being extremely gun-shy and quick to end things without the possibility of re-starting them should the slightest hint of abuse or toxicity appear.
See the thing is- I've rarely been near people who were mean to me. But I still over apologize. A quote from my father- "You just have so much empathy that you over apologize all the time"
Also a huge characteristic of ADHD ( which is basically hypersensitivity to reactions/ emotions of environment around you). Trust me I was the exact same. Not condoning/suggesting/ or advising medications Bc there’s gives and takes to everything, but after starting medication at 24 y/o it’s a huge relief off my shoulders. My entire mental was driven off worry/fear of negatives. Everything I did/thought was such an effort for me. I’m glad I waited this long tho, because it’s formed me into a better person capable and used to taking the tougher decisions that are right, which others don’t. Only thing was my coping mechanism was having to not give a fuck and TRYING to be happy. Meanwhile everybody always asked how I was so happy all the time… never how I actually was… and little did they know I wasn’t… I was trying to, for them, and having going to bed lonely waking up from sleep terrors and horrid nightmares every night. Long story short, there’s a fine line between kindness which people appreciate, and wearing the kindness for yourself out until it’s nowhere to be found
For me it's the urge to try to take everyones pain away always too empathetic. The way if i make a small mistake i panic but if the world is on fire im clam and ready to handle it all. Constant hyper vigilance. Im prone to substance abuse, Being sober is exhausting. I can hardly remember anything before I was 13, my memory is just shot. My humor is dark and self deprecating.
You know honestly a lot of people have been through a lot. Sometimes not even physically but mentally. It’s scary what we can convince ourselves is real.
Agreed. I feel so many of these: trust issues, overanalyzing, overexplaining, overapologizing, getting defensive(these last 4 I've had my family, who are not the problem in my case, critique me for), fear of confrontation sometimes even bordering on passivity, worried about every little mistake because I'm worried that it'll be what makes me lose what I've gained, struggles with being truly vulnerable(I've gotten better at this but it's still there), self-esteem issues(which I've dealt with on and off my whole life), etc. It's only within the past year or so, when I had moved for work and got plugged into a church and then again, after I moved for a promotion, where I was able to make real friends who treated me like family and so I was able to stop worrying about when the next knife in the back would come, that I was able to start realizing how much I've actually been through and how much of an emotional mess it made me that I was able to start working on improving. I think my family always knew though. Mom being glad that when my grandma(who was an amazing woman. Was my best friend growing up) passed away unexpectedly in her sleep, it was my brother who found her, since my brother has always been the one who's handled emotions better. Dad making sure that I knew that I can talk to him about anything and suggesting I talk more with his aunt(who has really filled the hole my grandma's passing made, even if I really didn't start talking to her until the past year ot 2) who used to be a mental health nurse, my sister telling(this was in the tone and context of observation. It wasn't as harsh as it sounds) saying that it's going to take a special woman to deal with my issues. So much makes more sense now that I've actually recognized the pain in myself. Check on your people, guys, the ones who seem fine often aren't and they've either been through so much, they don't feel anymore or have been burying it for so long, they just see it as a normal fact of life.
The moment story 9 started playing, I kinda just froze and listened, and that shit was RELATABLE💀💀💀 like both the chronic exhaustion and the self-inflicted insults dressed as jokes
I was abused for 15 years, physically, mentally, sexually and verbally. It's a miracle I am still here, however I will never let my past dictate my future. Don't feel weird if these all don't fit you, we're all different. you've got this.
I can’t watch this anymore than 1:30 in. I have been through hell, and I’m neurodivergent, so that compounds it. The fact that it’s hitting hard suggests that it is currently happening in my life, so I gotta work on that. ❤
One thing I don't think I heard was this paradox: some things you can brush off like nothing, but other things can make you overreact. It depends on your mood, what thing, etc. but some things that can make others panic or cry won't affect you. meanwhile other things can feel like the final straw, even if they're actually not that bad at all. I'll give two examples of my own: when people are rude or angry at me, I can act completely unaffected on the outside. But, if someone surprises me with something, even if it's a good surprise like a surprise b-day party, it can feel like I've just had the world ripped out from under me. It makes no sense, but again I don't think this was really talked about.
How bout this one: trying to be happy/nice all the time to everybody, because you’ve seen such negativity in your life that you’re trying your hardest to spread positivity to others. Yet people just take it that’s just how you are all the time, asking “how are you so happy?” Not knowing you’re not, you’re only trying… for them… to never ask how you actually are ❤
Ways to know. They don't lose their shit when everyone else is. They tend to be able to calm down even the most aggressive people because they can, unfortunately, relate to them. They either exude a lot of warmth or coldness. They seem to know what's going to happen long before something happens because they've learned to identify threats or dangerous behavior. There's a lot of ways to tell, especially if they're young.
9:00 We won't reach out when we need help and if we do it's because we're in a level of desperation no one truly realizes "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but my mom just tried to kill me with a hatchet... Can I stay at your place for a couple of days? Yes, I know this is a bit "last minute". Yes, I know it's 2 AM. Look, I just want to be anywhere *BUT* in the same house as that wannabe axe murderer. Look, I'm about to walk there, can you just open your door to me and let me have the couch or something? No? Then the rug at least? "I better not call you at 2 AM ever, else you'll never speak to me again?" Oh, okay. Bye then." *click* Actual conversation I had on the phone with a childhood friend.
Ive recently come to terms that I had been sexually abused multiple times by girls and women 2 to 3 times my age since i was 3 or 4. I never thought of the scenarios that played out. Just thought it was normal, and i normalized sex until 31 and finally decided to seek help. I thought "every boy goes through this." What a fool i was.
14:16 bro is unhealed and could benefit from DBT to understand that two things can be true at the same time. if you invalidate so hard internally, no chance that doesn’t leak out into your relationships.
Listened to this whole thread and the 98 stories. Have found that 95% resonate on some level. Some more than others. Then I retract and tell myself not to be such a whiny bitch. My time in the shit doesn't stack up. Wonder how many of the (as of now) 5340 viewers feel the same way...
It's a character from the TV show, Friends. Haven't watched the show so can't say but it's a show with a huge cult following so he's giving an example.
I feel bad because of course, trauma is impossibly hard to cope with, but no, it didn't make you better. you're amazing for coming through it and still living every day, yes, but you are not a better person for having suffered.
It's pretty human to try to find meaning in suffering. It's one of the things that helps us psychologically deal with the absurdity and unfairness of the world.
Its not good romanticize trauma. I've noticed people do the same thing with mental issues in general. People will self diagnose and claim they have one issue or another and it drives me nuts. Trauma isn't a badge of honor, it's a constant struggle to cope with and some people can't cope with it or survive it.
i really hate to be that guy and i mean this as politely as i can, but can you please consider using a word other than "unalive?" with it being a kinda unserious word there's other more respectful euphemistic words to use that appease the algo
the food scarcity does not really go away at 40 i still have food stashed around the house like peanut butter in my closet and tuna too they are cheap and if we run out of all food there is something there even if you dont want it. I flinch when there is loud noises as well if someone yells. i am good alone i prefer it. and i was 35 when i realized that it's not normal to have had your mom try to take you out 2 times as a kid.
This one hits especially hard today, and I find myself skipping back often to relisten to the stories multiple times each. I had no idea how much unacknowledged abuse and neglect, I apologised for most of my teen years pretty much every sentence. :( It's taken the bulk of my life, and I'm now retired, to understand I was groomed by two people I idolised and trusted implicitly. This was amplified in my marriage, where very large expectations were placed upon me while I just needed to be happy with what I got in return.
This. This is perfectly put into words. I feel u hun
thats weird, i was also constantly skipping back for some reason and i just cant figure out why
@@JovanLemon right?? Like why is everyone experiencing the same thing 😅😜
self sabotage. i was an emotionally stunted child because my mother never came to me when i cried. i have sociopathic traits and lack much desire to be around people. i far prefer solitude and before figuring these things out it was destroying my current relationship but now she sees me and all i have been through and she loves me at a distance. we spend lots of time together but she knows when i need to be by myself. things are slowly getting better..
I'm one of those people. I'm almost entirely silent when I move and i talk out loud 4 or 5 times a day most days. I have deep sunken tired eyes with dark bags underneath. I'm almost always serious and I almost never have any sort of emotion on my face. I'm very analytical and I pick up on things insanely fast. Otherwise I'm a normal guy with normal interests. Edit: This video helped me notice a few other things i do. I also stash food, overexplain, and overapologize. 8:35 this. Oh and despite looking "really angry" as I'm told, I'd like to think I'm a very calm and rational person. I have a lot of empathy for others honestly to a fault.
I was abused a lot and nearly killed some years ago. Why, I asked myself. I find out it was probably simply just because my mother was nearly drowned by her step-brothers, and my "father" has some sick fascination with doing the stuff done to her by those men to his kids (me and my brother). I am all out of emotions towards it, but I do cry sometimes. Why must I live with scars from chlorinated water, always feeling them every time I cry, and they make me want to claw my own jugular out myself with my own nails. I never give in, because I refuse to die because of the pain that man forced upon me. He wanted me dead, I refuse to die. I used to be so suicidal and almost tried multiple times, until that day. I realized I want to live, I want to be able to keep my brother from having to bury me. I'd rather bury him first than let him, who truly raised me after our mother died, bury me because of a horrible "father" who abused us both.
I'm seen by others as calm, but also extremely rude and standoffish when talked to. People say I'm so mature for only being 20 soon, but it's because I've stared death in the face and survived. It was horrifying, and you truly never know how it feels until it happens. Please don't discount how others feel, because you *can't* feel how they do when they've survived that kind of hell, unless you've felt similar yourself.
Oh man i really hope you're okay now, reading all that was really hard and I can't imagine how much of a pain it was to live it. You're incredible for going through all that and still standing ❤
The whole quiet walking thing. My friends in high school used to say " you could walk into class and sit down and nobody would know you were there" also one time i was at a technical college for carpentry and accidentally sliced my thumb with a box cutter i calmly walked over and cleaned it up.. another thing to add is easily identifying footsteps to Determine whos awake. the gallows humor is true like I'll make a dark joke, and some people react like, "Jesus christ, you can't say that." I'll just be sitting there laughing .
I apologise all the time, over explain things and I absolutely cannot take a joke. I was tormented and bullied ruthlessly my entire school life and had no true friends I could count on. The bullying and teasing was always phrased as "It's just a joke!", but it never was and it was always about my appearance (I'm overweight) and my mannerisms (didn't find out until 2020 that I have ASD, when I was 35). I always told teachers when I was being bullied, but I did it so much, they got fed up with me and told me to stop telling tales and shooed me away. I also had a medical emergency in 2022 and I caught Covid while in hospital and it was a harrowing experience. I'm not as jovial anymore and I don't feel genuine happiness very much either.
The comment around 8:30 and 11:30 (inaccurate timestamps, but the comments are being spoken) sum up my own experience quite well. Always tired, always in pain, always exhausted and not wanting to be seen, heard, anything. Its all deeply ingrained behavior. Overexplaining, Overapologizing, Overthanking & not wanting to be a burden. In my case it does not help that i am not even a remotely functional adult, i got or had (not sure anymore) issues that to some extend made me at fault. I mean i was at fault for not being able to control myself, to not be able to somehow still overpower that pressure that makes you explode, lose control and become uncontrollably violent while you try to wrangle back control over your own body.
I also understand that i in turn shared and dished out a lot of trauma and this is my punishment. For all the hurt i caused because i couldnt simply remain calm, focused, in-control regardless of how harsh or mean the bullying got.
At least i am not actively suicidal woo! (I'm not telling my whole experience, i am simply too exhausted again to do so, if you got the skills you can piece it together from my comments, though i have yet to see the option to read all comments i ever wrote so i could have a better picture of myself aswell. Better means to find ways to help myself, see how bad it is and thus better judge the urgency. Its quite hard to know, even with my overall distance to it all)
I’ve been through so much my whole life. I’m barely 27 and I’m still going through a lot. My life has been a never ending roller coaster ride. Lately it’s been on the low side especially right now. I’m so tired of being strong, but I have no other choice but to keep on living.
1:08:00 THIS. This is why I hated Encanto. I remember watching it with an ex or something and when it was over I was like "that's it?" I couldn't articulate *why* I hated Encanto then, but I think I can now. Explains why that relationship fell apart too. That ex was literally the real-life version of whoever Encanto's protagonist was, just taking what I could see was obviously abuse with a smile and asking for more. Any time somebody says "but they're family" in a movie unless it's about chosen family makes me sick.
I have been called calm a lot. But im actually just well aware of the limited emotional energy i have and don't feel like spending it on crap that doesn't warent it. Unfortunately this also means i struggle to feel strong positive emotions too, ive gotten better at feeling small bits of happyness which makes the day worth getging through. But ya, its less calm and more limited emotional resources.
Having your head on a swivel like you're seeing if there's anybody lurking behind every corner. Not knowing how to budget and save is a big one too, coming from an upbringing where your parents spent their money on drugs and/or alcohol doesn't teach you the best way to pay bills or to fill out an application for a home.
Relating to homeless people more than you do your friends, constant eye movement, their character as well. I don't ever want to see people go through what I've been through whether that'd be physically mentally or emotionally. I try my best to be there for everyone around me because I remember all too well how it feels to have nothing and to have nobody.
I listen to these videos at work, and I'm barely 17 minutes in and these feelings and ideas are resonating so hard with my current struggles.
It's comforting and heartwarming but personal enough to make me want to cry. At work. No urge to, but that sinking feeling in my chest is there.
Everyday
I never thought that my memory issues could be due to trauma... I'm always frustrated not being able having clear memories like most people. And if I remember something I often remember doing fun things but never remember with who.
they never take things for granted. like all of you lovely viewers.
That's not really true. Some people can feel broken and not care about anything.
@boneheadbill9976 that is very true too!!! edit: I'm mostly talking from my own personal experience
... Well damn, I forget stuff easier, feel bad for people even wasting time on me, apologize for the smallest things, feel bad for living, age regress. ... Guess I forgot good lives exist some times and it's not about "this day will at least be easy" fuck my life man
You wrote out what I deal with everyday and I feel personally attacked reading this. Sucks man.
@Sailorguardianluna trauma homies for life
Omgosh yes! This first account is absolutely how it was for me and then the gaslighting except I did grow up poor and my parents at the time did add that guilt to it. I'm 40 and a parent myself and still not over it. Idk if I can ever heal from that. Thank you for sharing.
ive been a victim of domestic abuse (emotional/mental/psychological) since my preteens, and the entire string of psychiatrists ive been to have told me the following
first one kept repeating im a “smart girl” so i should “figure it out myself”
second one, i told her how ive been wanting to run away but i was just a kid, and so she told me, in a month, she expects me to find an apartment of my own once i come back for my second appointment
the third just told me to suck it up essentially since i could tell on her face she didnt rlly mean to listen to my story or give much of a damn at all
and my final one kept telling me “yeah cus you dont go exercising/going to the gym and this is why it happens” its either that or she turns around and calls my parents into her clinic and just tell on me abt what i told her
Story 4 was so relatible, but luckily, I changed to become more social and learn to overcome self doubt
As some people mentioned in this one, yeah, everyone really does react differently to trauma. And something that one person shrugs off can traumatize another. There are patterns, but no universal "tells".
That said, if you want to know more about this topic, there have been some _fantastic_ books on trauma written by clinicians, and a lot of them are available in both print and audio format. Start with _The Body Keeps the Score._
Adding this here, because this came from one of the best men I had the chance to learn from.
You make your own happiness, don't let the outside tear it away from you.
Drill sergeant King.
When I realised how much I hurt my former friends, and TW: I nearly could've ended myself but thankfully didn't, I still regret everything but they also kinda betrayed me as well
When literally nothing phases them. We could see someone get stabbed or something and still be unaffected. On the bright side, I'm always calm when everyone is freaking out in an emergency.
16:30 -ish
Sounds like someone with deep, unaddressed trauma that they aren't dealing with.
Denying you need help alongside a grim outlook is one of my favorite "I'm seriously not okay and haven't been in some time" tactics.
5:14 all that is me except the over explaining. This is creepy
Apologizing over everything
That punched me in the guts. Relatable.
Not being able to take a complement/ taking it as a joke.
I don't agree to some of the generalizations in it. There is no "we" like this to be honest and i think all of us are kind of different there too...
...that being said, the badass at around 14:30 definitely is just acting the part. lol
I can tell you from the experience, you feel that can not show vulnerability in front of others. Including crying in front of other people. I can't really go into the shit my so called "peers" did to me as a kid but crying in front of them when they did things to me made everything worse. I got used to a blank look when shit happened. Also, if I did fight back... I never lost but also I agreed to never say anything if they leave me to hell alone. They knew if others found out I beat the crap out of them it would destroy them socially.
I recognize myself in a lot of these. I'm not going to get any deeper into the whys, but I don't trust people even when I've known them for a long time and have no reason to think they would "turn on me". I'm surface level polite and kind to people I come across in my life, but that's as far as it goes with pretty much everyone.
Nah I’ve been through a lot. I find myself tearing up all the time at emotional songs, movies. Especially at anything that depicts real happiness
I unfortunately relate to a lot of this. I walk really quietly. If I’m in the house, walk on the balls of the feet. If I’m out, touch down on the sides of my boots, roll my foot to the ground. It’s just habit at this point. Hell, sometimes I get nervous I’m simply breathing too loudly. I also have lost my fight or flight/panic response. A lot of people think it’s a good thing, but it’s really not. I had a horse turn and throw a kick straight for my head, and I just sat there like “oh. Well, if that hits me I guess I’m dead.” Fight or flight or reflexes in general for that matter are a good thing that can keep you safe before you even realize what’s happening.
Well, damn. Turns out I've been through some shit.....🤷
Story 7 is so insanely understandable. I didn't realize other people were like me in that way
If they talk to me regularly.. there's a solid chance.
also just generally hating having money spent on them..
if someone wants to date me, that's also a sign of some issues..
Same
Taken from my own experiences:
1. Answering questions as though you are a defendant on the witness stand. "Yes," "No," " I had a nice time." You offer nothing more than what you absolutely have to, and are purposely elusive with details.
2. A compulsion to help others, sometimes to your own detriment.
3. Very, very very slow to come out of one's shell / trust others / act like yourself. You're kind of an automatic, based on what scenario you are in.
4. Don't know if this is unique to me or if other people experience it, but - using Television shows to learn social norms. I used to watch a lot of old shows like "Little House on the Prairie," so my social interactions seemed 'quaint.' - Because nobody in my home taught me how to introduce myself, speak in social situations, or handle difficult conversations.
5. Feeling the need to not just repay, but to 'over-repay' kindnesses. You buy me a gift, I must buy you two. You pay for one meal? I now must pay for 3 of yours. You say "thank you" I must say, "thank you So much! It means the world to me!!"
6. I hate being touched from behind, in any way. When anyone comes up and surprised me by touching my shoulders, my back, or by trying to put their hands over my eyes (the "guess who" game), I flip out.
7. The ability to consciously shut down one's emotions. When anyone says, "this movie / show / ad / story will make you feel sad / mad / happy, " etc. It's as if I defiantly refuse to feel however that person thinks I should feel.
8. Wanting desperately to be in a closer personal relationship, while also being extremely gun-shy and quick to end things without the possibility of re-starting them should the slightest hint of abuse or toxicity appear.
Charisma, that's all you get for your trip
Story 4: 100% hit super close to home. Except I was taught not to take life to seriously. So I'm often way to light hearted.
I got no idea maybe more joyful less joyful not careing what people think about u not being embarrassed as much
See the thing is- I've rarely been near people who were mean to me. But I still over apologize. A quote from my father- "You just have so much empathy that you over apologize all the time"
Also a huge characteristic of ADHD ( which is basically hypersensitivity to reactions/ emotions of environment around you). Trust me I was the exact same.
Not condoning/suggesting/ or advising medications Bc there’s gives and takes to everything, but after starting medication at 24 y/o it’s a huge relief off my shoulders.
My entire mental was driven off worry/fear of negatives. Everything I did/thought was such an effort for me. I’m glad I waited this long tho, because it’s formed me into a better person capable and used to taking the tougher decisions that are right, which others don’t.
Only thing was my coping mechanism was having to not give a fuck and TRYING to be happy. Meanwhile everybody always asked how I was so happy all the time… never how I actually was… and little did they know I wasn’t… I was trying to, for them, and having going to bed lonely waking up from sleep terrors and horrid nightmares every night.
Long story short, there’s a fine line between kindness which people appreciate, and wearing the kindness for yourself out until it’s nowhere to be found
For me it's the urge to try to take everyones pain away always too empathetic. The way if i make a small mistake i panic but if the world is on fire im clam and ready to handle it all. Constant hyper vigilance. Im prone to substance abuse, Being sober is exhausting. I can hardly remember anything before I was 13, my memory is just shot. My humor is dark and self deprecating.
9:38 this guy is yapping shit
innit it was getting a little bit "We are SuperHuman" or smth... I'm sorry you feel so terribly on guard, but bro, you're not a hunter
You know honestly a lot of people have been through a lot. Sometimes not even physically but mentally. It’s scary what we can convince ourselves is real.
Agreed. I feel so many of these: trust issues, overanalyzing, overexplaining, overapologizing, getting defensive(these last 4 I've had my family, who are not the problem in my case, critique me for), fear of confrontation sometimes even bordering on passivity, worried about every little mistake because I'm worried that it'll be what makes me lose what I've gained, struggles with being truly vulnerable(I've gotten better at this but it's still there), self-esteem issues(which I've dealt with on and off my whole life), etc. It's only within the past year or so, when I had moved for work and got plugged into a church and then again, after I moved for a promotion, where I was able to make real friends who treated me like family and so I was able to stop worrying about when the next knife in the back would come, that I was able to start realizing how much I've actually been through and how much of an emotional mess it made me that I was able to start working on improving.
I think my family always knew though. Mom being glad that when my grandma(who was an amazing woman. Was my best friend growing up) passed away unexpectedly in her sleep, it was my brother who found her, since my brother has always been the one who's handled emotions better. Dad making sure that I knew that I can talk to him about anything and suggesting I talk more with his aunt(who has really filled the hole my grandma's passing made, even if I really didn't start talking to her until the past year ot 2) who used to be a mental health nurse, my sister telling(this was in the tone and context of observation. It wasn't as harsh as it sounds) saying that it's going to take a special woman to deal with my issues. So much makes more sense now that I've actually recognized the pain in myself. Check on your people, guys, the ones who seem fine often aren't and they've either been through so much, they don't feel anymore or have been burying it for so long, they just see it as a normal fact of life.
The moment story 9 started playing, I kinda just froze and listened, and that shit was RELATABLE💀💀💀 like both the chronic exhaustion and the self-inflicted insults dressed as jokes
I was abused for 15 years, physically, mentally, sexually and verbally.
It's a miracle I am still here, however I will never let my past dictate my future.
Don't feel weird if these all don't fit you, we're all different.
you've got this.
I can’t watch this anymore than 1:30 in. I have been through hell, and I’m neurodivergent, so that compounds it. The fact that it’s hitting hard suggests that it is currently happening in my life, so I gotta work on that. ❤
15:57 and 18:57 both OPs do fantastic at calling out survivor bias.
I've never felt so Seen as Story 9❤
One thing I don't think I heard was this paradox: some things you can brush off like nothing, but other things can make you overreact. It depends on your mood, what thing, etc. but some things that can make others panic or cry won't affect you. meanwhile other things can feel like the final straw, even if they're actually not that bad at all. I'll give two examples of my own: when people are rude or angry at me, I can act completely unaffected on the outside. But, if someone surprises me with something, even if it's a good surprise like a surprise b-day party, it can feel like I've just had the world ripped out from under me. It makes no sense, but again I don't think this was really talked about.
How bout this one: trying to be happy/nice all the time to everybody, because you’ve seen such negativity in your life that you’re trying your hardest to spread positivity to others.
Yet people just take it that’s just how you are all the time, asking “how are you so happy?” Not knowing you’re not, you’re only trying… for them… to never ask how you actually are ❤
I feel this so much
i sense a very big feeling superiority over people who didnt suffer trauma
What i learned from all of this is: if someone does anything they might have trauma.
Ways to know.
They don't lose their shit when everyone else is.
They tend to be able to calm down even the most aggressive people because they can, unfortunately, relate to them.
They either exude a lot of warmth or coldness.
They seem to know what's going to happen long before something happens because they've learned to identify threats or dangerous behavior.
There's a lot of ways to tell, especially if they're young.
mans a legend for playing battlefield bad company 2 in the background.
I didn't write story 13... Why that sounding like me?
Keeping a secret . . . makes it kind of painful when people say they see me. No you don't; if you did you wouldn't like what you see.
6 and 7 really hit home 😬
9:00 We won't reach out when we need help and if we do it's because we're in a level of desperation no one truly realizes
"Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but my mom just tried to kill me with a hatchet... Can I stay at your place for a couple of days? Yes, I know this is a bit "last minute". Yes, I know it's 2 AM. Look, I just want to be anywhere *BUT* in the same house as that wannabe axe murderer. Look, I'm about to walk there, can you just open your door to me and let me have the couch or something? No? Then the rug at least? "I better not call you at 2 AM ever, else you'll never speak to me again?" Oh, okay. Bye then." *click*
Actual conversation I had on the phone with a childhood friend.
People don't talk about abusive friends enough. I have so much trauma from friends treating me horribly.
That thousand yard stare
Ive recently come to terms that I had been sexually abused multiple times by girls and women 2 to 3 times my age since i was 3 or 4. I never thought of the scenarios that played out. Just thought it was normal, and i normalized sex until 31 and finally decided to seek help. I thought "every boy goes through this." What a fool i was.
Ouch.
My trauma response is that im never serios, if im never serios then I can never offend anyone and I believe get better not bitter
75 hits home
Most of story 7 describes me.
14:16 bro is unhealed and could benefit from DBT to understand that two things can be true at the same time. if you invalidate so hard internally, no chance that doesn’t leak out into your relationships.
Is it bad I resonate with helluva these things???
yes
Yay.
Listened to this whole thread and the 98 stories. Have found that 95% resonate on some level. Some more than others. Then I retract and tell myself not to be such a whiny bitch. My time in the shit doesn't stack up. Wonder how many of the (as of now) 5340 viewers feel the same way...
9:40 was so real
This one should be amusing. How many of these traits to I openly exhibit?
4. Deffinitive no. 4. 😢
I had a similar Situation with my father ( autistic as well) he would verbally abuse me and my sister
This was in 2007
Well, this one has been a mirror. Lmao
Is it just me or is this video really quiet? I have my truck volume all the way up to barely hear it.
Is it just me that feels invalid because I have/do some of these but I don’t have abusive parents?
A good sign is if they budge in lines
THAT MEANS YOU JOSHUA! (His name isn’t Joshua and this joke isn’t meant to be serious)
13:48 What does phoebe mean?
It's a character from the TV show, Friends. Haven't watched the show so can't say but it's a show with a huge cult following so he's giving an example.
@@HistoryNerd808 Thank you!!
Yikes a lot of this is romanticising trauma or putting themselves on a pedestal to seem like they have some superpower. So cringe
It turns out the real treasure was the trauma we found along the way!!!
I feel bad because of course, trauma is impossibly hard to cope with, but no, it didn't make you better. you're amazing for coming through it and still living every day, yes, but you are not a better person for having suffered.
It's pretty human to try to find meaning in suffering. It's one of the things that helps us psychologically deal with the absurdity and unfairness of the world.
Its not good romanticize trauma. I've noticed people do the same thing with mental issues in general. People will self diagnose and claim they have one issue or another and it drives me nuts.
Trauma isn't a badge of honor, it's a constant struggle to cope with and some people can't cope with it or survive it.
i really hate to be that guy and i mean this as politely as i can, but can you please consider using a word other than "unalive?" with it being a kinda unserious word there's other more respectful euphemistic words to use that appease the algo
bros voice went 📉📉
Story 15... Edgy.
the food scarcity does not really go away at 40 i still have food stashed around the house like peanut butter in my closet and tuna too they are cheap and if we run out of all food there is something there even if you dont want it. I flinch when there is loud noises as well if someone yells. i am good alone i prefer it. and i was 35 when i realized that it's not normal to have had your mom try to take you out 2 times as a kid.
glaucoma
*
Most of these were just incredibly cringe.
what is that second one? "ive been through hell and back because my parents didnt want to buy me everything i wanted" ?
You misunderstood what the narrator was saying.