My two year old was playing in our backyard this morning and scraped up her knee. She came running in letting me know she had a booboo, needed some medicine and a band-aid. She was bawling as I put the medicine and band-aid on, she looked up into my eyes and I saw my own eyes looking back at me begging for comfort from her mama. I held her for 30 mins while I prayed and thanked god that he's always made a way for me to be home with her. She knows mommy and daddy are her protectors and doesn't have to compete with a room full of kids and a stranger for an attendant. Our bond is strong and I want her to always know we will be here for her. ❤
@@Neoteny374 I agree 100%. My husband is the greatest blessing God ever gave me and my daughter is second. I pray every unmarried woman I care about finds a husband like mine.
@@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY I'm sorry, Ma'am. I didn't mean to start anything. It's just that traditional husbands are having a tough time now days. For what it's worth, when women say they love thier children more than thier husbands, we're all fine with that.
Grandmother here. Interested trend I’ve noticed is grandmothers treating their grandkids as a 2nd chance at motherhood. While having a grandparent be a primary care giver is great. Gotta be mindful of boundaries not being crossed.
This comment should be pinned. I feel like this is what my mother, who was a single mother, wants to do with my future children and I have to set boundaries with her ALREADY.
Yes I’ve been noticing this too. My mother thinks she has a say in how we raise our kids. Also, I’ve noticed that adults still refer to, and think of their adult offspring as children - they don’t know how to treat, consider, respect their kin as peer adults. I don’t like when grandparents who are too involved - can be controlling, or like you say: second chance mothering.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is a thing and something that I have had to pray about and ask God to give me the respectful way to say this is not your baby. Please enjoy your role grandparent and understand that God entrusted me with this beautiful life. I’m happy that you love them, but please respect the boundaries. I truly appreciate knowing of and seeing healthy grandparent relationships.
My mom helps out with my boys a LOT, and they have an excellent relationship. She went to the dentist with my two young toddlers to help. When the dentist came in my son started crying and wanted me, not my mom. Point being, grandma is a critical relationship and wonderful caregiver but it is NOT the same as mom. Period.
I just turned 40 and have 9 kids, and have been a SAHM. Many women my age don’t understand why I chose to have a large family or why I chose them over my career but nothing has brought me more joy than being a wife and taking care of my family.
I absolutely LOVE this! I am praying God will bless me with the same. Getting a late start but i am praying to fall pregnant with my first next year! 💗✨
I love what you’re doing. I’m 24 and I fell in love with a man who was more than capable of providing for me and our future children. As soon as we got married when I was 22 I stopped working and became a homemaker. At 23, I had our first child and now I’m a stay at home mom indefinitely. Wouldn’t have it any other way. I am with my son all day, every day. He’s 15 months old now and I still nurse him to sleep for his nap and bedtime. We hang out all day, do chores together, laugh, play, I read novels out loud to him. It’s amazing and idyllic. I wish every child could get to stay at home with their mom. Children and mothers deserve that bonding time together. My last job before I got married was at a preschool. It felt so wrong for all those parents to drop their kids off and I was the one spending majority of their day with them. I saw a lot of sadness in the eyes of children and parents. It’s unnatural on so many levels, off loading children to strangers. I had the profound realization that I will never love these kids the same way their own parent does. Although I liked working there, at the end of the day I needed a paycheck. I wasn’t fully invested in those children like they deserved from their own mother.
Born 1980, grew up a latch key kid (was even walking alone to and from school at age 8 with my 6 year old sister). At a young age I said in my heart "I want to be at home to give my kids fresh baked cookies when they get off the school bus." I rejected the advice of youth leaders, which was to go to college, bc I knew I wanted to be home raising my kids, not working to pay off school debt. My youngest (of 3) is age 12 now and that was the 3rd best decision of my life. (Loving Jesus and picking a great husband were the best decisions.) And praise God I never even sent any of my kids away on a school bus. Home schooled the entire way through.
So encouraging to read. This is my plan and goal. And I love that you said you wanted to bake cookies for your kids when they got home from school. I have had the exact same desires! There's just something about it. ❤ We are making a difference.
My mom was a stay at home mom until me and my brother were old enough to take care of ourselves. I recently watched some old home videos of us back in the early 90s and I don't think I've ever seen my mom that happy before. She's still a happy person but you could tell that her peak in life was when she was raising me and my brother, she really loved it. It saddens me that my generation threw that away, it's sad that many women will never experience that level of happiness.
This is beautiful & gives me hope my son will look back someday and see what you saw. Thank you for sharing. I also think we are taking our generation and real motherhood back. ❤
I respect your comment and your mothers happiness as a SAHM, but it’s not one size fits all approach. I’ve been a SAHM for 2 years and have never been more depressed, isolated and sad in my life. I love my babies more than anything on earth and I’m sticking it out for these critical early years, but I cannot wait to work again one day. The fulfillment is different for me. I’m more than just a wife and mother. That doesn’t make me a bad mom.
I lurk on Mumsnet, which is a largely British forum. Women with small children sometimes post saying that they want to stay home with their kids, and get told, "It's very selfish of you to expect your husband to shoulder the sole financial burden of raising a family." !!! I think there was a lot of wisdom in the pre-feminism idea of men not getting married until they could support a wife and children.
Crazy that we tell women that. Why are we not telling them about the crucial importance of raising your own kids? That babies NEED their mothers! How is this not common sense!??
I’m from the UK, have stayed home and feel immense guilt daily for my ‘lack of contribution’ to the household income. Despite having listened to every one of Suzanne’s podcasts for years, the guilt is so ingrained in me. I feel ashamed of myself.
@@Naiella-ys9yo Don’t let the brainwashing narrative get to you. Life is not about money. Life is about family and building healthy relationships. There’s plenty of women who contribute lots of money to the family but the children pay the price. You have picked to prioritize what matters most in life, don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad or guilty about that.
I'm a member of an online message board (made up of all women, mostly mothers) where the rapport is really good and response rate is high. I remember making a post about how much I was struggling going back to work after having my first child and quickly discovered that this was an "untouchable" subject. Almost no one replied at all and the few that did all said something along the lines of "It was hard for me at first but now I realize that daycare helps me be a BETTER mom." I understand the rationalizing we all do to help ourselves feel more secure in our choices, so I'm not even saying that's a bad or thoughtless response. What shocked me more was that basically no one was even willing to just commiserate with me about how hard going back to work can be. I think a lot of women DO struggle with going back to work but so many of us are afraid of saying the socially unpopular thing.
I had my first child at 33 and it was the most brutal transition of my life. I did not realize what a selfish person I was until I had to be a selfless person pretty much 24/7. I wrestled with PPD for a year. I just kept having one breakdown after another. Fortunately, Christ prevailed and I finally put to death the old me and embraced the new me, a me that my child deserved to have as a parent. I stopped yearning for my life before kids and started appreciating my new life WITH kids. Part of that appreciation was raising them myself. I refused to let strangers raise them. I still get comments from friends outside the church, and from my inlaws, regarding my SAHM status, but idc. Their opinions don't matter; only the welfare of my children matters.
My aunts who were childless were always critical of my mother being a sahm UNTIL they became mothers at 38yo. They always preached that they could never stay at home and depend on a man to provide for them. Now, they wish they could be a sahm and be provided for. 1 is a single mother with a bd who is involved but lives in another state and is very strict when it comes to money. The other is unmarried but lives w her bd and wants to stop working but he won't let her. She beat cancer but returned to work. Ironically, my mother had it good even after all of us grew up my dad still provides for my mother.
This is totally me too. I feel like I am still in the middle of the transition. I get overwhelmed easily, and realize at every moment how selfish I used to be. I thank God for my baby to show me my selfishness and to change that. My depression is getting better but still wrestling with the new reality.
There are so many woman and men that treat SAHMs like we’re stupid- not educated bc we have made the hard choice to raise our kids from home. I have been left out of many conversations after they ask “what do you do for a living?” And I say I work from home raising my kids
Another stay at home mom here, I am so sorry you've gone through that its really sad how we can be looked down upon or seen as less than for wanting to raise our children full time which isn't for everyone sure but we have the right to choose. Thankfully we know we are making the right choice and what best for our families but it is hard not always having the sense of community apart from online.
I’m so blessed to have a mom who “got it” when it came to staying home to raise us. She got a lot of flack in the 80’s/90’s…probably even more so than sahm’s do today. “What do you do all day?” was a put-down she heard from family members as well. Thanks for being there, Mom - you set an example for your two daughters who have made the same priority in their families. ❤
Im quitting my unfulfilling job after 3 pregnancy losses. Hoping that we will have a second child soon. No regrets about leaving. Should have done it a year ago but got stuck in a contract. Now its up and im really happy to be leaving.
Nourish your body with lots of fatty red meat and eggs and cut all the carbs! It will do wonders for your body, particularly in supporting the growth of a baby!
@@doll.ov.poetrii4682regeneratively raised, grass finished beef is the best for sure! But even if you don’t have the budget for that (I certainly don’t!) regular beef is fantastic!
Dont cut carbs replace them with complex carbs women in general need more carbs than protein not much but a little more than men, especially in pregnancy your baby needs carbs and protein and fats salts (sugars from fruits and vegetables) don’t limit your diet unless it’s not needed foods.
@@sofiabravo1994carbs are not essential in a woman’s diet. Look up Dr Elizabeth Bright, she has fantastic information on this. High fat, moderate protein (at least 90g a day), and low or no carb is optimal for female health. You will have much more energy and stable blood sugar. Getting rid of all plants high in carbs and oxalates, and eating lots of red meat and eggs (they’re high in choline which is extremely important for brain development of baby in utero) is the way to go.
Women's worth tied up with being an earner really is pervasive through modern culture. I have a 2-year-old and work part time 2 days a week, and I still feel torn between guilt for not being with him those days and the guilt to contribute financially and keep my job skills up to date. Every now and then, my husband suggests I take on a full time job, and I'm disheartened to shoot him down and have to explain why it's important to primarily be home with our toddler yet again. My recently married sister also got very defensive when I attempted to warn her how she would likely feel when she has a baby and to plan financially and logistically to stay home for at least a year and/or work part time. This was in the context of her talking about seeking out a good daycare ahead of time, sigh. She got defensive and said I was shaming her, and the conversation was all about holding onto her job at all costs. The ignorance and cultural programming is astounding. I'm literally speaking from the experience of new motherhood and trying to look out for her and her potential child in the future, and she can't hear it. Broken ass culture that child rearing is not considered real work (the realest actually).
Just as a P.S. it took a year and finding the right sitter for my son to stop crying whenever I dropped him off on the days I work. Finding the right care with a good maternal sitter in a safe environment was surprisingly hard to come by, and I went through four before finding the right fit. Last year with the wrong sitter he would cling to me so hard I would have to wrench him off (that lasted a few weeks). Knife to the heart moments that are blaring loud signals we are forced to ignore in order to go back to work against our natural maternal instincts. The whole search for a decent childcare situation is a huge stress in and of itself and something that women who are considering motherhood really need to consider.
Try to let go of the guilt too. I wish I did earlier. We ARE contributing financially, really, if we support our husband working, prep lunches so he doesn't have to buy them, upkeep our homes so that we don't have to pay others to do it for us, etc. We contribute a whole area of life that just isn't define by a pay cheque; it's far more than only monetary in its gain.
I’m sorry your husband doesn’t get it and your sisters future kids are screwed with her mentality. Neo - feminism is so wrong and backwards . We have two grown children , one grandchild and 2nd grandchild on the way. I was home for several years … a blessing. My daughter is home with the grandchild who is 2 1/2 and watches a toddler 3 days a week in her home. It’s good extra money for now but she’ll have to stop somewhat soon with baby number 2 coming in August.
@@katg6009 I agree it’s hard to find good loving babysitters, daycare etc. and the expense for full time care is outrageous. I was a nanny before having kids - best job I ever had. If I may brag a little I have to say I was an awesome nanny and I had awesome families to boot. I think I was a better nanny than a mom in the sense than nanny - ing is like being a grandparent. I love kids and babies so much. I didn’t use my college degree I fell into nanny ing almost on accident. Have so many wonderful memories. Very rewarding. The kids& babies were safe with me, we had so much fun, I did laundry too and these were big families 😮 , we’d color , play Barbie’s , bake , go the town pool in the summer time - all the things you do with kids. I’m proud to say I was a wonderful caregiver. Sad when you see people who are not or actually even hurt children 🤬🤬🤬or neglect them 😢😢🤬. I would have do that. Most people would not. I think most are very good and care. You are a wonderful mother and person
My son just turned 5 today. He starts Kindergarten in the fall. Staying home with him was the best decision I ever made, tied with marrying the man that has supported me every step of the way. I will cherish every memory I made with my baby. I never missed a single moment.
Do you have to put him in kindergarten? Is it possible for you to continue home schooling? And maybe put him in school when he's a little older and less vulnerable? Just always makes me cringe when little muffins have to go to school, because of what happened to me in kindergarten😢
On a Friday morning, my friend dropped her two children off at the school bus stop, took her toddler to her mother’s house, and went to the hospital to get induced with her 4th baby. She planned to be “back to normal” Monday morning and do the same with a newborn. Then back to her career after 8 weeks. Pure crazy to me!!!
I agree but won’t begrudge women who truly thrive on that lifestyle. But I somehow doubt most women thrive on this life, yet most women are being pressured to live this life. We have over corrected and went from a society that shames women like your friend to one that shames women for avoiding that life
@@haley2542 People forget that babies are people too, particularly that they're not fully formed but physically small adults. They need support and consistent presence that older children and adults don't need, but so many people neglect to meet those needs. It's sad, and plays a large role in the emotional and social problems so many children and young adults are facing today. Lacking the care of a mother for your entire life because she was away working fundamentally changes your psyche in a very negative way.
I’m a stay at home mom and love it more than anything in the world. My son is 2.5 years old and the first question I get from soooooo many people is, “is he in school yet?” School? He’s 2.5 years old! It just seems so normal to people that a child his age should be in “school.”
@@Austenfan177 And now it's also all about full day kindergarten. When my now 10 year old daughter started kindergarten they switched it to full day and I requested half day, so they let me pick her up at noon. The teachers were all so worried she would be behind on her math and reading because she was only half day. It was so ridiculous! She is now at the top of her class, so I guess it didn't really matter!
@@kimclark399 I worked in an elementary school and almost all learning took place in the morning in kindergarten. After lunch came naps, snack time and recess. She didn't miss anything important.
@@itsablessingbeinganamerica1401It's not really school since children under age 5 mostly learn through play and solo creativity. It's just daycare. Calling it toddler schooling or pre-school is a way to make the idea more palatable or acceptable to working mothers who may otherwise feel shame or regret. Most kids will be at the same learning range by middle school unless they have a disability or an IQ above 110. It doesn't give an advantage.
The sooner the state gets it's hooks in them, the sooner the molding process begins, part of which is the physical separation of mother and child. "Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars."
I’m a grandad I have the highest admiration for mothers. They are raising a person who will last for eternity. It blesses me every time I see a mother with their children out in a stroller. God bless them.
The Gloria Steinem's of the world misled my generation. At 57 childless & divorced. I had difficulty having children at 40 trying for the first time because I listened to the BS you could freeze your eggs or that science can help get you pregnant. I encourage young women everyday to follow their hearts desire and make it a priority to have their kids and stay home if they choose before it's too late. Corporate will always be there if they choose to go back or not. Unless your name is on that building, Corporate doesn't care that it takes your fertility or time away from your Kids. Do not make the same mistakes of my generation.
Millennial women were given terrible advice (at best) and obsolete/absurd/harmful information at worst. There was a lot of guilt tripping and pressure to be working moms. We were told that this was the most "fulfilling" thing that we could do with our lives and if we chose to be a SAHM it would be the biggest regret of our life. I never really understood it because it just seems so unfulfilling to have to dump your baby off and go sit in a cubicle with people you don't like for 8 hours a day. What exactly is so great about this?
This!! And so many people assume that you're just lazy for not wanting to go to work and stay home with your kids. There is so much incomprehension now.
Q: What exactly is so great about this? A: There is nothing necessarily great (or horrible) about this. The problem is, feminists effectively doubled the workforce creating a downward pressure on wages and a resultant record profitrs for those at the top. Women can't just "pivot" now and say, "You know what? I don't want to be doctors, lawyers, accountants, fianciers, etc." Most men can't support a house, at least in a decent school district, on one salary. Who knows? Maybe getting women back at home would IMPROVE all school districts even if we all livedi n trailer parks. We can't discount their influence. But it's going to take a generation or two to undo what feminism did.
What I am more confused about is women who seem so badly attached. I've known a number of women who, of course, cry and feel sad leaving their babies with other people. BUT I have known now plenty of women who say their baby is basically a nuisance, a demon, etc, she can't take being near them 24/7, doesn't have the patience, finds breastfeeding weird/creepy, and would rather work than hold their TWO WEEK baby. Those are all real references I've seen.
@@cstuartdcyes. I've been saying this forever. 1st wave feminism was necessary and important because women should be able to own property, vote, and make a fair wage. 2nd wave feminism, however, utterly destroyed the family unit and our society and essentially turned women into whores (but by choice lol).
We try to talk about it and we are told we are oppressed, blind, supporting the patriarchy blah blah blah. We ignore that in my family. We raise wives and moms
In my early twenties, right out of college, I worked in an infant room at a daycare facility. All the caregivers were efficient, kind, and patient. One day, a mother, who was a teacher, came in to pick up her 4 month old baby. It was my job to give her an update on her child for that day. The anguish and heartbreak in this woman's eyes were astonishing! That moment, just that glimpse of heartache & guilt this woman felt for leaving her newborn in daycare, was a stepping stone for me to prepare to be a stay-at-home mother, regardless of the carreer consequences. ❤ I have had 3 children in a 4 year span. I stayed home with all, breastfed them all, and cried the first day my eldest went to kindergarten. They are in middle school and late elementary now, but I still only work occasionally because my children come first! ❤
I told my husband when we were dating that I would be a stay at home mom. He was just like "yeah, of course." Ladies, you have to marry someone who is on the same page! I was a high income earner until we had kids but we still only bought homes we could afford on his income. Now I'm so thankful to be home with my 3 kids under 4. I'm pregnant with my 4th and my life is haaaard but also fantastic and joyful.
This happened to me when my first child was born. I had intended to return to work, but when I held my baby, I was like no. I was like I'll live in a cardboard box, but I am not letting anyone take care of my baby other than me. Thank God that my mom used to listen to Dr. Laura when I was a kid so at least I had Dr. Laura's voice in my head saying to stay home and take care of my baby. If it weren't for her I might not of had any clue that that was even an option. My friend asked me when her second child was born how I was managing it. And I just told her that basically we live off of very little, and we have little in the way of comforts and extras, but it was totally worth it because I would never let anyone, be mom my babies. That friend went back to work, and that same week her baby died. Stay home with your babies! It's not worth a paycheck! I have four and they're all older now and I'm so glad I stayed home with them.
I can so relate, the judgement is real. I am also an Australian mum I used to be an Architect but now I am a stay at home mum of 7. My kids age between 3mths and 11yrs and none of them have been to child care. We did send our eldest to kindy but quickly decided to homeschool. I am so grateful we chose this path early on as we would not have had a large family if I was in the workforce full time
also an Aussie mum to a 15mo, so interested in learning about how you homeschooled your babies and what support there is out there.. homeschooling to me seems to be more of an American thing
@@paulinekoutsouridis the rules are different in each state, I am in QLD. The numbers have been increasing every year there are now 10k registered homeschoolers in QLD.
Aside from our culture in general discouraging stay at home mothers and encouraging steadfast commitment to the workplace, our peers treat us like idiots for being stay at home moms. I can't even count the number of times I've been present for a conversation that included phrases like "make your own money", "never count on a man for anything", "I teach my kids the value of a good work ethic", or my personal favorite "when he leaves you you'll be left with nothing". It's always said in an indirect or passive aggressive way but the women who say those things know full well they are referring to the SAHMs in the group. Yes, I suppose it's possible that my husband could leave me out of the blue. It certainly happens to people, but that's the exception not the rule. I'd much rather know I spent the time with my kids. The bigger message is that we need to stop shaming other people for choosing to stay home.
Sometimes they do some men have no self control and want to replace them with someone younger let’s not kid ourselves. Men and women are inherently selfish and we need Jesus in marriage. God is who created the sacred covenant not man. Why do you think man divorces so easily? Because divorce is a man made desire it was not Gods plan.
The most amusing thing to me about the "You'll be left with nothing" is that it assumes after years of marriage that you and your husband will have accumulated no assets at all. The standard is that everybody everywhere lives paycheck to paycheck and are one medical problem or divorce away from homelessness, which is crazy. As a SAHM, you should be able to economize so that less income is required (ex. cook at home vs eating out, watch your kids instead of paying for daycare, etc)
I mean, it happened to my cousin. She was left with 8 kids between 1 and 14. She had always been a full-time wife and homeschool mom. She'd never had a job and no education beyond high school. After she divorced she had to move in with her parents who were near retirement. Suffice to say they are no longer retiring. A close friend of mine just decided to divorce her military husband and she's been an unemployed wife and mother to their twins for the last 4 years. She's moving in with her brother. Everyone thinks it could never be them but it definitely happens.
The oxytocin we produce is so powerful and the bonding is so strong but before we have those hormones we don’t understand how much we can love and need to be with our babies.
I had 2, five years apart. I personally could not have done it another way. The youngest got that quality time when the oldest was at school. The older got a lot of time with just her parents before having a sibling. Different strokes for different folks, but having a bunch of kids close together is definitely not for me! Women do have a lot of pressure to go back to work quickly. Being able to be home with mine when they were really young was precious.
In the Utah Mormon culture in which I reside, there are lots of stay-at-home moms. It’s less than it used to be because we aren’t immune to modern societal pressures, but I’ve got 11 fellow SAHMs on my street alone with many more throughout the neighborhood. This means friends for me and for my little kids during the day. We help each other out, get together at the park, some of us homeschool kids and do homeschool activities together. The normal expectation within our culture has long been that our husbands provide financially and so with that expectation in place, the men live up to it. I have 5 kids. My husband isn’t lucky or better equipped than others. We still battle inflation and the endless expenses associated with a large family. And I still deal with loneliness, figuring out how to budget and save, judgement from society, etc. But we planned for this and you can too.
Oh wow! Having multiple stay at home moms in my neighborhood would be such a blessing. Where I live I am definitely seen as "weird" being a SAHM; as most women work. I live in an older (think houses built in the 60s and 70s NASA heyday) affordable middle class neighborhood in an affluent area surrounded by million dollar homes. My neighbors are mostly retirees or working families with children in middle or high school. My son is a toddler and I get so lonely somedays but I try to remember it's better to be with him than have him in daycare. When he giggles and smiles it's the best thing ever. All that to say, enjoy those moments with your fellow SAHM'S and y'all's children-what a blessing!
I live in the Bible belt and being a stay at home mom is not uncommon here either. It’s wonderful having friends on the same page. ( we homeschooled too)
I grew up in Utah and loved it as a kid and how many SAHM there were in the neighborhood. It made it safe for us to run and play freely in the neighborhood because there were always kind Mamas in earshot. We now live outside Chicago and I am 1 of 2 SAHM in my neighborhood and the kids here are in daycare or summer camps from 7am till 6pm for many. So sad they are all kept so busy with nannies or other things and have no time to just be! The other SAHM is my friend and she just left her high paying job and is pressured by her mother to go back to work. They are all good Mamas but their mothers taught them that what paycheck they earn is more important. They think their example of working is more important to their children...what they don't see is the lack of care all of the nannies provide all day. It's depressing to see. I almost got brainwashed to do the same but left an exciting design career and have never looked back.
@praireoak That is sad to see, alright. As an introvert I would've hated being in daycare from 7am to 6pm. My son is like me and I can't see him enjoying that either. He loves being home and our little outings, too. Good for you and your friend to stay with your kiddos. It's not easy, that's for sure. Have a blessed day!
As a stay at home mom. Yes, I don't make money. I save money by breast feeding(no pump, no bottle, no pacifier), home cooking, grow an edible garden, home shcooling. Our home and garden is peacefull and stress free so we don't feel the need to go to restaurant and fancy vacation.
You are a rare breed. So many women are bored with life as it is. No drive to have a garden and learn to do. To busy watching others do it online and never following through. Feel for the men these days as they work and take care of home after work.
Same. I grew up in a single mother household with my sister (who had a different father than me) and my mom never married any of our fathers or anyone else. She never taught me anything about marriage, relationships, or even child rearing; I never even had a "birds and the bees" talk from her. I told her as a small child that I didn't want to be a single mom when I grew up and it pissed her off. Wild stuff!
Wow…I grew up with a single mom too I have grace for her she tried made many mistakes but she only knew with what she had back then, I’m married but if for some reason my husband leaves I would not blame my daughters if they said that! It’s common sense!
@@sofiabravo1994 You are so right about having grace for your mother, which is something I struggle with because my mother was also a raging narcissist. I'm working on this so that it won't make me bitter and resentful towards her any longer. I can't speak for all situations, but many things my mother DID know and CHOSE not to tell us as means of keeping us limited. You sound like an amazing mother, and I pray that your husband will never leave you.❤️
Suzanne, the mothers that I grew up with didn’t know any more about this full-time corporate working environment than I did when I graduated from college. I am a bit older than you, but I would like to remind everyone that the work world for women over the last 40 years has been totally new territory. My generation were pioneers. The mothers of my friends assumed, I think, that we would do as much as made sense, but would leave the workforce if the load got too great. My friends’ mothers worked in semi-professional positions, but really viewed their jobs as an extra in their lives, and it was never the central focus. Family was the focus and the job came after. They were teachers, nurses , many owned their own small businesses that they fit in around the obligations of family life. Anyway, when you say you wish they would have told us that we would be so drawn to our children, I don’t think most of them ever thought for a second we would be so quick to trade away family for a career.
Yeah, I can believe this. When I tell older women I'm a SAHM, a lot of them say something like, "Good for you," or "that's so great," even the ones who worked when their kids were young.
I been staying home since my baby arrived she made a year last week and i am loving watching her grow and taking care of her. Yes i miss earning a check but I realized my baby is more important right now. God is providing for my family with just one pay check from dad❤
I don’t miss earning a check. It was a stressful career (I’m a nurse) and being home breastfeeding my baby and homeschooling my two older kiddos is just the best life ever. It’s a much richer existence.
My liberal, single (by choice) mom shamed me when I couldn't bring myself to drop my baby off with strangers. She went on to tell me how much of a burden, and how needy I was as a baby, and how she couldn't wait to go back to work after I was born. 💔
I’m sorry for what your mom told you. 💔 A “needy” baby is just a baby being a human that is dependent and needs to learn everything in this world. Sure it’s overwhelming, because it’s the most important thing in the world. It’s beautiful to read that you are going on another direction with your baby. ❤️
Yes, and boredom. My mother complains of boredom to this day, even though she was SAHM. And she still tells me how I do nothing but sleep. I’m an RN and Cosmetologist and CDL class A. F her.
Your mom clearly has attachment issues of her own bc she couldn’t attach herself to you (not anything wrong with you, it’s on her) probably from her mom.
I remember when I quit my teaching job to stay home back in 2006. I was told I was crazy by other working moms and women in general. There was no support but I knew I was doing the right thing. I remember filling out an insurance form and having to put stay at home mom in the “job” category and how it took me a long time to get over that old identity. I felt lost. Now my kids are grown and they have told me several times how glad they are that I was home! I’m super proud to say I’m a Homemaker and try to educate other young ladies about how important this job is. No one told me how I would feel when I held my first baby. Everyone told me I could do it all and had plenty of time to start a family - all lies.
It's really nice to come here and get reassurance! I'm stay-at-home of 5 from the Bay Area. I've always wanted to do this and really didn't want to work. Any schooling I did was with the meaning of finding a way to stay home with my kids in the future. I still have friends and family from there always asking about daycare and future work I could do, but this is my priority right now. I think I deal with it pretty well now (much better than I used to) but it's so true how that constant badgering does eat away at your self worth. Luckily my husband is from Tennessee and has a very different upbringing. Those type of comments really annoy him too and he's always supportive and reassures me on a regular basis that me being a stay-at-home mom is always what he wanted for our kids too. It's just still hard when society is this way right now. I just really appreciate you talking about this often and finding you on youtube in the first place. I was really made to feel like I was one going against the grain and I would regret it. I don't and more than ever you make me feel like I'm doing the right thing, not just for me but more importantly for my for my kids.
Sending emotional support your way! You are doing what you are meant to do! I am praying that our country gets its head out of its butt and starts supporting mothers being in the home again. 💗 bless you sister!
Yes you are absolutely doing the right thing! Sadly the majority of people tend to do the wrong thing in life in many different ways. It’s important to build your self-esteem based on your own values and not based on how other people view you. I used to feel insecure about being a Stay at Home Mom in the beginning but after I read tons of research on the topic of early childhood development I got very confident. I was chocked to learn how many negative effects daycare has on early childhood development for example. I chose to become a Stay at Home Mom because it’s what I always dreamt of growing up. However, the more I learn about early childhood development the more I realize that this choice isn’t just my preference but also what’s best for all young children under three. We’re doing a great thing as Stay at Home Moms, we should be confident and proud of our work! You don’t see surgeons or lawyers apologizing for their lifestyle choices, they take great pride in their work and so should we! A great mother is no less important than a great surgeon for example.
The comments are so hard and challenge my worth. I was in corporate 50-60 hours a week until 38 years old. My 4 young children are all in school now. I am often asked (mostly by women) “what do you do” and receive looks and comments like “you are so lucky.” I usually turn around and say, “yes I am.” I just wish the comment was more like, “you are doing the right thing” or “ how are you able to do that, I want to stay home .”
Believe me, they are thinking that is their heads, even if they don't say it. People (women and men) are so wage-slaved these days that they literally do not know what to do with themselves WITH THEIR OWN TIME, once they are "set free" from the stressful hamster wheel of the work world. It takes a while to shift into a new mindset and value system...one that values things other than a "productivity meter" and/or paycheck. The opportunities for spiritual growth, new insights, and unrealized creativity for you and your children (and husband) will suddenly appear where before there was simply no room in the schedule...no room in your psyche, no room in your temporal schedule, and no room in your energy availability. The work world monopolizes your energy so much that people become adrenaline addicts, unable to unwind and relax, EVEN WHEN PROVIDED WITH TIME OFF. Get OUT of that world, now!
Before the second half of the 20th century, no one asked women "what do you do?" That's a modern phenomenon. People only ask that because the culture trains them to ask that. Also, you are doing the right thing by staying at home. Always feel good about that decision.
@@yougetagoldstar Absolutely! And also, in generations past, women had faith that their husbands (and God) would provide. And that faith instilled a sense of responsibility, and maturity, and ambition, in men. Now, men rely on women to "provide". Providing financially has become a 50/50 prospect, as opposed to the men doing all the providing and the women doing all the "supporting". For people who think the 50/50 set up is more "safe and stable"...they are wrong. Something is lost when men are no longer expected to do all the providing. That "something" is called manhood...and it is invaluable. Also a woman in that situation loses 50 per cent of her focus on her family...since the other 50 per cent is designated to providing. The stress in the family increases. The children can sense that, as can the parents. The balance is lost. It is overall NOT more stable. You cannot quantify these things simply with a financial balance sheet of monthly family budgets. It doesn't work that way.
@thanksbutnothanks3221 I suspect people say “you’re so lucky” because they perceive you and your partner to be able to afford a lifestyle they want on one income. No middle class working mom would say “you’re so lucky” to a stay at home mom who has two kids in a one bedroom apartment in an impoverished area…
@@tiffanyyllera5977 If families are prioritized over everything else...no one is living in a one bedroom apartment in an impoverished area. Sorry, you may disagree, but the facts are that the vast majority of people living in that type of situation are there because 1)the man has little ambition and little or no sense of responsibility to provide for his family 2)the adults have chosen things outside of family life and instead spend time and energy on non-family pursuits (gambling, drinking, partying, doing drugs, sleeping around outside of a monogamous relationship 3)failing to get married in the first place 4)neglecting their health by making poor lifestyle choices (bad eating, drinking, no exercise, etc) 5)choosing to break the law (drunk driving and then losing a license, violence, and then having to spend time suffering the consequences of those actions (jail time, lost job/wages, etc). Until people are held accountable to ALL OF THOSE THINGS...and not make excuses for them...the cycle of victimhood due to poor personal choices...continues.
100% agree, thanks for this video. I couldn't get pregnant because i was chronically stressed working in emergency care an studying alongside. I cut my working hours to two days... and like a miracle...3 weeks later I was pregnant. I plan on staying working 2 days a week and caring for my child 5 days a week . My ideal position would be to be a stay at home mum, but i feel an external pressure to 'show my worth' by earning. Its sad really.
Break free from those mental chains (it is possible, and you are "aware" of the chains, which makes it that much easier to break them)...and watch your family life and relationships blossom and strengthen. Being a mother and wife is MORE than enough. Support your husband and children...THAT is your full time job now.
I'm a stay at home mom, but it sucks too. I am not good at cooking and getting overwhelmed with baby, and I was so much better and had more confidence with my job. Now I just feel like a bad mom and that's my new identity.
I think one of the main drivers of this is the idea that it is wrong to depend on a man....every single woman will need to depend on a man. Our fathers, brothers, and especially husbands are there for us! This is a good thing!! And we can be there for them too!! It's countercultural but common sense because it is based in reality.
what i think happened was that many women were in bad marriages/ relationships and reliant on their husbands so they couldn’t leave. they didn’t want that for younger women, but they over corrected and pushed only career/ education on younger women. i do agree there are seasons to a woman’s life, but the corporate world is not very kind to mothers, especially if you took some time off to raise your children. either way, it’s always good that a woman has the means to support herself (and family) if needed.
Do you know how triggered the “But my kid thrives in daycare! It must be nice to not have to work” Moms would be?! I’m all for it. Alex really needs Dr. Laura on as well.
My son is now 16 months . When he was about 9 months I decided to work at a daycare because it was free for him , and I got to work . After a month, I left . After 4 months of not working, I decided to get a job where I work the opposite shift as my husband . He works 7 am-3 pm and I work 4 pm- 9 pm . It works out for us . They even come and visit me at work:)
I am expecting my first baby in the next weeks and I constantly come across stories of women who say they hate being a mum or even regret having kids… I try to read testimonies of women who love being mothers but I feel like the stories you get in the mainstream only show motherhood in a bad light, as if they want to deter women from having kids.
Best of luck to you!!! Don’t be scared if you have mixed feelings, miss your old life, or even feel like you don’t like your baby sometimes. Becoming a mother is a process… your first year will be transformative if you let it!
It is crazy how everyone seems to focus on the negative - not that it isn’t hard!! It is!! I’ve worked a very corporate full time job, gone back to grad school while working and with kids, and motherhood is still the hardest thing. Because it’s so important. I have a 4 and 2 year old and am expecting #3 in a few weeks. It’s the best, they are my very favorite people . Yes, even on the hard days (after I have had a chance to take some deep breaths and relax). It’s funny, my husband and I talk about the fact that we don’t even remember life ‘before’ kids. Not that it’s been so traumatic that we can’t remember but they are such entertaining little people that it seems like they have been with us all along. Hard to put into words but life wouldn’t be the same without them (in a bad way!).
I saw someone say that having their child was the worst mistake of their life because they couldn't do whatever they wanted to anymore. These people don't seem to contemplate how wicked these statements sound or how their child will feel once they are aware that they are such a "burden" to their mother. Society is promoting the idea that it's wrong to raise a family and that is twisted. Isaiah 5:20 KJV - Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
It's common sense that motherhood is hard. It's the hardest thing a person can do. It takes sacrifice and compassion, something most modern women do not have. I think it's actually a wonderful thing so many women are deciding to be childfree.
@@skylinefever how do you explain when wanted kids end up terrorizing society? It's not as simple as childfree women would make bad mothers. There are plenty of mothers who wanted their children and yet, still fail at motherhood.
I have 3 kiddos. Once we knew I was pregnant with our 3rd I knew God was going to have to give us the wisdom on how I could stay home. We did it for about 3 years. With inflation I was forced to go back part-time but so grateful I was able to stay home for awhile. It helped my sanity. American corporate culture is not a family one 💔
Most governments are anti-family and have been for 40 years. It's now that we have a popularization imbalance that governments should be getting worried; but no, they continue with the lies. And don't make having families easy.
I am from Australia too, and I gave up my career when I had my first baby. I have been at home for all 5 of my kids and have no regrets. Women are always so rude to me about the choice that I made, and I am always made to feel like I’m lesser because I choose to care for our children. It is something I struggled with for so many years, but now I honestly don’t care what they think. It took a long time to accept their vitriol.
So thankful for your content! I had my first baby in June 2023 and have been encouraged to spend as much time as possible with my baby. I’ve already listened to your new book twice on Audible!
I’ve been on the What To Expect app since I was pregnant with my 4 month old. There’s forums on there and often times women post how they’re so sad to go back to work and leave their baby at daycare and the responses are repulsive. It’s other moms telling the poster how they will get use to it. Or many women complain about “losing their identity.” Whatever that means… it’s so self centered.
Women have the job, the literal job, of creating the future--through bearing and nurturing infants. What could be more important than creating the future?
I am so grateful to be home with my kids. Ive got a 2.5 year old, an 11 month old and my 3rd due in early August. I adore being with them all day and my husband is so happy with this arrangement
Suzanne, everything you espouse is so true. One of the topics I would like to see you cover is the role of grandparents taking care of the children. As a grandmother of four, the oldest being 23 and the youngest 11, getting to enjoy them as grandchildren and not as a "babysitter" is joyful. While there have been times that my husband and I have had to step in and assist I can assure you that it was daunting. We are relatively young grandparents in our late 60's and have had the energy to help, but we are in a different phase in life. We need our reserves for taking care of ourselves so we are not a burden to our children. Believe me, it takes all we have to watch ourselves much less little ones. I raised my kids as a fulltime working mom and it killed me. One of the things people don't realize is the toll it takes on you as you get older. The pace of working and being a perfect wife and mother was impossible and a complete fail. I worked in the medical field and saw women everyday that postponed their healthcare and soldiered on. It catches up with you and you don't ever fully recover and I am speaking from personal experience. Knowing my share of grandparents that babysit I can assure you it is not healthy for the grandparents. Boundaries are not being respected and everyone pays. I guess to sum it up, grandparents are the second string players, not the first string. Thank you for all the wisdom you bring.
I would love to see this discussed as well as I feel immediate family is starting to play less and less of a role in the child’s life. I grew up very close with cousins and uncles and now my daughter barely knows her uncles etc… My mom does not want to support us and visits sporadically. It puts a lot of pressure on us as a couple and as parents. What is a healthy balance?
I’m 31 and I don’t feel like this world allows me to prioritize love and family. To the point that I felt I had to give it up or idk Thank you for advocating for mothers and younger women wanting to prioritize family. More people need to talk about this
I had my daughter at 23. I told myself right after she was born I would go back to work, the minute I held her in my arms I knew I could never leave her side. Here we are 5 years later and I am homeschooling! I gave up so much to be able to stay home with her and I love our life together! It’s simple and feels right! I’m not quite sure when we will separate but right now we’re pretty content being together everyday ❤️ I as well, fell into the lie that working, climbing the ladder and making money would make me fulfilled and I realized that it doesn’t. In fact although I love motherhood, that doesn’t bring me pure fulfillment either, living in the will of God brings me the most joy and peace more than anything and if being in his will is staying home to raise my daughter than that’s what I will do! Blessings to everyone ❤️
Can we just talk about how f-ing hard it is to stay home. 😅 I’ll jokingly threaten to go back to work in the hard days. Shout out to the mommas before us who made this thing look easy! We can do this! Nothing worth while is ever easy. 💪
I have this conversation every few months on my personal FB page, and I have planned it for my channel many times. I never get the project completed because I fear how others will receive it. My tiny channel wasn’t meant to focus on motherhood, but the overwhelming majority of comments come in about how I interact with my kids, like it’s abnormal. I love my kids, and care for them, but I hadn’t ever considered it out of the ordinary, until my viewers brought it up so often. I think I’ll put this topic back on the content calendar. I’d love to tell young women that their greatest joys will be found in the home, and then need to plan for it. 💕 Side note: in school I was pushed to “do more” with my life and a teacher was not happy that my future plans didn’t include law or med school. I’m grateful everyday that I don’t cave to that chatter.
I just subbed to your channel! Your videos seem up my alley. I love homesteading content and motherhood SAHM content. Praying to start my family next year when my hubby and i move to a safer town. 💗
@@Heatherrenee424 this is not a life I would have ever imagined for myself, but what a blessing it is! Thanks for subbing! I post weekly, usually on Sunday afternoon. 💕
While some women right now becoming mothers were not "told" about the reality of motherhood and the need they may feel to want to stay home with their children - some of us were. My mom stayed home and as we became mothers ourselves, she has repeatedly told me my choice to step back from work is because those babies need to be with their mother and not in daycare. I felt that pull strongly to find a way to work from home part time AND be with my children. And while some men right now are not supporting their wives in wanting to stay home or step back from work, many are, my husband included, and many husbands of my girlfriends. I know these videos are meant to help women who are feeling stuck or pressured, and I find them helpful to listen to in honoring that intuition I felt as a mom to be with my children, but there is another side of this conversation that many of our mothers and husbands are having the right conversations and are extremely supportive.
We are MAD @ ALOT of the previous generations of women who didn’t considerate IT important enough to communicate about Right ALONG side of you. Like How DARE THEY withhold WISDOM to be passed on the subject of Wage Earning VS HOMEMAKINg & Family Raising.
This is important insight for young, still-childless women to consider, but where is consideration of the fact that about half of first marriages end in divorce and the stats are even worse for subsequent marriages? And that a huge percentage of men do not want to raise someone else's kids, some even saying they don't want to date a single mom? It is one thing to have a baby and discover maternal instincts you never knew before, and decide to stay home with this marvelous little being and let dad support you both. It is quite another to do this and then dad leaves. These realities are ugly and no one wants to talk about them, but realities they are. Another one: a divorce lawyer has a video out where she states that the profession that makes a woman most likely to divorce is that of a stay-at-home mom. She sees more of those than any other, and her theory on why is that the woman becomes totally absorbed in the children and less connected to the outside world, and she and the husband grow apart. He has no one to talk to anymore about the world where he spends most of his waking hours. I don't have a magic answer for all this and there may not even be one. It's sad, scary, awful. Those who can make this work are incredibly lucky, incredibly blessed.
@@kc6810 I'm not sure where you're coming from here, but I think that would be a terrible idea. Because every situation is different, there cannot be a one-size-fits-all solution. And precisely because the success of a marriage is so iffy, the woman absolutely needs to be able to support herself, and children if there are any, if she has to. This is a heck of a lot easier if she has some job skills and relevant experience.
If someone thinks that it's ok to blunty ask questions on why I'm not working and only being a stay at home mom, I'm going to give you a blunt answer back. We have been told for years to be unapologetic about wanting to work now we have to be unapologetic about staying with our children. The experiment of the the last fifty years has failed the family
I’m a 55 yrs old male and divorced with 2 kids. My mom stayed home and my Dad worked like crazy. My ex wife’s problem was she never knew what she wanted. Always changing her mind. It was a complete roller coaster all the time.
The information and encouragement you’re sharing is absolutely necessary in this day and age! I’m in Canada and got so much discouragement to stay home when my kids were little. And I didn’t even know I’d want to stay home until I had them. Thank you for all you do… I’m half way through your book and only wish I’d had it 20 years ago!! But it’s still great and I will share it with my daughter when the time comes!!
I'm pregnant now with my first and am currently working at a Middle School as an EBD Para. Before that I worked at many different daycares. Before I got pregnant, my husband knew I wasn't going to be away from the baby. We need my income so I'm planning to either nanny at someone's house with her or nanny at my home. Nobody is gonna care for her as well as I will.
This is SO TRUE AND ON POINT. I battled like crazy trying to go back to work and try to make money, your body informs you that you should be with your baby. After experiencing this I am definitely going to teach my daughter very differently We need to work on lack of support for moms and single moms
I am a remote working mom of 2 young kiddos. I’m happy I at least have the support of my mother to leave the workforce and care for my kids at home. It’s been challenging convincing my husband about the benefits
The main issue with this discussion is finding a man that can afford to provide for a SAHM, and in this economic climate that can be a very difficult ask.
Absolutely. Women are working mothers because they HAVE to be. That's really the entire discussion. I think that a lot of women would love to stay home if they could but they can't.
@@ariannagalluzzo Every single one of my friends could afford staying home if they wanted but they aren’t willing to make the sacrifices. They all live in two-garage houses and drive expensive cars, go on international vacations every year etc. My husband and I chose to live in a townhouse and I don’t have my own car. Every year we go on a vacation somewhere close to home. It’s totally possible to stay home (for most people) but people don’t want to make the sacrifices.
It’s totally possible, but not without sacrifices and intentionality. My dad made next to nothing and my mom stayed home with all five of us. We were all homeschooled, single car, small home, intentional about groceries. Money was always talked about and tight, but we never ever went without. The one time my mom took a job, it was to clean a vacation rental twice a month and we kids went with her and had tv time while she cleaned. I had the absolute best childhood thanks to my mom and dad ❤
No it’s not. Move to a lower cost of living area and adjust your standard of living to work off your man’s income. In the Midwest a single earner family can operate on 60k which is doable for a significant or portion of single men
I had a friend that didn’t even take her whole maternity leave time because being at home was time not being in the workforce (which she identified with her job entirely.)
I had the fortune of being able to stay home with my babies always. I took a job once to be a secret shopper (reviewer) of a large popular chain of daycares... boy was that an awakening. I am so so grateful I never had to put my kids in daycare.
My parents ( now deceased ..)had 6 of us... I'm the oldest at 68..she didn't have Career/Degree..my Father was the College Graduate... my Mother was a stay at home...she cooked (From scratch...NO..fast food ....Urber in those days)...cleaned... Washed clothes on a RINGER. Washer..RAISED 4 boys..2 girls..yet these "Modern.. Women" can't stand....ONE..or..TWO❓❓❓❓.... pitiful.... and I'm a Black Man!
@@florencejoy5209but none of those things are necessities (other than homeschooling). Kids need to play outside in the yard and neighborhood again, not shuttled like they have a limo service. Kids need to work and do actual life instead of what we are raising them to do today: spoiled, entitled, lazy and no work ethic/skills.
Love this, I have 7 kids and it is a lot of work but so worth it. Modern appliances like washing machines & air fryers make it so much easier to raise children today than it would have been back in the day
If women had homes to tend, if men were being raised to be good husbands then I think women could maximize things like technology- however men aren’t men they are boys mentally and emotionally and women have to both nurture and provide.
The worst is when modern women who have only had 0-2 children shame families for have 3+ children, calling them "dumb" for having so many children and the mother "lazy" or "irresponsible" for being at home with them. It is actually being responsible to be mature adults, raising a family and taking care of your own children.
I completely relate to your example number two about nine minutes in. It took me nearly 2 years to stop asking my hubby if he was sure that I didn’t need to go back to work or if he felt OK being our sole breadwinner. We both see and appreciate the work that goes into raising our little family and I absolutely love being a stay at home mom (although finding my rhythm and loving it didn’t come so quickly either!).
I am one of those! I am 37 with 2 kids and LOVE my work… Came from a busy working mom herself… Spent time after school with a nanny, it was a good system and I was a happy kid… But the pull to stay with my baby was shockingly strong… I am now working from home because I do still love working and we need money…but Wednesdays and weekends and every day after 4:30 is with my kids… If I could do it all over again I would be full-time stay at home with the kids and try to figure out a way to survive on just my husband’s salary.
Hi Suzanne, thank you for your podcasts..they have been so helpful to me in solidifying my decision to stay home and raise my boys.. my eldest is now 2 while my youngest is 6 weeks old haha..i resigned from my legal career when my eldest was born .i initially thought of going back to work, but after he was born, i just could not leave him behind in someone else's care.. our only option was daycare because we do not have family available to help out..and i could not leave him with strangers not knowing whether he's being neglected, abused, bullied, ignored etc.. and the truth is, i think no one truly knows what really goes on in their child's daycare..i just could not risk anything bad happening to him while i was away..but i faced a lot of backlash when making this decision to leave my career undoubtedly..the primary people discouraging my decision being my own parents..who both went to work and left us as kids in the "care" of my grandma.. who was very hands off with her care..she only attended to us when we neded a diaper change and otherwise was minding her own business in the kitchen all day 😅..my brother and i were also never fed lunch because according to my grandma, it was iust too taxing for her.which i understand because of her age..but still, my parents made the decision to leave us with her all day while they worked 🤷 And when i ask my parents what my brother and i did all day while my parents were gone, they say they dont know because they were working..and they'll say that they never asked my grandma what happened with us throughout theday ..it makes me sad tbh seeing how little my parents truly cared about our wellbeing as kids..and this translates now to how they view my kids (their grandchildren).. my parents encourage me to send my kids to a daycare because "thats what everybody in your generation is doing" and say that children are resilient, they'll adapt to being away from you and my own mom even makes fun of the fact that I'm not "working" anymore..she tells me that one day my sons are going to fnd my court attire and ask me "oh mama, are you sure you used to work??" 😢 Its plenty of comments like this that affected my post partum period especially with my eldest son..i just wonder why is it socially acceptable to continue working and dropping a young child off at daycare not knowing whats happening with them but not socially acceptable to do what I'm doing..
I suggest you read Erica Komisar’s book “Being There” and memorize some statistics that you can share with your parents. Somebody needs to educate this twisted society and tell them the truth about what young children need. We might as well start with educating our own family members. I used to get hurt and discouraged by my mom’s comments. These days I take every negative comment as an opportunity to educate my parents on early childhood development. I share statistics and research with them that I’ve memorized and it usually makes them stop and think.
I was home Solis for 4 years wirh my twins, I went back part-time last year because I wanted an outlet for my problem solving skills that weren't reorganizing my house for the 100th time. I am still part time, but now work from home and tag team child care with my boss, sometimes we just work from the same kitchen table together. It is so nice be there for everything. ❤
I unfortunately sought a career even after a had my son in my mid 20s🤦🏽♀️They lied to us ya’ll. My life was so stressful😭😭😭 I was blessed to have the opportunity to become a stay at home mom when my oldest entered his teenage years😮💨It made a difference in my family’s lives and actually makes me happier to be home with the kids😊 I feel more balanced and emotionally available to the people I loved too❤
@AlbertNewton-bf6cr He wouldn’t be my husband if he didn’t❤️😊 What started as a social issue has now shifted to a financial expectation and capitalism has taken advantage of the two-income household. The children are not okay because of it. Nobody has time or capacity for the them anymore and the effects are showing. We have more mentally unstable and anxious children than ever before😔
Before I became a SAHM of 2 toddlers, I was in my career as a Sign Language interpreter. I remember doing an internship and had an opportunity to complete another semester after graduation. I decided not to complete other semester because I wanted to become a mom. When I told my mentor at the time, ( who is also a female sign language interpreter) she had this look on her face of disappointment & wished me the best. I do not regret my decision being that I have a supportive husband & 2 beautiful smart girls.
Thank you for being the voice in the wilderness encouraging moms. I have a 27 and 23 yr old sons and remember how much joy I had raising them and being a wife to my hardworking man. I remember when I found Dr. Laura on the radio, she was such an encouragement as well. God bless.
God bless you, Suzanne! I always wanted to be a wife and mom, but of course that was not an acceptable goal. Got lots of education and successful in a career I enjoyed, but thankfully got married and became Catholic at 33, which allowed my husband and I the courage to live on my husbands income and embrace children. I now have 3 under 4 and am so blessed to be home with them. I get very emotional thinking how narrowly I escaped being miserable in a career with no or a small family with kids in daycare. Without God, it seems very hard for men and women to have the strength make the jump to this countercultural but most natural of lifestyles. My heart aches for the children being raised in daycare - often while their parents sit working from home! Thank you for working to change hearts and minds, I pray more will turn to God and do what is best for children and society.
My husband and I struggled with infertility for 12 years. Through embryo adoption I was able to carry our child who was born when we were 41. He is now 7 and I love getting to homeschool him and enjoy a slower pace of life. He doesn’t fit into the mold of public school so getting to meet his unique needs on a one-on-one basis is amazing. We love cooking/baking from scratch, reading aloud, building lego and exploring nature. I am a therapist, so I see clients one day a week and my husband and son have a guys day while I'm working. They love to wrestle, build fires, read aloud, swim, do woodwork, and build circuits together. We're so grateful for the slow paced life we have. No regrets!
Finally after almost 2 years of my mom taking care of my son, my husband and I have adjusted our life to keep me home. I plan to quit next month but I am terrified. Thank you for your content. I felt so guilty for wanting to stay home with my kids.
I feel bad for the lady who said she wanted to stay home but didn’t want to disappoint her “team” at work. I think the team will find someone else. You have every right to be home with your child if this is what you wish to do and can do it. Don’t have your mother-in-law do it if this is your dream!! 🙏💖💖
It’s so hard for millennial women to undo what was hard wired. After living for “you” for 30 something years, it’s hard to reprogram. Thank you Suzanne for bringing the truth to light ❤
This topic is so important. I want to say that everyone’s story is different. Maybe some people who immigrates without any extended family. The mom has to work to provide for her child not only financially but socially because that job might be their key to securing residency and not being deported. At this point I would say we all have to be a little bit more gracious to each other .
I am a stay-at-home mother of four kids and have observed, especially lately, that when I go out shopping or to a park or indoor play area during the week, I hardly see any fellow mothers! At stores it's a lot of retired folks and at parks/play areas there's a lot of grandparents with their grandkids. I have to admit it can be sort of lonely, especially when my husband is in the office. Sometimes you just want to relate and have conversations with another mother about "mom life." My children have made friends with other children at the park and many times there isn't a mother there to exchange numbers with so that we can start a friendship. My two youngest are not in full-day school yet and there is not one single mother and her child(ren) home during the day to play with! Our neighborhood is completely dead outside during work hours. It's depressing!! Our feminist career mom/daycare culture has hurt everyone!
Wow I’m crying as I watch this 💖🙏✨ I miss my daughter… I’m in the middle of this transition. Thank you so much for your message, your words. I felt that I got lied to, that to be successful you must make 6 figures as a woman, but after I became a mother, it was an identity crisis.. she willl only be 3 once. I can always make money later. Thank you 🙏
Also a mum from Sydney, Australia and that mum is spot on with the attitudes towards daycare and SAHMs here. It’s very much the norm for kids to start daycare from 6 months old - 1 year old which is so sad! The cost of living here is absolutely exorbitant and contributing to this and the rise of latch key kids. A lot of women also very much prioritise their careers and don’t see the value in being a SAHM. You’re right Suzanne, we very much need to reject society’s attitudes towards women staying at home and raising their kids.
Thank you, Suzanne. I hear similar stories on videos from young women who work all the time and don't have a partner. They feel empty. Also, women who put fun first and years later can't find a husband in their 30s and 40s. They waited to start thinking about family and feel they too were lied to. Who are they listening to that they've made these choices?
Also, I'm seeing my 30-something-year-old female peers fall apart now, wondering why the job and the pets and the plants aren't cutting it. I feel for them, because I was there too. Here's the formula: Ya need Jesus. Find a solid Christian man. Get married in a reasonable amount of time. Have babies if you can. It's hard sometimes, but I'll take difficulty over emptiness any day.
Very true. Half of my friends from high school are still unmarried and childless, some single. We’re all in our late thirties now so for most of them it’s over. I know only one friend is childless by choice, for the rest it just happened, they were too distracted by their careers. I’m so thankful I met Jesus in my early twenties and became saved. I’m the only Stay at Home Mom in my group of friends from high school. I’m pregnant with baby number two this year and it’s a miracle that I didn’t end up like all my liberal friends. Thank you Jesus! 🙏🏻
Looking back on my childhood makes me so sad. I hated school and needed so much more emotional care from my mom. I remember the first day of school crying and literally begging my mom in the car to not make me go...I was told I'd be in trouble with daddy if I don't go. And so I realized that I can't trust her with my feelings. I have a very hard time being vulnerable and open with her today given that pattern of treatment growing up. I'm now a SAHM breaking that mindset!! Our boy has never called anyone else "mama" and I'm so grateful. I know me and my husband are doing what's best :)
Unfortunately I am the primary breadwinner due to a lack of proper education earlier in life. I am a first time mom at 31 and I wish I could turn back time and make many, many different decisions. Our best solution so far is having my baby stay with a lady that looks after only 3 little ones full time. Luckily, I only have a 40 hour work week, with no overtime or away from home work. Unfortunately, we cannot make due without my salary, the South African economy is unforgiving. Blessings to all the moms living through this heartache. Our hearts bleed together ❤
I'm waiting until I'm in my 40s to have a child. SUZANNE YOU are AWESOME !!! I subscribed today ☺️❤❤😊 Your topics are so inspiring and relevant to subculture 😊😊
It’s mind-boggling to me that that woman chose not wanting to let her coworkers down over her own child. Does she not realize that if she left her job her coworkers would forget about her within a few weeks?
My mother was stay at home, yet raised me to be independent. Such evil. I’m gen x. My father provided and we kids adored. She’s an abuser. Anyway, my adult children suffer the consequences of my working 12.5 hour nights full time. It’s very, very, sad. I’m hurt everyday, still. It never goes away or mends.
the problem is we have no plan to begin with, we just go to college as we were told to do, then we live a self absorbed life for five to ten years before we are hit with reality of needing a plan
Thank you for this important conversation and for championing women to stand in their God given power as mothers. Praying we all stand in our wisdom to reap the longstanding benefits of the prioritization of our children rather than be swallowed & spit out by the current culture’s agenda to prioritize us for their own profiteering.
My two year old was playing in our backyard this morning and scraped up her knee. She came running in letting me know she had a booboo, needed some medicine and a band-aid. She was bawling as I put the medicine and band-aid on, she looked up into my eyes and I saw my own eyes looking back at me begging for comfort from her mama. I held her for 30 mins while I prayed and thanked god that he's always made a way for me to be home with her. She knows mommy and daddy are her protectors and doesn't have to compete with a room full of kids and a stranger for an attendant. Our bond is strong and I want her to always know we will be here for her. ❤
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🙏🏾
Yay! ❤️ Let’s arrange a marriage with my little boy lol jkjkjk
G-d yes, but your husband has a part in your blessedness as well.
@@Neoteny374 I agree 100%. My husband is the greatest blessing God ever gave me and my daughter is second. I pray every unmarried woman I care about finds a husband like mine.
@@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY I'm sorry, Ma'am. I didn't mean to start anything. It's just that traditional husbands are having a tough time now days. For what it's worth, when women say they love thier children more than thier husbands, we're all fine with that.
Grandmother here. Interested trend I’ve noticed is grandmothers treating their grandkids as a 2nd chance at motherhood. While having a grandparent be a primary care giver is great. Gotta be mindful of boundaries not being crossed.
This comment should be pinned. I feel like this is what my mother, who was a single mother, wants to do with my future children and I have to set boundaries with her ALREADY.
Grandmother here, too. I was a stay at home mother and raised 7. I love visiting the grandchildren but have no desire to be the daycare.
Yes I’ve been noticing this too. My mother thinks she has a say in how we raise our kids. Also, I’ve noticed that adults still refer to, and think of their adult offspring as children - they don’t know how to treat, consider, respect their kin as peer adults. I don’t like when grandparents who are too involved - can be controlling, or like you say: second chance mothering.
Thank you so much for sharing. This is a thing and something that I have had to pray about and ask God to give me the respectful way to say this is not your baby. Please enjoy your role grandparent and understand that God entrusted me with this beautiful life. I’m happy that you love them, but please respect the boundaries. I truly appreciate knowing of and seeing healthy grandparent relationships.
i'm struggling with this too!!
My mom helps out with my boys a LOT, and they have an excellent relationship. She went to the dentist with my two young toddlers to help. When the dentist came in my son started crying and wanted me, not my mom. Point being, grandma is a critical relationship and wonderful caregiver but it is NOT the same as mom. Period.
💯💯💯 totally agree! It's great that grandparents and other family members are there for our children bur parents are needed!!!
I just turned 40 and have 9 kids, and have been a SAHM. Many women my age don’t understand why I chose to have a large family or why I chose them over my career but nothing has brought me more joy than being a wife and taking care of my family.
I absolutely LOVE this! I am praying God will bless me with the same. Getting a late start but i am praying to fall pregnant with my first next year! 💗✨
@@Heatherrenee424 I’ll pray this for you too ❤️
Yesssss love this 💓💓💓
Women like you are literally saving the planet. 🤍 family is everything!
9! Whoa, good for you and your hubby.
I love what you’re doing. I’m 24 and I fell in love with a man who was more than capable of providing for me and our future children. As soon as we got married when I was 22 I stopped working and became a homemaker. At 23, I had our first child and now I’m a stay at home mom indefinitely. Wouldn’t have it any other way. I am with my son all day, every day. He’s 15 months old now and I still nurse him to sleep for his nap and bedtime. We hang out all day, do chores together, laugh, play, I read novels out loud to him. It’s amazing and idyllic. I wish every child could get to stay at home with their mom. Children and mothers deserve that bonding time together.
My last job before I got married was at a preschool. It felt so wrong for all those parents to drop their kids off and I was the one spending majority of their day with them. I saw a lot of sadness in the eyes of children and parents. It’s unnatural on so many levels, off loading children to strangers. I had the profound realization that I will never love these kids the same way their own parent does. Although I liked working there, at the end of the day I needed a paycheck. I wasn’t fully invested in those children like they deserved from their own mother.
Congrats! You’re winning. Thank you man every day for putting you in a position to be one of the
Years ago, kids were at grandmas..now, boomer grannies seem useless
Born 1980, grew up a latch key kid (was even walking alone to and from school at age 8 with my 6 year old sister). At a young age I said in my heart "I want to be at home to give my kids fresh baked cookies when they get off the school bus."
I rejected the advice of youth leaders, which was to go to college, bc I knew I wanted to be home raising my kids, not working to pay off school debt.
My youngest (of 3) is age 12 now and that was the 3rd best decision of my life. (Loving Jesus and picking a great husband were the best decisions.)
And praise God I never even sent any of my kids away on a school bus. Home schooled the entire way through.
So encouraging to read. This is my plan and goal. And I love that you said you wanted to bake cookies for your kids when they got home from school. I have had the exact same desires! There's just something about it. ❤ We are making a difference.
This is the path myand I have entered. No regrets 9 years in.
So they get to watch you bake the cookies and get to eat the dough too. 😊
Picking the right husband in this endeavor is so important. God bless.
This is a wonderful comment. It's very refreshing to hear from a natural woman. Keep up the good work.
My mom was a stay at home mom until me and my brother were old enough to take care of ourselves. I recently watched some old home videos of us back in the early 90s and I don't think I've ever seen my mom that happy before. She's still a happy person but you could tell that her peak in life was when she was raising me and my brother, she really loved it. It saddens me that my generation threw that away, it's sad that many women will never experience that level of happiness.
So true! I've noticed the same watching home videos. The pure joy on my mother's face both in the video and looking back on the videos now ❤
This is beautiful & gives me hope my son will look back someday and see what you saw. Thank you for sharing. I also think we are taking our generation and real motherhood back. ❤
I respect your comment and your mothers happiness as a SAHM, but it’s not one size fits all approach. I’ve been a SAHM for 2 years and have never been more depressed, isolated and sad in my life. I love my babies more than anything on earth and I’m sticking it out for these critical early years, but I cannot wait to work again one day. The fulfillment is different for me. I’m more than just a wife and mother. That doesn’t make me a bad mom.
I lurk on Mumsnet, which is a largely British forum. Women with small children sometimes post saying that they want to stay home with their kids, and get told, "It's very selfish of you to expect your husband to shoulder the sole financial burden of raising a family." !!! I think there was a lot of wisdom in the pre-feminism idea of men not getting married until they could support a wife and children.
Crazy that we tell women that. Why are we not telling them about the crucial importance of raising your own kids? That babies NEED their mothers! How is this not common sense!??
I’m from the UK, have stayed home and feel immense guilt daily for my ‘lack of contribution’ to the household income. Despite having listened to every one of Suzanne’s podcasts for years, the guilt is so ingrained in me. I feel ashamed of myself.
Yes they act like we are lazy burdens
@@Naiella-ys9yo Don’t let the brainwashing narrative get to you. Life is not about money. Life is about family and building healthy relationships.
There’s plenty of women who contribute lots of money to the family but the children pay the price. You have picked to prioritize what matters most in life, don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad or guilty about that.
I'm a member of an online message board (made up of all women, mostly mothers) where the rapport is really good and response rate is high. I remember making a post about how much I was struggling going back to work after having my first child and quickly discovered that this was an "untouchable" subject. Almost no one replied at all and the few that did all said something along the lines of "It was hard for me at first but now I realize that daycare helps me be a BETTER mom." I understand the rationalizing we all do to help ourselves feel more secure in our choices, so I'm not even saying that's a bad or thoughtless response. What shocked me more was that basically no one was even willing to just commiserate with me about how hard going back to work can be. I think a lot of women DO struggle with going back to work but so many of us are afraid of saying the socially unpopular thing.
I had my first child at 33 and it was the most brutal transition of my life. I did not realize what a selfish person I was until I had to be a selfless person pretty much 24/7. I wrestled with PPD for a year. I just kept having one breakdown after another. Fortunately, Christ prevailed and I finally put to death the old me and embraced the new me, a me that my child deserved to have as a parent. I stopped yearning for my life before kids and started appreciating my new life WITH kids. Part of that appreciation was raising them myself. I refused to let strangers raise them. I still get comments from friends outside the church, and from my inlaws, regarding my SAHM status, but idc. Their opinions don't matter; only the welfare of my children matters.
I had a tough transition, too. I'm so grateful for motherhood because through the struggles of the early years I became a better person.
My aunts who were childless were always critical of my mother being a sahm UNTIL they became mothers at 38yo. They always preached that they could never stay at home and depend on a man to provide for them. Now, they wish they could be a sahm and be provided for. 1 is a single mother with a bd who is involved but lives in another state and is very strict when it comes to money. The other is unmarried but lives w her bd and wants to stop working but he won't let her. She beat cancer but returned to work. Ironically, my mother had it good even after all of us grew up my dad still provides for my mother.
Why people would let others raise their children is beyond me. My wife and I did the same thing and it was worth all the sacrifice.
That's absolutely 💯 👌 great for you! But not all women want that and that's part of the problem.
This is totally me too. I feel like I am still in the middle of the transition. I get overwhelmed easily, and realize at every moment how selfish I used to be. I thank God for my baby to show me my selfishness and to change that. My depression is getting better but still wrestling with the new reality.
There are so many woman and men that treat SAHMs like we’re stupid- not educated bc we have made the hard choice to raise our kids from home. I have been left out of many conversations after they ask “what do you do for a living?” And I say I work from home raising my kids
Same! I understand that treatment from men to an extent, but a lot of these boss women who ignore me have kids too. I'm like how do you not get it??
My hunch is that secretly they envy women who have that.
It is the epitome of misogyny imo
God knows and He sees ❤that’s all that matters.😊
Another stay at home mom here, I am so sorry you've gone through that its really sad how we can be looked down upon or seen as less than for wanting to raise our children full time which isn't for everyone sure but we have the right to choose. Thankfully we know we are making the right choice and what best for our families but it is hard not always having the sense of community apart from online.
I’m so blessed to have a mom who “got it” when it came to staying home to raise us. She got a lot of flack in the 80’s/90’s…probably even more so than sahm’s do today. “What do you do all day?” was a put-down she heard from family members as well. Thanks for being there, Mom - you set an example for your two daughters who have made the same priority in their families. ❤
Im quitting my unfulfilling job after 3 pregnancy losses. Hoping that we will have a second child soon. No regrets about leaving. Should have done it a year ago but got stuck in a contract. Now its up and im really happy to be leaving.
Nourish your body with lots of fatty red meat and eggs and cut all the carbs! It will do wonders for your body, particularly in supporting the growth of a baby!
@estherruth4692 in particular, grass fed red meat is the best. Great tips ❤️
@@doll.ov.poetrii4682regeneratively raised, grass finished beef is the best for sure! But even if you don’t have the budget for that (I certainly don’t!) regular beef is fantastic!
Dont cut carbs replace them with complex carbs women in general need more carbs than protein not much but a little more than men, especially in pregnancy your baby needs carbs and protein and fats salts (sugars from fruits and vegetables) don’t limit your diet unless it’s not needed foods.
@@sofiabravo1994carbs are not essential in a woman’s diet. Look up Dr Elizabeth Bright, she has fantastic information on this. High fat, moderate protein (at least 90g a day), and low or no carb is optimal for female health. You will have much more energy and stable blood sugar. Getting rid of all plants high in carbs and oxalates, and eating lots of red meat and eggs (they’re high in choline which is extremely important for brain development of baby in utero) is the way to go.
Women's worth tied up with being an earner really is pervasive through modern culture. I have a 2-year-old and work part time 2 days a week, and I still feel torn between guilt for not being with him those days and the guilt to contribute financially and keep my job skills up to date. Every now and then, my husband suggests I take on a full time job, and I'm disheartened to shoot him down and have to explain why it's important to primarily be home with our toddler yet again.
My recently married sister also got very defensive when I attempted to warn her how she would likely feel when she has a baby and to plan financially and logistically to stay home for at least a year and/or work part time. This was in the context of her talking about seeking out a good daycare ahead of time, sigh. She got defensive and said I was shaming her, and the conversation was all about holding onto her job at all costs. The ignorance and cultural programming is astounding. I'm literally speaking from the experience of new motherhood and trying to look out for her and her potential child in the future, and she can't hear it. Broken ass culture that child rearing is not considered real work (the realest actually).
Just as a P.S. it took a year and finding the right sitter for my son to stop crying whenever I dropped him off on the days I work. Finding the right care with a good maternal sitter in a safe environment was surprisingly hard to come by, and I went through four before finding the right fit. Last year with the wrong sitter he would cling to me so hard I would have to wrench him off (that lasted a few weeks). Knife to the heart moments that are blaring loud signals we are forced to ignore in order to go back to work against our natural maternal instincts. The whole search for a decent childcare situation is a huge stress in and of itself and something that women who are considering motherhood really need to consider.
@@katg6009 Hang in there. Spend as much time with your child as you can. Suzanne is right and so are your instincts.
Try to let go of the guilt too. I wish I did earlier. We ARE contributing financially, really, if we support our husband working, prep lunches so he doesn't have to buy them, upkeep our homes so that we don't have to pay others to do it for us, etc. We contribute a whole area of life that just isn't define by a pay cheque; it's far more than only monetary in its gain.
I’m sorry your husband doesn’t get it and your sisters future kids are screwed with her mentality. Neo - feminism is so wrong and backwards . We have two grown children , one grandchild and 2nd grandchild on the way. I was home for several years … a blessing. My daughter is home with the grandchild who is 2 1/2 and watches a toddler 3 days a week in her home. It’s good extra money for now but she’ll have to stop somewhat soon with baby number 2 coming in August.
@@katg6009 I agree it’s hard to find good loving babysitters, daycare etc. and the expense for full time care is outrageous. I was a nanny before having kids - best job I ever had. If I may brag a little I have to say I was an awesome nanny and I had awesome families to boot. I think I was a better nanny than a mom in the sense than nanny - ing is like being a grandparent. I love kids and babies so much. I didn’t use my college degree I fell into nanny ing almost on accident. Have so many wonderful memories. Very rewarding. The kids& babies were safe with me, we had so much fun, I did laundry too and these were big families 😮 , we’d color , play Barbie’s , bake , go the town pool in the summer time - all the things you do with kids. I’m proud to say I was a wonderful caregiver. Sad when you see people who are not or actually even hurt children 🤬🤬🤬or neglect them 😢😢🤬. I would have do that. Most people would not. I think most are very good and care. You are a wonderful mother and person
My son just turned 5 today. He starts Kindergarten in the fall. Staying home with him was the best decision I ever made, tied with marrying the man that has supported me every step of the way. I will cherish every memory I made with my baby. I never missed a single moment.
Do you have to put him in kindergarten? Is it possible for you to continue home schooling? And maybe put him in school when he's a little older and less vulnerable? Just always makes me cringe when little muffins have to go to school, because of what happened to me in kindergarten😢
Im in the US I’m homeschooling, my daughters never need to step foot in that place.
@@sofiabravo1994 I am so happy to hear that 💛
so happy for you
On a Friday morning, my friend dropped her two children off at the school bus stop, took her toddler to her mother’s house, and went to the hospital to get induced with her 4th baby. She planned to be “back to normal” Monday morning and do the same with a newborn. Then back to her career after 8 weeks. Pure crazy to me!!!
sounds like my coworker 🤣
I agree but won’t begrudge women who truly thrive on that lifestyle. But I somehow doubt most women thrive on this life, yet most women are being pressured to live this life. We have over corrected and went from a society that shames women like your friend to one that shames women for avoiding that life
i doubt, she's always tired and stressed and kids don't do that great
@@AngelaMastrodonato Whether or not the woman thrives is less of an issue than if the babies and kids thrive.
@@haley2542 People forget that babies are people too, particularly that they're not fully formed but physically small adults. They need support and consistent presence that older children and adults don't need, but so many people neglect to meet those needs. It's sad, and plays a large role in the emotional and social problems so many children and young adults are facing today. Lacking the care of a mother for your entire life because she was away working fundamentally changes your psyche in a very negative way.
I’m a stay at home mom and love it more than anything in the world. My son is 2.5 years old and the first question I get from soooooo many people is, “is he in school yet?” School? He’s 2.5 years old! It just seems so normal to people that a child his age should be in “school.”
@@Austenfan177 And now it's also all about full day kindergarten. When my now 10 year old daughter started kindergarten they switched it to full day and I requested half day, so they let me pick her up at noon. The teachers were all so worried she would be behind on her math and reading because she was only half day. It was so ridiculous! She is now at the top of her class, so I guess it didn't really matter!
@@kimclark399 I worked in an elementary school and almost all learning took place in the morning in kindergarten. After lunch came naps, snack time and recess. She didn't miss anything important.
In America, they tend to pushed children even at an early age as 3 to attend school.
@@itsablessingbeinganamerica1401It's not really school since children under age 5 mostly learn through play and solo creativity. It's just daycare. Calling it toddler schooling or pre-school is a way to make the idea more palatable or acceptable to working mothers who may otherwise feel shame or regret. Most kids will be at the same learning range by middle school unless they have a disability or an IQ above 110. It doesn't give an advantage.
The sooner the state gets it's hooks in them, the sooner the molding process begins, part of which is the physical separation of mother and child.
"Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars."
I’m a grandad I have the highest admiration for mothers. They are raising a person who will last for eternity. It blesses me every time I see a mother with their children out in a stroller. God bless them.
Glad to hear it from grandad. I swear my dad is my biggest supporter. ❤
Most people hate us so it's nice that people think like this
The Gloria Steinem's of the world misled my generation. At 57 childless & divorced. I had difficulty having children at 40 trying for the first time because I listened to the BS you could freeze your eggs or that science can help get you pregnant. I encourage young women everyday to follow their hearts desire and make it a priority to have their kids and stay home if they choose before it's too late. Corporate will always be there if they choose to go back or not. Unless your name is on that building, Corporate doesn't care that it takes your fertility or time away from your Kids. Do not make the same mistakes of my generation.
Do not make the mistake. Know that baby rabies is likely, but not guaranteed.
Thank you for sharing your story! ❤
Thank you for your wisdom and honesty. 🙏🏾 most boomers and older gen X are not honest about this.
I am 68, so many girls I knew never married, or had kids, today they are single,old, and childless, have no idea why they took this route
Millennial women were given terrible advice (at best) and obsolete/absurd/harmful information at worst.
There was a lot of guilt tripping and pressure to be working moms. We were told that this was the most "fulfilling" thing that we could do with our lives and if we chose to be a SAHM it would be the biggest regret of our life.
I never really understood it because it just seems so unfulfilling to have to dump your baby off and go sit in a cubicle with people you don't like for 8 hours a day.
What exactly is so great about this?
This!! And so many people assume that you're just lazy for not wanting to go to work and stay home with your kids. There is so much incomprehension now.
Q: What exactly is so great about this?
A: There is nothing necessarily great (or horrible) about this. The problem is, feminists effectively doubled the workforce creating a downward pressure on wages and a resultant record profitrs for those at the top. Women can't just "pivot" now and say, "You know what? I don't want to be doctors, lawyers, accountants, fianciers, etc." Most men can't support a house, at least in a decent school district, on one salary. Who knows? Maybe getting women back at home would IMPROVE all school districts even if we all livedi n trailer parks. We can't discount their influence. But it's going to take a generation or two to undo what feminism did.
What I am more confused about is women who seem so badly attached. I've known a number of women who, of course, cry and feel sad leaving their babies with other people. BUT I have known now plenty of women who say their baby is basically a nuisance, a demon, etc, she can't take being near them 24/7, doesn't have the patience, finds breastfeeding weird/creepy, and would rather work than hold their TWO WEEK baby. Those are all real references I've seen.
@@cstuartdcyes. I've been saying this forever. 1st wave feminism was necessary and important because women should be able to own property, vote, and make a fair wage. 2nd wave feminism, however, utterly destroyed the family unit and our society and essentially turned women into whores (but by choice lol).
not just millennials, I was born in 65. technically a gen x, and I was told the same thing. I listened and regret it
We try to talk about it and we are told we are oppressed, blind, supporting the patriarchy blah blah blah. We ignore that in my family. We raise wives and moms
In my early twenties, right out of college, I worked in an infant room at a daycare facility. All the caregivers were efficient, kind, and patient.
One day, a mother, who was a teacher, came in to pick up her 4 month old baby. It was my job to give her an update on her child for that day. The anguish and heartbreak in this woman's eyes were astonishing! That moment, just that glimpse of heartache & guilt this woman felt for leaving her newborn in daycare, was a stepping stone for me to prepare to be a stay-at-home mother, regardless of the carreer consequences. ❤
I have had 3 children in a 4 year span. I stayed home with all, breastfed them all, and cried the first day my eldest went to kindergarten. They are in middle school and late elementary now, but I still only work occasionally because my children come first! ❤
I told my husband when we were dating that I would be a stay at home mom. He was just like "yeah, of course." Ladies, you have to marry someone who is on the same page! I was a high income earner until we had kids but we still only bought homes we could afford on his income. Now I'm so thankful to be home with my 3 kids under 4. I'm pregnant with my 4th and my life is haaaard but also fantastic and joyful.
This happened to me when my first child was born. I had intended to return to work, but when I held my baby, I was like no. I was like I'll live in a cardboard box, but I am not letting anyone take care of my baby other than me. Thank God that my mom used to listen to Dr. Laura when I was a kid so at least I had Dr. Laura's voice in my head saying to stay home and take care of my baby. If it weren't for her I might not of had any clue that that was even an option. My friend asked me when her second child was born how I was managing it. And I just told her that basically we live off of very little, and we have little in the way of comforts and extras, but it was totally worth it because I would never let anyone, be mom my babies. That friend went back to work, and that same week her baby died. Stay home with your babies! It's not worth a paycheck! I have four and they're all older now and I'm so glad I stayed home with them.
Oh my heart breaks for your friend 💔
Oh no! How did the baby pass?
Wait, whaaatt??? How did the baby die?! What a sad tragedy 😔
I'm so sorry for your friend....😢
I can so relate, the judgement is real. I am also an Australian mum I used to be an Architect but now I am a stay at home mum of 7. My kids age between 3mths and 11yrs and none of them have been to child care. We did send our eldest to kindy but quickly decided to homeschool. I am so grateful we chose this path early on as we would not have had a large family if I was in the workforce full time
also an Aussie mum to a 15mo, so interested in learning about how you homeschooled your babies and what support there is out there.. homeschooling to me seems to be more of an American thing
@@paulinekoutsouridis the rules are different in each state, I am in QLD. The numbers have been increasing every year there are now 10k registered homeschoolers in QLD.
Aside from our culture in general discouraging stay at home mothers and encouraging steadfast commitment to the workplace, our peers treat us like idiots for being stay at home moms. I can't even count the number of times I've been present for a conversation that included phrases like "make your own money", "never count on a man for anything", "I teach my kids the value of a good work ethic", or my personal favorite "when he leaves you you'll be left with nothing". It's always said in an indirect or passive aggressive way but the women who say those things know full well they are referring to the SAHMs in the group. Yes, I suppose it's possible that my husband could leave me out of the blue. It certainly happens to people, but that's the exception not the rule. I'd much rather know I spent the time with my kids. The bigger message is that we need to stop shaming other people for choosing to stay home.
Men never leave ´out of the blue´. It comes after a thousand betrayals.
@@jackdeniston6150 it's an expression...
Sometimes they do some men have no self control and want to replace them with someone younger let’s not kid ourselves. Men and women are inherently selfish and we need Jesus in marriage. God is who created the sacred covenant not man. Why do you think man divorces so easily? Because divorce is a man made desire it was not Gods plan.
The most amusing thing to me about the "You'll be left with nothing" is that it assumes after years of marriage that you and your husband will have accumulated no assets at all. The standard is that everybody everywhere lives paycheck to paycheck and are one medical problem or divorce away from homelessness, which is crazy. As a SAHM, you should be able to economize so that less income is required (ex. cook at home vs eating out, watch your kids instead of paying for daycare, etc)
I mean, it happened to my cousin. She was left with 8 kids between 1 and 14. She had always been a full-time wife and homeschool mom. She'd never had a job and no education beyond high school. After she divorced she had to move in with her parents who were near retirement. Suffice to say they are no longer retiring. A close friend of mine just decided to divorce her military husband and she's been an unemployed wife and mother to their twins for the last 4 years. She's moving in with her brother. Everyone thinks it could never be them but it definitely happens.
The oxytocin we produce is so powerful and the bonding is so strong but before we have those hormones we don’t understand how much we can love and need to be with our babies.
I had 2, five years apart. I personally could not have done it another way. The youngest got that quality time when the oldest was at school. The older got a lot of time with just her parents before having a sibling. Different strokes for different folks, but having a bunch of kids close together is definitely not for me! Women do have a lot of pressure to go back to work quickly. Being able to be home with mine when they were really young was precious.
In the Utah Mormon culture in which I reside, there are lots of stay-at-home moms. It’s less than it used to be because we aren’t immune to modern societal pressures, but I’ve got 11 fellow SAHMs on my street alone with many more throughout the neighborhood. This means friends for me and for my little kids during the day. We help each other out, get together at the park, some of us homeschool kids and do homeschool activities together.
The normal expectation within our culture has long been that our husbands provide financially and so with that expectation in place, the men live up to it.
I have 5 kids. My husband isn’t lucky or better equipped than others. We still battle inflation and the endless expenses associated with a large family. And I still deal with loneliness, figuring out how to budget and save, judgement from society, etc.
But we planned for this and you can too.
Oh wow! Having multiple stay at home moms in my neighborhood would be such a blessing. Where I live I am definitely seen as "weird" being a SAHM; as most women work. I live in an older (think houses built in the 60s and 70s NASA heyday) affordable middle class neighborhood in an affluent area surrounded by million dollar homes. My neighbors are mostly retirees or working families with children in middle or high school. My son is a toddler and I get so lonely somedays but I try to remember it's better to be with him than have him in daycare. When he giggles and smiles it's the best thing ever.
All that to say, enjoy those moments with your fellow SAHM'S and y'all's children-what a blessing!
I live in the Bible belt and being a stay at home mom is not uncommon here either. It’s wonderful having friends on the same page. ( we homeschooled too)
Yes to the loneliness! I never expected to feel that during the day either. It’s a weird lonely. Because you’re not alone in reality.
I grew up in Utah and loved it as a kid and how many SAHM there were in the neighborhood. It made it safe for us to run and play freely in the neighborhood because there were always kind Mamas in earshot. We now live outside Chicago and I am 1 of 2 SAHM in my neighborhood and the kids here are in daycare or summer camps from 7am till 6pm for many. So sad they are all kept so busy with nannies or other things and have no time to just be! The other SAHM is my friend and she just left her high paying job and is pressured by her mother to go back to work. They are all good Mamas but their mothers taught them that what paycheck they earn is more important. They think their example of working is more important to their children...what they don't see is the lack of care all of the nannies provide all day. It's depressing to see. I almost got brainwashed to do the same but left an exciting design career and have never looked back.
@praireoak That is sad to see, alright. As an introvert I would've hated being in daycare from 7am to 6pm. My son is like me and I can't see him enjoying that either. He loves being home and our little outings, too.
Good for you and your friend to stay with your kiddos. It's not easy, that's for sure. Have a blessed day!
As a stay at home mom. Yes, I don't make money. I save money by breast feeding(no pump, no bottle, no pacifier), home cooking, grow an edible garden, home shcooling. Our home and garden is peacefull and stress free so we don't feel the need to go to restaurant and fancy vacation.
You are a rare breed. So many women are bored with life as it is. No drive to have a garden and learn to do. To busy watching others do it online and never following through. Feel for the men these days as they work and take care of home after work.
Are you in the US? And if so, where in the US?
I was never taught, by my mom, the importance of marriage and parenting.
Same. I grew up in a single mother household with my sister (who had a different father than me) and my mom never married any of our fathers or anyone else. She never taught me anything about marriage, relationships, or even child rearing; I never even had a "birds and the bees" talk from her. I told her as a small child that I didn't want to be a single mom when I grew up and it pissed her off. Wild stuff!
Wow…I grew up with a single mom too I have grace for her she tried made many mistakes but she only knew with what she had back then, I’m married but if for some reason my husband leaves I would not blame my daughters if they said that! It’s common sense!
@@sofiabravo1994 You are so right about having grace for your mother, which is something I struggle with because my mother was also a raging narcissist. I'm working on this so that it won't make me bitter and resentful towards her any longer. I can't speak for all situations, but many things my mother DID know and CHOSE not to tell us as means of keeping us limited. You sound like an amazing mother, and I pray that your husband will never leave you.❤️
Suzanne, the mothers that I grew up with didn’t know any more about this full-time corporate working environment than I did when I graduated from college. I am a bit older than you, but I would like to remind everyone that the work world for women over the last 40 years has been totally new territory. My generation were pioneers. The mothers of my friends assumed, I think, that we would do as much as made sense, but would leave the workforce if the load got too great. My friends’ mothers worked in semi-professional positions, but really viewed their jobs as an extra in their lives, and it was never the central focus. Family was the focus and the job came after. They were teachers, nurses , many owned their own small businesses that they fit in around the obligations of family life. Anyway, when you say you wish they would have told us that we would be so drawn to our children, I don’t think most of them ever thought for a second we would be so quick to trade away family for a career.
Yeah, I can believe this. When I tell older women I'm a SAHM, a lot of them say something like, "Good for you," or "that's so great," even the ones who worked when their kids were young.
I been staying home since my baby arrived she made a year last week and i am loving watching her grow and taking care of her. Yes i miss earning a check but I realized my baby is more important right now. God is providing for my family with just one pay check from dad❤
I don’t miss earning a check. It was a stressful career (I’m a nurse) and being home breastfeeding my baby and homeschooling my two older kiddos is just the best life ever. It’s a much richer existence.
My liberal, single (by choice) mom shamed me when I couldn't bring myself to drop my baby off with strangers. She went on to tell me how much of a burden, and how needy I was as a baby, and how she couldn't wait to go back to work after I was born. 💔
I’m sorry for what your mom told you. 💔
A “needy” baby is just a baby being a human that is dependent and needs to learn everything in this world. Sure it’s overwhelming, because it’s the most important thing in the world.
It’s beautiful to read that you are going on another direction with your baby. ❤️
Well, there will always be damaged people who just can't desire the kids they have. It has always been taboo to admit to others.
Yes, and boredom. My mother complains of boredom to this day, even though she was SAHM. And she still tells me how I do nothing but sleep. I’m an RN and Cosmetologist and CDL class A.
F her.
Oh I'm so very sorry. ❤ This makes me so sad for her, she missed out. God loves you so so much!
Your mom clearly has attachment issues of her own bc she couldn’t attach herself to you (not anything wrong with you, it’s on her) probably from her mom.
I remember when I quit my teaching job to stay home back in 2006. I was told I was crazy by other working moms and women in general. There was no support but I knew I was doing the right thing. I remember filling out an insurance form and having to put stay at home mom in the “job” category and how it took me a long time to get over that old identity. I felt lost.
Now my kids are grown and they have told me several times how glad they are that I was home! I’m super proud to say I’m a Homemaker and try to educate other young ladies about how important this job is. No one told me how I would feel when I held my first baby. Everyone told me I could do it all and had plenty of time to start a family - all lies.
It's really nice to come here and get reassurance! I'm stay-at-home of 5 from the Bay Area. I've always wanted to do this and really didn't want to work. Any schooling I did was with the meaning of finding a way to stay home with my kids in the future. I still have friends and family from there always asking about daycare and future work I could do, but this is my priority right now. I think I deal with it pretty well now (much better than I used to) but it's so true how that constant badgering does eat away at your self worth. Luckily my husband is from Tennessee and has a very different upbringing. Those type of comments really annoy him too and he's always supportive and reassures me on a regular basis that me being a stay-at-home mom is always what he wanted for our kids too. It's just still hard when society is this way right now. I just really appreciate you talking about this often and finding you on youtube in the first place. I was really made to feel like I was one going against the grain and I would regret it. I don't and more than ever you make me feel like I'm doing the right thing, not just for me but more importantly for my for my kids.
Sending emotional support your way! You are doing what you are meant to do! I am praying that our country gets its head out of its butt and starts supporting mothers being in the home again. 💗 bless you sister!
Yes you are absolutely doing the right thing!
Sadly the majority of people tend to do the wrong thing in life in many different ways. It’s important to build your self-esteem based on your own values and not based on how other people view you.
I used to feel insecure about being a Stay at Home Mom in the beginning but after I read tons of research on the topic of early childhood development I got very confident. I was chocked to learn how many negative effects daycare has on early childhood development for example.
I chose to become a Stay at Home Mom because it’s what I always dreamt of growing up. However, the more I learn about early childhood development the more I realize that this choice isn’t just my preference but also what’s best for all young children under three.
We’re doing a great thing as Stay at Home Moms, we should be confident and proud of our work! You don’t see surgeons or lawyers apologizing for their lifestyle choices, they take great pride in their work and so should we! A great mother is no less important than a great surgeon for example.
The comments are so hard and challenge my worth. I was in corporate 50-60 hours a week until 38 years old. My 4 young children are all in school now. I am often asked (mostly by women) “what do you do” and receive looks and comments like “you are so lucky.” I usually turn around and say, “yes I am.” I just wish the comment was more like, “you are doing the right thing” or “ how are you able to do that, I want to stay home .”
Believe me, they are thinking that is their heads, even if they don't say it. People (women and men) are so wage-slaved these days that they literally do not know what to do with themselves WITH THEIR OWN TIME, once they are "set free" from the stressful hamster wheel of the work world. It takes a while to shift into a new mindset and value system...one that values things other than a "productivity meter" and/or paycheck. The opportunities for spiritual growth, new insights, and unrealized creativity for you and your children (and husband) will suddenly appear where before there was simply no room in the schedule...no room in your psyche, no room in your temporal schedule, and no room in your energy availability. The work world monopolizes your energy so much that people become adrenaline addicts, unable to unwind and relax, EVEN WHEN PROVIDED WITH TIME OFF. Get OUT of that world, now!
Before the second half of the 20th century, no one asked women "what do you do?" That's a modern phenomenon. People only ask that because the culture trains them to ask that.
Also, you are doing the right thing by staying at home. Always feel good about that decision.
@@yougetagoldstar Absolutely! And also, in generations past, women had faith that their husbands (and God) would provide. And that faith instilled a sense of responsibility, and maturity, and ambition, in men. Now, men rely on women to "provide". Providing financially has become a 50/50 prospect, as opposed to the men doing all the providing and the women doing all the "supporting". For people who think the 50/50 set up is more "safe and stable"...they are wrong. Something is lost when men are no longer expected to do all the providing. That "something" is called manhood...and it is invaluable. Also a woman in that situation loses 50 per cent of her focus on her family...since the other 50 per cent is designated to providing. The stress in the family increases. The children can sense that, as can the parents. The balance is lost. It is overall NOT more stable. You cannot quantify these things simply with a financial balance sheet of monthly family budgets. It doesn't work that way.
@thanksbutnothanks3221
I suspect people say “you’re so lucky” because they perceive you and your partner to be able to afford a lifestyle they want on one income. No middle class working mom would say “you’re so lucky” to a stay at home mom who has two kids in a one bedroom apartment in an impoverished area…
@@tiffanyyllera5977 If families are prioritized over everything else...no one is living in a one bedroom apartment in an impoverished area. Sorry, you may disagree, but the facts are that the vast majority of people living in that type of situation are there because 1)the man has little ambition and little or no sense of responsibility to provide for his family 2)the adults have chosen things outside of family life and instead spend time and energy on non-family pursuits (gambling, drinking, partying, doing drugs, sleeping around outside of a monogamous relationship 3)failing to get married in the first place 4)neglecting their health by making poor lifestyle choices (bad eating, drinking, no exercise, etc) 5)choosing to break the law (drunk driving and then losing a license, violence, and then having to spend time suffering the consequences of those actions (jail time, lost job/wages, etc). Until people are held accountable to ALL OF THOSE THINGS...and not make excuses for them...the cycle of victimhood due to poor personal choices...continues.
100% agree, thanks for this video. I couldn't get pregnant because i was chronically stressed working in emergency care an studying alongside. I cut my working hours to two days... and like a miracle...3 weeks later I was pregnant. I plan on staying working 2 days a week and caring for my child 5 days a week . My ideal position would be to be a stay at home mum, but i feel an external pressure to 'show my worth' by earning. Its sad really.
Break free from those mental chains (it is possible, and you are "aware" of the chains, which makes it that much easier to break them)...and watch your family life and relationships blossom and strengthen. Being a mother and wife is MORE than enough. Support your husband and children...THAT is your full time job now.
Just quit. Do something for you for once.
Quit your job, it's incredibly liberating ❤
@@TheSwissChalet thank you, i really value your advice
@@Beginnerreadsthebible ♥️
I'm a stay at home mom, but it sucks too. I am not good at cooking and getting overwhelmed with baby, and I was so much better and had more confidence with my job. Now I just feel like a bad mom and that's my new identity.
I think one of the main drivers of this is the idea that it is wrong to depend on a man....every single woman will need to depend on a man. Our fathers, brothers, and especially husbands are there for us! This is a good thing!! And we can be there for them too!! It's countercultural but common sense because it is based in reality.
Dunno, the reality of many many women is that you cannot depend on men. Especially the husbands.
The problem is when autonomy is taken away from women - these women get trapped
No because if this man cheats or dies you will have no income. You will be in poverty or in the street
Unfortunately actually a lot of men are not there for us
@@fangirl7914 "Dunno, the reality of many many children is that they cannot depend on their parents. Especially the moms."
what i think happened was that many women were in bad marriages/ relationships and reliant on their husbands so they couldn’t leave. they didn’t want that for younger women, but they over corrected and pushed only career/ education on younger women. i do agree there are seasons to a woman’s life, but the corporate world is not very kind to mothers, especially if you took some time off to raise your children. either way, it’s always good that a woman has the means to support herself (and family) if needed.
💯 that is exactly what happened! The women before us pushed education and careers over being "just a mom".
@volkiii1450 very well said. Your opening line 🫶🏽
Suzanne needs to be a reoccurring guest on the spillover! 🩷
Do you know how triggered the “But my kid thrives in daycare! It must be nice to not have to work” Moms would be?! I’m all for it. Alex really needs Dr. Laura on as well.
My son is now 16 months . When he was about 9 months I decided to work at a daycare because it was free for him , and I got to work . After a month, I left . After 4 months of not working, I decided to get a job where I work the opposite shift as my husband . He works 7 am-3 pm and I work 4 pm- 9 pm . It works out for us . They even come and visit me at work:)
You are an amazing mom
@@lc8119 thank you .
He is so precious to bring a visit.
Looking to do the same thing, my husband works 7-3 as well. What sort of work did you find from 4-9?
What kind of job do you have for that 4-9 shift? That is a great shift to work if you want a situation like that with opposite shifts.
I am expecting my first baby in the next weeks and I constantly come across stories of women who say they hate being a mum or even regret having kids…
I try to read testimonies of women who love being mothers but I feel like the stories you get in the mainstream only show motherhood in a bad light, as if they want to deter women from having kids.
I've noticed this too. It's part of the anti-children, anti-family culture.
Best of luck to you!!! Don’t be scared if you have mixed feelings, miss your old life, or even feel like you don’t like your baby sometimes. Becoming a mother is a process… your first year will be transformative if you let it!
It is crazy how everyone seems to focus on the negative - not that it isn’t hard!! It is!!
I’ve worked a very corporate full time job, gone back to grad school while working and with kids, and motherhood is still the hardest thing. Because it’s so important.
I have a 4 and 2 year old and am expecting #3 in a few weeks. It’s the best, they are my very favorite people . Yes, even on the hard days (after I have had a chance to take some deep breaths and relax).
It’s funny, my husband and I talk about the fact that we don’t even remember life ‘before’ kids. Not that it’s been so traumatic that we can’t remember but they are such entertaining little people that it seems like they have been with us all along. Hard to put into words but life wouldn’t be the same without them (in a bad way!).
@@truthnotlies I am not sure how much of it is that, and not a pro-family pro-life culture that won't admit statistical outliers exist.
I saw someone say that having their child was the worst mistake of their life because they couldn't do whatever they wanted to anymore. These people don't seem to contemplate how wicked these statements sound or how their child will feel once they are aware that they are such a "burden" to their mother. Society is promoting the idea that it's wrong to raise a family and that is twisted.
Isaiah 5:20 KJV - Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
It's common sense that motherhood is hard. It's the hardest thing a person can do. It takes sacrifice and compassion, something most modern women do not have. I think it's actually a wonderful thing so many women are deciding to be childfree.
Absolutely. I often argue that if women who don't want kids stop having them, the crappy mother genes can go extinct.
Yeah I genuinely don't understand why we would want to punish the next generation with parents who don't want to be parents.
@@skylinefeverwhy do you say “crappy mother genes”?
@@caoimhec7697 Well, have you seen how unwanted kids end up?
@@skylinefever how do you explain when wanted kids end up terrorizing society? It's not as simple as childfree women would make bad mothers. There are plenty of mothers who wanted their children and yet, still fail at motherhood.
I have 3 kiddos. Once we knew I was pregnant with our 3rd I knew God was going to have to give us the wisdom on how I could stay home. We did it for about 3 years. With inflation I was forced to go back part-time but so grateful I was able to stay home for awhile. It helped my sanity. American corporate culture is not a family one 💔
Most governments are anti-family and have been for 40 years. It's now that we have a popularization imbalance that governments should be getting worried; but no, they continue with the lies. And don't make having families easy.
I am from Australia too, and I gave up my career when I had my first baby. I have been at home for all 5 of my kids and have no regrets. Women are always so rude to me about the choice that I made, and I am always made to feel like I’m lesser because I choose to care for our children. It is something I struggled with for so many years, but now I honestly don’t care what they think. It took a long time to accept their vitriol.
So thankful for your content! I had my first baby in June 2023 and have been encouraged to spend as much time as possible with my baby. I’ve already listened to your new book twice on Audible!
Thank you for this Suzanne. You're doing God's work. A lot of Gen X women also went through this.
I’ve been on the What To Expect app since I was pregnant with my 4 month old. There’s forums on there and often times women post how they’re so sad to go back to work and leave their baby at daycare and the responses are repulsive. It’s other moms telling the poster how they will get use to it. Or many women complain about “losing their identity.” Whatever that means… it’s so self centered.
Women have the job, the literal job, of creating the future--through bearing and nurturing infants. What could be more important than creating the future?
Apparently working a middling career for 42-65k 😂
💯💯💯
I am so grateful to be home with my kids. Ive got a 2.5 year old, an 11 month old and my 3rd due in early August. I adore being with them all day and my husband is so happy with this arrangement
Suzanne, everything you espouse is so true. One of the topics I would like to see you cover is the role of grandparents taking care of the children. As a grandmother of four, the oldest being 23 and the youngest 11, getting to enjoy them as grandchildren and not as a "babysitter" is joyful. While there have been times that my husband and I have had to step in and assist I can assure you that it was daunting. We are relatively young grandparents in our late 60's and have had the energy to help, but we are in a different phase in life. We need our reserves for taking care of ourselves so we are not a burden to our children. Believe me, it takes all we have to watch ourselves much less little ones. I raised my kids as a fulltime working mom and it killed me. One of the things people don't realize is the toll it takes on you as you get older. The pace of working and being a perfect wife and mother was impossible and a complete fail. I worked in the medical field and saw women everyday that postponed their healthcare and soldiered on. It catches up with you and you don't ever fully recover and I am speaking from personal experience. Knowing my share of grandparents that babysit I can assure you it is not healthy for the grandparents. Boundaries are not being respected and everyone pays. I guess to sum it up, grandparents are the second string players, not the first string. Thank you for all the wisdom you bring.
What would have been a preferable situation for you? How much involvement would you have liked to have had ideally, if any?
I would love to see this discussed as well as I feel immediate family is starting to play less and less of a role in the child’s life. I grew up very close with cousins and uncles and now my daughter barely knows her uncles etc… My mom does not want to support us and visits sporadically. It puts a lot of pressure on us as a couple and as parents. What is a healthy balance?
I’m 31 and I don’t feel like this world allows me to prioritize love and family. To the point that I felt I had to give it up or idk
Thank you for advocating for mothers and younger women wanting to prioritize family. More people need to talk about this
I had my daughter at 23. I told myself right after she was born I would go back to work, the minute I held her in my arms I knew I could never leave her side. Here we are 5 years later and I am homeschooling! I gave up so much to be able to stay home with her and I love our life together! It’s simple and feels right! I’m not quite sure when we will separate but right now we’re pretty content being together everyday ❤️
I as well, fell into the lie that working, climbing the ladder and making money would make me fulfilled and I realized that it doesn’t. In fact although I love motherhood, that doesn’t bring me pure fulfillment either, living in the will of God brings me the most joy and peace more than anything and if being in his will is staying home to raise my daughter than that’s what I will do! Blessings to everyone ❤️
Can we just talk about how f-ing hard it is to stay home. 😅 I’ll jokingly threaten to go back to work in the hard days. Shout out to the mommas before us who made this thing look easy!
We can do this! Nothing worth while is ever easy. 💪
I have this conversation every few months on my personal FB page, and I have planned it for my channel many times. I never get the project completed because I fear how others will receive it.
My tiny channel wasn’t meant to focus on motherhood, but the overwhelming majority of comments come in about how I interact with my kids, like it’s abnormal. I love my kids, and care for them, but I hadn’t ever considered it out of the ordinary, until my viewers brought it up so often.
I think I’ll put this topic back on the content calendar. I’d love to tell young women that their greatest joys will be found in the home, and then need to plan for it. 💕
Side note: in school I was pushed to “do more” with my life and a teacher was not happy that my future plans didn’t include law or med school. I’m grateful everyday that I don’t cave to that chatter.
I just subbed to your channel! Your videos seem up my alley. I love homesteading content and motherhood SAHM content. Praying to start my family next year when my hubby and i move to a safer town. 💗
@@Heatherrenee424 this is not a life I would have ever imagined for myself, but what a blessing it is!
Thanks for subbing! I post weekly, usually on Sunday afternoon. 💕
While some women right now becoming mothers were not "told" about the reality of motherhood and the need they may feel to want to stay home with their children - some of us were. My mom stayed home and as we became mothers ourselves, she has repeatedly told me my choice to step back from work is because those babies need to be with their mother and not in daycare. I felt that pull strongly to find a way to work from home part time AND be with my children. And while some men right now are not supporting their wives in wanting to stay home or step back from work, many are, my husband included, and many husbands of my girlfriends.
I know these videos are meant to help women who are feeling stuck or pressured, and I find them helpful to listen to in honoring that intuition I felt as a mom to be with my children, but there is another side of this conversation that many of our mothers and husbands are having the right conversations and are extremely supportive.
We are MAD @ ALOT of the previous generations of women who didn’t considerate IT important enough to communicate about Right ALONG side of you.
Like How DARE THEY withhold WISDOM to be passed on the subject of Wage Earning VS HOMEMAKINg & Family Raising.
This is important insight for young, still-childless women to consider, but where is consideration of the fact that about half of first marriages end in divorce and the stats are even worse for subsequent marriages? And that a huge percentage of men do not want to raise someone else's kids, some even saying they don't want to date a single mom? It is one thing to have a baby and discover maternal instincts you never knew before, and decide to stay home with this marvelous little being and let dad support you both. It is quite another to do this and then dad leaves. These realities are ugly and no one wants to talk about them, but realities they are. Another one: a divorce lawyer has a video out where she states that the profession that makes a woman most likely to divorce is that of a stay-at-home mom. She sees more of those than any other, and her theory on why is that the woman becomes totally absorbed in the children and less connected to the outside world, and she and the husband grow apart. He has no one to talk to anymore about the world where he spends most of his waking hours. I don't have a magic answer for all this and there may not even be one. It's sad, scary, awful. Those who can make this work are incredibly lucky, incredibly blessed.
@@kc6810 I'm not sure where you're coming from here, but I think that would be a terrible idea. Because every situation is different, there cannot be a one-size-fits-all solution. And precisely because the success of a marriage is so iffy, the woman absolutely needs to be able to support herself, and children if there are any, if she has to. This is a heck of a lot easier if she has some job skills and relevant experience.
If someone thinks that it's ok to blunty ask questions on why I'm not working and only being a stay at home mom, I'm going to give you a blunt answer back. We have been told for years to be unapologetic about wanting to work now we have to be unapologetic about staying with our children. The experiment of the the last fifty years has failed the family
I’m a 55 yrs old male and divorced with 2 kids. My mom stayed home and my Dad worked like crazy.
My ex wife’s problem was she never knew what she wanted. Always changing her mind. It was a complete roller coaster all the time.
She sounds like most women. Nuts 😂
The information and encouragement you’re sharing is absolutely necessary in this day and age! I’m in Canada and got so much discouragement to stay home when my kids were little. And I didn’t even know I’d want to stay home until I had them. Thank you for all you do… I’m half way through your book and only wish I’d had it 20 years ago!! But it’s still great and I will share it with my daughter when the time comes!!
I'm pregnant now with my first and am currently working at a Middle School as an EBD Para. Before that I worked at many different daycares. Before I got pregnant, my husband knew I wasn't going to be away from the baby. We need my income so I'm planning to either nanny at someone's house with her or nanny at my home. Nobody is gonna care for her as well as I will.
This is SO TRUE AND ON POINT. I battled like crazy trying to go back to work and try to make money, your body informs you that you should be with your baby. After experiencing this I am definitely going to teach my daughter very differently
We need to work on lack of support for moms and single moms
I am a remote working mom of 2 young kiddos. I’m happy I at least have the support of my mother to leave the workforce and care for my kids at home. It’s been challenging convincing my husband about the benefits
If he doesn’t already realize the benefits now, he won’t. He’s not traditional. You’re not gonna change his mindset
The main issue with this discussion is finding a man that can afford to provide for a SAHM, and in this economic climate that can be a very difficult ask.
Absolutely. Women are working mothers because they HAVE to be. That's really the entire discussion. I think that a lot of women would love to stay home if they could but they can't.
@@ariannagalluzzo Every single one of my friends could afford staying home if they wanted but they aren’t willing to make the sacrifices. They all live in two-garage houses and drive expensive cars, go on international vacations every year etc. My husband and I chose to live in a townhouse and I don’t have my own car. Every year we go on a vacation somewhere close to home. It’s totally possible to stay home (for most people) but people don’t want to make the sacrifices.
It’s totally possible, but not without sacrifices and intentionality. My dad made next to nothing and my mom stayed home with all five of us. We were all homeschooled, single car, small home, intentional about groceries. Money was always talked about and tight, but we never ever went without. The one time my mom took a job, it was to clean a vacation rental twice a month and we kids went with her and had tv time while she cleaned. I had the absolute best childhood thanks to my mom and dad ❤
@@candycandyissodandy yah back in the 50's or 60's maybe but not now. Average cost of a 30 yr mortgage is $2700 right now.
No it’s not. Move to a lower cost of living area and adjust your standard of living to work off your man’s income. In the Midwest a single earner family can operate on 60k which is doable for a significant or portion of single men
I had a friend that didn’t even take her whole maternity leave time because being at home was time not being in the workforce (which she identified with her job entirely.)
I had the fortune of being able to stay home with my babies always. I took a job once to be a secret shopper (reviewer) of a large popular chain of daycares... boy was that an awakening. I am so so grateful I never had to put my kids in daycare.
My parents ( now deceased ..)had 6 of us... I'm the oldest at 68..she didn't have Career/Degree..my Father was the College Graduate... my Mother was a stay at home...she cooked (From scratch...NO..fast food ....Urber in those days)...cleaned... Washed clothes on a RINGER. Washer..RAISED 4 boys..2 girls..yet these "Modern.. Women" can't stand....ONE..or..TWO❓❓❓❓.... pitiful.... and I'm a Black Man!
@@florencejoy5209but none of those things are necessities (other than homeschooling). Kids need to play outside in the yard and neighborhood again, not shuttled like they have a limo service. Kids need to work and do actual life instead of what we are raising them to do today: spoiled, entitled, lazy and no work ethic/skills.
Love this, I have 7 kids and it is a lot of work but so worth it. Modern appliances like washing machines & air fryers make it so much easier to raise children today than it would have been back in the day
If women had homes to tend, if men were being raised to be good husbands then I think women could maximize things like technology- however men aren’t men they are boys mentally and emotionally and women have to both nurture and provide.
The worst is when modern women who have only had 0-2 children shame families for have 3+ children, calling them "dumb" for having so many children and the mother "lazy" or "irresponsible" for being at home with them. It is actually being responsible to be mature adults, raising a family and taking care of your own children.
@@believestthouthis7 It's dumb if they just squeeze out random men's kids and suck off the taxpayer teat.
I completely relate to your example number two about nine minutes in. It took me nearly 2 years to stop asking my hubby if he was sure that I didn’t need to go back to work or if he felt OK being our sole breadwinner. We both see and appreciate the work that goes into raising our little family and I absolutely love being a stay at home mom (although finding my rhythm and loving it didn’t come so quickly either!).
I am one of those! I am 37 with 2 kids and LOVE my work… Came from a busy working mom herself… Spent time after school with a nanny, it was a good system and I was a happy kid… But the pull to stay with my baby was shockingly strong… I am now working from home because I do still love working and we need money…but Wednesdays and weekends and every day after 4:30 is with my kids… If I could do it all over again I would be full-time stay at home with the kids and try to figure out a way to survive on just my husband’s salary.
Hi Suzanne, thank you for your podcasts..they have been so helpful to me in solidifying my decision to stay home and raise my boys.. my eldest is now 2 while my youngest is 6 weeks old haha..i resigned from my legal career when my eldest was born .i initially thought of going back to work, but after he was born, i just could not leave him behind in someone else's care.. our only option was daycare because we do not have family available to help out..and i could not leave him with strangers not knowing whether he's being neglected, abused, bullied, ignored etc.. and the truth is, i think no one truly knows what really goes on in their child's daycare..i just could not risk anything bad happening to him while i was away..but i faced a lot of backlash when making this decision to leave my career undoubtedly..the primary people discouraging my decision being my own parents..who both went to work and left us as kids in the "care" of my grandma.. who was very hands off with her care..she only attended to us when we neded a diaper change and otherwise was minding her own business in the kitchen all day 😅..my brother and i were also never fed lunch because according to my grandma, it was iust too taxing for her.which i understand because of her age..but still, my parents made the decision to leave us with her all day while they worked 🤷
And when i ask my parents what my brother and i did all day while my parents were gone, they say they dont know because they were working..and they'll say that they never asked my grandma what happened with us throughout theday ..it makes me sad tbh seeing how little my parents truly cared about our wellbeing as kids..and this translates now to how they view my kids (their grandchildren).. my parents encourage me to send my kids to a daycare because "thats what everybody in your generation is doing" and say that children are resilient, they'll adapt to being away from you and my own mom even makes fun of the fact that I'm not "working" anymore..she tells me that one day my sons are going to fnd my court attire and ask me "oh mama, are you sure you used to work??" 😢
Its plenty of comments like this that affected my post partum period especially with my eldest son..i just wonder why is it socially acceptable to continue working and dropping a young child off at daycare not knowing whats happening with them but not socially acceptable to do what I'm doing..
I suggest you read Erica Komisar’s book “Being There” and memorize some statistics that you can share with your parents. Somebody needs to educate this twisted society and tell them the truth about what young children need. We might as well start with educating our own family members.
I used to get hurt and discouraged by my mom’s comments. These days I take every negative comment as an opportunity to educate my parents on early childhood development. I share statistics and research with them that I’ve memorized and it usually makes them stop and think.
I was home Solis for 4 years wirh my twins, I went back part-time last year because I wanted an outlet for my problem solving skills that weren't reorganizing my house for the 100th time. I am still part time, but now work from home and tag team child care with my boss, sometimes we just work from the same kitchen table together. It is so nice be there for everything. ❤
I unfortunately sought a career even after a had my son in my mid 20s🤦🏽♀️They lied to us ya’ll. My life was so stressful😭😭😭 I was blessed to have the opportunity to become a stay at home mom when my oldest entered his teenage years😮💨It made a difference in my family’s lives and actually makes me happier to be home with the kids😊
I feel more balanced and emotionally available to the people I loved too❤
@AlbertNewton-bf6cr He wouldn’t be my husband if he didn’t❤️😊
What started as a social issue has now shifted to a financial expectation and capitalism has taken advantage of the two-income household. The children are not okay because of it. Nobody has time or capacity for the them anymore and the effects are showing. We have more mentally unstable and anxious children than ever before😔
@AlbertNewton-bf6cr 45 and American.
@AlbertNewton-bf6cr Thank you😊
Before I became a SAHM of 2 toddlers, I was in my career as a Sign Language interpreter. I remember doing an internship and had an opportunity to complete another semester after graduation. I decided not to complete other semester because I wanted to become a mom. When I told my mentor at the time, ( who is also a female sign language interpreter) she had this look on her face of disappointment & wished me the best. I do not regret my decision being that I have a supportive husband & 2 beautiful smart girls.
Thank you for being the voice in the wilderness encouraging moms. I have a 27 and 23 yr old sons and remember how much joy I had raising them and being a wife to my hardworking man. I remember when I found Dr. Laura on the radio, she was such an encouragement as well. God bless.
God bless you, Suzanne! I always wanted to be a wife and mom, but of course that was not an acceptable goal. Got lots of education and successful in a career I enjoyed, but thankfully got married and became Catholic at 33, which allowed my husband and I the courage to live on my husbands income and embrace children. I now have 3 under 4 and am so blessed to be home with them. I get very emotional thinking how narrowly I escaped being miserable in a career with no or a small family with kids in daycare. Without God, it seems very hard for men and women to have the strength make the jump to this countercultural but most natural of lifestyles. My heart aches for the children being raised in daycare - often while their parents sit working from home! Thank you for working to change hearts and minds, I pray more will turn to God and do what is best for children and society.
My husband and I struggled with infertility for 12 years. Through embryo adoption I was able to carry our child who was born when we were 41. He is now 7 and I love getting to homeschool him and enjoy a slower pace of life. He doesn’t fit into the mold of public school so getting to meet his unique needs on a one-on-one basis is amazing. We love cooking/baking from scratch, reading aloud, building lego and exploring nature. I am a therapist, so I see clients one day a week and my husband and son have a guys day while I'm working. They love to wrestle, build fires, read aloud, swim, do woodwork, and build circuits together. We're so grateful for the slow paced life we have. No regrets!
Finally after almost 2 years of my mom taking care of my son, my husband and I have adjusted our life to keep me home. I plan to quit next month but I am terrified. Thank you for your content. I felt so guilty for wanting to stay home with my kids.
I feel bad for the lady who said she wanted to stay home but didn’t want to disappoint her “team” at work. I think the team will find someone else. You have every right to be home with your child if this is what you wish to do and can do it. Don’t have your mother-in-law do it if this is your dream!! 🙏💖💖
It’s so hard for millennial women to undo what was hard wired. After living for “you” for 30 something years, it’s hard to reprogram.
Thank you Suzanne for bringing the truth to light ❤
They’re brainwashed by feminism. Most will never change this mindset.
This topic is so important.
I want to say that everyone’s story is different. Maybe some people who immigrates without any extended family. The mom has to work to provide for her child not only financially but socially because that job might be their key to securing residency and not being deported. At this point I would say we all have to be a little bit more gracious to each other .
I am a stay-at-home mother of four kids and have observed, especially lately, that when I go out shopping or to a park or indoor play area during the week, I hardly see any fellow mothers! At stores it's a lot of retired folks and at parks/play areas there's a lot of grandparents with their grandkids. I have to admit it can be sort of lonely, especially when my husband is in the office. Sometimes you just want to relate and have conversations with another mother about "mom life." My children have made friends with other children at the park and many times there isn't a mother there to exchange numbers with so that we can start a friendship. My two youngest are not in full-day school yet and there is not one single mother and her child(ren) home during the day to play with! Our neighborhood is completely dead outside during work hours. It's depressing!! Our feminist career mom/daycare culture has hurt everyone!
Wow I’m crying as I watch this 💖🙏✨ I miss my daughter… I’m in the middle of this transition. Thank you so much for your message, your words. I felt that I got lied to, that to be successful you must make 6 figures as a woman, but after I became a mother, it was an identity crisis.. she willl only be 3 once. I can always make money later. Thank you 🙏
Can't blindside me I saw how terrible I was as a kid so now I don't have any
Also a mum from Sydney, Australia and that mum is spot on with the attitudes towards daycare and SAHMs here. It’s very much the norm for kids to start daycare from 6 months old - 1 year old which is so sad! The cost of living here is absolutely exorbitant and contributing to this and the rise of latch key kids. A lot of women also very much prioritise their careers and don’t see the value in being a SAHM. You’re right Suzanne, we very much need to reject society’s attitudes towards women staying at home and raising their kids.
Thank you, Suzanne. I hear similar stories on videos from young women who work all the time and don't have a partner. They feel empty. Also, women who put fun first and years later can't find a husband in their 30s and 40s. They waited to start thinking about family and feel they too were lied to. Who are they listening to that they've made these choices?
Also, I'm seeing my 30-something-year-old female peers fall apart now, wondering why the job and the pets and the plants aren't cutting it. I feel for them, because I was there too. Here's the formula:
Ya need Jesus.
Find a solid Christian man. Get married in a reasonable amount of time.
Have babies if you can.
It's hard sometimes, but I'll take difficulty over emptiness any day.
I wonder how many people are actually able to believe that stuff.
Very true. Half of my friends from high school are still unmarried and childless, some single. We’re all in our late thirties now so for most of them it’s over. I know only one friend is childless by choice, for the rest it just happened, they were too distracted by their careers.
I’m so thankful I met Jesus in my early twenties and became saved. I’m the only Stay at Home Mom in my group of friends from high school. I’m pregnant with baby number two this year and it’s a miracle that I didn’t end up like all my liberal friends. Thank you Jesus! 🙏🏻
No they just need to accept they fucked up and for many of them it’s too late. Jesus doesn’t deliver husbands to the door of women who aren’t wives.
Looking back on my childhood makes me so sad. I hated school and needed so much more emotional care from my mom. I remember the first day of school crying and literally begging my mom in the car to not make me go...I was told I'd be in trouble with daddy if I don't go. And so I realized that I can't trust her with my feelings. I have a very hard time being vulnerable and open with her today given that pattern of treatment growing up. I'm now a SAHM breaking that mindset!! Our boy has never called anyone else "mama" and I'm so grateful. I know me and my husband are doing what's best :)
Unfortunately I am the primary breadwinner due to a lack of proper education earlier in life. I am a first time mom at 31 and I wish I could turn back time and make many, many different decisions. Our best solution so far is having my baby stay with a lady that looks after only 3 little ones full time. Luckily, I only have a 40 hour work week, with no overtime or away from home work. Unfortunately, we cannot make due without my salary, the South African economy is unforgiving. Blessings to all the moms living through this heartache. Our hearts bleed together ❤
So amazing!!! I love what the lady said that : why is it not okay to ask why are your kids in daycare and when do you plan to get them out of daycare.
I'm waiting until I'm in my 40s to have a child. SUZANNE YOU are AWESOME !!! I subscribed today ☺️❤❤😊
Your topics are so inspiring and relevant to subculture 😊😊
Thank you Suzanne for starting this conversation. Looking forward to reading your book :)
This is why I tell young women to try to marry an older man who makes good money, if you want kids.
Another priceless vlog from Suzanne. Keep on doing what you’re doing! ❤🙏🏻
It’s mind-boggling to me that that woman chose not wanting to let her coworkers down over her own child. Does she not realize that if she left her job her coworkers would forget about her within a few weeks?
My mother was stay at home, yet raised me to be independent.
Such evil.
I’m gen x. My father provided and we kids adored. She’s an abuser.
Anyway, my adult children suffer the consequences of my working 12.5 hour nights full time.
It’s very, very, sad. I’m hurt everyday, still. It never goes away or mends.
Yes many women unfortunately were raised by moms like yours. Just evil feminists who cared more about themselves than their children
Your mother is a product of her culture. At least you have a but of financial power. Stay strong!
the problem is we have no plan to begin with, we just go to college as we were told to do, then we live a self absorbed life for five to ten years before we are hit with reality of needing a plan
100% this is is the problem. that's why i wrote a different plan for women w my new book!
Thank you for this important conversation and for championing women to stand in their God given power as mothers. Praying we all stand in our wisdom to reap the longstanding benefits of the prioritization of our children rather than be swallowed & spit out by the current culture’s agenda to prioritize us for their own profiteering.
We are detached and programmed by trauma. It’s hard to get there and heal it. When you find out and recover, then you are ready to be a good mother.