Why Was Your Ex Afraid To Commit?
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- A fear of commitment can ultimately lead to the end of a relationship. Your ex may have had a difficulty committing or taking things in the relationship to the next level. In this video, we unpack where fears of commitment come from and some of the factors keeping people from committing to their significant other.
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CRAIG WAS RIGHT!!! My ex reached out to me during our coaching call today!!!!
🙌
@@CoachCraigKenneth I sent him an emotional text after a blowup. He said he loves me but can't take up pressure of relationship. He is avoidant and has to undergo surgery . Should I check on with him about it... instead of no contact.. he has multiple health issues and hence haven't been able to do no contact.. this presents problem with no contact and am not able to move on. He is disorganised
After over 5 years with an avoidant and not having any of my needs met ( bare minimum) I had to walk away for good 2 weeks ago. I brought it up in several conversations, I worked on myself and I now realize what I deserve. I love myself and I deserve to have my needs met
Girl, you're not alone. I had to do the same with my avoidant of 6 years. I walked away after he ghosted me.
@@jessie7017 he was never “ready” it was always “ I need to be financially stable” “I need to pay off my debt first” “I need a better job” “ I need to buy a new car” and THEN we can think of moving forward with the relationship (marriage)
He was in a great situation(position). It seemed like he was stalling. He was just super avoidant
@@biancadelarosa7986 who is that?
This was literally me. I was an avoidant but I spoiled her in other ways. But it wasn’t enough and my issues got in the way. Now that I’m learning about things, I have foundation on how to approach my relationships. I was stubborn to learn during the our time together, so during this time of separation, I’m really learning the skills to support and be with them.
I left a guy I really liked after I realized he was being self-centered and avoidant. His parents broke up when he was an infant, his mom has been presumed BPD and had rotating men in the house, and his sister is formally diagnosed with BPD. I think about how he treated me and how he acted like I was a play thing than an actual human at times. I felt like I learned a lot about myself though and what I want. I’m an anxious attached person, but I’m trying to reconcile my expectations and my tendency to be co-dependent. Choosing a healthy partner is hard. But more and more everyday I wonder when I’m going to find my person...but I’m see that I need to just be true to myself - love me first and recognize my needs. Standing up for yourself is ok and telling boundaries should feel safe. Keep your head up. Xoxox
I realized my ex was exactly like my mother who abused me every day. He never physically hurt me but he would text hurtful words but he would talk differently on the phone to others. Accidentally in my googling research I stumbled on Cinderella Syndrome also called Target Child Syndrome which now made sense why my mother picked me to be abused among 4 children. Unknowingly I did not believe that I deserve those abuse and that she’s wrong. That helped me survive until I left home at 21. And I found now that im not alone and there’s a lot like me , Cinderella survivors 💖💖💖💞
Thanksgiving because of your videos which greatly help me to dive deep to the core why I should break off from the ex that “I used to love”a million thanks 🙏
The Avoidant is attracted to the Anxious due to the attention given by them. The anxious attachment allows the avoidant to maintain control. Most decisions in the relationship are on the avoidant terms. The anxious are willing to do almost anything to please. To avoid abandonment.
I am a Secure attachment. With a shadow Avoidant attachment style.
@@biancadelarosa7986no not at all
All 3 of you guys are great to watch I love the humor from you 3 I'm glad I can share these laughs with you guys,a year ago I couldnt crack a smile to my situation my ex was an avoidant and I am an anxious attachment female,and it was the most painful,frustrating and hurtful,relationship I ever been in in my entire life!.wish my ex would watch you guys but he doesn't think hes an avoidant lol this channel has change my life and giving me soooooo much of an understanding of why things were the way that they were,my ex was a great guy, he just couldn't commit not even on a basic level and he never fallowed through on anything he said,I know he meant well though broke up with me when things were always going really well as soon as I thought we were getting it right bam!.ghosting STONEWALLING,ignoreing refusing to pick up my calls,or answer my texts,making up random excuses that didnt make sense I now understand he was just deactivating instead of explaining he needed a break after spending time he felt like ghosting was the only way because he had been doing this to females his entire life I feel really bad for him and avoidants in general they get a really bad rap and are often mistaken for narcissist but they are just full of fear and were not taught examples on how to love or communicate it in a healthy manner they crave and want love deep down as well and I have a lot of compassion for that it can be difficult to deal with but we all have our stuff and flaws I'm grateful for the knowledge I now have because Im now able to show my ex grace,I just wish I knew this stuff when we were actually together lol it would have saved us both the time and energy but you live and you learn...
Well said!!
I am undergoing this specific issue at the moment. Taking a brief pause to search for better common ground.
I'm the dumper; although it doesn't feel like it?
I let him go 2.5 weeks ago.
Everything was perfect --until we went on a long weekend away and we got super close the first day.
He cut the trip short bc I snore?!! I kid you not.
He snores too!!! He knew I snored before he booked 2 nights away?🤷🏽♀️
I got the vibe he didn't like all of that intimacy.
He's introduced me to his mother, sister, best friend as his girlfriend--but after that trip--he denied we were a couple?!!!🤦🏽♀️
I told him so needed a man that was consistent.
He didn't step up--so I dipped.
I lean anxious to secure. I'm only anxious around his type (avoidant). Otherwise--I'm pretty chill.
Is there any hope?
Any update? How long were you together?
These are so helpful. I had no idea about attachment styles and this explains everything!!
After following the channel for most of the year, I can pinpoint exactly why. Next time around with whoever, I'll have a better understanding of how to approach talks about this sort of thing.
Again, how very true! My ex and I are still friends, but of course I am still in love and he has some strange attachment to me and will not walk away from me. I guarantee it’s one of the weirdest things ever.
They still want your attention. Probably trying to move on but not having any luck. Will disappear if someone else takes their fancy. Cut them off otherwise if they’re in the background, it holds you back from moving on. Good luck.
been with my girl 2 beautiful months. She got scared 1 month ago and pulled back, she said she needs space and I'm offering it but we are broken up. We talk daily and she calls me every couple of days. I'm hanging out for her.
Alawys good to hear the three interpretations or veiews on a topic, my ex girlfriend and one time fience was the one between the two of us who would always eventually be despatate for commitment between us but ended the relationship each time on more than one occasion when it came to the point of commitment which she had imitated . Explanation ?
Great video about avoidant! 😁
If only I've watched this prior to the energy shifts... At least I can use the knowledge shared here for future reference.😉
I am not entirely sure if this applies with my ex as far as attachment issues. We were together 5 years (2 LDR), and when we were so close to closing the gap with me relocating to him (as we talked about so much) he said he couldn’t see a future anymore. He is close with his parents (different culture and he still lives with them as it’s normal) and they have a loving relationship so I get confused on if he has this avoidant attachment style or not.
How the deal with an avoidant ex? Do you have advice on that? Knowing where i stems from is one thing, dealing with it is quite another thing… For me the answer was/is: you know what I desire and I respect the fact you can’t give it to me now…but for my own health we better have no contact, unless you ever change your mind…haven’t heard from her since then, although she checks my IG stories eg almost always as the first… Not sure what to make of this, but I have to admit it still makes me wonder…have done the right thing? Should I approach this differently? …
You forgot that avoidants don't welcome discussions...!
Thank you for this. Divine timing
I'm confused about my last relationship. My ex girlfriend if 2 years was either very avoidant or narcissist. Together 2 years but it was a rollercoaster every 6 months she would walk away only to get back with me 3 weeks later. We did have a great time together going overseas on holiday and concerts ,she met my family and things were going great but cracks would appear especially after returning from a holiday . We never lived together but I spent every weekend at her place, she would say to me that she is an alpha female and she sabotages relationships . I loved her and I saw a future together. It's been 18 months since she dumped me and every day I still think about her I'm not sure she thinks about me but I know that I was loyal supportive in our relationship ...she did say in the end I was desperate and needy so I guess I smothered her,I didn't think I was it was just me being myself and showing love and being committed to her through good times and bad. After the split I chased her for 7 months only to get her angry at me and have a court hand me a domestic violent order ...I wasn't violent I was stalking her something I'm not proud of but I was in an emotional wreck I couldn't believe it was over and I wanted to know if I had been replaced ...I should have done no contact from the start . I hope one day she will realise that I was a a good man and that my behaviour after she dumped me was coming from a crushed person not a crazy person. Is she avoidant or narcissist ? She is friends with my 23 year old daughter and that seems odd to have that connection when she left me shattered
Bruh.. she was a cheater.
@@KarmicSlayer I don't know that she was a cheater as we spent every weekend together, I'm thinking more avoidant as she felt smothered. If I started to date anyone during the time apart when she split she became jealous ...
@@michaelferguson1934 Only time a woman complains about being smothered by a dude is when she's not into him.
@@michaelferguson1934 Ya she's jealous cause she wanted attention from you but didn't want you. You guys need to learn these modern women better. Pull your heads out of the clouds ya it's gonna hurt but you won't repeat the same mistakes if you do.
Is it okay to call someone that you have been together for 3years as your ex when they never committed to you for a serious relationship?
Why would you want that dynamic? Your answer is in the question?
Update?
🙄 I ain't even gonna play this video cause the answer is simple.. The dude didn't commit because he just wasn't in deep lust or love with you. Dealing with dishonest people can be annoying. Rejection is a part of living.. they leave FINE! wipe your hands of them.. don't look back and move on!! Wayyy too many people in this world to invest your time in then to get all hung up on someone who was just not that into you.
@@biancadelarosa7986 Do you need help recognizing when someone isn't asking from r your help.
@@annafredo2197 How about NO.. go away spammers
Great advice
I see my ex’s kids in the street & they acknowledge me enthusiastically , we were very close ( I broke up with their mum a year ago) we live less than a mile
away so it’s inevitable- is it wrong for me to ask to take them for tea as a catch up as they show they are happy seeing me ?
And this my friends is why you should never date single mothers..those aren't your kids when the fall out happens but those kids can get attached and become scarred from this.
@@karenchavez556 Let me guess you are one?
@@karenchavez556 😑 Karen
Is there such thing as a serial monogamist?
Good job ...☺on the video
I'm just watching videos right now thank you for helping 🙏 ☺ 😊 you have a nice rest of the day
🤗