@@1wasserbitte255 Did you look at America in recent Years? It's just as bad if not worse. Germany is by no means the best and no one of us has anything to do with Adolf or the Nazis in general. That time is long over and we still hate everything that happened back then.
@@Glaswalker1001 No, it's pretty obvious. It's that kind of holpriges Deutsch that Google Translate produces, pronounced by two guys who don't speak german. But yeah, the nordic languages indeed often sound like a mixture between german and english.
@@Sycokay possible. Haven't been using Google translate for many years, but one might imagine that they are at least as good as their competitors. Because I haven't seen anything this gibberish in at least two decades. Edit: I looked up the Skript... It's really German but extremely gibberish.
Dr. Seuss: At that very moment the Krauts hearts grew three sizes that day😄. Ummm😕.... Metaphorically I meant, Good God those hearts are disturbingly vainy!!!!😱
I breathe heavily and I’m white and blonde hair and blue eyed and Germanic American. It’s just that we get excited over everything, we’re thinking of all the possible contingents and how we can articulately destroy someone in an argument.
As a person who can speak dutch I can assure you that it is nowhere near it. Also doesn’t sound German either as I am supposed to understand even a few words but I wasn’t able to
@@MeitanteiKevin I would translate it as "Was ist braun und klebrig?" An was denkt man denn bei „Braun und stockig?“ Bei „brown and sticky“ I think about shit.
Valentin S. Well To be fair they helped us whenever the British were having fun with us. Only fair help right? But at the end of the day if we told France to fuck off during both World wars as long y’all didn’t come have fun over here state side most people wouldn’t care if y’all win either war.
I used to work as a flight attendant and I would always make the same dumb joke: asking ladies over 30 if they are 18+ when they order drinks. They would all laugh except for the German ladies who always told me seriously "Yes, we are older than 18."
@@mrrandom1265 dafuck xD i am a grown ass man and get asked sometimes cause of me wearing a hoodie and an medical mask. if they arent 100% sure that ure adult they are legaly forced to ask for documents.
@@rey6708 except that nobody cares if you're an adult or not when you buy alcohol unless you have a baby face. We don't live in a fucked up society where we ask 40 years old if they're 18. We can trust our eyes.
@@mrrandom1265 except they care a fuck ton cause the first thing the police asks teens is where they got theire alcohol or cigarettes so they can and absolutely will show up there to fuck up the person that sold it. here in germany and over in austria and switzerland u are basically done with your job if you did. and no, its not about a babyface, its about u loosing ur job when you make that mistake and some people here having a fullbeard at 15-16 while being 1,90-2,00cm.
wanna hear a german joke? a nun, a blonde, a dutch and a german sitting in a train and traveling thru the mountains. the train enters a tunnel and it becomes dark. you hear a loud slap after leaving the tunnel, you can see the dutch holding his face in pain. the nun thinks: "that naughty dutch has tried to touch the blonde woman and got smacked. the blonde thinks: the naughty dutch has tried to touch the nun and got smacked. the german thinks: great, in the next tunnel i can slap that dutch again.
Yeah this is closer but I used to know a semi german girl, and she told me a koke that really was ‚surreal‘, in that it was funny because it didnt quite make sense but it felt funny, which I think is the essence of bad german humor
@@michaelgoldmane2010 As @Careful Icarus said, it was really dumb, something about a horse and a dust particle, it didn't make any sense. But it made her laugh when she said it and she said the first time her family heard it they couldn't stop laughing. If it made any sense I might have remembered it.
Corona management proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that german efficiency is a myth and always have been when it comes to doing constructive things (e.g. not killing innocents)
@@someoneinthecrowd4313 you forget about the other 5 million of political prisoners, queers, dissabled, pow's my man. 11 million in 4 years to be exact.
It would make perfect anti-german propaganda are there heavy breathing At that very moment the Krauts hearts grew three sizes. Ummm? Metaphorically good God someone needs to call the doctor those hearts look extremely veiny and about to burst!!!😂😂😂
Two German acquaintances meet on the street. One of them says, "I hear you're a pole-vaulter." The other says, _"Nein! I am German and my name is not Walter!"_
An American, an Englishman, and a German walk into a bar. The American orders a Budweiser, the Englishman orders a pint of Carling. The German orders a coke and says to the other two "If you won't drink beer, I won't either."
It's probably because the joke is about Germans not having sence of humor so we want to at least let you know that German doesn't sound that gross in real life 😅 But yes, its very ironic😂 I'm German myself btw
This joke is actually funny Because in germany if you shoot someone with a gun its called ,,treffen" And if you meet your freind Its also called ,,Treffen" This joke just does not work Because Its poorly translanted
Conan O'Brien once brought on a German comedian. He actually dared us to declare war on them, as long as it's a one on one fight, and not bring the rest of the world with us.
How many Americans do you need to exchange a light bulb? Only one, but he needs an assistant who shows him in which direction he must turn the bulb. Best wishes from Germany😉
@Careful Icarus 90 percent of german humor is laughing about german things like bureaucracy, weird words and over politicians. You've propably never met a German in your entire life and just assume things that you don't know shit about. If you're french you're just a fucking disgrace for your otherwise great country that doesn't need this crybully-bullshit
I'm glad that they added english subtitles so we germans can actually understand what he's saying. EDIT: "Calm down guys, this is just a joke. There's no need to start a debate in the replies."
@@BB-wm4ti Well to be give you my best guess as a german.. the guy speaking was 100% american who never heard an ounce of german and the google tts that he used to hear the pronounciation was put on dutch.
@@Bruh-hq1hx we don’t care. That’s not the joke. It’s the fact that you guys are acting in the same way as the cartoon. Not the fact of what the cartoon is saying. It isn’t the joke
@@benjones5610 No the Joke is that the Amerikans think thats german while its absolute obvius that its not. Tells us the same like before about American Peopel EvRy CoUnTrY iS tHe SaMe iN EuRoPe -Stuart White super south state cry baby that votet for Trump and is too dump too see its obvious not german language.
On D-Day, my grampa was personally responsible for the downing of 2 stukas, 3 messerschmitts, a focke-wolfe fighter and at least two reconaissance airplanes, don't know the type. Worst goddamn mechanic in the whole luftwaffe.
Nah, the best Python-related joke about Germany is from Fawlty Towers: “Would you stop mentioning the war?” “What? Me? But you started it!” “No we did not!” “Yes you did, you invaded Poland!”
Python are also responsible for: " French are easy to insult; anything will do. Germans are notoriously difficult to insult. Try setting fire to them or calling their Mercedes Volkswagens."
A german guy is visiting USA for the first time. During immigration questioning officer asks a question: Officer: Occupation ? Guy: no,no .. just visiting.
@@niklasw.1297Quote:" what did America have to do with germany in the 1700s?" Hessian soldiers fought against us in our War for Independence. George Washington defeated a large Hessian force at Trenton on Christmas Day in 1776, for example. Many Hessians deserted and became Americans.
My late stepfather was German, and I can say that Germans can be pretty funny sometimes. Most of his humour came from just making a brutally honest off-hand comment the moment you least expected. It was mostly about timing and deadpanned delivery.
@@ingusmant it's not easy to give examples, as they wouldn't actually sound very funny, because, as I said, it was mostly about the timing and the delivery. One he'd do sometimes was whenever he got annoyed at someone, when they parted ways he'd use a common farewell expression that roughly translated as "go with God" but he'd change the ending so it became something like "go with God, but GO", so he basically meant "I wish you the best, but just get the fuck out of my sight".
Accurate. Maybe German humor has the roots of English humor, but German is less malicious, more silly and harmless. English humor likes to dissect peoples skin with an air of calm - that is pretty malicious, but they like to think it’s superior.
The cannibal joke is one of the most oddly hilarious bits of comedy ever, it fits perfectly into a lot of people’s perceptions of Germans, that of being stern, dark and humourless.
It has nothing to do with thinking Germans are stern and humorless. When Germans tell jokes, they tend to just be straightforward statements like this with no punchline. I knew a German who visited from Germany and when he made jokes it was exactly like this every time. My friend and I would ask him to tell us jokes so we could laugh at how unfunny German humor is. We also would show him memes about German humor and he would never get them, but take them seriously.
@@ronfleming8775 correct, i guess with merkel on the right side is guido westerwelle, at this time he was our foreign minister and vice chancellor. on the left the woman could be ursula von der leyen who was minister of labour and social affairs, not sure who the men on the left side is, i have read somewhere that this is wolfgang schäuble. president who speaks is christian wulff.
Bruh the roman empire would like to have a word with you. The brits also have plenty of decent food, if a bit rustic it's still very tasty when done right. As for the germans...ok
@@mercatorjubio3804 educate myself eh? Well just see. Germany as a state didn’t even exist until 1871, which means that there was only a window of 62 years between its founding and the beginning of the “Nazi Era”. That’s less than a life time. Now, in that little window of time, I’m sure Germany wasn’t getting into all sorts of horrific bullshit with the other equally arrogant great power, right? No crushing boxer rebellions or, dunno, starting a whole other World War! Oh and I’m sure that the once proud Germany and it’s predecessor states were certainly not abusing the Jews at all. I’m sure once I “educate” myself I’ll find just a sparkling record of relations with the Jewish community. No hidden massacres here and there, right? Yep, before the Nazi’s, there was nothing dark happening in proud old Germany that’s for sure! But what would I know? I’m uneducated.🖕
True story: I recently matched with a girl from Berlin on a dating app. She wrote on her profile “I have a great sense of humor” so I teased her by saying the Germans I’ve known never have a sense of humor. Instead of taking it as a joke, she got offended and said she was no longer interested in talking to me. Which didn’t help my dating prospects… but sort of proved my point
Ein Franzose und ein deutscher sitzen in einer Kneipe beide lachen und haben Spaß da sagt der Franzose ich wusste gar nicht das deutsch Spaß haben können da sagt der deutsch grinsend das letzte mal als wir Deutschen richtig Spaß hatten mussten die Amerikaner euch helfen
I've read the memories of a Spanish who was in Germany at the time and he claims that in fact you could joke openly about Nazi leaders but germans had a genuine respect towards Hitler, the people only selfconstrained about Himmler. Other than that it's mostly allies propaganda. It even has a list of jokes about Hitler, Göbbels and Göring. It was only after the fail Valkyrie operation that the Gestapo and SS put more attention to the jokes and anyways by October of 1944 germans in general weren't on mood for jokes.
Gerard sOchoa the nazis perhaps didn't police private conversations as much as the east german stasi later did, but they did heavily suppress anti-nazi public comedy of all types and other artistic expression. there is a somewhat famous case in which they almost tried to get a guy in finland prosecuted for teaching his dog to do a nazi salute as a joke.
@@Ass_of_Amalek You are talking about Modern Germany and UK. Besides that, i know that the roman salute was upheld as national salute on August of 1944 after the murdering attempt so it makes sense the prosecution. The mockering of national symbols was something very serious in many countries back in the day. I'm Mexican and still is a federal crime the mockering of national symbols and i know for sure is the same in Brazil and Argentina but most of time nobody bothers to do a prosecution.
I know a better one. Not German though. Stalin wakes in the morning and goes to the balcony to see the rising sun. "Good morning comrade sun!" Stalin says to the sun. "Good morning comrade stalin." the sun replies back. Later in the day Stalin gazes up and sees the sun high up in the sky. "Good day comrade sun!" Stalin says to the sun. "Good day comrade Stalin." the sun replies back. Later in the evening when Stalin is getting ready to go to bed he sees the setting sun. "Good night comrade sun!" Stalin says to the sun. "Fuck you! Commie bastard! I'm in the west now!" the sun replies back.
I was put in Facebook "jail" for 30 days for making a similar joke about the 1940 Tour de France. But that's not the only kicker; they got me 19 months after making it.
@@moritztabor1678 That's what I said, too. Funny enough, I was initially only jailed for a week or maybe 10 days. But after I appealed their punishment, it was increased to 30. Suffice to say I then issued FB a permanent exile from my life, and I'm all the better for it.
Two Dutchmen board a flight to London. One takes the window seat, the other sits next to him in the middle seat. Shortly before takeoff, a German sits down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the German takes off his shoes, wiggles his toes and gets comfortable when the Dutchman in the window seat says, "Excuse me, I have to get up and get a Coke." "Don't get up," says the German, "I'm sitting on the aisle. I'll get you your Coke." No sooner does he get up than one of the Dutchmen takes one of his shoes and spits in it. When he returns with the Coke, the other Dutchman says, "That looks good, I'd like one too." Again, the German agrees to get it. When he is gone, the other Dutchman takes the other shoe and spits in it as well. When the German returns, they all sit back and enjoy the flight. As the plane comes in for a landing, the German puts on his shoes and immediately realizes what has happened. "Why only?" he asks, "How long will this go on? This fight between our nations. This hatred. These animosities. This spitting-in-the-shoes and pissing-in-the-cola."
@@chesucat From the govt's point of view: As long as they are happy with rusty weaponry, very good. 🤢 From the peoples' point of view: If they can't fight for whatever reason and need shelter, everyone's welcome. 🤗 FCK PTN!
We had a German visit us. He did a stand up routine at our local club. He opening line was "Hello I'm Hans. A German comedian!" "That was my first joke...." A great comedian.
Good. The suffering we inflicted upon others and the suffering inflicted upon us is the defining property of the german people. We are doing remarkably well for a nation almost completely devoid of patriotism. It would seem that one doesnt need patriotism to build a great nation after all.
@@pablosturm6640 Lol Germans say they're not patriotic. But if you debate literally any issue with a German online, they will tell you how Germany is superior in every way and how other countries should do everything the way they do things.
I dunno, I mean I used to know a German guy who was very proud to be German. He also had a good sence of humour and just seemed like a really nice guy in general.
This is so not true Germans take great pride in their beer, engineering, culture and festivals. 4chan trolls need to meet more Germans who are proud of their achievements without the need of turning in vanilla isis and y'all qaeda militias that go on about the government infringing on their rights as they have to wear a mask.
To say it in the eternal words of Marc Uwe Kling: "Oh quite on the contrary, the book of German humor is huge, with lots and lots of pages. It's just not funny."
american schoolboy: makes a joke germany: starts breathing angrily with malicous intensions poland: starts sweating france: surrenders unconditionly russia: checks for the weather
Two drunk guys coincidentally meet in London, around midnight waiting on a red light. There's no car in sight anywhere, but the red light just won't turn green. After ten minutes, one guy turns to the other and asks "Na, auch Deutscher?"
@@someone-uz6we Berlin ist auch ein großer Schmelztiegel wie London oder New York. Kumpel von mir ist aus einer Ur Berliner Familie und in West Berlin in den 80ern aufgewachsen und sacht in seiner ecke wohnen inzwischen gefühlt mehr zu gezogene als Einheimische.
One of my favorite German jokes: 3 men stand atop the Eiffel Tower. The first one climbs the railing, jumps and gently glides downwards. Landing on the ground, he goes on to buy a croissant. The second one, too, climbs the railing, jumps and slowly floats downwards. After landing he goes to buy a crêpes suzette. The third one, a bit shaky, climbs the railing, jumps, plummets like a rock and splatters all over the pavement. The first two walk up and one says: "You know, for a pair of angels we're pretty cruel..."
Ich weiß einen besseren Als Angela Merkel sagte: "Der Islam gehört zu Deutschland", da hat Donald Trump erstmal den Atlas aufgeschlagen und gedacht: "Verdammt, wo sind die Deutschen jetzt wieder einmarschiert?"
A guy enters a bar that is on the second floor. He orders the same beer than the guy next to him, who is wasted. This guy says him: -See that beer? It is magic! With it one can jump through the window right here and not be harmed! -Really? -Yeah lemme show you! And the guy proceeds to jump through the window, and then reappears from the stairs completely fine. The other guy is impressed, and tries to jump too, but falls and crashes on the street. The barman says: -How stupid you can be when you're drunk, Superman.
When i see this clip i always remember a robin williams comedy special where he says he was on a german talk show and they asked him why comedy isn’t that big in Germany and he responded “do you think it’s because you killed all the funny people” and the german lady without batting an eye just said no.
I'm German. This is totally funny. Especially the danish accent showing that for americans all of those languages sound the same. Is as funny as Charlie Chaplins Great Dictators German. And believe me: Germans can be very funny 😂
@@mhecht2909 ofc we can be. I'm german aswell and I'm not even mad about other nations thinking we aren't funny I just don't think its fun at all. I think a german accent or when they make everyone talk like Hitler is funny. I just don't know where the we arent funny Stereotype comes from. Its prolly cause we're known for our discipline and our language sounds harsh but thats pretty much it
I'm pretty sure it wasn't supposed to be real German. It was probably supposed to be as "accurate" as the French, Spanish, Arabic, and Korean in Team America World Police
A German guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a bowl movement every day at 7 am.” The doctor looks at him and says, “that’s great, what seems to be the problem?” The German guy answers and says, “I wake up at 10 everyday.”
@@---jx3ql Are u delusional? France fought against Germany almost same amount of time as Poland, but instead of Poland France had better army than Germany had XD just pussies like today ;]
@@vermilion7777 lot of Indian and Pakistani for what I've heard. The whole world is pretty much mixture but my point is the name, england name comes from the anglo tribes and the anglos as the saxons were literally Germanic tribes, the joke doesn't work if it's a German who tells it.
I am pretty sure both Germany and England are considered to have some of the ugliest women. I dont know if its true or not... The reasons for it could be numerous, here are my guesses: -Both are first world countries. People in such nations tend to have bad habits such as lacking exercise thus being overweight, and being able to afford to eat as much as you want -Both are male-dominated societies. So if you go to a bar or a night club, you're going to see many more men. So there is a lot of competition for females, which might make it seem that attractive females are few. In contrast to this would be eastern european countries, where most places you go, you'll find more women than men (as many men are alcoholics or poor or dead) -Modern women in both these countries may not be as traditionally feminine as in other countries. They may not worry about their looks. In contrast to this, again, would be eastern european countries where girls from a young age try to always appear their best by wearing makeup/high heels/thin body/etc. -Could be something with the diet, which could have had an effect on genes over many generations, such as eating more meats and such and also getting less vitamin D via sunlight -Taking a wild guess here but could be something related to how German/English facial features respond to makup. Some women, it is known, can go from a 5/10 to a 10/10 just by well-applied makeup. This does not work on every face. Its possible that, generally, English and Grerman faces are not as easily changed with makup. This would mean that women from these countries are just as attractive as from anywhere else, in their natural form, but when factoring in makeup, they fall behind in terms of beauty. -Immigrants. Every country has different immigration policies and practices. Its possible that there are many more male immigrants to these countries, for example, thus limiting the number of women in comparison
That cannibal joke is brilliant anti-comedy. They way the joke interrupts itself, uses the harshest language possible, and has no punch line, yet is still genuinely surprising, generating the same effect as a really good punch line. It's incredible because it's so funny. but you could never tell it as a joke yourself.
@@navjotsandhu3892 i think it's more a reference to the German Cannibal Armin Meiwes who was looking to eat another mans penis en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes
you mean the jews because if you're talking about french it means you have exacly no knowledge of france and french but it's quit understandable , since you know they burned all the smart books because it didn't fit in nazi limited intellectual standards
well; if we let history talk the germans is a joke ti france since much of germany history is related ot charlemagne and so france and napoelon who cruhsed the german so many times they had to sign peace treaty every day
Jesus looking back at this 8 months on why y'all so salty? All the European nations are a joke to each other, we all hate eachother. If you ask me, who cares I mean really it's just a piece of land with some colours.
German at the French border. "Occupation?" - "no, only tourism"
😂😂😂
@Johannes Terzis ok, but kokes are not made to be historically accurate....
@Johannes Terzis Germany will always stay the bad country forever with hitler n stuff.... Sorry deal with it
@Johannes Terzis and they still retain a quite a few colonies.
@@1wasserbitte255 Did you look at America in recent Years? It's just as bad if not worse. Germany is by no means the best and no one of us has anything to do with Adolf or the Nazis in general. That time is long over and we still hate everything that happened back then.
I love it how Trey and Matt simply used Google Translate and tried to read what they saw there
You think they didn't plan this out?
Is this legit? I honestly thought it was Danish or something.
@@Glaswalker1001 No, it's pretty obvious. It's that kind of holpriges Deutsch that Google Translate produces, pronounced by two guys who don't speak german. But yeah, the nordic languages indeed often sound like a mixture between german and english.
@@Sycokay possible. Haven't been using Google translate for many years, but one might imagine that they are at least as good as their competitors. Because I haven't seen anything this gibberish in at least two decades.
Edit: I looked up the Skript... It's really German but extremely gibberish.
Bruhh it's fucking South Park 😂 who gives a shit about the shitty ass language LMFAO honestly that just makes it funnier
2 Germans in a bar in London:
- 2 Martinis, please.
- Dry?
- NEIN! ZWEI!
”Can I become a steak please?“
😂😂😂
Kolja.Gamer Die gute, alte Schulzeit
?
@@em-rg3xf "dry" is pronounced as three in German, "nein, zwei" means "no, two".
"You are about to die and be eaten" is such a classic--always use it as an icebreaker.
😂
*ischenbraker
Great pick up line
I still wonder if it was a reference to Armin Meiwes...
I bet that pickup line works wonders at the park or something
South Park: riffs on Germans having no sense of humour.
Germans in the comments: "these accents are completely inaccurate."
🤣🤣🤣🍻
😂😂😂😂 soo true
Oh wow 😂😂
Best!
Got us!
I like how not even the Germans are laughing at their own jokes.
Yeah, that's most inaccurate :P
What do you mean? You can see by their facial expressions that they're laughing their asses off.
We can't laugh, we are not able too
@@OoOoOo-we3dn Yeah, it's a genetic disorder.
Germans take their humour very seriously
The heavy breathing is the best part
Dr. Seuss: At that very moment the Krauts hearts grew three sizes that day😄. Ummm😕.... Metaphorically I meant, Good God those hearts are disturbingly vainy!!!!😱
Ja ja ja ja ja
I breathe heavily and I’m white and blonde hair and blue eyed and Germanic American. It’s just that we get excited over everything, we’re thinking of all the possible contingents and how we can articulately destroy someone in an argument.
So atmen wir Deutschen immer.
☝😐
Meine Theorie, Darth Vader war ein Deutscher.
Totally agree
This feeling when you have to read the subtitles as a native German to understand what he's actually saying 😂
Knock wurst, knock wurst
Exactly. Hilarious. I still don’t understand every word. 😂😂
Es klingt wie Jiddisch, selbst für das Ohr eines Russen. Stimmt, ich habe 6 Jahre lang Deutsch gelernt.
@@alexmonza2823 А пишите по-английски. ) Нормальная тут тусовка собралась.
As a person who can speak dutch I can assure you that it is nowhere near it. Also doesn’t sound German either as I am supposed to understand even a few words but I wasn’t able to
"What is red and bad for your teeth?"
"A brick!"
One of the most famous german jokes :3
No way?
Hab ich zwar noch nie gehört aber ja
@@MrHarrystank That one doesn't work in German.
@@porky1118 Braun und stockig. It's even funnier in german
@@MeitanteiKevin I would translate it as "Was ist braun und klebrig?"
An was denkt man denn bei „Braun und stockig?“
Bei „brown and sticky“ I think about shit.
Every time we Germans have a bit of fun you yankees must help out the French
Valentin S.
Well
To be fair they helped us whenever the British were having fun with us.
Only fair help right?
But at the end of the day if we told France to fuck off during both World wars as long y’all didn’t come have fun over here state side most people wouldn’t care if y’all win either war.
Goddamn this! 😆
But we feel so sorry for them. They get conquered so easily.
Weiss Schnee we Americans almost went to war with France during the US civil war.
HAAAAA!
Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A Rottweiler in the children's playground.
😂 evil😂
That was dark dude..
Jesus christ 😂
*laughs in german*
How long does it take for a baby to paint the wall
depends how hard you throw it
When you try to speak German as a foreigner but accidentally speak fluent Dutch
Did they translate "knock knock" into "northwest northwest" or have I misheard?
Deutch... Dutch... close enough. Literally.
@@konstantinschreiner2122 Knock Wurst Knock Wurst
I used to work as a flight attendant and I would always make the same dumb joke: asking ladies over 30 if they are 18+ when they order drinks. They would all laugh except for the German ladies who always told me seriously "Yes, we are older than 18."
yeah its pretty annoying to get asked if youre 18+ if you just want your shit and relax
@@rey6708 But in Europe you're never asked for it. So if someone asks you, you know it must be a joke or some weird question.
@@mrrandom1265 dafuck xD i am a grown ass man and get asked sometimes cause of me wearing a hoodie and an medical mask. if they arent 100% sure that ure adult they are legaly forced to ask for documents.
@@rey6708 except that nobody cares if you're an adult or not when you buy alcohol unless you have a baby face. We don't live in a fucked up society where we ask 40 years old if they're 18. We can trust our eyes.
@@mrrandom1265 except they care a fuck ton cause the first thing the police asks teens is where they got theire alcohol or cigarettes so they can and absolutely will show up there to fuck up the person that sold it. here in germany and over in austria and switzerland u are basically done with your job if you did. and no, its not about a babyface, its about u loosing ur job when you make that mistake and some people here having a fullbeard at 15-16 while being 1,90-2,00cm.
wanna hear a german joke?
a nun, a blonde, a dutch and a german sitting in a train and traveling thru the mountains.
the train enters a tunnel and it becomes dark.
you hear a loud slap
after leaving the tunnel, you can see the dutch holding his face in pain.
the nun thinks: "that naughty dutch has tried to touch the blonde woman and got smacked.
the blonde thinks: the naughty dutch has tried to touch the nun and got smacked.
the german thinks: great, in the next tunnel i can slap that dutch again.
good god, that is not too far off from the joke in south park.
@@buzinaocara But it's true. This is a common joke in germany
That’s actually pretty funny
Wow, that's really not funny at all
We have a similar one in spanish, changing the characters
a real German joke: can a kangaroo jump higher than a house yes because houses can't jump
10/10 joke
Jaja schone
Yeah this is closer but I used to know a semi german girl, and she told me a koke that really was ‚surreal‘, in that it was funny because it didnt quite make sense but it felt funny, which I think is the essence of bad german humor
@@jackismname what was it
@@michaelgoldmane2010 As @Careful Icarus said, it was really dumb, something about a horse and a dust particle, it didn't make any sense. But it made her laugh when she said it and she said the first time her family heard it they couldn't stop laughing. If it made any sense I might have remembered it.
The Germans take their humour very seriously
I did want to say that they have to engineer their jokes, but then I remember they actually did in this episode 😑
@stefanjager4131you sound like a real life south park character
that joke was way better than the original try to be funny about german humor
😭😭😭😭😭😭
They will not be humoured by american humour.
How many germans does it take to change a light bulb?
-Just one. We are highly efficient and we don't have a sense of humor!
This one I like
Not enough bureaucracy.
Lmao.... But u just need to fill few forms
Corona management proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that german efficiency is a myth and always have been when it comes to doing constructive things (e.g. not killing innocents)
@@someoneinthecrowd4313 you forget about the other 5 million of political prisoners, queers, dissabled, pow's my man. 11 million in 4 years to be exact.
The fact that the entire Germany respond to a award that made by children makes the joke even better.
It would make perfect anti-german propaganda are there heavy breathing
At that very moment the Krauts hearts grew three sizes. Ummm? Metaphorically good God someone needs to call the doctor those hearts look extremely veiny and about to burst!!!😂😂😂
Makes the joke better? I thought that was the joke.
@Rikka Takanashi he's German.
Typically South Park 😂
What about the fact that entire Germany reacts to this UA-cam video?
-My grandfather died at a concentration camp.
-Omg! How did he die?
-He fell from the watchtower.
thats a german classic ngl
Mine took the wrong shower.
You forgot that he was drunk tho.
@@d4rksonic474 no, he was 5 days awake on methamphetamine.
a similar joke appears in the postal movie lol
Two German acquaintances meet on the street.
One of them says, "I hear you're a pole-vaulter."
The other says, _"Nein! I am German and my name is not Walter!"_
Damn dooode, that's a German dad joke!
*crickets* German funny bot does not approve
😂😂
An American, an Englishman, and a German walk into a bar.
The American orders a Budweiser, the Englishman orders a pint of Carling.
The German orders a coke and says to the other two "If you won't drink beer, I won't either."
Fanta, not coke!
This is gut
HAHAHAHAHA
@gorillaguerilla mezzomix
Ein Klassiker.
I'm german and the cannibal joke was pretty good.
Da kann ich nur zustimmen
Auch der Witz vom Metzger und der Müslischachtel war echt klasse! Ich habe immer noch Bauchmuskelkater.
🤨
i'm croatian and I have no idea what was that about.
@@zoran123456 Don't worry. You don't need to understand this. I have no idea too, and I get along without this knowledge very well.
Here's a fun fact:
German humour is no laughing matter.
Classic SovietWomble
@@Lonka12 aye 😉
Where would we be without a sense of humour?
Germany.
Chi Chi fuck in here Keith work and he Germans decals me tails
It’s almost like they got rid off all the funny people
As a German I love it when Matt and Trey rip on us. It’s just too hilarious
of course they rip on everybody, especially the mormons BLAWLAHWHAW
@JumboMcealcringe
Sounds fake 😂
ua-cam.com/video/9kWXmAi-O-I/v-deo.html part 2
Most European "leaders" deserve to be mocked.
Mayday mayday we are sinking, we are sinking!
Hallo, this is ze German coastguard, what are you sinking about?
😂😂😂
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Isnt this from csgo voice comms
@@yukiterumi926 no 🤦♂️
😂😂😂
I love how all the Germans in the comments are proving the point by complaining about how bad the German of the guy was. Irony at its best!
I don’t speak one lick of German and even I knew that guy’s German was garbage lmao.
His german beeing bad was not part of the joke though, just sheer laziness.
Jasper Zanovich how do u know? Have u ever watched South Park?
It's probably because the joke is about Germans not having sence of humor so we want to at least let you know that German doesn't sound that gross in real life 😅
But yes, its very ironic😂
I'm German myself btw
as if they complain about the joke, they complain about the accent. imagine make fun of black people accent
Translating "knock knock" as "knackwurst knackwurst" gets me every time
Ach das sagt der hahahhahaha xD
ich hab' immer "Nackwest oder Knackwest" verstanden lols
Ich dachte erst sagt knock fest
Knock wer ist?
My favorite German joke: "Two hunters meet. Both dead."
😂
"Treffen sich zwei Jäger. Beide tot."
This joke is actually funny
Because in germany if you shoot someone with a gun its called ,,treffen"
And if you meet your freind
Its also called ,,Treffen"
This joke just does not work Because
Its poorly translanted
Not shooting somone hitting somone with a bullet otherwise no notes@@deathisfromabove542
Klopf Klopf
-Wer ist da?
-Reichs
-Reichs Wer?
-Genau!
Der war gut😂
That’s soooo funny!!! grüße von einem Australier
Oder auch:
-Klopf Klopf
-Wer ist da?
-Macht
-Wer Macht?
-Genau die!
@@mann8557 schlecht Deutsch aber kein lustig
@@tonyth9240 Hahaha
Michael Mittermayer to British taxi driver: "I am a German comedian." Tax driver: "That's a good one."
wie genial Mittermayer damals war! aber der hat echt nachgelassen in den letzten jahren!
👍😂
@@mho... das beste war Mittermeiers Darstellung eines BSE Kranken Rindes.
Harald Schmidt for President
Conan O'Brien once brought on a German comedian. He actually dared us to declare war on them, as long as it's a one on one fight, and not bring the rest of the world with us.
A great german joke: "This is my girlfriend. Isn't she beautiful?" "Yes, she isn't beautiful!"
Isn't she beauty, is she. Yes she is, isn't she. Is she is isn't schiss scheiss shit scheiss scheiss
@@jettrink918 what the
Hahah yes this is funny. Fugly!!!
@@IsraelCountryCube Now you better not laugh about a German joke.
@@jettrink918 all I understood was landsknechts
>tell a German friend I’ll see him later
>he asks what time
Selbst ich als Deutscher muss die Untertitel lesen um etwas zu verstehen !
Ja ja das möchte dir abendfrühstück essen geben ya get me fam
@@HZR-mx2xo you just said "yes yes it wants to give eveningbreakfast food to you"
Herzlichen Glückwunsch du hast den Witz verstanden
Ich bin ein jungen und du bist ein mädchen
damn, could you people stop being so unfunny? jeez.
UA-cam: ich schreibe German in den Titel.
Germans: Ab hier übernehmen wir.
ZUGRIFF!
Wir marschieren ein !
Die Kommentar Sektion ist in unserer Hand Oberstudienrat... ähm verzeihung Obergefreiter.. ähm verdammt nochmal Generalmajor Neuland.
Ja sag mal haben wir denn schon wieder den 1. September
Wir übernehmen es, wie hitler Polen im 2. Wk
Can’t blame the Germans for having no sense of humour. Every time they want to have fun we get the British involved.
Is only funny for people who have no clue about wwII!
SHORT: UK and US
UK is ok but us is bs
@@Cyril_Sneer do enlighten us in that case seeing as you're apparently an expert
@@eagleflies9515 no , u don't need to be a expert! That's the embarrassment...
I heard it this way. Every time Germany has fun the Dutch get upset. 😂
As a German I would be upset about South Park mocking us, but I'm still laughing at the cannibal joke
As a German, I find that the response to the cannibal saying he was going to eat him was appropriate and efficient, so it makes me laugh.
lol
I'm German and the joke about the sausage maker and the cereal is excellent.
I don’t get it.
Maybe its because German cuisine is pretty much meat based. So breakfast is essentially that "exaggeration but yeah"
I think you have to be from Germany to understand that. That was a Good one.
@@keba9737 im from germany and don't get it. Explain please.
@@dubyajayyo im german, let me explain the joke...
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one.
We're efficient and have no sense of humour.
Making jokes is inefficient
How many Americans do you need to exchange a light bulb?
Only one, but he needs an assistant who shows him in which direction he must turn the bulb.
Best wishes from Germany😉
That's from a movie right!?
@@jackcoltrane5532 Might be from a movie, but I heard it from my brother.
Kathze Miau ehm nein.
German joke: Why do french tanks have rearview mirrors?
They have to keep the front in sight
Haaa Haaa haaa
No sarcasm was harmed in the making of this comment
So that's when Germans can actually be funny; when they diss France! 😂
@@stevebremner259 all of Europe is funny when that happens 🤣🤣🤣
@Careful Icarus 90 percent of german humor is laughing about german things like bureaucracy, weird words and over politicians. You've propably never met a German in your entire life and just assume things that you don't know shit about. If you're french you're just a fucking disgrace for your otherwise great country that doesn't need this crybully-bullshit
Robin Williams had the best one:
"Knock knock"
"Who's there? "
"Ve ask zee queztions!!!"
Nice one! 😆🤜🤛
I'm glad that they added english subtitles so we germans can actually understand what he's saying.
EDIT: "Calm down guys, this is just a joke. There's no need to start a debate in the replies."
Matza
@@jpb252 that's not schwäbisch lol
@@jpb252 it was just the thickest american accent
@@BB-wm4ti Well to be give you my best guess as a german.. the guy speaking was 100% american who never heard an ounce of german and the google tts that he used to hear the pronounciation was put on dutch.
@@jpb252 I'm Schwäbish hahah
German president: *heavy breathing*
Comments in german: *heavy breathing* & *saying that accents inaccurate*
It isnt the accent sometimes they miss out half of the words in the sentence
@@Bruh-hq1hx we don’t care. That’s not the joke. It’s the fact that you guys are acting in the same way as the cartoon. Not the fact of what the cartoon is saying. It isn’t the joke
@@benjones5610 No the Joke is that the Amerikans think thats german while its absolute obvius that its not. Tells us the same like before about American Peopel EvRy CoUnTrY iS tHe SaMe iN EuRoPe
-Stuart White super south state cry baby that votet for Trump and is too dump too see its obvious not german language.
@@abonnierteuchselbst6361 youre just proving the point of germans having no sense of hunor
@Dmitry TKR ha
On D-Day, my grampa was personally responsible for the downing of 2 stukas, 3 messerschmitts, a focke-wolfe fighter and at least two reconaissance airplanes, don't know the type.
Worst goddamn mechanic in the whole luftwaffe.
Bruh XD
@Anti furry Patrol issa fuken joke m8
Bruh so unrealistic as if the Luftwaffe would have had airplanes on D Day
LMAO
I'm German. There are some Great German jokes in these comments, I think this one is the best.
I am living in Germany and I can confirm that the award is fully deserved.
Germany's deadliest joke (courtesy of Monty Python)
-"My dog has no nose"
-How does he smell?"
-"Awful!!"....
Two peanuts were walking down the strasse. One was a-ssaulted.......peanut.
Nah, the best Python-related joke about Germany is from Fawlty Towers:
“Would you stop mentioning the war?”
“What? Me? But you started it!”
“No we did not!”
“Yes you did, you invaded Poland!”
Python are also responsible for:
" French are easy to insult; anything will do.
Germans are notoriously difficult to insult. Try setting fire to them or calling their Mercedes Volkswagens."
A german guy is visiting USA for the first time. During immigration questioning officer asks a question:
Officer: Occupation ?
Guy: no,no .. just visiting.
Doesn't work with America. We skinned your hides back in the 1700s. Need to go farther east.
i heard this joke, but about russians
Shoulda put Poland or France
USA just makes no sense
@@vladdracul2379 what did America have to do with germany in the 1700s? The germans/prussians had their hands full with failed revulutions
@@niklasw.1297Quote:" what did America have to do with germany in the 1700s?"
Hessian soldiers fought against us in our War for Independence. George Washington defeated a large Hessian force at Trenton on Christmas Day in 1776, for example. Many Hessians deserted and became Americans.
My late stepfather was German, and I can say that Germans can be pretty funny sometimes. Most of his humour came from just making a brutally honest off-hand comment the moment you least expected. It was mostly about timing and deadpanned delivery.
Examples
@@ingusmant it's not easy to give examples, as they wouldn't actually sound very funny, because, as I said, it was mostly about the timing and the delivery. One he'd do sometimes was whenever he got annoyed at someone, when they parted ways he'd use a common farewell expression that roughly translated as "go with God" but he'd change the ending so it became something like "go with God, but GO", so he basically meant "I wish you the best, but just get the fuck out of my sight".
@@jorgeluz9560 yeah German Humor is 90% built on Timing.
Accurate. Maybe German humor has the roots of English humor, but German is less malicious, more silly and harmless. English humor likes to dissect peoples skin with an air of calm - that is pretty malicious, but they like to think it’s superior.
I wonder if that is a German thing or a generational thing. My father, who is not German, does the same thing.
The cannibal joke is one of the most oddly hilarious bits of comedy ever, it fits perfectly into a lot of people’s perceptions of Germans, that of being stern, dark and humourless.
It reminds me of Armin Meiwes
And cannibals 😂
It’s what happens when you kill all the funny people.
It has nothing to do with thinking Germans are stern and humorless. When Germans tell jokes, they tend to just be straightforward statements like this with no punchline. I knew a German who visited from Germany and when he made jokes it was exactly like this every time. My friend and I would ask him to tell us jokes so we could laugh at how unfunny German humor is. We also would show him memes about German humor and he would never get them, but take them seriously.
@@samaritan_sysIn Gaza they aren’t laughing. Maybe they didn’t kill the funny people.
Lol just noticed Angela Merkel behind the nose-breathing president.
I read somewhere that they caricatured all of Germany's senior government officials at the time.
@@ronfleming8775 correct, i guess with merkel on the right side is guido westerwelle, at this time he was our foreign minister and vice chancellor. on the left the woman could be ursula von der leyen who was minister of labour and social affairs, not sure who the men on the left side is, i have read somewhere that this is wolfgang schäuble. president who speaks is christian wulff.
@Nils B. yeah i know that, but i have no idea who it could be otherwise.
@@Lutz2 what does it matter? Whoever he is, as a German, he deserves to be there
She’s such a bitch
Three of the world's shortest books:
• Italian Heroes
• British Food
• German Humor
Italian hero’s are wrong, we have emperors
Ever heard of the roman Empire ?
Bruh the roman empire would like to have a word with you.
The brits also have plenty of decent food, if a bit rustic it's still very tasty when done right.
As for the germans...ok
What about the Italian partisans, defending their country before the Wehrmacht in WW2???
I think you mean good brit food
Spoiler: there is none
"Germany is a country of proud people" now that is the best german joke i have ever heard
not any more, but there was a time
@@mercatorjubio3804 yeah a very dark time.
@@Saurophaganax1931 there is a bit more to Germany than the Nazi-era, just educate yourself a little bit
@@mercatorjubio3804 educate myself eh? Well just see. Germany as a state didn’t even exist until 1871, which means that there was only a window of 62 years between its founding and the beginning of the “Nazi Era”. That’s less than a life time.
Now, in that little window of time, I’m sure Germany wasn’t getting into all sorts of horrific bullshit with the other equally arrogant great power, right? No crushing boxer rebellions or, dunno, starting a whole other World War!
Oh and I’m sure that the once proud Germany and it’s predecessor states were certainly not abusing the Jews at all. I’m sure once I “educate” myself I’ll find just a sparkling record of relations with the Jewish community. No hidden massacres here and there, right?
Yep, before the Nazi’s, there was nothing dark happening in proud old Germany that’s for sure! But what would I know? I’m uneducated.🖕
You should hear the 1 about America being the land of the free and home of the brave
True story: I recently matched with a girl from Berlin on a dating app. She wrote on her profile “I have a great sense of humor” so I teased her by saying the Germans I’ve known never have a sense of humor. Instead of taking it as a joke, she got offended and said she was no longer interested in talking to me. Which didn’t help my dating prospects… but sort of proved my point
du kannst froh sein, dass sie dich und deine familie am leben gelassen hat!
Americas Got Talent is another example. Everyone jokes around except Heidi Klum.
You should've used the cannibal joke to break the ice before making the German comments
@@donaldshottsshe's kinda weird and frankly socially inept. I mean Germans are unfunny people, but she's odd even by German standards
Damn that's a really funny joke
Now I tell german joke:
Treffen sich zwei Jäger. Beide tot.
good joke i laugh
Treffen sich 2 Piloten. 270 Tote.
Amerikanische Version: treffen sich zwei Amerikaner. Beide tot.
Ein Franzose und ein deutscher sitzen in einer Kneipe beide lachen und haben Spaß da sagt der Franzose ich wusste gar nicht das deutsch Spaß haben können da sagt der deutsch grinsend das letzte mal als wir Deutschen richtig Spaß hatten mussten die Amerikaner euch helfen
Dreckiger Dan Alter der ist geil xD
Heaven is a British policeman, a French chef and a German engineer.
Hell is a British chef, a French engineer and a German policeman.
Interestingly Britain has a great time regardless
I'd take British Chefs over their policeman any day
that's so outdated. today, 99% of countries would prefer the German police to their own.
Makes no sense because Italian food is the most loved cuisine
Ok, but make sure you order something you understand on the french menu.
Actual WW2 era joke from Germany:
"What's the difference between Hitler and the sun?"
"The sun comes up from the east, Hitler goes down in the east."
I guess it was the type of joke you dont say to random person you just met
I've read the memories of a Spanish who was in Germany at the time and he claims that in fact you could joke openly about Nazi leaders but germans had a genuine respect towards Hitler, the people only selfconstrained about Himmler. Other than that it's mostly allies propaganda. It even has a list of jokes about Hitler, Göbbels and Göring. It was only after the fail Valkyrie operation that the Gestapo and SS put more attention to the jokes and anyways by October of 1944 germans in general weren't on mood for jokes.
Gerard sOchoa the nazis perhaps didn't police private conversations as much as the east german stasi later did, but they did heavily suppress anti-nazi public comedy of all types and other artistic expression. there is a somewhat famous case in which they almost tried to get a guy in finland prosecuted for teaching his dog to do a nazi salute as a joke.
@@Ass_of_Amalek You are talking about Modern Germany and UK. Besides that, i know that the roman salute was upheld as national salute on August of 1944 after the murdering attempt so it makes sense the prosecution. The mockering of national symbols was something very serious in many countries back in the day. I'm Mexican and still is a federal crime the mockering of national symbols and i know for sure is the same in Brazil and Argentina but most of time nobody bothers to do a prosecution.
I know a better one. Not German though.
Stalin wakes in the morning and goes to the balcony to see the rising sun.
"Good morning comrade sun!" Stalin says to the sun.
"Good morning comrade stalin." the sun replies back.
Later in the day Stalin gazes up and sees the sun high up in the sky.
"Good day comrade sun!" Stalin says to the sun.
"Good day comrade Stalin." the sun replies back.
Later in the evening when Stalin is getting ready to go to bed he sees the setting sun.
"Good night comrade sun!" Stalin says to the sun.
"Fuck you! Commie bastard! I'm in the west now!" the sun replies back.
“A sausage maker buys a box of cereal.” Comedy gold.
Q: who won the first tour de france?
A: the 107th german tank division
Actually there’s a picture of German soldiers riding bicycles in France. Someone made a meme with it, search should bring it up.
I was put in Facebook "jail" for 30 days for making a similar joke about the 1940 Tour de France. But that's not the only kicker; they got me 19 months after making it.
@@yak9989 damn
@@moritztabor1678 That's what I said, too. Funny enough, I was initially only jailed for a week or maybe 10 days. But after I appealed their punishment, it was increased to 30. Suffice to say I then issued FB a permanent exile from my life, and I'm all the better for it.
@@yak9989 Yeah I got it for the news but I find myself thinking that I should leave it many times
Two Dutchmen board a flight to London. One takes the window seat, the other sits next to him in the middle seat. Shortly before takeoff, a German sits down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the German takes off his shoes, wiggles his toes and gets comfortable when the Dutchman in the window seat says, "Excuse me, I have to get up and get a Coke."
"Don't get up," says the German, "I'm sitting on the aisle. I'll get you your Coke."
No sooner does he get up than one of the Dutchmen takes one of his shoes and spits in it. When he returns with the Coke, the other Dutchman says, "That looks good, I'd like one too." Again, the German agrees to get it. When he is gone, the other Dutchman takes the other shoe and spits in it as well. When the German returns, they all sit back and enjoy the flight.
As the plane comes in for a landing, the German puts on his shoes and immediately realizes what has happened.
"Why only?" he asks, "How long will this go on? This fight between our nations. This hatred. These animosities. This spitting-in-the-shoes and pissing-in-the-cola."
Hey, that was actually good
Immer auf die Holländer. 🤣
How do Germans and Ukrainians get along?
@@chesucat From the govt's point of view: As long as they are happy with rusty weaponry, very good. 🤢
From the peoples' point of view: If they can't fight for whatever reason and need shelter, everyone's welcome. 🤗
FCK PTN!
With what airline do you get up to get a Coke?
We had a German visit us. He did a stand up routine at our local club.
He opening line was
"Hello I'm Hans. A German comedian!"
"That was my first joke...."
A great comedian.
- Knock Knock.
- Who's there?
- DOESN'T MATTER OPEN ZE DOOR!
"Ein Wurstmacher kauft ein Mutschlibox"
Donde esta la.biblioteca??
a sausagemaker buys a pusslybox?! uuuhmkay
for German ears sounds like this:
Un Wuschtmacher kauft ein Muschlibox
@Skeptical Slim DoNdE EsTA lA BiBlIOtEcA?!?!?
As a German I can confirm that those are our two most favorite jokes. A fucking box of cereal man I can't
Wenn man deutschen Klischee Humor zeigen will muss man einfach jemandem aus dem Ausland Bernd das Brot zeigen !
@@acd839ja wirklich😂
Can you explain the cereal box joke? I don't get it lol
@@codykrueger796There is nothing to get, he is joking.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"BLITZKRIEG!"
Blitzkrieg who?
@@DarkOmegaMK2 Who-rensohn!
The Knock Knock was a PaK 36. 😂
Why is the Eiffel Tower so high?
So that you can see the white flag from Berlin.
That's german humor.
"Germany is a country of proud people"
Best one i've ever heard
DoktorTrask Right
Good. The suffering we inflicted upon others and the suffering inflicted upon us is the defining property of the german people. We are doing remarkably well for a nation almost completely devoid of patriotism. It would seem that one doesnt need patriotism to build a great nation after all.
@@pablosturm6640 Lol Germans say they're not patriotic. But if you debate literally any issue with a German online, they will tell you how Germany is superior in every way and how other countries should do everything the way they do things.
I dunno, I mean I used to know a German guy who was very proud to be German. He also had a good sence of humour and just seemed like a really nice guy in general.
This is so not true Germans take great pride in their beer, engineering, culture and festivals. 4chan trolls need to meet more Germans who are proud of their achievements without the need of turning in vanilla isis and y'all qaeda militias that go on about the government infringing on their rights as they have to wear a mask.
I remember watching that episode. When Jimmy announced us as a nominee I jumped up shouting "COME ON GERMANY! THIS IS OURS!"
Your comment is actually the funniest here.
Me too xD
I was so proud of my country when I heard the German won.
I love this cliché
This is belong to Soviet Union 😁😁
@@atursunov5155 hans get the flammenwerfer
his breathing at the beginning of his rant was the most german part of him
Yea the rest was more Dutch instead
To say it in the eternal words of Marc Uwe Kling: "Oh quite on the contrary, the book of German humor is huge, with lots and lots of pages.
It's just not funny."
"retaliation will be swift and brutal"
now this is, where the fun begins
american schoolboy: makes a joke
germany: starts breathing angrily with malicous intensions
poland: starts sweating
france: surrenders unconditionly
russia: checks for the weather
Switzerland: *stays uninvolved*
Austria: *opens up multiple art schools*
@@anthonylong9067 Lol I'm dying
@@anthonylong9067 me as an austrian...
Italy : changes side
But before Germany can say anything, America has already killed its best schoolboy for being offensive to German-Americans.
Two drunk guys coincidentally meet in London, around midnight waiting on a red light. There's no car in sight anywhere, but the red light just won't turn green. After ten minutes, one guy turns to the other and asks "Na, auch Deutscher?"
@@someone-uz6we Berlin ist auch ein großer Schmelztiegel wie London oder New York. Kumpel von mir ist aus einer Ur Berliner Familie und in West Berlin in den 80ern aufgewachsen und sacht in seiner ecke wohnen inzwischen gefühlt mehr zu gezogene als Einheimische.
pahahaha
@@someone-uz6we Und überlebt? :D
Na, auch deutscher?
The German's reaction and delivery of the "jokes" is so funny 😆
“Knock knock”
“Who is there-
*VE ASK ZE QUESTIONS*
It would almost be funny if that show wasn't so bad.
Herzog :)
American: I have a joke
German: what is it?
American: Moscow
German: I didn't get it
American: Exactly.
lmao
rip opa tho
смешно
Uff that hurts. But we got France tho. I know that is no accomplishment but we did something
Cyka blyad. German lost 2 war. That's why they Don't have a great sense of humor.
@@gutsjoestar7450 but at least we tried 2 times to take over the world. That's more times then your country tried it.
One of my favorite German jokes:
3 men stand atop the Eiffel Tower.
The first one climbs the railing, jumps and gently glides downwards. Landing on the ground, he goes on to buy a croissant.
The second one, too, climbs the railing, jumps and slowly floats downwards. After landing he goes to buy a crêpes suzette.
The third one, a bit shaky, climbs the railing, jumps, plummets like a rock and splatters all over the pavement.
The first two walk up and one says: "You know, for a pair of angels we're pretty cruel..."
Ich weiß einen besseren
Als Angela Merkel sagte: "Der Islam gehört zu Deutschland", da hat Donald Trump erstmal den Atlas aufgeschlagen und gedacht: "Verdammt, wo sind die Deutschen jetzt wieder einmarschiert?"
could have been a scene from Wings of Desire
I love the lead up to us thinking what kind of food the third guy was gonna get due to how he came down. Did not see that twist coming haha
A guy enters a bar that is on the second floor. He orders the same beer than the guy next to him, who is wasted. This guy says him:
-See that beer? It is magic! With it one can jump through the window right here and not be harmed!
-Really?
-Yeah lemme show you!
And the guy proceeds to jump through the window, and then reappears from the stairs completely fine.
The other guy is impressed, and tries to jump too, but falls and crashes on the street.
The barman says:
-How stupid you can be when you're drunk, Superman.
@@aaron_spoerri *Christian Wulff
Trotzdem Lustig!
When i see this clip i always remember a robin williams comedy special where he says he was on a german talk show and they asked him why comedy isn’t that big in Germany and he responded “do you think it’s because you killed all the funny people” and the german lady without batting an eye just said no.
Germans not laughing about this is like americans not laughing about being called fat baseball fans.
We'd probably find it really funny, if it the accent was accurate
Because baseball is a dead sport lmao. Anyone not on the basketball train is kidding themselves.
Andrew Hsu yall still fat and poor
I'm German. This is totally funny. Especially the danish accent showing that for americans all of those languages sound the same. Is as funny as Charlie Chaplins Great Dictators German. And believe me: Germans can be very funny 😂
@@mhecht2909 ofc we can be. I'm german aswell and I'm not even mad about other nations thinking we aren't funny I just don't think its fun at all. I think a german accent or when they make everyone talk like Hitler is funny. I just don't know where the we arent funny Stereotype comes from. Its prolly cause we're known for our discipline and our language sounds harsh but thats pretty much it
That "language" was about as german as a bald eagle in a Mustang.
Sounds like a perfect German to me.
That was fluent german
@@SmashBrosBrawl No. Sounded more like dutch.
@@SmashBrosBrawl troll? This is not German. (I am German)
I'm pretty sure it wasn't supposed to be real German. It was probably supposed to be as "accurate" as the French, Spanish, Arabic, and Korean in Team America World Police
"Germans have no Humor"
Germans: DAS WAR DOCH KEIN DEUTSCH!
😂👌🏾
Danke, auf den Kommentar hab ich gewartet.
Isso. Was für deutsche Vollidioten in den Comments.
Das ist ja alles der Witz...
Vdhsjalwhebs jrks eieje
Did you hear about the German who was terrified of sausages?
Apparently he feared the wurst....
that was so bad it came full circle back around to good again
Other people: germans have no humor
Also other people: lmao that german dude is breathing heavily
Found the German!
Dude if you can't even contextualize a joke like this one you must be german lol no hard feelings
@@akubornlight4800 dude if you didnt realise this was a joke you must be german
So when did you learn english Hans ?
@@toms1613 buddy if you didn't realize I was joking I would think you are the german
A Dane and a Frenchman sit in a bar. Suddenly a German slam open the door.
"I surrender" says the Dane
"Me first" says the Frenchman
A German guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a bowl movement every day at 7 am.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “that’s great, what seems to be the problem?”
The German guy answers and says, “I wake up at 10 everyday.”
that explains the smell when arriving in Frankfurt
What has the German to do with this joke? This is so broad it could be any nationality.
@@clusternate that's right, it's just a joke. Usually the guy is just some old guy, not a German specifically.
The cannibal joke was seriously funny.
Tbh those german jokes would kill with the 2019 stonked audience
@Matthew M But why?
No, they would laugh at something more like:
YALL EVER FIND A CORNER AND JUST *N¥¥¥EEEeeEeEEEHHHH￦￦￦￦*
@Matthew M Uh...what?
@Jon Jones Yes they would and no it isn't.
@@muhammadakilaalethea1344 How about fuck you too, buddy? What kind of dumb shit do YOU find funny?
Here's a joke in Germany from back in the day
French millitary strength
that's universal bro 😅
"Malian militant laughing outloud today".
Works only if you have no knowledege about french army
@@---jx3ql Are u delusional? France fought against Germany almost same amount of time as Poland, but instead of Poland France had better army than Germany had XD just pussies like today ;]
here is a joke from deutschland von heute
die Bundeswehr
German humor is like food.
Not everyone got it.
Und du solltest ja nichts gutes essen !
Haha sehr geil
@Christian Weissmuller im sure youre not the type of guy who judges people
Und das sagst du als amerikaner oder was du bist😂😂😂😂😂😂
its non existant
Thank god the germans had English subtitles. I, as a german, could otherwise not have understood my fellow countrymen
Knock wurst ✊️
Knock wurst ✊️
This is a German joke:
What do you call a beautiful girl in England?
A tourist.
Is a good joke but then again the freaking anglos are german descendants, so I don't know if it works.
@@leonardoflorentin Germans are definitely better looking
@@leonardoflorentin Only partly. Way more french and celtic blood.
@@vermilion7777 lot of Indian and Pakistani for what I've heard. The whole world is pretty much mixture but my point is the name, england name comes from the anglo tribes and the anglos as the saxons were literally Germanic tribes, the joke doesn't work if it's a German who tells it.
I am pretty sure both Germany and England are considered to have some of the ugliest women. I dont know if its true or not...
The reasons for it could be numerous, here are my guesses:
-Both are first world countries. People in such nations tend to have bad habits such as lacking exercise thus being overweight, and being able to afford to eat as much as you want
-Both are male-dominated societies. So if you go to a bar or a night club, you're going to see many more men. So there is a lot of competition for females, which might make it seem that attractive females are few. In contrast to this would be eastern european countries, where most places you go, you'll find more women than men (as many men are alcoholics or poor or dead)
-Modern women in both these countries may not be as traditionally feminine as in other countries. They may not worry about their looks. In contrast to this, again, would be eastern european countries where girls from a young age try to always appear their best by wearing makeup/high heels/thin body/etc.
-Could be something with the diet, which could have had an effect on genes over many generations, such as eating more meats and such and also getting less vitamin D via sunlight
-Taking a wild guess here but could be something related to how German/English facial features respond to makup. Some women, it is known, can go from a 5/10 to a 10/10 just by well-applied makeup. This does not work on every face. Its possible that, generally, English and Grerman faces are not as easily changed with makup. This would mean that women from these countries are just as attractive as from anywhere else, in their natural form, but when factoring in makeup, they fall behind in terms of beauty.
-Immigrants. Every country has different immigration policies and practices. Its possible that there are many more male immigrants to these countries, for example, thus limiting the number of women in comparison
That cannibal joke is brilliant anti-comedy. They way the joke interrupts itself, uses the harshest language possible, and has no punch line, yet is still genuinely surprising, generating the same effect as a really good punch line. It's incredible because it's so funny. but you could never tell it as a joke yourself.
its all about the context. you could tell it yourself as a joke if the audience knew it was about a german guy trying to do comedy and failing
I didn't get the cannibal joke, can you please elaborate?
@@navjotsandhu3892 i think it's more a reference to the German Cannibal Armin Meiwes who was looking to eat another mans penis
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes
It's the perfect joke to solidify the fact Germans aren't funny.
@@navjotsandhu3892 There is no cannibal joke. The joke is that a German person was trying to make a 'joke' using cannibals and not being able to.
for me as a German it sounds like dutch. Didn't understand a word😂
Sounds like a drunk Hollander trying to speak German LOL
sounds like an american trying to speak german oh wait
As a Dutchman, I agree. It really sounds like a drunk Dutch guy on skiing vacation in Germany trying to order beer
@@hiddeboonstra1629 Idk sounds more Canadian than American
@@JeanPierreBro True
This stereotype is so weird. Germans have a fantastic sense of humor. Their political satire in particular is some of the best I've seen.
Finally, someone in the comments says the Germans are funny
I absolutely disagree. Their humour is dreadful. There’s no silliness to it at all. Everything has to have an explanation.
Puh lease, the Brits have given the world Brexit...there is nothing funnier than that!
@@lenawagenfuehr53 Germans still seething over Brexit after like six years lol
Huh no...
We don’t have „knock knock“-Jokes in Germany. You overestimate our joke variety.
Klopf Klopf
O-Contexsial Wer ist da?
@@franzgerber6059 Der Meister, geh zurück an die Arbeit!
He's right. We don't do knock knock joke's. Our jokes are called Blitzkrieg.
@@Xth3Z No, our jokes are called Bundeswehr and BER.
I'm German and I have a good joke about America:
Warum können Amerikaner kein Schach spielen?
Weil ihnen beide Türme fehlen.
Translation you kraut
@@CaL-76 Why can't the americans play chess? Because they've lost both towers. (Towers=Türme in german, also meaning rooks in english)
Geil
Schach Matt
Alter 😅
To be fair the knock knock joke was pretty funny.
B for Thigh Schweinhund!
There are no knock knock jokes in Germany though.
i thought your avatar was a hair on my computer screen. I tried to blow it off, but then i scrolled and i realized how i have been played for a fool.
B for Thigh it was hilarious 🤣🤣
@@0MoTheG the only knock knock jokes in germany only happened in 1940...................The jews didnt see the humor of them though sadly.
His intense breath is what got me laugh out loud 😂
South Park: Germans aren't funny
Germans in the comments: (Make a bunch of grim jokes about Nazism)
You me funny jokes. I love dark humor it's the best you call it grim I call it funny and its not even that dark.
Αυτό ρε μαλάκα. Χαχα.
Don’t forget bitter anti Americanism in retaliation
its funny tho.
Wehrmacht denn sowas, wollte einen normalen Witz schreiben aber jemand Stalingrad.
ye you have to speak german to get it.
Here's a good, classic German joke:
*_The French_*
@daAnder71 the retelling of this joke on UA-cam videos involving Germans is itself a cliche
A good German joke are Bavarians
you mean the jews
because if you're talking about french it means you have exacly no knowledge of france and french
but it's quit understandable , since you know they burned all the smart books because it didn't fit in nazi limited intellectual standards
well; if we let history talk
the germans is a joke ti france
since much of germany history is related ot charlemagne and so france
and napoelon who cruhsed the german so many times they had to sign peace treaty every day
Jesus looking back at this 8 months on why y'all so salty? All the European nations are a joke to each other, we all hate eachother. If you ask me, who cares I mean really it's just a piece of land with some colours.
Q: How is Maginot Line translated into German?
A: Speed bump ahead.
You mean, it isn't transliterated as "Mäschino Lein"?
Detour
@@Activated_Complex via belgium 😂
They didn't even go over it, they went around it.
Detour, Belgium.
The heavy breathing followed by "Ja ja ja" had me dying 😂