Sorry, its slim pickings out there lady so its unfortunate. Anyway, Matthew is a bullshitter and he is blowing smoke down your asses. Trust me, many people in relationships are putting with so much crap but that is why we call it a relationship. You listen to this guy and you will be single to your 50s
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes." When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce. Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners. Don't thank me.
@@oscarwilliamson1264 I'm sorry I'm not comfortable answering that question and I've noticed this is something you do to lots of women... Its a bit creepy
The right formula: Non-negotiable: your needs Negotiable: the person A recipe for a disaster: Non-negotiable: a person Negotiable: your needs Such a brilliant and simple thing to remember at all times!!!!
Just remember that if a partner meets all your need but one, that one need can be met by a friend or a professional instead of having to change partner. Example. A close person of mine thinks his girlfriend complains too much, while that girlfriend thinks her boyfriend don't listen to her. Most of the other needs are met. They bring up the problem. The girlfriend now goes to a profesional to speak out about problems which means the boyfriend doesn't think the girlfriend complains anymore. They can now live happily and enjoy each other without having to seperate. Only because they expressed their needs honestly.
@@gustafrindestal Thanks bro. The problem un my last relationship were secrecy (other relationships) but I have to be faithful, no trust by the other person and absence of communication. As a surviver of Narcissistic abuse on the past l have to protect my mental health. Thanks again for the advice.
@@adaml.m3244 Your welcome bro. I see. Have been in a similar situation. Yes, creating a space for true honesty (authenticity) creates trust. The advice was more for the other people who read Valerie's comment but I'm glad it was of value for you too Adam.
@@gustafrindestal Sorry bro I thought you liked my comment but anyway I appreciate the advice and honestly I read comments to gain knowledge and to see other people 's perspective . Thanks
Most men I have encountered are totally crap. Now in my early 30's, I still don't settle myself to a man who cannot value my worth.I could wait for the right person. Keep trying, if you are destined single no problem... It is better to be alone and contented than with a partner yet still feeling alone.
People, not just men are imperfect..set your standards(mine are he has to provide and protect) when your standards are set allow him to meet them and invest in you BEFORE you sleep with him⭐
Your statement: “most men i have encountered are totally Crap!” (They probably were). ask yourself, “why is it that i am #1. A Crap magnet & #2. What needs to change in order to attract your ideal compliment of a human being?
Yes to all of this. The first time I cried because of something he did, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I hardly recognised myself in the woman I saw. I wasn't her. I reminded myself of who I am and what I'm capable of. I gave him one last chance to show me who he was. He did. And so I walked. I had spent months figuring out where I stood with him. Until I realized I didn't WANT to stand with him at all. This was the first and last time I've given myself to a man who doesn't deserve me. Never again.
The absolute non negotiable part for me is if a person keeps changing how they treat u when they are in stress vs when they are all happy and calm. It actually tells alot about how caring and and concerned the other person is about your feelings when they are in some stress from work or home. How they treat u at thier worst is actually what they truly are.
Oh yeah! I can't even respect the person who's doing this. I hate it when someone takes it out on me for something that is entirely not even related to me. Like control your emotions dude. If I can do it, you can do it too.
I remember laying on his bed one night and starring at the ceiling thinking I’m so unhappy with myself and what I am getting from the relationship. I need to escape this. We were only dating but I was so into him, how attractive he was. But he wasn’t the one, I knew it but I was blinded by how attracted I was to him. Look at me now, in the happiest relationship I could have ever imagine, being with a man that loves me exactly as I want to be loved. A man who knows when I’m awake at night and ask if I want to be cuddle. We all know deep down what we want, I think the fear of being alone, of not knowing if he is truly out there, of working for it when you are already comfortable is what causes us to settle with men who doesn’t even deserve a second of our lives. But we live and we learn.
Dear Nadia my boyfriend refuse that he is ignoring me the last days but i know that this is reality! He doesnt let me to end it up! I am so confused...
Yes tbh i dont believe i can get the man of my dreams.it will take a lot and i already feel depressed by thst thpught. It feels like I ll never make it. And Im in the wrong direction
Red flags that have happened recently: 1. Trying to tell me how I feel about a situation. (Nope, I know myself, you don't) 2. You are over thinking, stop over thinking. (No, I am not over thinking,I am thinking about this the proper amount that I need to) 3. Subtle and not so subtle cuts at who I am. Personality and character. Now, I count 3 red flags-then let them go. If they cannot even be decent before you meet in person, then it will most definitely not get better.
perfect timing. I saw a tweet that said week by week, we should ask ourselves, "is this person adding to my life or taking away? how do they make me feel? based on the actions I'm seeing now, is this relationship building me up or tearing me down?" and you'll see it. you won't be afraid to walk away when you realize you're walking toward something better (a better relationship with yourself, which translates into how you relate to others)
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes." When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce. Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners. Don't thank me.
STOP ATTACKING ME!!! All I said was please take out the garbage, please put your laundry in the basket. Please help with the dishes. Did you transfer the funds for the X bill? and you say I am "attacking" you??????????????????????????????????????
So true!! Keep playing this on repeat till the message sinks in. Now looking back at the weeks of pain of being in a relationship with the wrong, toxic, avoidant-dismissive person I have finally arrived at a stage where the fog cleared and I said to myself this morning - what the hell where you thinking girl? You have agreed to accept things that no sane person (male or female) would accept just to be with him, threw away your values and standards in the process. Never again will I let someone make me so unhappy, anxious, paranoid, insecure and most importantly feel so unloved!!!!! As soon as I see the first red flags - boy, bye! W.A.L.K. A.W.A.Y. To all of you in a heartbreak pain out there, as cliche as it sounds - with time you realise that it is the best thing that never happened! Focus on your life and your goals and you will always be fine! Take this pain and lessons learnt and use it for your own growth.
Thank you for this! I'm going through this right now and I feel very alone and unloved, also feeling like I'm overreacting, when I'm actually not! Nobody close to me likes my boyfriend, NOBODY! That says something about who he is and appears to be... We broke up so many times! I think that this time is for real, and somehow I feel peaceful to have said all I had to say to him and respect my values.
@@ingrid5944 you only have one life as this life (if you believe in reincarnation) so please make it as great as you can! Life is too short to spend it in pain and anxiety over something you can change. Believe me as someone who struggled with savior syndrom for years. I picked wrong men ignored red flags and thought breaking up and making up was how relationship should be. I dreamed of changing them and of them coming to their senses and loving me back. Boy was I wrong! I have let go and decided to save myself instead of trying to save them. Decided to be single for a while and to love myself. I take myself out on dates and go to cinema alone. I sit in restaurants alone and talk and smile at strangers on the tube. I go on holidays alone and I make friends everywhere I go. I always considered myself unlovable, average looking, too chubby too loud too extra but so many people told me im voluptuous, energetic, with a twinkle in my eye😉 all the negatives others see as positives. now that I am single and happy I started to notice that people (and many guys) smile back. I got stopped waking to work the other day because this guy kept noticing my bright red scarf. 🧣 live your life girl!!!!! It’s not worth being sad over someone who doesn’t deserve you!!! Sending you lots of love and hugs. You will get through it I believe in you
When we're excited about someone new, we make them the certainty and mold our needs around them. But if we want to find someone to make you happy, you have to have your needs as the certainty and allow the fluid part to be the man you choose! SO TRUE MATT! This is definitely one of my favourite videos of yours! Thanks for being a constant inspiration for my channel :)
I’m a straight male who’s recently started watching Matthew’s videos. What he’s saying here and in many of his videos can be applied to men who are seeking quality love from women too. That is, I ignored plenty of red flags with the last woman I was talking to and he aptly summed up her behavior here and got I tried to mold myself to accept her flaky behavior because I idealized who she was and didn’t actually rationally consider who she really was. Thanks, Matthew. I’ll continue to watch your vids.
I don't know how the hell you do it, but you always come up with a video about the things I'm going through at that moment! Thank you very much! You can't imagine all the impact you have made on my life and my self-esteem! ❤
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes." When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce. Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners. Don't thank me.
@@iniubongnkanga9390 maybe she had a reason don't blame anyone to anything because you don't know what her journey is . what leads her to cheat on you. You can't feel her feeling
My boyfriend does love me. But he is not an easy person to deal with. He doesnt help when i needed help. I guess i have to leave him because if he's not helping me now he will not help me when i become his wife
If you are like me watching his videos... We should all move on.. we are all in a wrong relationship😔... Lets accept the reality that we are not loved by our partners😔
I can see what he's saying. In my twenties I did exactly choosing the person and build my vision around him. Now I'm doing what Mathew is saying making the vision static. I think age will help you make that shift. However, that change happens the earlier the better.
Ghosting, Geesh. This is a term I just heard of two weeks ago on some show. People are so self centered and self absorbed these days that there’s no respect left for anyone, not even one’s self. People, do not settle for anyone who disrespects our mistreats you... the minute they do so, leave! They may apologize to attempt to get you to stay, but you must learn and accept immediately “that’s just who they are!” Run away as fast as your feet will carry you! You will always get what YOU are willing to settle for!
This really drives home the point I have learned in the relationship that I just ended. I compromised my needs and he made me feel guilty if I didn't. I was heartbroken for years because the Love of my life was treating me badly. I have slowly come to understand during this relationship, where I can make compromises and where I can't and shouldn't. Valuable lesson!
This is incredibly accurate. I was mistreated for a year and a half because I had decided in my mind that the person was the one for me, so I let SO may red flags pass by me. It's INCREDIBLY important to put your requirements, feelings, and self respect first while getting to know someone before putting the "forever" label on it.
Say it Mathew: date several men at the same time. Don't sleep with any of them until one of them introduces you to his parents and invests effort and time in you. Date date date as many men as possible. You'll be too busy to even stress and you'll seem hard to get if you have a full agenda (don't tell the men you are dating others, none of their damn business)
That’s what we do as Muslims. It’s called courtship. A woman can consider various interested suitors at her own pace and as many as she likes until she accepts one of their proposals. Exclusivity is not expected until then. During the courtship process the man can not even touch as little as her pinky finger or be alone with her. He can only do that if she marries him. Initially he has to send his interest through the girls male guardian and cannot speak to her alone without her chaperone. They have to compete with other suitors to get the girls affection. Background checks are also done on them etc. Its a gruelling process for the men. It’s sort of like modern day Hercules and the girl is treated like a princess.
WoW !! I’ve been doing some soul searching and this is exactly what I’ve understood from my past experiences but I couldn’t even explain it to my self and it was frustrating !! And you matt.. you came up with this video and cleared my vision ! THIS IS IT !! This is why I end up getting hurt , because my certainty was always the guy not my standard nor my values ❤️❤️
Nur yeah same, it’s like u try to make the guy become ur vision. Biggest mistake of my life. I only wish I seen this video sooner. Toxic ppl should be stopped the first time and never give another chance.
Chuck you live and you learn mate. We’re not born perfect. Some of us come from broken homes and don’t know wat love is til we get our hearts broken and learn what true love is.
EXCELLENT video! I wish that I had used this concept and advice 8 years ago! #1 non negotiable for me:faithful/sexually exclusive in every regard Also, even tempered/kind and compassion are so important to me. Never going to compromise on those again.
So true! I wish I had seen this video before getting involved with the last guy. Looking back at it now, I can see all the red flags I ignored at the time.
This is BRILLIANT advice! And I'm sure it would make me more lovable too because the guys I like and give a chance to will feel no pressure. I'm just there like "okay.. who are you really?" Instead of trying to make someone be this vision in my head that i think i need 🙆♀️ i can just let them be who they are, and if its not a fit, no hard feelings, we keep it moving. No shape shifting, no pressure. Just me knowing what I want and giving my heart to he who is that for as long as they continue to be that. Aaaah I love it. Thanks for ideals and perspectives like this Matthew. So appreciated and needed.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes." When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce. Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners. Don't thank me.
THAT IS SOOO GOOD! We have a whole vision made up in our mind before we know he is truly “The One”! I wish we women would be better at pacing ourselves and taking it slow. Basically waiting for our mind to catch up to our hearts. GREAT ADVICE!
The day i realised i had become my better self, was when i decided to stop taking his bulls**t behavior. Hot/cold all the time. There was an attempt to ghost me. Clear signs commitment issues, lies, secrets... I was patient for a while because I knew he liked me a lot and was battling a lot inside his head. But i'm not going to sit around, wait for him to decide if he feels secure with me, pretend like everything's fine and on top of it all, be okay with him being rude to me out of nowhere. Fuck that. A girl has her limits lol
@@DreamlessSkies I have a veryu bad relationship with my sibling so I totally get it . Just think it is important to remeber that in other relationships. I was miserable in a friendship that i stayed in for a long time becuase i did’t want to hurt their feelings and it is honestly one of the biggest regerts of my life.
Matthew I've been experiencing a withdrawal from a recent relationship with a narcissist. It's quite hard to move on from someone who has established such trauma bonds between him and I. The more and more I watch your videos, though, it is helping me realize I am stronger than this, and I will get through this. Thank you thank you thank you !!! 🙏
Interesting conversation. I think we are always evolving and need awareness around that. Part of that is recognizing patterns in ourselves. What may have been tolerable and right for you 5 years ago, may not work now. Yet, ask are you still attracting the same type of person? Look at your behavior and know what is right for you. Identify your needs. Those dealbreakers. That requires lots of self awareness and learning. Part of tripping up in dating and falling on your face and experiencing the awesome! All of those experiences on the path allow space for self awareness and confidence to know your needs and speak them. Also hold yourself accountable to them. Cheers Matthew! Great thoughts!
I watched just this video for the 5th time and thought to myself “WOW I’m really grateful Matthew Hussey is alive in this world”. Your way of explaining concepts and breaking down your insight is truly first class. 🙏🏼
Great video Matt! Non negotiable : curiosity for life, openness, compassion. Goes without saying trust and integrity... that's what lights me up in a person.
This is seriously the best advice. I think it is one of the things people struggle with when they decide a person fits the bill in all these other ways they are quicker to dismiss the things that don't.
I think if you're used to putting the guy above your needs, it's so easy to keep doing this as soon as you're really attracted to someone. As soon as someone starts disrespecting you, you need to listen to this clip and then assert your boundaries until it becomes your new behaviour. Then you've got a chance of having an equal relationship.
I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for allowing a man to disrespect me. 8 weeks so very busy to have time for me. Embarrassing and empowering at the same time. Here I am
I agree. Definitely easier in theory than in reality when feelings and chemistry are involved, but still doable and worth it. It sucks to let go of that person you have idealized when you see they don't match what you wanted in the first place, but the pain goes away after a while and you feel good that you haven't compromised your standards.
My goodness! Such good stuff Matthew! That's why I think it is so important to process and reflect at each stage of the dating journey or the relationship. Step back. Process. Reflect. Step back. Process. Reflect! Coz when one is in the thick of it, it is sometimes hard to disengage and see clearly the things one clearly wouldn't tolerate! It's like only when you reflect and step back, you would say "I'm a smart person..and why did I not honour my own truth here?!!!" So, thank you for this reminder Matthew! It so resonates with me! Very helpful for those journeying this path! :)
Just found you today wow, this is My life I have never been interested in any guy and the minute I was interested with this guy I immediately decided he is the one, after that I throw all the red flags out the window and keep giving excuses for his bad behaviors. Then it became the worst mistake in my life . Ladies pls learn always remember what was your standards before u mate this guy pls pls don’t try to unseen the red flags.
This is so logical! 😀 His stuff is always so logical!! And the movies and shows just brainwash the people to believe that if you persevere to get that love of your life, you'll get them (Exhibit A: Carrie Bradshaw) 🙄. Thanks Matthew for helping people see the logical truth! 😁
OMG that’s totally what I do :| I need to stop this! I remeber a guy I was dating warned me once that you don’t have any standards to see if a guy fits into it, and that’s gonna harm you. I was like shut up, but he was damn right!
So true. Do not tolerate bad behavior from anyone actually. Its like training a puppy if you let it pee everywhere it will all the way to grown up. Nope, set boundaries. When a man has true intentions towards you, he doesn't make you doubt, if he does is all about him, his ego, you dont matter. Move on.
Exactly know what u mean from 0 to 1 and sticking to that. Its helpful to have the Fluid Part and watching his behaviour and deciding then if he is the Person for life. U have helped me a lot Matthew. Thank u
My boyfriend and I broke up today. I'm so thankful for this video, Matthew. I've known it wasn't right, but we loved each other and wanted this future so badly. I couldn't walk away, even when things were bad. He was drinking a lot. I was constantly suspicious and anxious. I know now that I can compromise him to find someone who makes me feel okay.
Matt, your words helped me in a way I can’t even begin to explain. I’m not in a relationship but a moment with a guy friend last week made me go from 0 to 1. And he ignored me this whole week. Made me think “the guy” was ghosting me because he is scared of his feelings. I made excuses for him because I made him the solid part and his behaviour the fluid part. You showed me that’s not what it should look like. Thank you.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes." When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce. Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners. Don't thank me.
Shes such a thot breaking up with him after filming with Shawn and then dating Shawn immediately afterwards. Feel so bad for this dude. On top of that, she just said in the press recently that her and shawn have liked each other and wanted each other for years. Can you imagine finding out that the whole time you were with someone they had someone else on their mind that they really wanted? Bitchy af
I don't think so. He is such a relationship expert- don't think he'd throw all his knowledge out the window the moment he went out with her. He is just a really empathetic person and shows that as he genuinely wants to help us!
Being single is fabulous. There is absolutely no reason you need to find yourself in another based on your feeling of lack. Love YOURSELF and you will never seek another based on your sense of lack. It just won’t happen.
Your vision and needs is the most important part when looking for the person. If person doesn’t fit that mold by not being in communication, there is no loss only the space for your vision! Don’t hope and wish for change in that person. Very cool!
This definitely resonates 💯 Am hoping to discover a video of yours that goes into early signs of red flags, but sometimes it's hard to tell until they clearly cross a healthy boundary. Have been love-bombed, so your message in this video is definitely powerful in taking that stand once those red flags are clear.
I am a teenager, 17 yo. And i really wonder, is it okay if i want my relationships to be long term and committed! I am not okay with flings but teenage relationships are never taken seriously!
It Is ok to want to have a long term and committed relationship! It's a lot work once you're out of the honeymoon stage. If you guys can communicate AND compromise your wants and needs it shouldn't fail. Believe me, your high school romance might not be what you want it to be because we grown out of that stage in life as we go into college & develope our careers. But if you want this person to be the one, you both have to work together and not against each other.
Peehu Sharma , please don't get pregnant ! Realize 20 years from now this person you're so in love with will probably cheat on you with the next best thing. Probably with your best friend
So much clarity and truth in this video this really helped me today with what I was struggling with for a guy that stood me Up then popped up out of the blue again
This literally just made me realize how to Love through the lens of what is actually good for me. Thank you so much. Have been watching tons of your videos lately and you are so talented! Thank you again!
This is one of the clearest explanation I've heard about how to value the ability of people to provide you with what you envision for yourself in a relationship. Thank you so much!!!
This video came to me on the right day and time. I have someone whom I believe I love but he just blocked me yesterday over a disagreement in plans. He set one expectation for me and changed it without telling me, when I asked about it he made it about me being intense and interrupting his day as he never finished the discussion. So I guess for me I just realized that I was doing just this of making what a tolerate about a person not about me and my needs. I need to stand true to what I need which is honesty and authenticity. I need someone who is going to stand true and honest to me about what we are doing.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes." When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce. Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners. Don't thank me.
Absolutely right! The fantasies created in the mind instead of the vision of what we truly deserve and then see if it matches up. Be ready to let it go and wish it well.
Wow this is such an insightful vantage point to see what we tend to do. I was not taught to have boundaries. Experience is not the way to learn this for sure !
In Italian language, 'MAMMA MIA!' is the best comment someone can offer in exchange of such as an in-depth analysis.. thanks so much Matthew!! You truly are the best relationship coach
I just ghosted a guy because we were on a date and he got too drunk and told me coldly: "Shut up and eat your food" and other non sequitur insults." ---my non-negotiable is drunken meanness or any type of meanness which makes me feel like I have to tip toe. He apologized and felt bad immediately after he said what he said, but that's typical. I can never trust him again. Done.
TRUE, but when you are in your late 30s and you feel like loser without husband/kids because of this society pressure....Then you settle and tolerate lots of crap. You shouldnt but many women still do.
I totally agree with you, but, at the end, it does work, so better follow your gut feeling and walk away when is needed. Is hard to put in practice, but at the end is better.
Channel Tools This is hard. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but 30s is still very young in today’s world. Do you really want a husband and kids in your life right now? Or is it that you’re feeling left behind by your friends who have these things? I guarantee you that while many women love being a wife and mother, they at least occasionally envy single women who can sleep in, eat when/What they want, stay up late, watch a movie uninterrupted, take weekend getaways, etc. Hang in there and enjoy the life you’re living, whatever that life is. It will change eventually, I promise you, and you’ll be happy you enjoyed your freedom while you had it instead of longing for something else.
There is a difference between 31 and 37, for example. Many guys don't want women 35+ as they believe you can't give them a healthy child. I personally don't really want to have children but it might make it even harder for me to meet a man since most of them do want to have a kid.
Channel Tools You’re absolutely right. I guess my point is try not let external pressures wrongly influence you in a relationship. My life turned out nothing like I thought it would. I wanted the typical married with children life. I have no children (problems) and then learned when considering adopting that my then husband really never wanted kids. If YOU really want those things, then I understand starting to feel desperate. But it seemed in your original post and confirmed in your reply that the angst you feel comes not from within but external or societal expectations. I’m just suggesting you allow yourself to live the life YOU desire, and definitely don’t let external expectations for children put or keep you in a relationship where you are sacrificing your own desires. Well, that probably comes off a little preachy but it’s just from the heart, from one youtube stranger to another. 😉
@@ellengrace4609 You are right. These thoughts are coming from my exes telling me I am "old" or comments of some "men" on the Internet who talk about dying alone with 40 cats, you know 😀 but when you get this kind of "information" and opinions for months or maybe years, day in and day out, it becomes your reality.. Thank you for the kind words ☺❤
Someone once told me we deserve what we accept. When you won’t settle for less youl get more. We have all been there and im breaking free from my mentally abusive ex. Thanks Mathew for the inspiration
OMG, Matthew Hussey's advice is GOLD! It's what we secretly know, but sometimes someone has to speak it out in order for us to manifest. Someone who is a great coach, is able to give simple advice for things that seem complicated. Great job Matthew!! :D
This was a great video! I am coming to terms with the reality of what my relationship really was, because I was making my SO static and my needs fluid. Now that there has been distance between me and my SO after I walked away; I am learning to let go of the fantasy I was creating in my mind. Doing so I am now seeing him in his truest form. I cannot believe that the hopes and fantasy was my driving force to stay instead of the reality. I just think to myself how many ways and how many times did he have to tell me that he didn't love me and didn't want me. Ugh I am frustrated with myself because he never hid those facts from me but my hopes and dreams made me think that it could be possible in the future. I am thankful my gut was telling me to walk away. Hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But also the best thing I could have ever done for myself.
was he telling you that he doesn't want you? because i refuse to accept it....but over time I might... I just don't want to believe it, especially after the fact that it was me that wasn't right all the time(for example I was leaving him, travelling back to my country on his birthday, many times left him alone at home etc.) so I am thinking that all his resentment towards me is my fault actually...and I want to correct it... we have been 10 years together of which 4 living together and 6 on-off long distance. Also, I feel loved not like he doesn't treat me that way.... but all this may be the fact that although he has the most beautiful heart and purest soul, not a womanizer-more like a video games boy, he is still uncertain on what he wants to do in his life, even in his 30is... i am a singer, and that is also hard for him because of my look and 'all boys wanting me' ....he would prefer me being a normal, basic girl working in a bank (not meaning to degrade anyone down-but you know what i mean)... perhaps is the compatibility problem? Whatever it is...one thing is for sure...and it has been hard to let him go... I never met anyone like him in 10 years or felt something as deep as with him. Could it be the destiny...meant to be? Because I don't see myself without him in my life. That I know.
This is probably the clearest explanation of what it means to have standards that I've ever seen. "I've made you the certain part, and the uncertain part is how I should be treated." Simple, clear... just gold. Carrying this concept with me forever. Thank you.
Matthew can you do a video about a man in the relationship “looking” at other women? In some relationships some women don’t care, but in some women do care and can find it disrespectful. Can you please give your input on this? Like some can find that the woman is jealous, but there are factors people don’t consider such as how it makes the woman feel and so forth.
I actually went threw this for more years than I would like to admit and it started out early it ended up making me feel so insecure and disrespected I told him that many times we had so many fights about it and it never stopped but only gotten worst even though he knew it made me feel terrible it’s a horrible thing talk to him about it once and if he keeps doing it maybe take a break because he doesn’t seem to respect you or your feelings I’m glade you said this because I actually thought I was one of the only ones who dealt with this hang in there girl make the best decision for you
CIC Beauty TV Thanks for the sweet encouragement girl! Yeah I definitely would love Matthew’s input on this seriously because it’s something that we do go through and can be a tough conversation because of the different views on “looking.” Of course wandering eyes and looking can be two different things. Even so, some guys can just perceive it as insecurity and then it becomes tricky from there to figure out or really voice how you feel even if it’s NOT insecurity and could just be a “respect thing” that you’re asking for/talking about. Depending on who we talk to could also persuade us a certain way or let us see a different perspective. But, it’d be great for Matthew to teach us how to approach this and direct us which feeling it is we could be feeling while talking about his view on “looking.” ⭐️
This is exactly what I am trying to learn for the very FIRST TIME in my life, at 36 👌🏻 and I am so proud of me for saying goodbye a guy that I was starting to get attached to but just had no time for me in his life.
One word WOW!!!! I've watched hundreds and hundreds of videos to figure why I keep putting up with the same kinds of men and the way you explained it is exactly why I stay with a man that treats me horrible. Thank you so much for this video
People always fall in love with the potential of a relationship rather than the actual relationship.
oh my gosh yes !!!!
Word
Story of my life. Now my heart feels heavy and like someone put a 100 bricks on it.
YES OMG
Maybe we should live in the present.
The story of my love life: Falling for who I want someone to be, instead of who they actually are.
I didn’t come out here to get attacked like this lol
Sorry, its slim pickings out there lady so its unfortunate. Anyway, Matthew is a bullshitter and he is blowing smoke down your asses. Trust me, many people in relationships are putting with so much crap but that is why we call it a relationship. You listen to this guy and you will be single to your 50s
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes."
When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce.
Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners.
Don't thank me.
me too!
Penelope Rivas same!!!!
If you're watching Mathew hussey videos he's not the right guy
What if he's just a sexy beast and you love his chin
Real talk!!
@@MEGAmadmangaman5252 She doesn't mean Matthew
Rolita F bahahahahahaha
Perfect!
"He's ghosting me because he's not the love of my life" BRILLIANT!!
I genuinely see the good in someone and sacrifice my own boundaries to prove their self worth.
HIT HOME !
Same! Couldn’t have said it better
Never be afraid to be single... Whatever your gender or orientation... Don't settle for less than you deserve 🤘🤗
@@oscarwilliamson1264 awww that's very sweet of you to say 🙈🙈🤗
@@oscarwilliamson1264 I'm sorry I'm not comfortable answering that question and I've noticed this is something you do to lots of women... Its a bit creepy
Thank you
The right formula:
Non-negotiable: your needs
Negotiable: the person
A recipe for a disaster:
Non-negotiable: a person
Negotiable: your needs
Such a brilliant and simple thing to remember at all times!!!!
Thanks for the formula I negociated my needs and put them aside for a long Time.
Just remember that if a partner meets all your need but one,
that one need can be met by a friend or a professional instead of having to change partner.
Example. A close person of mine thinks his girlfriend complains too much, while that girlfriend thinks her boyfriend don't listen to her. Most of the other needs are met. They bring up the problem. The girlfriend now goes to a profesional to speak out about problems which means the boyfriend doesn't think the girlfriend complains anymore. They can now live happily and enjoy each other without having to seperate. Only because they expressed their needs honestly.
@@gustafrindestal Thanks bro. The problem un my last relationship were secrecy (other relationships) but I have to be faithful, no trust by the other person and absence of communication. As a surviver of Narcissistic abuse on the past l have to protect my mental health. Thanks again for the advice.
@@adaml.m3244 Your welcome bro. I see. Have been in a similar situation. Yes, creating a space for true honesty (authenticity) creates trust. The advice was more for the other people who read Valerie's comment but I'm glad it was of value for you too Adam.
@@gustafrindestal Sorry bro I thought you liked my comment but anyway I appreciate the advice and honestly I read comments to gain knowledge and to see other people 's perspective . Thanks
Most men I have encountered are totally crap. Now in my early 30's, I still don't settle myself to a man who cannot value my worth.I could wait for the right person. Keep trying, if you are destined single no problem... It is better to be alone and contented than with a partner yet still feeling alone.
People, not just men are imperfect..set your standards(mine are he has to provide and protect) when your standards are set allow him to meet them and invest in you BEFORE you sleep with him⭐
Hmm same here .
Same =^(
Your statement: “most men i have encountered are totally Crap!” (They probably were). ask yourself, “why is it that i am #1. A Crap magnet & #2. What needs to change in order to attract your ideal compliment of a human being?
Chuck ok you really sound frustrated.
Yes to all of this. The first time I cried because of something he did, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I hardly recognised myself in the woman I saw. I wasn't her. I reminded myself of who I am and what I'm capable of. I gave him one last chance to show me who he was. He did. And so I walked.
I had spent months figuring out where I stood with him. Until I realized I didn't WANT to stand with him at all. This was the first and last time I've given myself to a man who doesn't deserve me. Never again.
Abigayle B. Well done you x
WOOT WOOT!!!! You are an inspiration and my respect to your parents for raising an intelligent daughter.
The absolute non negotiable part for me is if a person keeps changing how they treat u when they are in stress vs when they are all happy and calm. It actually tells alot about how caring and and concerned the other person is about your feelings when they are in some stress from work or home. How they treat u at thier worst is actually what they truly are.
This is so true
I'm scared now.. he turned cold so suddenly.. because he was frustrated.. I'm so worried about getting hurt again.
Gold!
Oh yeah! I can't even respect the person who's doing this. I hate it when someone takes it out on me for something that is entirely not even related to me. Like control your emotions dude. If I can do it, you can do it too.
Neha, you nailed it!👊🏾
I remember laying on his bed one night and starring at the ceiling thinking I’m so unhappy with myself and what I am getting from the relationship. I need to escape this.
We were only dating but I was so into him, how attractive he was. But he wasn’t the one, I knew it but I was blinded by how attracted I was to him.
Look at me now, in the happiest relationship I could have ever imagine, being with a man that loves me exactly as I want to be loved. A man who knows when I’m awake at night and ask if I want to be cuddle.
We all know deep down what we want, I think the fear of being alone, of not knowing if he is truly out there, of working for it when you are already comfortable is what causes us to settle with men who doesn’t even deserve a second of our lives. But we live and we learn.
Dear Nadia my boyfriend refuse that he is ignoring me the last days but i know that this is reality! He doesnt let me to end it up! I am so confused...
I love what you say.when we become comfortable were scared to leave
Yes tbh i dont believe i can get the man of my dreams.it will take a lot and i already feel depressed by thst thpught.
It feels like I ll never make it. And Im in the wrong direction
I feel you, Sist ❤
Same girl....when i realised my value...i found my perfect man...no more toxic relationship..only pure love 😇😍
I’m tired of trying, I’ll just take you Matthew.
lolllll
😍
Me too!👌😂😂👌👌👌 He's so intelligent, funny and beautiful! And looks like has Emotional maturity which most men don't have...❤
Good choice. I think you would be a good match
😂😂good one
Red flags that have happened recently:
1. Trying to tell me how I feel about a situation. (Nope, I know myself, you don't)
2. You are over thinking, stop over thinking. (No, I am not over thinking,I am thinking about this the proper amount that I need to)
3. Subtle and not so subtle cuts at who I am. Personality and character.
Now, I count 3 red flags-then let them go. If they cannot even be decent before you meet in person, then it will most definitely not get better.
perfect timing. I saw a tweet that said week by week, we should ask ourselves, "is this person adding to my life or taking away? how do they make me feel? based on the actions I'm seeing now, is this relationship building me up or tearing me down?" and you'll see it.
you won't be afraid to walk away when you realize you're walking toward something better (a better relationship with yourself, which translates into how you relate to others)
True.
I'm done. Never again will i ignore red flags.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes."
When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce.
Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners.
Don't thank me.
“Stop ignoring his red flags.” Lol I feel attacked 🤣🤣
same
You sound like my ex 😭
STOP ATTACKING ME!!! All I said was please take out the garbage, please put your laundry in the basket. Please help with the dishes. Did you transfer the funds for the X bill? and you say I am "attacking" you??????????????????????????????????????
I am no longer afraid of being alone and that was the key point which allowed me to say no to anyone who is treating me less than I deserve .
Blindness of love starts after the decision to love .. and here’s the point !
So good!!!
That's right!Love yourself first😜
Agree. To talk senses to puppy lovers is no hope. To mature people, yes but don't need you to tell me. lol
Is so true... I never would imagine to accept bad behaviour, but the vision/illusion and love for him blinded me. He's not worth it.
@Chuck The devil's bedet called. He wants his dumb, meanspirited, egoic, comment that's a shit crumb in the devil's crack back.
You don't tell yourself: "Oh, the love of my life is ghosting me" OMG Matthew😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Danna Chacon Very enlightening, isn't it? 😁
I've seen people do that over and over.
So true!👏👏👏 the Love of our lives could never do such thing!🤗🤗🤗
So true!! Keep playing this on repeat till the message sinks in. Now looking back at the weeks of pain of being in a relationship with the wrong, toxic, avoidant-dismissive person I have finally arrived at a stage where the fog cleared and I said to myself this morning - what the hell where you thinking girl? You have agreed to accept things that no sane person (male or female) would accept just to be with him, threw away your values and standards in the process. Never again will I let someone make me so unhappy, anxious, paranoid, insecure and most importantly feel so unloved!!!!! As soon as I see the first red flags - boy, bye! W.A.L.K. A.W.A.Y.
To all of you in a heartbreak pain out there, as cliche as it sounds - with time you realise that it is the best thing that never happened! Focus on your life and your goals and you will always be fine! Take this pain and lessons learnt and use it for your own growth.
Thank you for this! I'm going through this right now and I feel very alone and unloved, also feeling like I'm overreacting, when I'm actually not! Nobody close to me likes my boyfriend, NOBODY! That says something about who he is and appears to be... We broke up so many times! I think that this time is for real, and somehow I feel peaceful to have said all I had to say to him and respect my values.
@@ingrid5944 you only have one life as this life (if you believe in reincarnation) so please make it as great as you can! Life is too short to spend it in pain and anxiety over something you can change. Believe me as someone who struggled with savior syndrom for years. I picked wrong men ignored red flags and thought breaking up and making up was how relationship should be. I dreamed of changing them and of them coming to their senses and loving me back. Boy was I wrong! I have let go and decided to save myself instead of trying to save them. Decided to be single for a while and to love myself. I take myself out on dates and go to cinema alone. I sit in restaurants alone and talk and smile at strangers on the tube. I go on holidays alone and I make friends everywhere I go. I always considered myself unlovable, average looking, too chubby too loud too extra but so many people told me im voluptuous, energetic, with a twinkle in my eye😉 all the negatives others see as positives. now that I am single and happy I started to notice that people (and many guys) smile back. I got stopped waking to work the other day because this guy kept noticing my bright red scarf. 🧣 live your life girl!!!!! It’s not worth being sad over someone who doesn’t deserve you!!! Sending you lots of love and hugs. You will get through it I believe in you
When we're excited about someone new, we make them the certainty and mold our needs around them. But if we want to find someone to make you happy, you have to have your needs as the certainty and allow the fluid part to be the man you choose!
SO TRUE MATT! This is definitely one of my favourite videos of yours!
Thanks for being a constant inspiration for my channel :)
New things get old and no one can ever make you happy, only you can .
@@Jazzybot very true!
I’m a straight male who’s recently started watching Matthew’s videos. What he’s saying here and in many of his videos can be applied to men who are seeking quality love from women too. That is, I ignored plenty of red flags with the last woman I was talking to and he aptly summed up her behavior here and got I tried to mold myself to accept her flaky behavior because I idealized who she was and didn’t actually rationally consider who she really was. Thanks, Matthew. I’ll continue to watch your vids.
This is eye opening Matthew!! At 55, I feel soo clueless when just trying to date again. I want to keep my standards of how I want to be treated.
I don't know how the hell you do it, but you always come up with a video about the things I'm going through at that moment! Thank you very much! You can't imagine all the impact you have made on my life and my self-esteem! ❤
Me too😏
Nav V He’s charismatic, but we wouldn’t watch those videos if he didn’t give great advice.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes."
When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce.
Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners.
Don't thank me.
Adil Alfa but we want more hence why we’re here.. we want mental stimulation and sex and loyalty and commitment ..
@@iniubongnkanga9390 maybe she had a reason don't blame anyone to anything because you don't know what her journey is . what leads her to cheat on you. You can't feel her feeling
My boyfriend does love me. But he is not an easy person to deal with. He doesnt help when i needed help. I guess i have to leave him because if he's not helping me now he will not help me when i become his wife
If you are like me watching his videos... We should all move on.. we are all in a wrong relationship😔... Lets accept the reality that we are not loved by our partners😔
Berätta.
Det har vi alla gjort.
Det tog emot
Vem?
Non-negotiable for me are smoking, drinking, drugs, unkindness, and anger.
PowerLady One SAME
Except if he's hot.
Boss Lol no you’re really dumb aren’t you ?
@@boss4330 yeah, I agree! And good in bed!😂😂
@@janellefrickert6522 Lol...nope, I'm the hot guy women break rules for.
I can see what he's saying. In my twenties I did exactly choosing the person and build my vision around him. Now I'm doing what Mathew is saying making the vision static. I think age will help you make that shift. However, that change happens the earlier the better.
Ghosting, Geesh. This is a term I just heard of two weeks ago on some show. People are so self centered and self absorbed these days that there’s no respect left for anyone, not even one’s self. People, do not settle for anyone who disrespects our mistreats you... the minute they do so, leave! They may apologize to attempt to get you to stay, but you must learn and accept immediately “that’s just who they are!” Run away as fast as your feet will carry you! You will always get what YOU are willing to settle for!
This really drives home the point I have learned in the relationship that I just ended. I compromised my needs and he made me feel guilty if I didn't. I was heartbroken for years because the Love of my life was treating me badly.
I have slowly come to understand during this relationship, where I can make compromises and where I can't and shouldn't. Valuable lesson!
This is incredibly accurate. I was mistreated for a year and a half because I had decided in my mind that the person was the one for me, so I let SO may red flags pass by me. It's INCREDIBLY important to put your requirements, feelings, and self respect first while getting to know someone before putting the "forever" label on it.
Say it Mathew: date several men at the same time. Don't sleep with any of them until one of them introduces you to his parents and invests effort and time in you. Date date date as many men as possible. You'll be too busy to even stress and you'll seem hard to get if you have a full agenda (don't tell the men you are dating others, none of their damn business)
Whrn you have already been sleeping around🤣🤣. It doesn't work like that
That’s what we do as Muslims. It’s called courtship. A woman can consider various interested suitors at her own pace and as many as she likes until she accepts one of their proposals. Exclusivity is not expected until then. During the courtship process the man can not even touch as little as her pinky finger or be alone with her. He can only do that if she marries him. Initially he has to send his interest through the girls male guardian and cannot speak to her alone without her chaperone. They have to compete with other suitors to get the girls affection. Background checks are also done on them etc. Its a gruelling process for the men. It’s sort of like modern day Hercules and the girl is treated like a princess.
Ami Khan 👏🏾
@@SummeRain783 wow I never heard of such moral standards
WoW !! I’ve been doing some soul searching and this is exactly what I’ve understood from my past experiences but I couldn’t even explain it to my self and it was frustrating !! And you matt.. you came up with this video and cleared my vision ! THIS IS IT !! This is why I end up getting hurt , because my certainty was always the guy not my standard nor my values ❤️❤️
Nur yeah same, it’s like u try to make the guy become ur vision. Biggest mistake of my life. I only wish I seen this video sooner. Toxic ppl should be stopped the first time and never give another chance.
Chuck you live and you learn mate. We’re not born perfect. Some of us come from broken homes and don’t know wat love is til we get our hearts broken and learn what true love is.
@Adil Alfa no hes not right on. Loser.
EXCELLENT video!
I wish that I had used this concept and advice 8 years ago!
#1 non negotiable for me:faithful/sexually exclusive in every regard
Also, even tempered/kind and compassion are so important to me.
Never going to compromise on those again.
I agree, these are probably the two most important traits to require.
Those are my non-negotiables, too!
Non-negotiable- communication and respect. I LOVE this clip Matthew- thank you so much for your wise words :)
New Independent /Free Speech Social Media is around Check it out at: transparentthoughts.com Great Chats, and Low Cost Advertising
So true! I wish I had seen this video before getting involved with the last guy. Looking back at it now, I can see all the red flags I ignored at the time.
This is BRILLIANT advice! And I'm sure it would make me more lovable too because the guys I like and give a chance to will feel no pressure. I'm just there like "okay.. who are you really?" Instead of trying to make someone be this vision in my head that i think i need 🙆♀️ i can just let them be who they are, and if its not a fit, no hard feelings, we keep it moving. No shape shifting, no pressure. Just me knowing what I want and giving my heart to he who is that for as long as they continue to be that. Aaaah I love it. Thanks for ideals and perspectives like this Matthew. So appreciated and needed.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes."
When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce.
Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners.
Don't thank me.
I'm a guy, and watching these videos just to avoid any mistakes with girls. 😂 These videos will help to pick up girls, and be the perfect man.
In case no one has ever said it: thank you for actually trying to be a good guy.
Salute you for trying to be one.
@@여자이름여자이름-x7p I'm already One. Pun intended.
world would have become better place of all guys trxna do this
Any real Woman will see through you . Good luck with your games . Try being genuine and real ... You might like it 💕
THAT IS SOOO GOOD! We have a whole vision made up in our mind before we know he is truly “The One”! I wish we women would be better at pacing ourselves and taking it slow. Basically waiting for our mind to catch up to our hearts. GREAT ADVICE!
This is one of the most important components of finding the right person and creating a healthy relationship with them.
The day i realised i had become my better self, was when i decided to stop taking his bulls**t behavior. Hot/cold all the time. There was an attempt to ghost me. Clear signs commitment issues, lies, secrets... I was patient for a while because I knew he liked me a lot and was battling a lot inside his head. But i'm not going to sit around, wait for him to decide if he feels secure with me, pretend like everything's fine and on top of it all, be okay with him being rude to me out of nowhere. Fuck that. A girl has her limits lol
So completely true. Going through the very same thing. On point. 🔥❤️💯Thank you for your truthful honesty it’s like you read my mind💪❤️💯
I think this is good advice for other types relationships as well
I agree!
Including parents.
@@DreamlessSkies and sibling and friendships
@@3hpleft Absolutely. I guess I instinctively said parents because of my issues with them.
@@DreamlessSkies I have a veryu bad relationship with my sibling so I totally get it . Just think it is important to remeber that in other relationships. I was miserable in a friendship that i stayed in for a long time becuase i did’t want to hurt their feelings and it is honestly one of the biggest regerts of my life.
wow!! for the past year I've been saying "I can't believe I out up with that" and this video was like a big thump in the head! Thank you!
Matthew I've been experiencing a withdrawal from a recent relationship with a narcissist. It's quite hard to move on from someone who has established such trauma bonds between him and I. The more and more I watch your videos, though, it is helping me realize I am stronger than this, and I will get through this. Thank you thank you thank you !!! 🙏
I really need this message today. I was at my lowest and it gave me the boost I needed to carry on. So thank you, Matthew.
Interesting conversation. I think we are always evolving and need awareness around that. Part of that is recognizing patterns in ourselves. What may have been tolerable and right for you 5 years ago, may not work now. Yet, ask are you still attracting the same type of person? Look at your behavior and know what is right for you. Identify your needs. Those dealbreakers. That requires lots of self awareness and learning. Part of tripping up in dating and falling on your face and experiencing the awesome! All of those experiences on the path allow space for self awareness and confidence to know your needs and speak them. Also hold yourself accountable to them. Cheers Matthew! Great thoughts!
Thanks for this video Matthew. I thought I was being picky but now I know those guys were not right for me. Being single isn’t so bad after all.
I watched just this video for the 5th time and thought to myself “WOW I’m really grateful Matthew Hussey is alive in this world”. Your way of explaining concepts and breaking down your insight is truly first class. 🙏🏼
Great video Matt! Non negotiable : curiosity for life, openness, compassion. Goes without saying trust and integrity... that's what lights me up in a person.
Lemme play this again... It has to be reeled inside my head
rock angel I played it thrice haha
This is seriously the best advice. I think it is one of the things people struggle with when they decide a person fits the bill in all these other ways they are quicker to dismiss the things that don't.
Candice Cook,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
I think if you're used to putting the guy above your needs, it's so easy to keep doing this as soon as you're really attracted to someone. As soon as someone starts disrespecting you, you need to listen to this clip and then assert your boundaries until it becomes your new behaviour. Then you've got a chance of having an equal relationship.
I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for allowing a man to disrespect me. 8 weeks so very busy to have time for me. Embarrassing and empowering at the same time. Here I am
Brilliantly articulated!!! It’s so true, and I’ve never realized that’s exactly what I was doing.
My non-negotiables: empathy, kindness, communication, same major life goals, commitment, love, happiness
I agree. Definitely easier in theory than in reality when feelings and chemistry are involved, but still doable and worth it.
It sucks to let go of that person you have idealized when you see they don't match what you wanted in the first place, but the pain goes away after a while and you feel good that you haven't compromised your standards.
gone much
No girls are left
Just you
and all
Någon man känner, men inte för mig. Jag ville ha sex med en äldre kille.
My goodness! Such good stuff Matthew! That's why I think it is so important to process and reflect at each stage of the dating journey or the relationship. Step back. Process. Reflect. Step back. Process. Reflect! Coz when one is in the thick of it, it is sometimes hard to disengage and see clearly the things one clearly wouldn't tolerate! It's like only when you reflect and step back, you would say "I'm a smart person..and why did I not honour my own truth here?!!!" So, thank you for this reminder Matthew! It so resonates with me! Very helpful for those journeying this path! :)
Just found you today wow, this is My life I have never been interested in any guy and the minute I was interested with this guy I immediately decided he is the one, after that I throw all the red flags out the window and keep giving excuses for his bad behaviors.
Then it became the worst mistake in my life . Ladies pls learn always remember what was your standards before u mate this guy pls pls don’t try to unseen the red flags.
This is such a great plan. After just leaving a long term relationship that I ignored the red flags, this information is gold!
This is so logical! 😀 His stuff is always so logical!! And the movies and shows just brainwash the people to believe that if you persevere to get that love of your life, you'll get them (Exhibit A: Carrie Bradshaw) 🙄. Thanks Matthew for helping people see the logical truth! 😁
OMG that’s totally what I do :| I need to stop this!
I remeber a guy I was dating warned me once that you don’t have any standards to see if a guy fits into it, and that’s gonna harm you. I was like shut up, but he was damn right!
Interesting that the guy recognized this.
my need are my static, the person is the fluid. and the person can be changed if he can't live up to my needs. Thank you, legend!
So true. Do not tolerate bad behavior from anyone actually. Its like training a puppy if you let it pee everywhere it will all the way to grown up. Nope, set boundaries. When a man has true intentions towards you, he doesn't make you doubt, if he does is all about him, his ego, you dont matter. Move on.
Exactly know what u mean from 0 to 1 and sticking to that. Its helpful to have the Fluid Part and watching his behaviour and deciding then if he is the Person for life. U have helped me a lot Matthew. Thank u
amen!!! never ever ever compromise on how you should be treated.
I think i knew this but had to hear it from someone else ... thanks Mathew this was just the right time
My boyfriend and I broke up today. I'm so thankful for this video, Matthew. I've known it wasn't right, but we loved each other and wanted this future so badly. I couldn't walk away, even when things were bad. He was drinking a lot. I was constantly suspicious and anxious. I know now that I can compromise him to find someone who makes me feel okay.
Matthew, I’m so proud of you; of who you are and how you’ve kept your standards❤️
It's like ' I know what I want and if I can't have it I don't want a relationship with that person who can't give it to me! '🧚♀️
Needed this badly today...now the challenge is to be strong and set my standards! Thank you Matthew as always
Nav V Freaking incels everywhere in those comments !
Too many people settle for less than their worth because they lack the self confidence to be content alone or look for someone new.
Matt, your words helped me in a way I can’t even begin to explain. I’m not in a relationship but a moment with a guy friend last week made me go from 0 to 1. And he ignored me this whole week. Made me think “the guy” was ghosting me because he is scared of his feelings. I made excuses for him because I made him the solid part and his behaviour the fluid part. You showed me that’s not what it should look like. Thank you.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes."
When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce.
Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners.
Don't thank me.
This is amazing! The reason we do that is selfishness! We want who we imagine and we don’t like to accept the reality!
He is speaking about Camilla Cabello. I can see the sadness in his eyes.
Great video, he always gives great advice.
Shes such a thot breaking up with him after filming with Shawn and then dating Shawn immediately afterwards. Feel so bad for this dude. On top of that, she just said in the press recently that her and shawn have liked each other and wanted each other for years. Can you imagine finding out that the whole time you were with someone they had someone else on their mind that they really wanted? Bitchy af
I don't think so. He is such a relationship expert- don't think he'd throw all his knowledge out the window the moment he went out with her. He is just a really empathetic person and shows that as he genuinely wants to help us!
Being single is fabulous. There is absolutely no reason you need to find yourself in another based on your feeling of lack. Love YOURSELF and you will never seek another based on your sense of lack. It just won’t happen.
#top 3 non-negotiable: empathy, to be forgiving, to give a helping hand.
Your vision and needs is the most important part when looking for the person. If person doesn’t fit that mold by not being in communication, there is no loss only the space for your vision! Don’t hope and wish for change in that person. Very cool!
This definitely resonates 💯
Am hoping to discover a video of yours that goes into early signs of red flags, but sometimes it's hard to tell until they clearly cross a healthy boundary. Have been love-bombed, so your message in this video is definitely powerful in taking that stand once those red flags are clear.
It's my fear that I will never find someone else, but now I know it doesn't matter I never found him anyway I thought I did
I am a teenager, 17 yo. And i really wonder, is it okay if i want my relationships to be long term and committed! I am not okay with flings but teenage relationships are never taken seriously!
It Is ok to want to have a long term and committed relationship! It's a lot work once you're out of the honeymoon stage. If you guys can communicate AND compromise your wants and needs it shouldn't fail. Believe me, your high school romance might not be what you want it to be because we grown out of that stage in life as we go into college & develope our careers. But if you want this person to be the one, you both have to work together and not against each other.
Peehu Sharma , please don't get pregnant ! Realize 20 years from now this person you're so in love with will probably cheat on you with the next best thing. Probably with your best friend
So much clarity and truth in this video this really helped me today with what I was struggling with for a guy that stood me
Up then popped up out of the blue again
Hello I can recomend you to someone that helped me fix broken relationship and he can also help you just as he did mine too
Text on whtzapp
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This literally just made me realize how to Love through the lens of what is actually good for me. Thank you so much. Have been watching tons of your videos lately and you are so talented! Thank you again!
This is one of the clearest explanation I've heard about how to value the ability of people to provide you with what you envision for yourself in a relationship. Thank you so much!!!
This video came to me on the right day and time. I have someone whom I believe I love but he just blocked me yesterday over a disagreement in plans. He set one expectation for me and changed it without telling me, when I asked about it he made it about me being intense and interrupting his day as he never finished the discussion. So I guess for me I just realized that I was doing just this of making what a tolerate about a person not about me and my needs. I need to stand true to what I need which is honesty and authenticity. I need someone who is going to stand true and honest to me about what we are doing.
Don't trust too much on anyone, even your shadow leaves you when the light vanishes."
When my wife started getting frequent night calls, I'd ask and she'd wave off those calls as unimportant. When I couldn't take it anymore, I contacted Hacker Nevetica via hacknerd79@gmail who helped clone her phone. All I did was share her phone number and through a remote link on my phone, I was able to access all of her messages. (both incoming and deleted) I also discovered her 8 months affair with one guy she met on a dating app. Thanks to him, I can now file for divorce.
Having been through the angst of being cheated on, I'll tell you get in touch with hacknerd79@gmail if you need help to reveal cheating partners.
Don't thank me.
Absolutely right! The fantasies created in the mind instead of the vision of what we truly deserve and then see if it matches up. Be ready to let it go and wish it well.
Wow this is such an insightful vantage point to see what we tend to do. I was not taught to have boundaries. Experience is not the way to learn this for sure !
Brenda Brogdon, Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!😍😍😍😊😊🤙
In Italian language, 'MAMMA MIA!' is the best comment someone can offer in exchange of such as an in-depth analysis.. thanks so much Matthew!! You truly are the best relationship coach
Great advice, not only in regards to romantic relationships. Can‘t give enough thumbs up. 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I just ghosted a guy because we were on a date and he got too drunk and told me coldly: "Shut up and eat your food" and other non sequitur insults." ---my non-negotiable is drunken meanness or any type of meanness which makes me feel like I have to tip toe. He apologized and felt bad immediately after he said what he said, but that's typical. I can never trust him again. Done.
TRUE, but when you are in your late 30s and you feel like loser without husband/kids because of this society pressure....Then you settle and tolerate lots of crap. You shouldnt but many women still do.
I totally agree with you, but, at the end, it does work, so better follow your gut feeling and walk away when is needed. Is hard to put in practice, but at the end is better.
Channel Tools This is hard. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but 30s is still very young in today’s world. Do you really want a husband and kids in your life right now? Or is it that you’re feeling left behind by your friends who have these things? I guarantee you that while many women love being a wife and mother, they at least occasionally envy single women who can sleep in, eat when/What they want, stay up late, watch a movie uninterrupted, take weekend getaways, etc. Hang in there and enjoy the life you’re living, whatever that life is. It will change eventually, I promise you, and you’ll be happy you enjoyed your freedom while you had it instead of longing for something else.
There is a difference between 31 and 37, for example.
Many guys don't want women 35+ as they believe you can't give them a healthy child. I personally don't really want to have children but it might make it even harder for me to meet a man since most of them do want to have a kid.
Channel Tools You’re absolutely right. I guess my point is try not let external pressures wrongly influence you in a relationship. My life turned out nothing like I thought it would. I wanted the typical married with children life. I have no children (problems) and then learned when considering adopting that my then husband really never wanted kids. If YOU really want those things, then I understand starting to feel desperate. But it seemed in your original post and confirmed in your reply that the angst you feel comes not from within but external or societal expectations. I’m just suggesting you allow yourself to live the life YOU desire, and definitely don’t let external expectations for children put or keep you in a relationship where you are sacrificing your own desires.
Well, that probably comes off a little preachy but it’s just from the heart, from one youtube stranger to another. 😉
@@ellengrace4609 You are right. These thoughts are coming from my exes telling me I am "old" or comments of some "men" on the Internet who talk about dying alone with 40 cats, you know 😀 but when you get this kind of "information" and opinions for months or maybe years, day in and day out, it becomes your reality..
Thank you for the kind words ☺❤
Someone once told me we deserve what we accept. When you won’t settle for less youl get more. We have all been there and im breaking free from my mentally abusive ex. Thanks Mathew for the inspiration
Omgoodness....I needed and love this. Time to share
OMG, Matthew Hussey's advice is GOLD! It's what we secretly know, but sometimes someone has to speak it out in order for us to manifest. Someone who is a great coach, is able to give simple advice for things that seem complicated. Great job Matthew!! :D
This was a great video! I am coming to terms with the reality of what my relationship really was, because I was making my SO static and my needs fluid. Now that there has been distance between me and my SO after I walked away; I am learning to let go of the fantasy I was creating in my mind. Doing so I am now seeing him in his truest form. I cannot believe that the hopes and fantasy was my driving force to stay instead of the reality. I just think to myself how many ways and how many times did he have to tell me that he didn't love me and didn't want me. Ugh I am frustrated with myself because he never hid those facts from me but my hopes and dreams made me think that it could be possible in the future. I am thankful my gut was telling me to walk away. Hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But also the best thing I could have ever done for myself.
was he telling you that he doesn't want you? because i refuse to accept it....but over time I might... I just don't want to believe it, especially after the fact that it was me that wasn't right all the time(for example I was leaving him, travelling back to my country on his birthday, many times left him alone at home etc.) so I am thinking that all his resentment towards me is my fault actually...and I want to correct it... we have been 10 years together of which 4 living together and 6 on-off long distance. Also, I feel loved not like he doesn't treat me that way.... but all this may be the fact that although he has the most beautiful heart and purest soul, not a womanizer-more like a video games boy, he is still uncertain on what he wants to do in his life, even in his 30is... i am a singer, and that is also hard for him because of my look and 'all boys wanting me' ....he would prefer me being a normal, basic girl working in a bank (not meaning to degrade anyone down-but you know what i mean)... perhaps is the compatibility problem? Whatever it is...one thing is for sure...and it has been hard to let him go... I never met anyone like him in 10 years or felt something as deep as with him. Could it be the destiny...meant to be? Because I don't see myself without him in my life. That I know.
@@patricia.gasparini yes not out right with those words. He couldn't say I love you. And he never saw a future with me in it.
This is probably the clearest explanation of what it means to have standards that I've ever seen. "I've made you the certain part, and the uncertain part is how I should be treated." Simple, clear... just gold. Carrying this concept with me forever. Thank you.
Matthew can you do a video about a man in the relationship “looking” at other women?
In some relationships some women don’t care, but in some women do care and can find it disrespectful. Can you please give your input on this?
Like some can find that the woman is jealous, but there are factors people don’t consider such as how it makes the woman feel and so forth.
I actually went threw this for more years than I would like to admit and it started out early it ended up making me feel so insecure and disrespected I told him that many times we had so many fights about it and it never stopped but only gotten worst even though he knew it made me feel terrible it’s a horrible thing talk to him about it once and if he keeps doing it maybe take a break because he doesn’t seem to respect you or your feelings I’m glade you said this because I actually thought I was one of the only ones who dealt with this hang in there girl make the best decision for you
CIC Beauty TV Thanks for the sweet encouragement girl! Yeah I definitely would love Matthew’s input on this seriously because it’s something that we do go through and can be a tough conversation because of the different views on “looking.” Of course wandering eyes and looking can be two different things. Even so, some guys can just perceive it as insecurity and then it becomes tricky from there to figure out or really voice how you feel even if it’s NOT insecurity and could just be a “respect thing” that you’re asking for/talking about.
Depending on who we talk to could also persuade us a certain way or let us see a different perspective.
But, it’d be great for Matthew to teach us how to approach this and direct us which feeling it is we could be feeling while talking about his view on “looking.”
⭐️
Gaozong Yang certainly agreed really hopes he sees your comment girly cuz this is definitely a topic to discuss for a lot of women
@@CICBeautyTV same here!
If he is looking at other women, he's just not that into you....Red Flag.
This is exactly what I am trying to learn for the very FIRST TIME in my life, at 36 👌🏻 and I am so proud of me for saying goodbye a guy that I was starting to get attached to but just had no time for me in his life.
I’m listening to this every single day until it’s completely embedded in my brain.
One word WOW!!!! I've watched hundreds and hundreds of videos to figure why I keep putting up with the same kinds of men and the way you explained it is exactly why I stay with a man that treats me horrible. Thank you so much for this video