I got tired recently of being the one who cares and listens. I noticed I listen to all my friends talk endlessly about themselves and their problems and repeat themselves over and over cause they like to hear themselves talk.i would listen without offering advice without telling them what to do about it. However, if I dared tell them more than ten minutes of my problems, they act like I had spent too much time talking about myself and tell me I'm negative and selfish after they had wasted hours of my time talking about themselves. They also couldn't listen that ten minutes without assuming they know everything now about my situation and immediately try to tell me how to fix it and offer useless advice I've already tried a thousand times.
Same ... eventually i got severely sick and tired (literary mentally and physically sick/ill) and cut off all those people out from my life except one of my closest family member . Feeling kinda lost and lonely must admit now , but at least I am at peace with myself . Tried connecting with some new people for some company but every time i give up like being afraid of yet another disappointment and "dealing with they're baggage" aka being the sponge again .
Wow, you need new friends. They sound exhausting and narcissistic. I’m sorry you have dealt with these types of people.. it’s a very lonely experience.
It may be time to step away. The beauty of stepping away is you harm nobody. I am fortunate. Nobody knows me. Thus, nobody comes to me for comfort nor support. This allows a unique outsiders perception of how people are interacting socially. They are clinging to people with their problems but give no support to others. You will note this yourself. How many people support you when adversity comes your way? You may likely think of one, possibly two, people. However, how many people come your way to seek support when they fall onto difficulties and hard times? There, your number of people is likely ⅔ of the total people you know. This unfortunate imbalance will effect any social person severely. If you step away from your role of being the one that supports others in their time of need, that will balance the numbers a bit and you will feel less overloaded. This will, eventually, cause people to not come to you every time they are feeling the need for support. Then you can choose to support that much smaller number of people needing support, or just step away, much easier. As, mentioned, nobody knows me. Thus, this is a very neutral outsider's perspective with no personal preference for support for others or stepping away.
Yes! I’m so glad you brought this up because there has been a light shown on the vet industry in the social work world. You guys deserve care and resources just as much as other helping professionals! Sending much love!
My compassion fatigue has turned into resentment. As I started to pull back I started to see that if I wasn’t giving I wasn’t getting. It turned out that if I didn’t do the reaching out or traveling to visit, the relationships just fade away. Sometimes they’d literally go silent until they needed or wanted me for something 😢I also noticed I still remembered to buy the gifts for the birthdays and Christmas yet remembering me had become intermittent . It’s also been said that the relationships are different now,because I’ve changed😀 It still hurts, but I’m definitely less fatigued from not doing all that work anymore
I think Covid really sapped a lot of people. We weren't all spending extra time with family and making banana bread, though that's how it seems to be being portrayed. For me it brought back so much trauma that it really put me backwards emotionally, even though I go to therapy regularly. I'm also the one in my friendships who tends to listen and counsel, but a lot of them rarely check in with me. I'm having to make myself be less empathetic and available before my own burnout gets even worse.
I've noticed I block people from my life. I'm exhausted mentally and physically from working 45+ hours a week in an intense helping profession. I'm pretty sure people around me think I'm antisocial, but I'm fried! As in crispy. Can't take on anymore people who need me. Go away! I love them but none of them know how to do empathy in return. The best thing for me is to immerse myself into knowledge such as this to validate and rejuvenate me.
People don't quite get that sometimes I'm out, every day of the week, all day. Yet they expect me to give them company, when I've only just returned home, and I just want to go straight to sleep. I just feel like putting a notice on my flat door, pretending that I'm going to sleep, so "do not disturb!"😄 Plenty of other people they can go to, with problems, etc.
I just raged out my dishwasher trying to load dirty dishes after five days of caregiving to a parent this holiday. I was looking forward to the time off with them so much and it all went to hell with unexpected health issues. My temper is flaring hard right now and I’m trying so hard to just take deep breaths and I was thinking, what is wrong with me? Why can I not hold this together and be more compassionate and supportive and understanding here? I found myself thinking, Can I go back to work now? Feeling guilty that I feel like I’m stepping back emotionally inside and distancing myself from all that emotion and feeling “colder” in that caregiving… then feeling even guiltier for it. Then this video popped up. I might legit cry. And I will definitely be checking in with my therapist about it.
It’s got to the point where I’m realizing the helper doesn’t get helped. I love helping people and I love being involved with my friends, but they are pushing me away unless they need me emotionally and they’re taking advantage of my niceness and help. I’m trying to learn to put up boundaries because I’m more than just a helper… I’m a friend who wants to have fun and be silly. I wanna vent too without feeling like I’m a downer when other people dump onto me ALWAYS
Yes, i can relate, to the one-sidedness of it all. Its frustrating and becomes a bit maddening. I sometimes wonder (with a bit of sarcasm here) if the answer might be to have friends who are all younger than me w/good or even better jobs. That way, they are more likely to HAVE: A) the money to deal w/THEIR problems and B) younger/better Health and less "neediness".
@@dabbler1166 I think that sometimes people fail to realize that because we are so strong that we need help too. I think it’s also that we often have a hard time asking for help. Closed mouths don’t get fed. We have to ask for help.
Put yourself first. Put your own mental well-being first. Whenever anyone who lives in the same building as me, tells me any more of their problems, I just think to myself "How many more fake 'Poor you's' am I meant to take?". I'm not even really listening to their problems. I space out, because I have no room for their life problems. Tell support staff. That's what they're here for. I'm just another person living in the same building as them. Sick of playing therapist.
It is often said we don't experience compassion fatigue. It's actually empathy fatigue. I read that when we experience true compassion we don't get tired, our bodies relax and release oxytocin. As a result we actually want to get closer to a person. Matthieu Ricard did undergo fMRI scans and his brain was examined what exactly happens in his brain when he first was asked to feel empathy and then compassion. The issue is I think in learning how not to stay in a place of empathy too long and how we can move into true compassion. And lastly it's also important what's needed in a given situation (empathy or compassion).
I've been going through this since the panademic. I balance this by putting my needs 1st, then others come after. Still need to self care. I've helped others as well and they are Greatful. Love your videos Katie 😊💕
I endee therapy recently because i ended that my therapist was experiencing compassion fatigue on a fairly routine basis. It was significant enough that it affected the therapeutic relationship.. i realized that i was not getting anything out of therapy. And clearly, she has too high a case load or needs a break.
I think that's why happened to my therapist too , she didn't say it but she had a big load which she subliminally treated me like a burden. I had to end it as well even though she told me I can reach out again but it doesn't make sense to reach out to someone that's telling you reach out to them too much outside of sessions. But she told me if anything comes up before or after therapy , I can say something, . And I didn't even try to waste her time , I knew her boundaries, but when I did it just to ask for help with therapy or something important , it was a problem. You don't have to agree with me but I think therapists should stop saying the quote " you can reach out to me outside of sessions if anything comes up ". That's too much for them but they should stop saying that quote because its misleading to the client and gets the client thinking that they are a burden or then they closed off now because you said they text or reach out too much. She must have been burned out with her clients too though even though she made me feel like I was the only client that does x,y, z and she said too . Like her other clients are perfect or something. I hate when therapist do that say you the only client that does this, they will make sound like bad or rotten apple out of the bunch.
I have been a caregiver my entire life. My sister who is older is disabled so I am also a text book definition of the ‘glass sibling syndrome’. There isn’t a time in my life where I haven’t been a caregiver. When it was finally time for me to try to go experience life for myself, one month after I graduated high school my Dad decided to start working internationally and was gone for the next 12 years so my Mom was left with no help what so ever. Any family in the area, that ever helped even though it wasn’t ever much had passed away or moved by that time. I had overwhelming guilt so I stayed to help. I also wound up in the healthcare field. Last year after 15 years, I finally quit. I have just lived in burnout for most my life and when COVID hit and going through that, the unkind public, my Mom’s battling cancer, taking care of both of them, then losing my Mom to cancer and having to teach my Dad how to take care of my sister after decades on this earth 🙄 and also still taking care of her on top the dumpster fire island we call Earth, something had to give. Let alone the trauma I have been through, dealing on my own until I started therapy a couple years ago. So yeah that’s a 10/10. But I can’t not care, not have compassion, empathy. It’s a core pillar. Sometimes it just cycles through to numbness, to resentment, to guilt and back to my high sensitivity for others and animals to the detriment of my mental and physical health.
I got sick after the pandemic, and the medical people were understandably exhausted. I noticed how just saying one sentence of appreciation amazed them. These people were starved for love. I got well and will renember them always.
10 fingers down out of 10... Damn. That might honestly be why I have been so Angry and Depressed lately, my partner has been pointing out my mood a lot, and I guess he is part of it - I have to take care of myself but also him, I clean and hold the entire house, I buy groceries despite my anxiety flaring more and more. We live in Europe, we follow the now 2 wars very close, my partner does read, watch and listen to the news every day, and then tells me about it as I have gone totally dark on all news.. But even the small things I hear from him is taking what little empathy I have. I stand with Ukraine, I think we should deliver WAY more then we do, we need to help them WAY more, and I will honestly NEVER give that up! But, I have trouble see why I should continue to live, I do no difference, I'm a burden on society, and honestly, in the face of war, all the problems I see, hear or feel my self are nothing. - Now that's my depression talking, I know god damn well that its not true and all that Jazz, but I do not have any more compassion to give of and I am just as hateful and cruel in my statements as I was when I was a kid and teen.. I hate myself for it.. I will try and make the changes needed to care for my empathy
The trick is to care and not care at the same time and stay focused on the goal but it also helps if you enjoy it meaning the process of problem solving or in some cases patching things up for a short time
This is a great video. Thanks, Kati! As a fellow counselor, I relate completely. This describes me perfectly right now, and I knew it for the past several weeks. I'm embarrassed to tell you how many fingers I put down. I've been a therapist for almost twenty years, and I know this is very, very real. I especially love your phrase, "We light ourselves on fire to keep others warm."🤣🤣 Keep up the great work you do here!
What about--- Burnout from.....repeated (and seemingly unrelenting) requests for "Charities". (see my long comment above). Probably, none of us want to be "the bad guy" who doesn't care as this is SO "politically INcorrect" and yet...when will they EVER shut up? Does the Fundraiser ever come to an end? No? Can it at least go-on-Vacation for 6 weeks before it comes back? Sighh...
I want to thank you. I've been watching your video's and it helped me a lot to understand my family dynamic. At the moment it's a very stressful and exciting time for me because I have decided that I no longer want to live with my sister (we share a house). I haven't told her yet (I'm waiting for my counsolor to assist me with that), but I have told my father and his response was very predictable (you are being selfish, you are abandoning your sister,...). Because I have heard that kind of responses in your video's it helped me to not take it personally and to not respond in anger or let it discourage me. You are one of the main people that have given me the courage to stand up for myself and to finally put my own welbeing (and in extend of that my daughters welbeing) first. I can't thank you enough for that.
I love Katie so much. She’s like my adulthood ‘Suzy Kato’- Educational GURU!!!!! I don’t enjoy talk therapy anymore (finding it bit - judgemental and second-guessy). Listening to Katie while not feeling personally judged is sooooooo effective and soothing
I find it difficult to explain why this is but when people chat about their problems with me it doesn't exhaust me, but it doesn't make me feel bad either. I just listen, and if it's wanted (either they ask, or I ask) I can offer some advice. But I do feel empty inside. Not sad, just empty. Maybe I was wrong and misunderstood if this video isn't about that.
Home health hospice nurse. Constantly tired and feeling exhausted. I feel trapped in my job because there is no one to cover shifts. If I need a day off, the family complains about it when I return. They also say they would have to let the patient pass on prematurely if I quit. I have all the symptoms listed :(
Not having anyonr to cover shifts is a major issue. If you can address this part of it, you might get enough relief to assess whether or not you need to change your nursing specialty.
@@RobespierreThePoof thank you for your comment. I have addressed the issue but agency can’t find enough help. I am planning on leaving nursing as soon as financially possible.
I have a lot of this. I'm not in a caregiving profession, though; thank God. Being forced to hear about other people losing loved ones makes me mad, internally roll my eyes, suicidal, and not wanting to get attached to people for fear of them dying.
I have a friend that trauma dumps on me and has become extra clingy. I feel like I'm her spouse or bf. My boundaries need to be restored with this lady.
This topic really hits home. I can't stop asking: "How much, will it take, to ever finally be enough??" Kati mentions (at about 1 min. 25 seconds into this video) that it happens due to prolonged exposure. I agree. (more below).... Imagine 2 people arguing. One person says: You are a selfish, uncaring person who needs more empathy. -- and the other person replying: Not true. Its you, who are an "endless Black hole " of neediness and "caring", impossible to ever fill. Who's right? In my case its the repeated-over-and-over exposure, which causes exhaustion, which becomes irritation. This takes courage to say, because its the kind of situations where you, me, and all of the public is "supposed" to care. This makes it all-the-more difficult to say anything at all in defiance of it, but as i said: WHEN, will it ever be "enough". ? You are watching the TV, maybe leaving it on soft-volume all day for background. (C'mon people, i KNOW I'm not the only one who ever does this) and....it starts. Again. Cancer kids. St. Jude's TV commercials. Is it sad? Yes, without a doubt. Do we hope they get cured or at least go into remission? Absolutely! But there's a "however" coming in just a bit. But first, 2 more examples: Dogs, and cats, in cages that have been mistreated. Yes, that is sad. I would never do that. But-- how many times do i have to keep hearing about it? Even the commercial itself drones on and on and is longer than most other individual commercials, and they re-show it, several times a day. Yes, I hope the animals get help, and a caring owner/master. But after the 47th time of seeing this yet again, it becomes an irritant and i wanna say: Damn! Someone go buy 11 Dogs and shut the hell up! Over-exposure. Does everything have to be a tears-to-your-eyes Tragedy? God forbid the TV would show a HAPPY commercial or even something non-tragic like a NEW Olympus or Pentax Camera, a New Jeep, an Ad for a FUN vacation spot in a national park, or a new book of seafood and pasta recipes. But Nnoooo! After awhile, you start wondering if 90% of society is either sick, starving, abused or has bladder leakage. Uughhh! Another example: Wounded warriors. Someone comes back from serving overseas, got one of their legs shot off, and now has a leg that is sort of a "pipe" or metal leg. Tragic? Again yes, without a doubt. Do we hope they get some artificial or functioning leg and can walk again? You bet! So what's the problem? The problem is this: where, in the beginning, we cared and really felt for them. now, darn near every time see yet another one of those commercials, now they are DAMNED-commercials and it just aggravating to see it at all. Yet again. How many times a day are they gonna keep on re-showing this? Shut uuup! Why? Through sheer, darn-near unrelenting REPETITION and constant re-exposure, 6 times a day, and again tomorrow! It gets still worse. it isnt just, say, a 2week ad campaign and then other things are the commercial instead. No. It goes onnnn and onnn and onnn for weeks, even months ....and after 61 times of seeing this, in my face, as if I cant have the TV on without having this, i wonder when the commercials will ever end? Its too much repetition. What we once may have cared about becomes downright maddening and irritating. STFU!! I no sooner say this and there is some amount of guilt, and yet, i am soooo sick and aggravated from having this in-my-face so to speak, day after day, after day, after day...... People say: Shut the TV off. MY reply: but seriously, is there NOTHING else to advertise?? Does everything have to be an ailment or Tragedy? and again tomorrow? It really is "too much". But those particular things, are things where everyone is EXPECTED to care! And to not be indifferent. it isnt politically-correct at all. But again, how often is enough? How long is enough? And one more thing. I can already hear folks saying it now: "Hmph! Well...SOMEday, it might be YOU! What then?" Ohhh yeah, as if 10,000 bad karma points are salivating and just waiting to bite me. What would i do? Would iiii ask for help? Yes. Unashamedly. Like everyone else. BUT-- I wouldn't torture people with wanting help 6 times a day, 5 or 6 days a week, and then still 3 weeks later. Ugghhh....like i said: its too much. But no one wants to be-the-bad-guy and admit that. They might even smear you as being a "narcissist" for feeling that way. Now there's a good video topic: WHERE does Narcissism end, and legitimate Compassion Fatigue begin? That's a very good question. Note: (adding this, hours later) I think its better to call this whole thing: "Empathy Burnout." Brought on by repetition and exhaustion. But it isnt popular to admit.
This also sounds like hormonal issues too..I have 8 symptoms and I’m dealing with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. My PTSD has been triggered, too. When eating carnivore, I feel so much better, way more grounded and positive. With most other foods, even healthy foods, I’m more anxious and isolate myself. I worry about things at night and have nightmares when I’m stressed, or eat things that trigger mood changes, etc. when In stress, an erosion of empathy can occur, so it’s important to take care of ourselves and take breaks wherever possible.
Thank you for having this ready for us Kati!! We all love you and your fantastic energy for raising our awareness and understanding of the mental health issues that challenge us. You support us with skills, tricks, courses and your own genuine, honest life experience. Sending love and gratitude to you Kati. 😊❤❤❤
I got 10/10, no wonder I'm so lost. I feel Love, but at the same time I want it all to end. And on top of that, I manifest scarcity. My bank account is proof. So I'm really close to unleashing Hell. I'm just Glad I have God to talk to. Thankyou for this information, I will have to research & figure this out on my own, everyone wants money for the information. God bless you ❤️🙏
This was a wonderful video. Thank you Kati. I feel this way a lot. I had 8 out of 10 of the put a finger downs 😢. I was just recently diagnosed with BPD and it's a lot for me to deal with. I'm trying to find somewhere to do DBT therapy. But there isn't much around my home. Happy New Year
Best of luck with your DBT Journey! It did a lot for me, as a fellow Borderliner c: It's a hell of a disorder and poorly understood, I hope you get a good handle on it ♥
As a therapist in the making and someone who has burn out I’m very aware that I will have to be very vigilant in my work because I don’t deserve to be a martyr. Many people don’t want change they want coddling which has helped me w boundaries. All that’s pushed out isn’t real but is causing real damage to our minds/hearts. You can’t help people unless your full and most esp while I’m in school I see are not which for some is using helping as a distraction from their own self work. Yes, being kind is needed in this world but the best you can do is to ensure your grounded that you may have enough to support others.
All, I asked my parents nurse months ago to put my parent back to in center care as nobody in the family helped me as they said they would. She said to keep going and she would contact the family to help, and they didn't help or do anything new to help me. Then the following month appointment she told me she could only advise not force them to help. I asked her to put my parent back to in center that my health is failing and my Dr said this will put me in the grave before my parent. Months later I am still stuck doing everything, and I feel my Dr was right, I'm going to be dead first. I spend my days in bed only getting up to help the parent as nobody cares, and any more neither do I. I am so burnt out and I tried to get help, family members, the nurse I told on day 1 I couldn't do this. I'm just over it all now
Does not having any emotions at all count? My brain tells me what I'm supposed to be feeling, but the actual physical feelings that go with the emotional feelings are gone.
It is time to step away from being the one that supports others that nobody seems to support in your time of need. This will greatly balance the numbers of being supportive verses the numbers of others supporting you when you need support, which you will notice is heavily on the side of people seeking you for support and you getting almost nothing.
@@justChrisjones I'm not overwhelmed. I have no idea what happened. My therapist and psych doc can't explain it. It's been like this for about 2 years now. When my brother died, I felt nothing. He was my best friend. I still feel nothing. I love my mom very much, but the actual feeling is gone.
@@kelleyk28 my daughter is it in the same situation as your explaining . It sounds like you're still in an abusive situation . You're still in survival mode. When you are safe you will begin Feeling Again. You're not safe yet
I love reading stories of sacrifice and other moral values (usually reading the same story again & again without getting bored), imagining consciously & unconsciously a world of my own where I can discuss my problems with myself & generating remedies. That's how, perhaps, I am more resistant to such disorders - despite bearing a narcissistic wife for 13 years.
Right around the time Covid hit I simultaneously started taking care of a bedbound abusive relative. I acted as her caregiver until she passed away in March. Between those two things, I feel completely incapable of feeling empathy. It sucks, because my young adult child is having some serious mental health struggles right now and I don't know how to show up for her. She yelled at me two days ago, "what happened to you, Mom? You used to care about people, but now it's like you have zero empathy". After decades of being chastized for being "too sensitive" or "a crybaby" I've shut it off. I'm numb to almost everything now, and I hate it. I try and be kind to everyone, but it feels like I'm wearing a mask just to seem happy.
This video is excellent! Thank you Kati for the video. I am in charge of teaching a class to my fellow hostage negotiators and this topic is right on task for what we do. So thankful for you!!
I put all fingers down. I always feel borderline burned out. I did burnout a few years ago and I can’t seem to get back to where I once was. I’m a teacher by profession.
I quit my job. Both burnout due to disorganisation and lack of staff plus compassion fatigue/vicarious trauma. Never thought this would happen to me. Average turnover of my former workplace is a year.
Between working nearly full time and caregiving for many years I have 9 out of 10. My wife passed on two years ago and I think recovery will go on for years.
I have been watching Kati for years and really enjoy most episodes. Please don't do that thing where you quickly flash text on the screen. I find it physically painful. I have to close my eyes. I ended up stopping the video after the first few minutes. I know this isn't the case for everyone but I surely can't be the only one with a physical reaction to flashing lights.
0:00: 🤯 Compassion fatigue is a common experience, especially for caregivers, and can lead to emotional exhaustion and a lack of boundaries between personal and professional life. 3:40: ⚠ The video discusses the signs and impact of compassion fatigue, a common issue among healthcare and caregiving professionals. 7:25: ⚠ The video discusses the stages of compassion fatigue and burnout, and provides tips for combatting it. 10:38: 💆 The video discusses setting boundaries, managing compassion fatigue, and the importance of rest and relaxation. 13:58: ⚡ The video provides tips for caregivers to overcome compassion fatigue and prioritize self-care. Feeling Emotionally Empty? Compassion Fatigue Explained Understanding and Overcoming Compassion Fatigue: A Guide for Caregivers and Healthcare Professionals Recap by Tammy AI...
Here, I have no problem. Nobody knows me. Thus, nobody confides with in me, nor looks my way for support. Since, I myself, have nobody in my life, I can not possibly feel anything for anybody. I can not be compassionate for someone that is not there. My disconnection from society has advantages that are unique.
It started happening to me a couple years ago, right around the time the COVID restrictions hit - I was severely overwhelmed emotionally and literally felt like a convict even though I did nothing wrong thanks to all the restrictions. This got me to an emotional burnout that is still ongoing. I have been unable to care about anyone or anything for a couple years now and I don't know if I will be ever able to get it back tbh. Can't afford therapy so that's not an option.
I wish I knew this sooner . Nine out of 10 the symptoms I have it’s gonna cost me my marriage because my wife didn’t think I loved her . She’s been sick for about three years and the past four months. I’ve been home taking care of her and I was getting so irritable tired I love her. I was just like God just get better. I was very frustrated so much. I know it’s not her fault. She ended up going to the hospital And I was going every other day and one day that I didn’t go to use that against me saying I didn’t love her anymore and she wants to divorce. The gentleman was so Flippin tired taking care of my wife taking care of three kids. I lost my job a couple months before that I was taking care of all dogs cats that we have at our house just exhausted, I truly just didn’t have any more left. She doesn’t see that there’s nothing I can do to change your mind…..
Wow. What a timely topic. I'm 10/10 on those symptoms. A nurse feeling major burn out. I also lost my Mom a few weeks ago after a year of declining health. Trying to help her while dealing with an abusive father has left me in a state of exhaustion. Mainly emotional exhaustion. I have gone no contact with him, but feel very judged by others due to him being elderly. This has been a lifetime of abusive behavior, and not dementia related. Dealing with grief, the emotions of going no contact with a parent, and what can feel like very demanding, entitled patients has left me completely depleted. Thank you for posting this!
I wonder if we underestimate what empathy is. Rather than just understand and identify with others' feelings and viewpoint, empathy might be about Harmonizing with others; recognizing self and others simultaneously and how we can connect, like identifying a chord instead of separate notes. Where we cannot clearly recognize self or others, we cannot resonate with others.
Really enjoyed listening to this video lots of good information. What happens though when you realize that you need a break or reset but your environment doesn’t let you?
What are you supposed to do when you're in the late stages? I'm constantly tired all the time no matter how much sleep I get and I find myself not really caring in general about anything, even myself.
Since compassion fatique sounds like depression, can that become a subset of it? Like if depression is a big umbrella term, could compassion fatique be under it? I have major depression and PTSD (well controlled), and when those symptoms come to the surface, I have no mental space whatsoever to be able to deal with other people's problems.
... for some people, this life is more 'bout ENDURANCE and EXPERIENCE. How many lashes can you take? How much pain can you carry? Much of the time, the seemingly innocent go through undue pain... to my disdain. There is something else to the FORMULA that I comprehend not. 😶I do know this: DISCONNECTION from the source forces a mass-disconnect.
So let's say you put all your fingers down, and you gave it some thought & you've been experiencing these symptoms at some level for a couple of decades...
All 10…I been out of my community mental health work a few days. Luckily there’s school break, so I can recover until January. The percentage that shows seems like there underreporting...
Perhaps the drastic increase in fatigue rate in the health caring individuals in 2018 compared to 2010(forgot) maybe because they are exposed to patients with exponential increased degree of the disorder.
I get emotional abuse by my parent. I need a safe place to live where I dont fear abuse. I live in LA, CA. I have autism and adhd and slight asthma which is why I am unemployed. My parents abuse me for it.
Is it possible to be suffering this as a SAHM who is constantly short and impatient with my kids, even as I swore to myself I wouldn't be this kind of parent? ETA: 8 fingers...
Taking care of my family 👪 im burned out from my past trauma or depression.. watchin war stuff.. it makes my partner feel unheard cuz i keep talking too much
Would number 7 still require you to put down a finger if you always have that problem? With 2, maybe 3 of those symptons, not sure if i would have to put down a finger thanks to the fatique or if i would do that thanks to having those for as long as i can remember ^_^"
I have all 10. I’m a home caregiver to my son with HD, and have no life, no help from family or friends. Well.. I don’t have any friends or family, so that’s why I have no help. Cannot afford respite care.
While I watched this video, I thought back to when I was 13 and experiencing compassion fatigue. I found out that I had eight symptoms. EIGHT! When I was 13, I was getting bullied at school. I had rumors spread about me dating my yoga teacher and my social skills teacher helped the bullies. I have autism, BTW. For Christmas, I made my yoga instructor a gift and it broke before it reached her hand. There was a fundraiser for four murdered police officers' families, and my parents wanted to teach me empathy. It was that yoga instructor's last class before Christmas. I felt nothing for the families because I was too busy dealing with my own life. My parents want me to let this go, but it's part of my PTSD.
Not that this will help immediately, but everyone digests "stuff" at different rates. Baby-steps. There's nothing wrong with your own pace. 🤗(And by the way, I ABHOR bullying! It makes my blood boil.)
However: on this subject: I get ya… probably 4-5 fingers for me for compassion fatigue & I do not work in the health or mental health profession:: I am a client!!! And it seems it’s been for too long, however… my journey does continue after getting a late start in life… ( I tried earlier in my 20’s-late 40’s// it wasn’t til I was 54 and at an open women’s treatment facility in TN:: BINGO… that started me rolling. I was SO DEPRESSED THAT I LOST MY SENSE OF TASTE… but my big symptom now is IRRITABILITY/ KEEPING TO MYSELF SO I DONT PROJECT THAT ONTO ANYONE ELSE. 😊 There are a few others… but that’s the BIGGEST ! Being extremely moody eats at me( I am also bipolar 2, depression, anxiety & PTSD:: which EMDR has almost cleared my PTSD- except when I am triggered:::then I either melt down or react instead of take positive action. Music is my “ escape “… in a healthy way.. you cannot overdose on music 🎶 ‼️🩵💙 You do great work for so many people… maybe cut back. I am considering joining your Patreon Page( if it’s still available (?)… and I love you & Sean doing OTDM Podcast !! Love the sense of humor you bring to it … anyways, thank you for reading this ! I’m in CT/ land of the cold, damp, dark & dreary (!!!) Haven’t had any snow storms yet- but have no fear, they will hit us … take care. A huge fan : )
Thank you, Kati ❤ I really needed this video today! Been feeling this way for a couple months now and been racking my brain to try to make myself feel better, but none of my usual methods have been working 😕 I decided to start journaling today, and I love the breathing exercise you shared! I think I'm going to use this as inspiration to begin learning piano again, after about a year of stopping due to depression and working on other areas of my life that were (and still are slightly) broken 🥲
I got tired recently of being the one who cares and listens. I noticed I listen to all my friends talk endlessly about themselves and their problems and repeat themselves over and over cause they like to hear themselves talk.i would listen without offering advice without telling them what to do about it. However, if I dared tell them more than ten minutes of my problems, they act like I had spent too much time talking about myself and tell me I'm negative and selfish after they had wasted hours of my time talking about themselves. They also couldn't listen that ten minutes without assuming they know everything now about my situation and immediately try to tell me how to fix it and offer useless advice I've already tried a thousand times.
Bingo!
Same ... eventually i got severely sick and tired (literary mentally and physically sick/ill) and cut off all those people out from my life except one of my closest family member . Feeling kinda lost and lonely must admit now , but at least I am at peace with myself . Tried connecting with some new people for some company but every time i give up like being afraid of yet another disappointment and "dealing with they're baggage" aka being the sponge again .
I had the same issue . But when I needed help or company in trying times they disappeared.
Sounds about right.
Wow, you need new friends. They sound exhausting and narcissistic. I’m sorry you have dealt with these types of people.. it’s a very lonely experience.
Light ourselves on fire to keep others warm. The story of my life 😒
It may be time to step away. The beauty of stepping away is you harm nobody. I am fortunate. Nobody knows me. Thus, nobody comes to me for comfort nor support. This allows a unique outsiders perception of how people are interacting socially. They are clinging to people with their problems but give no support to others. You will note this yourself. How many people support you when adversity comes your way? You may likely think of one, possibly two, people. However, how many people come your way to seek support when they fall onto difficulties and hard times? There, your number of people is likely ⅔ of the total people you know. This unfortunate imbalance will effect any social person severely. If you step away from your role of being the one that supports others in their time of need, that will balance the numbers a bit and you will feel less overloaded. This will, eventually, cause people to not come to you every time they are feeling the need for support. Then you can choose to support that much smaller number of people needing support, or just step away, much easier. As, mentioned, nobody knows me. Thus, this is a very neutral outsider's perspective with no personal preference for support for others or stepping away.
@@indridcold8433 yeah I realized that now. Wish I would have realized that 20 years ago. I wasted so much time and energy trying to keep others warm.
Oh no! Good quote tho 😅
This applies to a lot of people in the veterinary industry too. We care for so many sick and dying animals and it becomes emotionally exhausting
Yes! I’m so glad you brought this up because there has been a light shown on the vet industry in the social work world. You guys deserve care and resources just as much as other helping professionals! Sending much love!
As thankful as I am for your people's existence I have no idea how you can even do it. I'm a grown man (I think), but I can still cry over dead pets.
Yes , i used to work in animal hospitals and have to quit because it was becoming too depressing for me. Did not know how to cope.
My compassion fatigue has turned into resentment. As I started to pull back I started to see that if I wasn’t giving I wasn’t getting. It turned out that if I didn’t do the reaching out or traveling to visit, the relationships just fade away. Sometimes they’d literally go silent until they needed or wanted me for something 😢I also noticed I still remembered to buy the gifts for the birthdays and Christmas yet remembering me had become intermittent .
It’s also been said that the relationships are different now,because I’ve changed😀
It still hurts, but I’m definitely less fatigued from not doing all that work anymore
I think Covid really sapped a lot of people. We weren't all spending extra time with family and making banana bread, though that's how it seems to be being portrayed. For me it brought back so much trauma that it really put me backwards emotionally, even though I go to therapy regularly.
I'm also the one in my friendships who tends to listen and counsel, but a lot of them rarely check in with me.
I'm having to make myself be less empathetic and available before my own burnout gets even worse.
Agree
I've noticed I block people from my life. I'm exhausted mentally and physically from working 45+ hours a week in an intense helping profession. I'm pretty sure people around me think I'm antisocial, but I'm fried! As in crispy. Can't take on anymore people who need me. Go away! I love them but none of them know how to do empathy in return. The best thing for me is to immerse myself into knowledge such as this to validate and rejuvenate me.
Yes, THIS. Exactly this! 💜
People don't quite get that sometimes I'm out, every day of the week, all day. Yet they expect me to give them company, when I've only just returned home, and I just want to go straight to sleep. I just feel like putting a notice on my flat door, pretending that I'm going to sleep, so "do not disturb!"😄 Plenty of other people they can go to, with problems, etc.
I just raged out my dishwasher trying to load dirty dishes after five days of caregiving to a parent this holiday. I was looking forward to the time off with them so much and it all went to hell with unexpected health issues. My temper is flaring hard right now and I’m trying so hard to just take deep breaths and I was thinking, what is wrong with me? Why can I not hold this together and be more compassionate and supportive and understanding here? I found myself thinking, Can I go back to work now? Feeling guilty that I feel like I’m stepping back emotionally inside and distancing myself from all that emotion and feeling “colder” in that caregiving… then feeling even guiltier for it. Then this video popped up. I might legit cry. And I will definitely be checking in with my therapist about it.
It’s got to the point where I’m realizing the helper doesn’t get helped. I love helping people and I love being involved with my friends, but they are pushing me away unless they need me emotionally and they’re taking advantage of my niceness and help. I’m trying to learn to put up boundaries because I’m more than just a helper… I’m a friend who wants to have fun and be silly. I wanna vent too without feeling like I’m a downer when other people dump onto me ALWAYS
Yes, i can relate, to the one-sidedness of it all. Its frustrating and becomes a bit maddening. I sometimes wonder (with a bit of sarcasm here) if the answer might be to have friends who are all younger than me w/good or even better jobs. That way, they are more likely to HAVE:
A) the money to deal w/THEIR problems and
B) younger/better Health and less "neediness".
Agree❤🎉
@@dabbler1166 I think that sometimes people fail to realize that because we are so strong that we need help too. I think it’s also that we often have a hard time asking for help. Closed mouths don’t get fed. We have to ask for help.
Put yourself first. Put your own mental well-being first. Whenever anyone who lives in the same building as me, tells me any more of their problems, I just think to myself "How many more fake 'Poor you's' am I meant to take?". I'm not even really listening to their problems. I space out, because I have no room for their life problems. Tell support staff. That's what they're here for. I'm just another person living in the same building as them. Sick of playing therapist.
It is often said we don't experience compassion fatigue. It's actually empathy fatigue.
I read that when we experience true compassion we don't get tired, our bodies relax and release oxytocin. As a result we actually want to get closer to a person.
Matthieu Ricard did undergo fMRI scans and his brain was examined what exactly happens in his brain when he first was asked to feel empathy and then compassion.
The issue is I think in learning how not to stay in a place of empathy too long and how we can move into true compassion.
And lastly it's also important what's needed in a given situation (empathy or compassion).
Yes. Empathy Burnout (which becomes or morphs into resentment/irritation) says it even better, for me.
Yes. Empathy fatigue (or Burnout) says it better, for me.
I've been going through this since the panademic. I balance this by putting my needs 1st, then others come after. Still need to self care. I've helped others as well and they are Greatful. Love your videos Katie 😊💕
I endee therapy recently because i ended that my therapist was experiencing compassion fatigue on a fairly routine basis.
It was significant enough that it affected the therapeutic relationship.. i realized that i was not getting anything out of therapy. And clearly, she has too high a case load or needs a break.
I think that's why happened to my therapist too , she didn't say it but she had a big load which she subliminally treated me like a burden. I had to end it as well even though she told me I can reach out again but it doesn't make sense to reach out to someone that's telling you reach out to them too much outside of sessions. But she told me if anything comes up before or after therapy , I can say something, . And I didn't even try to waste her time , I knew her boundaries, but when I did it just to ask for help with therapy or something important , it was a problem. You don't have to agree with me but I think therapists should stop saying the quote " you can reach out to me outside of sessions if anything comes up ". That's too much for them but they should stop saying that quote because its misleading to the client and gets the client thinking that they are a burden or then they closed off now because you said they text or reach out too much. She must have been burned out with her clients too though even though she made me feel like I was the only client that does x,y, z and she said too . Like her other clients are perfect or something. I hate when therapist do that say you the only client that does this, they will make sound like bad or rotten apple out of the bunch.
I have been a caregiver my entire life. My sister who is older is disabled so I am also a text book definition of the ‘glass sibling syndrome’.
There isn’t a time in my life where I haven’t been a caregiver. When it was finally time for me to try to go experience life for myself, one month after I graduated high school my Dad decided to start working internationally and was gone for the next 12 years so my Mom was left with no help what so ever. Any family in the area, that ever helped even though it wasn’t ever much had passed away or moved by that time. I had overwhelming guilt so I stayed to help.
I also wound up in the healthcare field. Last year after 15 years, I finally quit. I have just lived in burnout for most my life and when COVID hit and going through that, the unkind public, my Mom’s battling cancer, taking care of both of them, then losing my Mom to cancer and having to teach my Dad how to take care of my sister after decades on this earth 🙄 and also still taking care of her on top the dumpster fire island we call Earth, something had to give. Let alone the trauma I have been through, dealing on my own until I started therapy a couple years ago. So yeah that’s a 10/10.
But I can’t not care, not have compassion, empathy. It’s a core pillar. Sometimes it just cycles through to numbness, to resentment, to guilt and back to my high sensitivity for others and animals to the detriment of my mental and physical health.
I got sick after the pandemic, and the medical people were understandably exhausted. I noticed how just saying one sentence of appreciation amazed them. These people were starved for love. I got well and will renember them always.
Same happen to me..they saved my life however I tried to show my appreciation and u could tell they needed it❤❤
This. A million times.
10 fingers down out of 10... Damn.
That might honestly be why I have been so Angry and Depressed lately, my partner has been pointing out my mood a lot, and I guess he is part of it - I have to take care of myself but also him, I clean and hold the entire house, I buy groceries despite my anxiety flaring more and more. We live in Europe, we follow the now 2 wars very close, my partner does read, watch and listen to the news every day, and then tells me about it as I have gone totally dark on all news.. But even the small things I hear from him is taking what little empathy I have.
I stand with Ukraine, I think we should deliver WAY more then we do, we need to help them WAY more, and I will honestly NEVER give that up! But, I have trouble see why I should continue to live, I do no difference, I'm a burden on society, and honestly, in the face of war, all the problems I see, hear or feel my self are nothing.
- Now that's my depression talking, I know god damn well that its not true and all that Jazz, but I do not have any more compassion to give of and I am just as hateful and cruel in my statements as I was when I was a kid and teen.. I hate myself for it.. I will try and make the changes needed to care for my empathy
The trick is to care and not care at the same time and stay focused on the goal but it also helps if you enjoy it meaning the process of problem solving or in some cases patching things up for a short time
I’m not a caregiver specifically, but I have 9/10 of these and I feel for me it’s more so caring about others and not feeling the same in return
This is a great video. Thanks, Kati! As a fellow counselor, I relate completely. This describes me perfectly right now, and I knew it for the past several weeks. I'm embarrassed to tell you how many fingers I put down. I've been a therapist for almost twenty years, and I know this is very, very real. I especially love your phrase, "We light ourselves on fire to keep others warm."🤣🤣 Keep up the great work you do here!
What about---
Burnout from.....repeated (and seemingly unrelenting) requests for "Charities". (see my long comment above).
Probably, none of us want to be "the bad guy" who doesn't care as this is SO "politically INcorrect" and yet...when will they EVER shut up?
Does the Fundraiser ever come to an end? No? Can it at least go-on-Vacation for 6 weeks before it comes back? Sighh...
I want to thank you. I've been watching your video's and it helped me a lot to understand my family dynamic. At the moment it's a very stressful and exciting time for me because I have decided that I no longer want to live with my sister (we share a house). I haven't told her yet (I'm waiting for my counsolor to assist me with that), but I have told my father and his response was very predictable (you are being selfish, you are abandoning your sister,...). Because I have heard that kind of responses in your video's it helped me to not take it personally and to not respond in anger or let it discourage me. You are one of the main people that have given me the courage to stand up for myself and to finally put my own welbeing (and in extend of that my daughters welbeing) first. I can't thank you enough for that.
Thank you, Kati. This was validating.
I love Katie so much. She’s like my adulthood ‘Suzy Kato’- Educational GURU!!!!! I don’t enjoy talk therapy anymore (finding it bit - judgemental and second-guessy). Listening to Katie while not feeling personally judged is sooooooo effective and soothing
I find it difficult to explain why this is but when people chat about their problems with me it doesn't exhaust me, but it doesn't make me feel bad either. I just listen, and if it's wanted (either they ask, or I ask) I can offer some advice.
But I do feel empty inside. Not sad, just empty. Maybe I was wrong and misunderstood if this video isn't about that.
Home health hospice nurse. Constantly tired and feeling exhausted. I feel trapped in my job because there is no one to cover shifts. If I need a day off, the family complains about it when I return. They also say they would have to let the patient pass on prematurely if I quit. I have all the symptoms listed :(
God bless you!
Not having anyonr to cover shifts is a major issue. If you can address this part of it, you might get enough relief to assess whether or not you need to change your nursing specialty.
@@RobespierreThePoof thank you for your comment. I have addressed the issue but agency can’t find enough help. I am planning on leaving nursing as soon as financially possible.
@@deborahlynnp thank you 🙏
❤️
I have a lot of this. I'm not in a caregiving profession, though; thank God. Being forced to hear about other people losing loved ones makes me mad, internally roll my eyes, suicidal, and not wanting to get attached to people for fear of them dying.
That's how I feel when I hear about all the sh*t that's going on in the world.
I have a friend that trauma dumps on me and has become extra clingy. I feel like I'm her spouse or bf. My boundaries need to be restored with this lady.
And don't worry about how it makes her feel. You do you.
Just do you.
This topic really hits home. I can't stop asking:
"How much, will it take, to ever finally be enough??"
Kati mentions (at about 1 min. 25 seconds into this video) that it happens due to prolonged exposure. I agree. (more below)....
Imagine 2 people arguing. One person says:
You are a selfish, uncaring person who needs more empathy. -- and the other person replying:
Not true. Its you, who are an "endless Black hole " of neediness and "caring", impossible to ever fill. Who's right?
In my case its the repeated-over-and-over exposure, which causes exhaustion, which becomes irritation.
This takes courage to say, because its the kind of situations where you, me, and all of the public is "supposed" to care. This makes it all-the-more difficult to say anything at all in defiance of it, but as i said: WHEN, will it ever be "enough". ? You are watching the TV, maybe leaving it on soft-volume all day for background. (C'mon people, i KNOW I'm not the only one who ever does this) and....it starts. Again.
Cancer kids.
St. Jude's TV commercials. Is it sad? Yes, without a doubt. Do we hope they get cured or at least go into remission? Absolutely! But there's a "however" coming in just a bit. But first, 2 more examples:
Dogs, and cats, in cages that have been mistreated. Yes, that is sad. I would never do that. But-- how many times do i have to keep hearing about it? Even the commercial itself drones on and on and is longer than most other individual commercials, and they re-show it, several times a day. Yes, I hope the animals get help, and a caring owner/master. But after the 47th time of seeing this yet again, it becomes an irritant and i wanna say: Damn! Someone go buy 11 Dogs and shut the hell up! Over-exposure. Does everything have to be a tears-to-your-eyes Tragedy? God forbid the TV would show a HAPPY commercial or even something non-tragic like a NEW Olympus or Pentax Camera, a New Jeep, an Ad for a FUN vacation spot in a national park, or a new book of seafood and pasta recipes. But Nnoooo! After awhile, you start wondering if 90% of society is either sick, starving, abused or has bladder leakage. Uughhh! Another example:
Wounded warriors. Someone comes back from serving overseas, got one of their legs shot off, and now has a leg that is sort of a "pipe" or metal leg. Tragic? Again yes, without a doubt. Do we hope they get some artificial or functioning leg and can walk again? You bet!
So what's the problem?
The problem is this: where, in the beginning, we cared and really felt for them. now, darn near every time see yet another one of those commercials, now they are DAMNED-commercials and it just aggravating to see it at all. Yet again. How many times a day are they gonna keep on re-showing this? Shut uuup!
Why?
Through sheer, darn-near unrelenting REPETITION and constant re-exposure, 6 times a day, and again tomorrow!
It gets still worse. it isnt just, say, a 2week ad campaign and then other things are the commercial instead. No. It goes onnnn and onnn and onnn for weeks, even months
....and after 61 times of seeing this, in my face, as if I cant have the TV on without having this, i wonder when the commercials will ever end? Its too much repetition. What we once may have cared about becomes downright maddening and irritating. STFU!!
I no sooner say this and there is some amount of guilt, and yet, i am soooo sick and aggravated from having this in-my-face so to speak, day after day, after day, after day......
People say: Shut the TV off.
MY reply: but seriously, is there NOTHING else to advertise?? Does everything have to be an ailment or Tragedy?
and again tomorrow? It really is "too much". But those particular things, are things where everyone is EXPECTED to care! And to not be indifferent. it isnt politically-correct at all. But again, how often is enough? How long is enough? And one more thing. I can already hear folks saying it now:
"Hmph! Well...SOMEday, it might be YOU! What then?"
Ohhh yeah, as if 10,000 bad karma points are salivating and just waiting to bite me. What would i do?
Would iiii ask for help? Yes. Unashamedly. Like everyone else. BUT--
I wouldn't torture people with wanting help 6 times a day, 5 or 6 days a week, and then still 3 weeks later. Ugghhh....like i said: its too much.
But no one wants to be-the-bad-guy and admit that. They might even smear you as being a "narcissist" for feeling that way. Now there's a good video topic:
WHERE does Narcissism end, and legitimate Compassion Fatigue begin? That's a very good question.
Note: (adding this, hours later) I think its better to call this whole thing: "Empathy Burnout." Brought on by repetition and exhaustion. But it isnt popular to admit.
This also sounds like hormonal issues too..I have 8 symptoms and I’m dealing with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. My PTSD has been triggered, too. When eating carnivore, I feel so much better, way more grounded and positive. With most other foods, even healthy foods, I’m more anxious and isolate myself. I worry about things at night and have nightmares when I’m stressed, or eat things that trigger mood changes, etc. when In stress, an erosion of empathy can occur, so it’s important to take care of ourselves and take breaks wherever possible.
You need to save yourself before you can save others
Thank you for having this ready for us Kati!!
We all love you and your fantastic energy for raising our awareness and understanding of the mental health issues that challenge us.
You support us with skills, tricks, courses and your own genuine, honest life experience.
Sending love and gratitude to you Kati. 😊❤❤❤
This is such a wealth of information. Thank you.
I got 10/10, no wonder I'm so lost. I feel Love, but at the same time I want it all to end.
And on top of that, I manifest scarcity. My bank account is proof. So I'm really close to unleashing Hell. I'm just Glad I have God to talk to.
Thankyou for this information, I will have to research & figure this out on my own, everyone wants money for the information.
God bless you ❤️🙏
This was a wonderful video. Thank you Kati. I feel this way a lot. I had 8 out of 10 of the put a finger downs 😢. I was just recently diagnosed with BPD and it's a lot for me to deal with. I'm trying to find somewhere to do DBT therapy. But there isn't much around my home.
Happy New Year
Best of luck with your DBT Journey! It did a lot for me, as a fellow Borderliner c:
It's a hell of a disorder and poorly understood, I hope you get a good handle on it ♥
Best wishes for a Happy New Year my mental health family.
As a therapist in the making and someone who has burn out I’m very aware that I will have to be very vigilant in my work because I don’t deserve to be a martyr. Many people don’t want change they want coddling which has helped me w boundaries. All that’s pushed out isn’t real but is causing real damage to our minds/hearts. You can’t help people unless your full and most esp while I’m in school I see are not which for some is using helping as a distraction from their own self work. Yes, being kind is needed in this world but the best you can do is to ensure your grounded that you may have enough to support others.
I have definitely felt this many times before. It is so exhausting. Thank you for this video!❤
You're so welcome!
I got to the stage where I don't want to care for anyone but me. I just can't take it anymore.
All, I asked my parents nurse months ago to put my parent back to in center care as nobody in the family helped me as they said they would. She said to keep going and she would contact the family to help, and they didn't help or do anything new to help me. Then the following month appointment she told me she could only advise not force them to help. I asked her to put my parent back to in center that my health is failing and my Dr said this will put me in the grave before my parent. Months later I am still stuck doing everything, and I feel my Dr was right, I'm going to be dead first. I spend my days in bed only getting up to help the parent as nobody cares, and any more neither do I. I am so burnt out and I tried to get help, family members, the nurse I told on day 1 I couldn't do this. I'm just over it all now
Does not having any emotions at all count? My brain tells me what I'm supposed to be feeling, but the actual physical feelings that go with the emotional feelings are gone.
Yes you are beyond overwhelmed and shut down.
It is time to step away from being the one that supports others that nobody seems to support in your time of need. This will greatly balance the numbers of being supportive verses the numbers of others supporting you when you need support, which you will notice is heavily on the side of people seeking you for support and you getting almost nothing.
@@justChrisjones I'm not overwhelmed. I have no idea what happened. My therapist and psych doc can't explain it. It's been like this for about 2 years now. When my brother died, I felt nothing. He was my best friend. I still feel nothing. I love my mom very much, but the actual feeling is gone.
@@kelleyk28 my daughter is it in the same situation as your explaining . It sounds like you're still in an abusive situation . You're still in survival mode. When you are safe you will begin Feeling Again. You're not safe yet
Andrea is this. You? Mom
I love reading stories of sacrifice and other moral values (usually reading the same story again & again without getting bored), imagining consciously & unconsciously a world of my own where I can discuss my problems with myself & generating remedies. That's how, perhaps, I am more resistant to such disorders - despite bearing a narcissistic wife for 13 years.
Right around the time Covid hit I simultaneously started taking care of a bedbound abusive relative. I acted as her caregiver until she passed away in March. Between those two things, I feel completely incapable of feeling empathy. It sucks, because my young adult child is having some serious mental health struggles right now and I don't know how to show up for her. She yelled at me two days ago, "what happened to you, Mom? You used to care about people, but now it's like you have zero empathy".
After decades of being chastized for being "too sensitive" or "a crybaby" I've shut it off. I'm numb to almost everything now, and I hate it. I try and be kind to everyone, but it feels like I'm wearing a mask just to seem happy.
This video is excellent! Thank you Kati for the video. I am in charge of teaching a class to my fellow hostage negotiators and this topic is right on task for what we do. So thankful for you!!
I also just purchased your book, "Are u ok? " Thanks again!
I put all fingers down. I always feel borderline burned out. I did burnout a few years ago and I can’t seem to get back to where I once was. I’m a teacher by profession.
I am really dying inside because of this
i've felt like this the last 4 months. It's exhausting.
9 fingers down. thank you for this confirmation
I quit my job. Both burnout due to disorganisation and lack of staff plus compassion fatigue/vicarious trauma. Never thought this would happen to me. Average turnover of my former workplace is a year.
Between working nearly full time and caregiving for many years I have 9 out of 10. My wife passed on two years ago and I think recovery will go on for years.
8 out of 10. 🙁 already figured I had it, great video. ❤
I have been watching Kati for years and really enjoy most episodes.
Please don't do that thing where you quickly flash text on the screen. I find it physically painful. I have to close my eyes. I ended up stopping the video after the first few minutes.
I know this isn't the case for everyone but I surely can't be the only one with a physical reaction to flashing lights.
I hear ya.
Yes… to all of these. 🥺💔🥺💔🥺
Being a cashier or a bartender or even a server I can see where this could happen as well
Great video, thank you ❤
0:00: 🤯 Compassion fatigue is a common experience, especially for caregivers, and can lead to emotional exhaustion and a lack of boundaries between personal and professional life.
3:40: ⚠ The video discusses the signs and impact of compassion fatigue, a common issue among healthcare and caregiving professionals.
7:25: ⚠ The video discusses the stages of compassion fatigue and burnout, and provides tips for combatting it.
10:38: 💆 The video discusses setting boundaries, managing compassion fatigue, and the importance of rest and relaxation.
13:58: ⚡ The video provides tips for caregivers to overcome compassion fatigue and prioritize self-care.
Feeling Emotionally Empty? Compassion Fatigue Explained
Understanding and Overcoming Compassion Fatigue: A Guide for Caregivers and Healthcare Professionals
Recap by Tammy AI...
Here, I have no problem. Nobody knows me. Thus, nobody confides with in me, nor looks my way for support. Since, I myself, have nobody in my life, I can not possibly feel anything for anybody. I can not be compassionate for someone that is not there. My disconnection from society has advantages that are unique.
Awesome video im definitely experiencing fatigue
It started happening to me a couple years ago, right around the time the COVID restrictions hit - I was severely overwhelmed emotionally and literally felt like a convict even though I did nothing wrong thanks to all the restrictions. This got me to an emotional burnout that is still ongoing. I have been unable to care about anyone or anything for a couple years now and I don't know if I will be ever able to get it back tbh. Can't afford therapy so that's not an option.
I wish I knew this sooner . Nine out of 10 the symptoms I have it’s gonna cost me my marriage because my wife didn’t think I loved her . She’s been sick for about three years and the past four months. I’ve been home taking care of her and I was getting so irritable tired I love her. I was just like God just get better. I was very frustrated so much. I know it’s not her fault. She ended up going to the hospital And I was going every other day and one day that I didn’t go to use that against me saying I didn’t love her anymore and she wants to divorce. The gentleman was so Flippin tired taking care of my wife taking care of three kids. I lost my job a couple months before that I was taking care of all dogs cats that we have at our house just exhausted, I truly just didn’t have any more left. She doesn’t see that there’s nothing I can do to change your mind…..
Wow. What a timely topic. I'm 10/10 on those symptoms. A nurse feeling major burn out. I also lost my Mom a few weeks ago after a year of declining health. Trying to help her while dealing with an abusive father has left me in a state of exhaustion. Mainly emotional exhaustion. I have gone no contact with him, but feel very judged by others due to him being elderly. This has been a lifetime of abusive behavior, and not dementia related. Dealing with grief, the emotions of going no contact with a parent, and what can feel like very demanding, entitled patients has left me completely depleted. Thank you for posting this!
I wonder if we underestimate what empathy is. Rather than just understand and identify with others' feelings and viewpoint, empathy might be about Harmonizing with others; recognizing self and others simultaneously and how we can connect, like identifying a chord instead of separate notes. Where we cannot clearly recognize self or others, we cannot resonate with others.
Painting and reading
Really enjoyed listening to this video lots of good information. What happens though when you realize that you need a break or reset but your environment doesn’t let you?
Exactly 🙏
Taking care of my elderly Dad
What are you supposed to do when you're in the late stages? I'm constantly tired all the time no matter how much sleep I get and I find myself not really caring in general about anything, even myself.
Since compassion fatique sounds like depression, can that become a subset of it? Like if depression is a big umbrella term, could compassion fatique be under it? I have major depression and PTSD (well controlled), and when those symptoms come to the surface, I have no mental space whatsoever to be able to deal with other people's problems.
I definitely have compassion fatigue. I put 8 fingers down out of 10.
... for some people, this life is more 'bout ENDURANCE and EXPERIENCE. How many lashes can you take? How much pain can you carry? Much of the time, the seemingly innocent go through undue pain... to my disdain. There is something else to the FORMULA that I comprehend not. 😶I do know this: DISCONNECTION from the source forces a mass-disconnect.
So let's say you put all your fingers down, and you gave it some thought & you've been experiencing these symptoms at some level for a couple of decades...
I laughed out loud when you got to the "sleep disturbance" one. I wonder what sleep is.
Jeesh, just look around at the world. What a mess everything is now. Anger, hate, conflict, confusion. . . Go figure. This world sucks.
BOUNDARIES ❤
REST RELAXATION 😊
FUN ACTIVITIES 🎉
SEEK SUPPORT 😢❤😅
Oh good, I'm not an asshole! I thought I was because I roll my eyes at my best friend's CONSTANT drama.
All 10…I been out of my community mental health work a few days. Luckily there’s school break, so I can recover until January. The percentage that shows seems like there underreporting...
What are the percentages since Covid?
How do you do this while teaching out of control students
Perhaps the drastic increase in fatigue rate in the health caring individuals in 2018 compared to 2010(forgot) maybe because they are exposed to patients with exponential increased degree of the disorder.
I get emotional abuse by my parent. I need a safe place to live where I dont fear abuse. I live in LA, CA. I have autism and adhd and slight asthma which is why I am unemployed. My parents abuse me for it.
Is it possible to be suffering this as a SAHM who is constantly short and impatient with my kids, even as I swore to myself I wouldn't be this kind of parent?
ETA: 8 fingers...
Taking care of my family 👪 im burned out from my past trauma or depression.. watchin war stuff.. it makes my partner feel unheard cuz i keep talking too much
Engage in a new activity
box breathing works for me when im in bed and having trouble falling asleep.
Would number 7 still require you to put down a finger if you always have that problem? With 2, maybe 3 of those symptons, not sure if i would have to put down a finger thanks to the fatique or if i would do that thanks to having those for as long as i can remember ^_^"
I have all 10. I’m a home caregiver to my son with HD, and have no life, no help from family or friends. Well.. I don’t have any friends or family, so that’s why I have no help. Cannot afford respite care.
Empty of emotion entire or of compassion? Which one? Only one devoid of either is a maybe a sociopath. But I'm no psych-opathy expert.
All ten down.....I have work to do
What does it mean when I always feel meh? Not even sad, just eh...
Not me putting every finger down😅
HI=====BREATHING TECHNIQUES
YES IVE BEEN USING YOUR IDEAS WHILST
STUCK IN THIS SUPERMAN CHAMBER
THATS GLOWING RED FOR SOME REASON
Zats odd
s
While I watched this video, I thought back to when I was 13 and experiencing compassion fatigue. I found out that I had eight symptoms. EIGHT!
When I was 13, I was getting bullied at school. I had rumors spread about me dating my yoga teacher and my social skills teacher helped the bullies. I have autism, BTW. For Christmas, I made my yoga instructor a gift and it broke before it reached her hand. There was a fundraiser for four murdered police officers' families, and my parents wanted to teach me empathy. It was that yoga instructor's last class before Christmas. I felt nothing for the families because I was too busy dealing with my own life. My parents want me to let this go, but it's part of my PTSD.
Not that this will help immediately, but everyone digests "stuff" at different rates. Baby-steps. There's nothing wrong with your own pace. 🤗(And by the way, I ABHOR bullying! It makes my blood boil.)
10 of 10. it's awful.
its' not difficult to feel emotionally empty in such a bizarre world to which our parents decided to birth us for their own selfish needs
Didn’t mean to JOIN JUST YET !!! Sorry Kati:: and I can see why you experience this very issue….
However: on this subject: I get ya… probably 4-5 fingers for me for compassion fatigue & I do not work in the health or mental health profession:: I am a client!!! And it seems it’s been for too long, however… my journey does continue after getting a late start in life… ( I tried earlier in my 20’s-late 40’s// it wasn’t til I was 54 and at an open women’s treatment facility in TN:: BINGO… that started me rolling. I was SO DEPRESSED THAT I LOST MY SENSE OF TASTE… but my big symptom now is IRRITABILITY/ KEEPING TO MYSELF SO I DONT PROJECT THAT ONTO ANYONE ELSE. 😊 There are a few others… but that’s the BIGGEST ! Being extremely moody eats at me( I am also bipolar 2, depression, anxiety & PTSD:: which EMDR has almost cleared my PTSD- except when I am triggered:::then I either melt down or react instead of take positive action. Music is my “ escape “… in a healthy way.. you cannot overdose on music 🎶 ‼️🩵💙 You do great work for so many people… maybe cut back. I am considering joining your Patreon Page( if it’s still available (?)… and I love you & Sean doing OTDM Podcast !! Love the sense of humor you bring to it … anyways, thank you for reading this ! I’m in CT/ land of the cold, damp, dark & dreary (!!!) Haven’t had any snow storms yet- but have no fear, they will hit us … take care. A huge fan : )
Im a lot to handle. Sorry folks.
Is this apart of a harmful illustration? “here does this hurt, now you know” .
I only know why I'm exhausted. Trump won't shut the hell up and people still believe his lies. As to everybody else, I've no clue.
First.
Go to Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior to fill you with His love and renew your spirit. Call on Him today! He loves you and wants to heal you!
Thank you, Kati ❤ I really needed this video today! Been feeling this way for a couple months now and been racking my brain to try to make myself feel better, but none of my usual methods have been working 😕 I decided to start journaling today, and I love the breathing exercise you shared! I think I'm going to use this as inspiration to begin learning piano again, after about a year of stopping due to depression and working on other areas of my life that were (and still are slightly) broken 🥲
See a song by Thomas Benjamin Wild, Esq. about have “No More (D)ucks To Give”