This might be the most interesting and helpful thing she's ever posted. It's going to dominate my thought process for days to come. Lately I can't squeeze through a doorway without all my old selves getting wedged together making sounds like the Three Stooges, and it's Kati Morton who helped me summon them- all my old selves. And it's kid me that I most want to talk with. I accomplished a lot of what he wanted me to be, but lately I feel like I'm letting him down (and I've been trying to buy him off!). I have always felt those eyes on me, that kid's important to me, and now I have more of an idea how to respond to that. Thanks, KM, for opening these doors for me.
IFS Therapy has been the most important “part “ of my 20 year journey in therapy. Therapy has been more productive and less stressful than ever before. I’m so thankful that you have started this therapy and wish the best for you as you get to know your parts and as a result know yourself.
I appreciate so much how vulnerable and real you get with your content. The best therapists are the ones who get down on our level and show us that they are human, just like us. I love my current therapist for that too! She's so humble and real with me. It just helps so much as I work through such a huge tangle of trauma and psychological mess. I started parts work about 7 months ago and currently I've identified about 14 different parts but I definitely dont think Im anywhere near done. In that regard I found it intriguing how neat, tidy and wholesome your parts seemed to be (at least compared to mine). It sounded like you had very clearly defined person-hoods at different stages of your life, whereas I've had over a dozen pieces break off in response to the hell I've faced. Sometimes I like to delude myself into thinking Im like other people who access therapy, because in the end everyone has some form of trauma. But more and more its pretty clear that my therapists have been right through the years: my trauma was simply exceptional compared to most people. Its just not common to be emotionally neglected through your childhood, molested for 5 years, handed over to a new pedophile to then be raped every day, multiple times a day for 6 years while also being beaten on a weekly to biweekly basis. And to then also have your aunt murdered during that time and then to be dragged through the court system like a piece of dead meat only to have the perpetrator charged with less time than the years he took from you. I mean, thank goodness that isnt common! But also how isolating to know Im so alone in the extremity of the insanity I've faced. Hence so many pieces breaking off, though. In that regard, my therapist explained a month or so ago that she actually isnt moving through Parts Work with me in the same, conventional way she would with other clients because of the extremity of my experiences. She said there are just so many unknowns that my ability to be triggered by something that is otherwise helpful to someone else is just way to high to take the generic route. So we are actually moving at an absolute snails pace and sometimes it feels like Im not making progress at all. But in the background of my psyche I have genuinely been feeling a growing sense of calm and acceptance of self that no previous therapy could offer so I know Im getting places. I guess I just feel impatient about the progress sometimes because I've been in therapy for over a decade. But in that sense Parts Work is the first therapy I've done where Im starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, just like you said Kati. So thank you for making this video. You have always been one of my favorite UA-camrs over the last decade of being a content creator and I dont see that changing any time soon! On that note, for anyone who's read this far, feel free to check out my channel if you'd like so see some anecdotes from someone who's actively going through Part Work now. My channel is about sharing my lived experience to help others feel less alone and/or share a little knowledge. So there may be a little something there for you :)
@@Katimortonfantastic video! This premiere feature is fun. You're a big inspiration for me. Thank you for highlighting this work and so glad it's helping you too!!
After years of useless CBT therapy, I just started IFS with a new therapist and I feel hope for the first time in eons. In two sessions I have learned more about myself than I have in the last 15 (on and off) years of CBT.
eh, CBT... where the "Responsible, Rational, Logical" part of self is constantly called on to "wake up and do the job". I found CBT tiring, prescriptive, and totally minimising my need to just "be".
I am so happy you did this video. I have severe C-PTSD from lifelong trauma, and after several years of CBT getting me nowhere, I saw a brilliant EMDR therapist trained in IFS. We have been combining both therapies for a few years to enormous positive effect. It allowed me to finally break away from abusers and start finding my self again. After 3 years, we're wrapping it up now and the next step is DBT (I am currently 4 weeks into a 6 month course in that). Once you know your parts and understand yourself, DBT just makes sense a lot faster, and is the perfect follow-up to EMDR and IFS. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope you continue to make videos showcasing this type of therapy. Raising awareness of it will undoubtedly help so many people!
Hi there so happy for you . Since you have experience with social many therapies I want some advice. I had suffered emotional abuse body shaming to be specific starting around age 17 by many people including a parent who was loving usually by when got angry retorted to body shaming... So it resulted in me transforming from an extremely confident boy to a person who has zero self confidence and infact has severe social anxiety and social awkwardness.. in your opinion which therapy will suit my case best and which should I start with? Thanks
Oh Katie, I’m so glad you found parts work! I do that on my own. For those who are interested you can find the manual and workbook on audible, that’s where I found it. As far as my parts I have one (my inner child) who spends the most time with me. She wasn’t keen on me at first, I had to earn her trust (most likely back) but I have now and she shares a lot with me. My inner child is probably a manager. There’s a man who shows up sometimes, too, particularly when I’m stressed out who I think is probably a fireman. I’ve found a few exiles, as well and have processed some stored emotions. I also was able to reconnect with my therapist self (this is another part from childhood who is also probably a manager) It’s given me a way to talk to myself. I really like it. I’ve honestly made more headway with this modality than I have with EMDR. Not to knock EMDR. I find any book I can on the subject. 👍
Great video! I do need to mention something absolutely crucial that you did miss though!! The idea of the “Self.” Without reference to this innate essence in all of us, (that the Buddhists have known about for centuries) you miss the centerpiece of IFS. To develop a relationship with your parts, and heal them from THAT place. I even noticed a few times when you used the word “i” which in my view, was you still speaking from a part, but identifying with and feeling like that is the real or entire you. The effect of “unbending” from a part and having that distance to be able to see it for who and what it is, cannot be overstated. I’ve experienced the Self in full a few times, and that is what allowed me to understand who “i” actually was. Anyway, just thought I’d share! You’re doing great work, and I appreciate what you do here! ❤
Loved it! This is what my therapist is using in our sessions. Well, sometimes, she integrate it with techniques from other types of therapy and others. But this part work works for me. I discovered different parts of me: 1. The pressured part, kind of acting like a manager. She's kind of a mediator between whatever parts are having conflict with each other. She is also the one who has a great trust in what I do. She's gentle and caring. 2. The firefighter part. She's kind of an aggressive part who often wants to lash out to people. She also has a kind of playful trait. Sometimes she just loves scaring people just for fun. 3. The neglected part. She's often sad and hurt. She's always spending her time alone. She often cannot express her needs effectively. She is kind of confused. Well, she is a kid. 4. The guilty part. I think this one is an exiled part. She is often guilty and feel some kind of shame for whatever she has done in the past. She always has this tendency to internalize everyone's mistakes and blame all things to herself. 5. The blaming part. This one is kind of somebody who loves to blame. The sad thing is, she's often fueling the guilt that my guilty part is feeling. Sometimes the guilty part tries to not listen to what she's saying but she keeps on blaming and blaming. 6. The I don't know part. This one feels like she's playing safe or something? But this part actually is somebody who is often afraid to just make an assumption. She loves saying "I don't know" because she wants me to be so sure of things. Sometimes, she also do this as her way of telling me to be more curious, driving me to dig deeper to whatever I want to know. 7. The teen-aged part. This one kind of represents the teen me who lives in a controlling environment. I remember when this part showed up as somebody who's in front of the crowd. She wants to be free and be allowed to live life as a normal human being. What I mean is, she doesn't want to be performer all the time. She needs space and do other things the give her joy. 8. The no audio part. We used to call this part a "no audio" because she's often in silence. The first time I heard something from her is amazing and I was so grateful that she was able to say some things that she wanted me to know. Often, however, she's communicating through movements, bodilysensations, or emotions, not in a verbal manner. 9. The heavy part. This one is a little similar to the no audio part. The difference is that, the heavy part is having more difficulty expressing what she wants to tell me. I am not sure yet if she is confused or hesitant or what. I think we still gotta explore it further. 10. The on-guard child part. She's similar to the firefighter part in the sense that it's trying to protect me from other people. She's a female but she acts in a masculine manner. She's aggressive and might really harm other people if she's given a chance to do so. And, there are lots of parts that showed up. We haven't name them yet because those parts were not revealing themselves that much. Maybe I have to earn their trust to my Self first. I can also relate to the meeting room, although my therapist used a conference room. There, I was able to talk to many parts that I have.
Thanks. I think IFS is about parts, how parts relate to each other, and patterns of parts activity sequences. Sometimes parts polarize and create internal conflicts with enormous impact. “Treat the system, not the symptom. IFS training is worth the investment.
Thank you Kati for spreading the word about IFS! I’m an IFS certified therapist in Southern California. I specialize in trauma and couples therapy and this kind of therapy has been a real game changer! I’m currently working on my own parts to get enough courage to make videos of my own 😬…. But probably not… Anyway, thank you for your vulnerability, courage and your sense of humor 😊
Well I know that someday, a video will pop up on my feed about IFS and it's posted by a psychologist from Southern California. I'd definitely watch that. Take your time and know that your people, who want to see you and listen to you are out there! love from Iran💗
@@Mahiunihey are you a licensed therapist practicing this type of modality or a coach? Just wondering the different means that people do this type of healing work
I appreciate her vulnerability and authenticity in this video and particularly because she is a mental health professional. I’m inspired and motivated to keep on doing the hard work of healing.
I can't thank you enough for being so vulnerable & sharing your experience...exactly what I needed to hear in this very moment; you've given me a renewed sense of hope for my healing!!! ❤❤❤
I'm in Trauma therapy right now working through IFS therapy. It's amazing! (But difficult to get my mind around:) I have spent my life with contradictory thoughts and feelings and feeling crazzzzy! These parts really explain the WHY. It's...wow. ❤
Thank you for your willingness to be open about your parts. I've been doing IFS with myself and my clients for many years. It is absolutely the most powerful healing modality I've encountered in 36 years of recovery. So happy for you and your parts.
Love IFS. One thing I was told, (well a couple) is to always thank the parts for talking with you. Or even asking if they want to talk to you, or with each other. Some of the parts you might not see in a positive light still have a purpose; even if it's method of doing things isn't "helpful", but that part still loves you and it's trying. I was asked to inquire if that part wasn't allowed to do it's job, what is it afraid might happen. Then say something like "Hey, I appreciate what you are trying to do. Would you be open to trying x y z?" I love how your therapist ends your session. Anyhow, great job as always! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable.
This was very interesting. I grew up in a narcissist family and have almost no memories of child me, teen me, etc. I have stuffed memories and emotions my whole life. I truly believe that I would be totally alone in my meeting place, as I am in my actual life. It's really sad to say that. However, my meeting place would be on a patio with gorgeous views of the mountains and the ocean. Even if I am there alone, I will enjoy the vistas.
Thats the thing. If you look up and research more about IFS and Parts Work it may explain this.. Because I believe when emotions get pushed away in IFS it means you are pushing apart of you that will contain those emotions away. Which probably explains why you have no memory of these times ether. Usually when very traumatic things happen to us we create exiles to hold that pain for us. This means you very well could have a few children/exiles in your system. And usually when you have them you will have the Guardians and Managers. Or Firefighters and Managers .. So you may have a team of sub-personalities in your meeting room still.
Very good video Katie about IFS. You asked for our input. I would just emphasize importance of Self energy in IFS. That is essentially where the healing and compassion emanates. Self in IFS is connected to the Universal Source or Spirit that transcends our neuroses and trauma wounds. It is similar to Higher Power in 12 step programs. Each person may have their own interpretation and relationship with Self. But it is universal in we are all connected in some way with this Divine source. The Self is the ultimate foundation to the wonderful healing that happens when consistently practicing IFS therapy.
This was fantastic! I am about to start on parts work at 40 years old after 13 years in therapy with lots of wasted time and feeling stuck. thank you for sharing this and your experience with parts work with us!
I did IFS work with a therapist while waiting for DID treatment. It helped, and it didn't. I was able to identify and work through the basic pathology of each alter, but that exacerbated some of the symptoms. Without trauma support and coaching to treat DID symptoms, my dissociation became much worse. I slip in/out of my body much more frequently and intensely now, whereas I was able to co-host before. On the positive side, I am less frightened about what is going on inside my mind, and have learned to trust more pieces of myself and their role in the homeostasis of my psyche.
Loved that you’re sharing about your parts process. Please bring the full IFS protocol to your audience and get a fully IFS trained therapist as there are some crucial safety steps missing from the process you’ve described. I have had an amazing healing journey doing self led IFS at home and in Australia it’s hard to find fully IFS trained therapists but UA-cam has some great demo sessions by the guy who developed the model and there seems to be a big gap between other’parts work’ models and the deeply structured, compassionate and insightful Internal Family Systems model.
This is what I've been working with lately and it resonates so much in what you're saying. First time I had EMDR in 2018-2019 I experienced age regression for the first time and there was 5-y/o me that got locked in a dark basement. She's clingy, needy, terrified and thinks everyone is going to leave her. I started EMDR again last year in april, and I thought it was going well until autumn came and just an explosion of things started to happen. And it was after feeling the 5 year old surface more and more, my therapist asked me to think up a safe place where I could take her, where other parts of me where welcome as well. So far, other than the 5 year old, the 14-year old and another part of me that we refer to as Stinky(because it kinda looks like a little black animal and reminded me of Stinky from Moomin). the 14-year old is a lot like you describe your teenager, a lot of unhinged emotions, lashing out, passive aggressive, she'd typically say "No I'm fine, whatever, I don't care" when she'd really need a hug because she feels distraught, sad and lonely. Stinky started to surface during DBR when we focused on my clinical back pain/muscle knots. My therapist asked me to describe how it looked/acted if I tried to bring it with me to the safe place, and it reacted like a feral cat, claws out, angry, defensive, scared. It doesn't understand that I wanted to help it. I'm still uncovering things about it, and I have a feeling that there's more parts of me to discover. There was a glimps in the safe place of Mother me; whom's lap the five year old where sitting in. Honestly this is such a crazy and fascinating thing to experience and learn about, and it's kinda how I found your channel, because I was researching what was going on with me and I found your video "signs that you have childhood wound".
I loved listening to your version of your IFS. I call mine: the farmer, roaring lion, grandma, and a few others. Learning this has helped me in huge ways. Good luck with your process.
In my own practice I have been using the idea that we are a board of directors. Then someone turned me on to the IFS model. I am so stoked. It really validated what I have been working with. 2 parts I particularly focus on is the one who represent the drugs or alcohol. The other is the one that represents recovery. Particularly the one we see as addiction we move to understanding that it is really the voice of unconditional survival. When I worked on looking at my own board of directors I think I identified about 15 parts that all serve a purpose and aspect of myself like the wounded warrior from the things I went through in the Military to the Bag of Monkeys (My ADHD) to the father to the rebel child, all contribute a vote on things based on their respective part of me. This was wicked awesome. I really enjoy your information. I am a Substance Use Counselor who is retired Navy, who experiences PTST and was diagnosed with ADHD when I was older. I see life as an adventure, each day I am experiencing a new and diffrent version of myself that I have absolutely no experience with. Thank you!
This video was very beneficial for me on my own IFS journey. I would really love to see Katie interview the founder of IFS modality Dr. Richard Schwartz.
THANK YOU for your vulnerability!!! As a therapist, I have also been interested in this therapy and have done some training on it, but have not taken the leap into doing my own work using this modality. Maybe that will be something that I look into as an intro to IFS for my practice. Thank you again!
I just want to say that I found your channel when I was in my late teens/early 20s (I'm now 28 years old) and your content has been so helpful throughout these years. I just recently started listening to "Ask Katie Anything" and absolutely love it! But I saw your IG reel on IFS and was so excited to see you make content on this. I've been in therapy since I was about 19 years old but went through about 4 to 5 years of seeing a very toxic therapist who didn't have boundaries. Very long story, but younger me didn't realize or understand how unethical she was acting. BUT I eventually found a trauma therapist who is trained in IFS, and after 2 years of treatment using IFS, I feel like a brand-new person. It has been the most helpful treatment for my own experience with PTSD yet. THANK YOU for using your platform to bring people's awareness to this type of therapy. It is immensely helpful. Btw, I totally get the tears... I find myself unexpectedly crying during these sessions too! It's almost relieving. And again--appreciate you lots as always! ❤
Thank you for this beautiful session. I've found that it helps to separate my parts into child parts and adult parts. My child parts are all hurt. My adult parts are all strong.
I sincerely admire the fact that you are so vulnerable and open about yourself by posting this video with the intention of helping others, like myself. Not many people do that! Additionally, you explain the concept in such a clear way that it is very accessible for people to learn from, and you do so without making the explanation too lengthy, which is also admirable. Keep it up! I am definitely interested in what you post!!!
Kati, I found your channel not too long ago so I'm catching up a bit. I started seeing a new therapist 2 years ago after experiencing a huge flashback after a (unhealthy) relationship ended in a rather traumatic way. She introduced me to IFS not long after working together and it has been very helpful for me. I do get a little upset at myself (also not a healty habit!) when I don't take some time to check in with my parts to see how they are doing, to let them tell me what they want me to know, and just to listen. I continue to find new parts from time to time so it has been quite the journey so far. Thank you so much for being so open and sharing what your own journey has been like for you, too!
I have been a subscriber since the early days Kati, and parts of me are relieved to hear about your current journey, the clarity that you are getting through IFS, and want to extend a lot of compassion to your teenager, appreciation for the party loving; the adult for the all the work it does - and a kindhearted acknowledgement for the peace-making child. I hope they're willing and open to receiving it : ) Blessings
The past few days have been rough (rlly depressed) When I went on a drive with my mum today I was really processing the information you said in the video and had saved my life thank you so much kati ❤ I always have hope things will get better ☺️
I've been in therapy for more years than I care to share, and I was just introduced to IFS last Fall. I have never made such quick progress in my life, and it has me and my loved ones floored. This is one of the best videos I have seen on UA-cam, period - a real, knowledgeable, helpful person! Thanks so much :)
Thanks for the great explanation! I was having a hard time understanding how this could be helpful. I tried the exercise, and was very surprised. My first part to show up was creative me. The shocking thing is-I discovered that part is an exile! Well, that explains a lot!
I hear you, Kati. This is a very relatable. I always say that I'm "in a box" and I can't be authentic because it would be irresponsible and I could loose control. Being driven and having a hard time growing up (aka, being broke) it's hard to loosen the reigns. The pain of progress and responsibility. And being a woman.
This is very helpful. I have to learn about this before my next appt and I was having a hard time figuring out the "parts" as I am very literal. This helps me to see it.
Sounds a lot like the kind of work you do in therapy to treat DID, I'm looking forward to watching this video so I can compare it to my experiences with that :)
Wow, just stumbled over this because I am learning about Parts in Psychology and I teared up, thinking about my own parts... This seems a very powerful work and I will continue the teachings on that front. Thank you for being so authentic and sharing this content.
I'm so glad to hear you talk about this! I just started doing IFS. I feel like IFS acknowledged and validated my feelings and their causes while still helping me feel that I can resolve them, and then I can be actionable too without feeling that doing something different invalidates what past me is holding.
Hi Katie, idk how to feel about this situation. I got the courage to start therapy and I met with a teletherapist who really took me off guard. She didn’t have any politeness, no {thank you for being here, that sounds difficult, I’m sorry for your loss, it’s nice to meet you}. I considered myself polite and answered all the deep/hard questions she asked for intake as honestly as I could. She didn’t leave any room for anything. I told her my brother died in 2021 and she replied, “that’s a long time sweetie. You need to move on.” I shared something about my parents and she said “well we date our parents.” I hadn’t brought up dating at all. She told me I gave her nothing to work with if I didn’t answer questions and I told her, I feel that I just answered quite a few personal questions. She said she yells at her patients to encourage them. I told her that would be triggering for me. I feel violated. Like I felt like I was with a narcissist and people pleasing to allow her to finish the session with me. I feel disgusted. I am ashamed for letting her in on so many personal details for her to react so quickly and harshly. What do I do?
I’m sorry to hear about your experience with this therapist. Those kind of responses from therapist would make me shut down. It can be triggering for someone with trauma. Perhaps you could search for a trauma informed therapist.
This was excellent - thank you, Katie! I’ve been doing parts work with my therapist off and on for a few years now. It’s especially helpful when I’m having trouble figuring out how I FEEL about something. My meeting place is a comfortable bench in a quiet park at dusk. My Problem Solver part dominates. As soon as my Sadness/Grief Holder part or my Angry part manage to be heard, my Problem Solver jumps in with a path toward resolution. My therapist frequently has to remind me to pause and FEEL the feelings, see where they lead me, thank the exiled part for bringing them to me, etc. My Carefree Child part doesn’t get to come out very often. I watch over her and feel a great deal of affection for her; I think I’m afraid to let her out for fear she’ll get hurt. Feeling out of control is a big trouble spot for me as well. I’m working on corrective experiences where I take myself to a concert or fly out to visit a friend and don't feel guilty about overspending. I'm getting more and more comfortable with the fact that the world continues to spin on its axis, and splurging isn't dangerous. Parts work is fantastic! I hope you'll keep posting about your personal journey with it. Thanks again for sharing 💐
I love this kind of therapy. It appeals both to my need to intelectualise and "sort out", make sense of everything, and crucially to my need to access and connect with all my spectrum of emotions. I too went down a many rabbit holes and got "stuck" in my need to understand myself, "solve" this complex equation where my conceptualising of things and thus containing them had no hope in hell when overwhelmed with the complexity of my emotions. I also see the link between IFS and Play Therapy with children, in the way that processing uncoscious stuff in children happens through them feeling facilitated, contained and validated in that therapy space.
I read about this some days ago and i found it very interesting. To me it looked a little bit like the different alter egos in DID, but not as "marked". And very curious to learn more about this😊
I love how transparent you were here. Makes me want to look up IFS training. Thank you so much; I will share this with my school. Keep up the great work.
Thank you for this video. When you were talking about the parts of you that feel ignored, I started to get emotional cause I feel like there are parts of me that I ignore as well. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable.
As a fan, and as an LMFT, it’s been hard watching you suffer for so many years. I’ve been deeply hoping you found your way to IFS. I knew it would be helpful to you (as it was for me). Yay! 🎉
Parts work is quite useful, in a way that dream work is---cutting past the mundane mind and going for the dynamic undercurrent... You asked for input; I got good advice about parts work that I will pass along here: when engaging in dialogue with the sub-selves, question them on any logic flaws in their reasoning; ask them what age they are (usually a clue as to when they came into being), and ask them if they would be willing to change to help you. There are excellent passages on selves-work in Sanaya Roman's writings, very effective; can't remember which books, but it would be her Earth Life series, as those are the only ones of hers I've read. She maintains that the selves came into being to help you in a crisis, but are limited, and just need to be evolved or cleared. Some dissolve when questioned, regardless of how long they have been around, some are more stubborn. It's very interesting work. Best of luck to everyone on this.❤
A little bit ago I read Looking Through the Eyes of Trauma and Dissociation and it was interesting using IFS with DID also with Trauma work and it helped me understand a lot of stuff. Growing up I had to ignore a lot of my different emotions now I’m trying more to hear them and not shut them out.
Kati thanks for being you , yourself . I could never let myself be the party teen , only when I did alcohol or pot smoking , to be myself is really to be a quite person who really doesn’t want stress or anything out of control . Now I I know that I am on the autistic spectrum which explains why people are stressful and loud things cause me way to much stress .
I didn't like parts work when my therapist first introduced it to me. But after watching you and other therapists break it down for me, I am starting to really like it. I started a map/org chart. I definitely want to create a container and a meeting place now. Thanks for sharing.
Katie thank you so much for explaining this and being open about your own experiences. I have been trying parts work in therapy and it has been a game changer. Thank you for being so open. 😊
Thank you for sharing your journey. Hearing this was exactly what I needed today as a reminder that there is a way forward. I'm going to explore more about Parts Work and see how it can help me. Thank you again for all that you do. You've made a difference in my life.
Ohhh myyy goodnesss! This is such a HUGE GAME CHANGER!!! Kati! I’m having my therapist see this tomorrow when I see her. I hope she knows about this? Thank you for sharing this, so educational!!! ❤
I really appreciate this video! Providing examples really help me understand IFS better. Thank you for being vulnerable to help in the educational process!
Thank you for sharing this piece of your therapy, it's always interesting to listen to personal experiences. My therapist use parts work and I like it a lot, even if sometimes it's not easy to not concide with some of them (usually the harsh ones) I didn't do the meeting place, but we use the chairs in her office, she also has a cute child-size one for the youngest parts. I drew them and encourage anyone to do it, no matter if you "don't know how to draw", it's incredible how many infomrations about them a simple drawing, a collage or just some shapes and colors can give about them.
This is super helpful. Thank you for sharing your experience. My mind is resistant to parts work, but understanding it better usually helps me relax into the process.
All I needed was a little emotional support from my husband and I didn’t know he was a Narcissist. Very hard life. Luckily I had five children to love so it worked pretty good until the children grew up and then it was Over. Not complicated but very painful sometimes. 😊❤
16:45 trauma somatic therapy is night and day over talk cognitive therapy. I feel like breakthrough of healing neuroscience and creating new pathways and tapping into body response with a safe trauma therapist is so integrating to my parts! I think my parts hid for 30yrs during talk therapy. My talk therapists at no fault of their own didn't have the capacity to help me integrate my parts and heal from flashbacks that plagued me most of my life. I have hope now that I might cultivate a secure attachment style and be self regulated on a daily basis. ☺️
This is really interesting. I tried to imagine my own meeting space and parts, and turns out everyone REALLY doesn't like child me when she turns up. Huh. I'll have to bring that up in therapy this week. Thanks for the inspiration, Kati!
I didn't gell with IFS therapy at first, hearing the words "parts" made me feel a bit out of control especially because I found a dissociative part (I don't have DID) which was highly confusing. I'm finding it is VERY confronting. However the more work I do on it, the more I find out about myself. Thanks for putting this out in the world ♥️
14:05 Container Therapy exercise I also practice the same technique... it was critical as a foundation to manage accessing initial and potentially overwhelming memories, traumas...
I’m in the uk an watch your videos since my sessions ended. Thank you so much for what you post it really helps a bunch, this one is amazing, I’d like to try it.
Kati, I felt joyful watching this video of yours. I guess the Teen Kati and Fun Kati were present in your energy, because they did definitely make me enriched with an immense amount of joy!
Hey Kati. Very interesting ideas, something to chew on for sure. I just want to thank you and your crew for all the hard work you put into these videos. Four years ago you were brought into my life helping me navigate therapy meds and emotions. You’re awesome and bless you and you loved ones.
Interestingly, for me, some child parts were still “in charge” in some areas and try to handle my anxieties. Adult me has to remind them that we’re good now. Thank you for keeping me safe in the past, but I got it now!
I have been doing IFS therapy with my counselor. It's been great for me because I am a writer/creative type person, and these parts are "characters" in my own story. It's easier for me to relate to them when I can see them and visualize them. So far I have five parts uncovered. If you're thinking about doing IFS, maybe these will help you figure out your parts. I needed examples when I got started. Fairness Police -- a five year old who's just old enough to understand the concept of fairness. Because she's my youngest part, she's been around for a very long time, and she's the hardest one to calm down because she doesn't understand adult concepts. She walks around with pigtails and a megaphone yelling THAT'S NOT FAIR! or YOU'RE MEAN! I spend a lot of time sitting with her and letting her cry everything out because there's not much that she has the power to fix or change. The Perfectionist -- around 11 years old who knows that if I am perfect, I won't get yelled at, but at the same time is so destroyed by performance anxiety and shattered nerves that anything I try I screw up because I'm so anxious to do well, make my parents happy, and not get yelled at. She's the self-fulfilling prophecy. So far, out of all my parts, she's the easiest one to calm because she has truth, evidence, and facts that I am talented and smart and don't have to be perfect because perfect is impossible. The Indignant One -- my teenage self who is somewhat rebellious and pushing boundaries and thinks everybody is a dumbass because they don't see how cool I am. I like this part the best because she was me before everyone and everything started shoving me down. Creative, funny, quirky, silly, and kind and unafraid to stand out or take chances. Mama Bear -- this is an older adult version of myself who wants to throat punch everyone who messes with any of my parts. She's the protector I wish I had growing up. Sometimes I call her a valkyrie or a nightclub bouncer because she takes no shit from anyone and wants to hit back. She has had enough of the bullies. The Inner Critic -- I hate this thing. It's a combination of all the nasty voices who put me down and abused me, neglected me. It's a dark, opaque black goo that covers over everything and sucks out any bit of joy or pleasure I allow myself. It's that quiet voice that pops up in moments of silence that sends me spiralling into bad moods. It won't let me enjoy anything. My counselor and I have been trying to work with this part a lot lately. It's so engrained in me that bringing it out changes my demeanor and makes me exhausted when the session is over. So yeah, IFS is great and has done a lot to help me understand myself. I hightly recommend it if you can find a therapist who will help you with it. Being able to sit with myself and pinpoint which part is upset helps me get over the hurt/anger/rage a lot faster. What might have taken me days to get over only takes hours. It's so worth it. Thank you, Kati. I hope my comment helps someone who is struggling.
Following few trips on psychedelics (psylocybin) I then started IFS. It really helped me. And I must say it's pretty accurate when it comes to how our mind actually works. During psychedelic trips, my ego went away initially then, slowly it was coming back, so in a way your ego (some parts of you) are not available and at least for me I had to face the exiles which was very difficult but also I felt this presence of self (inner healer). Psychedelics were not a quick fix: they simply "started the ball rolling" so to speak and showed me what I needed to work on. And what's great about IFS is that it takes to account all of your parts. You don't go to childhood trauma straight away, you seek access first. I read 10 books on IFS with my favourite being: You're the One You've Been Waiting For ❤ IFS for me was very intense. Each session required a lot of energy but I wouldn't do it any other way. Tried CBT before and it didn't even "scratch the surface". What I really liked about IFS is that the healing doesn't happen from the therapist (minimum risk of creating the dependency on a therapist too). You're not told what to do. Once you can access the self, you will know what to do and how to attend to various parts with love and compassion. People who have DID or let's say hear voices are great examples of the multiplicity of our mind. We're not just one part. Inside of us there's this internal family. They all relate to one another. I also like other modalities such as CFT, ACT, Person Centred and Positive Psychology. And with IFS, once you learn the skills you can practice it on your own - for free. I like to include writing or music/mindfulness and use some IFS skills with them. Lastly, it can help you understand others. If someone lashes out (it's usually a part of them that got activated).
I love your content , I get to see what a doc might see in me. I have no polar , BPD and a fw different issues. I have had to go to my vacation at the hospital. Lol but I'm still alive after 57 years and my wife and my two friends I will make it longer than that!!! 🤗 Love Ya
I have been building and creating a story that has been my baby-- my main reason to keep going. I have such big dreams and high hopes for it and struggle with my sensitivity to criticism. I always knew that I "wrote what I knew" by putting aspects of myself into everyone and everything, but it was only when my therapist recently introduced Parts Work to me that I realzied the intensity of that. These past several sessions, he has been trying to incorporate Parts Work by asking me "What part of you do you think was triggered at that moment?" and "How would (Character Name) feel about that?". Even if it gets a bit silly, it has also been so incredibly powerful and the raw emotions that you have expressed here have deeply touched me. What particularly struck a chord with me was the description of your "Child Self", because mine is very similar. The "Adult Part" of me is also very similar-- anything remotely seen as "childish" or "unnecessary" is harshly and quickly shut down then berated and shamed. This reminds me a lot of Inner Child work and The Family Systems. I think these would be very useful with PTSD patients as well as those with personality disorders.
This is so interesting and valuable. Thanks for posting! I am so curious about if there are people out there who's "parts" are actually... other people. As in, if some people are SO disconnected from themselves or have no sense of identity (my mind goes to those in active addiction), that the "parts" that show up are people we might attach to - our father, mother, best friend, an ideal etc. So on that... I see how this could be really good for helping people to gain a sense of self as they move through the IFS sessions. Other thought: You have inspired me to book in with an IFS therapist! Right now the straight up CBT or even narrative therapist (which I usually love) is not really doing it for me. So parts work could be really interesting to explore.
There is a scene in the showtime show called United States of Tara. I think it was in Showtime. That was about DID. The scene is Tara, played by Toni Collette sitting at a table with all her alters. This show came out when I first was diagnosed with DID, and this scene was funny, yet I finally understood myself.
This is fab. I’ve become obsessed with IFS since learning about it last year. In my own therapy I tend to say a part of me feels x or y about z, so to me IFS just makes sense. I’m a trainee therapist and it’s hit me why one of our lecturers (who really shouldn’t be a lecturer as so much projection from her). However complaints about her are ignored. Anyway it has hit me listening to this why it’s impacted me so much - struggled a lot in school, and it’s brought up of my feeling like a failure part. Lots of discussion there for my next session 😂
This might be the most interesting and helpful thing she's ever posted. It's going to dominate my thought process for days to come. Lately I can't squeeze through a doorway without all my old selves getting wedged together making sounds like the Three Stooges, and it's Kati Morton who helped me summon them- all my old selves. And it's kid me that I most want to talk with. I accomplished a lot of what he wanted me to be, but lately I feel like I'm letting him down (and I've been trying to buy him off!). I have always felt those eyes on me, that kid's important to me, and now I have more of an idea how to respond to that. Thanks, KM, for opening these doors for me.
Love the Stooges imagery!😂
@@JesseGreenwood-h1o Nyuk, nyuk! (Ouch!)
IFS Therapy has been the most important “part “ of my 20 year journey in therapy. Therapy has been more productive and less stressful than ever before. I’m so thankful that you have started this therapy and wish the best for you as you get to know your parts and as a result know yourself.
I appreciate so much how vulnerable and real you get with your content. The best therapists are the ones who get down on our level and show us that they are human, just like us. I love my current therapist for that too! She's so humble and real with me. It just helps so much as I work through such a huge tangle of trauma and psychological mess.
I started parts work about 7 months ago and currently I've identified about 14 different parts but I definitely dont think Im anywhere near done. In that regard I found it intriguing how neat, tidy and wholesome your parts seemed to be (at least compared to mine). It sounded like you had very clearly defined person-hoods at different stages of your life, whereas I've had over a dozen pieces break off in response to the hell I've faced.
Sometimes I like to delude myself into thinking Im like other people who access therapy, because in the end everyone has some form of trauma. But more and more its pretty clear that my therapists have been right through the years: my trauma was simply exceptional compared to most people. Its just not common to be emotionally neglected through your childhood, molested for 5 years, handed over to a new pedophile to then be raped every day, multiple times a day for 6 years while also being beaten on a weekly to biweekly basis. And to then also have your aunt murdered during that time and then to be dragged through the court system like a piece of dead meat only to have the perpetrator charged with less time than the years he took from you. I mean, thank goodness that isnt common! But also how isolating to know Im so alone in the extremity of the insanity I've faced.
Hence so many pieces breaking off, though. In that regard, my therapist explained a month or so ago that she actually isnt moving through Parts Work with me in the same, conventional way she would with other clients because of the extremity of my experiences. She said there are just so many unknowns that my ability to be triggered by something that is otherwise helpful to someone else is just way to high to take the generic route. So we are actually moving at an absolute snails pace and sometimes it feels like Im not making progress at all. But in the background of my psyche I have genuinely been feeling a growing sense of calm and acceptance of self that no previous therapy could offer so I know Im getting places. I guess I just feel impatient about the progress sometimes because I've been in therapy for over a decade. But in that sense Parts Work is the first therapy I've done where Im starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, just like you said Kati. So thank you for making this video. You have always been one of my favorite UA-camrs over the last decade of being a content creator and I dont see that changing any time soon!
On that note, for anyone who's read this far, feel free to check out my channel if you'd like so see some anecdotes from someone who's actively going through Part Work now. My channel is about sharing my lived experience to help others feel less alone and/or share a little knowledge. So there may be a little something there for you :)
I hope this is about IFS - Internal Family Systems therapy! (Parts work). It's truly fantastic and simple-ish stuff!
Yes it is!!! xoxo
@@Katimortonfantastic video! This premiere feature is fun. You're a big inspiration for me. Thank you for highlighting this work and so glad it's helping you too!!
After years of useless CBT therapy, I just started IFS with a new therapist and I feel hope for the first time in eons. In two sessions I have learned more about myself than I have in the last 15 (on and off) years of CBT.
eh, CBT... where the "Responsible, Rational, Logical" part of self is constantly called on to "wake up and do the job". I found CBT tiring, prescriptive, and totally minimising my need to just "be".
Ifs has literally saved my life. I’m so glad to see others trying it and spreading information!!! 😍😍😍
I am so happy you did this video. I have severe C-PTSD from lifelong trauma, and after several years of CBT getting me nowhere, I saw a brilliant EMDR therapist trained in IFS. We have been combining both therapies for a few years to enormous positive effect. It allowed me to finally break away from abusers and start finding my self again. After 3 years, we're wrapping it up now and the next step is DBT (I am currently 4 weeks into a 6 month course in that). Once you know your parts and understand yourself, DBT just makes sense a lot faster, and is the perfect follow-up to EMDR and IFS. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope you continue to make videos showcasing this type of therapy. Raising awareness of it will undoubtedly help so many people!
Hi there so happy for you . Since you have experience with social many therapies I want some advice. I had suffered emotional abuse body shaming to be specific starting around age 17 by many people including a parent who was loving usually by when got angry retorted to body shaming... So it resulted in me transforming from an extremely confident boy to a person who has zero self confidence and infact has severe social anxiety and social awkwardness.. in your opinion which therapy will suit my case best and which should I start with? Thanks
Oh Katie, I’m so glad you found parts work! I do that on my own. For those who are interested you can find the manual and workbook on audible, that’s where I found it. As far as my parts I have one (my inner child) who spends the most time with me. She wasn’t keen on me at first, I had to earn her trust (most likely back) but I have now and she shares a lot with me. My inner child is probably a manager. There’s a man who shows up sometimes, too, particularly when I’m stressed out who I think is probably a fireman. I’ve found a few exiles, as well and have processed some stored emotions. I also was able to reconnect with my therapist self (this is another part from childhood who is also probably a manager) It’s given me a way to talk to myself. I really like it. I’ve honestly made more headway with this modality than I have with EMDR. Not to knock EMDR. I find any book I can on the subject. 👍
Great video! I do need to mention something absolutely crucial that you did miss though!! The idea of the “Self.” Without reference to this innate essence in all of us, (that the Buddhists have known about for centuries) you miss the centerpiece of IFS. To develop a relationship with your parts, and heal them from THAT place. I even noticed a few times when you used the word “i” which in my view, was you still speaking from a part, but identifying with and feeling like that is the real or entire you. The effect of “unbending” from a part and having that distance to be able to see it for who and what it is, cannot be overstated. I’ve experienced the Self in full a few times, and that is what allowed me to understand who “i” actually was. Anyway, just thought I’d share! You’re doing great work, and I appreciate what you do here! ❤
Loved it! This is what my therapist is using in our sessions. Well, sometimes, she integrate it with techniques from other types of therapy and others. But this part work works for me. I discovered different parts of me:
1. The pressured part, kind of acting like a manager. She's kind of a mediator between whatever parts are having conflict with each other. She is also the one who has a great trust in what I do. She's gentle and caring.
2. The firefighter part. She's kind of an aggressive part who often wants to lash out to people. She also has a kind of playful trait. Sometimes she just loves scaring people just for fun.
3. The neglected part. She's often sad and hurt. She's always spending her time alone. She often cannot express her needs effectively. She is kind of confused. Well, she is a kid.
4. The guilty part. I think this one is an exiled part. She is often guilty and feel some kind of shame for whatever she has done in the past. She always has this tendency to internalize everyone's mistakes and blame all things to herself.
5. The blaming part. This one is kind of somebody who loves to blame. The sad thing is, she's often fueling the guilt that my guilty part is feeling. Sometimes the guilty part tries to not listen to what she's saying but she keeps on blaming and blaming.
6. The I don't know part. This one feels like she's playing safe or something? But this part actually is somebody who is often afraid to just make an assumption. She loves saying "I don't know" because she wants me to be so sure of things. Sometimes, she also do this as her way of telling me to be more curious, driving me to dig deeper to whatever I want to know.
7. The teen-aged part. This one kind of represents the teen me who lives in a controlling environment. I remember when this part showed up as somebody who's in front of the crowd. She wants to be free and be allowed to live life as a normal human being. What I mean is, she doesn't want to be performer all the time. She needs space and do other things the give her joy.
8. The no audio part. We used to call this part a "no audio" because she's often in silence. The first time I heard something from her is amazing and I was so grateful that she was able to say some things that she wanted me to know. Often, however, she's communicating through movements, bodilysensations, or emotions, not in a verbal manner.
9. The heavy part. This one is a little similar to the no audio part. The difference is that, the heavy part is having more difficulty expressing what she wants to tell me. I am not sure yet if she is confused or hesitant or what. I think we still gotta explore it further.
10. The on-guard child part. She's similar to the firefighter part in the sense that it's trying to protect me from other people. She's a female but she acts in a masculine manner. She's aggressive and might really harm other people if she's given a chance to do so.
And, there are lots of parts that showed up. We haven't name them yet because those parts were not revealing themselves that much. Maybe I have to earn their trust to my Self first.
I can also relate to the meeting room, although my therapist used a conference room. There, I was able to talk to many parts that I have.
Thanks.
I think IFS is about parts, how parts relate to each other, and patterns of parts activity sequences. Sometimes parts polarize and create internal conflicts with enormous impact. “Treat the system, not the symptom. IFS training is worth the investment.
Thank you Kati for spreading the word about IFS! I’m an IFS certified therapist in Southern California. I specialize in trauma and couples therapy and this kind of therapy has been a real game changer! I’m currently working on my own parts to get enough courage to make videos of my own 😬…. But probably not… Anyway, thank you for your vulnerability, courage and your sense of humor 😊
Well I know that someday, a video will pop up on my feed about IFS and it's posted by a psychologist from Southern California. I'd definitely watch that. Take your time and know that your people, who want to see you and listen to you are out there! love from Iran💗
@@Mahiunihey are you a licensed therapist practicing this type of modality or a coach? Just wondering the different means that people do this type of healing work
I appreciate her vulnerability and authenticity in this video and particularly because she is a mental health professional. I’m inspired and motivated to keep on doing the hard work of healing.
I can't thank you enough for being so vulnerable & sharing your experience...exactly what I needed to hear in this very moment; you've given me a renewed sense of hope for my healing!!! ❤❤❤
I'm in Trauma therapy right now working through IFS therapy. It's amazing! (But difficult to get my mind around:)
I have spent my life with contradictory thoughts and feelings and feeling crazzzzy! These parts really explain the WHY. It's...wow. ❤
IFS is life changing! As a therapist who uses IFS and also seek therapy for it, I can honestly say I've never seen healing like this before!
Thank you for your willingness to be open about your parts. I've been doing IFS with myself and my clients for many years. It is absolutely the most powerful healing modality I've encountered in 36 years of recovery. So happy for you and your parts.
Love IFS. One thing I was told, (well a couple) is to always thank the parts for talking with you. Or even asking if they want to talk to you, or with each other. Some of the parts you might not see in a positive light still have a purpose; even if it's method of doing things isn't "helpful", but that part still loves you and it's trying. I was asked to inquire if that part wasn't allowed to do it's job, what is it afraid might happen. Then say something like "Hey, I appreciate what you are trying to do. Would you be open to trying x y z?" I love how your therapist ends your session. Anyhow, great job as always! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable.
This was very interesting. I grew up in a narcissist family and have almost no memories of child me, teen me, etc. I have stuffed memories and emotions my whole life. I truly believe that I would be totally alone in my meeting place, as I am in my actual life. It's really sad to say that. However, my meeting place would be on a patio with gorgeous views of the mountains and the ocean. Even if I am there alone, I will enjoy the vistas.
Thats the thing. If you look up and research more about IFS and Parts Work it may explain this.. Because I believe when emotions get pushed away in IFS it means you are pushing apart of you that will contain those emotions away. Which probably explains why you have no memory of these times ether. Usually when very traumatic things happen to us we create exiles to hold that pain for us. This means you very well could have a few children/exiles in your system. And usually when you have them you will have the Guardians and Managers. Or Firefighters and Managers .. So you may have a team of sub-personalities in your meeting room still.
Be thankful you don't remember your narcissistic family traumatic memories. If you did they be running in a loop day after day. So dont?
Very good video Katie about IFS. You asked for our input. I would just emphasize importance of Self energy in IFS. That is essentially where the healing and compassion emanates. Self in IFS is connected to the Universal Source or Spirit that transcends our neuroses and trauma wounds. It is similar to Higher Power in 12 step programs. Each person may have their own interpretation and relationship with Self. But it is universal in we are all connected in some way with this Divine source. The Self is the ultimate foundation to the wonderful healing that happens when consistently practicing IFS therapy.
This was fantastic! I am about to start on parts work at 40 years old after 13 years in therapy with lots of wasted time and feeling stuck. thank you for sharing this and your experience with parts work with us!
I did IFS work with a therapist while waiting for DID treatment. It helped, and it didn't. I was able to identify and work through the basic pathology of each alter, but that exacerbated some of the symptoms. Without trauma support and coaching to treat DID symptoms, my dissociation became much worse. I slip in/out of my body much more frequently and intensely now, whereas I was able to co-host before. On the positive side, I am less frightened about what is going on inside my mind, and have learned to trust more pieces of myself and their role in the homeostasis of my psyche.
👍❤️🙇♀️
Loved that you’re sharing about your parts process. Please bring the full IFS protocol to your audience and get a fully IFS trained therapist as there are some crucial safety steps missing from the process you’ve described. I have had an amazing healing journey doing self led IFS at home and in Australia it’s hard to find fully IFS trained therapists but UA-cam has some great demo sessions by the guy who developed the model and there seems to be a big gap between other’parts work’ models and the deeply structured, compassionate and insightful Internal Family Systems model.
As a highly imaginative kid, ifs has been very accessible to me and so hard and helpful
This is what I've been working with lately and it resonates so much in what you're saying. First time I had EMDR in 2018-2019 I experienced age regression for the first time and there was 5-y/o me that got locked in a dark basement. She's clingy, needy, terrified and thinks everyone is going to leave her. I started EMDR again last year in april, and I thought it was going well until autumn came and just an explosion of things started to happen. And it was after feeling the 5 year old surface more and more, my therapist asked me to think up a safe place where I could take her, where other parts of me where welcome as well.
So far, other than the 5 year old, the 14-year old and another part of me that we refer to as Stinky(because it kinda looks like a little black animal and reminded me of Stinky from Moomin). the 14-year old is a lot like you describe your teenager, a lot of unhinged emotions, lashing out, passive aggressive, she'd typically say "No I'm fine, whatever, I don't care" when she'd really need a hug because she feels distraught, sad and lonely.
Stinky started to surface during DBR when we focused on my clinical back pain/muscle knots. My therapist asked me to describe how it looked/acted if I tried to bring it with me to the safe place, and it reacted like a feral cat, claws out, angry, defensive, scared. It doesn't understand that I wanted to help it. I'm still uncovering things about it, and I have a feeling that there's more parts of me to discover. There was a glimps in the safe place of Mother me; whom's lap the five year old where sitting in. Honestly this is such a crazy and fascinating thing to experience and learn about, and it's kinda how I found your channel, because I was researching what was going on with me and I found your video "signs that you have childhood wound".
Your therapist sounds like an A+ professional. Wow!
I loved listening to your version of your IFS. I call mine: the farmer, roaring lion, grandma, and a few others. Learning this has helped me in huge ways. Good luck with your process.
In my own practice I have been using the idea that we are a board of directors. Then someone turned me on to the IFS model. I am so stoked. It really validated what I have been working with. 2 parts I particularly focus on is the one who represent the drugs or alcohol. The other is the one that represents recovery. Particularly the one we see as addiction we move to understanding that it is really the voice of unconditional survival. When I worked on looking at my own board of directors I think I identified about 15 parts that all serve a purpose and aspect of myself like the wounded warrior from the things I went through in the Military to the Bag of Monkeys (My ADHD) to the father to the rebel child, all contribute a vote on things based on their respective part of me. This was wicked awesome. I really enjoy your information. I am a Substance Use Counselor who is retired Navy, who experiences PTST and was diagnosed with ADHD when I was older. I see life as an adventure, each day I am experiencing a new and diffrent version of myself that I have absolutely no experience with. Thank you!
This video was very beneficial for me on my own IFS journey. I would really love to see Katie interview the founder of IFS modality Dr. Richard Schwartz.
THANK YOU for your vulnerability!!! As a therapist, I have also been interested in this therapy and have done some training on it, but have not taken the leap into doing my own work using this modality. Maybe that will be something that I look into as an intro to IFS for my practice. Thank you again!
I just want to say that I found your channel when I was in my late teens/early 20s (I'm now 28 years old) and your content has been so helpful throughout these years. I just recently started listening to "Ask Katie Anything" and absolutely love it!
But I saw your IG reel on IFS and was so excited to see you make content on this. I've been in therapy since I was about 19 years old but went through about 4 to 5 years of seeing a very toxic therapist who didn't have boundaries. Very long story, but younger me didn't realize or understand how unethical she was acting.
BUT I eventually found a trauma therapist who is trained in IFS, and after 2 years of treatment using IFS, I feel like a brand-new person. It has been the most helpful treatment for my own experience with PTSD yet. THANK YOU for using your platform to bring people's awareness to this type of therapy. It is immensely helpful.
Btw, I totally get the tears... I find myself unexpectedly crying during these sessions too! It's almost relieving.
And again--appreciate you lots as always! ❤
Thank you for this beautiful session. I've found that it helps to separate my parts into child parts and adult parts. My child parts are all hurt. My adult parts are all strong.
I’m loving how she’s expressing herself and with sounds, love you
I sincerely admire the fact that you are so vulnerable and open about yourself by posting this video with the intention of helping others, like myself. Not many people do that! Additionally, you explain the concept in such a clear way that it is very accessible for people to learn from, and you do so without making the explanation too lengthy, which is also admirable. Keep it up! I am definitely interested in what you post!!!
(So thankyou for that)
I love parts work. Im a therapist, and I created a whole therapy card deck about it!
Can you say more about your deck?
Kati, I found your channel not too long ago so I'm catching up a bit. I started seeing a new therapist 2 years ago after experiencing a huge flashback after a (unhealthy) relationship ended in a rather traumatic way. She introduced me to IFS not long after working together and it has been very helpful for me. I do get a little upset at myself (also not a healty habit!) when I don't take some time to check in with my parts to see how they are doing, to let them tell me what they want me to know, and just to listen. I continue to find new parts from time to time so it has been quite the journey so far.
Thank you so much for being so open and sharing what your own journey has been like for you, too!
Recently got a new therapist, she has me doing parts.
I have been a subscriber since the early days Kati, and parts of me are relieved to hear about your current journey, the clarity that you are getting through IFS, and want to extend a lot of compassion to your teenager, appreciation for the party loving; the adult for the all the work it does - and a kindhearted acknowledgement for the peace-making child. I hope they're willing and open to receiving it : ) Blessings
The past few days have been rough (rlly depressed) When I went on a drive with my mum today I was really processing the information you said in the video and had saved my life thank you so much kati ❤ I always have hope things will get better ☺️
I've been in therapy for more years than I care to share, and I was just introduced to IFS last Fall. I have never made such quick progress in my life, and it has me and my loved ones floored. This is one of the best videos I have seen on UA-cam, period - a real, knowledgeable, helpful person! Thanks so much :)
Thanks for the great explanation! I was having a hard time understanding how this could be helpful. I tried the exercise, and was very surprised. My first part to show up was creative me. The shocking thing is-I discovered that part is an exile! Well, that explains a lot!
Ive never heard of this,but I am completing this in a google doc for growths sake and...wow. The conceptualization of this is very very helpful.
I hear you, Kati. This is a very relatable. I always say that I'm "in a box" and I can't be authentic because it would be irresponsible and I could loose control. Being driven and having a hard time growing up (aka, being broke) it's hard to loosen the reigns. The pain of progress and responsibility. And being a woman.
This is very helpful. I have to learn about this before my next appt and I was having a hard time figuring out the "parts" as I am very literal. This helps me to see it.
Sounds a lot like the kind of work you do in therapy to treat DID, I'm looking forward to watching this video so I can compare it to my experiences with that :)
Thats what i was thinking! In my country they dont understand or talk about did, so Im trying to help my self and i feel this is going to help.
I’ve been doing IFS with my therapist for the past 5 years. I like it a lot, it’s been great for treating my childhood issues!
Wow, just stumbled over this because I am learning about Parts in Psychology and I teared up, thinking about my own parts... This seems a very powerful work and I will continue the teachings on that front. Thank you for being so authentic and sharing this content.
I'm so glad to hear you talk about this! I just started doing IFS. I feel like IFS acknowledged and validated my feelings and their causes while still helping me feel that I can resolve them, and then I can be actionable too without feeling that doing something different invalidates what past me is holding.
Hi Katie, idk how to feel about this situation. I got the courage to start therapy and I met with a teletherapist who really took me off guard. She didn’t have any politeness, no {thank you for being here, that sounds difficult, I’m sorry for your loss, it’s nice to meet you}. I considered myself polite and answered all the deep/hard questions she asked for intake as honestly as I could. She didn’t leave any room for anything. I told her my brother died in 2021 and she replied, “that’s a long time sweetie. You need to move on.” I shared something about my parents and she said “well we date our parents.” I hadn’t brought up dating at all. She told me I gave her nothing to work with if I didn’t answer questions and I told her, I feel that I just answered quite a few personal questions. She said she yells at her patients to encourage them. I told her that would be triggering for me. I feel violated. Like I felt like I was with a narcissist and people pleasing to allow her to finish the session with me. I feel disgusted. I am ashamed for letting her in on so many personal details for her to react so quickly and harshly. What do I do?
I’m sorry to hear about your experience with this therapist. Those kind of responses from therapist would make me shut down. It can be triggering for someone with trauma. Perhaps you could search for a trauma informed therapist.
look for a new therapist asap. best to take recommendations
This was excellent - thank you, Katie!
I’ve been doing parts work with my therapist off and on for a few years now. It’s especially helpful when I’m having trouble figuring out how I FEEL about something.
My meeting place is a comfortable bench in a quiet park at dusk. My Problem Solver part dominates. As soon as my Sadness/Grief Holder part or my Angry part manage to be heard, my Problem Solver jumps in with a path toward resolution. My therapist frequently has to remind me to pause and FEEL the feelings, see where they lead me, thank the exiled part for bringing them to me, etc. My Carefree Child part doesn’t get to come out very often. I watch over her and feel a great deal of affection for her; I think I’m afraid to let her out for fear she’ll get hurt.
Feeling out of control is a big trouble spot for me as well. I’m working on corrective experiences where I take myself to a concert or fly out to visit a friend and don't feel guilty about overspending. I'm getting more and more comfortable with the fact that the world continues to spin on its axis, and splurging isn't dangerous.
Parts work is fantastic! I hope you'll keep posting about your personal journey with it.
Thanks again for sharing 💐
I'm doing this therapy too and its changed my life
I found this video super helpful!
I love this kind of therapy. It appeals both to my need to intelectualise and "sort out", make sense of everything, and crucially to my need to access and connect with all my spectrum of emotions. I too went down a many rabbit holes and got "stuck" in my need to understand myself, "solve" this complex equation where my conceptualising of things and thus containing them had no hope in hell when overwhelmed with the complexity of my emotions. I also see the link between IFS and Play Therapy with children, in the way that processing uncoscious stuff in children happens through them feeling facilitated, contained and validated in that therapy space.
The intellectualizer is a part, too! Ask yourself “why do I need to figure it out? What will happen if I don’t know everything?”
I read about this some days ago and i found it very interesting. To me it looked a little bit like the different alter egos in DID, but not as "marked". And very curious to learn more about this😊
I love how transparent you were here. Makes me want to look up IFS training. Thank you so much; I will share this with my school. Keep up the great work.
Thank you for this video. When you were talking about the parts of you that feel ignored, I started to get emotional cause I feel like there are parts of me that I ignore as well. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable.
As a fan, and as an LMFT, it’s been hard watching you suffer for so many years. I’ve been deeply hoping you found your way to IFS. I knew it would be helpful to you (as it was for me).
Yay! 🎉
Parts work is quite useful, in a way that dream work is---cutting past the mundane mind and going for the dynamic undercurrent... You asked for input; I got good advice about parts work that I will pass along here: when engaging in dialogue with the sub-selves, question them on any logic flaws in their reasoning; ask them what age they are (usually a clue as to when they came into being), and ask them if they would be willing to change to help you. There are excellent passages on selves-work in Sanaya Roman's writings, very effective; can't remember which books, but it would be her Earth Life series, as those are the only ones of hers I've read. She maintains that the selves came into being to help you in a crisis, but are limited, and just need to be evolved or cleared. Some dissolve when questioned, regardless of how long they have been around, some are more stubborn. It's very interesting work. Best of luck to everyone on this.❤
A little bit ago I read Looking Through the Eyes of Trauma and Dissociation and it was interesting using IFS with DID also with Trauma work and it helped me understand a lot of stuff. Growing up I had to ignore a lot of my different emotions now I’m trying more to hear them and not shut them out.
Kati thanks for being you , yourself .
I could never let myself be the party teen , only when I did alcohol or pot smoking , to be myself is really to be a quite person who really doesn’t want stress or anything out of control .
Now I I know that I am on the autistic spectrum which explains why people are stressful and loud things cause me way to much stress .
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been going through emdr but we are going to be incorporating ifs into my therapy. This is so helpful to see.
What an awesome video .... EXCELLENT !!!!
Thank you for sharing about IFS!
I didn't like parts work when my therapist first introduced it to me. But after watching you and other therapists break it down for me, I am starting to really like it. I started a map/org chart. I definitely want to create a container and a meeting place now. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this video and for being so open about yourself 💞!
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and authenticity. Wishing you the best on your IFS adventure.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this. It spoke to me I’m strongly, considering looking at IFS myself.
Katie thank you so much for explaining this and being open about your own experiences. I have been trying parts work in therapy and it has been a game changer. Thank you for being so open. 😊
What a fantastic video. This was so informative, and the way you illustrated the process using yourself was so vulnerable and beautiful. ❤
Really cool to hear about your parts work! IFS is definitely more than meets the eye!
Thank you for sharing your journey. Hearing this was exactly what I needed today as a reminder that there is a way forward. I'm going to explore more about Parts Work and see how it can help me. Thank you again for all that you do. You've made a difference in my life.
Ohhh myyy goodnesss! This is such a HUGE GAME CHANGER!!! Kati! I’m having my therapist see this tomorrow when I see her. I hope she knows about this? Thank you for sharing this, so educational!!! ❤
Thank you SO much for sharing your process and experience with IFS! It’s really helped me visualize how I can apply this idea to my experiences.
I really appreciate this video! Providing examples really help me understand IFS better. Thank you for being vulnerable to help in the educational process!
Thank you for sharing this piece of your therapy, it's always interesting to listen to personal experiences. My therapist use parts work and I like it a lot, even if sometimes it's not easy to not concide with some of them (usually the harsh ones) I didn't do the meeting place, but we use the chairs in her office, she also has a cute child-size one for the youngest parts. I drew them and encourage anyone to do it, no matter if you "don't know how to draw", it's incredible how many infomrations about them a simple drawing, a collage or just some shapes and colors can give about them.
This is super helpful. Thank you for sharing your experience. My mind is resistant to parts work, but understanding it better usually helps me relax into the process.
All I needed was a little emotional support from my husband and I didn’t know he was a Narcissist. Very hard life. Luckily I had five children to love so it worked pretty good until the children grew up and then it was Over. Not complicated but very painful sometimes. 😊❤
16:45 trauma somatic therapy is night and day over talk cognitive therapy. I feel like breakthrough of healing neuroscience and creating new pathways and tapping into body response with a safe trauma therapist is so integrating to my parts!
I think my parts hid for 30yrs during talk therapy. My talk therapists at no fault of their own didn't have the capacity to help me integrate my parts and heal from flashbacks that plagued me most of my life. I have hope now that I might cultivate a secure attachment style and be self regulated on a daily basis. ☺️
This is really interesting. I tried to imagine my own meeting space and parts, and turns out everyone REALLY doesn't like child me when she turns up. Huh. I'll have to bring that up in therapy this week. Thanks for the inspiration, Kati!
I didn't gell with IFS therapy at first, hearing the words "parts" made me feel a bit out of control especially because I found a dissociative part (I don't have DID) which was highly confusing.
I'm finding it is VERY confronting. However the more work I do on it, the more I find out about myself.
Thanks for putting this out in the world ♥️
14:05 Container Therapy exercise
I also practice the same technique... it was critical as a foundation to manage accessing initial and potentially overwhelming memories, traumas...
I’m in the uk an watch your videos since my sessions ended. Thank you so much for what you post it really helps a bunch, this one is amazing, I’d like to try it.
Kati, I felt joyful watching this video of yours. I guess the Teen Kati and Fun Kati were present in your energy, because they did definitely make me enriched with an immense amount of joy!
Hey Kati. Very interesting ideas, something to chew on for sure. I just want to thank you and your crew for all the hard work you put into these videos. Four years ago you were brought into my life helping me navigate therapy meds and emotions. You’re awesome and bless you and you loved ones.
This is FANTASTIC!!!
Thank you for doing this and all your videos AND for sharing you with us.
Interestingly, for me, some child parts were still “in charge” in some areas and try to handle my anxieties. Adult me has to remind them that we’re good now. Thank you for keeping me safe in the past, but I got it now!
I have been doing IFS therapy with my counselor. It's been great for me because I am a writer/creative type person, and these parts are "characters" in my own story. It's easier for me to relate to them when I can see them and visualize them.
So far I have five parts uncovered. If you're thinking about doing IFS, maybe these will help you figure out your parts. I needed examples when I got started.
Fairness Police -- a five year old who's just old enough to understand the concept of fairness. Because she's my youngest part, she's been around for a very long time, and she's the hardest one to calm down because she doesn't understand adult concepts. She walks around with pigtails and a megaphone yelling THAT'S NOT FAIR! or YOU'RE MEAN! I spend a lot of time sitting with her and letting her cry everything out because there's not much that she has the power to fix or change.
The Perfectionist -- around 11 years old who knows that if I am perfect, I won't get yelled at, but at the same time is so destroyed by performance anxiety and shattered nerves that anything I try I screw up because I'm so anxious to do well, make my parents happy, and not get yelled at. She's the self-fulfilling prophecy. So far, out of all my parts, she's the easiest one to calm because she has truth, evidence, and facts that I am talented and smart and don't have to be perfect because perfect is impossible.
The Indignant One -- my teenage self who is somewhat rebellious and pushing boundaries and thinks everybody is a dumbass because they don't see how cool I am. I like this part the best because she was me before everyone and everything started shoving me down. Creative, funny, quirky, silly, and kind and unafraid to stand out or take chances.
Mama Bear -- this is an older adult version of myself who wants to throat punch everyone who messes with any of my parts. She's the protector I wish I had growing up. Sometimes I call her a valkyrie or a nightclub bouncer because she takes no shit from anyone and wants to hit back. She has had enough of the bullies.
The Inner Critic -- I hate this thing. It's a combination of all the nasty voices who put me down and abused me, neglected me. It's a dark, opaque black goo that covers over everything and sucks out any bit of joy or pleasure I allow myself. It's that quiet voice that pops up in moments of silence that sends me spiralling into bad moods. It won't let me enjoy anything. My counselor and I have been trying to work with this part a lot lately. It's so engrained in me that bringing it out changes my demeanor and makes me exhausted when the session is over.
So yeah, IFS is great and has done a lot to help me understand myself. I hightly recommend it if you can find a therapist who will help you with it. Being able to sit with myself and pinpoint which part is upset helps me get over the hurt/anger/rage a lot faster. What might have taken me days to get over only takes hours. It's so worth it.
Thank you, Kati. I hope my comment helps someone who is struggling.
Following few trips on psychedelics (psylocybin) I then started IFS. It really helped me. And I must say it's pretty accurate when it comes to how our mind actually works. During psychedelic trips, my ego went away initially then, slowly it was coming back, so in a way your ego (some parts of you) are not available and at least for me I had to face the exiles which was very difficult but also I felt this presence of self (inner healer). Psychedelics were not a quick fix: they simply "started the ball rolling" so to speak and showed me what I needed to work on. And what's great about IFS is that it takes to account all of your parts. You don't go to childhood trauma straight away, you seek access first.
I read 10 books on IFS with my favourite being: You're the One You've Been Waiting For ❤
IFS for me was very intense. Each session required a lot of energy but I wouldn't do it any other way. Tried CBT before and it didn't even "scratch the surface".
What I really liked about IFS is that the healing doesn't happen from the therapist (minimum risk of creating the dependency on a therapist too). You're not told what to do. Once you can access the self, you will know what to do and how to attend to various parts with love and compassion.
People who have DID or let's say hear voices are great examples of the multiplicity of our mind. We're not just one part. Inside of us there's this internal family. They all relate to one another.
I also like other modalities such as CFT, ACT, Person Centred and Positive Psychology.
And with IFS, once you learn the skills you can practice it on your own - for free. I like to include writing or music/mindfulness and use some IFS skills with them.
Lastly, it can help you understand others. If someone lashes out (it's usually a part of them that got activated).
I love your content , I get to see what a doc might see in me. I have no polar , BPD and a fw different issues. I have had to go to my vacation at the hospital. Lol but I'm still alive after 57 years and my wife and my two friends I will make it longer than that!!! 🤗 Love Ya
best explanation I could find, thank you
I have been building and creating a story that has been my baby-- my main reason to keep going. I have such big dreams and high hopes for it and struggle with my sensitivity to criticism. I always knew that I "wrote what I knew" by putting aspects of myself into everyone and everything, but it was only when my therapist recently introduced Parts Work to me that I realzied the intensity of that.
These past several sessions, he has been trying to incorporate Parts Work by asking me "What part of you do you think was triggered at that moment?" and "How would (Character Name) feel about that?".
Even if it gets a bit silly, it has also been so incredibly powerful and the raw emotions that you have expressed here have deeply touched me. What particularly struck a chord with me was the description of your "Child Self", because mine is very similar. The "Adult Part" of me is also very similar-- anything remotely seen as "childish" or "unnecessary" is harshly and quickly shut down then berated and shamed.
This reminds me a lot of Inner Child work and The Family Systems. I think these would be very useful with PTSD patients as well as those with personality disorders.
Wow, just wow…. Thank you Kati… Will be talking to my therapist about this and sharing this video with her. Future updates coming…😉🙏🏼
This is so interesting and valuable. Thanks for posting! I am so curious about if there are people out there who's "parts" are actually... other people. As in, if some people are SO disconnected from themselves or have no sense of identity (my mind goes to those in active addiction), that the "parts" that show up are people we might attach to - our father, mother, best friend, an ideal etc. So on that... I see how this could be really good for helping people to gain a sense of self as they move through the IFS sessions.
Other thought: You have inspired me to book in with an IFS therapist! Right now the straight up CBT or even narrative therapist (which I usually love) is not really doing it for me. So parts work could be really interesting to explore.
This was a great video and share. Thank you.
I did IFS and parts work for a while, and I loved it. Wish I could go back, but there isn’t anyone in my area that says they do it.
Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. First time hearing about this.
Thank you again and all the best!
Btw, I live that picture on the wall.
There is a scene in the showtime show called United States of Tara. I think it was in Showtime. That was about DID. The scene is Tara, played by Toni Collette sitting at a table with all her alters. This show came out when I first was diagnosed with DID, and this scene was funny, yet I finally understood myself.
I’ve been waiting for this!!! IFS truly has changed my life for the better.
I just started parts therapy today. I am excited and just trying to take things slow.
This is fab. I’ve become obsessed with IFS since learning about it last year. In my own therapy I tend to say a part of me feels x or y about z, so to me IFS just makes sense.
I’m a trainee therapist and it’s hit me why one of our lecturers (who really shouldn’t be a lecturer as so much projection from her). However complaints about her are ignored. Anyway it has hit me listening to this why it’s impacted me so much - struggled a lot in school, and it’s brought up of my feeling like a failure part. Lots of discussion there for my next session 😂