I thought it was just me, I'd go into running for the sake of feeling the rapid heart rate afterwards and the muscle sores. Its hard to make sense of the emotional pains and numbness that physical pain will do the work just as well. But in the end, we feel both emotional and physical pain and that sucks!
Many harmful acts do have positive side effects. For instance, fuel injection, Saturn rockets, practical jet engines, jet fighters, many osteopedic surgery techniques, synthetic oil, were all Nazi inventions. All of us know what kind of people they were. But positive did come from their evil as a side effect. Thus, accept your positive side effect. I would work double as hard when depression hit me, but only for myself, not my work. I work four nights a week and have three nights a week off. On the three nights a week, I often work very hard on my property. If the depression feels worse, then I work harder. I lost 49 pounds, an very athletic, have great stamina, and am very endurant. I also have an immaculate property that resembles something like Eden. My house is spotless clean. My ancient automobile could not be cleaner if it were new, even in the envíen compartment and under carriage. But none of this was made for personal gain. It is a remedy for horrible depression. If I my muscles are aching, my heart pounding, my breathing pumping hard, I am hot and physically working hard, I am less depressed. There is an abandoned Chevrolet 5 window pickup truck on my property. I carted cleaning supplies to it. It is rather away from my home and in the forest. I cleaned that thing immaculate. In spring, I am going to be trying to bring it to my driveway and try to get the engine to start. None of this is for gain, only deep depression remedy.
For me, it’s calling me some of the worse names in the book either when I do something wrong or loose a long time friend. Not sure why I do that but in the beginning in an odd way it used to make me feel better. Not sure if that makes much sense at all to anybody?
I harm myself by depriving myself of sleep. I am sure I am not the only one with this habit. It affects every aspect of my life- my brain function, my mood, physical health. It is a decades long issue which I cannot seem to improve.
Me too. I'm still in school and it really affects how I function at school. But ironically, most of the time I deprive myself of sleep, it's because of school. Because I need to get some work done or my teachers will shout at me. I've even pulled a couple of all nighters 😬. I've also noticed that whenever I don't get enough sleep, my mental health goes to pot too. I know most students struggle with this too
Yup. I used to over exercise, restrict food and restrict sleep. I jokingly called myself a sleep anorexic. (The joking about it was a coping mechanism in itself.) Unfortunately my big wake up call was when I unexpectedly lost both my previously healthy parents within 9 weeks of each other. It came crashing down all around me that our time on earth is short and I need to stop beating my body up and being so restrictive so I can be there for my family and friends while I’m here. Sounds fatalistic, but it was actually really really freeing.
Yeah I revenge bedtime procrastinate to try to take back time. But I know it really takes more time away from me, makes me more tired, and makes me feel more down.
This is a a very difficult one for me, having both ADHD and anxiety. ADHD causes executive dysfunction, which spikes anxiety. In my head I just call myself lazy, but sometimes it feels like I physically can't move
16:53 : This is the hardest one. Being around people makes me feel like shit. But not being around people make me feel lonely. there's no solution other than prolonged depression. None.
May I ask you a question 🙋. Is it every single person you meet? Even a person at the grocery store? 🙋♀️ can you just try baby steps like, a smile 😊 and a Have a nice day! Try it. It’s scary but it gets easier with practice. Have good eye contact when you smile at someone. You are not the only sensitive person. In this day and age a lot of people need loving kindness.
I joined different choirs in the community until I found one that seemed accepting of misfits like me. Everyone else was shy and it was pretty hard but I was enjoying the music, at least. After a few months, people started to open up. It turned out we were all starting small and learning to connect after being hurt. I still don't feel really close to them, but at least I have a "place with people" I can go to that doesn't feel shitty. Maybe I'll have a close friend in my neighborhood someday.
loneliness is such an underrecognized sucker of a feeling. If there are days or other periods of time where you can't take the fight with yourself to be around people, maybe personal attention ASMR or social ambience background noise might help a bit? It helps me sometimes. Anyways, stay strong my friend, take your time and space to fight the loneliness, I believe in you. Even if I'm just some stranger on the Internet, too
The guilt one is so difficult when it's related to culture. You know you're logically not doing anything wrong by wanting some space for yourself for example, but your family and friends think you are wrong, make it a huge deal out of it, and give you grief for it.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Thank you so much,I'm sure struggling with the temptation to relapse on alcohol after a particularly traumatic breakup. It's been hard keeping up the fight to be sober when everything is falling apart.:-(
Probably doesn’t make sense but I feel too “low class” to benefit from this content. This is like help for people who can afford doctors. Or not to work 55 hours a week.
Relatable. Sometimes we just don't have the luxury of slotting in self-care, and taking time off. Sometimes we just have to push through. Its detrimental in the long run, but sometimes, it's the only solution, and all you can do is pray for a break after you get the work done
That’s society’s functioning that’s harming you in that case, not self-harm. Because if you could choose self-care, you would. And that should definitely be talked about. But this content creator is a psychologist rather than a socio-political expert, so it’s out of her area of expertise.
Self-care can also be looking for a better paying job and/or one with fewer hours. Or education yourself to get something better. Or just looking for a job you like better and make you feel better about yourself. Even changing the way you look at yourself and your life is selfcare. (I don't wash linen in a hospital laundry. I help doctors heal people.) Look for variations of her advise that will work for you and/or fit your finances. (You don't need money to sit in the sun in a park for 30min) Nobody is going to or can give you what you need or want.
I used to do a lot these. Working too much, overspending, chasing perfection, staying too busy, working out excessively, holding on to all this guilt for no reason. As horrible as it was, it took the lockdown during the pandemic to make me slow down and realize how much I was harming myself. I wish I had this video back then, but even just listening to it now it was really helpful and made me put into perpspective just how far I've come in the last few years. Commenting for engagement, because I really hope it helps someone else.
My family wanted me to stay with my abusive husband, denying the abuse. Cutting hurtful, harmful people out of my life involved going No Contact with a LOT of people.
@@somethingclever8916 Thank you. I don't think I can fully agree with your statement though, because abuse does take time to figure out. If you figure out you're being abused and then STILL stay, that is probably a form of self harm, but there is a lot of "fog" or confusion about abuse when one is trapped in it. That's exactly how the abusers get away with it for as long as they do. They sometimes act kind and loving, like how they first did when they were love bombing you, and you think, "There they are! The person I fell in love with is still in there!" and it gives you hope to keep on trying, believing one day you will find a way to bring out their good side permanently. Some people do stay because their abuser has convinced them they're worthless and they'll never do better, but others stay because they are very patient, kind, forgiving, and empathetic.
Scary. When you suffer and need help, and people you should be trusting say that it's not true and you need to stay in pain and pretend it's okay, just because they don't want to worry or feel guilt for doing nothing to help. I have been through that
Please do a video on overspending. I have ADHD and autism and this year I aim to be debt-free at last. But it’s a huge struggle. I hate how powerless I feel sometimes😭💔💔😰
I don't know if this will help, but when I look at the cost of things that are not necessities, I try to analyze how many hours of work it would take me to make enough money to pay for the object. So if I make $10 an hour and want to buy a $50 item, is it worth it to me to work for 5 hours to afford that item? Usually for me the answer is no; I have never been a big shopper. I prefer to have the money than the items.
don't hate that you feel powerless sometimes. Celebrate that you don't feel powerless the other times. That is an impressive achievement. Breaking habits is difficult, and there are all reasons to be proud of it.
Overworking was always encouraged in my family, if i ever went to my mom for comfort/ advise she'd always say too just keep busy. If you have time to be sad/anxious ect you're not busy enough, this aggravated the situation in many ways but it's still the only advice she gives. She also wholeheartedly believes it helps she has declining health now and continues even though it's noticably affecting her.
Hey Kati, can you do a video about self-talk? I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the way we talk to ourselves / our inner monologue has a massive impact in our happiness and mental state. Are there scientifically proven ways to improve it?
There’s also a book called “Chatter: The Voice In Our Head” by Ethan Kross. It is a book about the science of how to positively impact that voice. It was an interesting read.
Also sleep hypnosis. "You are" affirmations are proven effective. One UA-camr that does this well is Thomas Hall. His channel is "minds in unison." Another channel is Antony Reed. The periods of time as you're falling asleep and the periods of light sleep are perfect times to change that inner monologue so I play it all night to make sure I get those times.
If you're coming out of a long period of isolation, it's a good idea to have your boundaries in order and a list of qualities you *need* another person to have. If you don't, there's a good chance you'll crap-fit with anyone that comes along - and it's miserable. The top 1 on my list is 'they must being putting in the same effort as I am'.
Very good point! I crap-fit a "friend" who previously abandoned me because I felt so desperate for a friend. Guess what...she did it again. I now have much better boundaries and expectations, including equal reciprocity.
Complex PTSD and I do a few of these and when I can’t I often return to other methods of self harm. Excessive exercise is my big one though, running up and down a hill until I’m physically sick but I always saw it as a skill until watching this video. Thanks for all you do Kati! ❤
I decided to do the exercise thing mindfully. I got a trainer at a gym and developed a strength training and fitness program. Now I'm getting the positive effect of endorphin without breaking my body down. Then I want to eat better food for improving my results. The walking my dogs and listening to UA-cam or Audiobooks
I have told quiet some people that their exercise is far too much to be healthy for them, and they denied it and said u can't overexercise as long as you don't insure yourself too much (like, idk ripping muscles). I really need to show them this video. Hope you find a way to keep it healthy
It should be on there. Overeating and eating junk can stem from mental health issues. It can also stem from trauma and abuse too. My husband's father was extremely abusive to him when he was growing up, both physically, verbally, and emotionally. His sister could do no wrong and he could do no right and the father ALWAYS compared him to her, asking him why he couldn't be like her. He wasn't always obese, wasn't overweight when I met him, but would eat like there's no tomorrow. He once told me that he was surprised that he lived to be 30 years old (he wasn't planning on it neither.) He has ALOT of anger issues, has frequent outbursts of anger, low self-esteem, is very sensitive and has bad anxiety. He's very obese. Still gets angry way too easily and probably will never enjoy life. He doesn't forgive, others and especially himself. He blames himself for problems, even ones he has no control over. He had a close call 10 years ago and recently he has told me that he feels it would have been better for me if he had died.
Disordered eating of this kind, also has a diagnosis and name: binge-eating. An eating disorder that is characterized by eating a lot, without listening to your body of it being full, followed by guilt, purging, extended exercise to "make up for it ", Starving for days until the inevitable binge again, or you continue to eat more and more, gaining harmful weight, that also has an impact on your bodie's heart, blood and other organs. Self image issues and trauma are usually tied with this form of self harm.
I'm glad you mentioned this. In 2019, I had a nasty car accident. I mean it was kind of a miracle because I was unharmed, but a tree fell on my car on my way home from work and flipped it. It didn't damage me physically, but it was definitely traumatizing. I didn't have the emotional support I needed afterward, so I developed a few of these symptoms. I started working harder as a people-pleaser, I tried to be perfect to get someone's love and attention, I isolated when nothing else paid off. It was an eye-opener on how life can really shut you down and not many people are there when you actually need them. I couldn't afford a therapist, so I ended up trying out a recovery program that has brought me quite far. I still could use a therapist if I ever come up with the money, but my recovery program helped me do some searching for the problem, so I can be more open with my therapist when the time comes.
I self harm with food because feeling over full or queasy is a quick and easy distraction from emotional pain. I've only really been in tune with the idea that that's what I'm doing for a year or 2. Trying to figure out how to break the cycle. Awareness is just the beginning.
Part of the challenge is that with 24 hour grocery stores and late night restaurants, food, online shopping, and other unhealthy coping mechanisms are available 24/7. In contrast, it's not considerate to call a friend late/early if it's not an emergency, and not necessarily safe to go for a walk too early/late.
Fingers crossed for you. It is a real problem. It does really help fight emotional pain better than anything else. I guess this is how alcoholics work too.
can other people that is coping with with overeating binging state what health problems they encounter and what they did after that that made them went into recovery and not fall back to this maladaptive coping way? also, what are effective coping mechanisms when one doesn't have goals in life if distractions doesnt exactly work out in the long run if in isolation? (I agree with prev commenter that sometimes can't really call another person too often they get frustrated.)
It took until i got really sick to realize how disconnected I was from my body. I forgot what its called but when I'm in a crazy stressful situation I feel like I'm hovering over my body or disassociated. I went from an addict to a perfectionist and now I'm doing what I've gotta do without adding unnecessary stress and pain into my life. It has felt like for the first time in my life I can actually breathe. Thanks for sharing. This was very insightful. The emotional awareness in this video are helpful tools to have.
I stopped eating on a basis when my marriage collapsed. I found being hungry really increases my anxiety and depression, and fed into the idea that a failed marriage was my fault and I deserved to feel horrible. When I realized this pattern, I have been more mindful of eating healthy meals when I am hungry. I find I feel much better and have more energy and focus to regulate my emotions.
I just realized I used to go on the swings as a kid until I was physically exhausted, and then kept pushing myself further. I would lose myself in a daydream, too, until I was either fully exhausted or my parents told me we had to leave whatever playground we were at. Because I couldn’t talk to them if they were both together, and my mom tends to blow everything possible far out of proportion. My dad has always been more reasonable when he’s sober and not around my mom, which was a rare combination of conditions. Now in my 20s I do the first 7 in no apparent pattern (but I haven’t been looking for this sort of pattern, because I never knew *anything* other than cutting was self-harm).
One that i've been wondering about a lot is knowingly neglecting our health, so either not getting assistance with or not maintaining our health when we know we should. For instance you know you need to get something checked out that's possibly impacting your day to day functioning but you keep putting it off because the symptoms are minor but manageable or ignorable for the most part. And it would seem like not eating regularly falls under this as well. I've noticed variations of this in people i know and been responsible for doing it to myself on occasion and it can definitely add a lot of strain on interpersonal relationships.
I do this. I haven’t seen a doctor since 2020. He told me “its just stress” I’m tired of hearing that and scared of doctors anyways. I can tell myself “it’s just stress” in the living room and save the trip.
Wow thanks for explaining! I would have never thought never taking breaks is a form of self harm. We need to be reminded to care and nurture our bodies! Thanks for this video 🙏
Really, if I sit down to just read a book 📖. I think. 🤔 oh there’s dishes in the sink. My strategy is to set a timer. ⏱️. Allow the sitting and reading. 📖. The dishes will wait 20 minutes.
This felt like a constructive callout. I've been working through a lot of these negative coping strategies, so the bridge statement is an incredibly helpful way to tackle the abuser voice in my head. Thank you for the helpful information!
I never thought that the “guilt” I always feel could be another emotion. I am going to look into this more. I feel this could be good work to focus on with my therapist. Thanks Katie! I really appreciate this video some very valuable information.
I had a colleague (I'm retired now) used to tell me this: Do not aspire for 120% and get mad at yourself for not reaching 150%, aim at 80% and be happy to reach 100%.
Growing up in the mountains I never realized how glorious just sitting on the beach and listening to the waves is. Feels pretty good just being a human being and not a human doing.
Love the topic one thing I wanted to call out on over work is some sadly have to survive ie multiple jobs or insane hours. It doesn’t leave much time to find better and could be what’s familiar. The overworkout is also such a hard thing esp if your value as a woman who desires certain lifestyles. I have tried losing weight since 8 as the world doesn’t open to you aside from undesirables. Now at almost 40 it’s still a challenge esp as the desire has yet to be met.
Body modification as a socially acceptable form of self harm. I went through a phase in my young adulthood after being confronted about more dangerous forms of self harm in my teens. Blessings!
I noticed that whenever something bad happened in my life I would immediately get a tattoo because it felt the closest to how it felt when I used to cut. Since I realised it I stopped.
Great video, Kati! Very helpful- wish I knew about invisible self harm in my twenties (two decades ago) when I was skipping meals, exercising a lot, because I was very depressed and isolated. Like others here mentioned, as a female who was told to lose weight as a teen, received praise for the unintended weight loss. The isolation worsened as did the depression until i realized these subcobscious habits were tied to long term unhealthy, toxic family dynamics. It did not occur to me until my mid thirties...when video content on mental health like yours began to grow, and thank goodness for that! Literally saving a lot of lives, and helping ppl like me see the light in what felt like infinite, perpetual darkness. To anyone watching this video, reading thos comment- there is hope. Hang in there, and be kind to yourself ❤
One I can not agree with is building what is referred to as a support net of people. I feel worse around people. I do not need to feel worse. When I used to be social, I was far more miserable than I am now. Within a few days of socially isolating myself, I started feeling better. I do not feel good, but better. I will not be returning to being social. It is painful, unrewarding, makes me very nervous, even gives me stomach cramping and a slight tremble. On top of that, I was still depressed. But after isolating, all that went away, except the depression. Some of us are not programmed to be socially successful. I am one of them. I know this and feel ill when I force myself to be social. Not all humans must be social.
There are extroverts - who get energy from being around others, and there are introverts who get energy from being alone. Many people confuse being outgoing with being an extrovert. Not so. Many people are outgoing introverts. There may also be shy extroverts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these. You are who you are . It’s your personality type.
I am eating my feelings. It leaves me feeling disgusted in myself but even that is a welcome distraction from the abusive crap I am usually focusing on.
Holy wow! This is me realizing that I’m doing all of this. Feeling inadequate, worthless, a deep shame about existing are driving factors that I was already aware of, also my Self worth is closely tied to achievements and acceptance from others like you said. I’m also late diagnosed autistic, and never got any support for my struggles, nor do I get support now. Only side comments like “stop being lazy and try a little harder” just made me realize that no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to be good enough, because I could not be Anybody else but me giving my best. My husband will sometimes use my disability against me and will make fun of me as well. Thank god for the dog by my side. He is my saving grace. Humans are mostly cruel given the opportunity. But here I am still trying and beating myself up. All my attempts to connect with therapists, since my diagnosis have failed spectacularly and hurt me more than anything else. But videos like this really help me, at least realizing what the issue is. Thank you for that.
A year ago i started breaking my bones then going on to neglect them, healing wrong or not at all, then eduring the pain of it all for extra self punishment. 5 intentional breaks in 12 months, hospital deemed it self harm after previously calling it a moment of fluster. Thanks to support i got from the family and hospital i now been diagnosed with bpd, bp, ptsd. Get help my fellow freaks. Lifes much better now. Still dark but not as debilitating.
The first two are very relatable for me. I am able to take a break and make sure I'm actually doing it. I have great self-control. But I still feel bad about myself when I do so and feel need to do at least something useful throught my day. I make to-do lists to keep myself busy. Which is linked to the first one because while I'm working on something, I forget to eat.
Wow, thank you so much for this video... I'm in a deep depression and now I understand that I psychologically harm myself. I feel guilty, lazy and just as a bad person unworthy of my loved ones all the time. Your video really opened my eyes
Thank you so much 🙂. You have been recommended by my CBT therapist, as extra guidance……. I have just started again with therapy. This time on Uk nhs on line zoom , well on my IPad it’s magical I don’t even have to leave the house. But over the years I get started and within days I’m back tracking and stopping myself getting the help because I’m actually talking about feelings I have been trying to keep deep deep inside for years , thoughts and behaviour I don’t understand but I have a good feeling that CBT could be a glimmer of hope. Maybe this time I will feel better.🤗
Thank you for shinning a light on this, I never thought of self harm in this way. I thought I was ok if I wasn’t actually self harming. Sadly I have 7 of these signs of self harm. I am getting better at eating more regularly though. I will be speaking with my therapist about this.
I started eating and on my way to sleep more. I am grateful to my friends that helped me to start taking care of myself. Now that you said it, I see that it actually was self harming.
I believe my mental health issues caused my chronic pain condition (fibromyalgia and POTS) which has led me to isolate myself and sleep all day, often til the later afternoon which only makes me feel worse.
Yes, these ways to self-harm are often overlooked and attributed to disorders when they may be expressions of a wish. We all have aspects of this, the trick is to recognize, acknowledge and to seek healthy expressions. Sleep deprivation, drama, stress and self pressure are my constant companions. Great video. 👍
When I was 5 years old I would isolate as a form of self harm and no one even noticed. I didn't even know what I was doing. And I'm also athletic but I have a bunch of medical conditions. So when I really should take a break to breathe when my asthma or vcd is triggers I just keep going instead.
The guilt one really touched me. Once I heard it I was like YEP, I didn't realise it before, but I have so much guilt about many diffirent things. Along with either not eating,eating but not enough or overeating, anxiety, depression,history of physical self harm, perfectionism (which I'm currently working on). This video is an eye opener and helped to reflect on how I am actually doing mentally and how I physically treat myself Thank you
I would love a video about overspending and how to work on it. As someone with BPD this is one of my biggest unhealthy cycles. I overspend, then feel guilty for putting myself in more debt, then spend again to make myself feel better.
I'm definitely guilty of isolating and justifying it by thinking I'm just not fit to be around other humans because I'm so miserable. I'm now realizing it's a learned behavior. When I was a teenager (in the 80's) I was grounded pretty much every other week for my rebellious behavior, and left to sit in my room stewing in the guilt and self loathing of "being a bad person". I can see as an adult just how pychologically damaging this was. I just want to cry for that girl. She was in so much emotional pain, and received absolutely no support. I guess it's pretty obvious by the fact that I'm watching this video that I'm still working through all of that decades later.
I really like in nonviolent communication "feelings" are defined differently than how we typically express in our culture. For example, "inadequate" is a judgement/label more than it is a bodily sensation. The feeling behind the judgement might be ashamed, embarrassed, lonely, sad, hurt... But it's like if we say we feel betrayed, it's more about the action or motive of someone else than the hurt. If you tell someone "I feel hurt vs I feel betrayed" you can guess what they will say back: I'm sorry or I didn't *betray* you 💌💌💌💌
Don't forget about over eating. Disordered eating of this kind, also has a diagnosis and name: binge-eating. An eating disorder that is characterized by eating a lot, without listening to your body of it being full, followed by guilt, purging, extended exercise to "make up for it ", Starving for days until the inevitable binge again, or you continue to eat more and more, gaining harmful weight, that also has an impact on your bodie's heart, blood and other organs. Self image issues and trauma are usually tied with this form of self harm.
Also sleep deprivation, when you want to stay to have more time for yourself, or any other reasons one might stay up, say to work more. It can also be caused by health and mental issues. Sleep deprivation is a killer, and you lose more sleep faster than you can get it back. It can cause all kinds of immuno compromised illnesses, mental illnesses, and more. So please try to sleep.
I’ve been guilty of all of these except over spending in different stages of my life It explains a lot of why I feel how I feel about myself It’s not just the words I hear growing up I’ve caused myself to stay in the negative mindset of myself through my actions Thanks for sharing this information
I’ve always thought of CBT as a process that will never work for me. To me it has always seemed like being told to gaslight myself…like, that shit thing is not shit, when it actually is shit - like being forced to put on the rose coloured glasses and pretend things are okay. I am a cynic and a pessimist. After watching this video, I am now feeling that bridge statements (something I’d never heard of before) may be helpful for me. Thanks Kati.
Kati Morton. thank you so much for sharing this new video on 8 unexpected ways we self harm this is very interesting and very important plus helpful i can so bady and sadly relate to this 1. Not eating properly 2.guiltting myself 3.isolation 4.overspending 5.staying and engaging in a unhealthy relationship These are all relatable to me 😢 Love your mental health videos kati ❤❤❤
A few months ago, I started doing talk therapy with a mix of somatic work, when I finally just let the PTSD lose in therapy, I lost 10 lbs in 1 week because I wasn't hungry at all. Now in a harder part of therapy, I am struggling with self harm. I didn't even think about this though. I always played it off as my seizure meds are making my stomach upset or I'll eat later when I'm done. The last one is something I've always done. Work is my favorite place and they have to force me onto break.
I have BPD and I have self harmed my whole adult life, but never physically. It has always been by destroying my whole life and my whole life around me. Destroyed my career, destroyed relationships, destroyed everything around me and with myself as a person. Never physically destroyed anything, just with words and negative verbal, non verbal and in phycological actions, and healthwise and other non-physical ways. Just invisible violence towards myself just to ruin my whole life. Put tons of debts on me. Just so much things like this.
Lifelong BPD, finally diagnosed at the tender age of 59, but shrink thought more so in the past. He is either wrong or my "everything not right about me" became so habitual as to become unbreakable. Cuz other than NEVER over-exercising; I AM your list. I need help but no money. Seems mental health is only for the rich. Thank goodness I am well into my final quarter of this long, shitty lifetime; I am quite certain I won't see 80! 🙏
I would love, love to see a whole episode on overspending. I really have my life together. In 2023, I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I got an amazing therapist and ketamine infusions. I feel the best I have my whole life except for overspending overspending. I don't spend money on stuff: it is experiences like concerts, trips, and movies How can I hemp that? I really enjoyed this video!❤❤❤
I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I tend to overspend, I now only allow myself to shop on Saturday. On other days I only window shopping and put it in my cart which would more likely I deleted on the Saturday after the urge to shop disappeared.
Never in my life I thought that someone would ever gatekeep self harming... I was saddly proven wrong after reading these comments. I saw way too many people saying "this isn't self harming. Only cutting is self harm"
idk the problem is more i feel like "self harm" is used as a clickbait in this video and other videos. sh is under the umbrella of self sabotage, as are other behaviours mentioned in the video. doesnt mean youre not sick enough or youre not valid but i dont think being forgetful about breaks is self harm. like idk im not saying its healthy to forget breaks, i just think we should have different words to better identify the problem. i disagree with the harsh comments and i dont condone people invalidating others but i do feel like "self harm" is not the right term for some of these things even if it is linked to hurting yourself on purpose. if u use it for yourself like personal use idc but to see it in a video from a professional is odd to me. like overspending is overspending, drugs are drugs, self harm is self harm, EDs are EDs, its all unhealthy and self sabotaging regardless
I find it really tricky when people call maladaptive coping mechanisms 'self harm'. The DSM definition of non-suicidal self injury (AKA self harm) is actually " the deliberate, self-inflicted destruction of body tissue without suicidal intent and for purposes not socially sanctioned". NSSI is different than the things you've described (although they're valid on their own) and it's different not just because it isn't intentional injury to body tissue, but it also therefore will have different physical components like how NSSI is addictive due to how pain/injury releases beta-endorphins, especially on analgesic sites. I think this video is useful but what you describe isn't actually (the clinical definition of) self harm.
Thanks, I was thinking just this. If you explain things to people, you should please at least get the facts right. Yes, those are harmful/ maladaptive coping mechanisms but that doesn't mean they're "invisible self-harm".
It is self harm, but not NSSI. Though things like overexercising and not eating I would argue should also be considered NSSI as it damages the body and causes pain
Yeah. I tend to forget to eat when I'm not around food or until I get dizzy. It's not like I mean to not eat, but my body doesn't let me know that it's time to eat
as a kid i dealt with guilt 24/7,Christianity fucked up my childhood as the guilt was so severe it was so incredibly irrational, everything i did made me feel guilty, even qhen its as tiny as looking at my brother and feeling bad for no reason and thats why i tried and did move out of christiatity, it fucked me up and made me deal with anxiety, extremely low self esteem and depression as little kid it has all lead me to mood swings, disassociation, even times of stressful situations making me litteraly feel like im no longer me, like im out of control, like what im writing is someone else, so surreal i had a time i felt like i was going insane, i felt out of control and was afraid of myself, i sat in bathroom and felt like my body could decided to grab something sharp and kill me, it was so bad, like man i still struggle with it all, i feel like i have to give people physical things, i am still learning to build walls between people and find myself and what i want
Isolation has improved my life 1000%. My life is PEACEFUL now. Isolation doesn't lead to depression, you isolate because you're already depressed. But, isolation affords you the ability to get Deep-Rest. I can't people-please, I can't fawn, I don't have to fight or freeze... or flee. I've only had ONE real friend in my life and he died. People are generally untrustworthy. Most ppl in society have trauma or abuse issues. The odds of finding another person who's wounds don't trigger mine and visa versa are slim to none. For me, self harm would be leaving the house and talking to people. I'd rather go back to cutting, before I put myself out there to "connect". Considering my track record, I'm more likely to get murdered than I am to find happiness with another person. I'd rather find happiness here, by myself. Making art. Writing. Reading. There are a million other things more worth doing than being social. Been there, done that.... its just nothing but drama. Illusions. Expectations. Manipulation. Control. Solitude is the only space I'm free.
I can so relate with this!!! Although I miss the connection sometimes, I know it's not going to last for long, the drama and manipulation always shows up. And I'm the one who gets hurt more.
As a recovering self-harmer (I haven't self-harmed in years, but the thought patterns take longer to unlearn) this video shows me what patterns I still need to work on. Which is both very helpful and also very confronting... my demons keep showing up with different masks on 😉 . Thanks Kati, this helps me to see what steps I can take to leave some more of my self-harm behind 💖
I never knew that social isolation could be considered a form of self-harm... I knew I for sure am (or have been) guilty of some of the other forms listed in the video but this was a surprise. A very enlightening video!
I isolate and for the most part I am happy in my little world. I’m not alone. I have a small circle of family. No friends. Friends hurt you. Family hurts you. Thus the small circle. A real friend would be amazing.
Thank you for this..I hope you are keeping well yourself! 🙏🏼💜🇨🇦🌏 I do tend to isolate more. As an introvert, I spend alot of time on my own. I only have a small circle of people around me. I had to ley go of some folks I knew for a long time, who were not healthy anymore. Also if im really stressed i cant eat, so i make sure im having water/ juice. Just starting therapy so working on making a few incremental changes... Thank you Katie!
1, 3, 4, 5, 7. And sleep deprivation, biting my arm when in deep low, and biting nails till hurt... "scared to get close but hate being alone, long for the feeling to not feel at all"
1. Not prioritizing eating: I do this. Thank you for reminding me to eat. I don’t prioritize and end up binging on sweet cereals and chocolate. 2. Not taking breaks/overworking yourself: I actually do the opposite of this. I am very unproductive in life and need an extra push to get things done (I do have adhd as well though). 3. Guilting ourselves: I do this to myself because I am constantly being told how terrible and worthless I am for not being able to do something. 4. Perfectionism: I do this with some things, or well… most if I’m able to finish. I end up taking too long because if my perfectionism. I am, once again, called lazy, worthless, dumb, slow, and etc. 5. Staying in unhealthy relationships: Considering my answers for the above, this one pretty much speaks for itself. Am called every name in the book even though I don’t argue back and I also get told it’s my fault I’m being treated the way I am. Things get get pretty heated at times… like, bad bad. 6. Overspending: I am super broke cause I am a stay at home mon right now and my partner does all the work. I had him take all of it out because I know I’ll end up overspending. 7. Isolation: I’m introverted, but I think it’s more because I was harassed, bullied and ect. Even my family bullied me, so I would rather be a homebody and not visit. 8. Over-exercise: I tend to do the opposite of this. I become very unmotivated to do anything all. Ps. I have bipolar 1 disorder, adhd, ptsd, borderline personality disorder, and social anxiety. It all adds up and I guess all of my behaviors are self harming.
Dopamine spending is real. A customer whom spends is treated with respect and acknowledged . Loneliness issues contribute to spending I understand the need to escape from the tension, I searched second hand shops when I was a student in Australia Searching for wearable clothing became a dopamine hit. Took my attention away from the pain of anxiety
Actually when im alone im so happy overjoyed really i can do tons and tons of stuff alone and won’t be bothered one bit like researching one topic and its details for hours! its the socializing that drains me and makes me panic and anxious takes away all my energy and makes me extremely exhausted but isolating brings back my happy calm self tbh its more helping me than harming me in fact 😭
Hi Kati, Thank you for your podcast. I also like the quote from Cameron's Artist way about perfection impedes our wellbeing and keeps us stuck in a negative thought(s) (or guilt "I shouldn't feel this way") pattern. How can one improve on using bridge statements to basically abolish harmful self talk?
Not being able to control my emotions and behavior seemed to be the reason for place after place still happens all the time. It's hard not internalize. But I only feel safe when I'm alone so it's easy to cut off unhealthy people. I hardly ever miss people, out of site mind. But feels like proof I'm worthless when I'm depressed. I typically have very high opinion about myself and have I often get emotions that aren't appropriate to the situation and seemly no reason. But if I don't actively try to not to, my head will supplie memories, it's hard to not spiral once it starts. But I cycles several times a year so I'm getting better at it. I keep trying things out and then delete it today, it's almost 4 days without sleep and hopefully it soon. Thanks
15:30 another important thing to note here is that overspending can seriously compromise your mobility, both personally and within a relationship. When you can't afford to be alone, you're seriously limiting your ability to make healthy choices. Or rather, you're limiting your sense of freedom to even consider healthy choices, let alone make them. Ensuring financial health, to the best of your ability, is a major factor in maintaining your well-being. I truly believe this is one of the most significant factors in how finances matter, and beyond this point, the value of each dollar diminishes tremendously.
Thank you so much, I am in therapy, I just realised I thought I was doing better than I was, obviously not after listening to your vedio🤔 atleast now I can addresses some issue, so thank you so much...I love your vedios,❤
I lost 100lbs and got pretty athletic, and now it’s pretty uncomfortable when people congratulate me, because I was just doing it to self harm.
I thought it was just me, I'd go into running for the sake of feeling the rapid heart rate afterwards and the muscle sores. Its hard to make sense of the emotional pains and numbness that physical pain will do the work just as well. But in the end, we feel both emotional and physical pain and that sucks!
Many harmful acts do have positive side effects. For instance, fuel injection, Saturn rockets, practical jet engines, jet fighters, many osteopedic surgery techniques, synthetic oil, were all Nazi inventions. All of us know what kind of people they were. But positive did come from their evil as a side effect. Thus, accept your positive side effect. I would work double as hard when depression hit me, but only for myself, not my work. I work four nights a week and have three nights a week off. On the three nights a week, I often work very hard on my property. If the depression feels worse, then I work harder. I lost 49 pounds, an very athletic, have great stamina, and am very endurant. I also have an immaculate property that resembles something like Eden. My house is spotless clean. My ancient automobile could not be cleaner if it were new, even in the envíen compartment and under carriage. But none of this was made for personal gain. It is a remedy for horrible depression. If I my muscles are aching, my heart pounding, my breathing pumping hard, I am hot and physically working hard, I am less depressed. There is an abandoned Chevrolet 5 window pickup truck on my property. I carted cleaning supplies to it. It is rather away from my home and in the forest. I cleaned that thing immaculate. In spring, I am going to be trying to bring it to my driveway and try to get the engine to start. None of this is for gain, only deep depression remedy.
I'm sorry. 😢
Wait same
Thank you for sharing that.
0:49 Not feeding ourselves regularly
2:50 Not taking breaks and overworking ourselves
5:41 Guilting ourselves
8:40 Perfectionism
11:30 Staying in unhealthy relationships
14:22 Overspending
16:53 Isolation
19:53 Over-exercise
Thank you 💜
Thank you!!
Thank you
5/8, so I'm not doing great
For me, it’s calling me some of the worse names in the book either when I do something wrong or loose a long time friend. Not sure why I do that but in the beginning in an odd way it used to make me feel better.
Not sure if that makes much sense at all to anybody?
I harm myself by depriving myself of sleep. I am sure I am not the only one with this habit. It affects every aspect of my life- my brain function, my mood, physical health. It is a decades long issue which I cannot seem to improve.
Me too. I'm still in school and it really affects how I function at school. But ironically, most of the time I deprive myself of sleep, it's because of school. Because I need to get some work done or my teachers will shout at me. I've even pulled a couple of all nighters 😬. I've also noticed that whenever I don't get enough sleep, my mental health goes to pot too. I know most students struggle with this too
Yup. I used to over exercise, restrict food and restrict sleep. I jokingly called myself a sleep anorexic. (The joking about it was a coping mechanism in itself.) Unfortunately my big wake up call was when I unexpectedly lost both my previously healthy parents within 9 weeks of each other. It came crashing down all around me that our time on earth is short and I need to stop beating my body up and being so restrictive so I can be there for my family and friends while I’m here. Sounds fatalistic, but it was actually really really freeing.
Yeah I revenge bedtime procrastinate to try to take back time. But I know it really takes more time away from me, makes me more tired, and makes me feel more down.
@@chazegnew2904this is it precisely!
Me as well. You are not alone
Very relatable. 5:34 “if I was being lazy, I’d be enjoying myself”; very useful qualification!
But if you are taking a break you should enjoy it too. So this could confuse someone that taking a break is just being lazy
This is a a very difficult one for me, having both ADHD and anxiety. ADHD causes executive dysfunction, which spikes anxiety. In my head I just call myself lazy, but sometimes it feels like I physically can't move
16:53 : This is the hardest one. Being around people makes me feel like shit. But not being around people make me feel lonely. there's no solution other than prolonged depression. None.
If you can get a pet. If you not able to own a pet, volunteer at a rescue or shelter. Animals provide amazing companionship, and unconditional love
May I ask you a question 🙋. Is it every single person you meet? Even a person at the grocery store? 🙋♀️ can you just try baby steps like, a smile 😊 and a Have a nice day! Try it. It’s scary but it gets easier with practice. Have good eye contact when you smile at someone. You are not the only sensitive person. In this day and age a lot of people need loving kindness.
I joined different choirs in the community until I found one that seemed accepting of misfits like me. Everyone else was shy and it was pretty hard but I was enjoying the music, at least. After a few months, people started to open up. It turned out we were all starting small and learning to connect after being hurt. I still don't feel really close to them, but at least I have a "place with people" I can go to that doesn't feel shitty. Maybe I'll have a close friend in my neighborhood someday.
loneliness is such an underrecognized sucker of a feeling.
If there are days or other periods of time where you can't take the fight with yourself to be around people, maybe personal attention ASMR or social ambience background noise might help a bit? It helps me sometimes.
Anyways, stay strong my friend, take your time and space to fight the loneliness, I believe in you. Even if I'm just some stranger on the Internet, too
This. This. Like what are we supposed to do??? Like i'm confused-
The guilt one is so difficult when it's related to culture. You know you're logically not doing anything wrong by wanting some space for yourself for example, but your family and friends think you are wrong, make it a huge deal out of it, and give you grief for it.
Oh! I NEED space. Sometimes I just go for a drive just to be alone and think.
You hit the nail right on the head.
emotional abuse?
Not just family culture, but work culture as well. Being judged by coworkers for setting boundaries hits hard
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
For everyone going through a hard time.. we're all proud of you and you've got this ❤
xoxo
❤
Thank you so much,I'm sure struggling with the temptation to relapse on alcohol after a particularly traumatic breakup. It's been hard keeping up the fight to be sober when everything is falling apart.:-(
Thank you
Probably doesn’t make sense but I feel too “low class” to benefit from this content.
This is like help for people who can afford doctors. Or not to work 55 hours a week.
Legitimately.
The class blindness is wild.
Relatable. Sometimes we just don't have the luxury of slotting in self-care, and taking time off. Sometimes we just have to push through. Its detrimental in the long run, but sometimes, it's the only solution, and all you can do is pray for a break after you get the work done
That’s society’s functioning that’s harming you in that case, not self-harm. Because if you could choose self-care, you would. And that should definitely be talked about. But this content creator is a psychologist rather than a socio-political expert, so it’s out of her area of expertise.
Self-care can also be looking for a better paying job and/or one with fewer hours. Or education yourself to get something better. Or just looking for a job you like better and make you feel better about yourself. Even changing the way you look at yourself and your life is selfcare. (I don't wash linen in a hospital laundry. I help doctors heal people.) Look for variations of her advise that will work for you and/or fit your finances. (You don't need money to sit in the sun in a park for 30min) Nobody is going to or can give you what you need or want.
I used to do a lot these. Working too much, overspending, chasing perfection, staying too busy, working out excessively, holding on to all this guilt for no reason.
As horrible as it was, it took the lockdown during the pandemic to make me slow down and realize how much I was harming myself. I wish I had this video back then, but even just listening to it now it was really helpful and made me put into perpspective just how far I've come in the last few years.
Commenting for engagement, because I really hope it helps someone else.
My family wanted me to stay with my abusive husband, denying the abuse. Cutting hurtful, harmful people out of my life involved going No Contact with a LOT of people.
Staying in toxic relationships is a form of self harm imo
Congrats from getting out
@@somethingclever8916 Thank you. I don't think I can fully agree with your statement though, because abuse does take time to figure out. If you figure out you're being abused and then STILL stay, that is probably a form of self harm, but there is a lot of "fog" or confusion about abuse when one is trapped in it. That's exactly how the abusers get away with it for as long as they do. They sometimes act kind and loving, like how they first did when they were love bombing you, and you think, "There they are! The person I fell in love with is still in there!" and it gives you hope to keep on trying, believing one day you will find a way to bring out their good side permanently. Some people do stay because their abuser has convinced them they're worthless and they'll never do better, but others stay because they are very patient, kind, forgiving, and empathetic.
They act like caring when someone's eye on them.
Scary.
When you suffer and need help, and people you should be trusting say that it's not true and you need to stay in pain and pretend it's okay, just because they don't want to worry or feel guilt for doing nothing to help. I have been through that
They're family only in name. Well done for leaving; it takes a lot of guts.❤
Please do a video on overspending. I have ADHD and autism and this year I aim to be debt-free at last. But it’s a huge struggle. I hate how powerless I feel sometimes😭💔💔😰
I have both as well and also tend to spend more than I want to be.
SAME!!!!!!!
I feel this. Buying myself things is like a way of self soothing and giving myself a false sense of control. It sucks.
I don't know if this will help, but when I look at the cost of things that are not necessities, I try to analyze how many hours of work it would take me to make enough money to pay for the object. So if I make $10 an hour and want to buy a $50 item, is it worth it to me to work for 5 hours to afford that item? Usually for me the answer is no; I have never been a big shopper. I prefer to have the money than the items.
don't hate that you feel powerless sometimes. Celebrate that you don't feel powerless the other times. That is an impressive achievement. Breaking habits is difficult, and there are all reasons to be proud of it.
Overworking was always encouraged in my family, if i ever went to my mom for comfort/ advise she'd always say too just keep busy. If you have time to be sad/anxious ect you're not busy enough, this aggravated the situation in many ways but it's still the only advice she gives. She also wholeheartedly believes it helps she has declining health now and continues even though it's noticably affecting her.
PLEASE, I need to understand more about my OVERSPENDING and (the anxiety I get thinking about) REENGAGING.
Me too…. No idea how to stop.
I like spending I'm worth it 😊
Hey Kati, can you do a video about self-talk? I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the way we talk to ourselves / our inner monologue has a massive impact in our happiness and mental state. Are there scientifically proven ways to improve it?
There's an old book still available if you search for it called "Talking to Yourself" by psychologist Pamela Butler that is very helpful.
There’s also a book called “Chatter: The Voice In Our Head” by Ethan Kross. It is a book about the science of how to positively impact that voice. It was an interesting read.
it definitely does, i learned about this in many drug rehabs but a video would be cool!
Also sleep hypnosis. "You are" affirmations are proven effective. One UA-camr that does this well is Thomas Hall. His channel is "minds in unison." Another channel is Antony Reed. The periods of time as you're falling asleep and the periods of light sleep are perfect times to change that inner monologue so I play it all night to make sure I get those times.
This is a great idea for a yt video. Negative self talk is unbelievably harmful.
If you're coming out of a long period of isolation, it's a good idea to have your boundaries in order and a list of qualities you *need* another person to have. If you don't, there's a good chance you'll crap-fit with anyone that comes along - and it's miserable.
The top 1 on my list is 'they must being putting in the same effort as I am'.
Very good point! I crap-fit a "friend" who previously abandoned me because I felt so desperate for a friend. Guess what...she did it again. I now have much better boundaries and expectations, including equal reciprocity.
Totally agreed!! Thank you so much for mentioning :) xoxo
This is one of the reasons I keep off coming out, I struggle with setting boundaries!
Complex PTSD and I do a few of these and when I can’t I often return to other methods of self harm. Excessive exercise is my big one though, running up and down a hill until I’m physically sick but I always saw it as a skill until watching this video. Thanks for all you do Kati! ❤
I decided to do the exercise thing mindfully. I got a trainer at a gym and developed a strength training and fitness program. Now I'm getting the positive effect of endorphin without breaking my body down. Then I want to eat better food for improving my results. The walking my dogs and listening to UA-cam or Audiobooks
I have told quiet some people that their exercise is far too much to be healthy for them, and they denied it and said u can't overexercise as long as you don't insure yourself too much (like, idk ripping muscles). I really need to show them this video.
Hope you find a way to keep it healthy
I’m genuinely surprised “overeating” wasn’t on the list, or mentioned as a flip side of number one (i.e. “under eating or over eating”).
Bump
I have been waiting for it. Disappointing. Surely should be there. I am not a professional. Just observer.
It should be on there. Overeating and eating junk can stem from mental health issues. It can also stem from trauma and abuse too. My husband's father was extremely abusive to him when he was growing up, both physically, verbally, and emotionally. His sister could do no wrong and he could do no right and the father ALWAYS compared him to her, asking him why he couldn't be like her. He wasn't always obese, wasn't overweight when I met him, but would eat like there's no tomorrow. He once told me that he was surprised that he lived to be 30 years old (he wasn't planning on it neither.) He has ALOT of anger issues, has frequent outbursts of anger, low self-esteem, is very sensitive and has bad anxiety. He's very obese. Still gets angry way too easily and probably will never enjoy life. He doesn't forgive, others and especially himself. He blames himself for problems, even ones he has no control over. He had a close call 10 years ago and recently he has told me that he feels it would have been better for me if he had died.
Disordered eating of this kind, also has a diagnosis and name: binge-eating. An eating disorder that is characterized by eating a lot, without listening to your body of it being full, followed by guilt, purging, extended exercise to "make up for it ", Starving for days until the inevitable binge again, or you continue to eat more and more, gaining harmful weight, that also has an impact on your bodie's heart, blood and other organs. Self image issues and trauma are usually tied with this form of self harm.
Maybe overeating wasn’t included because this was specifically about invisible self harm.
I'm glad you mentioned this. In 2019, I had a nasty car accident. I mean it was kind of a miracle because I was unharmed, but a tree fell on my car on my way home from work and flipped it. It didn't damage me physically, but it was definitely traumatizing. I didn't have the emotional support I needed afterward, so I developed a few of these symptoms. I started working harder as a people-pleaser, I tried to be perfect to get someone's love and attention, I isolated when nothing else paid off. It was an eye-opener on how life can really shut you down and not many people are there when you actually need them. I couldn't afford a therapist, so I ended up trying out a recovery program that has brought me quite far. I still could use a therapist if I ever come up with the money, but my recovery program helped me do some searching for the problem, so I can be more open with my therapist when the time comes.
Linking with the not eating enough, also binge eating is also a form of self harm
I literally always feel guilty when I call in sick to school even though I really am sick
Definitely would love a video addressing overspending and ways to cope with its triggers.
Yes please
I shop on line and put things in baskets and then don't buy.... helps a bit
@@elizabethforsyth3054 I sometimes will do that. It does help somewhat…
Same
Overspending is a really hard one to quit. I amassed huge debt on Temu. I can’t afford to go on that site . It’s a huge trigger! Good luck. 🍀
I self harm with food because feeling over full or queasy is a quick and easy distraction from emotional pain. I've only really been in tune with the idea that that's what I'm doing for a year or 2. Trying to figure out how to break the cycle. Awareness is just the beginning.
Awareness is the first step.. then we can figure out what are triggers are and try some other healthier ways of coping :) You will get there!! xoxo
Part of the challenge is that with 24 hour grocery stores and late night restaurants, food, online shopping, and other unhealthy coping mechanisms are available 24/7. In contrast, it's not considerate to call a friend late/early if it's not an emergency, and not necessarily safe to go for a walk too early/late.
Fingers crossed for you. It is a real problem. It does really help fight emotional pain better than anything else. I guess this is how alcoholics work too.
can other people that is coping with with overeating binging state what health problems they encounter and what they did after that that made them went into recovery and not fall back to this maladaptive coping way? also, what are effective coping mechanisms when one doesn't have goals in life if distractions doesnt exactly work out in the long run if in isolation? (I agree with prev commenter that sometimes can't really call another person too often they get frustrated.)
guilty of isolation and overspending. And probably a few more but those are the first that come to my mind
xoxox
It took until i got really sick to realize how disconnected I was from my body. I forgot what its called but when I'm in a crazy stressful situation I feel like I'm hovering over my body or disassociated. I went from an addict to a perfectionist and now I'm doing what I've gotta do without adding unnecessary stress and pain into my life. It has felt like for the first time in my life I can actually breathe. Thanks for sharing. This was very insightful. The emotional awareness in this video are helpful tools to have.
I stopped eating on a basis when my marriage collapsed. I found being hungry really increases my anxiety and depression, and fed into the idea that a failed marriage was my fault and I deserved to feel horrible. When I realized this pattern, I have been more mindful of eating healthy meals when I am hungry. I find I feel much better and have more energy and focus to regulate my emotions.
My depression and anxiety are always worse when I don't eat.
I think I went through this unconsciously in my 20's through running. I probably needed to rest more. It was the only place within I felt free.
I just realized I used to go on the swings as a kid until I was physically exhausted, and then kept pushing myself further. I would lose myself in a daydream, too, until I was either fully exhausted or my parents told me we had to leave whatever playground we were at. Because I couldn’t talk to them if they were both together, and my mom tends to blow everything possible far out of proportion. My dad has always been more reasonable when he’s sober and not around my mom, which was a rare combination of conditions. Now in my 20s I do the first 7 in no apparent pattern (but I haven’t been looking for this sort of pattern, because I never knew *anything* other than cutting was self-harm).
One that i've been wondering about a lot is knowingly neglecting our health, so either not getting assistance with or not maintaining our health when we know we should.
For instance you know you need to get something checked out that's possibly impacting your day to day functioning but you keep putting it off because the symptoms are minor but manageable or ignorable for the most part. And it would seem like not eating regularly falls under this as well. I've noticed variations of this in people i know and been responsible for doing it to myself on occasion and it can definitely add a lot of strain on interpersonal relationships.
I do this. I haven’t seen a doctor since 2020. He told me “its just stress” I’m tired of hearing that and scared of doctors anyways. I can tell myself “it’s just stress” in the living room and save the trip.
Wow thanks for explaining! I would have never thought never taking breaks is a form of self harm. We need to be reminded to care and nurture our bodies! Thanks for this video 🙏
Really, if I sit down to just read a book 📖. I think. 🤔 oh there’s dishes in the sink. My strategy is to set a timer. ⏱️. Allow the sitting and reading. 📖. The dishes will wait 20 minutes.
This felt like a constructive callout. I've been working through a lot of these negative coping strategies, so the bridge statement is an incredibly helpful way to tackle the abuser voice in my head. Thank you for the helpful information!
I never thought that the “guilt” I always feel could be another emotion. I am going to look into this more. I feel this could be good work to focus on with my therapist. Thanks Katie! I really appreciate this video some very valuable information.
Can you do a video on oversharing and how it's defensive? How to be mindful of when it's happening and coping skills to work on this?
I had a colleague (I'm retired now) used to tell me this: Do not aspire for 120% and get mad at yourself for not reaching 150%, aim at 80% and be happy to reach 100%.
I love that!! xoxo
Growing up in the mountains I never realized how glorious just sitting on the beach and listening to the waves is. Feels pretty good just being a human being and not a human doing.
Love the topic one thing I wanted to call out on over work is some sadly have to survive ie multiple jobs or insane hours. It doesn’t leave much time to find better and could be what’s familiar. The overworkout is also such a hard thing esp if your value as a woman who desires certain lifestyles. I have tried losing weight since 8 as the world doesn’t open to you aside from undesirables. Now at almost 40 it’s still a challenge esp as the desire has yet to be met.
I feel like binging is my number one method of self harm. And overspending and isolating.
Sames ❤ you are not alone
Body modification as a socially acceptable form of self harm. I went through a phase in my young adulthood after being confronted about more dangerous forms of self harm in my teens. Blessings!
Medical transition is an extreme form of body modification, sold as an act of self love.
I noticed that whenever something bad happened in my life I would immediately get a tattoo because it felt the closest to how it felt when I used to cut. Since I realised it I stopped.
how do u cope with pain now?
Great video, Kati! Very helpful- wish I knew about invisible self harm in my twenties (two decades ago) when I was skipping meals, exercising a lot, because I was very depressed and isolated. Like others here mentioned, as a female who was told to lose weight as a teen, received praise for the unintended weight loss. The isolation worsened as did the depression until i realized these subcobscious habits were tied to long term unhealthy, toxic family dynamics. It did not occur to me until my mid thirties...when video content on mental health like yours began to grow, and thank goodness for that! Literally saving a lot of lives, and helping ppl like me see the light in what felt like infinite, perpetual darkness. To anyone watching this video, reading thos comment- there is hope. Hang in there, and be kind to yourself ❤
One I can not agree with is building what is referred to as a support net of people. I feel worse around people. I do not need to feel worse. When I used to be social, I was far more miserable than I am now. Within a few days of socially isolating myself, I started feeling better. I do not feel good, but better. I will not be returning to being social. It is painful, unrewarding, makes me very nervous, even gives me stomach cramping and a slight tremble. On top of that, I was still depressed. But after isolating, all that went away, except the depression. Some of us are not programmed to be socially successful. I am one of them. I know this and feel ill when I force myself to be social. Not all humans must be social.
There are extroverts - who get energy from being around others, and there are introverts who get energy from being alone.
Many people confuse being outgoing with being an extrovert. Not so. Many people are outgoing introverts. There may also be shy extroverts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these. You are who you are . It’s your personality type.
I am eating my feelings. It leaves me feeling disgusted in myself but even that is a welcome distraction from the abusive crap I am usually focusing on.
Holy wow! This is me realizing that I’m doing all of this.
Feeling inadequate, worthless, a deep shame about existing are driving factors that I was already aware of, also my Self worth is closely tied to achievements and acceptance from others like you said.
I’m also late diagnosed autistic, and never got any support for my struggles, nor do I get support now.
Only side comments like “stop being lazy and try a little harder” just made me realize that no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to be good enough, because I could not be
Anybody else but me giving my best.
My husband will sometimes use my disability against me and will make fun of me as well.
Thank god for the dog by my side. He is my saving grace.
Humans are mostly cruel given the opportunity.
But here I am still trying and beating myself up.
All my attempts to connect with therapists, since my diagnosis have failed spectacularly and hurt me more than anything else.
But videos like this really help me, at least realizing what the issue is. Thank you for that.
I think we live in a culture that rewards self harming behavior.
A year ago i started breaking my bones then going on to neglect them, healing wrong or not at all, then eduring the pain of it all for extra self punishment. 5 intentional breaks in 12 months, hospital deemed it self harm after previously calling it a moment of fluster. Thanks to support i got from the family and hospital i now been diagnosed with bpd, bp, ptsd. Get help my fellow freaks. Lifes much better now. Still dark but not as debilitating.
The first two are very relatable for me.
I am able to take a break and make sure I'm actually doing it. I have great self-control. But I still feel bad about myself when I do so and feel need to do at least something useful throught my day. I make to-do lists to keep myself busy. Which is linked to the first one because while I'm working on something, I forget to eat.
Wow, thank you so much for this video... I'm in a deep depression and now I understand that I psychologically harm myself. I feel guilty, lazy and just as a bad person unworthy of my loved ones all the time. Your video really opened my eyes
Thank you so much 🙂. You have been recommended by my CBT therapist, as extra guidance……. I have just started again with therapy.
This time on Uk nhs on line zoom , well on my IPad it’s magical I don’t even have to leave the house.
But over the years I get started and within days I’m back tracking and stopping myself getting the help because I’m actually talking about feelings I have been trying to keep deep deep inside for years , thoughts and behaviour I don’t understand but I have a good feeling that CBT could be a glimmer of hope.
Maybe this time I will feel better.🤗
Thank you for shinning a light on this, I never thought of self harm in this way. I thought I was ok if I wasn’t actually self harming.
Sadly I have 7 of these signs of self harm. I am getting better at eating more regularly though.
I will be speaking with my therapist about this.
I started eating and on my way to sleep more. I am grateful to my friends that helped me to start taking care of myself. Now that you said it, I see that it actually was self harming.
I believe my mental health issues caused my chronic pain condition (fibromyalgia and POTS) which has led me to isolate myself and sleep all day, often til the later afternoon which only makes me feel worse.
Yes, these ways to self-harm are often overlooked and attributed to disorders when they may be expressions of a wish. We all have aspects of this, the trick is to recognize, acknowledge and to seek healthy expressions.
Sleep deprivation, drama, stress and self pressure are my constant companions.
Great video. 👍
Hey, you deserve to grow and enjoy good things in life, too.
I found a therapist that was able to help, and anorexia doesn't control my life anymore.
When I was 5 years old I would isolate as a form of self harm and no one even noticed. I didn't even know what I was doing. And I'm also athletic but I have a bunch of medical conditions. So when I really should take a break to breathe when my asthma or vcd is triggers I just keep going instead.
The guilt one really touched me. Once I heard it I was like YEP, I didn't realise it before, but I have so much guilt about many diffirent things. Along with either not eating,eating but not enough or overeating, anxiety, depression,history of physical self harm, perfectionism (which I'm currently working on). This video is an eye opener and helped to reflect on how I am actually doing mentally and how I physically treat myself
Thank you
I would love a video about overspending and how to work on it. As someone with BPD this is one of my biggest unhealthy cycles. I overspend, then feel guilty for putting myself in more debt, then spend again to make myself feel better.
I'm definitely guilty of isolating and justifying it by thinking I'm just not fit to be around other humans because I'm so miserable. I'm now realizing it's a learned behavior. When I was a teenager (in the 80's) I was grounded pretty much every other week for my rebellious behavior, and left to sit in my room stewing in the guilt and self loathing of "being a bad person". I can see as an adult just how pychologically damaging this was. I just want to cry for that girl. She was in so much emotional pain, and received absolutely no support. I guess it's pretty obvious by the fact that I'm watching this video that I'm still working through all of that decades later.
I really like in nonviolent communication "feelings" are defined differently than how we typically express in our culture. For example, "inadequate" is a judgement/label more than it is a bodily sensation. The feeling behind the judgement might be ashamed, embarrassed, lonely, sad, hurt... But it's like if we say we feel betrayed, it's more about the action or motive of someone else than the hurt. If you tell someone "I feel hurt vs I feel betrayed" you can guess what they will say back: I'm sorry or I didn't *betray* you
💌💌💌💌
Don't forget about over eating. Disordered eating of this kind, also has a diagnosis and name: binge-eating. An eating disorder that is characterized by eating a lot, without listening to your body of it being full, followed by guilt, purging, extended exercise to "make up for it ", Starving for days until the inevitable binge again, or you continue to eat more and more, gaining harmful weight, that also has an impact on your bodie's heart, blood and other organs. Self image issues and trauma are usually tied with this form of self harm.
Also sleep deprivation, when you want to stay to have more time for yourself, or any other reasons one might stay up, say to work more. It can also be caused by health and mental issues. Sleep deprivation is a killer, and you lose more sleep faster than you can get it back. It can cause all kinds of immuno compromised illnesses, mental illnesses, and more. So please try to sleep.
I would love to hear more about shopping as self harm, and harsh self judgment as self harm. ❤
Wow- this was so enlightening. Thank you so much - going to watch this a few times!!! Resonates completely.
My perfectionism came from a desire to prove my learning disability did not make me less intelligent.
I’ve been guilty of all of these except over spending in different stages of my life
It explains a lot of why I feel how I feel about myself
It’s not just the words I hear growing up
I’ve caused myself to stay in the negative mindset of myself through my actions
Thanks for sharing this information
I’ve always thought of CBT as a process that will never work for me. To me it has always seemed like being told to gaslight myself…like, that shit thing is not shit, when it actually is shit - like being forced to put on the rose coloured glasses and pretend things are okay. I am a cynic and a pessimist. After watching this video, I am now feeling that bridge statements (something I’d never heard of before) may be helpful for me. Thanks Kati.
Kati Morton. thank you so much for sharing this new video on 8 unexpected ways we self harm this is very interesting and very important plus helpful i can so bady and sadly relate to this
1. Not eating properly
2.guiltting myself
3.isolation
4.overspending
5.staying and engaging in a unhealthy relationship
These are all relatable to me 😢
Love your mental health videos kati ❤❤❤
A few months ago, I started doing talk therapy with a mix of somatic work, when I finally just let the PTSD lose in therapy, I lost 10 lbs in 1 week because I wasn't hungry at all. Now in a harder part of therapy, I am struggling with self harm. I didn't even think about this though. I always played it off as my seizure meds are making my stomach upset or I'll eat later when I'm done. The last one is something I've always done. Work is my favorite place and they have to force me onto break.
I have BPD and I have self harmed my whole adult life, but never physically. It has always been by destroying my whole life and my whole life around me. Destroyed my career, destroyed relationships, destroyed everything around me and with myself as a person. Never physically destroyed anything, just with words and negative verbal, non verbal and in phycological actions, and healthwise and other non-physical ways. Just invisible violence towards myself just to ruin my whole life. Put tons of debts on me. Just so much things like this.
Lifelong BPD, finally diagnosed at the tender age of 59, but shrink thought more so in the past. He is either wrong or my "everything not right about me" became so habitual as to become unbreakable. Cuz other than NEVER over-exercising; I AM your list. I need help but no money. Seems mental health is only for the rich. Thank goodness I am well into my final quarter of this long, shitty lifetime; I am quite certain I won't see 80! 🙏
I would love, love to see a whole episode on overspending. I really have my life together. In 2023, I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I got an amazing therapist and ketamine infusions. I feel the best I have my whole life except for overspending overspending. I don't spend money on stuff: it is experiences like concerts, trips, and movies
How can I hemp that? I really enjoyed this video!❤❤❤
I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I tend to overspend, I now only allow myself to shop on Saturday. On other days I only window shopping and put it in my cart which would more likely I deleted on the Saturday after the urge to shop disappeared.
I seem to be jumping types of self harm. Currently I'm not showering. Gives me a reason to stay home.
Accept yourself with your flaws and imperfections. Then only you will be able to love yourself
Wow lots of things to bring up to my therapist about thank you Katie 😊
Of course! So glad it was helpful :) xoxo
Never in my life I thought that someone would ever gatekeep self harming... I was saddly proven wrong after reading these comments. I saw way too many people saying "this isn't self harming. Only cutting is self harm"
idk the problem is more i feel like "self harm" is used as a clickbait in this video and other videos. sh is under the umbrella of self sabotage, as are other behaviours mentioned in the video. doesnt mean youre not sick enough or youre not valid but i dont think being forgetful about breaks is self harm. like idk im not saying its healthy to forget breaks, i just think we should have different words to better identify the problem. i disagree with the harsh comments and i dont condone people invalidating others but i do feel like "self harm" is not the right term for some of these things even if it is linked to hurting yourself on purpose. if u use it for yourself like personal use idc but to see it in a video from a professional is odd to me. like overspending is overspending, drugs are drugs, self harm is self harm, EDs are EDs, its all unhealthy and self sabotaging regardless
I find it really tricky when people call maladaptive coping mechanisms 'self harm'. The DSM definition of non-suicidal self injury (AKA self harm) is actually " the deliberate, self-inflicted destruction of body tissue without suicidal intent and for purposes not socially sanctioned". NSSI is different than the things you've described (although they're valid on their own) and it's different not just because it isn't intentional injury to body tissue, but it also therefore will have different physical components like how NSSI is addictive due to how pain/injury releases beta-endorphins, especially on analgesic sites. I think this video is useful but what you describe isn't actually (the clinical definition of) self harm.
Thanks, I was thinking just this. If you explain things to people, you should please at least get the facts right. Yes, those are harmful/ maladaptive coping mechanisms but that doesn't mean they're "invisible self-harm".
It is self harm, but not NSSI. Though things like overexercising and not eating I would argue should also be considered NSSI as it damages the body and causes pain
@@thebuilder5271Kati mentions the DSM though and the DSM only has NSSI as self harm.
agree
Yeah. I tend to forget to eat when I'm not around food or until I get dizzy. It's not like I mean to not eat, but my body doesn't let me know that it's time to eat
As a BPD person with spending problems, please make that video.
as a kid i dealt with guilt 24/7,Christianity fucked up my childhood as the guilt was so severe it was so incredibly irrational, everything i did made me feel guilty, even qhen its as tiny as looking at my brother and feeling bad for no reason
and thats why i tried and did move out of christiatity, it fucked me up and made me deal with anxiety, extremely low self esteem and depression as little kid
it has all lead me to mood swings, disassociation, even times of stressful situations making me litteraly feel like im no longer me, like im out of control, like what im writing is someone else, so surreal
i had a time i felt like i was going insane, i felt out of control and was afraid of myself, i sat in bathroom and felt like my body could decided to grab something sharp and kill me, it was so bad, like man
i still struggle with it all, i feel like i have to give people physical things, i am still learning to build walls between people and find myself and what i want
Isolation has improved my life 1000%. My life is PEACEFUL now. Isolation doesn't lead to depression, you isolate because you're already depressed. But, isolation affords you the ability to get Deep-Rest. I can't people-please, I can't fawn, I don't have to fight or freeze... or flee. I've only had ONE real friend in my life and he died. People are generally untrustworthy. Most ppl in society have trauma or abuse issues. The odds of finding another person who's wounds don't trigger mine and visa versa are slim to none.
For me, self harm would be leaving the house and talking to people. I'd rather go back to cutting, before I put myself out there to "connect". Considering my track record, I'm more likely to get murdered than I am to find happiness with another person.
I'd rather find happiness here, by myself. Making art. Writing. Reading. There are a million other things more worth doing than being social.
Been there, done that.... its just nothing but drama. Illusions. Expectations. Manipulation. Control.
Solitude is the only space I'm free.
I can so relate with this!!! Although I miss the connection sometimes, I know it's not going to last for long, the drama and manipulation always shows up. And I'm the one who gets hurt more.
As a recovering self-harmer (I haven't self-harmed in years, but the thought patterns take longer to unlearn) this video shows me what patterns I still need to work on. Which is both very helpful and also very confronting... my demons keep showing up with different masks on 😉 . Thanks Kati, this helps me to see what steps I can take to leave some more of my self-harm behind 💖
I never knew that social isolation could be considered a form of self-harm... I knew I for sure am (or have been) guilty of some of the other forms listed in the video but this was a surprise. A very enlightening video!
I would like to see a video on overspending as a way to self-harm, I have so many problems connected with this!
This video was so helpful because I not only felt understood and seen, but it had ways to help with those things too.
I isolate and for the most part I am happy in my little world. I’m not alone. I have a small circle of family. No friends. Friends hurt you. Family hurts you. Thus the small circle. A real friend would be amazing.
Thank you for this..I hope you are keeping well yourself!
🙏🏼💜🇨🇦🌏
I do tend to isolate more. As an introvert, I spend alot of time on my own. I only have a small circle of people around me. I had to ley go of some folks I knew for a long time, who were not healthy anymore.
Also if im really stressed i cant eat, so i make sure im having water/ juice.
Just starting therapy so working on making a few incremental changes...
Thank you Katie!
It's been said so many want to hurt themselves and it showed.
The sensation of a small victory (as someone with a restrictive ed) is eating my dinner while watching this
OMG! I do every one of this points almost every day.
I really appreciate you for sharing this information with us. Take care of yourself.👍⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
4 out of the 8 have been part of my life that I'm aware of, for the last 18 years.
Something else to bring up and work on in therapy
Omg this was an eye opener….. my favorite video you’ve ever done. Very important points. Thank you so much
1, 3, 4, 5, 7. And sleep deprivation, biting my arm when in deep low, and biting nails till hurt...
"scared to get close but hate being alone, long for the feeling to not feel at all"
Thank you Katie for your insight into invisible self harm.
1. Not prioritizing eating:
I do this. Thank you for reminding me to eat. I don’t prioritize and end up binging on sweet cereals and chocolate.
2. Not taking breaks/overworking yourself:
I actually do the opposite of this. I am very unproductive in life and need an extra push to get things done (I do have adhd as well though).
3. Guilting ourselves:
I do this to myself because I am constantly being told how terrible and worthless I am for not being able to do something.
4. Perfectionism:
I do this with some things, or well… most if I’m able to finish. I end up taking too long because if my perfectionism. I am, once again, called lazy, worthless, dumb, slow, and etc.
5. Staying in unhealthy relationships:
Considering my answers for the above, this one pretty much speaks for itself. Am called every name in the book even though I don’t argue back and I also get told it’s my fault I’m being treated the way I am. Things get get pretty heated at times… like, bad bad.
6. Overspending:
I am super broke cause I am a stay at home mon right now and my partner does all the work. I had him take all of it out because I know I’ll end up overspending.
7. Isolation:
I’m introverted, but I think it’s more because I was harassed, bullied and ect. Even my family bullied me, so I would rather be a homebody and not visit.
8. Over-exercise:
I tend to do the opposite of this. I become very unmotivated to do anything all.
Ps. I have bipolar 1 disorder, adhd, ptsd, borderline personality disorder, and social anxiety. It all adds up and I guess all of my behaviors are self harming.
Dopamine spending is real.
A customer whom spends is treated with respect and acknowledged .
Loneliness issues contribute to spending
I understand the need to escape from the tension,
I searched second hand shops when I was a student in Australia
Searching for wearable clothing became a dopamine hit.
Took my attention away from the pain of anxiety
Actually when im alone im so happy overjoyed really i can do tons and tons of stuff alone and won’t be bothered one bit like researching one topic and its details for hours! its the socializing that drains me and makes me panic and anxious takes away all my energy and makes me extremely exhausted but isolating brings back my happy calm self tbh its more helping me than harming me in fact 😭
Hi Kati, Thank you for your podcast. I also like the quote from Cameron's Artist way about perfection impedes our wellbeing and keeps us stuck in a negative thought(s) (or guilt "I shouldn't feel this way") pattern. How can one improve on using bridge statements to basically abolish harmful self talk?
Not being able to control my emotions and behavior seemed to be the reason for place after place still happens all the time. It's hard not internalize. But I only feel safe when I'm alone so it's easy to cut off unhealthy people. I hardly ever miss people, out of site mind. But feels like proof I'm worthless when I'm depressed. I typically have very high opinion about myself and have I often get emotions that aren't appropriate to the situation and seemly no reason. But if I don't actively try to not to, my head will supplie memories, it's hard to not spiral once it starts. But I cycles several times a year so I'm getting better at it. I keep trying things out and then delete it today, it's almost 4 days without sleep and hopefully it soon. Thanks
Had to relay video to take notes for myself like I'm in class. Thanks for this video. I do many of these😢
waiting before buying helps a lot.
15:30 another important thing to note here is that overspending can seriously compromise your mobility, both personally and within a relationship. When you can't afford to be alone, you're seriously limiting your ability to make healthy choices. Or rather, you're limiting your sense of freedom to even consider healthy choices, let alone make them.
Ensuring financial health, to the best of your ability, is a major factor in maintaining your well-being. I truly believe this is one of the most significant factors in how finances matter, and beyond this point, the value of each dollar diminishes tremendously.
I love you, Katie! Thank you so much for your altruism that you share so freely with us ❤ God bless you, Miss!
Thank you so much, I am in therapy, I just realised I thought I was doing better than I was, obviously not after listening to your vedio🤔 atleast now I can addresses some issue, so thank you so much...I love your vedios,❤