7 Subtle Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- In this video, I'm talking you through the 7 subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect. Some of these subtle signs may mean you currently are or may have suffered from CEN (childhood emotional neglect) or what some simply call childhood neglect. In this video, and in some other videos I'll link below, I will be speaking to recovery and healing from emotional neglect or childhood neglect from your parents. Not all childhood emotional neglect looks identical for everybody, and your symptoms or effects may look different than a friend or sibling. This type of neglect can sometimes lead to childhood ptsd, and can effect you in your adulthood, or other symptoms. So if you are one who may suffer from neglect in your childhood from your parents or maybe a teacher or a guardian or someone else, I suggest you watch this video so you can better understand both your problem and recovery and healing journey.
Here are the 9 Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect: • 9 Signs of Childhood E...
Want more recovery tips on childhood emotional neglect? Here's a video I made about how to overcome it: • How to overcome Childh...
5 Must Know Signs of Emotional Abuse: • 5 MUST KNOW SIGNS of E...
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More signs of childhood emotional neglect & ways to recover here: ua-cam.com/video/q7Nlxwgy79U/v-deo.html
WHAT CAUSES ANHEDONIA AND TIRED OF LITERALLY EVERYTHING, TIRED FOR NO GOOD REASON, AT THIS POINT I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN TO GET HELP. I LOSE FOCUS OFTEN AND GET BORED EASILY , GET TIRED FOR DOING NOTHING. I DONT KNOW ME ANYMORE. THS SOUNDS LIKE DEPRESSION BUT THE CALM VERSION SINC THE LAST ONE I HAD CAUSED SUICIDAL THOUGHT IT WAS THEMOST INSURMOUNTABLE
i have recognised 7 :D
@@shakurwonders5216
Go to a therapist.
7 Subtle Signs Of Emotional Neglect
Latch Key Kid Point Of View
1. Emotional Neglect - Stoic Working
Class Parents- Children should be.
seen not heard.
2. Love Self Esteem- No one to help
with home work
not as smart as
classmates or peers
3.Wrong Person- Television. Family
Values
4. Impulsivity- Television was. babysitter
What would(____)do?
Often unsupervised.
5.Difficulty Regulating Behavior
Shut up and go to your room
and think about what you did
Unsure of transgression
apologizes for unknown
reason.Punished for nothing
6.Perfectionism- This is all I asked you
to do and you can't
Not properly instructed
7.Difficulty Making Decisions- Told.
Not given options
often. Toe the line.
Thank you for pinning this and offering this information, it's valuable and I appreciate the time and effort you put into it.
I love how you preface this video by saying that it’s not about blaming anyone, it’s about being aware of our selves so we can heal. That really hit home for me so thank you!
Of course!! So glad it was helpful :) xoxox
I agree. Because our parents weren’t horrible people, we struggle to see what happened as something that could affect our mental health.
I still have been feeling that my best decision was to cut contact with parents. It took me years to get there.
I felt the same way! Super important since we can’t change the past and it doesn’t help to be bitter :)
Agreed! Part of me wants to say that my parents did their best, so I can't say that this affected me negatively. But my dad worked multiple jobs (in order to support us) and my mom suffered from chronic illness. They are not bad people, again, they did their best, but I still suffered from emotional neglect. It doesn't have to be about assigning blame, it's mainly about explaining what happened and how to move forward from there
I have difficulty processing emotions because, like many of my generation, I just got “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Lol it’s not that deep
@@yesyoucan7877 Thanks for minimizing and dismissing my experience. This single example may not be “that deep” but sorry for not dumping my entire history into a single UA-cam comment. If you don’t have anything constructive to add to a conversation, it’s often best to say nothing at all.
I wish I could cry. I know it would be cleansing & I remember it makes you feel so much better afterwards. The pain exists, just no release.
@@ruthortega6192 hahaha. Just off your first comment alone I can tell you like being miserable. Be happy you aren’t a starving kid in a third world country. We all go through shit but just always remember there’s someone who had it worse. Lmao.
You know every one I knew got this, they are not all damaged either. What you might not know is what their parents expected of them, my mothers siblings got whipped with their dads belt for not completing stepmother request first or simple mistakes. She never spanked any if us because of that.
This was the most spot on video for me I have watched on mental health. I was dating a great guy after my divorce. I had a critical mother and first husband. This guy was fun, sweet and attractive but something just seemed off. I couldn’t put my finger on it and was going to tell him I didn’t want to see him anymore. Fortunately I had done some work on myself and had read a lot of books on relationships and healing. Me, myself and I had a long talk. I realized the thing that felt off was there wasn’t any drama in our relationship. No unrelenting criticism, no fighting, no disappearing at night. Once I figured out it was the no drama that made things feel off I decided to stay. Twenty years later we have a wonderful and happy relationship.
Working on ourselves is so rewarding and the self realization helps us grow.
Thank you so very much for this wonderful video!!
I now understand why I procrastinate everything. And I mean everything. If it's not almost on fire I put off taking care of it. Thank you.
I’m a 64 year old woman and had an emotionally distant father, who was very critical. I identify with every single one of these!! 😳🤯Every. single. one. I have always blamed myself for my poor emotional maturity. My parents always told me to “go to your room until you can be pleasant.” Wow wow wow. Thank you so much for this!! I feel so relieved to know that it’s not that in a bad person! You just lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. This is incredible. I wanted to cry while watching this but I couldn’t. Thank you, thank you thank you for making me feel validated! ❤ My parents withdrew approval when I was “bad.” I didn’t feel acceptable unless I was perfect. My mind is blown.
that makes me angry...they were allowed to be out of their rooms when they weren't being "pleasant". But I relate to you very much. I had to be perfect in order to receive love and adoration...no wonder I don't do anything that I don't do perfectly.
'Go to room until you can be pleasant!'
I had exactly that one! 😂
Are you me?😮
Awwwww, saaaaame
If you read this and grew up being gaslight about how differently you were treated than your siblings, I hear you! You were right. It wasn't fair. It didn't feel right because it wasn't.
Thank you
😢🤗🫂♥️
7 Subtle Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect
1. Emotional numbness
2. Low self-esteem
3. (Pick the) Wrong people
4. Impulsivity
5. Difficulty regulating emotions
6. Perfectionism
7. Difficulty making decisions
About how to manage the signs, please watch the video. 😉
7/7, would not recommend.
Oof, also 7/7
It was helpful in recognizing and becoming aware of the signs, but not really now to manage them, aside from seeing a therapist.
@@Toni_Snark There is no substitute for a competent therapist - not self-help books, nor kind friends, nor understanding lovers.
If one therapist isn't working out, try another.
Also 7/7 but I did have a good therapist to help me work through these issues even though I started with therapy to deal with sexual abuse as a teenager. He was a childhood friend of my mother and his niece was in my class through grade school... I'd think of being with her as he abused me. I started out on the wrong foot with my mother, she was sure that I was going to be a girl after three boys (no ultrasound in those days), I ended up bonding with one of my brothers but as he was learning the seven he couldn't help me much with those - I became "the independent son" out of necessity to survive. I did have a fantastic grandmother along with her sister to assist in giving me some direction and freedom even with what we now know as ASD and ADHD (2e). Then there was a friends parents who took me in as I recovered from a drug addiction and some years later a mother-in-law who accepted me warts and all and helped to get past a dead by 30 lifestyle.
I had all seven signs from childhood well into my adult life. It wasn't until I was 50 years old and realized that I was no longer looking at the years ahead of me but how many I had left and I didn't want to spend it being miserable, so I decided to take a good look at my life and see if I could reconcile with my past. I started keeping a diary of all the things from my childhood like, " Stop feeling sorry for yourself" to "Nobody wants to hear you whine" to "Just get over it", among others. Then I would analyze each comment, each situation and come to the conclusion that my feelings/emotions/ thoughts were valid. Its been 7 years since then and I'm still working on finding my way back to me but at least now I'm heading in the right direction.
One of my age old tapes had been "I'm tired!", So effin tired
RCP at age 66 seems to be helping some, as well as making new neural connections so I can regurgitate and process some of the buried stuff....still isolative....
@@norxgirl1 Hang in there and know that you are not alone.
I refuse to be angry . Anger causes health problems. I am happy with myself ,not perfect but nice most of the time. I really don't care what others feel about me.
@@franceslock2058 I'm truly jealous.
I was in a bad relationship for a long time. I was aware that it was bad but accepted it. I used to say jokingly "he really doesn't like me, but it's okay, I'm used to it, my mom didn't like me either." Obviously not good at taking care of myself. I knew I wasn't capable of a healthy relationship, so figured it was as good as it would get. 70 now, no relationships. I did try therapy often, OFTEN, but didn't change much.
oh Dear! I used to think that exact same thing and felt that way from the beginning of being interested in boys.
As a senior citizen, I'm JUST learning this. As I learn, I become calmer, happier, more secure. When I pass, I hope to be a complete soul with a full understanding of life. Thank you for these videos! It was a necessary awakening.
I had two traumatized parents trying to raise an undiagnosed adhd child. It sucks seeing the why and being a bit empathetic while knowing you're justified in being hurt by it
I have had all of this. I was very smart in school and felt my sense of success there. I eventually became a physician. I still had low self esteem, and one day I realized that if I did not get the highest grade or recognition, I thought of myself as a failure. I have worked on this with variable success. I also grew up with 7 siblings, and many pets. I got almost all of my physical affection from my baby sisters, and my pets. My mom once commented that you could tell where I was because the pets would always be around me.
yes, we need to care for ourselves as adults, that's right. However, don't be afraid to hold parents responsible for not parenting, because that's what it is. Poor parenting for whatever reason. It can be justified but it is bad parenting period. Don't be afraid to say it.
Kati, it may not be a super popular video, but I would love to see how having a chronic illness affects us emotionally, or even how to cope if you were recently diagnosed (or a loved one.) I know it would help many.
Dear Kati Morton, have you considered doing a video on the effects of parental favoritism? This is a type of parental neglect but possibly more damaging because the other sibling is treated as if they were special. I can say the long-term effects of growing up being treated like you are second best or not important are difficult to overcome. This would be an interesting topic for one of your videos. I have enjoyed your other videos and they provide good insights. Thanks
I have wondered about this on a societal level too, like subgroups for whatever reason feeling like other subgroups were somehow treated better. I'm not of the persuasion that this should be the government's problem, but it's definitely a human being problem that deserves attention and a certain kind of validation, dont you think?
I have this.
"Why can't you be more like them?" is what I got a lot and still get from my parents. I'm 36.
Great idea! My sister was the favorite. I was the scapegoat. My mother passed three months ago and I suffered much more than my sister, developing vestibular migraines that lasted two months straight (and FINALLY went away). I wondered why I was suffering so much since they were closer. Then I realized because my mother wasn't there for me. I was grieving for what should have been.
As most of the time labeled "the good kid", you actually get ostracized by your siblings and you are not really "treated" differently. I would go out of my way to keep being that good kid and pleasing your parents, and paying attention to their needs, instead of the other way around. I didn't realize until very recently what an effect this has on being "people pleasing" just for bits of love and affection. You keep trying but it will never be enough. Luckily, there are messages like this one to help us all at least be aware that there's an explanation for why we are the way we are.
My father.... alcohol abuser.
My mother ......autistic.
So thankful for Jesus, Aunt, Grandmother, Neighbors, Church Family that were there for me in childhood.
both my parents were like this - my mom spent most of her childhood in a Native American boarding school in the 1920s - 1930s and she never learned how to be a good (normal) person there because they were treated like sub humans - it trickles down thru generations - I fought so hard to not be that way but I still was and am
Those boarding schools really fucked up generations of native Americans 😠 , the children (who survived) the most, perhaps, but like you, next gemerations as well, by having those messed up kids as parents. At least you know ‘why’ she is how she is, but that doesnt mean how she acted toward you was “ok,” just that you can sympathize,,perhaps. I think being able to do that is a big part of healing, along with self-compassion & noticing how we then affect others, & trying to improve. Its a journey, not a race. Sending 🫶🏻 & wishes for your healing.❤️🩹 im on a similar path, tho i dontmknow much of how my folks got so screwed up. I feel they tried the bestnthey knew how, and / but just really sucked at the emotional caring / control / understanding parts…😌
Hi Kati, could you maybe do a section or whole video on how to get passed the anger we might have for dealing with CEN and how to get past wanting to blame our caregivers all the time and instead putting ourselves and our wellbeing in the present into focus?
Thanks so much for this video, it was really helpful!!
I don't think that the anger necessarily holds you back. You can do the work with the anger there too.
My psychological told me that the part of you that's angry is the part of you that feels an injustice. It's the part that defends you.
my parents were damaged themselves as kids, and my mom was depressed and took mother's little helper until i was at least 7 or 8. doesn't mean they're not both beautiful souls--they ARE beautiful souls, both. really exemplary. all they could do is their very best with what they had and what they knew. so thank you for not blaming parents. that said, american society really needs better parents--more kind, loving, compassionate, empathetic--if our society is to evolve into keeping the best of the promises we make.
I like the perspective of parenting yourself. It’s basically another way of saying that you are in control of your emotions, not the other way around. But it’s a refreshing way to look at things.
I feel sometimes that prospective parents should be required to take classes and have therapy before they are allowed to conceive…
Or adopt.
Adoption isn't going to change anything. What I don't understand has this been going on since the beginning of time? Or does it go on cycles throughout civilizations? I still think at least recently the invention of TV hasn't helped whatsoever. Decline in the interest of God hasn't helped either
Oh my god, I never realised that my brothers cancer affected me this much. This made me cry.
I have analyzed over and over again about what happened to me as a child, I'm now 70. Yes, what you are talking about is a style of parenting popular in the 1950s. My Grandma had TB and she couldn't take care of my Mom personally. My Mom was kind of koco but you know she did the best she could. What actually happened I really don't know exactly. But now I had realized my mistakes with my oldest child. I even explained things to my Nephew and reminded him that his Mom was very sick with diabetes and it went to her mind in the end. I have apologized to my eldest son many times. Now what we have is, just be our own parent and be the best person we can be. Stop the victim mentality.
THIS hit me hard;I never felt cared for,loved,protected,helped,appreciated. "Parents" were not capable of being good people. I have struggled with this all my life;I am now 73 and still hurt.
Hi Kati, I enjoy your videos very much. All my life i have been
depressed off and on, and full of shame. Now I know it's from emotional neglect, sexual inappropriate behavior and some physical neglect. In order for me to heal I had to change my shame into anger outside of myself and toward the guilty ones, my parents. Only after this anger subsides will I lift the guilt off of them. It will be a long while but my recovery and working with my therapist has changed my life so much. Just saying there are two sides to forgiving your parents.
I did not have emotionally distant parents, but I did learn as an adult that I have autism. Several of these point sound very similar to things that people who are on the spectrum, commonly experience.
Although there is no one to "blaim", we can still view it as "cause and effect".
"Cause and effect" can cause anger....anger at our abusers.
It's more healthy to voice this anger on paper, without shame or guilt, than to suppress the anger because "no one is to blaim".
It's ok to be angry. It's ok to express the anger--just don't stay there for years.
fractured sense of internal trust : that part is difficult in therapy because I second, third, forth guess everything I say.
'Why would they be interested in me? What's wrong with them?' Ugh, this section spoke to my soul. I thought something was wrong with me for so long because of how anxious I can get around men, especially ones that show interest in me. I've recently started trying to date again and I'm worried I'm going to sabotage things due to fear of them losing interest in me and leaving. There's always a little voice in my head saying 'I'm wasting their time - they probably would rather be doing something else right now'. I really don't want to lose a good thing but now that I'm aware of these issues maybe I will be able to better manage these thoughts and feelings when they come up.
Yes, I have those same struggles that you mentioned you have.
Yes! Hopeful. No small thing. So much time now compromised. Thankyou for getting straight to the point already!
I agree to cast blame is not helpful. I and my brother suffered childhood emotional neglect, and both reacted negatively, but differently...it is clear where the source came from. While it could be understood, accepted and forgiven, it can not be healed. It is a broken emotion, an early loss of basic trust, and you can not talk yourself out of it. Like an amputated leg, you can get a prosthetic leg to walk, but you will be never be the same.
My sister was still in diapers when i was born. I was unplanned and emotionally ignored.
I was never wanted and my siblings picked up on it.
Life was rough.
I turned out to be a very caring person. I make a point of greeting and speaking with our society’s invisible people.
Elderly, handicapped, obese, minority etc.
I don’t accept excuses about treating people bad because we were treated bad.
We should be the opposite because we know how much abuse hurts.
I suffer from all of these things, I have major major childhood trauma, that I'd assumed I'd dealt with, forgiven given but it's quite clear that I haven't. Unfortunately my mom has passed away, but even if she hadn't, I know she did the best she could in most cases, but there are some where I know this is not the case, and being able to discuss this with her, try to understand and or heal from the pain that I'm clearly still suffering from.... So it's a bit overwhelming to go through the rest of my life wondering.... And having spent my 50 years of life feeling unloved, unwanted, disregarded, irrelevant and unworthy and being unable to get the answers, validation, healing that I needed from the one person in this world that could provide that for me. I find myself still doing things that I think would make my Mom finally be proud of me, to finally love me, to finally see me as worthy of her love and caring, support she so freely and willingly gave my other 2 siblings and their children, but rarely if ever gave to me of my child. It still hurts on a level that goes right to my very core.
Yes. Perfectionism = desperate bid for safety. Mistakes are not safe since they bring criticism, shame, and too often, public humiliation. My perfectionism is definitely driven by external expectations.
🙏🏽 Thank you! This is extremely helpful information. I recognize some of these signs in myself and I feel better knowing that these all stem from the same issue when all along, I had thought they were all different problems stemming from different things I had to fix and I was so messed up. Now that I know these signs are the result of one thing, it feels less complicated 😅. Thank you. I am very interested to learn more about your inner child workshop.
My mother would like to think she was the perfect mother and for years I kind of just went along to go along. But both she and my father neglected me emotionally. Its the truth.
Emotional numbness is definitely where I see it the most. I literally had a therapist tell me I'm like Data from Star track. I always find ways to justify and compartmentalize everything so I never have to feel it. Over a year in therapy, and I still haven't made much progress. My emotional IQ has probably gotten better, but I still don't really feel things.
I thought a lot about the difference between perfectionism and fear of making a mistake. I think it's different. When I act I'm definitely not a perfectionist. However many of do not take things up at all, as you mentioned.
I love how you preface this with not blaming others. My generation (and some after mine) has grown this unhealthy victim mentality. Seeing yourself as a constant offended victim is never a positive solution to whatever issues you had growing up.
My Grandparents grew up in hard times... So, raising my mom equaled her being a distant Mother to me. She was busy working; it was a time of latch-key kids not helicopter-parenting. We were the last free-range generation, but that also meant we're more independent, less attached. Now I've raised my sons; I tried to be more physically loving and in-touch with my kids but found myself a little detached and handling things matter-of-factly. Fast forward, I have Grandchildren and I smother them with kisses and hugs, read stories, play games and such. My life today is relatively easy (not hard times) and I'm thankful. I missed out with my mom but my Grandparents, though not huggy, were attentive where my mom couldn't be... busy working for food and shelter for us, I get that now. The neglect was just part of the time, part of the environment, part of living. Best Advice: Be the loving person you wanted to have as a parent or grandparent or great grandparent.
I love the way that you explain the information being delivered, it's easy to relate to, understand and with a lack of judgement that makes it very 'comfortable' for lack of a better word. I am able to take what you are teaching as help as opposed to criticism. Thanks for this 🙂
This has hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you.
Hey Kati, I love your Videos. They are so very helpful and enlightening. ❤ I have a technical feedback though: I don't know if others have this issue as well, but I've noticed that in your more recent Videos the camera does a lot of jump-cuts between an extreme closeup and a more relaxed distance (sometimes even a third perspective). I guess it`s to keep it visually interesting - but to me that feels weirdly distressing and kinda freaks me out. Would you maybe consider reducing the amount of that 'effect'? Your words and facial expressions are more than enough to captivate my attention and I miss that soothing feeling that I was getting from the earlier videos (with zero special camera jumps). Love you very much and will keep watching regardless (or maybe just listening).❤
I discovered I developed trauma from CEN when I got so much anxiety from obsessive perfectionism during college that I just shut down. Stopped turning in assignments and stopped showing up to class. And my strategy of fixing everything at the last minute just failed me. I couldn’t even face the work anymore, even though if I had studied at all I probably would have found it effortless.
I spent my whole life trying to gain my dad’s approval, but he had very little approval to give. When I came out to him as trans he insulted me, insulted my body and never apologized for it or showed any signs of remorse. That’s what it took for me to realize he just doesn’t care about me as a person all that much, and that I should seek validation elsewhere.
So many of your videos hit the mark for me. Thank you for sharing here, Kati. 😇
One of the most important videos out there on YT.
Lots of people would be better off checking the #6, in particular the negative version of perfectionism (not to do, because won't be good enough).
And you explain all of these so well, so clearly and so briefly.
I am a composer, and I have written music that many people have appreciated and complimented me for. But I have enormous self-doubt and great difficulty beginning and finishing works. I know it goes back to my cruel father and ice-cold mother. I came out of it better than my siblings, but just knowing the cause doesn't make it less impactful, even now.
What a wonderful talent you have! I also have problems finishing creative projects. Now I'm getting some insight into that. Thank you for sharing. ❤
I was definitely emotionally neglected as a child but I don't understand why I don't relate to most of these. I'm fully in tune with my emotions and sometimes think that I feel too much. I craved love, hugs, etc and I went through a chasing love route. Tried to chase my mothers love to no avail as a child.
It wasn't exactly neglect, but I had some intense emotions when I was growing up that I didn't dare express. Subsequent events have confirmed this. I grew up intense and brooding, and that has carried over into my adulthood.
I was emotionally neglected as a child. I don’t blame my parents because they were emotionally neglected by their parents. It has effected me and even though I can be empathetic, I feel uncomfortable hugging and showing my emotions.
I appreciate your measured delivery with these sensitive topics. Keep up the great work.
Re #7, I feel like adding that the other side of the coin here is that sometimes you feel confident enough to make decisions, but not enough for you to own them, especially in front of other people, since they'll probably judge you for making a wrong or weird decision. To me those things are related, just my 2c.
Ha I really resonated with this. I have been married and divorced 3 times. I have always said that I have a broken relationship chooser, and that is a direct result of my parents’ emotional neglect.
OMG you have described me to a tee - all 7 signs... It's incredible how this video popped up on my timeline as if by chance tonight. I'm 64 and only now working through these issues which still affect me at my age. Thank you so much. I'll check out your other videos.
This was well presented, explained so clearly. Thank you so much.
Another interesting thing to add is that many parents who suffer from it themselves I assume could continue the vicious cycle by not really being able to provide *their* children proper emotional support...
Edit: As I wrote this early in watching the video: Yes, she said something along these lines about emotional regulation later. But I think it applies to it all.
I've managed to recover from emotional numbness to the deep feeling stage...my real way of being..itsveey overwhelming but much better than numb and safer. I can discern who to let into my adult life x
I would welcome "emotionally unavailable". Paternal sabotage is the best!
Very helpful. My parents really are great, but they didn't know I had survivor's guilt when I was 10 and I certainly didn't know what that was or have a way to explain that so they eventually just told me to stop mentioning this girl that I barely knew and I learned not to express my emotions. Now as an adult I've learned that most people just don't care and half the people who pretend to just want to manipulate you. I'm trying to get better, but I'm also alexithymic so I need time to process before I can even figure out how I feel, let alone put it in words. I realized recently that I've accidentally confused a lot of people over the years by saying "okay" to acknowledge that I heard them and then later they find out that I didn't mean I was okay with whatever they told me. I was annoyed or even angry, but didn't know that yet.
Thank you for covering this. It explains a lot of stuff and some points that I've naturally found out myself.
It’s just so annoying knowing how I didn’t even asked to be born in the 1st place and now I have to parent myself when my parents were the ones who were supposed to do it.
They had me, I didn’t have myself so why am I now burdened to parent myself when it could’ve all been avoided had I not been born ?!
That’s why I’m not planning on having kids. That branch of my family tree ends with me because I don’t know that I’ll ever get better.
It feels like now I have to clean someone one else’s mess and that mess is me.
The overlap with ADHD symptoms is mind boggling!
Insightful.
Concerning #1 emotional numbness, it does seem society rewards / encourages it. In tough situations, I have been told that I am level headed under pressure. Ha! It’s because I didn’t recognize the feeling of anxiety until I was in my early 30’s. The drawback is that I missed a lot of emotional cues when I was younger.
Excellent vid. Thankfully, we often have well developed empathy, that, in adulthood allows us to truly appreciate what our parents have gone through, and how much they truly mean to us. Confirmation for this Baby boomer.
Thanks. I now realise how badly my parents did. I could have been so much more 😢😂
Are you pity playing?
A topic that is rarely discussed: The abuse of parents by narcissistic adult children has reached unprecedented levels; some adult children seem to get away with pinning most of their rinse and repeat bad behaviour and poor life choices on their hapless parents, and because parents can't/don't or don't usually sue their adult children for defamation of character, making them the perfect victims of this type of craven behaviour, the abuse goes unchecked. It's a sad state of affairs!
The fact that you're suggesting people should sue their own children exposes what you're about.
I'm not totally blaming the parents, but you have to wonder how some people end up that way. Some parents are more innocent but others definitely cause damage that leads to them being attacked by their kids and they just feign innocence over it. Got to be a reason why some of these adult children are that angry that isn't just caused by something that's inside them, and not outside developmental influences.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel There are so many reasons why children turn out the way they do; bad parenting is definitely one reason, but sometimes nature presents in disturbing ways: many adult children with borderline personality disorder abuse and exploit their parents.
I dated a young woman for four years who was a schoolteacher, while I was delivering pizza for a living. So it was humiliating for her when I broke it off, but we just didn't have the kind of communication i thought we needed to sustain our relationship. The fault was probably more mine than hers, but if I couldn't relate to her I needed to get out of that relationship. I have trouble with people who are so much oriented towards the everyday business of life and not much else. It could be a fault in me, but I can't change. I was kind of interested in this other young woman where I live, but she kept talking over me when I tried to say something. Conversation is supposed to be a two way street. I think this girl believes women should do all the talking in a relationship. I doubt if she can change. ..... When I was young I was angry, like many kids. One fantasy many of the boys where I lived had was of really kicking somebody's ass. The boys of my era had violent fantasies like that. When I was in high school I thought I was a killer. I joined the army wanting to be an airborne ranger. It's probably for the best they didn't let me. But when I came back from signing up for a four year tour in the army my mom told me "There was no way in the world I could hurt her any worse than to be a professional killer." That kind of surprised me. I knew she didn't like me wanting to be a ranger, but I didn't know her feelings were that strong. When my mom told me that I started to feel the emotion of the moment, but then I blocked it. I said, "It's too late now" and I walked out of the bathroom.
I had to take care of my siblings a lot after my parents got divorced and that has led to me putting others mental health before my own
I only realised how much my emotions were numbed after I got into a stable and fulfilling relationship that allowed me to feel again. I would never cry when watching movies, would be harsh to people not being as strong as I thought we had to be... I am still looking for validation but I make progress and am getting my own sense of accomplishment little by little.
the advantage of the perfectionism part is that I looked for the perfect partner, setting up high standard and I found him. He's been an amazing help even without realising it!
thanks for the video, but I'm going to go on full rage on my parents, and I do blame them, I'm a woman 56 yrs old suffering flashbacks which the lovely menopause has given me, exposing what I had previously been masking about what I went through, so yes, I blame them
This video is brilliant, Kati. Thank you
This is very informative. Thank you for your time, energy & work.
I had some pretty heavy childhood trauma, lots, saying not to blame or shame a narcissist parent that treats you like an interloper and rages at you with no warning is very difficult to wrap my head around. Children are trapped in their homes with unfit parents, now I get the responsibility to parent myself. I guess therapy is NOT for me, I'd never be able to get through it. Back to xanax and and an occasional gummy to take the edge off.
I agree, but I think learning to let go of those feelings toward an abusive parent helps us as individuals.
Placing blame is useful though, as it allows us to clearly identify the "actual abuser" within a given scenario.
Me all the way!!
Alcoholic father, extremely timid mother, who was abused herself..All of these ECN's effect me. 🙄
ppfff I have nearly all of these, Im a senior at a cal state in psychology and man is the perfectionism/black or white thinking effecting me when it comes to doing assignments. And I did check out and think I simply couldnt do it cuz im 34 and just now doing it. Also have impulse issues, cannot make decisions, love all the wrong ppl in relationships e.i attracted to those with abusive traits, and have historically had trouble regulating my emotions and let them run me for a long time. Very good video, thank you! Came one here to see what would help with my procrastination and the algorithm gave me this and Im grateful for it.
My parents never hugged me. I was not allowed to show anger. My mother was very sarcastic and my father always working.
So sorry. Many of that generation were never hugged themselves. And they actually believed that if they fed you and put a roof over your head, they were good parents. And if added to that they could pay for you to go to the doctor and stay in school, they were great parents. Your mom couldn’t handle her own anger (sarcasm) and your dad was smothered by the “you must be provider” mandate. I got a good taste of the same, only my mom yelled and called her husband “your father” just to drive home to us kids that his failings were all our fault. Yeah, I get it. We came through it and did better by our kids, didn’t we? Not all of us, sadly, and so our country weeps. Blessings.
Well, I do kind of blame my mother. I mean, a large part of my issues with processing my anxiety and fear is because she just point blank refused to engage with me when I was afraid or anxious. Being told to pray and that God will take away my fear/anxiety is not helping - especially when praying only made me feel more afraid/anxious.
Watching this because I grew up in severe neglect, and am not aware of how I may be unintentionally neglecting my children. Let's see how it goes 😔🥺
I have had lots of counseling, but they neve want me to talk about my past childhood. I think your inner childhood program might be helpful
Thank you for such well-structured and useful information.
This was the best thing I've ever listened to. Even though it made me sad.
Most people shouldn't have children, because deep down they don't really want them and are only doing so due to 'societal norms' or their spouse's desires. Young couples need to be honest with each other about what they want, before the relationship gets too serious. If they can't see eye to eye on the subject then they NEED to walk away. Period. Second, if they can't afford a child and are not capable of doing so in the future-- this shouldn't have to be explained, people need to be extremely honest with them selves and avoid parenthood if the necessities of life can't be met. If you're a guy then get a vasectomy that way you won't make a mistake and 'make a decision out of love'. Love can cloud our judgement but that feeling goes away and turns into resentment way too quickly. That resentment subconsciously is passed onto the child or worse, children. Don't let your families and friends pressure you either. If your parents want grandkids then tell them to adopt-- or better yet tell them to get a dog... can't leave their inheritance to a dog, right? (Sorry, my sarcastic humour is cutting in). As for friends-- just get new friends, otherwise they'll start selling you on, "oh, then we can have playdates together with our 'kids'! Won't that be fun!!!" Tell them it's not a 9-5 World anymore, or simply Chuck U. Farley! Sorry, not Sorry. Hope this has been enlightening. Have a nice day.
Oh, and don't bring up religion to me. As far as I'm concerned it's a practice from a bygone Era which allowed 'trusted' Members of power to take advantage of young kids in unspeakable ways.
Once we understand emotional neglect, we can be the right parents to our children.
This was really nice. I will watch it again.
I'm identified with almost all of these, thanks!
As Charlie Brown said, "That's IT!!!"
Thanks for the detailed video doctor. My wife has experienced childhood trauma and these behaviours are now coming up and has kind of derailed our relationship. She doesn't want to repair this and I am stuck in a situation as to what to do
Screws those Scammers, thank you!
Thank you! Very informative and encouraging!
Definitely some potential symptoms. And… most of these can also be symptoms of a person with autism.
I always need to make people that are negative feel better. Im scared that they dont like me if i say no and stuff like that. My parents, my dad is narcissist
@5:38 my holiday. They're the only person who feels Anything - and their actions prove they're numb and playacting.
Haha, this cut like a knife. For real, though, I'm so sad to think of how desperate we can be for some kind of affection when we go through this, that we may fall more easily to being gro0med
(also, I hate how that word gets thrown so casually nowadays by bigots).
me as a child: *My feelings*
my parent in response: "Oh, everyone feels that way sometimes"
Dang, this is really eye opening. Sadly, I can relate to all of these things. Blah, haha. I just gotta laugh and work on it. 🤯😵🤪😆
Very helpful. Thank you.
I'm an MD. 2:30am bc of a fire hot argument with my mom. She is a nurse always busy. Dad is the same. I am supposed to call home 8-9pm. Grandparent dying, American Airlines declined any credit cards. I said the site was glitching and I was right. A human said I already had a ticket. But he redid it manually. I can tolerate home in small amounts.
Edit: also my mom's real name is Karen. She is a charge nurse. She us going through iphone withdrawals. Few days. She stopped to help a calf. Put the phone on top of her jeep and gassed it down our road to the freeway. She is not a happy Karen.
I can relate to this way too much and I know it's sad but it's just easier to laugh than cry even tho there's nothing funny about this LOL
I was in cycle of abusive relationships at age 16-20 but now finally I have healthy relationship and I love my partner but I'm pushing him away because it's scary to depend on someone in healthy ways, he gives me lot of freedom and we have mutual respect but it's first time in my life when I feel like I don't have to be independent, that I can rely on someone
I love my parents and they tried to afford me the best childhood they could regarding their own childhood but still there was certain mistakes made that could have been avoided if they would have get therapy before they got me and put me in different school when bullying started, I can't talk with them about these topics without turmoil but I have got professional help and I know how to cope but there's still healing needed
I was unfortunate my brother killed himself when I was nine and that fucked up everything for me and my younger sister and brother. My brother fortunately never has had any issues but my sister and I are messed up. I was lucky to have custody of my brother and treat him the way I never was