THIS is ESSENTIAL for self-compassion and self-forgiveness
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- Опубліковано 25 гру 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
"Healing begins with self-compassion and forgiveness. Recognize that you did your best in toxic circumstances, and that's enough. You were confused, distracted, and running on empty, but you survived. Reframe your regrets, acknowledge your strengths, and practice radical acceptance. You are not alone, and you are not to blame. Healing is possible, and it starts with being gentle with yourself."
Whenever these people are around, it's like a black cloud. As soon as I get away from them my breathing gets better, my insides relax and happiness returns.
Know that feeling.
“Please try to remember that what they believe, as well as what they do and cause you to endure does not testify to your inferiority but to their inhumanity.” -JAMES BALDWIN
Yes! Words of profound wisdom.
Truth!
⚔️ good One
Ef yeah! SO true.
A very true statement.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Forgiving yourself is the hardest part❤
Dr Ramani I love you , you have helped me so much. As a 50 year old adult I realised I was a narcissist abuse scapegoat by my Mother. That was 4 years ago & it’s better today but it was so cruel from I was a child. Today I’m slowly learning to love me & forgive me. God Bless you xx❤️☘️
I’m 68 and feel much the same. I had to distance myself from my parents but the guilt and shame around that tormented me. It is so helpful to have Dr Ramani and others help me with this.
The same is my story. My dad and his mother were narcissistic abusers. I am your age and thanks to Ramani and others like her, finally there's a name to this abuse, "Narcissistic abuse"
62. The same here. One sibling. We were both scapegoats for our mom. When we finally went no contact a few years before she passed... the guilt trip laid on us by her friends was almost as bad as what she did. After all the years of her abuse I was developed several stress related illnesses and the last one damned near killed me. I totally get it.
@@lizkrinsky5209 I’m sorry, but not surprised, that you became ill due to the stresses you were under. I too fell into a deep clinical depression when my children were fairly young which in turn would have affected my kids. Intergenerational Traum is real.
I'm two years woke & now the tired age of 60. So the ten years of difference that we have differed as each other... Please live to be happy bc my 86 yo Narc MoMster is awful healthy for a victim.
I totally needed to hear this right now as I feel so much grief seeing the truth through all the fog of abuse. I did do my best under toxic circumstances. Giving myself lots of grace compassion boundaries self care and kindness. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
“Why was I so ick” thank you Dr. Ramani for addressing this
Thanks so very much for your help
You’re a life saver Dr ❤❤❤❤
That is a 💯 Fact!!
Oh my goodness, Dr Ramani - this is so exactly what happened in my life with my children. I grieve for what was lost and pain they have suffered. Narcissistic father who was also a 30-year career military man. Took me decades to learn what was going on.
Finally see someone that has had the experiences military retirement, etc.
Retired Military spouse here, with three grown children
That was my life too.
I am there with you. Difficult to let go of the regret for the pain, loss, and struggles my kids went through. I was working so hard to hold it all together that I couldn’t see the bigger picture. So tired of the pressure we experienced to “stay together for the kids” and “don’t break up your family” without realizing the impact it has on them. Wish I could see that I wasn’t the one that was breaking up the family, he did that all on his own.
Same military spouse. Very controlling and manipulative. Took my child. Coached her.
Not only does being in a narcissistic relationship lead to disorganization & confusion, but being in confusion also sets you up FOR narcissistic targeting. The narcissist always looks like they REALLY have it together. They appear to be very solid & super-competent, and since we’re confused, we want the clarity, not realizing how destructive that “clarity” is to anyway who falls into its grasp.
Oh my God this is me. He keeps yelling at me for being late with everything, especially bedtime
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I left just after our 45th anniversary, so the self destruct was pretty well ingrained. I found this about 6 months after leaving and it has helped me on my healing journey : "I forgive myself for who I was in survival mode'. Thank you for reinforcing this.
Bless you, I hope and wishing you the Best Life you well deserve.
It's such an empowering step to make the break, I also left later in life, but once we learn to once again enjoy the fruits of a peaceful life, and do the things that give us joy.
I love this quote! I'm writing it down and putting it somewhere I can see daily. Thank you ❤
The mistakes I made were based on thinking logically and my ignorance of narcissism. I know better now thanks to the awesome Dr. Ramani.
Thank you for the reminder that I did the best with what I knew and my circumstances. My mind was consumed by this ex relationship and trying to be perfect. I’ve felt the guilt and working through this. 🙏🏻
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. If I ever write a book, the title will be: "The Only One You Have To Forgive Is You"!
Oh, Dr. Ramani! Who's chopping onions? I SO needed this validation today! I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🙏
Those onions got me going too!
I’m in tears recognising this in my life, including the feedback from the therapist. Years and years, decades really, of therapy and I wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD until age 58 and I was never told about narcissistic abuse until 3 years ago
I'm starting to think that many therapists do not want to lose their patients to Dr.Ramani since she'd be one of the 1st vids to come up after searching the narc word.
Yes, have done this and really it comes down to putting them and their reasons for bad behavior first. Kicking yourself for what you could of done better if you would have only understood why they did what they did.
This spoke deeply to me.
Beautiful message. Thank you for reminding us to forgive our own less than ideal actions, words, and thoughts. Self compassion is a hurdle for many of us. ❤
New video, awesome. Thank you for all that you have done for us suffering from narcissist abuse, my husband is a narc and so is his dad.
Key question: if you know he's a narc, & is abusive... are you still with him? If so... why?
Thanks, Doc, for helping me break the cycle of verbal abuse. Much easier for us men, to the females in the same, my prayers and best wishes for you... I can only imagine how hard it is for you... Stay strong Sisters 🙏
Back at you
Strong means also flexible, in all of possible meanings of words
And THANK YOU!!
Thank you. How nice of you ❤
Wow, this was nice to read. Thank you.
Thank you so much!
Brilliant!!... :)
after listening to you for over 3 years, Dr. Ramani, you still amaze me with your content. it is proven over and over that i can never stop learning from you.
Oh my gosh yes! So much of my mental real estate at work was taken up by trying to resolve my issues at home with my nightmare narc ex.
The airport analogy is so excellent!!! Wow!
I thought so too! Also, about the missing puzzle pieces. On the flip side, we are given weird puzzle pieces that do not fit anywhere in the picture we so wanted.
❤ Wow, this video was so edifying, so uplifting, so nurturing and healing! Thank you, thank you, Dr Ramani!
Yes, Absolutely! I'm saving this to listen again over and over until it really sinks in.
Perfectly articulated Dr Ramani. This is exactly what's happening to me. So, this narc continuously prodded and taunted me when I was already physically exhausted and I practically exploded and said "ENOUGH !!". Since then, this 95 yo immortal monster has been playing the victim card to the gallery. I'm not even looking at or talking to this nasty person now. I never ever want to but unfortunately, we have to live in the same house. I took myself out to a movie yesterday, to the foot spa and mall today to give myself a treat and cheer myself up. I've got other plans for the weekend with my music group and enrolled in a Sanskrit class so I have something lovely to think about and look forward to. Thanks Dr Ramani for the timely reminder that I did the best I could possibly do in the past instead of mentally taking myself to task for those decisions or actions❤
Words of encouragement 🌹
Thank you 🩷 this brought tears to my eyes. 24 years later I’m still wrestling with the narcissistic abuse and guilt of feeling like I failed my now adult children.
Same!
@@JessieO-lm8zd 😢
I feel the same, but sadly I’m unable to leave so I’m still with him 😢 I guess the pain, stress, guilt, trauma will never go away whether I’m physically away from him or not. There’s no changing what’s happened, but I ruminate all the time. I suffer with severe anxiety and panic disorder.
@@nickijames5122 ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for your compassionate heart dr Ramani ❤ we have survived hell on earth and we are alive!!! We should wear that as a badge of honour and love and cherish ourselves for that! We have made it to the other side! Thank God for that and all those good loving people like yourself dr Ramani ❤ God bless you ❤
I'm autistic and find myself being taken advantage of by a lot of narcissistic people. I struggle with finding genuine people to have in my life. I'm just tired of being abused and having no support system or people to protect me from bad people. The correlation between autistic suicide and how we are targeted by abusers is not well known. I appreciate Dr. Ramani and how she covers so many important topics with more depth than most channels (the ones involving psychology by actual doctors). Sadly, as wonderful as this channel is, it doesn't cover much on topics that are unique to autistics in narcissistic relationships.
If anyone can recommend a channel that does or even articles, that have been fully sourced, it would be very much appreciated.
Thank you! I have been beating myself up for not being better for virtually everything in my life. ❤
I love you Doc
I have never looked at myself at how I am away from the narcissist, and with other people and friends. I am lighter and happier and life is good. It’s when I walk in the door that I feel the heaviness and the tension all over again.
Someone told me on the phone "I can tell when the other person you live with isn't around as you seem so much happier."
Same. Every time he went on vacation to visit his father the house was light. Laughter, relaxed and everyone had energy. Big difference for sure
@@ISquishWorms wow! That person is truly tuned in to you!
Get out. These "people" will take your soul.
I hope you manage to find your way out. You deserve to be light and happy and relaxed and positively glowing!
Huge topic!, thanks so much ❤
Wow. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your validating and healing words.
Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani❤ I'm struggling to forgive myself for hurting my kids and family, the ones who truly loved and cared about me, while I was in my narcissistic marriage. I never wanted to hurt my kids and family.. all I ever wanted was to have a loving marriage. So many regrets in these relationships but the regret of losing time with loved ones and not being able to show up for them is the biggest and most painful one.
You described my life with a narcissist to a T and how I felt. I was so irritable, angry all the time, sad, anxious, and I wasn't the best mother to my daughter. Said and did some things I completely regret, and some I don't even remember saying or doing my my ex narc (her dad) saved texts I sent him and even recorded me. A friend finally pointed out that he was a narcissist (or she said he sounded like one) and I started doing research. I thought at the time that a narcissist was just someone that was really into themselves, mostly their physical appearance and my ex husband was the complete opposite of that. Very insecure about his looks, very socially withdrawn. After watching a lot of your videos, videos by others, reading articles, he fits the description of a covert/vulnerable narcissist to a T. And it is a nightmare trying to coparent with him!!! 😞 We've been divorced for 4 years now, he's already remarried (I'm single and loving it! So peaceful!) and I think she may be a narcissist as well. She doesn't have a very pleasant personality and my 10 year old daughter doesn't like her at all. Anyways, thank you for this video. I have beat myself up and wondered how I could have said some of the things I said, did some of the things I did, and sometimes not even remember it. I hate that others go through this as well but it's also comforting to know I'm not alone and I'm not a bad mother. I love my daughter more than anything in the world and I'm definitely not the same as I was 4-5 years ago. I've done a lot of work on myself and I'll always have more work to do but I'm progressing with the help of God. 🙏🏻 Thank you!
Need to hear this every day. Surviving a narc parent is really so hard.
You're the best, Dr. Ramani ❤
Wow ,between a toxic trauma bond with my father. My daughter’s narc father who showed back up in her life at 8 years old. I had no idea! He came back into our lives and totally took over! I LET HIM! Filling out a notepad for the next visit to my shrink! You are absolutely right and I needed to hear that! I just didn’t know better! Ty Dr Ramani as always ☮️
Thank you so much for this reminder so we can be less harsh on our ourselves. The hardest things I’m finding to get over is the resentment and the grief for the loss of hope.
Holy hell. Me too. Me too.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Working through all the feelings and healing from a toxic friendship. These are the words my heart needed.
I so needed to hear this. Thank you. 🙏✌️❤️
"Nobody is graceful when they are trying to survive." I needed that. Self compassion is the hardest thing to learn.
I am exactly who Dr Ramani is describing 😭
Thank you. I really do not have words that kann tell you how much you are helping us survivors to get through this hell. I really needed this today. Thanks again!
When I look back, I've had 3 narcissistic relationships in a row and each time I was in a vulnerable state. 1st: Got out of college with no job. (3 years with him) 2nd: Got laid off during Covid. (2 years with him) 3rd and most recent: Both of my parents had passed away. I wasn't on my game to begin with and got sucked in.
I have had 2. 1st, was after the death of my father. 2nd with a covert narc was after a breakup. Each time, I was emotionally vulnerable
@@mrvocal21 Sheesh... They are parasites! This last one only lasted a year and I'm out! We got this!!!
It seems like everyday the topic you discuss is exactly what I am struggling with. Thanks so much. You are right I carried a very heavy burden so long, I did not even know it was there.
I can not begin to tell you how much you have touched my heart. I condemned myself for two horrible relationships and for my adult son’s problems. I am just coming to learn about narcissism and received hope. This kind vid was life changing. ❤️🙏🏼
G'day Dr Ramani.🐨
Thank you so much for this, I really needed to hear this today ❤ realized my son has strong narcissistic tendencies and I'm devastated. The thought that my inattention helped create that truly is breaking my heart. I love him so much, he's my son.
This is exactly the video I needed today. Broke up with the narc almost 4 weeks ago and am coming to terms with my fatigue and confused emotions. Have been told I’m underperforming at work - but it has been my job that has kept me sane and give me a baseline of normality this whole time. I need to get back on track quickly, but I need to balance that with self compassion. Thank you for this video!
So much lost time…
It’s hard to reconcile how much of myself that I gave away.
I’m very sad about it, but really trying to make the best of the rest of my time.
Peace & healthy love to us all. ☮️🫶🏻
This is exactly how I feel. Thirty years, like that’s a long time and my youth gone! Sadly, I’m still with narc husband as I feel trapped now. Divorce isn’t just about going separate ways, there’s the home and finances to deal with. I dread this being the rest of my life in the latter stages of life though 😢
@@nickijames5122 Is it really worth it? I’d rather be poor and on my own than be with them and that chaos sucking me dry daily.
I support whatever you do.
Just make sure you keep watching and learning.
As you know,
It helps so much!! ☮️🫶🏻
Thank you. I feel so bad about being a "flying monkey" and an enabler. I really thought I was doing the right thing by protecting these people.
This is incredible...going through the relationship I was in with my boys' sperms donor. This is validating emotions I thought I had to put to rest. Thank you.
In certain cases, with parents more, it’s not only pleasant, but can be doing bad to yourself in revolt and denial of yourself.
Dr. Ramani, you touch our hearts with hope
Oh goodness. This resonates so much. Very true. Especially the feeling guilty for child turning out like the Nex. And constantly holding out hope and continuing to communicate about the need for good co parenting.
Thankyou for all you do Dr.
Your video's have helped me to figure out so much.
I hope you're well x
Self Compassion and Self Forgiveness were integral elements for my healing from my narcissistic boyfriend. I made the decisions I did at the time since those were the cards on the table. Thankfully, I learned a LOT from those experiences.
I don’t regret per se since that’s negative energy and that’s where I don’t choose to apply my time and energy. Instead, I look back at how things unraveled and see how each piece were related to the whole puzzle.
I not only learned more about him and narcissistic behaviors, I also learned a lot about myself.
I finally walked away and never looked back.
Moved forward with growth and excitement of what lies ahead… ❤
Thank you Dr. Ramani for this video! 💝💝💝
Thank you for this! I go over this in my head so much… how could I have not known? How did I go from strong and independent to sad and barely surviving. I have done a lot of healing and still this creeps in.. I can see how much it effected my parenting and made me so irritable and desperate for alone time..the worst part of these relationships is the cognitive dissonance associated with it… it’s like being on a hamster wheel in my head … less now but still have to fight it.. remembering my old self before , the real me helps me to hold on and take baby steps to an even better version of that… still have a lot of work to do but I’ll get there.. thank you so much for all of your help ❤️ can you talk about how this effects the kids as teenagers and how it changes their emerging adult selves… failure to thrive? Low self esteem? Fear of failure…. I would appreciate it ❤️❤️
‘It’s like being on a hamster wheel in my head’……exactly how I’d describe the covert narc abuse I’ve endured for 30 years. I always describe it as like ‘ping pong’ in my head too. I feel I could’ve been ‘there’ more for my sons, although I never ignored or neglected them, but, instead I was usually feeling so stressed, overwhelmed and anxious. I see the impact moreso now in my adult sons, of what’s been a tense unhappy and confusing home life for years, the narcs brainwashing and manipulation, despite the abuse being directed at me. It makes me feel so guilty and very very sad. No one is there for me, but I’ll never stop being there for them, however old they are. They appear lost, stuck in a rut, overwhelmed, quiet, depressed despite finishing Uni, which the narc pressured them to do. The longer this goes on the harder it will be for them to thrive out there 😢
I felt your comment very deeply..thank you for being so vulnerable. I feel the same way about my life and my past with my separated narcissistic husband. I'm especially finding it hard to forgive myself for the parent I became while in the marriage and the parent I still am many days post separation . I can't get back the time when my daughters were still so young and needed me. I know I can get over the loss of a career, the loss of a clean criminal record, the loss of all my possession, my sobriety, and even friends, but losing years of my children's lives because I was so immersed in trying to get someone, who didn't love me, to care for me, while neglecting the people who always loved me is completely devastating and I'm struggling to find a way to forgive myself. All I can do now is move forward, rebuild the relationships and remember I get to choose who I will be from here forward ❤ wishing you the very best this life has to offer..keep looking up 🌅☀️
Thank you so much for existing drRamani. You have been a great comfort in very difficult days after my break up with a very difficult vulnerable narcissist. What hurts me the most even now is that I really loved this person and the controversy is tearing me apart...
Basically: continue believing in yourself against all odds, which for the larger part exists out of self-blame & self-condemnation :-( The day you slam the door in the face of all those self accusors is the day of the declaration of self-liberty.
So true. And actually very sad to go through especially when you’re young.
Narcissist relationships are parasitic 😡👿😈😡. Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🤲🤲🤲❤️❤️❤️ I did my best in a difficult, demonic, environment with now narcissist ex husband. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wise and encouraging words.❤
Yes.
Thank you for helping people.
Beautifully said thank you D Ramani
I wholeheartedly appreciate your videos Dr they always seem to be right on time I had a Google look back on this day 5years ago and started bawling barged into my kids room (as they were sleeping , I couldn't help it something in my spirit just told me to apologize) and tell them how I was so sorry for being so neglectful and that we didn't have more good memories and how bad I felt for all the canceled or postponed plans we had due to my being trapped in my office being depressed or just because of all the fights I and my x used to have
Literally was just last night ! So thank you Dr Ramani u are such a good person and I am sending healing and wellness( wishes, vibes, prayers) your way❤
Thanks Dr.Ramani it's seems you scanned the heart of the victims. God bless you.❤
Yes
I'm still hard on myself and sometimes judge myself mercilessly
I wish I knew about it 20 years ago, but it is only wishful thinking....
Dr. Ramani , Thank you.
Each of us has a role to play in protecting our planet 🌍
That's me %100😢 sooo much lost time, BUT GOD IS GONNA GIVE ME BACK EVERYTHING THAT THE DEVIL HAS STOLEN 😄❤
✨✨✨👏👏👏💐Thank you❤
Wow. March the fog lifted, and this makes so much more sense. Big pendulum swings. I'm 62 and that's a lot to look at, look back at. This is all a big yep
This one really hit home today 😭😭😭 I'm 54, left my abusive partner of 30 years about 18 months ago, been doing extensive therapy since I left. I have two kids, 26 and 19, they still live with my ex, my relationship with them is loving, but distant and difficult. The shame and guilt and misery I experience, about the chaos they were raised in, is intense. I understand now that "my partner" was literally working AGAINST me (and THEM), the whole time! I'm now building compassion practices for myself daily, finding forgiveness in tiny moments of release and relief. With LOTS of therapeutic and spiritual help.
THANK YOU Dr Ramani ❤️💜💙
Your work is a keystone to my healing. Without you I think I might still be lost in the confusion and despair of my marriage. So grateful for you and your team!
This is great!
I just found this channel, wow this is so healing and so clearly communicated and simplified
I appreciate ❤ so much love, expertise and kindness ❤️
I remember you saying in a video that there is no room for two people's realities in a relationship with a narcissist. That sparked a light-bulb moment that helped make it easier for me to value my priorities in life, without the futility and helplessness of expecting/hoping a narc can truly compromise. They have an underlying 'my way or the highway attitude', and when they can't blatantly act on it will be manipulative to get their way (at times even feigning concern for your interests). Yes, THIS and THAT video are ESSENTIAL as mental-health force fields, to explore our path to self-fulfillment and synergy with real people, instead of wasting time, mental space, and energy on being hosts for parasites.
Oh, wow..I needed to hear this. Sorely. Thank you so much.
Thanks again Dr. Ramani - you hit the nail on its head. This is exactly what I went through and my poor kids didn't have an understanding mom. I had to be both dad & mom and yes missed many situations where I should have been there for the kids. It was difficult and the kids realize it now after the divorce. One may have learned manipulation,yet I hope this habit will not stay. It's heartbreaking to see some of those bad habits exhibited by their mom, show up in my kid.
I am hopeful with therapy and a different environment kids will break the cycle.Prayers always!
Thank you
Thank you so much! As a very young child I recognized the NPD traits even before I had the words. By middle school I understood well that my temperament and my family's did not match! Once the words turned into complete thoughts I knew I would never be able to live an authentic life until I put a lot of space between the orchestrations masquerading as interaction! Best decision I ever made!
Wow!!! Thanks Dr Ramani 8:05
Thank you thank you thank you I sooo needed to hear this today ..even after years of limited contact I still feel that confusion sadness and negativity towards myself sometimes ...when I think about the events back in the past....
self compassionate behaviours are a learning curve for me sometimes
. I m better at it some days than others... thats okay too ..bless you Dr Ramani for being such a generous soul sharing your knowledge expertise ❤
Thank you so much for this video. It resonated so strongly with me. It hasn’t been easy to finally forgive myself for the struggles that I went through trying to sort through the craziness of dealing with a husband that has a covert narcissistic personality. I truly knew nothing of this 39 years ago (that’s how long we’ve been married), and sadly my oldest daughter has blamed me for pretty much everything that happened during her childhood. She’s 1 of 3 adult children whom I believe has developed her own narcissistic tendencies. She’s also estranged herself from her father and I for a 2nd time. It’s heartbreaking but it has forced me to reconcile with myself and understand that I did the best I could with whatever it was I was trying to understand and deal with. Yes, there was anger and yelling. I was constantly trying to defend myself. I’ve since learned it’s a rigged game of bait and switch, but at the end of the day they were always fed home cooked meals, lunches made and packed for school, assistance with homework and driven to and from school (private) consistently. I’ve hung in there but I no longer take or accept the blame for someone else’s behavior.
This is so true!! Have gone contact with several narcissist the last 3-4 years. Met a narcissist today and was thrown back to the drama and invasion: she wanted a place to stay, maybe my place for two weeks.. not asking directly - so I could not give her a clear no. So now I am confused.. ruminating.. will she come… am I bad if I tell her no, even though she did not ask… confused… if I don’t say yes, she will have no place to stay and will not be able to participate in a course she has signed up for and paid for…. soooo much energy lost to this! Thank you❤
I have actually apologised to my (now adult) children. I know that I simply wasn't the father to them that I wanted to be. Sadly, in life, we only get one go at some tasks. I'm angry with myself that I let her take that away from me. I'm also angry with myself for staying with her for so long (32 years).
Thank you Dr Ramani. " you only have one mother" sentiment from a therapist is so so damaging and hurtful.
Running myself ragged chasing the impossible task of trying to please (and in my case, trying to be good enough) for the narcissist. That’s me. One months out from the end and I’m still devastated and exhausted. And he’s still calling me to say “how bad” he feels for leaving me.
I needed this today. Reeling from two narc relationships back to back.
Thank you. I really needed this today.
You're not actually married, you've unwittingly fostered an additional errant child. I was shocked to realise and be told by the Nex he KNEW what he was doing but couldn't stop himself ...... deliberate and targetted sabotage in EVERY department... physical, emotional, financial, spiritual. It's like living inside the gates of hell. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger and much much more savvy and aware. Thanks Dr Ramani. xxx
Thank you Dr.Ramini i needed to remind myself of all the positive love & actions that i managed to do while living with a psychically violent & a verbally abusive narcissist . Went to work each day for 15 years in a family business with 2 narcissistic parents & i did work hard
I made french plats in my daughters hair each school day & made her lunch & walked her to school every morning
I also made most of her clothes
I then had two boys & had to stop working outside the home
Depending on him was a nightmare and i was exhausted most of the time when they were little, as i strived to be all that was being expected from me
I did everything & still suffered horrendous abuse
The one positive thing was my kids turned out successful
They witnessed me seeking safety orders & he was ordered to leave family home
I was consistently present & nurturing to them
I consistently drove them to activities & grinds & collected them
I wasnt perfect i made mistakes but considering just how abusive he was i think i did ok & i have the immense pleasure of being a Grandparent to 3 adorable Grandchildren
I have compassion & self forgiveness for myself for thinking that i was never enough . I was & I am good enough
Brilliant video
Exactly. And you imagine a life that could have been far, far better. A universe of better.
So true! That’s another difficult aspect of this
Thank you so much for the understanding and help. Really appreciate it.
Wow, thanks. I often beat myself up about everything that I did or not do.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. One of the hardest part of my marriage was seeing my daughter's behaviors mirror my wife's. She even has played games on my guilt. Saying that I was not there enough for her, and that is why she used other people. It hurt to see it past on and directed towards her daughter. But when you stated that not all children turn out to be a narcissistic, that helped me. My son has not went along with that kind of behavior. My granddaughter, who is my little hero, has sulfured more that anyone, and has stood strong through things that would make a grown man cry. I wish that would I could have heard your advise 40 years ago. Maybe, with God's help, I would have seen more. So many people hurt in the family, and many of my actions did not support them enough.