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How To Treat The Addict You Love! | Russell Brand
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- Опубліковано 7 лип 2019
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Produced by Jenny May Finn (Instagram: @jennymayfinn)
“I will help you to change, but I will not help you to stay the same” very powerful message thank you
I was searching for the right words. Thank you 🙏🏻
He is awesome! A great spiritual teacher!
Thank you for these words
Well said
I love this statement about change!!! Very powerful and comforting ty
Addicts crave the emotion they associate with the substance, not the substance. Something very important to remember in this regard. Thank you for this share 🙏🏻
The Mirror And The Window well said
Could you give me an example please?💕
Definitely...and alternatively, they could be craving the absence or lack of any emotions felt when they are high or use certain substances. Some simply want to escape the negative thoughts, feelings, memories, and current situations that are causing them so much pain and suffering. For these addicts, their drug of choice numbs and desensitizes them, blocking out their conscience and ability to make good decisions and reason. Instead, they feel nothing. This allows them to avoid the hard work of getting to the root of their problems through therapy and self-love/care. It’s a struggle and very uncomfortable learning to process and let go of negative thoughts/emotions and how to cope with and move on from trauma, painful experiences, and mental health issues. Drugs and alcohol are their way of completely avoiding it all and/or to not feel bad about anything.
In any case, addiction is such a destructive monster to everyone it touches and the majority of those stuck in this vicious cycle of self-sabotage are just trying to relieve the pain and sadness they are experiencing, or take something that makes them feel better temporarily. Regardless of why they are an addict, they all deserve love, empathy, healing, recovery, health and happiness. 💕
As a recovered opiate addict i'd have to say they are one and the same - especially when the addiction is _physical & emotional_ ..
For me personally, drug addiction was to shut off emotion, too many overwhelming emotions
Loving an addict is the most draining, difficult and exhausting thing I’ve ever had to endure. Only God can help them.
i feel you
Yeeeh nah, completely false and untrue.
It hurts
Same.. I'm here with you!
Yep....found myself on the same journey but twice. Two totally different people but the fundamental basis was the same.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. 😢
Thank you, it is completely emotionally draining to watch someone you love deal with addiction.
Accepting that you cannot help an addict until they are ready is one of the hardest things in the world , because the guilt you feel towards them is immeasurable 😞 For others who have a parent addicted to drugs like myself, it’s not your fault ♥️ it’s hard when your parent(s) goes from loving you to loving their addiction more ♥️ it’s like a death in your family ♥️ it’s okay to mourn that person and the loss of that relationship should it never return♥️
Have you tried telling them how you feel about it? It's not your fault. Some things once started are hard to stop.
I don't think they love their addiction more than you. Sometimes it becomes no longer a choice. No matter how much some people want to stop, sometimes they can't.
I hope and pray they find the strength and willpower to stop asap 🙏🙏🙏🙏 🤗🤗
thanks for sharing this. I hadn't thought of this before. it helps me understand better : )
It’s so sad.
It really is like their soul is in oblivion. The walking dead etc
I have somebody I care about greatly who is an addict. The love of my life and somebody who feels like a part of me. I'll never forget the first time he went to jail. I told him it felt just like somebody died. This is the first time I've heard anyone else say it. I remember walking back into the house and seeing his shoes sitting there, and crying like a baby because that's exactly what it felt like. He's quit but has relapsed several times. He's in jail now and swears he wants to quit. I pray that's true , and I already feel the loss as if someone died in my family. I pray that this time, he can get clean. Anyone who will, pray for me and for him as well. This is such a hard battle for any party involved. Also, they didn't lose their love for you, but it's true that addiction changes a person. If a person ever gets a sober mind, it does come back to them but the risk is that they get very ashamed then and relapse simply to not have to endure it. It's a vicious cycle. I have found that what works for me, as Mr Brand says here, is not exactly enabling, but being a person that they know is there if they truly decide they want their life back.
My father's alcoholism after my mother died when I was a baby destroyed the whole family - or what was left of it. My formative years were spent with covering for him, cleaning up after him, taking calls from hospitals after he broke down in the street, sitting in the car back seat going home from weekends with him, praying all the 3 hours cause he was drunk-driving. I had to lie for him, my grades in school got bad, I got panic attacks and guess what - the man had the nerve to berate me for not being good enough. Drove me to become a perfectionist. Still today I'm hard on myself. Hard on others. And I have a deep contempt for "weak" people like him. He never apologized. I finally had a breakdown in 2016 and had to go in a burnout center myself. It is your videos, your RECOVERY book, that are helping me to (baby steps...) understand the issue better. And to forgive myself. Be the child that I wasn't allowed to be. To BREATHE. I know it means nothing to you and yes, your new scarf is really pretty but I will leave this comment anyway. Maybe it resonates with someone.
Very brave of you to share Cat, and long may you continue on this positive path to understanding and moving forward
Bless you sweet person for being brave each day.
Cat I am so sorry. No child should experience that.
Have you seen Russell’s interview on EMDR therapy? I heard it’s amazing and it might help for healing your trauma. I’m going to look into it for myself for trauma healing.
Blessings 🌸
@@Alphacentauri819 Hi yes I saw the video - also commented there. Definitely something to look into. There was also violence in my childhood (I grew up with beatings and mind games) and it's getting easier once you understand that you don't have to give those people any more airtime in your life. Thanks for your kind words.
💗♾🎯
So glad to hear you say your wife is not your "everything" and enforce the idea that people need diverse support systems.
Addiction has taken the lives of so many good people.
Indeed. Many of them have been too-good souls for this world - until addiction caught up with them
and created some fucking amazing art
I see you on every self improvement type video, love that for ya
Russell is one of the people that we should take example of, I really don't get why he isn't on TV making documentaries or programs about these subjects, he is so good and he is a recovering addict who is doing amazingly well... :)
Amy Winehouse is one of them,
This was exactly what I needed. My father is addicted to smoking cigarettes and I found the best way to handle it is setting boundaries. No smoking in houses, vehicles, anywhere where my kids hang out. I won’t buy his cigarettes or give him money for it either when he runs out of money. But I learned that telling him that smoking is bad for him or telling him to quick was not my place. I can only control myself and step up for my children.
Dear, a past smoker myself. I feel your pain, and at the same time I feel your father's. My greatest help, along with the innumerous attemps to quit, was to use psychedelics in my process, with a very strong will to change - change happened.
Apparently it works for a number of cases, from what I studied, even for alcohol addiction, which is one of the most destructive.
have a look at this if you wish, maybe share with your father. ua-cam.com/video/b5i0aY_rUZU/v-deo.html
Nicotine is a tricky drug to drop, especially given that so many people around smokers are smokers as well, and it is somewhat socially accepted - I don't mean that it should be forbidden by law, but it should definitely be treated like a sort of disease.
Alanon is amazing - I was married for 25 years the last 10 my ex husband was ( and still is ) an alcoholic and Alanon not only saved me and helped my sons but also allowed me to treat him with decency. My fiancée is 32 years Sober and a Solid AA Member it works if you work it 💪💪 Alanon teaches us to keep our side of the sidewalk clean 😊
What do you mean by keep the sidewalk clean?
@@janerobinson9157 it means as someone that loves the addict/ alcoholic we need to focus on our own behavior and not be dragged into reactive behavior.
Well put@@lisatakeitorleaveit
You have to choose to either go down with them or release them to rise on their own.
Cyn Ho I feel this!!
That's the hardest part but so true.
wonderful sentiment
Assuming they are your partner. If its someone who you love, you could keep your distance enough, but be close by if the time should ever come.
that's piognant
Such a tremendous inspiration! My eldest son is an addict & I’ve struggled with different methods of interventions all the while being blamed for his addiction...for both loving him too much & not enough. It’s absolutely mind boggling. But I understand an addict finds a scape goat most useful. I can only illuminate a healing path, I cannot drag him along it.
Love & immense gratitude to you, my brother 🙏❤️
Praying for your son and family! I hope he is doing better.
How is your son now and from what drug had he an addiction?
@@denisms8845 He is doing so much better, thanks to his discovery of indigenous medicines and healing practices. It feels like a miracle! He was addicted to opiates.
My son is literally on that same blame game. It’s been 11 years that I’ve been on this journey with him, the money and time spent with him To no end. I’ve been emotionally abused by both him and my family who are my second husband and our daughter for helping him. Since he lost his dad from Covid last year , I’m the only parent so it’s an impossible situation.
Stay strong, Mama. It's a long road but it leads somewhere, this I know. HUGS!@@nyc7727
I saw this on just the right day, of course 😉. I lost my husband to liver failure 2 years ago, alcohol induced. And while I have over 30 years in 12 steps, it was still so heartening on this day to hear, once again, that I was powerless over his drinking and only he could make that choice to change. Your phrase of being willing to help change but not to stay the same is brilliant and I plan to adopt it in the future. Thank you for your videos.
My son is 41. He lives in a different province. Lives in chaos and crisis. Only calls me when he wants money or food. I don't give money anymore, have told him I will only help if it involves going back to recovery, he has nothing but still won't stop. Breaks my heart. Caved in today when he called crying. Ordered him food... shouldn't have done it, but did. He isn't the person I knew anymore but I still love him and I just don't understand it all.
Yes. Food is not drugs.
I love your honesty. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. His path his choices. If he’s not ready I can’t do anything. As a parent you want to fix everything. I can’t fix this for him even though it breaks my heart. Thank you 🙏🏻 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Ray Lives thank you 😘❤️
What if parent doesnot help
I go on my knees and pray to Jesus for my son..
Never give up.. God is faithful.
Its difficult to love an addict. I struggle everyday to love my brother after all the verbal abuse i have endured due to his alcoholism and drug use.
I’m in the same boat with my sister, how she says such awful things to me and my grown up daughter. We used to be inseparable our whole lives , it’s heartbreaking. I’ve broken ties 🥲 as I can’t stand the drama and hurt any more xx
Same boat with my fiance he's also an angry drunk
Speaking from experience. I would say downright evil things to my friends and family. While saying them, I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I'd say what I was saying than leave, go buy a litre of vodka and wine. Feel like a peace for the pain I caused. So I'd drink harder, felt like i deserved the punished I was inflicting on myself. Thing is, if anyone hurt my friends or family, I'd be out for blood. I hit my brother one night. 4 years ago, I still beat myself up over it. Gave myself a Chelsea smile while really drug. My thinking at the time was "I'll silence my mouth by causing it pain. Works on those around me, it should work on me." I couldn't talk or eat properly for a good 2 months. And in those 2 months. I seen how happy they were being around me. My silence opened me up, I'm clean and now all I want to do is make them smile and love them
The same exact Boat with My girlfriend
Indeed. I find it helpful to think that I will always love them but I don’t have to like them or their actions all the time. Peace and love ❤
Thank you for this. I needed some advice. I love my 20 year old son who is addicted to heroin.
So sorry for the both of you 💚
😢 love and strength to you 💕
.... much love to you ... sending you much love.. my husband is an addict .. functioning junkie.... and h left m for dead.. i hve no idea where he is... i wish u strength
Thank you everyone! It is nice to know y'all care and are praying! Many people are suffering with this condition
Leah h id so love to know more Leah! Could we talk somehow?
I wish I'd had that advice when my husband were alive. Not because it would have changed his demise in the slightest, but because I would have known better at when to back away. A lot of resources were squandered and hearts were broken unnecessarily. It would have hurt regardless, but not as much if I'd had better boundaries.
I'm currently reading your 'Recovery from your Addictions' book and, although I'm only at Step 2, you and the programme are helping me and my head already. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't feel alone anymore. I admit my powerlessness and finally feel hope
I'm dating one.
I feel like ripping my hair out, I've never experienced this stress before. I cant handle it, I might have to leave, but leaving would be incredibly painful too. I need help.
s. elizabeth I’m married to one I know the feeling I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do
Al anon group it's helped me during my relationship x
You can’t let it effect you. You can’t chance anyone and once you except that it will be so much easier
I'm in the same situation & im so tired. And al anon is for alcoholics...is there anything for opioid addicts family?
Not to sound condesending but you should take some steps mentioned by Mr. Brand in this video. Find him a support system that will actually work for him. A sober mentor who will hold him accountable. There's people out there willing to help, it just takes some work
I know a few addicts in my life and it's one of the hardest things I've had to deal with most of my life. I thank you so much for this advice Russell. I've followed you since you were on Craig Ferguson's show, and know you've struggled, and it's great to see you succeed. Thank you again!
today is the day i’ve admitted i’m an addict...it doesn’t seem like a lot but the fog is clearing and i’m finally realising the harm i’m doing. It’s taken me a long time but i’m so proud of myself. you’ve got to hit rock bottom because the only way you can go from there is up!!! it’s gonna be hard but this step of admitting there’s a problem is the biggest one. all love ❤️
Thank u for this....my husband and i have been struggling with his 25 year old son who has been an addict for the last 8 years...we have battled feeling guilty for his addiction, feeling torn about taking him in to live with us multiple timea only to be lied to and trust destroyed, and his addiction has almost ryined our marriage. Good news though....he finally (after 2 attempts) realized he was at rock bottom and entered rehab...he is back home with us now and doing well....everyday is a new day but now there is hope. He realizes how much pain he caused us and his mother and siblings. Trust is still an issue but i guess what i wanted to say on a personal level ( and i am crying as i type this) is that i truly believe that our continued prayers helped to protect him and continue to help keep him safe. Its true...u want to wrap these children in your arms and just love them thru it...but its just not enough sometimes...drugs are like a monster that wont let go. I watched your video about prayer and i believe in my core that it is purposeful AND powerful. So god bless u and thank u for talking about your own experiences and allowing others to relate. It helps to hear about others who have gone thru the same struggle.
When I was addicted, I needed to know someone cared, that I was worthy of love. Thank you, RB, for sharing your wisdom.
Dealing with this again. I lost my husband after 20 years of struggling to love him with his alcoholism (starting in junior high). I've been in Alanon for almost 10 years. Here I am with a new one. I have to walk away. This was a great way of wording that. I work with my sponsor, but having somewhat of a script to go in with. Want to detach with love. I know the pain the addict is really covering, so I don't want to feed the self loathing. I want them to know they are worth giving themselves self love, so they can work to stop the self destruction. Thank you for being one of the people who assists in expanding my thoughts and vocabulary around healing and working these steps into all my affairs.
*_My cousin is an alcoholic to the point he has withdrawals that are physically dangerous. From my experience, if you mention their problem and they don't want help or are not ready then they seem to feel judged and tend to act out instead_*
My brother also has withdrawals so bad he has seizures. He also has drank himself physically to death and been revived. He wants help but also rejects it at the same time. The addiction is rejecting the help. Inside he knows he needs it but lets the addiction win everytime and its heartbreaking to see my older brother who I had looked up to killing himself. Turning into a skeleton for alcohol. He used to be so muscular and ALL the ladies thought he was so attractive. Now I am watching him die right in front of me and I cant do anything about it.
Allison S. That is where Iam at with my child. He weighs nothing because he no longer eats.
@@karenc353 so sorry. Pray that you an you son find comfort.
Save yourself & 100% leave the addict. Forgive yourself & get on with your life. There is no prize at the end if you tough it out with an addict in hopes they will change. It will destroy you. If they ever do stop they’ll never be the same again. Your relationship became fractured the moment they made their choice. Their choice was not you. Now you choose to save yourself because i promise if you are with an addict & playing the game, you are the one who needs saving.
Hare Krishna
Thank you Russell... You are getting through to people, helping people, and i believe saving people. If you woke tomorrow and decided you could no longer help others, you could rest easy knowing you have done more good for more people than you could fathom. Thank you thank you thank you.
Yes, but we hope he doesn't.
You said it Jack...couldn't have said it better.
I was held accountable by my best friend and fiance. They helped me get my shit together.
But it was a lot of patience and love.. unconditional love.
Your Favorite Lifecoach that’s beautiful!
You’re lucky to have had people that care enough to help. A lot of people don’t have real help or support.
No, that's why they become addicts...
Yana Nova Vlogs there’s a lot of reasons why someone can get hooked on drugs. Not having people in your life that care about you is probably a big reason to get depressed which can lead to bad things. Some are totally unintentional. Like taking a medication that is addictive and then trying to get off only to realize that you can’t function without it. Or barely while on it. So many legal prescription drugs are so terrible. They ruin countless lives and rip motivation and drive right out of your soul. Life ending stuff
@@damonm3 agree 100% It's sad that people seek "help" and society deems substances like prescription drugs "safe" when in fact, many cause the symptoms of the issue to grow exponentially. This leads people to build a dependency and causes more issues than the one they set out to stop in first place.
"The Addict you Love", Yes and I loved my daughter.
We lost our beautiful Navy vet with PTSD to her demons, a year and a half ago.
She understood her psychology and she understood the reasons. She simply did not want to carry on and found her own way out.
Jordan Peterson has a very good video on the cognitive disconnect that often happens to those who can understand but not care enough to live their lives waging war with addiction and fighting the continual battle of life minus any color which their substance of choice offers.
Thank you, Russell Brand.
Wow.. I have CP and with a parent like you I end my life too!
CPTSD
Which Jordan Peterson video please?
@@TheHouseOffice Hello, the video I mentioned was from the channel called bite sized philosophy, dated on Jul 27th 2017 and the title
is Jordan Peterson Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
All my best wishes,
Taylor's Mom
I was married to active duty and Navy vet. I am very sorry for your loss. Hugs!
So true Russell, growing up in a family where alcohol addiction was prevalent & having relationships with addicts, then becoming an addiction counselor has been quite a journey . It’s about empowerment & realizing they have to realize they have a problem, that they want to change, live differently, we can’t save others from their own pain ....we can be honest & loving but not self sacrificing ..... love your snippets ... & your spirit man ... love from Eire ❤️
Being the sister of an addict of 20 years, I can say with certainty what I want for him doesnt solve the problem. We used to force him into rehab, now he checks himself in when he feels everything is to much. I know he wants to get better and be happy and healthy but he also knows he needs more help. I applaud him for seeking help rather than going to the streets. One day at a time.
Praying for your brother and family. I hope he is doing better.
@@tawanabeautybelief3332 Thank you for your thoughts. Unfortunately he lost his battle with addiction June 7th 2020. I miss him every day.
@@lauren5455 I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Omg I was coming to praise your brother because I'm the girlfriend/ex/ only loved one left of an addict. And seeing how destroyed his life and my life has become I can now relate to all loved ones of addicts and find myself rooting for every addict that chooses recovery or remains sober cause of how challenging they really have it to seek help and remain clean and sober. I understand more about addiction this past year being in love with an addict then I EVER have my whole life. I had no idea the what the life of an addict was like until now.
And I came to send love to your brother and say how proud I am of him. But then I saw your update a comment you made a year ago and I'm sobbing. I don't know you or your brother but I know your story and I can't tell you how crushed I am to hear your brother lost his life to the addiction. I'm so so sorry. I never thought I'd break down this much over a comment made by a stranger on the internet but here I am. I'm so sorry again. Sending all my love to you your brother and anyone else who loved him.
Dealing with my son’s addiction and months goes by before he gets back to me. It’s heartbreaking really. Alanon and Naranon have helped tremendously. I give him to my, his HP all throughout the day. I talk real talk to him when he stays with us, like the AAers do. Feel like he’s two people, his authentic self somewhere deep inside and the addict. I talk to both very differently, lovingly to his essence and firm and no nonsense-with the addict.
Your videos help us, so thank you for that! ❤️🙏🙏❤️
Thank you Russell, this information was very helpful. I was struggling with my thoughts today on how I should help someone I love that struggles with an addiction and your words gave me peace. You are a blessing for sharing yourself. 🙏 ❤️
Idk I have a family member that has been a addict for many years. This is difficult because some people won't do it or can't, it's deeper than just biochemical. 😐 I hate his addiction but I love him. I was so mad at him for years I didn't see him. Then I finally resigned myself to the fact he is doing his best he can even if I want more for him. ❤ So there it is. I'm only posting this because I'm anonymous because there is so much shame surrounding this topic. Our family's secret.😕 Thank goodness that some of this stigma has been lifted. Still a very tough problem. ❤
Thank you, as an addict I can say I completely agree the difficult part is being at that exact right moment to want help completely. As many addicted people may tell you we often want change for certain with out a doubt but just not ready yet because we are anxious nervous and scared to commit to change all at once. Of course that’s the only way to do it but it’s a horrific feeling to accept. After all an addict at that level is truly addicted and it’s not as if it’s simply a bad habit or something that non-addicts may ever understand or relate to.
Don't give up anything. Don't change. JUST ADD SPIRITUAL perspectives. ADD, ADD, ADD, ADD, don't subtract, and soon all your ADDITIONS will transform your Addictions.
Read these books and add spiritual dimension as far as possible. If you don't like reading, visit the Hare Kṛṣṇa place near you & chant, dance, eat spiritual food and be happy. Soon (or immediately) your fascinating addiction will seem dull.
It's like the dumpster diver just needs a good home cooked meal, and they will gladly throw away the festering garbage food as the trash it is.
So add Kṛṣṇa. He's already sitting in your heart as Supersoul waiting for you to recognize Him.
Both of my parents are meth addicts 😢 it's an awful thing to watch your parents go down such a rough life as an addict.
This must be so difficult for you to witness, and being witness of such things allows us to identify what we don't want to be ourselves. I hope you find peace, and that they will realize that there is a better way to live. xx
@@Jamiejamjar ❤💕❤💕 I'm finding peace with it because I know its their journey that they were supposed to live through if they dont learn from it in this lifetime I hope they will in the next. Its taught me to strive for better for my son and to not go down the path of self sobbotage. I pray my parents will find peace and forgive themselves so they can start loving themselves again.
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson I thank you for this 💕❤💕❤💕🙏
I am so sorry for thr pain your going through, my mother was an alcoholic and drug addict my whole life from birth until i was 34 , i am 40 now , dont give up hope., its hard to forgive but i have forgave her now, 🙏 Bless you💗💗💗
Russell thank u so much for this video. I have a brother who is a meth and sex addict and is also a kick-ass jazz musician & poet. His addiction is so powerful it has taken him to a few rock bottoms. Yet he is still defending his position & trying to manipulate the world around him & our family to suit the many demands of his addiction. Its been almost 20 years that we've been dealing with it & its very difficult. Anyway, I've just written to my family with a link to this video. THANX so much for sharing your insight so openly and generously, Right on!
Thank you so much for this.
This is my situation: I have a younger brother and a younger sister. My sister suffered verbal and fiscal abuse from my brother (he is older than her) who has been using drugs since he was 14/15. He is 25 now. I am 27 and I moved away from home at 19. My sister started taking my brother's path becoming almost an alcoholic but I bought a plane ticket for her to get her out of that environment and now she lives with me. I can see she is more at ease, doesn't need to drink anymore, and feels better.
My parents NEVER stopped enabling my brother and they are delusional for thinking that they are helping him by "not abandoning him". My brother is extremely highly skilled in manipulating my parents. They would start yelling and setting boundaries from time to time that never lasts more than one week. I have been telling my parents what you said in the video for 6 years. Instead, they still force me to keep some sort of relationship with him after he has been verbally abusive towards me multiple times and never apologized for it. My sister and my parents almost do not have any relationship due to her 'being the problem' when she confronted them about enabling him.
My question to you is: how do I still maintain a good relationship with my parents after I explain to them that it makes me extremely uncomfortable to even be sitting in the same room as him? And how do I make them understand that they are losing myself and my sister for not even acknowledging our feelings?
Thank you again.
Praying for you and your family!
SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE PERSON WHO IS FULLY RECOVERD!😊 I DON'T THINK PEOPLE REALIZE HOW TRUELY INSPIRING YOU ARE SHARING LIKE THAT IS SO AWSOME BC, U DONT HAVE TO TELL US NOTHING! TY FOR YOUR TRUTH😘
Thank you soo much you’re videos are amazing and I never miss them! Sometimes you’re posts make me laugh sometimes they make me cry but i always walk away feeling a little better
As someone who has been on all sides of this spectrum and back around again , I thank you for offering such great advice summed up so simply. I have really been enjoying your videos, please keep them coming
What helped you to quit?
I love your scarf Russell firstly! Secondly, I appreciate such honesty you show as a former addict, and having such insight into dealing with a loved one who is addicted.
"Can't heal a sick mind with a sick mind" Grateful for your lessons Russell 🙏
Russell, you are always helpful, plus love the humour element💚. My husband has been in recovery 3 years now. He knows if he ever had a drink he'd be out! His mum and sister are addicts too and we haven't seen them now for nearly 3 years. Last time he was at his parents, his sister encouraged him to drink, knowing the devastation to our family it would cause if he did. That's an addict for you. It is hard to maintain boundaries, but essential. My husband knows his mum will most probably die(she is in her 80s) without him seeing her again, but that is an addicts choice.
“I will help you to change..but not to stay the same” Russel u are amazing and thanks for sharing this 🙏🏻🕉
yea he's completely right.. you'll never help an addict if they don't want to change.. i'm 3 years sober now and it's still a struggle but life is a blessing
I remember thinking that I couldn't go back to being sober, and it was scary. Tough love is good to treat addiction.
I just feel that I am no longer part of the team ..../// when you are no longer part of the joke you are the joke ... so I just keep on trying to laugh .... I do 2ant to quit but to scared to grow up
Thank you
I have already sent this to many parents.
Here in U.S. we have an epidemic of parents who need as much help as their kids.
My daughter has been a heroin addict for 8 years. She is 27 & I feel so powerless.
Puddha Piffle why did she start?
If it is any comfort to you, I knew a seriously addicted heroin addict in the late 70's. She turned her life around and stayed sober. No one, including me thought she could because she was so strung out. I wish you all the best.
Puddha Piffle detach with love and go to Narc-Anon support groups.
8 years is a long time, is she being enabled ?
Sending you love. Its normal to geel that way. Take care and keep finding joy in life. Xx
I lost my mum to alcoholism 4.5 months ago and this is exactly what I learnt growing up. She had to choose. She did not want to get better. I can't wait to hear you talk at Greenbelt this year Russell, I'll be in the crowd at you r talk.
Thanks for these videos Russell. Also thanks for being a part of the good changes that are going on in my life.
I view drugs like the tree of good and evil. Its a gamble of what you can learn and what you could lose. Something cared enough to intervene my life. Thankful♡
i just want to say thank you for taking the time out of your life to make this video to help people. My dad has been struggling with addiction for a long time and he’s had a couple of overdoses and he’s just gotten so much worse as time has went on he went to rehab once and did great for about a month after he got out and fell back into it. Now im turning 23 this year trying to figure out how in the world to pick all these broken pieces from all of what i’ve endured in my life searching for all kinds of answers all over and what you have said definitely helped me feel better as far as my end with my dad goes. Thank you once again.
Been thru this over and over again for many years. He keeps going back to it, this time it’s worse than ever, looks like he’s gonna lose everything, and be homeless it seems. I can’t describe the heartache as a mother and the worry and anxiety.😢
Highly traumatic childhood. Sister and I grew up alone, we are middle aged adults now, and my sister is in late-stage alcoholism. I am powerless, I can do nothing, I just have to sit back and watch this happen even though I would lock her in a cage to get her well. The only thing I can do is work on how I am going to survive the loss of my beautiful sister and only family member. It's agonizing, it steals your joy, your future, and the mythology that everything works out in the end.
Same heartbreaking agonizing no-win situation with one of my siblings, unfortunately. Late stage, brain severely affected. It's a struggle to hang onto my own sanity.
Big Prayers to you. Similar circumstances in some ways with my only sister and family member left, and her back sliding into her addiction. It's excrutiatinly difficult
I wish I had heard these words of wisdom years ago! Your success Russell in overcoming your addictions is to be commended!! This video will be helping many who are in this situation now.
My girlfriend of 5 years is still having issues with drugs and ive been sober for a year. I feel guilty for the actions we both partaken in and i feel like i cant give up on her. She did go to a in patient rehab this year for 60 days but soon relapsed. I feel tremendous guilt and i cant stop trying to help her. I dont enable her but maybe i do with not inducing tough love but she has resources that can keep her high. Its eating me alive. Its very tough. One day its like she has it she feels like the burden of using is over but i try to tell her u gotta know ur addiction is waiting for u to just to rationalize and then its to late. Im not sure what to do.. ive relapsed bcuz of this issue but ive put my foot down so to speak as in i cannot let it come and ruin my progress anymore.. its been real rough and going... touch and go. But thanks for ur vids.
I am having the same experience. Im trying to help her. She lives in a shit hole and is losing weight rapidly. But I refuse to give up on her.
I wish I had seen this 10 years ago.
Still coping with guilt and grief over not knowing how to save my addicted loved one. I know I’m not god theoretically but I guess I haven’t really come to terms with it in my soul. I always think if I could have been kinder/ or more firm or more accepting or said the perfect words... maybe... I’m glad you’re out there sharing your experience. It does help.
"You have to accept help and do things differently." This is so true, I've been trying to help a friend, but if he wants to keep his life the same way, he will never change...
Always to the point. I respect you so much Mr. Russell. Iam going through the same with someone I love, and he does not want to help himself.
You also cannot let others convince you as a parent someone is an addict because they like to unwind. People over medicated and suffering severe grief generally don’t need to judge a person for any reason
Totally understand about admitting and wanting to change .My sister in law has been doing cocaine 25 years .lost everything; in and out of rehab .lost. House &daughter( custody) .we all have talked with her &tried to help .she still takes off for days .Now she is in jail for a year hope it helps .we are at wits end and also feel for her.she has a beautiful heart..still love her .sad. She must WANT to change😥😣
Dear Animal Tested Love ❤️
You're a beautiful person for caring so much for your sister-in-law and sticking by her. That alone is enough to bring more Light into this world. You ARE making a big positive difference ... in ways you cannot even fathom !!!
Much Love & Light from the hood in NYC 💚☮️💜💋
@@donacatanguma you sincerely have touched my heart!! Thankyou so much. From the bottom of my heart for such kind words . WE pray for her everyday to help her and keep her safe .we. have Hope ,Faith and love! Thankyou again. Love too you and bless you always💖💖💖💖
Man I used to hate you as a kid because I grew up watching forgetting Sarah Marshall and I couldn’t separate you from the actor. I’m so happy I stumbled upon your content. You’re an intelligent, articulate, compassionate human who has such sagacity and a level of humility. Thanks so much for this. I’m currently helping a loved one with addiction and this video offers such good perspective. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this. As a parent of a drug addicted adult son, this is what I needed to hear.
I have a friend who's son overdosed. He was in a coma for months, than woke up. He is not able to look after himself anymore, his brain is more or less fried. He is still aware, though, he does recognize his family. His family now has to beg people for help, so they can afford to keep taking care of him, since he needs to be hospitalized for life. If you are an addict, maybe the thought of you being that son could wake you up. He is now kind of like the guy in "One", that song from Metallica. Caught in his own body, and he can't run away from it. Don't do that to yourself. Don't do that to your loved ones.
I once worked with a really cool, really nice lady in an office. She trained me and we became friendly enough to where she opened up to me about her son being ex-military and a heroin addict. It seemed almost a cruel joke weeks later when she got THE call from her dad that her son did not wake up. The agonizingly painful cries of a grieving mother I heard that day still haunt me. My coworkers and I heard her go through the different stages of grief before our ears and eyes... I think if addicts were to actually hear their mother or loved one cry over their death the way I did, it might show them how much they are actually loved and cared for and also the pain they cause, that they might actually want to get help. If you or someone you know is going through this, there is nothing I can do to make you feel better but regardless, my heart breaks for you.
You’re absolutely right!
Finding resources is hard especially being the loved one on the outside. Thank you for coming up in my detailed search for guidance
Thank you I needed that - i’m exhausted - “your inner life must be regarded”
There is no amount of treatment that will help someone that doesn’t want help. No amount of “love” will stop them from their addiction. The only love that will help is the love one has for themselves. Period. I’ve been there and done that before.
Thank you Russell this post spoke to my soul, I lost the love of my life of 6 years to methamphetamine use, he is in rehab right now but our relationship is over. I did not know he was using till we broke up because I know nothing about drugs. Loving an addict is such a complex subject, thank you for articulating what someone needs to do, to bring Wellness to the one you love, in my case he had to lose his girlfriend to finally get help. Sober people need to understand what is going on internally to our loved one thank you for doing that
Society is structured and built upon an accepted tower of substance abuse. We are taught subliminally from the cradle that substance abuse is necessary for us to find a connection with one another. And yet all it serves to do is separate us from ourselves and then from each other. It's taken me over 50 years to realise that true contentment and love for oneself can only be found when I live a spiritually sober life and make Edging God Out a thing of the past.
Thanks Russel - this opioid epidemic has hit the World hard and the older a person is, the dirtier/more untouchable the word 'addicted' seems to become
My mum, haven't seen her in 16 years. The reason I grew up in fostercare. We live in separate countries. I can't help her, I can't even talk to her on the phone. I wish I could. I don't understand the mother daughter bond. I understand loving my son, that's what makes it hurt so much. Thanks for the advice anyway, I like your scarf btw.
love it "I will help you to change but I will not help you to remain the same" 💚 My loved ones are not addicted to drugs, they are addicted to drama, and in cycle of abuse - just as addictive as external drug are those that the body produces and there are terrible consequences that are the same as with drug addiction,
Russell i used to really dislike you once upon a time when i was in a very disfunctional relationship , but man youre amazing, truly inspirational ..you do have a wonderul soul ,,bless you ,you trully are living the programme ..
~Addiction is very hard work and sometimes it takes years to become you,but it is worth it,and you are right about the person must want to do the work to become his higher self,loving your self is the goal!!
No matter what, always sleep, bathe, and eat! Sometimes addicts make silly sacrifices but doing good things for YOU puts you in a better place automatically, less of a horrid state
My father won't accept help. It IS very difficult but it's definitely a fact, thank you Russell. 🙏 Healthy boundaries and knowing it's my father's choice, not mine. It's actually sad to see he's become MORE and MORE into being alone and pushing others away, especially if they won't partake in the addiction. "I will help you to change, I won't help you to stay the same." ❤ I did stop smoking but I wasn't as addicted as he is..and I stopped because I found salvation. My father is looking in places that have proven to be destructive and enabling. He gets triggered or just ignores what I say when it comes to my Christian faith. 😢 Which also has become extremely disrespectful. I have to not speak of my identity in Christ for him to tolerate time with me. I've found this is common with people stuck in toxic routines.
I have to remember for now to pray and to remember those healthy boundaries in love.
To have support and positivity around them is better than tough love it gets farther .. everyone’s teachable and learnable…but u can’t force the timing
Thank you so much for putting out such amazing content. I was an addict 26 years ago. And my daughter now struggles with her own addiction. It was so hard to learn how to set boundaries because I felt I owed her everything and I blamed myself
Best thing you did for her is you recovered and showed her it can be done.
She'll find her own pathway
Blessings your a great Mum
@@traceybyrne1690 thank you so much, all we can do is just support each other and communicate the best we can. My daughter is 6 months clean, and I am so proud!!!!
Can you do a video on how to stop living in your head please.
You cant, just find a way to change that mental landscape. Fitness, martial arts, painting anything that isnt that realm of self pitying darkness. Good luck and feel free to reply.
@Tys van Zeijl Look up Tich Naht Hahn. Many great videos about this subject
Lol Russell brand isn't a therapist lol and you shouldn't feel comfortable getting advice past addiction from him on life lol cause he was a bad actor and a bad addict but he's funny and this video was great
@@gobio2849 Can you explain what you and other commenter mean when you say "living in your head"?? My fiancé is struggling with drug addiction, has been since I first met him at 14 Years old (he's now almost 28). H/is drug of choice is Benzo's, specifically Xanax. He literally just always wants to be NUMB. and when I say numb I mean completely and utterly numb. His entire personality, thought process, likes/dislikes/ change when he takes them. His sense of right/wrong, good/bad, up/down, goes COMPLETELY out the window. It literally feels like every single time he takes them, he dies, and a stranger I have never met before completely takes over his mind/body/soul. Whenever he is sober, and we have heart to hearts, and he tries to explain to me the "why" he uses that phrase a lot, he hates "living in his head" or "you don't understand what goes on in my head" etc etc. But he can never really emphasize too much on that. anyway you could give me a different perspective?
It’s a hard process but it’s doable and most you get back life ! You will become better but you have to go through it and it’s long journey but you will get their; your beauty path way 🦋💖
Thanks Russel!! I’m a recovering addict and have fallen in love 🥰 & got engaged to a non recovery person who’s been living with myself & elderly mom who has been through the ringer w me , lost my Dad again a 12 step Person & my personal hero. I got myself isolated from my recovery & relapsed eventually & this person I’ve committed to love 💕 I been trying to help now, I’m Clean but he’s still using after trying to get him to recovery & I know it’s impossible for me. I’ve tried everything! I’m grateful for you & this particular video bc I’m right where you are talking about. I can no longer be enabling & guide him to a male sponsor or mentor. I’m hoping that he can become willing, honest & open minded bc my Mother is ready to throw him out! & so am I! I need My (recovery life back )! It’s awesome that it’s gotten me back to meetings regardless of what happens w/ hm. Having as he will be homeless if he continues to use! It’s been a shit show! Thanks again, any thoughts 💭? He’s worth trying but not dying for!
My sister is an addict and by the grace of god she has been accepted into a free 12-week recovery program starting tomorrow! 💗
How is she?
She dropped out of this programme but as of today she is good (alive) and only smoking weed 😌❤️
Thank you Russell for your reassurance. I’ve been in a position that a friend, on one hand was asking me for help then on the hand kept walking away from therapy, NA and rehab. So, I had to walk away from them, which was extremely hard to cut all ties with this person.
So thank you for reassuring me that I’ve made the correct decision.
He’s a wonderful person but his drug use was so incredibly damaging. Thank you
Filling the void with addiction is a never ending solution, healing the source of the pain will help open up your eyes to new ways to cope and healthy addictions, but sadly this cannot be forced on anybody you love.
I quite alcohol because it was either the bottle, or my family. 3 years sober of alcohol. Got caught up with opiates a couple years ago due to an injury....got hooked. . my wife found them so again, the addict in me won. I quit opiates 3 days later. What got me through those 5 days of hell was a goal. Family. I did it.. not proud of it but I beat it so 9 months sober from those evil things.
If you set a goal, have a strong mind, you can accomplish anything. Peace and love
The destruction of addiction is the material world is never going to work for you....I like that.
The girl I love is addicted to dangerous shit and I wanna cry yo 💔
my bf too addicted with drug wt to do 😑😑
Been there. I chose to: (1) Stay in touch, but not a on a daily basis; every week or two. (2) Make sure my family member knew I loved him and did not judge. (3) Lastly, I would take him to a restaurant (fast food or otherwise) and get some food in him. Whether or not that was for him or me, I still wonder. It took YEARS, but he did recover and is leading a decent and productive life, married, and a really good father. I know it's been a year since this was posted, but I read the comments on podcasts that mean something to me; and someone might need to know my story. Thanks for your honesty, Russell!!
Nice.
Hare Kṛṣṇa
Huh. That the root of some addictions is that thought that “the material world has nothing left to offer you” (you’re always going to be a fuck up, or wrong, or the world can’t cope with you), and turning that into a ‘Ok, maybe that’s right - so how do we think about that constructively rather than drugging ourselves out of the situation’. That, in a way, that thought might not be wrong, but the /approach/ taken after having it is. That’s a really powerful idea.
Hey Russel, thanks for the inspiring videos. Youre the best. Much love from across the pond.
Ash Ketchum he is okay 👀😜😀
Russell, thank you for all your posts and videos. You are such a blessing to many many people of all races, religions, and it's awesome to watch. Your positivity is infectious. Love the passion and have a good idea where you are getting it from. If you could share that, it would be awesome. Thanks again
I've been a fan for a really long time, I'm 1 months sober. Thank you man, I wish I had people like you to talk to in my life.
My baby’s father suffers from drug addiction, I’m only 7 weeks pregnant and I’m worried he won’t get help and be there for our kid. He wants to be a father but his scared, he wants help but at the same time he ignores help. I bought him one of your books (freedom from our addiction) in order to help him with his drug addiction he said it was good but got scared when he read your life story as he can relate. His scared of men and getting help from people as he has a bad trust issue. So it’s heart breaking to see him go down this path way of drug addiction. I only pray that he will have courage to get help and find people he trusts, the only person he is able to open up to is me but I feel like I can’t help him, I tried everything I could to help him for 4 years of our relationship him being on and off drugs but I feel I lost hope. I still love him deeply and be there for him when times get bad but if he abuses me because of the drugs I have no choice but protect myself and the baby. The baby is my first priority and love. I’m just scared of the future and truly wish he gets treatment ❤️
Help them find help.....that’s as far as it goes. Addicts show up and ask me for help. I show them who can. Then, detach with love, and say I can’t wait to visit once you’ve gotten clean. I will be here.
Elizabeth Ayres the detaching part is interesting! Why do you do it?
So they can’t get their hooks into you...
Yana Nova Vlogs I detach for a few reasons. First, I need to protect my sobriety, in that, I don’t use drugs. That being said, I do not have the expertise, nor do I have the resources to help. Finally, that person doesn’t get to have fun and hang with me because they’re no fun for me when they are high. I don’t wish to contribute, however I will give a person food or water and direction to the nearest rehab or hospital.
David I get that. There is a LOT of associated drama I would prefer to avoid.
Yana Nova Vlogs Also, if they are that important to me, I must demand they are that important to themselves
💗"I'm still struggling with not being God." 😂🎯🎁
Still I do too
Loving an addict is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. His children and I wait for him, but it tears us apart. Every few months he will get arrested and get sober and when he gets out, he does good for a bit. Then boom, relapse. Never ending cycle. Of the last 7 years
1) Admit that there is a problem and that it’s destroying you
2) Believe it’s possible to stop
3) Accept help and do things differently