「Original」 Can't Go Back (Goodbye)【Jayn】
Вставка
- Опубліковано 3 чер 2017
- ➥ More of my Original songs: goo.gl/eWLXV8
【♥ PERSONAL NOTES ⇣ 】
Song diary entry time!
This song is my way of finally saying goodbye to a loved one I lost when I was younger.
I was still in grade school when she passed. My mom says I cried. Like, a gut wrenching, harrowing cry - a cry she hasn't heard from me since, and then all at once I went quiet and that was it.
The depression set in, the anxiety started up, and I started to question whether it was worth forming close relationships with people.
The most frustrating part was not understand why it had affected me so much. "People die, Jayn, a lot of people lose someone in childhood - why can't YOU get over it? What's wrong with you?"
So I kept distracting. The events in "Poison" contributed, and many other difficult things growing up. I just felt so much weaker without her. I always wondered who I would be if it hadn't happened. But I can't go back.
I never went back to her grave and the funeral was the last time I really let myself cry about it.
The last memory I had of her was touching her hand in the hospital after her heart attack and feeling her flinch and pull away. I understand now she must have felt ashamed. She passed away suddenly in the hospital sometime after and I didn't get to say goodbye, I believed she'd come home once she recovered.
The past few years haven't been great, honestly - but amidst the ups and downs there's something that wasn't there for a long time - hope (thanks to you). For so long I felt purposeless, and depression felt like a huge part of my identity.
Now it's like a "Monster", something I want to defeat and rise above. For the first time, I feel like happiness is possible - that I can change. Even on my darkest days - I fight so much harder. When I saw that potential, I started working really hard. On improving as a musician / singer and improving as a human. I want to get better. I want to fully feel and live again.
I started thinking of her more often. Trying to remember her voice, trying to remember our time together.
"We sang up to the stars" was a reference to a memory I have of us sitting together in the car and looking at the stars through the sunroof. She started singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and I joined in. I don't know why but that's one of the most vivid memories I have of her.
Musically I tried to incorporate the different things I feel when I think of her. May not make sense. Apart of me feels a sort of surreal, peaceful, drifting feeling, then the anger and sadness crescendo, and the breakdown - when life just slowed down and twisted up, until finally I can start to say what I've been needing to.
"I love you, goodbye."
Thank you for letting me share.
Thank you to SynK and Tiribrush for their beautiful work as well, check out their commissions!
【♥ARTIST NOTES - TIRIBRUSH ⇣ 】
I added flowers to each drawing that symbolize something specific to the feelings of that character in flower language. The child has red poppies, the teenager is kicking petunias, and the adult's bouquet includes lily of the valley, sweet peas, and forget-me-nots!
Here are the meanings:
Red poppies: Loss and death
Petunias: Resentment and anger (also a longing to spend time with someone because their company is soothing)
Lily of the Valley: Return to happiness
Sweet Peas: Goodbye/Farewell
Forget Me Nots: Remembrance
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【♥ VIDEO CREDITS ⇣ 】
➥ Music/Lyrics/Vocals: Jayn
➥ Video: SynK ( / synkvoice )
➥ Art: Tiribrush ( tiribrush.deviantart.com )
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【♥ LYRICS HERE ⇣ 】
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LittleJayneyCakes Early yay btw love you and your voice
LittleJayneyCakes This is amazing!
I'm crying now😢
LittleJayneyCakes, you're awesome. You were able to say goodbye which is important. As long as you remember her, she won't be forgotten. Awesome song and you're amazing
LittleJayneyCakes so this is the last of her video
I read the description and I'm sorry for your loss. No one ever gets over a loved ones death no matter how hard someone tries. There's always a hole you feel that is left when someone passes on but that's because they took a part of you when they left so that they always be with you. Remember that no one is ever truly gone until they are forgotten
Me too
No matter what happens she'll always be with you and will never you
Yeah, no matter how hard you try to let go of that beloved gift, she's in ur presence no matter what if you're arguing with your boyfriend or doing good or bad, she's in your house.... and everywhere you go... no matter what.... we're 🎵 shouting it load🎵
and 🎵the truth is that your only one girl 🎵 combined with your present so 🎵maybe if you keep believing, your dreams will come... to liiiife.... come to liiiife🎵
we're there for you Jayn, see you precious cinnamon roll 😉
what if your the only person who remembers your parents, but then you get amnesia, are they truly gone?
JK there's a grave 4 em
Bidoof Bidoof That will be more sadder then the last
I know in your Poison description you mentioned feeling nervous about uploading such honest music, but I imagine it's helpful to get these kinds of feelings off of your chest. And I think your original songs always end up being some of your strongest, probably because of how honest they are.
The video was really well done, nice job Syn & Tiri.
Everyone, especially Jayn,
This song has helped me. More than you know.
A little over a month ago, I struggled with something very tragic, the loss of a loved one and dear friend. Jayn's wonderful discord family helped me the night of the loss and Jayn personally helped me through my struggle- including me have an early draft of this song. I have to admit, I've kept that song and it still brings back the memories of the loved ones. This is a wonderful example of how Jayn has helped me with her music and I literally screamed when I saw that she is sharing this beautiful song with the world.
Jayn, if I do get lucky enough for you to read this, Hi!
This is Dream. Honestly, I can't thank you enough. I understand that you are going through hard times right now with income, and I am currently in process of becoming an aid through Patreon. Your music inspires people. It changes people. And, in my case, it helps people. So please never give up.
Hey Dream.
It's no problem. Thank you for the beautiful touching music that you share with so many people.
The song was beautiful. I'm sorry that you lost your love on. This song reminds me of my grandmother. She always encouraged me to do music regardless of my condition. When she left this world, my heart shattered. I never thought I would lose her. Time pass and I realize, I should keep pushing, be strong for my siblings, helps others and go after my dreams. She would want that for me. I will stay strong and smile. She would want that. Thank you Miss Jayn for writing a beautiful song that fills my heart. 🌹 💛
That's really beautiful.
The song, the art, your feelings and your message in the description.
Thank you for sharing a big part of your heart ; - ;
be brave ♥
Sainte Séïa Future cover ? :3
your songs deserve being played on radio
I never known loss, so I don't know what your going through. But in this song I actually feel the pain and it hurts so much, I felt like I was about to cry. This is done so good and the emotion has definitely hit me. Keep going strong Jayn.
nicholas rivera will will never know loss what?
Wow.... Jayn, this is powerful and poignant to say the least! The imagery and the lyrics clearly intertwine well, and the anguish of this song clearly emerges in your vocals! Thanks for sharing this with us! This is definitely a thing of beauty! 💜💜🌹🌺💜💜
This song is beautiful, and I hope you know that's she's at peace now.
you're wonderful Jayn!
I don't think a song has ever made me feel quite so emotional. I won't pretend that I can understand what it's like losing someone like that. But the emotions ring out through the song quite clearly. This is a lovely song and a lovely send off.
I still miss my Grandpa so much even though he died 3 years ago 😭 I love him so much even if he already died I still love him very much and he'll always be in my heart..❤️ My Grandpa and I used to be so close.. 🥺
The dubers really love upload things at this hour, when I should be sleeping, right?
Sleep? Pft.
Who needs that?
SaTuRNo 97 Ikr? I love staying up late. x3
SAME
SaTuRNo 97 sleep is for the weak.
And those who need to wake up early tomorrow.
...
Aw crap.
"sleep is for the week" You die after a week without it -_-
Well I love sleeping there is a chance you can get a free movie in your sleep
Thank you for writing and singing and uploading this song.. This actually helps me with having lost someone to.. so.. thank you..
This story is really touching. Im sorry you went through that, especially when you were young. We love you Jayn!
This sounds great! I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you seem to be handling it well though! Have a good day!
This was so beautiful that I'm crying. I'm really sorry for your loss.
This was absolutely amazing jayn! I love it and I'm sure people can relate. Sorry for your loss, you're so strong.
This is wonderful !!
Jayn, your original songs are just wonderful !
I'm really happy that you're singing more and more original songs !
Your voice is incredible and your lyrics are fabulous !
I read the description and I'm sorry for your loss, I know what it feels like, to lose someone close to you and never seeing them again, and it is truly heartbreaking. If ever you need some hugs, we're here for you, Jayn.
I really love this and all of your other songs you made. they really been a big help to get though a rough time. Recently my aunt past away and this song you made is exactly what I have been feeling, so thank you and I hope you'll keep making great songs.
Bless you Jayn..
Be strong through it all! You've got many people who are here for you
Oh I just love how emotional your voice sounds sometimes, and I know you must hear this a lot but, you are not alone and you make us fans realize that we aren't either, thank you.
The flowers were a really nice touch!!!
I simply love this song. The tempo the beat the vocals. Jayn, Jayn, Jayn listen, your amazing and I'm really sorry for you that your loved one has passed away but at least he/she is most likely proud of you for being the best singer/songwriter (in my opinion). Thank you for making beautiful songs and uploading them.
I love this song! It's so sad yet beautiful at the same time!
OHMAGERRRD! THIS SONG! It's so moving! Amazing job as always!
My favorite original song. Just... amazing.
Aaah so gorgous
Bought this, bought Poison, gonna buy the instrumentals, because I am obsessed with your music. Your songs made me realize so many things about my life. Thank you.
Some things, like the loss of someone you love, can just never be gotten over. I feel the same way about certain things, and someone close to me had a similar experience to yours. So I sympathize with you. *hug* We love you Jayn!
When I read the description I started to cry. I had experienced when someone you really cared about dies... and you didn't get the chance to say goodbye.
But you have more than I had when that person died.
What I want to say is that your songs really touch my heart and we are here even If we never meet. ❤
I've yet to lose someone I'm really close to and I dread the day that it finally happens... I've not experienced it, yet the emotion you conveyed left me very teary eyed. This is a really beautiful song, you're very talented.
I actually really enjoy your songs, your originals are beautiful!
this song is beautiful in a sad way. As someone that also lost a childhood friend but to a kidnapping, I never really got to say good bye personally. I'm sorry for your lost, I could not help but to cry to this song. Can't go back as they say but I'm hoping for time to keep making me stronger and heal as so to you. Thank you for this song!
wow that was powerful!!!!
GREAT SONG!
I appreciate the story in the description. Idk if you've noticed, but it seems like you have become more open. Anyway, thank you for another great song!! Ily
I can listen to this on loop for the rest of my life and I wouldn't get sick of it.
You have been delivering on all those originals you promised and I couldn't be happier! Keep it up
You have a fantastic singing voice, great video! I had a wonderful time working with you on this!
I understand your pain. it's hard losing someone you love and were very close to. I have very little memory of my loved one also.. We're all here for you Jayn, we all love you.
Love the song and I'm sorry to hear about your loss I know it's hard losing a loved one and thank you for sharing what made this song this song. Keep up the great work! Love all your stuff! :) ❤
I'm sorry for your loss! Beautiful voice and you will get out of this sad and gloomy chapter in your story book soon
I teared up just reading the description. I haven't even listened to the song yet.
This song is beautiful and powerfull! and I absolutely love the song and the original songs they are incredible . Also, I'm sorry for your loss hope your ok. Stay strong love your content I will never leave this channel.
How curious, I was just thinking about you and this song, because you said you would upload this.
As everyone says, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 10 years old. It still hurts a lot everyday and this song made me cry... Thank you, Jayn. Your voice always helps me to find feelings and understand them better.
Greetings from Argentina, I really admire you
This song came out a few years after my grandma passed away. This song reminded me off her so much, I still remember the first time hearing it and sobbing because of how much I related too it. I was young when she died and I didn’t think I would ever not see her again. I don’t remember the last time I had told her I loved her. I don’t remember the last time I hugged her. I don’t remember her voice. Even now, when I listened to this again for the first time in years I cried like I did the first time. I miss her so much and this song makes me feel less alone. Knowing I’m not the only one feeling this way is comforting. So thank you ❤️
This song is so beautiful, I love it
Beautiful song with Beautiful meaning and strength behind it
Not just Jayn, but Tiribrush and SynK are also Amazing! Amazing work in this video!
keep on going you have some much to give. I can hear it and know you are not alone. You are awesome
This song is beautiful! I've lost someone really dear to me too in my childhood and this song is just so beautiful!
THE FEELS!! btw I freaking love the story and passion behind this song!
this is lovely and you need a hug
*hugs*
WOW THIS IS WONDERFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! Great job
I love this
Amazing work!
I love this song
The feelings there were strong enough to feel overwhelming. It was kinda like you were talking to our heart, Jayn, and that was just a wonderful and breath-taking moment. Now, though, I feel like I won't be able to listen this song in loop because the feelings are too strong, gonna return to it from times to times ^~^
As always, thanks for singing and for doing such beautiful originals. Also, I love the addition of the flowers, it gives to the video something more, that makes it precious as well, and same for the visual transition of the lyrics. That really gave these even more strength at some point. Fabulous work ^~^
I love your original, Jayn °^°
A loss during childhood is always super hard. I understand so much this struggle :c
Another good song, good luck and stay strong ! :3
I know what it's like losing someone important to you, and never getting the chance to say goodbye. I've moved on, but my family doesn't seem to think so. I'm an introvert, so I stay up in my room and do things. My family thinks of this as not being able to move on. I don't think of her that often, not because it makes me sad, but because theres no point in thinking about her 24/7. Apparently that means I haven't moved on, according to my family. Just because I'm an introvert, doesn't mean I'm denying my mother's dead.
But anyway, this was an amazing song; I felt myself tear up a little bit. Keep being awesome, Jayn.
Beautiful, Just.. Beautiful.
I love this so much.. so very much..
idk what to say to this after listening and reading the description. all I can think of is:
yay my notification finally worked!!! IM NOW APART OF THE NOTIFICATION SQAUD, great song as always btw. (that description was really sad.. I'm sorry that happened)
Good Song! I am sorry for your loss.
This really brought the tears
I always wondered how people could becomes fans of an artist to the point where they have screaming fans who faint but after watching and listening just two of your videos, Aozora no Rhapsody and this one, I'm beginning to understand.
Everytime I hear this song, I cry. This song is so beautyful and powerful.
This song gave me the vibes of one of Bullet For My Valentines' song which had the same theme!
It's so emotional, I can't help but also mourn along with this song.
Fantastic!
I lost my grandmother a few weeks ago. Thank you.❤
I love how there is references to some others of your original songs in your notes:
Wound, Poison, Monster and Give it Time (I hope I didn't miss any)
You're really making a singing diary, I will be looking forward for another beautiful entry in it ^~^
your voice gives me so many idea's for rap Chrs lines
Thank for your all beautiful song,I like it all so much .You are my favorite❤💕
I came to this song when it first came out and loved it but it didn’t really hit me until I lost my pawpaw back in October, I didn’t get to say goodbye properly and I relate so much to the lyrics.
why was my notification late @_@
this is so gorgeous. I never get sick of your singing at all.
also, sorry to hear that someone passed when you were a child: same thing happened to me about 2 months ago but I'm older so I didn't bawl as much ;' )
hope life's doing good for you... have a good week
I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really feeling this song rn...
It’s a beautiful song I’ve lost a few people who were very close to me and I still can’t say goodbye it’s good that you have even though it feels like you’ve had your heart ripped out of your chest keep the memories alive and they’ll still be there It may not be in prison but they will still be there after all we still have are memories of them and that’s what will last forever
Oh my god.... I actually started to cry...aaaaaaaaaaaa this song
This is really hitting too close to home for me, I can't stop the tears. My father died before I even turned nine years old, still in third grade. It was terrible, I couldn't function because the man I was closest to, my amazingly talented and funny father was gone forever. At the time my younger brother didn't understand what had happened immediately but soon realized that we would never be able to see his smiling face anymore. He broke down crying, curling up into my lap for comfort and we cried for hours...and this song is just so, similar to how I felt....it's been six years, but listening to this makes me feel like I did back then.
When my friend died in my childhood, it had a massive impact on me too, i stopped eating and doing things, I just cried. It wasn't until i got a message from her sister from facebook, she told me that my passed away friend always talked about me and how I helped her through bad times. She sent me a video of her farewell msg she recorded and how she thanked me for everything since she always knew she didn't have long left.
After I realised that life is precious and fragile, we should all learn to cherish the moments with the person because it may be your last time of ever talking to them, we all just have to move on, stay strong but not forget them.
Anyway thanks for taking your time to read my little story :D
This is dopeeeeee
How come I just got notified a few hours late? Really UA-cam 😑
Anyway great song 👏👏👏 and I'm sorry for your loss 😞 I know how it feels ...I lost someone too 😫 not too long ago
I dont remember why i sub, but glad I did.
Very sad I know how that feels I’ve felt a similar thing before lovely song
Why must my phone notify me so late about you uploading a new song?
In at school!😔
HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL!
This song has become a personal favorite of mine for the last 2 years. In the last 4 years I been struggling with depression and other mental problems and a lot of deaths, 4 years ago there was a horrible train vs pedestrian accident near my location. I saw it happen and my mom identified the body. We both still have ptsd from that. Since that day my mom been unable to physically cry. The next year I lost 2 pet Birds right next to easter and my birthday and found out A close family friend who I consider a uncle died several months back in april..... on Christmas eve. Last year in 2019 was the worst, I lost my grandfather who I had not talked to in years due to a ongoing family feud involving my dad, Mom, My aunt and My grandma. He died on October 1st of a heart attack, 3 hours before he was to go in for heart surgery. I regret that I was not able to talk to him one last time. Tell him that despite things I still loved him. I could not even say a proper farewell. There was no funeral and then on December 5th a day before my birthday my Grandmother showed up with a gold heart ornament. My grandfather wanted his ashes split between his children, that included my mom. That day... It was the day reality finally hit me hard. I had been in denial about it but that is what made me relized He was truely gone. I cried so much in my room for weeks. I still can't look at the ornament without breaking into tears.... I don't know when I will finally be able to say goodbye to him. I am lucky so far to not lose anyone close this year so far but am terrified. Everything that happened has left me fearful of the future and unsure I be able to weather it at all. I will continue to try tho. I won't give up.
I'm totally crying now
When I was 8, my best friend died in an accident. For nearly a year, I was in shock. I didn’t cry, I didn’t react, I didn’t do anything. I withdrew, not speaking to anyone and hiding in a closet during class. My teachers let me, because they didn’t know how to deal with what I was going through. After a year had passed, I finally cried for the first time. I realized that he was gone for good, and there was nothing I could do about it. For a while, I was angry at the person who drove the truck that hit him, but eventually I realized that it wasn’t their fault. The accident was unpreventable, and no one was at fault. I was so angry that things like that could just happen, and there wasn’t anything we could do to change that.
I cried listening to this because it reminded me of my grandma who died last year. Listening to this made me realize I can't remember her voice. That I never said goodbye.... or I love you
WOOP another original yasssssssss.....
Also, I am very sorry for your loss...I know how it feels...
i love the song, it's beautiful.. and you are not alone, she's forever in your heart
me encanta como cantas!!! :'3
This is so good I love all of your originals
Beautiful song, Jayn. I definitely hear the emotion in your voice. I never lost a friend when I was a child so I can't say that I know exactly how you feel. But I did have a grandmother who died in 2001 when I was only three. My other one died in 1995, three years before I was born. Both of them died of a horrible thing thing we call *cancer*. I barely remember her funeral, though since I didn't exactly realize what was going on at the time, I wasn't crying. When I got older though, I sometimes would cry since I never really got the chance to know or meet them. I cried like a baby after watching someone play Stardew Valley when the old woman said "My name is Evelyn, but you can call me Grandma," since my paternal grandmother's name was Evelyn. I read the description of your song before I played it, and I started to cry like a baby again when I listened to the song as it reminded me of her as well. I am glad that you found hope and finally got to say goodbye to her.
Also, I'm just wondering, but is she the one who had introduced you to anime? Again, beautiful song. I hope that it helps others to find peace and hope as well.
Desc got me crying