@Gemma Dann oh yes, and everytime you confront them with something or tell them they hurt you or try to set boundaries or stand up for yourself... literally no acknowledgment just immediately an accusation. "Do you have someone else lined up" "are you talking to someone else" "you must have someone else" "what are you doing right now" "go with him then" (um theres no him" not once in 3 years did he ever answer a question.. his response was always to accuse me of something. Deflection. Made me crazy. Literal crazy making.
@Gemma Dann Checkout Gangstalking and Targeted Individuals guts. Its narcissism on steroids run by corrupt states to destroy innocent citizens lives for money and data and it draws on every narcissist in town to do their egregiously sick bidding. Targeted Justice is an excellent website to explain this evil.
It's the biggest betrayal of my life knowing and loving a narcissist. What an illusion love story it was, a fucking asshole he was and always will be but life is soo good for me now.
@@wordgirl3893 that’s what I always thought... but do they really? Im thinking deep down they truly must hate themselves... which is why they treat ppl the abhorrent way they do.
Agreed. We were manipulated and deceived. That is painful and sad but I am grateful that I am not them. I will get through this stronger, wiser and better than ever yet they will always have to live such a demonic life.
It's the Beginning to a better Life. Eyes have been opened. Yes, we've been bitten. We may still be bleeding, but it will heal. We may even carry a scar to REMEMBER the event(s)
What a sad existence for these people and how strange they all follow the same behavioural traits almost to the letter. Wish I had known what a narcissist was about 30 years ago then I wouldn't have been horribly abused by them, but I had no idea. If this stuff was taught in school it would spare so much suffering. Thank you Melanie, you have such a gift to be able to convey all this valuable information, we are lucky to be able to watch your videos and learn so much, it truly changes lives xx
I say the same thing. I wish I had known this stuff 40 years ago. Back then there were no computers or internet where you could research from the comfort of your bed at 2AM. Besides, I read that narcissism wasn't fully understood until 1992, so there wouldn't have been anything to research anyway.
Sue, I sure understand you, it was 40 years for me. if I knew when I was 18 I would have left my Mother and Father and never look back! those two were the "Two Faced, Covert Narcissist". Sue, to help you heal> understand this>, when you put the Narcissist out of your life the Narcissist has lost what you felt for him/her, and for that reason you need to tell yourself that you pity him/her. again, because the Narcissist has lost that love and respect and joy you had for him/her. Pity that Narcissist because you were the best person in his/her life, and now you have left..
The following short story sums it all up: A snake was hit by a car. A woman picks him up, feeds him, and gets him back to his full state of health. But then he bites her injecting her with his deadly venom. On her death bed she asks, “After all I did, why me?” The snake replies, “You knew I was a snake when you picked me up.”
“Demented unresolved wounds”...This is a perfect way of putting it. Pathological liars...they start to believe their own lies OR they forget the truth, either way they absolutely just double down on their lies.
Surprise surprise they can't hide it for long ! Haha ,only took me 62 years to learn all about myself .the stronger I get though understanding the role the narcissist played in my life, is very empowering. Thanks all of these therapist on UA-cam for helping me help myself out of a very dark dark hole . thank you, thank you, thank you.
I hope I get here someday. We’ve been together 23yrs. I started to learn about his type 3 yrs ago. He almost destroyed me. I’m trying to get stronger so that I can leave. Financially I can’t leave yet. 😞
Narcissists only praise others if these people are clearly below them, or in a different line of business. They only praise those who are "safe", not a danger ( imaginary) to their position.
I have experienced narcissistic abuse in the workplace. Always focused on devaluing, distracting, undermining, punishing and destroying. I wish I had access to this information long ago. Thanks for sharing.
💯 my narc had a tinder date the guy picked her up, parked the car, they went in the bar and he said he forgot something in the 🚗, he never came back, the person that knows her told me she was so ego-broken that she created a fake profile and swiped until she matched the guy, they planned a date and she never showed up, when the guy texted her like « where are u » she apparently said you know who I am asshole or whatever and blocked him 😂 even though what he did was not cool, he must of seen how toxic she was ❌ 🏃🏼♂️
@@billy4643 even though it wasn't cool, but if you're convinced - Run like hell. Too bad he didn't think she'd try that. Then to find out that she did that, could be scary. She went WAY out of her way to get him, when anormal person would've just said..What an A hole, and be done with it.
@@BetterOff735 exactly just shows that she is a stalker and full of rage, I’ve experienced all of it, devaluation in front of “friends”, gaslighting, projecting etc, but you realize that in the end it’s all a play and they have no self esteem and values
The last narcissist I had to deal with was an actually very good friend of mine for 20 years. We kinda dated in the past, but it was always bad timing since we were both military and kept having to leave for deployments and schools before we could really get things going. We eventually lost touch with each other for 10 years until about 6 months ago. When I ran into her again, she was single having gotten a divorce earlier in the year. She had four kids with him which was something that would have been a deal breaker had I not known her already. Don't get me wrong, I love having children. I have a son of my own and he's my entire world. She started taking about how we should have been together all along, but one line she said threw up a red flag immediately. She said, "If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have dropped everything to be with you, even if it meant not having my kids." I wouldn't give my son up for anything. I have zero regrets about any choice, bad decision, missed opportunity, or hardship I had to endure that led me to having my son, so when I heard he say she'd choose to be with me over her own kids, it hit me like a truck. The I realized what was going on. She was trying to draw me in and narcissists seriously over do it during the drawing in phase. I didn't realize my ex was doing it when we first dated she used to do things like bring me breakfast in bed. I thought her going down on me all the weeks when she was on her period was just because she was a fucking awesome girlfriend. Nope. She was drawing me in and that shit stopped when she know she had her hooks in me. If anyone you're dating does things for you in the beginning that are so selfless and unbelievable that normal people are never the level of amazing to do for their boyfriend/girlfriend in real life, be very suspicious. If you feel you must be living in a fantasy because she's so incredible to you, it's because that's because you are living in a fantasy, an illusion of her she's creating for you to make you lower your guard and so afraid to lose this spectacular new person you've found that you'll believe or do anything you have to in order to keep her. Enjoy it for a little while if you must, but be sure to walk away before it's too late. When I recently called out my "friend's" behavior, we got into an argument and I caught her trying to gaslight me. I immediately told her, "Holy shit! I can't believe it. You're actually trying to gaslight me right now." It threw her completely off her game and she began to panic and stutter while she desperately tried to think of something to say to counter what I had just called her out on. That told me, immediately, that she knew exactly what I was talking about and didn't expect to be caught so easily. Suddenly, the heartless, cold blooded snake version exposed itself and it was so in contrast to the girl I had known for almost half my life that it seriously shook me, but I held it together and kept my cool, making sure not to let her see how much witnessing that side of her fucked with me. I told her to stay out of my life then waked away and blocked her on everything. Haven't heard from her since.
@@Lu12340 It was all in the Bible 20 years ago....(Genesis 3:15, Psalm 58:3-5, Parable of Wheat vs Tares Matt 13, etc). Only problem is we didn't read the Bible and the "church" system was already infilitrated with these vipers in the pulpit's trained to NOT preach or teach the Truth of the Bible (only the milk, not the meat, which is about the two separate seedlines at war with each other).
Things changed a lot when I realized he didn’t think I was socially awkward. He was trying to make me insecure. He ignored me on purpose in public or embarrassed me bc he HATED that I stole attention from him! He never introduced me & would act like he did later...
That's exactly what my egf did to her 'husband, before he was destroyed. She tried to do that with me - irritate to the point where I was very upset, and then breaks out the movie camera (wtf?)
Sometimes, you record to have evidence of the verbal abuse you are suddenly experiencing. You reach a point where you have to do something in the heat of the moment. The first or second time, ok, but when it continues... js
After having lost so much of what could've been wonderful years of my life, because I was unaware/uneducated, etc., allowing ANYONE into my life now who is even the least bit toxic in any way would be a sin.
They don't want you to know... until they have found new supply and no longer care what you know. I have found that the discard phase at least has the advantage of exposing a narcissist's intentions. So long as I was a desired supply I could see his major flaws (self-centered, immature, irresponsible, ...) but not a twisted soul. Once he had secured the next supply, he allowed me to see he had tried to use me, didn't care about my feelings, was angry with me/blaming me, had been looking for someone to use to punish me. I feel freed by this revelation, as it dissipated any nostalgia I could have had for the false image.
I went through the same. She was married to me for 3 years. I was a slave to her and now she's with another supply. It's been a month now and I can't get over how they can just cheat and be intimate with someone else like it's not a big deal. Sickens me to the core. I still cry
The treatment is exactly the same to their children and pets. They don't have capcity to treat anything or anyone as anything other than an object to supply them with various needs. I still feel very sad for the pet dog my ex narc has. Its old and needs lots of tlc. He couldn't care less about it yet like most dogs it's totally loyal and loving. I pray every night for the dog. Xx
Let's hope for the poor, sweet dog's sake that he truly believes that his person loves him. Hopefully, he never finds out the truth. There's nothing worse.
Melanie I became a bad ass detective while living with him. I read his over 30 little blue books filled with women's names phone numbers and written record of his stalking strange women he'd see on the streets! Criminal
Bingo! Once you don't give them what they want, watch how fast they disappear. You are only part of their agenda and they don't like disruption of any kind.
"They will always blame you" and never apologize. Not always: they are able to say "sorry" or "forgive me" only to continue their agenda to suck on your life energy.
Thank you for sharing this with us. At 62, I’m taking a long look at myself(in a good way). I realized that somehow I am a magnet for narcissists. Working on that. I can sense traits a lot quicker now. Blessings always dear one!❤️
Wow! I'm 63, and I can relate to all your words. It's tough to admit my role in the pattern, but like you, I see traits in people now that I never would have seen before this journey. :)
Is it only me who suspects that there is no such thing as being a magnet for narcissists because there is only more of them around than ever before in all of history instead only because narcissistic behavior since the late 1960's started being rewarded all the more by those running our judicial systems not less? Judicial systems being run by people who have been thinking in error for a long time now that they could somehow beat the narcissists at their own game? I suspect instead that most of us here are only growing older gracefully when having to grieve losses from time to time by succumbing only for awhile to the lies of the narcissists whom we are at least no longer anymore having to live with for good. That includes sometimes losing a new contact which we could have developed a good healthy relationship with at some level had we not heard right away from a narcissist only lies being told about them too.
OMG, I just remembered my narc told me before " I don't care" ( when I told him how I feel) " Can I just do anything I want to you whenever I want?" " Are you my slave forever?" ...Those words were in-comprehensive to me I just ignored it with huge ??? red flags??? on it. I was so numb I just remembered watching your video.
My narc hubby of 37 yrs deserted me for the 3rd time a year ago. He decided to divorce me. Not one of his family or friends has talked to me, everyone, even the landscaper. He pitted everyone against me.
You know what's scary? 6:52 my narcissistic partner has literally said those exact words to me. He said, and I quote, "If you don't give me what I want, I'm going to cheat on you and replace you with someone who will give me what I want and I'll forget that you ever existed." Even when you don't want to believe it, the one thing a Narc can't lie about is the fact that they ARE a narc. I never wanted to believe it but it came straight from the horse's mouth.
18:08 "and at the end of the relationship *when you're discarded, you'll be demonized and smeared* all and sundry" 😬 well I wish I had known this when that literally happened to me 4 yrs ago 🙄😅
Covert narcissists are childlike in their lack of responsibility, accountability and moral awareness. Providing you never challenge them ,just keep Providing for their needs things are reasonably OK. Once you start setting boundaries and stop accepting basically abuse/use it's downhill thereon. I struggled for 20 years in this trauma bonded delusion thinking I could fix things. I recently gave up because it became clear there's no desire to fix anything, rather an insidious enjoyment of the drama chaos and on off breakups. Literally today for the first time ever I've felt released from the usual hoping she'd hoover again or at at least message me. I've got bored with the whole soul destroying emptiness of that relationship. Thankyou for these videos and throwing light onto the spiritual/energetic viewpoint of these type of relationships. ❤
Iam so glad that Iam on my journey healing from a relationship with a narsissict but there is nothing that you can’t get over with as long as you have faith and trust and believe in god all things are possible through him if you Bellevue in him and not the devil enjoyed the video thank you for your support it just a lesson that we learn about people and that’s what god wants us to know focus on him and not the people good or bad
8 years 🤦🏽♀️ but I can’t constantly go back how long it been . I got to move forward without him. NO CONTACT! I’m doing. It’s fresh but I will continue to watch u & other UA-camrs to help me with my healing ❤️🩹
Congratulations, this video describes so perfectly the dynamics in a relationship with these mental sick people. You are a wonderful humanbeing helping and preventing people from these incredible abuse.
I completed Mod 2 of the NARP program and it is already working. Pains that were stuck in my body, that I never knew were attached to trauma from long ago, are now gone. I feel lighter had happier too. Looking forward to the rest of the program. Thank you!
I think we should find our own dating app or way of interaction as victims.. Itss really tough dating after being traumatized, may GOD bless you. We are strong. Will be ok❤️❤️❤️😇
If you have to find a mate through an "app"....you can be pretty sure that they will be a Cluster B serpent in disguise (as a real human). I'd just try meet someone the old fashioned way (and pray to God to meet the right one).
This video is especially good! Listening to you, I was having flashbacks of all my foolishness, my years wasted. It was quite refreshing and healing, of course! This valuable information also put a stop to my temptation to allow being "hoovered." The charm, good looks and convincing sincerity of a recent narcissist made me question "is he really a narcissist?". Melanie, if it weren't for your kindness and concern, I would have fallen under a toxic spell yet again. I must say that without your most effective therapy, I would have fallen prey to the deadliest narcissistic abuse. Specifically, I mean being used sexually by a narcissist. For love and sex addicts (like me), taking your time is vital! What felt like wonderful romance and great sex, while it ended up being with a narcissist, made me feel awful for a long time!
No proof means no truth👏👏👏👏 I always said that but damn there demons called me all sorts of names. I'm insecure..who lived like that in a relationship ,it's not healthy..🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ eish
Hi Melanie! I was so happy to hear from you today! ❤️🦋❤️ LOL! I loved your analogy to cardboard! I once told a friend that kissing her was like kissing a cardboard cutout....so empty and devoid.....😝 Yukk/uggh..... all the lies and the misrepresentation and everything you described in this video we're all true and it was exhausting! Thanks to your wonderful work, NARP, I am re-discovering something that has been long long lost and that is my inner child.... he is a faithful and true and loving companion! THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO....Thank you so so so much for this.....NOW I KNOW!!!! ❤️🦋❤️
Mel ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you. I'm more wiser. They can't get to me. They call me crazy n insecure. I think I. The most powerful person on Earth 😎😎😎😎..GOD bless you more. 😎
As hard as it was to listen to this I really needed to hear it. I played it back 4 times just to let it all sink in! I just left my narc today. It hurts and is so painful like a stab to the heart on having to let go but I've known for some time that it had to be done. Thank you so very much for all that you share with us that are not only going through this but are needing to work on ourselves as well. ❤
I feel that exact same way. I ignored red flags. And now? I'll be paying for it for the rest of my life. He's extremely Vindictive. I'm sorry for everything you've gone through.
@@stardustsparkles22 It has been a year and 1/2 and I am better but we have had no contact which helped tremendously! It is like he died. Very painful but glad to over it! The hardest thing is figuring out what I am going to do now. All my plans have changed and I have to move on solo which is sad and good!
@@hellodenise9612 wow, we do go through so much don't we? For me it's like he died as well. The death of the person who I thought he was. Never in a million years did I think he would sink so low. So I'm grieving as well. All in all,I think that I kind of lost my faith in people around here, anyways. The amount of people who took his side is crazy. How do you get over the rage at the betrayal of him? Literally the worst smear campaign I have ever experienced,but hey,I'm still plugging away. I wish you the very best. I pray healing finds you.
@@stardustsparkles22 I completely trusted him like no other. Complete trust which I never trusted anyone. Now I don't trust anyone. Not even myself. No one from his family or friends ever contacted me to find out what happened or anything? He told them lies to cover all the money he had to borrow and blamed it on me. This is the second man to do this to me! Wow! I am kind of having a bad day thinking about all this. Prayers for you too!
@@hellodenise9612 so sorry if this was triggering for you. Try not to think about it anymore today. Rest and have a bath and do something enjoyable. I'll say prayers for you today too. God bless you
Well, I've been listening to a lot of conversations regarding Harvey Winsteen and I've heard repeatedly how victims of assault even rape they started off by saying no. No I don't want that. No I'm uncomfortable. No. No - no! And in most cases he took it so don't just think because you say no they will listen! Someone who is going to hurt you. Who won't accept no, keeps pushing, doesn't respect you. Even bullies you into changing your mind because I'm not just talking about the covert narcissists here.
Thank You Melanie 🙏🙏 I know now they never Care for anyone's feelings.. I go inside, work on Myself and heal. I am Shinning Shinning 🌟 All thy Blessings 🙏🙏💞💕
Oh yeah, that's what they always do! But do you believe in sorcery? To help you change him totally? He'll stop being a narc forever ♾️ and realizes all his wrong doings and come back pleading 🥺
So very true... I may need to revisit this video every six months or so... I have been through so much trying to make things work with my ex. I finally realize there is absolutely nothing I can do to make things work. I've got a long way to go, as I have a beautiful, perfect daughter with this person. I still get punished all the time for literally no reason. Anyway, thank you for your videos, I can definitely tell your insight comes from experience, as it seems I would word things almost word for word. 🤘💥👍
I wish I knew this 16 years ago😭😭😭😭 These are the qualities of my first and second marriages. I pray I am able to forgive my self from making the same mistake the second time. I was wondering why do narcissists get attracted to me?
Maybe because we want to see the good in people...believe in second chance etc. They mis use our trust. I have a hard time trusting men now Good luck sis. You can do it. So can I. Be strong. Put yourself first.
Narcissists are attracted to you the same way coyotes are attracted to a wounded rabbit. Which is why we need to heal, learn to spot the red flags up front and gray rock these devils before they can get a toe in the door.....
Stella, I'd love to recommend to you my free 16 day course ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse This explains it all in great detail to you - and gives you healing and clarity xoxo
So that’s why I’ve been seeing a range of cardboard cutouts that fall forward. So it’s really a flimsy deception. This is brilliant. Thanks so much for sharing this tool kit. Awesome
You ARE Allowed to Say No!!💕 I Trust me!!💗 and I trust Patterns!!! Thank You M'Lady as Your Channel was the First Recommendation I was Given When I was was Coming out of the Fog over 3 years Ago.... The First Video I Saw was Be Your Own Source of Love, Security, and Validation... Thriving is Truly attainable!!
You make many good points, but you really opened my eyes that because they are a false self that’s how they see me. This is why he never saw me. Nice work 🙌
Thank you Melanie - These are such important facts to learn & be aware of for our true healing! I'm learning & building more resiliency (from family narc's) for sure. It is the point at the end about the narcissists not respecting us until we learn to "call them out" for what they say & do & respect ourselves more. They don't love themselves & therefore don't want to be loved until they do the inner work & transform. Namaste . 💖
I started recording him after I saw that he was recording me . And I’m glad I did it . It’s painful to listen to but after I listen I am reminded that I can Never go back to him or even talk to him . What a nasty man . Unbelievable
This was fantastic. Thank you Melanie for your very genuine care of all of us discarded souls! With guidance like this we can all heal and then go on to live healthy, happy lives, knowing our worth and remaining true to our real selves XXX
My ex blamed me....and her first husband for everything. I was "eye candy" for her according to ppl around us. I feel she never truly loved me as she said things like "this was my life before I met you, get used to it". It was so demeaning. The gaslighting was insane. It's been 2 years and I am still healing. 🙏🕉️
Good Evening Ms. Evans. June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD) occurs on June 1st every year. Established in 2016, Keep spreading the awareness!!!!!
You certainly express what you say so well. You are very intelligent, aware and understanding. You can clearly see in this video that you really care about the sufferings of others, so well done, great work. I am a Christian myself and I am still being abused by a covert narcissist who lives in my home, I can tell you this that through this terrible time I am a better person for it, I have actually been empowered spiritually even though the abuse has not stopped. The many videos on UA-cam about narcissism really helped me a lot, so thank you for your video also. Even though I have been empowered through terrible suffering I still get days when I get down because of the narcissist. I believe in Jesus and Jesus helped me understand what was going on through these videos on UA-cam about narcissim. I am still trapped with no end in sight but I have hope, strength, understanding and awareness in my Christian faith. I am standing strong because the Grace which is the loving power of God keeps me going.
WoW. Thank You, Melanie Thank You! I recognise all what you discussed in this video. I always liked to think, I was self-aware but after 12 years of marriage I only became aware once out. 4 months after the divorce i started to feel dirty. I started searching, YES I can now say he is a narcissist. You confirm it again. Sadly I think my mum and sister are presenting with the same behaviours, gaslighting, triangulation, minimising, discarding, the lying I fnd is the worse. He was a star in love bombing me, every time he came home from a business trip, he showered me with presents I didn't need. Only a matter of days and we were riding that rollercoaster again. I think I have some work to do here, I feel I have lost myself.....
wow. I realize I feel a deep sense of shame and responsibility on behalf of the narcissist (and their actions and beliefs). I am embarrassed for them. These feelings were internalized so young and with such a deep desire to protect the narcissist from the pain and consequences of their own actions and belief systems that it felt like those feelings were mine and for me. I feel deeply deeply sad for the tragedy that is their lives and their experiences. In the end you can have a true love and a true compassion for others but we each must take responsibility for our own lives and experiences and for no one else's, and no one else can take responsibility for ours except for when we are children or severely mentally handicapped. Anything else is a form of theft and molestation. It's a violation and one that the narcissist will in the end ultimately have to take responsibility for. These feelings of shame and responsibility and embarrassment for the narcissist, internalized, have the sense of being wrong and back asswards. Because coercion is involved. They have hijacked the social rules of compliance and altruism, reciprocity and helping others into places where it shouldn't be. Rest assured you are responsible for your actions and behaviors but they are not responsible for theirs. You are, or whoever they are blaming at the moment. Or WORSE, far worse, they will take responsibility or more likely just strike responsibility for your behaviors altogether and put it onto someone else, like a teacher or a neighbor kid you were mistreating and teach YOU how to also be a narcissist, then they set you up as owing them and they can scramble you on a whole new level. But if that's the case you STILL have to unscramble yourself, it's not up to some new victim to take responsibility for unscrambling you. Honesty and personal honor is at the heart of living in a non narcissistic way, falsehoods are at the heart of living in a way that accepts damaging others and they damaging you. Knowing all this and untangling the feeling of being obligated to care for and take responsibility for the narcissist, and them being more important than you are two different things. I think learning to recognize the feeling of no and feeling perfectly within your rights and it being your responsibility to actually say no is the lynchpin for me. I'm not responsible to make you feel better just because you are such a jerk that you are trying to force and coerce me into it.
Thak you Melanie for the video's After a 5 years relationship in witch i supported him...nu boyfriend... with his illness... I Could not cope anymore...my body refused..almost gave me heart problems. Instead of Taking it slow with me he made me almost sick. Twisting words around...Showing up at my door...shouting...name calling and so on..violating my boundaries...obvious and sneaky....confrontations with my kids.or blaming me. He never asked me to talk...but he says he did. Because i said i needed some time...2 weeks later he was in a 'relationship ' with somebody else for a months...its already over again...but i had to read or on the internet. So a couple of months ago he tried with .e again....i didnt know yet about that girlfriend...but i wanted to have a conversation first....he always skip that part...trying to seduce me again...without me telling anything... So glad i didn't fall for his bullshit again.... I found it out....They make a detective out of you. He is a lie and a cheat... He tried with flying monkeys ... Try to hoover me back several times...I am his first course.of narc support he thinks.... Well he doesn't get anything of me again. So glad i could see right thrugh it thuis time...because i had time to recover....i can resist him far better..because i took the chance to step away i am strong and in the Lucky position of a loving family. Thank God. But i know the hoover will come again.... We Dont life together the narc and I and we also don't have no kids together. ...so i should be able to pull out. I just was so very much in love with him...and its hard sometimes...down the memory lane of the lie it was...really.. I loved him all the way...dont ask me why....but i was petty disposable for him so it shows. And boohoo he is so sorry now... Glad i am rid of it... but i never know when i run into him again.. he doesn't life far from me..He Could be intimidating and angst...I know now how to handle him...I go grey rock..boring as can be.... There must be a Nice guy out there for me ...sometime.. But to be honest...I enjoy being in my own company better and better...learning to like myself again..love even. Thanks again and good luck and support to everybody out there who needs it.
I was sabotaged for decades, and I still produced majorly in many areas. Since I left 2 years ago, I have been flourishing and I'm still young enough to accomplish everything that was sabotaged!!! I lost a lot of time, but I'm still on track to live, and/or living every dream I had, and more!!! My "Shine" came from an infinite source, no person can "dull" it!!! Peace
So wish I knew about this 20 yrs. ago! Really good video, thank you! Was raised by 2 different types of Narcs, 6 siblings are Narcs & married to one now, but NFL!! (NFL = Not For Long) 😊
One more thing they are terrified for you to find out is that everything they falsely accuse you of.... they are guilty of doing!
Yes!
@Gemma Dann oh yes, and everytime you confront them with something or tell them they hurt you or try to set boundaries or stand up for yourself... literally no acknowledgment just immediately an accusation. "Do you have someone else lined up" "are you talking to someone else" "you must have someone else" "what are you doing right now" "go with him then" (um theres no him" not once in 3 years did he ever answer a question.. his response was always to accuse me of something. Deflection. Made me crazy. Literal crazy making.
Mine did exactly this during the smear campaign
So true
I needed to hear that. Awesome. Thank you
Once he "got me", he stopped asking me about my life. Initially, he was only asking me to gather intel. 😑🤮
Yes, they all blame the abused, and then tell everyone that you are Crazy! If it smells like a cesspool, it is!
Smear campaign 🤢🙄😤😠
They also love to use the term crazy to describe other people.
@Gemma Dann Checkout Gangstalking and Targeted Individuals guts. Its narcissism on steroids run by corrupt states to destroy innocent citizens lives for money and data and it draws on every narcissist in town to do their egregiously sick bidding.
Targeted Justice is an excellent website to explain this evil.
@@vtymes1982 not literally. They can offer to get you a therapist or act all religious on you.
Yes, we must go within. This is a SPIRITUAL WAR.
Yes !! It truly is.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
It is indeed and has to be seen and dealt with as such.
@@hypsygypsyakjfrasier1558 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Evil has many forms. Awareness is key. Your teaching is so helpful.
Well said, it's very true.
It's the biggest betrayal of my life knowing and loving a narcissist. What an illusion love story it was, a fucking asshole he was and always will be but life is soo good for me now.
I’m currently in a 23 year relationship with a narc that had me fooled all along. I started realizing who he was 3 years ago. 😞
@@JM-ew8iz - yep. 17 yrs in, ni longer able to work. Otherwise would've been out of here a few years ago. 😥🤮
sad horror
In other words what did I need him for ? !!!
I can’t share my joy with him and I can’t count on him to support me !
Melanie They Don't Care About you, but they will pretend to love you
The only person they love is themselves.
@@wordgirl3893 that’s what I always thought... but do they really? Im thinking deep down they truly must hate themselves... which is why they treat ppl the abhorrent way they do.
Exactly! It’s all an illusion...
@@wordgirl3893 not even that.. love is something they will never know
@@I3rittanyLynne i agree with you
It hurts so much to hear we weren't loved.
Agreed. We were manipulated and deceived. That is painful and sad but I am grateful that I am not them. I will get through this stronger, wiser and better than ever yet they will always have to live such a demonic life.
I agree. 😢
The worst one is when you realise your parents did this to you
Right? After hearing that I immediately was hurt but thinking about it, it makes allot of sense. It's like we were a piece of property.
It's the Beginning to a better Life.
Eyes have been opened.
Yes, we've been bitten. We may still be bleeding, but it will heal. We may even carry a scar to REMEMBER the event(s)
What a sad existence for these people and how strange they all follow the same behavioural traits almost to the letter. Wish I had known what a narcissist was about 30 years ago then I wouldn't have been horribly abused by them, but I had no idea. If this stuff was taught in school it would spare so much suffering. Thank you Melanie, you have such a gift to be able to convey all this valuable information, we are lucky to be able to watch your videos and learn so much, it truly changes lives xx
Yes, I was 16 she 15. Thirty-five years I Dealt with it, until I stumbled upon Melanie’s UA-cam Channel. The rest is history.
I say the same thing.
I wish I had known this stuff 40 years ago. Back then there were no computers or internet where you could research from the comfort of your bed at 2AM. Besides, I read that narcissism wasn't fully understood until 1992, so there wouldn't have been anything to research anyway.
Some of us were born to them.
Sue, I sure understand you, it was 40 years for me. if I knew when I was 18 I would have left my Mother and Father and never look back! those two were the "Two Faced, Covert Narcissist".
Sue, to help you heal> understand this>, when you put the Narcissist out of your life the Narcissist has lost what you felt for him/her, and for that reason you need to tell yourself that you pity him/her. again, because the Narcissist has lost that love and respect and joy you had for him/her. Pity that Narcissist because you were the best person in his/her life, and now you have left..
They all act similair because it is the same unclean spirit behind it.
“No proof means no truth”...I love this! ❤️
Narc Free me too! So awesome!
The following short story sums it all up:
A snake was hit by a car. A woman picks him up, feeds him, and gets him back to his full state of health. But then he bites her injecting her with his deadly venom. On her death bed she asks, “After all I did, why me?” The snake replies, “You knew I was a snake when you picked me up.”
Nailed it 💯🎯
“Demented unresolved wounds”...This is a perfect way of putting it. Pathological liars...they start to believe their own lies OR they forget the truth, either way they absolutely just double down on their lies.
Omg this is accurate...even when they are caught, they're still in denial of the truth...and lie again...
They also rewrite history.
Surprise surprise they can't hide it for long ! Haha ,only took me 62 years to learn all about myself .the stronger I get though understanding the role the narcissist played in my life, is very empowering. Thanks all of these therapist on UA-cam for helping me help myself out of a very dark dark hole . thank you, thank you, thank you.
Yeah same here!!!
Hugs, strength & knowledge to all here - learning & healing!
I want health and healing. No more deception and manipulation.
I hope I get here someday. We’ve been together 23yrs. I started to learn about his type 3 yrs ago. He almost destroyed me. I’m trying to get stronger so that I can leave. Financially I can’t leave yet. 😞
@@dianezielinski7504 And same here - Found out when I was 70 and he was 6mths older.
Narcissists only praise others if these people are clearly below them, or in a different line of business. They only praise those who are "safe", not a danger ( imaginary) to their position.
This! 👆
If you reject them, they become obsessed with getting even with you sometimes.
I have experienced narcissistic abuse in the workplace. Always focused on devaluing, distracting, undermining, punishing and destroying. I wish I had access to this information long ago. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, if you reject them and/or if you do not supply.
💯 my narc had a tinder date the guy picked her up, parked the car, they went in the bar and he said he forgot something in the 🚗, he never came back, the person that knows her told me she was so ego-broken that she created a fake profile and swiped until she matched the guy, they planned a date and she never showed up, when the guy texted her like « where are u » she apparently said you know who I am asshole or whatever and blocked him 😂 even though what he did was not cool, he must of seen how toxic she was ❌ 🏃🏼♂️
@@billy4643 even though it wasn't cool, but if you're convinced - Run like hell.
Too bad he didn't think she'd try that. Then to find out that she did that, could be scary.
She went WAY out of her way to get him, when anormal person would've just said..What an A hole, and be done with it.
@@BetterOff735 exactly just shows that she is a stalker and full of rage, I’ve experienced all of it, devaluation in front of “friends”, gaslighting, projecting etc, but you realize that in the end it’s all a play and they have no self esteem and values
This is the sad truth! Thank you for summarizing what narcs truly are!!👏👏👏
Wolves in sheep clothing
The last narcissist I had to deal with was an actually very good friend of mine for 20 years. We kinda dated in the past, but it was always bad timing since we were both military and kept having to leave for deployments and schools before we could really get things going. We eventually lost touch with each other for 10 years until about 6 months ago. When I ran into her again, she was single having gotten a divorce earlier in the year. She had four kids with him which was something that would have been a deal breaker had I not known her already. Don't get me wrong, I love having children. I have a son of my own and he's my entire world. She started taking about how we should have been together all along, but one line she said threw up a red flag immediately. She said, "If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have dropped everything to be with you, even if it meant not having my kids." I wouldn't give my son up for anything. I have zero regrets about any choice, bad decision, missed opportunity, or hardship I had to endure that led me to having my son, so when I heard he say she'd choose to be with me over her own kids, it hit me like a truck. The I realized what was going on. She was trying to draw me in and narcissists seriously over do it during the drawing in phase. I didn't realize my ex was doing it when we first dated she used to do things like bring me breakfast in bed. I thought her going down on me all the weeks when she was on her period was just because she was a fucking awesome girlfriend. Nope. She was drawing me in and that shit stopped when she know she had her hooks in me. If anyone you're dating does things for you in the beginning that are so selfless and unbelievable that normal people are never the level of amazing to do for their boyfriend/girlfriend in real life, be very suspicious. If you feel you must be living in a fantasy because she's so incredible to you, it's because that's because you are living in a fantasy, an illusion of her she's creating for you to make you lower your guard and so afraid to lose this spectacular new person you've found that you'll believe or do anything you have to in order to keep her. Enjoy it for a little while if you must, but be sure to walk away before it's too late. When I recently called out my "friend's" behavior, we got into an argument and I caught her trying to gaslight me. I immediately told her, "Holy shit! I can't believe it. You're actually trying to gaslight me right now." It threw her completely off her game and she began to panic and stutter while she desperately tried to think of something to say to counter what I had just called her out on. That told me, immediately, that she knew exactly what I was talking about and didn't expect to be caught so easily. Suddenly, the heartless, cold blooded snake version exposed itself and it was so in contrast to the girl I had known for almost half my life that it seriously shook me, but I held it together and kept my cool, making sure not to let her see how much witnessing that side of her fucked with me. I told her to stay out of my life then waked away and blocked her on everything. Haven't heard from her since.
Over a year narc free, you helped me immensely the first few months and I'll never forget you!!
Congrats on your 1 year of Narc Freedom!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Stay strong 💪
Congratulations 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I so wish I knew this stuff 15 years ago. Smdh.
Yes, me too. I also wish I knew about these demons over 20 years ago. This is a SPIRITUAL WAR.
I wish I had known about these imps 20 yrs ago
@@Lu12340 It was all in the Bible 20 years ago....(Genesis 3:15, Psalm 58:3-5, Parable of Wheat vs Tares Matt 13, etc). Only problem is we didn't read the Bible and the "church" system was already infilitrated with these vipers in the pulpit's trained to NOT preach or teach the Truth of the Bible (only the milk, not the meat, which is about the two separate seedlines at war with each other).
40 years for me. I am so bitter. Trying very hard.
@@ellenlewis9860 great big huge hugs. I get it.
Things changed a lot when I realized he didn’t think I was socially awkward. He was trying to make me insecure. He ignored me on purpose in public or embarrassed me bc he HATED that I stole attention from him!
He never introduced me & would act like he did later...
Now he's suffering looking thin and ten years older...after I left...I heard this from a real friend who knows me and is a mental health worker.
Same here. My ex narc started looking extra dry when he called himself discarding me. He hasn't recovered yet. 🤷🏾♀️
Narcissistic women will create a fight, record it, be mostly silent while setting you up. Record them and they lose it.
she did this!wow
and went and got a unfounded
restraining order!WOW
I’ve started to recording all conversations with him
That's exactly what my egf did to her 'husband, before he was destroyed.
She tried to do that with me - irritate to the point where I was very upset, and then breaks out the movie camera (wtf?)
Sometimes, you record to have evidence of the verbal abuse you are suddenly experiencing. You reach a point where you have to do something in the heat of the moment. The first or second time, ok, but when it continues... js
Happened so many times to me
After having lost so much of what could've been wonderful years of my life, because I was unaware/uneducated, etc., allowing ANYONE into my life now who is even the least bit toxic in any way would be a sin.
They don't want you to know... until they have found new supply and no longer care what you know. I have found that the discard phase at least has the advantage of exposing a narcissist's intentions. So long as I was a desired supply I could see his major flaws (self-centered, immature, irresponsible, ...) but not a twisted soul. Once he had secured the next supply, he allowed me to see he had tried to use me, didn't care about my feelings, was angry with me/blaming me, had been looking for someone to use to punish me. I feel freed by this revelation, as it dissipated any nostalgia I could have had for the false image.
I went through the same. She was married to me for 3 years. I was a slave to her and now she's with another supply. It's been a month now and I can't get over how they can just cheat and be intimate with someone else like it's not a big deal. Sickens me to the core. I still cry
The treatment is exactly the same to their children and pets. They don't have capcity to treat anything or anyone as anything other than an object to supply them with various needs. I still feel very sad for the pet dog my ex narc has. Its old and needs lots of tlc. He couldn't care less about it yet like most dogs it's totally loyal and loving. I pray every night for the dog. Xx
Exactly, and they get jealous of their own children and pets for the attention they get.
Let's hope for the poor, sweet dog's sake that he truly believes that his person loves him. Hopefully, he never finds out the truth. There's nothing worse.
I love this. It’s like if their dating profiles were honest
What chance does a person have when their parent is a narcissist? As innocent children we are exposed to all kinds of harm.
Stand your ground everyone! Watch out for the hover !
They won't if they know you know
They are so warped...projection is real. Real life remedy?.....RUN.
Melanie I became a bad ass detective while living with him. I read his over 30 little blue books filled with women's names phone numbers and written record of his stalking strange women he'd see on the streets! Criminal
Bingo! Once you don't give them what they want, watch how fast they disappear. You are only part of their agenda and they don't like disruption of any kind.
"They will always blame you" and never apologize. Not always: they are able to say "sorry" or "forgive me" only to continue their agenda to suck on your life energy.
Thank you for sharing this with us. At 62, I’m taking a long look at myself(in a good way). I realized that somehow I am a magnet for narcissists. Working on that. I can sense traits a lot quicker now. Blessings always dear one!❤️
Wow! I'm 63, and I can relate to all your words. It's tough to admit my role in the pattern, but like you, I see traits in people now that I never would have seen before this journey. :)
@@shelleys1551 We grown a bit through our journey. Things will only get better. Blessings always dear one ❤️
Is it only me who suspects that there is no such thing as being a magnet for narcissists because there is only more of them around than ever before in all of history instead only because narcissistic behavior since the late 1960's started being rewarded all the more by those running our judicial systems not less? Judicial systems being run by people who have been thinking in error for a long time now that they could somehow beat the narcissists at their own game? I suspect instead that most of us here are only growing older gracefully when having to grieve losses from time to time by succumbing only for awhile to the lies of the narcissists whom we are at least no longer anymore having to live with for good. That includes sometimes losing a new contact which we could have developed a good healthy relationship with at some level had we not heard right away from a narcissist only lies being told about them too.
narcs will defend their facade like a cornered animal. blaming, lying, insults and rage are the tools of the trade. run in the opposite direction.
OMG, I just remembered my narc told me before " I don't care" ( when I told him how I feel) " Can I just do anything I want to you whenever I want?" " Are you my slave forever?" ...Those words were in-comprehensive to me I just ignored it with huge ??? red flags??? on it. I was so numb I just remembered watching your video.
OMG He caused me to feel so alone especially around other women. I felt invisible
Same what a lonely feeling that is
My narc hubby of 37 yrs deserted me for the 3rd time a year ago. He decided to divorce me. Not one of his family or friends has talked to me, everyone, even the landscaper. He pitted everyone against me.
Count your blessings: start with the realisation that none of the people you lost were worth your time
You know what's scary? 6:52 my narcissistic partner has literally said those exact words to me.
He said, and I quote, "If you don't give me what I want, I'm going to cheat on you and replace you with someone who will give me what I want and I'll forget that you ever existed."
Even when you don't want to believe it, the one thing a Narc can't lie about is the fact that they ARE a narc. I never wanted to believe it but it came straight from the horse's mouth.
18:08 "and at the end of the relationship *when you're discarded, you'll be demonized and smeared* all and sundry" 😬 well I wish I had known this when that literally happened to me 4 yrs ago 🙄😅
We are a legion of demonized and smeared ex partners, now getting the truth.
Covert narcissists are childlike in their lack of responsibility, accountability and moral awareness. Providing you never challenge them ,just keep Providing for their needs things are reasonably OK. Once you start setting boundaries and stop accepting basically abuse/use it's downhill thereon. I struggled for 20 years in this trauma bonded delusion thinking I could fix things. I recently gave up because it became clear there's no desire to fix anything, rather an insidious enjoyment of the drama chaos and on off breakups. Literally today for the first time ever I've felt released from the usual hoping she'd hoover again or at at least message me. I've got bored with the whole soul destroying emptiness of that relationship. Thankyou for these videos and throwing light onto the spiritual/energetic viewpoint of these type of relationships. ❤
I never heard someone talk about keeping your own life and keeping boundaries. This is powerful.
Yes they blame you for twisting, when it's them that ways twisting when you stick up for yourself!
A year into my introduction to NARP and these videos still resonate, strengthen and heal!! Thank you Mel!
You're so welcome xoxox
Iam so glad that Iam on my journey healing from a relationship with a narsissict but there is nothing that you can’t get over with as long as you have faith and trust and believe in god all things are possible through him if you Bellevue in him and not the devil enjoyed the video thank you for your support it just a lesson that we learn about people and that’s what god wants us to know focus on him and not the people good or bad
8 years 🤦🏽♀️ but I can’t constantly go back how long it been . I got to move forward without him. NO CONTACT! I’m doing. It’s fresh but I will continue to watch u & other UA-camrs to help me with my healing ❤️🩹
Congratulations, this video describes so perfectly the dynamics in a relationship with these mental sick people. You are a wonderful humanbeing helping and preventing people from these incredible abuse.
I completed Mod 2 of the NARP program and it is already working. Pains that were stuck in my body, that I never knew were attached to trauma from long ago, are now gone. I feel lighter had happier too. Looking forward to the rest of the program. Thank you!
That's wonderful Laura! xoxox
I think we should find our own dating app or way of interaction as victims..
Itss really tough dating after being traumatized, may GOD bless you. We are strong. Will be ok❤️❤️❤️😇
If you have to find a mate through an "app"....you can be pretty sure that they will be a Cluster B serpent in disguise (as a real human). I'd just try meet someone the old fashioned way (and pray to God to meet the right one).
@@reesedaniel5835 true it's a scary world out here..😪😪😪
Probably best to heal from the trauma and then date. Otherwise you may attract the same abuse. Listen to her wise words starting at 10:10
Therapy and self care... affirm that you love you. It doesn't matter who else doesn't. Know your worth.
This video is especially good! Listening to you, I was having flashbacks of all my foolishness, my years wasted. It was quite refreshing and healing, of course! This valuable information also put a stop to my temptation to allow being "hoovered." The charm, good looks and convincing sincerity of a recent narcissist made me question "is he really a narcissist?". Melanie, if it weren't for your kindness and concern, I would have fallen under a toxic spell yet again. I must say that without your most effective therapy, I would have fallen prey to the deadliest narcissistic abuse. Specifically, I mean being used sexually by a narcissist. For love and sex addicts (like me), taking your time is vital! What felt like wonderful romance and great sex, while it ended up being with a narcissist, made me feel awful for a long time!
Never / Ever let them know you know!
If you do you better be in for the fight of your life.
Melanie you are a beautiful lady with a heart of gold.thanks for being there for all of us .who dealt with a narrasite
No proof means no truth👏👏👏👏
I always said that but damn there demons called me all sorts of names. I'm insecure..who lived like that in a relationship ,it's not healthy..🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ eish
Hi Melanie! I was so happy to hear from you today! ❤️🦋❤️ LOL! I loved your analogy to cardboard! I once told a friend that kissing her was like kissing a cardboard cutout....so empty and devoid.....😝 Yukk/uggh..... all the lies and the misrepresentation and everything you described in this video we're all true and it was exhausting! Thanks to your wonderful work, NARP, I am re-discovering something that has been long long lost and that is my inner child.... he is a faithful and true and loving companion! THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO....Thank you so so so much for this.....NOW I KNOW!!!! ❤️🦋❤️
Mel ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you. I'm more wiser. They can't get to me. They call me crazy n insecure. I think I. The most powerful person on Earth 😎😎😎😎..GOD bless you more. 😎
As hard as it was to listen to this I really needed to hear it. I played it back 4 times just to let it all sink in!
I just left my narc today. It hurts and is so painful like a stab to the heart on having to let go but I've known for some time that it had to be done.
Thank you so very much for all that you share with us that are not only going through this but are needing to work on ourselves as well. ❤
This is THE most accurate and correct and true description of my relationship~ You REALLY KNOW what you are talking about Melanie!
Love you Mel! You are so wise and compassionate. Thank you for sharing the answers that no one else has.
My heart is broken. Can't believe how stupid I was. This is such a great video! Going to watch this 10 times!
I feel that exact same way. I ignored red flags. And now? I'll be paying for it for the rest of my life. He's extremely Vindictive. I'm sorry for everything you've gone through.
@@stardustsparkles22 It has been a year and 1/2 and I am better but we have had no contact which helped tremendously! It is like he died. Very painful but glad to over it! The hardest thing is figuring out what I am going to do now. All my plans have changed and I have to move on solo which is sad and good!
@@hellodenise9612 wow, we do go through so much don't we? For me it's like he died as well. The death of the person who I thought he was. Never in a million years did I think he would sink so low. So I'm grieving as well. All in all,I think that I kind of lost my faith in people around here, anyways. The amount of people who took his side is crazy. How do you get over the rage at the betrayal of him? Literally the worst smear campaign I have ever experienced,but hey,I'm still plugging away. I wish you the very best. I pray healing finds you.
@@stardustsparkles22 I completely trusted him like no other. Complete trust which I never trusted anyone. Now I don't trust anyone. Not even myself. No one from his family or friends ever contacted me to find out what happened or anything? He told them lies to cover all the money he had to borrow and blamed it on me. This is the second man to do this to me! Wow! I am kind of having a bad day thinking about all this. Prayers for you too!
@@hellodenise9612 so sorry if this was triggering for you. Try not to think about it anymore today. Rest and have a bath and do something enjoyable. I'll say prayers for you today too. God bless you
Thank you for teaching people the hard facts and the most effective way to deal with these fools..
I left him ! Because I love myself more than I ever loved that creep ED!
Hope his fake last name wasn't "Malice"
@@tracy7799 No, LOL it was one of those university names like Harvard or Yale. LOL
''The Relationship was/is Going South REAL Fast! - Like Parachuting into an Active Volcano!!!!!
That's ok because I blame him and am smearing him as much as I can ...you get what you give !
Well, I've been listening to a lot of conversations regarding Harvey Winsteen and I've heard repeatedly how victims of assault even rape they started off by saying no. No I don't want that. No I'm uncomfortable. No. No - no! And in most cases he took it so don't just think because you say no they will listen! Someone who is going to hurt you. Who won't accept no, keeps pushing, doesn't respect you. Even bullies you into changing your mind because I'm not just talking about the covert narcissists here.
Because they hold Captive , or Hostage, the very thing you want..your Dream.
Take back control..to hell with the carrot at the end of the stick.
It's frightening how much of this is true
Thank You Melanie 🙏🙏
I know now they never Care for anyone's feelings..
I go inside, work on Myself and heal. I am Shinning Shinning 🌟
All thy Blessings 🙏🙏💞💕
You are so welcome Gertrude! xoxox
Narc wanted me to have a good career so he could stay home & cheat
Oh yeah, that's what they always do!
But do you believe in sorcery?
To help you change him totally?
He'll stop being a narc forever ♾️ and realizes all his wrong doings and come back pleading 🥺
So very true... I may need to revisit this video every six months or so... I have been through so much trying to make things work with my ex. I finally realize there is absolutely nothing I can do to make things work. I've got a long way to go, as I have a beautiful, perfect daughter with this person. I still get punished all the time for literally no reason. Anyway, thank you for your videos, I can definitely tell your insight comes from experience, as it seems I would word things almost word for word. 🤘💥👍
I wish I knew this 16 years ago😭😭😭😭
These are the qualities of my first and second marriages. I pray I am able to forgive my self from making the same mistake the second time. I was wondering why do narcissists get attracted to me?
Maybe because we want to see the good in people...believe in second chance etc. They mis use our trust.
I have a hard time trusting men now
Good luck sis. You can do it. So can I. Be strong. Put yourself first.
Narcissists are attracted to you the same way coyotes are attracted to a wounded rabbit. Which is why we need to heal, learn to spot the red flags up front and gray rock these devils before they can get a toe in the door.....
@@winnifredcox thank you so much. You too. 👏
@@reesedaniel5835 you're so true🙄 God help us.
Stella, I'd love to recommend to you my free 16 day course ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse This explains it all in great detail to you - and gives you healing and clarity xoxo
Keep a small talk,Be blunt an say no, Cutting your time small with them like begin around with..... Involved them at all cost 👌💯
So that’s why I’ve been seeing a range of cardboard cutouts that fall forward. So it’s really a flimsy deception.
This is brilliant. Thanks so much for sharing this tool kit. Awesome
I just went through the discard faze 2 weeks ago.
You ARE Allowed to Say No!!💕
I Trust me!!💗 and I trust Patterns!!!
Thank You M'Lady as Your Channel was the First Recommendation I was Given When I was was Coming out of the Fog over 3 years Ago....
The First Video I Saw was
Be Your Own Source of Love, Security, and Validation...
Thriving is Truly attainable!!
You make many good points, but you really opened my eyes that because they are a false self that’s how they see me.
This is why he never saw me.
Nice work 🙌
Great video Melanie. I will be successful in this area of my life. And have a successful life along the way.
Thank you Melanie - These are such important facts to learn & be aware of for our true healing! I'm learning & building more resiliency (from family narc's) for sure.
It is the point at the end about the narcissists not respecting us until we learn to "call them out" for what they say & do & respect ourselves more. They don't love themselves & therefore don't want to be loved until they do the inner work & transform. Namaste . 💖
This video sums up the general modis operendii of the narcissist! Beautifully done. Thank you Melanie for your tireless work to empower us❤❤❤❤
Thank you Melanie 🙏🏾💕
The hardest part is realizing they never loved you and it was all a scam. They are horrible, horrible predators.
You are loved for yourself and what you represent mel.
I started recording him after I saw that he was recording me . And I’m glad I did it . It’s painful to listen to but after I listen I am reminded that I can Never go back to him or even talk to him . What a nasty man . Unbelievable
Even worse they can get people to say that they did not say what they said too.
This was fantastic. Thank you Melanie for your very genuine care of all of us discarded souls! With guidance like this we can all heal and then go on to live healthy, happy lives, knowing our worth and remaining true to our real selves XXX
Absolutely we can SP! xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans YAY! 😊
My ex blamed me....and her first husband for everything.
I was "eye candy" for her according to ppl around us.
I feel she never truly loved me as she said things like "this was my life before I met you, get used to it".
It was so demeaning.
The gaslighting was insane.
It's been 2 years and I am still healing.
🙏🕉️
Good Evening Ms. Evans. June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD) occurs on June 1st every year. Established in 2016, Keep spreading the awareness!!!!!
You certainly express what you say so well. You are very intelligent, aware and understanding. You can clearly see in this video that you really care about the sufferings of others, so well done, great work. I am a Christian myself and I am still being abused by a covert narcissist who lives in my home, I can tell you this that through this terrible time I am a better person for it, I have actually been empowered spiritually even though the abuse has not stopped. The many videos on UA-cam about narcissism really helped me a lot, so thank you for your video also. Even though I have been empowered through terrible suffering I still get days when I get down because of the narcissist. I believe in Jesus and Jesus helped me understand what was going on through these videos on UA-cam about narcissim. I am still trapped with no end in sight but I have hope, strength, understanding and awareness in my Christian faith. I am standing strong because the Grace which is the loving power of God keeps me going.
Same. I hope you got out. Update us sometime. Kudos on staying strong in the faith.
Hit the nail on the head, you are sooo wise. Thank you
I really appreciate how you talk for minutes without editing every 5 seconds Melanie, it keeps it real and engaged, thank you.
You so described my lived experience. I needed to hear this a few years back. Well now the healing process.
Wow thanks for reminding me to not take it personally
Now I can sleep peacefully 😂💤😴
WoW. Thank You, Melanie Thank You! I recognise all what you discussed in this video. I always liked to think, I was self-aware but after 12 years of marriage I only became aware once out. 4 months after the divorce i started to feel dirty. I started searching, YES I can now say he is a narcissist. You confirm it again. Sadly I think my mum and sister are presenting with the same behaviours, gaslighting, triangulation, minimising, discarding, the lying I fnd is the worse. He was a star in love bombing me, every time he came home from a business trip, he showered me with presents I didn't need. Only a matter of days and we were riding that rollercoaster again. I think I have some work to do here, I feel I have lost myself.....
wow. I realize I feel a deep sense of shame and responsibility on behalf of the narcissist (and their actions and beliefs). I am embarrassed for them.
These feelings were internalized so young and with such a deep desire to protect the narcissist from the pain and consequences of their own actions and belief systems that it felt like those feelings were mine and for me.
I feel deeply deeply sad for the tragedy that is their lives and their experiences. In the end you can have a true love and a true compassion for others but we each must take responsibility for our own lives and experiences and for no one else's, and no one else can take responsibility for ours except for when we are children or severely mentally handicapped.
Anything else is a form of theft and molestation. It's a violation and one that the narcissist will in the end ultimately have to take responsibility for.
These feelings of shame and responsibility and embarrassment for the narcissist, internalized, have the sense of being wrong and back asswards. Because coercion is involved. They have hijacked the social rules of compliance and altruism, reciprocity and helping others into places where it shouldn't be.
Rest assured you are responsible for your actions and behaviors but they are not responsible for theirs. You are, or whoever they are blaming at the moment. Or WORSE, far worse, they will take responsibility or more likely just strike responsibility for your behaviors altogether and put it onto someone else, like a teacher or a neighbor kid you were mistreating and teach YOU how to also be a narcissist, then they set you up as owing them and they can scramble you on a whole new level.
But if that's the case you STILL have to unscramble yourself, it's not up to some new victim to take responsibility for unscrambling you.
Honesty and personal honor is at the heart of living in a non narcissistic way, falsehoods are at the heart of living in a way that accepts damaging others and they damaging you.
Knowing all this and untangling the feeling of being obligated to care for and take responsibility for the narcissist, and them being more important than you are two different things.
I think learning to recognize the feeling of no and feeling perfectly within your rights and it being your responsibility to actually say no is the lynchpin for me. I'm not responsible to make you feel better just because you are such a jerk that you are trying to force and coerce me into it.
Bravo!!! 🙌🏼
Thak you Melanie for the video's After a 5 years relationship in witch i supported him...nu boyfriend... with his illness...
I Could not cope anymore...my body refused..almost gave me heart problems. Instead of Taking it slow with me he made me almost sick.
Twisting words around...Showing up at my door...shouting...name calling and so on..violating my boundaries...obvious and sneaky....confrontations with my kids.or blaming me. He never asked me to talk...but he says he did. Because i said i needed some time...2 weeks later he was in a 'relationship ' with somebody else for a months...its already over again...but i had to read or on the internet.
So a couple of months ago he tried with .e again....i didnt know yet about that girlfriend...but i wanted to have a conversation first....he always skip that part...trying to seduce me again...without me telling anything...
So glad i didn't fall for his bullshit again.... I found it out....They make a detective out of you.
He is a lie and a cheat...
He tried with flying monkeys ...
Try to hoover me back several times...I am his first course.of narc support he thinks.... Well he doesn't get anything of me again. So glad i could see right thrugh it thuis time...because i had time to recover....i can resist him far better..because i took the chance to step away
i am strong and in the Lucky position of a loving family. Thank God. But i know the hoover will come again....
We Dont life together the narc and I and we also don't have no kids together. ...so i should be able to pull out. I just was so very much in love with him...and its hard sometimes...down the memory lane of the lie it was...really..
I loved him all the way...dont ask me why....but i was petty disposable for him so it shows.
And boohoo he is so sorry now...
Glad i am rid of it... but i never know when i run into him again.. he doesn't life far from me..He Could be intimidating and angst...I know now how to handle him...I go grey rock..boring as can be....
There must be a Nice guy out there for me ...sometime..
But to be honest...I enjoy being in my own company better and better...learning to like myself again..love even.
Thanks again and good luck and support to everybody out there who needs it.
I taped many conversations. Avoidant. Blaming. Unaccountable , concealed , fence riders
i didnt know he had two other baby mamas until he was incarcerated after 7 years!!
Hard 2 say no 2 raging potentially or actually violent! Keep em calm then GET RID OF THEM ASAP!!! THEN STAY AWAY!!
Narcissists it's all about "greatness" avers and invers...Thank You!!:)) 100%%!!
I was sabotaged for decades, and I still produced majorly in many areas. Since I left 2 years ago, I have been flourishing and I'm still young enough to accomplish everything that was sabotaged!!! I lost a lot of time, but I'm still on track to live, and/or living every dream I had, and more!!! My "Shine" came from an infinite source, no person can "dull" it!!! Peace
This video is not only truth.
It's brevity and substance.
" Agape,
& Embrace the suck "
Christiian K Rondow 👍✨
Amy if u find this vlog, my heart is breaking for u. Frank hurts every.
So wish I knew about this 20 yrs. ago! Really good video, thank you! Was raised by 2 different types of Narcs, 6 siblings are Narcs & married to one now, but NFL!! (NFL = Not For Long) 😊