EFAP Movies #62: The Three Musketeers - More War and Orlando Bloom!
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- Опубліковано 16 кві 2024
- This time on War with Orlando Bloom, we have a wonderful adaptation of The Three Musketeers! from the director of the Resident Evil movies! What a wonderful world we live in.
Edited by Goger
Re-edited for copyright and tweaks by MauLer (YT is a wonderful awesome thing) - Фільми й анімація
Today on "Orlando Bloom cannot act"
His hair does a lot of the acting for him in this one.
"If we just have his face blurred you can't tell"
Stares blankly into the distance, "what does your musketeer eye see?"
He can shout though!
This movie ONLY cost 75m. Look at how much you can do with 75. For real sets, costumes, and fight choreography, I think it's actually pretty good work. If Disney made this, it would have cost 225m and been 90% cgi.
90% most likely BAD cgi
And Mila Jovovich woulda been the main character.
@@camillecunningham7348 Well CGI in this wasn't great but it's 2011...
Solid point. Nobody will learn that lesson, but you are correct.
@@Jasper_Silva No, if it was Disney, some young-ish explicitly non Caucasian woman in her mid 20s would've been been the main character, and she'd be clowning on all the large men who would look as if they could crush her like a styrofoam cup.
Just pointing it out....Orlando Bloom IS, in fact, in Blackhawk Down. Fingers crossed we get an EFAP of it boys!
Only if Sargon is on, his disdain for Bloom adds years to my life.
Not for very long. But it still counts, and Blackhawk Down is definitely a war movie.
It’s more modern day but I too hope they do black hawk down. The bloom meme is just the cherry on top.
The funniest scene in the movie is Legolas and Obi-Wan doing horrible American accents at each other. When they're on screen with real Americans, it's not so bad, but their minor faults build on each other. Brit director definitely didn't help.
I remember seeing this shortly after it came out on disc. I do not remember actually watching it. I wish I had as much fun as you chaps did though.
I didn't even know a _Three Muskateers_ was made with Orlando Bloom because the 1973 two-parter is unequivocally the best
while the 1973 one has a special place for me.(shine one Oliver Reed, ya crazy bastard), can i reccomend the 2023 The Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan?
It is pretty nice
Mosqueperros>>>
Thank you. ❤
I can't stand how in that movie they go out of their way to use their swords as little as possible in the fight scenes, it's so stupid. 😂
finally saw the 1973 one a month back, solid~
The Orlando Bloom marathon at least has LOTR as the palette cleanser
Orlando Bloom was perfect casting in LOTR for the more silent and least expressive character in the party.
@@Jasper_Silvathis haha. Couldn't have worked better in that. He was so lucky getting that role
I genuinely like him in the Pirates movies as well.
EFAP definitely needs to do Wild Wild West!
Giant Mechanical Spider ✅
I'm sold.
MauLer: You know what, Sargon? She doesn't dress up for your approval, ok?
Sargon: "I didn't say she did; I was just being misogynist"
This caught me completely off guard.
The fact this didnt get a sequel is infuriating. Give me three of these instead of 12 Resident Evils.
Actually this is a prequel to the resident evil movies. 😂
They can still film "20 years later" with these actors.
Think of the rich EFAP content to be had with 12 Resident Evils.
I unironically believe this.
Make 3+ of these instead of Disney movies
My dumb ass thought this was the one with Keifer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, and Tim Curry from like the '90s.
Same. Now I am at once thrilled and dejected.
Yeah I was hoping the title just meant Bloom was some kid in the background. They'd probably have more fun and it sounds like at least Mauler hasn't seen it.
I love that one! It's one I watched as a kid so it definitely has a nostalgia boost.
Tim Curry is wonderful in that movie. A national treasure.
@@realshompa yeah he's one of those actors that can play an entertaining villain
I fucking love this movie. It's my ultimate guilty pleasure. I ADORE the over-the-top costumes and general ridiculousness.
The costumes are great!
Legit enjoyable bad movie. Same pedigree as the first Mortal Kombat movie, imo. I feel like Paul W S Anderson kinda KNOWS he's bad at it and he leans in on it in a way that's probably not as easy to do as people realize.
the epitome of “charmingly bad”
yeah loved it too, gotta steampunk that shizz
@@beowulfsrevenge4369 Costumes and sets are incredible!
Funny that no on mention Mickey Donald and Goofy the three musketeers but that’s me though
It's weird that Shad thought he needed a megaphone AND a microphone for this one.
He's talking with his mic in his mouth. Did no one notice this during recording or editing?
He's being period accurate and using a 17th century microphone to record.
using a mic the correct way would be too much agenda driven wokeness for him
I like how Feloni took inspiration for Thrawns Star Destroyer prostate exam from the air balloon and the Notre Dame.
Truly, Thrawn is our generations James Corden
@@jonbaxter2254 oh god.
What did the bluebo thraggins do to deserve that?!! 🤣🤣🤣
*This gives me hard League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vibes.*
Yeah, you forgot about that movie didn’t you?
“What is that contraption?”
“I call it… an automoBEEEEELLLL.”
The only content warnings should be for appearances of James Corden
We need a James Corden amber alert to warn us when he's in public
Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, and Martin Short are my Three Musketeers. Right arm, Left Arm, Hips, Thrust, “Hah”!
They really need to do a Musketeers movies arc.
There are 150 adaptations in total...
@@user-xx6vy9ri8p ok, then an arc of the more recognizable ones. Or at least the more popular versions.
The 1993 Disney version is by far my favorite. Tim Curry as Cardinal Richelieu FTW!
The first scene. In the cardinal's personal, evil, dungeon. Some prisoner begs for mercy in the name of God the Cardinal. "oh... in the name of God" and have the prisoner killed. "I want those Musketeers, not excuses".
You are not alone, hands down my favorite!!!
Am I mad, but I really like the world in this film.
Not quite steampunk, bit before. Folkpunk? With all the mad tech
Sailpunk has been floated before. As its so often associated with the flying sailing ships.
@@MediumRareOpinions Great name, love it. That zeppelin in the last third of the movie was so awesome.
DaVinci punk maybe?
Clockpunk.
Pike-and-Shot-punk.
I love the fact Orlandos character at the end has a massive fleet of ships and air ships and no one, not even the Cardinal, found out. Somehow a massive fleet appears and no one had records of it being built in ports, of men and crew being assembled and hired, provisions being delivered or material being transported, nor the funds for all of that, which would be millions if not billions of currency.
Cardinal Richelieu, in real life, was the man who invented the butter knife.
truly a saviour of all time
"I feel uneven, sort of lumpy, like butter without a butterknife" - Richbo Baggins
Wow what a genius "What if we made a shitty knife that's useless for most things and we use it exclusively to do only one of the things other kitchen knives can do?". Now I think this movie's version of him seems pretty Historically accurate lol
Also helped kill a lot of Huguenots, if I remember rightly.
@@robertlewis6915 is french on french crime really a crime though?
It's nice to see Smiler again.
long lost but not forgotten
In the books all the musketeers die unimportantly, D'Artanigon (sp) dies decades later the second he becomes field marshal by a canon ball (which is considered the best possible death as he is happy and dies before bad things happen), the Cardinal convinces D'Artanigon he's right about France winning, and then France builds its empire. The one eyed character and Milady are both killed though.
God damn is this movie incredible. I love the part where they start the movie establishing the unique straight-up superpowers of each of the three musketeers, like the diving guy and the strong enough to destroy a brick wall by yanking an iron chain guy, and then none of them ever once use those powers in the entire rest of the movie. It shouldn't have gotten a sequel, it should have gotten a thousand.
I'll never tire of Mauler referencing 'Alias' as someone who watched it live and was probably 6 when it came out. It's very interesting to have seen JJ and Bad Robot's consistency with where their writing went off the rails. The Rombaldi prophecy stuff was exactly when my families and main stream interest seemed to die down. Alias was a massive show at the time, one episode premiered right after the Super Bowl in America, and even back then you can see the same shortcomings in the writing. JJ built an amazing career in Hollywood off of being pretty competent at writing interesting, approachable beginnings/season 1's.
I love Carl always going ham on Orlando Bloom.
And i guess this was recorded before Ray Stevenson passed. RIP Ray, the best Punisher.
D'artagnan died on the way to his home planet.
One does not simply walk into floordoor
I normally enjoy the EFAP movies just for the commentary. But these Orlando Bloom installments have been a struggle for me to finish, even with the hilarity of the fellas😂
My favorite part is when Orlando said “it’s Bloomin’ Time” and proceeded to bloom all over the place.
You may roast me for my shit humor in the comments below. Thank you EFAP for this quality birthday present!
Truly this comment is a comment of our time. As Bigideas would say "Thus was this the only thing that brought joy to mine life"
You get a pass 😉
"He's blooming! He's blooming!" Grace Randall, probably.
I remember being at a restaurant with Orlando Bloom. He was really nice, and all went well, I shook his hand, made a legolas joke, he laughed, and we sat at opposite ends of the restaurant. It was great until the server came up and asked if I'd like an appetizer. I ordered the blooming onion, and he popped up right next to me and said, "Did somebody say blooming onion?!" And the server looked at me with sheer terror, mouthing the words, 'Sir what have you done?' Orlando pulled an onion out of thin air and started stripping, getting giddy and excited, before dumping lube all over himself. And I sh!t you not, he climbed inside of this regular sized onion, until it was just his tiny head poking out, before saying, "It's Bloom in onion time!" I would've been disturbed, but I was still waiting for my metric ton of shrooms to kick in, and it was just nice to see him emote more than I'd ever seen before. Happy Birthday man
@@SuperMegaGaylord well that story took a turn
90's Three Musketeers with Oliver Platt, Chris O'Donnell, Kiefer Southerland and Charlie Sheen is the best, hands down. Sorry, not sorry
Although it is not exactly a sequel, "The Man in the Iron Mask" with an older Three Musketeers, is great as well.
I see you are also folk of culture.
That one I remember.
@@johnjohntenton2141thank you for mentioning that one. When I was trying to look it up, of course I couldn’t find it because of the title.
Thought I was going crazy, imagining a whole nother 3 musketeers movie.
Actually I think the richard lester three musketeers movie is the best arguably. Its the most faithful adaptation though the 1993 oliver platt one is childhood favorite of mine and i would watch any day.
I've been having a rough go of it. This upload has made my day. Thank you.
Sorry to hear that, dude! Hope you have a better day tomorrow!
Stay strong brother
Just think… at least you’re not James Cordon!
EFAP doing the Underworld movies when?
My only memory of “The Man in the Iron Mask” is Leonardo DiCaprio screaming “Wear it till you love it!” at his twin brother and everyone in my family bursting into hysterics.
That, and the titular characters charging down a narrow hall whilst receiving a full volley of firearms, then when the smoke clears the other side stares at them like “How the fuck are you still alive?” and they stare back like “How the fuck are we alive, actually?”
In any event, I think it was an amusing watch.
20:39. Shad losing it is GOLD!
🤣
7:35 it actually started with him saying "No" to Tarantino for the role as Django, because he was not willing to do the upside-down-naked scene.
He was Tarantinos first pick, Foxx only his 2nd.
From that on he went downhill imo.
The fact this movie literally copies Resident Evil's laser hallway scene in a historic setting in one of its opening scenes, with the same actress, you just know this is a good watch.
This film was over the top AND THEN an airship showed up :) What a fun thing.
9:34 You can hear the “hon hon hon” in their laughter. This movie is turning them French!
That Rags-free Scargiver coverage was the best thing ever. Ever consider a premium version of EFAP where we can pay to have Rags digitally removed? I would seriously consider subscribing to that for a modest monthly fee.
I unironically love this cheesy ass movie, Percy Jackson slaps in it man, I miss these kinds of films.
Maybe next time, have Shad on when he's not working drive-thru.
Or better yet, not at all.
mah ears 😢👂
@@akashajones6079you insult the sword man! I spit in your general direction probably………
Its not shad its the tin can on a string he is using as a microphone.
Bruh they recognized Titus Pullo in this movie, but didn't recognize Lucius Vorenus being an absolute badass in Kingdom of Heaven!
Poor Vorenus.
I know right! They were even praising his war hammer skills but didn't recognize him. I figured Drinker would have recognized him from Dog Soldiers...
I too enjoy Ray Stevenson in everything he's in. He played a great Blackbeard in Black Sails.
Sad that there was no mention of the 1948 Three Musketeers with Gene Kelly. Such a delightful movie.
Watched it a month ago! Very nice, and quite accurate to the story as well!
I also used to like The Musketeers (2014) show on BBC.
This movie would be so much better without James Corden
And lame main character
A comic relief who makes the scenes he's in LESS funny? What a novel idea!
He is barely in it
@@user-xx6vy9ri8p Which is more than enough
@@user-xx6vy9ri8p He's still right.
The edits are awesome as usual, keep up the great work.
Goger
This movie looks like it would’ve been a blast to be in.
“You’re telling me I get to dick around with swords, not give a fuck, AND get paid millions of dollars at the same time? Sign me up!”
oh wow, i don't think i'ver ever seen this version of The Three Musketeers before. I honestly enjoyed this more than i expected going in. if only there was a plot twist reveal that the whole movie was a fever dream the main character boy was having as he's recovering from the gunshot wound he got at the start.
The only things i disliked in this movie were the main character boy, James Corden and that mads Mikkelsen died at the end. i'd totally accept a post-ending scene showing he survived somehow.
58:05 "Why are there so many candles in the foreground"
I have a theory: They placed that many candles to try and create the lighting effect of an open fire/torchlight/whatever artistic effect you'd call 'flame lighting', without actually needing a bonfire on set. They were in the foreground to light the characters faces from the camera side, with the intention of shooting over them. Then either by 'we'll crop it in post for the release version' laziness or Anderson deciding "ah, hell, that looks great, get that in the shot actually", or both, boom. It's in the final film.
Oh wow! I watched the movie in the exact same German theater they watched it lol
Wish they did man in the iron mask , pretty good .
The man in the iron mask, is my favorite depiction of the three musketeer.
Leo was a bit cringe in that movie though
I thought that was what they were watching tbh
He was still old pretty boy Leo, but he did a pretty decent job being the evil twin imo. And yeah, the movie was great!
What's funny is that he got the Rasperry Award for worst screen couple (with himself)
@@giulizpaviz6381
Oof
@@Jasper_Silva
I liked him more as the nice twin, however I guess it’s his American accent what ruined it, everyone else had a broken French accent
I laughed at how stupid this movie was even as a kid. That said, that last shot with ships and zeppelines...sure is stylish.
This movie has flying air ships, Resident Evil lady doing kung-fu, musketeers taking on small army of dudes, sword fight on top of Notre Dame with thunderstorm in the background yet somehow this is still not the most ridiculous Three Musketeers film ; that would be D'Artagnan from 2001 with it's ridiculous kung-fu fight choreography 😅 Director of that film really had to be in love with "Crouching tiger, hidden dragon" even if over the top, eastern esthetics fits European context of the story like high high heels fits on a pig... 😉On the other hand "Man in the iron mask" from 1998 is unironically good!
So, I still would prefer to watch The Three Musketeers with Bloom -at least this film try to follow plot of Duma's novel... Maybe with less Milla Jovovich - is it the only reason that she made a career is because she married somewhat popular director? I mean she have pretty face but other than that? Her acting is mediocre at best and in chest area she is like anti-Sydney Sweeney 😉 so I never got why Milla was so popular ?
She was pretty good in Fifth Element, Zoolander, and Dodgeball back when she had to act. It's after the Anderson movies does she get typecast into stoic action lady. I don't remember if Anderson directed Ultraviolet, but she's the same character in that.
Orlando Blooming Onion Arc
As someone who grew up on _Sid Meier's Civilization,_ I only knew Musketeers as someone who uses a gun.
Fun fact: Constance (the blonde love interest) is played by Maxwell Lord’s assistant in “Wonder Woman 1984”.
I'm just going to say that the spanish translation of "Dogtanian and the three muskehounds" absolutely demolishes the english one. It's called "Dartacan y los tres mosqueperros", both "can" and "perros" meaning dog while maintaining the sounds of the words almost perfectly. Inspired localization. Great series, blast from the past.
Guys, at 36:36 , this aint a built "set", this is Würzburg palace, it actually looks like that (+ some wall carpets), been there around christmas. Saves a lot of money if don`t have to build a set :P
I remember watch this shortly after it came out on disc. I do not remember actually watching it though. I wish I had as much fun with it as you chaps.
Well, I wouldn't give WS Anderson money to make sequels, but I would definitely watch them.
Gosh, I vaguely remember watching this movie. You’d think a film this outlandish would leave a more lasting impression.
9:41 That's some Van Helsing gun!
"No one simply walks through the Floordoor." - Boromis Frenchman
How have i never heard of this movie? (Well, this version of it, anyway)
I just watched this recently hell yeah 😆this EFAP will surely get me through my shift. Bless the fappers for coming through 🙌🏼
The Flordor... The Frenchin' Venchin.
This movie is great, i genuinely enjoyed it when i saw it for the first time YEARS after it came out, with expectations better informed
it's been forever since I read the books but the original "d'Artangan Romances" by Alexander Dumas ( the three musketeers, twenty years later, and The Vicomte of Bragelonne) are following d'Artangan over the course of his career, since the first book is him post training learning to actually be a musketeer from the three and seeing their comradery he, as the movies have often shown, doesn't truly become a musketeer until the end after being trained by the famous trio. Also the the third book The Vicomte of Bragelonne is often broken into three parts, (The Vicomte of Bragelonne, Louise de la Valliere, and The Man In The Iron Mask)
Woah, we are releasing this today?
“Hi, my name’s Shad, Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?”
I have these on in the background when I’m doing something boring like paying bills or cleaning.
❤ em.
This was such fun, i needed this ^.-.^
1:16:55 So, after the Notre Dame roof was set on fire, I don’t think you can make this joke nowadays, lol.
I think the lads all enjoyed this film a whole lot more than they thought they would.
I had no idea this movie existed.
Now I wish I _still_ didn't know it existed.
1:17:56 Was that a piece of Out There from Hunchback of Notredame that I heard? 😂
Well played.
Thank you for telling me about Muskethounds!
How do you make a video like this and no one on the cast notices how horrible Shad's mic is? It sounds like he's got it pressed to his lips. It peaks so much since he yells all the time
Please don't ever again start a recording with someone's audio in the state Shad's is in this video. It's literally painful, and it makes a person who's already not the easiest on the listeners' ears unbelievably annoying
the gramophone guy
"How realistic you want this movie to be?"
"PEOPLE OF THE FRANCE! DO NOT INTERFERE! OUR INTENTIONS ARE PEACEFUL! WE ARE THE BROTHERHOOD OF STEEL!"
All things considered, this is actually surprisingly faithful to the book. I haven't done a full accounting yet, but it might (just) beat out the recent French duology.
My headcanon is that this and Wild Wild West are part of the same universe/timeline.
This was my favorite war arc EFAP so far. I totally forgot about this film 😂 But I had a big dopey grin through this whole video reliving the film
"What must the peasants be thinking?"
*peasant looks up at air ship*
"Oh..Ze king built anozer Airship, must be a Saturday, musn't forget to go to church tomorrow"
Great job groger
I love this 😂😂😂 and I love see you guys do king Arthur film by years 😂😂
Always good to see Sargon hanging out with the longmen
I remember turning this movie off at this moment in the movie 12:32 exactly lol. so bad
The 90s muskateers was one of the first movies i remember watching as a kid. Its one of my absolute favorites.
The tom and jerry mousekateers is a close 2nd
The brilliance of the Ghost Leonidas @ 33:09! God bless the editors!
I thought this was gonna be a series about movie and History youtubers commenting on curiosities and inaccuracies in Historic war movies, but so far it turned out to be subjecting poor Sargon to all the facets of Orlando Bloom's acting, which is frankly way better lol
30:02...😆 never under estimate the power of THE STICK!!!...🤔 20:38 unless the other guy uses a gun, then you're screwed. 😒
4:55 he at least gets covered in bird poop in this movie. 2 of them poop on his face/head
Is Shad using a gramophone as a mic?
It's weird how closely this movie follows the book and yet seems so foreign to it at the same time. Yes the Kings Musketeers had a rivalry with the Cardinal's soldiers in the book at the three musketeers wrecked them.
Was so disappointed it didn't have a sequel
Especially after the airship armada end scene.
When I think of musketeers films I think of the really old ones with Oliver Reed ah yes and with Sir Christopher Lee in it too