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Absolutely true. It often triggers them into character assassination attempts. If they can’t control you, they feel extremely threatened by your influence on others. You can immediately see the burning envy in their eyes. Be ready to deal with them lying about you to everyone they get an opportunity to, and systematically attempting to plant seeds of doubt about you to everyone who they think you influence that they want power over.
What nobody says about being a truth teller is that when you call out the narcissist, everybody else runs and hides. Rarely will someone stand beside you while say what they’re scared to say. So, for the sake of your own self-respect, say what needs to be said, but don’t expect open support. It’s unfortunate. I’ve often thought that the real crime of narcissism is how it’s tolerated.
I found out my ex husband was a narcissist after I had brain surgery it was so bad and his biological son helped him try to sabotage me for years I didn't know what narcissm was I do now
I agree. That it is tolerated. There should be more awareness. A truth teller is a good start they should be supported. Even though npd was a survival mechanism some time ago in the life of the person so it can often be unaware/internalised bcs of a toxic environment they grew up in. Maybe they realise they want to change that and heal the wounds that are the real issue. I hope snd believe most people have traits of it along either other personality traits so it’s not that severe. It’s crucial getting professional support though to get help to recognize oneself better and light up subconscious behaviours.
When I came home from my biopsy I told the narc that it was positive for breast cancer and that I wanted to go to Moffet for treatment, he said "I'm not giving you a ride other there. You find somebody here to take care of it." I was stunned. I said OK, I'll find someone else to take me. He said "fine. Hey, can I borrow your car tomorrow to take my mother to her appointment." Not one word of encouragement, support, or caring. When his brother, a great guy, had a stroke, he didn't go to see him or call him. Just ten minutes away. He didn't shed a tear when his brother died or when he put his own dog down. These narcs are COLD BLOODED.
What does crying mean anything I cry all the time tap people have definitely said that I have alligator tears but I don’t only when I’m drunk I find that I like weird fake cry when I drink I don’t know what that means. I haven’t cried in a really long time I’m not crying today and it’s my mom‘s birthday there was also a man in Mexico that seem like a really nice person Because he was talking about crying but he was like a literal sex trafficker so how are you supposed to know that crying means anything
Yeah I believe a psychopath because even my narc cares deeply about his brother. May be like the only person he really cares about possibly, but still.
I had surgery for severe carpal tunnel syndrome on both hands. The day I returned after surgery not ONCE did he take care of me. I ACTUALLY ended up cooking for him and his cronies.. So enlightening
There are Unfortunate cases, like the real victims and sufferers being wrongly accused by a narcissist Jezebel type secretly to authorities with their wrong judgments, as relates to Rev.2:20
pitiful. i have malignant narc mum too, you have no idea how much smear campaign and triangulation i have to face. she really makes my most nasty colleague looks like tame rabbit.
I had it. And I would always be made to feel like I was faking despite actually being ill, too. Anyone else ever get made to feel like that? Caused me a fair few almost missed calls in my adult life as I used to leave it till I was being treated as an emergency in hospital I'd be so sick. (Liver failure (surgeon messed up), appendix blown, and pneumonia. Different occasions. Liver made me wake up about my health).
It is hard not to care for them since I grew up wanting to help these narcissists parents that lacked any maturity on being parents. I did what I could until I learned I had to take care of me and so I did. Learning to be independent was the gift and learning to save were both gifts from God which I thanked him and later moved out at 28 only because I had an older sister that had no one to lean on but me. So I helped out as best as I could until I turned 28 and told her I was leaving. It was the next to the last goal to move out to have a place to call my sanctuary which was my apartment.
When we moved, I spent a lot of time in the garden and repeatedly expressed how much I loved our pepper tree. One day, I came home, and the tree was gone. To this day, we have not discussed what happened to the tree. I can see the pattern now so I need to be careful about expressing my happiness.
Yes. I learned this as a child. My narc Mom would ask me what I wanted for Christmas so that she could be sure to not get it for me. I learned to never express wants, desires, or likes, in order to protect them. (I was a truth seer--a term I prefer to truth teller--because truth telling was something I also learned to protect and not share, so I could survive.)
Good point about the statement, "narcissists hate sick people". How many health care practitioners are narcissistic? They also like making people sick. If they can kill someone with impunity, they will.
My ex is a NICU nurse at a major hospital. She complained about the kiddos, the parents and some providers. She talks a big game to family eg. I will be there for you, I will find the best docs, etc, but they all managed portions of her personal life: banking, law help, etc. They provided something for her and made her life easier. Behind their backs she bitches about each of them… I mean wow! I became sick with cancer. She pretty much quit talking to me. I’d rather be alone and sick than with her anymore. She’s actually probably why I’m sick lol Stay strong and stay away from your narc!
Health care institutions like to call themselves "non-profit" and yet, they charge a lot for medicines and supplies. They are one of the highest paid employees, too.
I was married to a narcissist and when I was told to take time to rest due to my pneumonia, my husband said, "you need to find someone to take care of you because I must go back to work and can't take care of the kids. Imagine, how I felt when I realized everything was on my shoulder to find acquaintance to take care of me. I did but told him he would have to cook or take care of that since i had to rest and I need to in order to get my strength and body back to health. I cried after learning this wasn't supposed to be being married to anyone let alone a narcissist - but made further plans in the future to divorce him the following year because if this is how he acts with me in my 40s then by in my later years I definitely be alone due to his lack of compassion and empathy for me. I did divorced him and never been happier for my decision. Won't consider marriage to another human being because "luck" doesn't run my way since I have the misfortune to have both narcissistic parents and even some friends that were narcissist due to them always asking me for favors to benefit them all the time.
I was trauma bonded to my covert narcissist, wife for many years To all the survivors out there, love and peace and don’t forget to breathe. It gets better🙏❤️😎😊
They love to start fights and twist your words up .. in reality they HATE themselves. But come across with a false sense of high self confidence/ esteem.
My father is a narcissist. My husband is a truth teller. I was 15, and he was 17 when we started dating. He would call my dad out on all of the terrible things he would say and do to me and my siblings. My father hates him, he would have done anything to get rid of him. He constantly tried to sabotage our relationship. I knew he just hated me being happy and having someone hold him accountable. 22 years later, I still love my husband more than life itself, but my dad hasn't been to my house in years. There are no phone calls cards or letters. I'm not even sure he's met my youngest child who's about to be 11. sometimes choosing yourself means cutting out others.
I had liver failure,died, coma 5:35 back in a coma for ten weeks, was released from the hospital 12 weeks later and was told by my wife i was faking it and needed to shovel the snow. Can't make this up! There is way more with other injuries i will let you use your imagination and save time
@@johnny69-fq3jr We’re being enlightened/awakened to this phenomena for a reason.. Our suffering, our trials are not in vain. We’re going to be needed before too long. Hold on! 🙌🏾🙌🏻🙌🏿
Oh how wonderful to hear for you and your husband and wonderful blessed children renee. I truly am so very happy that you have such a truly caring and logical life with absolutely wonderful loving people in your life 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😊🥰🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I broke my leg, and my narcissistic roommate immediately wanted to move out. I brought the only income in our home for months. I begged her to get a job, and she always promised she would. In reality, she never even seriously looked. Then, as soon as I broke my leg, she told me that she'd been thinking about moving out for a while. Also, she felt totally justified in saying that I was overreacting. Give me a break. If you've experienced this; you're not crazy or wrong for being upset. Your feelings matter.❤
Absolutely. Next time avoid this person whenever she comes back to ask for a favor and remember how she truly behaved with you when you needed her to be there for you. That I try to remember always because most narcissists think only of themselves and not of others.
Last week I had a migraine that lasted three days. I did everything as normal, the household, the cooking etc. Afterwards I got blamed for ruining the atmosphere and not being there for him. “What do you think it’s like for me when you have a headache!?” . Unbelievable.
I'm sorry that happened to you. If I may ask, was your condition communicated and simply ignored? I'm sensitive to when people suddenly change, especially for the worst, and I can admit I've run face first into someone simply "having a headache" when the context was they suddenly started treating people with a significant amount of distant and cold attitudes. The conversation is always as simple as "you doing ok?" "Yeah, just have a headache" "oh, shitty. Any way I can help?" "No" and then things going back to normal. But a lot of people try to ignore their ailment, and how it's possibly making them act differently.
You just described my husband. He is highly critical of my joys, hobbies, likes, kindness, empathy, freedom, truth telling, politics, beliefs etc. He is perfect and expects me to look up to him and only make decisions based on his knowledge. He is controlling and selfish
I love the way you said this. Critical of you joys, hobbies, likes, kindness, empathy, freedom, truth-telling, politics, beliefs. You really know all the ways in which my "father" narc abused me by taking all of these away as punishment. Thank you for your comment.
This may sound like a stupid question, but why do you stay with a person who treats you so badly? He isn't going to change, or suddenly become a good person. Ending an abusive relationship is usually the best option. Are you able to leave, I hope? I am sorry you have to live with this abuse.
I was 15 and was working on my project for school when I slipped with the drill I was using and it went right through my finger quickly wrapped it up Bleeding 🩸 profusely. Ran into the house asked my covert narc mother to take me to hospital, she looked at it said it’s not that bad “wait til your father comes home from work he will probably take you. I waited for 2 hours on my bed clutching a bloody towel.How dare I interrupt her afternoon movie . Zero empathy or compassion even for their children. Nasty evil people.
I am so sorry for what you've been through. My one advice is to take care of yourself because no one is going to take care of you as well "as you." That I can guarantee is what will happen next time. Please watch out for anything you may do or get into an accident. Somethings I was lucky I have a sixth sense something was going on internally when I was having severe pain and had my boyfriend take me to the hospital to be tested. I am glad that I was able to realize things that were happening to me I got an understanding of my body since I had this pain, but this was incredibly more painful and luckily, I made it to the doctor and then hospital to have tests done to me. Learned I was hemorrhaging, which I didn't know until they operated on me, and would have died had I not sense to get my boyfriend to see the doctor and then the hospital on Sunday afternoon. I eventually I got there in time to be operated and have the ruptured ovary and anything connected removed that would solve my situation at that time. Please always watch out for yourself because it is your life.
After 42 years of marriage I am understanding why I am so unhappy with my life. 3 sons (adult now)all with problems are a product of our toxic lives. God help us all
I was married 41 years and have 3 kids. Ten years ago I decided that I was done serving the narcissist. It was interesting to see how fast I was trashed. What I didn’t expect was being dumped by everybody, including the kids. My therapist tells me not everyone is like that. I wish I had left while I still had faith that love matters.
I’m there I see it in my children( adults). I should have left years ago living in a toxic situation for years, has affected them. It’s a nightmare. I’m drained! For anyone in this now try to get out as early as you can for your kids sake. 🙏🏾
They really can’t stand sickness. When I developed a rare autoimmune condition I couldn’t believe how uncaring my mother in law became. She would always ask me how I was, to look good to others, but never listened to what I actually said or my feelings, she was always dismissive and changed the sub just so quickly to shut it down. It was so painful for her to all of a sudden discard me and act like I’m exaggerating but it made me realize what I was really dealing with and I guess I’m thankful for that. We’re limiting time with her and grey rocking when with her.
My neighbour was murdered some weeks ago. It was shocking. When I told about it to my boss, she had no reaction, no sign of compassion, no sign of horror. Everyone else were shocked when I told, said something to show compassion to my killed neighbour and to me, too.
A great narc "tell" is when they're presented with a situation that logically demands empathy and they fake the response. They just can't get it right; you'll feel that it's emotionally off and lacking in heart--it's like they're reading it off a script.
When my BIL was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I told my narc husband and he immediately said “well, he never was the picture of health”. (My BIL was treated and is fine now, but I will never forget my husband’s coldness)
I can relate to all of your examples!! Here's just one of mine..... I surprised my ex narc with a rrip to the beach. I brought everything, and did everything, which was fine. He got sick the first day of our trip. I went and got him medicine and took care of him, instead of going to the beach on the only 2 sunny days. Then, of course, I caught what he had from him. He started feeling better right as I started feeling bad. He went to the beach for hours each day, leaving me alone to fend for myself for 3 days, then left 2 days early, while I was still asleep and texted me that he was bored and I obviously didn't really want to hang out with him so he left. I had to pack everything up and clean the cabin alone.
They will blame you for your sickness. Its always your fault and sometimes in reality they have caused the sickness and then blame you for being sick. Its really twisted.
I’m unsure if my mom is a covert narc or just histrionic but either way, she’s made it a habit of prostrating herself and being super apologetic to me over mine and my siblings chronic health problems, most of of which are hereditary, but some genuinely seem like an end result of my mom refusing to take any anti emetics when she was pregnant with my brother or with me. Like she seems to have next to no interest in seeing my neurologist pointed out that mine and my brother’s issues are probably a direct result of her refusing to take compazine and allowing her hyperemesis to get so bad that it absolutely tanked her folate levels, exacerbating the neural tube defects that occasionally show up on my dad’s side of the family.
It was a damper for the no empathy victim hero when I said how my legs were swollen, & feet & I got treated like a dog patting his leg "come on" & when I talked about it "get with the program" it would have been better alone going to that concert 😤
Altruistic Narcissist!! First time I have heard this and it explains so much for me. My Narc has over the years talked about me to others in a very positive way. Others people have come to me often to say how nice the narc is because he says so many nice things. I have told him to stop doing this because he is telling people my personal life! I am his topic to gain ground with other supply!
I can relate,my ex used to stand up in church and say how lucky he is to have me as his wife. I whispers to him if you do that again I will stand up and tell them what you really think of me.He never did it again.. a very pretty friend of mine from work called when I was not home. She later told me how highly my then husband spoke about me.Then I said and you thought What a great guy..she said OMG...
I got sick from possible food poisoning one time: the narc took to the er. Believe you me the next thing she was on the phone telling everyone of my relatives and friends that I’m sick and she is taking care of me and exaggerating the sickness at the same time. It’s all about them in every situation. I’m glad she is out of my life
I am just realizing a 3rd childhood friend of mine is a covert narcissist. I recall a conversation he had recently, after he called me he proceeded to bitch for an hour about how he had to take care of his father after his kidney transplant. His father who he still lived at home with, who had bank rolled most of his life so he doesnt have to work needed someone to help take care of his everyday needs for a few months and my friend was completely distraught by that. I look back at that conversation now and realize my friend showed more of himself in that moment than he ever had before. As an only child I always knew he was selfish but man that is next level
@@Steveincorp I don’t care at all as I don’t surround myself with narcissistic people, I have much more better things to do. Would recommend to do the same
Don’t do it if you live with them.. just remove yourself when you don’t like how they’re treating or talking to you. Eventually they will become conditioned on speaking to you.
The sick thing is true, especially if you’re the scapegoat. Every time I was sick as a child, my parents acted irritated, like I was an inconvenient problem. I didn’t think much of it, until I was 12 and dislocated my patella. It was the most painful and frightening thing I’ve ever experienced. The pain was so intense I went into shock and blacked out occasionally while I lay on the ground waiting for the ambulance. I only vaguely remember the paramedics arriving and giving me something for the pain. THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I’m waking up in hospital with my leg in a brace, my mind foggy, memories of extreme pain beginning to float back to me as I become aware of my surroundings. My parents had been called in, and the doctor was explaining what happened. I was twelve, scared, confused, still woozy from drugs, and piecing together what happened to me. I wanted to cry. I waited until the doctor left because I didn’t want to make him feel bad since he helped me. As soon as the doctor leaves, I let out a shuddering sigh and let my tears fall. All I want, and what I feel is DESERVED, is for my parents to hug me and tell me I’m going to be okay. My mother tells me to stop making noise. My father says nothing. When I’ve stopped making noise, they talk with irritable pragmatism how they’re going to deal with this, having an injured child and me having to stay home from school for a few days. Neither of them so much as touch me. And I got a horrid vibe from them as I obediently hold back my urge to cry: smug satisfaction. I felt the malicious joy in that room. That they knew what I needed from them, and they not only withheld the comfort I needed in that moment, they decided to pile shame on their injured, half drugged child by bickering about how inconvenient the whole thing was going to be FOR THEM. I lie on the bed, and in that half lucid state, I consider for the first time that I will NEVER be comforted by my parents; no ailment will be enough to convince them that I am worthy of compassion. And not only that; they will always take joy in making me feel worse than I already do, then telling me not to show any emotion. The fear of that realisation instantly overshadowed my previous fear of having just experienced my first real injury. But I am grateful for that memory which made it clear how cruel they are and how much they have always despised me and enjoyed hurting me.
You are a strong person and you deserve the whole world! I had a step parent who was over excited that I nearly died from my appendix. kept saying my name too. "you almost died____!" "you almost died!" had to deal with him and his jealous daughter. my step sister. always mad that my family gave me presents I ASKED for. when she literally didnt ask cuz she decided shes "too old" to celebrate birthdays. lmfao go figure. she would make her father bully me. slut shame,names,being hit or hair pulled. I had my laptops thrown at me for just simply having it on the coffee table. I wish nothing but the worst for him.
I'm so very sorry. That was awful. I hope you are okay as an adult now. I felt your pain just reading that. 😢😢😢 You are way more than enough. Your parents didn't deserve you. Hugs.
When my friend was sick and almost dying he had NO empathy about him. Didn’t ask about him and had no idea the severity of the situation. He proceeded to lecture me that I needed to train my brain and criticize me. That was the wake up call that I needed to leave ASAP! Danger ⛔️‼️‼️‼️
I'm the truth teller, and it's absolutely driving a narc I'm dealing with crazy. He's ghosted and hoovered twice now. I'm in a wonderful period of ghosting now, but I just KNOW he's gonna come back for more, because I know how that brain works, it's all about avenging me. What a sad life they construct. It's all power and control and jealousy and envy. It's so exhausting dealing with this person, they think they're wounding me by giving me the gift of their absence, but it's actually so freeing.
My experience of the now-ex-partner was that he hated EVERYONE. He took advantage of anyone who would be sucked in with his cognitive empathy, and really didn’t “like” that person. Definitely disliked people in all 6 of the categories you mentioned.
1. someone who is authentically themselves. 2. narc'x hate sick people 3. narc's hate happy people 4. succesful people 5. the truth teller 6. narc's hate highly empathetic people
I had a friend who had a serious head injury and was in the hospital. Of course I was concerned for him. She picked a fight about what she needed. Her reaction was, “oh I didn’t think he was an important friend.” My response was calm and said. “ If you have a complaint, choose the correct time and place and this is not it.” She was not happy
My father was the narcissist in my life. When my golden-child little sister wanted a day off school, she would do a little fake-sick act and he would order our mother not to sent her to school. When I had mumps, measles and nervous exhaustion, he would scream at me for "faking it" and order my mother to deliver me to school. And that's one of the many reasons my parents kept moving me from school to school.
Narcissist parent. Being sick was the worst thing I could possibly do besides exist. They treated me like I was a baby when my mom was around and when she wasn't...all hell broke loose. They'd snap, yell, stare when i left my room to use the bathroom, spray the entire house down dramatically, mumble loudly of how disgusting I was, yell when I asked for food and basic needs because i wasn't allowed to get it myself. Once I recovered after a few days they COMPLETELY switched on me. Full on ignored my existence till I did somthing wrong or till they got a chance to belittle me.
When I had a full blown panic attack (which is the least fun thing I’ve ever experienced) I was told ‘Stop pulling that face! Everybody experiences this but they learn how to deal with it!’
when i got very very sick, they told me they were super enraged and needed a three way to discuss it. i got scared because i could have died and i realized i better take space or i could be destroyed. they became very angry when i pulled away and no apology was enough. i got told that i should not go to the doctor because i was taking away resources from People of Color. Then i was told they could not afford to be sick which confused me because i was 300 miles away from them. i felt like we were in a sickoff. they never asked how i was, or ever expressed any care for me. i saw how much anger and contempt they showed towards people who were sick.
I first noticed the sickness traits years ago when we both had the flu. I waited on her hand and foot and she would turn all the lights and everything off and just leave me in the dark alone. Once I said something about me not feeling good and she snapped back saying “because you never sit down!” Her whole family always seems so annoyed when someone is sick but when they are sick they want all the attention
That would be my former roommates. Everything you say is why they hated me! Yes, they were always "sicker than me". They never wanted to help me. Just wanted me to do for them. Yes, I couldn't even laugh or joke Was always berated if I was. I am extremely honest. But they were always turning around and accusing me of stealing things they misplaced. I'm also an empath. They even kept a recording device in my room, and living, ding area covered with cameras that would move and follow me.. it was awful. I had 3 different "mandated reporters" turn them into APS! Thank you so much. I knew all this, but needed to hear from someone else!❤ Oh and the owner/roommate tried to get me first to give her power of attorney, and change my life ins policy to her, rather than my son who lives in the next town! Then she had the nerve to tell me that I needed to have my disability check transfered to her and she would manage my money!!! She had already talked to other roommate into doing all this, except for getting her social security ck. She is 76 years old.
This really breaks my heart. Over 10 years of hell. Exciled out of a family and abandoned by my partner when sick. I knew I was surrounded by narcastics but never knew they disliked sick people. This makes so much sense. I never understood why I was not allowed to be sick. People were sicker than me. Divine intervention removed me. Although it hurt at the start. I would have never survived if I had stayed in that evil environment.
I’ve always felt a strange pride in revealing or not hiding my vulnerabilities. I withstand the damage and heal quickly. Then they can’t seem to harm that piece again and it angers them. You gotta gang up on me and beat me down otherwise I’m just gonna face the truth, change for the better and return reinforced. Only now do I understand why certain people hated that.
@methatswho300 without chaos they can't function but accuse me of creating it. When in return they create their own problems, then blame everyone else. My ex narc had a child and said she wanted an abortion and blames her parents for being a mother because they told her to take accountability and raise her son. I left the relationship to save myself after dealing with many of her insane statements.
Thank you for reminding me of the empathetic person i used to be. But being around to many people who disrespected it --especially in a male, i felt i had to cut it off. I am no longer in that (most of the time) and am in recovery, and getting back my joy ❤
My narc ex questioned my empathy because I had rage. That’s how clueless he was about what an empath actually is - we feel deeply. You don’t get to cheat and physically assault me then expect me to go “oh poor you”
Every time I was really excited or happy and in the moment, my wife would always find a way to make me feel incredibly self-conscious. Saying, negatively, that I was acting like a "little kid" when I was excitedly sharing something I enjoyed. Or saying certain movements or behaviors of mine would make anyone think I was gay. Every social gathering, she'd keep nudging me every time she felt I was in need of "correction", as if she knew better than me. It never felt like it was coming from a good place. It was all to keep me in line with the image of me she saw me as, rather than with what I wanted to do.
She marred so many poignant dates, Christmas, birthdays etc over the years, I filed for divorce on Valentine's Day 🤷🏻♂️ I feel bad for stooping that low though.
0:31 They hate you when you are your most authentic self. No wonder even though narcissists are often obsessed with me when they first meet me, they don’t like me for long. I’m flattered by that actually!
My narc cared for me when I got a leg infection about 6 months before our wedding. She drove to my house, and stayed for 4 days, making wonderful chicken soup and bread while I recovered (I had to take antibiotics and apply a topical medicine). About four years later, I spent 5 days in the ICU for a very serious life-threatening condition (blood clots in my lungs), and aside from driving me back to the house, she left me on my own for recovery. She moved out 4 months later (1800 miles away) and could not understand why I spent a day loading her u-haul. I was still in her spell, but I remember feeling bad for her when she said "I don't deserve your help." . She just could not conceive that I would do something without expecting anything in return.
Yeah, I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalised. I was crying and felt the worst ,ever. When my wife came to see me I said I felt suicidal. Her cold response 'I'm not here for that' The one moment I needed her the most was lost. She divorced me ,brutally a few years later.
That was so evil 😢, I hope you're healing and are thankful she discarded you (which was hurtful at the time). Because this showed you who she was, versus staying in it another 20 years being hopeful. The Most High has a better plan for your life!
I tell fastfood workers that when they get one of those people who are angry and yelling at them to never stop smiling 😁. They came in to ruin your day, don't let them. This will make them loose their minds and that shit is funny. plus you can't get fired for smiling 😊
This makes sense now. The ex narcs father hated me from the day he met me. It made me feel so crappy for 23 years. Her sister hated me. I bend myself into knots trying to be liked by them. And yes narcs hate sick people. What a horrible time going through breast cancer. I felt so guilty for being sick I did everything I could so I would not have to ask for help. She even told me she respected people that became famous after cancer or some kind of trauma. And if I had millions of dollars I would have done better getting over it.
And you just described my daughter. I haven't been sick around her, but all the other ones are her to a T. I am happy, empathetic, kind and now i know why I've never felt like she liked me, much less loved me! She once called me "a weak little one". She discarded me 2 years ago. I don't miss being hated, but I am devastated over not being able to see my 6 year old granddaughter 💔. I am going through the court system to try to see her, which has been a nightmare as well. Narcissists are so cold hearted!
I was strong, healthy and happy & young & had my shit together before we met. Moved out to become a nurse because I couldn't study with 2 teens listening to music at 2am on school night's & was told if I didn't like it I knew where the door was. Yes I did & used it to leave. Moved back in after I graduated because she "needed" me. Then I had surgery on my knee & she was miserable. Had seizures and her eyes didn't leave the TV. Had jaw, brain and neck surgery. My mom flew in and took care of both of us. I was receiving the silent treatment throughout my recovery. I never realized it was because I couldn't serve her. WOW! I knew heartless but wow!
They hate us because we are normal, by and large. They are filled with some kind of shame, anxieties, abuse, overindulgence or otherwise. Seems to happen during the 8-13 age range. Something goes wrong in the brain whereby they are forever more stuck in that age and act out in similar ways as they did in their young years. My ex, alcoholic narc said numerous times venomous diatribes about his father. Copped the double whammy. It was as though he was taking out his rage of his father on me. Never knew what was coming next. Quite literally a Jekyll and Hyde character. Took many years of firstly getting past the heartbreak then learning about narcism. Liberating and a huge relief at comprehension and explanations for the extraordinary array of behaviours.
These things cast a long shadow. The happiness crusher is the most despicable. My mother was dead for 5 years, and something good had happened (I now forget what) and I was telling my partner about it... I stopped myself, and asked her: "Am I being insufferable?" Despite having made extraordinary progress, it was shockingly clear there was more work to do. In my narc mother's family, if I was happy, I was "insufferable'", but if I was down, I was also "insufferable." Any time is shame time.
I wake up happy, saying GOOD MORNING. I never hear it back. And, eventually, my narc started depriving me of sleep. After working ten hours, third shift, this guy would slam a book, even, to wake me up after 30 minutes.
Excellent points and well said. The truth is what they flee from. When you are sick you can’t provide and in addition, you attract the attention they crave for from others. As I look back on my experiences, more than what I went through, I am filled with regret at not having stood up more firmly for the other victims I noticed around the PN
Geez, I've experienced so many of these type of people, professionally and in associates and even my siblings. I guess thats why i choose to have a small circle or spend time alone.
When my mom was dying of cancer, the narcissistic aunt in my life was a total covert/ and vulnerable narc, and she tried to come Off as a savior! She also seems to try to compete with For my mother's affection and as if she's a small child ( she's 70 years old) and try to turn my mother against me. Worst time in my life, ever! I dealt with the harsh reality of watching my mother's demise as well as dealing with my aunt's passive-aggressive, gaslighting, smear-campaigning antics.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, especially at such a sensitive time. That type of narcissist often flies under the radar to everyone except the people they hurt. I hope you've found more peace away from that chaos 🙏❤
So true! WHENEVER I am comfortable being myself, my mom absolutely HAS to do or say something to make me feel uncomfortable doing or saying whatever it is, but for SURE she will shoot me down somehow and if she CAN’T stop me, she will lose her mind.
I have a narcissistic coworker. I don’t acknowledge him. He continues to try and belittle me. I am 64 years old and he’s in his late 30s. I find him to be very disrespectful. He often lies about people and situations. We work with kids. I cannot understand why anyone would hire a narcissistic to work with children. He’s now at the stage of spreading rumors gathering others on his side. I do my job and keep on ignoring him.
My grandma is a cover narc, we had a major disability (me and dad). She demanded I move in after dad died, and then she flipped out screaming and crying to her flying monkies that I was being mean to her because I was still grieving dads death.
I paused it and here is a go! When you mentioned they hate sick people my head about exploded. Whenever I was sick, when with my abusive ex, she would not care for me. She would call me names such as I am a wimp, acting like a pussy, man up, etc. She would not care for me nor have any empathy for my illness. I usually had to drive myself to the doctor as she refused to. One time, in late 2019 I came down with a nasty flu. I had a 104 fever, was shaking violently, no energy and could barely move. She did her typical, "Give me a break, your exaggerating" and say, "So typical of a man, can't handle anything." She refused to drive me to the doctor, so I had to do it and barely had the energy to steer the car. The doctor tells me I am an inch from hospitalization and throws 6 medications my way. Her response, "Oh sorry, I thought you were exaggerating." Spins it on me as usual, No empathy...never. Oh, gotta add to this lol. Yes, I have a good career, paid all of the bills and took care of the family financially. When she went back to her job, granted she made good money, but she always resented my job and was always bashing it, blaming it on our marital problems, bla bla bla...I heard it all. Before our divorce, she was trying to convince me to walk away from it and cash out my pension. Lol, how unreasonable. She said she would support me. Well, I would have been homeless had I done it as, when I asked her to leave after d.v. against me, I would have had nothing had I listened.
I had a narc roommate. When he moved in i thought he was a shy nerd. Having gone through some shit myself at that point i tried to get him out more, help him get more confident all that stuff. He would often compliment me in weird ways and tried to get to know me. He quickly realized that there ain't no way he could get me to admire him or control me. At this point i was leaving it at him being a weirdo, but overall it just felt weird spending time around him, something was always off . Soon i stopped hanging out with him as it just didn't feel right. The thing is, we lived and still do live at an apartment that's split into several individual rooms that serve as a sort of dormitory. And there are multiple such apartments in the building hosting about 40 students in total. In the beginning there were just two of us. Later on tho people started moving in, that's when the game began. I was in fairly good mental shape at this point, still had some stuff left to resolve tho. At this time i had a bit of insecurity with interhuman relationships going on. One evening were were out together at a local event, i was a bit tired, he said some new guy doesn't like me much and i showed a bit of sadness, telling him that i'm just tired. He took a notice tho, that was the first time i've seen real joy in his face. He spent following 3 months trying to make me look like an idiot who is making his life a living hell, at the same time he was trying to get to me with all kinds of manipulative tactics infantilization, gaslighting, lies, you name it... But I've never let it get to my core. He was often passive-aggressive and throwing temper tantrums as i made it clear to him with my behavior that i consider his behavior ridiculous and don't respect him based on that. Once there was a situation where he was not happy that i was out with other people, he literally ordered me to be at the room by midnight at which i grinned and said "yeah sure"...came back sometime after 2 AM. The next morning he threw a temper tantrum which i repelled with logic, as he was unable to oppose me rationally he threatened me with that he was gonna spread lies about what really happened, which he did. Up until this point i saw him as a bizarre weirdo not worth my attention. After this incident it was all clear. I educated myself on the subject and what can i do to protect myself. I started ignoring a lot of his narc behavior and now i ignore his whole existence pretty much. I went to the people he spoke to often in recent months, told them the whole thing, they told me what he's been telling them about me. Since they knew me quite well they didn't really believe a lot of things that he said in the first place and they saw stuff getting weirder and weirder. Once i told them my side of the story they connected the dots and it was all clear to them as well, they actually were able to track back narc behavior he displayed towards them as well. Just like that the biggest source of narc supply went down and he felt it. He moved to a different room an started acting a lot more careful. Only plays a weak victim card every now and then and is decided to move out soon, i managed to get the administrator of the building to throw him out at the end of the lease anyway, so his decision doesn't really play a role. Some people are still in his possession, some less, some more. But no threat for me. I could continue to inflict more damage upon him, but i choose to work on my peace of mind instead. I already managed to build strong barrier between him and everyone i care about the most. So here you have it folks ! The truth teller has won !
Everything you've said... I am! The "truth teller" to the MAX! Successful enough, yes. For sure she very much hates me TIMES SIX! Hold on... my family and my whole TOWN liked to "sweep everything under the rug"! No wonder I finally walked away!
There’s so many that happen that I notice but one in particular; he would say that I have no one but when I get a invitation to go to my cousins wedding; that day we was ready to go and that morning; he went to visit his ex mom in law before we went to the wedding and we was late to my cousins wedding… for years I argue with him bout it but now I know that he isn’t the attention .. wow, omg!! 😮❤🎉 Very sad!! 😢
In 1971 I graduated high school. I had friends who were (are) genuinely good people and this exposure changed me forever. In a few weeks I was working at a job in Beverly Hills. My mom's office was in Beverly Hills so she would give me a ride to work. One morning she started screaming at me for leaving a light on all night and she would not relent her tirade. An hour later she ordered me to get into the car and I said "no" to her for the first time in my life. She flipped out and tried to hit me and I dodged her assault. She screamed "get out! Get out!" and I did. I was seventeen and earning a 1.50 an hour, which in those days would pay rent and food. When you say "no"...
I know a couple of narcs in the same family who love it when you're sick. They'll do things for that person, prior to not even really being that close, and then go around gossiping about how they've been doing everything to take care of that person and no one else has been doing anything or sacrificing anything like they did. Like they're setting themselves up to be heros. I was pounced on, when I was ill with covid by both of them. And when someone close to us died, they hoarded this ill person away, literally telling others to f*** off, until this person passed, causing many so much pain at being pushed away. The narc emmerged after disgusted with everyone elses behaviour. It was so completely sick in the head.
8 months in and couldn’t even share my accomplishments at work which benefited both of us.. (Ex wasn’t working atm) So sick to encounter these ppl. So amazing in the beginning where you turn a blind eye to red flags. Run fast folks
Narcissists hate anyone they cannot control, anyone who will not argue with them, anyone who dares hold a different opinion, anyone who they cannot 1-up, and especially anyone who goes no contact and encourages others to do the same.
My narc sibling was driving & started with me in the car yelling, barrage of insults, untrue accusations & peppering me with questions out of nowhere? I remained silent which enraged her more. Then I calmly asked her "I have a question for you?" Yeah? Have you ever been punched in the face before while driving? Shocked & silent 😮 I said good then shut the*up for the next 3 minutes. We arrived at our destination & didn't speak for 12 hours. Peace.
I had a savior that like to see me in pain. Loved to find some reason to be angry, focus on their upset issue, (someone stole my parking spot 😢, and I just can't seem to get over it).
After getting an idea of what cluster b is, how they work and some of the theory’s as to why they do what they do, it hurts a lot less. I’m a self employed carpenter. I will go to networking events and I will eventually get blindsided by a narc while just being myself. I’m well aware of the notorious reputation contractors have, most are boastful, self absorbed, arrogantly naive bullies. I’d like to hope I’m the opposite of these things. Instead of talking about myself, I like to ask questions, shut up, and listen while taking notes. This works well because I’m giving them exactly what I am, no games. And people that need help with their homes almost never get really listened to and taken seriously. The reaction from narcs is very passionate, mouth frothing hate that they can’t keep in. They will blow up at me in a networking event, despite being strangers, draw all the attention to themselves while throwing a fit and I’ll stay calm and bored to make them show themselves to everyone in the room. Before I learned all this stuff, I took it very personally. I kept trying to be more aware of myself to not provoke people. Which meant being even more scared to promote myself, to speak ,to be me and forever glued to the wallflower position in the room. I’ve also experienced most of what you speak of, it all just sucks, but if your here your learning. If you read this far, I hope something here helps.
Makes sense now. I turned in a coworker who broke security rules as i had sworn an oath to do. My sibling was very upset that I had obeyed what I swore to.
My ex used to reflect on a particular period as the best in our relationship. It was my initial major depressive episode - which had a proximate cause that was not his fault, but with hindsight I see that I struggled as bad as I did because of our relationship (and especially how I had isolated myself completely to appease him). I was always stunned that he would point to that point. I was in such deep despair, I was self harming, I literally didn’t say a word to any adults bar him for about 18 months. The narcissistic raging got worse and worse as I gradually and painfully improved over the course of the next 10 years. Note: I had a series of MH diagnoses over our relationship. Took antidepressants and antipsychotics. Never stopped relying on suicidal ideation to comfort me. As soon as I left him it all just went! My psychiatrist reassessed my symptoms as “situation based” and took me off meds. Been 3.5 years now and I am fine! But yeah, he liked me sick because he was the saviour and I was grateful and totally compliant. Sad!
I'm an authentic, truth teller with a lot of empathy. I had a difficult experience with a covert narcissist and was strung along and toyed with, cut off, told everything is okay, and then mistreated again, gaslit and finally cut off. I'm clearly more attractive on the outside because covert narcissists will lead me on pretty long and get very near trapping me, but I am learning to be better at spotting it
Finding that I am an authentic empath. Being a giant man, allowed me to remain myself when the world around me, and all the other boys and men wanted to change what I am to what they thought I should be. I am not perfect. I am honest it makes me strong. Now I’m realizing the narcissist in my life. Hate me for this.
I almost died at 22 after abusing drugs for about a decade. I’m finally sober and now realizing being raised by a narcissistic single mother is what led me to doing drugs at 12.
I tried to have fun with her. I tried to be spontaneous and lovingly tease. I tried to play with her. Eventually, I gave up. She would tell me she loved me but she didn't like me. She said I was annoying. Every success I had bothered her. She would use my successes to get attention for herself from other people but berate me behind closed doors. She'd say stuff like, "You think you're so smart," or, "You think you're so gifted." I'm OK at art. I draw, make knives, and other crafts. I made her stuff, but she always acted less than interested when I gave it to her. She would make stuff, I would praise her for it, but she'd say I didn't mean it, and I thought I was better than her. After 15 years of that, we're divorced. She cheated a bunch, but she'd keep me focused on my flaws and feeling guilty, she constantly accused me of cheating, so I didn't confront her. I finally caught her flat out and divorced her. She still plays mind games and tries to control me, especially using our kids. (I have primary custody.) I'm so tired. I feel like a hollow tree about to blow over. I wish she'd just go away. She's doing all this stuff to our kids, too. They're really confused and hurting. They want to see her, but she only comes to get them about half the time she's supposed to. They say she lies all the time and is mean to them. My oldest says she ignores him and only spends time with the younger ones. I just wish she'd stop jerking them around, make a decision to either be a good parent or just leave for good, one or the other. Knowing what she is, unfortunately, her leaving their lives for good is likely the best option. I'm just so tired.
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
They hate people who they cannot Manipulate. Speaking from experience.
Exactly
Truth.
💯🔥🔥🔥
Absolutely true. It often triggers them into character assassination attempts. If they can’t control you, they feel extremely threatened by your influence on others. You can immediately see the burning envy in their eyes. Be ready to deal with them lying about you to everyone they get an opportunity to, and systematically attempting to plant seeds of doubt about you to everyone who they think you influence that they want power over.
Do you think I’m a narcissist?
What nobody says about being a truth teller is that when you call out the narcissist, everybody else runs and hides. Rarely will someone stand beside you while say what they’re scared to say. So, for the sake of your own self-respect, say what needs to be said, but don’t expect open support. It’s unfortunate.
I’ve often thought that the real crime of narcissism is how it’s tolerated.
Yes when I spoke up everyone ran and supported the narcissist lol😂
I found out my ex husband was a narcissist after I had brain surgery it was so bad and his biological son helped him try to sabotage me for years I didn't know what narcissm was I do now
Yep! Fought many fights alone.
"Go along to get along" is completely expected in my family, who will likely never have a real or deep conversation about anything. 🙄
I agree. That it is tolerated. There should be more awareness. A truth teller is a good start they should be supported. Even though npd was a survival mechanism some time ago in the life of the person so it can often be unaware/internalised bcs of a toxic environment they grew up in. Maybe they realise they want to change that and heal the wounds that are the real issue. I hope snd believe most people have traits of it along either other personality traits so it’s not that severe. It’s crucial getting professional support though to get help to recognize oneself better and light up subconscious behaviours.
It's like being a broken vacuum cleaner, since you can't be used, you are useless to them.
Excellent way to put it!
I agree 💯 you are just an appliance !!!!
They are useless since they don't want to practice to get what they want and be determined to gain those options.
Ace on the money!
When I came home from my biopsy I told the narc that it was positive for breast cancer and that I wanted to go to Moffet for treatment, he said "I'm not giving you a ride other there. You find somebody here to take care of it." I was stunned. I said OK, I'll find someone else to take me. He said "fine. Hey, can I borrow your car tomorrow to take my mother to her appointment." Not one word of encouragement, support, or caring. When his brother, a great guy, had a stroke, he didn't go to see him or call him. Just ten minutes away. He didn't shed a tear when his brother died or when he put his own dog down. These narcs are COLD BLOODED.
Wow. He is probably a psychopath than a narc. I could never imagine treating my lady like that, ever.
What does crying mean anything I cry all the time tap people have definitely said that I have alligator tears but I don’t only when I’m drunk I find that I like weird fake cry when I drink I don’t know what that means. I haven’t cried in a really long time I’m not crying today and it’s my mom‘s birthday there was also a man in Mexico that seem like a really nice person Because he was talking about crying but he was like a literal sex trafficker so how are you supposed to know that crying means anything
There straight from hell I swear. Who could have no empathy for any of that.
He may actually be a psychopath
Yeah I believe a psychopath because even my narc cares deeply about his brother. May be like the only person he really cares about possibly, but still.
Narcissists hate everyone that isn’t them
Yes, how arrogant! We don't all need to be THEM.
They hate themselves
@@JackSparrow-lj4fq Bingo!
They love mirrors though and I mean people that mirror them meaning kiss their A….
Their self loathing is mirrored in how they treat people. Their sense of worthlessness laid bare for all to see.
My happiness always pissed them off. I could feel a palpable drop in their frequency when sharing my joy. NOW I understand 😊
💯
I can feel that shift. All I can think is "damnit, here we go agan" 🤦♀️
smile n be happy to them afterall its not our problem.
I had surgery for severe carpal tunnel syndrome on both hands. The day I returned after surgery not ONCE did he take care of me. I ACTUALLY ended up cooking for him and his cronies.. So enlightening
Run before they destroy your heart, spirit and soul. Praying for you all to have the strength to break away.
Unfortunately some of us have them as family (parents, etc).
There are Unfortunate cases, like the real victims and sufferers being wrongly accused by a narcissist Jezebel type secretly to authorities with their wrong judgments, as relates to Rev.2:20
Living as a sickly kid with a malignant narcissist mother... awful. They will literally scream at you while you're suffering.
Yep.
Yep I had that
pitiful. i have malignant narc mum too, you have no idea how much smear campaign and triangulation i have to face. she really makes my most nasty colleague looks like tame rabbit.
i do xx@@spaideman440
I had it. And I would always be made to feel like I was faking despite actually being ill, too. Anyone else ever get made to feel like that? Caused me a fair few almost missed calls in my adult life as I used to leave it till I was being treated as an emergency in hospital I'd be so sick. (Liver failure (surgeon messed up), appendix blown, and pneumonia. Different occasions. Liver made me wake up about my health).
Learning not to care for them might be the best medicine.
They're humans too.
This is medicine.if you care for them they will create more problem you will be entagle.
I'm there now.
It is hard not to care for them since I grew up wanting to help these narcissists parents that lacked any maturity on being parents. I did what I could until I learned I had to take care of me and so I did. Learning to be independent was the gift and learning to save were both gifts from God which I thanked him and later moved out at 28 only because I had an older sister that had no one to lean on but me. So I helped out as best as I could until I turned 28 and told her I was leaving. It was the next to the last goal to move out to have a place to call my sanctuary which was my apartment.
@@Demonetization_Symbolthey're demons in human flesh. Sub-humans at the very least.
When we moved, I spent a lot of time in the garden and repeatedly expressed how much I loved our pepper tree. One day, I came home, and the tree was gone. To this day, we have not discussed what happened to the tree. I can see the pattern now so I need to be careful about expressing my happiness.
Yes. I learned this as a child. My narc Mom would ask me what I wanted for Christmas so that she could be sure to not get it for me. I learned to never express wants, desires, or likes, in order to protect them. (I was a truth seer--a term I prefer to truth teller--because truth telling was something I also learned to protect and not share, so I could survive.)
Wow. I am so sorry you had to go through that as a child. I hope you've found support and healing. *virtual hugs* @@elizabethstarrivytech7817
Shame on your mom. Evil.
Good point about the statement, "narcissists hate sick people". How many health care practitioners are narcissistic? They also like making people sick. If they can kill someone with impunity, they will.
My narcissistic MIL is always around people when they die… 🤔 hate to say it but I think they can’t stand her so they’d rather go.
My ex is a NICU nurse at a major hospital. She complained about the kiddos, the parents and some providers. She talks a big game to family eg. I will be there for you, I will find the best docs, etc, but they all managed portions of her personal life: banking, law help, etc. They provided something for her and made her life easier. Behind their backs she bitches about each of them… I mean wow!
I became sick with cancer. She pretty much quit talking to me.
I’d rather be alone and sick than with her anymore. She’s actually probably why I’m sick lol
Stay strong and stay away from your narc!
Health care institutions like to call themselves "non-profit" and yet, they charge a lot for medicines and supplies. They are one of the highest paid employees, too.
I was married to a narcissist and when I was told to take time to rest due to my pneumonia, my husband said, "you need to find someone to take care of you because I must go back to work and can't take care of the kids. Imagine, how I felt when I realized everything was on my shoulder to find acquaintance to take care of me. I did but told him he would have to cook or take care of that since i had to rest and I need to in order to get my strength and body back to health. I cried after learning this wasn't supposed to be being married to anyone let alone a narcissist - but made further plans in the future to divorce him the following year because if this is how he acts with me in my 40s then by in my later years I definitely be alone due to his lack of compassion and empathy for me. I did divorced him and never been happier for my decision. Won't consider marriage to another human being because "luck" doesn't run my way since I have the misfortune to have both narcissistic parents and even some friends that were narcissist due to them always asking me for favors to benefit them all the time.
I was trauma bonded to my covert narcissist, wife for many years To all the survivors out there, love and peace and don’t forget to breathe. It gets better🙏❤️😎😊
They love to start fights and twist your words up .. in reality they HATE themselves. But come across with a false sense of high self confidence/ esteem.
My father is a narcissist. My husband is a truth teller. I was 15, and he was 17 when we started dating. He would call my dad out on all of the terrible things he would say and do to me and my siblings. My father hates him, he would have done anything to get rid of him. He constantly tried to sabotage our relationship. I knew he just hated me being happy and having someone hold him accountable. 22 years later, I still love my husband more than life itself, but my dad hasn't been to my house in years. There are no phone calls cards or letters. I'm not even sure he's met my youngest child who's about to be 11. sometimes choosing yourself means cutting out others.
Enjoy your life with your Husband and don’t think about your Father it’s his loss. We can’t change Narcissists.
You can try looking at it as God’s protection.. especially for the children who are usually lovable and easy to manipulate.
I had liver failure,died, coma 5:35 back in a coma for ten weeks, was released from the hospital 12 weeks later and was told by my wife i was faking it and needed to shovel the snow. Can't make this up! There is way more with other injuries i will let you use your imagination and save time
@@johnny69-fq3jr
We’re being enlightened/awakened to this phenomena for a reason.. Our suffering, our trials are not in vain. We’re going to be needed before too long. Hold on! 🙌🏾🙌🏻🙌🏿
Oh how wonderful to hear for you and your husband and wonderful blessed children renee. I truly am so very happy that you have such a truly caring and logical life with absolutely wonderful loving people in your life 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😊🥰🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I broke my leg, and my narcissistic roommate immediately wanted to move out. I brought the only income in our home for months. I begged her to get a job, and she always promised she would. In reality, she never even seriously looked. Then, as soon as I broke my leg, she told me that she'd been thinking about moving out for a while. Also, she felt totally justified in saying that I was overreacting. Give me a break. If you've experienced this; you're not crazy or wrong for being upset. Your feelings matter.❤
Absolutely. Next time avoid this person whenever she comes back to ask for a favor and remember how she truly behaved with you when you needed her to be there for you. That I try to remember always because most narcissists think only of themselves and not of others.
Last week I had a migraine that lasted three days. I did everything as normal, the household, the cooking etc. Afterwards I got blamed for ruining the atmosphere and not being there for him. “What do you think it’s like for me when you have a headache!?” . Unbelievable.
So sorry, no one deserves this treatment and I completely know what your dealing with. Echo's of my ex wife for sure.
I'm so sorry. He's a serious Ahole.
I'm sorry that happened to you. If I may ask, was your condition communicated and simply ignored? I'm sensitive to when people suddenly change, especially for the worst, and I can admit I've run face first into someone simply "having a headache" when the context was they suddenly started treating people with a significant amount of distant and cold attitudes. The conversation is always as simple as "you doing ok?" "Yeah, just have a headache" "oh, shitty. Any way I can help?" "No" and then things going back to normal. But a lot of people try to ignore their ailment, and how it's possibly making them act differently.
😮
I know that experience. Big time!!
You just described my husband. He is highly critical of my joys, hobbies, likes, kindness, empathy, freedom, truth telling, politics, beliefs etc. He is perfect and expects me to look up to him and only make decisions based on his knowledge. He is controlling and selfish
I love the way you said this. Critical of you joys, hobbies, likes, kindness, empathy, freedom, truth-telling, politics, beliefs. You really know all the ways in which my "father" narc abused me by taking all of these away as punishment. Thank you for your comment.
This may sound like a stupid question, but why do you stay with a person who treats you so badly? He isn't going to change, or suddenly become a good person. Ending an abusive relationship is usually the best option. Are you able to leave, I hope? I am sorry you have to live with this abuse.
My husband was like that too and I divorced him. I also went no contact with him. Life Is so much better.
Older siblings can be like this too.
Can you fire him? I fired my ex-husband. He was such a awful.creep.
I was 15 and was working on my project for school when I slipped with the drill I was using and it went right through my finger quickly wrapped it up Bleeding 🩸 profusely. Ran into the house asked my covert narc mother to take me to hospital, she looked at it said it’s not that bad “wait til your father comes home from work he will probably take you. I waited for 2 hours on my bed clutching a bloody towel.How dare I interrupt her afternoon movie . Zero empathy or compassion even for their children. Nasty evil people.
That makes my heart hurt for you.
I am so sorry for what you've been through. My one advice is to take care of yourself because no one is going to take care of you as well "as you." That I can guarantee is what will happen next time. Please watch out for anything you may do or get into an accident. Somethings I was lucky I have a sixth sense something was going on internally when I was having severe pain and had my boyfriend take me to the hospital to be tested. I am glad that I was able to realize things that were happening to me I got an understanding of my body since I had this pain, but this was incredibly more painful and luckily, I made it to the doctor and then hospital to have tests done to me. Learned I was hemorrhaging, which I didn't know until they operated on me, and would have died had I not sense to get my boyfriend to see the doctor and then the hospital on Sunday afternoon. I eventually I got there in time to be operated and have the ruptured ovary and anything connected removed that would solve my situation at that time. Please always watch out for yourself because it is your life.
Take care of your self because you deserve.
After 42 years of marriage I am understanding why I am so unhappy with my life. 3 sons (adult now)all with problems are a product of our toxic lives. God help us all
That’s the problem. You worship the worst malignant narcissist in all of fiction
God help you
Amen 🙏🏼✝️
I was married 41 years and have 3 kids. Ten years ago I decided that I was done serving the narcissist. It was interesting to see how fast I was trashed. What I didn’t expect was being dumped by everybody, including the kids. My therapist tells me not everyone is like that. I wish I had left while I still had faith that love matters.
I’m there I see it in my children( adults). I should have left years ago living in a toxic situation for years, has affected them. It’s a nightmare. I’m drained! For anyone in this now try to get out as early as you can for your kids sake. 🙏🏾
They really can’t stand sickness. When I developed a rare autoimmune condition I couldn’t believe how uncaring my mother in law became. She would always ask me how I was, to look good to others, but never listened to what I actually said or my feelings, she was always dismissive and changed the sub just so quickly to shut it down. It was so painful for her to all of a sudden discard me and act like I’m exaggerating but it made me realize what I was really dealing with and I guess I’m thankful for that. We’re limiting time with her and grey rocking when with her.
My neighbour was murdered some weeks ago. It was shocking. When I told about it to my boss, she had no reaction, no sign of compassion, no sign of horror. Everyone else were shocked when I told, said something to show compassion to my killed neighbour and to me, too.
That's horrifying. I hope you're getting through it ok
sounds like a psychopath
A great narc "tell" is when they're presented with a situation that logically demands empathy and they fake the response. They just can't get it right; you'll feel that it's emotionally off and lacking in heart--it's like they're reading it off a script.
I always say it is like a singer off-beat. Just doesn't sound quite right.
When my BIL was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I told my narc husband and he immediately said “well, he never was the picture of health”. (My BIL was treated and is fine now, but I will never forget my husband’s coldness)
What is a "BIL"?
@@findingpablo3413brother in law, probably.
@@findingpablo3413 brother in law
@@findingpablo3413brother in law
@@findingpablo3413
Brother in law
I can relate to all of your examples!!
Here's just one of mine.....
I surprised my ex narc with a rrip to the beach. I brought everything, and did everything, which was fine.
He got sick the first day of our trip. I went and got him medicine and took care of him, instead of going to the beach on the only 2 sunny days. Then, of course, I caught what he had from him. He started feeling better right as I started feeling bad.
He went to the beach for hours each day, leaving me alone to fend for myself for 3 days, then left 2 days early, while I was still asleep and texted me that he was bored and I obviously didn't really want to hang out with him so he left.
I had to pack everything up and clean the cabin alone.
Fr that would make me angry ive had this before with an ex its not nice aye
One day I woke up with a bad arm. My narc says "I can't have deadbeats living here". What a charmer....
I would have came back with- get out then.
"Thump thump thump" says the deadbeat arm😭🤣🤣🤣 Good Humor Honey!
They will blame you for your sickness. Its always your fault and sometimes in reality they have caused the sickness and then blame you for being sick. Its really twisted.
I’m unsure if my mom is a covert narc or just histrionic but either way, she’s made it a habit of prostrating herself and being super apologetic to me over mine and my siblings chronic health problems, most of of which are hereditary, but some genuinely seem like an end result of my mom refusing to take any anti emetics when she was pregnant with my brother or with me. Like she seems to have next to no interest in seeing my neurologist pointed out that mine and my brother’s issues are probably a direct result of her refusing to take compazine and allowing her hyperemesis to get so bad that it absolutely tanked her folate levels, exacerbating the neural tube defects that occasionally show up on my dad’s side of the family.
He acted like I embarrassed him when I'd get sick, so I stopped telling him when I was.
It was a damper for the no empathy victim hero when I said how my legs were swollen, & feet & I got treated like a dog patting his leg "come on" & when I talked about it "get with the program" it would have been better alone going to that concert 😤
Altruistic Narcissist!! First time I have heard this and it explains so much for me. My Narc has over the years talked about me to others in a very positive way. Others people have come to me often to say how nice the narc is because he says so many nice things. I have told him to stop doing this because he is telling people my personal life! I am his topic to gain ground with other supply!
I can relate,my ex used to stand up in church and say how lucky he is to have me as his wife. I whispers to him if you do that again I will stand up and tell them what you really think of me.He never did it again.. a very pretty friend of mine from work called when I was not home. She later told me how highly my then husband spoke about me.Then I said and you thought What a great guy..she said OMG...
I got sick from possible food poisoning one time: the narc took to the er. Believe you me the next thing she was on the phone telling everyone of my relatives and friends that I’m sick and she is taking care of me and exaggerating the sickness at the same time. It’s all about them in every situation. I’m glad she is out of my life
I am just realizing a 3rd childhood friend of mine is a covert narcissist. I recall a conversation he had recently, after he called me he proceeded to bitch for an hour about how he had to take care of his father after his kidney transplant. His father who he still lived at home with, who had bank rolled most of his life so he doesnt have to work needed someone to help take care of his everyday needs for a few months and my friend was completely distraught by that. I look back at that conversation now and realize my friend showed more of himself in that moment than he ever had before. As an only child I always knew he was selfish but man that is next level
They hate to be called out. Do it.
They'll use it as ammo against you for a later argument.
@@Steveincorp I don’t care at all as I don’t surround myself with narcissistic people, I have much more better things to do. Would recommend to do the same
Better advice would be to cease all contact with the narcissist, or ignore and avoid as best as possible.
@@greytuesday28 of course! You don’t need thst
Don’t do it if you live with them.. just remove yourself when you don’t like how they’re treating or talking to you. Eventually they will become conditioned on speaking to you.
The sick thing is true, especially if you’re the scapegoat.
Every time I was sick as a child, my parents acted irritated, like I was an inconvenient problem. I didn’t think much of it, until I was 12 and dislocated my patella.
It was the most painful and frightening thing I’ve ever experienced.
The pain was so intense I went into shock and blacked out occasionally while I lay on the ground waiting for the ambulance. I only vaguely remember the paramedics arriving and giving me something for the pain.
THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I’m waking up in hospital with my leg in a brace, my mind foggy, memories of extreme pain beginning to float back to me as I become aware of my surroundings. My parents had been called in, and the doctor was explaining what happened.
I was twelve, scared, confused, still woozy from drugs, and piecing together what happened to me. I wanted to cry. I waited until the doctor left because I didn’t want to make him feel bad since he helped me.
As soon as the doctor leaves, I let out a shuddering sigh and let my tears fall. All I want, and what I feel is DESERVED, is for my parents to hug me and tell me I’m going to be okay.
My mother tells me to stop making noise. My father says nothing. When I’ve stopped making noise, they talk with irritable pragmatism how they’re going to deal with this, having an injured child and me having to stay home from school for a few days.
Neither of them so much as touch me. And I got a horrid vibe from them as I obediently hold back my urge to cry: smug satisfaction. I felt the malicious joy in that room. That they knew what I needed from them, and they not only withheld the comfort I needed in that moment, they decided to pile shame on their injured, half drugged child by bickering about how inconvenient the whole thing was going to be FOR THEM.
I lie on the bed, and in that half lucid state, I consider for the first time that I will NEVER be comforted by my parents; no ailment will be enough to convince them that I am worthy of compassion.
And not only that; they will always take joy in making me feel worse than I already do, then telling me not to show any emotion.
The fear of that realisation instantly overshadowed my previous fear of having just experienced my first real injury. But I am grateful for that memory which made it clear how cruel they are and how much they have always despised me and enjoyed hurting me.
What a strong wise and compassionate person you are .Stay strong and be well
You are awesome...Stay strong and become a model for others
You are a strong person and you deserve the whole world!
I had a step parent who was over excited that I nearly died from my appendix. kept saying my name too. "you almost died____!" "you almost died!" had to deal with him and his jealous daughter. my step sister. always mad that my family gave me presents I ASKED for. when she literally didnt ask cuz she decided shes "too old" to celebrate birthdays. lmfao go figure. she would make her father bully me. slut shame,names,being hit or hair pulled. I had my laptops thrown at me for just simply having it on the coffee table. I wish nothing but the worst for him.
I'm so very sorry. That was awful. I hope you are okay as an adult now. I felt your pain just reading that. 😢😢😢 You are way more than enough. Your parents didn't deserve you. Hugs.
When my friend was sick and almost dying he had NO empathy about him. Didn’t ask about him and had no idea the severity of the situation. He proceeded to lecture me that I needed to train my brain and criticize me. That was the wake up call that I needed to leave ASAP! Danger ⛔️‼️‼️‼️
I definitely mnoticed with several people, they hate, when I was positive behavior, willing to help others.
as an oldman myself most people are jealous of what better off things their friends have .
I'm the truth teller, and it's absolutely driving a narc I'm dealing with crazy. He's ghosted and hoovered twice now. I'm in a wonderful period of ghosting now, but I just KNOW he's gonna come back for more, because I know how that brain works, it's all about avenging me. What a sad life they construct. It's all power and control and jealousy and envy. It's so exhausting dealing with this person, they think they're wounding me by giving me the gift of their absence, but it's actually so freeing.
My experience of the now-ex-partner was that he hated EVERYONE.
He took advantage of anyone who would be sucked in with his cognitive empathy, and really didn’t “like” that person.
Definitely disliked people in all 6 of the categories you mentioned.
If I want to have fun... I go by myself. I would never
get to do what I want while in their presence.
1. someone who is authentically themselves.
2. narc'x hate sick people
3. narc's hate happy people
4. succesful people
5. the truth teller
6. narc's hate highly empathetic people
I had a friend who had a serious head injury and was in the hospital. Of course I was concerned for him. She picked a fight about what she needed. Her reaction was, “oh I didn’t think he was an important friend.” My response was calm and said. “ If you have a complaint, choose the correct time and place and this is not it.” She was not happy
My father was the narcissist in my life. When my golden-child little sister wanted a day off school, she would do a little fake-sick act and he would order our mother not to sent her to school. When I had mumps, measles and nervous exhaustion, he would scream at me for "faking it" and order my mother to deliver me to school. And that's one of the many reasons my parents kept moving me from school to school.
They hate spiritural people who has some authority
Imma assume there’s a person number seven called “someone smart enough to not fall for this bs”
Narcissist parent. Being sick was the worst thing I could possibly do besides exist. They treated me like I was a baby when my mom was around and when she wasn't...all hell broke loose. They'd snap, yell, stare when i left my room to use the bathroom, spray the entire house down dramatically, mumble loudly of how disgusting I was, yell when I asked for food and basic needs because i wasn't allowed to get it myself. Once I recovered after a few days they COMPLETELY switched on me. Full on ignored my existence till I did somthing wrong or till they got a chance to belittle me.
Narcissists hate other narcs. I think they see them a competition
Yeah.. my husband despised my mother. Good point
When I had a full blown panic attack (which is the least fun thing I’ve ever experienced) I was told ‘Stop pulling that face! Everybody experiences this but they learn how to deal with it!’
when i got very very sick, they told me they were super enraged and needed a three way to discuss it. i got scared because i could have died and i realized i better take space or i could be destroyed. they became very angry when i pulled away and no apology was enough. i got told that i should not go to the doctor because i was taking away resources from People of Color. Then i was told they could not afford to be sick which confused me because i was 300 miles away from them. i felt like we were in a sickoff. they never asked how i was, or ever expressed any care for me. i saw how much anger and contempt they showed towards people who were sick.
I first noticed the sickness traits years ago when we both had the flu. I waited on her hand and foot and she would turn all the lights and everything off and just leave me in the dark alone. Once I said something about me not feeling good and she snapped back saying “because you never sit down!” Her whole family always seems so annoyed when someone is sick but when they are sick they want all the attention
It's alarming how cold it can feel. I mentioned the light thing in my last video... if you haven't seen it, I'd suggest giving it a watch! 🙏❤
Oh I don’t know how I missed that but I’m going back to check. I’m glad I’m not alone
I grew up around it too and spent 13 years in a marriage before I ever learned the terminology of these characteristics
Absolutely! They can’t sit still through anything! I could barely listen to one song in peace!
@design2c436 watching football from sun up to sun down. Calls from his "brothers". But strike me if I even looked at the weather on my phone
That would be my former roommates. Everything you say is why they hated me! Yes, they were always "sicker than me". They never wanted to help me. Just wanted me to do for them. Yes, I couldn't even laugh or joke
Was always berated if I was. I am extremely honest. But they were always turning around and accusing me of stealing things they misplaced. I'm also an empath. They even kept a recording device in my room, and living, ding area covered with cameras that would move and follow me.. it was awful. I had 3 different "mandated reporters" turn them into APS! Thank you so much. I knew all this, but needed to hear from someone else!❤ Oh and the owner/roommate tried to get me first to give her power of attorney, and change my life ins policy to her, rather than my son who lives in the next town! Then she had the nerve to tell me that I needed to have my disability check transfered to her and she would manage my money!!!
She had already talked to other roommate into doing all this, except for getting her social security ck. She is 76 years old.
Being around someone who is sick requires EMPATHY. And that is something the narcissist is fresh out of.
This really breaks my heart. Over 10 years of hell. Exciled out of a family and abandoned by my partner when sick. I knew I was surrounded by narcastics but never knew they disliked sick people. This makes so much sense. I never understood why I was not allowed to be sick. People were sicker than me. Divine intervention removed me. Although it hurt at the start. I would have never survived if I had stayed in that evil environment.
I’ve always felt a strange pride in revealing or not hiding my vulnerabilities. I withstand the damage and heal quickly. Then they can’t seem to harm that piece again and it angers them.
You gotta gang up on me and beat me down otherwise I’m just gonna face the truth, change for the better and return reinforced.
Only now do I understand why certain people hated that.
they hate people who follow the law, rules, procedures. People who are organized, consistent, and have routines👀
Yep. My EX hated my routine, of church, workout routine, talents and skills. I'm consistent and reliable. She HATES it !! I'm done.
@@clintonnagy1662 smh, crazy eh?!?....just proves that they love chaos🙄
@methatswho300 without chaos they can't function but accuse me of creating it. When in return they create their own problems, then blame everyone else. My ex narc had a child and said she wanted an abortion and blames her parents for being a mother because they told her to take accountability and raise her son. I left the relationship to save myself after dealing with many of her insane statements.
Thank you for reminding me of the empathetic person i used to be. But being around to many people who disrespected it --especially in a male, i felt i had to cut it off. I am no longer in that (most of the time) and am in recovery, and getting back my joy ❤
My girl called me "people pleaser."for it. That name is by far the least mean of all the horrible things she called me.
My narc ex questioned my empathy because I had rage. That’s how clueless he was about what an empath actually is - we feel deeply. You don’t get to cheat and physically assault me then expect me to go “oh poor you”
Every time I was really excited or happy and in the moment, my wife would always find a way to make me feel incredibly self-conscious. Saying, negatively, that I was acting like a "little kid" when I was excitedly sharing something I enjoyed. Or saying certain movements or behaviors of mine would make anyone think I was gay. Every social gathering, she'd keep nudging me every time she felt I was in need of "correction", as if she knew better than me. It never felt like it was coming from a good place. It was all to keep me in line with the image of me she saw me as, rather than with what I wanted to do.
I was in Cleveland clinic for 10 days and not once did she come to the hospital thank God I got a divorce from her
My gosh!
She marred so many poignant dates, Christmas, birthdays etc over the years, I filed for divorce on Valentine's Day 🤷🏻♂️
I feel bad for stooping that low though.
Killer move! Made me smile.
@@savoyaepps646 Thank you for the idea!!
i feel the relief you feel my bro
0:31 They hate you when you are your most authentic self. No wonder even though narcissists are often obsessed with me when they first meet me, they don’t like me for long. I’m flattered by that actually!
My narc cared for me when I got a leg infection about 6 months before our wedding. She drove to my house, and stayed for 4 days, making wonderful chicken soup and bread while I recovered (I had to take antibiotics and apply a topical medicine).
About four years later, I spent 5 days in the ICU for a very serious life-threatening condition (blood clots in my lungs), and aside from driving me back to the house, she left me on my own for recovery.
She moved out 4 months later (1800 miles away) and could not understand why I spent a day loading her u-haul. I was still in her spell, but I remember feeling bad for her when she said "I don't deserve your help." . She just could not conceive that I would do something without expecting anything in return.
Yeah, I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalised. I was crying and felt the worst ,ever. When my wife came to see me I said I felt suicidal. Her cold response 'I'm not here for that' The one moment I needed her the most was lost. She divorced me ,brutally a few years later.
That was so evil 😢, I hope you're healing and are thankful she discarded you (which was hurtful at the time). Because this showed you who she was, versus staying in it another 20 years being hopeful. The Most High has a better plan for your life!
@@johnkauppi7078 People like her are mentally sick. Good thing she left.
When you’re sick and they know you are,they will ask you to do extra things anyway.
I tell fastfood workers that when they get one of those people who are angry and yelling at them to never stop smiling 😁. They came in to ruin your day, don't let them. This will make them loose their minds and that shit is funny. plus you can't get fired for smiling 😊
Teach your heart to accept disappointments even from people you love.😮😮❤❤
We must care in fightig monsters. Gaze long- enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back at you.
every time i was myself and happy they said something cutting and or hurtful
This makes sense now. The ex narcs father hated me from the day he met me. It made me feel so crappy for 23 years. Her sister hated me. I bend myself into knots trying to be liked by them. And yes narcs hate sick people. What a horrible time going through breast cancer. I felt so guilty for being sick I did everything I could so I would not have to ask for help. She even told me she respected people that became famous after cancer or some kind of trauma. And if I had millions of dollars I would have done better getting over it.
And you just described my daughter. I haven't been sick around her, but all the other ones are her to a T. I am happy, empathetic, kind and now i know why I've never felt like she liked me, much less loved me! She once called me "a weak little one". She discarded me 2 years ago. I don't miss being hated, but I am devastated over not being able to see my 6 year old granddaughter 💔. I am going through the court system to try to see her, which has been a nightmare as well. Narcissists are so cold hearted!
I was strong, healthy and happy & young & had my shit together before we met. Moved out to become a nurse because I couldn't study with 2 teens listening to music at 2am on school night's & was told if I didn't like it I knew where the door was. Yes I did & used it to leave. Moved back in after I graduated because she "needed" me. Then I had surgery on my knee & she was miserable. Had seizures and her eyes didn't leave the TV. Had jaw, brain and neck surgery. My mom flew in and took care of both of us. I was receiving the silent treatment throughout my recovery. I never realized it was because I couldn't serve her. WOW! I knew heartless but wow!
They hate us because we are normal, by and large. They are filled with some kind of shame, anxieties, abuse, overindulgence or otherwise. Seems to happen during the 8-13 age range. Something goes wrong in the brain whereby they are forever more stuck in that age and act out in similar ways as they did in their young years.
My ex, alcoholic narc said numerous times venomous diatribes about his father. Copped the double whammy. It was as though he was taking out his rage of his father on me. Never knew what was coming next. Quite literally a Jekyll and Hyde character. Took many years of firstly getting past the heartbreak then learning about narcism. Liberating and a huge relief at comprehension and explanations for the extraordinary array of behaviours.
These things cast a long shadow. The happiness crusher is the most despicable. My mother was dead for 5 years, and something good had happened (I now forget what) and I was telling my partner about it... I stopped myself, and asked her: "Am I being insufferable?"
Despite having made extraordinary progress, it was shockingly clear there was more work to do. In my narc mother's family, if I was happy, I was "insufferable'", but if I was down, I was also "insufferable." Any time is shame time.
Too true. Many won’t grasp the weight of this warning.
I wake up happy, saying GOOD MORNING. I never hear it back. And, eventually, my narc started depriving me of sleep. After working ten hours, third shift, this guy would slam a book, even, to wake me up after 30 minutes.
They resent anyone who can emotionally regulate and take accountability
Excellent points and well said.
The truth is what they flee from.
When you are sick you can’t provide and in addition, you attract the attention they crave for from others.
As I look back on my experiences, more than what I went through, I am filled with regret at not having stood up more firmly for the other victims I noticed around the PN
Geez, I've experienced so many of these type of people, professionally and in associates and even my siblings. I guess thats why i choose to have a small circle or spend time alone.
When my mom was dying of cancer, the narcissistic aunt in my life was a total covert/ and vulnerable narc, and she tried to come
Off as a savior! She also seems to try to compete with
For my mother's affection and as if she's a small child ( she's 70 years old) and try to turn my mother against me. Worst time in my life, ever! I dealt with the harsh reality of watching my mother's demise as well as dealing with my aunt's passive-aggressive, gaslighting, smear-campaigning antics.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, especially at such a sensitive time. That type of narcissist often flies under the radar to everyone except the people they hurt. I hope you've found more peace away from that chaos 🙏❤
So true! WHENEVER I am comfortable being myself, my mom absolutely HAS to do or say something to make me feel uncomfortable doing or saying whatever it is, but for SURE she will shoot me down somehow and if she CAN’T stop me, she will lose her mind.
He would get jealous of me even though we're supposed to be a team.
I have a narcissistic coworker. I don’t acknowledge him. He continues to try and belittle me. I am 64 years old and he’s in his late 30s. I find him to be very disrespectful. He often lies about people and situations. We work with kids. I cannot understand why anyone would hire a narcissistic to work with children. He’s now at the stage of spreading rumors gathering others on his side. I do my job and keep on ignoring him.
Most schools are full of narcissistic people.
My grandma is a cover narc, we had a major disability (me and dad). She demanded I move in after dad died, and then she flipped out screaming and crying to her flying monkies that I was being mean to her because I was still grieving dads death.
I paused it and here is a go! When you mentioned they hate sick people my head about exploded. Whenever I was sick, when with my abusive ex, she would not care for me. She would call me names such as I am a wimp, acting like a pussy, man up, etc. She would not care for me nor have any empathy for my illness. I usually had to drive myself to the doctor as she refused to. One time, in late 2019 I came down with a nasty flu. I had a 104 fever, was shaking violently, no energy and could barely move. She did her typical, "Give me a break, your exaggerating" and say, "So typical of a man, can't handle anything." She refused to drive me to the doctor, so I had to do it and barely had the energy to steer the car. The doctor tells me I am an inch from hospitalization and throws 6 medications my way. Her response, "Oh sorry, I thought you were exaggerating." Spins it on me as usual, No empathy...never.
Oh, gotta add to this lol. Yes, I have a good career, paid all of the bills and took care of the family financially. When she went back to her job, granted she made good money, but she always resented my job and was always bashing it, blaming it on our marital problems, bla bla bla...I heard it all. Before our divorce, she was trying to convince me to walk away from it and cash out my pension. Lol, how unreasonable. She said she would support me. Well, I would have been homeless had I done it as, when I asked her to leave after d.v. against me, I would have had nothing had I listened.
I had a narc roommate. When he moved in i thought he was a shy nerd. Having gone through some shit myself at that point i tried to get him out more, help him get more confident all that stuff. He would often compliment me in weird ways and tried to get to know me. He quickly realized that there ain't no way he could get me to admire him or control me. At this point i was leaving it at him being a weirdo, but overall it just felt weird spending time around him, something was always off . Soon i stopped hanging out with him as it just didn't feel right.
The thing is, we lived and still do live at an apartment that's split into several individual rooms that serve as a sort of dormitory. And there are multiple such apartments in the building hosting about 40 students in total.
In the beginning there were just two of us. Later on tho people started moving in, that's when the game began. I was in fairly good mental shape at this point, still had some stuff left to resolve tho. At this time i had a bit of insecurity with interhuman relationships going on. One evening were were out together at a local event, i was a bit tired, he said some new guy doesn't like me much and i showed a bit of sadness, telling him that i'm just tired. He took a notice tho, that was the first time i've seen real joy in his face. He spent following 3 months trying to make me look like an idiot who is making his life a living hell, at the same time he was trying to get to me with all kinds of manipulative tactics infantilization, gaslighting, lies, you name it... But I've never let it get to my core. He was often passive-aggressive and throwing temper tantrums as i made it clear to him with my behavior that i consider his behavior ridiculous and don't respect him based on that.
Once there was a situation where he was not happy that i was out with other people, he literally ordered me to be at the room by midnight at which i grinned and said "yeah sure"...came back sometime after 2 AM. The next morning he threw a temper tantrum which i repelled with logic, as he was unable to oppose me rationally he threatened me with that he was gonna spread lies about what really happened, which he did. Up until this point i saw him as a bizarre weirdo not worth my attention. After this incident it was all clear.
I educated myself on the subject and what can i do to protect myself. I started ignoring a lot of his narc behavior and now i ignore his whole existence pretty much. I went to the people he spoke to often in recent months, told them the whole thing, they told me what he's been telling them about me. Since they knew me quite well they didn't really believe a lot of things that he said in the first place and they saw stuff getting weirder and weirder. Once i told them my side of the story they connected the dots and it was all clear to them as well, they actually were able to track back narc behavior he displayed towards them as well. Just like that the biggest source of narc supply went down and he felt it. He moved to a different room an started acting a lot more careful. Only plays a weak victim card every now and then and is decided to move out soon, i managed to get the administrator of the building to throw him out at the end of the lease anyway, so his decision doesn't really play a role.
Some people are still in his possession, some less, some more. But no threat for me. I could continue to inflict more damage upon him, but i choose to work on my peace of mind instead. I already managed to build strong barrier between him and everyone i care about the most.
So here you have it folks ! The truth teller has won !
Everything you've said... I am! The "truth teller" to the MAX! Successful enough, yes. For sure she very much hates me TIMES SIX! Hold on... my family and my whole TOWN liked to "sweep everything under the rug"! No wonder I finally walked away!
There’s so many that happen that I notice but one in particular; he would say that I have no one but when I get a invitation to go to my cousins wedding; that day we was ready to go and that morning; he went to visit his ex mom in law before we went to the wedding and we was late to my cousins wedding… for years I argue with him bout it but now I know that he isn’t the attention .. wow, omg!! 😮❤🎉 Very sad!! 😢
In 1971 I graduated high school. I had friends who were (are) genuinely good people and this exposure changed me forever. In a few weeks I was working at a job in Beverly Hills. My mom's office was in Beverly Hills so she would give me a ride to work. One morning she started screaming at me for leaving a light on all night and she would not relent her tirade. An hour later she ordered me to get into the car and I said "no" to her for the first time in my life. She flipped out and tried to hit me and I dodged her assault. She screamed "get out! Get out!" and I did. I was seventeen and earning a 1.50 an hour, which in those days would pay rent and food. When you say "no"...
I know a couple of narcs in the same family who love it when you're sick. They'll do things for that person, prior to not even really being that close, and then go around gossiping about how they've been doing everything to take care of that person and no one else has been doing anything or sacrificing anything like they did. Like they're setting themselves up to be heros. I was pounced on, when I was ill with covid by both of them. And when someone close to us died, they hoarded this ill person away, literally telling others to f*** off, until this person passed, causing many so much pain at being pushed away. The narc emmerged after disgusted with everyone elses behaviour. It was so completely sick in the head.
The Person who Criticises others, is only revealing the Lack within Themselves, those are the Narcissists !!!
8 months in and couldn’t even share my accomplishments at work which benefited both of us..
(Ex wasn’t working atm)
So sick to encounter these ppl.
So amazing in the beginning where you turn a blind eye to red flags.
Run fast folks
Narcissists hate anyone they cannot control, anyone who will not argue with them, anyone who dares hold a different opinion, anyone who they cannot 1-up, and especially anyone who goes no contact and encourages others to do the same.
My narc sibling was driving & started with me in the car yelling, barrage of insults, untrue accusations & peppering me with questions out of nowhere? I remained silent which enraged her more. Then I calmly asked her "I have a question for you?" Yeah? Have you ever been punched in the face before while driving? Shocked & silent 😮 I said good then shut the*up for the next 3 minutes. We arrived at our destination & didn't speak for 12 hours. Peace.
I had a savior that like to see me in pain. Loved to find some reason to be angry, focus on their upset issue, (someone stole my parking spot 😢, and I just can't seem to get over it).
After getting an idea of what cluster b is, how they work and some of the theory’s as to why they do what they do, it hurts a lot less. I’m a self employed carpenter. I will go to networking events and I will eventually get blindsided by a narc while just being myself. I’m well aware of the notorious reputation contractors have, most are boastful, self absorbed, arrogantly naive bullies. I’d like to hope I’m the opposite of these things. Instead of talking about myself, I like to ask questions, shut up, and listen while taking notes. This works well because I’m giving them exactly what I am, no games. And people that need help with their homes almost never get really listened to and taken seriously. The reaction from narcs is very passionate, mouth frothing hate that they can’t keep in. They will blow up at me in a networking event, despite being strangers, draw all the attention to themselves while throwing a fit and I’ll stay calm and bored to make them show themselves to everyone in the room. Before I learned all this stuff, I took it very personally. I kept trying to be more aware of myself to not provoke people. Which meant being even more scared to promote myself, to speak ,to be me and forever glued to the wallflower position in the room. I’ve also experienced most of what you speak of, it all just sucks, but if your here your learning. If you read this far, I hope something here helps.
Makes sense now. I turned in a coworker who broke security rules as i had sworn an oath to do. My sibling was very upset that I had obeyed what I swore to.
My ex used to reflect on a particular period as the best in our relationship. It was my initial major depressive episode - which had a proximate cause that was not his fault, but with hindsight I see that I struggled as bad as I did because of our relationship (and especially how I had isolated myself completely to appease him). I was always stunned that he would point to that point. I was in such deep despair, I was self harming, I literally didn’t say a word to any adults bar him for about 18 months. The narcissistic raging got worse and worse as I gradually and painfully improved over the course of the next 10 years. Note: I had a series of MH diagnoses over our relationship. Took antidepressants and antipsychotics. Never stopped relying on suicidal ideation to comfort me. As soon as I left him it all just went! My psychiatrist reassessed my symptoms as “situation based” and took me off meds. Been 3.5 years now and I am fine! But yeah, he liked me sick because he was the saviour and I was grateful and totally compliant. Sad!
I'm an authentic, truth teller with a lot of empathy. I had a difficult experience with a covert narcissist and was strung along and toyed with, cut off, told everything is okay, and then mistreated again, gaslit and finally cut off. I'm clearly more attractive on the outside because covert narcissists will lead me on pretty long and get very near trapping me, but I am learning to be better at spotting it
OMG! You are so right about being happy. My ex used to try and make me unhappy like him when I was doing well.
Narcissists interpret any free action as criticism. If you get attention, it's attention they 're not getting.
Finding that I am an authentic empath. Being a giant man, allowed me to remain myself when the world around me, and all the other boys and men wanted to change what I am to what they thought I should be.
I am not perfect. I am honest it makes me strong. Now I’m realizing the narcissist in my life. Hate me for this.
I almost died at 22 after abusing drugs for about a decade. I’m finally sober and now realizing being raised by a narcissistic single mother is what led me to doing drugs at 12.
I tried to have fun with her. I tried to be spontaneous and lovingly tease. I tried to play with her. Eventually, I gave up. She would tell me she loved me but she didn't like me. She said I was annoying. Every success I had bothered her. She would use my successes to get attention for herself from other people but berate me behind closed doors. She'd say stuff like, "You think you're so smart," or, "You think you're so gifted."
I'm OK at art. I draw, make knives, and other crafts. I made her stuff, but she always acted less than interested when I gave it to her. She would make stuff, I would praise her for it, but she'd say I didn't mean it, and I thought I was better than her.
After 15 years of that, we're divorced. She cheated a bunch, but she'd keep me focused on my flaws and feeling guilty, she constantly accused me of cheating, so I didn't confront her. I finally caught her flat out and divorced her.
She still plays mind games and tries to control me, especially using our kids. (I have primary custody.)
I'm so tired. I feel like a hollow tree about to blow over. I wish she'd just go away. She's doing all this stuff to our kids, too. They're really confused and hurting. They want to see her, but she only comes to get them about half the time she's supposed to. They say she lies all the time and is mean to them. My oldest says she ignores him and only spends time with the younger ones. I just wish she'd stop jerking them around, make a decision to either be a good parent or just leave for good, one or the other. Knowing what she is, unfortunately, her leaving their lives for good is likely the best option. I'm just so tired.
That sounds awful :c
Strength to you!! I hope you'll get somehow through this.
9:25 this is on point. I spoke the truth with facts and proof. And she just went nuts
“ living well is the best revenge “…..!