Try having a ring on.." can you just break up with me? " Ok do you want me to bring the booking brochure for the hotel tomorrow? "yes" 🙄 time to drink.
Yeah the fall off the pedestal really sucks! And then the subsequent time you spend with the narcissistic abuser, you have no f****** idea what they want. You have no idea how to get back on the pedestal. Here's a clue, you're never getting back on the pedestal. The smartest thing for a victim to do at this point, is kick the pedestal right on top of the narcissist. Walk away and not give a f***. Make sure they lose all control.
It sucks for sure. It makes you feel less than a human being. I wonder how people who never come to this knowledge about narcissism cope with attracting narc after narc. That's why we have to share this information far and wide.
I’m not a fan of connecting with narcissist but when it happens I derive great pleasure from dropping them like a hot potato when I figure out what they are. I’m catching on faster and faster with all your help HG. 💕
So no matter what, you WILL be devalued, regardless of what you do or how you play it. Acceptance of it occuring and flight out of the relationship is the only resolution
Omg. Thank you, HG. The devaluation started on the 29th of Jan 2016, the day of our wedding. That was the first time he gave me a silent treatment and spent the night drinking with his brother instead of me, his new wife. He also shoved me aside very roughly when I tried to talk to him, while I was holding our two month old baby. I spent that night alone and crying....I was so confused and have always tried to understand what I did wrong. Thank you for explaining it
@@jessncin1586 The lesser Narc might be unaware that he’s a narc. However, they KNOW they’re playing a toxic game and become aware you’ve figured them out.
After months/ almost 2 years of insults and emotional abuse I started responding:” if I am so awful why do you stay? What does this say about you to stay in a relationship with someone so wrong?” And he would just stop, stare and finally say: “ I do not even know why I love you”. Guess what he meant was “ I do not know what’s love”
Yep. That's because love had absolutely nothing to do with why a narcissist was with you in the first place. When I was at the point of being devalued and ready to kick the narc to the curb, I asked him why he had bothered to marry me in the first place. He just sat there with a blank look on his face and actually seemed speechless. That dumbass approached me the next day, as if he needed time to think about my question and said that he had married me because I "took all his hurt and pain away". WTF? I just looked at him like the nutcase he was and told him that he was a pathetic fool. Two years with that crazy-maker and the divorced has long been finalized!
@@mysticme777 NARCS DO THIS FOR FULFILLMENT. IT IS THEIR WAY OF CONTROLLING AN OUT OF CONTROL WORLD. THEY NEED OTHERS TO BUILD THEMSELVES UP TO SURVIVE. DRAMA IS AN ADDICTION. THE MIND GAMES ARE EXCITING TO THEM. PITTING PEOPLE AGAINST EACH OTHER TO FIND OUT THEIR WEAKNESSES, TO GAIN MORE CONTROL. A VICIOUS CYCLE OF USE AND ABUSE. WHEN NO LONGER VALUABLE, YOU ARE THROWN AWAY.
I called him out all the time. It sent him in to blind rages. I am a human lie detector. I told him once that he hated me because I gave him too much control and why would anyone allow him to treat them so horribly, if they were a good person? He hated me for figuring him out. He is a hateful man.
YOU WERE A GOOD PERSON, WHICH IS WHY YOU GAVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. THAT IS WHAT THEY FEED OFF, YOUR GULLIBILITY AND AREAS THEY PERCEIVE AS WEAKNESSES.
I completely agree. It’s relentless. I’ve seen it action & thankfully it was a family member not a partner. That type of need for fuel will make a person ill. It’s already done it to one member of my family, they have no idea that it’s that that’s made them ill. The other one is heading in the same direction. Don’t get me wrong I work & play hard but this is another level. Makes me feel lazy!😄
@@torhockers1482 Yes it's totally exhausting cause they don't give up. I've had several experiences with Narcissists as an empath. A friend I'd known for years revealed herself as a narc. Everything went pretty well for years til her children left and she left her husband and she no longer had her usual primary sources to devalue regularly. I believe I then became her primary person, and that is when the s _ _ _ hit the fan. She ghosted with excuses. She began to pull crap so inconsistent with who I'd known her to be for years. I called her on it and you would think I'd committed a crime. All H _ _ _ broke loose. A devaluation period began, with behaviors so inconsistent with her 7 years of total friendship, and when I saw it I asked for NC. She increasingly sent letter with fake apologies taking no responsibility for her behavior and no statements of what she would change. I set boundaries that she agreed to and never respected. The more I asserted my rights, the more she lashed back and insane behavior occurred. It was insanity. I stopped the relationship and she won't give up. Hoover after hoover and she's still convinced she''ll get me back. She's moved in with a disabled friend whom she'd been trying to get into her home for Years due to location etc. She may never move out, but now she's got the friend in the love bombing stage.
Gabi Golding I totally agree and was about to write a similar comment! I never cease to be amazed at highly narcissistic people's energy, including HG Tudors. However, it did catch up with many I've known, or will catch up with others, due to their excessive drinking and/or use of other drugs, or other factors. I don't gain satisfaction from this though, as many were or are family members. I find it extremely sad that narcissism even exists and so wish that it wasn't real! They say to be careful what you wish for, yet this definitely isn't going anywhere and it's just a saying anyway. 😥
My boyfriend consistently projected his devaluation of self, onto me. And I still had compassion for him. I am beginning to see the connections. Thanks HG.
Monday I'll make you fall apart, Tuesday Wednesday I'll tear you apart, Thursday I'll blame you for tearing us apart, it's Friday where's your love? (The Cure: Remastered).
Thankyou H.G Tudor for providing so many of us with the closure we would otherwise never get. This is such important work ! I have been suicidal over my ex partner's off the wall behaviour, but now I understand. I actually think you may be saving many lives giving us access to this information. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart ! 🖤🖤✌
@@martag6322 who better to tell us about the mind of a narcissist than a narcissist. Otherwise it would be a none narcissist guessing how they operate.
Like a faucet. Hot one minute. Cold the next. And completely off for the majority. The ex must have been bored pretty immediately. I couldn't figure out why this guy was always hobby chasing. Golf. Back packing. Camp equipment. Back to golf. Guitars. The incessant guitars n gears...never enough. God it exhausts me even thinking back. I was a fool bending to his every mood. Every whim. Every need. I feel so sorry for the new supply n what she's dealing w. Such confusion. Then those bits of respite where youre like oh thank God he's feeling better. Then bam! Confusion that it's us scurrying around to fix it. Thank you HG. Uve been a life saver helping me recover over this conundrum of whoever this exe is. I was married to a LIE.
When he began to devalue me (in the stranger zone) because i threatened his control... He tried to give me the silent treatment that i gave it back to him, then triangulation with others without any reaction from me... After all of that i escaped him thx to your informative videos... Goso... Thx HG 💖
So many narcissists controlling their rotten mothers, (even female narcs), via their supplies. They learned from mommie dearest love hurts and trust no one. Their karma is in playing this out over and over. Feel sorry for them but at a distance they cannot span to hurt you.
I cried my eyes out for 15 years just thinking he'd fallen out of love with me and didn't realize I was picking up on this. Divorcing me and trying to come back and devaluing me was never even anything I could control. WTF
It's like the lottery. Once you decide to stop playing, you win 3 or 4 numbers and get a few hundred rands. Hope is renewed and the lottery devalues you again. Not even 1 number, which doesn't win you anything, comes up. You think if I can put more effort and play more lines maybe I will increase my chances. At least with the lottery you might actually win, with the narcissist winning is GOSO. You've said it over and over Sir Tudor, emotional thinking is an enemy. Thanks once again Sir.
It’s funny, they make us betting on them. Isn’t that funny? True love ❤️ is not a bet, it’s something we feel. True love ❤️ doesn’t require betting at all. It’s continuing give and take. Yet we keep on betting. Whose fault is that?
I got the MOST HONESTY out of my Narcissistic Best Friend, whom I went off on, because of the devaluation.. He said he really likes me a lot BUT DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. I know he LOVES the FUEL AND CHARACTER TRAITS I provide for him, being a Super Empath and wants desperately to keep ME close. He moves 1600 miles for me and has no other real friends or Primary Fuel Supply here. Thank you HG Tudor for another eye opening video. Your AMAZING, but YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. 😂😂😂😘😘😘
HG, my new treadmill buddy, you are giving me an epiphany a minute. I did know that one past boyfriend was definitely a narc, but now it’s become plain to me that most of my past boyfriends certainly have tendencies in the narc direction, if not the full blown personality disorder. Thanks for opening my eyes.
Once that guy started with the love bombing, lawd... HG and that awesome voice came in loud n clear on my brain intercom:"Leia, he is a narc, proceed accordingly" thank you for the hidden ammo supply HG..
I've got a terrible problem where I listen to these things and think I'm a narcissist, then I realise I'm an extreme introvert who only wants 2 friends and needs lots of time alone and hates attention lol. I'm just paranoid 😂
Wow! This podcast has really struck a chord with me, and has made sense of past behaviours of my ex. Thank you, HG. You are an exceptional man for giving us your expertise on the different types of narcissism.
That is so true, the night of the wedding is the start of the devaluation. Stunned revelation. Just so stunned by all the evidence that is accurate and true.
I was a primary source for a couple of months. The devaluation started surprisingly early according to your description (1,5 months), i think due to the threat of losing control. I felt from the beginning that something is amiss and i recognised the control games and defied, arguably succesfully, since 3 months in dissengagement has started :D
Fine China on Saturday night and Copper Penny Sunday morning. Thank you H.G. Have been able to maintain no contact legit thanks to you and begin to understand myself and this person.Honestly Thank You 🙏
Really valuable data, thank you. This has helped me process a recent situation with a 'returning childhood sweetheart' narcissistic hoover that escaped my usually sharp sensors because I didn't remember him as a narcissist when we were teenagers. He pulled off a swift and intense idealization that was followed by a sudden 'cool off' that I didn't understand. I was initially hurt and confused, until I realized I had likely been ensnared by a narcissist who in one moment, was determined to secure me as a primary source, but then clearly changed his mind a couple of weeks later. I suspect the reasoning is that a more local supply source appeared: we live across the country from one another. I'm also not a good candidate for long term control, as I was the one to end things years ago, and am---I believe---the saviour super/standard subtype of empath. Once I realized what happened, I sent him a pointed, but not angry, assessment of his behaviour that he responded to with extreme defensiveness as well as rather vicious gaslighting and reversals. To him, nothing was his fault, and the state I was in (as a direct result of his hard work and machinations to get me into that state lol) was entirely of my own making. It appears I secured a significant narcissistic wound. That was the absolute proof I needed of what he is. He is now implementing what appears to be a corrective devaluation to my threat to control in the form of a silent treatment: I suspect he believes he will 'wait out' my anger until I am more amenable again. He's some form of mid-ranger (I don't know the subtype as I dont have enough data about him), so he won't know why he is doing all of this. It feels a bit weird to know more than they do: it's kind of a reversal of the usual state of things lol. I credit you, HG, for providing these insights, so I can once again feel like I have autonomy in the situation and over my feelings.
Splitting and when they are dealing with you. They aren't dealing with the person in front of them but the introject or mental snapshot and as you grow you will change from the picture in their head and the traits given to that picture which is a skewed view of you. The narcissist can only idealize you for so long (it helps them idealize theirselves- coidealization). Then it takes to much energy and they can't idealize you. Then your devalued because tge real you deviated from their internal picture. They are easily bored. They only experience negativity feeling and they mimic happiness. The get bored like eating vanilla ice cream for a month. But if they devalue you they devalue themselves untill they come up with a story of how you fooled them.
Most helpful! As a consequence of this information, I no longer think Prince Harry is Megan's primary source. I think "royalness" or the British public and indeed British culture were supposed to be her supply so now, for the reasons you have elucidated, she is devaluing all those things frenetic ally. I think Harry is just the switch on her Hoover. So he retains his value to her. Unless of course he sees through her or balks at his Hoover switch role. However he was so manipulated by his own mother (sorry!) that it is very unlikely he will. The Royal Family are correct to play dead or go grey.
A better perspective,once you get some clarity,is to realize how truly unworthy they are of you,I don't mean this is an egotistical sense as in a logical.view!
My narcissistic sister has only devalued me for decades. I'm a hopeless loser because I'm not like her. She's a successful corporate executive, has a large salary, lives in a fancy house and drives a fancy car. You have to have all this for her to approve of you. Because I live a low key life and don't have fabulous wealth like most people, she has passed omnipotent God-like judgement that I am a failure at life. I know she's wrong and has a personality disorder. So I've cut her out of my life. Best decision I ever made.
The devaluation started with his “proposal“ of marriage. “My parents are pressuring me to marry. But don’t think there will be any commitment. If I find someone better, I’ll end it. “. Apparently, I didn’t deserve a golden period.
That's me. Non intimate source. On the devalued bus. When I caught on, I was devalued big time. Since it's a family member with strings attached I'm very reluctant in spite of the strings.
I went on a Trip with ex narc with hope of him seeing me who I have grown into. ,But he just said I was desperate and then turn something I said to say I am I am a f___kin bitch .
So the only way we can avoid devaluation is by never revealing how we feel completely and by ignoring the attempts. Also retaliation if it is subtle, works very well to level the playing field.
Why then 26 yrs later??????? So your saying that because I figured out that he was really driving me crazy and I started holding him accountable yet still loved him unconditionally, he just walked away from us (his family) and tried to totally erase our existence (wife, our 6 kid's & 21 grandkids)??????
He makes this whilst I am pregnant and obviously fatigued and not having energy, no contact as much as possible but now I can't even apply it 💯 as I need help and is his daughter. Fuck, it's draining me to an extent I don't even answer the phone or let him talk to me... and that's even more triggering to him, ...what a sickening situation, hoping to have my baby and run!
Enlightening. Exhausted remembering the crazy making confusion. Insanity, and cruelty. Makes me so happy I dumped them all. Wasting less time with the next and the next. I usually felt scared though when they got CRAZY angry and I'd wonder for my life....Yikes! That did not get me back cause I do not like Scary. So, lucky they triggered the thing that keeps me safe. FEAR! LOL! Too bad they all weren't scary from the beginning....Could have saved a lot of devaluing me to keep me trying to prove my love and commitment, and mostly that they can trust ME, not like the others, or whatever their issues would be. The British one was like the worst roller coaster....like having many multiple personalities with each alcoholic beverage. And he had many many of them. That was a mind and heart bender....I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!...Then, Do you remember yesterday? NO! and No, Every time. The drunk was funner and waaaay more lovey, but stressful out of control. Thank you!
Omg omg omg, it's like listening to an audiobook of my life. He discarded me and I guess we are finished. Even though I basically begged he shows no interest in seeing me. I finally saw him in person last night and it feels like that's what I needed to let go. He is seeing someone new it seems in a more formal way than with me, I guess he has found what he needs. I wonder if a Hoover is going to happen eventually?
I'm so 😊 happy just to get away and understand narcissistic personality disorder it's an interesting subject my past is my past. If it wasn't the narcissist it would have been something else I never realised we where in competition I just felt sorry for her really every time.i said I was going to leave she would start shriking or I would get a preventive hoover telling me she had collapsed and was in hospital but I'm free now and looking forward to the future narc free.
My ex narc use to call me a bitch every time we fight this use to hurt me to the core 10 months into the relationship I learnt about the narc disorder so I ddnt get upset anymore where he swore at me, I just ddnt react, when he used silent treatment I'll stay silence as well I guess he got tired cause he saw I was onto him he said he's leaving cos I know no longer take him seriously, I said okay then got to my car drove to my cousin cos the way he was calm I knew he was going to beat me up, I came back two days after and he was gone and he inserted match stick on the keyhole so I cudnt get to my apartment. It's been a week of no contact, I hope he doesn't come back
Very helpful! This episode has shifted my perception of Prince Harry. I don't think that he's Meghan's Primary Source as a consequence. I think "royalness" or the British public or even the British culture were supposed to be her primary sources of supply and for the reasons that you have elucidated so clearly, she is devaluing all of them frenetically. Harry is merely the switch on her Hoover. This might keep him safe....unless he starts to balk at his role, which he probably is too damaged by (excuse me) the manipulations of his mother during his childhood o ever do.
I have experienced the chocolate cake devaluation freakout! I was thinking what the f... is going on here It's just a cake! He seemed shocked, caught unawares, here I am making a cake. Only a narcissist could turn that into something you were plotting against them 😅. Thank you HG it is all clear to me now with your perfect example
So the dirty little secret got the most of the benefits, i.e, excitement, fun, good sex, gifts for a very long time while the intimate partner got awful treatments. They should wear sign like FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY or FOR RENT, NOT FOR SALE :)
The Narcs I know dish it out but when you answer back or confront they get nasty and angry and then run off they seem to hate Facing you and send a substitute if you have to speak again. Markle never puts her signature and uses secondary individuals to do her bidding therefore comes across as a complete pathetic coward
Yes. yes. yes. And not knowing about the NPD this is very confusing - the extraordinary asymmetry of their behaviour causes you to really question your own perception.
Me too. Loads of people here also state it happened the day of their marriage! These videos and comments have been so helpful in understanding my painful roller coaster of a life with my my now ex-husband. If I knew then what I know now is a phrase that comes to mind.
It was easy to see how my ex was made.Mother wanted a boy so much,she kept having girls and didn't stop until the golden boy arrived.An entire household of women,he was smothered with attention.He was charismatic and older than me.I followed my heart and refused to listen to my gut instinct.I paid the price and learned a valuable lesson..Eventually maternity loomed and I vividly remember him turning up and making a huge entrance in the private clinic Armed with champagne and roses he loudly announced to all, he had a boy.The specialist came rushing over and stopped him,with you have a beautiful baby girl.He threw the roses away and left.There is cruel and there is Cruel and he was s fine
The reason the devaluation happens is because you become stale. You were so terrified that you were going to be left alone by yourself that you have to provoke your victim into proving to you that she’s not gonna leave you so there don’t make castles out of send.
Let Me Challenge You HG Tudor; My EX-Narcissist New Primary Source Has 3 Out Of 5 Reason of Disengagement. 1. Major Exposure 2. Major Wounding 3. Hard To Control (But Yet and Still, The Narcissist is Still with His New IPPS.) But Why?
Are narcissists born or do they develop over time? If they develop, what causes narcissism? Do narcissists find any joy in life or do they just move from birth to death manipulating others? Are they lonely or does the emptiness inside preclude loneliness? I have known two narcissists in my lifetime. One male (for 6 years). Without knowing he was a narcissist at the time, I used the non contact distancing to escape. The other was a female and I distanced myself from her when she wanted me to break up her brother’s marriage because she did not like her sister-in-law. I have often wondered what became of these two individuals. Not enough to contact either, though. Any musings?
My ex gf used to slap me across the face for minor infringements. She stopped when I slapped her back. Fast forward 8 years and following my dumping by all my pro-EU, woke friends in the wake of brexit, she dropped me for a 21 year old fuckboy she met on tinder. My depression wasn't worth supporting me through, despite the shite she wrote in those dozens and dozens of love letters... I hate her.
One minute your fine the next your an enemy one minute your close the next your almost strangers One minute your her Brad Pitt the next your her Meatloaf, I always know when I get devalued she will come bk but then I know I’m not the problem She’s honestly fucked me & I’m scared to get close to anyone again she’s made me avoidant n I was secure, these people break people. Stay away
Not to over simplify but it almost seems as if most real narcs are Gemini. For me it's my best friend (36yrs) and my wife (21yrs) both Gemini then there's Kanye and Trump who are also Gemini's. What is your zodiac sign HD? One would have to admit that this form for switching back and forth is also quite Gemini in character.
Loved me on Monday. Hated my f**** guts on Tuesday. Loved me again on Wednesday😵😩
That's just the way it goes.
Same here...so confusing and hurtful. I finally walked away. 🤗
Only...it wasn't love.
And will always be. Circle jerk
Try having a ring on.." can you just break up with me? " Ok do you want me to bring the booking brochure for the hotel tomorrow? "yes" 🙄 time to drink.
Yeah the fall off the pedestal really sucks! And then the subsequent time you spend with the narcissistic abuser, you have no f****** idea what they want. You have no idea how to get back on the pedestal. Here's a clue, you're never getting back on the pedestal. The smartest thing for a victim to do at this point, is kick the pedestal right on top of the narcissist. Walk away and not give a f***. Make sure they lose all control.
It sucks for sure. It makes you feel less than a human being. I wonder how people who never come to this knowledge about narcissism cope with attracting narc after narc. That's why we have to share this information far and wide.
@@ntombifuthiyika5975 People who don't what they are dealing with get 'depressed' and even commit suicide
@@ntombifuthiyika5975 If only I heard this BEFORE we got married!
À
I’m not a fan of connecting with narcissist but when it happens I derive great pleasure from dropping them like a hot potato when I figure out what they are. I’m catching on faster and faster with all your help HG. 💕
Its awesome to be a few steps ahead of them...no curveballs
I called my ex out many times, called him weird and toxic. Yeah, he hates me now...go me. 😁🤷🏼♀️
So no matter what, you WILL be devalued, regardless of what you do or how you play it. Acceptance of it occuring and flight out of the relationship is the only resolution
Yes bc they can only look at relationships this way.
Omg. Thank you, HG. The devaluation started on the 29th of Jan 2016, the day of our wedding. That was the first time he gave me a silent treatment and spent the night drinking with his brother instead of me, his new wife. He also shoved me aside very roughly when I tried to talk to him, while I was holding our two month old baby. I spent that night alone and crying....I was so confused and have always tried to understand what I did wrong. Thank you for explaining it
14:47. “If we think you have figured us out or what we are”
I thought Narcissists don’t know they are narcissists?
@@jessncin1586 The lesser Narc might be unaware that he’s a narc. However, they KNOW they’re playing a toxic game and become aware you’ve figured them out.
After months/ almost 2 years of insults and emotional abuse I started responding:” if I am so awful why do you stay? What does this say about you to stay in a relationship with someone so wrong?” And he would just stop, stare and finally say: “ I do not even know why I love you”. Guess what he meant was “ I do not know what’s love”
Yep. That's because love had absolutely nothing to do with why a narcissist was with you in the first place. When I was at the point of being devalued and ready to kick the narc to the curb, I asked him why he had bothered to marry me in the first place. He just sat there with a blank look on his face and actually seemed speechless. That dumbass approached me the next day, as if he needed time to think about my question and said that he had married me because I "took all his hurt and pain away". WTF? I just looked at him like the nutcase he was and told him that he was a pathetic fool. Two years with that crazy-maker and the divorced has long been finalized!
He stays because he likes to hurt people... The real question is why you've stayed in this hurtful relationship?
D A That’s a good response, actually.
@@mysticme777 please don't blame the victim. That sounds like something my narc would say to me
@@mysticme777 NARCS DO THIS FOR FULFILLMENT. IT IS THEIR WAY OF CONTROLLING AN OUT OF CONTROL WORLD. THEY NEED OTHERS TO BUILD THEMSELVES UP TO SURVIVE. DRAMA IS AN ADDICTION. THE MIND GAMES ARE EXCITING TO THEM. PITTING PEOPLE AGAINST EACH OTHER TO FIND OUT THEIR WEAKNESSES, TO GAIN MORE CONTROL. A VICIOUS CYCLE OF USE AND ABUSE. WHEN NO LONGER VALUABLE, YOU ARE THROWN AWAY.
I got sick. I was ill for 3.5 months. I had no fuel at all. The tap ran dry. I also started asking too many questions.
I was disobedient then ghosted the Narc. right at 6 mo. Now practicing total NC! Blocked all over.😅😀♥️
GHOSTED. GOOD WORD.
My devaluation started 2 hours after I was married
Total Control Effect.
Wow😯
I hope your getting help and your ok 😪😪
I called him out all the time. It sent him in to blind rages. I am a human lie detector. I told him once that he hated me because I gave him too much control and why would anyone allow him to treat them so horribly, if they were a good person? He hated me for figuring him out. He is a hateful man.
You mean people who are allowing narcissist to treat them horribly are bad people? I am puzzled.🤔 could you clarify please?
@@real_hello_kitty she means herself. In the sentence.
YOU WERE A GOOD PERSON, WHICH IS WHY YOU GAVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. THAT IS WHAT THEY FEED OFF, YOUR GULLIBILITY AND AREAS THEY PERCEIVE AS WEAKNESSES.
It amazes me, the stamina these narc have, hek this is so so tiring
For you, yes, for us, no.
I completely agree. It’s relentless. I’ve seen it action & thankfully it was a family member not a partner. That type of need for fuel will make a person ill. It’s already done it to one member of my family, they have no idea that it’s that that’s made them ill. The other one is heading in the same direction. Don’t get me wrong I work & play hard but this is another level. Makes me feel lazy!😄
@@hgtudor-theultra wow so crazy
@@torhockers1482 Yes it's totally exhausting cause they don't give up. I've had several experiences with Narcissists as an empath. A friend I'd known for years revealed herself as a narc. Everything went pretty well for years til her children left and she left her husband and she no longer had her usual primary sources to devalue regularly.
I believe I then became her primary person, and that is when the s _ _ _ hit the fan. She ghosted with excuses. She began to pull crap so inconsistent with who I'd known her to be for years. I called her on it and you would think I'd committed a crime. All H _ _ _ broke loose. A devaluation period began, with behaviors so inconsistent with her 7 years of total friendship, and when I saw it I asked for NC.
She increasingly sent letter with fake apologies taking no responsibility for her behavior and no statements of what she would change. I set boundaries that she agreed to and never respected. The more I asserted my rights, the more she lashed back and insane behavior occurred. It was insanity. I stopped the relationship and she won't give up. Hoover after hoover and she's still convinced she''ll get me back.
She's moved in with a disabled friend whom she'd been trying to get into her home for Years due to location etc. She may never move out, but now she's got the friend in the love bombing stage.
Gabi Golding I totally agree and was about to write a similar comment! I never cease to be amazed at highly narcissistic people's energy, including HG Tudors. However, it did catch up with many I've known, or will catch up with others, due to their excessive drinking and/or use of other drugs, or other factors.
I don't gain satisfaction from this though, as many were or are family members. I find it extremely sad that narcissism even exists and so wish that it wasn't real! They say to be careful what you wish for, yet this definitely isn't going anywhere and it's just a saying anyway. 😥
My boyfriend consistently projected his devaluation of self, onto me. And I still had compassion for him. I am beginning to see the connections. Thanks HG.
We are being devalued from the moment you say "hello" and begin your barrage of lies and manipulations. It just varies in intensity.
Will always love that you don’t sugar coat.
Monday I'll make you fall apart, Tuesday Wednesday I'll tear you apart, Thursday I'll blame you for tearing us apart, it's Friday where's your love? (The Cure: Remastered).
Excellently said
Agreed
This hurts. I became “stale” to my abuser just two weeks after we moved in together. 😔
It hurts deeply and confusing too.
Hey yes it does hurt .I didn’t realise I was devalued either two months before he moved it.things will become clearer .hang on in there x
Watch greta beresaite so it doesnt happen again. Hugs!
@ianthe' / Tay you look pretty.
@ianthe' / Tay What a cowardly, bullying, non-man. So sorry you went through that.
Thankyou H.G Tudor for providing so many of us with the closure we would otherwise never get. This is such important work ! I have been suicidal over my ex partner's off the wall behaviour, but now I understand. I actually think you may be saving many lives giving us access to this information. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart ! 🖤🖤✌
You are welcome.
@@hgtudor-theultra knowing all the hurtings narcissits do in others, why you continue describing you as a narcissist?
@@martag6322 who better to tell us about the mind of a narcissist than a narcissist. Otherwise it would be a none narcissist guessing how they operate.
@@martag6322 Because he is a narcissist.
@@martag6322 read the description love. He's an Ultra Narcissist and this is his legacy he's leaving.
Like a faucet. Hot one minute. Cold the next. And completely off for the majority.
The ex must have been bored pretty immediately. I couldn't figure out why this guy was always hobby chasing. Golf. Back packing. Camp equipment. Back to golf. Guitars. The incessant guitars n gears...never enough. God it exhausts me even thinking back. I was a fool bending to his every mood. Every whim. Every need. I feel so sorry for the new supply n what she's dealing w. Such confusion. Then those bits of respite where youre like oh thank God he's feeling better. Then bam! Confusion that it's us scurrying around to fix it.
Thank you HG. Uve been a life saver helping me recover over this conundrum of whoever this exe is.
I was married to a LIE.
NICE THEN MEAN. TRUTH AND LIES. HERE'S THE ROLLERCOASTER RIDE OF EMOTIONS THEY ENJOY AND FEED OFF.
When he began to devalue me (in the stranger zone) because i threatened his control... He tried to give me the silent treatment that i gave it back to him, then triangulation with others without any reaction from me... After all of that i escaped him thx to your informative videos... Goso... Thx HG 💖
So many narcissists controlling their rotten mothers, (even female narcs), via their supplies. They learned from mommie dearest love hurts and trust no one. Their karma is in playing this out over and over. Feel sorry for them but at a distance they cannot span to hurt you.
Like Lucifer the narcissist must be number one. They want to be worshiped.
Se don’t fight against flesh and blood
I cried my eyes out for 15 years just thinking he'd fallen out of love with me and didn't realize I was picking up on this. Divorcing me and trying to come back and devaluing me was never even anything I could control. WTF
Such a horrible and confusing experience, never again
If I exercise, He loves me. If I join a running group and I'm having fun, He hates me and ruins the experience.
Joining a group is a loss of control
Best gift that Narc ever gave me. Just walk away, thank God you can now live a normal life.
What a sickening game
It's like the lottery. Once you decide to stop playing, you win 3 or 4 numbers and get a few hundred rands. Hope is renewed and the lottery devalues you again. Not even 1 number, which doesn't win you anything, comes up. You think if I can put more effort and play more lines maybe I will increase my chances. At least with the lottery you might actually win, with the narcissist winning is GOSO. You've said it over and over Sir Tudor, emotional thinking is an enemy. Thanks once again Sir.
What is goso?
It’s funny, they make us betting on them. Isn’t that funny? True love ❤️ is not a bet, it’s something we feel. True love ❤️ doesn’t require betting at all. It’s continuing give and take. Yet we keep on betting. Whose fault is that?
😂😂😂😂
@@real_hello_kitty
Get out and stay out.
@@real_hello_kitty THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN LOVE.
“One day you can be the cock of the walk, the next day, you’re a feather duster”. 🤣😂😅
HG-You Have A Way with words-As You Well Know 🏆
Just the closure needed. This was excellent. Thanks a mil HG.💐
THAT'S THE WORD! DONE!
It’s so useful to know how other people think 🤔. It’s so easy to assume everyone thinks the same . Thank you for sharing this information.
I have been saying that seeing her less often assures I am treated better. I am now secondary source. So sounds like this is actually true.
I got the MOST HONESTY out of my Narcissistic Best Friend, whom I went off on, because of the devaluation.. He said he really likes me a lot BUT DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
I know he LOVES the FUEL
AND CHARACTER TRAITS I provide for him, being a Super Empath
and wants desperately to keep ME close. He moves 1600 miles for me and has no other real friends or Primary Fuel Supply here. Thank you HG Tudor for another eye opening video. Your AMAZING, but YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. 😂😂😂😘😘😘
@Jodie Landis Amazing??!! I am sure that you can find a more superior adjective with which to compliment The Ultra. 🙂
HG, my new treadmill buddy, you are giving me an epiphany a minute. I did know that one past boyfriend was definitely a narc, but now it’s become plain to me that most of my past boyfriends certainly have tendencies in the narc direction, if not the full blown personality disorder. Thanks for opening my eyes.
Good work, now increase the speed and the incline, feel the burrrrnnnn!
Once that guy started with the love bombing, lawd... HG and that awesome voice came in loud n clear on my brain intercom:"Leia, he is a narc, proceed accordingly" thank you for the hidden ammo supply HG..
I've got a terrible problem where I listen to these things and think I'm a narcissist, then I realise I'm an extreme introvert who only wants 2 friends and needs lots of time alone and hates attention lol. I'm just paranoid 😂
You hate attention?You definitely aren't a narcissist.These fools love attention 24/7 it's ridiculous but they want it on their time though 🙄
Wow! This podcast has really struck a chord with me, and has made sense of past behaviours of my ex. Thank you, HG. You are an exceptional man for giving us your expertise on the different types of narcissism.
That is so true, the night of the wedding is the start of the devaluation. Stunned revelation. Just so stunned by all the evidence that is accurate and true.
Thank you Hg Tudor for healping us anderstand ❤
I was a primary source for a couple of months. The devaluation started surprisingly early according to your description (1,5 months), i think due to the threat of losing control.
I felt from the beginning that something is amiss and i recognised the control games and defied, arguably succesfully, since 3 months in dissengagement has started :D
Fine China on Saturday night and Copper Penny Sunday morning. Thank you H.G. Have been able to maintain no contact legit thanks to you and begin to understand myself and this person.Honestly Thank You 🙏
Really valuable data, thank you. This has helped me process a recent situation with a 'returning childhood sweetheart' narcissistic hoover that escaped my usually sharp sensors because I didn't remember him as a narcissist when we were teenagers. He pulled off a swift and intense idealization that was followed by a sudden 'cool off' that I didn't understand. I was initially hurt and confused, until I realized I had likely been ensnared by a narcissist who in one moment, was determined to secure me as a primary source, but then clearly changed his mind a couple of weeks later. I suspect the reasoning is that a more local supply source appeared: we live across the country from one another. I'm also not a good candidate for long term control, as I was the one to end things years ago, and am---I believe---the saviour super/standard subtype of empath. Once I realized what happened, I sent him a pointed, but not angry, assessment of his behaviour that he responded to with extreme defensiveness as well as rather vicious gaslighting and reversals. To him, nothing was his fault, and the state I was in (as a direct result of his hard work and machinations to get me into that state lol) was entirely of my own making. It appears I secured a significant narcissistic wound. That was the absolute proof I needed of what he is. He is now implementing what appears to be a corrective devaluation to my threat to control in the form of a silent treatment: I suspect he believes he will 'wait out' my anger until I am more amenable again. He's some form of mid-ranger (I don't know the subtype as I dont have enough data about him), so he won't know why he is doing all of this. It feels a bit weird to know more than they do: it's kind of a reversal of the usual state of things lol. I credit you, HG, for providing these insights, so I can once again feel like I have autonomy in the situation and over my feelings.
Yep it started on the wedding night and honey moon.
Wow, what a great video. This clears up my confusion about marriage. Thank you
This is textbook stuff that is invaluable information
Splitting and when they are dealing with you. They aren't dealing with the person in front of them but the introject or mental snapshot and as you grow you will change from the picture in their head and the traits given to that picture which is a skewed view of you. The narcissist can only idealize you for so long (it helps them idealize theirselves- coidealization). Then it takes to much energy and they can't idealize you. Then your devalued because tge real you deviated from their internal picture. They are easily bored. They only experience negativity feeling and they mimic happiness. The get bored like eating vanilla ice cream for a month. But if they devalue you they devalue themselves untill they come up with a story of how you fooled them.
This happened to me in my last relationship. These videos are helpful
NOTHIG LIKE TELLING THE WORLD THAT THEY "KNOW HOW TO HANDLE YOU!"
Most helpful! As a consequence of this information, I no longer think Prince Harry is Megan's primary source. I think "royalness" or the British public and indeed British culture were supposed to be her supply so now, for the reasons you have elucidated, she is devaluing all those things frenetic ally. I think Harry is just the switch on her Hoover. So he retains his value to her. Unless of course he sees through her or balks at his Hoover switch role. However he was so manipulated by his own mother (sorry!) that it is very unlikely he will. The Royal Family are correct to play dead or go grey.
Lining these up with understanding a parent.... could never measure up, never quite pleasing.
To the narc who created zero, thanks for nothing. I learned something and more.
I CANT BELIEVE IT! THOSE WERE MY EXACT WORDS! THANKS FOR NOTHING!
A better perspective,once you get some clarity,is to realize how truly unworthy they are of you,I don't mean this is an egotistical sense as in a logical.view!
How do n the world did I last that long in this insanity. I will never know.
The 6th reason: THEY ARE FOOLS.
My narcissistic sister has only devalued me for decades. I'm a hopeless loser because I'm not like her. She's a successful corporate executive, has a large salary, lives in a fancy house and drives a fancy car. You have to have all this for her to approve of you. Because I live a low key life and don't have fabulous wealth like most people, she has passed omnipotent God-like judgement that I am a failure at life. I know she's wrong and has a personality disorder. So I've cut her out of my life. Best decision I ever made.
That happened after 2 weeks. I questioned him about why I couldn't contact him and I was always suspicious about his ' friends'.
The devaluation started with his “proposal“ of marriage. “My parents are pressuring me to marry. But don’t think there will be any commitment. If I find someone better, I’ll end it. “. Apparently, I didn’t deserve a golden period.
Who’d want that kind of raw deal from the idiot?
PUNISHMENT JUSTIFIED BECAUSE THEY ARE IN FULL CONTROL.
That's me. Non intimate source. On the devalued bus. When I caught on, I was devalued big time. Since it's a family member with strings attached I'm very reluctant in spite of the strings.
I went on a Trip with ex narc with hope of him seeing me who I have grown into. ,But he just said I was desperate and then turn something I said to say I am I am a f___kin bitch .
Why deranged people do what they do? 🤔
Love the content and love your resonant voice.
So the only way we can avoid devaluation is by never revealing how we feel completely and by ignoring the attempts. Also retaliation if it is subtle, works very well to level the playing field.
1st comment!!! Keep it up, HG!!!
👊
Actually 2nd, unlucky Cav
@@mrsmallpinky9041
😅😅😅
Life with the Narc sounds so miserable I doubt it is worth the Golden period.
Why then 26 yrs later??????? So your saying that because I figured out that he was really driving me crazy and I started holding him accountable yet still loved him unconditionally, he just walked away from us (his family) and tried to totally erase our existence (wife, our 6 kid's & 21 grandkids)??????
WE HAD IT ALL, YET HE WALKED AWAY BECAUSE I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM. HAVING MULTIPLE FLINGS ALL THE TIME OUR WHOLE MARRIAGE.
This is your best*** video 🎯🎯🎯.
He makes this whilst I am pregnant and obviously fatigued and not having energy, no contact as much as possible but now I can't even apply it 💯 as I need help and is his daughter. Fuck, it's draining me to an extent I don't even answer the phone or let him talk to me... and that's even more triggering to him, ...what a sickening situation, hoping to have my baby and run!
Best of luck to you Bruh.
Concentrate on having your baby, getting some strength back - and then run. Plan it out, hang on to it, and do it. Things will get better.
🏃♀️ as fast as you can for yours & your baby 👶 sake 😪
Sorry for the duplication--I wasn't sure the first comment was sent.
Enlightening. Exhausted remembering the crazy making confusion. Insanity, and cruelty. Makes me so happy I dumped them all. Wasting less time with the next and the next. I usually felt scared though when they got CRAZY angry and I'd wonder for my life....Yikes! That did not get me back cause I do not like Scary. So, lucky they triggered the thing that keeps me safe. FEAR! LOL! Too bad they all weren't scary from the beginning....Could have saved a lot of devaluing me to keep me trying to prove my love and commitment, and mostly that they can trust ME, not like the others, or whatever their issues would be. The British one was like the worst roller coaster....like having many multiple personalities with each alcoholic beverage. And he had many many of them. That was a mind and heart bender....I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!...Then, Do you remember yesterday? NO! and No, Every time. The drunk was funner and waaaay more lovey, but stressful out of control. Thank you!
Omg omg omg, it's like listening to an audiobook of my life. He discarded me and I guess we are finished. Even though I basically begged he shows no interest in seeing me. I finally saw him in person last night and it feels like that's what I needed to let go. He is seeing someone new it seems in a more formal way than with me, I guess he has found what he needs. I wonder if a Hoover is going to happen eventually?
I'm so 😊 happy just to get away and understand narcissistic personality disorder it's an interesting subject my past is my past. If it wasn't the narcissist it would have been something else I never realised we where in competition I just felt sorry for her really every time.i said I was going to leave she would start shriking or I would get a preventive hoover telling me she had collapsed and was in hospital but I'm free now and looking forward to the future narc free.
My ex narc use to call me a bitch every time we fight this use to hurt me to the core 10 months into the relationship I learnt about the narc disorder so I ddnt get upset anymore where he swore at me, I just ddnt react, when he used silent treatment I'll stay silence as well I guess he got tired cause he saw I was onto him he said he's leaving cos I know no longer take him seriously, I said okay then got to my car drove to my cousin cos the way he was calm I knew he was going to beat me up, I came back two days after and he was gone and he inserted match stick on the keyhole so I cudnt get to my apartment. It's been a week of no contact, I hope he doesn't come back
Has he been back?
Very helpful! This episode has shifted my perception of Prince Harry. I don't think that he's Meghan's Primary Source as a consequence.
I think "royalness" or the British public or even the British culture were supposed to be her primary sources of supply and for the reasons that you have elucidated so clearly, she is devaluing all of them frenetically.
Harry is merely the switch on her Hoover.
This might keep him safe....unless he starts to balk at his role, which he probably is too damaged by (excuse me) the manipulations of his mother during his childhood o ever do.
I have experienced the chocolate cake devaluation freakout! I was thinking what the f... is going on here It's just a cake! He seemed shocked, caught unawares, here I am making a cake. Only a narcissist could turn that into something you were plotting against them 😅. Thank you HG it is all clear to me now with your perfect example
LOL.
very helpful
So the dirty little secret got the most of the benefits, i.e, excitement, fun, good sex, gifts for a very long time while the intimate partner got awful treatments. They should wear sign like FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY or FOR RENT, NOT FOR SALE :)
The Narcs I know dish it out but when you answer back or confront they get nasty and angry and then run off they seem to hate Facing you and send a substitute if you have to speak again. Markle never puts her signature and uses secondary individuals to do her bidding therefore comes across as a complete pathetic coward
Yes. yes. yes. And not knowing about the NPD this is very confusing - the extraordinary asymmetry of their behaviour causes you to really question your own perception.
Bullseye HG. The devaluation began the day of our marriage at the start of our honeymoon.
Me too. Loads of people here also state it happened the day of their marriage! These videos and comments have been so helpful in understanding my painful roller coaster of a life with my my now ex-husband. If I knew then what I know now is a phrase that comes to mind.
It was easy to see how my ex was made.Mother wanted a boy so much,she kept having girls and didn't stop until the golden boy arrived.An entire household of women,he was smothered with attention.He was charismatic and older than me.I followed my heart and refused to listen to my gut instinct.I paid the price and learned a valuable lesson..Eventually maternity loomed and I vividly remember him turning up and making a huge entrance in the private clinic
Armed with champagne and roses he loudly announced to all, he had a boy.The specialist came rushing over and stopped him,with you have a beautiful baby girl.He threw the roses away and left.There is cruel and there is Cruel and he was s fine
But if everyone just has no contact with the narcissists, where are the narcissists to go? What are they to do? They are also ppl.
Thanks!
What happens when u add drugs to a narcissist? I swear I have the one man that you wouldn't be able to figure out!!!
PARANOIA AND AMNESIA.
I got my devaluation at 10 month mark
The reason the devaluation happens is because you become stale. You were so terrified that you were going to be left alone by yourself that you have to provoke your victim into proving to you that she’s not gonna leave you so there don’t make castles out of send.
Let Me Challenge You HG Tudor;
My EX-Narcissist New Primary Source Has 3 Out Of 5 Reason of Disengagement.
1. Major Exposure
2. Major Wounding
3. Hard To Control
(But Yet and Still, The Narcissist is Still with His New IPPS.)
But Why?
I only miss the little conveniences he afforded me lol 😂
Are narcissists born or do they develop over time? If they develop, what causes narcissism? Do narcissists find any joy in life or do they just move from birth to death manipulating others? Are they lonely or does the emptiness inside preclude loneliness? I have known two narcissists in my lifetime. One male (for 6 years). Without knowing he was a narcissist at the time, I used the non contact distancing to escape. The other was a female and I distanced myself from her when she wanted me to break up her brother’s marriage because she did not like her sister-in-law. I have often wondered what became of these two individuals. Not enough to contact either, though. Any musings?
Thank you Mr. Tudor for your helpful explanations for narcissist’s behavior, Mindfuckery.
You are most welcome.
How can one move from being the primary source to secondary or tertiary while still being in the relationship
My ex gf used to slap me across the face for minor infringements. She stopped when I slapped her back. Fast forward 8 years and following my dumping by all my pro-EU, woke friends in the wake of brexit, she dropped me for a 21 year old fuckboy she met on tinder. My depression wasn't worth supporting me through, despite the shite she wrote in those dozens and dozens of love letters...
I hate her.
@HG TUDOR
9:06 9:19 11:13 18:30 21:06
A lot of this sounds like woo to me, but I can’t say I’m an expert.
One minute your fine the next your an enemy one minute your close the next your almost strangers
One minute your her Brad Pitt the next your her Meatloaf,
I always know when I get devalued she will come bk but then I know I’m not the problem
She’s honestly fucked me & I’m scared to get close to anyone again she’s made me avoidant n I was secure, these people break people. Stay away
Isn't disengagement in the format of absent silent treatment sometimes used as a form of devaluation?
Excellent!!! Here is a little fuel for you a crumb lol
I was tired of the emotional and mental abuse by narcissist who you going to take it out on now.
Have many questions, based on a toxic two year relationship that has kept me away from dating for 6 years. Do you speak or email followers?
May I suggest you go back and listen to all the videos and make notes. It's very helpful. I wish you well. It took me almost 10 years to get out.
@@AK.kje11 Thank you. 🙏🇨🇦
Not to over simplify but it almost seems as if most real narcs are Gemini. For me it's my best friend (36yrs) and my wife (21yrs) both Gemini then there's Kanye and Trump who are also Gemini's. What is your zodiac sign HD? One would have to admit that this form for switching back and forth is also quite Gemini in character.
The narcissists I've encountered are Taurus,Leo and Cancer.
They come under every sign