It's not that simple. Yes, it has a lot to do with the insecurities of the man. But a strong woman can help her husband work through his insecurities. A weak woman makes a cheating episode by her husband all about her own pity party.
@@anglophils645 while your suggestion sounds nice & all... I don't agree. No matter how much you build him up, it doesn't really make a difference. While eating his favourite cereal day after day.... Eventually it's get boring & monotonous. Men get excited about variety of women. Different scent, different look, size, ect... It's about as simple as that.
@@anglophils645 i always acknowledged him, and built him up, but all it did was give him a big head; he thought he was so great and started taking me for granted and started thinking he can get any woman he wants
I was married for 33yrs.together for 35. Looking back there were signs and the degree of disrespect sickens and shakes me. He died in December2021. His phone revealed everything I felt. My entire marriage is completely tarnished. When I was digging for answers I started calling his friends and people from his job. My husband forman revealed that my husband was given the okay to come in to work and leave work when ever he wanted. That's when I knew he was cheating. I went numb and was filled with so much pain. He worked for a construction company. That is never allowed because every cent is tied up in a budget. In the following weeks of planning his funeral I discovered more sick deceit. I'm filled with hate! I've never felt before. Its one thing I completely get it was his choice but when there's a group of people that lit the flame to open the door to an affair with one of there employees and now won't talk to me.Everyday I have to pray really hard to keep my sanity!!!
I just want to say I'm so sorry for you. I heard another story today, on Oprah, about a woman finding out about extreme infidelity after death. The fact that you cannot confront the man has got to be incredibly frustrating.
So sorry for your pain. Wish I had the words to make it all go away. I suggest you see a counselor or therapist to guide you thru this. I was in a marriage same amount of time as you. 3 years after our separation things were revealed to me that rocked my world. I left my ex becuz I knew he was up to no good. But I wasn't ready to face it. I truly Loved my husband ,but I had to chose me and my sanity . When all the truth came out. I nearly had a nervous breakdown. All about my ex had come out. My Dr. Suggested counciling. Let me tell you it truly helped. Your pain is your pain. And you need to find what helps you heal and enjoy the rest of you life. You are worth it. Self Care a must . Sending prayers.
i wouldn't continue either. isn't it gaslighting to say after the fact or even the temptation and then blaming the other person it's you. i don't believe in cheating - i'd just tell the person its over and then start a new relationship when i feel like it separately. it is a choice in my opinion. you choose your own behavior, why in this instance is there a laundry list of excuses, i don't think its explaining helpful info. you either morally are ok w cheating and hope you can hoodwink your way thru it by keeping your stuff, or you just don't believe in it and behave like a grown up. terrible, i'd never let a cheater talk to me again clearly. just my opinion & how i conduct myself.
I have a friend who admitted to me he had cheated on his wife. I told him he’s lucky he’s not my partner because I would have handed him his wiener! Haha!
Thats 100% right what the woman in the audience said. Marriages have ups and downs, and thats normal. If your spouse is going to have an affair in the down time it says a lot more about them, their loyalty and their values, than you. And yes, affairs also happen when a marriage is happy. Not only is the spouse who was cheated on left heartbroken, but is according to this show, now also being blamed for the cheating occurring! Definitely not reasonable.
That woman in the audiance who said they were being too nice, is soooo right!! Why do they, even thenn, blame the women??? Sooooo I did not applaud what you did at work every week, so you were looking (or found) that in someone else? So now it is justified? She is so right about the mutual respect in a relationship. Even if you go through hard times together (which is completely normal) you can’t step out on the marriage because first and foremost, you RESPECT eachother and your marriage. Why don’t the man applaud the women for everything they do? Can women use that as an excuse too to cheat??
Agreed. She is bang on. you don't go there . People CHOOSE to cheat.. nobody pushes them to do it. Its about being a grown up and being mature enough to honor wedding vows.
Yaaaasss! Agree with both of you. It's a "choice" to cheat or to not cheat. It's too bad that cheaters don't marry each other & leave the honorable people out of the equation. Don't make a Vow if you're unable to keep it.
My husband didn't appreciate me and yet I never strayed. It's a choice because we all have free will. No one put a gun to her head, no one put a gun to his head. They know it's wrong, painful, would end their marriage potentially and yet they do it.
Y'all think you go through so much when you don't even raise your own children. Y'all are working a job that you had when you gave your man everything he needed. The problem is women think they can make men believe and behave like them.
Am I the only one who thinks Aubrey’s husband is on a trip with another woman while he’s feeding his wife bs. The way she is so hesitant to answer anything out right makes me think she knows the truth too. She looks like she is hurting bad.
It's the cheater's fault. It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman a cheater cheats because they want to cheat. They don't care who they hurt and they know they can get away with it.
That's why they deny it when confronted...they got caught, they will keep doing forever if not caught ,its a choice shame on them!And I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY ITS A MISTAKE!
Why would we try to work hard not to make a partner cheat? I should not enter each day with my mate thinking, What can I do today to make sure he doesn't stray? No! The only person I am dedicated to work on throughout my life is myself (I don't have children) You have to be a fool to wake up everyday wondering how to make someone else happy and forget about yourself. Bet I don't!
@@woromad no, it’s a choice to not be a drain but you cannot make another person happy or loyal, my ex’s betrayal didn’t hurt so much because I didn’t make him my life or identity
First, you cannot make someone happy. And this has to be a mutual thing, this working on the relationship. If only one person in the relationship is working on it, it ain't going to work no matter how hard that person tries.
I do not believe it's possible to "Affair-Proof Your Marriage" unless you have an open marriage. However, it's important to find a way in which two partners can communicate effectively to get to the root of the problem(s).
It amazes me how different it was years before on commenting and reacting to a tv show -by leaving a voice mail. Now, we can comment here so easily. I remember watching Oprah when I was in high school and some episodes would really make me so angry or so sad, I would just write on my diary.
The way this information is presented feels wrong. It shouldn't be "here's what you can do to prevent him from cheating", but rather, "here's how the cheating partner can learn how to effectively communicate their needs so that it never gets to cheating". Sure, there are things every person can do to be a better spouse, but I don't think the onus should be on anybody to read minds and preemptively try to appease another person.
Also the way they mocked that woman for making appreciation out to be something incredibly tedious... that was wrong. They mocked her for making appreciation seem like a job... but IT IS. It is extra work to do in your marriage. And, if a woman is having to add appreciation to her marriage in hopes that her husband doesn't cheat, that is her having to do more than 50% of the emotional labor in the relationship. Like, NO. If a man is feeling underappreciated, he needs to learn to vocalize it. Then, and only then, the emotional labor can be considered more evenly split.
A ‘friend’ meaning he wants to keep her around, he has positive thoughts about her & their relationship. She’s not a friend she’s a destructive enemy to their marriage, family.
Cannot believe how much, we as a society, can justify people cheating and speak about how it can be a good thing for your relationship long term. The person doing the cheating can also be aware and honest about disconnection, ensure proper boundaries with third parties etc. cheaters need to be held more accountable for their choices... from someone who was cheated on and bought the narrative that it could be a great wake up call instead of seeing the poor choices made one after another by my husband to destroy our marriage...
No it not a good thing to cheat, but you have a choice to leave or stay with your husband. If you stay and work past it can make your relationship stronger in some cases. It's going to be a long road to recovery.
@@stardustring unfortunately I didn't get a choice. My husband cheated and left. I bought into the dialogue that it could make our relationship stronger and spent 18mths trying to get him to see what he was giving up abc what it could be... didn't work at all... 4 yrs on - divorced...
Opera, also talk about narcissist, they are cheaters who will blame game to make victims feel guilty. Let them understand the signs and how to stop being manipulated and have peace that was never about them. Narcissist is on the high rise not every one is a narcissist but they are cheaters who have a excuse on what the partner faults was to make it okay .
i know a girl who is married and got cheated on 7 times and still with him its crazy she forgives him all the time ...what do you all think? ...i cant get through to her
Usually low self esteem or neediness. Also some men will play a jedi mind trick like these jokers do that'll actually have you thinking it's your fault.
I can't even watch this. A bunch of grown, married adults acting like clueless 6 yr. olds. Actually, their behavior is an insult to some 6 yr. olds. This is not a new phenomenon - you know how to either deal with it, or don't.
Affair proof just tell the grown person that took their vows think about what you said do not play stupid as if you don't know right from wrong based on what you're doing and then just don't do it and if you do be prepared to face the consequences whatever that may be
Men cheat because they can. And you cannot affair proof your marriage if your husband lacks character. It's the cheaters fault he cheated, period. The comment that men cheat is because how the other woman makes them feel puts the blame on the wife. My guess is the wives aren't feeling very special either yet they aren't cheating. It's about making a choice. I've never known a cheating spouse and his mistress to give a second thought to how their actions will make the wife feel.
This is exactly how I feel. A person with character and decency would not carry an affair "because he/she was not heard/appreciated ". The reality is, selfishness and entitlement and not stopping to think how you are going to hurt your spouse allows that person to cheat and on top denied it. And then the cheater and the mistress blame the wife, SICK!
I came upon the family computer, to find my wife's account open; with a request form for the morning after pill..... She is now with my children's secondary school teacher?
After few try out and nothing works i decided to stay single for the rest of my life. Most of men cheat period and im love myself so much that i wont tolerate cheating. The best way is to learn to let go. Forgive forget. I have a say the shoe that i thow away i will never put it back.
I don't care for Gary. In everything he says, he is literally telling women what they need to do better. He's just trying to sound educated while he gaslights
It's 2022 today. I agree that positive reinforcement to everybody in your life is important. When we feel insecure in our intimate relationship it becomes so easy to become critical of everything else instead of the real problems. I am guilty of this. I think pre marital counseling should be mandatory. If you have suspicions I think counseling again, will immensely help both people if invested in trying to make it work. But this would be interesting to hear if these relationships worked out or not.
The woman that spoke at the end made sense. It is a choice. The expectation is that women are to do so much and do nothing or bare minimum and yet still blamed when they choose to disrespect their wives. BS
In our culture we have to deal with our in-laws, children, and daily chores of maintaining the house. In all these daily chaos women are expected to please their husbands. If they don't the husbands will go find comfort in another woman to feed their male egos. How unfair. How about the husbands giving their wives a hand in the daily chores of the house so that the wives feel appreciated and give back the love the husbands need. Marriage is both ways for surviving the relationship not just" pleasing the husband."
Yep! There is a reason woman often are not stroking their husband's ego all the time and spending their time pleasing them. A lot of woman work full time, do all the housework, cooking, laundry, and childcare. After all of that the last thing they want to do is praise their spouse for going to work when they are going to work plus everything else. The husband should take on their share of the chores. The best marriages I have seen is when all responsibilities are shared 50/50 but I don't know many marriages where that is actually the case as sad as that is.
Reason may tell me to stay on with a cheating man. It's my body that simply goes rigid and refuses to respond to a cheat. My skin crawls, I can't stand a cheat 🎉
So the woman is to blame when the husband has extramarital affairs? This is the biggest nonsense I´ve heard in a long time and a fantastic excuse for affairs for all men. The only person to blame is the wrongdoer - in this case the man! Men who have affairs need to get their butts kicked! I would leave this man and there would be no way to repair and resume this relationship. Once the trust is gone it´s beyond repair. This really is toxic advice! An intelligent woman will not follow these toxic rules.
Women do the EXACT! Same thing!. Then when caught its the same the same thing. Deny, deflect, omit details but when faced with the exposed sexts, deleted phone actions, history. Emails, messenger, burner phone/ pictures , hidden home camera, PI photos..... Then when caught Its not what it looks like, it isn't what you think, it didn't mean anything, then when that doesn't work it's the crocodile tears. I 'll go to IC,, let's go to Marriage to counseling, when that doesn't work then it's the gaslighting it's your fault" , my friends egged me on, I was drunk, I was lonely.. Yada yada yada.. Why didn't the woman want to go to counseling before? It's only after she got caught. She doesn't want the public image of being a sloot. Bottom Line? Who ever cheats needs to take accountability.
It’s 2023 and this show is awesome 👏 as I’am watching this my soon to be ex husband has been cheating and lying about it . Umm he’s always cheating and I should have never allowed him to come back after the first second third fourth and now fifth time . Umm yeah it’s over for me now . Any way thank u
I'm looking at the landscape of the audience and understand how and why the conversation is going the way it's going, I would love to see the landscape be a little more different looking then let's have the conversation how would you handle your cheating husband or wife I think the conversation would be way different and a lot more interesting for others in the audience to learn from at the end of the day the man is wrong he knows the difference from right and wrong and women like the woman said in the audience you stay within your marriage and you work it out or get a divorce if you can't afford to and if you feel like you have to stay for economical reasons for children or whatever I tell you what it's going to be very uncomfortable in that house
IN all honesty from the bottom of MY heart I think that as a man (or woman) if you don't get what you need in a relationship then you need to bring that up with your spouse and try to work it out! If your partner is shocked that you feel this way and yall try to work it out, then your partner still loves and respects you, and the fact you brought it up proves that you love and respect them. If your partner doesn't care and disregards how you feel, like it or not it's time to get a divorce because if you're not happy now then you will never be happy, and if they don't try to fix it with you then they DON'T care about your happiness and you should do what's best for you. It's never okay to cheat and there should be NO justification, because you knew it would hurt your partner yet you did it anyway and came home and lied to their face with a smile on yours. Of course your marriage isn't always gonna be sunshine and rainbows but there's just absolutely no justification and for trust to be rebuilt the person who betrayed that trust has to upfront admit to themselves and their partner that they chose to do it knowing full well what they were doing, otherwise he'll find another justification and come home and expect his wife to forgive him again, and she will and she'll continue to change herself until she's no longer who she once was, because she thinks it's something she did wrong. In no case is cheating right or justifiable. Period.
I hate when people are like. Oh, you’re giving them a break you’re being too nice or whatever. You can think that all you want but you’re not gonna be happy. Putting someone on the crucifix doesn’t fix this. It is important to find a solution that works for both people so they both can feel happy and energized to show up for the relationship.
I feel sorry for the guy who told his wife he needed affirmation, and she flat out told him, " I'm not wired that way to give you that". He needs to cut his losses, and move on. She's not willing to meet his needs.
No, marriage is very hard and no one is 24/7 saying "thank you love, I really appreciate that". That is what she meant "I am not wired like that". Who has the energy for that. How many times did he tell her: I appreciate all that you do? This is NO excuse for cheating.
@@ginasverige2570 Who said it was? If your needs are not being met in a relationship, remove yourself from it. Period! Everyone has a different love language, and if you're going to have a successful relationship, both parties need to know what the other's needs are, and be willing to oblige.
If men want to cheat let them cheat and go. Women are not the saviors of the relationships. If men want to be married they will not cheat and will stay married. If not work on your money situation and let them go.
"...you were a certain way when you were trying to get him" therein lies the problem ladies! Because we must not "try to get em" Its their job to try n win us. If theyre not up to winning us it means we're too easy & nice & their appreciation of their partner gets stymied. Man is the hunter & chaser and if you dont "let" him do that they end up feeling trapped Theyre also badly influenced by other men who resent "losing" their bro to "unreasonable" women. So looking back from my 69 years of grief that there has to be some type of collateral hubby needs to give his wife - he will do it again...
@@SaystheTruth3 😄Not 80 yet - we boomers grew up quicker in some ways..but I learnt too late about the underbelly of men and their conditioning ie double standards from their dads and character assasination from all dem mummykins ohhh dem mothers-in-law😨☻☹ well no woman is good enough for their boyzos👹And most of my & 3rd hubby's mates enjoyed watching us collapse, until hubby became a permanent "missing person" far away from family in a hostile region - being true to his family god of work & money..and talking of money there was zilch left, which is usually the end result of addiction But hey I still believe in true love & marriage - because I have seen the upside. For now Im enjoying true liberation with my silver hair, music - mostly rock - and not actually giving a crap as in Bob Dylan's song: It aint me babe💁💃😎
As a man i do feel uncomfortable with the notion that not being appreciated can make one cheat? why ot bring the isssue up with your wife? im not sold on the idea that i can choose to cheat over confronting the issue with my spous just a thought
Ms. Winfrey can you please start a News Chanel on your Own Network so people that look like us can have a real voice and address black issues honestly without fear of retribution.
The reason why men/women cheat is directly connected to sin nature. No matter how good a woman may be, the sin nature is mostly responsible for driving humans to go against their wishes. Only the fear of God can help prevent infidelity
I read an article on the internet that certain men have a protein called an Allelle. If a man does not have it, or has 1 Allelle, he will cheat irrespective of how supportive or how good his partner/wife happens to be.
@@toughflowers5088 I read this at the time when Tiger woods cheated on his wife. I was so curious to see as to why he did this and the article on Allelles popped up
Oprah plz plz plz have the cast if LAMH on like you did the Tyler Perry's The Haves and the haves not cast. I swear the ratings will break the records. Martell prolly would not show up. I really want to get to the bottom of Mel's head in the sand 5 years. How in the world could Martell keep this going for 5years. Plz do it!
I think that Oprah may have misunderstood the women from the audience. At the very least I think Oprah focused on the wrong part of her comment. Oprah focused on the part where the audience member said she couldn’t take on one more thing. To me, it seemed the women was saying that the cheater is responsible for the cheating. Bottom line. A lot of this episode seemed to focus on what the women could do to stop her partner from cheating. This audience member was trying to make the point that it should have been focusing on what the cheater should be doing/changing about themselves to NOT be a someone that cheats. She was even brought up how the husband in the audience was still justifying his own choice. He really wasn’t taking full accountability. I think that’s one of the many reasons his wife seemed at a loss as to what to do. Because she said so herself, looking back, she feels like she was doing all she could, and her husband cheated. The therapist brushed over that and told her that she needed to decide what she could do differently now. But that totally misses the point. It’s her husband that needs to do things differently, make different choices, if there is to be no more cheating. I’m not saying their marriage would be perfect, or that she isn’t accountable for any part of them having a happy relationship. But as far as his decision to lie, betray, and cheat on his wife, that was HIS choice. His wife holds no responsibility for his decision to step out on their marriage. And this therapist didn’t seem to be able to concede that to her, and you could tell that the wife felt that dissonance when he tried to get her to accept some of the accountability for her husband’s cheating.
No marriages needs Oprah. What marriages really needs is Jesus. He can keep any man or woman for cheating. Once you get to know the Lord Jesus you don't want to cheat any more. The love and respect for each other will grow deeper and deeper every day. And the fear of God will keep you both from cheating. Believe me I been there. It works. Pray for 0prah she needs Jesus too.
Maybe women (and men for that matter) should stop playing detectives. If they never find out about their spouses' affairs they'll be much happier - and there's a good chance their marriage will survive.
Q: WHAT IF YOU DIE TONIGHT? 💭 "And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books. The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works. Then Death and Hades were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire." (REVELATION 20:12-15) Today, while you are still alive and able, may you repent from your sins, believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that JESUS CHRIST is your Lord and Savior, so that through Him, your name will be written in the Book of Life. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." (JOHN 3:16-17)
You can be the perfect wife and if a man wants to cheat he will
It's not that simple. Yes, it has a lot to do with the insecurities of the man. But a strong woman can help her husband work through his insecurities. A weak woman makes a cheating episode by her husband all about her own pity party.
@@anglophils645 while your suggestion sounds nice & all... I don't agree. No matter how much you build him up, it doesn't really make a difference.
While eating his favourite cereal day after day.... Eventually it's get boring & monotonous. Men get excited about variety of women. Different scent, different look, size, ect... It's about as simple as that.
@@anglophils645 i always acknowledged him, and built him up, but all it did was give him a big head; he thought he was so great and started taking me for granted and started thinking he can get any woman he wants
Yes, it is that simple 👍
@@anglophils645 women are tired of being "strong" for a man. Be a strong man and take accountability. Simple.
I miss the Oprah show. God knows we need this kind of content now more than ever.
Me too! 💯👍🏼🤣
Look into "Allen Carr"
Moral of the story:
If you have a nagging gut feeling- LISTEN to it!
The time you start to feel that he is cheating , he already is .
Facts!
I was married for 33yrs.together for 35. Looking back there were signs and the degree of disrespect sickens and shakes me. He died in December2021. His phone revealed everything I felt. My entire marriage is completely tarnished. When I was digging for answers I started calling his friends and people from his job. My husband forman revealed that my husband was given the okay to come in to work and leave work when ever he wanted. That's when I knew he was cheating. I went numb and was filled with so much pain. He worked for a construction company. That is never allowed because every cent is tied up in a budget. In the following weeks of planning his funeral I discovered more sick deceit. I'm filled with hate! I've never felt before. Its one thing I completely get it was his choice but when there's a group of people that lit the flame to open the door to an affair with one of there employees and now won't talk to me.Everyday I have to pray really hard to keep my sanity!!!
I just want to say I'm so sorry for you.
I heard another story today, on Oprah, about a woman finding out about extreme infidelity after death. The fact that you cannot confront the man has got to be incredibly frustrating.
So sorry for your pain.
Wish I had the words to make it all go away.
I suggest you see a counselor or therapist to guide you thru this.
I was in a marriage same amount of time as you. 3 years after our separation things were revealed to me that rocked my world.
I left my ex becuz I knew he was up to no good. But I wasn't ready to face it. I truly Loved my husband ,but I had to chose me and my sanity . When all the truth came out. I nearly had a nervous breakdown. All about my ex had come out.
My Dr. Suggested counciling. Let me tell you it truly helped.
Your pain is your pain.
And you need to find what helps you heal and enjoy the rest of you life. You are worth it. Self Care a must .
Sending prayers.
Ion know about none of this. If you cheat I'm out. I ain't wasting time staying where I'm not wanted.
i wouldn't continue either. isn't it gaslighting to say after the fact or even the temptation and then blaming the other person it's you. i don't believe in cheating - i'd just tell the person its over and then start a new relationship when i feel like it separately. it is a choice in my opinion. you choose your own behavior, why in this instance is there a laundry list of excuses, i don't think its explaining helpful info. you either morally are ok w cheating and hope you can hoodwink your way thru it by keeping your stuff, or you just don't believe in it and behave like a grown up. terrible, i'd never let a cheater talk to me again clearly. just my opinion & how i conduct myself.
@@romeoandjuliedotcom ALL OF THIS!!!!!
I have a friend who admitted to me he had cheated on his wife. I told him he’s lucky he’s not my partner because I would have handed him his wiener! Haha!
Thats 100% right what the woman in the audience said. Marriages have ups and downs, and thats normal. If your spouse is going to have an affair in the down time it says a lot more about them, their loyalty and their values, than you. And yes, affairs also happen when a marriage is happy. Not only is the spouse who was cheated on left heartbroken, but is according to this show, now also being blamed for the cheating occurring! Definitely not reasonable.
Amen!
You can appreciate the fu** out of him and he’ll STILL stray. 💯
exactly!!
They don’t want to take accountability and are finding a reason to justify it
Yes. They justify the behavior with whatever reason they can come up with. It's called COGNITIVE DISSONANCE.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@awomansstory.2019 Nailed it!!!
Yep!
That woman in the audiance who said they were being too nice, is soooo right!! Why do they, even thenn, blame the women??? Sooooo I did not applaud what you did at work every week, so you were looking (or found) that in someone else? So now it is justified? She is so right about the mutual respect in a relationship. Even if you go through hard times together (which is completely normal) you can’t step out on the marriage because first and foremost, you RESPECT eachother and your marriage. Why don’t the man applaud the women for everything they do? Can women use that as an excuse too to cheat??
Agreed. She is bang on. you don't go there . People CHOOSE to cheat.. nobody pushes them to do it. Its about being a grown up and being mature enough to honor wedding vows.
Yaaaasss! Agree with both of you. It's a "choice" to cheat or to not cheat. It's too bad that cheaters don't marry each other & leave the honorable people out of the equation. Don't make a Vow if you're unable to keep it.
Agreed I mean TF type of delusions are they drinking because I refuse to taste it.
My husband didn't appreciate me and yet I never strayed. It's a choice because we all have free will. No one put a gun to her head, no one put a gun to his head. They know it's wrong, painful, would end their marriage potentially and yet they do it.
Y'all think you go through so much when you don't even raise your own children. Y'all are working a job that you had when you gave your man everything he needed. The problem is women think they can make men believe and behave like them.
Am I the only one who thinks Aubrey’s husband is on a trip with another woman while he’s feeding his wife bs. The way she is so hesitant to answer anything out right makes me think she knows the truth too. She looks like she is hurting bad.
100%
Yes, that's the first thing I thought too, she's holding back saving face and he's been cheating and is cheating while she's at the show
My first thoughts too!!
Yup 💯
I said the SAME thing! At a hotel on a "business trip" . Yeah, right! 🙄
People tolerate so much disrespect and humiliation in a “relationship,” then wonder why their children grow up traumatized and disrespectful.
I tried to start a conversation, but my husband would not talk with me, he went into a room and locked the door. We are divorced now.
Seems you are better of without him.
It's the cheater's fault. It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman a cheater cheats because they want to cheat. They don't care who they hurt and they know they can get away with it.
That's why they deny it when confronted...they got caught, they will keep doing forever if not caught ,its a choice shame on them!And I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY ITS A MISTAKE!
Amen!
These men need God...if I was a woman no way I would stay
Why would we try to work hard not to make a partner cheat? I should not enter each day with my mate thinking, What can I do today to make sure he doesn't stray? No! The only person I am dedicated to work on throughout my life is myself (I don't have children) You have to be a fool to wake up everyday wondering how to make someone else happy and forget about yourself. Bet I don't!
On point!
Best comment iv read. Here here!
Would you agree that it is a good idea to "work hard" on your relationship thereby making your partner happy.
@@woromad no, it’s a choice to not be a drain but you cannot make another person happy or loyal, my ex’s betrayal didn’t hurt so much because I didn’t make him my life or identity
First, you cannot make someone happy. And this has to be a mutual thing, this working on the relationship. If only one person in the relationship is working on it, it ain't going to work no matter how hard that person tries.
Whatever the relationship with their wives, these men have cheated. Why on earth would anyone want a cheat in their home, let alone their bed? Ugh.
I do not believe it's possible to "Affair-Proof Your Marriage" unless you have an open marriage. However, it's important to find a way in which two partners can communicate effectively to get to the root of the problem(s).
I love that very first caller at the beginning of the show. YEP! She gets it.
As a woman, I believe this is true. How you make another person feel on a regular basis is very effective. Men and women.
It amazes me how different it was years before on commenting and reacting to a tv show -by leaving a voice mail. Now, we can comment here so easily. I remember watching Oprah when I was in high school and some episodes would really make me so angry or so sad, I would just write on my diary.
The way this information is presented feels wrong. It shouldn't be "here's what you can do to prevent him from cheating", but rather, "here's how the cheating partner can learn how to effectively communicate their needs so that it never gets to cheating". Sure, there are things every person can do to be a better spouse, but I don't think the onus should be on anybody to read minds and preemptively try to appease another person.
Also the way they mocked that woman for making appreciation out to be something incredibly tedious... that was wrong. They mocked her for making appreciation seem like a job... but IT IS. It is extra work to do in your marriage. And, if a woman is having to add appreciation to her marriage in hopes that her husband doesn't cheat, that is her having to do more than 50% of the emotional labor in the relationship. Like, NO. If a man is feeling underappreciated, he needs to learn to vocalize it. Then, and only then, the emotional labor can be considered more evenly split.
Either way unfortunately it really doesn't matter. At the end of the day,
A man will cheat simply because he can.
No, he should have stayed faithful in the 1st place. I don't care what he does. 😐
I love watching your shows. Present ones are more meaningful and related to our daily lives.
I’m suspicious of Brian’s future faithfulness because in the lie detector test he calls the other woman a “Friend”
yep. that would have been enough for me. wouldnt need a test.
A ‘friend’ meaning he wants to keep her around, he has positive thoughts about her & their relationship. She’s not a friend she’s a destructive enemy to their marriage, family.
Cannot believe how much, we as a society, can justify people cheating and speak about how it can be a good thing for your relationship long term. The person doing the cheating can also be aware and honest about disconnection, ensure proper boundaries with third parties etc. cheaters need to be held more accountable for their choices... from someone who was cheated on and bought the narrative that it could be a great wake up call instead of seeing the poor choices made one after another by my husband to destroy our marriage...
No it not a good thing to cheat, but you have a choice to leave or stay with your husband. If you stay and work past it can make your relationship stronger in some cases. It's going to be a long road to recovery.
@@stardustring unfortunately I didn't get a choice. My husband cheated and left. I bought into the dialogue that it could make our relationship stronger and spent 18mths trying to get him to see what he was giving up abc what it could be... didn't work at all... 4 yrs on - divorced...
Yesssssss people just applaud him coming out. Ridiculous oh she stayed she's strong. Come on
hmm, the caller lied about his age? my red flags are bigger for that guy now.
"have a seat, mark. I'm Chris hanson... "
Right?!
BS he studied and practiced how to stay calm during the lie detector test.
Or maybe took some valium or xanax lol
Nahh, I doubt he cheated on his wife.
Wtaf ? Are still we living in the 1900s ? Affair proof our marriages ?! Absolute bs !
Lol seriously!😂
Oxymoron of the Century!
Opera, also talk about narcissist, they are cheaters who will blame game to make victims feel guilty. Let them understand the signs and how to stop being manipulated and have peace that was never about them. Narcissist is on the high rise not every one is a narcissist but they are cheaters who have a excuse on what the partner faults was to make it okay .
i know a girl who is married and got cheated on 7 times and still with him its crazy she forgives him all the time ...what do you all think? ...i cant get through to her
I think this girl just has a dependency issue.
Usually low self esteem or neediness. Also some men will play a jedi mind trick like these jokers do that'll actually have you thinking it's your fault.
I can't even watch this. A bunch of grown, married adults acting like clueless 6 yr. olds. Actually, their behavior is an insult to some 6 yr. olds.
This is not a new phenomenon - you know how to either deal with it, or don't.
Affair proof just tell the grown person that took their vows think about what you said do not play stupid as if you don't know right from wrong based on what you're doing and then just don't do it and if you do be prepared to face the consequences whatever that may be
Men cheat because they can. And you cannot affair proof your marriage if your husband lacks character. It's the cheaters fault he cheated, period. The comment that men cheat is because how the other woman makes them feel puts the blame on the wife. My guess is the wives aren't feeling very special either yet they aren't cheating. It's about making a choice. I've never known a cheating spouse and his mistress to give a second thought to how their actions will make the wife feel.
One of few comments that made sense here.
This is exactly how I feel. A person with character and decency would not carry an affair "because he/she was not heard/appreciated ". The reality is, selfishness and entitlement and not stopping to think how you are going to hurt your spouse allows that person to cheat and on top denied it. And then the cheater and the mistress blame the wife, SICK!
I agree with the audience member.. its a choice!
100%. it is a choice. Be honest with your partner/spouse. Talk and fix or divorce. Cheating is a choice.
I came upon the family computer, to find my wife's account open; with a request form for the morning after pill..... She is now with my children's secondary school teacher?
😢😢
Are they really your children?
After few try out and nothing works i decided to stay single for the rest of my life. Most of men cheat period and im love myself so much that i wont tolerate cheating. The best way is to learn to let go. Forgive forget. I have a say the shoe that i thow away i will never put it back.
Being a cheater is a character flaw, period.
I don't care for Gary. In everything he says, he is literally telling women what they need to do better. He's just trying to sound educated while he gaslights
I was thinking the same thing The wives sitting there smiling. In pain.
I think the only way I could forgive cheating is if my bf was drunk and told me right away. That being said, Im not in a marriage with children.
It's 2022 today. I agree that positive reinforcement to everybody in your life is important. When we feel insecure in our intimate relationship it becomes so easy to become critical of everything else instead of the real problems. I am guilty of this. I think pre marital counseling should be mandatory. If you have suspicions I think counseling again, will immensely help both people if invested in trying to make it work. But this would be interesting to hear if these relationships worked out or not.
The woman that spoke at the end made sense. It is a choice. The expectation is that women are to do so much and do nothing or bare minimum and yet still blamed when they choose to disrespect their wives. BS
I love you Oprah! Thank you so much for making a channel...i need you!!! Born 09/16/1988 -Nicole Gomez(Rutherford)
Men theyre addicted to hsving their egos boosted. Wives get tired of this game
This is toxic advice!
In our culture we have to deal with our in-laws, children, and daily chores of maintaining the house. In all these daily chaos women are expected to please their husbands. If they don't the husbands will go find comfort in another woman to feed their male egos. How unfair. How about the husbands giving their wives a hand in the daily chores of the house so that the wives feel appreciated and give back the love the husbands need. Marriage is both ways for surviving the relationship not just" pleasing the husband."
Yep! There is a reason woman often are not stroking their husband's ego all the time and spending their time pleasing them. A lot of woman work full time, do all the housework, cooking, laundry, and childcare. After all of that the last thing they want to do is praise their spouse for going to work when they are going to work plus everything else. The husband should take on their share of the chores. The best marriages I have seen is when all responsibilities are shared 50/50 but I don't know many marriages where that is actually the case as sad as that is.
Lol it will never happen unfortunately.....
I love her hair and make up here.
Just 15 years of cybersex but he isn't addicted 😂😘😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
They asked him if he was addicted he said no....an alcoholic does know he's an alcoholic either ...no one picked up on that hmmm!
Your marriage and family should come first over work.
But it was an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR! You are a cheater BRIAN
Just become a widow, it sounds easier
This comment is super suspect. Lol.
😂🤣
She says she can't take on another thing, why is she taking on anything that she hadn't had before.
Reason may tell me to stay on with a cheating man. It's my body that simply goes rigid and refuses to respond to a cheat. My skin crawls, I can't stand a cheat 🎉
Me in a nut shell!
I'm so sorry, but if you need to ask your spouse to take a lie detector test, your marriage is already over.
❤❤❤thankyou for this conversation. My future is better than the past.
Oprah said SOU-ZAHN!!! Lmaoo poor Suzanne
Damn what he said about receiving is deep. 38:02
Buddys sorry he got caught.. i dont know how the pic came back, i thought i deletd it lol
People that go to man, will sadly realize too late, they should have gone to God for their answers.
It takes two to do the work.
So the woman is to blame when the husband has extramarital affairs? This is the biggest nonsense I´ve heard in a long time and a fantastic excuse for affairs for all men.
The only person to blame is the wrongdoer - in this case the man! Men who have affairs need to get their butts kicked! I would leave this man and there would be no way to repair and resume this relationship. Once the trust is gone it´s beyond repair.
This really is toxic advice! An intelligent woman will not follow these toxic rules.
Women do the EXACT! Same thing!. Then when caught its the same the same thing. Deny, deflect, omit details but when faced with the exposed sexts, deleted phone actions, history. Emails, messenger, burner phone/ pictures , hidden home camera, PI photos.....
Then when caught Its not what it looks like, it isn't what you think, it didn't mean anything, then when that doesn't work it's the crocodile tears. I 'll go to IC,, let's go to Marriage to counseling, when that doesn't work then it's the gaslighting it's your fault" , my friends egged me on, I was drunk, I was lonely.. Yada yada yada.. Why didn't the woman want to go to counseling before? It's only after she got caught. She doesn't want the public image of being a sloot. Bottom Line? Who ever cheats needs to take accountability.
The title of this segment is IMPOSSIBLE
It’s 2023 and this show is awesome 👏 as I’am watching this my soon to be ex husband has been cheating and lying about it . Umm he’s always cheating and I should have never allowed him to come back after the first second third fourth and now fifth time . Umm yeah it’s over for me now . Any way thank u
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE VOWS ABOUT “...FORSAKING ALL OTHERS...”?!?!?
DONT GET MARRIED IF YOU CANNOT KEEP THAT VOW TO YOUR SPOUSE!!! Simple!
I'm looking at the landscape of the audience and understand how and why the conversation is going the way it's going, I would love to see the landscape be a little more different looking then let's have the conversation how would you handle your cheating husband or wife I think the conversation would be way different and a lot more interesting for others in the audience to learn from at the end of the day the man is wrong he knows the difference from right and wrong and women like the woman said in the audience you stay within your marriage and you work it out or get a divorce if you can't afford to and if you feel like you have to stay for economical reasons for children or whatever I tell you what it's going to be very uncomfortable in that house
IN all honesty from the bottom of MY heart I think that as a man (or woman) if you don't get what you need in a relationship then you need to bring that up with your spouse and try to work it out! If your partner is shocked that you feel this way and yall try to work it out, then your partner still loves and respects you, and the fact you brought it up proves that you love and respect them. If your partner doesn't care and disregards how you feel, like it or not it's time to get a divorce because if you're not happy now then you will never be happy, and if they don't try to fix it with you then they DON'T care about your happiness and you should do what's best for you. It's never okay to cheat and there should be NO justification, because you knew it would hurt your partner yet you did it anyway and came home and lied to their face with a smile on yours. Of course your marriage isn't always gonna be sunshine and rainbows but there's just absolutely no justification and for trust to be rebuilt the person who betrayed that trust has to upfront admit to themselves and their partner that they chose to do it knowing full well what they were doing, otherwise he'll find another justification and come home and expect his wife to forgive him again, and she will and she'll continue to change herself until she's no longer who she once was, because she thinks it's something she did wrong. In no case is cheating right or justifiable. Period.
I hate when people are like. Oh, you’re giving them a break you’re being too nice or whatever. You can think that all you want but you’re not gonna be happy. Putting someone on the crucifix doesn’t fix this. It is important to find a solution that works for both people so they both can feel happy and energized to show up for the relationship.
Here we go
I feel sorry for the guy who told his wife he needed affirmation, and she flat out told him, " I'm not wired that way to give you that". He needs to cut his losses, and move on. She's not willing to meet his needs.
No, marriage is very hard and no one is 24/7 saying "thank you love, I really appreciate that". That is what she meant "I am not wired like that". Who has the energy for that. How many times did he tell her: I appreciate all that you do? This is NO excuse for cheating.
@@ginasverige2570 Who said it was? If your needs are not being met in a relationship, remove yourself from it. Period! Everyone has a different love language, and if you're going to have a successful relationship, both parties need to know what the other's needs are, and be willing to oblige.
To me if you cheat on me its bye bye!
The book is called "the Heart and not the Head".
I would hire a private investigator .
The last call lol
if you SWING together then nobody CHEATS! Being married to a roommate is boring!
Women demonstrate they are not "strong" when they behave like wounded helpless insecure girls because their husband cheated.
If men want to cheat let them cheat and go. Women are not the saviors of the relationships. If men want to be married they will not cheat and will stay married. If not work on your money situation and let them go.
"...you were a certain way when you were trying to get him" therein lies the problem ladies! Because we must not "try to get em" Its their job to try n win us. If theyre not up to winning us it means we're too easy & nice & their appreciation of their partner gets stymied. Man is the hunter & chaser and if you dont "let" him do that they end up feeling trapped Theyre also badly influenced by other men who resent "losing" their bro to "unreasonable" women. So looking back from my 69 years of grief that there has to be some type of collateral hubby needs to give his wife - he will do it again...
Lol are you 80 ??
@@SaystheTruth3 😄Not 80 yet - we boomers grew up quicker in some ways..but I learnt too late about the underbelly of men and their conditioning ie double standards from their dads and character assasination from all dem mummykins
ohhh dem mothers-in-law😨☻☹ well no woman is good enough for their boyzos👹And most of my & 3rd hubby's mates enjoyed watching us collapse, until hubby became a permanent "missing person" far away from family in a hostile region - being true to his family god of work & money..and talking of money there was zilch left, which is usually the end result of addiction
But hey I still believe in true love & marriage - because I have seen the upside. For now Im enjoying true liberation with my silver hair, music - mostly rock - and not actually giving a crap as in Bob Dylan's song: It aint me babe💁💃😎
i can’t STAND this Author guy!!
If someone wants to cheat they gonna cheat
Cheating causes a lot of pain. I am not sure why Neuman and Oprah are laughing at the beginning.
As a man i do feel uncomfortable with the notion that not being appreciated can make one cheat? why ot bring the isssue up with your wife? im not sold on the idea that i can choose to cheat over confronting the issue with my spous just a thought
Ms. Winfrey can you please start a News Chanel on your Own Network so people that look like us can have a real voice and address black issues honestly without fear of retribution.
Cheating is normal wives let it go lol
The reason why men/women cheat is directly connected to sin nature. No matter how good a woman may be, the sin nature is mostly responsible for driving humans to go against their wishes.
Only the fear of God can help prevent infidelity
Nueman talks BS !!!!!!!
That man was probably out of town with his girlfriend.
I read an article on the internet that certain men have a protein called an Allelle. If a man does not have it, or has 1 Allelle, he will cheat irrespective of how supportive or how good his partner/wife happens to be.
Really I'm have to look that up
@@toughflowers5088 I read this at the time when Tiger woods cheated on his wife. I was so curious to see as to why he did this and the article on Allelles popped up
I agree with Oprah and her views.....men treat you better when you appreciate them...
Everyone likes to be appreciated…not just men
Lol it really doesn't matter sometimes.
Men cheat! It's that simple...
who cares
If you don't base your foundation on God in your marriage, you won't have a marriage for long.
Bom dia Opraha Winfrey eu só Victoria Deus ti a bênção todos os dias da sua vida e sua família também. 🎉😂❤❤❤
Oprah plz plz plz have the cast if LAMH on like you did the Tyler Perry's The Haves and the haves not cast. I swear the ratings will break the records. Martell prolly would not show up. I really want to get to the bottom of Mel's head in the sand 5 years. How in the world could Martell keep this going for 5years. Plz do it!
I think that Oprah may have misunderstood the women from the audience. At the very least I think Oprah focused on the wrong part of her comment. Oprah focused on the part where the audience member said she couldn’t take on one more thing. To me, it seemed the women was saying that the cheater is responsible for the cheating. Bottom line. A lot of this episode seemed to focus on what the women could do to stop her partner from cheating. This audience member was trying to make the point that it should have been focusing on what the cheater should be doing/changing about themselves to NOT be a someone that cheats.
She was even brought up how the husband in the audience was still justifying his own choice. He really wasn’t taking full accountability. I think that’s one of the many reasons his wife seemed at a loss as to what to do. Because she said so herself, looking back, she feels like she was doing all she could, and her husband cheated. The therapist brushed over that and told her that she needed to decide what she could do differently now. But that totally misses the point. It’s her husband that needs to do things differently, make different choices, if there is to be no more cheating.
I’m not saying their marriage would be perfect, or that she isn’t accountable for any part of them having a happy relationship. But as far as his decision to lie, betray, and cheat on his wife, that was HIS choice. His wife holds no responsibility for his decision to step out on their marriage. And this therapist didn’t seem to be able to concede that to her, and you could tell that the wife felt that dissonance when he tried to get her to accept some of the accountability for her husband’s cheating.
Ahg you either a cheat or not, it's all about character and self control. There are many excuses to cheat, so typical and no conscience if you do
No marriages needs Oprah. What marriages really needs is Jesus. He can keep any man or woman for cheating. Once you get to know the Lord Jesus you don't want to cheat any more. The love and respect for each other will grow deeper and deeper every day. And the fear of God will keep you both from cheating. Believe me I been there. It works. Pray for 0prah she needs Jesus too.
Maybe women (and men for that matter) should stop playing detectives. If they never find out about their spouses' affairs they'll be much happier - and there's a good chance their marriage will survive.
Sounds like a good way to be passed an STI
😂
@@natashamcd12lol right 😂
Stupid advice...should've kept if to yourself
I wish we could see the dislikes lol!
👍💯💖💙💚
Every reason a man cheats is because of his wife, Jesus kick a dog when it’s down, when a woman cheats she’s evil, vile scarlet woman.
Sorry but stop covering up and over analyzing what he/she really did. Cheated. To each his/her own I guess.🙄
Q: WHAT IF YOU DIE TONIGHT? 💭
"And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life.
And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books.
The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works.
Then Death and Hades were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire." (REVELATION 20:12-15)
Today, while you are still alive and able, may you repent from your sins, believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that JESUS CHRIST is your Lord and Savior, so that through Him, your name will be written in the Book of Life.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him
should not perish but have everlasting life.
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." (JOHN 3:16-17)
Women in audience want oprah yell at husbands and she needs stop