Scottish Standing Stone Circle Tour Guide Doesn't Give A F**k
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- Опубліковано 7 лют 2025
- A standing stone circle, a circle of standing stones.
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"Before indoors was invented." Absolutely brilliant.
and no gift shop. LOL
Well, it came from The Big Bang Theory originally, so of course it's brilliant.
Best line.
Sounds like something Philomena Cunk would say.
@@meMiner "What would they even sell?"
"There is no gift shop. What would they even sell?" Souvenir pencils in the shape of one of the stones, Craig! Souvenir pencils in the shape of one of the stones!!!
And sell it 10£ !
Stones.
and paperweights... of stones
Snowglobes, you can make a snowglobe based on anything.
I have actually been to this stone circle and Maeshowe, and my theory is it was built as a tourist attraction.
In those days they made the tourists build the attractions.
My theory is that Maeshowe was built to give tourists the experience of standing somewhere that they weren't getting wet.
Hahaha!
The standing stone visitor attraction idea obviously worked as you visited it.
Sometimes you need to take liberties to attract tourists. It’s hard to believe, but Edinburgh Castle was in fact built in 1925 and the Forth Bridge is made of chocolate. Not many people know that and guess what, the Loch Ness monster died in 1960. Anyone fancy a Haggis shoot?
Suck them in and liberate them from their money.
@Putler Zwastika a lot of sites are protected but it depends on the country and which governments are in power. Plus so many layers of history that it’s impossible to save and safe guard everything.
Several years back a France a youth group got organised to remove a cave full of graffiti only to workout/find out part of it was in fact Palaeolithic cave art.
I'm an archaeologist and this is by far the most accurate description of a stone circle I have ever heard.
....."oh, one fell over......ok...." Hilarious from begining to end. Timimg, delivery, the text itself.....very well done!
simp
“A way to pass the time, before inside was invented” 🤣😂
As a man who has worked as a tour guide I’ve definitely been Craig before…
Sometimes you get tasked with doing a tour, no prep time, no notes, so you just wing it and hope for the best.
Those are usually the best tours
That is always Craig's situation. They fly him al over Scotland to fill in when a regular tour guide gets sick or something.
So you just make shit up?
I did that in Niagara Falls one summer as a tour guide. Yup, that's pretty much it.
I worked with a lady that did ghost tours in an old Mississippi town that she totally made up.
She was entertaining so it was worth it.
Parenthetically, i tried to sell an antique table by claiming it contained a gypsy curse and only proceeded to scare the shit out of the woman that was interested.
The circle of stones shall be standing, and the standing stones shall be in a circle. Not a square, or a triangle, and hexagon is right out. The stones shall be stood, and shall be in a circle. Verily.
I read this in John Cleese's voice.
@@MrTubularBalls For me it was Michael Palin.
......."and shall be in a circle. Verily."
Amen.
And there was much rejoicing.
One, two, FIVE!
I generally avoid tour guides, but I’d pay for one like this!
Lost it at "...in that it is made of stone...and it is in the north" 😂
No gift shop? I don't think this is real footage from that tour.
They'd sell bits of stone, tiny plastic leprechauns and pornographic Boris Johnson keychains.
@@DrCruel Can you get them?,asking for a friend.
@@ufoclips1 I'd rather not step on the toes of anyone in the Scottish Museum Curator's Union mafia. Perhaps you'd have more luck with slipping Craig a quid or two.
@@DrCruel If Craig pays the postage i`m in.
@@DrCruel Probably some freeze-dried ice cream too. Every gift shop sells freeze-dried ice cream, for some reason.
The stone circle centre gift shop would sell
1. A reenactor demonstrating how to tell the date from the stones and sun. Cost 2 pounds per person per ceremony to watch.
2. Another making stone age roasted hazelnuts over fire on flat stone. Cost 5 pounds a bag.
3. Stone age sheep milking. 5 pounds per half hour per person.
4. Another making flat cakes and birch syrup on a flat stone in fire cost 5 pounds a cake.
5. Another knapping flints cost 6 pounds an arrow point. 5 pounds per half hour knapping taster session.
6. Another stone age fire lighting. 2 pounds per person per lit fire
7. Stone age antler carving. 6 pounds per toggle. 6 pounds per needle
8. Stone age archery. 5 shots for 2 pounds.
9. Stone age grass hat making. 20 pound per grass hat.
10. Stone age sewing. 20 pounds per pouch.
11. Stone age butter making. 2 pounds per 15 minutes.
12. Stone age spear throwing. 5 throws for 2 pounds.
13 stone age wool spinning. 2 pounds per 15 minute session.
14. Stone age pottery demo. 20 pound per small bowl. 2 pounds per demo.
15. Stone age wooden bowl carving demo. 20 pound per bowl. 2 pounds per demo.
16. Stone age standing stone errection reenactment. 2 pounds per person per session.
17 Hands on stone age stone transport reenactment 2 pounds per session.
18. Reenactment of Winter / summer solstice ceremony 5 pounds per person per ceremony.
19. Dress in stone age garb photo opportunity. 20 pounds for 3 photos in folder or 5 pounds for clothes half half an hour.
There's endless possiblities...
Are you stoned?
I found myself reading this list in my head in a Scottish accent.
A true Scot. Money for nothin', and the chicks for free.
Or perhaps ten pounds for twenty minutes.
An erection reenactment, huh? Does it come with Viagra?
You don’t have sticks of rock on your list.
Many people can say funny lines but the really talented comedians are funny as people (funny bones) and I think Eleanor is one of those types of people. Fantastic timing and a very good actress (which most top comedians almost inevitably are).
Awww man Craig genuinely tried with that joke and no one laughed no wonder he’s given up
I laughed so hard in the train people looked at me like i had escaped from a mental asylum 😂😅😂
It really sounds like Craig needs a desk job.
Oh, yeah. Craig would flourish in a cubicle
nah, desk jobs come with too many social liabilities
@@fariesz6786 But they usually come with chairs. A big problem with Standing Stones is all the standing you have you do.
He clearly loves the outdoors tho
NOOOOO! Not a desk job! She's absolutely brilliant at this one!
What an absolute gem, your humor is fantastic
What humor? All Scottish people are like this all the time.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be archival and not at all humorous. Actually I laughed at how bored I got in less than two minutes. 😴 Totes not humor.
This should be tour guide alternative at every place in Scotland worth its name.
Craig has my undying respect.
He tells it like it is, no sugar-coating, because that would cost extra.
Plus the coating falls off, making your hands sticky and attracting ants.
No, ma'am, the ants are not attracted to your hands, they like the sugar.
Scotland is too rainy and damp for sugarcoating. The coating would get sticky.
I love how when I read this, about half way through it shifted from my generic internal voice to Craig's cadence.
I’ve been to the Stonehenge gift shop. They sold miniature stonehenges.
I suppose it wouldn’t be a famous landmark if you couldn’t take home a smaller copy from visiting; seems to be a rule about it. Like souvenir tea and coffee mugs used to be, only that seems less popular now.
Are you sure that wasn't the gift shop at the Spinal Tap museum?
Kind of understates the hugeness of the object
Did they sell dwarfs too to dance around the miniature Stonehenge?
In the 19th century, they sold little hammers with which to chip off a piece of one or two stones. So it's not just council house dwellers that like to trash stuff. Also American tourists.
No more room in my cupboards for mugs I never use.
The facial expressions after "Maeshowe not".... Pure genius!!!
"Before indoors was invented" hahahaha 😆
I have been laughing my ass off for the past half hour, since one of your videos landed on my feed. Thanks, you're hilarious.
"Before indoors was invented". Brilliant.
I was still recovering from "oh. It's fallen over. Okay" when I got to "what would they even sell?" and just lost it 🤣
Got to see the Ring of Brodgar and the Stones of Stenness up in the Orkneys. No tour guide, not even the least little hint of a Craig, but we did hire two local drivers who had told us about his childhood adventures growing up on the isles, favorite places to go fishing, some extra sites we hadn't known of historical interest, etc. (Had to kill a few hours' time between airplanes and ferry rides, decided to do some sightseeing, & actually had fun!)
Reminds me when I was on a tour of The White House. The tour guide said '...and this room was burned by the British in 1803 which is why the Portrait of George Washington is actually a reproduction.' I said , in a disapproving tone 'Tut, Bloody British!' Everyone turned round to look at me. They were like "👀" and I was like "👀". Then , after a lengthy awkward silence between me and some Americans, in a overly sarcastic voice, I just said 'BASTARDS!' Then everyone just laughed, realising by then I WAS British!! hahaha!
God, I love this girl. Absolutely priceless clips. She made my day. Thank You!
IKR? I'd go to Scotland, just to yak it up in a pub with her.
Craig smiling at his own joke is hilarious
Genuinly curious - why do you call her "he"? Did I miss something or it's kinda some inner joke?
@@vsemprivet Eleanor is a woman, but the character she is playing, Craig, is a man. The "he" is in reference to her character, not to her.
@@rladams65 I see. But again: why did she choose a male character? I mean this joke would've been perfectly fine and most natural is she were a female character. Don't get me wrong - I don't really care what gender she chooses to portray her characters, it just looks a bit arbitrary and senseless. Maybe this Craig the character is kinda well known personage or something? I mean there might be some context, some joke or something?
I have watched all of Craig’s videos, and this is hands down the BEST! The chips for tea?! The actual EFFORT at a joke?! NO GIFT SHOP?!?! I was floored!!
Also, for apparently being the least interesting, most obvious tourist site, Craig sure did dress up for it! Looking good Craig 😉
I like listening to Craig the Tour Guide episodes, they help send me to sleep.
.
Such a beautiful voice.
Craig you need to start selling stones that they can stand up in their garden when they get home,to recreate that "standing stone effect",you can sell full sized ones if they`re daft enough.
My parents bought me a Pet Rock one Christmas but the damn thing won't stand up, so I think there's a market opportunity here.
@@I_Have_The_Most_Japanese_Music Have you checked it`s not dead?
The purchaser must coordinate and pay for shipping of the full-sized stones. Gift Shop assumes no liability for stones that refuse to stand up in other countries; these are Scottish stones and taking them abroad might make them unhappy.
@@AnitaClue Stones in picture enlarged to show texture. Stones in mirror are closer than they appear.
@@AnitaClue Do you mean to say people are exporting bits of Scotland?.Herr Krankie Sturgeon will be informed,her wrath shall smite thee.
I always like how he looks from side to side without actually looking at someone specific.
another one. Isn't she a she. not he? I noticed some people in the comments refer to her as he. Why?
"Oh... It's fallen over, ok" 🤣🤣🤣
Every tour guide in Scotland is named Craig. 😁
Craig? Any relative of Ailsa?
There is only one tour guide in Scotland. His schedule is very busy.
It's not that big a place and it's raining most of the time anyway.
Every time I look away and look back your subscriber count has gone up by another hundred or so. *Momentum achieved!* That's so cool!
Asking about their Tea, is so Craig! 🤣🤣🤣
"Remember, you wanted to see it... your fault you are disappointed."
As always, thank you for your efforts to inform us and provide humor in the process.
Smiling throughout then out right cackled at the gift shop line.
Always an insightful tour with Craig.
This actually seemed quite passionate for Craig 😄
Under rated comment.
Ideas for the gift shop: snowglobes with the standing stone circle, compasses with the standing stone circle, stone flavored gum... the possibilities are infinite
and excess Discovery stock.
No gift shops. What would they even sell?
Me: stone circles 😌
Ahh, you bring back memories of my visit to the Orkneys, over 30 years ago. Visited all the archaeological sites under an unrelenting scottish drizzle... loved it!
Being a dry smartass myself, I LOVE THESE! 😆👍🏻🏴
1:20 ... every single field trip I ever been on when I ask smart questions like that they never had a flipping answer :(
There were also field trips where I didn't have an opportunity to ask a question cause the guide/s told us more than I would ever think to ask. The ones where I didn't really ask questions were the best :P
The stones are standing as a safety precaution,i have never tripped over a standing stone,not once,but theres some in the next field that i got concussion from twice last year.
I just found your channel today and it is already my favorite channel. You are so fun to watch.
“Maeshowe or as I like to say, Maeshowe not”
May you explain that pun, please? Still learning english
@@maesolug7380It sounds like "how not", which in Scotland means "why not" and is often used to express agreement with a suggestion
There are mysterious stone structures in New England, too. They may have been built by an ancient, unknown people for ceremonial purposes. Or they might be colonial root cellars.
Promote her, she'd make the ideal Prime Minister.
You Crack me up!!! Thx for making these very important tiny documentaries. I get smarter every time I watch you.
I once toured the Myrtles Plantation in Louisiana (reportedly one of the most haunted places in America) and I believe that the young man doing the tour must have been related to the Scot! Any self-respecting ghost should have pushed him down the stairs. On the other hand, we toured one of the mansions in Newport many years ago and the guide was a transvestite doing their best Joan Crawford impersonation, complete with dragging on a long cigarette holder between comments. It was awesome!
Q: So why are they standing 'round?
A: 'Cause they've nowhere else to go...
No gift shop? Then who'd I pay 100 pounds to for this rock?
Damn these scammers
Gift shop would sell scones. Really hard scones.
I love this character of yours. You are so funny!
As a tour guide, I come back here regulary before my english tour.... It makes me feel more confident.
"By popular demand, we now hoave a gift showp, so yeh kennow boy chips, or a t-shirt with me ugly mug."
It's 4am. I'm high. I was watching a history video on Stonehenge and the autoplay went to this next. Sometimes the UA-cam gods bless us.
Beautiful and brilliant. What an amazing combination!
Standing stone upright just to stand stones upright, passing the time 😅🤣😂
What would a gift shop sell?
Tea, haggis, tatty plaids, colorful maps and postcards, copies of Outlander, chips, biscuits, and stones, large and small.
With each large stone one would get a lengthty rope, to tie to both stone and ankle,
and a quick nip down to the heaving grey sea, to end it all.
Thanks for visiting.
It's pure joy to watch you perform. :-)
I'd like to see Craig give tour that's entirely storerooms.
A storeroom tour? That would be awesome.
I’m very fond of these. Thank you, Eleanor!
I've truly enjoyed your videos. I'm usually laughing at the end, so I miss out on commenting. Thank you. Cheers.
Just returned from Lewis where I saw the Callanish Stones. Alas, no Craig was present to give us an inspiring tour. They did have a gift shop, though! But it was closed.
„Oh, it has fallen over…“ Brilliant!
THE 12 APOSTLES
The 12 Apostles near Dumfries is the largest stone circle in mainland Scotland, and the seventh largest in Britain.
CALANAIS STANDING STONES
The Calanais Standing Stones on the Isle of Lewis are believed to be 3000 - 5000 years old. In the 17th century, the people of Lewis called the stones na fir bhrèige, or 'the false men'.
MACHRIE MOOR STANDING STONES
Machrie Moor on the Isle of Arran may have once been used for observing astronomical activities.
RING OF BRODGAR
The Ring of Brodgar comprises 27 stones and is part of the Heart of Neolithic Orkney World Heritage Site.
Craig feels about his job the way I feel about mine.
She needs to give a tour of the grandcanyon!
Or, as an American colleague of mine described it, “a big hole in the ground”.
They sell magnets that look like each of the stones or you could buy a miniature kit to build at home
Or they could just give you a wee hammer. If you really want to know what it was like, they're not going to make it easy for you.
Now I want to go to Scotland for some tours.
Craig has an extensive tour guide resume at this point
The most I have laughed in a month. Thank you.
An instant classic! lol, you are funny. I love that accent. I needed this good laugh. God bless!
“My name is Crrrraig”. That comment always cracks me up !
As a non-Brit, I thought Standing Stone Circle is a parody name of stonehenge. Until I learnt there really is such a thing everywhere ...
Type yes if you think Elenor rigby
should be a newscaster...Has all the qualifications...
I was there about 4 days ago (Stonehenge). I was imagining you being there giving a speech. Funny thought from Arizona
Im dying here 🤣🤣🤣gift shop what would they sell “
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love deadpan humour, well I love all forms of humour but deadpan is one of those forms, that's in a hilarious class of it's own. You're a mad Lass, dinae change! 🤪👍
Perfect guide for the next time I’m going to Callanish! (My favourite standing stones site ever - much better than Stonehenge). The “Stonehenge of the North” 😄
oh thank you so much, you are so very charmingly funny. I would take your tour anytime! Thanks!
As a Craig, I can relate to this tour guide.
How dare they not laugh at that epic pun.
youre a good actor/entertainer, you can rapid fire historical gaffs while seemingly disinterested. thats awesome..
This was hilarious! But I'm so glad I had a knowledgeable guide when I visited the Ring of Brodgar the first time 😅
I played this at Machrie Moor today since there was no tour guide.
Hilarious and talented. I love these videos
Ive been to scotland, it was totally not like that! it was way worse...
Those are some beautiful eyes Craig. America says yo!
Deffo on my list of Top 10 Henges. Will return next year. For updates.
I believe I may have just suffered rigor of the giggling Loch Ness musculature.
Rocks for sale now -- in the gift shop!
Craig: There is no gift shop. What would they even sell?
Me: Stones...?
Craig....has been fired and a new tour guide will be taking his place lol 🤣
You cracked a smile. Lol. Your Chauffeur, J Bruce, Hollywood North.🇨🇦
They could sell miniature copies of the stones... I`m surprised the Scots haven`t thought of that.
This woman deserves to be famous.