Top 10 Indicators That It's Time To Leave The Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
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Narcissists have a way of wearing out their welcome, leaving you wondering if the relationship can even continue. Whether the narcissism is overt or covert, the payoff for staying with that person can be draining. So you can be left with the question: "When might I know that it's time to go no contact with a narcissist?" Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter offers his top 10 indicators for making a major shift in loyalties with a narcissist.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in the treatment of anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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Coffee mugs: betterhelp.com/survivingnarci... - Фільми й анімація
It's like we've all met the same person.
I totally agree.
You all met my mother!
I think so. I have never met anyone like him. I am drained.
Scary isn’t it? You think your narc is their own special breed of evil....until you realize they’re all the same.
😆😆😆
We don't 'leave' narcissists............we ESCAPE them!!
Ok, good point. Dr. C
Yes I said to everyone" I don't want to leave I have to leave " .
I have said many times, I had to leave to save myself. I was so insecure and beaten down. It takes a long time to find yourself again.
Wow I love this! I escaped him!
Run!!!!
I keep rewatching these videos to remind me that leaving my abusive partner is the right thing to do and not doubt it. I still cry in disbelief that the person I love was harming me.
Just curious have you built enough courage to leave? I am in the same position
Yes, it has been over a year. It was the most hardest, painful thing I have ever done. But most liberating. You will get there. Love yourself enough to not tolerate someone's bad behaviours. @@mistiery5684
Me too!!!! I will definitely miss the good man hiding inside the monster!
I cry when I think that he never loved me!!!😢
OMG it's my son my only family
The time to leave a narcissist is when you recognize that they're a narcissist.
And not just the narcissist that seems a little bit too much into themselves, the narcissist that is “exposed” in your thoughts once you reach out for answers and come across resources like this and everything becomes blindingly clear; the veil over our eyes dissipates and all you can feel is disgust. Maybe some pity, but God forbid ever letting them know that!
@@twinbulls1980 yes, well said✌🏼
O yes
I should have done that when I was a kid, the narcisisst is Dad, he gets worse over the years. I had no control then, but now, I am better.
@@jackilynpyzocha662 🫂🫂The road isn't easy... wishing you peace 🙏
When Satan can't get to you, he sends a narcissist.
🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴😭😭😭
😂
😆😆😆😆
Sandra F seems to be true. Rebuke them
@@13Babeloe in Jesus Name🙌🙏
He killed my spirit , but he did not kill my soul. I fought back and won!
How long were you with your ex?
Good for you!! I did too and won my freedom last Monday after 25 years!!
@@flamingsword777 you literally put up for 25 years !!
@@AK-nl1et sadly, yes and i cant fully blame him because that's my own fault for not going to my Creator and putting Him FIRST and asking Him if this was the person He wanted me to be with and I paid a VERY hefty price for it that almost ended my life twice.... I al only 42 years old. I met him when I was 16....
@@flamingsword777 phew we all make mistakes. 42 is better than 62. You still have age on your side
To everyone that's in this community I just want you all to know that I'm sorry you've been hurt. You are all worthy of love. We will heal together. I love you all ❤️
Thank you! Pray the same for you. Very kind comment💕❤️💕
God bless 🙏u.
Thank u 💓
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌❤ what a beautiful soul you are, thank you.❤😍
Love straight back too ya 😆
Thank you 🤦 we don't need sympathy we need strength, please God hear our prayers. Much love all 🙏💕
For me it was :
1. I felt like I couldn’t say anything without him getting mad he would get mad at me saying nothing .
2. I would be upset and he would completely ignore me .
3. I started not being able to sleep - going to bed at 6 am from anxiety
4. He spent less time with me and fit me in between errands
5. I’m always tired and never happy
6. I felt more lonely waiting for him all day than when I was alone
7. When I realized he really actually hates me
That WAS my life exactly too xx
He hates himself...plan your greatest escape GOD GOT U...BELIEVE🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
mine was very similar
I'm living like this in my real
@@heathercruz8282 you're describing my ex husband
My top 10 just before I went no contact were:
1-When spending time with he/she drags you down rather than refresh you
2-You are constantly feeling guilty but you can't pinpoint exactly why
3-You spend more time justifying and explaining yourself than anything else
4-You don't know who you are anymore
5-You actually can't stand being with him/her
6-The abuse seems to be getting worse
7-It becomes more and more obvious that he/she doesn't really care about you
8- When time away from him/her feels like a mini vacation
9-When your mental and physical health becomes affected
10-When you've completely exhausted yourself trying, justifying, explaining, apologizing but the relationship never seems to improve
Truth
C G nailed it!!
This totally mirrors my experience 100%
Sadly true. All of it.
C G truth
I heard someone recently say "emotional abuse is physical abuse against the brain & heart tissue" --- I never saw it that way
Sadly, most people do not recognize this either. It is not "acknowledged abuse" in society.
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER I actually spoke to a woman who counseled mostly emotional abuse victims & she told me that EVERY one of her clients suffered from a serious physical illness as a result of the stress. I couldn't believe it. She said not one woman who had endured years of emotional abuse was physically healthy. Now if that's not physical abuse I don't know what is.
@@siantelove I escaped early from my narc parents in my twenties and have not developed serious illness BUT I also confirm elevated stress symptoms (heartbeat, anxiety, adrenaline) EVERY time I had to deal with them during the past 30 years. I'm glad there's only 1 narc left now but my malignant mother is enough for 5. I'm lucky to know God is with me. She can do me no harm but physical reactions are still real. It only ends when the narc is dead. 😬
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER yes it is. And they say emotional abuse is worse than physical. I highly disagree! My physical injuries are permanent!
Siante Love I totally believe that Verbal Abuse is much worse than Physical Abuse. Bruises, injuries can be seen, and of course believed. With Verbal Abuse, their are no obvious signs and you hesitate to talk about it, because either you know or worry you will never be believed.
One of the main characteristics of narcissists is stubbornness. They refuse to listen even when presented with facts or the truth. This is very frustrating to say the least. I believe they deny the truth just out of spite.
So true....... I would present facts(proof), and he would STILL call me a liar....... and say that I manipulated it. Whatever he even THOUGHT, was fact, no matter what the truth was.
I lost so much energy trying to explain myself. Wasted time... They never listen. They project, gashlight you and deny
All these comments are very validating. Thank you. Good to know others experience it. Feels absolutely crushing.
@@mandolaa4855 same here ... problem is the more overt an malignant I saw more readily. The one that has destroyed me is the vuln/covert as I very saw it 😢🙋🙋
I agree. It can be any topic. They have contempt for those who have their own ideas... who wont follow them.
30 years of a nightmare of a marriage.
Didn't even have the energy or stability (mental) to move on, until I got into therapy, even then I was so drained even making my first appointment seemed like work!
After only a few months of therapy, I became unraveled enough to seek a good attorney and filed for Divorce.
I can't tell you how much happier I am already.
The best is yet to come !
Shonna May, you deserve better
Shonna May,You are too beautiful 🌹🌹🌷🌹to be with a narc 😈!
I'am so happy for you 💗
Congratulations. I’m on my journey to independence now. Your story gives me hope.
Wow 30 years of tolerating.. I had for 12 years and he really broke me. Thankfully I divorced him and now collecting my pieces. Until I found about narcissistic abuse I thought I was crazy. Could not understand him at all.
Best time to leave a narisist, is when you realize that they are one!!!
@Nico Brown i agree. I do thank God that i have no real attachment to him. I wish i had some real good advice for that. I know that once my head took over what my heart felt it got better and i was able to seperate the two. You are not trapped. I hope for you that you can get away or at least reach the point where anything he trys to do to manipulate can not hurt you anymore. Everyone will have an opinion. The only one that matters is yours. Taking your life back is difficult especially with one of these people. No one understands unless they have been through it. I pray that this all works out for you. Life is so much more when they are gone.
Good point
Amen to that
thats my first thought, too.
So you don't think narcissists can ever change?
I've lost my family, my friends, my hobbies, my interests. My mind and heart.
I’m sorry. I feel your pain. I’m right behind you. You are not alone
I've been there around new years last year, I'm still doing the work on healing myself and have stayed single to work on me, but believe me it gets better with time and effort, you will get back to you. I'm wishing you the very best- you got this!!! Keep finding love for yourself first before anyone else, it seems selfish but its necessity.
😢🥺 Is that from a narcissistic person ruining everything for you? That’s really awful. Really hope things will improve for you.
Kelly, right there with you, and I feel for you. I don't see my friends anymore, most of my family have passed and I don't do art because he's always watching and judging. How do we get free of this hell?
I'm in the same boat with older brother and our mother. At first, realizing I was just a tool, a thing they could use if they treated me kindly, and included me in things, was exceptionally hurtful. For Mom, it's important that the family appear to be whole and healthy for extended family events like holidays, weddings, reunions, etc. so it took me a while to pick up on the pattern of abuse by my brother "Bob" followed by disregard, criticism and invalidation by Mom, including being excluded from family events that only involved her and my two brothers and their families.
For a while, I did struggle with the recognition that they really held me in such low regard. It hurts and it's humiliating and also maddening.
What helped me was flipping the perspective: they aren't "my people" and I'm entitled to surround myself with people who enjoy my company, treat me with respect, and share my interests. Those people are out there, but you can't find them if you're mired in wishing the unhealthy people were different or felt differently toward you. They aren't and they won't - trust me, I tried for years before the light bulb went off.
It sounds like a small thing, but flipping your internal script from them rejecting you, to you moving away from unhealthy relationships to healthy ones really helped me.
I wish you strength and patience for yourself. You are on the path, and things will improve. As you continue to care for yourself, you will begin to grow as an individual, and it's probably better if you spend more time alone while you focus on you. As you start to look outward, you'll be better equipped to recognize and choose those healthy friends and relationships that don't require you to sacrifice your dignity and self-respect.
They isolate you, then leave you. Don’t go back to them.
That’s so true !
Omg This so true
So true!!
I wish mine would leave me
@@Voyeur53 if yours believes that one of your deepest fears is abandonment, he will leave. Stop giving whatever supply you’re giving.
This is what I always feel with a Narcissist...They kill my spirit as a happy, fun person. Time to walk away.
Yeah - exactly!
I am still here planning my escape. When I wind up in mini scrimmages usually boundary push. I am immediately back in my groove. It's working for me so far I am not fully there yet healing on the way out, can't get there fully while I'm still here.
@@AlwaysLisaLisa me too, totally understand! Stay safe above all!
@@AlwaysLisaLisa same. I couldn't put a name to how I felt until I saw this video. The depth of depression, anxiety, and fear are unreal. I've been married 5 years and we have a 19 month old daughter, which is making it so hard for me. He moved us an hour away from everyone I know, has alienated my entire family from me, to the point that even my brother who I used to be extremely close to has blocked me on social media. My whole life has been destroyed, and I know exactly what it feels like to be a "shell of a person" now. 😔
@@amandaknowles2998 Please contact your brother and try to make him understand what's going on. Maybe him and the rest of your family will help you. I hope so because I've had to put distance between my sister and myself. She flat doesn't understand.
I’m getting good at ignoring him. I’m even better at not caring. I’ve gone full circle. I’m done. It’s sad it has gone to this but he did a number on me that I didn’t deserve. Whipped the “I care” right out of me. I gotta move on
Same swear
Whew! You hit that on the head.
Oh my God, you took the words right out of my mouth! I wrote this same sentiment in a letter the other day that I'll never give him because there's no point.
I'm working on not caring
Same. I cried for 3 months straight while pregnant and he was stone walling and ignoring me. He drank and send to places by himself.
1. Killing your spirit
2. Ongoing isolation/alienation
3. Constant haranguing/sarcasm
4. Contempt
5. Disloyalty/divided loyalty
6. The ongoing keeping of secrets
7. Imbalance of power and control/lack of equality
8. Communication break downs/one way communication
9. Stonewalling
10.Varying forms of abuse
Just my opinion but RUN!!! if you experience these things.
The human spirit can only withstand so much battery, whether intentional or unintentional. This type of assault on the psyche is akin to brainwashing and leaves permanent scars if not recognised and dealt with early on.
You did better than me... thanks for making a list! Funny, but I suspect all that is increasing tremendously in the generations coming into “adulthood”. Life isn’t going to be too pleasant in our society in another 20 years, you think?
Sa Lauerman Your welcome, I appreciate when folks make lists on vids especially when I don't have time to watch the entire vid. I agree,within 20 years these narcs will make the world even more unbearable.
Thank you!
Wlknonsonshine You're welcome!
If you don't have any children of your own with someone, if you're not married, if you're not living under the same roof as them-Then it's definitely easier to escape from the person.
I have been with my husband for 27 years. I am so tired and mentally drained. I came across your videos. I cried, he has all the signs of being a narcissist. I now understand. I need to free myself, he does everything you are saying. Thank you so much for your insight. Bless you
I’m there too now after 18 years. God bless you. I hope you get out safely.
I hope he get right and uall make it on he should care how u feel more and u should under stand for him as a man with God in everything bless bolth of u
Yes!! Time to run!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻
27 years. It’s my past now. Like it never happened. Including my daughter.
I am leaving my husband after 27 years of Narcissistic abuse this time I’m going to do it I hope that I can live the rest of my life in peace I wish you the best
A narcissists worst nightmare is a well-informed survivor. Dr. Carter had a hand in saving my life...and now he knows it! There is hope. There is purpose in the pain.
When is it time to leave a narcissist? If they're breathing.
LOL But true.
Lol
Lol. Should we say when *you're* breathing...?
I would rather see them not breathing 😊
Maybe if they stop breathing too! They will only blame you for it! ;-)
Oh he definitely withdraws and shuts me out, all I am is his housekeeper and cook and care taker
The day u realize that you r dealing with a narcissist is the day u need to start planning your extraction from the relationship.
The worst part about it is you don’t realize what’s going on until you are no longer yourself, then trying to put your pieces together under the strong arm of your abuser & their flying monkeys. It’s disgusting & inhuman and I hope eventually there is more awareness & support someday.
Its time to leave when you feel unsafe .. I have been terrorized
With earnest sincerity... would you share some of the terrorizing incidents..... interested what similarities might exist between yours and mine. Best wishes to you.
Brenda Sly, you deserve better
Brenda Sly,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
The narc not only shows disgust to one , but to everyone . Look at them when they think no one is watching. The disgust shows on their face. I wish I had seen this as a disorder. No accountability and dishonesty is a narc
omg, my ex gf narc was so jealous of the attention i gave my 2 chihuahuas, (not only would she voice it) but when she thought i was only seeing my dogs, id look at her, and the sneer on her face was just so, so evil, I could see disgust for sure, but it was much more, complete evil showing. She is the most horrible person I've ever met...yet I fell in love, only because i have some co-dependency issues, but nonetheless, how could i love someone so dark inside? Am only 2 weeks no contact, struggling with decent days and really rough days...but I know the only way i can have any sort of joy in life is to never let her back into my life again. It must just be the trauma bond, cuz i miss her terribly at times...or cuz she's easy on the eyes maybe...as she is someone that i seriously wish that i never met. I have known many women, but have never even heard of a woman being so downright evil, just a horrid individual that will/cannot ever change.
I once caught a certain lad smirking to himself while I was talking to him. It made me realise how I couldn't trust him. I don't have to be around him if I don't want to be.
It's soooo fn WIERD. Like a body snatcher. She thought I wasn't watching, yt I just moved my eyes over to look and I saw their face. It was ACTUALLY fn DROOPING. There's a long face and there's THAT. in 13 years I've NEVER seen it. I'm like whoooo is this person.. Ice cold don't touch me little 6 year old whiney voice. Like i got COOTIES now. 😂 Like ok I get it u got the covid vac. Now I gotta circle circle dot dot ge lt the damn COOTIE SHOT. before things go back to normal.. 43 days now..
But she tosses and turns when she doesn't lay up against me. If I get a breadcrumb and she accidently does, we BOTH relax and goto sleep. All that dark weight comes off. I'm like seeeee. What's the damn deal.. 😂
I’ve seen that look.
@@Iamsam-jl5fn my mom would tell me my dad would get it. He had BLLLLLLAAAAACK colored eyes, and when he'd drink, he'd get that stare.. I nebe paid attention to it..
...actually has just started criticizing my pajamas! several times! We give these people way too much credit & patience ...
April Rogers,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Credit and patience ...2 things I wish I'd not given my narc fam 🙋
He told me my shirt was ugly and my gut was hanging out. I recently had a child so I said, ill just find someone who loves my belly and my shirt.
The narcissist left us; his parting words were: "Do this MY way, and we'll stay friends. I might even come back in six months." He then proceeded to put my children and me out of the home, refused to pay either alimony or child support, and tried to take MY CAR from me, by telling the judge he didn't own a vehicle (he didn't; he leased one). I fought for every dime of child support, division of property, pensions (advice to divorcing women--DO NOT let your attorney negotiate away pensions for higher child or spousal support! Spousal and child support can be reduced at ANY time. KEEP YOUR INTERESTS IN THE PENSIONS!!), and spousal support. That's when he started screaming, "This is WAR!!! I don't care if you have a place to live. I don't care if you have food to eat. I don't care!!! I JUST DON'T CARE!!." That's when his new supply started opening charge accounts in my name and claiming I was opening accounts. A handwriting analysis proved it was the new supply. The judge was PISSED. I was awarded custody of my children (he never saw them again), spousal support, pension splits, assets/liabilities/split, child support, and he had to give me my dowry back. I have stayed single for all the decades since. I raised the children. It wasn't easy, but I have great kids, beautiful grandchildren, and I am HAPPY (and I do so much better on my own).
ONE ME. . Thank you for your letter.. you have been through a lot but you stayed strong and you stuck to your guns and you learn something. . Through which you were able to let other people be aware of what you shouldn't let your lawyer do.. that sounds like really good advice I have not been through what you were talking about but I'm so happy to hear that you're happy now and that you raised beautiful children and that you have grandchildren.. may God watch over you and your family and have a wonderful day and a Funtastic week. .🌞😁😎🤩🌷🌻👍👍.⭐💚💙
@@jeannierusso2134--Thank you for the kind words. On additional thought. Just a few weeks ago, BOTH my children came to me and asked me how I got through those times. In truth, I'm not sure...other than I stayed true to my faith, kept my purpose the best interests of my children, and worked my arse off to pay the bills. It took twelve years to regain financially what I had lost. Statistically, it takes women ten years. For men, it's TWO.
Exactly what my narcissist ex bf says.
My ex husband's parting words were "you'll never find another man like me." "You'll never make it without me." Well, I moved on (paid for the divorce I wanted) and gained friends. I now work (I didn't work much in my marriage) and I am seeing someone new. I'm a changed woman!
My narc bf says the same thing every time we part ways, he says there are stipulations for us to stay so-called friends with benefits. All along I thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend he asked me to marry him we live together he always says he loves me he misses me he needs me blah blah blah but a few days ago he tells me we were always just friends with benefits. Precedes to tell me people in my family think I'm crazy when my son doesn't talk to me why I'm stupid. Etc etc. But two days before this before he dropped me off for the last time and I do mean for the last time she says this to me, pack your bags you're coming to stay with me you're never going back there and we are going to be together forever. Now if that ain't a kick in the butt I don't know what is to find out we were always just friends with benefits. I've changed my number I'm about ready to change my address and cut all ties with everyone I know including family because the narc it's always going to run my life if I don't get away from everyone I know and every place I used to go.
My narcissist husband showed all 11 signs towards me. I left 14 months ago. This video confirmed that I did the right thing by leaving.
If a narcissist gets to the point of stonewalling that means they have their new source of Supply
What do you mean by this?
Yes what's stonewalling
@@stormy3307 they ignore.
@@stormy3307 I think she means that their attention is focused toward someone else. I’m facing the stonewalling and I assume cheating. I’m tired of caring.
He did not break me. I am more determined to make myself the best I can be when I am able to escape from him. I’m a survivor and a very strong woman and I’m excited to see what my future holds.
Julie Crue,You are beautiful 🌹🌷🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Stay safe 💚🕊️🙏 I hope you managed to get out!
When my ex-narcissistic girlfriend told me she wished I was dead. I knew it was time to leave. 5 months no contact! Hang in there survivors! You got this!
I kinda wish my narc gf would say that to me hahaha it would make it so much easier
Clayten Burns Would you leave if she did? I’d get out as soon as you can man.
I beg her to let me go and she wont 😔
I'm such in denial I keep trying to get her to talk to me she wont talk it's never the right time
@@claytenburns5635 - what is stopping you from leaving her? Why don't you call it a day & make your exit plan? It's not easy, but it is necessary.
Judge to Plaintiff: "why do you want a divorce, Ma'am?" "My husband denies me any solitude but offers no meaningful companionship in exchange."
❤
So true lol
Oh that's a very familiar feeling.
Ouch
You leave a narcissist when your INTUITION tells you so!🙅🏾♀️✌🏽🙏🏽
i gave a second chance but that’s about it then i left the friendship that’s toxic .
Do you know the one who is lulled away by your tears of frustration after he's pushed your buttons to make you explode ? When he sees that he's got you to be a mess, it calms him down so much that he falls asleep.
Wow. Yeah. Emotionally abandoned
Yeah isn’t that wierd.? Normal people don’t like to do that.
Wow, that's demonic
They love frustrating you. They win! And they sleep contentedly.
Old adage of unknown origin. “Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and besides, the pig likes it.”
This!!!! I realized finally after 10 years, that even last night, when I was sobbing, and pouring my heart out, wanting to go to bed, and just sleep forever (I don’t want to hurt myself btw) just escape. That he had absolutely zero reaction, or concern. This is what it’s been like since after our honeymoon.
Wow, I feel more love from doc here than in my 30 year relationship with my narcissistic mother. Says a lot.
@NARCISSIST SURVIVOUR N good job 👍
I know how hard it is to have your own family be horrible. I realized that my mom and sister were narcissistic. My sister treated me and my family like crap, but could do no wrong in my mom”s eyes. I finally had to cut them out of my life after my mom told me that I needed to forget about my birthday because she is retired now and has a new life. My mom wants me to “Forgive and Forget” or “Just start Over” She refuses to do family counselling. My nieces are becoming just like my sister. I don’t want my daughters growing up thinking that it is ok to treat people this way. Stay strong!
@@jenniferstinert5498 sorry to hear that, sounds very similar to my family.. but you are definitely doing the right thing. I cut a narcissistic ex out of my life 5 months ago, my narcissistic mother 3 months ago and today will be the day I finish any relationship with my sister...the lies, manipulation and deceit is not helping me heal
Check out Lisa A Romano, her vids on narcs are really beautiful and healing. She introduces a spiritual element.
@@ingwis thank you for your suggestion, I definitely will..the healing process is slow and painful but day by day it gets easier...any extra resources are always super helpful!
Mine is all of these. He's also very secretive but wants to know everything I'm doing. He questions me about every dime of my money, trying to allocate where every penny is going. He fears I'm saving to get away from him, and I am, but I'm not telling him that. It's weird, he claims I don't do anything for him, but he went ballistic when I tried to pack up and leave and threatened violence and even shoved one of the suitcases into the back of my leg and made my knee buckle. I now know the only way I can leave is without him knowing.
I'm relocating and he's in jail. In addition to all of the videos on this subscription, my ex narc was extremely physically abusive. He would do this in addition to all of his other sick games to distract me while he would go and cheat. I found out that in addition to other female supply's, he was meeting other men for sex as well, In my apt. parking lot! Get this, Dr ssed in similar clothes and a wig that looked just like me! How sick is that? I could go on and on. I have multiple permanent physical injuries , but not permanently mental. We can do something about the mental. Leave asap! I don't care how. Just leave everything behind and go! Never look back! You will be so glad you did. My health is restoring after only one week away. They truly are soulless pieces of sh%!
@@angelaslaton3211 that is some of the creepiest abuses I've ever read of in narcissist vids. I truly hope you are blessed with people in your life who are compassionate and civilized. I would welcome blessings of healthfulness and healing for anyone who has suffered insane abuses from any type of narcissist.
I'm praying for you 🙏💕
If you haven't left yet ... Please do. Don't be like my mother, she died of cancer after staying married to my extremely toxic and abusive father for 35 years. She had no happiness in her life apart from us kids and in the end she didn't want to live anymore.
Leave and find happiness, on your own or with someone much better. Nobody deserves the horrible life with a narcissist.
Never tell a NARC you are leaving, it truly dangerous. First opportunity gather what you can carry and run. Pre planning is crucial to your safety. I got the window of opportunity just as pandemic was hitting and so glad I spent 2 yrs preplanning. Packed up very organized belongings and RAN, hard and fast, never looked back, no regrets and what a massive sense of relief. Happily divorced now 2 months.
He killed my spirit , my health .. I lived in fear for over 20 yrs. didn’t realize how much residual damage I had until I finally walked away, 3 yrs ago. Manipulated my children against me & anyone else who fell under his spell to believe him. It’s been a battle to regain who I am & what I’m all about. He had a horrible childhood & I feel as though I suffered for what his parents did to him. So sad 😞.
Described my exnarc 100%. Control issues, verbally abusive, secretive, zero empathy, mommy issues, stonewalling, physically aggressive, flirtatious, emotionally and sexually abusive, narcissistic rages, childlike behavior, alcoholic, former drug addict, charismatic, gaslighting, etc. Three months NC...GOSO...they cannot change.
You just described my narcissist husband too a tee all of the above and he never apologies for anything because it's always my fault he hates my guts
It's not that they can't. They won't.
He’s like this. Flirtatious with others but me . Says that a relationship is supposed to get boring but he’s Mr flirtatious and fun dude with women that he hides from me
This is SO SPOT ON !!! I wasted 28 years being a slave to a narcissist!!!
You invested 28 years learning first hand the behaviors of a Narcissistic demon-being and now you are sharper, keener, faster and stronger!
28 years here too....
35 years....
😢😢😢 thank God you got out
@@anauxistential8486 demon being is such a good name for them😢
I am planning my escape from my 20 year marriage with a narcissist. This channel has help me to clearly see what my husband truly is.
Good luck moving forward! Dr. C
Soon. Very soon. 23 years too many
When they claim they love you but you feel utterly hated.
I am living with all of this right now, I would appreciate prayer!
Same, praying for you please pray for me as well.
I'll pray for you. I wasn't really the praying type before but after what I've been through, it definitely helps
Get with a good church group or two.
Same here! After 32 years! We can all do this. Hang in there
Worse is a narcissist that knows how to finesse things in such a way that no one will see or know what is happening .. they will all think he’s a wonderful person .. or he will do just enough for you that you start to feel guilty for wanting out.
100% !!!!
All or nothing; my WAY or the highway; sullen silence; lack. of empathy. Yep.
Shechai Yah,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
Eleanor Roosevelt said "No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent." I agree.
Me too. Dr. C
Number 8 and number 9. Lack of empathy, silent treatment, projection, smear campaign, silent judgment. All of these things because I finally discovered boundaries and didn't make it my mission to make sure we stayed together. He is incapable of being the one who fights for our marriage. He will not do it and since I stopped doing it, we are divorcing.
When nothing you do is right, they suck your confidence and energy but by then it’s too late.
It’s never too late for us. We recover and move on wiser. They remain in misery forever.
Not too late - just get out, and unfortunately a long recovery!
Louisa Foster But that “long recovery” is full of blessings. We find our true worth ... which happens to be Lysol for killing off narcissists, lest we attract another.
"Too late", no matter how long it takes, is always way better than "never". Get out, run, run, and don't stop.
We are all damaged in this narcissistic world.
The narcissist in your life will accuse you of all of these points.
Les Nash oh my god yes!
exactly
Describes my ex 10 out of 10! So glad I left!
There it is! Yes!
Ha, no f***ing s***!!!
Side note: I absolutely adore that his dog is sleeping in the background there. ❤️
Thank you for these videos. I can't tell you how valuable they have been to me in validating my experience.
I left and still healing ...sometimes the nice guys come around I m scared 😟 I don’t trust any man
1. When they want to spend all their time without you
2. Cheat on you
3. Abandon you and your children
4. Drink Alcohol and hit you
5. Have multiple addictions
I had the misfortune of marrying a narcissist (wolf in sheep's clothing) and thank heavens I'm now free and healed xx Thank you Lord for carrying me out of there!!!
I'm sorry you went through that and hope your soul and mind find healing
@@cocogomez2278 Thank you Dutch for your empathy and I'm happy to say that even though it took me many years to find my way I am now healed and restored albeit much stronger for the experience xx. All of us don't go into our marriages thinking it will end in a ruinous heap but when people abuse you it's time to pick up your courage, strength and self-worth and get the heck out of there!
I am not gonna marry mine fuck that shit
Stonewalling = they go to a hotel so they don’t have to talk about the issues.
I am glad I found this on Utube. I lost all my material items because of a bunch of narcissists. But I got God and my soul.
From Father God's heart - "I wish for you safety, I wish for you goodness, I wish for you peace"
Thank you for that. Just what I need right now.
Me too. Please pray for me.
❤️
Every time I stoud my ground he didn't like it, he found out he wasn't going to take charge of my thoughts
Valarie crebbs,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
Those who are worth your tears steer away from making you cry!!!
Do what I did, when they stop communicating with you to punish you, let them. In the following weeks when they figure you're not going to contact them and they call or text you, don't answer. Then when they get angry about it and send that angry text accusing you of being responsible for everything they've done or are about to, take a deep breath and thank your lucky stars you were smart enough to walk away
Change your phone number before the text and have an unknown address to anybody set in place.
Going through this right now....
Yeah they blame the hell out of you for their entire existence. So dilussional
They already had many supplies for them , but yes absolutely walked off and still recovering
We didnt talk for 6 months. When i walked thrupugh a room he would civer his eyes as if I was discusting. He wrote on the calender Fuc###ed. Isolatex me from any but his family and friends, then when he would think i was so discustning he left. 2weeks 6mth and 3 years. I finally just prayed to fall out of love. And I did.
#1. He's a narcissist.
#2-10. See #1.
Phew! Thanks for simplifying it. This feels better.
Accurate
💯
“That sense of disgust” woah, that’s it. At first it was so hurtful so painful for so long. It doesn’t hurt anymore. 😊
Condensation. I feel that and hear that every time Kamala speaks.
It was a shock for me...I.had to.ask my friends ..Do I look like a whore? While.wearing leggings and a long shirt..Am I.being a bad wife.cause I went out witj friends once a month..
@@cookingwithtoffeetv9755 It’s understandable now but was so very unfortunate that some part of me was daily being battered by his passive aggressive hatefulness... while the whole time gaslighting with gestures and grand statements of how much he loved me 🤮 it’s an insidious slide downwards and becomes increasingly painful as parts of you acquiesce to their judgements of you. It’s very harmful to your very being.
Could it be, that half the world's population is just trying to survive a narcissist?!
80% narcs
Society produces narcs, as of now
I’m convinced everything ans anything wrong with the world is because of narcissism. And the greatest narcissist of all was satan.
It's always time to leave a narcissist!
My ex narc did the isolation game by not being with me ignoring me, neglecting me, and then became punitive when I tried to build other connections and spend time with others
They don't want us but nobody else is going to have us either alot like the mind of a mentally challenged child now that I think about it
@@tommahurin4662 I don't know about that. A lot of mentally challenged children are very sweet, trusting, loving, and loyal.
I apologize for that comment what I should have said was : they don't want us but they don't want anyone else to have us either they are like selfish children in many ways again I apologize if I hurt anyone or offended anyone
Exactly
Me too I feel stupid because he did it for four years plus and I was still confused of what was going on.
I felt like a person kept in the shallow end of his heart, when I am a deep person and wants to dive into the caverns and depths of my spouses heart! It was excruciating!! 💔💔💔When I left I had to realize this person was a stranger to me.
I am out, safe and healthy and with a man who is completely open and let's me explore all that he is and HE loves to explore ALL that I am too! It's amazing!!
This comment made me just break out in tears... You spoke words straight from my heart, and then you have me hope afterwards. Thank you.
I have 2 beautiful children with mine and I've been trying to make it work for their sake (they adore him so much) but I feel like my heart, soul and essence is being sucked out of me everyday. I simply can't do it anymore!
You got this. Take baby steps. As long as you take those steps you’re closer to your peace. Sending prayers to u n urs
Omg in the same boat with u...hes got anger issues to the point where he complains about the smallest insignificant things and then blows up then fake apologizes and ur left with the anxiety and the confused mind as to why hes mad...then the secrets the talking on the phone and isolating himself and then coming back like nothing is wrong yet ignores ur questions and dismisses them with ur imagining things..im sooo done!!!
Peace and sanity for yourself will make the life of your babies much better 🙌🏾🙌🏾🤗🤗
My husband has all of those characteristics. That's why I'm trying to find my way out. It's been way to long.
me too!
@@beatrizmartinez4381 Me too! How would you feel if you found out that he has 4 million dollars in the bank yet gives you nothing???
I was married to one for 33.years.
I left him..When he started hitting me..It was time to go...
@@deniselimback1035 40 years- why is it taking so long ...? 😢he’s so good at control
I left and brought the kids. Most important is empowering yourself financially. Then you can leave and support yourself. My ex husband refused for me to work so he can control me when im financially dependent. I got my old job back eventually, regardless of what he wanted. I rented my own place. He couldn't believe I had the will and strength to leave him.
When I started pulling away from his drama and controlling why I didnt make his lunch or dinner everday. I told him to do his own lunch or do ur own laundry. He pulled away and had an affair.
Time to walk away. So much happened over 30 yrs. I lost myself completely and felt so drained. Do only what he wanted or reminding me of past issues constantly.
I am finally FREE!
I have been waiting a long time to support and help, I am now starting with confusion now and I am reversing my stance. I am married to a rotter whom can manipulate my children to think I am thankyou so much, I will take ur full support.
Good for you!
Oh no ! This is all true ...my partner is really a narcissist !
Congratulations on your freedom!
I’m married to a covert narcissist for almost 40 years. What he’s doing to me right now is he has a mistress: I know it, he knows I know it but he knows he has me trapped. We’re in the midst of finally reaching our (my) life goals, we purchased a large piece of land and are building our dream home. He chooses NOW to not even attempt to hide his cheating. I have to choose to accept it or lose my life’s dreams. He DOES NOT CARE how this makes me feel.
Doesn't sound like much of a marriage..
My husband recently told me he doesn't understand why I bother to pray because he doesn't feel it's helping me to be a better person. :(
Never stop praying God will do His will
Leave. Jesus will do the rest😊😉
Imagine having this guy as your father - The greatest father figure anyone could possibly wish for.
FIGHTING LION 13 he was my father and my (ex) husband.
@@Alpinewild444 She's/ he's talking about Dr. Carter! 😁
Nancy L ah! thank you. oh my gosh, you can see how this is a concept i can’t even fathom!
@@Nancy-yw1rr Good. I almost had a heart attack. Lol😂
...mine is ...i am 62..he is 91...
If narcissists go to hell, Satan himself will want to move back to heaven.
That brought a chuckle, and its absolutely true. Thanks
Looool.
Poor Satan.
I'm going through hell living with a narcissist. I'm so emotionally drained
If you haven't left you must now. Things will get better on the other side.
@@scousemouse9715 I'm trying marriage therapy which I have not tried .
I am sorry to read this. Sadly many people here know exactly how stressful this is, myself included. I have been feeling emotionally exhausted for a long long time.
I have finally got the courage to make some positive changes to my life this year. I encourage you to do the same. Educate yourself, learn as much as you can about this mental health disorder. Think of yourself as a top priority and start making plans to leave the relationship. We all need to take care of ourselves and do whatever is necessary to make our futures happier and healthier. We deserve a better way of life. Nothing is going to improve while you are having a relationship with a narc. Wishing you all the best xxoo
Same.... I. Now even having feelings anymore. Yes towards my children, they are the light in my life. But I cant even cry anymore, I just feel drained , exhausted and uneasy all the time when he is around
get out youre not a tree move quietly
I was on my knees in the bathroom floor today crying out to god for help. He’s destroying me. Two and a half years but it feels like an eternity. Sexual sadist, cruel, empty, devoid. I am his puppet and I’m dying more each day.
I will pray for you Elle Jesus will help you He's true to His word Blessings to you
elle: perhaps start voicing/claiming positive traits your/ and his, what a loving, nurturing and caring your husband CAN be/IS, soon enough he will want to live up to your standard, Gods standard. Shy away from claiming in fact professing "he's destroying m*" that will not be his victory , avoid throwing in the towel. Edify your spouse, uplift your children , proclaim your good mental, physical and spiritual health. Your creator already blessed you with a purpose (not a martyr), just like the papaya seed is already destined to become a life giving tree in turn will not your maker take care of you, who is most precious in his sight. So, straighten your 👑 crown and get on with this.
Blessings 🇨🇷elvia🇨🇷
I know it is hard - but find someone to talk too. And plan your exit!!
I am on my way out after 32 years! I feel so stupid I didn’t understand his game.
You can do this! You can!
@@Lailat854 I left him shortly after I posted that comment. I’m soooo happy now and with a remarkable man for a year now. I am happy and adored and respected. I’m experiencing real love finally. Thank you. I hope you are ok. ♥️
Before I discovered narcissism, I would read books on relationships that would advise me to be more understanding, try harder etc. I used to try and make things fit and take responsibility for changing myself to keep the relationship going.. I was so lost !
The WORST book on this subject is called "How to get along with Messed Up People." Easy read. Terrible advice.
Thank goodness I was to lazy to read 😂 and found advice on UA-cam
Me too!!
These only works if you receive the same.
Me too, I was practically a saint, did things for him before he even asked. I tried and tried and tried harder, blaming myself for him cheating. I read all the books out there. Followed the advice to the letter. Then I discovered narcissism...and soon after, packed my bags. That was a year ago.
I just cried with this I’m really in a bad situation & not coping
Maybe this is a sign it is time to get help. If you can't confide in friends or family find a good counsellor etc online. This could be the start of a whole new life. Please take care and look after yourself.
Confide in someone and get out quietly. Just disappear. You won’t believe how wonderful a life of peace is. I escaped 8 years ago and just coaching his current wife to cope until she can get out so I understand. Be strong, you must be strong because that’s part of what attracts these people to us, find it again and get out xxx
Please get out. Narcs. don't change and they never will. They don't want to change, because they love the ability to inflict pain onto others. You are in a no win situation. You will never win this battle. These people are not mentally ill, crazy, or insane they are freaks of nature. They are abnormal and not human. Narcs. are pure evil and demon possessed. Please get out if you can. I went no contact and got rid of a couple of narcs. in my life. I have basically fallen off the face of the earth as I have changed my phone number, and have unfriended them on facebook and messanger. Next is to move so they can never find me. I want them out of my life completely and do not want anything else to do with them. I hope your situation is improving and I wish you all the very best in the future. God Bless you.
Hi Liz, awareness is the beginning. You can do this. One step before the other next thing you know you have stepped away. Secretly plan if you prefer to stay put first, then escape with zero conversations. No this is why I'm leaving speeches. Support groups to join are available to us. Get professional help, if you're married get in touch with legal help, if you are being physically abused get away as soon as possible. There are support groups for that too. Mostly know you deserve peace You deserve peace.❤️
I'm kind of in a bad situation myself but I am planning my escape and looking for different places to live. In getting away from one narc I ran into another one. You have to be careful because they can sense the wounded and the unhealed from abuse and will prey on you like a shark to a wounded fish. They are everywhere by the way. I heard 1 out of 7 people have this. Thats about 1 billion people ok n the planet. That's a lot
....when the narcissist does all these things, but, shes your mom...and you're a kid and you feel trapped..
My adult cousins don't talk to their mom anymore. And when they were in high school they joined every sport and club they could to get out of the house. Then, when they graduated high school they left for college and never went back.
My mom abused me to the point I wasn't even allowed to play sports I wanted to play bc I guess she feared me shining. Now I'm thirty and she's fifty and wants a relationship. Projected her sick ass feelings on me vmy whole life. Now she thinks I will play her game. Sweetheart, get your independence on as much as you can. Your mom will not like it but you have no mom. You have enemy. That's even worse.
Indeed!! 😢😥😓
He has almost killed my spirit ( and all other 9 ) in 15 years of marriage , I currently am fighting and God may allow it , will win over my cervix cancer , but I finally have the power to say SAYONARA , now! Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💖, Dr Carter !
I hope you're okay. I know how hard it is im going through severe illness as well and thesempeople make it so much worse. Hope all your treatment as gone well, stay safe 😷👋
When you go through a check out line and the clerk is Kind to you..and you Cry! Because someone was kind to you!
kathleen Wharton the only reason I’m on UA-cam sweetheart! I have no one to love me and I’m dying alone!
I’ve Got The Gift Of GOODBYE
I understand! I am Too! But still Hoping! We can never Give up Hope!
When we told him we were leaving, he flew into a rage and did the whole not if I don't throw you out first routine. He has to be in control. So even if you leave, he may turn it into a grand power display of discarding you. Don't fear this. It's the beginning of freedom for you.
My ex had taken control of everything. My only option: I had to lay down and play dead until it was his idea to leave. It worked, but I don’t recommend it. It took years!
Moving forward, I will save and have three months of living expenses stashed in a private account, just in case I need it (for either living or work-related) to get out of dodge.
The Tempest Thank you so much! All my best to you on your journey too. ;)
When I'd had enough of his constant control and it's my way or the highway, he turned it around and he saved face by going to North Carolina to get our property up there ready for me to live in. He didn't love me. We had a pretend marriage and it became progressively worse over time. As a result, I lost 2 adult children initially but the last one, who is just like her dad once his estate settled. I knew in my heart when she got "daddy's money," she would be done with me. I was only a walking ATM MACHINE to her. The last time I saw her was just after Christmas 2019 when I came back from Pennsylvania visiting with my grandson. She decided to meet me and my sister at my bank so I could get my doggies. Shortly thereafter, we had a big blow-up on the phone with her husband lying and she took up for him.
I must admit, my stress level is lower and I'm calmer. It's really hard to love a child, you gave birth to and know you'll never see her again.
Michelle Morgan 👍👍👍👍👍. One thumb up wasn’t enough.
His power play was sad and pathetic. He is terribly threatened by Adam as well as your husband. May the Lord Bless and keep you all.
Enough was enough when he started hitting me at his dad's house. All because I found out about him and my supposedly best friend. Now I'm finally happy, why because I finally love myself.
Stella Mulkey,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Thank God, I survived, my faith got me through. I lost weight to 90 lbs. I felt sick all the time. He controlled me to the point of not seeing my friends, family. I was so glad I had a good job, a nurse, you'd think I would have known better. Finally, I left him and immediately got a lawyer. I was mad and I was not going to back down. I went after his pension, and i owned a business, he got the house. I told him that it's pay back for everything you put me through! I found the courage and I am in a happy place and hes moved on and is married to victim # 3.
I’m a nurse too
Stay at home mom now with two kids under 2
I feel powerless to leave
@@chrisharris2367 you are strong. It’s takes a village ask someone close for help with the kids. Try and go back into nursing again once you find purpose the urge to leave will become an action. U got this.
When I left my ex he told me I'd never find someone else like him,I was like thank fucking God
Yes. The narcissist’s 10 (plus) commandments:
1. Thou shalt not think. You are not smart enough. I will do all the thinking for you.
2. Thou shalt not speak. If I want your opinion I will give it to you.
3. You shalt not cook unless I tell you what to cook and how, because only I know what I like and how to cook it.
4. Thou shalt give me money whenever I need it because I have expenses and you always have money because you are too frugal.
5. Though shalt pay all my parking fines because if I have to go to jail it will be all your fault and you will live to regret it.
6. You shalt never complain if I want to be with other women. It is a man’s prerogative. And remember I don’t like weak women who get upset or cry.
7. If I call when I see your car gone you’d better answer the phone immediately or pay the consequences.
8. If You see I have “friends” over, you are not to call me. I will contact you when I choose.
9. You shall not complain if I never follow through on what I promise we would do together. My time is important.
10. If I need to use your car no matter what time day or night, you are to give it to me whether you have a scheduled appt or not.
11. I reserve the right not to bring your car back when I say I will because you never have anything important to do anyway.
12. You shall not provoke me with any questions. What I do is my own business and I don’t like nosy people.
I could go on.
Some of these are far more than narcissism. For example, a narcissist will just want you to know what they like and they want you to cook from them every day. They aren't usually militant or trying to create a robot because they need you to have faults. If they are just creating a robot it goes against their fuel needs. Also, they seem to like the crying woman lol. As long as she is crying out of guilt or something he can make her feel guilty about.
Almost I experienced are in. The list .it hurts me.and leave me whenni dont.have money to.give anymore.
@@Rumplegirlskin "they need you to have faults." THAT! Absolutely.
EPIC.. !!!
1-4 hit me like a punch.
Leaving a narcissist seems hopeless when theres children involved and you end up stuck dealing with that person anyway. 😥
Exactly- I don’t want to fight him in court because he’s evil
Get away or it will destroy your children....narcissists make children narcissists
I realized that any co-parenting was going to be a constant fight, so I stopped fighting. I treated him like a stranger and never discussed how I was parenting my children, so he couldn't argue with me about it. And I let him do his own thing with my kids. It was difficult to trust that he would take care of them in his presence. But I had to do it, for my own sanity. When he finally realized I wasn't going to try to co-parent, he stopped fighting too. I raised my children the best way I knew how. I gave him NO reason to take me to court in regards to the raising of my children. Two of them moved with him, and found out on their own what a mess he truly is. I didn't wish that on them, at all! But I needed them to see him for who he really is, without me standing up for him like I always had in the past. They both moved out of his house and on their own, soon enough. Our relationships have been strained, because I am sure they can't decipher the truth from his lies, but I just keep loving them and supporting them, hoping they will realize that I was never the "bad guy". My oldest boy speaks to me again and comes to visit when he can. My middle lady is still angry, but she is only out of his house for a year now. She has called me a few times, since moving out. I hadn't heard from her for 4 years. My youngest girl lives with me, so there is hope there!! Just be you, and I am sure your children will eventually see the light, like you did! But I know it is so hard to wait for this. Keep your children your first priority, and let go of him. He will "kill" you and your kids, slowly, otherwise. Good luck!
My ordeal....
I used the kids as an excuse to be trapped. By doing so I trapped them also. If you can't free yourself free your kids get out
25 years of marriage and I have lost me. I have no options I have been an at home mom to 7 children and 3 don't even speak to me anymore. He has destroyed my life and I counted at least 7 things in the list pertain to me. I have given up hope, I lost my chance to grow and become something besides a wife. I have been emotionally abused, embarrassed, and hopeless for so long that I don't know how to survive. I am demoralized and confused. Physically I'm sick with Crohn's and spiritually I am lost. I know I married a good man that has now become a monster. Please pray for me I simply can't live like this any longer. I miss me....
dawn franklin,your lovely smile can make the news!
I have just discovered the explanation why my life has been destroyed and could never work out what hell was going on now I have to escape
If you ask me, anytime is *good time* to leave the narcissist :)
As a judge I realized how many narcissists are on the bench- one reason to avoid the court system when at all possible..
My Narc husband says that "He hasn't Isolated me, YOU Isolated Yourself!!!" REALLY???!!!!????My Narc husband has Divided Loyalty with his Mother... How odd and disturbing!!! HE SHOULD BE MARRIED TO HIS MOTHER...🤢
Oh my god this brought out a cold sweat ,everyone of the ten characteristics .The constant criticism screaming at me ,snide remarks about my appearance .The narcs have an amazing ability to roll a grenade under your door ,you are just left shell shocked .They say things and you sit back and think you misunderstood them .They do throw you a few crumbs of encouragement to keep you hooked
Been out of narcissistic relationship for 3 years now. Put me off relationships as don't trust and I have no family support. My faith has kept me here. Thank God I'm still here.
🙏🙏🙏
I’m glad you’re still here too. ♥️
👋 I’m glad your here too!! 😊🌹
I'm moving out and on tomorrow! Enough may be enough but it's tearing me up inside. I'm feeling a lot of all different kinds of emotions, sometimes all at once! Overwhelmed is an understatement. I'm sad, scared, anxious, worried, excited, etc. I'm all packed, have family helping me move but I suck at goodbyes & worry how my kids and grandkids will take it. Will I still see them as often? Will I be ok going from a big house to a one bedroom apartment? Too many uncertainties while still trying to stick with my decision to leave. I'm trying to sort the whole thing out. All the while, my covert narcissistic husband says and does nothing! No closure, apologies or conversation at all. No emotion as if he doesn't care. I can't wrap my head around his response as while packing certain items or photos brings up family memories. But I can't cry in front of him. I haven't been comfortable showing emotion in his presence for awhile now. I cry myself to sleep at night alone in my own room. Any advice on how to get through the next few days as I start my new healthier journey?
Oh my God, I am on my way out too. And I never understood why he never reacts! But dear, this is the worst kind of hoovering called reverse hoovering. They just keep getting more evil and brutal. I understood that I was never as weak as he wanted me - so he double and triple the doses of silence treatment. The measage is: we don’t matter!
Hang in there - keep remembering what he did to u, until you subconscious acknowledge it! All the nice memories - store them away. They were never real.
I too have two adults kids, and I too am afraid of taking away the next face of life: when they marry and get kids, there will not be grandparents and childhood home. But I can not continue this life. I am getting physically ill, started using heart medication. If I get really aick I now understand he will not be by my side- at all!
Save yourself- simply because the kids you love so much need you!!
15 yrs married . Won the game by finally 'agreeing with him ,' Yes I am a terrible horrible person and you deserve someone 'better than me and I hope you'll be VERY happy ! Good Bye!
Emily Grace,hope you are not with a narcissist!
@@lioydwilliams1850 Not anymore . TY
@@debwebbowsky you deserve better my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?
@@debwebbowsky which country are you from?
"Loyal to alcohol"- and the superficial bar buddies that matter more than his own family. 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Nancy L just like my ex
@@Canaday291 So sorry.
I think many narcs are substance abusers, and alcohol is easily accessible.
@@Nancy-yw1rr i agree. My husband did the same thing. When i told him i would like to have a date night he told me "We aren't in high school anymore....."
@@flamingsword777 That's so sad. Then they wonder why we aren't thrilled to merely be in their presence...
@@Nancy-yw1rr exactly. They act like they are our heroes and fathers. I can tell it irritates him that i seek Jesus constantly. I feel like he feels threatened by this?
Best indicator you need to break up with a narcissist:
1.) You are dating a narcissist.
The ongoing keeping of secrets. Man. Made me distrust, lose feelings and feel like I'm going crazy when he said it wasn't happening and that I needed mental help.
And after all this they do to you the worst part about it is they turn it all around on you and say you are the one doing all this is them.
I had to walk away from my sister. She is a malignant narcissist and I have tried to deal with her for my 69 years. She is 84. It took me a long time to break away, obviously. I am divorced with no children and my sister and her 5 daughters are my only family so I continued to try and make it work. She has done everything from turning my nieces against me (mind you, she was an emotionally and physically abusive mother and I supported the girls through these years) and unfortunately they have turned out to be just as nasty as she is. I stayed with her for a few months and I had cockateils who she made me keep in my room...hottest room in the house in the summer, so it was important to keep the air on. I could not always leave work right at 5:00 and she didn't like that, so twice when I came home on 100 degree days my bedroom door was shut with no air conditioning and the windows in my room were shut. It was an oven in there. She wanted to make sure I would be afraid to stay later at work for what would happen to my birds. When you are working you don't really have a choice. I moved out directly after those episodes, and she cried and begged me to stay. She made moving out a complete hell. The stories I could tell. I may not have a family, but I no longer feel abused, devalued, and am finally living in peace. It helps to listen to your videos, thank you for taking the time to make them. ❤
What were your parents like? Was she spoiled and overindulged or were parents abusive and/or neglectful?
I totally understand, they are mean and illogical for absolutely no reason. God bless you 😇. I too have a acquaintance that is a narcissist. Its the hardest relationship to be in.I only speak to her if I have to. When I do, it's superficial.Any info she has about me will be lied about or embellished. I give her no power. She is truly a heinous person.
My sister's the same. She confuses me sometimes by giving way too expensive gifts but makes sure she breaks me down emotionally. She makes up horrible stories about my childhood and tells them to my daughter and husband.
Took me a while to figure it all out, narcissistic mother, my younger sister was the golden child & also narcissist. Just she and I now but she did me a favour by retiring to a city too far away for casual visits. Our last mtg was unpleasant and I thought “I’m 70 now, why am I putting up with this rubbish & disrespect”. We email occasionally but that’s it, it’s been 3 yrs now and a weight has gone from my shoulders. Took me a long time to realise for some reason she was jealous of me even tho’ she is materially better off, it I feel part of it was I am comfortable with being myself. I hve good friends and hve no regrets. My only misgiving is I suspect she has lied abt the reason for our lack of contact to cousins living overseas as I no longer hear from them regularly either. Ultimately I feel I am still better off for my own peace of mind.
Da. Wow. !!! . That's a shame but I am so happy to hear that you finally got the courage to get up and go sometimes as human beings I'm not necessarily talking to you it's everyone it's very hard when you're stuck financially sometimes to move away from these types of people and they just keep abusing and abusing and abusing and they . Never change. I had some of the same problems but in a different way. I recently stopped talking to my sister because I couldn't stand all the drama and I just felt like I was being belittled and put down and I was trying my hardest and my niece is neither one of them are any good either. Only to find out after all these years I spent a bad aunt which I never thought I was.? Who knew? . I think that some people are very funny when they want you to forget what they did in the past but they certainly want to bring up with you did in the past to me that's a hypocrite..... what's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander.. hope I said that right to everybody that might be reading this if you're in one of these relationships get out before you lose your sanity
They even want to control your thoughts ,,on events that happened to you out of there presence ,and if you confront it expect rage.
Omg sooooo true. He constantly tells me what happened or why I did something or what I was thinking over events wherein he wasn't even present!
How do these evil creatures survive thier whole lives without someone taking a bat and caving in thier skulls I have learned that I have way more control over my temper than I used to think I had but I still let the BS get to me and if she starts her crap early in the day I will be in a bad mood for most of if not all of the day and I don't know how much longer I can stand it 😔😔
Wow. With the possible exception of one indicator, my narc basically scored a 10/10.😳. Glad I am finally getting out and moving on. It can only get worse as time goes on. It has been hard, but I am hoping that leaving all the drama, lies, and chaos behind will lead to a calmer, more peaceful and abundant life. I wish the same for all of you who are enduring the abuse.
I need to let go. Hes so tied into everything. Its just... Exhausting.