When do narcissist show you who they really are? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 931
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- Опубліковано 27 лис 2023
- when do narcissist become their true selves in a relationship? What happens when a narcissist gets comfortable with you?
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
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Thank you so much
The things you ignore in the beginning of a relationship, will be the reasons you leave in the end.
That's so true!
💯
The gaslighting and lying are unbelievable
It's unreal what they'll use to create a false reality for you
Its tiring.
After 27 years of marriage, I saw who he really was. The abuse started and the masks came off. I kicked his ass out of the house. I won’t live with that!
🙏🏽🙏🏽
yeah 23yrs of which 11 married the entire time I’ve been accused of every immoral sexual act. Found out he’s been in an adulterous relationship. Filed for divorce and the mask came all
The way off, he’s been on a smear campaign telling our kids and his family that I’ve been cheating I hacked is phone have a track in g device, I found out that he lied about receiving social security check for the past 8 years forcing me to be the sole financial provider and sole care provider, apparently he’s got a pill addiction him & his mistress are junkies. He villainized me anytime I tried to speak on how he made me feel with his false accusations before Covid I was under constant stress and duress from being falsely accused, then with Covid he couldn’t accuse me of cheating at work so he started calling me whore and psychopath(stemming from me passing a lie detector for fidelity) I’ve spent more than half my life trying to defend my honor against false
Accusations and placate him and when ever I point out I’m unhappy that he doesn’t provide as a man
Of God should that he doesn’t contribute isn’t involved or anything that goes against the image he portrays to
The public then I am this horrible evil person. He has the audacity to think he some sort of prophet. We went to court a few weeks ago and he played full on victim with tears and everything. He refuses to move out it’s like he thinks That he will still live with me and the kids after the divorce I guess he thinks he has a chance at custody despite the fact he can’t provide for them and has never been involved in the care provider role
Wow after 22 years!
It took 27 years?
Uuuh
In my experience, it takes roughly 90 days for people to go from, "I can't live without you". To, "I can't wait to get away from you".
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My life use to say she couldn't live without me. Now that I'm becoming narc proof. She can't stand my ass. Lol
I agree, after 90 days there were huge red flags. I just thought he was young and immature and we would work it out as he grew up. That did not happen.
Yup! Completely! That's why jobs have that 90 day probationary period for new employees.
In the end they always show their true colours. Lies have short legs - sometimes longer - but lies always come to surface one day... But if they show you their real face - you see a monster infront of you. (Very evil!). It is hard to forget...
So true
They are exhausting. I'm so glad to be single.
😮💨😮💨💯💯
Well said!
It's like working a job you NEVER applied for. I'm so glad to be FREE! 💪🏾
He showed me after 15 years and only after I gave in and became the stay at home mom he wanted, completely dependent on him financially 😖
😞 healing season
We should get written contracts before doing that..
I went through the same thing after 15 years. And I'm so happy that I didn't have to depend on him financially.
You’re right Lee. My ex-husband and I got married quickly then moved in together. He’s a covert narcissist. I started seeing subtle signs of toxicity shortly after living together. Things weren’t bad 100% of the time. That was the confusing part. I’m so glad I left him and broke the trauma bond! My divorce has been finalized for over a year.
What were the subtle things that he did?
@@nadiaparvaiz1226 the shifts in his mood. For example, there was a time about a month after moving in where he was being passive aggressive. I was coming home from work. I arrived to our apartment and realized he had the chain in the door and I couldn’t get in. I called him to open the door for me. He had a tone in his voice as if he was irritated with me. Then he posted on Snapchat that he was a little bothered and needed to smoke. When I confronted him about it, he didn’t want to talk.
They give you little glimpses of themselves even in the lovebombing phase which you think is kind of off or not like their usual selves. In the end you realize they were showing their true colors in those small interactions but since they switch so quickly it was confusing .
THIS!!👏🏻👏🏻
💯💯💯
Yep! So many red flags in the beginning and I painted them green and put black shades on 🤦♀️ almost 13 years later, but I finally got it! Thank you, Lee! You helped me tremendously!! 🔥💣😎
you’re welcome !!
Perfectly said
Same for me but my intuition doesn't let em slide for long. Once I SAW I couldn't UNSEE so I ghosted.
He admitted to be talking to someone (new supply) so on the d ay of the. discard he acted like an animal he said the most hurtful things EVER! blamed me for everything , took no accountability and he even said he can get whoever he wants to get and I can go die if I want to. EVERYTHING you said is true , because I regret everything.
You caught him therefore he didn´t care anymore and the mask felt down. At least you saw the truth and you got out of it. But it is a very awful experience. Don´t look back - you are better off without such people.
Wow. That new supply really had him feeling powerful
I'm telling you...Lee has saved me $$$ in therapy because he lays it out straight. Thank YOU!
100% spot on. It is sickening. I do wish my eyes were open earlier, BUT it’s not too late.
😮💨😮💨
Be thankful they are not closed now😮
Yes, the better you make them feel, the worse they make YOU feel.
*Just get out. You're better than that psycho. The word salad, the games, lies, cheating. You don't need that. Most of them are insecure anyway. Get Out!* 💯❣️🙏🏾😅
That temporary change kept me STUCK for many years! I thought it was him really changing! We even went house hunting and he was talking about how we would fix the place up. 2 weeks later he broke up with me because I asked him what was going on with him and this other girl he was dealing with behind my back. He went off!! 🤣🤣 Then another time he changed again and told me I was his Wife 🤦♀️ said my Grandfather (Who died in 2018) told him to take care of me. My Grandfather didn’t even like him or ever had a conversation with him….a month later he broke up with me for a similar reason. The most toxic cycle I’ve been in I swear!! He’s an evil person, but I am on to him now! Cannot ever fool me again! And after our premarital counseling (no ring btw) SMH he folded up our worksheet and put it on my dresser and seemed so annoyed. It’s like he did all this stuff just to prove that he can be different, but it was very short lived. It’s a pattern with him and various other women and I’m just glad to have woken up! Our therapist told him he would be by himself if he didn’t change. 2 weeks later he was ready for premarital counseling! I didn’t know at the time she told him that. I just thought he had finally gotten it. I get on the call and she didn’t even know I was joining! She thought it was their individual session and that’s when he said on the call he was ready for premarital counseling. I believe it was just to prove something to her for saying that and also to keep me stuck in the cycle. So now, he’s apologizing to all his exes and past flings and saying how he’s changed and asking if they would give him another chance. 🤦♀️🤦♀️now he’s saying things like “I’m trying to find my wife” talk about delusional!!!! 🤪 I wish I had this info years ago!! Now I have to parallel parent with him because of our 7 year old!!! I hate that for me, but I only deal with him when absolutely necessary! I truly dislike him as a person. He’s sneaky, a liar, cheater, porn addicted, future faking Man Child! Pretty sure he sees my comments and idgaf anymore! Rant over.
Hey can I inbox you ?
Just seeing this. Sure!
Sneaky, Liar, Cheater, Porn Addicted (& alcohol), Future Faking man child. Yep... that's accurate.
As I became spiritually and mentally more awake, he became more and more toxic and awful- so sick and sad😢
I like the water faucet analogy. I’d like to offer my take on it. I feel like if hot water is love, and cold water is hate/resentment/abuse, the faucet is AWAYS running full blast. At first you’re getting a full blast of hot water only, there’s so much of it coming at you that you can barely handle it, but it’s a love overstimulation, so of course you stay. As time goes on, they start to back the hot water off, while opening up the cold water tap slowly. By the end, there is nothing but cold water, but it’s still coming full blast. You can’t handle it, and then you have to come to the cold hard realization, that you have to leave.
Genius comparison 🙌🏻
Yes, GENIUS. FuLL BLAST = always in fight/flight mode, always activated, never able to TRULY RelaX. 🤯😵💫🫨
Unfortunately, I met my narcissistic person in high school. I was a senior and she was a sophomore. We got married when I was 21 and divorced when I was 41. I ignored so much throughout our marriage. I thought that my marriage was coming to an end over 7 years ago, but I fought for it because I wanted my marriage and don’t believe in divorce. It hurts and I am healing. Your videos help a lot and I appreciate you for it.
Every person here appreciates your honesty Lee. When we are fighting the feelings of the trauma bond, laughter is the absolute best medicine. A massive thank you to you and Jessica for everything you do ☺You need to come to the UK ☺
It feels so odd that you bring such humor to such a dark and troubling reality for so many of us. But you do and it makes watching your videos easier and helps us all to wake up, one lesson at a time. Thank you Lee!
Humor helps alot in disturbing situations. It can relieve stress. 😅❤
It took her almost five years of being around me. We had on and off friendship. The first time she acted all entitled around me I thought my jaw was going to hit the floor. I have never seen anything like that before. Oh I’ve heard about it before but it’s different when you actually hear it. That’s when I stopped listening and walked away. Then she ghosted me for three weeks. I never looked back. She tried to Hoover me with a trinket. She just put it at my door. I put it back. Then she came to my door two weeks later and tried to talk to me. I told her i never wanted to hear from her again. I haven’t heard from her since. ❤️🖤❤️
At the end, they show their unmasked self at the very end, it's scary
On day one. You’ll see most of it when they’re emotional from sad to angry.
💯‼️
I wish I'd left at the first red flag. It got worse after that.
100% when they feel like they got you, the mask falls off. Oftentimes they'll smile and laugh at your discomfort, especially if you gave up alot to be closer to them.
The MINUTE they know you’re hooked!!
This was a long time ago and you have to realize
we didn’t have access to all this information. I’m 68 years old. It was a totally different society. He had never laid a hand on me before.
He was a “typical” NY loud Italian, so this behavior was not out of character. He traveled so this wasn’t a constant berating. I just think the pressure of me having a terminal illness the last 4 years, having an affair and not being able to handle all of “us”, and drinking too much was his undoing. It has been 5 months ago today since our altercation. I am sad. I spent half my life with this man. Guess I’ll spend the rest of my life without him, but I’m okay with that. At least I’m okay❤
When you move in with them. They will be on their A game and turn on you like à venomous snake.
BELIEVE THEM
For me, it was with each shady behavior uncovered and questioned
Same! He would tell me he doesn’t like being questioned. Boy bye!
My Husband slowly progressed into his narcissism (and substance abuse) over the years. I have no regrets..we had lots of good times. The turning point was when he decided he was going to "stay home and sell weed" ..and then he actually yelled that he was "proud to be a Narcissist". That's like saying "I'm proud to be an adult 3 year old." That was the moment I left. He has never addressed these issues with me. Lee helped me understand that he.might not be able to. I Love him and I'm grateful for the good memories. It's just that those behaviors are on my "absolutely not" list. I was clear about that from the beginning.
Stay home & sell weed? Oh man. That's pathetic🙄Glad you got away & at least had some good times, kept your boundaries.
I feel the same. I love him. But for everything I have in me I can't let go. I haven't met much people, he was good to me. He got mean. I feel like idk who he was. This person now tells me to go away and ask the Lord to shut me up. Unfortunately, the Lord didn't shut me up .... He opened my eyes. I can't let go. I feel I will never see him again. He's he only person I know. It was suggested I go and find some friends and look for no income assistance. I love him with my whole heart..I love you Sweetheart. It hurts to think of a future without you. You were my future. You asked me to marry you.
Brother, you're great. Thank you for your honesty and ability to heal and remain Team Healthy!
you’re welcome. thanks for being here
He is. 👍👍
All of the things he said he loved about me were the things he really hated.
YES! I even told him this too.
Theyve been exposed which I now regret because at least I had the love bombing. I have been isolated to a back room. I barely cross their path, or anyone else’s, all day. On one hand it’s a blessing but why be here then? But it’s my job so…And They’ve turned everyone against me. I am now crazy and paranoid. This is the fourth time I fell for a Narcissist. Starting with my parents. I should know better.
My ex covert narcissist was able to be nice 45 minutes out of one month.
The day our son was born in 2012, my ex said " If I ever divorce him, I will never see our son again. Plus, he said... I will pay him child support!" Not to mention he told me he has a sniper rifle and knows how to use it! I won't even know it's coming! I knew leaving was going to be hard but not this hard! I'm exhausted with everything still happening! Please pray for me and my son.
It was hard leaving after 20 years. 10 years married. Unemployed, physically sick, ptsd, depression, anxiety, 3 kids and pregnant with number 4, zero balance in savings.
Still dealing with court cases 3 years after the split. But I’m stronger, my beauty is coming back, have an income and the multiple legal cases we have against each other are all tipped in my favor
It’s harder at the beginning but gets easier with time. Take it one day at a time. Easier said than done but definitely doable and undoubtedly 100 times better than staying no matter how bad it gets when you leave
When he realized how much I liked, cared for him AND how loyal I was to him. 😣
😮💨😩
So true! The mask falling off was funny to imagine 😂 and so revealing of the true nature of the narcissist! Just experienced this!
Do narcissists know that they are narcissists? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Thanks.
Some know, some don't, but they all know they're doing bad things and don't care.
Lee has some great videos about this if you have a scroll through.
Some do especially those who dabble in black magic
If they're religious they probably believe they're anointed and protected and you are the toxic one.
it is the belief that they can get away with their shit. that they will be successful in committing their crime.
He told me after about 16 yrs. of marriage & horrid behaviors on his part that he was gonna have to take his kid gloves off with me. For me, that came out of left field. I didn’t even know what he was talking about.
it is not a relationship. its an assault.
😮
When they starting to get comfortable then it begins😮
Great video on this topic. Thank you! It helped me understand the hot and cold I experienced with my former narc relationship. Please to a segment on what to do when running into the narc in public after going months of no contact, how to avoid awkward encounters.
🙏🏽💪🏽
Every chance they get! If I would have known about the red flags earlier, it would have been a wrap for me!
I mistaken my soon ex husbands issues for alcoholism, now i realize what he is! I seen dark eyes and a voice shift in him at his brutal discard 😈 12 years of my life and the divorce is a nightmare because hes an habitual liar.
The accuracy of this video Lee is Spot on!! even down to the Maya Angelou quote for me. again thank you
Yep. He thought he had me and went off the deep end, but I got away same day. I will say, seeing that for myself helped me understand how toxic relationships I’ve seen for years happened.
You are very genuine, and I appreciate all the acknowledge, and helping me through my Keeling journey. So thank you for all your awesome context.!!
They are comfortable being exposed for the hacker, cyberstalker they are.
Disrespectful jokes, harmful or unwanted physical contact isn't love and its not overreacting to walk away from it.
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💯💯💯Again! Trust the "situation." Makes so much sense!
"They got 12 months to lose their damn minds."😅🤣😂
Thank God for giving me the knowledge to see the Red Flags before it was too late."Glory🎉"
Wow watching your videos show me I was dating a narcissist at the time I didn’t know 🥺
🙏🏽
Love the new intro ❤it’s absolutely fire 🔥
Thank you
I wish I knew about your channel sooner. I am very thankful
🙌🏾♥️
The reaction abuse behavior is definitely my ex... she video recorded me and then told the police i threatened her.. i got arrested, guys, fought and Won my case..then built myself up and she came back into my life.. i stupidly took her back. Guess what, she started recording me all over again and i knew better to get the hell away. im moving soon and boy.. im asking for prayers. It is easier said than done. They use the videos, they use the text messages as well. You were a good person and of course u feel bad for acting out of character but be smart RUN❤
You dont want to see who they really are its dangerous seriously! They dont have to put a finger on you to hurt you tremendously
Loved this ❤
this is criminal behavior. it is domestic abuse.
This is true, the day i moved in with him, literally when we were moving my stuff from the van into his, it shot up! There was alot of red flags at the start but i was so caught up with the love bombing! At the start he told me he was pit on this world to bring karma to people 😳
God i love you lee!
I was with my ex husband for almost 23 years but have known him for going on 36 years and when he decided to say bye he became really, really mean. Now he has nothing to do with me or our two children. It us a sad situation for a person to check out mentally.
Narcs dealing with me in person are in for a whole different reality than on social media. I'll shut any abuse down pretty quick. Once my ex-husband started his abuse, I let him know I wouldn't tolerate it. He left soon after that and hasn't been back.
God bless you for your honesty. I got burned recently.
🙌🏾🙌🏾 stay strong
There IS no living with that! I told him im NO lion tamer
Great episode
Thank you
My ex waited until we got married to take off the mask, and I served them papers 2 years later. Really wish I considered those flags before but you live and you learn. Many years away from it and it's still single. Meanwhile, I've been happily remarried for many years and it still claims I was the “problem”. My reply is always sure 🤷♂️
💯💯
"When people show you who they are believe them."- Nicole Brown's sister during the OJ Simpson trial.
Maya Angelou
@mzlee333 of course, this is her quote shortened.
During the OJ Simpson trial, Denise Brown (sister) recounted several incidences where her sister was either verbally abused or physically abused in public from him,which started NOT to long after they got married.
✅ Correct Lee👍👍🧐
💖💙💙💙💙💙💜✅! Hi everyone have blessed day! Walk away ppl please 🥺🥺 ty 988
When they think you can’t leave
Yessssss first red flag was in Malaysia!!!!
Do one of acting out over guilty conscience
Someone once said narcissist ALWAYS use filters on their photos. Think that's true?
not all
😂😂 🚩Dont Fold dem up n put them n the draw 🤣🤣
He always wanted a daughter. Probably to try to manipulate her like he does ALL the women in his life. 3.5yrs later, we had a son. I was left in that hospital alone for 2 days . When asked why he wouldn't just start paternity leave, he said "I want to start Friday not earlier". What?? He was Totally comfortable being an asshole.
Lol you specially bought red flags hahahhahahahha🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mine technically...6mos in. By then I was pregnant. I thought things were going to change with our first child. It did alright!! 😢
You deserve better 🙏🙏 I hope you have support 💕
Your new intro reminds me of a soap opera intro😂 I keep picturing the y&r or something 😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Well I did get a silver bracelet in 2021 when everyone got that $1400 stimulus check I was surprise but I didn't wear that much because I didn't want mess it up but I got it through in my face for not wearing it all the time that what made me think he was changing with me showing his good side and making me think he finally appreciated me once but it still didn't work out in my favor
Nope no forgiveness here
I have seen the red flags and it's been a year already . It's just that in the beginning of the relationship I told him some confidential information about myself and 😂 yep I think you can get the picture 😅 .. The only way i was able to identify that he was a narc is because i grew up in that dysfunction so it didnt take me long to analyse those toxic patterns and realise that the man that i really love ticks all the boxes of a covert narcissist. My prayer is that he realises that he has that problem and he gets some help. But i am also being realistic when i say that only HE can make that change by stepping forward and owning up.
❤️
When? Depends. Could be two seconds, two days, or two weeks. There are no exceptions.
Looking to book a session with you but can’t get in touch. Please reply🙏
www.mentalhealness.net
lol so just rating on yourself
Lol "Mask arthritis"
Bruh, "😅mask arthritis"?
😂😂😂😂😂
Hand arthritis 🤣
Lee is crazy....🤣Mask arthritis.😂
Bless you again bottom line stay away from these people 🙏
Are you a Gemini? Why all the narcissistic men are Gemini?
Do you need a thumbnails for this viddo
🤔
@@MentalHealness yes buddy iam professional thumbnail designer
@@MentalHealness lets talk about give you eye catching thumbnails:)
@@MentalHealness if you publish a eye catching thumbnails for every video, your channell will looks eye catching
Mask arthritis 😆🤦🏽♀️
The new intro is cool but not sure it matches your energy. 😊
appreciate it
🤦♀️
He's gay and I'm straight.
Yeah after 2 months lol lol