A decent person would treat you with respect the entire relationship and not play stupid games. You Deserve stable and empathetic people in your life. Detach👍
The more you tolerate the less they respect you but the more you argue against what they have done and stand up for yourself they tell you your toxic or gaslight you or tell you you are too much .. so they don’t respect you either way
Oh, but once I start detaching, they all of a sudden want to start acting like they care, and that they want to put in the work to better themselves and they should’ve done it a while ago.😏
@@loyaldior2950 Exactly, it's probably just a competition "how dare you be better than me", and then they try again to make you like them. But you always have to keep them at a distance and be cool, so they will really respect you.
Narcissists dont have self respect let alone respect for others. A narcissist is a scared toddler who is afraid of its own shadow. Narcissists knows their final destination is the lake of fire. Some of the narcissists are suffering with a terminal illness before they transition with death.
What gets me is how we forgive the narcs in our lives for awful things... But some of them will start accusing us of things we didn't do, of things THEY'RE doing (projection), and of losing respect for THEM, and THEN they start losing respect for us because of "what we're doing to them." Just... Ugh!
Whatever they say you’re doing - is what they are doing. They are literally telling on themselves. When they say “ you are” they mean “I am.” It’s always their confession listen carefully
@@jessiiica07 oh, I know that now, thanks to Lee! I used to try to understand where the accusations were coming from, why they seemed to come out of nowhere or continue even after I tried to show proof that I didn't do the things I was being accused of. But now, I see it. But my ex STILL denies EVERYTHING. He refuses to admit ANYTHING he did, even though I now KNOW what he did.
@@lorcashine it is! I've never felt so crazy in my whole life. And there have been many times when I felt pretty mentally strained beyond capacity. But this takes the cake!
In a healthy relationship, respect should deepend over time and grow. With a narcissist it's the reverse. They pretend you are amazing in the beginning and give you all the "respect and value" during the lovebombing and then over time these fade off and are replaced by contempt and disresepct. Their anger deepens over time and the disrepectful behaviors increase.
You want a narcissist to respect you because when they respect you, they can’t hurt you anymore that’s the only reason. I discarded mine two weeks ago and let me tell you. He respects me now. And he’ll respect me till the day he dies because I’m not going back with him. That’s how you get them to respect you.
How to spot a narcissist male or female golden advice : They treat strangers or people they barely know better than you despite for how long and deep your connection is with them. I've had that too many times in my life. With friends, exes, and the last woman I loved. Never again, will I get attached or love or do shit for anyone who didn't deserve it.
Feels so good to be able to sit here and smirk watching these videos because I’m free of my Narc . Months ago I couldn’t stomach watching these videos because it was a reminder of the abuse . . You couldn’t tell me I would be where I am at this moment months ago .
"The more you tolerate, the less they care" 🤯Surely you can't do right for doing wrong.. They also get annoyed if you call out their behaviours and the mask slipping..
I hear that but I don't get it because I might not be interested in you but if I'm going to interact, I will be considerate. How people treat you says more about them, than you. Unfortunately, you have to protect yourself because people are often really reckless with the finer points of life.
In my 28 years in a Narc marriage, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out their actions and make sense of it all as it confused me to no end. Then I realized something, the Narc obviously had a bad childhood. As their spouse, they treat you bad because they see you as their father or mother and want to punish you like they were punished. They want you to experience their childhood pain. That's a big factor and another factor they go through is being someone else. They want to be popular and travel, etc. They just lose their minds as they get older and start doing worse things.
I totally agree with you! I also think they punish their partners cause they hate their parents and want to punish THEM for their terrible childhood. But since they can't admit it, they transfer the parent role onto their partner/child etc. and punish them instead. That's very twisted.
You are right. And they never experienced love themselves so how can they show you... Simple: That is not possible. They experienced a lot of negative things and lost their true self as a child (they gave up their true self). They created a false-self (their imaginary friend so to say - their grandiosity). In fact they died a long time ago. It is true they show you what they experienced in childhood... (horrible).
Wow I divorced my ex husband that was toxic he hated his mother growing up. Never took responsibility for any of his actions. Now that his mother is 80 or close to that he is the only child that takes care of her visits 4 times a week takes her to doctor. When we were married my mother passed away n I was taking care of my brother n father. My husband told me to chose between him or my father. That was easy.
We were meant to meet these people so we can overcome deception/manipulation and rise above the illusion they present. It was all an illusion. Take the lessons and heal the parts of you that fell for it. You’re not at fault for loving or wanting love. It was simply meant to happen as part of our journey towards God/Truth/Love.
It really is a catch 22 with them. If you leave they flip out, if you stay they have ZERO respect and treat you horribly 😫 I decided to go with respect and peaced out ✌🏽
Definitley they never let you be ahead of them. You are always in a competition. (I was in a hard competition - you can imagine a taurus zodiac sign like me and a narcissist - simple a firework-combination). But not fun (for me really it was not). The taurus had never a chance and finally I even understand that is better to quit (me a stubborn taurus).
Your star sign hasn’t got anything to do with it. You have childhood wounds that are in relation to needing outsourced validation. There is a fear of abandonment and rejection trauma still unhealed from your childhood. This wound is why the Narcissist could keep you trapped. Confident people don’t need to justify themselves or prove themselves to those that they don’t fear being judged from. Strong people walk away from wild allegations that hold no merit and smart people don’t argue with idiots. But strong or smart doesn’t mean a thing when we have a wound that disarms those characteristics. The narcissist knew you could be hooked the first time they met you. They don’t waste time on risky investing that they can’t Extort and use.
@@brickmate4802 My star sign had to do with all great fights I had. But yes sure if I didn´t have a psychiatric ill mother sure maybe wouldn´t fall for that person. You are right here. And if I learned something about narcissm in school also not.
So incapacitated to reflect on their wrong and accept it and take accountability ... Always blame shifting, always projecting... It is not your battle to fight... Imagine waking up being that everyday... They wake up with tension everyday... That's hell
So basically you’re saying it’s a catch 22? There’s literally no way to be in a relationship with these people because you forgive and try to work it out and they lose respect but then you walk away and you’re not with him anyway. Wow that makes it so clear. Thank you.
@@MentalHealnessSo how do we get them to be self aware?!?!!! It drives me nuts how he blames everything on me that HE does…..and it’s like it never sinks in no matter what… I don’t even bother talking to him anymore because it’s like talking to a brick wall…. Ugh 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
The only way to have their respect is to be calm (don’t freak out or get overly emotional). Do not scream , cry back. Keep your composure and be calm. State your boundaries ONCE not repeatedly. Do not argue when they are deflecting. Would you argue with a wall? No. But arguing with a narcisst is essentially the same. They aren’t listening and they don’t care. They know already what they did no need to point it out or explain. Less is more in communication. If you break up just say it’s run it’s course and that he or she should see other people now. You are done. That’s it. Don’t get mad or emotional just leave. I can understand how they think. When I’m a beep and hold my ground when they are an a hole I can tell they respect me more. That said I’m a classy beep. I just say yeah it’s over take care. Block. The end. No drama. Love yourself more than them. Think of it as levels. The narcisst is standing on three stacked pillows. You’re standing on three stacked pillows. On the same level. But then he takes two of your pillows and puts it under his own. Now he’s taller and looking down on you. If you say “that’s okay!! Be better than me and keep my pillows to stand on.” He sees it as weakness and is disgusted because he can look down on you. Why are you okay being on the lower level? Now he’s looking at other women who he didn’t take their pillows from someone on his level. But but if you grab a chair and stand on that? You’re strong and you’re on the same level as he is. If you say “hey! I’m done. “ Boom he respects you even better if you go to another room and put a gate around your space. ALWAYS hold yourself in HIGH esteem and no matter WHAT a narcisst does do NOT let them break you or take what makes you charismatic, confident and hot. That’s how they respect you. Another last thing is if you stop respecting yourself because you keep taking it so does he. In a bizarre way narcissts are mirrors to show us how much we love ourselves! If you’re tolerating it you’re not loving yourself. In a way a narcissist teaches you to self love if you haven’t learned it already. Love the shht out of yourself! Be your own biggest fan! Every time my narcisst ex insulted me I immediately said “No I’m smart.” Or “No I’m strong.” Or “that’s interesting. I feel confident.” I never let him decide for me what my worth is. If he gave me a compliment like “you have a nice bum.” I would say “I know.” I did it to show him your flattery nor your insults shape my own perception or my own truth about myself. I am highly self aware. You can’t make me more confident with compliments or insecure with insults. Furthermore, I already know all my shortcomings and strengths so nothing hurts me if it’s pointed out. I am that confident. I would either agree and work on it with no emotional response or disagree with no emotional response. But there’s no trigger no button to press with me because I’ve literally went through all my traumas and baggage already. I deal with my stuff that’s why I don’t get emotional about it. I think that shocked him but I’m proactive. Know that you’re the shht just like the narcisst. Something drew him or her in. Keep that. What ever it was that was a magnet to you keep it! Don’t lose it. When I’m dating a narcisst and he puts me down I like to say this “Are you obsessed with me yet? I feel bad. This is what men do with me when they fall in love. You’re scared of how much you care and that’s why you’re being a j*rk. I don’t think we are going to work because this always happens. You’re becoming too addicted to me. Putting me down so I don’t know how hot I am. Sorry I don’t want this.” That will drive them nuts.
To quote Dr. Maya Angelou "I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt." Similarly I have found that true respect towards others starts with self respect, that's why narcissists can't respect most people for long because it's flimsy and based on shallow factors. For example, people who have self respect don't live in an alternate reality. So they won't gaslight because it's a sign of weakness of character. A person who isn't narcissistic will just disagree with someone try to come to consensus and if not move on.
The more I tolerate the less he cares...so I tie myself in knots to wonder why...big penny drops and, of course, Lee helps me to see why. They push and push till you're at your limit....they push to see when you will break IMO
And every time you do that, or get hoovered back into the relationship, it gets a little worse because the boundaries have moved a bit more into unacceptable territory. It's a total mess.
I had that happened to me n I told him I feel the exact same way for some time he looked at me with a big shock on his face and I told him about time now he knows how I felt n he ghosted me for a month every week he would send a text with a laughing emoji and I would send the same finally he chose to call ask me how was i doing n we got back together for a short time and then I ghosted him threw him off n he started following me an accusing again cause I wouldn't respond to him finally I just said enough is enough a year now we haven't been in contact had to change all my phone numbers n platforms I was on . Now I have peace finally
The nex lies every time his lips are moving. And our adult daughter actually did lie to him, he found out about it. He threw such a fit, he disinherited her. Mind you, she was just protecting her sanity. She went no contact and told him where to put his money.
Exactly Lee. Explaining to a narc other people's brains don't work like theirs and other people are mentally healthy and out to. Love authentically without games, drama and chaos is like talking to a wall. They assume everyone else has the same twisted agenda's as them
Omg that’s so true! He used to say that no matter what he throws at me I stick around. It’s funny because I would have NEVER tolerated those things with anyone else, but damn I loved him so much. I guess I was pretty pathetic. Thank you for your videos and your honesty, I let him go a few weeks ago, he finally did something too low down dirty and that was just enough. Your videos have helped me understand this damaged guy .
Well when they start to see you different and treat you differently, Pull back and see and treat them differently as well and dont set no time table when you get ready to do this , These people are aware of what their doing it's that folks been letting them get away with it for so long that makes them feel important and entitled, don't entertain anything one-sided
Was it ever respect? Or did we just have what they wanted and they did what they had to do to get that? I don't think a narcissist will ever have real, healthy respect for anyone.
I put up my New boundaries- held him at his word- keeping him accountable- BAM! He flipped out and began going crazy- I kicked him out and even though we are married- yes- divorce hearing is in a few weeks. It hurts- I miss the “nice guy” but it’s not even real! He’s gone crazy- I kicked him and his stuff out1 then he blocked me after I ignored his texts a few weeks. He went nuts.
Thanks for always keeping me on track with the brutal honesty I NEED!!! 💙✌️🤗 49 days and counting NO contact (rumination makes it still feel like yesterday)! Keep moving forward ya'll!
I'm 28 days no contact after just getting back together for being separated two years completely no-contact it only lasted 5 months terrible decision to even give it another chance 34 years of marriage
EVERYTHING YOU ARE FEELING I PROMISE YOU IF YOU STAY NO CONTACT. YOU WILL BE BETTER. If I can do it so can you. Seek a PSYCHO THERAPIST. OR EVEN get therapy from this channel.
@@kandycortez2982. He WILL NEVER CHANGE. HE WILL ALWAYS COME BACK. YOU WERE HIS MAIN SOURCE OF SUPPLY…. RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. HE ONLY CAME BACK TO CAUSE YOU FURTHER HARM.
@teesahurt2074 ✔️I actually requested a therapist who specialized in trauma AND an understanding of NPD. I had my "last" session today and ALOT of commitment & work on my part! I am ~71days out NOW (still NO contact, different state, broke as F from all the debt BUT happy and alive!) and I am really feeling I am on a whole new life path for the first time IN MY life. There will be no turning back at this point. Thanks for your words. 💙 ✌️🤗💪to ya'll!
100 % the truth. In fact you don´t lose anything. On the opposite you get your freedom back and also on the long run the person you once were (from day to day it gets better and better). Just be happy and move on without anything toxic in your life.
I personally don’t believe that narcissists are capable of respecting people. They may respect what others are capable of offering them though. I also don’t believe that they are capable of valuing others. They merely value what others can offer them.
YOU FINALLY SHOW THEM YOU ARE FED UP AND WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT CRAP AGAIN, PICK UP YOUR SELF RESPECT YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE AND.WALK OUT THAT DOOR. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE GIFT OF GAB, ladies be honest if you never.chased a man,.why does it matter what they feel. Be strong be yourself.you.do.not have to chase amyone if you.know that is not the womans place. A MAN THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU.CHOOSE NOT TO MARRY OR BE IN A.RELATIONSHIP.YOU HAVE TO.CHASE TJEM,.WJEN.ON THE OTHER HAND ITS.YOUR DECISION.POINT BLANK.
Yes and the less you start forgiving them, it seems the worse it gets. At first they’ll be all nicey nice.. then when you don’t fall for it, it’s like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.. all of a sudden it’s gaslighting, blame shifting, criticisms, belittling etc.. showing you that their niceness and caring was all BS and showing who they really are! 🙄😒 they a whole azz 🤡
It’s so hard especially when kids are is involved. I have a Narcissistic sibling and I miss my nieces/nephews dearly. It’s one of the most hurtful things because you know they’re telling the children things that are not true
Omg that is so true i couldn’t figure it out until after observing him for a while and i call him out on everything and he said to me I’m only finding faults in him. He did it all and stop a bit and started back exactly what you’re saying. I was confused because he never checked on me at all and I couldn’t understand that. I don’t need anything from him just for him to stay out of my life.
My father last week went into a rage when i ask him to just wash oven after use so it wont let dirty for a month (like it used to), he went crazy and warned me if you dont like to live there better look for an apartament until end of a year (fine by me i will free myself from them).... They does not have any respect to you, and only wants to use you as a tool.
Why I do not want a child from him ever in this lifetime is because he is going to bully me on motherhood, that's how far I think... Not for fertilization
In some cases of NPD and favorable conditions idealization may last over 1 year.People with NPD differ dramatically. Some of them have low energy and aren't keen on confrontations and changes (which are energy consuming) so they feel at ease in inertia.Some may suffer from kind of depressive state. Generally they thrive on plenty of superficial social contacts and have quite good PR.If you date such a type (and you don't live together) the illusion of a perfect relationship he creates for you both can be really comfortable for him as well and he drag his feet about getting out. But he does eventually since he can't help it.
@mentalhealness plain and simple… lust not love, right? There is never any respect in any stage/ form of manipulation is reality. Idealization =idolization period. “Opposition attracts “ in dynamics that already exist within both sides and don’t forget y’all, there truly is the middle part in every story of either side.💜🙏💜🕊️
Yes, you’re my favorite self aware narcissist!! ❤❤Thank you Thank you for all the information.. it’s helped me leave my narc the f! Alone God bless you❤❤
ya I agree when you said "they still don't respect you like they used to"....so true. The respect love and admiration will not go back to the way it was in the beginning...
Stuff them losing respect you start to lose it for yourself 🥹 walk away, stay away and learn to love and respect yourself ❤️🩹 you come out stronger and more resilient 💪
Your videos are just the right amount time to retain the information you share and str8 to the point. Thank You for what you're doing. It's hard to believe that as generous as you are with this REAL information, you yourself are a diagnosed narc, which makes it all the more fascinating.
7:31 ohhhhh yessssss you teach ppl how to treat you. When you dont have boundaries in place there is no limit to the disrespect that they will dish out.
Let me say this first before I say anything else, I have alot of appreciation for Lee himself and the great effort he puts into healing his wounds and becoming more emotionally intelligent. Also for the effort he puts into helping other people and giving them emotionally regulated ways to deal with their own issues. It's all very admiral. HOWEVER there is so much misinformation out there about the topic of narcissism. So much muddling the water between--- "HIGHLY NARCISSISTIC STYLE" and "TRUE NPD". There is a massive difference between the two and because of that and the many different nuances in people it is going to be very important how these two SEPARATE situations are handled. It does matter and determines the true healing of someone who has been exposed to it. Someone who is being narcissistic in the way they relate to you is very different on the emotional and subconscious level of someone who has the actual personality disorder. The great importance of knowing what you're dealing with is massively overlooked and it's causing people to be even more confused not only about the personal relationship dynamic but also more confused about themselves. I highly recommend Richard Grannon and Professor Sam Vaknin for a better understanding of the N personality disorder and how you fit into their "world". The Little Shaman also has a fantastic talent for explaining NPD in a way that is very easy to understand but I do suggest you listen to Grannon/Vaknin first and then go to the Little Shaman so she can help you digest the information in a less convoluted way. ---🤍
I had two narcissists as friends in the past but both had some things in common. One of them was how they really wanted to travel with plane to visit me, like really pestering over it and then in return wanted me to go visit their home. I never understood what this was about, especially when my home is rather not appealing to have visitors in but one of them was petty to later use my situation against me to make herself feel like shes doing so much better than me
The sudden devaluation, literally overnight, was accompanied by "you lied! You played me!". I have never done any such to anyone. But guess who WAS a liar and a player? If you guessed him...1st prize!
And I would just like to put a little backstory on this particular subject. I stood up to my former foster dad and told him he does not have the right to tell me what to do, and boss me around and act like you, know, high and mighty, and he looked at me dead square, my eyes, dumbfounded, and then he wanted to slap me because I stood up for myself, but he didn’t put his hands on me, he never fought with me again afterwards because he knew I was right. He just didn’t want to say anything.
@@MentalHealness i’d like to add that I have not spoken to my former foster father, and almost 18 years and I have no intention of trying to have a conversation of any kind with him because of how he carries himself it’s very disgusting and those around him don’t see what he’s done they want to sweep it under the rugwhich is quite sad
I’m an educated individual….but nothing prepared me for the “AHA” moment. Kids and a military career kept me ‘going’ and staying with a malignant narcissist.
Truth. My narcissist came into my life after my dog died and then went through the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Be strong and go no contact if you can.
Tnx Lee! This is absolutely true. I was kind and blind. I left but in her mind i was weak showing love and affection. I didn’t know about narcissism but now it’s all true what’s you saying.
He was showing me your videos telling me that I'm doing stuff, and I'd feel hurt and not listen at first, but when I really listened all I heard was you talking about him. Then when I left he emailed me don't "Mental Healness me" like he knew what I was thinking about him, cause I definately was
Mine cat-fished me after I told him to sod off, several months went by and I'd almost forgotten about him and his nonsense. He lost so much respect for me that he pulled a stunt like that, but I realised it was him after a couple of days and called him out, and he vanished into thin air! WTF?!? He was the one that ended up looking like an idiot, all of our mutual friends have totally lost respect for him because of this crazy behaviour!
Love your amazing wife! 😊 Proud of you, Lee! Please keep up the great work! We NEED this education! 💯 Biggest, brightest blessings to you guys and your family! 🙏🏻
Hey Lee. I really appreciate you keeping it real with us. I do think it is important for you to be honest and not beat around the brush when we have exited these relationships, especially when we are still trauma bonded. If you are interested, I would like hearing your perspective on how narcissists view enablers and flying monkeys? People that defend them no matter what they do? Would the same be true that you said in the video because they got away with doing stuff and they defend them still? Or do they view them as superiors or what? Just would be an interesting thing to hear about.
"The more you're ride or die for this person...the MORE they disrespect you." Wow!💯💯
So very sadly true. 😢😔
Absolutely true
Absolutely true!
So true.
A decent person would treat you with respect the entire relationship and not play stupid games. You Deserve stable and empathetic people in your life. Detach👍
Absolutely 💯 💛💜
🙏🏽
Absolutely!
It's exhausting, just leave damn!
That part !!! Thank you
I feel like they lose respect for you when they figure out that they can no longer manipulate you.
💯
@@bossupathomewithtequila exactly 👍
It's when you forgive them. They despise your kindness
The more you tolerate the less they respect you but the more you argue against what they have done and stand up for yourself they tell you your toxic or gaslight you or tell you you are too much .. so they don’t respect you either way
Yup! 100%! Either way, you're screwed being in a relationship with them. Because it's ALWAYS going to be a lose, lose situation with them! 🙄😏😵💫
Yep your right. As soon as you stand up for yourself they say it’s too much for them. If you tolerate it they devalue you.
Oh, but once I start detaching, they all of a sudden want to start acting like they care, and that they want to put in the work to better themselves and they should’ve done it a while ago.😏
💯💯💯
This, and they will accuse you for playing games with them ...
@@LukiGames0 when is really them doing that to you.😏
Fkem they childish dumb boring mfs
It seems like they think the end is inevitable some day, but they want to call it whenever they want to, if only to save face. 🙄
A narcissist is the last person who should talk about people having flaws.
The respect in the beginning is all about personal gain
Hmmm that’s good!! Didn’t think about that
Spot on! I also think so... They know exactly what they can get out of you.
No in the love bomb stage imo she dome loads for me...That switches later..
Yes, and the more you treat them like garbage, the more they respect you.
🤔
They sum backward mfs
Who knows what they think, because they don't even know. Half the time, they're just spitballing anyway. 😂
So true when i treated him like he treated me seems like he liked it 😂 even others who treat him bad he gives them multiple chances it's weird.
@@loyaldior2950 Exactly, it's probably just a competition "how dare you be better than me", and then they try again to make you like them. But you always have to keep them at a distance and be cool, so they will really respect you.
Narcissists dont have self respect let alone respect for others.
A narcissist is a scared toddler who is afraid of its own shadow. Narcissists knows their final destination is the lake of fire.
Some of the narcissists are suffering with a terminal illness before they transition with death.
Lake of fire?!? 😂😂😂😂😂 that is hilarious!!
@@ThallonRose yep
@@ThallonRose🤣🤣🤣 look at Tom jones over here ? 😅
What gets me is how we forgive the narcs in our lives for awful things... But some of them will start accusing us of things we didn't do, of things THEY'RE doing (projection), and of losing respect for THEM, and THEN they start losing respect for us because of "what we're doing to them." Just... Ugh!
💯💯
Whatever they say you’re doing - is what they are doing. They are literally telling on themselves. When they say “ you are” they mean “I am.” It’s always their confession listen carefully
@@jessiiica07 oh, I know that now, thanks to Lee! I used to try to understand where the accusations were coming from, why they seemed to come out of nowhere or continue even after I tried to show proof that I didn't do the things I was being accused of. But now, I see it. But my ex STILL denies EVERYTHING. He refuses to admit ANYTHING he did, even though I now KNOW what he did.
🤣God, SO true! Crazy-making.
@@lorcashine it is! I've never felt so crazy in my whole life. And there have been many times when I felt pretty mentally strained beyond capacity. But this takes the cake!
In a healthy relationship, respect should deepend over time and grow. With a narcissist it's the reverse. They pretend you are amazing in the beginning and give you all the "respect and value" during the lovebombing and then over time these fade off and are replaced by contempt and disresepct. Their anger deepens over time and the disrepectful behaviors increase.
You want a narcissist to respect you because when they respect you, they can’t hurt you anymore that’s the only reason. I discarded mine two weeks ago and let me tell you. He respects me now. And he’ll respect me till the day he dies because I’m not going back with him. That’s how you get them to respect you.
Beautiful in the beginning, hell on earth at the end.
How to spot a narcissist male or female golden advice :
They treat strangers or people they barely know better than you despite for how long and deep your connection is with them. I've had that too many times in my life. With friends, exes, and the last woman I loved. Never again, will I get attached or love or do shit for anyone who didn't deserve it.
Feels so good to be able to sit here and smirk watching these videos because I’m free of my Narc . Months ago I couldn’t stomach watching these videos because it was a reminder of the abuse . . You couldn’t tell me I would be where I am at this moment months ago .
"The more you tolerate, the less they care" 🤯Surely you can't do right for doing wrong.. They also get annoyed if you call out their behaviours and the mask slipping..
“Once they lose respect for you they don’t regain it” those words literally killed me.💔
Lee, the red flags were there before we got married. Ugh 😣 going through a divorce after 30 yrs with a covert narcissist.
This information is true for most men/women. Most people don’t respect people who lack boundaries.
💯
I hear that but I don't get it because I might not be interested in you but if I'm going to interact, I will be considerate. How people treat you says more about them, than you. Unfortunately, you have to protect yourself because people are often really reckless with the finer points of life.
Narcissist are dirt bags! PERIOD!! So happy I'm free and living my best life ever all alone and happy!😊
😫
Bags of shit that's wat they are
It’s when you start to see them differently is when they devalue you… they also project their imperfections onto you.
‼️
True when I call him out on things he would disrespect me
In my 28 years in a Narc marriage, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out their actions and make sense of it all as it confused me to no end. Then I realized something, the Narc obviously had a bad childhood. As their spouse, they treat you bad because they see you as their father or mother and want to punish you like they were punished. They want you to experience their childhood pain. That's a big factor and another factor they go through is being someone else. They want to be popular and travel, etc. They just lose their minds as they get older and start doing worse things.
💯 the most annoying thing is they respect their wicked parents and treat them well!!!
@@victoriaogunsanya9074 exactly! it's misplaced rage: they can't direct it towards their parents, so they direct it at their partner.
I totally agree with you! I also think they punish their partners cause they hate their parents and want to punish THEM for their terrible childhood. But since they can't admit it, they transfer the parent role onto their partner/child etc. and punish them instead. That's very twisted.
You are right. And they never experienced love themselves so how can they show you... Simple: That is not possible. They experienced a lot of negative things and lost their true self as a child (they gave up their true self). They created a false-self (their imaginary friend so to say - their grandiosity). In fact they died a long time ago. It is true they show you what they experienced in childhood... (horrible).
Wow I divorced my ex husband that was toxic he hated his mother growing up. Never took responsibility for any of his actions. Now that his mother is 80 or close to that he is the only child that takes care of her visits 4 times a week takes her to doctor. When we were married my mother passed away n I was taking care of my brother n father. My husband told me to chose between him or my father. That was easy.
We were meant to meet these people so we can overcome deception/manipulation and rise above the illusion they present. It was all an illusion. Take the lessons and heal the parts of you that fell for it. You’re not at fault for loving or wanting love. It was simply meant to happen as part of our journey towards God/Truth/Love.
The more they do , the less I care
🙏🏽
Because we calls them out on everything n they hate the truth
It really is a catch 22 with them. If you leave they flip out, if you stay they have ZERO respect and treat you horribly 😫 I decided to go with respect and peaced out ✌🏽
I think the narc loses respect, when he or she get bored with you.
I don't think I ever lost a narcissist's respect; I don't think I ever had it. After all, they were "much, much, much, much, much superior to me". 😄
Definitley they never let you be ahead of them. You are always in a competition. (I was in a hard competition - you can imagine a taurus zodiac sign like me and a narcissist - simple a firework-combination). But not fun (for me really it was not). The taurus had never a chance and finally I even understand that is better to quit (me a stubborn taurus).
Your star sign hasn’t got anything to do with it. You have childhood wounds that are in relation to needing outsourced validation. There is a fear of abandonment and rejection trauma still unhealed from your childhood. This wound is why the Narcissist could keep you trapped. Confident people don’t need to justify themselves or prove themselves to those that they don’t fear being judged from. Strong people walk away from wild allegations that hold no merit and smart people don’t argue with idiots. But strong or smart doesn’t mean a thing when we have a wound that disarms those characteristics. The narcissist knew you could be hooked the first time they met you. They don’t waste time on risky investing that they can’t Extort and use.
@@brickmate4802 Brilliant! 👏🏼👏🏼
@@brickmate4802 My star sign had to do with all great fights I had. But yes sure if I didn´t have a psychiatric ill mother sure maybe wouldn´t fall for that person. You are right here. And if I learned something about narcissm in school also not.
They can dish it out with the silent treatment but they can't handle when you😂😂
Those types of beings do not respect others in the first place !!
So incapacitated to reflect on their wrong and accept it and take accountability ... Always blame shifting, always projecting... It is not your battle to fight... Imagine waking up being that everyday... They wake up with tension everyday... That's hell
MY HEART IS BROKEN ALL OVER AGAIN.
🙏🏽
Stay away from them
😂 bruh chill 😅
@@chellotrevino7323 WHO ‘S THE BRUH YOU’RE SPEAKING OF?
@@reneehendrix7094 you I ain’t studder 🙄 like tf 😭
So basically you’re saying it’s a catch 22? There’s literally no way to be in a relationship with these people because you forgive and try to work it out and they lose respect but then you walk away and you’re not with him anyway. Wow that makes it so clear. Thank you.
Their Poison, You Can Not Go Back Ever. God Bless,(Unless Their In Therapy)And Good Luck “It’s Impossible”💯🧡💜
an unaware toxic narcissistic person is just going to stay that way
Got it!!!
@@MentalHealnessSo how do we get them to be self aware?!?!!! It drives me nuts how he blames everything on me that HE does…..and it’s like it never sinks in no matter what… I don’t even bother talking to him anymore because it’s like talking to a brick wall…. Ugh 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
So true...Everything you said here is true...
The only way to have their respect is to be calm (don’t freak out or get overly emotional). Do not scream , cry back. Keep your composure and be calm. State your boundaries ONCE not repeatedly. Do not argue when they are deflecting. Would you argue with a wall? No. But arguing with a narcisst is essentially the same. They aren’t listening and they don’t care. They know already what they did no need to point it out or explain.
Less is more in communication. If you break up just say it’s run it’s course and that he or she should see other people now. You are done. That’s it. Don’t get mad or emotional just leave.
I can understand how they think. When I’m a beep and hold my ground when they are an a hole I can tell they respect me more. That said I’m a classy beep.
I just say yeah it’s over take care.
Block. The end. No drama. Love yourself more than them.
Think of it as levels. The narcisst is standing on three stacked pillows. You’re standing on three stacked pillows. On the same level. But then he takes two of your pillows and puts it under his own. Now he’s taller and looking down on you. If you say “that’s okay!! Be better than me and keep my pillows to stand on.”
He sees it as weakness and is disgusted because he can look down on you. Why are you okay being on the lower level?
Now he’s looking at other women who he didn’t take their pillows from someone on his level. But but if you grab a chair and stand on that? You’re strong and you’re on the same level as he is. If you say “hey! I’m done. “
Boom he respects you even better if you go to another room and put a gate around your space. ALWAYS hold yourself in HIGH esteem and no matter WHAT a narcisst does do NOT let them break you or take what makes you charismatic, confident and hot. That’s how they respect you. Another last thing is if you stop respecting yourself because you keep taking it so does he. In a bizarre way narcissts are mirrors to show us how much we love ourselves! If you’re tolerating it you’re not loving yourself. In a way a narcissist teaches you to self love if you haven’t learned it already. Love the shht out of yourself! Be your own biggest fan!
Every time my narcisst ex insulted me I immediately said “No I’m smart.”
Or “No I’m strong.” Or “that’s interesting. I feel confident.”
I never let him decide for me what my worth is. If he gave me a compliment like “you have a nice bum.” I would say “I know.” I did it to show him your flattery nor your insults shape my own perception or my own truth about myself. I am highly self aware. You can’t make me more confident with compliments or insecure with insults. Furthermore, I already know all my shortcomings and strengths so nothing hurts me if it’s pointed out. I am that confident. I would either agree and work on it with no emotional response or disagree with no emotional response. But there’s no trigger no button to press with me because I’ve literally went through all my traumas and baggage already. I deal with my stuff that’s why I don’t get emotional about it. I think that shocked him but I’m proactive.
Know that you’re the shht just like the narcisst. Something drew him or her in. Keep that. What ever it was that was a magnet to you keep it! Don’t lose it. When I’m dating a narcisst and he puts me down I like to say this “Are you obsessed with me yet? I feel bad. This is what men do with me when they fall in love. You’re scared of how much you care and that’s why you’re being a j*rk. I don’t think we are going to work because this always happens. You’re becoming too addicted to me. Putting me down so I don’t know how hot I am. Sorry I don’t want this.”
That will drive them nuts.
You certainly know how to mind f@&k 😂
Spot on! 👏🏽
No...lies...told! 💯💎💯
So well explained and so true
100%
This disrepect has broken me to my core!
To the core!
To quote Dr. Maya Angelou "I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt." Similarly I have found that true respect towards others starts with self respect, that's why narcissists can't respect most people for long because it's flimsy and based on shallow factors. For example, people who have self respect don't live in an alternate reality. So they won't gaslight because it's a sign of weakness of character. A person who isn't narcissistic will just disagree with someone try to come to consensus and if not move on.
The more I tolerate the less he cares...so I tie myself in knots to wonder why...big penny drops and, of course, Lee helps me to see why. They push and push till you're at your limit....they push to see when you will break IMO
Once we start tolerating the abuse, it becomes a nightmare of unending vengeance against us.....Run! Don't walk!....
And every time you do that, or get hoovered back into the relationship, it gets a little worse because the boundaries have moved a bit more into unacceptable territory. It's a total mess.
Not the NARCISSIST! my narc boyfriend had the nerve to say to me he hates a liar. And I laughed in his face.
I had that happened to me n I told him I feel the exact same way for some time he looked at me with a big shock on his face and I told him about time now he knows how I felt n he ghosted me for a month every week he would send a text with a laughing emoji and I would send the same finally he chose to call ask me how was i doing n we got back together for a short time and then I ghosted him threw him off n he started following me an accusing again cause I wouldn't respond to him finally I just said enough is enough a year now we haven't been in contact had to change all my phone numbers n platforms I was on . Now I have peace finally
The nex lies every time his lips are moving. And our adult daughter actually did lie to him, he found out about it. He threw such a fit, he disinherited her. Mind you, she was just protecting her sanity. She went no contact and told him where to put his money.
They are emotionally immatured and unsettled that's why they disrespect you all the time
Exactly Lee. Explaining to a narc other people's brains don't work like theirs and other people are mentally healthy and out to. Love authentically without games, drama and chaos is like talking to a wall. They assume everyone else has the same twisted agenda's as them
Omg that’s so true! He used to say that no matter what he throws at me I stick around. It’s funny because I would have NEVER tolerated those things with anyone else, but damn I loved him so much. I guess I was pretty pathetic. Thank you for your videos and your honesty, I let him go a few weeks ago, he finally did something too low down dirty and that was just enough. Your videos have helped me understand this damaged guy .
Well when they start to see you different and treat you differently, Pull back and see and treat them differently as well and dont set no time table when you get ready to do this , These people are aware of what their doing it's that folks been letting them get away with it for so long that makes them feel important and entitled, don't entertain anything one-sided
Now Out Of All Of Your Videos THIS IS POINT ON‼️‼️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ Because We Should Not Tolerate Now Of That BullShixccx👀
Was it ever respect? Or did we just have what they wanted and they did what they had to do to get that? I don't think a narcissist will ever have real, healthy respect for anyone.
I put up my
New boundaries- held him at his word- keeping him accountable- BAM! He flipped out and began going crazy- I kicked him out and even though we are married- yes- divorce hearing is in a few weeks. It hurts- I miss the “nice guy” but it’s not even real! He’s gone crazy- I kicked him and his stuff out1 then he blocked me after I ignored his texts a few weeks.
He went nuts.
Thanks for always keeping me on track with the brutal honesty I NEED!!! 💙✌️🤗 49 days and counting NO contact (rumination makes it still feel like yesterday)! Keep moving forward ya'll!
I'm 28 days no contact after just getting back together for being separated two years completely no-contact it only lasted 5 months terrible decision to even give it another chance 34 years of marriage
EVERYTHING YOU ARE FEELING I PROMISE YOU IF YOU STAY NO CONTACT. YOU WILL BE BETTER. If I can do it so can you. Seek a PSYCHO THERAPIST. OR EVEN get therapy from this channel.
@@kandycortez2982. He WILL NEVER CHANGE. HE WILL ALWAYS COME BACK. YOU WERE HIS MAIN SOURCE OF SUPPLY…. RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. HE ONLY CAME BACK TO CAUSE YOU FURTHER HARM.
@teesahurt2074 ✔️I actually requested a therapist who specialized in trauma AND an understanding of NPD. I had my "last" session today and ALOT of commitment & work on my part! I am ~71days out NOW (still NO contact, different state, broke as F from all the debt BUT happy and alive!) and I am really feeling I am on a whole new life path for the first time IN MY life. There will be no turning back at this point. Thanks for your words. 💙 ✌️🤗💪to ya'll!
@kandycortez2982 Hope you're staying safe and strong, sis! 💙✌️🤗💪
Narcissists are actually just really dumb, hurt people… so short sided.
I don’t understand why someone would care if these people don’t or lose respect for them. If anything this is a blessing from the heavens.
100 % the truth. In fact you don´t lose anything. On the opposite you get your freedom back and also on the long run the person you once were (from day to day it gets better and better). Just be happy and move on without anything toxic in your life.
Facts
I've honestly always thought, that narcissist didn't respect anyone hence the term narcissist. But, I just learned something new. Thank you Lee.
On the end omg they live to disrespect u!
I Believe, The Bottom Line Here We Have To Work On Loving Ourselves And Keep Them Far Away!!!!! Permanently!!!!!!God Bless💗👍🌟⭐️💫
Well said!
@@MentalHealness God Bless You Lee And Your Family 💛💜👍⭐️🌟💫🌷
I personally don’t believe that narcissists are capable of respecting people. They may respect what others are capable of offering them though. I also don’t believe that they are capable of valuing others. They merely value what others can offer them.
The day we married.
YOU FINALLY SHOW THEM YOU ARE FED UP AND WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT CRAP AGAIN, PICK UP YOUR SELF RESPECT YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE AND.WALK OUT THAT DOOR. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE GIFT OF GAB, ladies be honest if you never.chased a man,.why does it matter what they feel. Be strong be yourself.you.do.not have to chase amyone if you.know that is not the womans place. A MAN THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU.CHOOSE NOT TO MARRY OR BE IN A.RELATIONSHIP.YOU HAVE TO.CHASE TJEM,.WJEN.ON THE OTHER HAND ITS.YOUR DECISION.POINT BLANK.
Imagine after 35 years of marriage
They don’t truly have Love in their hearts that’s why they are so disrespectful. Decent loving people don’t behave cruel to others
Yes and the less you start forgiving them, it seems the worse it gets. At first they’ll be all nicey nice.. then when you don’t fall for it, it’s like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.. all of a sudden it’s gaslighting, blame shifting, criticisms, belittling etc.. showing you that their niceness and caring was all BS and showing who they really are! 🙄😒 they a whole azz 🤡
It’s so hard especially when kids are is involved. I have a Narcissistic sibling and I miss my nieces/nephews dearly. It’s one of the most hurtful things because you know they’re telling the children things that are not true
I feel you. They will turn their kids against you until they need you then they cut you off again. Smh
It’s like the narc is basically saying “ I don’t like you anymore because you’re just like me “! 🤣. DORKS
😅
Omg that is so true i couldn’t figure it out until after observing him for a while and i call him out on everything and he said to me I’m only finding faults in him. He did it all and stop a bit and started back exactly what you’re saying. I was confused because he never checked on me at all and I couldn’t understand that. I don’t need anything from him just for him to stay out of my life.
Ooooohhh, I can say I am going through this with my cousin. I get it.
I lit in to her with a message. ..
I think thats the end.
They feel lost when you caught them in a lie no more can manipulate you and try to get you back I and I know there's no respect
That was my experience for the first 2 months after that was done hill🙏❤️💯
♥️🙏🏽
My father last week went into a rage when i ask him to just wash oven after use so it wont let dirty for a month (like it used to), he went crazy and warned me if you dont like to live there better look for an apartament until end of a year (fine by me i will free myself from them).... They does not have any respect to you, and only wants to use you as a tool.
This conversation allows me to put a title on the behavior I received from him .
Why I do not want a child from him ever in this lifetime is because he is going to bully me on motherhood, that's how far I think... Not for fertilization
Narcissist prented to respect you ,but in Reality they can't when you see them for who they are, disrespect will show up
Wow! All I can say is God bless your honesty and for saying the things that we can't get from books and therapists.
My ex respect me in the beginning but in weeks they change terrible
Kind of delusional that a person that Dosent respect him
ask for respect back
In some cases of NPD and favorable conditions idealization may last over 1 year.People with NPD differ dramatically. Some of them have low energy and aren't keen on confrontations and changes (which are energy consuming) so they feel at ease in inertia.Some may suffer from kind of depressive state. Generally they thrive on plenty of superficial social contacts and have quite good PR.If you date such a type (and you don't live together) the illusion of a perfect relationship he creates for you both can be really comfortable for him as well and he drag his feet about getting out. But he does eventually since he can't help it.
@mentalhealness plain and simple… lust not love, right? There is never any respect in any stage/ form of manipulation is reality.
Idealization =idolization period.
“Opposition attracts “ in dynamics that already exist within both sides and don’t forget y’all, there truly is the middle part in every story of either side.💜🙏💜🕊️
Love your videos.. Pls make more videos on raising self esteem , healing and setting strong unshakable boundaries ❤ ... empowerment..
They didn't have respect for you in the first place.
Yes, you’re my favorite self aware narcissist!! ❤❤Thank you Thank you for all the information.. it’s helped me leave my narc the f! Alone God bless you❤❤
ya I agree when you said "they still don't respect you like they used to"....so true. The respect love and admiration will not go back to the way it was in the beginning...
Stuff them losing respect you start to lose it for yourself 🥹 walk away, stay away and learn to love and respect yourself ❤️🩹 you come out stronger and more resilient 💪
💪🏽
Your videos are just the right amount time to retain the information you share and str8 to the point. Thank You for what you're doing. It's hard to believe that as generous as you are with this REAL information, you yourself are a diagnosed narc, which makes it all the more fascinating.
7:31 ohhhhh yessssss you teach ppl how to treat you. When you dont have boundaries in place there is no limit to the disrespect that they will dish out.
He literally told me that I don't deserve gifts and dates after ruining my 40th bday and not getting me anything for xmas
So sorry, same here
I lost respect for them !! i dont have the energy or time for a liar and manipulator..you CANT CONTROL ME !!lol
Let me say this first before I say anything else, I have alot of appreciation for Lee himself and the great effort he puts into healing his wounds and becoming more emotionally intelligent. Also for the effort he puts into helping other people and giving them emotionally regulated ways to deal with their own issues. It's all very admiral. HOWEVER there is so much misinformation out there about the topic of narcissism. So much muddling the water between--- "HIGHLY NARCISSISTIC STYLE" and "TRUE NPD". There is a massive difference between the two and because of that and the many different nuances in people it is going to be very important how these two SEPARATE situations are handled. It does matter and determines the true healing of someone who has been exposed to it. Someone who is being narcissistic in the way they relate to you is very different on the emotional and subconscious level of someone who has the actual personality disorder. The great importance of knowing what you're dealing with is massively overlooked and it's causing people to be even more confused not only about the personal relationship dynamic but also more confused about themselves. I highly recommend Richard Grannon and Professor Sam Vaknin for a better understanding of the N personality disorder and how you fit into their "world". The Little Shaman also has a fantastic talent for explaining NPD in a way that is very easy to understand but I do suggest you listen to Grannon/Vaknin first and then go to the Little Shaman so she can help you digest the information in a less convoluted way. ---🤍
I had two narcissists as friends in the past but both had some things in common. One of them was how they really wanted to travel with plane to visit me, like really pestering over it and then in return wanted me to go visit their home. I never understood what this was about, especially when my home is rather not appealing to have visitors in but one of them was petty to later use my situation against me to make herself feel like shes doing so much better than me
Glad I'm 1300 miles away yep got the law involved
Dealing with a narcissist is like trying to nail Jello to the wall. Just stop, it’s just not going to work.
The sudden devaluation, literally overnight, was accompanied by "you lied! You played me!". I have never done any such to anyone. But guess who WAS a liar and a player? If you guessed him...1st prize!
You need a shirt that says “I want you to win!”
You are definitely my favorite brother thank you much love
"You SEE how projection works?"🔥🔥🔥
And I would just like to put a little backstory on this particular subject. I stood up to my former foster dad and told him he does not have the right to tell me what to do, and boss me around and act like you, know, high and mighty, and he looked at me dead square, my eyes, dumbfounded, and then he wanted to slap me because I stood up for myself, but he didn’t put his hands on me, he never fought with me again afterwards because he knew I was right. He just didn’t want to say anything.
stay strong
@@MentalHealness i’d like to add that I have not spoken to my former foster father, and almost 18 years and I have no intention of trying to have a conversation of any kind with him because of how he carries himself it’s very disgusting and those around him don’t see what he’s done they want to sweep it under the rugwhich is quite sad
I’m an educated individual….but nothing prepared me for the “AHA” moment. Kids and a military career kept me ‘going’ and staying with a malignant narcissist.
Truth. My narcissist came into my life after my dog died and then went through the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Be strong and go no contact if you can.
Tnx Lee! This is absolutely true. I was kind and blind.
I left but in her mind i was weak showing love and affection. I didn’t know about narcissism but now it’s all true what’s you saying.
He was showing me your videos telling me that I'm doing stuff, and I'd feel hurt and not listen at first, but when I really listened all I heard was you talking about him. Then when I left he emailed me don't "Mental Healness me" like he knew what I was thinking about him, cause I definately was
Mine cat-fished me after I told him to sod off, several months went by and I'd almost forgotten about him and his nonsense. He lost so much respect for me that he pulled a stunt like that, but I realised it was him after a couple of days and called him out, and he vanished into thin air! WTF?!? He was the one that ended up looking like an idiot, all of our mutual friends have totally lost respect for him because of this crazy behaviour!
I left him 2 times and when back to him didn't respect
LEE, THAAANK YOU!!!
Love listening to you! You're the best!
Love your amazing wife! 😊 Proud of you, Lee! Please keep up the great work! We NEED this education! 💯
Biggest, brightest blessings to you guys and your family! 🙏🏻
Hey Lee. I really appreciate you keeping it real with us. I do think it is important for you to be honest and not beat around the brush when we have exited these relationships, especially when we are still trauma bonded.
If you are interested, I would like hearing your perspective on how narcissists view enablers and flying monkeys? People that defend them no matter what they do? Would the same be true that you said in the video because they got away with doing stuff and they defend them still? Or do they view them as superiors or what? Just would be an interesting thing to hear about.
appreciate it. i can do a longer vid on it