People always told me I was too sensitive and too emotional and I always thought my empathy and my emotion was a horrible part of me. I am finally doing work which frames this part of me as a strength and it is very liberating. ❤
Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
Ugh, I get it. I'm so emotional, it's hard for me to talk about moving subjects without getting teary eyed and choked up. I would always apologize until a friend of mine told me to stop apologizing, that's who I am and it just shows how genuine my feelings are. That was several years ago and I still catch myself apologizing, but I try to catch myself and embrace it instead.
Well done💪 I grew up in a violent part of England and people would beat me up for being sensitive. I had to bury it, but it feels good to embrace it again.
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
@@justinhart2831 if you weren’t you rlly wouldn’t be here. Every soul has a purpose and every person has a life for a reason, they make a difference, how is us up to that person. Every living thing has a purpose that’s why it’s alive, ofc you make your choices in life, but like the video stated people shaming people can prevent you from being yourself. So, ig speaking from experience, it comes from within. Hang on and stay strong, better days are coming I hope this helped💞💞💞 Mental health is weird the way it’s wired.
F.M. Rogers is one of my favorite heroes of all Time. Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
This Toxic Shame shappened to me when I moved back home from university during COVID. From the moment I stepped in the door I was a threat to my immediate family. After living on my own for a decade I was independent in thought and attitude and thoroughly myself. Happy, outgoing, witty, friendly. My family saw this as a personal attack on their own insecurities so they started shaming me, turning everything I said into and argument and doubting me at every turn. I didn’t know what to believe because even after all the life I had experienced, I had trouble believing that these people could want me to feel so terribly, even if it was just their subconscious projections onto me as an emotional scapegoat. Now after two years of hard drinking and binge eating, I’m finally starting to realise the effect they have on me. Stay strong my brothers and sisters out there, we will rise again our of the ashes
@@kodidane5824 No and I don’t subscribe to any ideology that promotes ‘positive change’ by way of hate, I believe in the right for all people to be able to speak their mind and worship freely, no matter how much I might disagree with their views. Trust me, I got a real education at a university (UK) instead of being robbed & radicalised for four years like they do over here (US), so some newfound politically correct belief system wasn’t a factor in any of this.
@@mikelisteral7863 That's profound. Some people are more capable of adapting than others but the pace of change today is far beyond what most can cope with. Certainly responses like changes in law, language (vocabulary), and morality that require communal consensus lag hopelessly behind advances in science and technology. Humanity is increasingly torn between the forces of accelerating change and entrenched resistance. (And it's also true that: "The future is already here, it's just not equally distributed.")
To anyone struggling with this, I hope my story inspires you... For the past 15 years I was surpressed by my father's expectations. I lived my life for him. I lived to become who he wanted me to be. It was an inner turmoil that conflicted me to my very core. I felt so ashamed whenever I wanted to stray off the path he set out for me. I know he had my best interests at heart, but I hated that I had no control over my life or my destiny.. I could not be myself. This shame festered into depression and it ate away at my soul. I spent years dwelling in self pity. I was suicidal and I was so close to ending it. As a last ditch effort before I gave up, I told myself that I would travel across the country alone to reflect on my life. I packed my bags and I just began driving... As far as East as I could. I haven't looked back. 4 months passed, and I never went home. I went to a new city, stepped out of my comfort zone where I no longer had the influence of my parents and began anew. Finally, I rediscovered myself.. I began setting my own goals, pursuing my own passions. I finally began to see clearly and I told my father that I am done living in his shadow... It took fifteen years (I'm 28) for me to muster up the courage to put my own happiness first. The burden of his expectations lifted, my depression subsided and it was the first time I have felt truly happy. It was liberating. For anyone else struggling with this, please put your happiness first. Be who you are. Be brave enough to say THIS IS MY LIFE... It is better to be uncomfortable in the one moment you say NO, than live a life full of resentment. Step out of your comfort zone.. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO BEGIN CHASING YOUR DREAMS. Just do it, make your dreams come true. I believe in you and its your turn to begin believing in yourself.
@@drackpower haha my point of the story is not to go travel... It's that you should not restrict yourself to other people's expectation of you. The point is to embrace who you are, and go after your dreams.
Yeh i guess I just got stuck on that part of the comment, my problems is that I dont really know myself sad to be honest... And I dont have any idea where to head next
Good story, the hero's journey. I would make one amendment though. I would change, "For anyone else struggling with this, please put your happiness first." to "For anyone else struggling with this, please put your happiness first most of the time". If you only ever put your own happiness first and never sacrifice it for someone else's growth or happiness you've basically become the parent(s) who never sacrificed any of their own desires for you. Boundaries are meant to be flexible, not always an impenetrable wall. Let intuition guide you. A parent may not relish the idea of seeing Toy Story 5, for example, but a young daughter might be crushed if you didn't go see it with her. It's OK to be honest, "It's not really my cup of tea, but I'll go because I know you like it and I get to spend time with one of my favorite people on Earth." is better than, "I'll hate it and aren't you too old for that now?" and who knows, maybe you end up liking it. That's a poor example, but the basic idea is there - sometimes it's appropriate to sacrifice our time and happiness for the things our loved ones are passionate about.
@@drackpower don't worry, you have time to think about it. Think about what you enjoy, and break it down to the fundamentals. It took me years for me to find out what I liked too :) don't lose hope.
This is so great, I love this channel. When I was 15 I got a job at the local kart circuit, and spent ALL my money on racing for years. My parents told me I was wasting my time and money and that I should get a nice car and a girlfriend. Now, 15 years later, I’m racing McLaren GT cars, ran 6 marathons and am engaged to the girl of my dreams.
Im a singer-songwriter and Ive had many people (mainly stuck up relatives) shame me for choosing my career path even though Ive been playing instruments since I was 5 years old and Im very good at it and it comes very natural to me. What feels unnatural is being at a day job around people that are negative and in-polite. Id rather die penniless doing what I loved than living rich doing what I hate. "Find what you love and let it kill you." - Charles Bukowski
My own father worked overtime trying to steer my in a direction he wanted, which was to work a hard physical labour job like he did. Every time i would mention wanting to do anything else than a physical labour job as a teen (engineering or business) he would say it's a woman's job lol...so i wasted all my late teens and early twenties working in concrete and roofing which i had no problem being among the highest performers (easy) but it was not enough. I had the embarrassment of choice when it came to choosing between school or hard labour jobs because i was very good at both. At 24 i started electrical engineering technology and graduated with distinction and still i had remarks from familly members asking if i was afraid to work hard? Now i'm thinking of going into quantitative finance or accounting and work towards a cpa designation. Life is too short to live your life for others because the time you waste not living out your full potential you'll never get back and the years required to "fix" everything how you wanted in the first place is a road most ppl don't have the courage to walk...man's greatest burden is unfullfilled potential which leads to a life of quiet desperation.
Dude i am exactly the same with this sentiment. I know some of it is good intentioned worries but im a grown man and i believe in god. Plenty people have done much crazier shit than make music for a living
@@nicolasdagenais396 lol, I' m like the polar opposite of you, I suck both at physical labour (I tried to fight it, used to practice body-building but I have chronical back pain so I can't really get anywhere) and I also suck at technical studies, which is something that makes me quite miserable; I personally would rather prefer humanities studies, but I understand there isn't much of a request for it, so I could do in technical faculties... if only I were any good in it. Oh well, I'm happy for you that it worked out for you anyway.
Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
This was life changing for me. I ended up crying a lot, this is where my shame comes from. I was a quiet boy who would wander around the playground on his own, being bullied and ignored. I created a mask, I became a clown. I made people laugh and I got friends, I always had to entertain. I'm 31 now and this mask just broke, I don't know who I am and I'm scared to be my authentic self. Your video helped me to stop feeling shame about the little boy I was though. How do you build yourself up after ignoring yourself for most of your life?
Beautiful share, in answer to your question- by taking the first step. Allow yourself to be you, make decisions for you and celebrate all that you are. Every choice you make from the heart is the right one, and sometimes others have to be upset along the way if you’re putting yourself first. Enjoy the ride !
Childhood dreams and goals helped me become my authentic self. Not like what I wanted to be but more of the things I wanted to experience and do. Ex: always wanted to be flexible, 2 years later I can get into a split. I am 30 by the way. Always wanted to speak multiple language, I was in the top 4% of duolingo learners last year. I am joyful.
Also, anytime you want to ask someone's opinion on what you should do. Stop, breathe, and trust that you are the only and best person to have that authority. Don't give it away.
These past few years I've been learning little by little to fully accepting who I really am. It is true that a lot of us have to reject our true selves just to please and fit into society. The main reason why a lot of us do this is mainly because of survival. Human beings need to feel loved and/or appreciated in some way in order to at least go through life with some motivation and good energy. This world is cruel and people who don't have a group/tribe/community/strong network, is bound to having a complicated life in already complicated world.. It is hard to balance your own personal desires and needs with society's. But remember you yourself is the most important person who you should make happy. Even though I personally still have a long way to go to fully accepting myself and not worrying what people think of me, I know I am in the right path because I feel the inner peace within me growing slowly but surely.
I used to believe this until a recent psychedelic experience showed me otherwise. We are never truly alone. It is only our perception that we are alone that brings about pain. It’s an interesting and painful experience to take this feeling of loneliness and alter our perception of time using psychedelics in order to stretch this immensely painful emotion into infinity. As minutes go by in the collective reality, years or even centuries go by in your own mind, all of which are spent in the immersion of deeply painful loneliness. The only way out of this pain was to create a higher being in my mind that could guide me out of this infinity; to surrender to something greater than myself. There is a utility in god, regardless of whatever form we choose to give it, or whatever dogma we wish for it or ourselves to ascribe to. After having this experience, I don’t subscribe to any mainstream religious ideologies so much as I acknowledge the profound meaningless of my life in the context of the vast cosmos, and by way of this surrender, I can simply laugh at how ridiculous life is, which makes bearing another day worthwhile!
I once asked my mother “why do you always treat me like I’m the bad guy?” And without thinking twice she said “Because you are.” I’ve started living for me instead of for her approval. And though it’s been rough, I do feel much better about myself
@@iskandar4661 Don't let your mom gaslight you into thinking that you are "bad" or "worthless" just because you remind her of your dad. i know it's really painful and it breaks your heart because ur mom its the least person you expect saying such things to you but be strong bro, prove her that she is wrong, even if she doesn't acknowledge you be proud of your achivements. I do really hope you can improve your relationship with her, the love of a mother is one of a kind and it's something we all need in this life.
@@Demons972 Thank you, you’re very kind. In fairness to her, I only recently learned she was schizophrenic and had a bipolar disorder. So maybe it’s not _all_ me. I give her the benefit of the doubt because, she is ill. She now apologises when she has an episode. So it’s not all bad now
This is the story my life. This is the story of many individuals I've come across. The way you've edited and built the story is very emotional and personal. My respect and love to you.
@@frocksole2275 ..Realizing this after 8 years ever since I started hiding my True Self .. my middle school years full of Fear and Confusion making me fit into a certain personality only for others “happiness”. I am now In bliss, I now understand, and that is what it takes, to learn and understand yourself .. Blessings to you brothers🙏
I just turned 40 and finally applied some of these principles in pursuit of leading a more creative, fulfilling and social life. It's never too late to start.
As a diagnosed narcissist (a shame based personality disorder), and being self aware of my condition and thus willing to change, I can tell you that is 100% spot on. Parents need to be careful about how they talk to their child. It can fuck them up, badly.
@@skunkgucc I'm not sure. I'm quite convinced that those who realise they are narcissists (and acknowledge that it is a problem) are covert narcissists and are in the minority. Sometimes we're too stupid to change our behaviour and simply tooproud to admit it. Does it make us bad people? I don't think so, but our actions do. Try and live right, and you'll get far.
@@skunkgucc First of all, NO. Just like any other trauma victim, narcisists are people first. Yes, they usually have problems with controlling their emotions, and yes they usually are egocentric (me-first mentality), but it's not as simple as classifying someone as "good' or 'bad'. Narcisists, for the most part, did not get the right guidance and nurture to develop a healthy emotional regulation. Think about a toddler whose parents neglect the child and never talk to him/her, and the child never gets to go to school for an education. How do you think that child's learning ability will develop? You can imagine that this child would not be able to speak, read or do math properly. It will probably try to find a way to survive in the world (defender coping mechanism) but it won't be optimal or on-par with it's age peers. That is what basically happens to narcisists in their childhood, but on a emotional level. It gets a bit more complex than that, but the essence is this... Narcisists aren't born that way, they are made. It's like inflicted brain damage, but on a personality / emotional level. Of course, the behavior of someone with brain damage is going to be a bit different, but you can't really blame them, can you? That said, only self-aware narcisists are able to control themselves to a degree and find a healthier balance. Side note: There are A LOT more narcisist out there then the average person thinks. But there is a clear distinction between High Consciousness and Low Consciousness Narcs. I'm able to spot them pretty easily (it takes one to know one). For example, Johnny Depp, Barack Obama, Donald Trump (Duh!), R. Kelly, Dan Bilzerian, Steve Jobs (RIP), Michael Jordan, Kanye West, MrBeast, Keily Jenner. Then there are the ones most people don't know at all. The ones running the world, major enterprises, and politics. Moral of the story, narcisists are trauma victims with a fucked up coping mechanism. Without therapy they are trapped in a mindset they can't escape from. Their life might look cool, flashy and lively on the outside, but they feel empty and cold insight, unable to connect properly with other humans. They know it. They feel it. But it is their safe haven. "No emotion is better than painful emotion."
This is something I'm going through right now. This feeling of separating my shame from my life. Leaving behind the people who shame me for being me. The truest version of me. It's not easy especially when it's family, that otherwise has never done you wrong. It's hard to reconcile that point of view and even harder to try and explain it to them. Thank you for this video.
The story of Timmy was really resonated with me. "He began to play this masculine role and wear this masculine mask to protect himself from shame. But to play this role effectively, he himself had to believe that it wasn't a role. So he had to convince himself of his persona before he could convince others of his persona, and by doing so, he had to cut off contact with his real, authentic self." I am wondering how many of us lost their true self. If we live our lives according to others expectations so long, then how can we remove the mask which we put up? I am afraid that if we keep staying in the dark, we will lose our eyesight.
@@kevinc721 It is, so to say, the same lesson as it is on the viedo about shame. So, the high and hard is the road of shames to overcome, the higher is the charm of knowledge. E.g in a game or fight much harder is the opponemt the more u enjoy the victory. So it depend the society that u are sorrounded with. And in circumestances that follows you. I think so. It may have another point.
@@kloriancupi9144 i think so too. I feel like it is even more relevant with self-knowledge : the more you want to learn about yourself, the more you will have to look for your own flaws and insecurities and that will come with a lot of shame. But this shame is necessary to truly see your own weaknesses and learn/grow from them.
My stepdad would make fun of my insecurities when I was little and for the last 6-8 years I've felt like I've been living in a strangers body, only able to escape when around people like my brother and my best friend. I only just a week ago in group therapy realized that I hide my true self away from people so that I won't be judged for who I am. I'm working on eliminating that fear from my life so that I can be happy in my own skin again. I hope everyone reading this can overcome their problems in life very soon
Im an infp and traits of an infp are empathy, emotional and sensitive as well as others. Since learning about my personality type i am becoming a better version of myself and trying to not let others negativity and small mindedness affect me. Its not always working but being emotional and sensitive can be so beautiful. I am deeply moved my music such as classical piano or movies that invoke emotion and love and endurance. Being emotional and sensitive has been always viewed as weak or bad but if applied right and balanced with other traits or skills can be a wonderful way to exist in this world that is just so full of greed, hate and intolerance. ❤❤
I was once the kind of person who used to express himself fully, live on his own terms and actually enjoy life. I then came across a couple of guys who I thought were my friends. The relationship with them took a turn for the worst when they started shaming me for who I was. They wanted me to believe what they wanted to believe, eat where they wanted to eat, date someone who they approve of, and have fun like they had fun. This made me feel insignificant and lonely especially when I was with them. It came to a point where I was being judged for every possible comment or thing I said whether when I was with them or on social media. I couldn't express myself anymore. I stopped reading books, gave up my hobbies, stopped growing as a person and more as a mannequin designed for public display. They even started to take credit for making me a better person than I was before very publicly which basically meant that I extinguished my personal self for their approval. I became extremely lazy, started procastinating on my dreams and lived their's instead. The worst part was, they made me so dependant on them that I felt entrapped to their opinions and couldn't think independently anymore. After realizing that something needs to change, this is my first week of actually living on my own terms. I have limited my connection with those guys, have started to reconnect with my hobbies and dreams that I used to cherish. They have tried contacting me, but I have only given them a cold shoulder for over a week now. I feel extremely free and I am thinking more vividly now about where I want to go with my career and personal life. This video has come at the right time for me and I thank the creator and all the authors referenced in this content for provoiding me with such a profound view to life. Best of luck to all those who are going through what I have been through and may you break the threads that hurt more the longer you keep holding to them Good luck :)
This is the exact same story i have.. it was tough out there. It felt like i was a shell of my former self and i was so hypercritical every little nuanced thing i did that could get picked apart by them. I was so sad back them i didnt give my life any value but now I’m started to move past that and make room for people who i deem deserving to be in my life and vice versa.
Truth, currently I'm in a state of working on my mind rather than my body, and I realised that a lot of my friends simply aren't on the same mindset as me and push away my true me a lot.
@@burythevoid Well that's more about growing pains, rather than people in your life shaming you and not giving you a safe enough environment to be your authentic self. I totally understand what you are going through. Often when we want to grow and mature and are practicing self love and self delevelopment, in order to do those things you have to let certain people and behaviors go. It can be really challenging and sad at times.
Three of the most valuable lessons I got from this video are: 1/ Becoming Who You Truly Are Requires Overcoming Shame 2/ Shaming Others Prevents Authenticity and Personal Growth Thank you a lots for your sharing!
It's taken me nearly 40 years to know who I am, what I like, and freely express that in what I wear, how I do my hair, how I behave, live, etc. I can't get rid of the demonds within me from what happened to me but I feel like I finally know who I am and what I like. Having chronic shame and no sense of self has always be my life, but gradually I am getting to know myself. Raising myself. It's so weird. But it is what you have to do when you have been abused throughout your formative years.
One of the greatest life lessons I've come to know growing into an adult! I hope to share this with my children / grandchildren someday. I always felt a sense of shame not being a 'stud' or 'successful CEO hustler type guy'. I am much more comfortable being exactly who I am, not fighting what naturally interests me and focusing on my personal strengths. If I honestly don't want to do something, I won't do it. ("Hey let's go see this new movie!". (Me, who would rather stay home, make dinner, and relax) "No thanks. I'm gonna stay home tonight. Thanks for the invite, though!".). This is a massive difference to my younger self who would have gone to the movie in order to please others who expect me to go with them. If I don't want to, I don't have to. True friends will respect that, especially if you're honest with them. Don't follow anyone, be yourself, and those who are similar-minded with naturally find you and become dear friends/family in your life!
Yo old man. You are right. But here is me, who like really wants friends. So I have to be intresting for them no? But it doesn't come to me naturally. I am a naturally uninteresting person
What if you need to fill out a form or apply at a new job but you just don’t want to. What if you need to support your family by going to work but you just don’t want to. What if you need to tell the truth even if it’ll make it less comfortable for you, but you just don’t want to. Where is the sacrifice if all we do is the things we want.
“True friends will respect that” I agree that people shouldn’t judge and assume bad faith from others. What I want to say is that, I think, that if, for instance, you always refuse to go to the movies with your friends because you’re never in the mood but would, for example, prefer to have a cup of tea with them instead, then they have all the right to also refuse and that it would be okay for both parties to want to stop being friends with the other, because, in a way, you’re not compatible. So if a friend stops being friends with you because you are yourself and that makes you two too different from each other, I believe they would be in all their right to do that.
“True friends will respect that” I agree that people shouldn’t judge and assume bad faith from others. What I want to say is that, I think, that if, for instance, you always refuse to go to the movies with your friends because you’re never in the mood but would, for example, prefer to have a cup of tea with them instead, then they have all the right to also refuse and that it would be okay for both parties to want to stop being friends with the other, because, in a way, you’re not compatible. So if a friend stops being friends with you because you are yourself and that makes you two too different from each other, I believe they would be in all their right to do that.
As a person that’s the youngest out of 7 of my siblings, they don’t understand why I haven’t talked to them in years…growing up it was a struggle for anyone to hear me or actually listen to me. What you just said @6:39 on, struck a major chord with me about friendships based on power not intimacy. And I can not tell you how fkn good it feels to not care anymore. The unfortunate part about it is they never knew that growing up they were all my hero’s and the very same hero’s bit the hell out of me. It’s true what Carl young or Sigmund Freud(can’t remember who)said that resentfulness will come fourth in uglier ways later on in life…well I guess I’m ugly now but GD DMN it feels FKN great!
I was diagnosed as having ADHD after my son was. Learning about what ADHD is compared with what i thought it was has been a series of revelations. Its tough as the traits that are so common to people with ADHD can (are) viewed as character flaws by most of society, particularly in the world of school and work, and at times I completely agree. Its obvious to me that my Dad has ADHD too and while he's got a big heart and is the most generous person i know, he can also be very impulsive, unreliable, he can get angry about little, is impatient etc. He is at the mercy of his ADHD, makes poor financial decisions and is a hoarder. So its tough to not feel ashamed of myself as i know i have some of these traits too and it feel like the only thing stopping me from having all of them and more is my shame. I don't feel ashamed about my sensitivity, my poor working memory, my euphoric highs, my insatiable curiosity etc just the traits that can make the people i care about life's harder.
This is has put into words everything that i've been feeling for the past 22 years. I've always thought I had multiple fake personalities simply because i felt shame when voicing my opinions to the point where i've silenced my own thoughts and i no longer know who i am anymore. This is the first step of trying to find what i actually enjoy in life. Thank you so much
You are very fortunate to find this at 22. I wish i could say something wise and meaningful, but this short video has covered so much and done it so much better than i could. So, all i can do is wish you very well and hope that your journey will be good, and if happiness is an overplayed and hard to achieve, then at least you will know that underrated state, contentment. Best regards!
I literally started crying ı always feel so isolated and lonely even when ım with friends and family thanks for opening my eyes ım really confused about how to stop shame it seems hard but ıll try
So proud of you for recognising. You can do this. You deserve to do this. You are good enough. Not perfect, not excellent, but good enough. And that is enough.
Thank you. I cried as I remembered how I became a slave of the mask I created to please my mother, and how, step by step, I teared it apart, cuting toxic relaxionships out of my life. I am not the person that I want to be yet, but I am way closer than I was before.
I have never heard or read anything I have resonated with so much as this. This hit me so hard. Exactly what I needed to hear and so powerful. This is a divine message to me. Thank you for making this vid and explaining it so well. I feel full
I've watched a lot of psychology videos during lockdown but this one really hit home like no other. It was certainly the story of my early life but moving away to university and then the big city brought me a certain freedom during my parents' lifetimes. I reached a kind of compromise with them. I also decided there were still things I could learn from them. Since they died I've become more myself but there's still a way to go in some contexts.
Remember don't let others define you define yourself don't be a afraid of negative comments sometimes these comments can help you improve upon yourself and become a better person in life
So true!! I also trying hard to find my true self lost in my childhood. I grew up acting like somebody else to the point that I lost my true self. Hopefully I'll found myself again.
timmy reminds me of my lil bro. more childlike than his friends, creative, likes to be alone, sensitive and not as masculine as my older bro. however, me and my family tried not to judge him or anything. after watching this I'm glad we were doing the right action this whole time. :)
I think the “healthy shame” is one a lot of us have felt, and its entirely possible that it happens due to us experiencing “toxic shame”. Timmy faced both, he felt the toxic one and felt the need to change according to how his mom and society wants him, when he realised this is half of a life and not a full one, he feels the “healthy shame” and starts to feel like becoming the person he wants to be. Im currently going through that same period, a lifeless shell of a human being, its very difficult to get past this phase.
Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront. "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
U are going to overcome this. You have come a long way , suffered a lot. Now this is the time u realize that u r too good for this world, move on and assert yourself in all aspects without any fuckin shame alright
I think the balance is as follows: understand who you are, and become who you want to be for your own reasons. Refuse to become something that your desires and intellect disagree with, and exercise discipline in attaining this.
true, but (self)discipline is strongly and probably even actively repulsed and ignored by today's society, in the past it was actually thaught by private professors (sure, only for privileged ones) while now it seems it isn't even an option anymore. Quite the opposite in fact, as transgression and impulsiveness are flaunted as some kind of perverted modern-day "value". That's obnoxious if you ask me but that's the world we live in
@@beansworth5694 I'll keep this in mind but it's really hard to understand what "I" truly am, being as I am for a huge part a sorry-ass product of this day and age
@@ArtSio443 I have some thoughts on your first comment, but they're fairly raw and wordily clunky. I've been trying to train myself to be more concise so that I'm more likely to be heard by people not overly invested in hearing me out (such as when they may disagree with me), so I might have to come back to that if I remember to lol For now, just understand that the possibility of other people feeling morally threatened by your self-directed discipline shouldn't mitigate your decision to do this for your own sake, or for the sake of anyone else on which you want to have an impact. But, on the nature of "I": The self as is often described, as an immutable 'true' characteristic or set of traits everyone has is an unhelpful description of a conscious mind imo... Your self is distributed across time. It's not your past self and it's not your future self, either. It's all of those things contextualized from the present, which is in of itself distributed across however long the analog, non-instantaneous processing our brains undergo may take for an individual. It can't remain static and objective, because that's contrary to the very nature of the thing we're trying to describe when we talk about a 'self'. It's fuzzy, fluid, and very difficult to pin down. So, we use stories. As do we use stories to describe any such thing that can't be restricted down to a tiny set of parameters across a definite span of time. Essentially, I think you tend to be asking the wrong question when you ask 'who you are', in most cases. If you're trying to evaluate wherever you're at, 'who you are' as things stand, that's one thing. But if you're trying to decide who you are 'truly', you have to consider your trajectory through time and the decisions you want to make to direct it in order for the question to touch on the sentiment that's apparently being expressed in the question. The story is actively being written as time passes, and any decision could ripple out into a plot twist.
Oh My Word - Freedom in thought, this is incredible, so well constructed and presented. I was stopped in silence when the following was said ………….“But to play this role effectively - he had to believe it wasn’t a role - he had to convince himself of his persona before he could convince others”………….. This is the first time I have ever come across this said with such clarity! - This is a powerful experience (this made me reflect deeply on my journey so far, Timmy is relatable in that his experience is true for so many) This aligns with the name of this channel beautifully - it is indeed Freedom in thought. Thank you.
My life was completely derailed by "toxic shame" - it eroded everything and I was trapped within a prison, which was my own adaptive strategy to cope. It really is relentless torture (inwardly). All rooted in a broken family, being/feeling rejected by both parents as a young teenager, then suffering from depression & OCD & ending up isolated. As a result of this, I have rarely been able to hold down a job, have been sucked into dysfunctional relationships & on & on & on. I feel too old and deflated to really change now, but understand more clearly where this all began. I was also a budding artist, with skills, and sensitive - so yes, tick those boxes as well. It's hard not to be consumed be fury much of the time, but beyond the anger is pain.
It is impossible to escape suffering, but everything in life is transitory. You have survived and it is still possible to use the time that remains in a way that may have some meaning at least to yourself. When I recognize the intergenerational trauma that haunts my family tree, it doesn't necessarily become less painful, but I try to understand it all, to attempt to heal as much as I can. It is worth trying to live the best life you can with the time you have.
This really opened my eyes more than before about myself and the toxicity of so-called “motivational” videos and readings. Friends, family and strangers wants what’s best for you and people like me believe that if “they can do it, I can do it”. But the reality is because of this ideal false reality I’ve lost myself and added on to my depression.
Very scarcely do I write a comment under a post, but your words were truly inspirational, and the video as a whole was very well put together and articulate. Thank you.
I love the reference to the oak tree to the growth of a person. So much affects us into who and how we are. I love a quote from Farscape, not many may have heard of it, but basically the quote states "in the right environment you would thrive". And basically it shows how much the environment and the person or people you surround yourself with really have an impact on the entirety of your being. Great insight 😊
I felt inadequate and ashamed for my entire life until a recent complete mental breakdown, where i discovered my real self and his highly sensitive empathy through "inner child" work, which i extended to "inner family" work. I felt whole and content for the first time ever and was relieved thinking my horrible inner and outer struggles would come to an end. But daily stress, general obligations and my numerous bad habits and adictions caused me to neglect it, lose connection and fall back into the abyss. I feel heartbroken most of the times, resenting myself for having destroyed my own life by keeping my true self trapped behind thick walls since childhood. Anyway i have seen a glimmer of hope, having experienced the awesomeness of my true self, even if it was just for a few weeks, and at least now i know it exists and can start to work towards reconnecting and real healing again.
Life involves a balance between the individual and society. If one or the other is broken, they need to be fixed, but they can't exist without each other.
"Thankfully, at some point, Timmy realizes that he is stuck in toxic relationships. The people in his life, his mother especially, want to control his life. And so far, he submitted to their desires. He's live in the life they want to live, rather than the life he wants to live." This.
Your words are so profound relative to shaming, shunning and self isolation. As a revived gay man, I feel so sad that my earlier life was unfulfilled as my inner self was hiding in the shadows. Like "Timmy ", my darling young boyfriend had submerged his creativity to conform to the social norms of his family and friends. He struggles with liberation of self but together we nurture and support each other . It's as if our combined experience has given birth to new hope and inspiration.
I've struggled my whole life trying to express the mask I was wearing. I found a way out... but I'm glad to see people are talking about this. Not everyone gets it
I love this so much as someone who's dealt with shame and rejection from others I couldn't agree more with how well u articulate this point of SHAME and Who you truly are ❤👏🏾 TY!!!
I’m glad you’re making all these videos. Thanks for sharing a bit of yourself with all of us. When we are being ourselves, we make the world a better place.
I don’t read a lot in philosophy and I barely know famous philosophers, but what nietszche said is deep as I survived my toxic family and learned alot about my trauma responses what nietszche said about shame is really deep and true
For a long time I was a shitty person, hurting people around me, addict, full of hate. Eventually I reached an epiphany and picked up the heaviest thing I could to get me away from who I was as quickly as possible like ripping a bandaid off the faster the better. Now, 2 years later I still have a lot of work to do but I’ve accomplished so much with a plan to accomplish even more and no intention to stop. I shamed myself into rapid growth and accelerated change faster than I thought I could ever handle. Now I’m so different that I don’t even go by my old name anymore, it represents the shame and what I never want to be again.
You explained the affects of being shamed by society and our families the way I would and the way I have personally experienced shame. I'm on a journey to connecting with my true self and although it's been painful and very emotional, I have been learning a lot about myself and how I ended up where I am. This is such an important concept and I wish more people knew that shaming others is so toxic in so many ways. Thank you for putting this video together.
This is so good! I remember reading a long time ago that you become who you are but you explain it very well. I'm weird and lots of ppl make me feel lonely so I'm kind of a recluse now, I have friends online and my cats. I'm like the boy in the vid. I was a computer programmer and I liked it but I really wanted to be an artist so that's what I do now, I paint and draw. I'm retired because I'm disabled now so I have time. No money, lots of time, well enough money, I don't want to complain about that. I live in Ecuador, great place for everyone but especially ppl with little money as compared to the US.
thank you for this content it made me feel better, im very ashamed because my father molested me and I should be a better man at 25. people at work think I’m tough just because I’m fit and a marine but im just being this way to have a job and so people treat me good. I hope tomorrow is better then today for you.
I am very sorry that happened to you, and I will pray for you. This might seem like a strange question, but have you ever heard the gospel of Jesus Christ? I know that in my own life it has been my anchor through many times of trial. At one point Jesus said, "For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day.” (John 6:40 Nasb1995). This is my great hope, and it has brought me through many hard times. Our greatest problem is that we have been estranged from God because of our sin, and consequently, we feel shame, and one day, shall die and be judged for our sins. That is the bad news. The good news is that Jesus, God incarnate, lived a perfectly righteous life, then died as an atoning sacrifice, then rose again from the dead, and ascended into heaven. This is good news because, if you believe in Him, you can be rendered in the sight of God perfectly righteous, because Jesus lived a perfectly righteous life, and you will not have to be judged for your sins, because Jesus was judged already, and you shall rise from the dead, because Jesus rose from the dead, and through faith, you will be found in Him. Personally, the only way that I have been delivered from shame is through Jesus. If you will believe in Him, you will have eternal life, and you will be reconciled to God, having Him as a father. I hope this finds you in a good place, and I will finish this message with a quote from Jesus,"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NASB1995).
I hope everyday gets better for you. I pray you over come the feeling of shame. You did not deserve that. You have to do what’s best for you but maybe opening up to someone about it would help you overcome these feelings. Someone you can trust or maybe a therapist. You are still very young and have a-lot of life ahead of you. Please don’t spend it suffering. Wishing you the best.
But if who I am is not who I want to be, then shouldn't I be ashamed of that? Unless of course I *should* be who I am and who I want to be is wrong, in which case I should feel ashamed for wanting to be something other than who I am.
@@justinhart2831 no, you should be ashamed that "Who i am Is not Who i WANT to be" when YOU (not the external world) decide your moral standard but act under It. For example if you want to be a good husband but cheat, then Yes you SHOULD feel ashamed. You're basically betraying yourself acting on lowerinf impulses.
This hit home hard - I’m a really sensitive person but people don’t like sensitive people, so i try not be. Thank you. I just haven’t connected with people who get me.
08:04 maybe even better, "who I COULD be", because maybe what you "want" is just this "safe bubble", thinking "its ok the way I am", but maybe you are afraid to fail and become what you could be, your best version, so you lie to yourself saying that you are what you want to be and that it is ok the way things are. It's just another way to look at that.
This video was exactly what I needed, growing up with good grades and become an engineer was what I should have been. I went back to music and it fills my heart now. But I'm still toxic sometimes (due to schemes?) and I feel bad about it.
Thank you! This sensitive, highly creative boy sounds EXACTLY like me! Of course this video finds me now! My brother never accepted me as i am and was always fighting me, shaming me, bullying me and i was taking the blame on me. No more. Over the last 5 years i'm shedding all my masks and become who i truely am. I've been always ashamed of my sexuality and what i find great and what i SHOULD find great. My catholic mother didn't help either to find out what i naturally want, but what i should want. It's been a long trip of hiding and being actually confused of what i really want and trusting my feelings, body sensations and so on. Slowly but surely i'm finding back to my source. This video truely resonated with me and spoke to my truth! Thank you for giving me another "click" moment in my self realization journey:) See you soon!
This video came recommended to me just at the right time. I've been struggling with hiding my true self from people, and this video has given me food for thought and pushed me toward beginning to resolve this.
我来自中国，我一直被羞耻心困扰着，我害怕做自己，害怕表达自己，我活的很痛苦很压抑。我看过很多视频，都没有解决自己的问题，今天很庆幸看到你的视频（我的英语不好，看视频的同时，也在学英语，所以我看一句暂停一下），在学到英语的同时，我也收获了能量，希望你的频道越来越好，感谢你的付出 I come from China, and I've been struggling with shame. I'm afraid to be myself, afraid to express myself. I live in a lot of pain and suppression. I've watched many videos but none have solved my problems. Today, I'm very lucky to have found your video (my English isn't good, so while watching, I'm also learning English; I pause after each sentence). Alongside learning English, I've also gained energy. I hope your channel continues to thrive. Thank you for your efforts.
Thanks so much for this enlightening video. I feel that I have a better perspective on shame now and a clearer understanding on to overcome shame... The toxic shame of course
Great short story 👏. It takes a lot of courage to be our authentic selves. For most people it is rather scary to stand out from fear of rejection from a group. I personally believe we all have a path to walk which no one else can do, except us. Either way great content. I also am called Timmy and can relate to this story to some degree except I've been very lucky to have a very good supportive Mother 👏
I feel like this explains the dynamic of the narcissist pretty well. They’re overcome by the shame of who they are so have to create a fake persona and will viciously attack anything or anyone that doesn’t fit in with their made up reality.
Shame is an immature reaction the body uses to encourage avoiding social taboos, and when you're young and immature, it is useful, because you don't know right from wrong. But when you're a mature adult and you know logically what is right and wrong, it's a worthless emotion that only gets in the way, because we now have the mental capacity to logically analyze whether what we're choosing to do is right or wrong.
When we hear the term 'Shadow Work', this is what it's all about. Everything that lives in the Shadow is draped in shame. When we shine love/light onto those parts of us, we begin to heal the Shadow and break away from shame. Lovely ✨💛✨
I've been "living the life my family wanted me to live" a complete miserable Mess. Today i get to think about the life I want to live and I have a feeling it's going to be very nice❤️
The irony is that I could verbally eviscerate the individuals that shamed and humiliated me as a child but there has been a strange allowance of their behavior out of fear of hurting them. I cringe at the idea of someone else being bullied or humiliated but also find myself wishing ill upon those who perpetrate such things, making me the same as them, kinda. Here (for me) lies the paradox of figuring out how to repair myself without simultaneously destroying others. I think the answer is in overcoming the fear/dread of having to stop the current course of your life's path, absorbing the pain, momentum, and inertia of your decisions to that point, turning around, facing the road you've been on, then walking back through all the way to the point where you first deviated from your intended and highest path. Believe in yourself, ignore the demons (they can't actually hurt you anyway), and start again with all the knowledge you gained from the previous journey. If you see a ghost on the way, stare directly at it and it will slowly disappear. You do not need to be rescued from your life, you need to live it.
This is me. The people around me find me too "normal". I'm not as weird as them, I'm not fun enough for them. And it's been eating at me since forever. I need to be someone else for them to accept me. I feel like I'm not enough.
An awesome essay! Could a shame also be a social regulatory mechanism - "you are who you should NOT be". It seems that a seed won't grow at all without a social structures around it, and they require at least some degree of conformity.
This video perfectly sums up my struggle in the past few years. Took me too long to start realising what’s wrong, and it will take me many more years to completely free myself from all the chains of shames that are so deeply ingrained. But I’m so happy that I have finally taken the first step. I was once such a cheerful boy and I have wasted my last 20 years playing a fake personality. I want to search for that curious, eccentric, humorous, interesting, and kind boy I once was. Thanks for the video. Very needed at this moment. 🙏
It’s always nice that we can find someone famous and respected that can excuse all our responsibility and self criticism. Nothing wrong with self forgiveness, but if you think that by listening or reading a few lines that resonate with you will absolve you of the social contract you are mislead. The solutions may be simple, but they are rarely easy. Please don’t stop looking just because you found some absolution here. Study philosophy for yourself, do not let others tell you what it means please. Strengthen your mind, do not be misguided. The journey is only begun for you.
Reading beyond good and evil changed my life when I was 25. Shattered my entire world view and helped me become who I am today. However, later on, I couldn’t even share that with people. I was outright called a racist and a misogynist for even bringing up his name. “I can’t believe you read Nietzsche and call yourself an artist” - a legit line I heard from one person. The mob will try to shame you no matter what. Don’t let them shame you. Great video. Subscribed.
@@robertrosenfeld7458 oh yeah, apparently the idea of Uberman is white supremacy and glorifying individualism/capitalism. I think Nietzsche’a sister was married to an antisemite so that automatically makes him a nazi 🤷🏻♂️ He also once made a joke about some woman’s looks and I guess that means all his works should be canceled and forgotten. It’s ridiculous.
You know. Im a guy that just separeted himself from everyone and i simply live alone. Im a retail worker that works like a mf all day just to make time go by fast just so i can go home and play my game. Im 27, before i left my home for the 2nd time i remember telling my dad that i didnt know who i was anymore. When i was younger i used to be very social, very cool and funny and everyone wanted to be around me. But a few events here and there i just closed myself inside my shell. I simply stopped being me entirely, and i forgot who I was in the end. Now i recently just stopped. The longer i live alone the less i care about who sees me headbanging, making faces, singing in public. I notice people see me, and i just smile at it. At work i sing even if its very low just in case a manager pops out. But overall, i stopped being ashamed of myself, of what made me so sociable.
I try to be funny at times in casual setting. I had a girl said to me "look we got a clown over here." These were the statements that would put me in severe depression and in shame it injured my self-esteem. Only very recently I am having thought, i have ability to make others laugh. Are there some who doesn't like my humor. That's fine. But i am not gonna let's random disagreements which aren't constructive or genuine criticism hurt me.
Zarathushtra spoke it is all about stepping out of who you are into hardship , loneliness and the power within in isolation. Starting from zero in the forest of life to butch up and to be who you really are a warrior from within. To survive the "self". Your video projects Nietzche from a soft and gentle touch which he had but was not !!
This answered a lot of questions I’d been asking myself lately: Why I can’t seem to bring myself to care for my group of friends I’ve known for years. I just haven’t been my true self since we moved 8 years ago.
“Do not kill the part of yourself that is cringe, kill the part that cringes.”
BASED
I like this
Exactly what TikTok needs.
Nietzsche if he was Gen Z
what about when people cringe at what you say, when you're just expressing your deepest self?
People always told me I was too sensitive and too emotional and I always thought my empathy and my emotion was a horrible part of me. I am finally doing work which frames this part of me as a strength and it is very liberating. ❤
Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
:)
Ugh, I get it. I'm so emotional, it's hard for me to talk about moving subjects without getting teary eyed and choked up. I would always apologize until a friend of mine told me to stop apologizing, that's who I am and it just shows how genuine my feelings are. That was several years ago and I still catch myself apologizing, but I try to catch myself and embrace it instead.
Well done💪 I grew up in a violent part of England and people would beat me up for being sensitive.
I had to bury it, but it feels good to embrace it again.
What work is it?
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
Thank you 🙏
:')
What if I'm not worthwhile? And how would I know?
@@justinhart2831 if you weren't worthwhile, you wouldn't be here, or you wouldn't be asking these sorts of questions
@@justinhart2831 if you weren’t you rlly wouldn’t be here. Every soul has a purpose and every person has a life for a reason, they make a difference, how is us up to that person. Every living thing has a purpose that’s why it’s alive, ofc you make your choices in life, but like the video stated people shaming people can prevent you from being yourself. So, ig speaking from experience, it comes from within. Hang on and stay strong, better days are coming I hope this helped💞💞💞 Mental health is weird the way it’s wired.
"I think those who would try to make you feel less than who you are, I think that's the greatest evil." ~Fred Rogers
Indeed
F.M. Rogers is one of my favorite heroes of all Time.
Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
I thought that was Fred Ward🤔
Good ol fred
We cant all be snowflakes in reality. In theory youre all hippies getting a long making every feel worthy. Thats not reality.
This Toxic Shame shappened to me when I moved back home from university during COVID. From the moment I stepped in the door I was a threat to my immediate family. After living on my own for a decade I was independent in thought and attitude and thoroughly myself. Happy, outgoing, witty, friendly. My family saw this as a personal attack on their own insecurities so they started shaming me, turning everything I said into and argument and doubting me at every turn. I didn’t know what to believe because even after all the life I had experienced, I had trouble believing that these people could want me to feel so terribly, even if it was just their subconscious projections onto me as an emotional scapegoat. Now after two years of hard drinking and binge eating, I’m finally starting to realise the effect they have on me. Stay strong my brothers and sisters out there, we will rise again our of the ashes
Rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.
When we grow , others don't like it because they can't control it.
Is it because you got back from college being super woke? Because, yeah. That needs to be challenged and checked.
@@kodidane5824 No and I don’t subscribe to any ideology that promotes ‘positive change’ by way of hate, I believe in the right for all people to be able to speak their mind and worship freely, no matter how much I might disagree with their views. Trust me, I got a real education at a university (UK) instead of being robbed & radicalised for four years like they do over here (US), so some newfound politically correct belief system wasn’t a factor in any of this.
I can relate
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." -Oscar Wilde
But if people are trying to be others then they are not taken. Just like a person can influence your personality to be like them.
we are cavemen living in the future. this causes mental illness
@@mikelisteral7863 Living in a "perceived future".
He is gay I guess
@@mikelisteral7863 That's profound. Some people are more capable of adapting than others but the pace of change today is far beyond what most can cope with. Certainly responses like changes in law, language (vocabulary), and morality that require communal consensus lag hopelessly behind advances in science and technology. Humanity is increasingly torn between the forces of accelerating change and entrenched resistance. (And it's also true that: "The future is already here, it's just not equally distributed.")
To anyone struggling with this, I hope my story inspires you...
For the past 15 years I was surpressed by my father's expectations. I lived my life for him. I lived to become who he wanted me to be. It was an inner turmoil that conflicted me to my very core. I felt so ashamed whenever I wanted to stray off the path he set out for me. I know he had my best interests at heart, but I hated that I had no control over my life or my destiny.. I could not be myself. This shame festered into depression and it ate away at my soul. I spent years dwelling in self pity. I was suicidal and I was so close to ending it. As a last ditch effort before I gave up, I told myself that I would travel across the country alone to reflect on my life. I packed my bags and I just began driving... As far as East as I could. I haven't looked back.
4 months passed, and I never went home. I went to a new city, stepped out of my comfort zone where I no longer had the influence of my parents and began anew.
Finally, I rediscovered myself.. I began setting my own goals, pursuing my own passions. I finally began to see clearly and I told my father that I am done living in his shadow...
It took fifteen years (I'm 28) for me to muster up the courage to put my own happiness first. The burden of his expectations lifted, my depression subsided and it was the first time I have felt truly happy. It was liberating.
For anyone else struggling with this, please put your happiness first. Be who you are. Be brave enough to say THIS IS MY LIFE... It is better to be uncomfortable in the one moment you say NO, than live a life full of resentment. Step out of your comfort zone.. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO BEGIN CHASING YOUR DREAMS. Just do it, make your dreams come true. I believe in you and its your turn to begin believing in yourself.
nice story but travel lenght really just depends of the amount money you have to use and after you spend it all you have to return
@@drackpower haha my point of the story is not to go travel... It's that you should not restrict yourself to other people's expectation of you. The point is to embrace who you are, and go after your dreams.
Yeh i guess I just got stuck on that part of the comment, my problems is that I dont really know myself sad to be honest... And I dont have any idea where to head next
Good story, the hero's journey. I would make one amendment though. I would change, "For anyone else struggling with this, please put your happiness first." to "For anyone else struggling with this, please put your happiness first most of the time". If you only ever put your own happiness first and never sacrifice it for someone else's growth or happiness you've basically become the parent(s) who never sacrificed any of their own desires for you. Boundaries are meant to be flexible, not always an impenetrable wall. Let intuition guide you.
A parent may not relish the idea of seeing Toy Story 5, for example, but a young daughter might be crushed if you didn't go see it with her. It's OK to be honest, "It's not really my cup of tea, but I'll go because I know you like it and I get to spend time with one of my favorite people on Earth." is better than, "I'll hate it and aren't you too old for that now?" and who knows, maybe you end up liking it. That's a poor example, but the basic idea is there - sometimes it's appropriate to sacrifice our time and happiness for the things our loved ones are passionate about.
@@drackpower don't worry, you have time to think about it. Think about what you enjoy, and break it down to the fundamentals. It took me years for me to find out what I liked too :) don't lose hope.
This is so great, I love this channel.
When I was 15 I got a job at the local kart circuit, and spent ALL my money on racing for years. My parents told me I was wasting my time and money and that I should get a nice car and a girlfriend. Now, 15 years later, I’m racing McLaren GT cars, ran 6 marathons and am engaged to the girl of my dreams.
You go dude, keep living your best life
Love this ❤️
God bless ☺️☺️☺️💗💗💗🌟🌟🌟
Great 👍
love that for you, keep living
Im a singer-songwriter and Ive had many people (mainly stuck up relatives) shame me for choosing my career path even though Ive been playing instruments since I was 5 years old and Im very good at it and it comes very natural to me. What feels unnatural is being at a day job around people that are negative and in-polite. Id rather die penniless doing what I loved than living rich doing what I hate. "Find what you love and let it kill you." - Charles Bukowski
My own father worked overtime trying to steer my in a direction he wanted, which was to work a hard physical labour job like he did. Every time i would mention wanting to do anything else than a physical labour job as a teen (engineering or business) he would say it's a woman's job lol...so i wasted all my late teens and early twenties working in concrete and roofing which i had no problem being among the highest performers (easy) but it was not enough. I had the embarrassment of choice when it came to choosing between school or hard labour jobs because i was very good at both. At 24 i started electrical engineering technology and graduated with distinction and still i had remarks from familly members asking if i was afraid to work hard? Now i'm thinking of going into quantitative finance or accounting and work towards a cpa designation. Life is too short to live your life for others because the time you waste not living out your full potential you'll never get back and the years required to "fix" everything how you wanted in the first place is a road most ppl don't have the courage to walk...man's greatest burden is unfullfilled potential which leads to a life of quiet desperation.
Dude i am exactly the same with this sentiment. I know some of it is good intentioned worries but im a grown man and i believe in god. Plenty people have done much crazier shit than make music for a living
@@coreyroberts47 "Plenty people have done much crazier shit than make music for a living"
love this, it's so true
@@nicolasdagenais396 lol, I' m like the polar opposite of you, I suck both at physical labour (I tried to fight it, used to practice body-building but I have chronical back pain so I can't really get anywhere) and I also suck at technical studies, which is something that makes me quite miserable; I personally would rather prefer humanities studies, but I understand there isn't much of a request for it, so I could do in technical faculties... if only I were any good in it. Oh well, I'm happy for you that it worked out for you anyway.
Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
This was life changing for me. I ended up crying a lot, this is where my shame comes from.
I was a quiet boy who would wander around the playground on his own, being bullied and ignored.
I created a mask, I became a clown. I made people laugh and I got friends, I always had to entertain.
I'm 31 now and this mask just broke, I don't know who I am and I'm scared to be my authentic self.
Your video helped me to stop feeling shame about the little boy I was though.
How do you build yourself up after ignoring yourself for most of your life?
Beautiful share, in answer to your question- by taking the first step.
Allow yourself to be you, make decisions for you and celebrate all that you are. Every choice you make from the heart is the right one, and sometimes others have to be upset along the way if you’re putting yourself first. Enjoy the ride !
@@ConnorTyson thankyou this is really helpful 👍
Become a monster, I was that boy like you on the playground alone.
You just have to evolve
Childhood dreams and goals helped me become my authentic self. Not like what I wanted to be but more of the things I wanted to experience and do. Ex: always wanted to be flexible, 2 years later I can get into a split. I am 30 by the way. Always wanted to speak multiple language, I was in the top 4% of duolingo learners last year. I am joyful.
Also, anytime you want to ask someone's opinion on what you should do. Stop, breathe, and trust that you are the only and best person to have that authority. Don't give it away.
These past few years I've been learning little by little to fully accepting who I really am. It is true that a lot of us have to reject our true selves just to please and fit into society. The main reason why a lot of us do this is mainly because of survival. Human beings need to feel loved and/or appreciated in some way in order to at least go through life with some motivation and good energy. This world is cruel and people who don't have a group/tribe/community/strong network, is bound to having a complicated life in already complicated world.. It is hard to balance your own personal desires and needs with society's. But remember you yourself is the most important person who you should make happy. Even though I personally still have a long way to go to fully accepting myself and not worrying what people think of me, I know I am in the right path because I feel the inner peace within me growing slowly but surely.
Wow man thanks for the comment I'm also finding my inner peace little by little
This resonated profoundly with me. Thank you.
Well said!
Well said, brother. May all the blessings of this world be laid upon you.
I used to believe this until a recent psychedelic experience showed me otherwise. We are never truly alone. It is only our perception that we are alone that brings about pain. It’s an interesting and painful experience to take this feeling of loneliness and alter our perception of time using psychedelics in order to stretch this immensely painful emotion into infinity. As minutes go by in the collective reality, years or even centuries go by in your own mind, all of which are spent in the immersion of deeply painful loneliness. The only way out of this pain was to create a higher being in my mind that could guide me out of this infinity; to surrender to something greater than myself. There is a utility in god, regardless of whatever form we choose to give it, or whatever dogma we wish for it or ourselves to ascribe to. After having this experience, I don’t subscribe to any mainstream religious ideologies so much as I acknowledge the profound meaningless of my life in the context of the vast cosmos, and by way of this surrender, I can simply laugh at how ridiculous life is, which makes bearing another day worthwhile!
I once asked my mother “why do you always treat me like I’m the bad guy?”
And without thinking twice she said “Because you are.”
I’ve started living for me instead of for her approval. And though it’s been rough, I do feel much better about myself
❤️
Why would she ever say such a thing? :(
So happy you found your way, though!
@@D0MiN0ChAn Thank you. I have my biological father’s face, so she’s probably projecting her anger for him onto me. He’s not a very good person
@@iskandar4661 Don't let your mom gaslight you into thinking that you are "bad" or "worthless" just because you remind her of your dad.
i know it's really painful and it breaks your heart because ur mom its the least person you expect saying such things to you but be strong bro, prove her that she is wrong, even if she doesn't acknowledge you be proud of your achivements.
I do really hope you can improve your relationship with her, the love of a mother is one of a kind and it's something we all need in this life.
@@Demons972 Thank you, you’re very kind. In fairness to her, I only recently learned she was schizophrenic and had a bipolar disorder. So maybe it’s not _all_ me. I give her the benefit of the doubt because, she is ill. She now apologises when she has an episode. So it’s not all bad now
This is the story my life.
This is the story of many individuals I've come across.
The way you've edited and built the story is very emotional and personal.
My respect and love to you.
Put the video in my favourites list for this reason alone, powerfully relatable.
same here bro :(
Same here, different circumstances but the same feelings. I really hope you guys are able to overcome it, my heart goes out to you.
@@frocksole2275 ..Realizing this after 8 years ever since I started hiding my True Self .. my middle school years full of Fear and Confusion making me fit into a certain personality only for others “happiness”. I am now In bliss, I now understand, and that is what it takes, to learn and understand yourself .. Blessings to you brothers🙏
💗
I just turned 40 and finally applied some of these principles in pursuit of leading a more creative, fulfilling and social life. It's never too late to start.
❤❤❤❤
I love this for you!
As a diagnosed narcissist (a shame based personality disorder), and being self aware of my condition and thus willing to change, I can tell you that is 100% spot on.
Parents need to be careful about how they talk to their child. It can fuck them up, badly.
How did you get your diagnosis? I'm curious, as I'm struggling with the Dark Triad as well.
I feel like we’re taught all narcissist are bad ppl, but this can’t be true right? atleast not bad the way I usually understand it
@@skunkgucc I'm not sure. I'm quite convinced that those who realise they are narcissists (and acknowledge that it is a problem) are covert narcissists and are in the minority.
Sometimes we're too stupid to change our behaviour and simply tooproud to admit it. Does it make us bad people? I don't think so, but our actions do. Try and live right, and you'll get far.
@@skunkgucc First of all, NO. Just like any other trauma victim, narcisists are people first. Yes, they usually have problems with controlling their emotions, and yes they usually are egocentric (me-first mentality), but it's not as simple as classifying someone as "good' or 'bad'.
Narcisists, for the most part, did not get the right guidance and nurture to develop a healthy emotional regulation.
Think about a toddler whose parents neglect the child and never talk to him/her, and the child never gets to go to school for an education. How do you think that child's learning ability will develop?
You can imagine that this child would not be able to speak, read or do math properly. It will probably try to find a way to survive in the world (defender coping mechanism) but it won't be optimal or on-par with it's age peers.
That is what basically happens to narcisists in their childhood, but on a emotional level.
It gets a bit more complex than that, but the essence is this...
Narcisists aren't born that way, they are made.
It's like inflicted brain damage, but on a personality / emotional level.
Of course, the behavior of someone with brain damage is going to be a bit different, but you can't really blame them, can you?
That said, only self-aware narcisists are able to control themselves to a degree and find a healthier balance.
Side note: There are A LOT more narcisist out there then the average person thinks. But there is a clear distinction between High Consciousness and Low Consciousness Narcs. I'm able to spot them pretty easily (it takes one to know one).
For example, Johnny Depp, Barack Obama, Donald Trump (Duh!), R. Kelly, Dan Bilzerian, Steve Jobs (RIP), Michael Jordan, Kanye West, MrBeast, Keily Jenner.
Then there are the ones most people don't know at all. The ones running the world, major enterprises, and politics.
Moral of the story, narcisists are trauma victims with a fucked up coping mechanism. Without therapy they are trapped in a mindset they can't escape from. Their life might look cool, flashy and lively on the outside, but they feel empty and cold insight, unable to connect properly with other humans. They know it. They feel it. But it is their safe haven. "No emotion is better than painful emotion."
@@Cloudnine2024 I can relate with a lot of what you said, shit especially the last line
This is something I'm going through right now. This feeling of separating my shame from my life.
Leaving behind the people who shame me for being me. The truest version of me.
It's not easy especially when it's family, that otherwise has never done you wrong.
It's hard to reconcile that point of view and even harder to try and explain it to them.
Thank you for this video.
YAAAAYT
we are cavemen living in the future. this causes mental illness
@@mikelisteral7863 but cavemens with loooveeeee
The story of Timmy was really resonated with me.
"He began to play this masculine role and wear this masculine mask to protect himself from shame. But to play this role effectively, he himself had to believe that it wasn't a role. So he had to convince himself of his persona before he could convince others of his persona, and by doing so, he had to cut off contact with his real, authentic self."
I am wondering how many of us lost their true self. If we live our lives according to others expectations so long, then how can we remove the mask which we put up? I am afraid that if we keep staying in the dark, we will lose our eyesight.
'' The charm of knowledge would be small indeed, were it not that there is so much shame to be overcome on the way to it. '' Friedrich Nietzsche
So true
Can someone explain the meaning of this quote please?
@@kevinc721 It is, so to say, the same lesson as it is on the viedo about shame. So, the high and hard is the road of shames to overcome, the higher is the charm of knowledge. E.g in a game or fight much harder is the opponemt the more u enjoy the victory. So it depend the society that u are sorrounded with. And in circumestances that follows you. I think so. It may have another point.
Damn....that hits home
@@kloriancupi9144 i think so too. I feel like it is even more relevant with self-knowledge : the more you want to learn about yourself, the more you will have to look for your own flaws and insecurities and that will come with a lot of shame. But this shame is necessary to truly see your own weaknesses and learn/grow from them.
My stepdad would make fun of my insecurities when I was little and for the last 6-8 years I've felt like I've been living in a strangers body, only able to escape when around people like my brother and my best friend. I only just a week ago in group therapy realized that I hide my true self away from people so that I won't be judged for who I am. I'm working on eliminating that fear from my life so that I can be happy in my own skin again. I hope everyone reading this can overcome their problems in life very soon
Im an infp and traits of an infp are empathy, emotional and sensitive as well as others. Since learning about my personality type i am becoming a better version of myself and trying to not let others negativity and small mindedness affect me. Its not always working but being emotional and sensitive can be so beautiful. I am deeply moved my music such as classical piano or movies that invoke emotion and love and endurance. Being emotional and sensitive has been always viewed as weak or bad but if applied right and balanced with other traits or skills can be a wonderful way to exist in this world that is just so full of greed, hate and intolerance. ❤❤
as a fellow infp, keep it up!
I was once the kind of person who used to express himself fully, live on his own terms and actually enjoy life. I then came across a couple of guys who I thought were my friends. The relationship with them took a turn for the worst when they started shaming me for who I was. They wanted me to believe what they wanted to believe, eat where they wanted to eat, date someone who they approve of, and have fun like they had fun. This made me feel insignificant and lonely especially when I was with them. It came to a point where I was being judged for every possible comment or thing I said whether when I was with them or on social media. I couldn't express myself anymore. I stopped reading books, gave up my hobbies, stopped growing as a person and more as a mannequin designed for public display. They even started to take credit for making me a better person than I was before very publicly which basically meant that I extinguished my personal self for their approval. I became extremely lazy, started procastinating on my dreams and lived their's instead. The worst part was, they made me so dependant on them that I felt entrapped to their opinions and couldn't think independently anymore. After realizing that something needs to change, this is my first week of actually living on my own terms. I have limited my connection with those guys, have started to reconnect with my hobbies and dreams that I used to cherish. They have tried contacting me, but I have only given them a cold shoulder for over a week now. I feel extremely free and I am thinking more vividly now about where I want to go with my career and personal life. This video has come at the right time for me and I thank the creator and all the authors referenced in this content for provoiding me with such a profound view to life. Best of luck to all those who are going through what I have been through and may you break the threads that hurt more the longer you keep holding to them Good luck :)
Now there is place for good people in your life. Best decision!
Keep going in this direction!
This is the exact same story i have.. it was tough out there. It felt like i was a shell of my former self and i was so hypercritical every little nuanced thing i did that could get picked apart by them. I was so sad back them i didnt give my life any value but now I’m started to move past that and make room for people who i deem deserving to be in my life and vice versa.
It must have started in your childhood first.
Reminder to not let them back into your life
You are not what happened to you
You are what you choose to become.
❤️ ☮️
I agree with you
Most days i choose resentment. Once in a while in choose to forget. I do not forgive. I empathize with villains and i long to shed this skin.
Carl Jung, I believe 👍
True fact 🤞
this couldn't have been more timely - feeling like half the friendships i have aren't fulfilling bc I'm not able to be my true self
Man facts it seems like old friendships just wanna keep me being who I was
Me too. It kinda makes me sad though. These friends I have known for such a long time.
Truth, currently I'm in a state of working on my mind rather than my body, and I realised that a lot of my friends simply aren't on the same mindset as me and push away my true me a lot.
Yes! This!
@@burythevoid Well that's more about growing pains, rather than people in your life shaming you and not giving you a safe enough environment to be your authentic self. I totally understand what you are going through. Often when we want to grow and mature and are practicing self love and self delevelopment, in order to do those things you have to let certain people and behaviors go. It can be really challenging and sad at times.
Three of the most valuable lessons I got from this video are:
1/ Becoming Who You Truly Are Requires Overcoming Shame
2/ Shaming Others Prevents Authenticity and Personal Growth
Thank you a lots for your sharing!
It's taken me nearly 40 years to know who I am, what I like, and freely express that in what I wear, how I do my hair, how I behave, live, etc. I can't get rid of the demonds within me from what happened to me but I feel like I finally know who I am and what I like. Having chronic shame and no sense of self has always be my life, but gradually I am getting to know myself. Raising myself. It's so weird. But it is what you have to do when you have been abused throughout your formative years.
@@Mukanimou 🙏💕
@@Mukanimou same to you. Sounds like we've led similar paths.🤗
❤
Toxic shame: Who I am is not who I should be... very simple but powerful concept. I love this. Thanks for sharing!
One of the greatest life lessons I've come to know growing into an adult! I hope to share this with my children / grandchildren someday. I always felt a sense of shame not being a 'stud' or 'successful CEO hustler type guy'. I am much more comfortable being exactly who I am, not fighting what naturally interests me and focusing on my personal strengths. If I honestly don't want to do something, I won't do it. ("Hey let's go see this new movie!". (Me, who would rather stay home, make dinner, and relax) "No thanks. I'm gonna stay home tonight. Thanks for the invite, though!".). This is a massive difference to my younger self who would have gone to the movie in order to please others who expect me to go with them. If I don't want to, I don't have to. True friends will respect that, especially if you're honest with them. Don't follow anyone, be yourself, and those who are similar-minded with naturally find you and become dear friends/family in your life!
Word
Yo old man. You are right. But here is me, who like really wants friends. So I have to be intresting for them no? But it doesn't come to me naturally. I am a naturally uninteresting person
What if you need to fill out a form or apply at a new job but you just don’t want to. What if you need to support your family by going to work but you just don’t want to. What if you need to tell the truth even if it’ll make it less comfortable for you, but you just don’t want to. Where is the sacrifice if all we do is the things we want.
“True friends will respect that” I agree that people shouldn’t judge and assume bad faith from others.
What I want to say is that, I think, that if, for instance, you always refuse to go to the movies with your friends because you’re never in the mood but would, for example, prefer to have a cup of tea with them instead, then they have all the right to also refuse and that it would be okay for both parties to want to stop being friends with the other, because, in a way, you’re not compatible.
So if a friend stops being friends with you because you are yourself and that makes you two too different from each other, I believe they would be in all their right to do that.
“True friends will respect that” I agree that people shouldn’t judge and assume bad faith from others.
What I want to say is that, I think, that if, for instance, you always refuse to go to the movies with your friends because you’re never in the mood but would, for example, prefer to have a cup of tea with them instead, then they have all the right to also refuse and that it would be okay for both parties to want to stop being friends with the other, because, in a way, you’re not compatible.
So if a friend stops being friends with you because you are yourself and that makes you two too different from each other, I believe they would be in all their right to do that.
As a person that’s the youngest out of 7 of my siblings, they don’t understand why I haven’t talked to them in years…growing up it was a struggle for anyone to hear me or actually listen to me. What you just said @6:39 on, struck a major chord with me about friendships based on power not intimacy. And I can not tell you how fkn good it feels to not care anymore. The unfortunate part about it is they never knew that growing up they were all my hero’s and the very same hero’s bit the hell out of me. It’s true what Carl young or Sigmund Freud(can’t remember who)said that resentfulness will come fourth in uglier ways later on in life…well I guess I’m ugly now but GD DMN it feels FKN great!
“Shyness is nice and shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life you'd like to”
-Morrissey
I was diagnosed as having ADHD after my son was. Learning about what ADHD is compared with what i thought it was has been a series of revelations. Its tough as the traits that are so common to people with ADHD can (are) viewed as character flaws by most of society, particularly in the world of school and work, and at times I completely agree. Its obvious to me that my Dad has ADHD too and while he's got a big heart and is the most generous person i know, he can also be very impulsive, unreliable, he can get angry about little, is impatient etc. He is at the mercy of his ADHD, makes poor financial decisions and is a hoarder. So its tough to not feel ashamed of myself as i know i have some of these traits too and it feel like the only thing stopping me from having all of them and more is my shame.
I don't feel ashamed about my sensitivity, my poor working memory, my euphoric highs, my insatiable curiosity etc just the traits that can make the people i care about life's harder.
This is has put into words everything that i've been feeling for the past 22 years. I've always thought I had multiple fake personalities simply because i felt shame when voicing my opinions to the point where i've silenced my own thoughts and i no longer know who i am anymore. This is the first step of trying to find what i actually enjoy in life. Thank you so much
You are very fortunate to find this at 22.
I wish i could say something wise and meaningful, but this short video has covered so much and done it so much better than i could. So, all i can do is wish you very well and hope that your journey will be good, and if happiness is an overplayed and hard to achieve, then at least you will know that underrated state, contentment.
Best regards!
@@connoroleary591 I appreciate your kinds words and I'm glad there are people like you that spreads positivity to those that need it the most
I literally started crying ı always feel so isolated and lonely even when ım with friends and family thanks for opening my eyes ım really confused about how to stop shame it seems hard but ıll try
Keep going! You can do this. You already took the 1st step....
So proud of you for recognising. You can do this. You deserve to do this. You are good enough. Not perfect, not excellent, but good enough. And that is enough.
You got it
This is 2yrs ago, did you manage to live with less shame?
Thank you. I cried as I remembered how I became a slave of the mask I created to please my mother, and how, step by step, I teared it apart, cuting toxic relaxionships out of my life. I am not the person that I want to be yet, but I am way closer than I was before.
I have never heard or read anything I have resonated with so much as this. This hit me so hard. Exactly what I needed to hear and so powerful. This is a divine message to me. Thank you for making this vid and explaining it so well. I feel full
for the last couple of years, i've been suffering from not being able to act according to my true self. this video hit so hard.
I've watched a lot of psychology videos during lockdown but this one really hit home like no other. It was certainly the story of my early life but moving away to university and then the big city brought me a certain freedom during my parents' lifetimes. I reached a kind of compromise with them. I also decided there were still things I could learn from them. Since they died I've become more myself but there's still a way to go in some contexts.
Remember don't let others define you define yourself don't be a afraid of negative comments sometimes these comments can help you improve upon yourself and become a better person in life
So true!! I also trying hard to find my true self lost in my childhood. I grew up acting like somebody else to the point that I lost my true self. Hopefully I'll found myself again.
timmy reminds me of my lil bro. more childlike than his friends, creative, likes to be alone, sensitive and not as masculine as my older bro. however, me and my family tried not to judge him or anything. after watching this I'm glad we were doing the right action this whole time. :)
I think the “healthy shame” is one a lot of us have felt, and its entirely possible that it happens due to us experiencing “toxic shame”. Timmy faced both, he felt the toxic one and felt the need to change according to how his mom and society wants him, when he realised this is half of a life and not a full one, he feels the “healthy shame” and starts to feel like becoming the person he wants to be. Im currently going through that same period, a lifeless shell of a human being, its very difficult to get past this phase.
You'll get past it tho, no pain is perpetual nor permament
Reflection is key in a world which contains nearly none. Unfortunately, most of humanity cannot see beyond the physical version of it. Yet the other three mirrors (mental, psychological, and spiritual) are of far greater importance for all individuals to confront.
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In Time, all points converge: hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the Universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
U are going to overcome this. You have come a long way , suffered a lot. Now this is the time u realize that u r too good for this world, move on and assert yourself in all aspects without any fuckin shame alright
True healthy shame is important to grow in life. Or we could become narcissist who caused "toxic shame" within us.
There is no healthy shame.
Balance is key. Freedom without discipline is an empty vessel.
Yup. The problem is most people have absolutely no discipline and then blame everyone else for their lack of real freedom.
I think the balance is as follows: understand who you are, and become who you want to be for your own reasons. Refuse to become something that your desires and intellect disagree with, and exercise discipline in attaining this.
true, but (self)discipline is strongly and probably even actively repulsed and ignored by today's society, in the past it was actually thaught by private professors (sure, only for privileged ones) while now it seems it isn't even an option anymore. Quite the opposite in fact, as transgression and impulsiveness are flaunted as some kind of perverted modern-day "value". That's obnoxious if you ask me but that's the world we live in
@@beansworth5694 I'll keep this in mind but it's really hard to understand what "I" truly am, being as I am for a huge part a sorry-ass product of this day and age
@@ArtSio443 I have some thoughts on your first comment, but they're fairly raw and wordily clunky. I've been trying to train myself to be more concise so that I'm more likely to be heard by people not overly invested in hearing me out (such as when they may disagree with me), so I might have to come back to that if I remember to lol
For now, just understand that the possibility of other people feeling morally threatened by your self-directed discipline shouldn't mitigate your decision to do this for your own sake, or for the sake of anyone else on which you want to have an impact.
But, on the nature of "I":
The self as is often described, as an immutable 'true' characteristic or set of traits everyone has is an unhelpful description of a conscious mind imo... Your self is distributed across time. It's not your past self and it's not your future self, either. It's all of those things contextualized from the present, which is in of itself distributed across however long the analog, non-instantaneous processing our brains undergo may take for an individual.
It can't remain static and objective, because that's contrary to the very nature of the thing we're trying to describe when we talk about a 'self'. It's fuzzy, fluid, and very difficult to pin down. So, we use stories. As do we use stories to describe any such thing that can't be restricted down to a tiny set of parameters across a definite span of time.
Essentially, I think you tend to be asking the wrong question when you ask 'who you are', in most cases. If you're trying to evaluate wherever you're at, 'who you are' as things stand, that's one thing. But if you're trying to decide who you are 'truly', you have to consider your trajectory through time and the decisions you want to make to direct it in order for the question to touch on the sentiment that's apparently being expressed in the question. The story is actively being written as time passes, and any decision could ripple out into a plot twist.
Oh My Word - Freedom in thought, this is incredible, so well constructed and presented. I was stopped in silence when the following was said ………….“But to play this role effectively - he had to believe it wasn’t a role - he had to convince himself of his persona before he could convince others”………….. This is the first time I have ever come across this said with such clarity! - This is a powerful experience (this made me reflect deeply on my journey so far, Timmy is relatable in that his experience is true for so many) This aligns with the name of this channel beautifully - it is indeed Freedom in thought. Thank you.
My life was completely derailed by "toxic shame" - it eroded everything and I was trapped within a prison, which was my own adaptive strategy to cope.
It really is relentless torture (inwardly).
All rooted in a broken family, being/feeling rejected by both parents as a young teenager, then suffering from depression & OCD & ending up isolated.
As a result of this, I have rarely been able to hold down a job, have been sucked into dysfunctional relationships & on & on & on.
I feel too old and deflated to really change now, but understand more clearly where this all began.
I was also a budding artist, with skills, and sensitive - so yes, tick those boxes as well.
It's hard not to be consumed be fury much of the time, but beyond the anger is pain.
Yea go for it
You should have faith in you
It is impossible to escape suffering, but everything in life is transitory. You have survived and it is still possible to use the time that remains in a way that may have some meaning at least to yourself.
When I recognize the intergenerational trauma that haunts my family tree, it doesn't necessarily become less painful, but I try to understand it all, to attempt to heal as much as I can.
It is worth trying to live the best life you can with the time you have.
Never too old to make your life better for your. Wish you peace of mind. 🙏🏾
It's not too dark you're a light the darkness I just where you've put your attention
I needed this. Thank you!
I cried watching this. I'm sensitive, nothing to be ashamed about
Finally, in my early 40s am I truly learning to become the true me. It's taken a while, but I'm finally arriving home!
Better 40 then 80
Same here my brother
@@dcoded5217 cheers brother.
39, here ✋
thompson excellent. keep fighting the good fight.
Thanks!
This really opened my eyes more than before about myself and the toxicity of so-called “motivational” videos and readings. Friends, family and strangers wants what’s best for you and people like me believe that if “they can do it, I can do it”. But the reality is because of this ideal false reality I’ve lost myself and added on to my depression.
This is so valuable for anyone battling with Childhood CPTSD. Thank you.
Cptsd is eating at my brain
Very scarcely do I write a comment under a post, but your words were truly inspirational, and the video as a whole was very well put together and articulate. Thank you.
I love the reference to the oak tree to the growth of a person. So much affects us into who and how we are. I love a quote from Farscape, not many may have heard of it, but basically the quote states "in the right environment you would thrive". And basically it shows how much the environment and the person or people you surround yourself with really have an impact on the entirety of your being. Great insight 😊
I felt inadequate and ashamed for my entire life until a recent complete mental breakdown, where i discovered my real self and his highly sensitive empathy through "inner child" work, which i extended to "inner family" work. I felt whole and content for the first time ever and was relieved thinking my horrible inner and outer struggles would come to an end. But daily stress, general obligations and my numerous bad habits and adictions caused me to neglect it, lose connection and fall back into the abyss. I feel heartbroken most of the times, resenting myself for having destroyed my own life by keeping my true self trapped behind thick walls since childhood.
Anyway i have seen a glimmer of hope, having experienced the awesomeness of my true self, even if it was just for a few weeks, and at least now i know it exists and can start to work towards reconnecting and real healing again.
Life involves a balance between the individual and society. If one or the other is broken, they need to be fixed, but they can't exist without each other.
This is something i really needed to hear. I couldn’t put my thoughts into words and this summed it up perfectly
"Thankfully, at some point, Timmy realizes that he is stuck in toxic relationships. The people in his life, his mother especially, want to control his life. And so far, he submitted to their desires. He's live in the life they want to live, rather than the life he wants to live." This.
“Should” is a judgement of self. When I notice that word in thoughts or said aloud, I quickly rephrase in a more accepting and healthy way.
Your words are so profound relative to shaming, shunning and self isolation.
As a revived gay man, I feel so sad that my earlier life was unfulfilled as my inner self was hiding in the shadows.
Like "Timmy ", my darling young boyfriend had submerged his creativity to conform to the social norms of his family and friends.
He struggles with liberation of self but together we nurture and support each other . It's as if our combined experience has given birth to new hope and inspiration.
what does revived gay mean?
@@12DAMDO long time hibernating inner self. Revived by true love
@@Davidipac nice
I've struggled my whole life trying to express the mask I was wearing. I found a way out... but I'm glad to see people are talking about this. Not everyone gets it
How'd you get out of this shith*le? I don't know what to do and im 15. Pls help.
I am 14 the answer us you don't nihilism is king@@cymal8878
I had this exact awakening a year ago, thank you so much for putting into words.
I love this so much as someone who's dealt with shame and rejection from others I couldn't agree more with how well u articulate this point of SHAME and Who you truly are ❤👏🏾 TY!!!
I’m glad you’re making all these videos. Thanks for sharing a bit of yourself with all of us. When we are being ourselves, we make the world a better place.
I don’t read a lot in philosophy and I barely know famous philosophers, but what nietszche said is deep as I survived my toxic family and learned alot about my trauma responses what nietszche said about shame is really deep and true
Dude its a really helpful and deep video, I can relate 100%. It feels like you come upon the right videos when you are ready for change !
For a long time I was a shitty person, hurting people around me, addict, full of hate. Eventually I reached an epiphany and picked up the heaviest thing I could to get me away from who I was as quickly as possible like ripping a bandaid off the faster the better. Now, 2 years later I still have a lot of work to do but I’ve accomplished so much with a plan to accomplish even more and no intention to stop. I shamed myself into rapid growth and accelerated change faster than I thought I could ever handle. Now I’m so different that I don’t even go by my old name anymore, it represents the shame and what I never want to be again.
Now thats healthy shame, keep it up !
Mark > David
Forgive yourself,move forward and do your best to never be abusive and shitty person again
You explained the affects of being shamed by society and our families the way I would and the way I have personally experienced shame. I'm on a journey to connecting with my true self and although it's been painful and very emotional, I have been learning a lot about myself and how I ended up where I am. This is such an important concept and I wish more people knew that shaming others is so toxic in so many ways. Thank you for putting this video together.
This is so good! I remember reading a long time ago that you become who you are but you explain it very well. I'm weird and lots of ppl make me feel lonely so I'm kind of a recluse now, I have friends online and my cats. I'm like the boy in the vid. I was a computer programmer and I liked it but I really wanted to be an artist so that's what I do now, I paint and draw. I'm retired because I'm disabled now so I have time. No money, lots of time, well enough money, I don't want to complain about that. I live in Ecuador, great place for everyone but especially ppl with little money as compared to the US.
I haven't read Nietzsche, but what you explained made simple sense. Well done.
thank you for this content it made me feel better, im very ashamed because my father molested me and I should be a better man at 25. people at work think I’m tough just because I’m fit and a marine but im just being this way to have a job and so people treat me good. I hope tomorrow is better then today for you.
I am very sorry that happened to you, and I will pray for you. This might seem like a strange question, but have you ever heard the gospel of Jesus Christ? I know that in my own life it has been my anchor through many times of trial. At one point Jesus said, "For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day.” (John 6:40 Nasb1995). This is my great hope, and it has brought me through many hard times. Our greatest problem is that we have been estranged from God because of our sin, and consequently, we feel shame, and one day, shall die and be judged for our sins. That is the bad news. The good news is that Jesus, God incarnate, lived a perfectly righteous life, then died as an atoning sacrifice, then rose again from the dead, and ascended into heaven. This is good news because, if you believe in Him, you can be rendered in the sight of God perfectly righteous, because Jesus lived a perfectly righteous life, and you will not have to be judged for your sins, because Jesus was judged already, and you shall rise from the dead, because Jesus rose from the dead, and through faith, you will be found in Him. Personally, the only way that I have been delivered from shame is through Jesus. If you will believe in Him, you will have eternal life, and you will be reconciled to God, having Him as a father. I hope this finds you in a good place, and I will finish this message with a quote from Jesus,"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NASB1995).
I hope everyday gets better for you. I pray you over come the feeling of shame. You did not deserve that. You have to do what’s best for you but maybe opening up to someone about it would help you overcome these feelings. Someone you can trust or maybe a therapist. You are still very young and have a-lot of life ahead of you. Please don’t spend it suffering. Wishing you the best.
Bless you don't feel bad we all get things done to us we have become stronger within
i really need that video about "who i am, is not who i want to be"...
love your videos man ♥
But if who I am is not who I want to be, then shouldn't I be ashamed of that? Unless of course I *should* be who I am and who I want to be is wrong, in which case I should feel ashamed for wanting to be something other than who I am.
@@justinhart2831 no, you should be ashamed that "Who i am Is not Who i WANT to be" when YOU (not the external world) decide your moral standard but act under It. For example if you want to be a good husband but cheat, then Yes you SHOULD feel ashamed. You're basically betraying yourself acting on lowerinf impulses.
This hit home hard - I’m a really sensitive person but people don’t like sensitive people, so i try not be. Thank you. I just haven’t connected with people who get me.
Interesting video. I love your editing
08:04 maybe even better, "who I COULD be", because maybe what you "want" is just this "safe bubble", thinking "its ok the way I am", but maybe you are afraid to fail and become what you could be, your best version, so you lie to yourself saying that you are what you want to be and that it is ok the way things are. It's just another way to look at that.
This video was exactly what I needed, growing up with good grades and become an engineer was what I should have been. I went back to music and it fills my heart now. But I'm still toxic sometimes (due to schemes?) and I feel bad about it.
Thank you!
This sensitive, highly creative boy sounds EXACTLY like me! Of course this video finds me now!
My brother never accepted me as i am and was always fighting me, shaming me, bullying me and i was taking the blame on me. No more.
Over the last 5 years i'm shedding all my masks and become who i truely am. I've been always ashamed of my sexuality and what i find great and what i SHOULD find great.
My catholic mother didn't help either to find out what i naturally want, but what i should want.
It's been a long trip of hiding and being actually confused of what i really want and trusting my feelings, body sensations and so on.
Slowly but surely i'm finding back to my source.
This video truely resonated with me and spoke to my truth! Thank you for giving me another "click" moment in my self realization journey:)
See you soon!
This video came recommended to me just at the right time. I've been struggling with hiding my true self from people, and this video has given me food for thought and pushed me toward beginning to resolve this.
我来自中国，我一直被羞耻心困扰着，我害怕做自己，害怕表达自己，我活的很痛苦很压抑。我看过很多视频，都没有解决自己的问题，今天很庆幸看到你的视频（我的英语不好，看视频的同时，也在学英语，所以我看一句暂停一下），在学到英语的同时，我也收获了能量，希望你的频道越来越好，感谢你的付出
I come from China, and I've been struggling with shame. I'm afraid to be myself, afraid to express myself. I live in a lot of pain and suppression. I've watched many videos but none have solved my problems. Today, I'm very lucky to have found your video (my English isn't good, so while watching, I'm also learning English; I pause after each sentence). Alongside learning English, I've also gained energy. I hope your channel continues to thrive. Thank you for your efforts.
Good luck in becoming your true self❣
Thanks so much for this enlightening video. I feel that I have a better perspective on shame now and a clearer understanding on to overcome shame... The toxic shame of course
Great short story 👏. It takes a lot of courage to be our authentic selves. For most people it is rather scary to stand out from fear of rejection from a group. I personally believe we all have a path to walk which no one else can do, except us. Either way great content. I also am called Timmy and can relate to this story to some degree except I've been very lucky to have a very good supportive Mother 👏
Wow! Well said, thank you for this. Be true to yourself.
Namaste all you beautiful souls, on this miraculous journey. 🙏🏼
I feel like this explains the dynamic of the narcissist pretty well. They’re overcome by the shame of who they are so have to create a fake persona and will viciously attack anything or anyone that doesn’t fit in with their made up reality.
Makes so much sense. I think, in general, we don't really become our true selves until we get into our thirties. At least for me.
Shame is an immature reaction the body uses to encourage avoiding social taboos, and when you're young and immature, it is useful, because you don't know right from wrong. But when you're a mature adult and you know logically what is right and wrong, it's a worthless emotion that only gets in the way, because we now have the mental capacity to logically analyze whether what we're choosing to do is right or wrong.
When we hear the term 'Shadow Work', this is what it's all about. Everything that lives in the Shadow is draped in shame. When we shine love/light onto those parts of us, we begin to heal the Shadow and break away from shame. Lovely ✨💛✨
And when we hear the word drugs. This comment is what it’s all about.
I've been "living the life my family wanted me to live" a complete miserable Mess. Today i get to think about the life I want to live and I have a feeling it's going to be very nice❤️
The irony is that I could verbally eviscerate the individuals that shamed and humiliated me as a child but there has been a strange allowance of their behavior out of fear of hurting them. I cringe at the idea of someone else being bullied or humiliated but also find myself wishing ill upon those who perpetrate such things, making me the same as them, kinda. Here (for me) lies the paradox of figuring out how to repair myself without simultaneously destroying others. I think the answer is in overcoming the fear/dread of having to stop the current course of your life's path, absorbing the pain, momentum, and inertia of your decisions to that point, turning around, facing the road you've been on, then walking back through all the way to the point where you first deviated from your intended and highest path. Believe in yourself, ignore the demons (they can't actually hurt you anyway), and start again with all the knowledge you gained from the previous journey. If you see a ghost on the way, stare directly at it and it will slowly disappear. You do not need to be rescued from your life, you need to live it.
I understand how people can get "lost" and stay there, although for them it's real so it just comes down to personal choices.
This is me. The people around me find me too "normal". I'm not as weird as them, I'm not fun enough for them. And it's been eating at me since forever. I need to be someone else for them to accept me.
I feel like I'm not enough.
I can honestly say that Nietzsche's philosophy has changed my life for the better
An awesome essay! Could a shame also be a social regulatory mechanism - "you are who you should NOT be". It seems that a seed won't grow at all without a social structures around it, and they require at least some degree of conformity.
"he felt lonely around other people because nobody ever saw him for who he truly was . . . . "
This video perfectly sums up my struggle in the past few years. Took me too long to start realising what’s wrong, and it will take me many more years to completely free myself from all the chains of shames that are so deeply ingrained. But I’m so happy that I have finally taken the first step.
I was once such a cheerful boy and I have wasted my last 20 years playing a fake personality. I want to search for that curious, eccentric, humorous, interesting, and kind boy I once was.
Thanks for the video. Very needed at this moment. 🙏
It’s always nice that we can find someone famous and respected that can excuse all our responsibility and self criticism. Nothing wrong with self forgiveness, but if you think that by listening or reading a few lines that resonate with you will absolve you of the social contract you are mislead. The solutions may be simple, but they are rarely easy. Please don’t stop looking just because you found some absolution here. Study philosophy for yourself, do not let others tell you what it means please. Strengthen your mind, do not be misguided. The journey is only begun for you.
It is a magical feeling finding who you really are at over 30. +1
As a 30 yo, I second this
I’m 52 and on the path. It’s friggin amazing. Cheers to you
Reading beyond good and evil changed my life when I was 25. Shattered my entire world view and helped me become who I am today. However, later on, I couldn’t even share that with people. I was outright called a racist and a misogynist for even bringing up his name. “I can’t believe you read Nietzsche and call yourself an artist” - a legit line I heard from one person. The mob will try to shame you no matter what. Don’t let them shame you. Great video. Subscribed.
that's really weird, I wasn't aware anyone had such strong negative feelings about Nietzsche
@@robertrosenfeld7458 In today’s crazy world anyone who disagrees with you on any subject deems you a racist or misogynist.
@@robertrosenfeld7458 oh yeah, apparently the idea of Uberman is white supremacy and glorifying individualism/capitalism. I think Nietzsche’a sister was married to an antisemite so that automatically makes him a nazi 🤷🏻♂️ He also once made a joke about some woman’s looks and I guess that means all his works should be canceled and forgotten. It’s ridiculous.
What bad things did Nietzsche actually do? I'm not well versed in his philosphy and I'd like to know.
You know. Im a guy that just separeted himself from everyone and i simply live alone. Im a retail worker that works like a mf all day just to make time go by fast just so i can go home and play my game. Im 27, before i left my home for the 2nd time i remember telling my dad that i didnt know who i was anymore. When i was younger i used to be very social, very cool and funny and everyone wanted to be around me. But a few events here and there i just closed myself inside my shell. I simply stopped being me entirely, and i forgot who I was in the end.
Now i recently just stopped. The longer i live alone the less i care about who sees me headbanging, making faces, singing in public. I notice people see me, and i just smile at it. At work i sing even if its very low just in case a manager pops out. But overall, i stopped being ashamed of myself, of what made me so sociable.
Props for the headbanging
Hell yea
This was great. Thank you for posting and taking the time to put it together. You are helping to make the world a better place.❤
I try to be funny at times in casual setting. I had a girl said to me "look we got a clown over here." These were the statements that would put me in severe depression and in shame it injured my self-esteem. Only very recently I am having thought, i have ability to make others laugh. Are there some who doesn't like my humor. That's fine. But i am not gonna let's random disagreements which aren't constructive or genuine criticism hurt me.
Haha I've gotten the same comment. We might of reacted better to it instead of as an insult. Just maybe. But it's a sign.
It's very sad when u see a lot of people are adapting a fake personality just cuz society wants that
Agreed
This is brutally amazing. Well done, my friend!
Zarathushtra spoke it is all about stepping out of who you are into hardship , loneliness and the power within in isolation. Starting from zero in the forest of life to butch up and to be who you really are a warrior from within. To survive the "self".
Your video projects Nietzche from a soft and gentle touch which he had but was not !!
This answered a lot of questions I’d been asking myself lately: Why I can’t seem to bring myself to care for my group of friends I’ve known for years. I just haven’t been my true self since we moved 8 years ago.