How to get HER in the MOOD (funny) bit.ly/41AAZyS If you ever want to support my work bit.ly/3FWA1Ez #marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution
For those of us with autism, it is important to realize that you can come off as dismissive or not considering or caring about your partner's needs or perspective if you don't actively affirm as you listen, and give it time rather than moving on immediately once they tell you it. This (and other things, but mostly this) almost killed my relationship.
Being Neurodivergent, I support you 100%! My own dad was an IBM guy, and I always questioned whether he loved me. Now that I realize that he probably had communication skills on the spectrum, I need to reevaluate my upbringing! Thank you so much for sharing your heart.❤❤❤
@@_--Reaper--_ The International Business Machines Corporation (IBM) is the company that brought into existence the Personal Computer (PC). This comment was brought to you by autism.
Yep - when you are in therapy and you communicate your needs in relationship clearly and calmly and your spouse gets agitated and openly and repeatedly says "Yeah, but that isn't important to me!" - send a very clear message that the relationship is simply one sided.
Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin The 10 Essentials Of A Secure Partnership-by Dr Stan Tatkin Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman You cannot fix or change anyone. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
Being able to take the other person's perspective, feelings or needs and validate them EVEN IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH THEM and finding common ground, is a sign of emotional maturity. As long as you see disagreement or conflict as a threat and your goal is to prove yourself right and win an argument, your relationship will suffer. A secure relationship is founded upon working as a team, not as competitors.
I can imagine what percentage of emotionally mature people exists in human population. It's lame people have to make videos to explain that taking your partner's thoughts/feelings/desires seriously and with respect is even a requirement for healthy relationship
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:3-4
This is exactly what just happened with my relationship. I just broke up with him 4 days ago. It still doesn’t really feel real. I kept trying to communicate and talk to him about issues in the relationship and he always dismissed me, got defensive, and made me feel bad about bringing it up. I eventually just had to leave, because I knew he would never try to understand my feelings at all.
Glad to hear you got out of something like that, though sorry it was that type of relationship. I've experienced that too and it absolutely sucks knowing they're not going to want a conversation to discuss what's going on. Hopefully you find someone who is more engaging in discussions to make your relationship stronger.
My defensiveness was a big part of what ruined my relationship, she actually quoted John Gottman and the issue of not being able to influence your partner. Since the breakup I’ve been obsessed with unpacking the source of my defensiveness, it has led me to my childhood, very rooted in attachment theory triggers - a feeling of not fitting in and feeling like I wasn’t enough, I’ve felt like I’ve had to defend who I am as a person my whole life since… but the person I love the most has been pushed away because of this, not being heard and her opinions and recommendations often being ignored or needlessly challenged. This is so engrained I didn’t even notice it.
I love this accountability, it’s evident how much you’ve grown and tried to own this, I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. I know you’re a better partner now.
@@JimmyonRelationships the day she left me I had a powerful therapy session that lifted the veil and opened all this up, the defensiveness clearly tied into a troubled sense of self-confidence. After a ton of reflection and soul searching I sent her a message of acceptability, I owned these things, key points of conflict that I recalled as pivotal breakdown points - validated and empathised with her experience. Her feelings _were_ important to me, but my actions and behaviours did not reflect that, she admitted she found it hard to voice her concerns, in doing so collected and compounded the pain, as her attraction and our connection withered. She was very conflict avoidant, so I blindly continued the damage. I sent the message a few weeks after the breakup and she was moved, blown away with this new found clarity and understanding - It killed me to think that she thought I was in denial. She also said she’d gained fresh respect for me… this then opened up an unexpected channel of emotional connection as she then continued to express feelings she didn’t feel safe expressing while together with open and full vulnerability - we’d somehow built a stronger emotional connection post relationship, trust that wasn’t there before(I guess outside the pressure of the relationship made this possible). It was bitter sweet really.
@@Alixir1228 why didn’t I do this during the relationship? Firstly, I wish I had, obviously then pain and guilt of losing and hurting someone you love wasn’t my intension. As I said earlier, a lifetime of engrained defensiveness mean’t that I wasn’t aware the problem existed - I knew I had strong opinions, but wasn’t aware within the relationship that it was subtilely damaging my partner, my partner is conflict avoidant, so every time she felt unheard she’d avoid voicing her concerns to me and again this is a behaviour that isn’t obvious unless there’s a big reaction. It never led to abuse or a fight, we very rarely had fights and she was good at soothing me and showing me love after any hurt to smooth her own feelings over - so this became a vicious cycle. Story time. We were 2.5 years together, 2 years felt almost perfect, we had a strong love, we were crazy about each other, I could see it in her eyes you know, it was heaven. Things went wrong when I injured my back surfing, I tore all the muscles in my lower back, basically making me useless physically, a long recovery. We’re very active people, we rock climb, surf, ski, mountaineering, run, kayak, you name it… so I slipped into a mild depression. My mood changed, I was down and felt like an anchor to her. She was out doing things, I couldn’t join for a long time. Months later when I could walk and so things, Id still have to bail on plans, which started to spiral my mood, we had always felt secure but now I was showing anxious behaviours, needed her more for emotional support, became needy and started putting her on a pedestal and with all this the defensiveness came out because as I said, it’s linked to a childhood of feeling less than enough. I’ve basically shifted into someone with an anxious attachment over about 4 months - my partner was supportive and amazing for a start, but, these clingy behaviours started wearing her down and she started pushing away, she became avoidant. She started making lots of plans, became busy making new friends, putting energy into new relationships and not putting it into me and I was looking for more. I started giving her the cold shoulder for attention when we’d meet up, my whole personality had shifted. She had recommended I saw a therapist and I refused, which was the dumbest thing I did. I had seen therapists in my past and they hadn’t helped much and I didn’t think they could help now. I was trying to fix the issues mentally and physically by myself, while I was determined and I made progress on the physical side which brought my mood up a bit, I could never fix the mental side. I didn’t value mental health at all, didn’t understand how important it was. In my country mental health for men has always been seen as a bit shameful and weak, in my family we always avoided these topics. I could see things were not improving, my partner comes home one day and she asks for some space… she wanted 2 weeks for herself to work through somethings, to “work on herself” and I said “sure, I’m a little worried but i’ll give you space and i’ll work on myself too”. I then booked a therapist. That first session opened my eyes to all the childhood trauma that I was carrying, I had no idea! My parents weren’t emotionally available, I had to fight for attention. I started journaling and that reflection bought up all the times I had neglected my partners voice, all my behaviours became clear and I now understood them. In that 2 weeks Id done a 180, I felt like me again and I had a plan to get on-top of the slump. A few days later I meet up with my girl and she wants to breakup. I did the pleading for a day or two then let her have it. I told her that Id seen a therapist and that I’m back again, I’m ontop of it, she said she was really sorry she couldn’t give us a second chance now, even though I seemed really good and she appreciated all my efforts. So yeah, I made that first step before the relationship had ended, but you know nothing promotes a growth mindset like heartbreak so I’ve dived into relationship psychology, into my own inner workings - men put the effort in after because they’ve realised they fucked up, pain pushes men forward, breakups bring lessons, some men(myself included) want to prove to their ex they can change and level up. It has been 3 months from breakup and I’m meeting up with my ex soon for a catch up, I feel there’s still attraction and love so we’ll see - I’ve been on a journey, I’m way better than the man she fell in love with all those years ago. Men and situations are all different, I can’t speak for all men. For me, I was trying to pull myself out of a depression and heal physically with one hand and trying to fix my relationship while sabotaging it with the other, it was all too much and I didn’t have the insight for the 5 months that we deteriorated to actually mend our connection. She admitted avoiding conflict, giving me love instead of her concerns and she began being avoidant which feed my anxious behaviour until it killed us. We thought we were rock solid, that couple all our friends wanted to aspire to. I wish I had been able to do this during the relationship, I have regret but within 5 months it went from loving and bliss to a burning house, quickly. We don’t hold any resentment towards each other, even though I can’t help but feel sometimes that if only she’d given me another few weeks, I would have been able to re build lost trust and connection🤷♂️
but, what if there indeed could be some real triggers back then on her side too that triggered you and caused you to feel the same as had felt in childhood? what if indeed some resemblance to mom or dad took place? unintentionally, unconsciously. like, there s never flame with no smoke
i'm sorry, what exactly did you expected he to say? "oh, right, now that you tell me that i see what i did?". Of course he didn't mean to, so he didn't notice doing something like that. You are too generic in you observation. If someone tell you that you are "dehumanizing him", what coul you even say? You have to explain which actions, in which contest, what did you expected ,what he could have done differently etc etc... articulate you feeling. Just feelin is noth enough. Of course, to do that you should feel in a safe place before, and this is the part which is no t easy to achive.
@@claraporzia6551I understand that providing an explanation is important but the example you provided in the beginning is actually correct. They need to reflect on their behavior WITH explanation (if needed) so that they can actually change their behavior.
If you read carefully, you'll sea that i said that explanation has to be provided, but they must be exhaustive. Not just something generic and not undestandable.
"The way you become a great leader is by showing people you have their best interest in mind. Not simply your own". This applies to leaders in other aspects i.e. families, teams, corporations and organizations.
I will never forget for as long as live the moment my ex-husband said to my face - as I was begging him to please just listen to my concerns the first time and stop waiting until things fester into an actual problem to care about what bothers me or listen to me (a habitual pattern of his) - that it was unrealistic of me to expect him to take me seriously.
What really saddens me is seeing parents be this way towards their children. Then we wonder what's wrong with the world when we have a bunch of dysfunctional people/low emotional IQ who are in survival mode trying to adult but were not ever valued as children so a huge piece of their development is actually missing! 😢
A child of neglect has mountains to climb. I struggle daily, but I don't want my kids to end up like me. I have to limit their exposure to my mother as she is often invalidating and hurtful with her words. The first time I ever cried in front of my mom I was 18, and she slapped me in the face and told me I was being selfish. It definitely does a tremendous amount of harm when a mother (or father) never bonds deeply with their kids.
My husband and I just had this issue a few days ago. Luckily, when I talked to him about it he listened and apologized. Sometimes it’s not that easy of course, but I do my best to have the conversation with him before taking it too personally.
We sometimes struggle with talking to each other early enough to be angry when we do talk and there's been times when I just get really angry when we're talking calmly, I just say I know I shouldn't be mad but I am, I need a few minutes to myself, I take a few minutes come back and we can talk about it. Makes a world of a difference and we actually get somewhere.
It’s easy to be blind to this, when you’ve got a defensiveness within you or you’ve become a bit complacent. I was doing this, but my partner struggled to share her concerns with me until it was all too much for her - so brilliant work by you to voice your concerns directly, and great that your partner validated and empathised your experience of it.
Everyone is different and so are their relationships. All we can do is remember that we’re human beings who make mistakes and do what we need to do to make sure we keep loving one another. Take your commitments seriously and don’t leave unless it’s something serious or chronic that becomes too much to bear. Life is tough and the best way to get through is with love and understanding.
@@consciousobserver629 of course 🕊 The word "Ezer" is used only 16 other times in the Hebrew Bible to describe HaShem saving Israel. It's a type of spiritual rescuing. In other words, a goos woman's voice guides her husband to spiritual wellness.
Wow! I love how you teach, Jimmy! This came up first on my feed this morning and it was exactly exactly what I wanted to hear! These ideas are true for lots of different relationships not just marriage!❤❤❤
These videos would work for someone actually open to change. Most people who act like this are not open to change. My partner watches your videos as well but she's still horrible to me every time we have a disagreement. Our relationship is perfect as long as I never assert my own needs.
Sounds like a relationship between me and my mom. She's older therefore the only important one, so what I think, need, feel, etc, doesnt matter unless she thinks it does. She knows it all after all, no need to hear from me about me.
My partner never criticises me and for me that's honestly concerning. I want to better myself, but everything that needs improvement has to get noticed by me. It's exhausting. Mainly because I struggle with hating myself and then I never know if the thing I noticed truly needs improvement or if I'm just disliking everything about myself again...
Whoa 😳 you need a psychiatrist when you talk about hating yourself 🌞 and *whether* *that’s* *correct*?? You highly likely have *too* *much* estrogen for your Y chromosome DNA 🧬 Especially if you have “skinny fat” [ excess fat displayed in your pecs, hips and/or inner thighs] and you have a terrible time with making decisions in life 🌞 Supplement with DIM for a few months until you can sense any more improvement, then supplement with sulforaphane until you can’t notice betterment then, supplement with calcium-D-glucarate; you gotta clear your liver.
Masculine envy: height/strength and money 💰 Feminine envy: an hourglass figure/beauty and marriage 👩❤️💋👨 The masculine in a long term relationship provides and protects whilst the feminine respects and appreciates/nurtures. 🌞🌚
Has the idea that your own behaviour is causing this issue in the first place ever crossed your mind? What if they don't think you could ever reasonably accept criticism and thus they don't allow themselves to criticise you? Give your partner your initial comment to read and talk amout my answer as well!
@@Kritikanbringer We actually talk quite a lot, so we've also talked about that. It's a mix between them not recognizing their own feelings (for example not recognizing when a specific behaviour stresses them) and them not wanting to upset me (because I feel like a failure if I do something wrong). They're starting therapy for the first issue in a few months and I've been in therapy for years anyways, working on that problem (among other things). Basically, it's not that I can't accept criticism, it's just that I need like a full day to stop hating myself about having done something wrong. (Which, of course, would be fine for me, but I get why they don't wanna tell me stuff because of that.)
Empathy is about considering the other person’s perspective. When there’s zero empathy, it will never work. The last sentence “not simply your own” is profound too. If one half has zero empathy and it’s always “self centered” that’s half the recipe for “it’ll never work” (deflect to your excellent video on narcissists don’t communicate) Healing is on the other side of the courage to move forward. Thank you for your work and speaking truth.
Yup, definitely happened. Same thing. Breaking up was best decision of my life so far. He scared me to point where I am scared of going into relationship with any man even though I want a healthy supportive loving relationship.
Your last two videos have made me cry. They come from a beautiful place and offer compassion & insight. I want to send them to my DA ex...( we broke up a month ago)... But I am at war within myself, because we didn't have any closure conversations - she just ghosted ( she sent a weird email that was all about her, but also, felt cliche and generic) I have drafted a very direct email expressing some truths/observations - that could be interpreted as hurtful- the exact opposite tone that Jimmy offers/ suggests... I feel STIFLED and conflicted.
Amen, very real, that is loving someone. But that Is why clear and direct communication Is key to find out what Is important and be able to encourage, support and our respect dreams and needs.
Men if you think control or leadership is YOUR role you missed the boat. Take turns leading based on who's more talented at the subject or who's too tired to do it. Women are usually great leaders/managers with the kids, friends and at work, so don't assume you're the only leader in the room. Some men are natural born leaders and so are some women. If you're in a relationship your role is to support each other, not dominate.
This relationship I am in now means everything watching your vids helps me stop my own listening issues to stop just shutting down when I feel that I am not validated with my few needs ( I try and do everything so he doesn't have to stress on getting home) but sometimes it feels like one of us is trying even when I try so hard not to fall into my old habits/traps with old relationships and when I try to talk I am told that they don't want to talk about it anymore but the conversation is continued 5 minutes later and I am not allowed to add input in any way
Okay so me and my ex have been together twice and both times she has broken up with me. I’m almost certain that we can work things out and that we had something. I always felt like I could be comfortable around her but when I wasn’t with her I wasn’t comfortable. The issue was that she wanted space and independence and as hard as I tried to give it to her, it wasn’t enough. She has told me before that she feels like she could be herself but when she broke up with me this last time she says she felt like she couldn’t want anything and was doing things only because I wanted her to. We hadn’t had one on one time since a few weeks earlier but I understood where she was coming from because I would ask her for things like more attention or intimacy especially physical. She never gave me the physical intimacy I wanted while we were in public and that made me feel a little unwanted and I started to realize she was pulling away and started to get more and more anxious. In all of my relationships I have felt like my partner could easily find someone better because I put them on pedestals. I also felt like I was doing all of the work to keep the relationship alive so it feels unfair for them to break up with me when they weren’t trying in the first place. I think she was stressed and I wasn’t taking away from the stress but I still don’t think it’s entirely fair for her to give up on us the first time, ask for me back, and then give up on us again. I haven’t contacted her in a week but I do see her because I’m in high school and that’s another reason I was anxious because I’m a senior and I’m graduating soon which is a huge change and I really wanted her to be there for that change. She is a junior so she would still have another year in school but I still think we could work through those issues and have a healthy, happy relationship. She watches my stories when I post them and I sometimes watch hers. I don’t want her to think that I’m completely off the table but I want her to miss what we had because it was definitely something. Near the end she decided she wasn’t going to make any more jokes and be completely serious when she was around me and that took a huge toll on our relationship because at the same time she was staying after school for an extracurricular until 8 when we usually talked a bunch after she got out of school. We FaceTimed a lot and that was part of the issue but we stopped FaceTimeing as much and I started to appreciate the time I had to talk with her and I gave her all of my attention when we had the time to talk. I was there for her but she wasn’t there for me. So I asked her if she was and she said she was but when I needed her she wasn’t there. I want her to have a good time in high school and to learn and grow but I also want to be with her and know that she is safe with me and I’m safe with her.
My heart aches for this. Young love is so sweet and pure but honestly, take it as a blessing. Remember the parts that made you feel loved and move on. YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU!!! Soooo many new people, new experiences, new stories to live. Your adventures are just starting! Fly my friend. You're free!
I haven't come close to a relationship and I keep getting recommended your content. UA-cam algo is playing a cruel joke on me with all this sage advice I won't get to employ
I don't mean to invalidate your feelings (how ironic!), but at least there is a chance. There's always at least a chance. Dating just sucks! It feels like meeting the right person will never happen until it finally does. I hope you find a nice partner to share your life with. Whoever you are. I'm sure you have much to offer.
My marriage is surviving because we serve each other, forgiveness, and pushing through the struggles and pain together. There are many reasons why my marriage could have ended. Yet it has survived through 3 affairs, where he tried to leave me for other relationships. It survived raising children and raising a rebellious child that created so much stress on our family that all of us struggled. It survived alcoholism, depression, anxiety, overwork, crushing weight of overwhelming responsibility, and so much more. It’s still surviving. Marriage is not perfect. To stay married, you need to actively seek each other and care for each other even after countless times of betrayal. Your feelings will get hurt, you will go through all the struggles life has to offer. But for a marriage to survive, both must work together to forgive, serve, care for each other, and always give your love freely to each other, even if you have been betrayed. Both partners are seeking affirmation from each other in their relationship and it’s important to build that trust and connection in each other.
True and definitely goes both ways. We obviously have to be responsible and communicate in a healthy way. That includes not just listening but also how we express our own feelings. One of the things I think men might have more of a challenge with this. Is because from an early age Positive embrace is discouraged, our only physical contact is through rough and aggressive play, we are told to man up and we are weak of we express emotion or complain too much. So we are taught to repress. This doesn't excuse bad behavior, but I think if we acknowledged should some sympathy and understood it better it would help, thankfully things are slowly getting better.
and just to be clear that doesn't mean women's needs are not as important. I'm just saying there multiple causes embedded in society, history and biology that need to be addressed if we want to make things better. I do think it starts with genuine empathy for others and ourselves and that's easier said than done.
I used to be the only person who hugged my male friend when we were both kids. I'm a female autistic and he's a male autistic we both learn through pattern recognition. I thought it was incredibly stupid to only learn self-defense and roughness when at some point we'd likely be responsible for small children. I got more hugs still.
I wasted ten years of my life in a one sided relationship with a self centred partner, my wants and needs did not matter and everyone and everything in my world wasn't worth his time, it didn't matter how many times I tried to talk to him about it nothing ever changed, breaking up was the biggest relief
I love what Jimmy says except for the guys being "leaders" on relationships! A couple should be a partnership, not a leader and a follower! Of course there are people more affirmative and they make the first move to do things, but their position can't be one above the other! 😮
Yes.. Estoy en este proceso exactamente.. Pero no es algo que hago con intención.. Yo me congeló 😢 y no digo nada cuando el expresas sus sentimientos y "quejas y preocupaciones" acerca de la relación.. Aunque siento que lo hace de una manera -critica- .. A veces no lo se!! 😢 quiero y estoy dispuesta a hacer que mi relación funcione.. I love Him..
I really want to send this to my partner.... He doesnt believe my history of abuse because it was at the hands of one of his really good friends and he "cant see him doing that" and "doesnt believe it haopened that way". Everything else about our relationship is great. Just that one thing and oof, its a doozy. We're in counseling now. But yeah....
Either you are lying or his "friend" is lying. I would ask him who he thinks is being truthful and to consider what the implications would be. If he really loves you he would be angry that anyone ever hurt you and be angry at his "friend" for being the one to do it. You may want to consider this if you're thinking longterm.
Not surprisingly, same thing came out of Jocko’s mouth as well. If a leader wants to be able to influence others, the same people need to be able to influence the leader as well.
The moment there are 'power dynamics' there is not enough trust to feel love for eachother There is no Leadership without Love, this concept may elude those who are confusing domination tactics as leadership
Hey, do you have any content on couples that own a working business, managing it together as co-owners? Or any content for those couples that see each other for a majority of the hours in the day?
I need some help. I do my best to validate my partner, and when I try to ask him "is there anything you'd like to talk about" he shuts down and says no because he's going to say stuff that's mean to me. I can't really tell where to go from there. He's not very emotionally intelligent or empathetic, but he's very sensitive and his emotions tend to take him over. I mention this, because I can't tell if I should trust that he wouldn't just insult me, which is trust that he has eroded by insulting me many times in the past, or i should trust his word that he doesn't want to share. He does not offer anywhere to go from there and freezes up.
It sounds like you could either stay with him, experience him not enjoying you, dismissing you , getting your hearbroken or you could decide that this person isn't the one you you'll find any happiness with. Ask yourself Why you would stay?
thank you. and honestly, I have YET to find ANY woman, that does NOT only think about themselves. like, so far, my feelings NEVER mattered ... to ANYONE of those ... honestly. I just recently had the first person in my whole life (I am 38 ... I will b 40 next year) apologize to me, for hurting my feelings. I am AMAB ... and I got (and will get) treated HORRIBLY for just being born Male my whole life. everybody does it. and I am not even the stereo-typical male behaving person! I am the person in a relarionship, who will try to safe things and talk things out. In my experience, people wont change. At least NOT for the better. And especially not for me. So, if things start to go bad ... they will keep going bad ... and the other person ALWAYS sabotages ... and honestly; after all the relationships that I had in my life: I will bot deal with savotaging people anymore. I siimply can't! it destroys my hwalth! :'/
Hey Jimmy , very good video . I can do better editing in your videos which can help you to get more engagement in your videos . Pls lmk what do you think ?
Hi, I really like your videos. Can you link me to a video on the importance of nonsexual touch? My husband just doesn't get it. I'm constantly running away from him because I know that once he starts touching me, it's not going to end. I wish there was such a thing as a quick hug or peck on the cheek without having tense up every time he comes near me because I know he expects more than that.
HELP???? Please help me know how to talk to my husband about money. He is the primary breadwinner, I am a homemaker. How do we get on the same page. I don’t want him to feel personally attacked and get defensive when discussing it. I know income is closely tied to the male ego 😬.
Where are the men that actually get this??? JIMMY, how were you motivated to learn this stuff and do better in your relationship? Literally everything you mentioned were my complaints with my now ex. No matter how many of your videos j sent him, nothing got through to him. Such a shame
Discrepancy: not all men want to be leaders and not all women want to be led. In a litter of pups there is only one leader, the rest are followers. I am female and I am a leader. I am also single, lol
Ive shared. You dismissed my needs...i feel neglected i want lip gloss on youfe male costume. I need validation. Before i just shut down.....and unsubsidize
Honestly lol, tell this to my family. 🫠 This is why there’s so much arguing, and why I push them out. I don’t have the energy to deal with them, when they just don’t listen and they think I’m making excuses.
For those of us with autism, it is important to realize that you can come off as dismissive or not considering or caring about your partner's needs or perspective if you don't actively affirm as you listen, and give it time rather than moving on immediately once they tell you it. This (and other things, but mostly this) almost killed my relationship.
My partner is autistic. Our relationship is a serious struggle.
Being Neurodivergent, I support you 100%! My own dad was an IBM guy, and I always questioned whether he loved me. Now that I realize that he probably had communication skills on the spectrum, I need to reevaluate my upbringing! Thank you so much for sharing your heart.❤❤❤
@@FishOutofWaterTarot What's IBM? irritable bowel movements?
@@_--Reaper--_ computer term. International Business Machines Corporation….i.e. computers.
Google is your friend.
@@_--Reaper--_ The International Business Machines Corporation (IBM) is the company that brought into existence the Personal Computer (PC).
This comment was brought to you by autism.
Yep - when you are in therapy and you communicate your needs in relationship clearly and calmly and your spouse gets agitated and openly and repeatedly says "Yeah, but that isn't important to me!" - send a very clear message that the relationship is simply one sided.
Don't be with someone who doesn't find your needs important.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
The 10 Essentials Of A Secure Partnership-by Dr Stan Tatkin
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
You cannot fix or change anyone. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
That is exactly why i stay to myself so much more. Not willing to stay in a one-sided relationship or friendship for that matter.
That was what my ex husband said to me often
Being able to take the other person's perspective, feelings or needs and validate them EVEN IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH THEM and finding common ground, is a sign of emotional maturity. As long as you see disagreement or conflict as a threat and your goal is to prove yourself right and win an argument, your relationship will suffer. A secure relationship is founded upon working as a team, not as competitors.
I can imagine what percentage of emotionally mature people exists in human population. It's lame people have to make videos to explain that taking your partner's thoughts/feelings/desires seriously and with respect is even a requirement for healthy relationship
@@user-gs1et6sx4k The more narcissistic we are, the less we see things from other people's perspective.
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:3-4
I love that you quoted scripture 😊
❤
❤💯
@@AngelicaHutchinson1 Thanks. It's a habit
This is exactly what just happened with my relationship. I just broke up with him 4 days ago. It still doesn’t really feel real. I kept trying to communicate and talk to him about issues in the relationship and he always dismissed me, got defensive, and made me feel bad about bringing it up. I eventually just had to leave, because I knew he would never try to understand my feelings at all.
Good for you😊 wish you a healthy and loving relationship! You deserve better treatment
@@user-gs1et6sx4k thank you, that’s very sweet 💗
Talk AT him. Did you ever, ever,askhimanything about his experience of you? Nope.
@@jackdeniston6150 someone’s projecting…
Glad to hear you got out of something like that, though sorry it was that type of relationship. I've experienced that too and it absolutely sucks knowing they're not going to want a conversation to discuss what's going on. Hopefully you find someone who is more engaging in discussions to make your relationship stronger.
My defensiveness was a big part of what ruined my relationship, she actually quoted John Gottman and the issue of not being able to influence your partner.
Since the breakup I’ve been obsessed with unpacking the source of my defensiveness, it has led me to my childhood, very rooted in attachment theory triggers - a feeling of not fitting in and feeling like I wasn’t enough, I’ve felt like I’ve had to defend who I am as a person my whole life since… but the person I love the most has been pushed away because of this, not being heard and her opinions and recommendations often being ignored or needlessly challenged. This is so engrained I didn’t even notice it.
I love this accountability, it’s evident how much you’ve grown and tried to own this, I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. I know you’re a better partner now.
@@JimmyonRelationships the day she left me I had a powerful therapy session that lifted the veil and opened all this up, the defensiveness clearly tied into a troubled sense of self-confidence. After a ton of reflection and soul searching I sent her a message of acceptability, I owned these things, key points of conflict that I recalled as pivotal breakdown points - validated and empathised with her experience. Her feelings _were_ important to me, but my actions and behaviours did not reflect that, she admitted she found it hard to voice her concerns, in doing so collected and compounded the pain, as her attraction and our connection withered. She was very conflict avoidant, so I blindly continued the damage.
I sent the message a few weeks after the breakup and she was moved, blown away with this new found clarity and understanding - It killed me to think that she thought I was in denial. She also said she’d gained fresh respect for me… this then opened up an unexpected channel of emotional connection as she then continued to express feelings she didn’t feel safe expressing while together with open and full vulnerability - we’d somehow built a stronger emotional connection post relationship, trust that wasn’t there before(I guess outside the pressure of the relationship made this possible). It was bitter sweet really.
Why couldn't you do this while in the relationship? Why do men only put in the effort once it's over?
@@Alixir1228 why didn’t I do this during the relationship? Firstly, I wish I had, obviously then pain and guilt of losing and hurting someone you love wasn’t my intension. As I said earlier, a lifetime of engrained defensiveness mean’t that I wasn’t aware the problem existed - I knew I had strong opinions, but wasn’t aware within the relationship that it was subtilely damaging my partner, my partner is conflict avoidant, so every time she felt unheard she’d avoid voicing her concerns to me and again this is a behaviour that isn’t obvious unless there’s a big reaction. It never led to abuse or a fight, we very rarely had fights and she was good at soothing me and showing me love after any hurt to smooth her own feelings over - so this became a vicious cycle.
Story time. We were 2.5 years together, 2 years felt almost perfect, we had a strong love, we were crazy about each other, I could see it in her eyes you know, it was heaven. Things went wrong when I injured my back surfing, I tore all the muscles in my lower back, basically making me useless physically, a long recovery. We’re very active people, we rock climb, surf, ski, mountaineering, run, kayak, you name it… so I slipped into a mild depression. My mood changed, I was down and felt like an anchor to her. She was out doing things, I couldn’t join for a long time. Months later when I could walk and so things, Id still have to bail on plans, which started to spiral my mood, we had always felt secure but now I was showing anxious behaviours, needed her more for emotional support, became needy and started putting her on a pedestal and with all this the defensiveness came out because as I said, it’s linked to a childhood of feeling less than enough. I’ve basically shifted into someone with an anxious attachment over about 4 months - my partner was supportive and amazing for a start, but, these clingy behaviours started wearing her down and she started pushing away, she became avoidant. She started making lots of plans, became busy making new friends, putting energy into new relationships and not putting it into me and I was looking for more. I started giving her the cold shoulder for attention when we’d meet up, my whole personality had shifted.
She had recommended I saw a therapist and I refused, which was the dumbest thing I did. I had seen therapists in my past and they hadn’t helped much and I didn’t think they could help now. I was trying to fix the issues mentally and physically by myself, while I was determined and I made progress on the physical side which brought my mood up a bit, I could never fix the mental side. I didn’t value mental health at all, didn’t understand how important it was. In my country mental health for men has always been seen as a bit shameful and weak, in my family we always avoided these topics.
I could see things were not improving, my partner comes home one day and she asks for some space… she wanted 2 weeks for herself to work through somethings, to “work on herself” and I said “sure, I’m a little worried but i’ll give you space and i’ll work on myself too”. I then booked a therapist. That first session opened my eyes to all the childhood trauma that I was carrying, I had no idea! My parents weren’t emotionally available, I had to fight for attention. I started journaling and that reflection bought up all the times I had neglected my partners voice, all my behaviours became clear and I now understood them. In that 2 weeks Id done a 180, I felt like me again and I had a plan to get on-top of the slump. A few days later I meet up with my girl and she wants to breakup. I did the pleading for a day or two then let her have it. I told her that Id seen a therapist and that I’m back again, I’m ontop of it, she said she was really sorry she couldn’t give us a second chance now, even though I seemed really good and she appreciated all my efforts.
So yeah, I made that first step before the relationship had ended, but you know nothing promotes a growth mindset like heartbreak so I’ve dived into relationship psychology, into my own inner workings - men put the effort in after because they’ve realised they fucked up, pain pushes men forward, breakups bring lessons, some men(myself included) want to prove to their ex they can change and level up. It has been 3 months from breakup and I’m meeting up with my ex soon for a catch up, I feel there’s still attraction and love so we’ll see - I’ve been on a journey, I’m way better than the man she fell in love with all those years ago.
Men and situations are all different, I can’t speak for all men. For me, I was trying to pull myself out of a depression and heal physically with one hand and trying to fix my relationship while sabotaging it with the other, it was all too much and I didn’t have the insight for the 5 months that we deteriorated to actually mend our connection. She admitted avoiding conflict, giving me love instead of her concerns and she began being avoidant which feed my anxious behaviour until it killed us. We thought we were rock solid, that couple all our friends wanted to aspire to.
I wish I had been able to do this during the relationship, I have regret but within 5 months it went from loving and bliss to a burning house, quickly. We don’t hold any resentment towards each other, even though I can’t help but feel sometimes that if only she’d given me another few weeks, I would have been able to re build lost trust and connection🤷♂️
but, what if there indeed could be some real triggers back then on her side too that triggered you and caused you to feel the same as had felt in childhood? what if indeed some resemblance to mom or dad took place? unintentionally, unconsciously.
like, there s never flame with no smoke
Me: I felt dehumanized by your actions.
H: I did not dehumanize you!
Me: ... *blinks* ... Well, ok then.
i'm sorry, what exactly did you expected he to say? "oh, right, now that you tell me that i see what i did?". Of course he didn't mean to, so he didn't notice doing something like that. You are too generic in you observation. If someone tell you that you are "dehumanizing him", what coul you even say? You have to explain which actions, in which contest, what did you expected ,what he could have done differently etc etc... articulate you feeling. Just feelin is noth enough. Of course, to do that you should feel in a safe place before, and this is the part which is no t easy to achive.
@@claraporzia6551I understand that providing an explanation is important but the example you provided in the beginning is actually correct. They need to reflect on their behavior WITH explanation (if needed) so that they can actually change their behavior.
If you read carefully, you'll sea that i said that explanation has to be provided, but they must be exhaustive. Not just something generic and not undestandable.
"The way you become a great leader is by showing people you have their best interest in mind. Not simply your own". This applies to leaders in other aspects i.e. families, teams, corporations and organizations.
I will never forget for as long as live the moment my ex-husband said to my face - as I was begging him to please just listen to my concerns the first time and stop waiting until things fester into an actual problem to care about what bothers me or listen to me (a habitual pattern of his) - that it was unrealistic of me to expect him to take me seriously.
I'm glad he is an ex now, and I hope you are being your full happy self.
That's awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Yup, when only one person in the relationship matters, there's no way to be successful
When only one person in a relationship matters, there's no relationship. It's one person and his ego
@@user-gs1et6sx4k Yes! Because if both people in the relationship cater to only one of them, then there's no relationship at all
What really saddens me is seeing parents be this way towards their children. Then we wonder what's wrong with the world when we have a bunch of dysfunctional people/low emotional IQ who are in survival mode trying to adult but were not ever valued as children so a huge piece of their development is actually missing! 😢
This!!
A child of neglect has mountains to climb. I struggle daily, but I don't want my kids to end up like me. I have to limit their exposure to my mother as she is often invalidating and hurtful with her words. The first time I ever cried in front of my mom I was 18, and she slapped me in the face and told me I was being selfish. It definitely does a tremendous amount of harm when a mother (or father) never bonds deeply with their kids.
Well said Jimmy: a marriage is not a competition. We must remember that more often. You are great, Jimmy. Thank you
Yessssss!!! Great leaders definitely show others they have other peoples best interests at mind not just their own ❤
My husband and I just had this issue a few days ago. Luckily, when I talked to him about it he listened and apologized. Sometimes it’s not that easy of course, but I do my best to have the conversation with him before taking it too personally.
We sometimes struggle with talking to each other early enough to be angry when we do talk and there's been times when I just get really angry when we're talking calmly, I just say I know I shouldn't be mad but I am, I need a few minutes to myself, I take a few minutes come back and we can talk about it. Makes a world of a difference and we actually get somewhere.
It’s easy to be blind to this, when you’ve got a defensiveness within you or you’ve become a bit complacent. I was doing this, but my partner struggled to share her concerns with me until it was all too much for her - so brilliant work by you to voice your concerns directly, and great that your partner validated and empathised your experience of it.
Everyone is different and so are their relationships. All we can do is remember that we’re human beings who make mistakes and do what we need to do to make sure we keep loving one another. Take your commitments seriously and don’t leave unless it’s something serious or chronic that becomes too much to bear. Life is tough and the best way to get through is with love and understanding.
That 81% stat is believable. If a man cannot accept his wife as EZER, which means Rescuer, not domestic "helper", the relationship will struggle.
Man? You mean partner?
@@Delphius- How about Ish/Husband?
Can you explain what you mean by rescuer please?
@@consciousobserver629 of course 🕊 The word "Ezer" is used only 16 other times in the Hebrew Bible to describe HaShem saving Israel. It's a type of spiritual rescuing. In other words, a goos woman's voice guides her husband to spiritual wellness.
I rescued my husband and us a lot. Now I feel forgotten and have nothing left. I don't trust him and nor sure how to get past this feeling.
Wow! I love how you teach, Jimmy! This came up first on my feed this morning and it was exactly exactly what I wanted to hear! These ideas are true for lots of different relationships not just marriage!❤❤❤
So true! =)
These videos would work for someone actually open to change. Most people who act like this are not open to change. My partner watches your videos as well but she's still horrible to me every time we have a disagreement. Our relationship is perfect as long as I never assert my own needs.
Perfect description of my narcissistic, alcoholic, and thankfully deceased ex husband.
This maybe short. But it’s deep. Thank you. Jimmy on Relationships will save your ass. I mean marriage 😆 😎 ❤️ ❤❤
😂 very kind of you!
Yes, my family to a T. Went no contact and finally started to flourish 😌🌺✨
Sounds like a relationship between me and my mom. She's older therefore the only important one, so what I think, need, feel, etc, doesnt matter unless she thinks it does. She knows it all after all, no need to hear from me about me.
😢
My partner never criticises me and for me that's honestly concerning. I want to better myself, but everything that needs improvement has to get noticed by me. It's exhausting. Mainly because I struggle with hating myself and then I never know if the thing I noticed truly needs improvement or if I'm just disliking everything about myself again...
Whoa 😳 you need a psychiatrist when you talk about hating yourself 🌞 and *whether* *that’s* *correct*??
You highly likely have *too* *much* estrogen for your Y chromosome DNA 🧬
Especially if you have “skinny fat” [ excess fat displayed in your pecs, hips and/or inner thighs] and you have a terrible time with making decisions in life 🌞
Supplement with DIM for a few months until you can sense any more improvement, then supplement with sulforaphane until you can’t notice betterment then, supplement with calcium-D-glucarate; you gotta clear your liver.
Masculine envy: height/strength and money 💰
Feminine envy: an hourglass figure/beauty and marriage 👩❤️💋👨
The masculine in a long term relationship provides and protects whilst the feminine respects and appreciates/nurtures. 🌞🌚
Has the idea that your own behaviour is causing this issue in the first place ever crossed your mind?
What if they don't think you could ever reasonably accept criticism and thus they don't allow themselves to criticise you?
Give your partner your initial comment to read and talk amout my answer as well!
@@Kritikanbringer We actually talk quite a lot, so we've also talked about that. It's a mix between them not recognizing their own feelings (for example not recognizing when a specific behaviour stresses them) and them not wanting to upset me (because I feel like a failure if I do something wrong). They're starting therapy for the first issue in a few months and I've been in therapy for years anyways, working on that problem (among other things).
Basically, it's not that I can't accept criticism, it's just that I need like a full day to stop hating myself about having done something wrong. (Which, of course, would be fine for me, but I get why they don't wanna tell me stuff because of that.)
Well said this really hit home for me specifically right at this very moment 😢
Thank you for this great message!
Empathy is about considering the other person’s perspective. When there’s zero empathy, it will never work. The last sentence “not simply your own” is profound too. If one half has zero empathy and it’s always “self centered” that’s half the recipe for “it’ll never work” (deflect to your excellent video on narcissists don’t communicate) Healing is on the other side of the courage to move forward.
Thank you for your work and speaking truth.
Yup, definitely happened. Same thing.
Breaking up was best decision of my life so far. He scared me to point where I am scared of going into relationship with any man even though I want a healthy supportive loving relationship.
Your last two videos have made me cry. They come from a beautiful place and offer compassion & insight.
I want to send them to my DA ex...( we broke up a month ago)...
But I am at war within myself, because we didn't have any closure conversations - she just ghosted ( she sent a weird email that was all about her, but also, felt cliche and generic)
I have drafted a very direct email expressing some truths/observations - that could be interpreted as hurtful- the exact opposite tone that Jimmy offers/ suggests...
I feel STIFLED and conflicted.
Amen, very real, that is loving someone. But that Is why clear and direct communication Is key to find out what Is important and be able to encourage, support and our respect dreams and needs.
I love your stuff man, watching as much as I can. With a girlfriend and planning to go to marriage, prepping now lol.
Oh my gosh! Thank you for this!
Men if you think control or leadership is YOUR role you missed the boat. Take turns leading based on who's more talented at the subject or who's too tired to do it. Women are usually great leaders/managers with the kids, friends and at work, so don't assume you're the only leader in the room. Some men are natural born leaders and so are some women. If you're in a relationship your role is to support each other, not dominate.
This relationship I am in now means everything watching your vids helps me stop my own listening issues to stop just shutting down when I feel that I am not validated with my few needs ( I try and do everything so he doesn't have to stress on getting home) but sometimes it feels like one of us is trying even when I try so hard not to fall into my old habits/traps with old relationships and when I try to talk I am told that they don't want to talk about it anymore but the conversation is continued 5 minutes later and I am not allowed to add input in any way
Okay so me and my ex have been together twice and both times she has broken up with me. I’m almost certain that we can work things out and that we had something. I always felt like I could be comfortable around her but when I wasn’t with her I wasn’t comfortable. The issue was that she wanted space and independence and as hard as I tried to give it to her, it wasn’t enough. She has told me before that she feels like she could be herself but when she broke up with me this last time she says she felt like she couldn’t want anything and was doing things only because I wanted her to. We hadn’t had one on one time since a few weeks earlier but I understood where she was coming from because I would ask her for things like more attention or intimacy especially physical. She never gave me the physical intimacy I wanted while we were in public and that made me feel a little unwanted and I started to realize she was pulling away and started to get more and more anxious. In all of my relationships I have felt like my partner could easily find someone better because I put them on pedestals. I also felt like I was doing all of the work to keep the relationship alive so it feels unfair for them to break up with me when they weren’t trying in the first place. I think she was stressed and I wasn’t taking away from the stress but I still don’t think it’s entirely fair for her to give up on us the first time, ask for me back, and then give up on us again. I haven’t contacted her in a week but I do see her because I’m in high school and that’s another reason I was anxious because I’m a senior and I’m graduating soon which is a huge change and I really wanted her to be there for that change. She is a junior so she would still have another year in school but I still think we could work through those issues and have a healthy, happy relationship. She watches my stories when I post them and I sometimes watch hers. I don’t want her to think that I’m completely off the table but I want her to miss what we had because it was definitely something. Near the end she decided she wasn’t going to make any more jokes and be completely serious when she was around me and that took a huge toll on our relationship because at the same time she was staying after school for an extracurricular until 8 when we usually talked a bunch after she got out of school. We FaceTimed a lot and that was part of the issue but we stopped FaceTimeing as much and I started to appreciate the time I had to talk with her and I gave her all of my attention when we had the time to talk. I was there for her but she wasn’t there for me. So I asked her if she was and she said she was but when I needed her she wasn’t there. I want her to have a good time in high school and to learn and grow but I also want to be with her and know that she is safe with me and I’m safe with her.
My heart aches for this. Young love is so sweet and pure but honestly, take it as a blessing. Remember the parts that made you feel loved and move on. YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU!!! Soooo many new people, new experiences, new stories to live. Your adventures are just starting! Fly my friend. You're free!
Such truth!
This was my ex, and then I subconsciously self destructing the relationship.i don't think I consciously realized I did that until after I was free
I haven't come close to a relationship and I keep getting recommended your content.
UA-cam algo is playing a cruel joke on me with all this sage advice I won't get to employ
I don't mean to invalidate your feelings (how ironic!), but at least there is a chance. There's always at least a chance. Dating just sucks! It feels like meeting the right person will never happen until it finally does. I hope you find a nice partner to share your life with. Whoever you are. I'm sure you have much to offer.
Many, many thanks🌻🌻🌻
Such great advice!
Appreciate you.💛
My marriage is surviving because we serve each other, forgiveness, and pushing through the struggles and pain together.
There are many reasons why my marriage could have ended. Yet it has survived through 3 affairs, where he tried to leave me for other relationships. It survived raising children and raising a rebellious child that created so much stress on our family that all of us struggled. It survived alcoholism, depression, anxiety, overwork, crushing weight of overwhelming responsibility, and so much more. It’s still surviving.
Marriage is not perfect. To stay married, you need to actively seek each other and care for each other even after countless times of betrayal. Your feelings will get hurt, you will go through all the struggles life has to offer. But for a marriage to survive, both must work together to forgive, serve, care for each other, and always give your love freely to each other, even if you have been betrayed. Both partners are seeking affirmation from each other in their relationship and it’s important to build that trust and connection in each other.
Thank you.
Preach
Perfect!!!!
Thank you
True and definitely goes both ways. We obviously have to be responsible and communicate in a healthy way. That includes not just listening but also how we express our own feelings.
One of the things I think men might have more of a challenge with this. Is because from an early age Positive embrace is discouraged, our only physical contact is through rough and aggressive play, we are told to man up and we are weak of we express emotion or complain too much. So we are taught to repress. This doesn't excuse bad behavior, but I think if we acknowledged should some sympathy and understood it better it would help, thankfully things are slowly getting better.
and just to be clear that doesn't mean women's needs are not as important. I'm just saying there multiple causes embedded in society, history and biology that need to be addressed if we want to make things better. I do think it starts with genuine empathy for others and ourselves and that's easier said than done.
I used to be the only person who hugged my male friend when we were both kids. I'm a female autistic and he's a male autistic we both learn through pattern recognition. I thought it was incredibly stupid to only learn self-defense and roughness when at some point we'd likely be responsible for small children. I got more hugs still.
@@NoamGubwell said!
I don't know why I do that I'm so terrible
I wasted ten years of my life in a one sided relationship with a self centred partner, my wants and needs did not matter and everyone and everything in my world wasn't worth his time, it didn't matter how many times I tried to talk to him about it nothing ever changed, breaking up was the biggest relief
I love what Jimmy says except for the guys being "leaders" on relationships! A couple should be a partnership, not a leader and a follower! Of course there are people more affirmative and they make the first move to do things, but their position can't be one above the other! 😮
Yes.. Estoy en este proceso exactamente.. Pero no es algo que hago con intención.. Yo me congeló 😢 y no digo nada cuando el expresas sus sentimientos y "quejas y preocupaciones" acerca de la relación.. Aunque siento que lo hace de una manera -critica- .. A veces no lo se!! 😢 quiero y estoy dispuesta a hacer que mi relación funcione.. I love Him..
Hi Jimmy is there any way by which i may contact you and talk yo you please reply
How does the phrase "We'll just have to agree to disagree" fit here?
I really want to send this to my partner.... He doesnt believe my history of abuse because it was at the hands of one of his really good friends and he "cant see him doing that" and "doesnt believe it haopened that way". Everything else about our relationship is great. Just that one thing and oof, its a doozy. We're in counseling now. But yeah....
Either you are lying or his "friend" is lying. I would ask him who he thinks is being truthful and to consider what the implications would be. If he really loves you he would be angry that anyone ever hurt you and be angry at his "friend" for being the one to do it. You may want to consider this if you're thinking longterm.
Not surprisingly, same thing came out of Jocko’s mouth as well.
If a leader wants to be able to influence others, the same people need to be able to influence the leader as well.
The moment there are 'power dynamics' there is not enough trust to feel love for eachother
There is no Leadership
without Love,
this concept may elude those who are confusing domination tactics as leadership
Hey, do you have any content on couples that own a working business, managing it together as co-owners? Or any content for those couples that see each other for a majority of the hours in the day?
Jimmy… you have a plant tour??
I need some help.
I do my best to validate my partner, and when I try to ask him "is there anything you'd like to talk about" he shuts down and says no because he's going to say stuff that's mean to me.
I can't really tell where to go from there.
He's not very emotionally intelligent or empathetic, but he's very sensitive and his emotions tend to take him over. I mention this, because I can't tell if I should trust that he wouldn't just insult me, which is trust that he has eroded by insulting me many times in the past, or i should trust his word that he doesn't want to share. He does not offer anywhere to go from there and freezes up.
Can you make a video on emotional maturity
💗🍃🙏🏻
You’re imagining yourself and others.
What should one do when your boyfriend tells you you're boring and uneventful?
It sounds like you could either stay with him, experience him not enjoying you, dismissing you , getting your hearbroken or you could decide that this person isn't the one you you'll find any happiness with. Ask yourself Why you would stay?
thank you. and honestly, I have YET to find ANY woman, that does NOT only think about themselves.
like, so far, my feelings NEVER mattered ... to ANYONE of those ...
honestly.
I just recently had the first person in my whole life (I am 38 ... I will b 40 next year) apologize to me, for hurting my feelings.
I am AMAB ... and I got (and will get) treated HORRIBLY for just being born Male my whole life. everybody does it.
and I am not even the stereo-typical male behaving person!
I am the person in a relarionship, who will try to safe things and talk things out.
In my experience, people wont change. At least NOT for the better. And especially not for me.
So, if things start to go bad ... they will keep going bad ... and the other person ALWAYS sabotages ... and honestly; after all the relationships that I had in my life:
I will bot deal with savotaging people anymore.
I siimply can't! it destroys my hwalth! :'/
Hey Jimmy , very good video . I can do better editing in your videos which can help you to get more engagement in your videos . Pls lmk what do you think ?
Hi, I really like your videos. Can you link me to a video on the importance of nonsexual touch? My husband just doesn't get it. I'm constantly running away from him because I know that once he starts touching me, it's not going to end. I wish there was such a thing as a quick hug or peck on the cheek without having tense up every time he comes near me because I know he expects more than that.
I let my wife’s asks and idiosyncrasies bother me . I took them personally. I feel like I destroyed the best marriage I could have had !!
HELP???? Please help me know how to talk to my husband about money. He is the primary breadwinner, I am a homemaker. How do we get on the same page. I don’t want him to feel personally attacked and get defensive when discussing it. I know income is closely tied to the male ego 😬.
Where are the men that actually get this??? JIMMY, how were you motivated to learn this stuff and do better in your relationship? Literally everything you mentioned were my complaints with my now ex. No matter how many of your videos j sent him, nothing got through to him. Such a shame
💯🫶😁
If you’re not trying to hone in on men, why not share a stat that is about men and women?
Is this AI generated maybe? I love this channel, but I have to ask this important question if you don't mind.
Started of good and spiralled off. This one is not the sharpest tool in the shed.
2 min ago
Discrepancy: not all men want to be leaders and not all women want to be led.
In a litter of pups there is only one leader, the rest are followers.
I am female and I am a leader.
I am also single, lol
I have question.is it cheating in relationship if they got austim and down syndrome or is it different after dreams i had about morgan me and Stephen?
gay
Ive shared. You dismissed my needs...i feel neglected i want lip gloss on youfe male costume. I need validation. Before i just shut down.....and unsubsidize
Honestly lol, tell this to my family. 🫠 This is why there’s so much arguing, and why I push them out. I don’t have the energy to deal with them, when they just don’t listen and they think I’m making excuses.