Covert Narcissists can fake empathy for a time, (like faking tears) especially during the love bombing stage, however, their true nature will always show up and they will start to invalidate and belittle you and the empathy will become non-existent. If you've experienced this type of trauma after being with a partner or family member, I can't tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through that.
After *20* years, I now recognize that my ex was (is?) a narcissist. And my first boyfriend (just before him, who was my biggest crush, and ‘friend’ of 4 years) possibly was as well. 😖 ………And I am working through the trauma of those strange relationships ….. and figuring out how in the world I fell prey and hung in there with those guys. Oy vey….. my poor husband was not prepared to deal with all this baggage. Nor was I. 😩😭😣
You end up sick from narcissistic abuse because your nervous system is constantly stressed.. you become confused, you cry, you’re scared, alone, it is so terrible. I feel for all narcissistic abuse survivors. Sometimes I have no words for what narcissistic abuse feels like…
@yinyangphoenix get out. It's not worth it to be in a damaging relationship. My ex wasn't a narcissist, i believe it was BPD, but it was very painful. The ghosting, breakups and name calling if i said the wrong thing. Leaves you permanently on edge and no argument is ever solved as you're not allowed to have feelings about their behaviour or the last breakup they initiated.
The last 6 months for me I was doing a “Judgment detox” meditation/journaling every single morning just to not be filled with discomfort and rage and I thought it was because of ME. I was judgemwntal. I expressed my discomfort and this person kept affirming that it was me and was so good I was working on my personality flaw of judgemental-ness. Even though said person was the only person I felt the need to do this daily for 🤦♀️
I remember talking with one sincere guy who just felt like he dumped on me like I was a therapist 😂 He was kinda emotionally everywhere, divorced man, really nice person though, and we recommended books to each other. My face went sleepy after 2 hours. They noticed, and I tried to put up an energetic stance, but right after the vid call I curled up on my bed and prayed about- God, you know me and you know them and you know where and with whom we each belong in this life and what would be a good match, please guide and open and close doors- ended up falling alseep for 2 hours!. I really was attracted to him and he was very interesting. But he didn't contact me again for 10 days and that was my answer. I'm so glad bc I was so drained after that video call. Sometimes we don't gauge how we feel after being around them, but that's the most important thing to do! They could be a good person, just not your person. They could be bad, who knows. But just feel it out, pray for the right outcome for all involved, and that's usually the answer. Do notice how you feel after the majority of interactions.
This!!! This was how I knew I had to end my second relationship in college. He was always so dismissive and picky, and was always trying to convince me to ditch my friends. Nothing was ever good enough for him, other people were all stupid, blah blah. It got to a point where seeing that I got a text from him would INSTANTLY make my stomach drop. 😢 I felt relief almost instantly after the last phone call, when I decided I wasn't going to call him back.
Someone should have told this to my Mom! He would abuse us and then she would turn HIM into the victim! She was “heroic” to try and save him from himself! (In her head at least.).
Too true omg I hated this so much and even called him out on it. He goes silent on things of importance I'm speaking about and when he speaks its totally off the topic because he was never listening! Or they break out of the silence in a convo only when they want to react to something and cut you off blatantly. Wow the way this comment just gave me a reminder and reality check not to even think about making contact again
Yes. I used to ask the nex...please stop thinking about what you're going to say to me next, just listen to what i'm saying. He never listened. He was in constant defense mode even when I wasn't criticizing. He'd say "you know you meant this" when I didn't at all.
I've had MANY instances where my "gut" was BLURTING out RED flags. Unfortunately as the author said. It's what you do. The course of action is the CROSSROADS or fork in the road (decisions) that can turn out to be sooo conseauencial SMHID
My gut just told me he was broken from his supposedly abusive ex and parents and he just didn’t know better. At 35 years old. I never thought he would have been as evil as he was. Or that he would have cheated. I knew his actions were wrong but i didn’t think he was a bad person Spoiler alert, he is an evil ghoul
The issue was I had been in so many relationships where I was given SO little I got used to being abused emotionally and mentally. So when my narc came along, I didn’t see it as love bombing. It was like FINALLY, someone is treating me well. He convinced me to trust him, and made sure he told all his friends and family I was the one. When he dropped me out of nowhere, I was shocked beyond words. I had no idea what I was dealing with.
@@JimmyonRelationships This! I've learned the hard way not to listen to someone tell me I'm overthinking anything because I end up always being right. Part of the healing process is definitely getting better at listening to that signal and that got going off that something is off.
Deep down they despise themselves. For this reason, they cannot love anyone else including their children. They may love the things you do for them or the things you give them. Sadly, they don’t understand that this isn’t true love.
I love because they want to make me happy but I also have an equal desire to make them happy and it's not narcissism. Narcissists don't care about the other.
I saw this smirk and even a hushed laugh before. Quickly followed by a stoic expression and a calm statement saying that they never laughed or smirked at me; even after I just saw them do it.
@boudor. Yes it is so sad that one person can have all that power over others. We are made to feel sub- human (in my experience.) Take care of YOU. Thanks for sharing 🙂
I am so hurt and disgusted with who I am and who I’ve been!! I’m pissy and resentful of every single thing, anymore. I hate that I’ve been seen as every bad thing I’ve worked hard in life to not be!! Just knowing that at 58 years old, I’m going to have been so damned nieve! I make myself literally sick just to think about it. And now on the exact opposite side of things, there will be no joy left to build hope on for the now knowing of everything I hate myself for being so nieve’ and not knowing of, before, because all I have is darkness and hate. Evil is now what is destroying me. So I go nowhere, talk to no one, try to reverse all of the things I’ve been fighting not to have, all of my life and can’t seem to shake. I have no purpose, no plans and pray that my future doesn’t extend past the day, everyday. I don’t trust myself, people, nor stand for nothing, live for nothing and Believe In nothing. My narcissist, showed me how to hate. Took him over 10 years before he began revealing himself. It took me another 6 years to finally understand it wasn’t a medical or mental issue that has creeped up in his old age. A lot of damages that most would value as majors. Thankfully, I guess, my career, home, family, children, money and retirement, won’t have been to me as much as they’d have been with most others. However, the thought of knowing that I’d never faltered away from, been disloyal, never betrayed, gossiped, discussed, defamed, belittled or intentionally ever harmed my relationship, even while in the throes of the darkened days of those last 6 years. While at the same time and for as long as from probably the very , very beginning, i had been criticized, spoken I’ll about, lied about, accused of having been doing all that my narcissist was guilty of doing, me to him, not him to me, cheated on, manipulated and used amongst his best buds, along with him, as some form of entertainment, as well as what I consider betrayal, because of what I found he and my children and family had been talking and led to believe of me and actually entertained in thier heads for even a moment. Now these are what I hate of myself for allowing, not realizing, nor wanting to see as well as why now I hate myself for all the darkness I have for all who I now don’t know. These are what I mourn and hate for . The people I never doubted for even a second , ever, would have ever not had for me the same love , trust, belief and worth , as I will have had for them. So, as long as I am now a damned soul, there is nothing left but death. Death is all I have left to look forward to, now. May it finally come!!
@@innocentlysweet809 I'm so sorry you are suffering. It's never too late to rebuild your life and self esteem and worth. You deserve to be happy. Please consider finding a therapist who can help you through this and be on your side. You're not alone. I'm praying for you. ❤️
@@innocentlysweet809 Hi, what you wrote really strikes something in me and I don't know if you will ever read this but I can't leave your words without a reaction. I don't know you, I don't know what you're going through and I won't assume. However those thoughts you voiced in the end sound very familiar to what I thought about myself in the beginning of this year. You posted this and I hear you so let's actually talk this through. Your mind seems to be set and I won't even try to change your mind. I want to try and give anyone reading this and connecting to this feeling a different perspective: There is always a choice. As long as you are breathing you always have a choice. This is the most valuable thing I learned this year. How you choose to think about yourself and treat yourself are actually your decisions to make. You're writing that you don't trust yourself, you think you're naive and that you hate yourself especially 'for allowing, not realizing, nor wanting to see'. By agreeing to those thoughts you're judging yourself from a position of shame. And that's where I have some questions: Do you think that doing this is fair or constructive in any way? Do you not think you deserve at least a fair trial (even people who get conviceted for criminal actions are deserving of a fair trial)? More importantly, do you think that the way you acted in the past defines who you are as a person? And are you letting those past actions define who you are in the present? Because you are absolutely allowed and able to change your mind and react to similar situations in a different way each time. By distrusting your ability make healthy and sound decisions, you are not looking at the full picture, but instead judging yourself from the outside - as if you were another person, who doesn't know you and only sees your actions. The full picture is this: you don't only have your actions, they are a part of you but so are your thoughts, your decisions, your experiences, your feelings, your desires, dreams and hopes. After having all these things in mind - would you still come to the conclusion that you cannot be trusted with making good decisions within of what you knew and how you felt back then. Because choosing safety can also be a good (and smart) decision. Sometimes we don't stand up for ourselves or what we think is right because we don't feel safe to do so. And sometimes this leads to bad and sometimes to horrible things to happen. But that does not and will never mean that you agreed to the mistreatment or abuse to happen. The person who mistreats or abuses is to blame for anything they've done. Not you. You cannot control what other people choose to do/say/think or desire. By diagreeing with someone who imposes a threat to your (emotional or physical) safety can sound like a good thing to do, but it also puts you in a very vulnerable and unsafe spot. But now it sounds like you are not in that situation anymore and outside of immediate danger, which makes it easier for you to judge your past self and blame it for not reacting differently. And that is the point: now - in the present - you are in control over your present reaction. And I think there is simply no reason to repeat the abuse by blaming yourself for something you could not control back then and cannot control now. Also, you're writing that you are a damned soul, that evil is destroying you and that there is nothing left (to look forward to) but death. And yet, you are breathing. Yet, you can't stop looking at the past. Trying to find a way in which you could have reacted differently. I believe that this is a great starting point for learning and for self improvement. With all of those negative thoughts and all of the shame you see around yourself you are choosing to think that you want to wait. Even though you are wishing for death, you're waiting for it and not actively trying anything. In fact, the action you chose to take was to go on the internet, watch this video and open up about your self hatred, past experiences and about your passive suicidal thoughts. I think that was a very brave decision and I hope, that one day you find the strengh inside you to take the necessary steps towards help. Because once you do, you will find that you are not by yourself. You will have to fight this evil that's destroying you by yourself - but you won't be alone doing so. And there are people that will assist you, train with you and there are people that can help you heal those wounds. At the end of the day, having obsessive thoughts about death is nothing else than your mind telling you that you will always have a choice. So every breath you take is also a choice - a choice to wait until that one day filled with self hatred and shame is over. And there is a massive difference between 'I can't go on living' and 'I can't go on living this way', because the last sentence rather translates to - 'I need things to change'. I'd like to strongly advice you to talk with a doctor or mental health professional about these thoughts. This might seem scary, but you don't have to trust a person to accept their kind words. And if it is simply not an option to go to therapy where you live, information on the internet might be the second best chance to and if no other person feels safe then it might be a good start to treat yourself with compassion and kindness. You don't have to forgive yourself for every mistake you made in the past to smile at yourself in the mirror today or to make yourself pancakes for breakfast or to go for a walk in nature on a sunny day or to treat yourself for a nice glass of water whenever you start to have those negative thoughts. (I don't, but by doing those things continuously I can sometimes gain a different perspective on things and reach understanding and compassion). You don't have to enjoy any of those things either. But hydration, food, (movement) and love are basic needs of any human being - maybe granting yourself whatever fulfills those needs can be enough to build a new and better version of yourself in the present and in the future. I don't know how you recieve this message but I hope this does not read as an attempt to belittle or play down anything you wrote about. In fact this is the first time I am writing a comment on youtube and I am sorry for the length. I simply wanted to show you that there can be a reaction from other people if you voice your call for change and/or help. I cannot do much to help you though, except for replying to your comment. With this reply I beg to differ from how hard you are on yourself here. Even though you might not see hope from where you are right not I hope that you can go easier on yourself tomorrow. Please remember that you are loved and that you deserve to be. If it is a possibility for you please consider talking to a mental health professional, this might be the help you need on your journey towards healing. You might believe that you are broken but that doesn't mean that you are unfixably broken :)
1. Lovebombing phase (been charming mysterious fun) 2. Isolating u from your friends and family for easy manipulation. 3. Devalue phase Gaslighting (Inconsistent behaviours and lies) to manipulate 4. Disrespect your boundaries 5. Inflated ego, self centred,pride, entitled and superiority 6. Painting self as victim 7. No capacity for empathy ( wont nor cant) 8. Discard phase ( ignore and silent treatment)
@@irielion3748not necessarily, if they have excess supply happening or a new target lined up, they may never Hoover or it may take months. Also they may not hoover if they know you’ve seen completely behind the mask and their facade has been fully exposed
“Self-centered people pair up really nicely with selfless people.” Wow! This explains why I’ve seen some of the most beautifully selfless people fall into these relationships!
@@Supported32320bish please 🙄 sometimes ppl need things broken down into crayons so that what they knew in their heart they can now see the dots connected and the constellation (ie “big picture”) appear. Do you lack the empathy to understand that different ppl need things spelled out a different way sometimes?? I really like that Jimmy stated that out - helped balance me. Have a lovely day! ☺️
It is who these abusers specifically target, they have a radar for it. The most common thing found between DV survivors was high compassion/empathy (and not stupidity or naivety).
One time, one of my old professors said this to my peers in a conversation after class: Remember the "Narc" in "Narcissist." Just like a narcotic, it starts with a rush, it takes the pain away, it HELPS... And then you need more. And more. And before you realize it, you are even more sick than when you first were introduced to it.
My almost 21 y granddaughter committed suicide 6/26/23. Junior in college. No drugs. Honor student. Her dad is everything you just described. She lived with us the last 3 y. Her every success he destroyed. She asked me ”What happens when being perfect isn’t good enough?” I suspect she felt she had no escape. Every success was met with devastation. She told me he would find her darkest fear and use it as a wepon against her. Never underestimate the destruction a narcissist.
@@JimmyonRelationships i wish I had found you sooner. Maybe she could have accepted help realizing the fault was not within her. She was a beautiful trumpet player. An empath. Kind caring. The perfect prey for a narcissist. I was her only adult anchor. She fought for her younger siblings. No success. Thank you.
I'm so sorry for your loss of your granddaughter. I hope the mother finds the courage to kick that man out (or take the other kids and leave) before he hurts anyone else (more than he probably already has)!
“The narcissist needs you to fall in love with them as quickly as possible, because they can’t keep their mask on forever.” (@ 2:30) BEST description of the reason for love bombing I’ve come across. 💯👏
Why would they drop you right during that phase? I keep spinning on that. I thought the intent was to hook you then keep you attached. Mine abruptly dropped me the night before he was about to put his dog down. I assumed it was depression he was suffering, but the events after all point to NPD. Maybe I was about to see his mask drop? I can’t stress how bizarre and sudden it was. Just that morning he was sending me loving messages. This was months ago, he blocked me, hasn’t contacted me since. Maybe he couldn’t keep up the love bombing and bailed to deal with his grief.
@@Evergreen11_11because they have to do a "test" to see if their love bombing worked. They'll ghost or drop you with the full intention of getting you back (then the Hoovering starts.) This tells them that you're weak, susceptible to more abuse, and in their twisted minds validates how much you care because they are such an amazing person. The "drop you, ghosting, then Hoovering/Love Bombing" goes on indefinitely until they aquire a new target or source. It sounds like you got away before he had a chance to do some serious damage-and they always do. Best of luck to you!
My ex yelled at me and said “who feels that way for such a thing? You should go see therapist or something.” and I saw the hate in his eyes while he was saying those things. It was horrible.
or saying that they didn't 'intend to cause offense' & not apologising whilst having no clue why they caused offense. Such a common reaction from people who are a bit narcissistic and also bigoted.
I kept making excuses. The list of excuses finally got too long. “His dad was abusive.” “It’s just the way he grew up.” “He’s just stressed.” It was finally ENOUGH. And when I gathered what few belongings I could carry- I was shaking so bad I could hardly speak. And I am 1 month free…. Trying to heal.
Even our former president and we still suffer daily with his abuse. I have disowned the narcissistic family member but how do you escape a famous wannabe dictator who have convinced the orange cult members that "I am the enemy?!"
Unfortunately it's not until you've survived a narcissist, that you truly understand what is being said here. I hope people learn boundaries to help avoid narcissists. ❤ Great video, thanks for sharing.
Unfortunately, this is true. You are clueless of the extent this behavior until it happens to you. We are taught to always look at the good in people. The narcissists love kind and caring people.
You are absolutely correct. I had no idea what happened to me until I heard a talk on Narcissism. Then everything was clear. Unfortunately it did nothing to change the trauma I experienced, nor could I stop blaming myself. Narcissist embed blame into your soul and it’s difficult to remember it wasn’t your fault.
I was married to a narcissist for 30 years. I’ve spent the last 15 years trying to deprogram myself. I wish I had heard this 50 years ago. You’re right. Only living through time with a narcissist can show how true this video is
The brain fog, hyper sensitivity to noise, the feeling of always being on edge..he pushed in such a dark place I can’t ever do that to myself again. And how things turned from love to hate soo quickly..he blamed me for everything and today I broke out of that trap.
After 12 years as of last night, I’m DONE! I feel so relieved and a sense of peace. It’s strange because i still feel a sadness but these past two years have been some of the worst and that’s saying a lot. I have developed fibromyalgia and felt like I’ve been dying on the inside just for him keep dragging me along while planning on sucking another woman in at the same time, but that was the final push I needed. And there’s no going back!! I just pray i can get out of this apartment unharmed sooner than later. He refuses to leave ofc. I just want to be away from him so badly.
I was with my ex 20 years. I’ve been away from him 8. You have just made the best decision of your life, so proud of you, make sure you ask for support when you need it. Everyone is happy to give ❤️ it is your journey, now you decide.
“Watch what happens if you stop engaging in the argument, they will continue yelling, because they’re not interested in solving the issue”. That’s another great one to test.
I honestly never thought I would make the mistake of entering a relationship with a narcissist until it happened. It’s hard to understand until you’ve been through it
Kirstyclarke6249, You get away by speaking the truth to yourself. I was with a covert for years. I still haven’t recovered my short term memory from the abuse even though it’s been more than a year of dedicated weekly therapy. He stole most of my life savings, was a serial cheater ( most are! If u haven’t caught them yet, keep looking), a pathological liar, tried to turn my child and family against me with the smear campaign- still doing this to people around me, poisoning, physically abused me, every type abuse there is really. Now is trying to steal what’s left in the divorce. He had no money when we married! And that’s the truth. The longer you stay, the more abusive it gets. So today is as good as it gets for you! You have no real idea how cloudy you’re thinking and how much damage is done until after you leave. When I left, I got lost a few blocks from home. It will happen to you if you keep staying. Tell yourself the truth and begin valuing Yourself too much to let someone treat you like a dog. This is my honest warning and it’s the tip of the iceberg. I wish you well.
Kirstyclarke6249, You get away by speaking the truth to yourself. I was with a covert for years. I still haven’t recovered my short term memory from the abuse even though it’s been more than a year of dedicated weekly therapy. He stole most of my life savings, was a serial cheater ( most are! If u haven’t caught them yet, keep looking), a pathological liar, tried to turn my child and family against me with the smear campaign- still doing this to people around me, poisoning, physically abused me, every type abuse there is really. Now is trying to steal what’s left in the divorce. He had no money when we married! And that’s the truth. The longer you stay, the more abusive it gets. So today is as good as it gets for you! You have no real idea how cloudy you’re thinking and how much damage is done until after you leave. When I left, I got lost a few blocks from home. It will happen to you if you keep staying. Tell yourself the truth and begin valuing Yourself too much to let someone treat you like a dog. This is my honest warning and it’s the tip of the iceberg. I wish you well.
Be very careful about someone asking about your deepest fears or what you don’t like about yourself. A narcissistic person will ALWAYS weaponized whatever they discover about you.
yes they would ask for information and then use that information against you later and change the narrative or ask more questions. It’s mentally draining . your vulnerability is used as weapon against you as they use it to belittle you , bring you down , provoke you and just start arguments.
I fell into that trap. He pulled my old scars open and laughed at my past. "You deserve what have happened to you." He would speak my stories out loud just to watch me cry.
I hate how they gaslight you until you think you're the narcissist. It doesn't matter how kind you know you are, how your big heart has sheltered so many people who needed it, how many deep and loving friendships you have that validate your kindness and loving nature; they turn it all around on you and make you feel like you're the worst person in the world, that you're the abuser. It hurts. It hurts so much that one person can come out if nowhere and twist you into knots. It makes you question everything about yourself and your own ability to make beneficial choices. I hope everyone who hurts like this can get out. I hope everyone who's been hurt like this can heal.
How one day you are the love of their life and the other, you're a threat and it snowballs out of control. They don't like being made to feel like the bad guy even if they hurt your feelings. You become the threat to their false personas.
@@evanmichel632 I really don't understand it . It is so strange ,it doesn't fit .It is not right what is keeping you there? Is it sex or beauty ??? I don't get it...!
Bekki, I have been married 45 years and just found out I have been living with a narcistic financial abuser , talk about shock. I am ready to check into a mental facility. I couldn't figure out why He couldn't hear anything I said ,or want my opinion. Now I know ,I had to seriously educate myself .
When I was 8 years old I literally told myself that “I’d never hurt anyone the way I’ve been hurt”. This landed me in friendships and relationships with highly narcissistic people. I was a fixer. My last narc triggered me in a lot of ways that made me think of my narc dad, and I started to heal my childhood trauma through exploring that. The discard was such a relief.
I can completely relate. My mother was horrid and my dad left when I was 11. She wanted complete control. I ran from the fire into the frying pan. Now too divorced all I attract are narcs. And when you meet new people whether they are male or female and the realize that you know what to look for...💨poof they're gone.😂
Thank you for your education. For the convenience of anybody who wants to zero in on any particular point: 2:01 1. Love-bombing 8:29 2. Inflated ego 10:33 3. No capacity for empathy 11:52 4. Self-centeredness 13:38 5. Lying 16:17 6. Aggressive communication 20:55 7. Contempt
Immagine "too affectionate" being used against you - highly disagree on this... Also: One can have a selective "narcisistic" tendency - but this are just fancy words. If you respect your partner that's not a bad thing.
I want all NPD survivors know that you all are beautiful beings, I want you to see this beauty inside yourself for loving someone so dearly, sincerely and deeply that you try to understand, embrace and forgive him/ her over again and again. I wish you all have the very best & safe life from now on as best as your inner qualities. May your life prosper and thriving and free from all mental torture and self-doubt. Please never ever doubt in your value ever again, you do not deserve such feeling. And never let those NPD take away the grace, kindness, true love you possess in your heart, please do not let that happens. The world needs people like you but I’m more than sure you will give it to the one who deserves your love from now on. You all are great, I love you ❤❤❤
Jimmy, plz stop apologizing for the long videos. I seriously needed to hear every single thing you said and really HEAR it. Thank you and your family for all of the love you show, it really helps!!
Not true exactly.. You can win. By removing yourself from their presence cold turkey . AND FOREVER. No text,no calls,no nothing,ever again. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥...and BOOM they lost !!!! You gained ur life ,sanity, joy n freedom back . I highly recommend. Move to another state or what a hell,to another country,Go bick or go home 🥳🌹🥳🌹🥳🌹🥳🌹🥳🌹TRUST ME IT WORKED!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂LOOSE THE DEMON N GET T F### OUT.
Not true exactly.. You CAN WIN. By getting rid of them .Just leaving them behing cold turkey n starting a NEW LIFE !!!!!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳Somewhere faaaaaaaar away ,another state or country. Go big or go home.🌹🥳🎈🔥🌹🥳🎈🔥🌹🥳🎈🔥 You loose the demon n gain life, joy, sanity n freedom back!!!!! I highly recommend this for ppl who are on the verge of giving up n in total despair....U DESERVE TO LIVE LIFE N BE HAPPY. U NEED TO REFUSE TO BE TORMENTED N START A NEW LIFE!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 Whoever is reading this ... 🔥🔥🔥God loves you n the best is yet to come!!!🎉🎉🎉
@sarahodom7091- be careful with her content. She’s a Narcissist and actually parrots information. I hope you find someone else to detect to for more accurate information.
‘Contempt is their native language’, that strikes a chord. When you are raised by a parent who looks at you with contempt in their eyes it wounds your soul and makes you vulnerable to other narcissists. I wish I had known this a lifetime ago.
It's interesting, I was just talking to one of my brothers the other day and told him the biggest blessing is that I didn't get the ex narc wife pregnant. Def was smart enough and dodged a huge bullet there!
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Metaspyhub@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Oh my I think he may already be tracking my phone. He tells me things he knows I've been saying about him, and I've wondered how he knows. It's not like I would normally care if he overheard something, because my intentions are not to smear him, but he punishes me for things I say or text in private. That's when it really bites. I am appalled that he would engage in something that disgustingly evil. I learned today about self-righteous malignant Narcissism, and that definitely describes him. The rage, you say, is truly more frightening than anything I've ever experienced before, driving me into a freeze response that has lasted for 8 months so far. I don't know if it's possible to overcome and come out of it while he still rules my house, threatening punishment for every attempt I make to protect myself.
@@victoryamartin9773unsync your messages to other devices, if you’re not sure how, google it for what phone you have, and go through all your apps, delete the ones you aren’t familiar with.
@@victoryamartin9773 sounds familiar. I can relate. And am afraid he does the same (tracks my fone and other internet activities, e.g. the videos/shows that i watch on YT or movies/shows in Netflix, etc.) because at one time i caught him listening remotely to what i was watching here on YT (it was a random short/reel so it’s not like i was really worried about it) by having his headphones connected via BT to my phone. I only found out when i noticed there was no sound coming out from my phone while i played such reel, and so i checked my sound settings, found that his headset were connected to my fone and caught him laughing when i went down (he was supposed to be on a call w. his colleague)…
One of my mistakes is that I thought everyone thought like me😒🙄. You know...empathy, compassion, trustworthy, ect. 60 years old, finally figured it out
Me too. And when I left, she told me I was just like every other rapist man out there. Her mask slipped. I saw the white hot anger at me enforcing my boundary. Within half an hour of leaving, she was trying the desperately call and text me, threatening to off herself. And it's not the first time she's threatened that. I just couldn't take the yelling. I couldn't take the walking on eggshells. I'm 45, and I think I'll probably be alone the rest of my life. That's what makes me want to go back every time.
That's exactly how I feel! I'm just a shell of the person I used to be. Over a decade of suppressing needs/wants in order to keep the peace. Thank you for sharing. It's bitter sweet knowing your not alone because you know someone else had to suffer in order to relate. We can do this!
To anyone starting to leave their abuser/narcissist, do NOT underestimate what they will do, nor what they have already done to prepare for this eventuality. My abusive husband never had to alienate me from my family, because he knew they would side with him. They have. He has also manipulated our kids extremely cleverly - they believe it’s their own idea that I am the abusive one who isn’t safe to be with. So I am getting out, but I am doing so alone, having lost what I value most in this world. God help me.
God will help you because he's helping me 🙏🏾🙏🏾 go to the bible you'll find comfort and strength there! Trust me, that's where mine is coming from.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Narcissist will not take responsibility for their words or actions. It’s always someone else’s fault and they are never wrong. But when they do apologize because it’s their only option, it usually come out as “I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry” so they they don’t truly own up to their insanity. Run and don’t look back.
I was raised by a narcissistic father and I feel like I'm a magnet for narcissistic relationships. I do tend to give too much to make the other person happy. Whenever he shows toxic traits, my initial response is to try harder to win him over. And it's extremely difficult for me to leave because I keep forgiving everything and looking for the good in him. I've never prioritized my own happiness.
@@beastshawneeyeah they love go getter optimists with thick skin and resilience because we take licks and keep on ticking, trying and giving. But remember that's your super power you can reframe to focus on you and reciprocal relationships. Just don't let them use your good nature against you and don't become a self gaslighter because that happens a lot! Don't adopt their narratives. Set boundaries to avoid future malignant narcs too. Be the kind of friend to yourself that you are to others. Give yourself grace
My mother was a closet narcissist. A true Jekyll and Hyde scenario. She was so unassuming that no one ever would have suspected how I was treated when no one else was around. The manipulation was unmatched. Even though she's since passed and I'm now an adult, I'm still unraveling the damage that my childhood inflicted on me. 😔
Same. I'm the bad guy now. I was silent for so long because I didn't want to bad mouth her to my siblings. I was not grieving the same way they were. When I finally thought I could share my experiences with her, I was vilified and alienated. My brother isn't speaking to me; he seems to hate me. He picks fights anytime I'm around the family. I end up isolating, and I was recently told by a sibling that it's my problem for isolating. That THEY aren't telling me not to come around. HELLO??!! Why would I want to be around people who are invalidating and committed to misunderstanding me?
In the same boat and waiting on mine to DIIIIIE! She’s 80 so not too much longer to go. Most evil human being I’ve encountered she is a truly awful person that has destroyed our family. My sisters and I are not close because she pitted us against one another as children (who was “the best” “prettiest” always told my older sister she was “too dark!!!!!”)
I want to add to this that narcissists don't only look for "easy targets". Many of them go for people who see themselves as guarded, strong people because it's a fun extra challenge for them to break this kind of person. They also typically go for people who have a lot of empathy, enjoy helping people and generally joyful people to be around. These are great personal traits to have. Don't let them take this from you
I think they have emotions but empathy requires feeling someone else’s feelings. They don’t. If they did they would have the ability to feel what you’re feeling and not treat you that way because it would also hurt them. They have their own emotions and may feel even happy when you’re sad, not sad when you’re sad. They understand emotions yes but they don’t feel what you’re feeling. Which is what is required for it to be empathy. They don’t care enough to have empathy
What's more bizarre to me than anything is how people act like they're dealing with wild animals. I have a very hard time believing they "target" anyone. They are more than likely fumbling their way through life like anyone else, and unfortunately people get hurt because that's life...
@@TheRyndiculous I don’t think they are wild animals but the way they go through life inevitably hurts people for a long time. And it hurts themselves because they also never have a mutually understanding loving relationship even if they wanted it because they have their own unaddressed issues that led them to become the way they are. If you look at the childhood of someone who is fully narcissistic they have a lot of trauma. And sometimes it’s generational. It’s a coping mechanism and how they adapted to their situation. My grandfather is one, my mother is one and I ended up almost married to one and I could see the similarities between them all. And this term is not used lightly for me. It took me a long time to acknowledge it because I didn’t want to believe it. And my step grandma was the person that raised me and I am a lot like her in relationships which was very tolerant and easily felt that I was the problem. I’m not perfect and no one is and some are not fully narcissistic and may just have some tendencies versus someone who is fully narcissistic. But either way it’s important to know when you’re dealing with someone who has no regard for another persons feelings and instead of them causing more pain and abuse they should seek help but they usually don’t because they can become successful in life and can eventually find someone that they can overpower into marriage and people get trapped in the cycle of pain and depression that is inevitable with a narcissistic personality. But what’s most scary is the thin line that sometimes leads to physical abuse. So it’s very important to know this information and be wary of people that tick these boxes.
@@TheRyndiculous I don’t think they target people on purpose. I think they want love and a relationship but they don’t know how to go about it. They want the food from the relationship without changing, without growing, without shattering their world view that they’re the best ever. And sometimes, they subconsciously know which people will give them that, and it only ever ends in hurt for the person they chose. So when we say “there’s a type of person they target” what we mean is “there’s a type of person who protects their toxic worldview the most and the narcissists are drawn to that for self preservation.” Target is just fewer words
Understanding another’s emotions/feelings and empathy are two different things. Empathy requires understanding, yes, but it goes deeper. Empathy is similar to sympathy; both understand (logically) how emotions work, and both involve actively “feeling” another’s emotions as if they were your own. Sympathy, however, comes from personally experiencing something similar the one you’re sympathizing with. You can feel their feelings because you relate to their experience. Empathy doesn’t require a shared experience in order to feel those emotions. You can take on their emotions as if they were yours, as if you’d experienced something similar, even if you hadn’t. For instance, if you show someone with strong empathy an image of a broken leg, their brain will light up in the places which correlate with the physical pain of having a leg broken, even if they’ve never experienced a broken bone before. They may not feel the pain as strongly/intensely as they would had their leg actually been broken, but they feel it nonetheless. Someone who has sympathy, but isn’t as empathetic, actually needs to have broken a bone in order to recreate that sensation of pain in the brain. Basically, without having prior experience to use as a template, it’s more difficult for them to “feel” that pain accurately. They can logically understand the pain, they may even feel sorry for the person who actually has a broken leg, but they do not feel empathy for that person. Many people who are essentially psychopaths (lack empathy) have an expert understanding of emotions. They need to in order to mask their lack of empathy and/or manipulate others. Not all narcissists lack empathy, but they are more likely to have impaired empathy because they’re too preoccupied with themselves to actually be considerate of others.
I was in tears watching this. I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months. You explained everything so perfectly, especially the way he made me feel. He loved bombed me, told me I was the one, called me everyday, even came and visited me in Utah, etc… I told him I was falling for him when he was out here and was vulnerable…the gaslighting, silent treatment, self projection and the stonewalling started when he got back home. Luckily, I quickly realized what I was dealing with and told him I was done with the emotional manipulation and done with feeling like I’m not worthy of the love he used to give me. Narcissism is crazy.
Charm. Use. Discard. Repeat. And those of us who’ve experienced narcissistic trauma will often feel steeped in self-blame for not spotting all this sooner. Please remember that as empathetic people we need to have compassion for our selves first and foremost. And in that compassion we can better understand that narcissists are like camouflaged hunters. They spotted us before we saw them. They have an insatiable need to feed on others’ loving energy because all humans need love but they cannot access it within themselves. Jimmy is so correct: self compassion is the path forward. May all who suffer break free and find greater joy. 🦋☀️
That's why so many people don't talk about their toxic/abusive relationship. They feel ashamed and embarrassed that they got into this situation. They feel at fault, like they CHOSE this person who now treats them like dirt.
"That's not asking for too much. That's literally the bare minimum". I've rewound and listened to those words four times and am now in tears. Yes, I've always been convinced that it's asking too much. Thanks for this video. You have a new subscriber.
this is me right now going through a friendship break up and im just so confused she’s one of those spiritual girls and she comes off as understanding but then she made a ig vid about how sge really felt about our talk we had and one thing she said was that she low maintenance and it left me feeling like i was the needy one or i was asking for me much and this whole thing is leaving so confused like is she not who she says she is
“The relationship is only at peace when you have silenced yourself” unfortunately describes my whole life until I finally gained the strength to learn that I matter and the only way to live a true and good life is to start allowing myself to be true to myself. And it took an abusive relationship ship with a narcissist for me to realize how dangerous and miserable and hopeless it is to live silenced and in complete lies and chaos and it’s up to me to get myself out of that belief and that life
I'm happy Ur free now girl ❤ I don't know if people are narcs or not but I do know I could be a great victim, I always shut myself up my whole life to avoid causing too much issues for others....when I think about it now, I think all I did was suppress myself BC I'm used to being oppressed 😢 it's a sad truth, but it's a great revelation, we will be stronger than ever before!!!!! We got this ❤ now we know the truth and know better, we can be there for ourselves, like we always should've been taught to be.
Your comment sounds like I could have written it myself, isn't that feeling of self realization so scary and beautiful at the same time? It's amazing to finally feel free enough to take hold of the reins on our own lives, without constantly trying to stifle ourselves to please others or 'keep the peace.' "It's ok to say 'no.' You can always say 'no.'" - my fiancé, said in a very gentle and loving way after I had just vented about how I never felt like it was SAFE for me to tell anyone "No." I cried a lot but it was a good and healing kind of crying, nowhere near the horrible despaired crying I did with that narcissistic abusive ex. I hope you get to feel that sense of freedom, and I hope you get an abundance of stalwart self love and courage for standing up for yourself!
I was raised in a narcissistic family, so I had a leg-up in spotting mean people even when I didn't realize what I was dealing with as the scapegoat for the entire family. My family were full-blown narcissists completely dedicated to hating me because I didn't like their rudeness. They even attempted to shame me for disliking their rudeness. Everything I thought and did was scorned by the family even the good deeds. They would give a gift and then monitor how it was used and blame me for not using it the way they expected. These narcissists never complimented me on accomplishments, ignoring me completely when I shared a wonderful thing that happened to me. I gave up with them years ago and live a peaceful life without them.
This is how i know who i am dealing with. No matter what i do helping them or not helping them they will always be nasty and mean with me. There is nothing you can do but just not have a relationship with them & tell them to back off of you & go live your life. Easier said than done
@gwendolyn 💯 truth they monitor how you use the gifts they give you! Nuts. Grew up with a couple of narcs in the family. It does give one an edge when it comes to recognizing toxic people early on, but of course we’ve had to put up with a ton of crap along the way to earn that advantage 😘
It's been a month since my 12 year relationship breakup with the narcassitic partner. To be treated and degraded to the lowest form of human, to have endured 12 years of terrible manipulation, and constantly fights even on special days... I gave up too much of my life for this man. Picking up the pieces and getting stronger as days go by ❤
Woohooo... same here .. 12years of marriage and 3years dating prior and now 4 months since seperation.. I'm enjoying the peace rn and before I have to face him for the divorce/child custody battle. Stay strong. Congratulations on the realisation.
Omg congratulations and how are you doing? It was like I woke up from a dream this past year and realized I married a narcissist. I’ve been so broken down I almost lost all hope. It’s been 20 years and we have two kids but I am plotting my escape.
@@kavya_bhat Wow - In total you stayed 15 years. Wow you are an inspiration to me! I've gone through this for slightly shorter - no marriage or commitment or level up from my partner at all in that time.. Just goes to show sometimes we can remain in the twilight zone without realising how damaging it is running our body/life clock down. Stay strong, you've got this!!
@@DaughterofDiogenes I'm so glad to hear that your own self reflection has got you to the conclusion - narcissists are terrible energy depleters. I hope you get out safely and are able to start living a much happier life. The fact you're 20 years in speaks volumes how strong you are to be finally leaving.
Well said. Even when the relationship ended, I had to deal with her smear Campaign and going to my work in an attempt to get me fired. Current on-line harassment for 16 years.
In the beginning when you said "If you've been through this, I want to say I'm sorry" it made me cry. Something in that just opened it up. Thank you for putting this message out there..
Wow I didn't realize my past trauma led me to my being with narcissists.I had my two front teeth knocked out by my second son's father.That is after I took him back even though he kicked me in the face.I ended up with another man who belittled me and my two sons and even broke my nose.Thank you for helping me understand why I stayed with so much abuse for over 30 years.I am trying to heal every day and thank God I got out before it was too late.
@@annchurchill2638 You have not met my brother yet ? He has conned people and banks for $ 800,000. dollars. IF, they find out you need love, or to feel special because mom and dad neglected you then they will take you for everything. Study Narcisism daily till you know that a liar is just one symptom of these witches, vampires and " Rosemarys Bay ."
“Someone who has no interest in empathy also has no interest in humility or intimacy or vulnerability or emotional safety or resolving conflict in a respectful healthy way..and trust me when I say those are necessary for any relationship to survive and thrive.” The irony of life is that you always realize this much later after all the damage is done. But these are soul lessons that you wouldn’t learn any other way. In a way, you attracted that partner at that point in your life with your pre-existing trauma so you could transcend all pain, learn real love and authenticity. Be absolutely grateful for whatever happened and move on with your lessons. All is well in the greater scheme of things.
I was married for 25 years to a person who exercised narcissistic tendencies. I saw no way out and was so beaten down by him that I prayed daily for death to come. I finally made my way to the door and escaped that life, but I’m still trying to heal from the abuse. Your videos help SO MUCH, especially when the forgiveness (that I cultivated as a survival mechanism) shouts that I could have tried harder to make things work. Thank you for helping me iron out the parts of my mind that are still wrinkled from the mistreatment of others.❤️
I'll be praying for your healing in every part of you. From the inside out. Going through the same thing here gathering information to learn how to heal. God Bless you!
It's shocking how similar narcissistic abuse stories are and how long it took some of us to get out. Someone else in the comments said it took 22 years and that's how long it took me to leave for good. There is healing on the other side.
I got trapped in a long-term narcissistic relationship, I became a counselor after finally being able to end the relationship. The saddest thing I have ever witnessed in group therapies, was the amount of people, that are in counseling and on antidepressants after surviving a narcissist, or are still in the middle of getting away from them. It is sad to think, that everyone else is medicated even though the narcissists are the problem, and they are the ones that should be in counseling and medicated.🤔
what is sad about someone whos fighting back and going therapy. thats positiv . nothing to be sad about. imo u shouldnt counseling. after i read your comment.
It's like you've witnessed every single horrible moment of me letting people walk all over me and me trying to hold on to them by blaming myself and trying harder and harder until I was a hollow shell. I managed to leave this behaviour behind me at the price of being completely alone now. But I am recovering thanks to people like you who spread this valuable information without judging. Thank you!
Seems everyone can relate sadly. Immense shame washes over me as I didn't love myself or have dignity,as many of my abusers actually laughed to my face & online!
Like Madea says, I can do bad all by myself! Lol better to be alone than to be miserable, and take some time to love yourself! No shame in that! Look how many ppl have commented on this, so many ppl have been tricked, it’s def not just you! When you know better, you do better! ♥️
Dang. Crying. I don't do that often. But you said 'you never ask what's wrong with them, you're always wondering what's wrong with me'. Like a gut punch.
When you've been raised and devalued by NPD parents or caregivers it's much more difficult to navigate what healthy relationships are. Often you must be put through the narc grinder until your soul decides you've had enough. Then it takes time, education and even dumb luck to start to escape. Some of us are still in the cage because we've no where safe to run TO..yet.
You’re so right, things are so much harder when we’ve been abused in any way. It starts to change everything about us. But we have to fight to rebuild the self worth they tried to destroy you know? So proud of you for doing that hard work!
I had my 'dumb luck' - but I was already reacting to and challenging shitty behaviour. I just happened to need something once and they wouldn't help, making excuses, even blaming me, etc. I knew there is no relationship is your SO isn't there for you when you need them. This dumb luck was enough for me to finally wake up and end the situationship. Never looked back :)
Yep. I’m 38 and I’ve only recently started true healing even though I’ve been on the healing path for the past 5 years. My mom was an emotionally absent alcoholic and my stepdad was a sociopath who sexually abused me growing up. I’ve tried to commit suicide a few times in my life. I’ve been through a lot of pain and abuse. Thankfully I’m on the road to recovery. Idk if I’ll ever be fully recovered”normal” but maybe one day who knowz
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
This was the most informative, compassionate and compact video about narcissistic behavior in relationships. 1. The signs 2. Examples with the intended purpose 3. Why we may tolerate such behaviours 4. What to do and tools to lessen risks for falling for it again. I wish I had seen this 24 years ago. For anyone in a situation like this, take this gold mine of knowledge and advice to heart.
PEOPLE THAT ARE MARRIED GREETINGS FROM KENTUCKY PEOPLE THAT ARE MARRIED CANNOT JUST LEAVE OKAY ESPECIALLY IF THERE'S CHILDREN THEY'RE THERE IF THEY LEAVE THEIR NOT LIKELY TO BECOME AND POVERTY OR HOMELESS DOES ANYBODY NOT TALK ABOUT THIS OR REALIZE THIS CRAP IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE GIVE ME A BREAK HE'S NARCISSISTIC PSYCHOPATH STATE VET IN THE PERSON IF THEY LEAVE THEY WILL DO THIS AND THAT IN THE OTHER OR TAKE THEIR CHILDREN OR OTHER THINGS ALSO MY UA-camRS ACT LIKE IT'S SO EASY JUST TO LEAVE COME ON WHAT IF THE PERSON HAS NO FAMILY OR WHAT IF THEIR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS ARE NARCISSISTIC AND DON'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT THEM AND THAT IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY YOU KNOW THAT'S THE OTHER ASPECT ALSO YOU KNOW EVERYBODY THINKS THEY'RE USING EACH OTHER NOBODY WANTS TO BE GENEROUS ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY'RE SO AFRAID OF BEING USED IT'S A DEAD-END STREET UNITED STATES IS FULL OF WEIRD SICK AND TOXIC PEOPLE AND IT'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSEDUE TO THE CULTURE AND THE MEDIA AND THE SO-CALLED CELEBRITIES THAT THAT DID THE INDUSTRY IN HOLLYWOOD AND ALL THESE SO-CALLED PEOPLE THEY'RE TOXIC AND HORRIBLE THINKING THAT THESE WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL THEY LOOK PROMISCUOUS THEY'VE HAD SURGERIES THERE HAVE YOU KNOW THEY DON'T EVEN REALLY HAVE ANY CLOTHING ON THESE PEOPLE IDOLIZE THE SECULAR PEOPLE THAT'S SO SICK VERY DISTURBING ANYWAYS ANYWAYS PEOPLE CANNOT JUST LEAVE ESPECIALLY IF IT'S ROMANTIC AND IN THE MARRIAGE SITUATION THE PERSON'S LIABLE TO WIND UP HOMELESS
I'm still in this marriage we have been together for 21 yrs and I always thought it was something I was doing now though I completely understand that I can't help him and 3 kids later am working my way to get help from this for me and my kids !
The lack of empathy is spot on! That was my ex to a T. I remember early on that I thought he was joking when he said other people's feelings made him uncomfortable, but I learned he was telling the truth. I also found it odd how unsympathetic he was to our mutual friend's suffering during her divorce, and how he eventually just cut her off because he couldn't deal with her "feelings" and erratic behavior. You're correct that his inability to empathize with others also contributed to the very lack of depth our relationship had and how he discarded me. It's funny because I originally saw all of these signs, yet people kept telling me what a great guy and great catch he was. He was described as a gentleman by people who knew us both. He's well liked and respected (we worked together for years), so people were excited when we got together because we "were two good people who deserved each other." Well, believe me, that mask came off behind closed doors. I don't miss him one bit!
"...self centered people pair really well with selfless people..." I had to pause the video at this point because it hit home really hard. This is 100% my last relationship, which honestly felt like it was going to break me. I'm so happy I got out when I did. I've been following you on TikTok for a while. This video came at the perfect time. Thank you so much, Jimmy!
I couldn’t agree more with that comment. If only comments, like these could be remembered during moments of feeling so small and little and ashamed for no reason.
Thanks so much for this. You are really speaking to some of the smaller and double sided niches of narcissism that i've personally experienced. your videos are really helping me at my current state of mind. I would love a video on specifically "the nice guy" narcissist
I have a narcissistic father. My mother endures it. I fell for a covert narcissist who always knew the right things to say (never sounded sincere but I willingly overlooked that) with whom I never felt safe or at ease. It was painful and confusing and took me a couple of years to become aware of what was really happening. My body knew long before I became conscious of it. Love should not make you scared or insecure
Having dealt with narcissism in platonic and romantic relationships, it's a constant battle with wondering if you made it all up. I appreciate videos like this reminding me my experience is valid and I no longer have to tolerate that type of behavior
tolerance and acceptence are 2 diffrent things. do your homework 1st . non toleration is narcisstic behavior. so nothing gained. but 1 more narcisstic behavior to block another narcisstic behavior
It really hit me when he mentioned "either they'll discard you or you'll leave." I was discarded by my ex, and now looking back it was all this. I kept making excuses for him and hiding things from my friends and family, and I abandoned my own boundaries to make him happy. It's never enough. He still ended our 8+ year relationship over text, and then continued to try and control and manipulate me.
I went through this with a person I wasn't even in a relationship with. And another person I kind of dated was also abusive towards me (or so I thought, idk what he did but kind of abusive at times, but a lot of stuff I know was this guy who didn't even want commitment and ghosted me while going out with another woman)
@@frankly1744 Workplaces will do this to you too. Had a narc boss that wanted me gone because I called her out when I was defending a coworker. Boss removed all my job responsibilities and gave them to other workers so I basically had no work. Boss had no grounds to fire so just ignored that I was there. I was left out of meetings and parties and all communication. Boss acted like a 4 year old. I got another job and quit which is exactly what my boss wanted. That boss has a revolving door of staff and never once 'fired' anyone. Just forced each one out when they caught on to what the boss was.
I tried to leave. Then my ex begged me to try couples counseling as a last ditch attempt to make things work. I wanted to see what he would do so I could see if he could change. The counselor asked him to step up to the plate. He refused and then discarded me. It's so mixed up and confusing in that I was dumped by a man who I no longer wanted to be with but was willing to give one last chance to him. Breaking up with him made me wonder if I was cruel and wrong to leave him, being dumped by him made me feel like I had been devalued because something was wrong with me. Escaping a narcissist feels like a no win situation at first but it gets better with time. It's slow but it's worth it. Strength and warm hugs to all survivors who are healing.
I went through this and it’s all completely accurate. Going slow and not sleeping with with them and not ignoring the small red flags in the beginning is the best advice. Unfortunately I was raised by a narcissist so I didn’t know what red flags even were.
I was raised by narcissistic people myself. So recognizing it seems like normal to me. Plus I didn’t recognize boundaries. How could I? I just wanted to help everyone. Eventually if you are naïve enough your family will turn against you and betray you. I think this has been the biggest lesson, realizing that I wasn’t really ever loved. I really thought I was but I was always so uncomfortable around my family and no one listened to me. It’s been the biggest betrayal of my life ever and I have figured out how to finally live again. I’m just so at odds on so many levels I can’t live my best life. I don’t know how or if i ever did. I’m old and tired and supported by the one person who said and did many mean things but know I can’t do without financial support so I will be under his financial support until death. He knows it. It has been a double edged sword with depression. People judge. Awareness has been so slow and so many levels. I cling to God and making peace with myself and loving others and my cat and dog. I thought I escaped verbal abuse from my ex husband 20 years ago and I had no clue. That was the hardest and scariest thing I ever did in my life. I didn’t know my dad was an enemy. It has really helped to read everyone’s messages and listen to this video and calm message. God bless everyone, may you have strength and encouragement ❤
@@jamiezuzu7326 literally same story. I lost my entire family in the process of healing. It has been extremely painful to realize all of closest relationships were based on unhealthy conditional “love” which was actually deep emotional abuse. It broke my heart but opened my eyes. Now I am to scared to try to have a romantic relationship again because I was with covert narcissist who I thought really loved me for over two years only to find he was demon. It’s been traumatic to say the least … I have my peace now but I isolate to stay safe. I am happier alone, but I do wish I felt safe to make connections. Even friendships are difficult, and I find it hard to make friends. I really value my peace and health and kids, and career. I love my hobbies and gardening and helping at my kids school. I feel like if I focus on myself and my family that the healing will come and I will find a relationship eventually. Idk. Every time I met someone I find it extremely hard to trust and shut it down before I get hurt. It’s really hard.
Please don’t be sorry about the length of this video. This is the first time I’ve seen any of your content, and it resulted in an instant “subscribe” for me. Every red flag example you gave, and the verbal and emotional exchanges are absolutely spot on. Good stuff!
Hello. I am a new subscriber. This was the very best video I have ever seen on Narcisism. I have been married to one for 41 years and unfortunately learned about Narccism too late. The emotional abuse is the worst. I wish he still beat me like he did in the beginning, then I could show my blue spots. Now nobody believes me. He has high qualifications and holds a very important position - the mask he wears outside the house makes everyone think he is the most wonderful man on earth. And I'm left with a black smeared name (he even convinced my girlfriends). He abused me so much that I became physically sick and emotionally broken. I can't go out because he cuts off my financial seal when I say I'm going to walk. He made sure that I would be financially dependent on him forever. I learned an awful lot from this video. Thank you very much!
The way they overwhelm you with love-bombing in the beginning and then change into a completely different person is scary. I spent two years wondering what happened to the person I fell in love with, only to realise he never existed. It was two years of gaslighting, one-sided attention and feeling like an audiance, rather than a partner. It led me to discovering I have CPTSD, which was pretty much the only useful part of the experience. It also made me appreciate all the wholesome relationships and people in my life and I'll never be fooled again. Thank you for these great and important videos ❤
Please don't apologize for making a long video. It's really helpful when you fully explain the red flags, especially when you give real life examples. I remember living with the veil of codependency. While I was in that state, it was really hard to pinpoint exactly which things were abuse. Coming from a narcissistic mother, sister, and then into a long narcissistic marriage… I really did think that certain behaviors were either my fault or acceptable. Watching this video today, I'm so astounded by how well you know what goes on in these types of relationships. I was just so uneducated about the topic, that it was very easy for me to stay in the abusive cycle.
i'm happy you're aware now about what some people are like. i mean, reading your comment made me happy in a way because it seems like you're out the other side ☻
@@horseheadkid I am out, completely out. Still dealing with some trauma response stuff that I haven't identified yet… But the point is that I am back to me now that I don't have to hide me anymore. Codependency is about not trusting yourself and denigrating yourself. Now I am free from that.
Same... I knew something was wrong, I just couldn't put my finger on what was the problem. I was raised by a narcissistic and abusive father. Physical, emotional, verbal, financial... I was also bullied and severely isolated in school. My entire life I've been abused and ignored, shunned from society. I had no idea what love was, how it look, what people did to show love, how to communicate, what,was healthy what,was not. This video CLEARLY defines and shows what the issue was and how you know you experienced it. Great video
Yes!! I was always being told "you keep talking about how we have issues to work through but look at how great these last few weeks have been. You just like focusing on the negative" Meanwhile, we had been in an off and on relationship for YEARS!! I finally mustered up the courage to go through the awful process of getting divorced from him (it was literally the hardest thing ive ever had to do) after spending a decade in the relationship!
Same. "You always bring up the past. Let it go!" Yes, because we have the same arguments, just different fights. So, when I stupidly try to give examples of how I've asked for the behavior to change in the past? Boom. It's me who just can't move on. 🙄
I feel disgusted that I fell head over heels in love with someone like this. Sometimes I cry my eyes out for the memories we created. Thinking that I'll never be able to forget then kills me deep.
“Im sorry you feel that way” “I cant believe you would say that I could hurt you” constantly. I felt CRAZY. Worst part is I have Borderline Personality Disorder so I am more emotional, and it felt like they used that against me. They could always make it so my reaction was the issue.
Borderlines make perfect victims for Narcs bc we are so terrified of being abandoned we will put up with So Much. Our emotional instability can also make it so easy for the Narcs to paint us in a bad light
I feel like narc parents cause my BPD and yes, we are like candy to narcissists, they have the intuitive gift of spotting us even when we are acting normal
wait what's wrong with "im sorry you feel that way", ive said it before to my boyfriend but thats only when i say something and he misinterprets it which makes him feel bad, i explain what i meant and apologize for the miscommunication
@@waffler-yz3gw "I'm sorry you feel that way" implies that the way you feel is something you're choosing or doing to yourself instead of a reaction to how you are being treated. It also implies that they have no intention of attempting to empathize or change their behavior to stop doing the thing that is hurting you
My daughters father is a narcissist and it’s devastating to our world. He is an adult child and can’t take accountability for anything let alone share genuine love. I’ve never hated someone so much.
@@theravenousrabbit3671And at least now she's no longer with him, it's not easy to survive a relationship let alone get away from one. She's understood she deserves better
Spot on. Isolation, jealousy, mirroring, projection, no respect for boundaries, gaslighting, cycles of high highs and low lows, excessive need for praise and validation especially from others that aren’t you, Home persona and a persona for everywhere and everyone else… All clues.
@@foxiefair123 So sorry :( They have their ways of making us stay, but if you’re still in it… get out as fast as you can. It will destroy your health and well being the longer you are in it. If you’re married with children, consult a divorce attorney who is an expert in narcissistic abuse because you have to do everything differently and play their nasty, horrible game better than they do or they will manipulate the system and take everything they can. Don’t give them any heads up either when you leave. Get a new bank account and transfer what you think is fair, get a mover and get your stuff out while they are gone at work, then have them served. You are working with a demon, just remember that when they start begging and pleading for you to come back and hold your ground. If there are no children, going no contact is best.
This guys has set so many things right in my head that I think I could not repay him if I tried. But my thanks to you sir I will leave it here. Greetings from Norway!!
I cried....I have never heard and looked into the eyes of someone who got this so well while feeling such a sense of empathy at the same time. Thank you....for seeing me. Boundaries and owning my own value keep me sane in a world of narcissists.
Almost same thing here. It was even worse when he began to make fun of me about it... Thank you for sharing that, it's good to know that I'm not the only one who experienced that side effect.
Never asked about my needs and likes and wants… never cared about my family my background, my childhood… he judged and criticized my kids while his were so much better than mine… I finally left after 7 years… it’s hard still, but now a year and a half later, I’m learning to let go…I’m healing 🙏🙏 Thank you for this… soooooo much clearer
The worst part about growing up with narcissistic people is that you can end up subconsciously behaving the same way, especially under stress and in emotional relationships. I learned that the hard way and it requires an uncomfortable level of self-reflection to accept this about oneself.
It’s true but it’s learned behaviour and you knew no better but facing up to why you went for a narcissistic partner? Because that’s what you are used to? That’s half the battle. I only wanted to focus on me and what was “wrong”with me in therapy because me was the only person I could change . I know some people have an issue with me using the word “wrong” but I knew I had faults that drew me to a narcissist and that was what I was interested in.
what separates you from the narcissist is that you actually recognize that as toxic behavior. a narcissist wouldn’t even think to introspect their behaviors.
Happened to me due to living with my adoptive narcissistic abusive father for a number of years. However the fact that you question your act reveals that you are not one of them - it’s just a subsconscious imitative pattern that you can get rid of. Congrats you did.
I couldn't even finish watching this video as it brought me back to how I felt during my 28 years of games, manipulation and emotional/ verbal abuse ... high school "sweetheart" 25 yr marriage and 4 kids. I cannot tell you how defeated and exhausted I was for so long. However, there is a strength that comes from it. 1st comes the realization, and for me it hit hard. All the years I gave excuses of his past trauma and insecurities to wake up one day and see it for what it was ... a huge game. Then comes the anxiety and depression of wasting almost half your life on something that was never real. Then, you need to accept it for what it is, forgive yourself and heal and eventually, to heal completely you have to forgive the Narcissist because the majority do not even know that they are or understand why they are compelled to behave the way that they do. I am NOT giving excuses, they know their behavior is mean and not okay... they are weak. We have all been hurt by someone, usually our parents and upbringings because they are human and not perfect and there are so many variations of neglect and trauma. In short the Narcissist personality is WEAK. It's been seven glorious years of freedom and rediscovery and I do not look back. I am 3 years in a beautiful adult relationship with my best friend and love. I am completely physically, emotionally and mentally safe and Happy. I wish the same to anyone who is recovering ❤
I know everyone’s journey through surviving narcissistic and verbal abuse is different, but your story really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing❤, I’m trying so hard to build the strength to leave. So many years of being broken down and absolutely exhausted/defeated. Really appreciate this comment. ❤.
I've been with him for 24 years, married 22. I don't know if he actually loves me as much as he says or if it's all about controlling me and him having an easy life.
Wow!!! Congratulations ❤❤ I would love to begin my healing journey too… but I don’t know how. I end up doing isolation for years then start back dating (what I later find out to be) a narcissist 🤦🏾♀️ then go back into isolation again for years and then end up dating another one. I am obviously unconsciously picking and falling for the same type of person over and over and over again and I hate it 😢
I don't know you, but I love you for this comment you have taken the time and energy to leave for us who need it. Thank you and thank God for you, Love🌹🌹🌹
When you first meet someone ask them to name something they need to improve. My ex couldn't name anything. If someone makes you feel bad or doesn't respect your boundaries you don't need them! Narcissistic abuse is all about you servicing all their needs as they gaslight you into forgetting about your needs! They can only pull for a time because they get exhausted and they end up exposing themself! They don't have the ability to love which is the definition of evil! I agree with this video 100%!
I cried brother. This meant a lot to me, thank you for making this video. I just got out of a narcissistic relationship, emotional abuse and neglect. It was only 3 weeks but I feel like i was completely destroyed by a narcissist. I was always being told by people around that I am loving, kind, charismatic, beautiful and talented. The love and appreciation from others are the common thing that I heard, and I do appreciate them a lot. But when I was with him, I was at my worst, he never listened to whatever I said. Everything was about him. My emotional needs was a burden to him, he called me too sensitive, thinking too much, it was my fault. I looked broken and and sad all the time. So glad I have your video for clarity, the confusion and abuse by narcissistic behaviours should never be tolerated!
I dated a narcissist for 4 months and then on my birthday she kicked me out. I'm so much better off without her, but I was such a good guy. I fell into limerence for her and she ghosted me. That was difficult. I was finally able to let go when she refused the birthday present I got for her. 😏🙄😡
Same here, we've been dating for 2 months, everything was perfect, "too" perfect you could say. When he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, it's like he dropped his mask. Everything was about him and how good he looked, how many compliments he received. He didn't care about me at all, he just wanted me to admire him all day long.
@@nty3929 I'm trying to understand how you're coming to your conclusion. Now of course the relationship failing was both parties, but I didn't initiate it. I suffered from it. That doesn't mean I didn't treat her well. After seeing her remove her mask I was happily able to let go. 🫤
I think some people may question if they are a narcissist or not due to being raised by a narcissist. Growing up, I thought so many narcissistic behaviors were normal behaviors. I didn’t know what normal was until I was an adult and moved out on my own.
I agree with you. I don't know if I have narcissistic behaviors. Things I thought were normal, I learned were not normal when I was an adult. I really grieve my childhood, it did not set me up for success as an adult but I am also proud of how far I have come. Much love to you!
I didn’t realize I had those traits until I lost someone special to me. He was the only one that has called me out on it. I still love him, at least I think, but I’m forcing myself to stay away from him. I need to figure out how to properly love someone
Covert Narcissists can fake empathy for a time, (like faking tears) especially during the love bombing stage, however, their true nature will always show up and they will start to invalidate and belittle you and the empathy will become non-existent. If you've experienced this type of trauma after being with a partner or family member, I can't tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through that.
Sounds accurate 💯
Wow, in all my 20years of marriage I don’t ever recall my ex asking about my perspective or feelings. These clues are Spot on! Great info 👏🏽
Absolutely a covert narcissist would totally agree that your boundaries are healthy and that they would never do that to you.
After *20* years, I now recognize that my ex was (is?) a narcissist. And my first boyfriend (just before him, who was my biggest crush, and ‘friend’ of 4 years) possibly was as well.
😖
………And I am working through the trauma of those strange relationships ….. and figuring out how in the world I fell prey and hung in there with those guys.
Oy vey….. my poor husband was not prepared to deal with all this baggage.
Nor was I. 😩😭😣
Yep they act like street angel when someone is watching and at home they are in full demon mode
You end up sick from narcissistic abuse because your nervous system is constantly stressed.. you become confused, you cry, you’re scared, alone, it is so terrible. I feel for all narcissistic abuse survivors. Sometimes I have no words for what narcissistic abuse feels like…
Thank you Ive been separated for years. Still having anxieties thinking about the past
I am still praying for a way out. Maybe one day. :(
@@yinyangphoenixwhat are you waiting for?!?
@yinyangphoenix get out. It's not worth it to be in a damaging relationship. My ex wasn't a narcissist, i believe it was BPD, but it was very painful. The ghosting, breakups and name calling if i said the wrong thing. Leaves you permanently on edge and no argument is ever solved as you're not allowed to have feelings about their behaviour or the last breakup they initiated.
It's hell
When you start dreading their presence and feel drained after each interaction is also a pretty big indicator.
The gut never lies
The last 6 months for me I was doing a “Judgment detox” meditation/journaling every single morning just to not be filled with discomfort and rage and I thought it was because of ME. I was judgemwntal. I expressed my discomfort and this person kept affirming that it was me and was so good I was working on my personality flaw of judgemental-ness. Even though said person was the only person I felt the need to do this daily for 🤦♀️
I remember talking with one sincere guy who just felt like he dumped on me like I was a therapist 😂 He was kinda emotionally everywhere, divorced man, really nice person though, and we recommended books to each other. My face went sleepy after 2 hours. They noticed, and I tried to put up an energetic stance, but right after the vid call I curled up on my bed and prayed about- God, you know me and you know them and you know where and with whom we each belong in this life and what would be a good match, please guide and open and close doors- ended up falling alseep for 2 hours!. I really was attracted to him and he was very interesting. But he didn't contact me again for 10 days and that was my answer. I'm so glad bc I was so drained after that video call.
Sometimes we don't gauge how we feel after being around them, but that's the most important thing to do! They could be a good person, just not your person. They could be bad, who knows. But just feel it out, pray for the right outcome for all involved, and that's usually the answer. Do notice how you feel after the majority of interactions.
I dated a narcissist once! I got rid of him by going AWOL into the second month. He kept calling for months!
Couldn't stand him!😂
DREAD is a huge word.
This!!! This was how I knew I had to end my second relationship in college.
He was always so dismissive and picky, and was always trying to convince me to ditch my friends. Nothing was ever good enough for him, other people were all stupid, blah blah.
It got to a point where seeing that I got a text from him would INSTANTLY make my stomach drop. 😢
I felt relief almost instantly after the last phone call, when I decided I wasn't going to call him back.
“Be very careful thinking you can heal people who don’t think they’re sick.” - Wow that hit home. Such powerful advice.
Yep
Absolutely
I agree people like that usually end up getting themselves hurt also I can’t stand them
Someone should have told this to my Mom! He would abuse us and then she would turn HIM into the victim! She was “heroic” to try and save him from himself! (In her head at least.).
YIKES!! An evaluation of the last 45 years of my life…WHAT IN THE SERIOUS FUCK
They aren’t listening to you when you speak-they’re just waiting for their turn to speak again
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
If they wait for their turn at all.
Too true omg I hated this so much and even called him out on it. He goes silent on things of importance I'm speaking about and when he speaks its totally off the topic because he was never listening! Or they break out of the silence in a convo only when they want to react to something and cut you off blatantly. Wow the way this comment just gave me a reminder and reality check not to even think about making contact again
@@truthtalk2978yup
Yes. I used to ask the nex...please stop thinking about what you're going to say to me next, just listen to what i'm saying. He never listened. He was in constant defense mode even when I wasn't criticizing. He'd say "you know you meant this" when I didn't at all.
"We end up abandoning ourselves so that they don't abandon us." So true
Hmmm so true
Yes, that hit me hard. The most painful kind of abandonment is the one we do to ourselves.
Absolutely so true.
Very true!!
Spot on, no truer words.
Trust your gut. Trust your gut. Trust your gut.
Truth. Especially empaths, they know somethings off, even if they don’t want to admit it to themselves
I've had MANY instances where my "gut" was BLURTING out RED flags. Unfortunately as the author said. It's what you do. The course of action is the CROSSROADS or fork in the road (decisions) that can turn out to be sooo conseauencial
SMHID
My gut just told me he was broken from his supposedly abusive ex and parents and he just didn’t know better.
At 35 years old.
I never thought he would have been as evil as he was. Or that he would have cheated.
I knew his actions were wrong but i didn’t think he was a bad person
Spoiler alert, he is an evil ghoul
The issue was I had been in so many relationships where I was given SO little I got used to being abused emotionally and mentally. So when my narc came along, I didn’t see it as love bombing. It was like FINALLY, someone is treating me well. He convinced me to trust him, and made sure he told all his friends and family I was the one. When he dropped me out of nowhere, I was shocked beyond words. I had no idea what I was dealing with.
@@JimmyonRelationships This! I've learned the hard way not to listen to someone tell me I'm overthinking anything because I end up always being right.
Part of the healing process is definitely getting better at listening to that signal and that got going off that something is off.
Ask them WHY they love you. Their answer gives it away. He said "The way you make ME feel". It's not about you, ever. It's always about them.
Deep down they despise themselves. For this reason, they cannot love anyone else including their children. They may love the things you do for them or the things you give them. Sadly, they don’t understand that this isn’t true love.
This comment should be pinned.
Totally agree. Super self centered!
I love because they want to make me happy but I also have an equal desire to make them happy and it's not narcissism. Narcissists don't care about the other.
This is the EXACT question I asked and the answer made me realize my marriage was over… he said “because you’re pretty”… I’m not that pretty 😂😂😂😂
You’ll know they have contempt for you when you see that smirk on their face when they succeed in hurting you.
Or something they can use against you. It's an eye gleam that's nauseating.
Telltale sign 🚩
I saw this smirk and even a hushed laugh before. Quickly followed by a stoic expression and a calm statement saying that they never laughed or smirked at me; even after I just saw them do it.
Yesssss. The smirk
Yes!!
Narcissists are not capable of loving they only love what you can provide them with…
You are just another supply…
they always self destruct.no exceptions
So true, I’m sorry we had to learn that the hard way
@boudor. Yes it is so sad that one person can have all that power over others. We are made to feel sub- human (in my experience.)
Take care of YOU.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
@@boudorhemadou3156 Exactly true.
It's all transactional😮
The worst is when you become a person you hate because you're so beside yourself with dark emotions brought on by the abuse.
This.
Exactly! And the narcissist loves that😊
I am so hurt and disgusted with who I am and who I’ve been!! I’m pissy and resentful of every single thing, anymore. I hate that I’ve been seen as every bad thing I’ve worked hard in life to not be!! Just knowing that at 58 years old, I’m going to have been so damned nieve! I make myself literally sick just to think about it. And now on the exact opposite side of things, there will be no joy left to build hope on for the now knowing of everything I hate myself for being so nieve’ and not knowing of, before, because all I have is darkness and hate. Evil is now what is destroying me. So I go nowhere, talk to no one, try to reverse all of the things I’ve been fighting not to have, all of my life and can’t seem to shake. I have no purpose, no plans and pray that my future doesn’t extend past the day, everyday. I don’t trust myself, people, nor stand for nothing, live for nothing and Believe In nothing. My narcissist, showed me how to hate. Took him over 10 years before he began revealing himself. It took me another 6 years to finally understand it wasn’t a medical or mental issue that has creeped up in his old age. A lot of damages that most would value as majors. Thankfully, I guess, my career, home, family, children, money and retirement, won’t have been to me as much as they’d have been with most others. However, the thought of knowing that I’d never faltered away from, been disloyal, never betrayed, gossiped, discussed, defamed, belittled or intentionally ever harmed my relationship, even while in the throes of the darkened days of those last 6 years. While at the same time and for as long as from probably the very , very beginning, i had been criticized, spoken I’ll about, lied about, accused of having been doing all that my narcissist was guilty of doing, me to him, not him to me, cheated on, manipulated and used amongst his best buds, along with him, as some form of entertainment, as well as what I consider betrayal, because of what I found he and my children and family had been talking and led to believe of me and actually entertained in thier heads for even a moment. Now these are what I hate of myself for allowing, not realizing, nor wanting to see as well as why now I hate myself for all the darkness I have for all who I now don’t know. These are what I mourn and hate for . The people I never doubted for even a second , ever, would have ever not had for me the same love , trust, belief and worth , as I will have had for them. So, as long as I am now a damned soul, there is nothing left but death. Death is all I have left to look forward to, now. May it finally come!!
@@innocentlysweet809 I'm so sorry you are suffering. It's never too late to rebuild your life and self esteem and worth. You deserve to be happy. Please consider finding a therapist who can help you through this and be on your side. You're not alone. I'm praying for you. ❤️
@@innocentlysweet809 Hi, what you wrote really strikes something in me and I don't know if you will ever read this but I can't leave your words without a reaction. I don't know you, I don't know what you're going through and I won't assume. However those thoughts you voiced in the end sound very familiar to what I thought about myself in the beginning of this year. You posted this and I hear you so let's actually talk this through.
Your mind seems to be set and I won't even try to change your mind. I want to try and give anyone reading this and connecting to this feeling a different perspective: There is always a choice. As long as you are breathing you always have a choice. This is the most valuable thing I learned this year. How you choose to think about yourself and treat yourself are actually your decisions to make.
You're writing that you don't trust yourself, you think you're naive and that you hate yourself especially 'for allowing, not realizing, nor wanting to see'. By agreeing to those thoughts you're judging yourself from a position of shame. And that's where I have some questions: Do you think that doing this is fair or constructive in any way? Do you not think you deserve at least a fair trial (even people who get conviceted for criminal actions are deserving of a fair trial)? More importantly, do you think that the way you acted in the past defines who you are as a person? And are you letting those past actions define who you are in the present?
Because you are absolutely allowed and able to change your mind and react to similar situations in a different way each time. By distrusting your ability make healthy and sound decisions, you are not looking at the full picture, but instead judging yourself from the outside - as if you were another person, who doesn't know you and only sees your actions. The full picture is this: you don't only have your actions, they are a part of you but so are your thoughts, your decisions, your experiences, your feelings, your desires, dreams and hopes.
After having all these things in mind - would you still come to the conclusion that you cannot be trusted with making good decisions within of what you knew and how you felt back then. Because choosing safety can also be a good (and smart) decision. Sometimes we don't stand up for ourselves or what we think is right because we don't feel safe to do so. And sometimes this leads to bad and sometimes to horrible things to happen. But that does not and will never mean that you agreed to the mistreatment or abuse to happen. The person who mistreats or abuses is to blame for anything they've done. Not you. You cannot control what other people choose to do/say/think or desire. By diagreeing with someone who imposes a threat to your (emotional or physical) safety can sound like a good thing to do, but it also puts you in a very vulnerable and unsafe spot.
But now it sounds like you are not in that situation anymore and outside of immediate danger, which makes it easier for you to judge your past self and blame it for not reacting differently. And that is the point: now - in the present - you are in control over your present reaction. And I think there is simply no reason to repeat the abuse by blaming yourself for something you could not control back then and cannot control now.
Also, you're writing that you are a damned soul, that evil is destroying you and that there is nothing left (to look forward to) but death.
And yet, you are breathing. Yet, you can't stop looking at the past. Trying to find a way in which you could have reacted differently. I believe that this is a great starting point for learning and for self improvement.
With all of those negative thoughts and all of the shame you see around yourself you are choosing to think that you want to wait. Even though you are wishing for death, you're waiting for it and not actively trying anything. In fact, the action you chose to take was to go on the internet, watch this video and open up about your self hatred, past experiences and about your passive suicidal thoughts.
I think that was a very brave decision and I hope, that one day you find the strengh inside you to take the necessary steps towards help. Because once you do, you will find that you are not by yourself. You will have to fight this evil that's destroying you by yourself - but you won't be alone doing so. And there are people that will assist you, train with you and there are people that can help you heal those wounds. At the end of the day, having obsessive thoughts about death is nothing else than your mind telling you that you will always have a choice. So every breath you take is also a choice - a choice to wait until that one day filled with self hatred and shame is over. And there is a massive difference between 'I can't go on living' and 'I can't go on living this way', because the last sentence rather translates to - 'I need things to change'.
I'd like to strongly advice you to talk with a doctor or mental health professional about these thoughts.
This might seem scary, but you don't have to trust a person to accept their kind words. And if it is simply not an option to go to therapy where you live, information on the internet might be the second best chance to and if no other person feels safe then it might be a good start to treat yourself with compassion and kindness. You don't have to forgive yourself for every mistake you made in the past to smile at yourself in the mirror today or to make yourself pancakes for breakfast or to go for a walk in nature on a sunny day or to treat yourself for a nice glass of water whenever you start to have those negative thoughts. (I don't, but by doing those things continuously I can sometimes gain a different perspective on things and reach understanding and compassion). You don't have to enjoy any of those things either. But hydration, food, (movement) and love are basic needs of any human being - maybe granting yourself whatever fulfills those needs can be enough to build a new and better version of yourself in the present and in the future.
I don't know how you recieve this message but I hope this does not read as an attempt to belittle or play down anything you wrote about. In fact this is the first time I am writing a comment on youtube and I am sorry for the length. I simply wanted to show you that there can be a reaction from other people if you voice your call for change and/or help. I cannot do much to help you though, except for replying to your comment. With this reply I beg to differ from how hard you are on yourself here. Even though you might not see hope from where you are right not I hope that you can go easier on yourself tomorrow. Please remember that you are loved and that you deserve to be. If it is a possibility for you please consider talking to a mental health professional, this might be the help you need on your journey towards healing. You might believe that you are broken but that doesn't mean that you are unfixably broken :)
1. Lovebombing phase (been charming mysterious fun)
2. Isolating u from your friends and family for easy manipulation.
3. Devalue phase Gaslighting (Inconsistent behaviours and lies) to manipulate
4. Disrespect your boundaries
5. Inflated ego, self centred,pride, entitled and superiority
6. Painting self as victim
7. No capacity for empathy ( wont nor cant)
8. Discard phase ( ignore and silent treatment)
You missed one - hoovering.
@@irielion3748not necessarily, if they have excess supply happening or a new target lined up, they may never Hoover or it may take months. Also they may not hoover if they know you’ve seen completely behind the mask and their facade has been fully exposed
@@christiecooke1775m
@@christiecooke1775I agree! Not necessarily.
This is my wife who has just discarded me after 12 years
“Self-centered people pair up really nicely with selfless people.”
Wow!
This explains why I’ve seen some of the most beautifully selfless people fall into these relationships!
I mean yeah. That shouldn’t really feel all that profound of a statement. Self centered ppl want ppl to cater to em
@@Supported32320bish please 🙄 sometimes ppl need things broken down into crayons so that what they knew in their heart they can now see the dots connected and the constellation (ie “big picture”) appear. Do you lack the empathy to understand that different ppl need things spelled out a different way sometimes??
I really like that Jimmy stated that out - helped balance me. Have a lovely day! ☺️
It is who these abusers specifically target, they have a radar for it. The most common thing found between DV survivors was high compassion/empathy (and not stupidity or naivety).
One time, one of my old professors said this to my peers in a conversation after class: Remember the "Narc" in "Narcissist." Just like a narcotic, it starts with a rush, it takes the pain away, it HELPS... And then you need more. And more. And before you realize it, you are even more sick than when you first were introduced to it.
😢 SO spot on
Wow!!!!!
Wow😮 the way you broke it down 💯
Holy flying sushi! 🤔
So narcotic from Greek “narkoun” meaning “numb”. Narcissus from Greek “narke” where the term for “narcissist” derives, meaning “numbness”. 🤯
My almost 21 y granddaughter committed suicide 6/26/23. Junior in college. No drugs. Honor student. Her dad is everything you just described. She lived with us the last 3 y. Her every success he destroyed. She asked me ”What happens when being perfect isn’t good enough?” I suspect she felt she had no escape. Every success was met with devastation. She told me he would find her darkest fear and use it as a wepon against her. Never underestimate the destruction a narcissist.
This absolutely breaks my heart. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I’m so so sorry 😢
@@JimmyonRelationships i wish I had found you sooner. Maybe she could have accepted help realizing the fault was not within her. She was a beautiful trumpet player. An empath. Kind caring. The perfect prey for a narcissist. I was her only adult anchor. She fought for her younger siblings. No success. Thank you.
😢
So sad, much love to you as you process this heartbreak 💔
I'm so sorry for your loss of your granddaughter. I hope the mother finds the courage to kick that man out (or take the other kids and leave) before he hurts anyone else (more than he probably already has)!
“The narcissist needs you to fall in love with them as quickly as possible, because they can’t keep their mask on forever.” (@ 2:30) BEST description of the reason for love bombing I’ve come across. 💯👏
Why would they drop you right during that phase? I keep spinning on that. I thought the intent was to hook you then keep you attached. Mine abruptly dropped me the night before he was about to put his dog down. I assumed it was depression he was suffering, but the events after all point to NPD. Maybe I was about to see his mask drop? I can’t stress how bizarre and sudden it was. Just that morning he was sending me loving messages. This was months ago, he blocked me, hasn’t contacted me since. Maybe he couldn’t keep up the love bombing and bailed to deal with his grief.
@@Evergreen11_11sex. Usually . It’s a game for them they’ve won. On to the next game!
@@Evergreen11_11 be grateful you escaped! He may have found another unsuspecting victim!
I agree!
@@Evergreen11_11because they have to do a "test" to see if their love bombing worked. They'll ghost or drop you with the full intention of getting you back (then the Hoovering starts.) This tells them that you're weak, susceptible to more abuse, and in their twisted minds validates how much you care because they are such an amazing person. The "drop you, ghosting, then Hoovering/Love Bombing" goes on indefinitely until they aquire a new target or source.
It sounds like you got away before he had a chance to do some serious damage-and they always do. Best of luck to you!
“I’m sorry that you feel that way”. This is when I knew I was dating the wrong person. I asked her what empathy was, and she had no clue.
My ex yelled at me and said “who feels that way for such a thing? You should go see therapist or something.” and I saw the hate in his eyes while he was saying those things. It was horrible.
Guy I was sleeping with just said this to me a few days ago.
@@ciarahopkins9287 Hope you ended that relationship. You deserve better.
or saying that they didn't 'intend to cause offense' & not apologising whilst having no clue why they caused offense. Such a common reaction from people who are a bit narcissistic and also bigoted.
“Be very careful thinking you can heal people with your love. The relationship is only at peace when you have silenced yourself.”
Well said. Thank you
That resonates.
perfectly stated!
No, there is No way. However you show or handle your Love, they will Interpret it as weakness or reason for aggression.
So very true 😢I can attest to that 😭
I kept making excuses. The list of excuses finally got too long. “His dad was abusive.” “It’s just the way he grew up.” “He’s just stressed.” It was finally ENOUGH. And when I gathered what few belongings I could carry- I was shaking so bad I could hardly speak. And I am 1 month free…. Trying to heal.
🙌🏾 good thing you were able to get out
One day at a time. Well done for making the huge step of leaving 👏👏👏
You are a model for me.
Be strong. It’s like being freed from hell. It might help to talk with a woman therapist. Really, a woman!
Brave! Wish you safety.
"Sometimes we have to mourn the death of an unsafe or unhealthy relationship...stop trusting untrustworthy people." Truth sets us free. 🎯Thank you.
This applies to a lot of relationships. Friendships, parents, managers at work. Narcissists are everywhere.
I was so relieved to learn that narcissism is LEARNED BAD BEHAVIOR and not hereditary! I'm in therapy for the people who refuse to go to therapy...
My dad is narcissist.
They walk amongst us
Yep. My closest friendships were with narcissists
Even our former president and we still suffer daily with his abuse.
I have disowned the narcissistic family member but how do you escape a famous wannabe dictator who have convinced the orange cult members that "I am the enemy?!"
Unfortunately it's not until you've survived a narcissist, that you truly understand what is being said here. I hope people learn boundaries to help avoid narcissists. ❤ Great video, thanks for sharing.
Unfortunately, this is true. You are clueless of the extent this behavior until it happens to you. We are taught to always look at the good in people. The narcissists love kind and caring people.
You are right! It takes me 3 malignant narcs in my love to get it!
That very true
You are absolutely correct. I had no idea what happened to me until I heard a talk on Narcissism. Then everything was clear. Unfortunately it did nothing to change the trauma I experienced, nor could I stop blaming myself. Narcissist embed blame into your soul and it’s difficult to remember it wasn’t your fault.
I was married to a narcissist for 30 years. I’ve spent the last 15 years trying to deprogram myself. I wish I had heard this 50 years ago. You’re right. Only living through time with a narcissist can show how true this video is
The brain fog, hyper sensitivity to noise, the feeling of always being on edge..he pushed in such a dark place I can’t ever do that to myself again. And how things turned from love to hate soo quickly..he blamed me for everything and today I broke out of that trap.
Good Job baby, now pray to God and RUN!!! FAR AND FAST!!!
I am so happy and proud of you! Getbsafe and get help to heal.
Ditto!
After 12 years as of last night, I’m DONE! I feel so relieved and a sense of peace. It’s strange because i still feel a sadness but these past two years have been some of the worst and that’s saying a lot. I have developed fibromyalgia and felt like I’ve been dying on the inside just for him keep dragging me along while planning on sucking another woman in at the same time, but that was the final push I needed. And there’s no going back!! I just pray i can get out of this apartment unharmed sooner than later. He refuses to leave ofc. I just want to be away from him so badly.
I was with my ex 20 years. I’ve been away from him 8. You have just made the best decision of your life, so proud of you, make sure you ask for support when you need it. Everyone is happy to give ❤️ it is your journey, now you decide.
“Watch what happens if you stop engaging in the argument, they will continue yelling, because they’re not interested in solving the issue”. That’s another great one to test.
I honestly never thought I would make the mistake of entering a relationship with a narcissist until it happened. It’s hard to understand until you’ve been through it
I almost married one 😮
@@bsosbebe I’m still dating one- how did you find the strength to get away?
@@kirstyclarke6249 just imagine a whole life of this bullshit and ask yourself are you willing to let it happen
Kirstyclarke6249, You get away by speaking the truth to yourself. I was with a covert for years. I still haven’t recovered my short term memory from the abuse even though it’s been more than a year of dedicated weekly therapy. He stole most of my life savings, was a serial cheater ( most are! If u haven’t caught them yet, keep looking), a pathological liar, tried to turn my child and family against me with the smear campaign- still doing this to people around me, poisoning, physically abused me, every type abuse there is really. Now is trying to steal what’s left in the divorce. He had no money when we married! And that’s the truth. The longer you stay, the more abusive it gets. So today is as good as it gets for you! You have no real idea how cloudy you’re thinking and how much damage is done until after you leave. When I left, I got lost a few blocks from home. It will happen to you if you keep staying. Tell yourself the truth and begin valuing Yourself too much to let someone treat you like a dog. This is my honest warning and it’s the tip of the iceberg. I wish you well.
Kirstyclarke6249, You get away by speaking the truth to yourself. I was with a covert for years. I still haven’t recovered my short term memory from the abuse even though it’s been more than a year of dedicated weekly therapy. He stole most of my life savings, was a serial cheater ( most are! If u haven’t caught them yet, keep looking), a pathological liar, tried to turn my child and family against me with the smear campaign- still doing this to people around me, poisoning, physically abused me, every type abuse there is really. Now is trying to steal what’s left in the divorce. He had no money when we married! And that’s the truth. The longer you stay, the more abusive it gets. So today is as good as it gets for you! You have no real idea how cloudy you’re thinking and how much damage is done until after you leave. When I left, I got lost a few blocks from home. It will happen to you if you keep staying. Tell yourself the truth and begin valuing Yourself too much to let someone treat you like a dog. This is my honest warning and it’s the tip of the iceberg. I wish you well.
Be very careful about someone asking about your deepest fears or what you don’t like about yourself. A narcissistic person will ALWAYS weaponized whatever they discover about you.
yes
they would ask for information and then use that information against you later and change the narrative or ask more questions.
It’s mentally draining . your vulnerability is used as weapon against you as they use it to belittle you , bring you down , provoke you and just start arguments.
YES!
And they will accuse you of "not being enough vulnerable" (!) ...with them at the beginning!! 🫠
Yes! Everything you say will be used against you.
I fell into that trap. He pulled my old scars open and laughed at my past. "You deserve what have happened to you." He would speak my stories out loud just to watch me cry.
100% true
I hate how they gaslight you until you think you're the narcissist. It doesn't matter how kind you know you are, how your big heart has sheltered so many people who needed it, how many deep and loving friendships you have that validate your kindness and loving nature; they turn it all around on you and make you feel like you're the worst person in the world, that you're the abuser. It hurts. It hurts so much that one person can come out if nowhere and twist you into knots. It makes you question everything about yourself and your own ability to make beneficial choices.
I hope everyone who hurts like this can get out.
I hope everyone who's been hurt like this can heal.
Omg my ex narcissist did that!
@@evanmichel632 taking care of yourself isn't selfish. Put your mask on first, hon. The rest comes together.
How one day you are the love of their life and the other, you're a threat and it snowballs out of control. They don't like being made to feel like the bad guy even if they hurt your feelings. You become the threat to their false personas.
@@evanmichel632 I really don't understand it . It is so strange ,it doesn't fit .It is not right what is keeping you there? Is it sex or beauty ??? I don't get it...!
Bekki, I have been married 45 years and just found out I have been living with a narcistic financial abuser , talk about shock. I am ready to check into a mental facility. I couldn't figure out why He couldn't hear anything I said ,or want my opinion. Now I know ,I had to seriously educate myself .
‘This isn’t working for me, rather than how can I make this work’. That resonates!
When I was 8 years old I literally told myself that “I’d never hurt anyone the way I’ve been hurt”. This landed me in friendships and relationships with highly narcissistic people. I was a fixer. My last narc triggered me in a lot of ways that made me think of my narc dad, and I started to heal my childhood trauma through exploring that. The discard was such a relief.
You’re doing amazing work!
How do you spell relief!!!!
I can completely relate. My mother was horrid and my dad left when I was 11. She wanted complete control. I ran from the fire into the frying pan. Now too divorced all I attract are narcs. And when you meet new people whether they are male or female and the realize that you know what to look for...💨poof they're gone.😂
Yep, the kind of relationship where you HOPE to get dumped. Been there. 😂❤
So many narc victims were raised by a narc parent. I was 54 before I finally challenged my father about all the forms of childhood abuse.
Thank you for your education. For the convenience of anybody who wants to zero in on any particular point:
2:01 1. Love-bombing
8:29 2. Inflated ego
10:33 3. No capacity for empathy
11:52 4. Self-centeredness
13:38 5. Lying
16:17 6. Aggressive communication
20:55 7. Contempt
Thanks. I was searching for this comment❤
Immagine "too affectionate" being used against you - highly disagree on this... Also: One can have a selective "narcisistic" tendency - but this are just fancy words. If you respect your partner that's not a bad thing.
❤
Thank you for listing
@@AECH_CHI had too affectionate used against me in the end but hailed as the only one who cared in the beginning
I want all NPD survivors know that you all are beautiful beings, I want you to see this beauty inside yourself for loving someone so dearly, sincerely and deeply that you try to understand, embrace and forgive him/ her over again and again.
I wish you all have the very best & safe life from now on as best as your inner qualities. May your life prosper and thriving and free from all mental torture and self-doubt.
Please never ever doubt in your value ever again, you do not deserve such feeling. And never let those NPD take away the grace, kindness, true love you possess in your heart, please do not let that happens. The world needs people like you but I’m more than sure you will give it to the one who deserves your love from now on.
You all are great, I love you ❤❤❤
Jimmy, plz stop apologizing for the long videos. I seriously needed to hear every single thing you said and really HEAR it. Thank you and your family for all of the love you show, it really helps!!
"You have to understand this isn't a game you can win." Amen! Dr Ramani says to always, always remember that with narcissists you can't win.
The only winning move is to not play.
❤😊❤
Not true exactly..
You can win.
By removing yourself from their presence cold turkey .
AND FOREVER.
No text,no calls,no nothing,ever again.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥...and BOOM they lost !!!! You gained ur life ,sanity, joy n freedom back . I highly recommend. Move to another state or what a hell,to another country,Go bick or go home
🥳🌹🥳🌹🥳🌹🥳🌹🥳🌹TRUST ME IT WORKED!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂LOOSE THE DEMON N GET T F### OUT.
Not true exactly..
You CAN WIN. By getting rid of them .Just leaving them behing cold turkey n starting a NEW LIFE !!!!!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳Somewhere faaaaaaaar away ,another state or country. Go big or go home.🌹🥳🎈🔥🌹🥳🎈🔥🌹🥳🎈🔥 You loose the demon n gain life, joy, sanity n freedom back!!!!! I highly recommend this for ppl who are on the verge of giving up n in total despair....U DESERVE TO LIVE LIFE N BE HAPPY. U NEED TO REFUSE TO BE TORMENTED N START A NEW LIFE!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 Whoever is reading this ...
🔥🔥🔥God loves you n the best is yet to come!!!🎉🎉🎉
@sarahodom7091- be careful with her content. She’s a Narcissist and actually parrots information. I hope you find someone else to detect to for more accurate information.
‘Contempt is their native language’, that strikes a chord. When you are raised by a parent who looks at you with contempt in their eyes it wounds your soul and makes you vulnerable to other narcissists. I wish I had known this a lifetime ago.
Facts. 🎯
Me too, least we know now
So sad but true😢
The way you just shot an arrow into my soul with this one lol. I’m 22, I’ve thought about this in other forms but this clicks
The worst bit is that knowing this doesn’t actually save you from being hurt in the future or even being forever wounded.
The biggest blessing in my life has been that I didn’t get pregnant with my narcissitic ex. I thank God for that
Yes
Be glad for that, otherwise you could have wound up with kids just like their father: genetics.
@@susanjones8489 so true, and they would also grow up with his family around which created that monster in the first place
Absolutely! I can’t believe I dodged that, given how stupid I was in so many ways.
It's interesting, I was just talking to one of my brothers the other day and told him the biggest blessing is that I didn't get the ex narc wife pregnant. Def was smart enough and dodged a huge bullet there!
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Metaspyhub@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Oh my I think he may already be tracking my phone. He tells me things he knows I've been saying about him, and I've wondered how he knows. It's not like I would normally care if he overheard something, because my intentions are not to smear him, but he punishes me for things I say or text in private. That's when it really bites. I am appalled that he would engage in something that disgustingly evil. I learned today about self-righteous malignant Narcissism, and that definitely describes him. The rage, you say, is truly more frightening than anything I've ever experienced before, driving me into a freeze response that has lasted for 8 months so far. I don't know if it's possible to overcome and come out of it while he still rules my house, threatening punishment for every attempt I make to protect myself.
@@victoryamartin9773unsync your messages to other devices, if you’re not sure how, google it for what phone you have, and go through all your apps, delete the ones you aren’t familiar with.
@@victoryamartin9773 sounds familiar. I can relate. And am afraid he does the same (tracks my fone and other internet activities, e.g. the videos/shows that i watch on YT or movies/shows in Netflix, etc.) because at one time i caught him listening remotely to what i was watching here on YT (it was a random short/reel so it’s not like i was really worried about it) by having his headphones connected via BT to my phone. I only found out when i noticed there was no sound coming out from my phone while i played such reel, and so i checked my sound settings, found that his headset were connected to my fone and caught him laughing when i went down (he was supposed to be on a call w. his colleague)…
One of my mistakes is that I thought everyone thought like me😒🙄. You know...empathy, compassion, trustworthy, ect. 60 years old, finally figured it out
I'm also 60. I met him at 17th. But my kids are safe. Now I'm leaving. It's not too late.
ME TOO !! Just getting out of a narcissistic relationship.. he had none of those qualities 😩😩😩 Bummer I let myself suffer for a year and a quarter...
Me too. And when I left, she told me I was just like every other rapist man out there. Her mask slipped. I saw the white hot anger at me enforcing my boundary. Within half an hour of leaving, she was trying the desperately call and text me, threatening to off herself. And it's not the first time she's threatened that. I just couldn't take the yelling. I couldn't take the walking on eggshells. I'm 45, and I think I'll probably be alone the rest of my life. That's what makes me want to go back every time.
@@Middle-AgedWhiteGuy dang, I totally understand. It takes a long time to heal from the chaos. Please take all the time you need🙏
Me too, but it's like we have a superpower now that we did figure it out. Most people will never get this knowledge.
Narcissistic abuse feels like annihilation of the self. This video is AMAZING. Clear, compassionate, truth. Thank you Jimmy.
That's exactly how I feel! I'm just a shell of the person I used to be. Over a decade of suppressing needs/wants in order to keep the peace. Thank you for sharing. It's bitter sweet knowing your not alone because you know someone else had to suffer in order to relate. We can do this!
That's what they do to you, slowly and systematically. It's Covert - that's how they get away with it.
Yes yes yes… it is this… 😢
He is amazing!!
I feel like I’ve been dismantled. Nothing good has happened to me since I’ve been with my partner.
To anyone starting to leave their abuser/narcissist, do NOT underestimate what they will do, nor what they have already done to prepare for this eventuality. My abusive husband never had to alienate me from my family, because he knew they would side with him. They have. He has also manipulated our kids extremely cleverly - they believe it’s their own idea that I am the abusive one who isn’t safe to be with.
So I am getting out, but I am doing so alone, having lost what I value most in this world. God help me.
God will help you because he's helping me 🙏🏾🙏🏾 go to the bible you'll find comfort and strength there! Trust me, that's where mine is coming from.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Don’t worry about the smear campaign. The truth will set you free
Even if you are physically alone, you are not truly alone. Sending you lots of love from a fellow survivor. 💕💕
May you have the strength to do what is right for you. Separate yourself from this toxic relationship and you will find peace. 🙏🏼
Leaving is the right thing to do ❤
Narcissist will not take responsibility for their words or actions. It’s always someone else’s fault and they are never wrong. But when they do apologize because it’s their only option, it usually come out as “I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry” so they they don’t truly own up to their insanity. Run and don’t look back.
I was raised by a narcissistic father and I feel like I'm a magnet for narcissistic relationships. I do tend to give too much to make the other person happy. Whenever he shows toxic traits, my initial response is to try harder to win him over. And it's extremely difficult for me to leave because I keep forgiving everything and looking for the good in him. I've never prioritized my own happiness.
Start now! You deserve ❤ but self love beforehand!
@@beastshawneeyeah they love go getter optimists with thick skin and resilience because we take licks and keep on ticking, trying and giving. But remember that's your super power you can reframe to focus on you and reciprocal relationships. Just don't let them use your good nature against you and don't become a self gaslighter because that happens a lot! Don't adopt their narratives. Set boundaries to avoid future malignant narcs too. Be the kind of friend to yourself that you are to others. Give yourself grace
I hope you can start prioritizing your happiness because a narcissist will always prioritize theirs.
Choose you.
Prioritize your well being and put yourself first
My mother was a closet narcissist. A true Jekyll and Hyde scenario. She was so unassuming that no one ever would have suspected how I was treated when no one else was around. The manipulation was unmatched. Even though she's since passed and I'm now an adult, I'm still unraveling the damage that my childhood inflicted on me. 😔
I‘m in the same boat here I hope your healing journey goes well and I‘m glad you‘re pushing through ❤️
Same. I'm the bad guy now. I was silent for so long because I didn't want to bad mouth her to my siblings. I was not grieving the same way they were. When I finally thought I could share my experiences with her, I was vilified and alienated. My brother isn't speaking to me; he seems to hate me. He picks fights anytime I'm around the family. I end up isolating, and I was recently told by a sibling that it's my problem for isolating. That THEY aren't telling me not to come around.
HELLO??!! Why would I want to be around people who are invalidating and committed to misunderstanding me?
same boat here, but with my father, hope you’re doing well with it
Same boat with my mother. That's why it hit home when mistreatment seemed familiar...
In the same boat and waiting on mine to DIIIIIE!
She’s 80 so not too much longer to go.
Most evil human being I’ve encountered she is a truly awful person that has destroyed our family. My sisters and I are not close because she pitted us against one another as children (who was “the best” “prettiest” always told my older sister she was “too dark!!!!!”)
I want to add to this that narcissists don't only look for "easy targets". Many of them go for people who see themselves as guarded, strong people because it's a fun extra challenge for them to break this kind of person.
They also typically go for people who have a lot of empathy, enjoy helping people and generally joyful people to be around. These are great personal traits to have. Don't let them take this from you
I think they have emotions but empathy requires feeling someone else’s feelings. They don’t. If they did they would have the ability to feel what you’re feeling and not treat you that way because it would also hurt them. They have their own emotions and may feel even happy when you’re sad, not sad when you’re sad. They understand emotions yes but they don’t feel what you’re feeling. Which is what is required for it to be empathy. They don’t care enough to have empathy
What's more bizarre to me than anything is how people act like they're dealing with wild animals. I have a very hard time believing they "target" anyone. They are more than likely fumbling their way through life like anyone else, and unfortunately people get hurt because that's life...
@@TheRyndiculous I don’t think they are wild animals but the way they go through life inevitably hurts people for a long time. And it hurts themselves because they also never have a mutually understanding loving relationship even if they wanted it because they have their own unaddressed issues that led them to become the way they are. If you look at the childhood of someone who is fully narcissistic they have a lot of trauma. And sometimes it’s generational. It’s a coping mechanism and how they adapted to their situation. My grandfather is one, my mother is one and I ended up almost married to one and I could see the similarities between them all. And this term is not used lightly for me. It took me a long time to acknowledge it because I didn’t want to believe it. And my step grandma was the person that raised me and I am a lot like her in relationships which was very tolerant and easily felt that I was the problem. I’m not perfect and no one is and some are not fully narcissistic and may just have some tendencies versus someone who is fully narcissistic. But either way it’s important to know when you’re dealing with someone who has no regard for another persons feelings and instead of them causing more pain and abuse they should seek help but they usually don’t because they can become successful in life and can eventually find someone that they can overpower into marriage and people get trapped in the cycle of pain and depression that is inevitable with a narcissistic personality. But what’s most scary is the thin line that sometimes leads to physical abuse. So it’s very important to know this information and be wary of people that tick these boxes.
@@TheRyndiculous I don’t think they target people on purpose. I think they want love and a relationship but they don’t know how to go about it. They want the food from the relationship without changing, without growing, without shattering their world view that they’re the best ever. And sometimes, they subconsciously know which people will give them that, and it only ever ends in hurt for the person they chose. So when we say “there’s a type of person they target” what we mean is “there’s a type of person who protects their toxic worldview the most and the narcissists are drawn to that for self preservation.” Target is just fewer words
Understanding another’s emotions/feelings and empathy are two different things. Empathy requires understanding, yes, but it goes deeper.
Empathy is similar to sympathy; both understand (logically) how emotions work, and both involve actively “feeling” another’s emotions as if they were your own.
Sympathy, however, comes from personally experiencing something similar the one you’re sympathizing with. You can feel their feelings because you relate to their experience.
Empathy doesn’t require a shared experience in order to feel those emotions. You can take on their emotions as if they were yours, as if you’d experienced something similar, even if you hadn’t.
For instance, if you show someone with strong empathy an image of a broken leg, their brain will light up in the places which correlate with the physical pain of having a leg broken, even if they’ve never experienced a broken bone before. They may not feel the pain as strongly/intensely as they would had their leg actually been broken, but they feel it nonetheless.
Someone who has sympathy, but isn’t as empathetic, actually needs to have broken a bone in order to recreate that sensation of pain in the brain. Basically, without having prior experience to use as a template, it’s more difficult for them to “feel” that pain accurately. They can logically understand the pain, they may even feel sorry for the person who actually has a broken leg, but they do not feel empathy for that person.
Many people who are essentially psychopaths (lack empathy) have an expert understanding of emotions. They need to in order to mask their lack of empathy and/or manipulate others.
Not all narcissists lack empathy, but they are more likely to have impaired empathy because they’re too preoccupied with themselves to actually be considerate of others.
I was in tears watching this. I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months. You explained everything so perfectly, especially the way he made me feel. He loved bombed me, told me I was the one, called me everyday, even came and visited me in Utah, etc… I told him I was falling for him when he was out here and was vulnerable…the gaslighting, silent treatment, self projection and the stonewalling started when he got back home. Luckily, I quickly realized what I was dealing with and told him I was done with the emotional manipulation and done with feeling like I’m not worthy of the love he used to give me. Narcissism is crazy.
Charm. Use. Discard. Repeat. And those of us who’ve experienced narcissistic trauma will often feel steeped in self-blame for not spotting all this sooner. Please remember that as empathetic people we need to have compassion for our selves first and foremost. And in that compassion we can better understand that narcissists are like camouflaged hunters. They spotted us before we saw them. They have an insatiable need to feed on others’ loving energy because all humans need love but they cannot access it within themselves. Jimmy is so correct: self compassion is the path forward. May all who suffer break free and find greater joy. 🦋☀️
That's why so many people don't talk about their toxic/abusive relationship. They feel ashamed and embarrassed that they got into this situation. They feel at fault, like they CHOSE this person who now treats them like dirt.
"That's not asking for too much. That's literally the bare minimum".
I've rewound and listened to those words four times and am now in tears. Yes, I've always been convinced that it's asking too much.
Thanks for this video. You have a new subscriber.
this is me right now going through a friendship break up and im just so confused she’s one of those spiritual girls and she comes off as understanding but then she made a ig vid about how sge really felt about our talk we had
and one thing she said was that she low maintenance and it left me feeling like i was the needy one or i was asking for me much and this whole thing is leaving so confused like is she not who she says she is
Same. I was problematic and didn’t appreciate what he did for us.
“The relationship is only at peace when you have silenced yourself” unfortunately describes my whole life until I finally gained the strength to learn that I matter and the only way to live a true and good life is to start allowing myself to be true to myself. And it took an abusive relationship ship with a narcissist for me to realize how dangerous and miserable and hopeless it is to live silenced and in complete lies and chaos and it’s up to me to get myself out of that belief and that life
I'm happy Ur free now girl ❤ I don't know if people are narcs or not but I do know I could be a great victim, I always shut myself up my whole life to avoid causing too much issues for others....when I think about it now, I think all I did was suppress myself BC I'm used to being oppressed 😢 it's a sad truth, but it's a great revelation, we will be stronger than ever before!!!!! We got this ❤ now we know the truth and know better, we can be there for ourselves, like we always should've been taught to be.
Your comment sounds like I could have written it myself, isn't that feeling of self realization so scary and beautiful at the same time?
It's amazing to finally feel free enough to take hold of the reins on our own lives, without constantly trying to stifle ourselves to please others or 'keep the peace.'
"It's ok to say 'no.' You can always say 'no.'" - my fiancé, said in a very gentle and loving way after I had just vented about how I never felt like it was SAFE for me to tell anyone "No."
I cried a lot but it was a good and healing kind of crying, nowhere near the horrible despaired crying I did with that narcissistic abusive ex.
I hope you get to feel that sense of freedom, and I hope you get an abundance of stalwart self love and courage for standing up for yourself!
incredibly well put. this is what i need to hear despite my heart not wanting to accept that some people are truly beyond repair.
I was raised in a narcissistic family, so I had a leg-up in spotting mean people even when I didn't realize what I was dealing with as the scapegoat for the entire family. My family were full-blown narcissists completely dedicated to hating me because I didn't like their rudeness. They even attempted to shame me for disliking their rudeness. Everything I thought and did was scorned by the family even the good deeds. They would give a gift and then monitor how it was used and blame me for not using it the way they expected. These narcissists never complimented me on accomplishments, ignoring me completely when I shared a wonderful thing that happened to me. I gave up with them years ago and live a peaceful life without them.
This is how i know who i am dealing with. No matter what i do helping them or not helping them they will always be nasty and mean with me.
There is nothing you can do but just not have a relationship with them & tell them to back off of you & go live your life.
Easier said than done
THIS!!!
That's what they do. Get a scholarship because of your good grades, but it's all, "Who the hell do you think you are?" 😥
@gwendolyn 💯 truth they monitor how you use the gifts they give you! Nuts. Grew up with a couple of narcs in the family. It does give one an edge when it comes to recognizing toxic people early on, but of course we’ve had to put up with a ton of crap along the way to earn that advantage 😘
Same,they can enjoy their old age all alone!!!!😊
It's been a month since my 12 year relationship breakup with the narcassitic partner. To be treated and degraded to the lowest form of human, to have endured 12 years of terrible manipulation, and constantly fights even on special days... I gave up too much of my life for this man. Picking up the pieces and getting stronger as days go by ❤
Woohooo... same here .. 12years of marriage and 3years dating prior and now 4 months since seperation.. I'm enjoying the peace rn and before I have to face him for the divorce/child custody battle. Stay strong. Congratulations on the realisation.
It’s not only with men, some women are pathological narcissistic abusers, too
Omg congratulations and how are you doing? It was like I woke up from a dream this past year and realized I married a narcissist. I’ve been so broken down I almost lost all hope. It’s been 20 years and we have two kids but I am plotting my escape.
@@kavya_bhat Wow - In total you stayed 15 years. Wow you are an inspiration to me! I've gone through this for slightly shorter - no marriage or commitment or level up from my partner at all in that time.. Just goes to show sometimes we can remain in the twilight zone without realising how damaging it is running our body/life clock down. Stay strong, you've got this!!
@@DaughterofDiogenes I'm so glad to hear that your own self reflection has got you to the conclusion - narcissists are terrible energy depleters. I hope you get out safely and are able to start living a much happier life. The fact you're 20 years in speaks volumes how strong you are to be finally leaving.
Told my last guy he should hit Hollywood next..he deserved an academy award for his act!
😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
Mine said at the end, "I am a really really good actor" which totally fitted. Love the Hollywood analogy.
I was constantly accused for going in to a "role" when i was emotional and needed to connect, under the silent treatment act.
‘You can’t feel safety without “Trust Respect Kindness” regardless if someone is in criteria of narcissist or not.’ This is very important.
Facts 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾
Life with a narc equals MASSIVE HURT all the time.
The meanness is astonishing.
Pray for everyone dealing with such cruelty. ❤
Well said. Even when the relationship ended, I had to deal with her smear Campaign and going to my work in an attempt to get me fired. Current on-line harassment for 16 years.
In the beginning when you said "If you've been through this, I want to say I'm sorry" it made me cry. Something in that just opened it up. Thank you for putting this message out there..
Same
Me too❤
Wow I didn't realize my past trauma led me to my being with narcissists.I had my two front teeth knocked out by my second son's father.That is after I took him back even though he kicked me in the face.I ended up with another man who belittled me and my two sons and even broke my nose.Thank you for helping me understand why I stayed with so much abuse for over 30 years.I am trying to heal every day and thank God I got out before it was too late.
Same ❤
"I'm trying to get a liar to admit they did something wrong" ... Now this makes perfect sense. Thanks !
I didn't know that someone could look you in the eye, and LIE.
@@annchurchill2638 You have not met my brother yet ?
He has conned people and banks for $ 800,000. dollars.
IF, they find out you need love, or to feel special because mom and dad neglected you then they will take you for everything.
Study Narcisism daily till you know that a liar is just one symptom of these witches, vampires and " Rosemarys Bay ."
@@annchurchill2638scary but yes people do it all the time.
Yes this resonated with me ? So simples really x
Am I the Narc ! Wow sounds like myself
“Someone who has no interest in empathy also has no interest in humility or intimacy or vulnerability or emotional safety or resolving conflict in a respectful healthy way..and trust me when I say those are necessary for any relationship to survive and thrive.”
The irony of life is that you always realize this much later after all the damage is done. But these are soul lessons that you wouldn’t learn any other way. In a way, you attracted that partner at that point in your life with your pre-existing trauma so you could transcend all pain, learn real love and authenticity. Be absolutely grateful for whatever happened and move on with your lessons. All is well in the greater scheme of things.
I was married for 25 years to a person who exercised narcissistic tendencies. I saw no way out and was so beaten down by him that I prayed daily for death to come. I finally made my way to the door and escaped that life, but I’m still trying to heal from the abuse. Your videos help SO MUCH, especially when the forgiveness (that I cultivated as a survival mechanism) shouts that I could have tried harder to make things work. Thank you for helping me iron out the parts of my mind that are still wrinkled from the mistreatment of others.❤️
I'm so sorry you dealt with that. I wish this is somehting that young folks are taught so they know how to recognize what is happening.
Im going thru this similar journey😢 im far away from him but his venomous words and actions haunt me day and night even a year later....😢
After 22 year marriage, it has taken 10 years to quiet his voice in my head. Be gentle with yourself.
I'll be praying for your healing in every part of you. From the inside out. Going through the same thing here gathering information to learn how to heal. God Bless you!
It's shocking how similar narcissistic abuse stories are and how long it took some of us to get out. Someone else in the comments said it took 22 years and that's how long it took me to leave for good. There is healing on the other side.
I got trapped in a long-term narcissistic relationship, I became a counselor after finally being able to end the relationship. The saddest thing I have ever witnessed in group therapies, was the amount of people, that are in counseling and on antidepressants after surviving a narcissist, or are still in the middle of getting away from them. It is sad to think, that everyone else is medicated even though the narcissists are the problem, and they are the ones that should be in counseling and medicated.🤔
so u became a professional because of that longterm relationship ?
what is sad about someone whos fighting back and going therapy. thats positiv . nothing to be sad about. imo
u shouldnt counseling. after i read your comment.
u wanna do revenge to narcisstist ? dude u suck
Do you have any advice on how to change a narcissist?
@@syahidkacakyou cannot but Jesus can so leave and protect yourself
You show a lot of compassion for victims of narcissistic abuse. Thank you
I love that” This is not working for me”
Healing is a great step
12:20 "They're a walking double standard🚶."
Yup that's exactly it, you nailed it.
Thinking "this is not working for me instead of how can I make this work" - this just turned my world upside down.
Yes same happened to me, and flipped on me multiple times
It's like you've witnessed every single horrible moment of me letting people walk all over me and me trying to hold on to them by blaming myself and trying harder and harder until I was a hollow shell. I managed to leave this behaviour behind me at the price of being completely alone now. But I am recovering thanks to people like you who spread this valuable information without judging. Thank you!
Seems everyone can relate sadly. Immense shame washes over me as I didn't love myself or have dignity,as many of my abusers actually laughed to my face & online!
I am in a similar position. & I know it's tough, so I'm proud of you❤
You described my exact journey. I have no clue who I am anymore.
I'm right there with you... been alone for 4 going on 5 yrs now. Doing a lot of healing and self love.
Like Madea says, I can do bad all by myself! Lol better to be alone than to be miserable, and take some time to love yourself! No shame in that! Look how many ppl have commented on this, so many ppl have been tricked, it’s def not just you! When you know better, you do better! ♥️
'They have to blame shift for everything because they're terribly insecure' So true 💯, & I love this term 'blame shift'.
Contempt is the narcissist's native language. Powerful words. So frightening, and so true.
Dang. Crying. I don't do that often. But you said 'you never ask what's wrong with them, you're always wondering what's wrong with me'. Like a gut punch.
When you've been raised and devalued by NPD parents or caregivers it's much more difficult to navigate what healthy relationships are. Often you must be put through the narc grinder until your soul decides you've had enough. Then it takes time, education and even dumb luck to start to escape. Some of us are still in the cage because we've no where safe to run TO..yet.
You’re so right, things are so much harder when we’ve been abused in any way. It starts to change everything about us. But we have to fight to rebuild the self worth they tried to destroy you know? So proud of you for doing that hard work!
I had my 'dumb luck' - but I was already reacting to and challenging shitty behaviour. I just happened to need something once and they wouldn't help, making excuses, even blaming me, etc. I knew there is no relationship is your SO isn't there for you when you need them.
This dumb luck was enough for me to finally wake up and end the situationship. Never looked back :)
Yep. I’m 38 and I’ve only recently started true healing even though I’ve been on the healing path for the past 5 years. My mom was an emotionally absent alcoholic and my stepdad was a sociopath who sexually abused me growing up. I’ve tried to commit suicide a few times in my life. I’ve been through a lot of pain and abuse. Thankfully I’m on the road to recovery. Idk if I’ll ever be fully recovered”normal” but maybe one day who knowz
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes, he is dr.porassss.
This was the most informative, compassionate and compact video about narcissistic behavior in relationships.
1. The signs
2. Examples with the intended purpose
3. Why we may tolerate such behaviours
4. What to do and tools to lessen risks for falling for it again.
I wish I had seen this 24 years ago.
For anyone in a situation like this, take this gold mine of knowledge and advice to heart.
This is really nice of you :)
I agree ❤
PEOPLE THAT ARE MARRIED GREETINGS FROM KENTUCKY PEOPLE THAT ARE MARRIED CANNOT JUST LEAVE OKAY ESPECIALLY IF THERE'S CHILDREN THEY'RE THERE IF THEY LEAVE THEIR NOT LIKELY TO BECOME AND POVERTY OR HOMELESS DOES ANYBODY NOT TALK ABOUT THIS OR REALIZE THIS CRAP IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE GIVE ME A BREAK HE'S NARCISSISTIC PSYCHOPATH STATE VET IN THE PERSON IF THEY LEAVE THEY WILL DO THIS AND THAT IN THE OTHER OR TAKE THEIR CHILDREN OR OTHER THINGS ALSO MY UA-camRS ACT LIKE IT'S SO EASY JUST TO LEAVE COME ON WHAT IF THE PERSON HAS NO FAMILY OR WHAT IF THEIR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS ARE NARCISSISTIC AND DON'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT THEM AND THAT IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY YOU KNOW THAT'S THE OTHER ASPECT ALSO YOU KNOW EVERYBODY THINKS THEY'RE USING EACH OTHER NOBODY WANTS TO BE GENEROUS ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY'RE SO AFRAID OF BEING USED IT'S A DEAD-END STREET UNITED STATES IS FULL OF WEIRD SICK AND TOXIC PEOPLE AND IT'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSEDUE TO THE CULTURE AND THE MEDIA AND THE SO-CALLED CELEBRITIES THAT THAT DID THE INDUSTRY IN HOLLYWOOD AND ALL THESE SO-CALLED PEOPLE THEY'RE TOXIC AND HORRIBLE THINKING THAT THESE WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL THEY LOOK PROMISCUOUS THEY'VE HAD SURGERIES THERE HAVE YOU KNOW THEY DON'T EVEN REALLY HAVE ANY CLOTHING ON THESE PEOPLE IDOLIZE THE SECULAR PEOPLE THAT'S SO SICK VERY DISTURBING ANYWAYS ANYWAYS PEOPLE CANNOT JUST LEAVE ESPECIALLY IF IT'S ROMANTIC AND IN THE MARRIAGE SITUATION THE PERSON'S LIABLE TO WIND UP HOMELESS
I'm still in this marriage we have been together for 21 yrs and I always thought it was something I was doing now though I completely understand that I can't help him and 3 kids later am working my way to get help from this for me and my kids !
yes I agree
The lack of empathy is spot on! That was my ex to a T. I remember early on that I thought he was joking when he said other people's feelings made him uncomfortable, but I learned he was telling the truth. I also found it odd how unsympathetic he was to our mutual friend's suffering during her divorce, and how he eventually just cut her off because he couldn't deal with her "feelings" and erratic behavior. You're correct that his inability to empathize with others also contributed to the very lack of depth our relationship had and how he discarded me.
It's funny because I originally saw all of these signs, yet people kept telling me what a great guy and great catch he was. He was described as a gentleman by people who knew us both. He's well liked and respected (we worked together for years), so people were excited when we got together because we "were two good people who deserved each other." Well, believe me, that mask came off behind closed doors. I don't miss him one bit!
I swear I could have written this myself. I’m so sorry you had to go through it too.
@@aaronjohnson9876 I'm sorry for you too.
My narcisist husband showed his true colours the moment I signed on the dotted line of my marriage certificate.
Me2@@CaroleanneWright
I can relate , not a second do i missed any of them.
"...self centered people pair really well with selfless people..." I had to pause the video at this point because it hit home really hard. This is 100% my last relationship, which honestly felt like it was going to break me. I'm so happy I got out when I did. I've been following you on TikTok for a while. This video came at the perfect time. Thank you so much, Jimmy!
I couldn’t agree more with that comment. If only comments, like these could be remembered during moments of feeling so small and little and ashamed for no reason.
Thanks so much for this. You are really speaking to some of the smaller and double sided niches of narcissism that i've personally experienced. your videos are really helping me at my current state of mind. I would love a video on specifically "the nice guy" narcissist
I have a narcissistic father. My mother endures it. I fell for a covert narcissist who always knew the right things to say (never sounded sincere but I willingly overlooked that) with whom I never felt safe or at ease. It was painful and confusing and took me a couple of years to become aware of what was really happening. My body knew long before I became conscious of it. Love should not make you scared or insecure
Your intuition just isn’t convinced that all is good. You’re at fight or flight most of the time. It’s very shaky trust. Omg, I get that so much!!!
Your body knows before your mind does. I would get stomach pain after almost every time I was spending time with him. It was horrible.
@@liona1982Same here~!
Having dealt with narcissism in platonic and romantic relationships, it's a constant battle with wondering if you made it all up. I appreciate videos like this reminding me my experience is valid and I no longer have to tolerate that type of behavior
Never question how you feel you’re gaslighting yourself by thinking whether you made it all up. Boundaries are great :)
And wondering if you're the narcissist... I still ask this question, 4 years after leaving a nearly 20 year relationship
Aint that the truth. Every day wondering why you feel so tired and attacked. And 'did that really just happen' ??
tolerance and acceptence are 2 diffrent things. do your homework 1st . non toleration is narcisstic behavior. so nothing gained. but 1 more narcisstic behavior to block another narcisstic behavior
That’s the thing - you question *yourself* (“am I being over sensitive? Am I being unreasonable? Maybe they just had a bad day?”)
On point . I've seen thousands of narcissistic videos and this is the best description of a narcissist I've EVER heard.
I've watched many many videos on narcissism and this is one of the best ones I've seen.
It really hit me when he mentioned "either they'll discard you or you'll leave."
I was discarded by my ex, and now looking back it was all this. I kept making excuses for him and hiding things from my friends and family, and I abandoned my own boundaries to make him happy. It's never enough. He still ended our 8+ year relationship over text, and then continued to try and control and manipulate me.
I went through this with a person I wasn't even in a relationship with. And another person I kind of dated was also abusive towards me (or so I thought, idk what he did but kind of abusive at times, but a lot of stuff I know was this guy who didn't even want commitment and ghosted me while going out with another woman)
Or Push you out, by making life impossible with them.
@@frankly1744 Workplaces will do this to you too. Had a narc boss that wanted me gone because I called her out when I was defending a coworker. Boss removed all my job responsibilities and gave them to other workers so I basically had no work. Boss had no grounds to fire so just ignored that I was there. I was left out of meetings and parties and all communication. Boss acted like a 4 year old. I got another job and quit which is exactly what my boss wanted. That boss has a revolving door of staff and never once 'fired' anyone. Just forced each one out when they caught on to what the boss was.
Same thing but for 23yrs, ended it with a text after weeks of silent treatment
I tried to leave. Then my ex begged me to try couples counseling as a last ditch attempt to make things work. I wanted to see what he would do so I could see if he could change. The counselor asked him to step up to the plate. He refused and then discarded me. It's so mixed up and confusing in that I was dumped by a man who I no longer wanted to be with but was willing to give one last chance to him. Breaking up with him made me wonder if I was cruel and wrong to leave him, being dumped by him made me feel like I had been devalued because something was wrong with me. Escaping a narcissist feels like a no win situation at first but it gets better with time. It's slow but it's worth it. Strength and warm hugs to all survivors who are healing.
I went through this and it’s all completely accurate. Going slow and not sleeping with with them and not ignoring the small red flags in the beginning is the best advice. Unfortunately I was raised by a narcissist so I didn’t know what red flags even were.
Good comment ❤
I was raised by narcissistic people myself. So recognizing it seems like normal to me. Plus I didn’t recognize boundaries. How could I? I just wanted to help everyone. Eventually if you are naïve enough your family will turn against you and betray you. I think this has been the biggest lesson, realizing that I wasn’t really ever loved. I really thought I was but I was always so uncomfortable around my family and no one listened to me. It’s been the biggest betrayal of my life ever and I have figured out how to finally live again. I’m just so at odds on so many levels I can’t live my best life. I don’t know how or if i ever did. I’m old and tired and supported by the one person who said and did many mean things but know I can’t do without financial support so I will be under his financial support until death. He knows it. It has been a double edged sword with depression. People judge.
Awareness has been so slow and so many levels. I cling to God and making peace with myself and loving others and my cat and dog. I thought I escaped verbal abuse from my ex husband 20 years ago and I had no clue. That was the hardest and scariest thing I ever did in my life. I didn’t know my dad was an enemy. It has really helped to read everyone’s messages and listen to this video and calm message.
God bless everyone, may you have strength and encouragement ❤
@@jamiezuzu7326 literally same story. I lost my entire family in the process of healing. It has been extremely painful to realize all of closest relationships were based on unhealthy conditional “love” which was actually deep emotional abuse. It broke my heart but opened my eyes. Now I am to scared to try to have a romantic relationship again because I was with covert narcissist who I thought really loved me for over two years only to find he was demon. It’s been traumatic to say the least … I have my peace now but I isolate to stay safe. I am happier alone, but I do wish I felt safe to make connections. Even friendships are difficult, and I find it hard to make friends. I really value my peace and health and kids, and career. I love my hobbies and gardening and helping at my kids school. I feel like if I focus on myself and my family that the healing will come and I will find a relationship eventually. Idk. Every time I met someone I find it extremely hard to trust and shut it down before I get hurt. It’s really hard.
Same same same 😢
I was raised by one too and had the same problem recognizing red flags.
Please don’t be sorry about the length of this video.
This is the first time I’ve seen any of your content, and it resulted in an instant “subscribe” for me.
Every red flag example you gave, and the verbal and emotional exchanges are absolutely spot on.
Good stuff!
That means a lot to me :)
same here. first time listener and instant subscribe
Hello. I am a new subscriber.
This was the very best video I have ever seen on Narcisism. I have been married to one for 41 years and unfortunately learned about Narccism too late. The emotional abuse is the worst. I wish he still beat me like he did in the beginning, then I could show my blue spots. Now nobody believes me. He has high qualifications and holds a very important position - the mask he wears outside the house makes everyone think he is the most wonderful man on earth. And I'm left with a black smeared name (he even convinced my girlfriends). He abused me so much that I became physically sick and emotionally broken. I can't go out because he cuts off my financial seal when I say I'm going to walk. He made sure that I would be financially dependent on him forever. I learned an awful lot from this video. Thank you very much!
The way they overwhelm you with love-bombing in the beginning and then change into a completely different person is scary. I spent two years wondering what happened to the person I fell in love with, only to realise he never existed. It was two years of gaslighting, one-sided attention and feeling like an audiance, rather than a partner. It led me to discovering I have CPTSD, which was pretty much the only useful part of the experience. It also made me appreciate all the wholesome relationships and people in my life and I'll never be fooled again.
Thank you for these great and important videos ❤
Thanks for this post I attract these people cause my mom and sisters are so I attract so called friends people around me
Please don't apologize for making a long video. It's really helpful when you fully explain the red flags, especially when you give real life examples. I remember living with the veil of codependency. While I was in that state, it was really hard to pinpoint exactly which things were abuse. Coming from a narcissistic mother, sister, and then into a long narcissistic marriage… I really did think that certain behaviors were either my fault or acceptable. Watching this video today, I'm so astounded by how well you know what goes on in these types of relationships. I was just so uneducated about the topic, that it was very easy for me to stay in the abusive cycle.
i'm happy you're aware now about what some people are like. i mean, reading your comment made me happy in a way because it seems like you're out the other side ☻
@@horseheadkid I am out, completely out. Still dealing with some trauma response stuff that I haven't identified yet…
But the point is that I am back to me now that I don't have to hide me anymore. Codependency is about not trusting yourself and denigrating yourself. Now I am free from that.
Same... I knew something was wrong, I just couldn't put my finger on what was the problem. I was raised by a narcissistic and abusive father. Physical, emotional, verbal, financial... I was also bullied and severely isolated in school. My entire life I've been abused and ignored, shunned from society. I had no idea what love was, how it look, what people did to show love, how to communicate, what,was healthy what,was not. This video CLEARLY defines and shows what the issue was and how you know you experienced it. Great video
Story of my life !! Especially hearing that “you’re living in the past “ part . Trying to learn what is healthy now .
That's because they don't want to be reminded of the truth and reality or bout just how evil and rotten they really are.
Yes!! I was always being told "you keep talking about how we have issues to work through but look at how great these last few weeks have been. You just like focusing on the negative" Meanwhile, we had been in an off and on relationship for YEARS!! I finally mustered up the courage to go through the awful process of getting divorced from him (it was literally the hardest thing ive ever had to do) after spending a decade in the relationship!
Same. "You always bring up the past. Let it go!" Yes, because we have the same arguments, just different fights. So, when I stupidly try to give examples of how I've asked for the behavior to change in the past? Boom. It's me who just can't move on. 🙄
I feel disgusted that I fell head over heels in love with someone like this. Sometimes I cry my eyes out for the memories we created. Thinking that I'll never be able to forget then kills me deep.
“Im sorry you feel that way”
“I cant believe you would say that I could hurt you”
constantly. I felt CRAZY.
Worst part is I have Borderline Personality Disorder so I am more emotional, and it felt like they used that against me. They could always make it so my reaction was the issue.
Borderlines make perfect victims for Narcs bc we are so terrified of being abandoned we will put up with So Much. Our emotional instability can also make it so easy for the Narcs to paint us in a bad light
Same!!
I feel like narc parents cause my BPD and yes, we are like candy to narcissists, they have the intuitive gift of spotting us even when we are acting normal
wait what's wrong with "im sorry you feel that way", ive said it before to my boyfriend but thats only when i say something and he misinterprets it which makes him feel bad, i explain what i meant and apologize for the miscommunication
@@waffler-yz3gw "I'm sorry you feel that way" implies that the way you feel is something you're choosing or doing to yourself instead of a reaction to how you are being treated. It also implies that they have no intention of attempting to empathize or change their behavior to stop doing the thing that is hurting you
My daughters father is a narcissist and it’s devastating to our world. He is an adult child and can’t take accountability for anything let alone share genuine love. I’ve never hated someone so much.
Same situation here.
Stay strong.
And yet you decided to breed with him. Be honest, you found the red flags attractive
@@theravenousrabbit3671And at least now she's no longer with him, it's not easy to survive a relationship let alone get away from one. She's understood she deserves better
@theravenousrabbit3671 that is a very shaming statement.
Unfortunately he sexually assaulted me and that’s how I became pregnant if your judgmental and condescending self ought to know.
Spot on. Isolation, jealousy, mirroring, projection, no respect for boundaries, gaslighting, cycles of high highs and low lows, excessive need for praise and validation especially from others that aren’t you, Home persona and a persona for everywhere and everyone else… All clues.
So sad that we have to be alert for them :(
You just described my last relationship of 8 years.
@@foxiefair123 So sorry :( They have their ways of making us stay, but if you’re still in it… get out as fast as you can. It will destroy your health and well being the longer you are in it.
If you’re married with children, consult a divorce attorney who is an expert in narcissistic abuse because you have to do everything differently and play their nasty, horrible game better than they do or they will manipulate the system and take everything they can. Don’t give them any heads up either when you leave. Get a new bank account and transfer what you think is fair, get a mover and get your stuff out while they are gone at work, then have them served. You are working with a demon, just remember that when they start begging and pleading for you to come back and hold your ground. If there are no children, going no contact is best.
Superb and accurate. Same in my case. But i was too strong did not bend. He abandoned without a word or goodbye
This guys has set so many things right in my head that I think I could not repay him if I tried. But my thanks to you sir I will leave it here.
Greetings from Norway!!
I cried....I have never heard and looked into the eyes of someone who got this so well while feeling such a sense of empathy at the same time. Thank you....for seeing me. Boundaries and owning my own value keep me sane in a world of narcissists.
During my six months of working with a narcissist I developed a stutter and it took me two years to get rid of it.
Almost same thing here. It was even worse when he began to make fun of me about it... Thank you for sharing that, it's good to know that I'm not the only one who experienced that side effect.
wow, that heavy! good work you!
😢sorry to hear this. They are so toxic
I use to do public speaking and now I have agoraphobia smh 😒
@@Khaegch-favh that's terrible, I'm sorry :(
It’s so painful when we invest into them and they mess up “Big Time!”
Then we have to dismiss them.
We Absolutely Have To Let Them Go‼️
Let them go to free yourself
Never asked about my needs and likes and wants… never cared about my family my background, my childhood… he judged and criticized my kids while his were so much better than mine… I finally left after 7 years… it’s hard still, but now a year and a half later, I’m learning to let go…I’m healing 🙏🙏
Thank you for this… soooooo much clearer
I can see where suicide rates can go up just from simply being around a narcissist without realizing it
exactly.
Yup
I wanted to in my house cuz of my dads NPD
@Drawson663 my dad is also everything he described
I tried it twice while with a narc ex. It seemed like the only way to get away.
The worst part about growing up with narcissistic people is that you can end up subconsciously behaving the same way, especially under stress and in emotional relationships. I learned that the hard way and it requires an uncomfortable level of self-reflection to accept this about oneself.
That hit deep😞🥺
It’s true but it’s learned behaviour and you knew no better but facing up to why you went for a narcissistic partner? Because that’s what you are used to? That’s half the battle. I only wanted to focus on me and what was “wrong”with me in therapy because me was the only person I could change . I know some people have an issue with me using the word “wrong” but I knew I had faults that drew me to a narcissist and that was what I was interested in.
Sociopathy spreads quicker than covid. This is why it's important to heal and erect iron clad boundaries at all times
what separates you from the narcissist is that you actually recognize that as toxic behavior. a narcissist wouldn’t even think to introspect their behaviors.
Happened to me due to living with my adoptive narcissistic abusive father for a number of years. However the fact that you question your act reveals that you are not one of them - it’s just a subsconscious imitative pattern that you can get rid of. Congrats you did.
I couldn't even finish watching this video as it brought me back to how I felt during my 28 years of games, manipulation and emotional/ verbal abuse ... high school "sweetheart" 25 yr marriage and 4 kids. I cannot tell you how defeated and exhausted I was for so long. However, there is a strength that comes from it. 1st comes the realization, and for me it hit hard. All the years I gave excuses of his past trauma and insecurities to wake up one day and see it for what it was ... a huge game. Then comes the anxiety and depression of wasting almost half your life on something that was never real. Then, you need to accept it for what it is, forgive yourself and heal and eventually, to heal completely you have to forgive the Narcissist because the majority do not even know that they are or understand why they are compelled to behave the way that they do. I am NOT giving excuses, they know their behavior is mean and not okay... they are weak. We have all been hurt by someone, usually our parents and upbringings because they are human and not perfect and there are so many variations of neglect and trauma. In short the Narcissist personality is WEAK.
It's been seven glorious years of freedom and rediscovery and I do not look back. I am 3 years in a beautiful adult relationship with my best friend and love. I am completely physically, emotionally and mentally safe and Happy. I wish the same to anyone who is recovering ❤
I know everyone’s journey through surviving narcissistic and verbal abuse is different, but your story really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing❤, I’m trying so hard to build the strength to leave. So many years of being broken down and absolutely exhausted/defeated. Really appreciate this comment. ❤.
I've been with him for 24 years, married 22. I don't know if he actually loves me as much as he says or if it's all about controlling me and him having an easy life.
I'm so happy for you (and a little envious, lol). Seriously, all narc survivors deserve this kind of love. So glad you have found it! :)
Wow!!! Congratulations ❤❤ I would love to begin my healing journey too… but I don’t know how. I end up doing isolation for years then start back dating (what I later find out to be) a narcissist 🤦🏾♀️ then go back into isolation again for years and then end up dating another one. I am obviously unconsciously picking and falling for the same type of person over and over and over again and I hate it 😢
I don't know you, but I love you for this comment you have taken the time and energy to leave for us who need it. Thank you and thank God for you, Love🌹🌹🌹
Would love to hear one on a narcissist in a “friendship”or business relationship!!
When you first meet someone ask them to name something they need to improve. My ex couldn't name anything. If someone makes you feel bad or doesn't respect your boundaries you don't need them! Narcissistic abuse is all about you servicing all their needs as they gaslight you into forgetting about your needs! They can only pull for a time because they get exhausted and they end up exposing themself! They don't have the ability to love which is the definition of evil! I agree with this video 100%!
I cried brother. This meant a lot to me, thank you for making this video.
I just got out of a narcissistic relationship, emotional abuse and neglect. It was only 3 weeks but I feel like i was completely destroyed by a narcissist.
I was always being told by people around that I am loving, kind, charismatic, beautiful and talented. The love and appreciation from others are the common thing that I heard, and I do appreciate them a lot. But when I was with him, I was at my worst, he never listened to whatever I said. Everything was about him. My emotional needs was a burden to him, he called me too sensitive, thinking too much, it was my fault.
I looked broken and and sad all the time.
So glad I have your video for clarity, the confusion and abuse by narcissistic behaviours should never be tolerated!
🙏🙏🙏
I dated a narcissist for 4 months and then on my birthday she kicked me out. I'm so much better off without her, but I was such a good guy. I fell into limerence for her and she ghosted me. That was difficult. I was finally able to let go when she refused the birthday present I got for her. 😏🙄😡
Same here girlfriend... 3 weeks
Same here, we've been dating for 2 months, everything was perfect, "too" perfect you could say. When he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, it's like he dropped his mask. Everything was about him and how good he looked, how many compliments he received. He didn't care about me at all, he just wanted me to admire him all day long.
@@nty3929 I'm trying to understand how you're coming to your conclusion. Now of course the relationship failing was both parties, but I didn't initiate it. I suffered from it. That doesn't mean I didn't treat her well. After seeing her remove her mask I was happily able to let go. 🫤
I think some people may question if they are a narcissist or not due to being raised by a narcissist. Growing up, I thought so many narcissistic behaviors were normal behaviors. I didn’t know what normal was until I was an adult and moved out on my own.
I agree with you. I don't know if I have narcissistic behaviors. Things I thought were normal, I learned were not normal when I was an adult. I really grieve my childhood, it did not set me up for success as an adult but I am also proud of how far I have come. Much love to you!
I didn’t realize I had those traits until I lost someone special to me. He was the only one that has called me out on it. I still love him, at least I think, but I’m forcing myself to stay away from him. I need to figure out how to properly love someone
I have to say sir that this is the most comforting, and most supportive, and ACCURATE description and advice I’ve found. Thank you so much!