My Girlfriend Is Saying We May Need To Help Her Family Out
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
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As soon as he offered to pay bills and she only had to pay off the debt..she started seeing what else was possible
facts
@@terminaterjohnfax
I think if you're not going to disqualify a person for marriage because of the debt they bring to a marriage, then this is exactly the way to do it. I would pay the bills for the household while virtually all of my wife's paycheck went to pay off the debt.
It did seem to come from a place of greed.
Give an inch, and she will take a mile.
Who is "we"? You are not married. She gave you an amazing gift, a preview into what your married life will look like. Run!!!
Uhhh, red flags all over dude. She has 300k in debt, brother with dollar tags, and a mom with boundary problems. I'm guessing that's just the tip of the iceberg. She has a lot of incentive to marry you. Be careful
eject…..Eject……EJECT
Run!!!!!!!!!!
Yes leave
Someone had to say it!
This guy should not get married, especially to her. She's pressuring him because she is looking for a gump provider. His gut is telling him it's all wrong and Ken agrees.
They've ONLY been together nine months and she's already asking for money. Dude you are going to regret this.
it seems they brought up finances because they were thinking of marriage
That literally did not happen but okay
He’s debt free and has a good thing going. He will wake up soon with 300k of debt and her family to take care of. I’d rather stay single or find someone else.
Or wait a year and see if she pays the debt down some or not
same
@@georgewagner7787 no, he needs to run.
@@georgewagner7787 thats a good one you know she wont.
@@rickdesertfox yes, to the nearest monastery.
His gut is telling him to leave her. He’s fighting it over guilt. The guilt of not wanting to be saddled with all of this. Mark- RUN
Must be some good putang
Girlfriend? Not wife? Don't marry her...RUN - as fast as you can.
Yeah- what about HIS family? We can readily assume they aren't lining up to mooch off them. They have better values than her family, obviously.
run run run now
Not your responsibility man. Don’t fall into the trap.
You are CORRECT!!!
Simpin is easy. Don't pay for something Chad gets for free.
It never was. It's her problems before they ever met, not his.
Shes planting RED FLAGS GALORE!
But if you love her and marry her it will be your responsibility. That is what marriage is all about. You must decide.
Loaning money to your wife‘s mother because of irresponsible behavior is NOT in the wedding vows. Don’t do it man!
It’s not just about the mom, it’s about the mom, brother, and 300K in debt..
I feel like the reason they talked abt the mom so much is bc that’s more of a subjective and personal boundary sort of topic
Especially the 300k debt
What about his family, and their children?
@@barbieblue3336 yep, im surprised no one is talking about his future kids
They forgot the debt part
Dude RUN! This woman is going to drain your bank accounts. Her family is not your financial responsibility. This isn't going to end well.
yea she's low key giving him an ultimatum, she's doing him a favor by being upfront!
I knew someone who went through this. He went from helping his wife’s family to fully supporting them financially. His in-laws had no boundaries and drained him completely. It didn’t end well for him.
I suggest this caller rethink his relationship with this woman and get out ASAP. Theres too many red flags.
He could marry her but only if he sets up Boundaries beforehand
At least she was honest about things up front
She was honest but it sounds like his girlfriends mom could be guilt tripping her into taking care of her. If the girlfriend doesn’t set the boundaries, then the caller should end the relationship.
YESSSSSSSSSSSS you are SPOT ON. He needs to RUN.
@@georgewagner7787
She just has verbal early warning system instead of tattoos.
This woman is looking for a solution to her financial problems. Run, man.
Did this dude seriously just talk about starting a FUND for the brother of his gf of nine months?! Absolutely wild.
Yes. He may need to do that just to be ready. He and her sound young so by the time they do have to deal with these issues they could have a lot money put away.
@@bighands69 yeah, but ONLY after they are MARRIED. You don’t start a fund for any of your girlfriend’s family. They aren’t even engaged yet.
@@Fiery154 I respect that she has brought it up to him early on that she feels this obligation. Then, if he is unwilling to take this on, they can both move on. If she waited until after they're married, it feels like an unreasonable trap.
@@BE2001 agreed, but he came on the show asking about setting up that fund now.
@@bighands69
A fund of HIS money for her debts and HER family !!!!!
If she's a pharmacist she can pay her own darn debt.
a pharmacist can make ~ 120k in the right location
It sounds like that’s their plan.
It sounds like as soon as he mentioned supporting her while she paid off her debt, a lightbulb went off and she started thinking about all the other people he could support too. He needs to run, leave the city, leave the state, possibly the country, and change his name.
😂
She knows a sucker when she sees one
Bingo!!!! He wont though.
🤣🤣🤣
yep
Ken isn’t the flashiest Ramsey personality but I’ve watched The Ramsey Show extensively and he absolutely always gives the best advice and picks up on things others don’t
Yes, Ken picks things up that others might miss, especially John. I am not a fan of John at all. I feel like he doesn’t listen well, he interrupts often, thus he misses the mark often also. Sorry.
I agree , Ken is rock solid.
@@n.w.414… on dome shows, 7:51 7:51 John has soft-shoed it too much. I think sometimes he alludes to the fact if you say the right things, that partner will change. From experiences I say… cut your losses and get out.
@@n.w.414 John doesn’t listen. Plus he has bad advice.
They’re not married. The boyfriend has no obligation to financially help out the girlfriend. She has to dig herself out of her own hole and from the looks of it, he should run away from her! She makes $100k and can help her family just fine!
There are boundaries in place that as a girlfriend, he is not obligated to financially be supportive. The issue is AFTER they get married.
But it sounds like he is ready to marry her...regardless of her 300k debt, and financially supporting her brother and mother.
Who says she’s going to work? She may want to stay home with babies & have you pay for everything. Get out now❤️❤️❤️❤️
She may? she DOES
Don't marry! Do not marry! Advice from an old woman.
Why? Curiosity from a younger woman
😂😂😂😂 maybe she's gone remember she's older@@calmingbabysleep1256
@@calmingbabysleep1256 for obvious reasons😂😂😂😂😂
I am 57 and have been married once. I will never do it again. They make marriage out to be this dreamy fabulous kiss kiss love love thing, but it’s so much more than that. It’s easy to get married but hard to get unmarried. For most women, you totally give up your autonomy when you marry. All my friends in their 50’s, male and female, see marriage as a financial, emotional, sexual, and logistical trap. Take it from folks who have been there!
@@calmingbabysleep1256 I was that woman when I was younger... It's the dynamic with the mother. It will destroy everyone and everything around her.
He's not even married yet and I already feel stressed 😑
😂😂😂
Thank God for Ken. Doloney’a advice was totally off until he reigned him back in. Still shocked neither of them even mentioned that the woman has 300K of student loan debt.
Why? Doloney literally said choice is yours. You either take the GF with all her baggage or not. Atleast the GF was honest up front.
@@sstrongman1667 Doloney doesn’t mention boundaries at all. His advice centers around how great it is that this GF was “open” and that the caller should be expected to be financially responsible for her family members. Ken had to step in to re-focus Doloney’s advice. He doesn’t even address that the caller said the mom is passive-aggressive.
@@sstrongman1667
Yeah it’s good the girl has a built in early warning system.
Now it’s time for him to leave the situation.
This is way to much for anyone plate.
The caller mentioned Boundaries. He's aware. Passive aggression is a whole other thing
@@legony1, I think you need to rewatch the video. What boundaries are you talking about the GF laid her boundaries out there. Pretty much puts the ball in his court.
He's giving everything and she's giving nothing.
She's Givin Something alright.😄
Take the BJ’s and leave the wedding lol. He can pay her without making it legal!!!!
@@oliverwhite30 Lots and Lots of debt and heartache as she just takes and takes.
@@oliverwhite30You are just terrible . I wasn't expecting that😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@oliverwhite30
That'll end once she's and her mom have their hooks in him. ;)
I have a feeling she's already taking care of her mom financially, and he's bound to find out after they combine finances. Red flags everywhere.
That would explain where her $100k salary after living is going. Obviously not going to her $300k loans.
@@stevenporter863 facts
Bingo 🎯
Probably why she 300 k in debt.
The uneasiness he’s feeling is for a reason. Listen to your feelings.
"It's God talking to you" - Dave Ramsey
A lot of talk about mom and brother, but I’m surprised how no one mentioned that the gf with a $100k job is in debt of $300k already… that’s my biggest red flag.
For real. I have $282k student loan debt but I have a $500k job.
He is out his mind
Is she even a pharmacist she’s underpaid if she is one . How long has she been a pharmacist and what state ? Look into that maybe giving her the benefit of the doubt she should do some research she’s underpaid for sure
@@seanjean9677 wow what is the job?
@@seanjean9677 why does someone making 500k have any student loan debt?
I would not get married until she paid off the 300k debt. Love should not be that blind.
facts
Yup.
Sounds like she sees dollar signs for her whole family in this guy.
That is not uncommon for people who have more money they need than what the generate normally.
😬
I think you guys missed an absolutely crucial point he said. He brought up finances with her AND THEN after finding out his financial situation she brought up needing to help her mom and her brother. I think she saw absolute GREEN and saw her way out and someone she can drain on for life wether it’s her or her family who is in need.
yeah she's bad news
Yeah I think the therapist is really missing the red flags.
Agreed. She is not good
At first, I thought that, but maybe she is just being dishonest with him that way he knows that this might be a possibility in the future so please leave if you’re not comfortable type of thing. Like being super upfront about her situation that he doesn’t feel bait and switched later.
@drfattie do you mean to say she is being honest, not dishonest? I thought she was being honest and laying it on the line.
I would end the relationship. You’re gonna feel like a walking ATM and going to develop resentment. These are the expenses you have in your future
-300k Debt
-Engagement Ring
-Wedding
-House in SD
-Support Parents
-Support Brother
-Retirement
Yes, and what about kids if that's on the table, too? No kids until that debt is paid way down. Kids change the whole equation.
Add to that losing 50%of every thing in divorce and potentially being on the hook for alimony and child support.
Some of you are living in a fantasy world of your own making. They could get her debt down, invest and save over the long term and have a couple of million put away for them self in their forties.
Median home price in San Diego is $1M. Once you buy your home, can you still afford all that other stuff?
@@bighands69 you must believe in unicorns and fairytales as well.
If a woman was calling in with the same exact situation they would be calling him a “goob” and to tell her to run 🙄
Thank God Ken was there.
Ken was the reality check.
I don't think Ken was strong enough with his advice either, this guy needed a reality check and didn't get it, he should run!
No! you’ve been dating her for nine months and she never mentioned a brother with special needs. She’s also 300 K in debt and also expect you to take care of her mother too, No!
This caller should absolutely NOT marry this woman. The marriage is off until she pays off her debt.
Why wasn’t that enormous debt even mentioned by the two hosts?
Don't worry, she and her family will rack up more debt before the student loans are paid off. And then more family will come out of the woodwork.
RUN, man. You are a prime mark for this family!
Run, she's not the one for you. She sees you as an ATM. You two are wrong and not helping the caller.
Dear caller, DON’T GET HER PREGNANT! Run, run like the wind 🌬️
Get out of the relationship now while youre still dating.
No, you don't help out a girlfriend's family. RED FLAG!!
Nope. She goes 300K in debt for her ph.d and she expect him to help with her family’s finances?
Why invite unnecessary stress into your life? Nothing wrong with not wanting to support other adults.
$320k debt making $100k for a pharmacist is very odd. My wife is a pharmacist and had $160k of debt and started at $110k, but worked weekends and bumped it up to $135k. Now she makes $160-170
Yeah my sister is a pharmacist she makes more but she is clinical. But I agree. That “student loan debt “ feels off.
@@kpeggs82, my wife has done both and the money is about the same now since CVS and Walmart have became such horrible places to work at. They are having to offer bonuses and better pay to compensate
Private college.
@@ltcajh, thats what I was thinking.
He said that his girlfriend has PhD. Wonder if that's after getting her PharmD. Also, he didn't give her exact salary...he said "around" 100k. That's a lot education and debt, to be only making around 100k
After me and my wife got married my mother in law had a stroke and wasn't able to work so she came to stay with us. She was so grateful and while sure financially it was tight we made it work. She passed away this year at 53 years old from cancer ironically on our 5th anniversary. I may not have been enthusiastic about it at the time but her coming to live with us turned out to be one of our best decisions. My kids were 3 and 1 when she died and although they weren't very old my oldest now 4 has those memories of her that otherwise he might not have. My point is yes it may be a burden and you might have to make sacrifices but Looking back you won't regret it. I had no idea at the time that she would pass away that early but before she passed she told everyone that she was greatful to me and that warmed my heart knowing I made a difference to her.
Yeah but he described her as being passive and controlling. The daughter might feel guilty and obligated-- as Dave says a travel agent for guilt trips. All really depends on the relationship here and how the Mom is
@@neoalley I think it is an obligation, especially since parents do so much for us. Where would we be without them? I don't think this generation appreciates them as much as they should. Moms especially sacrifice a lot. Maybe she couldn't go to college because she had to take care of her daughter, I don't know the back story but I do know her daughter respects her mom and her brother. that is an important trait to have. It means she is devoted. I think that is a good thing and we need more selfless people like that in the world.
@@rocpet3 I think we have different perspectives from different experiences. My mother is very immature and she has, and always will, take advantage of the generosity until the person finally cuts her off and she will continue to drain the next person. My mother has refused to work though she is able bodied, does not spend or save wisely, and made immature decisions burdening her own mother, siblings, and children (ex-husband long gone due to mistrust in her financial infidelity.)
I had this mentality growing up that it would be on my shoulders to take care of her, as my duty as daughter, until finally I'd had it. Like Dave said, honor the office not the misbehavior.
I've had countless friends say, "I just can't believe a mother would do that to their own daughter." Or "She's how old? I just can't believe it, so different from my parents, I can't imagine."
It is what it is. 🤷
@@neoalley I told you my story, you never know what someone is going through. I just hope you can work things out and not live with regret. I know how that is my mother in law was like that too. We just never realized how sick she was. Never knew about the cancer until two weeks before she died. She pretended like everything was fine but she was dying and we never had a clue. Sure it was draining but I know now that I did the right thing and I know now why she wouldn't get a job.
He already perceives the mother as passive-aggressive (I got the impression his gf told him that her mother is like that). Anyway: she likely would not be so grateful and pleasant to be around as your mother in law. This mother also did not give good advice to her daughter, who borrowed much more than is needed for a degree as pharmacist. Maybe the daughter did not listen, maybe the mother did not even realize she should give good advice (she obviously did not contribute to the education. Would be interesting to find out if the daughter was stubborn, or if she was left to fend for herself (with financial decisions) and was lured into the prestigious-college-trap when she was 18 or 19. Or was tempted to take out a lot of loans for cost of living - and now she has 300k debt and a 100k job (100k likely before taxes).
And where is the father ? Are there other siblings ?
Don't get married until you BOTH are out of debt. Don't pay her debt. She needs to do this on her own. She is in no position to get married right now. This is seriously how disasters happen. Have some self respect and find a better woman. You don't deserve to be held back like this. Her debt is not your responsibility. You said yourself you don't know if you want to marry her and you have hesitations. Follow your gut not your heart. Ken and John the fact that you're egging guys like this on to marry this kind of woman makes you part of the problem with marriages. Great financial advice but terrible with relationship advice.
That sounds like a lot of nonsense to be honest.
@@bighands69 How is not marrying a woman in 300k in debt nonsense?
not all women in debt are bad, my fiance is 500k in student loan debt, sure its difficult, but there is agreements that can be written up that can ammend you from her debt and such. as long as she agrees, you have nothing to worry about.
He said that he would cover the household expenses (I am sure that means they live together and he pays for all the regular costs). His wife can prove that she is intentional about getting out of debt. She makes 100k (and has 300k debt - and that is likely much more than it would need to get her degree, so it was the prestigious college, and the high living expenses and not working a side job). So even under the best of circumstances - if she does not get a major raise it will take her 3 years to get out. And then she literally cannot even buy underwear or a panythose. And she needs to invest into transportation. So a modest but reasonable car, insurance, gas, maintainance.
I agree with every word, really poor advice for this young man, he needs to run.
FAR more times than not, this is NEVER a good situation for the one with assets to get into. RUN Mark, RUN.
She will stay married just long enough to walk away with 50% of his assets and possibly a bonus prize of alimony and potentially child support.
Scared for this man. He's going to help her invest all her earnings to pay "her" debt plus he's going to assume responsibly for her brother and mother. She better be amazing and committed. I can't think of anything worst than paying off a person's debt carrying the inlaws financially than be left once shes on her feet 😳
I'd never do that to my husband. But It happens everyone needs to say a prayer for this man
i pray he doesnt marry this woman lol
I’m not scared for this guy.
I just shake my head and continue eating popcorn.
Simpin is easy
Hope she puts out…………..
Bunch of idiots getting married these days. People really have low standards. It's sad.
Johns advice was insane. "Just open yourself up more" This guy needs to set boundaries unimaginably strict gauge her reaction if he wants to marry her. Best bet is probably just to run for the hills.
John is way off every time.
Yeah his advice was Terrible here. He ignored the red flags.
@@rnopes21 I don't watch episodes if he is in them anymore. Dudes got the worst advice in just about every scenario especially around marrying a woman
The future mother in law may want someone to support her when it's not needed.
@@angelasepi657Yep. No way I take something like this on after dating only 9 months. Divorce laws suck for men in CA. I wouldn’t even consider it until she can clean up her debt much less the family baggage
Leave her , don’t listen to John he need to shut up 😂
agreed!
100%
John is biased for the female, he probably plays with himself behind that desk...
She has a tremendous amount of debt, which means she has some of her own issues to work out before she’s ready for marriage. Move on.
One of my buddies went through a family situation at this level. She was a single mother and had a child. When they got married she convinced him that the right thing for him to do is to adopt her child. Then she divorced him and he has to pay child support on a baby that is not his.
Sounds like he needs a better lawyer
@@georgewagner7787 It likely wouldn't have mattered. Once the dude adopted the child, he became the "legal" father.... And when it comes to child support, that's the ONLY thing the courts care about.
It’s his. He adopted it.
That's why you should never get involved with a single mother. Ever!
Haha. Got em🤣🤣🤣
My wife’s family was draining her dry when we met. Lived in a studio on a couch while making good money. We moved 8 hours away just to be away from all the wokves. It’s really sad because we would love to help but it’s like giving a drug addict money, only extends the addiction I got a nice chunk of change from an inheritance and we can’t even tell them. The phone would ring all day long.
Try to appear stressed about money .... then they will leave you alone.
If it's this complicated now, it's only going to get worse. Run!!
This is how it will play out: she marries him, he struggles to pay her debt, support the brother and mother. After 3 years she divorces him and gets half and is now able to pay off her debt, take care of brother and support her mom with the divorce proceeds!
Dont do it Man!
You only get “half” automatically if you live in a community property state. But if the husband had separate property (such as a house or inheritance) that he did NOT commingle with the wife, she does not get any of that.
Dave would have explored the 300k in girlfriend debt issue! The guys focused too much on her family.
He explained it was because of pharamacy school.
@@HHHPedigrees I assume it was a prestigious school and maybe she maxed out the expense of living loans. She certainly could have gotten the degree for less. She likely was foolish in the past, the question is if she has matured since then (it would show in the way she targets the debt now). Even if she looks for a higher paid job, and lives frugally it will take her 4 years.
The problem isn't that this woman sees financial issues that need remedies; it's that this woman sees her partner as the sole force that will do the remediation.
John is a good dude, but always sides with the woman and casually accepts red flags or negatives and acts as if a man should accept it regardless of the situation.
Would John encourage his son to pursue marriage to a woman in this exact situation?
@@David-wo9un Exactly.
@David Or his daughter if the situation were reversed? Don't jump into marriage if there is a big red flag warning. Fixing it after marriage doesn't work very well.
Right!
@Devin Gregory - You're being kind. John is a gullible fool who dispenses absolutely terrible advice!
Glad Ken was here as well, John would've steered this guy straight into hell if he was taking the call alone.
He would’ve asked him how he makes the gf feel unsafe.
@@randyadams1312 Tell the dude to take a good look in the mirror. "Are you tired?"
The $300k is a much bigger deal to me. You got that much debt and no mortgage then you you are not marriage material. It's irresponsible and disrespectful to even want to marry someone. Own your mistakes. If she loves and respects him, she'd be unwilling to marry until she's paid it down and the more she is committed, the faster she'd pay it.
That's my question: how was she planning on relating to this huge debt if she doesn't get married? I'm not saying they don't really love and care for one another. We all take on risk and responsibility for others when we get married. But I think he should be cautious and not jump into marrying her yet. We all know that financial stress and disagreement is the biggest reason relationships become miserable. Listen to the red flags you feel and get to know her and her family better first.
@@paulatripodi3989 "We all take on risk and responsibility for others when we get married."
Yes but 300k in debt, no thanks
@Tyler I agree with you. Not a burden I'd want to start out a marriage with.
Totally agree. It’s an unfair and disrespectful expectation.
Exactly. The girlfriend was in the market for a sucker.
Great job Ken Coleman on respecting Delony enough to push back on this conversation, respectfully, but also passing it back to him to have his input as more information came out.
Cancel the relationship. And cancel "Dr" John
He offered to pay all the bills and let her put her income toward her debt. That's more than generous!
That way he has control over her doubt he wants an independent woman
What a husband should do not a bf
No, it's pure gullibility
@@isay207 Highly doubt that. listen to the guy, he's a pushover, not a controller.
And stupid
He will be bailing out her big debt and her entire family until he is broke. No wonder she is single. This was bad advice for him to take on that responsibility.
Yeah all of this and living in San Diego of all places.
He can kiss his wealth and health goodbye.
@@blackworldtraveler3711 CA prices are not a joke I know people making 200K combined each year who are only able to save about 30K per year!!!!
@@donaldlyons17
You're not kidding.
Even my CPA told me years ago it's too expensive for regular folks to build wealth in California but a cheap place to die because of no estate tax.
That's why I left the state years ago. I was looking 30 years ahead and the math wasn't working.
I have met people making over $120k living in cars and RVs years before this high inflation kicked in.
They need to move to someplace cheap where things like long term care is more affordable.
Yep, they probably should of told him that he can kiss goodbye any retirement savings he might have had in mind in place to help her and her family.
@@DeepScubaDiver Retirement is not the biggest concern it is every year issues. They as a collective can’t go broke otherwise they will not have it now nor later!!!
I wouldn't even think about marrying her until her debt is fully paid off and you're comfortable with the level of support you will be signed up for
Nope, Nope, No Freaken way! You can't be forced to provide for the whole family and it's wrong for her to expect that.
You don't write blank checks.
You don't write checks that you can't cash.
She's got 300k in debt herself, you know the mother probably isn't any brighter financially.
Also notice that he didn't mention his own family even once there, if it comes down to your parents or her's that could be quite explosive. Don't underestimate how big of a check you're writing there.
Exactly. His family, and children in future?
It’s a felony to have Delony. Dave please come back and ditch this clown
Stop all the word salad. Stop now. Separate from this woman immediately.
This conversation is nauseating and disturbing.
Baby girl wants a sugar daddy. She doesn't love you, she loves your ability to fund her and her family. Is that what you want in your relationship?
How when she got a PhD making 100k
@@DanielHulseyPhD means nothing, and she’s in debt btw
I think she’s telling him up front so that when he’s supporting her family financially, she can later say I told you up front so keep paying for my family. He’s only known her for a short short while. He should not continue the relationship. If he marries her, he’s marrying her debt too. I see resentment later on down the road.
She is just being honest now rather than trying to hide it.
@@bighands69 why would someone with $300k debt, take care of my family want to rope someone into massive debt like that? Because, she knows she can’t pay it herself.
John's advice is totally off. It is not his responsibility to take care of her family financially. Imagine if the situation was the other way around; what would they say about guy doing/saying the same thing to his girlfriend? He would be ripped up. Never mind the fact that she has so much debt and does not seem to have a good handle on taking care of it herself. The guy needs to run. Any woman would be told to drop a guy if he were like this woman.
Plenty of fish in the sea
they've been dating for 9 months and this bombshell of taking care of her brother and mom is on his shoulders... something is not right here.
John wants the mother-in-law to move in now and wants this guy to support her.
Yeah I wouldn't allow in law to move in.
@@KS-cl8br My at that time wife said well when we buy a home together my mom will move in with us. Not can mom move in with us? Needless to say I didn't agree to that and its just one reason I'm glad she's my x wife.
he is always off.. worst advice ever
They both had weak responses to this three-alarm fire.
@@rebeccawcleung Spot on!
This is exactly why I invest so heavily in my retirement. When I retire, I don’t want my kids to spend a single penny on me. I want them to have great lives and grow without worrying about my old ass
Tomorrow it will be the girlfriend's uncle who needs support, next week it will her bum cousin, next month her niece, and so on.
And then there's the family back home in (country of origin) who will have all kinds of emergencies and need money too.
lol. You are so right!
You don’t sound like a match for each other. She is going to choose her mother over you and you will choose money over them.
I broke up with my filipina girlfriend bc she wanted us to take care of her family. Lol I strongly believe in every man for himself
You were smart to get out quick
The culture mindset is different from usa😊
He didn't say so, but I'm guessing she is an immigrant.
You dodged a bullet.
Sending some money back from time to time is acceptable but a constant payment to them is not gonna happen.
Thank you for saying that when you marry someone, you marry their family. Too many people think this is not true and end up with a huge mess on their hands. My parents taught me this when I was dating. Family is family unless they're abusive and toxic and have to be completely cut off.
Helping others is a slippery slope. You help even a little and people feel entitlted and will do what they can to take advantage. Always have a firm boundary with this type of stuff, or you may as well have no boundary. She's a girlfriend, not a wife. Frankly, I would immediately split with her for expecting that of me. Haven't they asked their family rather than random people?
This this this so much not loaning to friends
When my wife of 38 years & I, first met & started dating, and then moved in together, I had debt that I was working my butt off to pay off. I also learned that all of her brothers were poor and it wasn't by accident. My sister & mother too. So 6 months into this relationship, before I was willing to get engaged, we both came to an agreement that we were going to finance our lives, not their lives. If they want to be successful at being failures in life, that's on them. I am NOT going broke trying to help someone that's NOT willing to help themselves!!! I love your Dave Ramsey shows, great information. But NO, I want to marry & support my wife, NOT her whole family.
Don't get married.
I think I'm ready. No, you're not ready. RUN!!!
I dated someone with a special needs sibling. We discussed duty of care toward that sibling and the implications for us once the parents age and can’t do it. I was actually the one who initiated the conversation because I’m also a planner. It’s a normal thing to discuss and expect! It’s a good thing she was honest with him about this early on, like John said!
Run away from this girl as fast as you can.
If Mark is questioning this to the Ramsey show then he already knows what he needs to do. RUN.
"She's has" "she needs". You pay. This guy's about to get wrecked.
Great call. A masterclass of dissecting an issue and getting to the core.
No way. I know a guy who paid for all her debt and then she divorced him.
I think there is big difference between helping mom or brother and paying for all their bills and being financially responsible for them. They need to talk about what that means to themselves.
dump her no partner is worth that amount of debt
Is he crazy, or just desperate? He can walk away from all of this and find a better situation.
She is probably a 9 or 10 on the crazy/hot matrix.
I think Dr D was off the mark on this one.
Warning signs! What!? Brother with special needs should be getting his own Social Security payments and her parents are not self supporting? This sounds like it's going to be a big, big problem. Why is Dr. John not telling him to set limits?!
Get a different girlfriend
RUN! She will drain you the rest of your life. I know I've lived it. All nice now but wait til she starts asking for more. If you have kids good luck! You may regret this decision.
By brother always wanted to help me out. His question was always, "Which way did you come in?"
She wants to take care of her family and use him to do it. Run!
Buy the house for you and take care of yourself first. If she leaves the house is still yours. She's responsible for her own debt. If her degree is so good she should be able to pay it off herself.
That only works if you pay off the house before you marry her. If you buy the house, and then marry her (even if she never pays to the mortgage), she will still be entitled to half of whatever you paid into the house after the point of marriage. And you would either sell the house to pay her that portion in a divorce, or you have to buy her out. So you have to pay off the house first to avoid that .
Thats what I did. He left. I still have the home that I paid for and use as rental property.
This man needs to set boundaries. This girl and her family have no concept of boundaries and that will destroy him unless he's careful. If she refuses to abide by the boundaries he sets, leave the relationship because it will only get worse once married. If she can accept those boundaries and abide by them, they have a shot, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
His GF sounds like a financial Dracula. I don't believe you marry the family along with your intended. There are hundreds of thousands of women that aren't anchors at the start. Why in the world settle on this one? If she is the only one in your heart, you would not be calling into the show. You'd be putting a ring on that finger.
I'm surprised at the first man's answer. I recall that his past advice has been that parents aren't a forever meal ticket for their adult children nor are your siblings your dependents.
@@David-wo9un I'd like to know how his GF would honestly answer him if he would bring up the needs of his parents and siblings to place on her shoulders down the line.
The brother has a developmental disability. But my state has group homes that would provide for him if you get his name on the waiting list early
Run, dude! If this is how it starts, this is how it will end.
Love this duo. This guy said “I’m a planner”. He’s just nervous, he can handle it but needs to know asap what to expect