My Dad Is Asking For $55,000 To Pay Off His Debt!
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- Опубліковано 29 жов 2022
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The mere fact that he’s asking is because he knows what you have. One reason why I tell nobody what I have
drop in the bucket though, why not? I figure.
I don't tell people anything about my financial situation and yet they seem to have some innate radar that tells them. Once someone knows you personally, it doesn't take a lot of figuring out for them to see that you are a saver and not a spender.
hahah always act poor
@@desimo147 act super broke
Ya that the reason but I am fine with it because I can easily tell people know
If her dad can pay the daughter's loan back with interest, then the dad can pay his own debts. He has no intention of ever paying it back.
thats what i was thinking lol
Correct
Yep, that was just empty sales talk.
Exactly! He's probably thinking I'll be dead by then
Yup, very risky to trust Dad to honor that agreement to pay the loan back. If she lent him that money, I’m afraid she’d be calling Dave later, saying how her dad is not keeping to the agreement.
She will NEVER be repaid.
i dont think Dave caught the fact that she said she'd have to pull from a retirement account. DO NOT DO THIS
He got that, he kept saying you have your money tied up in investments.
It won't stop at $55k. If they say 'yes'there will be more asks.
That's why I don't lend money to family. I'd rather give advice on the options they have to change their financial situations
@@frankbatista.official exactly that. If they had the initiative to get their finances in check, they would have money.
And he may very well die before paying it back!
Then she can say no later- HE IS 80 YEARS OLD.
It won’t be the last ask nor is it the first ask. He’s taken advantage of them for an extended time period becsuse there s target for him. He will pay off the debt with her money, free up his credit capacity that will get run up again and then come crawling back for more. And he will gaslight her in every way he can. Sad to see parents do this to their chidiren.
Her dad should be ashamed of himself for even asking.
Well many here said and agreed with over 100 thumbs a couple of years ago that they “sacrificed” having kids and expect to be taken care of.
@@blackworldtraveler3711 Hey don't expect to be left the house in the will, right?
@@skincareceo
I wouldn't. Not my thing. Have my own homes.
Met too many boomers that were looking forward to their parents dying because of things like this.
or even expecting!
Asking is perfectly fine.
80 years old and STILL in debt .... Ive come to the conclusion that for some people debt is like drugs
Let it come out of the estate
Yeah, I doubt it's an old debt. Mom probably spends like crazy. I wish there had been some info of the long term relation like was a good dad and now just hears millions and it got to his head?
80 year olds can get in medical debt real quickly. Just 1 little heart attack & Stent surgery is all it takes!
💯👍🏾
@@theabsurdturd2115The stepmom is apparently loaning money to people who aren’t repaying her. That happened with my grandmother because of my uncles constantly asking her to bail them out of financial binds.
My parents are 94 and 91, living on their own, haven't had debt for years, and don't ask for a thing but for us to visit occasionally.
My parents are in their 70s and they always give us a little bit of money to visit. That's one of the values in our family, that money flows down the generations, not up.
But do you give them anything Jim? Maybe you need to stop being so selfish.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 Perhaps they don’t need money. Why would you call someone selfish when you don’t know the circumstances? Weird.
Not her parents
@@hikerhobby1204 I highly doubt that. At those ages, they are going to need a handout or at least inquire.
W (why)TF does he put that on here knowing he will get replies like mine? Kind of seems like you should be directing your post to the OP not me.
“No” is a complete sentence. Thanks Dave. 👊🏽❤️
Exactly 💯
That spoke to me...Grandpa Dave speaking truth...So thankful for him....
That's one of my favorite words. It holds so much power and it really throws people off when you just use that word without an explanation.
"No"
"No Thanks".
Ppl don't know how to react to that simple of an answer
The fact that he's not pushing his wife to go get the money from her family means they don't want to offend them, and they don't mind offending and pressuring this lady. They're BULLIES.
My dad who left when I was four and took all of our money asked me to help him buy a house. I told him no. He took all of the money that my grandparents left to me and never paid a dime in child support. He foolishly spent all of his money on motorcycles and alcohol. I do not owe him anything.
That's different than this very wealthy woman not helping her dad.
It sounds to me as if he's lucky that you even speak to him. But you made the right decision to turn down his request for a loan.
That's criminal
Exactly 💯👍🏾
That's terrible, I'm sorry...
It’s not $55000 because once they know that they have access to free money they will keep coming back for more
If this guy hasn't learned how to manage money at 80, he will never learn. If I were his daughter, I would feel zero guilt!!!
I paid a relative's 48,000. Debts. Paid each debt separatly to not give them the cash. In exchange for their paid off house title. 11 months later they are maxed out out on all credit cards. Some people never learn. I don't loan money without collateral, anybody.
A debtor is slave to the lender. Bought a house for 48K.
So you swindled your relative out of their house? Unless the house is $48,000 or less you took advantage of someone in a bad situation with full knowledge that they had a spending problem, regardless of how they got there.
You took their home? You didn’t make a contract for 48k in equity in their home, instead you got their home for 48k? No winder they are still broke. That was a shitty move dude. You basically swindled them.
I may be the only one who thinks you did the right thing. By taking their deed you have prevented them from losing their home. Now if you give them the boot, that would be unkind.
He paid $48,000 IN CASH.
In return all he apparently has is a piece of paper.
I would SUPPOSE that they pay no rent. They should be paying the taxes and insurance on the house.
If he hasn't recorded the transfer of title, they may well apply for and get a home equity loan.
At a minimum, he SHOULD transfer the title and collect enough rent to pay for insurance and taxes.
If he doesn't do those things, the bank that made the home equity loan will probably get the house, or the house will burn down or go for unpaid taxes. They will wind up with $0.00 as a return for the $48,000 cash they paid out.
The relative is incompetent to manage his own finances.
"No. You're 80 years old and should have your life together financially. You have had plenty of time."
Yeah, that about encompasses it. He must have made a boat load of mistakes to be 80 years old without $55k handy. Shame on him for even asking of his married daughter.
Tell your dad your husband said NO and he will divorce you if you give them money. We do that all the time.
😂
We have played good cop bad cop with our kids all their lives….and advised them to pass the blame off on us if they didn’t want to do something someone asked them to do. We learned loooong ago that No is a good response……and we have helped out our kids through tough times when ever we thought it was the right thing to do.
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
Good answer!
Dave is correct, she is an easy mark. She needs to stand up to her Dad.
Correct. Just say, I can't. My sister has money but I don't ask her for anything. It's hers.
She said they had a way out, but they refused to follow through with it.
She's probably not giving the whole story.
Could her father sign something over to her like the car or a home until he pays her back....like collateral???
Years ago I was given some good advice about "lending" money to friends and family : never lend them money, rather give it to them. Think about how much you can give with a peaceful heart, give them that amount only, and then tell them it's a gift they don't have to pay back. This technique has saved me a lot of stress over the years.
@MarcusMoonstein - That could backfire. Some people might be more likely to ask for money frequently, knowing you can afford to give it, and that they don’t have to give it back.
@@lovethemflowers Yes, that is a real risk. That's why I only give what I can give with a good heart. It's often less than the person asked for, and every time they ask again I find the amount goes down. Unfortunately some people are quite happy to sponge off others indefinitely, and at some point you have to refuse to give any more.
Years ago, I, as a suddenly single mom of two young children, was in a position where I had to ask my stepdad for a loan. It was a specific amount. It was only $3000 but 27 years ago that seemed like a lot. He said “I want you to know this is a gift. If you feel moved to pay it back that is up to you. If you can’t your mother and I fully understand.” That gave me such a feeling of relief. I did pay him back fully but knew I could do it as fast or as slow as I needed. Over the next few years I had to borrow money on two other occasions. I paid those loans back as well. And when I needed a new car he co signed for me. I thank God I had him in my corner all these years. I know my kids were foremost in his mind and I am forever grateful.
same with me, give what you can & figure it's "into the wind" after that
Judge Judy said this same thing on her court show years ago. I always remembered it, such sound advice. The only difference is she said she only gives a person money once. And she makes it clear beforehand that they can never ask again.
This father is wrong for putting his daughter in this position. The answer is NO!!
I don't understand, they say they will pay her back, then just pay your debt back instead. They have no intention of paying her back.
In the sense she gets thevhome once they die...
They want her to not get any interest compared to the current owners of the debts.
My mom asked me for $600 a few years ago. It felt weird, but I gave it to her. A few months later she asked for $2500. It just feels wrong. She made plenty of money, she was just horrible at managing it. She and I are estranged now for other reasons but parents asking their kids for money is definitely indicative of a broken relationship.
so when parents asking their kids for money - bad
when kids asking their parents for money - good (from your point of view)
Where in my comment did I say that kids should ask their parents for money? 🧐
@@MrCamel-mb3ndshe never said that... and parents asking their kids for money is way worse imo.
@@MrCamel-mb3nd Nobody asking anybody for money (Better)
If the kid is under 18 technical the parent is fully financially responsible, so yes. Kids are never responsible for the adults, specially if giving them, the money does not fix the underlying cause of why that debt occurred in the first place.
My family tried this same stuff the second I became successful. Amazing how fast the vultures come and suddenly think they are entitled to YOUR money.
You mean leaches and lampreys. Oh, don't forget vampires.
for me if my family supported me and helped me got my biz off the ground i would have no qualms in giving back but if they did not then it is the finger
It's sad that you think your Dad is a vulture.
It's amazing how fast people you love and think you could trust with your life, will turn on you, once you have some money and they don't.
@@slinkiegirl2001 we need more information
I have a feeling that "his wife" is behind all of this.
Good point
She doesn't know how much in the bank. When her husband left her, I'm sure she'll figure it out or have nothing for being s-----.
she obviously knows, she just doesn't want to make it public! It was obvious. And of course she figures it out if she divorces, if not her, then the lawyer. it's her right!@@glendacastillo6504
Hope your in the same situation also when your 80
“NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.”
-Dave Ramsey
If the father was starving, then help. His problems are his own doings. The father is entitled.
I take for granted that my my parents are stable sometimes. My family is as “plain jane” and boring as it gets. But we love it! No drama
You're lucky. I'd have given anything for a boring but stable family.
“A travel agent for guilt trips!”
I’m gonna use that line
Dad; Hey sweetie can you pay off your mother in laws debt so she can run up more?
Daughter; No!!!
I think it's her step mother
@@dlogs9778 Lol
Good catch
Thanks
💯
The stepmom is owed money so I think her problem is loans to people who flake out on her.
Im so glad Dave made a point about the father. My parents asked me (and I listened) to give my sister thousands. I finally got my head on straight and I don't talk to any of them anymore. My husband and I now have over a million net worth and it wont be long for our house to be paid off fully. We are focusing on ourselves away from toxic family & its been the best decision of our lives. We are only in our early 30s too - this lady needs to suddenly go "quiet".
so money ruined the relationship... sad.
Yes it is sad when there are too many takers in a family and not enough givers.
Exactly, most things you have to keep to yourself
Family or Friends we are all human and toxic people have to be out of your circle.
@@thehoverfit8094 man the people i have interacted with arent humans. Humans have a soul, ive met some soulless animals out there.
My mom, sister, and brother are all millionaires. I am too. We all made it ourselves. My brother tends to brag about his net worth to me. When he does, I always immediately ask him for some. He always says no way. (I wouldn't take it anyway.) Recently he found out I was a millionaire too. He offered me and my company (I own my company) a large contract job. He had no idea about my finances. It's best to keep your good financial position to yourself when it comes to family.
Same with my husband's brother. Seems my husband has been bragging to his brother the past couple of years because his brother on occassion will make comments to me like he wants me to open up about our finances (I handle our finances, my husband has to find out from me how much we have). Anyway, his brother talks like we are wealthier than he and his wife are and they are wealthy.
Absolutely Correct! Your own family can't even be trusted!
Yup...if I won the lottery, I wouldn't tell my family until I got a lawyer and a tax guy. Then maybe I would.
If you do business with family, do it just like any other person/business with written contracts drawn up by lawyers! And don't hesitate to go after them for non-payment!
@@garybulwinkle82 Agreed! I might not go after them so hard for nonpayment, but I also won't work for them again.
I was asked for money years ago by family member. Too many red flags. I offered her help with making a budget, talk with her & her husband, review life & career decisions, etc. Never heard back after that discussion. I was using the principle give a man a fish & you fed him a meal, teach a man how to fish & you feed him forever. I believe many of those loans are asked because they know they won’t pay it back & no legal repercussion; no accountability like taking a loan from a bank. That same family member got money from my brother, he never got it back, never heard from her again. Shame!
Same same. Best strategy. If they won’t consider a long term solution, they don’t get a long term loan 😊
Never put yourself in a position where you can take from your children.
If my. Mother needed something, anything, and did not turn to me I would be DEVASTATED. I would sell the entire contents of my home if need be. Make no mistake.
@@carojames6776 agreed
@@carojames6776 I think Ramsey got this one wrong. Someone with millions can give a 55k gift one time and not even feel it.
An elderly couple died in Texas when their ac broke and they did have it the 4K needed. It took 4 days to get the loan approved and they died from the heat in their mobile home a day after loan was finally approved. The grown kids living close. What the actual heck.grown kids look out for your elderly parents. Check on them to be sure they have food and electricity and be there for these times of emergency because they may not ask!
The caller and husband are both under 59.5 yo. Just tell the dad that they can’t take any money out of the accounts without a penalty.
Literally just pushes the problem out a couple years, then dad comes knocking again. Band-aid.
Maybe they will have a legitimate reason to call in a few years. One fall in the elderly can change their health situation tremendously.
My parents tried to get me to pay off their debt when I was 18. They spent recklessly on credit cards and didn’t even try to save money. They racked up the debt when I was young and I had no idea. When I said no they said they would kill themselves if I didn’t. Some parents are just awful
Oh lord...
Emotional blackmail. They're emotionally abusive. Hopefully you've severed ties. Nobody needs that in their life.
I’m so sorry for you! That’s not what parents should do and it’s not what a child deserves. You deserve better.
People don't borrow money from relatives to pay off their debt. They take the money just to buy more things when their credit is maxed out.
@@-myal-8691true. Never a good idea.
The best response is no. It’s a complete response.
Don’t make Dad’s problem your problem.
The fact that this woman doesn’t even know how much money they have is evidence that she is also dealing with money trauma. She needs counseling. Her father is manipulative and irresponsible and her need to people please is a red flag. Dave is on point as usual!
She knows, she just doesn't want to say it.
I think they have more than 2 bar but she doesn't want to air that, in case other folk are listening. It's still her choice though to give or not
Why's Dave so surprised by her dad's age, she already told him she's 56!
Because in the south people have young’ins super young. And the die early? (Shrugs)
@@pattip1413even if her parents had her when they were 15, their age would be 71…
If that $55k is in pre-tax retirement accounts, it's gonna cost caller even more than $55k to give it to her daddy. She's gonna have to pay taxes on that IRA distribution, too. Just a bad idea all around.
I love how straightforward he is with people, no kid gloves. Which is what is needed sometimes
Don't do it. My parents gave my aunt and uncle 1,000 for a lawnmower. Later when mom was a widow, they asked for 5k. She didn't have a house anymore and they did
Did she ask for money?
Sounds like my in-laws…
She will become the gift that keeps on giving.
They give Dad and his wife the money. Wife’s kids get out of repaying. Dad, wife, or both, die. At best, their assets will be split, with half going to his kids, and half to hers. This means the caller gifts Dad’s wife’s kids half of $55K, and loses out on half of the $55K that should have been back in the estate. Actually, the caller is out $77,500 (Caller’s $55K plus half of what the kids borrowed and didn’t repay). More likely scenario is that Dad dies first, and wife leaves everything to her own kids.
Yes! He is 80. Soon he won’t be driving, he can sell the car, no car payments, put the money towards debt.
GenX X there you go, thinking like a lawyer. Not bad for this exercise. Rational thinking in effect.
This!
@@artharrison294 Guilty as charged. 😆
Not only that but she will pay tax on what she withdrew from Ira so closer to 100,000$
A good strategy that I have used when a family member hits for a loan is to flip it back on them and tell them you were just about to ask them for a loan as you are so broke and quite embarrassed about it. It works, try it.
👍👍👍👍
😂 nice haha
Lol!
😂🤣👍🏾nice!
She should turn the tables and force her dad and make him feel embarrassed to why they are not getting back the money her step mom's family owes them. Like dad why are you letting them take advantage of you and rip you off. I can't see you like this let's go get your money back!!
"...let's go get your money back." Why?? Why should she be trying to get her father's wife's family to "pay her what she's owed, and how does she know this is actual fact?
If his wife isn't going to pursue it then I think the case is closed.
@@jwlsngold5026
Because it could be elder abuse and financially savvy children should Step in when their parents are being taken advantage of.
A child doesn’t have to give a penny to look after the best interest of their parent.
Don’t put your bad decisions on your child!
I lent my parents money, several thousand dollars and they are refusing to pay me back. So now i will have to take them to court just to get it back.
Hope you had it in writing.
I won in civil court.
You won a JUDGEMENT.
But did you actually get paid back?
If they have a stable income, she/he'll get the money on a monthly basis, otherwise it's difficult, unless they have valuables (let's say two cars or high end gym equipment) that can be sold. @@SeattlePioneer
I know some parents that asked for $250,000 from their daughter so they wouldnt lose their house. She helped them and they promised to "give her" the house for helping them with that debt. Once she paid parents said "Nope the house is worth more than 250k but thanks for the help we'll add your name to the house as a beneficiary"
How do you not know if you have one million or two million? That’s a huge difference. It’s mind boggling..
I think she doesn't want to disclose the exact amount: she does know.
Maybe he husband takes care of the finances
@@Treerootz1 That’s no excuse. Actually, it’s a horrible excuse.
@@christams8863 No, she had no idea. Sounded like an idiot.
@@fluffhead917 Are you telling me your wife(or husband) doesn't know how much money you have? LOL!
This lady needs to get to the point. She is basically excusing it and laughing. She doesn't know if they have two million or three million. So wishy washy. Say yes or no and move on.
Many people laugh when nervous.
It was BS. She knows everything. Either lay out the numbers or don’t call.
Yep she was irritatingly pokey.
I practiced in front of a mirror saying over and over "no but thank you for thinking about me" and it has become a real good habit. So much so a friend asked me for something simple. The line just popped out of my mouth and my friend was furious yelling i know what that means. Years ago i told her that in my head it means f**k off, eat dirt and die, nope not happening. And NEVER explain why, just stick to the original no phrase
I am 76. NEVER would I ask my kids for money, loan or no.
Daddy Dearest is going to ask for more money when you cave. This is just the start.
When you tell soneone 'no', it earns you respect from the other person.
And if they get angry at you, that's not YOU who is wrong
She could have just said she does not want to publicly announce her net worth in case family and friends are listening.
We dont want to do that. Me: Then dont
You can tell in her voice that she is going to give the money. Her dad will sweet talk her and guilt her into it. Many older parents are excellent at guilting their kids into believing they owe it to them.
True
My grandma often felt entitled for my dad to help her financially but never really had to guilt him. She essentially only made social security after losing her retirement during the recession and he was a six figure earner with s net worth of multiple millions to be able to help her. But he is also extremely generous to the point that it never would have gone to the point of her having to guilt.
My dad would never have asked me for money. He was a proud man. But if mine asked me, he would get it because he was a great man and if he asked me, I would have known he would have needed it.
Wow. What Dave said about Biblically to honor your parents, NOT their misdeeds?? Hit like a ton of bricks, as I had (past tense) a similar situation. That can apply to any family member. God will help each one find their answer, and with great teachers such as Mr. Ramsey, and then when your cup runneth over? You get to give to those in true need. I am grateful to be able to listen to him in addition to Him!!!
Nope! No is a complete sentence. Parents don't always have your best interest at heart. Wish I had learned that lesson earlier in life.
I have a brother who asked me for money several times. He has filed for bankruptcy twice. He wanted our mother to give him some of her modest retirement money and that was the final straw. I couldn't believe he would put her at risk like that. We have to trust our experience with people and do what is right for us.
A lot of parents think it is their child's responsibility to take care of them during their older years when they did not do the same for their parents. My guess is that this guy did not lift a finger for his parents but is now demanding things from his kids.
It is though, how do you expect your parents to take care of themselves when they are old and weak?
@@melmel7011 I said "A lot" which is a subset of the population. Some parents do a great job raising their kids and putting them in a great position in life through self-sacrifice and teaching. Those parents have earned some dignity in being taken care of later in life. However, some parents do not set their children up well in life and are just takers. They did not help their children, themselves, nor their own parents but now expect someone to rescue them at the end. That was my point.
True that my dad dumped his parents in a home and left state
What’s so wrong in taking care of your parents?
@@serenity8145 Nothing when the parents are good. Please read the whole conversation as it explains your question before you even asked it.
80 years old and hasn’t figured life out
Thank you for your commentary on what it means to honour your parents ❤
I used to lend my younger sister money for her random “out of the blue I need a spot this month I’ll pay you back when I can” situations. Never again.
Nope. Even if you do, never on the terms "when I can" because she will never can. Make her sign a piece of paper stating the amount of money and until when she has to pay it back. Another wittness would help as well. I assure you she will never ask again!
My first rule is to never financially help anyone who is retired. If dad's working as a greeter at Walmart, we can talk about the kind of help he needs.
My first rule is never to discuss my finances with anyone. No one in this world knows how much I earn (well, except HR). It is no one's business. They know I'm stable, that's all they need to know.
What's the difference between owing the credit cards and the car loan and owing the daughter? Nothing. It doesn't change their situation... If they are saying they will repay the daughter "with interest" then why not just pay the original debts. It's just moving the debt from one creditor to another. It only helps them if they aren't planning on repaying it ever. I know they SAY they will make payments... But after a couple they will stop. They have to be expecting the daughter to make it a gift. The parents already know how it feels to be owed money from a relative and not pressuring the debtor to pay it back... Now THEY want to do it too. The daughter needs to say that they don't want to be in the same situation with a relative owing them money and making the relationship weird.
She probably told her dad that she was a millionaire. You don’t tell anyone you’re a millionaire. At 80 you can die with the debt. Just pay the minimums. At 80 you can rank up the credit cards.
This father's debt is the product of bad behavior. To solve this problem, it is most effective to resolve the behavior rather than wasting time effort and resources on the debt.
Did he pay for your school loans? How much was that? You have millions! What is $55 thousand when you have millions? The least you should do is pay them back what they forked over for your education (if he did pay for it).
They want to be debt free so that they can start buying/spending on the cards again! My answer would be "no". And I agree with Dave that "no" is a complete sentence!
Ramsey usual advice is "Dad I can't give you this money because we LOVE YOU.". Lol
"I love you too much to participate in your insanity". 🤣
it's kind of insulting...
It's annoying when people call in and don't know their numbers. But good advice, Dave
I suspect she knew, but did not want to say.
Especially when they’re women. I don’t know why women won’t take care of knowing the numbers
agreed. It was obvious she knew@@carlsanders7824
Just tell him to go to a bank for a loan. It sounds like he has bad finically behavior and you would never get the money back.
The parents want to get out debt. What good would getting a loan to.
@@ykciR he's asking for a loan from his daughter, the issue is who takes the risk, his daughter or the bank?
Banks have plenty of money!
" The bible says to honor your parents. it does not say to honor their misbehavior " 👍🏾
I use to know a relative who always asked my husband and I for a loan whenever they were in a bind. I started saying no because I felt like a bank! Truth they will find someone else just say no!
Tell your dad and stepmother to declare bankruptcy.
To speak to Dave Ramsey is on my bucket list.
Walmart is always hiring for a greeters for old people.
I google it walmart doesn't hire greeter anymore.
Walmart change it to customer host but with add responsibilities like security and customer assistance.
He 80 year olds . He can't be a security guard. He can easy get injured and sue Walmart.
Would people hire someone to do nothing?
Or if he's such a great salesman then he can get a job at a local car dealership and work the phones to bring people in. He should be able to knock out that debt in no time.
Oh come on, seeing old people work at that age is so heartbreaking! I would never put a parent in that situation if I have the money.
I would just give them the money. No loan, end of story. One time, non-repeating gift. But I'm not a pushover. A year or two later, the answer to "Could we have some more?" would be an unhesitating "No." But it's not me on the phone, so I feel like this was the pep talk this woman needed to hear. Her gut was saying no; she just needed some help getting that no up to her mouth.
Edit: I would probably ask for a copy of the first page of the credit card and loan bills and send in the payoffs directly. "There! Debt gone! Have a happy life!" (Narrator: But the debt wasn't gone. It would later rise from the dead.)
Agreed, my daughter needed a little help when she first got her own apartment. We worked out a budget and she learned enough that she went into banking. So very proud of her!!!
This is a hard no. It is not a life-or-death situation it is not parents fell ill and may lose their home and I have millions in cash laying around.
My family resents that my husband and I are financially stable.
As the finances of my wife and myself grow, we limit how much we tell our families for that same reason.
Literally…I’ve learned that it’s better for families (and friends) to believe and think you’re broke or just managing.
Why cant he just pay off his own debt the way he thinks he will pay off his daughter. Unless he has no intention whatsoever to pay her back.
A big part of Financial Freedom is having your heart and mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life! Have an amazing week everyone!!!
Beautifully written 👏🏿
@@josephinebournes8212 thank you so much. Wish you all the best!!!
Parents should never ask their children for money
Ummm.
As I understand it, a lot of Asian families take pride in helping family members with loans for useful purposes, such as starting a business.
But they are treated as investments that will be repaid or pay off with equity in the business. That CAN be good for the family if the responsibilities are taken seriously.
Unfortunately, most such family loans are treated sloppily with no formal expectations to pay interest or make payments. That's sloppiness by the LENDER.
Treat family loans the way a bank would treat them and they ought to be good business for everyone.
I owe my son money which he lent me to pay for a new roof and solar panels. I do all the admin for his small business for “free” to pay off this loan. He also lives with us free of charge. I think this is fair. The father in the phone call has a damn cheek to ask for this amount of money to pay his debts which he shouldn’t have in the first place.
If you were going to do this "loan" it should have been written up with specific terms.
Similarly, if you were going to repay this loan through employment, at how much an hour or month?
Absent concrete amounts, this tends to be rife with misunderstanding and resentment.
And you should be paid for room and board.
You have so many loose ends that it's hard to believe that anyone can really know what to expect.
However, that's typical for American families. And why so few such "loans" are ever repaid. And why there are often hurt feelings over such issues.
Good message at the end
I would tell them we don't have $55,000...I would give them $20,000 and end the conversation...take it or leave it.
I’ve given my dad a truck before… only because he wouldn’t buy one.
When he died… he left far more than I made through out my life or could ever give him.
I've had this sort of thing happen only 2-3 times in my 78 years. The first time was in the mid 60's. In-laws were desperate for a $355 loan that they promised to pay back. They never paid any of it back. The way I look at it is that if I were to ever again to consider loaning anyone money, I would be agreeing with them that they are not capable of making the money themselves. And that is a terrible message to give someone --here you go, I am capable and you are not. Nope, I'll not do that. Instead I'd go to great lengths to help in their education of handling money, finances.
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My recommendations:
You made the loan. Fine.
Write up a contract that includes the amount loans, the monthly payment amount and an interest charge per month. I like to charge 1/2% per month.
Send out a monthly statement showing the previous balance, amounts paid, interest added, the total balance still due, and the monthly payment and due date.
In other words, TREAT IT AS A LOAN AND A BUSINESS DEAL.
If you are not willing to do that, call it a gift, not a loan.
My mother said the money she had was hers, and she was going to spend it all, and not leave a dime to any of us. Well, she spent it and now we are paying for most of her assisted living.
You should not have to pay for her assisted living, if she’s broke, go into the business office and tell them they need to help set her up on Medicaid.
If they don’t accept Medicaid, find a place that will, and put her there.
you are a better child than me i would not expect anything from my mom but if she saw me toll and suffer and she was in a financial position to help me and she did not i would have no qualms about leaving her to fend for herself nothing from nothing leaves nothing
Totally different situation, but reminds me that I had a drug addict parent figure who would steal money from my birthday cards. After I moved in with another family member and got a job in high school she'd still ask me for "cigarette money" all the time. And never being taught how to stand up for myself and being gaslit into thinking she deserved it for raising me, I'd cave in every time.
That’s terrible my friend, stealing from the bday cards…hang in there. Not your fault.
You don't owe him anything. Don't do it. You know he will ask for more. It's not your responsibility to pay their debts.
if you owe anything to anyone it's your parents
@@annasimons389 she didn't ask to be born. Just because they birthed you doesn't mean they are allowed to manipulate us.
@@Globewanderer000 "she didn't ask to be born" lol what are you like 12?
@@annasimons389 I'm old enough to not be manipulated like a weakling. We teach people how to treat us and just because they're blood, doesn't give them a special pass. Good luck with your life.
@@annasimons389 WRONG!
Sad, I hope the elderly couple can get through their financial difficulties. 🙏🏼
They can. They just have to request of their family to give back the money the elderly couple have lent to, who knows when. Simple.
You mean bad financial decisions not difficulties
Put dad in a nursing home...claim he and his estate is indigent....problem solved.
I am SO LUCKY I have the parents I have. I love you mom & dad. My dad would die before he’d ask or expect me to take care of him financially
"For What?" The first time Uncle Dave made me laugh.
I genuinely mean it when I express my stress and concern regarding the market crash and high inflation, particularly in relation to my retirement. I have been experiencing losses for quite some time, and while some may argue that crises can present opportunities, I am feeling overwhelmed. However, I understand that investing is a long-term endeavor, and it is crucial to maintain focus on the bigger picture and the long run.
I have experienced significant losses, and I am holding on with the hope of recovering them. It is evident that I am in dire need of assistance
It seems that *JENNY PAMOGAS CANAYA* possesses extensive knowledge and a strong educational background
Great advice.
“No is a complete sentence.”
I love that. I need a book of Davisms.
The problem is Dad’s wife has loaned money to her family and isn’t pursuing it. I’d help my father in a heartbeat but not paying for his wife decisions. They need to look at any assets they have to pay the debt. Downsize and sell what they can. There is too much missing information in this call. At 80, Dad may not have the mental capacity to make good decisions regarding his finances.
Just say no. Must be nice to not know how many millions you have in the bank lol. Sounds like he was the breadwinner. I wouldn't be thrilled giving that kind of money to in-laws when I was the one going into work every day and they obviously have a spending problem. Noooope.
I think she knows what they have
Yip, she was being modest and not trying to brag/flex