Dear Anxiety || Spoken Word

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  • Опубліковано 22 вер 2018
  • All poems, vids and novels:
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 11 тис.

  • @ClaytonJennings
    @ClaytonJennings  3 роки тому +3413

    I hope this helps someone out there. Love you all.
    All poems, vids and novels:
    www.ClaytonJennings.com
    Have I been able to help you? Support my channel here: app.moonclerk.com/pay/2qswhhel8db9
    Spotify: open.spotify.com/artist/3HM2KNmxuQ4SS3A3sI5Lez
    Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/artist/clayton-jennings/1494243865
    Amazon Music: tinyurl.com/y5u4hxc3
    Instagram: instagram.com/claytonjennings1/

  • @RushilJivan
    @RushilJivan 5 років тому +18192

    Schools should really start talking about depression and anxiety, not only bullying because sometimes we bring ourselves down, not others.. 😕

    • @GreenJNR-GG
      @GreenJNR-GG 5 років тому +147

      bullying caused my depression:(

    • @RushilJivan
      @RushilJivan 5 років тому +60

      @@GreenJNR-GG You should report it to an elder :/

    • @GreenJNR-GG
      @GreenJNR-GG 5 років тому +48

      Canny Kibbles no, i did before and it just made it worse, so i can’t do it again, but thanks

    • @RushilJivan
      @RushilJivan 5 років тому +38

      @@GreenJNR-GG well if you want to talk to me on any social media, then just ask me. I'm willing to help :)

    • @botdog370
      @botdog370 5 років тому +39

      Jag Most bullying is due to what happens at home. Abusive parents.

  • @cherryberrylicious89
    @cherryberrylicious89 4 роки тому +5205

    The happiest of people are usually the saddest.

    • @AA-bk1jr
      @AA-bk1jr 4 роки тому +89

      Welcome to my life 🙁

    • @possiblypikit
      @possiblypikit 4 роки тому +80

      God dang exactly, everyone thinks I’m always say I’m a super happy kid but little do they know

    • @miavasquez2556
      @miavasquez2556 4 роки тому +67

      This is so true when I’m with my friends in the happiest one in the group but when I get home I just let it out and when I look in the mirror I cry more because I’m so insecure about my body but I’m slowly liking my body more everyday

    • @tinyc6334
      @tinyc6334 4 роки тому +21

      NOT TRUE 🤣😂🤣

    • @possiblypikit
      @possiblypikit 4 роки тому +15

      Yeah it is

  • @mattfunk9652
    @mattfunk9652 Рік тому +551

    Man... When he says, "I'm good thank you" and walks out.... That was perfectly depicted with how anxiety is.. Everything he wanted too and needed to say... But instead chose to bottle it all up because he felt he didn't have a choice.. anxiety PERFECTLY explained.

    • @heathj2007
      @heathj2007 Рік тому +10

      Yessss good catch.

    • @ConnorMurphy-yg4qo
      @ConnorMurphy-yg4qo Рік тому +6

      True although go home and naturally replay the moment in multiple ways just to prove to our selves we could do it

    • @daybreaker7052
      @daybreaker7052 Рік тому +8

      I agree with this but I also think that this spoke on how anxiety is your own battle that you alone must face. He had nothing to say because he won his own battle.

    • @rylandeyapp1023
      @rylandeyapp1023 9 місяців тому +1

      Absolutely facts 💯

    • @took995
      @took995 9 місяців тому +1

      This is absolutely true, I've listened to this and listened to this repeatedly for years now, and that's the part that just breaks me every time. It's so real

  • @bourneleader8001
    @bourneleader8001 Рік тому +42

    “But everything I really am is what I didn’t want to be”
    Took the air from me….

  • @quynciefaulkner6844
    @quynciefaulkner6844 5 років тому +3062

    mom- whats the matter
    me- *smiles* nothing
    *thinking* don't cry, don't cry

    • @Convoluted-and-Exiled
      @Convoluted-and-Exiled 5 років тому +67

      ...Yes. So many days I have told myself this. The struggle is real...*big hug*

    • @costacheianis693
      @costacheianis693 5 років тому +6

      Ohh,yeah ..

    • @domvillarreal01
      @domvillarreal01 5 років тому +38

      The thing is my mom knows what i go through but I still lie and say nothing

    • @lolitalo7793
      @lolitalo7793 4 роки тому +23

      Me every day.. but My mom is not her to ask me this.. so sometimes my mind just do and I start crying..

    • @kayleyhuebner4231
      @kayleyhuebner4231 4 роки тому +9

      Only like 5 words buh so much meaning and so true

  • @minenhledlamini6495
    @minenhledlamini6495 5 років тому +5111

    some ppl don't under depression and having anxiety when u try to look for help they say that you are seeking attention but deep down you are drowning, you really need their help not their judgments

    • @anxietycloutxz7928
      @anxietycloutxz7928 5 років тому +11

      Minenhle Dlamini Fax Bro 🤧

    • @clintclore5717
      @clintclore5717 5 років тому +17

      fact

    • @wildcatludlow5891
      @wildcatludlow5891 5 років тому +62

      Today I felt like giving up, rocked back and forth hitting my head on the dresser, I laid on the floor with no pain no thoughts just the feeling of numbness, I laid in bed staring outside my window as tears run down my face thinking how I called into work and told them I had the flu but in reality I’m trying to live I’m fighting a battle that no one can see that no one is able to understand, I can’t move talk or even think I’m just numb and lost.

    • @bradallen9551
      @bradallen9551 5 років тому +14

      Hey man, I'll pray for you, continue to have faith in God, he'll bring you through it stronger because of it.

    • @kassidyrichard1693
      @kassidyrichard1693 5 років тому +14

      That’s exactly what it feels like, drowning.

  • @Brayden____ogier
    @Brayden____ogier 11 місяців тому +144

    It’s crazy how much I come back to this 😢 this is so relatable

    • @cathrinenyasha6621
      @cathrinenyasha6621 9 місяців тому +1

      Me too😢

    • @craigmoore3207
      @craigmoore3207 3 місяці тому

      I first found this song about a month back and I listen to it numerous times a day I have diffrent accounts on my fire stick laptop an phone an on all 3 it’s at the top the words are so relatable it’s scary

  • @MrShadow-qz9xj
    @MrShadow-qz9xj 3 місяці тому +8

    The message in this is the ending, so many times people that deal with anxiety have so much they want/need to say. In private we feel strong, and talk our selves up. Then when we come face to face with it, we just can not bring ourselves to say it. Anxiety took 40 years of my life away. I am more free now then i ever have been. That said it is still a choice i have to keep making. Those voices are still there still putting me down, but i keep reminding myself of how good it feels.

  • @hulamcflyer4972
    @hulamcflyer4972 5 років тому +5123

    He needs to collab with NF

  • @Jenna-qz8ht
    @Jenna-qz8ht 4 роки тому +3278

    “I’m an actor who got really good at being on today” that hit deep

    • @UnsolvedMystery90
      @UnsolvedMystery90 4 роки тому +20

      Know that feeling all too well.

    • @Youngbloodz33
      @Youngbloodz33 4 роки тому +11

      I know right. And I felt that more than any other sentence in the whole song

    • @dahlia_moon1475
      @dahlia_moon1475 4 роки тому +6

      I know right

    • @shantcheetah
      @shantcheetah 4 роки тому +10

      i agree, that's a very powerful line :( to an extent we're all actors, we portray an image of ourselves to society so people can accept us

    • @Austin_schurer
      @Austin_schurer 4 роки тому +2

      Jenna 98765 yeah that’s me 24/7 in school and outside

  • @bruceschildt6220
    @bruceschildt6220 Рік тому +110

    I've turned back to God because of this video . Today is my first day giving up alcohol. I'm depending on Him to get me through this. Thanks man for this video, you're truly helping people ❤

    • @deihl97
      @deihl97 11 місяців тому +2

      Amen! How is it going for you?

    • @lauraschmitz2427
      @lauraschmitz2427 8 місяців тому +1

      Don’t give up no matter what, and even if you don’t succeed right away, don’t be afraid to try again I know many people who don’t always make it the first attempt! But you Can do this with Jesus on your side all you need to do is surrender to his will and walk with God hand-in-hand! Don’t ever forget how amazing you are in your father’s eyes and you don’t need any poison inside you to make you better. God made you perfectly how you are!

    • @RawrTilUsDeath
      @RawrTilUsDeath 8 місяців тому +1

      hows it going brother?

    • @Llewellyn-rv4rb
      @Llewellyn-rv4rb 3 місяці тому

      May God be with you may he rescue you AMEN

    • @DanSteakMan
      @DanSteakMan 3 місяці тому

      I think I'm trapped
      It sucks
      I walked back to thos environment
      I'm the one who ignored my gut
      Gods been here this whole time
      Why can't I love my self, as Jesus loves me?!
      I hate me
      Why?
      Only I can answer
      Unfortunately
      Help me Lord!

  • @brookeroyston9779
    @brookeroyston9779 Рік тому +332

    Anyone reading this. You have purpose you are here for a reason. Don't give up, stay. We need you here.

  • @potatoes3872
    @potatoes3872 4 роки тому +1437

    " anxiety is not an item that can return at the store "

    • @BG-wc7kb
      @BG-wc7kb 4 роки тому +2

      ivory claraa I kinda wish it was not that I have anxiety

    • @itzbarney532
      @itzbarney532 4 роки тому +1

      Yes we watched the video too

    • @Raynbow402
      @Raynbow402 3 роки тому +2

      I didn't realize I had PTSD I thought it was anxiety

    • @edsports3776
      @edsports3776 3 роки тому

      Raynbow402 sorry man thats rough

    • @kay_imvu8609
      @kay_imvu8609 3 роки тому

      💯

  • @richardkicklighter7363
    @richardkicklighter7363 4 роки тому +1421

    The loneliest people are the KINDNESSES
    The saddest people are the BRIGHTEST
    Alll because they don't wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did

    • @WeeklyJens
      @WeeklyJens 4 роки тому +16

      It's sad but true

    • @patricktedrow1976
      @patricktedrow1976 4 роки тому +11

      Wow now that is the truest thing i have heard in many many years

    • @otakuplays937
      @otakuplays937 4 роки тому +20

      And the most damaged people are the wisest. And trust me it isn’t easy going thru all this

    • @brandonbentz8610
      @brandonbentz8610 4 роки тому +5

      hey you are right i suffer from deppression but i try to hold on

    • @mariep.3488
      @mariep.3488 4 роки тому +9

      This hits home. I feel like the loneliest person on the planet. Where is the support when you need it most?

  • @juanitagee9511
    @juanitagee9511 10 місяців тому +47

    I just sat down next to my teenage daughter & had her listen to this... as you spoke I looked at her beautiful face and she was wiping away her tears. My beautiful girl suffers from severe anxiety - I feel partially responsible as my daughter doesn't remember me not having cancer - I am blessed by God above to still be here today, but that doesn't take her hurt or her fear away. I just wanted to say Thank You Clayton for having such a positive impact on so many lives today♡. All my thanks & love to you & your beautiful family♡.

    • @rikkimichelle3627
      @rikkimichelle3627 2 місяці тому +1

      Cherish her and your guys relationship. I miss my momma everyday and blessings no more cancer

  • @joshuapankhurst627
    @joshuapankhurst627 11 місяців тому +46

    I'm 29 and I stutter. I can out work, out smart anyone in my career. Every time I hear this, I break down crying 20-30 seconds in. Religions not my cup of tea, but the message hits hard.

    • @AaronKurtzCoach
      @AaronKurtzCoach 8 місяців тому +1

      I can relate man. Be well

    • @duxvoid2437
      @duxvoid2437 6 місяців тому +2

      Jesus will save you man ask him for guidance 🙏

    • @Patrick-ru4ur
      @Patrick-ru4ur 3 місяці тому +1

      That's because religion is for people who are scared of going to hell, but spirituality is for people who have been there. You don't need religion to have faith. God loves you, and I love you

  • @timothystrik4658
    @timothystrik4658 5 років тому +2505

    I wake up, puddle of sweat.
    I have nightmares and I get back into bed.
    It’s like these voices just keep playing on repeat in the back of my head.
    And I can’t keep them to leave me alone, thirty years old but still hates being alone when I’m home.
    Because that’s when the voices get the loudest.
    Opening up like this is a moment far from my proudest.
    But these demons keep pressing me, I swear to the foulest.
    But I’ve grown comfortable with their presence, my conscious is coulees.
    My dreams are their playground, my thoughts are their palace.
    I’ve tried to evict them, they returned with more.
    Anxiety isn’t an item you can return at the store.
    I was ten the first time I had an panic attack.
    Like a punch to the stomach there is no planning for that.
    And I didn’t tell anyone because I was too scared about what they’d say.
    And I know deep down there was nothing they could do to take it away.
    It was my fight to fight and my battle to face.
    I remember that house I grew up in an how these demons would rattle that place.
    I’d lay awake at night staring at the ceiling.
    I’ve spend my whole life trying to run from that feeling.
    That feeling of being lonely, that feeling of being lost, that feeling of being lost when the lights turn off.
    That feeling of being depressed, that feeling of being anxious.
    The feeling of screaming to god begging him to take this.
    Only to get silence in return.
    I’d lay In that bed crying and I toss and I turn.
    And I turn and I toss till this day.
    The doctors gave me medication, the pastor said pray.
    I tried both and this anxiety still hasn’t gone away.
    So forgive me if I fantasize about being gone today.
    I’m an actor who got really good at being on today.
    But when I turn off I go right back into the shadows.
    I’m at the deep end now but I started in the shallows.
    And I might just drown myself in these waves.
    So burn me in hell, these homes are all graves.
    Everyone is coping with something but won’t admit that they all too afraid.
    And these kids are glued to watching me, what do I say.
    If I’m honest with them, maybe they wont think highly of me.
    Everything they want me to be is what I’m dying to be.
    But everything I really am, is what I’m not trying to be.
    I want them to know they not alone In their struggles.
    I wake up in tears and fall back asleep in those puddles.
    And I don’t think I’ll ever get out of this valley.
    I’m in terrified that all along god is telling my sins.
    And if he has the number must be astronomic.
    My life is a joke and you keep reading just past the comic.
    Because everything you think that I am is far from the truth.
    I wish I could open up to you and just let loose.
    But my vocal cords get thight when the devil pulls on this news.
    And then I’m back at keeping everything bottled up inside.
    But he’s not gonna keep me from pulling the throttle back this time.
    He’s not gonna keep me trapped like this.
    I can’t get out of bed, I was never meant to act like this.
    I’m packing up my backs and he can’t stop me from running fast like this.
    I’m not gonna be a slave to these voices of anxiety.
    I’m showing the devil back for every time that he lied to me.
    And I’m taking a belt to this demons who whisper to spear my ear.
    And I’m ignoring every nay-sayer who stands and stares when I’m near.
    I’m moving forward out of this slum.
    I took my bruises I took my lumps.
    I felt down but I got right back up.
    So give me a torch and just light that up.
    I’m sending fire to the devil and I’m dousing these demons in gasoline.
    Look at you now.
    Now you not laughing at me.
    Now who’s the one being tortured and plunked.
    Now who’s the one closing every door that I want.
    Now who’s the one watching the other burn to the ground.
    Don’t look away from me, you better turn back around.
    I’m not done talking to you now.
    I’m watching you moves.
    I’m on your back and I’m stalking you too.
    And when you try to ruin some other kids life I’ll be stopping you too.
    You took thirty years of my life, and I can’t get that back.
    You told me to end my life and I nearly got killed for that.
    You took me down but I bounced right back.
    I was lost then but I got found like that.
    Everything you told me I wasn’t, someone new told me I was.
    And everything you hated in me, someone new told me he loved.
    And when you tried to kill me with depression and anxiety.
    He reached in and placed hope deep inside of me.
    So I’m done listening to you and let you control me.
    I’m announcing now that the devil can’t hold me.
    I’m walking away from the old me, and I’m demanding a refund on every lie that you sold me.
    You knew I would find a way out sooner or later.
    And I found my escape in the form of a savior.

  • @carolinaharti9182
    @carolinaharti9182 4 роки тому +1204

    The NF of Spoken Word

  • @h.g5769
    @h.g5769 Рік тому +18

    Anyone just forget about this video for so long, then remember how good it is and come back when feeling stressed and anxious, such a great spoken word!

  • @dwellcome
    @dwellcome 7 місяців тому +9

    Oh man… this hits hard. It’s so hard to express the feelings, the pain, that comes along with depression. It’s so much more than just being sad…

  • @GBCuddLe
    @GBCuddLe 4 роки тому +1264

    2.5 million views but only 486k subscribers. You're helping more people than you know, Clayton. Thank you.

    • @motte8810
      @motte8810 4 роки тому +1

      :4

    • @sheenacarlisle4875
      @sheenacarlisle4875 4 роки тому +1

      Amen

    • @adamcarabello6327
      @adamcarabello6327 4 роки тому +3

      so true... You are amazing Clayton... I dont need a perfect person to tell me how to better. Its through the people who struggle and get through the fire that I follow.

    • @AngelKissedBy2
      @AngelKissedBy2 4 роки тому

      @@adamcarabello6327 Amen 💯🙇❤

    • @chevelynjozefzoon
      @chevelynjozefzoon 4 роки тому

      That is so true

  • @mrlohan18
    @mrlohan18 3 роки тому +1401

    “30 years old but still hates being alone when im home because thats when the voices get the loudests” 😞💔
    Me: 100%

    • @aliciabeckett399
      @aliciabeckett399 3 роки тому +4

      Covid has me pulling overtime

    • @scott8908
      @scott8908 3 роки тому +8

      @@aliciabeckett399 I have seen some of my family in almost a year due to Covid. I lost my job in May due to Covid. My uncle passed away on January 1st of this year due to suicide. My fiancé and mother to my daughter, left me for another man just a few weeks ago. I work overtime just to afford college. My anxiety is killing me slowly. It’s hard to get past this.

    • @genesisgaytan2711
      @genesisgaytan2711 3 роки тому +1

      @@scott8908 i’m so sorry. i wish i could tell you that over time it gets better but time doesn’t heal things. you have to have to mindset to get better. i lost my brother in september ever since i have been right in the head.i dream abt seeing him in his casket and it keeps me up. you will get through this just believe in yourself.

    • @thandim7921
      @thandim7921 3 роки тому +1

      @@scott8908 so sorry that your going this I truly hope you are happy or find happiness one day ♥️

    • @blacklab1990ify
      @blacklab1990ify 3 роки тому +1

      You are not alone

  • @uncensoredcornishgirl87l16
    @uncensoredcornishgirl87l16 Рік тому +59

    This honestly made me break down when I heard it 1st time. He said every feeling and emotion I can't. Masterpiece.

  • @nickymartini1940
    @nickymartini1940 Рік тому +23

    This was totally my journey exactly except I was 34 when diagnosed with severe panic disorder. Took 3 years of facing my fears, learning to shut off the cacophony and learning to hear God’s spoken words directly to me. He speaks a better word. Perfect Love cast out my fears. I’m 52 now and 15 years anxiety feee. ❤ love your music so encouraging

  • @soultaker8642
    @soultaker8642 3 роки тому +1252

    The ending really hits cuz thats what everyone says when their asked "are u ok" "yeah I'm fine"

    • @alexs6746
      @alexs6746 3 роки тому +61

      When people ask if I’m ok I answer I’m fine because I don’t want my depression to drag them down with me, if I go down I’m going down alone

    • @alixander3129
      @alixander3129 3 роки тому +10

      @@alexs6746 I feel that. But I also target myself when I have problems with the people who have been around for a long time. I have been working through a lot of my demons and I managed to get thru this year.

    • @seanferguson2040
      @seanferguson2040 3 роки тому

      You are not fine you want more figure out a wand and let us all know no 60 words per mintute buffit..

    • @lileroselausii4421
      @lileroselausii4421 3 роки тому +3

      @@alexs6746 ur never alone even doe u might not know it xx

    • @Kwobler
      @Kwobler 3 роки тому +13

      Definition of fine. Fucked up. Insecure. Nurotic. Emotional. I suffer from alot of mental disorders. But for the grace of a Higher Power today I can face my issues and recover. It's a slow hard process but there really is light at the end. Just reach out and ask for help. You will be surprised how many people can relate to you. Your never truly alone. Plz people don't give up. I love everyone of you who struggle. Your stronger then you think. There is HOPE. Hold On Pain Ends. Xoxo

  • @iriakerwin8894
    @iriakerwin8894 4 роки тому +1071

    It’s scary how a smile and a “just tired” can get people to think your fine...
    I’m not I don’t think I ever will be fine but as far as you know and care I am, as long as I’m doing fine I’m school and am not bothering anyone, I’m okay, no matter how much I’m struggling..
    To those reading in the comments I know why your here you feel like your giving up, your scared and have no one to go to but someday things may get better we will find someone to help us, maybe one day we’ll actually be fine...
    Edit: I never even knew about the reply’s and likes, for one I’m so sorry to everyone who can relate to what I was and still do feel from time to time. I wish I could take that away. But I’m here to tell you it does get easier, as cliche as it sounds, I know it does, it does, maybe not entirely, I’m still waiting for that but those moments when we wish we could smile and genuinely mean it, they do come, and I won’t lie saying that there won’t be bad days, because unfortunately there always will be. I’m simply here to say, just wait, there’s so many things to look forward to, that one song that you’ll cherish forever. The movie you’ll have on repeat. The memories of watching sunsets. The UA-cam videos you’ll never get to see. The books you’ll never get to read. The people you’ll never get to meet.
    You will meet people who will accept you for everything you are, and when you do, it will be magical you just need to be there to see it. We both do, so please hold on, let’s take a trip, till the shampoo and conditioner run out at the same time, we’ve already made it to the moon. It was hard I know, but how about we go to Pluto it must be so lonely out there, we’ll make it together. How does that sound. Please hold one, so we can both have those good days, where we can really smile.

    • @jersher7122
      @jersher7122 4 роки тому +8

      if you every need someone to talk to, hit me up, no bullshit

    • @cj22947
      @cj22947 4 роки тому +11

      My friends say "I'm a master of hiding my emotions" They have never seen me cry, never seen me ask for help no matter how I really feel, nobody really knows me. Not even myself.

    • @charli7821
      @charli7821 4 роки тому +10

      No one ever listens to me. They ask if I'm okay and I just nod and they walk off. But I'm not.
      And sometimes I don't want to talk. I just want a hug. Someone to let me know they care. But all I get is a 'Why are you so quiet?'
      Even my girlfriend just says that. And my parents don't really care. My mum doesn't accept me, hasn't since I came out. My dad... if I try to talk he just yells.
      I can only talk to people online. But that only helps a little.

    • @escryptid6982
      @escryptid6982 4 роки тому +1

      Charli I can’t relate to everything but I can relate to the first part, and it hurts, it hurts a lot ,but I gotta stay strong, and I can’t let any one irl know I’m weak, so I’ll just stay quiet.🙂

    • @SoggyToast506
      @SoggyToast506 4 роки тому +5

      It’s harder for guys and today with society, guys are more scared to express their feelings and ask for help, less males are diagnosed with depression Because they are scared to get help. And we keep to ourselves and so we commit suicide. Because no one cares about males society doesn’t care about males.

  • @kageohara6771
    @kageohara6771 8 місяців тому +2

    I rememeber so vividly finding this around when it came out at one of my lowest points, and hearing every word perfectly describing every single feeling in my body and every single feeling piled on top of me. I remember laying in my bed and just listening because I was so exhausted to even keep my eyes open to watch the video. These videos and these words saved me, they gave me the break I needed and something to hear. It kept me from simply giving into myself and letting it all drown me. I dont think Id be where I am, working and moving forward if these words weren't spoken. I may not have the same beliefs, but I was saved in a way. Coming back to this, it makes me feel stronger years later. Thank you

  • @ArinzeTV
    @ArinzeTV Рік тому +55

    I love the fact that he referenced God and our saviour Jesus as his ticket out from anxiety. This piece is such an inspiration and an eye opener to the limitless potentials of God to touch and change ANYONE. keep repping Jesus man 👍

    • @jordannorris4029
      @jordannorris4029 8 місяців тому

      I think he was just referring to God he didn't mention any names

    • @jordannorris4029
      @jordannorris4029 8 місяців тому

      God is our savior. I wish you well

  • @Deskilljoy
    @Deskilljoy 5 років тому +2126

    NF and you should really do something together!

  • @6luealreadydead
    @6luealreadydead 3 роки тому +2747

    Who else wants to tell him "Thank u for making this"? 👍🏼👍🏼💯💯🔥🔥💙💙💙

    • @chelleowen5777
      @chelleowen5777 3 роки тому +3

      Yes

    • @crystalwilcher1203
      @crystalwilcher1203 3 роки тому +27

      People dont see this as reality. People seem to think you can get "just out of your head"

    • @fadedsparrowvlogs7186
      @fadedsparrowvlogs7186 3 роки тому +6

      This is freaking amazing

    • @minijeff5300
      @minijeff5300 3 роки тому +2

      Fr

    • @wardaddy4116
      @wardaddy4116 3 роки тому +15

      Preach brother!!!! This song has helped me so much! I’m fight depression and anxiety and this songs raises the hair on my arms!!!

  • @amberblakley6641
    @amberblakley6641 Рік тому +23

    This is such a powerful video, I've been fighting anxiety and depression for about 24 years and it just gets worse as the years go by. I'm hoping someday I'll be able to figure out how to feel normal again but when there's no one to talk to and relationships don't last it feels like there's no where to turn

  • @XcreboX
    @XcreboX Рік тому +3

    Love this. I've been fighting anxiety and panic attacks for over 20 years and still I struggle but through the years I've learned manage it better. I've turned to God to overcome it ,I've also turned to drugs to mask it. I don't have a perfect solution but what I can say is this , drugs only made the anxiety worse in the end ,Christ however has been by my side through it all and gave me the strength to push through and never give up. I truly believe I will one day be completely free of the Anxiety that affects so many. God Bless

  • @justinknitter6057
    @justinknitter6057 5 років тому +1353

    Dear Anxiety/Spoken Word
    I wake up, puddle of sweat, I have nightmares and I get back into bed. It’s like these voices just keep playing on repeat in the back of my head and I can’t get them to leave me alone. 30 years old but still hates being alone when I’m home. Because that’s when the voices get the loudest. Opening up like this is a moment far from my proudest, but these demons keep pressing me, I swear their the foulest. But I’ve grown comfortable with their presence, my conscious is calloused, my dreams are their playground my thoughts are their palace. I tried to evict them, they return with more. Anxiety isn’t an item you can return at the store. I was 10 the first time I had a panic attack, like a punch to the stomach, there’s no planning for that. and I didn’t tell anyone because I was too scared about what they’d say and I know deep down there was nothing they could do to take it away. It was my fight to fight, and my battle to face. I remember that house I grew up in and how those demons would rattle that place. I’d lay in my bed awake at night just starring at the ceiling. I’ve spent my whole life trying to run from that feeling; that feeling of being lonely, that feeling of being lost, that feeling of being sick when the lights turn off, that feeling of being depressed, that feeling of being anxious, that feeling of screaming to god begging him to take this, only to get silence in return.
    I lay in that bed crying and I’d toss and I’d turn, and I turn and toss till this day. The doctors gave me medication, the pastor said pray. I’ve tried both and this anxiety still hasn’t gone away. So forgive me if I fantasize about being gone today, I’m an actor who got really good at being on today, but when I turn off I go right back into the shadows. I’m in the deep end now, but I started in the shallows. And I might just drown myself in these waves. Suburban hell these homes are all graves, everyone’s coping with something but won’t admit it their all too afraid, and these kids are glued to watching me, what do I say? If I’m honest maybe they wont think highly of me. Everything they want me to be, is what I’m dying to be. But everything I really am is what I’m not trying to be.
    I want them to know they are not alone in their struggles. I wake up in tears and fall back asleep in those puddles. and I don’t think I’ll ever get out of this valley I’m in, terrified that all along god has tallied my sins, and if he has, the number must be astronomic. My life is a joke, and you keep reading, just pass the comic, Because everything you think that I am is far from the truth. I wish I could open up to you and just let loose, but my vocal cords get tight when the devil pulls on this noose and then I’m back to keeping everything bottled up inside. But he’s not gonna keep me from pulling the throttle back this time. He’s not gonna keep me trapped like this. I can’t get outta bed, I was never made to act like this. I’m packing up my bags and he can’t stop me from running fast like this. I’m not gonna be a slave to these voices of anxiety. I’m shoving the devil back for every time that he lied to me, and taking a belt to these demons who whispered despair in my ear, and I’m ignoring everyone neigh sayer who stands and stares when I’m near. I’m moving forward out of this slump; I took my bruises, I took my lumps. I fell down but I got right back up, so give me a torch and lets light that up. I’m setting fire to the devil and I’m dousing these demons in gasoline.
    Look at you, now you’re not laughing at me, now who’s the one who’s being tortured and punked. Now who’s the one closing every door that I want, now who’s the one watching the other burn to the ground. Don’t look away from me, you better turn back around! I’m not done talking to you! Now I’m watching your moves, I’m on your back and I’m stalking you to, and when you try to ruin some other kids life, I’ll be stopping you too. You took 30 years of my life, and I can’t get that back, you told me to end my life, and I nearly got killed for that! You took me down but I bounced right back. I was lost then I got found like that. And everything you told me I wasn’t, someone new told me i was and everything you hated in me someone new told me he loves. And when you tried to kill me with depression and anxiety, he reached in and placed hope deep inside of me. So I’m done listening to you and letting you control me, I'm announcing it now that the devil can’t hold me, I’m walking away from the old me and I’m demanding a refund on every lie that you sold me. You knew I’d find a way out sooner or later. And I found my escape in the form of a savior.
    ~Clayton Jennings

    • @Thehairdon_
      @Thehairdon_ 5 років тому +10

      J Knitter can u like copy and send this to me

    • @CharlotteButton
      @CharlotteButton 5 років тому +5

      J Knitter ❤️

    • @Madnes813
      @Madnes813 5 років тому +22

      There's a couple mistakes in here, but nice either way

    • @delmusic397
      @delmusic397 5 років тому +10

      J Knitter wow hit hard reading that

    • @wethetrends6869
      @wethetrends6869 5 років тому +6

      Thanks!

  • @collol6123
    @collol6123 5 років тому +533

    People assume that if they see you looking unwell your probably sick.
    People don’t realise that you can have a smile on your face, but be so lonely and lost inside 💙

    • @shynellwilscuc
      @shynellwilscuc 5 років тому +11

      Some of the most supportive people are the ones who need help the most.

    • @brandoncalloway8779
      @brandoncalloway8779 4 роки тому +1

      Oh my God yes !!!

    • @meh2063
      @meh2063 4 роки тому +2

      You got me in the feels

    • @chrismccarty2567
      @chrismccarty2567 4 роки тому +5

      It is easier to help others, then to ask for help when you feel the voices screaming....

    • @emilykrafve7502
      @emilykrafve7502 4 роки тому

      I do the same thing and my base friend don's this too

  • @JosephPavich
    @JosephPavich 11 місяців тому +29

    "You took thirty years of my life and I can't get that back, you told me to end my life and I nearly got killed for that" - Clayton Jennings
    This verse hit me hard

  • @darkangel5658
    @darkangel5658 11 місяців тому +3

    Took 30 years of my life and I can't get that back God I felt that deeply down in my chest 😢

  • @adilnassiry2260
    @adilnassiry2260 5 років тому +437

    Everyone who fights depression and anxiety like me , We are a huge Family and we can get through this together. NEVER GIVE UP

    • @cockerspaniel9466
      @cockerspaniel9466 5 років тому

      adil Nassiry I love you

    • @franklockman5877
      @franklockman5877 4 роки тому +9

      Just got out of the hospital yesterday I've spent half my life in therapy and still suffer anxiety and PTSD please pray for me!!

    • @emmapointon8935
      @emmapointon8935 4 роки тому +1

      @@cockerspaniel9466 A family is something not everyone gets to have so many people suffer alone because they can't trust their relitaves so how can they trust someone they don't know

    • @4amcuriosity162
      @4amcuriosity162 4 роки тому

      @@franklockman5877 youre not alone. Ptsd ruined my life for years and no one ever understood.

    • @emilykrafve7502
      @emilykrafve7502 4 роки тому

      be what if you wanna give up?

  • @phantomgaming5645
    @phantomgaming5645 3 роки тому +1475

    He just explained my whole life in 6 mins

  • @scarlettfrancesca
    @scarlettfrancesca Рік тому +8

    Absolutely incredible! This is truly how it feels for me every time I try and open up to someone and I get discarded, devalued and dismissed. It's hard enough to try and share your inner demons with another but as soon as it is met with contempt, annoyance and condescension, it does more harm than people even realize.

  • @Sammy2JZ-GTE
    @Sammy2JZ-GTE 2 місяці тому +2

    My younger self back in 2019 had seen this video and I had commented on it about how I pray I become stronger and how I hope my mom would be nicer to me and not show so much hate… 5 years later she is still the same I am a junior in high school that have been doing well and I hope I am making my younger self much happier. I love you man your strong…

  • @michaelpadilla6561
    @michaelpadilla6561 4 роки тому +329

    “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering”

    • @lotusgrl444
      @lotusgrl444 4 роки тому +2

      Very true

    • @jennamordis5799
      @jennamordis5799 4 роки тому +1

      Michael Padilla I’m gonna get this tattooed now

    • @conorben132
      @conorben132 4 роки тому +1

      Dmx

    • @hellohello-ey9qj
      @hellohello-ey9qj 4 роки тому

      Dmx

    • @tunesmiith6594
      @tunesmiith6594 3 роки тому

      "if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours".... Hold me down ..... only here cause it hit. this too

  • @mattboyles3590
    @mattboyles3590 2 роки тому +679

    My favorite part of this video is the end where he actually didn’t say anything. That’s what really happens. We stay silent. We’re afraid. It’s scary to be vulnerable, but vulnerability brings strength

    • @unknwnmystery
      @unknwnmystery Рік тому +12

      It also hurts to be vulnerable, that type of fear, that strong of anxiety can make you feel physically sick

    • @Classie19
      @Classie19 Рік тому +6

      That part kills me

    • @mattboyles3590
      @mattboyles3590 Рік тому +2

      And Clayton Jennings has been silent on social media for over a year now. I wonder what’s going on with him

    • @SomerWatson
      @SomerWatson Рік тому +1

      @@mattboyles3590 I wonder too. I often look for posts from him but I haven’t seen anything 🙏🏼💙🙏🏼

    • @sharlenecrosswell3307
      @sharlenecrosswell3307 Рік тому +5

      Yep very symbolic!! Screaming inside have so much to say but just can't bring g oneself to do it. You can see how much he needs to though aye

  • @bmorguson69
    @bmorguson69 10 місяців тому +4

    I needed this!! The lord never lets his flock wander too far, he always knows how to bring them home

  • @jddesilva6909
    @jddesilva6909 7 місяців тому +7

    I'm 17 years old, I've been listening to you for longer then I know. I struggle with really bad panic attacks. I collapse to the floor. It hurts to breathe. My throat closing up. I cant stop them, so I lay on the floor crying beacuse i cant breathe. I wish I could not have them. I missed a whole month of class beacuse I thought everyone hated me. I couldnt go to class beacuse id cry so much. You've helped me figure out how to help me. Thank you.

    • @ladyzinada5341
      @ladyzinada5341 25 днів тому

      Get better darling. You got this

    • @linnietraver9904
      @linnietraver9904 7 днів тому

      You got this your not in this alone I also have fought panic attacks and depression the doctor just fed me meds and set me home but no I need more I need someone been through the same things

  • @SonofaBlacksmith
    @SonofaBlacksmith 3 роки тому +266

    "I am 30yrs old and i still hate being alone by myself" ... Yea you're talking to someone that knows

    • @chrislindamood9378
      @chrislindamood9378 3 роки тому +7

      I'm 23 and being alone terrifies me to the point I cry...

    • @krislyngrimes3832
      @krislyngrimes3832 3 роки тому +7

      I hear ya there I'm 37 its not easy keep ya head up I try daily

    • @doodle3762
      @doodle3762 3 роки тому

      33 in sugust,stay strong!

  • @Prbella05
    @Prbella05 5 років тому +725

    I cried! I suffer from anxiety every day is a battle. Thank you Clayton for your beautiful powerful poetry. God bless you 🙏

    • @camillechavez4596
      @camillechavez4596 5 років тому +5

      Me too thank you Clayton

    • @jasonmiller8965
      @jasonmiller8965 5 років тому +5

      Don't give up

    • @FR-SUNBM
      @FR-SUNBM 5 років тому +4

      I do too Prbella05, keep fighting!

    • @Prbella05
      @Prbella05 5 років тому +3

      @@FR-SUNBM You too. I will pray for us🙏

    • @Prbella05
      @Prbella05 5 років тому +1

      @@jasonmiller8965 Thank you I wont🙏

  • @austinridley989
    @austinridley989 Рік тому +14

    Dear god I have never heard this before and I’m speechless there no words for how hard this just hit and brought me to tears this is absolutely insane of a song just this song just found a home on my playlist forever

  • @sharonsalman2675
    @sharonsalman2675 7 місяців тому +3

    You just made me cry! Boy can I relate! No need for words, I hear you.

  • @renesolis2169
    @renesolis2169 3 роки тому +928

    “The doctors gave me medication and the pastors said pray I tried both and this anxiety still hasn’t gone away so forgive me if I fantasize about being gone today.” Felt this heavy

    • @MrBlodhund
      @MrBlodhund 2 роки тому +2

      Have you tried to meditate? It’s truly amazing, it might take a couple of weeks and it’s worth it, often it takes a lot quicker then that

    • @renesolis2169
      @renesolis2169 2 роки тому +6

      @@MrBlodhund i tried for like 3-5 days felt nothing and stopped but thanks I’ll try again and give it a few weeks see if it helps 🙏🏼

    • @MrBlodhund
      @MrBlodhund 2 роки тому +1

      @@renesolis2169 keep it up, try it daily for 2 months atleast I promise you will feel better, how long have the sessions been? :)

    • @mikedismuke4031
      @mikedismuke4031 2 роки тому +7

      @@MrBlodhund Meditation? How does it work? I mean what do I do to meditate? I'm willing to try anything at this point medicine, drugs has little effect on my anxiety.

    • @nobody_425
      @nobody_425 2 роки тому +1

      On my soul 💔

  • @kamilabenitez1735
    @kamilabenitez1735 5 років тому +145

    I just want to hug him to show him he's not alone 😢💔.

  • @brettwisk2615
    @brettwisk2615 Рік тому +7

    Clayton,
    I know it sounds crazy but I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I feel and relate to every word you say. I’ve lost loved ones I’d trade places with without a second thought, so many more I’d do the same for and that’s the truth. Knowing I’m not alone gives me a feeling of comfort that only I understand. The first of many times I’ve listened to this brought me to tears. I try to express these feelings to my loved ones but constantly feel like I’m talking to a wall. Everyone thinks because I can wear a smile and act tough that this anxiety is killing me slowly after all. No one can understand if they don’t know this pain. Thank you for making me not feel alone in this struggle. God bless you for all you’ve done to make us who suffer from anxiety not feel alone. I pray for God’s help but not sure I’m worthy. Even if I’m not worthy because of the pain I caused, I will continue to pray for all that suffer like me can find peace. -Brett

  • @elizabethhunt6149
    @elizabethhunt6149 4 місяці тому +3

    This is art! Absolutely incredible. Showing him walking in. And the last piece is genius!! It hurts to know others feel like this but also reminding me we’re not alone. ❤ hugs to anyone who gets this.

  • @mikehoncho9298
    @mikehoncho9298 4 роки тому +369

    "Screaming to god begging him to take this only to get silence in return"wow I felt that!

    • @incognitogirl6201
      @incognitogirl6201 4 роки тому

      Same

    • @bf5655
      @bf5655 4 роки тому

      Same😔

    • @hannahjohnson808
      @hannahjohnson808 4 роки тому +24

      God’s timing can be rough , but he does make things all work together for the greater good.

    • @See-if_I_care
      @See-if_I_care 4 роки тому +1

      Story of my life 😧

    • @AngelKissedBy2
      @AngelKissedBy2 4 роки тому +1

      @@See-if_I_care I feel you man 😓☝💯💯

  • @serenityedwards4680
    @serenityedwards4680 5 років тому +461

    I’m an actor that got really good at being on today. That, that’s the truth for so many of us

  • @stevenocampo6646
    @stevenocampo6646 Рік тому +3

    I start crying when he finishes and kneels

  • @sunnywilson9724
    @sunnywilson9724 2 місяці тому

    "that feeling of being sick when the lights turn off"

  • @minenhledlamini6495
    @minenhledlamini6495 5 років тому +1448

    Excuse me for fantasizing about being gone today

  • @octanemain7627
    @octanemain7627 3 роки тому +733

    I wake up, puddle of sweat
    I have nightmares, and I get back into bed
    It's like these voices just keep playing on repeat in the back of my head
    And I can’t get them to leave me alone
    Thirty-years old but still hates being alone when I'm home
    Because that's when the voices get the loudest
    Opening up like this is a moment far from my proudest
    But these demons keep pressin’ me, I swear they're the foulest
    But I've grown comfortable with their presence, my conscious is calloused
    My dreams are their playground, my thoughts are their palace
    I tried to evict them, they returned with more
    Anxiety isn't an item you can return at the store
    I was 10 the first time I had a panic attack
    Like a punch to the stomach, there's no planning for that
    And I didn't tell anyone because I was too scared about what they'd say
    And I knew deep down that there was nothing they could do to take it away
    It was my fight to fight and my battle to face
    I remember that house I grew up in and how those demons would rattle that place
    I'd lay awake at night just staring at the ceiling
    I’ve spent my whole life trying to run from that feeling
    That feeling of being lonely, that feeling of being lost
    That feeling of being sick when the lights turn off
    That feeling of being depressed, that feeling of being anxious
    That feeling of screaming to God begging Him to take this
    Only to get silence in return
    I’d lay in that bed crying, and I'd toss and I’d turn
    And I turn and I toss to this day
    The doctors gave me medication, the pastor said pray
    I tried both, and this anxiety still hasn't gone away
    So forgive me if I fantasize about being gone today
    I'm an actor who got really good at being on today
    But when I turn off, I go right back into the shadows
    I'm in the deep-end now, but I started in the shallows
    And I might just drown myself in these waves
    Suburbian hell, these homes are all graves
    Everyone’s coping with something but won't admit it, they're all too afraid
    And these kids are glued to watching me, what do I say?
    If I'm honest with them, maybe they won't think highly of me
    Everything they want me to be is what I'm dying to be
    But everything I really am is what I'm not trying to be
    I want them to know that they're not alone in their struggles
    I wake up in tears and fall back asleep in those puddles
    And I don't ever think I'll get out of this valley I'm in
    Terrified that all along God has tallied my sins
    And if He has, the number must be astronomic
    My life is a joke, and you keep reading, just pass the comic
    Because everything you think that I am is far from the truth
    I wish I could open up to you and just let loose
    But my vocal cords get tight when the Devil pulls on this noose
    And then I'm back to keeping everything bottled up inside
    But he's not gonna keep me from pulling the throttle back this time
    He's not gonna keep me trapped like this
    I can't get out of bed, I was never made to act like this
    I'm packing up my bags, and he can't stop me from running fast like this
    I'm not gonna be a slave to these voices of anxiety
    I'm shoving the Devil back for every time that he lied to me
    And I'm taking a belt to these demons who whisper despair in my ear
    And I'm ignoring every naysayer who stands and stares when I'm near
    I'm moving forward out of this slump
    I took my bruises, I took my lumps
    I fell down, but I got right back up
    So give me a torch, and let's light that up
    I'm setting fire to the Devil, and I'm dousing these demons in gasoline
    Look at you now, now you're not laughing at me
    Now who's the one who's being tortured and punked?
    Now who's the one closing every door that I want?
    Now who's the one watching the other burn the ground?
    Don't look away from me, you better turn back around
    I'm not done talking to you now
    I'm watching your moves
    I'm on your back, and I'm stalking you, too
    And when you try to ruin some other kid's life, I'll be stoppin' you, too
    You took thirty years of my life, and I can't get that back
    You told me to end my life, and I nearly got killed for that
    You took me down, but I bounced right back
    I was lost then, and I got found like that
    And everything you told me I wasn't someone new told me I was
    And everything you hated in me someone new told me He loves
    And when you tried to kill me with depression and anxiety
    He reached in and placed hope deep inside of me
    So I'm done listening to you and letting you control me
    I'm announcing it now that the Devil can't hold me
    I'm walking away from the old me
    And I'm demanding a refund on every lie that you sold me
    You knew I'd find a way out sooner or later
    And I found my escape in the form of a Savior

  • @keishaadventure8560
    @keishaadventure8560 7 місяців тому +3

    2023 and i still come bk here 😢

  • @johncarlsen3467
    @johncarlsen3467 14 днів тому +2

    As a retired US Army soldier of 21 years. I turned all of my anxiety, concerns and inner demons over to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior in your heart and soul and the Holy Spirit will live inside you, he will be your counselor, guide and comforter. Praise God and Hallelujah

  • @brookepodeiko1681
    @brookepodeiko1681 3 роки тому +384

    That is a perfect line: You told me to end my life and I nearly got killed for that. I love the end of this, it's a perfect rendition of anxiety.....all he said was in his head and anyone with anxiety knows that this is exactly how it works

    • @caitm8209
      @caitm8209 3 роки тому +2

      yes

    • @jjbaglazer_
      @jjbaglazer_ 3 роки тому +4

      I can’t even contemplate how many times I thought about killing myself while having my anxiety attacks but I have to be strong. I know there’s no wave that I can’t conquer 😊

    • @lexilexi2109
      @lexilexi2109 3 роки тому +4

      I say stuff in my head it always comes out with something different or nothing I’m to scared

  • @EricChamplin
    @EricChamplin 5 років тому +336

    As someone who struggles with generalized anxiety disorder and clinical depression, this was one of the most powerful videos I've seen in a long, long time. Thank you.

    • @bobbymulv5660
      @bobbymulv5660 5 років тому +7

      You make so much sense and Clayton ik I’m a loser I’ve all most ended my self I’m bullied all the time but u can always talk to me

    • @archeng2764
      @archeng2764 5 років тому

      Watch "Jesus over Depression". Its the same guy but i feel is more powerful than this.

    • @jennellasmr5079
      @jennellasmr5079 5 років тому +1

      I also suffer from both.. my anxiaty is crippling .. I never leave the house.. I can't stand being around any1 other than my fiance

  • @coleenmaher6470
    @coleenmaher6470 Місяць тому

    I appreciate your honesty! I live my life one breath at a time...Honest & straight forward! I relapsed 2 years ago after being CLEAN for 27 years! All I can say is, I am completely lost & the insanity of my past has bitten me. I pray & ask GOD to pull me through this fog & help me to shine like , I know I can!!!❤

  • @user-vr7xp3qn9j
    @user-vr7xp3qn9j 6 місяців тому +5

    You literally saved my life I watched your daily bible reading

  • @adamaryquezada3560
    @adamaryquezada3560 4 роки тому +519

    “And I found my escape through the form of a savior “

  • @judithmarie2588
    @judithmarie2588 5 років тому +459

    Social anxiety makes me feel like a weirdo.
    I look at normal people talking and laughing and I’m just like I wish I could... maybe... never.
    Everytime I talk to someone I sweat and stumble on my words, can’t make eye contact.

    • @godschild2887
      @godschild2887 5 років тому +9

      Judith great minds think alike. PSOL... please smile out loud. 😅😄🤣🤣😆😀🤣God loves us!!! I think I passed out holding my breath listening to this. Wow

    • @godschild2887
      @godschild2887 5 років тому +6

      When you give eye contact you're attacking a goal by each person. So collect your gold coins video game player and count them and realize your eye contact and smile helped someone who hurts as you do and more. If you've failed relationships and were innocent and hurt someone long ago in B.C. and A.D., so everyone experienced our pains in a fashion and perhaps identically. I learned a trick. Purchase some Dollar General/Tree plates and a permanent marker. Write down all the hurts and some goods on the plates as much as you can. $20.00, I'm serious here ok??? Then take the stacks and go to a hill and rocky landscape, a playlist.... gospel or jazz is perfect and a sweater, just before night fall (whenever is sound). Grab a plate re-read it and when finished frisbee the heck away and shatter those demons. Scream if you have to like a tennis player. It may sound funny but it may just make you laugh. This will help exert you and perhaps tire you to get home shower and have a nice nights rest. Make sure to break them tho. Do not journal and re-read. Take a friend along for company or not. And the last plate write a prayer to God for complete comfort and say something positive about you and blessings. God knows your heart.... and break that one too. Because we want the past into better changes. 🤣

    • @chickenfeathers2607
      @chickenfeathers2607 5 років тому +13

      Judith Marie same.. or whenever i have to read out loud to the class its like i forget how to read and stumble i get sweaty and i just cant do it im glad i found someone i can relate to

    • @DatSQ5
      @DatSQ5 5 років тому +16

      You’re not alone. I feel the same.

    • @godschild2887
      @godschild2887 5 років тому

      @@chickenfeathers2607 ! Gold for you. You can do it. Sweaty or not! You are expelling evil fire out of your body that you've suppressed, and simply taking others' pains unknowingly included. So work it out by a Holy Fire Baptismal is what I call it. And spit it out as you do your favorite songs to sing. Do you enjoy singing? You can throw in before your speech about your holy baptismal. Hmm! Crack a joke and say! This is hard work and forgive the perspiration. And go right into your speech about ANXIETY-ANXIETY! It will help others. And when the sweat begins the class will understand in suspense of your wisecrack. Best thing if you don't perspire then you've beat your fear

  • @jacobpayne5950
    @jacobpayne5950 Рік тому +8

    If anyone ever cared/wondered how I felt on a daily basis this song sums up perfectly what it is like to have an illness

    • @jeffwardlaw5135
      @jeffwardlaw5135 2 місяці тому

      You're not alone. I hope within the last year you have been able to find some peace. You are loved. Keep pushing friend.

  • @aaronseiger
    @aaronseiger 2 місяці тому

    46 years old and this is still relevant to my life. You find peace when you die.

  • @phoenixthoughts9400
    @phoenixthoughts9400 4 роки тому +285

    For someone who has depression and anxiety .... I can fully relate with him...

  • @asherslife5511
    @asherslife5511 3 роки тому +1778

    My therapist asked me what my anxiety is like and I showed Him this video and it brought him to tears

    • @thelastofitskind3034
      @thelastofitskind3034 3 роки тому +49

      Hang in there you have a strong purpose

    • @JB-no3nf
      @JB-no3nf 3 роки тому +20

      Facts

    • @isaacortega6753
      @isaacortega6753 3 роки тому +18

      Stay strong brother

    • @eddiechandler4018
      @eddiechandler4018 3 роки тому +23

      that didnt happen

    • @mikegrant3503
      @mikegrant3503 3 роки тому +46

      @@eddiechandler4018 you you have no clue what happens is another person's life your dirt and if i had the chance i would step on you just like it

  • @elledee1341
    @elledee1341 Рік тому +5

    30 years old and still hates being alone when I'm home... That hit deep.

  • @darrellhouston8864
    @darrellhouston8864 Рік тому +1

    This man has stopped me from doing a lot of stupid shit and he doesn’t even know fam thank you

  • @mikejohnson6923
    @mikejohnson6923 5 років тому +279

    Anxiety and depression it's real and if you haven't been through it please don't judge me, pray for me!

    • @dannysiragusa2000
      @dannysiragusa2000 5 років тому +5

      I will pray for you god bless 🙏🏻

    • @sushibott3178
      @sushibott3178 5 років тому +1

      No, I won't pray for you. Change yourself don't rely yourself on others

    • @mikejohnson6923
      @mikejohnson6923 5 років тому +1

      Thank you, God bless!

    • @NoName-vn4jh
      @NoName-vn4jh 5 років тому

      @@sushibott3178 Sometimes its just not that easy

    • @sushibott3178
      @sushibott3178 5 років тому +1

      @Amy the mythical creature Well suck it up and try and make an effort

  • @chloegrace7470
    @chloegrace7470 4 роки тому +64

    You realise how much you’re hurting when you relate to every word.

    • @Daw64
      @Daw64 3 роки тому

      I thought you were Ewok for a second

  • @davidrosa9366
    @davidrosa9366 16 днів тому

    Years ago you saved my life with your messages and videos….. I needed to come back here to help me with these new struggles! All I gotta say is thank you!

  • @angelicyaht.8302
    @angelicyaht.8302 Рік тому +2

    "I'm in the deep end now, but I started in the shallows." That part always gets me, I've been listening to this for years now. This has been my main inspiration to write my own poems about how anxiety and insecurities feel. I love this so much 💛

  • @ninaaaaishere
    @ninaaaaishere 5 років тому +229

    *_WHY DO I ALWAYS CRY WITH HIS VIDEOS?!_*

    • @o2.raz3r
      @o2.raz3r 4 роки тому

      cuz there sad durr

    • @ashleytrober226
      @ashleytrober226 4 роки тому +9

      Because its a reflection of your feelings. Its a relief when you hear someone going threw the same things you are. So you cry. It gives you hope

    • @messulamgarcia1499
      @messulamgarcia1499 4 роки тому +2

      Maybe he says the words your feeling, its like he's talking about you somehow..

    • @timeless_floris865
      @timeless_floris865 4 роки тому +2

      Maybe you can relate to the words he’s saying to something in your life...😕

    • @leyamasterson3322
      @leyamasterson3322 4 роки тому +2

      Same here! He is so inspiring!

  • @markh12405
    @markh12405 5 років тому +334

    Dear Anxiety/ Spoken Word
    I wake up in a puddle of sweat, I have nightmares and I get back into bed, its like these voices just keep playing on repeat in the back of my head and I can't get them to leave me alone. 30 years old but still hates being alone when I'm home, Because thats when the voices get the loudest. Opening up like this is a moment far from my proudest, but these demons keep pressing me I swear their the foulest. But ive grown comfortable with their presence my conscious is callist, my dreams are their playground my thoughts are their palace. I tried to evict them they return with more, anxiety isnt a item you can return at a store. I was 10 the first time I had a panic attack, like a punch to the stomach there's no planning for that. I didnt tell anyone because I was to scared about what they'd say and I knew deep down there was nothing that could take it away. It was my fight to fight and my battle to face. I remember that house I grew up in and how these demons would rattle that place. I'd lay awake at night just staring at the ceiling. I've spent my whole life trying to run from that feeling, that feeling of being lonely that feeling of being lost that feeling of being sick when the lights turn off that feeling of being depressed that feeling of being anxious that feeling of screaming to god begging to take this, only to get silence in return.
    I'd lay in that bed crying and I'd toss and id turn and turn and toss till this day. The doctors gave me medication the pastor said pray I've tried both and this anxiety hasn't gone away. So forgive me if I fantasize about being gone today In am actor who got really good at being on today but when I turn off I got right back into the shadows. Im in the deep end now I started in the shallows and I might just drown myself in these waves. Suburban hell these homes are all graves everyones coping with something but won't admit it. Their all to afraid and these kids are glued to watching me, what do I say? If I'm honest maybe they wouldn't think highly of me. Everything they want me to be, is what I'm dying to be. But everything I really am is what im not trying to be. I want them to know they are not alone in their struggles. I wake up in tears and fall back asleep in those puddles. I don't think I'll ever get out of this valley I'm in, terrified that all along god has tallied my sins, and if he has the number must be astronomic. My life is a joke and you keep reading just pass the comic because everything you think that I am is far from the truth. I wish I could open up to you and just let loose, but my vocal cords get tight when the devil pulls on this noose and then I'm back to keeping everything bottled up inside. But he's not gonna keep me from pulling the throttle back this time, He's not gonna keep me trapped like this. I can't get outta bed, I was never made to act like this, I'm packing up my bags and he can't stop me from running fast like this. I'm not gonna be a slave to these voices of anxiety, I'm shoving the devil back for every time he lied to me, and I'm taking a belt to these demons who whispered dispare in my ear, and I'm ignoring everyone neighsayer who stands and stares when I'm near. I'm moving forward out of this slump I took my bruises I took my pumps. I fell down but I got right back up, so give me a torch and lets light that up.
    I'm setting fire to the devil and I'm dousing these demons in gasoline. Look at you now, now your not laighing at me, now who's the one whos being tourtured and punked, now who's the one closing every door that I want, now whos the one watching the other burn to the ground. Dont look away from me you better turn back around I'm not done talking to you. Now I'm watching your moves I'm on your back and I'm stalking you, and when you try to ruin some other kids life I'll be stopping you too. You took 31 years of my life and I can't get that back you told me to end my life, and I nearly got killed for that!. You took me down but I bounced right back. I was lost then I got found like that. And everything you told me I wasn't, someone new told me I was, and everything you hated in me someone new told me he loves, and when you tried to kill me with depression and anxiety he reached in placed hope deep inside me. So I'm done listening to you and letting you control me, I'm announcing it now that the devil cant hold me, I'm walking away from the old me and I'm demanding a refund for every lie that you sold me you knew I'd find a way out sooner or later. And I found my escape in the form of a savior

  • @johnathanaustin2399
    @johnathanaustin2399 7 днів тому

    I just want to say thank you Clayton. I'm going through a really rough time and my friend sent me your videos and they have helped me to not listen to the demons in my head. I hope you're doing ok. Thank you for helping me to believe that my life isn't a waste and that I'm worth something to be alive.

  • @dxddy._.lucas119
    @dxddy._.lucas119 4 роки тому +561

    Your stuff really spoke to me... And now I always believe that God is there for me.... I'm 14 and I went to the hospital for a suicidal attempt.... I watched this video and it really spoke to me and u wanted to say thank you for that... You really helped me in life... And now I know that God is with me everywhere even when I sin... He's still there... Thank you

    • @thomasheaton3841
      @thomasheaton3841 4 роки тому +8

      Iyana Chan not many people know how deep the ending is when he said he was good and didn’t talk.....

    • @lee5246
      @lee5246 4 роки тому +3

      Iyana Chan tore strong please stay with us on this earth even if you feel worthless I need you if we lose you heaven gains another angel idk you but I love you🥺💓

    • @dxddy._.lucas119
      @dxddy._.lucas119 4 роки тому +2

      Thomas Heaton thank you😭😩

    • @dxddy._.lucas119
      @dxddy._.lucas119 4 роки тому +2

      Official Lilz thank you ❤️❤️❤️

    • @nadiataylor5056
      @nadiataylor5056 4 роки тому +4

      Same, I was 13 when I went to a mental hospital for a suicide attempt. And that hospital did nothing to help me, besides give me pills that I now can't refill till I go to a therapist. But my anxiety triggers my depression, and I get anxiety to almost everything that involves socializing. So I'm kinda just stuck here

  • @stokie1035
    @stokie1035 3 роки тому +699

    wake up, puddle of sweat
    I have nightmares when I get back into bed
    It's like these voices just keep playing on repeat
    In the back of my head
    And I can't get them to leave me alone
    30 years old but still hates being alone when I'm home
    Because that's when the voices get the loudest
    Opening up like this is a moment far from my proudest
    But these demons keep pressing me
    I swear they're the foulest
    But I've grown comfortable with their presence
    My conscious is calloused
    My dreams are their playground
    My thoughts are their palace
    I try to evict them, they return with more
    Anxiety isn't an item you can return at the store
    I was ten the first time I had a panic attack
    Like a punch to the stomach, there's no planning for that
    And I didn't tell anyone
    Because I was too scared about what they'd say
    And I know deep down there was nothing
    They could do to take it away
    It was my fight to fight and my battle to face
    I remember that house I grew up in
    And how those demons would rattle that place
    I'd lay awake at night just staring at the ceiling
    I've spent my whole life trying to run away from that feeling
    That feeling of being lonely
    That feeling of being lost
    That feeling of being sick when the lights turn off
    That feeling of being depressed
    That feeling of being anxious
    That feeling of screaming to God
    Begging him to take this
    Only to get silence in return
    I'd lay in that bed crying and I'd toss and I'd turn
    And I turn and I toss to this day
    The doctors gave me medication, the pastor said pray
    I tried both and this anxiety still hasn't gone away
    So forgive me if I fantasise about being gone today
    I'm an actor who got really good at being on today
    But when I turn off I go right back into the shadows
    I'm in the deep end now but I started in the shallows
    And I might just drown myself in these waves
    Suburban hell, these homes are all graves
    Everyone's coping with something but won't admit it
    They're all too afraid
    And these kids are glued to watching me what do I say?
    If I'm honest with them maybe they won't think highly of me
    Everything they want me to be is what I'm dying to be
    But everything I really am is what I'm not trying to be
    I want them to know that they're not alone in their struggles
    I wake up in tears and fall back asleep in those puddles
    And I don't think I'll ever get out of this valley I'm in
    Terrified that all along God has tallied my sins
    And if he has the number must be astronomic
    My life is a joke and you keep reading
    Just pass the comic
    Because everything you think that I am is far from the truth
    I wish I could open up to you and just let loose
    But my vocal cords get tight when the devil pulls on this noose
    And them I'm back to keeping everything bottled up inside
    But he's not going to keep me from pulling
    The throttle back this time
    He's not going to keep me trapped like this
    I can't get out of bed I was never meant to act like this
    I packin' up my bags and he can't stop me
    From running fast like this
    I'm not going to be a slave to these voices of anxiety
    I'm shoving the devil back for every time that he lied to me
    And I'm taking a bell to these demons
    Who whispered despair in my ear
    And I'm ignoring every naysayer
    Who stands and stares when I'm near
    I'm moving forward out of this slump
    I took my bruises, I took my lumps
    I fell down but I got right back up
    So give me a torch and lets light that up
    I'm setting fire to the devil and
    I'm dousing these demons in gasoline
    Look at you now, now you're not laughing at me
    Now whose the one whose being tortured and poked
    Now whose the one closing every door that I want
    Now whose the one watching the other burn to the ground
    Don't look away from me you better turn back around
    I'm not done talking to you now
    I'm watching your moves, I'm on your back
    And I'm stalking you too
    And when you try to ruin some other kid's life
    I'll be stopping you too
    You took thirty years of my life and I can't get that back
    You told me to end my life and I nearly got killed for that
    You took me down but I bounced right back
    I was lost and I got found like that
    And everything you told me I wasn't
    Someone new told me I was
    And everything you hated in me
    Someone new told me He loves
    And when you tried to kill me with depression and anxiety
    He reached in and placed hope deep inside of me
    So I'm done listening to you and letting you control me
    I'm announcing it now that the devil can't hold me
    I'm walking away from the old me
    And I'm demanding a refund on every lie that you sold me
    You knew I'd find a way out sooner or later
    And I found my escape in the form of a saviour

  • @PoisonedCam
    @PoisonedCam Місяць тому

    i used to listen to you when i was at my lowest and got better and got bad again nd id always end up coming back here bc this was comforting im doing much better now still learning but im glad i was one of the 800k people who got to see this and hear it

  • @coreywelsh6055
    @coreywelsh6055 11 місяців тому

    4 years ago I never knew what true anxiety was. What true darkness was. I've lived in my own head for so long that it's time to stand out. Stand out in truth. I'm not who the voices say I am. I am not who I am. I wish I could be like Popeye and say I yam what I yam. Because I'm not. I'm not who I am. Im a shell of the old me who died years ago, a shell thats been shot out the pew pew at the old me. Clayton you give joy, and peace to my life. Keep going brother. Love you.

  • @wetpotato2222
    @wetpotato2222 2 роки тому +375

    "You took 30 years of my life and I can't get that back" hits me so hard.

    • @fordshojoe8080
      @fordshojoe8080 Рік тому +8

      Me too and everyone says I'm being overdramatic its not that bad you're to old to still care about not having a dad when you grew up and that was a long time ago you need to forget about it.

    • @freedomordeath89
      @freedomordeath89 Рік тому +3

      @@fordshojoe8080 to be fair we are being over-dramatic, its the definition of anxiety disorders, our brains attacking themselves 🙂

    • @fordshojoe8080
      @fordshojoe8080 Рік тому +6

      @@freedomordeath89 yea I reckon that's true still doesn't make it right to talk to us like that.

    • @freedomordeath89
      @freedomordeath89 Рік тому +1

      @@fordshojoe8080 don't let it get under your skin bro, don't overthink it, most people say it because for them it's a normal thing to say

    • @celestialphoenixqueen9258
      @celestialphoenixqueen9258 Рік тому +2

      severe and really bad anxiety and depression and trust issues have had a hold on me since i was in junior high . i am 26 now and it still has a hold of me . i have changed and become cold and emotionally empty i don't remember being so happy in a long time

  • @CurranCollections
    @CurranCollections 4 роки тому +420

    I’m not the crying type at all. But watching this had tears rolling down my face because it’s crazy to hear someone else speaking of the same things that I deal with and feel everyday, so relatable. Keep it up man. Thank you, I needed this.

    • @kristenmorse8251
      @kristenmorse8251 3 роки тому +1

      Hang on man, we feel this! We are together x

    • @bubblegum3668
      @bubblegum3668 3 роки тому +1

      Same...

    • @leighramsey1700
      @leighramsey1700 3 роки тому +3

      Wow this hit me hard.Tears pouring.We really need to do something and stop shaming people with mental health issues.

    • @KITTKATT11
      @KITTKATT11 3 роки тому +1

      You're not alone 🤗🐾

    • @xxii8091
      @xxii8091 3 роки тому +2

      In Jesus Name I loose this man. I send comfort by the healing hands of Jesus our Lord and Savior. Take your rightful place in Gods kingdom. All his words are full of life and power. Use his words to secure your freedom.

  • @phant0m879
    @phant0m879 Рік тому +1

    “Im an actor who got really good at being on today” hits hard

  • @jeffmcnabb3986
    @jeffmcnabb3986 Рік тому

    The ones that have never experienced the fear,the embarrassment,the shame are cold and truly callused

  • @nenenenenene3295
    @nenenenenene3295 4 роки тому +367

    YOU SAVED MY LIFE MAN
    THANK YOU!!

    • @WeeklyJens
      @WeeklyJens 3 роки тому +3

      ❤️

    • @onnovanderlaan1401
      @onnovanderlaan1401 3 роки тому +1

      @Aaron11b AMEN!

    • @Starlight-by3cf
      @Starlight-by3cf 3 роки тому

      @Aaron11b i give my words to this prayer
      AMEN

    • @Culturaleatz
      @Culturaleatz 3 роки тому

      HALLELUJAH PRAISE GOD FOR YOUR FREEDOM I’m so happppy for you 😭😍

    • @despoinaalexakos297
      @despoinaalexakos297 3 роки тому

      Hey it’s 7 months later. I hope you are doing okay, I hope one day I have the strength you did. God bless💕

  • @cotyellis1613
    @cotyellis1613 3 роки тому +93

    Damn dude. I cried the entire time listening to this. This dude speaks loud and so many of us are quiet out here. Everything he said is exactly how I feel

  • @jth8002
    @jth8002 5 місяців тому

    So glad i found this song. I battle with depression, anxiety, alcoholism. People just dont get it. My family, yeah, cant talk to them. They are too harsh and its my way or your fucked up. I love my life throught music. Thats how i chill, and i have recently sought help.

  • @tarikalic97
    @tarikalic97 Рік тому

    "Im an actor who got really good at being on today" man that line is me everyday

  • @ginak0367
    @ginak0367 5 років тому +449

    I am afraid of many people, I don't want anyone to judge me how I dressed, how I speak, how I behave, how my friends won't take me seriously, they think I am boring, they think I am shy but the truth is that :
    I am afraid and I want someone to notice anyone?

    • @motolazer1
      @motolazer1 5 років тому +4

      Hey i noticed. Whats up, wanna talk about it?

    • @ginak0367
      @ginak0367 5 років тому +1

      Thank you for noticing I appreciate it!

    • @minenhledlamini6495
      @minenhledlamini6495 5 років тому +3

      me too sumtyms I feel like running away I feel worthless

    • @minenhledlamini6495
      @minenhledlamini6495 5 років тому +2

      God has notice you please seek him more you will find Him I promise

    • @JA-il3kd
      @JA-il3kd 5 років тому +2

      Godbless :) I'll pray for you

  • @Itss.Sara2002
    @Itss.Sara2002 5 років тому +434

    This brought tears to my eyes

  • @user-lx9jj6hg7b
    @user-lx9jj6hg7b 4 місяці тому +4

    Depression is not a game. Depression is not a put on.
    Depression is hard as no one really knows about depression people out there saying they can help thye can't you and only you knows how to deal. Speak out be strong and keep you're head up high.

  • @sherrimandel6983
    @sherrimandel6983 11 місяців тому +1

    Psychedelic is the answer to most severe anxiety and depression...The use of magic mushrooms completely helps one get over depression and makes you feel like yourself...I used antidepressants for some years but it only made me feel like a zombie but with immediate use of mushroom 🍄 in few months I feel like I'm living a whole new Life.

  • @sexypickle5275
    @sexypickle5275 3 роки тому +200

    I’m 13, I deal with anxiety, depression, and I have attempted suicide twice, I am on antidepressants but it’s so hard.. I’m so sorry to everyone who’s going through the same. I love you all

    • @ikbenblauw123
      @ikbenblauw123 3 роки тому +4

      You will be ok some day

    • @cookie05niall
      @cookie05niall 3 роки тому +4

      I'm 14 and stated when I was 5.😭😔😣

    • @animeedits6263
      @animeedits6263 3 роки тому +2

      It’s gonna be ok

    • @blen183
      @blen183 3 роки тому +5

      Keep your eyes on God

    • @lexilexi2109
      @lexilexi2109 3 роки тому +6

      I’m 11 had anxiety before when I was ten now I have anxiety and depression your not going through this alone

  • @kidrauhlyuhh5224
    @kidrauhlyuhh5224 5 років тому +228

    3:38 “took my bruises i took my lumps, fell down then got right back up” - Eminem: Beautiful

    • @depressedthot3119
      @depressedthot3119 5 років тому +1

      Its just a saying that many people say but i got eminem vibes from it as well

    • @ClaytonJennings
      @ClaytonJennings  5 років тому +100

      I wasn’t sure anyone would catch that. I also based the setting of the video off of Em’s “When I’m Gone” music video. As a kid all I listened to was Eminem. His music seemed to speak to me in my anxiety and depression. I always felt like he was going through it too. I’ve sent him letters and I’ve prayed for him. I hope he finds the same help I found in Jesus.

    • @kidrauhlyuhh5224
      @kidrauhlyuhh5224 5 років тому +2

      Clayton Jennings yes it is like the when im gone video oh my goodness! this is truly incredible you both inspire me & im so glad you were able to find the hope in him like i do. You’re amazing, keep it going.. you’re never alone 💜

    • @depressedthot3119
      @depressedthot3119 5 років тому

      @@ClaytonJennings i feel the same way i always listen to the rappers from my hometown i live in Michigan which is where Eminem and Nf both lived Eminem lived 37 minutes away from me ive passed his home many times ive passed NFs as well both rappers along with you make me cry daily i quote your music so much even if i found it days ago i still quote it my suicidal friend and i both just sit and listen no words just sitting and crying youve helped me i love your music and i love your faith in god

    • @_derpycactus_4455
      @_derpycactus_4455 5 років тому

      Clayton Jennings his music speaks to me

  • @ElizabethJenny-xu3ky
    @ElizabethJenny-xu3ky 27 днів тому

    Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

    • @AnneRodrigo-fz6ks
      @AnneRodrigo-fz6ks 27 днів тому

      Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

    • @FabioPioFersini
      @FabioPioFersini 27 днів тому

      Yes, dr.poress. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

    • @BestOffer-ii9ny
      @BestOffer-ii9ny 27 днів тому

      He’s on insta?

  • @dominickgalindez1844
    @dominickgalindez1844 Рік тому +8

    4 years ago I was 9th grade I seen this video and honestly it hit hard cuz every word had hard meaning and at the time anxiety was my biggest issue I'm 20 years now and still anxiety hits me medicine dose nothing I needed someone in my life and my gf has been pulling out of my own grave