[1266] My 18-Inch Long Johnson (April Fools Video)
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- www.covertinstruments.com
Happy April 1st to everyone... to see some of my past April 1st videos that follow this genre, follow the links below and have fun. 👍
[1435] How To Fill My Wife’s Beaver
• [1435] How To Fill My ...
[1266] My 18-Inch Long Johnson (April Fools Video) • [1266] My 18-Inch Long...
[1071] Getting In My Ex-Girlfriend’s Back Door (April Fools Video) • [1071] Getting In My E...
[862] Getting Into My Wife’s Beaver (April Fools Video) • [862] Getting Into My ...
[651] Manipulating My Tiny Coq (April Fools Video) • [651] Manipulating My ...
To purchase some of the tools I use, go to www.covertinstruments.com
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Happy April 1st to everyone... to see some of my past April 1st videos that follow this genre, follow the links below and have fun. 👍
[1435] How To Fill My Wife’s Beaver
ua-cam.com/video/EhuNRWskgNQ/v-deo.html
[1266] My 18-Inch Long Johnson (April Fools Video) ua-cam.com/video/m-tKnjFwleU/v-deo.html
[1071] Getting In My Ex-Girlfriend’s Back Door (April Fools Video) ua-cam.com/video/Joed0P3hhbc/v-deo.html
[862] Getting Into My Wife’s Beaver (April Fools Video) ua-cam.com/video/TRozAbaKs9M/v-deo.html
[651] Manipulating My Tiny Coq (April Fools Video) ua-cam.com/video/k9VewWKfH_0/v-deo.html
Oh, I'm very familiar with your wife's Beaver, but I had completely overlooked your Coq.
Please create a playlist for these so we can share these easily😁
"Getting In My Ex-Girlfriend’s Back Door"
Haha that was a great title
This was great, but you didn't show us the technique for removing your Johnson from the opening if it gets stuck.
I like watching the picking. :P
Nice lock
He didn't waste even 1 sentence. It's just a punchline after punchline. And everything makes sense. This is peak comedy! Wow.
Always perfect
Comedy? He's just talking about his 18 inch long johnson, what's the joke?
Every year.
He could open for Carrot Top
@@obsu idk seems pretty informative to me
My wife said from the next room "WTF are you watching" when she heard this
18-Inch Long Johnson.
Was she impressed at least?
@@sheep8464 no, she said its a rookie number
Just say porn. It's easier to explain.
LMAO!!!
I can't imagine him recording this without a big, stupid grin on his face.
Wdym? That was me the entire time
he probably was grinning hella hard and we can't see it anyways
I think he almost cracks at 0:37!
@@bachaddict Bananas. :)
As someone who repeatedly made coworkers record stuff like this for silly IVR messages, I can confirm that the first 5 takes are grinning and laughing all over, but then it gets repetitive to the point of no longer being funny enough to induce involuntary giggling, which is when the "real" recording starts. I'm assuming this is just take 8 or so and all the giggling is in behind-the-scenes blooper footage.
"When my father took me inside and revealed that he too had an unusual Johnson"
Bruh I laughed so loud i cant breathe 💀
3 am and I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe either! Probably woke up my landlord
aside, not inside
After Mrs LPL is finished with LPL's 18 inch Johnson: "Lets try that again to make sure it wasn't a fluke".
Next year, it'll be a disc detainer core so they can get Bosnian Bill to help.
"Let's insert this pick that Bosnian Bill and I made"
His response: "We should probably try again from the front and back while we're at it, to make sure it works for both."
"And one more time because, let's be honest, this never gets old."
@@RhinoBarbarian "now lets see if this 21 inch rod from my father works as well as my own"
3 years ago he had a tiny Coq and now he has an 18 inch Johnson. What a transformation.
character development
A success story
He still has his 2.5 inch coq beside him... He never forgets his past
I guess there is hope for me after all. 😆
Doctors hate him, find out why
LPL: This ... is a 18-inch Long Johnson.
Mrs. LPL: DEAR GOD!
LPL: There is more.
Mrs. LPL: NO!
I understood that reference :D
RIP in peace Soldier, I know you're up there teleporting bread to your hearts content!
@@TrevorMoin I did too. Now i'm trying to hold back massive amounts of laughter. I'm not doing too great at the moment lol.
Surprise, B U T T S E C K S
@@TrevorMoin rip means rest in peace
@@tanfred8629 the soldier has a habit of either ripping people into pieces with his rocket launcher or shotgun, or rip himself trying to rocket jump
60% of any joke is the delivery, and this man nails it perfectly. I wonder how many takes he had to do to avoid cracking up in the delivery.
Head gasket went on my mates car, i asked him where he let it, he replied "the church var park till Friday, with any luck they will bury it", i just replied "i'd leave it till Monday if i was you" so he says "why Monday?" without a giggle i said "they might give it Sunday service". he loved it, could hear him chuckle half way down the street.
LPL doesn't need takes. He performs it live every time someone clicks the play button.
LPL is a lawyer and lawyers are practiced to say everything dry af.
Probably only 1
it makes so much sense this guy is a lawyer because he's able to say the most ridiculous things while sounding completely logical and not breaking a damn sweat
He does pause for a breath around 2:20 long enough that I couldn't help thinking he might've had to compose himself after that delivery. xD
And this was the first take too. Stone cold joker.
It's also worth noting that all the ridiculous things are just implied, and everything he says is actually technically correct (the best kind of correct).
He's not a lawyer he's just sarcastic
@@FlyboyUS I thought he got his name from being a lawyer who was into lock picking?
LPL continues to be the best part of April Fools' Day
dirty words but suzan doesnt seem to mind like wtf
@@err0r667 yea
So true
It's a like a yearly festival
@@TheWorstNoob yea
As far as I can tell this was done in one take (no splicing etc). That means he got through over 3 minutes stuffed with innuendo without his voice even cracking. Simply marvelous!
His voice cracks very slightly at the end, but he’s an absolute trooper
Bro must've had a gun to his nuts the entire time, I can't even fathom..... ......goddamnit....
.............................lasting that long.
I started to get worried when he started to handle his fathers Johnson
yeah man, me too. it's too rare to be handled by LPL even, let alone anyone else
I waited a whole year for this.
Same lol
Sameee
Facts
Same, bro. Same.
Me too
"Scream on 1, nothing on 2, a little bit of resistance on 3..."
lmao, I am proud.
Tears on 4
I hope there's nothing binding in that don't think it's a good idea to jam a shim in the top to pop in open and definitely don't put to much tension at the bottom.
"wiggling a little and it will open by itself, just like that"
Sadly mine isn’t built amazingly. I can just shove something big in there without effort and it will open in seconds. I’m not very proud
3 years later. Coming from the latest episode. This is gold!
Johnson Auto Lock Co: "oh hey, LPL is reviewing one of our locks! ok Mr Bigshot, let's see if you have what it takes to get past our product."
LPL: "you ram the johnson in 6-8 inches" "put it in the rear" "my father's is even bigger and he let me handle it"
Johnson Auto Lock Co: confusion and terror
P U R E C O N F U S I O N
Actually I think it is a perfect commercial. I will certainly remember what is 18 inch Johnson for a looong time.
@@MrPzyt true. Among countless locks i've seen from this channel, nothing beat 18-inches Johnson 😅
Imagine working for years to create your perfect lock design for it just to become a “that’s what she said” joke
Well he didn't pick it, so there's that.
@@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017 Johnson- 1 LPL -0
@@evane5526 I'll have to search his back catalog to make sure he hasn't picked it before.
Its just a lock dimbass nobody cares how long u work on it, its still a lock
an honorable legacy
Deaf people: That is a wierd lock but cool
Blind people: Wtf!
underrated
😂😂😂😂
Haha, love it.
How are blind people finding this
HAHAHAHA
I feel like LPL has a specific collection of locks with amusing names purely for the sake of April 1st. And bless him for it.
Perfect delivery as always xD
My Johnson does have one inexcusable flaw: it’s easily defeated with a jiggler attack
You've got to be careful with your covert tools, after all... 🤣
Tested for comb pick vulnerability yet?
Mine, not so easily.
The fact that everything he’s saying makes sense is so much better
no the fact that he’s a lawyer makes it so much better
His one about sneaking in his girlfriends backdoor is great too
Holly shit, I didn't see April fools because it auto played and believed every word he said. I was so confused when I saw the title, that was awesome
Technically there’s nothing inherently immature about what he is narrating
@@anti8028 His being a lawyer helps with these immensely. Lawyers (especially contract lawyers which he seems to be one of, according to some comment I read) learn how to use language with *very high* precision.
2:15 "I never imagined is get to handle one" that line really got me
BUSTED! Awesome video, I had a good 4-5 minutes of laughing like I hadn't in a long time. Though I had to go back and see... indeed, at 2:20 I hear a lil chuckle! I'm still amazed at how well you kept it together for this video.
Damn, good catch! Nice to hear him laugh
Every word of this is so dirty and yet perfectly clean
yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
The fact he was able to do one take without laughing is impressive
...in a laywer tone. Admireable.
How do you know it was one take
How is it funny!?
I can imagine that he's laughing his heart out when he was editing the video.
He fairly apparently did the motions in one take, but there is nothing to say whether the audio was all in one take.
2:51 You can literally hear him containing his laughter
Freud could write volumes about this guy.
How this man manages to keep a straight voice despite what I imagine is a shit eating grin on his face as he rapid fires these jokes out is beyond me.
He's a lawyer. Literally trained to speak this way.
I imagine his face is completely deadpan but he's giggling on the inside
More likely recording video and voice separately, than overlaying voice into video.
For all we know this is the 69th attempt
@@austintrajkovski3007 nice
How you even manage to say "18-inch johnson" without cracking up is beyond me
Likely his profession as a lawyer makes this a hell of allot easier
Many, many, many takes
You didn't see the recording attempts. :D
You know what, There’s no way he did this with a straight face either
2:54 i love he almost breaks character when he says johnson
The real April fools joke was that his wife got interested in locks...
@Big Smoke OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Or, at least she got interested in a nice Jonson!!
@@gcflower99 What woman ain't at least a little curious about a long and gerthy Johnson that is still stiff yet flexible that can lock things up pretty well.
Ok wait I didn't even realise that
I wonder if he writes these April Fool's scripts a year in advance and just recites them over and over through the year so he can just deadpan straight deliver these videos in a single take.
Nah. He's just a dead-pan kind of guy.
It makes you wonder: How long has he been holding onto that Johnson?
You say that like he's capable of _not_ deadpan. Guy's a lawyer, remember?
The fact you were able to pull off something this long in one take without blowing it is amazing. You deserve an award, but all I have is a like button.
The fact that he can do this all in one take is nothing short of amazing. I’d be 3 words in and giggling like a school girl.
This was just the one take where he did make it through. I want to know how many prior takes were interrupted. Lol
@@Nareimooncatt I myself picture him only doing one take for all of his videos. He's that good.
I have a feeling there's more than one try to get a clean take
I guess the lawyer part kicks in and aids delivering whatever-whenever with a straight face
@@Nareimooncatt Yes, you can tell he's struggling to maintain that delivery. The mirth nearly breaks through 😆
This is a top tier April Fools gag that I hope never ends.
Can't wait to see what you come up with for Season 5.
heh... april fools _gag_
Thank you! I needed that laugh
agreeeee
It's worth watching the one where he tries to get access to his ex's backdoor 🤔🤔😅
@@potatogeorge6066 I applaud you, sir.
I love your channel. I been watching for years. It’s wild that you make thit exact same content.
A lock, getting opened. With only your hands shown.
And it’s still so entertaining. Your commentary with the simplicity of the video is what I love.
With that being said. This is legitimate a comedic episode.
Great work.
I'm writing this in the second week of march and I really just cannot wait for this month to be over, so that I can welcome April with big smiles and hearty laughs. Thanks for this series, LPL!
You won't find this kind of quality content anywhere else.
Let me get this straight: You comment something that is unrelated to the fact that I have two DANGEROUSLY DASHING girlfriends? Considering that I am the unprettiest UA-camr ever, having two hot girlfriends is really incredible. Yet you did not mention that at all. I am quite disappointed, dear bacca
@@AxxLAfriku sus among us
Maybe Ranton
@@AxxLAfriku go away bot
Can we just talk about how awesome that name is though 😂
LockPickingLawyer is the only man alive capable of pulling off a dong joke in any situation
Some might say he’s really good at pulling off
I'm surprised he didn't even snicker during that whole video.
He is very good at picking the little holes and make them come out
When your entire channel is about puttin' things in holes and getting through backdoors, the jokes are inevitable.
@@doubledoot I would be curious to know whether it took him more than one take to record.
For those of you who disliked this video I guess I can't blame you.... I to am jealous of his beautiful long hard Johnson! I have a Johnson of my own but mine is just the standard 6 inch variant. While it is adequate for most uses it fails to impress for those looking for something more "adventurous". It's these times and others like it that have left me to with a feeling that my Johnson isn't what I need it to be sometimes leading to a negative outlook and quite a bit of shyness when showing my small Johnson to others. But I digress... I am taking steps to improve my Johnson!
I love that the videos still make sense without any innuend
"Iv read about Johnsons this long but never imagined I'd get to handle one" LMAO
I started reading this exactly when he started saying it.
This is the 3rd time that’s happened to me this week.
@@loganmcbride7304 quarantine does that
@@loganmcbride7304 I just had the exact same thing 😂
*sweet home alabama intensifies*
Humour aside, that's the first time I've seen one of those locks.
I don't think they're used regularly, over here in Malaysia, but I could be wrong.
Which industries use these, by the way?
most UA-camrs on April fools: "gone wrong gone sexual!"
LPL on April Fools: "hehehe. dick."
*johnson
Its johnson, not dick
@@poyrazgenc johnson means a penis
@@MemeReviewer wooooooosh
The woosh is strong on this one.
You delivered everything in such a calm and serious manner... while i lie in the corner unable to breath... Brilliant
I love this. I hope they never stop coming on April 1st. Its the one thing i look forward to about April 1
God, I would kill to see the bloopers on these April Fools videos
Yup happened to me on the ex girlfriend backdoor one. I binged a bunch of lpl and that one came up. I was confused about the innuendo as there is nothing in the video itself to give away that it is a joke. I took a look at the comments and started over from the beginning. And searched for all of them.
There were none. LPL doesn't laugh, LPL doesn't cry, he's the next Chuck Norris :D
there are no bloopers, he does them all first try, he's just that serious and mature
@@Wolfhound_81 his depression get higher per year. In his newer vids his pitch just lowers
Ouf yes please lol
Imagine if this was the first video you saw, and weren’t aware of it being an April Fools parody. Perfect introduction.
It fecking was mate.
One of his old April Fools gags (I think the Beaver) was the first LPL video I ever saw. Been hooked ever since.
Perfect introduction is also what Ms LPL said
I totally forgot until I saw the previous year vids 😅
I got hooked on his coq
A friend just set this video to me on facebook. I was hysterical, the descriptions were delivered in a cool calm manor like you were presenting evidence to a jury. BTW I bought the Off Grid Knives Black Mamba because of your video. Keep up the good work.
I can't believe you did this in one take without cracking up at any point. This is incredible!
"My father's Johnson has a wide, bulbous feature at the end of the shaft"
DEAD
I died when he talked about getting to handle it
Unrelated but cool golden sun avatar
props to your dad for still having a functional Johnson
Underrated comment
Its old but can still do its job just fine
Rofl!
Absolutely incredible. Bravo LPL
Omg the set up on this was amazing.. your done so well on this one
me trying to not giggle:
"In terms of maturity we have no maturity"
Same
it got bad in my mind very quickly :P
Last year was getting in his ex-girlfriend back door
This year is getting a bigger lock.
I enjoy these April Fool videos.
Look up the 2018 and 2019 videos aswell, they are pure gold
bigger Johnson 😁
LPL couldn't Beat his 18" or 24" Johnson, he couldn't get them off. Maybe could use Jiggler to open his LeCoq Lock .
Going in the back door with something 18 inch long, will caused his ex to wear diaper
omg, that was a year ago already
whoaaa
I love this. Can't stop laughing
tward the end you can just hear the smile on his face.
"I've read about Johnson's this long but never imagined I'd get to handle one" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
I innocently thought he'd stop at "get to see one".
AND IT'S HIS FATHER'S
Johnson & Johnson has a whole new meaning.
“That’s what she said”
I can't help but feel like a "wife also liked his father's johnson" joke was vetoed.
Oh absolutely, I mean, it was so clearly ripe for the picking that I was surprised it didn't go there
@@philippkuhn2515 too easy, the fact that he didn't make that joke makes it even funnier I think
EXACTLY
bro is dodging ban’s on his channel like neo dodging bullets
this is the best innuendo anyone has ever done absolutely flawless
From tiny Coq to an 18-inch long Johnson... someone has been clicking questionable ads, and it worked
We've come a long way
"Buy these pills, it'll enlarge your Johnson by 2" a week!"
"Holky shit, they actually work!!!!!"
...
"Why are you selling these through spam, _everyone_ would buy these?!?!
" try my best but.... but... Nobody Believes Me..QQ"
We finally know the real owner of the swedish pump
@@songogu9 yeah, that kind of thing just isn't his bag...baby
a "long" way pffttttt hahaha.
I imagine some crafty 10 year old who's really interested in locks watching this entire video and thinking "what's the joke?"
And nobody will explain.
That’s how you motivate kids to use search engines (and get around content filters - which tend to be Swiss cheese, unless they are the great firewall and backed by repression).
Kids are stupid these days and have no disapline it's stupid
@@advorak8529 huh?? kids use search engines?? I don't know what you're trying to get at.
@@reecec1170 Says the one who spelled Discipline "disapline."
@@reecec1170 maybe you should learn how to spell before you call kids stupid.
I appreciate you taking advantage of the situation
At the very end you can barely hear him crack a smile but quickly put it away as to not ruin the perfect take at the very end.
A moment of silence for my brothers who fell asleep with youtube on autoplay and woke up listening to this
Lmao
I was listening with this in the background while it autoplayed..very surprising
Recording this with a straight face is the real achievement here, hats off to this performance. Oscar worthy!
We have no idea how crooked his face might have been during this recording since he never shows it. He was probably grinning ear to ear.
Wondering how many takes he had to do?
You can hear his voice almost crack in laughter at 2:21
@@joseiten3647 Didn't notice that before, thanks.
That's the lawyer part.
I had seen this reacted to on quite a few TT videos. It is hilarious and truthful. Great work.
It’s like “blows” to the head, repeated poundings…” innuendo if you will, I’m exhausted from that….” it’s genius I tell you!
What makes this for me is just how straight man you present it in your tone. Great writing.
I waited a year for this and it did not disappoint.
Same
So I heard.
Damn it, I even forgot about that April's Fool tradition and didn't check the video. Sorry, LPL, now I got the importance of the bell button.
The real masterpiece is doing this in one take without bursting out laughing
I'm quite sure this is not the first take, but it is very, very well done. Easily some of the best April 1st stuff I came across today.
This is just the take he used. How many attempts did it take to get this one?
He almost cracked at 35 seconds...lol. I was crying the whole time.
@@SolarWebsite they mean all in one shot, not the actual first take
Well done. Accurate commentary with just a hint of sarcasm and enough Double entendre to make this a great April 1st edition.
I've followed you on UA-cam for quite some time and this is the first time I've viewed this video. It took me almost 10 mins to wipe the tears from my eyes, I was laughing so hard.
Watch his other April Fools videos in preparation for this year
Amazed at his ability to deliver this in one shot with no giggles
The power of lawyering
@@antanis them lawyering skills do come in handy
@David Needler A good taken care of older Johnson often works fine. If you have problems during insertion, you might lube it up a little and you will notice the shaft will slide in easily.
I'm so impressed he manages to keep this up every year.
I’m sure his wife is, too
Omg your so serious usually! I wasn't expecting to die of laughter today!
Oh man this is incredible. I can’t believe I’m only just seeing this now 😂 UA-cam’s most underrated video 😂😂😂
I am amazed that you managed to not even *sound* like you were smiling...
He did it very good. Only after careful listening I've heard some subtle change of the voice like if he is smiling a little.
Underrated comment
@Dyanosis except that doing funny stuff like that gets harder the more you say it. (Been there, done that, performed live)
thats where the 2nd part of his name comes in
he sounds like hes holding back at the end there, you can hear a change
The last three years have set up a bit of an expectation. You did not disappoint.
LPL totally delivered. I really can't wait for 04/01/2022
Listening to your April 1st videos at work and trying to not laugh out loud! Well played sir!
Bruh it's just winner after winner. Every word of every line is absolutely perfect. This is the perfect video, I'm done, this is All I need for the rest of my life.
As a retired attorney, I'll tell you -- not only are there advanced law school classes to help you perfect this kind of delivery, there are also classes to teach you to sit through things such as this, and far, far worse, without so much as blinking. And then there's "maintaining a look of attentive concern" while someone reads from a phone book -- in Finnish.
I suggest practicing on cows. As long as you hold that feed bucket, they will listen to anything you have to say.
@@geraldfrost4710 That's not going to help you develop your delivery. The challenge is to do it with dogs -- if you can keep a dog's attention, just with your voice, you've got it. But if you pause or stall, the dog goes back to licking his balls, you've lost his attention and you need to do better.
@@artiem5262 I'm pretty sure any elocution teacher reading this will not comment because they will have had a coronary.
It being the day, my son sent me a picture of two hams held together by a C-clamp. He's a chef, so he often sends me strange food related stuff.
The caption was "If you're happy and you know it..."
I think I'm gonna need those classes, honestly 🙂
Suomi mainittu, torilla tavataan!
Eikun perkele, ei pysty koska korona.
LPL proved once again that his sense of humor is just as sharp,on point and entertaining, as his lock picking skills. Mrs. LPL is one lucky lady.
Well of course shes a lucky lady, any lady would count herself lucky if her man had an 18 inch johnson
@@larcberger1559 lmao
@@larcberger1559 😁 yea, having a huge johnson is one thing, but knowing how to use it like a pro is another level
OMG! Never watched one of your April Fools Video. You got me by surprise there. This is pure gold!
I think I heard you almost giggle twice? I have no idea how you managed this straight-faced. It was golden.
Walked up in the club like “What up, I got a big lock”.
Or, “What’s up, I got an 18 Inch Johnson, wanna check it out?”
Underrated comment
@@insurancefraud1933 yea that ain't how the song goes.
From a 2.5 inch coq to an 18 inch johnson: I don't think this big of a change comes without a professionals touch.
Like the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
2.5 inch coq to an 18 inch long Johnson, exactly what the adverts on the side of porn hub advertise
I was waiting for this comment, I would have been disappointed if nobody dropped that 😂
Would it be safe to say LPL is a grow-er, not a show-er?
@@zrobotics it would be safe to say he makes up for it with technique
LEWD! Like watching you videos, and how quick you pick locks. Thank you for all the videos, and have fun picking.
I applaud you for doing this in an unbroken take without cracking
My dude is on a whole different level with these, the absolute greatest shitposts of all time
LPL casually telling us he handled his father’s Johnson.
I mean, it's a 24 inch Johnson, that's pretty impressive.
@@bare_bear_hands when you realize he can just fit the tip tho
He should check out Ari Aster's short film _The Strange Thing About the Johnsons._
@@bare_bear_hands With a wide bulbous tip too
This man’s delivery is so dry and factual. Truly a great video.
Deaf guy: “cool locks!”
Blind guy: “WTF??”
Can only imagine LPL quietly laughing to himself as he wrote this script, haha
im sorry, but I had to like even though you were at 169 likes. I did this because I like your comment, and know that some other person (a very uncultured one) would like it anyways so i just liked it anyway
@@Director_Delta same with 369. Maybe it will stop at 420 so we are all freed from this burden :)
@@sebastianwendl603 alas, for the comment is too good, and many people wish to like the comment.
I was the 420th like
god this reply section is stupid
Holy crap he always NAILS the delivery of these, it's to perfect.
*too
@@grammarofficerkrupke4398 we ned too chek thos dirty gramar erors right comrade
I would love to see a video of any outtakes you had making these April fools videos, I can’t imagine you made it through the scripts without breaking out with laughter