MADAME WEB | So Awful, I Wished I Was Watching The Marvels Instead
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- Опубліковано 16 лют 2024
- Morbius was a work of art compared to this...
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"Bicycle" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
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"Industrial Cinematic" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
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#MadameWeb - Розваги
Oh, one more thing... the spiders can also give people the power to time travel.
Yes. Time travel.
You figure it out. 🤷♂
But can they give you back your two hours? Wish I could. Thanks for taking three for the team.
Spiders are well known for that
What else you would you expect from an actress named "state penis"
I just wished I got bitten by an Australian Funnel Web and had an anaphylactic reaction rather than see this film.
During the "Escape from Ezekiel" scene, Thorius, shaking with rage, spills his popcorn. Reaching between the seat cushions to recover a kernel, he is bitten by a spider. Realizing he now has the power of time travel, he travels back to the point when a dollar bill slipped from his palm while paying a street vendor for a hotdog on his way to the theater to watch Madame Web, but he this time chases the fluttering bill into the busy street.
Hit by a bicycle courier, ironically delivering a rough draft of Clarkson's screenplay of the Madame Web sequel to Sony executives, Thorius spends the next few weeks in the hospital, emerging after the movie has been pulled from theatres. Even though he walks with a limp every time the weather changes, Thorius is thankful he was spared having to watch the movie.
In the sequel to his story, while limping down the street one showery day, a dollar bill slips from Thorius's hand yet again, while paying for a hot dog at the very same street vendor. He struggles to move, but the fluttering bill is caught mid-air by a beautiful young woman. Their eyes meet as she passes the bill back. An instant connection is made, as well as a coffee date!
Time travel is looking very fortuitous for Thorius. But soon he realizes that it is his job, even his duty, to review and create content from not only the best, but the worst content. Mentioning his plans to stream Madame Web for review, his sweetheart mentions that she loves superhero movies; The Marvels is her favourite movie, she is the president of the local chapter of the Dakota Johnson fan club, and it is time for a woman to shape the Star Wars Universe.
A tear rolls down Thorius's cheek as he walks alone past the window of the coffee shop of their ill-fated first date. He limps, love lost, across the street through puddles and wind and rain, splashing his way back home to finish the final edit of his review of that most horrible movie Madame Web. Such it is at the intersection between Time Travel... And Fate.
The plot is pepsi saves everyone. They should've just made pepsiman the movie
A Pepsiman movie would have been a million times better.
The guy survives being hit by an ambulance , an explosion,
after Mac and Me did it for Coke 😂
Ask Toei
Pepsi saves everyone and Madame Webb saves a bird. The End.
We're back to pre-Marvel Studios days where movie studios think they can take any comic character, put it through the Hollywood writer grinder, and expect comic fans to just show up.
I'd watch Ben Affleck Daredevil over Madame Webb any day.
At least they had some semblance of movie making competence back then.
‘FUCK SPIDERMAN, PUT A CHICK IN IT, MAKE HER LAME AND GAY!!!’
And don’t forget blame the failure on “misogyny” and “incels.”
@@James_Bee Especially the Director's Cut.
@@ghidorah15 Oh yeah the directors cut adds so much more depth to the film.
"They'll never work in show business again!"
Oh, poor Thorias. Little does he know this is Sony we're talking about. They saw Morbius and said "let's get those writers!"
Today's episode of Sesame Street was brought to you by the letters E, S, and G
@@jackall-trades6149 Remember, BlackRock wants your business to D I E. I mean D E I.
At least they don't hire She-Hulk's writers. Or Velma's writers. Or Robyn Hood's writers. Goddamn, so many horrendous writers exist nowadays.
Well, the biz seems to MAINLY consist of these people now.....
Remember: when everyone is shitty, no one is
Andrew Garfield: suddenly my Spiderman franchise is looking pretty good right about now.
I liked Andrew's way more then i did Tom's. 😒 Lol
No, it's still bad. This is just worse. Worse than _Fant4stic_ , which I didn't think was possible. People paid money to make this! Wrap your head around that fact, if you can.
I always love the Andrew Spider-Man movie.
I’ve come to appreciate him more after Tom Holland Spider-Man. I like Tom, but his movies… weren’t really Spider-Man movies too much. Too much tied to Iron Man.
MADAME WOKE
@@BNuts They made this to retain the rights to Spiderman by making a Spider verse movie, and this uninspired trash movie is the result
It’s basically that’s so raven meets terminator, but a million times worse
🤣🤣🤣
Madame Web is going to win all of the razzies this year and that's for damn sure.
Jesus Christ, THAT foulest monstrosity totally KILLED all its chances and potential for what could've been at least a worthwhile cinematic spiderman universe on the first try. Not since x-men origins did the history of any superhero cinematic universe, ever bear witness to the top contender of the WORST superhero movie of all time!!!
As if that crap is relevant. Kubrick was nominated for The Shining.
We have ten more months left in the year, how can we be so sure? 😬
@@haissem8 It is only relevant in order to be made fun of just like when Rachel Zegler won the action star of 2024 recently beating out Tome Cruise(MI: Dead Reckoning) and Keanu Reeves(John Wick 4) and that just shows how dead that award shoe truly is.
@@insensitive919 We do not. But it is in the lead so far for that.
Beware, when you stare at terrible movies the terrible movies stare back at you!
😅
Nietzsche said that. "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you." Great philosophy quote.
Don't blink.
I think this movie is one of those exceptions of not staring back.
Those bad movies are just asking to get poked in the eyes.
If spiders could naturally give you super powers by biting you arachnophobia would cease to exist. 😂
"What a lovely Black Widow. Will I die or fly?"
@@DarkFox2232
Brown recluse! Nice! Come onnnnnnn super strength!
This would be a cornucopia for any supervillain mastermind trying to replicate Spider-Man for their own nefarious purposes, and these writers just went ahead and made it. Heck, imagine Spidey himself with all of these powers, instead of the limited set he got. He doesn't even make his own webbing naturally!
Well Marvel and people in general have totally nerfed spiders anyway. We have how many Spider-heroes now?
Every single fly they try to eat would suddenly gain the powers of superman.
The best thing about bad movies is that at least for the most part you can meme them, apparently Madam Webb doesn’t even give you THAT.
Now THAT'S a bad movie
My mother was researching spiders in amazon he was with her before she died
Even Morbius spawned a few memes so, yeah, this movies is somehow THAT bad
they just needed more Black Girl Magic
No but what it does have is overkill of product placement and apparently the villain gets killed by a Pepsi sign lol 🤣
Getting this film and the suicide squad game so close together felt like a one-two punch to the head.
Madam Web, Madam Web, does everything a Spider can't...
Can't spin a web, any size. Kidnaps girls just all the time
Don't look out, 'cause she's blind, here comes Madam Web!
If only Dakota Johnson's clairvoyant powers were real, she’d have seen this train wreck coming and called in sick.
I heard she unsurprisingly fired her agent after this.
@@SunnysFilmsThis is true, Thorias mentioned this
Yeah I couldn't watch the video atm so I read comments first. lol@@kidkatanatv
Those action scene camera flips cause the same disorientation as breaking the 180 degree rule. How did they not know that would happen?
It honestly made me dizzy watching it.
It was also Ash Wednesday, so This film is Penance.
What sin would you have to have committed for this to be your punishment?!
@@BNuts- It is just a General Penance, like Ash Wednesday its not Specific to a Sin. Ash Wednesday is Not Judgement Day, and Penance is simply an Act of Contrition, and on Ash Wednesday Traditional Penance is Fasting, Confession, Payers, and Watching Madam Webb.
Can Madame Web FINALLY be the final nail in the coffin for the Sony Avi Arad Amy Pascal “We Can’t Use Spider-Man” Spider-Man Scam Movie Universe?
This entire business model is predicated on tricking audiences (and MAYBE EVEN some of their actors) into thinking these are MCU movies.
I pray that it is, in the same way _Fant4stic_ backfired so hard at keeping the Fantastic Four (and X-Men) film rights away from Marvel Studios that it's become legendary.
Reminder Avi Arad ruined Spider-Man 3, Amazing Spider-Man 2, didn't think Into the Spider-Verse would do well, and keeps pushing these lame spinoff ls, and Amy Pascal used to be CEO of Sony Pictures until she had to step down due to leaked racist emails from the Sony hack, and she once cursed out Kevin Feige and threw her sandwich at him and told him to GTFO her office during a lunch meeting when he pitched the idea of putting Spider-Man in the MCU.
One wishes to have eight hands to show as many middle fingers to this movie...
"it's so bad, it'll guarantee some of the people involved won't work again!"
Don't give me hope.
Was not expecting princess peach having a good time on screen, thank you for that laugh tho
That was hawt.
6 years I waited for a chance to use that gag. Hope I picked the right moment. lol
It was beautiful sir, loved it @@thoriasunlimited4053
Sony bamboozled the actors into thinking this movie will be apart of the MCU...😂😂😂😂! What!?...How bad is your movie that you had to convince the actors that its gonna be apart of the MCU? I felt bad for the actors, and much like Dakota, I hope they ALL fired their own agents.
Oh, wow. Now I feel even sorrier for Sydney Sweeney than I already did. At least Isabela Merced has her role as Hawkgirl to fall back on.
“Calling Madame Web half assed is an insult to half an ass” fucking amazing line🔥🔥🤣
Best line😂😂😂😂
Joker, Logan, The Batman are examples of standalone comic book movies done right. But Madame Web is not a good example.
I really did like The Batman for the most part. Pattinson did good.
@@GodOfPlague 👍👍
Logan is a standalone movie?
The Batman is just a reboot year one film which is getting a sequel like Joker is.
@budgiecat9039 Logan is pretty stand alone. You don't really need to have seen the xmen movies to enjoy it
@@GodOfPlague it's still a continuation
It was so bland I kinda just want a crazy Spider-Man themed movie, a Spider Ham short film that’s in classic Looney Tunes style at the beginning, followed by a movie that takes it to crazy extremes that the MCU could never do. The Spider people cult at the beginning was insane, it was honestly the most entertaining part of the movie, i had no idea what they where doing with it, that’s so unique, like a really weird comic book, make alternate universe movies.
But how they'll explain to the Peruvian authorities a newborn baby from a dead mother with a bullet in her head??
It was the most stupid origin ever to let the audiences to fill up that big of a plot hole 😂
@@romelmunoz7957 they put her in a magical spider themed orphanage with a baby venom and a baby Kraven to set up a spin-off down the road called “Spider-Babies!” (Aunt may is the care taker)
@@liittlemiissdlike Malcolm said "wow, I can't find a flaw in this logic!" 😂
Just watch Japanese Spider Man
spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does
My spider senses warned me of this movie. What? It appears that anyone can be a 'spider-person' now. You know, just like with the Force....
Imagine being Amy Pascal right now. She finally, FINALLY got her all-female superhero movie in theaters, and THIS is how it turned out. OOOOF!!!
On the plus side, every time one of these all-girl team-up movies tanks, it decreases the odds of a potential MCU A-Force project ever happening. That's one I can do without.
@@thoriasunlimited4053 You and me both. Except, I imagine all the money my favorite UA-camrs will be able to milk from it and almost want it to come out lol
They should definitely release Batgirl. Can't be this bad.
My question is how bad was it that that THIS got released but Batgirl wasn’t
If they suffix is "-girl", it IS that bad
Thorias you seem a little heated! Might I suggest cracking open a cool refreshing can of Pepsi-Cola 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😎
That is SO cold 🥶
It would, in fact, be a better origin story for a better superhero...
And just think.
These are the people most worried about AI replacing them.
Sounds like they have already been replaced. Sue AI isn’t ready to make movies yet, but Sony didn’t get the memo.
"But for those of us sitting in front of our computer screens for hours on end praying for death we have Madame Web", I felt that bro, deeply in my soul.
Amen
Sadly, I was speaking from experience.
OMG !!!
You got me with...
"Calling this movie half ass is an insult to half an ass !!"
😅 🤣 😂
I’m sitting here, picturing half of an Arse crying at a corner of Piccadilly Circus!… 😅 Thanks man, I really needed that!
I hope you showered after watching this.
I actually liked "Dracula Untold" for some reason...
We all have our guilty pleasures
Far more better then this POS Marvel movie that's for sure.
Yes, I loved it too. But common, it was a B-movie at best (just my opinion).
I agreee. @@arberreka2242
I literally said the same thing when he mentioned it. "But I like Dracula Untold." 😂
Can someone confirm that the movie strongly hints that AUNT May gives birth to Peter Parker? Because if so, I think the writers are confused about what an AUNT and UNCLE are.
It doesn't. Ben mentions that he thinks he's found the right girl, but Mary (his sister-in-law) gives birth to Peter. Neither May nor Peter are mentioned by name.
I actually really enjoyed "Gods Of Egypt" may not have been the best, not even close but i dis enjoy it because it was fun and at least they tried, they got the characters relatively right and didn't really butcher anything. It was a fun and enjoyable movie. The others were hot garbage though, same with this one.
I feel a little guilty with how much i enjoyed hearing how much pain you were in watching this dumpster fire. Thanks for taking one for the team
"Sitting alone staring at a screen for hours in end, praying for death"
Soul mates, Thory, Soul mates
I hope he does Hazbin Hotel and great to see you again.
Idk if these movies still exist. This sounds like a French foreign movie where everyone just sits and talks. If you don't speak French, you have to read the subtitles.
WB Thorias. How have things been. You feeling ok?
Meh. January was pretty miserable, but back to what passes for normal, I suppose.
@@thoriasunlimited4053 Keep moving forward and you make it to where you want to go.
The closest temptation I have in seeing/suffering this is my _really_ liking Sydney Sweeney...
Just watch The Voyeurs, fast forward to the best scene or two, and thank me later.
I hear ya, but judging from what Thorias and other sources say, she's done no favors here.
I've got 2 big reasons to like Sydney Sweeny
I hate that Disney refuses to allow that anime based on the Alien VS Predator comics to be licensed and released on Netflix. It sounds pretty cool. Since I liked AVP 1 but hated AVP: Requiem I would’ve loved a new adaptation of that series. But again Disney doesn’t it want it released for some stupid reason.
Good on you for pointing out that Zeke was an ally in the comics. I have no idea why I was surprised they fucked that up, especially when one of the writers claimed Madame Web has no back story.
Ah yes, the magic deus-ex machina spiders.
*LOL, I find that thumbnail really funny.*
Calling this movie half-assed would be an insult to half an ass 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Great review dude! Also, this thumbnail of you, being alone in the theater, flipping the bird to the screen is ridiculously funny.
Doesn't he give the bird in
Most thumbs?
@@tagir9123 Sure, but I don't recall in any of the older thumbs, he is being the only one in the movie theater, which for me, is funnier than doing a thumb using a poster of the movie, like it happens most of the times.
Hell, that was just me re-enacting what I actually did in the theater during the movie.
😂😂good one😂😂
@tagir9123 Not most, but definitely more than usual lately.
I've been looking forward to your review. You didn't disappoint.
As I sat there laughing in the theater, I found myself realizing two things: one, that there wasn't a single scene that worked. And two, this is this generations Batman and Robin.
Can I just say, this thumbnail is the best review for Madame Web that I've seen? Two birds up. Epic.
LOVE the thumbnail, wish I had the balls to do the same thing in theaters
It's a lot easier when the theater's empty.
When a god awful movie comes out, I hunt these videos down like The Terminator
😂
GG
Well, he delivers
"Come with me if you want to laugh."
If only Sam Raimi was allowed by Sony to make an R rated Green Goblin slasher horror movie with the same dark comedy tone and over the top bloody violence as his Evil Dead trilogy! Would be freaking awesome! He could even cast Willem Dafoe again and just set it in a different universe than his RaimiVerse.
Or let him make a proper R rated Venom movie
@@FP194 agreed. Although I thought he didn’t like the character. But still I agree with you.
Now THAT could work.
@@chrisblanc663 agreed. If Sony leaves him alone! Green Goblin R rated slasher would be dope! 💯
The review I’ve all been waiting for. Thanks, you saved me two hours of pain. Congratulations on 50k👍
I said this movie was going to be the Spider-Man version of The Marvels. I was SO WRONG. This was so much WORSE! 😭
You should get a raise from UA-cam for watching such films, you're doing a community service by seeing these movies.
By the way, this is what Amy Pascal wanted from the start. For years she wanted to make a female-lead superhero movie (member Ghostbusters 2016?).
Daddy Foolkiller doing what he does best since 2007. Ignore your haters, because many people secretly admire pundits. Heroes in the real world never get the credit they deserve.
12:59 That half-ass line was perfect!
This is what we got for Valentine's day?! Well back to the computer screen 😭
I was having a shit day and this review had me in stitches. Good work sir, good work
No matter what this guy says, I'm in stitches almost constantly🤣🤣😂
The reason this movie happened is so Sony can keep the license for Spiderman, apparently. Lots of examples of studios putting out trash just because they have to put out something or lose the license. Remember fan 4 stick?
So, if spider bites give super powers, how many super powered bugs and animals are out there in the wild? Not even Sydney Sweeney knockers could save this.
And the trinity is complete. Thank you for your sacrifice, Thorias.
So glad you found something to fill that Batwoman void you've been feeling for so long......congrats Thorias!
Madam Web Is the Roger Corman. 1994 fantastic 4. For Sony A movie that was simply made to retain the rights because. If they didn't release A Spider-Man adjacent movie this year. The IP would revert back to Marvel.
The one time you can act rich and think you bought out a private viewing in a theater. Just buy a ticket to this movie
Love the rants. 😘
The best part of this movie is setting it in 2003, so you could somehow be apart of some spiderman thing, YET not being allowed for contractual reasons to actually say any of the character from Spiderman are in fact the same characters from spiderman. I can see why a studio would spend a 100 million dollars to make such a movie!
I know how Sony can fix this and turn a profit on this movie with an in depth documentary called "B*tch Where is My Money." Sony executives from Japan interrogate crew, cast, director, and producers about how this crappy movie wasted the investers' money without showing a return. The brutal dressing down by the executives cause the movie makers to breakdown in tears as they reveal their incompetence to their corporate masters. That would be dramatic and entertaining.
I'd pay to see that! 😂
Considering all the lies and stupidity involved with the Sony Spider-Verse (like *HELL* am I using their BS name for it), I truly hope something like that happens. It needs to be stopped.
Sony truly achieved that CW quality even Greg Berlanti isn't involved....... 😂😂😂😂😂😂
My dude, I have been waiting for your review of this train wreck. Once again you do NOT disappoint!
This was an epic escalating rant, and it ended in the peak! Hilarious.
We went from its “morbin time” to its “webbin time”
I still think "Eat my Hammer" is yet to be dethroned
"But for those of us which social life mainly consists of sitting alone in front of a computer for hours on end and praying for death..." What, have you been spying me...!?
The directors only previous directing experience was an episode of a Game of Thrones prequel that was never released.
From the discussion of them wanting to spin it into a Birds of Prey-like franchise, it sounds like another example where they were too focused on setting up the next film in their new MCU-esque shared universe to make THIS film any good.
See also: Tom Cruise's Mummy, Dracula Untold, the DCEU, and Welcome to Raccoon City.
Ahhh my favorite movie reviewer eviscerating another Marvel Trainwreck to start off Monday. Thank you Thorias
The *Lost in Space* TV show is actually pretty good. I don't know how _that_ happened.
I can only guess that the other writers and the production crew were good enough to cancel out the incompetent writers.
Even Dakota JOhnson and Sydney Sweeney seems to be just going with it instead of trashing the fans. They might come out unscathed by this mess.
Meanwhile, Disney will ruin the Fantastic 4 and Blade!
Someone Memory Holed _Fant4stic_ , or at the very least never saw it.
Good on you.
@@BNuts Disney’s version will be worse than Fant4stic!
@ParkerCS2 You know it won't. You say that because dunking on Disney is "cool" now but you know it won't.
How do you know that?
And x-men
It's literally becoming a contest in between the major movie studios to see just which one of them could make the worse movie possible. And then the studio management wonders why their movies tank at the box office.
Thorias saying he's serious about everything he's said gave me "You have not seen what I have seen!" vibes 😂
"Calling madame web half ass would be an insult to half of an ass"
Amazing
the only thing positive about this movie is i get to know who sydney sweeney is.
Same here.😅
She could see into the future but couldn’t see the fireworks hitting her in the face and blinding her
What a mess
I definitely knew I was going to watch this instead of Madame web. The commercial for that movie let me know that it was gonna suck.
5:00 Do these writers not know the purpose of venom? I fail to see the evolutionary advantage of giving your prey and your enemies super powers; seems pretty counterintuitive to the survival of your species.🤨
In the comics, Madame Web was a mutant who was born with her powers and the spider motif came from the life support system her husband designed to keep her alive which just so happened to resemble a spider web...but let's throw all out and just have her be bitten by a (not actually magic) magical spider, because that makes so much more sense. 🙄
The best thing about this movie, it created entertaining and hilarious reviews like this one.
The last Marvel movie that I went to see in theaters was Black Widow. Not only was no one else in there watching it, but they never dimmed the lights or opened the curtain. I don't like the Miles Morales movies. I only know Madame Web from Spider-Man TAS and even then I don't really remember anything about her other than she exists. So I don't know why anyone thought a movie just about her was a good idea. Put her in an actual Spider-Man movie, ok.
I bet Sony released it on February so the deserved title of "Worst kovie of 2024" gets more chance to be taken by someone else.
11:12 Neat! There were about six people in my theater too. But just to be clear: I bought a ticket for Bob Marley (which was starting at about the same time) and made sure I knew where the screens were.
I guess the spiders evolved to give the things they bite super powers, because that makes them better to eat?
Thank you for your sacrifice. 🤭
I heard Don Johnson disowned Dakota Johnson after he saw the first trailer to Madame Web, and had her written out of his will.
YES, the roast I was waiting for
I wish you could take that "Mark my words" back as Hollywood is likely to take that as a challenge.
Was about to ask how many people were actually in the theater until I got to the part in your video where you said it. Damn, that camera was terrible. It's like the cameraman had a steering wheel attached to the camera itself
The fuckin’ Homer Simpson laugh from when the college professor dropped his papers! 😂
I was bit by a Brazilian spider once. Now I can *Checks notes* Pull the moon out of orbit? Yeah, that sounds like an evolutionary side effect. I can't do the superhero thing, because I only get the one power, and it really only works one time, but it's SUPER effective! Oh, and it takes 38 years. So, no instant saves for me. I'm getting my own Sony Movie right after the guy who uncurdles milk and the chick who knows which butterfly to kill to prevent the tsunami on the other side of the world. Super riveting stuff. I can't wait.