Don’t have children out of wedlock for it comes with unpredictable struggles, humiliation, misery, pain and regrets. I’m child free until mariage and now I’m enjoying peace of mind , travelling , money in my bank account and no debts.
Amen!!! I learn the hard way. It's not worth it in the end. I do teach my children marriage and then children. My oldest is 22 in college with no children. All glory goes to God 🙏🙏
@@TT-xz5sy yes indeed but if you set your boundaries , your standards and require marriage before having children you’ll avoid men who are not husband ready.
@@TT-xz5sy who wants to struggle know one in their right mind. And who wants to have two to three or four baby daddies? And who wants to go through the drama with different baby daddies? If human beings would do it the way God plan this world will be in better shape.
True! Yet I am thankful for the restoration of my mind and emotions. Thankful! God gave me time to learn my lessons and get myself together. I dont wish single parenthood on a woman or a man!!!!!! For 2 years I've been on a healing journey and time with God and though my decision making made things harder for me then things are lightening up because I am aligning my life as I should with the footsteps God always wanted me to take with not only him but myself and my kids. I didn't have proper examples with my parents. Their mistakes helped me develop my bad mistakes. If I would of done things right I'd still be a virgin at almost 38.
A woman that chooses babies out of wedlock was "nuts" before conceiving.Lets not pretend that a lot of pregnancies are strategies gone bad.Babies outside of a comittment. is meaningless.Consider yourself blessed if he commits to the seed he planted.
As a woman who grew up with just my mom and my grandma it made me fearful of relationships for a long time because I had to figure out so much on my own and plus my grandma told me so much misinformation about men that it scared me. Now I’m correcting it through therapy, but it’s a lot of work. I would tell any person, please don’t bring your child into dysfunction.
I never had kids. I told myself that if I didn't marry I wouldn't have kids. I'm not sorry because I wanted a healthy family life and peace. I see how many women struggle and I couldn't do it. They are stronger than I am.
I don’t understand why anyone would purposefully position themselves as a single parent. I was married over a decade, had 3 kids, and their dad was out of state & military , but still did his part. I cannot imagine doing this to a child or myself , for that matter, intentionally. Single parenting is NO JOKE and not for the weak.
Great content bro... You're fighting a much needed fight for the community broski.. from" Man to Man" I'm letting you know you're doing awesome combating this crazy nonsense these other men be promoting on these social media and internet abroad streets! Salute from Chi Town!
As a woman who grew up with just moms. Nah I'm still teaching myself things my mom and father couldn't. The pain of coming from an incomplete family is for the birds
Having children outside of a healthy marriage just adds unnecessary stress to your life and creates children that have to recover or succumb from their childhood trauma.
There are different kinds of blk culture. And I grew up in a blk culture where you would be brought to shame if you got pregnant out of wedlock. It was even shameful to live together, unmarried. And you were expected to go to college. The only question was where and what major.
It's funny that there are more babies out of wedlock now than there were before birthcontrol.Pregnany outside of marriage was considered shameful;definitely nothing to celebrate.
Before people have kids on their own and not in a partnership they should read up on the effects it'll have on the kids. Like he said, there's a reason it takes two. There's a spiritual reason as well as a psychological reason. What's worse is when they themselves were raised by single parents and not thinking about what issues from that upbringing they will be passing along to their children. Just keeping this broken home cycle going generation after generation 🤦🏽♀️
It never made sense to me for people to put the cart before the horse. I know stuff happens, but when you do it on purpose it makes no sense. People just lay up THINKING they're in love, and make a child they aren't ready for. My ex and his family kept trying to get me to have a baby. NO way! I could clearly see he was baby daddy material. I looked around. His sister was a baby mama of 2, his mom was a baby mama of 4 by 3 different men. The first time his mom met me, she didn't ask about my goals or dreams nor a marriage. She didn't ask if I wanted to marry her son...which I didn't. She asked about babies. TODAY he is a baby daddy of 5 by 2 different women. Doesn't even see 3 of his kids from what I hear. Doesn't see the other 2 very often. He wanted :as many kids as the lord gave him" it was clear he was not husband nor father material. Here these 2 dumb bunnies went having his children, and now their mad because he's sorry. The writing was on the wall! It was a sad story really. Be careful who you have kids by. It really effects the child.
Think about the kids, not just yourself. Thousands of kids are in Foster care because women just wanted to have children and they were not able to care for them. A child is human being, not a doll. Emotional neglect is a real thing and it effects a lot of people.
I loved hearing this video and the most important piece that is missing in the black community today is the presence of the Most High. We are nothing without our Father and we have fallen so far from Grace that its sad. When we get back right with the Father, everything else will fall in place but nobody thinks about The Most High until they are in trouble and have no one else to go to. We need to get back to the basics and stop chasing this so called "American Dream" because it doesn't exist.
@@TT-xz5sy no such thing because the real Father puts things in real order. Most people dont know the Father in his realness thats why you can make these types of statements. But most people will not find the Father because we as a community are to caught up in sin.
@@Asigedge Wow what a unbeliever you are. I will not waste my time trying to convince you of anything but even the words you said were prophesized. Now that is amazing. I thank you The Most High for putting me on this earth because without Him i wouldnt be here and neither would you. BE GRATEFUL!!
I really feel like if you are more concerned with having a child over a marriage then you have some self healing to do. I will never be able to understand how women can be so selfish to bring a child into this world without a healthy two parent household. You are inflicting unnecessary trauma on your child because of your wants versus the child’s needs.
Not just the nuclear family, but along with that a village. Mothers need support, fathers need support. We need to get back to family, and community. This individualism is killing us
Oh wow! I posted that question..thanks for covering it! I needed to hear this! And I appreciate the ladies for sharing their stories. My time will come ...
Yes it will. And you won't unnecessarily complicate things by having children and extra people in your eventual marriage. Until then, enjoy the beauty and benefits of this stage of life!
Me thinking about Keke Palmer announcing her pregnancy and ppl excited congratulating her... 🤔 It's easy for a lot of people to celebrate someone who is having a baby, but not so easy to find folks to help take care of one. I don't have kids, but that's one thing I observed.
Plus, I've noticed the baby showers today are actually the wedding. Them preganacy pics too are all glamorized like wedding photos. After that, the kid comes then they make more kids and never plan to get married.
Got the ring?What about the marriage?Some get excited about the ring,immediately shack up,play wife and start having babies.And the marriage doesn't happen.At least not with her.
Father GOD'S way is the best way and it's the only way. He ordained marriage and stated that the marriage bed is honorable........anything else or any other way that mankind comes up with just ain't gonna work; it will not prosper.
I literally just had this conversation. I'm 40 and tired of the games being played out here. I've faced the fact that children and marriage may never happen. I believe in marry before you carry. Marriages aren't guaranteed, but im not starting out as a BM. Thats never been my thing!
Yeah, that's just stupid. Like if you can't get your self together to social bond with someone enough to have an established relationship how are you gonna teach a kid to do that. Even if you don't get legally married have a traditional marriage or cultural bonding ceremony something. Kid take alot of time more than one person has. If the Grandparents are agreeing to be full time parents to maybe but even then they are gonna feel weird about it too. kids who are not here are not more important than the person who already exist. Wanting to ruin your life for someone whose not even a thought yet. Wood.
I don’t think I can agree . Most of wouldn’t be here if our parents “chose” right; including myself . But people do adopt or get artificially inseminated . I wouldn’t mind having a child alone regardless if I get married .
I agree that a stable happy marriage is the ideal situation. Sometimes life doesn’t happen the way we planned it. Men are the ones who control marriage and black men are getting married the least in our society. If a woman is in her mid 30s and marriage hasn’t happened for her but she is financially stable, independent, has a supportive family & friends, why should she miss out on the fulfilling experience of motherhood? It really depends on the individual situation. Choosing to become a mom has been the most fulfilling experience of my life, but I made sure my life was set up and ready for a child first. I own my own home, have a stable career, supportive family and friends around me and the father is very active in my child’s life. It just didn’t work out for us as a couple, but we coparent well. I would still like to get married in the future, but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on motherhood. I have several friends who were married before they had children and now they are divorced and in a much worse situation than I am today.
I grow up with my father but I had my aunt and grandparents as second parents. Now that I’m 20 childless and attending college, I can honestly say not having a child is like being a rare thing. People either assume you had a lot of abortions or you simply can’t have kids. My generation do everything backwards but being an older sister to a stepsister who’s currently 18 years old. She’s been pregnant like 3 times and many abortions or miscarriages. Even though my dad was hard on me and still is about who I choose to date I’m grateful for it.
I’m a women who grew up with her dad bc my mom is mentally ill. My dad was amazing and equipped me with everything. It’s been a struggle connecting with other ladies bc I had a mean Aunty who I feel resents me bc she was expected to step up after my Grandma died. I’m now a single mother of 3 and recommend therapy for your trauma and not having kids unless you’re ready and preferably married. I’ve been able to rear mine well bc I wanted to. I just pray for any kid who feels how I’ve felt.
I think it depends on the situation and the surroundings of that child. If a child is in the right environment surrounded by a loving community and support system with many positive male and female role models, a child could thrive and turn out just fine. Whether they are being raised by a single parent, or both parents. It’s not just about having a mom or a dad.
I think that’s true but we can’t deny the fact of how many single baby mothers there are and how much it’s celebrated when statistically it shows how much that affects a child or children negatively. That doesn’t mean that person isn’t doing their best. But doing your best doesn’t always equate to what’s best for the child or children
I agree that a stable happy marriage is the ideal situation. Sometimes life doesn’t happen the way we planned it. Men are the ones who control marriage and black men are getting married the least in our society. If a woman is in her mid 30s and marriage hasn’t happened for her but she is financially stable, independent, has a supportive family & friends, why should she miss out on the fulfilling experience of motherhood? It really depends on the individual situation. Choosing to become a mom has been the most fulfilling experience of my life, but I made sure my life was set up and ready for a child first. I own my own home, have a stable career, supportive family and friends around me and the father is very active in my child’s life. It just didn’t work out for us as a couple, but we coparent well. I would still like to get married in the future, but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on motherhood. I have several friends who were married before they had children and now they are divorced and in a much worse situation than I am today.
@@kaylabean3693 I understand that. That’s why the decision to do it on your own shouldn’t be oversimplified and vilified across the board as there are various situations in which a child could thrive under a responsible parent.
This is why I don't understand why mean are so negative towards BW because we are fatherless society in the black community. Now the women are an issue for what the men don't want to do but they always want everyone else women. Any parent missing from a child's life will suffer an identity crisis at some point in their life. I grew up without a father and now in my early 40's and I don't have kids. Didn't want to pass down that generational curse and traumatize myself all over again. Since I see a lot of women creating a no children movement I don't feel so alone. And I had a great mother thank God. I am not sure if people really understand what dysfunction looks like vs what being healthy looks like anymore.
I agree with this message. Why add to your stress? The moral of this message, at least I feel, if you have truly done the necessary work on yourself, and you're still unable to locate or find your match. Then, it's truly not your fault, because you are not alone, it is just the current nature of the beast. Extend yourself some grace.
Let’s be real. Sex before marriage is the issue here. Lust clouds your mind. Yes people lie, but most times the red flags are there but he/she is so good in bed we overlook it.
The issue is men who aren't raised right. 50 years ago there wasn't much sex before marraige but the STIs, domestic abuse, fathers going off for weeks on end was higher than it is now. Untill young men can raise themselves into men women will have to make unfortunate choices.
Sage advice. Keep speaking young man. 💪 You might be just as introverted even around your dad from birth. My husband is the epitome of introverts and his dad is the most outgoing, social person "life of the party" and was in the home from day 1. Both great men imo. 😊 You are who you are! Glad you are able to establish a relationship with your dad.
Women are having kids with anybody because they dont want to be old mom's and its wreaking havoc in the community. The man already has 2 kids and 2 different Babymommas....Now you added to the team because you're selfish.
As a b****** child myself, I will not!!!!!I refuse !!!!that curse ends with me! If a man is not good enough to make me his wife and be a provider and protector , he's not good enough to procreate with.
I'm nearly 33 and STILL cry about not having my dad around. It hurts so much. I sometimes resent him, talk badly about him & think he's evil. He's got 10 kids (that we know about). He started at 19 & had 5 by 23. Between 3 baby mommas. Literally going back & forth between them, seeing them all at the same time. Then he met my Mum in his late 20's, married her and had 5 more within wedlock. He was an emotionally abusive, cheating husband & also a unavailable dad. He would work looooong hours, leave early, come home late, eat and sleep. He did nothing with us or for us (aside from give money for the house). That ended around 10yrs old. He left and NEVER came back. My Mum raised 5 kids alone. All these years my dad lived & worked 10mins away. My Mum NEVER bad talked him to us growing up or never closed the door from him seeing us. He just didn't care/want to. (BTW they are still married, he won't divorce her - but has ALWAYS had & lived with other women).
You are certainly correct and it took me a while to come to the conclusion that I am an exception and not the rule because for a long time I really believed kids are going to become who they are one way or another. I grew up with my mother only who adopted most of my siblings (16 altogether) and we all live completely different lives, completely different views and so many different variations and all from the same home by one woman so I always believed who you are meant to be will shine through. Your upbring just gives you the proper moral compass and education to navigate you personality effectively. Tho I still believe that a great deal having experienced so many different types of people I now see (especially in men) that there are certain traits when you are raised in a two parent home those people are hell bent on aspiring to. Very positive traits they intend on passing along to their children moreso than I've noticed with people raised in a single parent home.
No one is answering the question. Should we never have children? Marriage rates are declining. We cannot create marriage minded men out of thin air. Lots of women will face single motherhood or not be mothers at all
It’s better to not have children at all than to put yourself or a child through all of that drama, trauma, stress, and God only knows what else. Your peace of mind is valuable.
@@TheShumakeWay i think you are very wise but don't fully agree on this. A lot of middle aged unmarried women will regret not having kids. It's a difficult choice
@@TheShumakeWay Sure, healthy marriage is ideal. But let's be honest. Men have always been gunshy & more are avoiding marriage altogether. I hate to see older women who missed their chance
I agree that a stable happy marriage is the ideal situation. Sometimes life doesn’t happen the way we planned it. Men are the ones who control marriage and black men are getting married the least in our society. If a woman is in her mid 30s and marriage hasn’t happened for her but she is financially stable, independent, has a supportive family & friends, why should she miss out on the fulfilling experience of motherhood? It really depends on the individual situation. Choosing to become a mom has been the most fulfilling experience of my life, but I made sure my life was set up and ready for a child first. I own my own home, have a stable career, supportive family and friends around me and the father is very active in my child’s life. It just didn’t work out for us as a couple, but we coparent well. I would still like to get married in the future, but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on motherhood. I have several friends who were married before they had children and now they are divorced and in a much worse situation than I am today.
Shalom man of valour and many blessings to you and to your beautiful wife and family. You spoke nothing but truth. I understand that there are people in this world who want to have a child or children. And there are those who think having a second parent in the home is not necessary. But having the father and mother in the home makes a huge difference in the cultivation process of a child. A child deserves to have his or her original habitat, which is a home that is structured under the sacred covenant of marriage and under a parenthood that is healthy. Taking care of a child is to not only take care of another entire life, but to take care of a child is to create and compose the beauty of heritage and the bodywork of a kingdom. And it takes a husband/father and a wife/mother to shape, cultivate and mold that kind of life within a child. This kind of structure protects the child's development, birthright, image, and identification. This is why it is wise for people to learn about the true origin of marriage, and the true origin of the family structure and parenting. When we do not educate ourselves, our children are hurt and damaged by our ignorance in the process. Shalom
Having a child with a man doesn't mean he's going to be in a relationship with you or marry you..Your body is precious and a Blessing From God, not to be given away to someone saying a few clever words...You Are Worth The Wait..Thank You For Bringing This Much Needed Conversation To The Light ❤❤❤❤❤❤
That part But if it's done right, most women not all women have that goal to be a mother I myself am a critical thinker when I learned that I needed to heal and correct trauma and abuse that was done to me as a child before bringing another human being into this world because people are Reckless with bringing life into this world it's a heavy the most heaviest responsibility to raise a child I made the conscious decision not to have children and through that decision I became mother figure too many children that were not my own I have grandbabies great-grand babies God children but that was my choice!
@@RAJOHN-ke7mc Depending on the situation. If it is a baby........Yes. If it is a 12 yr old........a single parent in my opinion is okay. It would be better for a child at this age to have love than to be in a foster care system.
Adopted children always have problems. Mental health sets in in the womb depending on the mothers stress hormones. Every year up to age 5 the damage is accumulative.
Listen being raised by a single parent is not a deal breaker especially when that parent has instilled morals, values, and other important knowledge that is needed. I know some grown folks who were raised by both and i'm still baffled and wonder where did things go wrong. However, I have that inside knowledge seeing and hearing first hand. If both parents aint's ish most of the kids are likely to follow suit. smh
Just to Add, I'm raised by both my parents (divorced household) and there are plenty of inadequacies and unanswered questions about my upbringing, so just know that it's not automatically better to have both parents Sometimes your parents just are inadequate period If you wanna have a baby , HAVE A BABY! Its consequences no matter how it happens Just a neutral perspective cause I dont disagree with anything mentioned in the post or the comments 😁
Telling blk women to just have children, married or not, the lack of a solid foundation or not, is hardly a neutral perspective. That perspective is why the blk community is so messed up now. Even though your parents divorced, you still had certain advantages in life over a child born out of wedlock, and raised by one parent, in poverty and in the hood. Stop telling blk women to give their children less than what you had. It lacks love and caring for blk women.
@@Theeorie4393 No kidding. But the odds greatly increase that a blk child born out of wedlock will be living in poverty. And where do most poor blk people in populated areas live? The hood.
@@mizzmolly7649the “hood” wasn’t the “hood” until black people made it that way! Who came & tore up the place, white people??? Black people dirty up their own shit & then complain about it!
@@iheartmia2020 Don't complain to me. I've been to the hood 3 times in my life - once to visit cousins as a kid, once to volunteer at an elementary school, and once when I took the wrong exit off a highway. And I have no kids because I didn't want any.
So the solution is to kill male babies rather than protect against unwanted pregnancy?Those with such mindsets are unfit to be parents period.These are the types of women raising the mothers of the future.
I understand and agree with what's being said. I also think that marriage does not solidify the outcome of a child and that no matter the situation the Lord needs to always be the number one go to in everything as challenges will always arise.
Young man, I understand how you feel about not having a dad there. But the difficulties and challenges that you say you have faced I just your refinement, a burning so to speak. That is/was necessary. You may not have had your dad there at the house but listening to you speak let’s meNo your mom did well and raising you! I know some young man who had a dad in the home that I’m not as conscious as you!
Nah you dont need to be married to hvlabe kids first. Issue stems from having kids with people you do not like nor do they like you. Thats where the issues stem for. When parents dont like each other they take it out on the kids
This mentality is exactly why the Nick Cannons of the world think it’s ok to create broken homes all over the place because the only requirement is that they “like each other.” Please. This entire channel is dedicated to knowing and doing better. You missed the memo.
@@pajdesign Well I don't have out of wedlock kids but I'm not interested in judging those who do since I know marriage may be out of reach for a substantial segment of our population
I had this conversation with childless women. I told them I was good on sex until marriage. Let's just say I was clowned and advised to just use birth control. So when I see these conversations in online spaces, i keep in mind about the level of delusion there may be about how and why a lot of these women got pregnant before marriage. It also shows that these conversations are mostly discussed to ridicule women they have made that mistake because what other advice comes with how being a "baby mama" isn't bright other than don't carry before you marry? I'll wait. Some people are not really supportive of the bible as much as they may weaponize it against others who are feeling the effects of disobedience.
I'm glad the person presented that question because it's a very good question, actually. Especially, for a woman or man that's getting older and has paternal or maternal instincts within them that must be fulfilled. Your primary agenda in this video was to promote heterosexual parenting to make a child complete. I clearly see your perspective and I don't disagree at all. However, somewhat, taboo there are ways to become a parent that exists today with scientific technology that never existed before, as you did mention in your video. These parents are known as, "single parents' by choice" there's a big trend on UA-cam called "SMBC" single mothers' by choice. There are even single dads' by choice. A man can have a child at any point in time he would like, if his swimmers work the right way. For a woman, her biological clock & her egg quality diminishes very rapidly past 35 up to 45 years of age, unfortunately. I would say the majority of your viewers agree along the lines of what you're saying. However, some of us are by the wayside, unfortunately. Why? Because we are in our late 30s to 40s as women who want to be mothers and we're left in a hard position. Within the foster care system alone are children that don't care what gender, one-parent, two-parent, you name it, etc. Those children just want someone to love them and allow them to be a child. So, that's another element that must be considered in your perspective. It's a hard topic because there's so many nuances, unfortunately. Plus, with a newer age of parenting, the troubling data that is noted & seen within the black community (I know you narrow in on with most of your videos) your input is valid. Again, I don't disagree at all with what you have said. I just know that it's a difficult topic to speak on due to so many different scenarios that we're facing as men, women, singles, married, unmarried, heterosexual & homosexual, etc. Sorry for a long comment but this video warranted this as my reply! I appreciate your commentary!
It's also that lots of men don't want to marry. This should be addressed before blaming women who through no fault of their own missed the marriage lottery
@@Theeorie4393 Wow, that's a tough reply. How is it that it's a woman's fault that she missed out on marriage? Your comment shows a lack of understanding culturally, geographically, lack of reverence of unfortunate circumstances that happen to men and women both and insensitivity. Strangely enough, you would blame one person for a two person union. 🤷, Really? 🤦
@@Theeorie4393 How is marriage a lottery??!??! Marriage is granted to women who have self-esteem, who communicate their expectations/values, who follow through with them, and who leave men who didn’t see marriage with THEM. It’s not a lottery, it’s having standards.
As far as marriage goes, it's definitely on the decline, but its the promises and laws behind it the security of two committed parents is what we all want. I don't expect women/men to wait for marriage to have kids, but what the woman should consider is what kind of resources are going to be available, and does the man want to be involved, or be supportive? It seems a lot of new black men/women automatically count on 1st or 2nd-family support, 1st or 2nd-gov't support, and then maybe 3rd-baby daddy, not exactly the ideal middle-class lifestyle.....and let's keep it a buck, 80% of them break up within 6-months to a year, this complicates the economics of it also. Many may disagree with me, but the women that have babies by high-value men do have a point, it may "seem" manipulative, but it's not like they're holding a gun to the rich guy's head bc pregnancy is always a possibility in a sexual relationship. If there's no marriage, I say at least secure a career/training/education to increase your income before being a single parent, or we've just become a culture of disposable mommies and daddies, which is not a society for building and advancing.
People think sex immorality is a joke... our father God, Yahweh is not playing around. We all have sinned and need repent and pick up our crosses and live for him. That means abstinence... if you fall get up and flee temptation the more you flee the more the devil leaves you alone once he realizes you are serious.
Is this mentality really shocking? If women wait for a man to propose they may never get that commitment before parenthood... It's time for the guys to step up if they're unhappy with women deciding to be single moms. Fatherhood is just as important as motherhood.... if men want to be respected in that role they need to move differently with women.
I don't regret having my kids. I'm a mother. I brought life into this world and blessed them with life. It's my job to restore ensure they grow up to be good humans. Most women want children. But honestly w are going to have to adopt a polygamous system because a majority of the men out here aren't worthy of being fathers. I don't agree that your life is supposed to be easy. And it's really sad that mothers frame it that way. I tell people all the time, I had a cat who had 7 kittens and she's just fine. The fact that we are supposed to have two parents in the home is ridiculous. If men are good, it's ok for them to be in the home. But it's not ok if they are not good. I'm sorry. But this analogy is ridiculous. If a woman wants to bring in life into this world without a man, I don't see a problem.
Have your kids. You can end up 65 with grown kids out of wedlock or 65 with no kids or a 65 widow with kids, etc. In the end you have your own family or a bunch of painful ideals
@@dn-cp6sh You keep repeating that in this comment section, but as someone who turned 40 this year and who never had kids because I never met a marriage-minded partner, even though I desperately wanted children, I feel a LOT of pain and regret over never having become a mother on my own. I missed a MAJOR part of womanhood, I have very little in common with other women my age, I didn't get to pass on my life lessons, I have to listen to parents lecture about how they never knew what love or sacrifice was until they had a child, and having lots of nieces and nephews is no substitute. I believe I made the wrong choice and it eats at me every day. Sure, I'm physically "fine and healthy" but my body has been healthy for nothing--it never got to carry or support a child, and now it's slowly withering away as I age. That's a lot of good health gone to waste. I'm deeply unhappy that I never had kids. But you just go ahead and believe that a woman missing out on motherhood is no big deal. 🙄
Not the end of the world if we never have children. If you want children plan how to make your family. Meaning, get pregnant knowing full well you will be solely responsible. Adopt. Go the surrogate route if you're financially able. Go the artificial route if you're financially able. It's your decision.
@@shimmeringchimps3842 All women who never got to have kids feel what you described. But what is the alternative? That we not live anymore because we didn't get to have kids? We move on as best we can with pain, if not, we will suffer and be miserable the rest of our lives. I don't think that is right.
I don’t want children…but you don’t have a place to say that you can’t raise a whole person as a single parent. You can have 2 parents and have a horrible childhood. There are many people who turned out fine with 1 parent as long as the surrounding community is supportive.
You can raise a child without the father. Just make sure strong male influences like uncles live nearby and are active in their lives. Also, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Everyone is naturally either introverted, extroverted, or they're ambiverts. One style of socializing is not superior to the others.
@@wizzdom1511 because there aren't many good men and as a woman you're on a clock. The line between single mother with uncle/grandfather input or childless and single is very thin
I don't think men who are not good men deserve to procreate. You keeping bad genes in the gene pool. It's doesn't matter how your natural social tendencies are but you have to be able to function in society. Kids need practice building relationships when they are you so the can do it when they are older.partbof why adults have a hard time making friends is that they were never socialized properly as kids. Socialization has to be intentional.
I say it shouldn't be your goal to have a kid out of wedlock however some people divorce after having kids and therfore don't get stressed over it. If you want to have a kid and time is running out do it. If you really want it and willing to do what ever for your child do it. Anything is possible.
Don’t have children out of wedlock for it comes with unpredictable struggles, humiliation, misery, pain and regrets. I’m child free until mariage and now I’m enjoying peace of mind , travelling , money in my bank account and no debts.
The humiliation is real
Amen!!! I learn the hard way. It's not worth it in the end. I do teach my children marriage and then children. My oldest is 22 in college with no children. All glory goes to God 🙏🙏
It doesn’t matter if you’re married or not, there’s plenty of married women suffering.
@@TT-xz5sy yes indeed but if you set your boundaries , your standards and require marriage before having children you’ll avoid men who are not husband ready.
@@TT-xz5sy who wants to struggle know one in their right mind. And who wants to have two to three or four baby daddies? And who wants to go through the drama with different baby daddies? If human beings would do it the way God plan this world will be in better shape.
So many women in my extended family “had dude’s babies” in hopes of getting the dude. It never worked out for any of them.
Notta dang one. 🤦🏾♀️
It never does
I'm really sad for them. I wish they had someone to tell them that would never work.
Some people do get married or stay together after having kids out of wedlock. Not everyone shares the same story.
Being a single mother is a form of trauma. Many of us have lost our minds under the weight of it and never got it back. I don’t wish it on any woman.
This.
True! Yet I am thankful for the restoration of my mind and emotions. Thankful! God gave me time to learn my lessons and get myself together. I dont wish single parenthood on a woman or a man!!!!!! For 2 years I've been on a healing journey and time with God and though my decision making made things harder for me then things are lightening up because I am aligning my life as I should with the footsteps God always wanted me to take with not only him but myself and my kids. I didn't have proper examples with my parents. Their mistakes helped me develop my bad mistakes. If I would of done things right I'd still be a virgin at almost 38.
A woman that chooses babies out of wedlock was "nuts" before conceiving.Lets not pretend that a lot of pregnancies are strategies gone bad.Babies outside of a comittment. is meaningless.Consider yourself blessed if he commits to the seed he planted.
As a woman who grew up with just my mom and my grandma it made me fearful of relationships for a long time because I had to figure out so much on my own and plus my grandma told me so much misinformation about men that it scared me. Now I’m correcting it through therapy, but it’s a lot of work. I would tell any person, please don’t bring your child into dysfunction.
I never had kids. I told myself that if I didn't marry I wouldn't have kids. I'm not sorry because I wanted a healthy family life and peace. I see how many women struggle and I couldn't do it. They are stronger than I am.
not thinking of the child
Same. Had such an amazing dad, I wouldn't want to have children if I can't get a good man to raise them with
I don’t understand why anyone would purposefully position themselves as a single parent. I was married over a decade, had 3 kids, and their dad was out of state & military , but still did his part. I cannot imagine doing this to a child or myself , for that matter, intentionally. Single parenting is NO JOKE and not for the weak.
One thing about the blk community is that we are RECKLESS when it comes to this BM and BD CULTURE 🥺smh.. Thank-you for your transparency and HONESTY!
Great content bro... You're fighting a much needed fight for the community broski.. from" Man to Man" I'm letting you know you're doing awesome combating this crazy nonsense these other men be promoting on these social media and internet abroad streets! Salute from Chi Town!
Thank you
As a woman who grew up with just moms. Nah I'm still teaching myself things my mom and father couldn't. The pain of coming from an incomplete family is for the birds
Having children outside of a healthy marriage just adds unnecessary stress to your life and creates children that have to recover or succumb from their childhood trauma.
There are different kinds of blk culture. And I grew up in a blk culture where you would be brought to shame if you got pregnant out of wedlock. It was even shameful to live together, unmarried. And you were expected to go to college. The only question was where and what major.
It's funny that there are more babies out of wedlock now than there were before birthcontrol.Pregnany outside of marriage was considered shameful;definitely nothing to celebrate.
Before people have kids on their own and not in a partnership they should read up on the effects it'll have on the kids. Like he said, there's a reason it takes two. There's a spiritual reason as well as a psychological reason. What's worse is when they themselves were raised by single parents and not thinking about what issues from that upbringing they will be passing along to their children. Just keeping this broken home cycle going generation after generation 🤦🏽♀️
It never made sense to me for people to put the cart before the horse. I know stuff happens, but when you do it on purpose it makes no sense. People just lay up THINKING they're in love, and make a child they aren't ready for. My ex and his family kept trying to get me to have a baby. NO way! I could clearly see he was baby daddy material. I looked around. His sister was a baby mama of 2, his mom was a baby mama of 4 by 3 different men. The first time his mom met me, she didn't ask about my goals or dreams nor a marriage. She didn't ask if I wanted to marry her son...which I didn't. She asked about babies. TODAY he is a baby daddy of 5 by 2 different women. Doesn't even see 3 of his kids from what I hear. Doesn't see the other 2 very often. He wanted :as many kids as the lord gave him" it was clear he was not husband nor father material. Here these 2 dumb bunnies went having his children, and now their mad because he's sorry. The writing was on the wall! It was a sad story really. Be careful who you have kids by. It really effects the child.
I'm glad you were not niave, them two babymommas could've been 3 if you were dumb enough honeyy
It’s selfish to have children just because you can or you see a benefit they will allow you
Think about the kids, not just yourself. Thousands of kids are in Foster care because women just wanted to have children and they were not able to care for them. A child is human being, not a doll. Emotional neglect is a real thing and it effects a lot of people.
EXCELLENT commentary! 👏👏👏
I loved hearing this video and the most important piece that is missing in the black community today is the presence of the Most High. We are nothing without our Father and we have fallen so far from Grace that its sad. When we get back right with the Father, everything else will fall in place but nobody thinks about The Most High until they are in trouble and have no one else to go to. We need to get back to the basics and stop chasing this so called "American Dream" because it doesn't exist.
Even when there was a strong presence of God, there was still dysfunction.
@@TT-xz5sy no such thing because the real Father puts things in real order. Most people dont know the Father in his realness thats why you can make these types of statements. But most people will not find the Father because we as a community are to caught up in sin.
There has never been peace in the world...god doesnt know how to do his job.
@@Asigedge Wow what a unbeliever you are. I will not waste my time trying to convince you of anything but even the words you said were prophesized. Now that is amazing. I thank you The Most High for putting me on this earth because without Him i wouldnt be here and neither would you. BE GRATEFUL!!
I really feel like if you are more concerned with having a child over a marriage then you have some self healing to do. I will never be able to understand how women can be so selfish to bring a child into this world without a healthy two parent household. You are inflicting unnecessary trauma on your child because of your wants versus the child’s needs.
This is the only comment that directly and solely blames women for getting pregnant.
We need to take responsibility for our actions even though we can’t get ourselves pregnant.
Not just the nuclear family, but along with that a village. Mothers need support, fathers need support. We need to get back to family, and community. This individualism is killing us
Oh wow! I posted that question..thanks for covering it! I needed to hear this! And I appreciate the ladies for sharing their stories. My time will come ...
Yes it will. And you won't unnecessarily complicate things by having children and extra people in your eventual marriage. Until then, enjoy the beauty and benefits of this stage of life!
Me thinking about Keke Palmer announcing her pregnancy and ppl excited congratulating her... 🤔 It's easy for a lot of people to celebrate someone who is having a baby, but not so easy to find folks to help take care of one. I don't have kids, but that's one thing I observed.
Plus, I've noticed the baby showers today are actually the wedding. Them preganacy pics too are all glamorized like wedding photos. After that, the kid comes then they make more kids and never plan to get married.
The ignorant will look to her as a role model; without considering the fact that she is financially stable.
I never had one baby without a ring!
Got the ring?What about the marriage?Some get excited about the ring,immediately shack up,play wife and start having babies.And the marriage doesn't happen.At least not with her.
Father GOD'S way is the best way and it's the only way. He ordained marriage and stated that the marriage bed is honorable........anything else or any other way that mankind comes up with just ain't gonna work; it will not prosper.
God has nothing to do with this. Marriage existed before Christianity.
I literally just had this conversation. I'm 40 and tired of the games being played out here. I've faced the fact that children and marriage may never happen. I believe in marry before you carry. Marriages aren't guaranteed, but im not starting out as a BM. Thats never been my thing!
Yeah, that's just stupid. Like if you can't get your self together to social bond with someone enough to have an established relationship how are you gonna teach a kid to do that. Even if you don't get legally married have a traditional marriage or cultural bonding ceremony something. Kid take alot of time more than one person has. If the Grandparents are agreeing to be full time parents to maybe but even then they are gonna feel weird about it too. kids who are not here are not more important than the person who already exist. Wanting to ruin your life for someone whose not even a thought yet. Wood.
Marriage before baby carriage.
Marriage before sex
I don’t think I can agree . Most of wouldn’t be here if our parents “chose” right; including myself .
But people do adopt or get artificially inseminated . I wouldn’t mind having a child alone regardless if I get married .
I agree that a stable happy marriage is the ideal situation. Sometimes life doesn’t happen the way we planned it. Men are the ones who control marriage and black men are getting married the least in our society. If a woman is in her mid 30s and marriage hasn’t happened for her but she is financially stable, independent, has a supportive family & friends, why should she miss out on the fulfilling experience of motherhood? It really depends on the individual situation. Choosing to become a mom has been the most fulfilling experience of my life, but I made sure my life was set up and ready for a child first. I own my own home, have a stable career, supportive family and friends around me and the father is very active in my child’s life. It just didn’t work out for us as a couple, but we coparent well. I would still like to get married in the future, but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on motherhood.
I have several friends who were married before they had children and now they are divorced and in a much worse situation than I am today.
I grow up with my father but I had my aunt and grandparents as second parents. Now that I’m 20 childless and attending college, I can honestly say not having a child is like being a rare thing. People either assume you had a lot of abortions or you simply can’t have kids. My generation do everything backwards but being an older sister to a stepsister who’s currently 18 years old. She’s been pregnant like 3 times and many abortions or miscarriages. Even though my dad was hard on me and still is about who I choose to date I’m grateful for it.
You need to buy your sis a box of condoms and show her where they are at Walmart. Im not trying to be mean or funny
I’m a women who grew up with her dad bc my mom is mentally ill. My dad was amazing and equipped me with everything. It’s been a struggle connecting with other ladies bc I had a mean Aunty who I feel resents me bc she was expected to step up after my Grandma died. I’m now a single mother of 3 and recommend therapy for your trauma and not having kids unless you’re ready and preferably married. I’ve been able to rear mine well bc I wanted to. I just pray for any kid who feels how I’ve felt.
I think it depends on the situation and the surroundings of that child. If a child is in the right environment surrounded by a loving community and support system with many positive male and female role models, a child could thrive and turn out just fine. Whether they are being raised by a single parent, or both parents. It’s not just about having a mom or a dad.
I think that’s true but we can’t deny the fact of how many single baby mothers there are and how much it’s celebrated when statistically it shows how much that affects a child or children negatively. That doesn’t mean that person isn’t doing their best. But doing your best doesn’t always equate to what’s best for the child or children
I agree that a stable happy marriage is the ideal situation. Sometimes life doesn’t happen the way we planned it. Men are the ones who control marriage and black men are getting married the least in our society. If a woman is in her mid 30s and marriage hasn’t happened for her but she is financially stable, independent, has a supportive family & friends, why should she miss out on the fulfilling experience of motherhood? It really depends on the individual situation. Choosing to become a mom has been the most fulfilling experience of my life, but I made sure my life was set up and ready for a child first. I own my own home, have a stable career, supportive family and friends around me and the father is very active in my child’s life. It just didn’t work out for us as a couple, but we coparent well. I would still like to get married in the future, but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on motherhood.
I have several friends who were married before they had children and now they are divorced and in a much worse situation than I am today.
@@Babydoll-gf6cm I think it’s great it worked out for you and your situation however that’s not the usual outcome for most women unfortunately
@@kaylabean3693 I understand that. That’s why the decision to do it on your own shouldn’t be oversimplified and vilified across the board as there are various situations in which a child could thrive under a responsible parent.
@@Babydoll-gf6cm I agree!
This is why I don't understand why mean are so negative towards BW because we are fatherless society in the black community. Now the women are an issue for what the men don't want to do but they always want everyone else women. Any parent missing from a child's life will suffer an identity crisis at some point in their life.
I grew up without a father and now in my early 40's and I don't have kids. Didn't want to pass down that generational curse and traumatize myself all over again. Since I see a lot of women creating a no children movement I don't feel so alone. And I had a great mother thank God. I am not sure if people really understand what dysfunction looks like vs what being healthy looks like anymore.
I agree with this message. Why add to your stress? The moral of this message, at least I feel, if you have truly done the necessary work on yourself, and you're still unable to locate or find your match. Then, it's truly not your fault, because you are not alone, it is just the current nature of the beast. Extend yourself some grace.
Let’s be real. Sex before marriage is the issue here. Lust clouds your mind. Yes people lie, but most times the red flags are there but he/she is so good in bed we overlook it.
The issue is men who aren't raised right. 50 years ago there wasn't much sex before marraige but the STIs, domestic abuse, fathers going off for weeks on end was higher than it is now.
Untill young men can raise themselves into men women will have to make unfortunate choices.
Sage advice. Keep speaking young man. 💪 You might be just as introverted even around your dad from birth. My husband is the epitome of introverts and his dad is the most outgoing, social person "life of the party" and was in the home from day 1. Both great men imo. 😊 You are who you are! Glad you are able to establish a relationship with your dad.
Women are having kids with anybody because they dont want to be old mom's and its wreaking havoc in the community. The man already has 2 kids and 2 different Babymommas....Now you added to the team because you're selfish.
She's selfish but not the one with two "babymommas"?
Man keep your ring and your kids!!!
As a b****** child myself, I will not!!!!!I refuse !!!!that curse ends with me! If a man is not good enough to make me his wife and be a provider and protector , he's not good enough to procreate with.
I'm nearly 33 and STILL cry about not having my dad around. It hurts so much. I sometimes resent him, talk badly about him & think he's evil. He's got 10 kids (that we know about). He started at 19 & had 5 by 23. Between 3 baby mommas. Literally going back & forth between them, seeing them all at the same time. Then he met my Mum in his late 20's, married her and had 5 more within wedlock. He was an emotionally abusive, cheating husband & also a unavailable dad. He would work looooong hours, leave early, come home late, eat and sleep. He did nothing with us or for us (aside from give money for the house). That ended around 10yrs old. He left and NEVER came back. My Mum raised 5 kids alone. All these years my dad lived & worked 10mins away. My Mum NEVER bad talked him to us growing up or never closed the door from him seeing us. He just didn't care/want to. (BTW they are still married, he won't divorce her - but has ALWAYS had & lived with other women).
Nothing but facts, bro. Nothing but facts!
You are certainly correct and it took me a while to come to the conclusion that I am an exception and not the rule because for a long time I really believed kids are going to become who they are one way or another. I grew up with my mother only who adopted most of my siblings (16 altogether) and we all live completely different lives, completely different views and so many different variations and all from the same home by one woman so I always believed who you are meant to be will shine through. Your upbring just gives you the proper moral compass and education to navigate you personality effectively. Tho I still believe that a great deal having experienced so many different types of people I now see (especially in men) that there are certain traits when you are raised in a two parent home those people are hell bent on aspiring to. Very positive traits they intend on passing along to their children moreso than I've noticed with people raised in a single parent home.
No one is answering the question. Should we never have children? Marriage rates are declining. We cannot create marriage minded men out of thin air. Lots of women will face single motherhood or not be mothers at all
It’s better to not have children at all than to put yourself or a child through all of that drama, trauma, stress, and God only knows what else. Your peace of mind is valuable.
@@TheShumakeWay i think you are very wise but don't fully agree on this. A lot of middle aged unmarried women will regret not having kids. It's a difficult choice
@@TheShumakeWay Sure, healthy marriage is ideal. But let's be honest. Men have always been gunshy & more are avoiding marriage altogether. I hate to see older women who missed their chance
@@Theeorie4393 And if women don't get that chance at motherhood it will be ok. Their lives can still be fulfilling.
If you want children, have them!
I agree that a stable happy marriage is the ideal situation. Sometimes life doesn’t happen the way we planned it. Men are the ones who control marriage and black men are getting married the least in our society. If a woman is in her mid 30s and marriage hasn’t happened for her but she is financially stable, independent, has a supportive family & friends, why should she miss out on the fulfilling experience of motherhood? It really depends on the individual situation. Choosing to become a mom has been the most fulfilling experience of my life, but I made sure my life was set up and ready for a child first. I own my own home, have a stable career, supportive family and friends around me and the father is very active in my child’s life. It just didn’t work out for us as a couple, but we coparent well. I would still like to get married in the future, but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on motherhood.
I have several friends who were married before they had children and now they are divorced and in a much worse situation than I am today.
Shalom man of valour and many blessings to you and to your beautiful wife and family.
You spoke nothing but truth. I understand that there are people in this world who want to have a child or children. And there are those who think having a second parent in the home is not necessary. But having the father and mother in the home makes a huge difference in the cultivation process of a child. A child deserves to have his or her original habitat, which is a home that is structured under the sacred covenant of marriage and under a parenthood that is healthy.
Taking care of a child is to not only take care of another entire life, but to take care of a child is to create and compose the beauty of heritage and the bodywork of a kingdom. And it takes a husband/father and a wife/mother to shape, cultivate and mold that kind of life within a child.
This kind of structure protects the child's development, birthright, image, and identification. This is why it is wise for people to learn about the true origin of marriage, and the true origin of the family structure and parenting. When we do not educate ourselves, our children are hurt and damaged by our ignorance in the process. Shalom
Having a child with a man doesn't mean he's going to be in a relationship with you or marry you..Your body is precious and a Blessing From God, not to be given away to someone saying a few clever words...You Are Worth The Wait..Thank You For Bringing This Much Needed Conversation To The Light ❤❤❤❤❤❤
1:33 no dating apps or dating for me to protect my peace and energy.
That part But if it's done right, most women not all women have that goal to be a mother I myself am a critical thinker when I learned that I needed to heal and correct trauma and abuse that was done to me as a child before bringing another human being into this world because people are Reckless with bringing life into this world it's a heavy the most heaviest responsibility to raise a child I made the conscious decision not to have children and through that decision I became mother figure too many children that were not my own I have grandbabies great-grand babies God children but that was my choice!
Adoption of a child without problems is always an option.
The child still needs a mother and a father
@@RAJOHN-ke7mc Depending on the situation. If it is a baby........Yes. If it is a 12 yr old........a single parent in my opinion is okay. It would be better for a child at this age to have love than to be in a foster care system.
@@RAJOHN-ke7mc one solid parents is better than foster care.
Adopted children always have problems. Mental health sets in in the womb depending on the mothers stress hormones.
Every year up to age 5 the damage is accumulative.
Becoming a single mother is not the flex some women think it is.
Listen being raised by a single parent is not a deal breaker especially when that parent has instilled morals, values, and other important knowledge that is needed. I know some grown folks who were raised by both and i'm still baffled and wonder where did things go wrong. However, I have that inside knowledge seeing and hearing first hand. If both parents aint's ish most of the kids are likely to follow suit. smh
Dont have children until you figure out what to do with them instead of gambling!
Am learning the hard way and still going through it. I always knew the importance of a man being in the house. Doing it alone is continued brooken
As someone who is determined to not be a fourth gen baby mama, I intend on breaking that curse.
Just to Add, I'm raised by both my parents (divorced household) and there are plenty of inadequacies and unanswered questions about my upbringing, so just know that it's not automatically better to have both parents
Sometimes your parents just are inadequate period
If you wanna have a baby , HAVE A BABY! Its consequences no matter how it happens
Just a neutral perspective cause I dont disagree with anything mentioned in the post or the comments 😁
Telling blk women to just have children, married or not, the lack of a solid foundation or not, is hardly a neutral perspective. That perspective is why the blk community is so messed up now. Even though your parents divorced, you still had certain advantages in life over a child born out of wedlock, and raised by one parent, in poverty and in the hood. Stop telling blk women to give their children less than what you had. It lacks love and caring for blk women.
@@mizzmolly7649 All kids born out of wedlock aren't in poverty in the hood. Like it or not, marriage rates are declining. It's ideal but no guarantee
@@Theeorie4393 No kidding. But the odds greatly increase that a blk child born out of wedlock will be living in poverty. And where do most poor blk people in populated areas live? The hood.
@@mizzmolly7649the “hood” wasn’t the “hood” until black people made it that way! Who came & tore up the place, white people??? Black people dirty up their own shit & then complain about it!
@@iheartmia2020 Don't complain to me. I've been to the hood 3 times in my life - once to visit cousins as a kid, once to volunteer at an elementary school, and once when I took the wrong exit off a highway.
And I have no kids because I didn't want any.
3:50 thank you for focusing on the children. Think about the what the children suffer and go through.
It's a good argument for single mothers not to have boys. And to make sure there are good uncles around.
So the solution is to kill male babies rather than protect against unwanted pregnancy?Those with such mindsets are unfit to be parents period.These are the types of women raising the mothers of the future.
Sir, your channel is DOPE! 💖💖💖
Thank you
@@TheShumakeWay 👍
I understand and agree with what's being said. I also think that marriage does not solidify the outcome of a child and that no matter the situation the Lord needs to always be the number one go to in everything as challenges will always arise.
Young man, I understand how you feel about not having a dad there. But the difficulties and challenges that you say you have faced I just your refinement, a burning so to speak. That is/was necessary. You may not have had your dad there at the house but listening to you speak let’s meNo your mom did well and raising you! I know some young man who had a dad in the home that I’m not as conscious as you!
Nah you dont need to be married to hvlabe kids first. Issue stems from having kids with people you do not like nor do they like you. Thats where the issues stem for. When parents dont like each other they take it out on the kids
This mentality is exactly why the Nick Cannons of the world think it’s ok to create broken homes all over the place because the only requirement is that they “like each other.” Please.
This entire channel is dedicated to knowing and doing better. You missed the memo.
@@pajdesign marriage doesn’t save you from becoming a single mother.
@@TT-xz5sy It sure doesn't. They better ease down off that high horse
@@Theeorie4393 the high horse of a productive, prosperous two parent home??? My God you folks need to raise your standards.
@@pajdesign Well I don't have out of wedlock kids but I'm not interested in judging those who do since I know marriage may be out of reach for a substantial segment of our population
I had this conversation with childless women. I told them I was good on sex until marriage. Let's just say I was clowned and advised to just use birth control.
So when I see these conversations in online spaces, i keep in mind about the level of delusion there may be about how and why a lot of these women got pregnant before marriage.
It also shows that these conversations are mostly discussed to ridicule women they have made that mistake because what other advice comes with how being a "baby mama" isn't bright other than don't carry before you marry? I'll wait.
Some people are not really supportive of the bible as much as they may weaponize it against others who are feeling the effects of disobedience.
I'm glad the person presented that question because it's a very good question, actually. Especially, for a woman or man that's getting older and has paternal or maternal instincts within them that must be fulfilled.
Your primary agenda in this video was to promote heterosexual parenting to make a child complete. I clearly see your perspective and I don't disagree at all. However, somewhat, taboo there are ways to become a parent that exists today with scientific technology that never existed before, as you did mention in your video. These parents are known as, "single parents' by choice" there's a big trend on UA-cam called "SMBC" single mothers' by choice. There are even single dads' by choice. A man can have a child at any point in time he would like, if his swimmers work the right way. For a woman, her biological clock & her egg quality diminishes very rapidly past 35 up to 45 years of age, unfortunately. I would say the majority of your viewers agree along the lines of what you're saying. However, some of us are by the wayside, unfortunately. Why? Because we are in our late 30s to 40s as women who want to be mothers and we're left in a hard position. Within the foster care system alone are children that don't care what gender, one-parent, two-parent, you name it, etc. Those children just want someone to love them and allow them to be a child. So, that's another element that must be considered in your perspective. It's a hard topic because there's so many nuances, unfortunately. Plus, with a newer age of parenting, the troubling data that is noted & seen within the black community (I know you narrow in on with most of your videos) your input is valid. Again, I don't disagree at all with what you have said. I just know that it's a difficult topic to speak on due to so many different scenarios that we're facing as men, women, singles, married, unmarried, heterosexual & homosexual, etc.
Sorry for a long comment but this video warranted this as my reply! I appreciate your commentary!
It's also that lots of men don't want to marry. This should be addressed before blaming women who through no fault of their own missed the marriage lottery
@@Theeorie4393 Wow, that's a tough reply. How is it that it's a woman's fault that she missed out on marriage? Your comment shows a lack of understanding culturally, geographically, lack of reverence of unfortunate circumstances that happen to men and women both and insensitivity. Strangely enough, you would blame one person for a two person union.
🤷, Really? 🤦
@@Theeorie4393 How is marriage a lottery??!??! Marriage is granted to women who have self-esteem, who communicate their expectations/values, who follow through with them, and who leave men who didn’t see marriage with THEM. It’s not a lottery, it’s having standards.
@@TNGURL08 Lots of men don't want to get married. What's so hard to understand about that
@@Maya-xm5jx Well said, Maya, 😘
As far as marriage goes, it's definitely on the decline, but its the promises and laws behind it the security of two committed parents is what we all want. I don't expect women/men to wait for marriage to have kids, but what the woman should consider is what kind of resources are going to be available, and does the man want to be involved, or be supportive? It seems a lot of new black men/women automatically count on 1st or 2nd-family support, 1st or 2nd-gov't support, and then maybe 3rd-baby daddy, not exactly the ideal middle-class lifestyle.....and let's keep it a buck, 80% of them break up within 6-months to a year, this complicates the economics of it also. Many may disagree with me, but the women that have babies by high-value men do have a point, it may "seem" manipulative, but it's not like they're holding a gun to the rich guy's head bc pregnancy is always a possibility in a sexual relationship. If there's no marriage, I say at least secure a career/training/education to increase your income before being a single parent, or we've just become a culture of disposable mommies and daddies, which is not a society for building and advancing.
🙌🏾🙏🏽
People think sex immorality is a joke... our father God, Yahweh is not playing around. We all have sinned and need repent and pick up our crosses and live for him. That means abstinence... if you fall get up and flee temptation the more you flee the more the devil leaves you alone once he realizes you are serious.
Is this mentality really shocking? If women wait for a man to propose they may never get that commitment before parenthood... It's time for the guys to step up if they're unhappy with women deciding to be single moms. Fatherhood is just as important as motherhood.... if men want to be respected in that role they need to move differently with women.
I don't regret having my kids. I'm a mother. I brought life into this world and blessed them with life. It's my job to restore ensure they grow up to be good humans. Most women want children. But honestly w are going to have to adopt a polygamous system because a majority of the men out here aren't worthy of being fathers. I don't agree that your life is supposed to be easy. And it's really sad that mothers frame it that way. I tell people all the time, I had a cat who had 7 kittens and she's just fine. The fact that we are supposed to have two parents in the home is ridiculous. If men are good, it's ok for them to be in the home. But it's not ok if they are not good. I'm sorry. But this analogy is ridiculous. If a woman wants to bring in life into this world without a man, I don't see a problem.
If it’s done the right way and healthy yes it’s a beautiful thing
So what if you never find someone?
Have your kids. You can end up 65 with grown kids out of wedlock or 65 with no kids or a 65 widow with kids, etc. In the end you have your own family or a bunch of painful ideals
You will be ok. Many women didn't get the chance and are fine and healthy. It's not the end of the world.
@@dn-cp6sh You keep repeating that in this comment section, but as someone who turned 40 this year and who never had kids because I never met a marriage-minded partner, even though I desperately wanted children, I feel a LOT of pain and regret over never having become a mother on my own. I missed a MAJOR part of womanhood, I have very little in common with other women my age, I didn't get to pass on my life lessons, I have to listen to parents lecture about how they never knew what love or sacrifice was until they had a child, and having lots of nieces and nephews is no substitute. I believe I made the wrong choice and it eats at me every day. Sure, I'm physically "fine and healthy" but my body has been healthy for nothing--it never got to carry or support a child, and now it's slowly withering away as I age. That's a lot of good health gone to waste. I'm deeply unhappy that I never had kids. But you just go ahead and believe that a woman missing out on motherhood is no big deal. 🙄
Not the end of the world if we never have children. If you want children plan how to make your family. Meaning, get pregnant knowing full well you will be solely responsible. Adopt. Go the surrogate route if you're financially able. Go the artificial route if you're financially able. It's your decision.
@@shimmeringchimps3842 All women who never got to have kids feel what you described. But what is the alternative? That we not live anymore because we didn't get to have kids? We move on as best we can with pain, if not, we will suffer and be miserable the rest of our lives. I don't think that is right.
I don’t want children…but you don’t have a place to say that you can’t raise a whole person as a single parent. You can have 2 parents and have a horrible childhood. There are many people who turned out fine with 1 parent as long as the surrounding community is supportive.
You can raise a child without the father. Just make sure strong male influences like uncles live nearby and are active in their lives. Also, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Everyone is naturally either introverted, extroverted, or they're ambiverts. One style of socializing is not superior to the others.
Yes you “can” but why would you want to?
@@wizzdom1511 because there aren't many good men and as a woman you're on a clock. The line between single mother with uncle/grandfather input or childless and single is very thin
@@steph6109 so have a baby first then deal with finding a good man later?
I don't think men who are not good men deserve to procreate. You keeping bad genes in the gene pool. It's doesn't matter how your natural social tendencies are but you have to be able to function in society. Kids need practice building relationships when they are you so the can do it when they are older.partbof why adults have a hard time making friends is that they were never socialized properly as kids. Socialization has to be intentional.
I agree
I say it shouldn't be your goal to have a kid out of wedlock however some people divorce after having kids and therfore don't get stressed over it. If you want to have a kid and time is running out do it. If you really want it and willing to do what ever for your child do it. Anything is possible.
Best advice ever!👌👍120722🙏❤️