Oh it’s infuriating!!!!! Ten years I dealt with it but I was a serious investigator made his life tough caught him with clear evidence but never got apologies
@@RoseThePhoenix I don't like to compare. I feel this excuse used for anything should be a deal breaker. The person who gets caught and uses this excuse never deserved your trust to begin with.
Actually this is a good point. The trust issue is actually the other way round. If you have not cheated and are accused of cheating then its she who either has cheated and is reflecting or has misplaced trust issues. Either way whether you've cheated or not - it won't be believed and you can't live with this inherit mistrust from her and its time to let her go and misread some other person.
I hear this in every conversation/argument we have ever had!!!! Its so dam frustrating, it literally makes me shut down now. I feel there is no point, he will never ever hear me. So i shut down and just let him ramble utter non sense usually ending in a pity party for him....... Glad im not alone
SELFISH, TOXIC, NARCISSISTIC, SELF-SABOTAGING People Will NOT Take ACCOUNTABILITY Unless You Call Them Out And Even Then They Won’t Admit Their Wrong! They’re All About “I, ME And MYSELF”. They Are Good At Holding Onto People From Their Past Who Hurt/Broke Them And Holding Onto The Past IN GENERAL.
1. It wasn't me. 2. It was really your fault. 3. word salad - confusion and staying off topic 4. shift attention off of themselves 5. create confusion 6. become rageful 7. plant a seed of doubt
Actually this all happened with my narcissist ex boyfriend. They are good at confusion, changing topics. But when they can't find excuses they will pretend as if they get offended instead of you😂
It’s important to highlight that narcissist do say they are sorry in a situation that benefits themselves. Some will even “fake cry” … because people that don’t know that will assume someone isn’t a narcissist because they have apologized over and over.
I'm starting to think that genuinely good people are lacking in this world; we all hurt eachother, some unintentionally... too much ego inside all of us. It takes a real strong person to not get corrupt and to be a good person ... narcissists are everywhere
This is so true.. everyone seems to be the same, ive covered all the red flags from past narcissist abuse, and I'm finding red flags everywhere.. I keep thinking " Is it me just looking too hard " but I'm pleased I've found your post xx
@@sarahkorver2439 This has been me lately.. A guy and I clicked and I've been taken aback and triggered. I'm looking into everything he says. I know his intentions are pure, but my past is unhealed... perhaps that's what ti is, energy vampires leave their mark on you. I suppose it's better to be cautious
@@sarahkorver2439 It's not only the narcissists that are everywhere, to me it looks like each narc seems to have a huge entourage of flying monkeys, thus compounding the problem.
@@insha7556 You kinda said the problem yourself, you are unhealed. Don't go into relationships unhealed, narc or not, you can still do damage to a innocent person and just continue cycles like everyone else.
I don't remember. I forgot. Blaming for things that happened as he perceived things to have happened, not accepting how things really happened. Refusing to forgive, and refusing to accept an apology. There's about 500 more.
Great video. My wife is a textbook narcissist that checks all the boxes. Certainly heard some of these recently when I caught the wife. Caught her going to another town 2 hours away while she was supposed to be at work. Had a hunch and checked her work parking lot - no car. Looked up toll records and it told the tale. I literally got 7 different excuses over the course of a month as to what she was "really" doing there. Every excuse was literally different from the next, and they all progressed closer to the truth without admitting it. This video really helped. I am stuck wanting to get her to admit the affair to get closure so I can move on. I realize it isn't going to happen. I got the "I considered cheating because things have been terrible between us....but I decided I love you and want us to work it out...so I didn't go through with it." & "We need to move past this and quit bringing it up and move forward." It is terrifying and sad to throw away 15 years, but she is never going to change. Even if she did, the trust is broken.
My wife had a harem of boyfriends online... We were 4 years in when she discarded me and asked for a divorce out of nowhere... Yup. She found the new supply. I had some suspicions but I never imagined that it would come to this. It almost broke my mind. So glad no children are involved. It is the most disgusting feeling I've ever felt. I have no idea what those relationships were like and I probably never will. Was is sexting? Nudes? I don't know. But I do know that it shattered my life.
Mine found her new supply from a married boyfriend from 30 years prior … I was sooo beaten down by then …she got EVERYTHING and I was left destitute and had to start over at 57 years old ..I was left homeless… Get out now …. Sever it …. as it’s the only way ….my parting words when she wanted to still be friends after reconnecting with her married boyfriend ( been 9 years and he is still married to his wife ) …. It was “ No … what I want is for you to slither back into whatever Disney movie you slithered out of and leave me alone “ …she hasn’t contacted me as she moved to Florida 9 years ago … but the smear campaign of hers Still continues …but those who believe it don’t know the truth and they never really were my friends
I accused my ex of cheating and I got the rage and he told me if that was how I was thinking I should leave him, he wasn’t as polite as that, so that’s what I did I left, best thing he ever told me.
My narc ex used to claim to "forget" things and then throw a tantrum and accuse me for being inconsiderate and mean for calling out behavior they "couldn't remember". Once I was even accused for gaslighting, which in turn really confused me and span the conversation in a whole different direction. Looking back I realize that I was in fact the one who were gaslighted in combination with word salad. Also my narc ex would often blame me (or someone else) for being the cause of why they did something stupid and inconsiderate. Happy to be out of that mess now! Thanks for a great video Christina!
Right. They'll "forget" they did or said something. They'll say that alcohol makes them "forget." They'll "apologize" then hit you with the ol "but" (I'm sorry I did that, BUT...). AND YES, they'll claim that it's you "gaslighting" them, when it is indeed THEM that's trying their damndest to change your perception of what really happened.
My dude, literally a couple of hours ago, told me I was trying to "brainwash" him because I tried telling him the -literal factual events- of how a situation actually happened instead of just accepting and believing the impossible story he'd spun. I feel like I'm losing my mind 😭
Dead on point. Accuse me of playing detective and being insecure when i found out she was having an emotional affair on me when got a hold of her phone records.
"You don't appreciate me and what I do for you." and "You always have to nag me when I do something wrong, can't you just let it go once in a while?" were my ex's favorite phrases not to take responsibility for his crappy behaviour.
Mine would say...' you make something up and then you believe it and the best one ever..... I saw him checking his texts which were full of hearts and kisses. when I challenged him about then he first tried to say they were from his daughter. when I didn't go for that he said....' I know one thing! I'm never looking at my phone in front of you again. Yep unbelievable...and even more unbelievable is the fact that I stayed with him. God how stupid was I?????
@@jag28jj Don't blame yourself... they're so good at gaslighting that you end up gaslighting yourself. Mine did something similar and discarded me. I still got back together with him and would convince myself everyday that I was making things up and that I needed to move on (exactly like he told me), until I was brave enough to look at his Messenger on his computer while he was away. That's when I couldn't gaslight myself anymore because the truth was right in front of me... and I left him. Don't put so much blame and pressure onto yourself. We leave when we're ready and that doesn't mean we're stupid. It means we were abused, period.
@@beatitcreep. l eventually got into his phone (cant believe that I actually did that. it isn't the person I am and I'm actually ashamed of myself for doing that but the level of betrayal I found there devastated me yet ...STILL I STAYED!! I still hung on and probably would still be hanging on if he hadn't ghosted me 6 months ago. I don't know where I found the strength not to contact him . He is still in my head but not in my life. I hope that it won't be too long before I begin to see that he did me a favour. cant see it at the moment tho.
@@jag28jj I feel you! I never thought I'd look through someone's phone one day either! It's really out of character for me, I did it once and I hope I never do it again. I used to feel a lot of shame, too. I asked all the questions to my ex and I tried to communicate, but he would always tell me that she was "just a friend" and that I needed to move on. Let me tell you, she wasn't just a friend! So, I feel like finding out for myself was pretty much my only option at that point and I'm glad I did it. He definitely did you a favor. No one deserves to be treated like that! But, I know how you feel... I broke up with my ex a year ago and sometimes I still feel guilty and wonder if he would have turned into the narcissistic monster that he was if I had done things differently... Healing from a narcissistic relationship takes a lot of work and a lot of time. Hang in there!
I know this is a little late but the phrase, "I'm doing this for you. I would never do anything to hurt you. I work so hard to try to do everything you ask me to do." Thanks for the vid, lots of your seven rang true as well.
The one the narc said lots of time was "I'm just going to say yes to what your accusing me of because when I say no, you never believe me and keep questioning me so theres no point in saying no" or "I'm just going to say no for everything because u keep bugging me "
Haahhaah I got the exact same!!!!! They still want to keep you as supply and keep you in place with all their other tactics. Thanks to this channel I see this now ! Honestly
Video completely bang on!! It is mind boggling the length of time we tolerate the word salad, denying, blame shifting etc ... And the tone of a grade 4 bratty kid saying "no I didn't" coming from a grown 50 something man ... ugh, gross!!
This video is so true. Some examples of my covert Narcissist former friend. She would often make passive aggressive comments that I often ignored rather than start a fight. 1) She lived in a neighboring town. We are driving together in my car. She says " I really like (name of my town).....(pause)....."a lot of white trash live here though" 2) I took her on vacation to Hawaii where we stayed with friends of mine who live there. She did not know them. She had been doing some things to annoy me and can be very controlling. We are driving to dinner...all four of us. She made an insulting comment about me in front of my friends trying to be funny. At this point it had been building in me. I usually let things go. As we were walking in, I took her aside. We were alone. I didn't want to make embarrass her as she did me. I quietly and calmly said to her "I didn't appreciate that comment" Well she immediately acted SO OFFENDED and said " NO.. NO... No I can't believe this!"....she got loud. I quietly and calmly said to her...."Let's talk about this" She loudly said "NO! I NEED TIME!"......(I'm thinking time for what? how did this become about her? this is completely irrational) She would not speak to me at dinner and for 3 days while we were staying with my friends. I was thinking what the hell just happened. She insults me and then she twists it around to make it my fault. She is waiting for me to apologize. We still had several days left of vacation and a LONG ride home. I had to apologize to at least have some peace. Truthfully I wanted to get away from her immediately. It was completely bizarre and totally irrational. If I had said something that hurt someone's feelings and they let me know, I would be like OMG I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I wasn't thinking.....etc. That to me is a normal response of a rational person. I have many more examples but there was a final incident where the friendship ended. She said something insulting again, I calmly and respectfully called her out on it and she acted again SO OFFENDED and In shock. She twisted everything and tried to gaslight me as if it was my fault. She gave me the silent treatment again waiting for an apology............well she is still waiting. LOL I'm busy and done with her mind games and controlling behavior. My other close friends are well adjusted, positive, and supportive. They do not behave this way. I'm done.
The way you're friend reacted in your story sounds all too familiar. I'm glad you got out of that relationship before things had time to escalate even more!!
@@shiniemi2754 True. She was controlling. She would often do me favors which I didn't ask for. They were nice gestures but later came to realize there were strings attached. She wanted me to do what she wanted. My schedule is extremely busy and she had a lot of free time on her hands. If I told her I didn't feel like doing something or didn't have time, I was an ungrateful friend. She even wrote me a long email on how I have to change my life lol. ....sorry I have bills to pay and I'm caring for my sick mother. She was SUPER hypersensitive. She could make little passive aggressive comments and give me advice of what to do on EVERYTHING but if I dared to call her out on it no matter how calmly or respectfully she would get extremely offended and give the silent treatment until I apologized. That is toxic and I don't want to be around that. Life is too short. My other friends are nothing like that. Very positive and supportive.
I remember vividly being told I was taking something out of context..which was confusing to me at the time because their was no context..only the facts.
"Maybe I should be like your best friend's husband and leave you for a younger model. Well if you gave me something to come home to, I'd be more attentive. You just want me to be whipped into shape like your brother is." Oh, I've heard so many of all these responses and reactions. I'm convinced these people are evil, evil, evil.
@@cindys9491 That's something I hadn't thought of... like a new car... a possession. Now, none of his comments affect me. Coming from him, they mean nothing.
Their idea of an apology is “I regret that....blah blah blah”. The only reason they “feel” regret is when your stonewalling them has caused some sort of inconvenience to them.
Ha… After the 22 years of marriage - i now see your top 7 list was the basis of our circular arguments which he claimed was the reason we could never resolve our problems and we kept arguing about the same issues.
It's an endless cycle. They're already perfect, what flaw can they possibly change? Bless you for putting it up with it, you shouldn't ever have to... onwards n upwards
Thanks for ur comment… I’ve gone around and around for two years he wanted to get married … the loneliness makes it hard to leave but I knew he wouldn’t change.
Yup... uh huh... yeah... mm hmm... Batting 1000 on this one! How about "prove it"? Ugh! Clearly that was his all time favorite. This was a great vid, thank you. 😊
Mine planned a trip with me for July 4th weekend. About 10 days before that disappeared for a day and went sailing mysteriously and the next morning told me she couldn't go on the trip cuz she had to work. She ended up going on the trip with her girlfriend and obviously met somebody else who she was love bombing after the sailing trip because she asked me for space. Anyway I confronted her about it with actual receipts from the trip with her signature and her friend signature and she screamed at me for 5 minutes straight and I've never heard her scream before. Thank God she's gone. Careful everybody.
My brother often said "I don't remember!" when he'd done something awful. When I insisted he did in fact remember, he'd start yelling . "Wait, wait , wait! Hold on! Hold on! What about the time you...." and he try to come up with something I or someone had done. I really hadn't done anything bad to him so he'd come up with nonsense about him feeling disrespected by something a family member had done from 40 years ago. I know full well he remembered what he'd done just a few weeks ago. Eventually I realized it was just too exhausting to deal with all his silliness and uproar creating and denying. So I've gone gray rock with very little (and only superficial) contact. I don't need to serve as his conscious!
Mine frequently uses the expression "I didn't know I had to run my schedule by you", I will just start logging my every move for you". This comes up when we've had plans, and he omits information.
Oh yeah. They don't consider omission to be a lie. But it still constitutes a lie. Mine also used to try that stupid "but I just go to work, come home, sleep, I don't go out, I don't go to bars". He forgot the part that when he comes home, he feeds his alcohol and porn addictions and completely ignores me. And blame shifting when I was spot on to his behavior. And I learned to do it lovingly and calmly. Still-- he's try to flip the script and look for something, anything, he could pin on me. Well, okay. I'm worth far more than that sort of treatment. Done, done, on to the next one, to quote the Foo Fighters. And the next one I'm moving on to is MYSELF. ❤️🌻
@@phoenixmode6909 holy shit - my narc said the exact same thing ! I go to work, I come home, I sleep! But he omitted all the other woman “supply” he was meeting on nights he would disappear and turn his phone off.
“I still can’t understand it nor figure out where it’d come from. You’re the only girl I’ve been with, and I know the truth so it hurts tremendously that you won’t accept the truth” My ex after I caught him red handed cheating.
He's been caught lying so many times over those 20 yrs I can't even remember all the lies! When I watch these videos it just brings back those thoughts. He discarded me for the last time 3 months ago. I'm trying to heal now.
My Ex said, "Most men when they cheat don't even tell their wives. You are lucky I told you". Which he did not tell me. I found out by talking with his friend who was covering for him. Then I wasn't allowed to ever bring it up again. He even took me to therapy and I was told I had to change if I wanted to stay with him. Somehow I got put on medication. He turned my entire family against me. Except my Dad who was a cheater himself so he Knew what he was up to. And funnily enough my sister's weren't in communication with him because he left my mom. Luckily my ex finally confessed on a mission trip we took. And of course the entire Church got up and hugged him and left me siting there by myself. Then my Sister's finally believed me. But too little too late. They never recovered complete faith in me. So now that I am in the situation again they are doubting me. But I don't care. I know the truth.
My wife treated me like absolute garbage for 2 months while we were moving into a new house, it was supposed to be a positive new chapter for us, at least in my mind. There has been SOOO many red flags but 8 days ago she decided to just not come home... like blamed me for not texting her the right way and decided she needed a separation to "work on herself" I was supposed to meet her at a wedding yesterday and that would have been our first time seeing each other in a week. I haven't slept or eaten right in 2 months and the night before the wedding I just couldn't sleep at all and finally I logged into our shared cell phone account records. Shes been texting this guy literally hundreds of times a day. In the past 2 months there is at least 7000 incoming/outgoing texts between them. Late night phone calls that went on for hours when she was "with friends". I am absolutely disgusted. It feels good to know because it answers sooo many questions but the fact that I had asked her gently and calmly multiple times if there is something going on, seeing or talking to someone else to just let me know because we can either work it out or figure out who gets what and all that for the divorce...Nothing, nope. "I'm not seeing anyone I just need to figure myself out and my heart and mind aren't communicating" The morning of the wedding I call her out and let her know how dumb I feel for not checking earlier. No response. I check the records the next day and the number is being texted back and forth all day until 5 o'clock when the wedding starts and there's no communication all night. She obviously has her new bf come as her guest. This morning she texts me how I am so dumb for jumping to conclusions and that the number is just a close girlfriend she's been texting with about our issues. I call her out multiple times and she still goes on with the lie. She finally gives me her reason for starting this affair and says how she started "confiding in her friend because she doesn't take any shit and can see both sides of the story" she is seriously still saying "she" when it's obviously her new love while she's telling me all the wrong things I did to cause her to start an affair. "I didn't think it'd ever come to this" she says. Just horrible. These people are absolute monsters. They will strike you down absolutely unexpected and make your life a living hell. I have never been more miserable in my life and I did combat tours overseas. Good luck to all of you suffering at the hands of one of these people that supposedly loves you. We were together for 7 years and married for 3. She left me with all this extra debt with the new mortgage and strung me along like she was planning on staying with me while I spent so much money getting things together here. Heart is shattered.
I think I have figured a lot of people who have been in my life out watching all these videos. I love how clear you make your videos. Some people are hard to follow even if what they are saying is spot on. Thank you for your time and effort of reaching out for people who you don't know across the world🙏💞
"It's not like we are dating or anything... You are blowing this way out of proportion!!" Narc ex after I caught fooling around with my friend, 2 days after breaking up with me...🙄
When my narcissistic brother was confronted with a two-hour triangulating tirade against me (he had no idea the recipient was autistic with a verbatim memory), he replied, "Oh, that was just joking, you know my sense of humour..." Yes, saying he expected me to die first and leave him everything was such a hoot - NOT!
I visited him at his work place, and he noticed I d seen he had another cell phone. One that I didn't know he had. He tried to hide it and when I called him out, he got furious and desperate and just broke it with a hammer.😣😓🤦🏻♀️
Sad and funny at the same time 😐 I wish I'd had this info in the past 🤔 It makes me happy to realize it was not just me or just in my head ... thanks 👍
My hubby always says when approached about doing wrong or stealing my property, I DID NOT DO IT OR PROVE IT WITH A HORRIBLE GLEEFUL LOOK IN HIS EYES. He also has been spiking my food and cosmetics etc for many years keeping me unwell and confused, suggesting to my family that I need to be in care because he is so worried about me
Heard them all. Also put some sense with a new one he always used “You Don’t Love Me” omg I wish I had a nickel for everytime I heard that, I’d be a millionaire. He would even say it in a little boy voice. 🤨
My narc when I ask about possible cheating me : “ Who sent you kiss 💋 emoji to you ?can’t be your mates ( peeking at his messages” narc “ ( hiding his phone) Are you accusing me again? I thought you stopped doing this!!! Your therapy for insecurity is not working at all. You are so abusive and sabotaging our relationship I’m trying to grow with your toxic behaviour!!! “ … narc walks out . 🤯
Yep! She immediately deflected! Went into a rage cuz she didn't like being called out. It was crazy how she picked out something so minor that I said to quickly put blame on ME! There was no way she was gonna take accountability for actions. I was in such disbelief i thought to myself.... who are you?? I hung out with her for a Lil over a year trying to convince myslef she was NOT a NARC. Wth was i thinking! She was one hell of an actress she had me so fooled into believing she was this amazing friend. When all along i was just being used for her supply. I was just living in a world that revolved around HER. 😢😮😂 i need to start paying attention to the RED FLAGS alot sooner.
One such reply the narc gave me was - "I didn't do/say that, someone lied to you" & soon after they started tightening up everyone (their supplys -group of my contacts they formed against me) covertly using all their dirty tricks/tactics & led another bout of malicious, false smear campaign against me.
The main thing I hear is "oh well that's the past I changed."( But still doing the same stuff as before).... Or I hear" I'm sorry you thought I said what you said I said"
"You should be ashamed that I had to do this, and that you had to witness it, because I did it for your sake. You should thank me." I'm just testing that to see if that is some sort of thing that a narcissist would say. Not that I ever actually heard anyone say that.
My ex used the first and the last one. After his addiction came out, he would be the whole time angry with me and made my and our children's life a nightmare. I didn't know at that time that anger is to cover his shame, so I put myself in doubt everytime he mocked and accused me. Even a completely new marriage counselor asked him, after hearing both of us, "how comes you don't find any positive thought for your wife?!" He also told, with this attitude, there isn't much I can do.
*gets caught cheating. He even had a fb dating account that he was still actively using "well what kind of crazy psycho goes through another person's phone. You went looking so you're automatically going to assume these conversations with all these other women are me hitting on them" (and for the record it took me weeks of getting the guts to go through his old phone which was still linked to his current accounts and about 6 months of me asking and begging to just tell me if something's going on so I could just get on with my life. And during all this, he blamed me saying I thought it was my intuition but it was actually just paranoia because of past relationships. And saying he didn't appreciate being compared to bad men. So...double wammy.)
You just described almost to a tee what happened…so grateful to be free of the insanity. I love my boundaries and get to choose me to be first, second and third. (Which I learned from another UA-cam channel about what order I need to come in). I want to thank you for posting this comment it helps for us to share our common experience and today we get to say we made it through the fire!!🔥🔥🔥
same thing happened to me but I'm the guy and my ex was the girl & she'd guilt me saying privacy and whatever & I just did a phone tester (MGTOW thing) I asked to see her phone for if she really meant it with me and wanted to be serious, there'd be nothing to hide & she broke down asap... not even a joke. She cheated on me the first time (Edit: first time she dated me) and then tried saying she changed the second time and I said the phone would prove otherwise if she really wanted me. I feel you on the other thing "You're gonna assume me hitting on them" In my opinion, that just sounds like gaslighting & them stating that even if they are initiating the conversation, they are STILL entertaining the conversation nonetheless. If they were faithful, they'd nip it in the bud to anyone and state they're in a relationship/ don't want no funny business elsewhere. my ex did the same thing and gaslit me accusing me of "jealous" "controlling" "insecure" some dude straight up was flirting with her and she told me and then after complaining about it then defended him calling him "a friend" he'd tell her provacative stuff too, we broke up and she "came to her senses" when he started being super forward saying "when we gonna smash" and after 3 months into the breakup she calls me on "No caller ID" saying I was right about her "friend" when she missed me... delusional people I swear. given all the facts in front of them and still choose to be delusional.
I believe in privacy but if anyone were to ask me I wouldn't hesitate. I'd say sure, here you go. I mean unless it really was a control thing where they would constantly demand my phone and never find anything.
I caught him on a dating site. No accountability as usual with everything. It’s my fault he did this. I treated him bad. I didn’t love him. Etc etc. my anger was always his stupidity on how he would judge everyone. Make me feel less then. Always comparing me to others. And no empathy. No accountability to nothing wrong in our relationship. It was bad. Any direction on someone to talk to to work thru this ASAP. I am struggling. My heart is so broken tho I know he is not right for me. I known this a long time. I am an empath. Huge target I know.
Yes! It was my fault that he kept cheating on me because I had broken up with him six months ago the first time I caught him cheating and he met another woman while we were apart. So it's my fault he kept seeing her behind my back when we reconciled 🤦.
The malignant narcissist ex I divorced has a “ tell” whenever I knew he was lying and caught him he would instantly rage on me just by bringing anything up he was guilty of. Soon to follow were… Denials, deflecting, word salad,gaslighting, blame shifting, projecting,stonewalling , berating insults, death threats, physical abuse, ……the list goes on…. And of course he would then play the victim Setting me up or anyone else, usually my children as the villains Justifying his deranged reasoning to leave and abandon us While he’s off smear campaigning our reputations reframing reality to fit his delusional false narratives and spreading these Pathological lies to triangulate others against us
I saw him getting off the Northbound train, and he stayed inside the station 15 minutes until the Southbound train pulled in. He came smiling over and begin lying about where he had been. I said that I SAW him, and he said, " you were mistaken, sweetheart."
There was a Dr. Phil where the fiancé catches her man red handed fully cheating all the way and he starts screaming and shrieking that it’s not what it looks like. Uh-huh. This grown man had such a toddler fit he climbed on the hood of the car fiance was driving away in to pound it that they can get through this and he’s so devoted to her that she’s the only one he loved… blah blah blah The whole time shrieking like a little kid and pounding after throwing himself on the hood. Who would want to work things out like that? It was so creepy and sad, but woke the poor woman up to the reality she was facing and you know Dr. Phil gave her resources of support so she probably came out on top of that breakup. I mean, the cheating was documented by the camera crew. So, the guy had no leverage. At least they hadn’t had kids.
Thank you for your channel. My mom is a narcissist and all of these are my childhood. So now I'm learning so I can better protect myself when and if I decide to interact with her again
Oh, I LOVE this one… if you are going to accuse me of cheating I might as well be.👍👍👍😂😂😂 and then unbelievable rage calling me all kinds of names and telling me I can just get the F out of his house now.
Hey Christina, This was such a good podcast and fitting with a surprise unmasking of a narcissist. Your podcast appears to have nailed they way narcissists respond when caught in some wrongdoing. Do they honestly think they save face with denial of the absolute obvious???? 😂 It’s utterly infuriating but at least there is no doubt any longer the person you are dealing with DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU… Nobody with respect for you or your feelings blatantly lies to your face and attempts to twist their callous attitude back on you…but a narcissist. Thanks for the podcast Christina. ❤️
He flirts openly and doesn't respect me. When I tried to explain to him how his behavior made me feel. I was verbally abused and he grabbed my arms . Three days later they are still sore.
I had a friend say... I'm not concious of what I'm saying. Then lie about sorting it out, ghost me. Then I find out from her husband that we are no longer friends. The whole thing was coward like behaviour. And very disappointing.
You hit the nail on the head as always. The gaslighting drives me insane!
It's downright maddening 🙏❤
Its the worst.
Oh it’s infuriating!!!!! Ten years I dealt with it but I was a serious investigator made his life tough caught him with clear evidence but never got apologies
Social media and dating sites are breeding grounds for narcissists. Take things slow and set boundaries and know your value!
That is not gaslighting, it a psychological bullying.
“You never let me finish speaking”
“you need to change your tone when you talk to me” ….
"You are selfish"
"You are disrespectful"
"You either shout or don't talk" and so on....
Exactly what I heard too......
Omg I heard that one before
"I'm sorry you feel that way"
Barb Ballard,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Yes ... not sorry at all!
May I ask you to elaborate on this? I used to say this, but would try to follow up on what I could do better to not make them feel that way.
Lucky if I even heard the word "sorry"
Yoooooo!!!!!!
My favorite:
"Caught you drinking."
"Well you refused to believe I quit drinking, so I might as well!"
Alcohol adds a whole other burden...😞
I had this excuse used....replace drinking with cheating.
@@kh-jo9fd that sounds even worse 😬
@@RoseThePhoenix I don't like to compare. I feel this excuse used for anything should be a deal breaker. The person who gets caught and uses this excuse never deserved your trust to begin with.
Actually this is a good point. The trust issue is actually the other way round. If you have not cheated and are accused of cheating then its she who either has cheated and is reflecting or has misplaced trust issues. Either way whether you've cheated or not - it won't be believed and you can't live with this inherit mistrust from her and its time to let her go and misread some other person.
"You never let me finish speaking "
Lori Ann Paschall,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Bc they never stop speaking, probably
OMG this
I hear this in every conversation/argument we have ever had!!!! Its so dam frustrating, it literally makes me shut down now. I feel there is no point, he will never ever hear me. So i shut down and just let him ramble utter non sense usually ending in a pity party for him....... Glad im not alone
OMG! Right on the head 😵💫
SELFISH, TOXIC, NARCISSISTIC, SELF-SABOTAGING People Will NOT Take ACCOUNTABILITY Unless You Call Them Out And Even Then They Won’t Admit Their Wrong! They’re All About “I, ME And MYSELF”. They Are Good At Holding Onto People From Their Past Who Hurt/Broke Them And Holding Onto The Past IN GENERAL.
Word salad is maddening. 🤬 Hard to not get mad when you KNOW you're being manipulated but still feel compelled to defend yourself.
1. It wasn't me.
2. It was really your fault.
3. word salad - confusion and staying off topic
4. shift attention off of themselves
5. create confusion
6. become rageful
7. plant a seed of doubt
Exactly! Plus you question not only your sanity but your intelligence
Actually this all happened with my narcissist ex boyfriend. They are good at confusion, changing topics. But when they can't find excuses they will pretend as if they get offended instead of you😂
I caught him in a lie..
He said I need Therapy because I was delusional and crazy.. 😂😂
Same for me. I was even "put on" medication. Which I refused several times but Doctors...
Yes he even asked my dad if I was on meds because I talk too much...
It’s important to highlight that narcissist do say they are sorry in a situation that benefits themselves. Some will even “fake cry” … because people that don’t know that will assume someone isn’t a narcissist because they have apologized over and over.
False contrition
I'm starting to think that genuinely good people are lacking in this world; we all hurt eachother, some unintentionally... too much ego inside all of us. It takes a real strong person to not get corrupt and to be a good person ... narcissists are everywhere
This is so true.. everyone seems to be the same, ive covered all the red flags from past narcissist abuse, and I'm finding red flags everywhere.. I keep thinking " Is it me just looking too hard " but I'm pleased I've found your post xx
@@sarahkorver2439 This has been me lately.. A guy and I clicked and I've been taken aback and triggered. I'm looking into everything he says. I know his intentions are pure, but my past is unhealed... perhaps that's what ti is, energy vampires leave their mark on you. I suppose it's better to be cautious
@@sarahkorver2439 It's not only the narcissists that are everywhere, to me it looks like each narc seems to have a huge entourage of flying monkeys, thus compounding the problem.
That is true
@@insha7556 You kinda said the problem yourself, you are unhealed. Don't go into relationships unhealed, narc or not, you can still do damage to a innocent person and just continue cycles like everyone else.
I don't remember. I forgot. Blaming for things that happened as he perceived things to have happened, not accepting how things really happened. Refusing to forgive, and refusing to accept an apology. There's about 500 more.
@LupieWarrior Italiano
That is so true. 😒 SO TRUE!
The early FAKE OR REAL amnesia, " I don't remember ". Therefor door closed, no discussion and walks away abruptly or retreats, etc.
@@bernitacenteno1326
No discussion part 👍
Lie and Deny, never taking accountability
Great video.
My wife is a textbook narcissist that checks all the boxes.
Certainly heard some of these recently when I caught the wife. Caught her going to another town 2 hours away while she was supposed to be at work. Had a hunch and checked her work parking lot - no car. Looked up toll records and it told the tale.
I literally got 7 different excuses over the course of a month as to what she was "really" doing there. Every excuse was literally different from the next, and they all progressed closer to the truth without admitting it.
This video really helped.
I am stuck wanting to get her to admit the affair to get closure so I can move on. I realize it isn't going to happen.
I got the "I considered cheating because things have been terrible between us....but I decided I love you and want us to work it out...so I didn't go through with it." & "We need to move past this and quit bringing it up and move forward."
It is terrifying and sad to throw away 15 years, but she is never going to change. Even if she did, the trust is broken.
My wife had a harem of boyfriends online... We were 4 years in when she discarded me and asked for a divorce out of nowhere... Yup. She found the new supply. I had some suspicions but I never imagined that it would come to this. It almost broke my mind. So glad no children are involved. It is the most disgusting feeling I've ever felt. I have no idea what those relationships were like and I probably never will. Was is sexting? Nudes? I don't know. But I do know that it shattered my life.
Mine found her new supply from a married boyfriend from 30 years prior … I was sooo beaten down by then …she got EVERYTHING and I was left destitute and had to start over at 57 years old ..I was left homeless…
Get out now …. Sever it …. as it’s the only way ….my parting words when she wanted to still be friends after reconnecting with her married boyfriend ( been 9 years and he is still married to his wife ) …. It was “ No … what I want is for you to slither back into whatever Disney movie you slithered out of and leave me alone “ …she hasn’t contacted me as she moved to Florida 9 years ago … but the smear campaign of hers Still continues …but those who believe it don’t know the truth and they never really were my friends
I accused my ex of cheating and I got the rage and he told me if that was how I was thinking I should leave him, he wasn’t as polite as that, so that’s what I did I left, best thing he ever told me.
Sounds like he was like my ex wife
I got this too and still stayed until discarded
My narc ex used to claim to "forget" things and then throw a tantrum and accuse me for being inconsiderate and mean for calling out behavior they "couldn't remember". Once I was even accused for gaslighting, which in turn really confused me and span the conversation in a whole different direction. Looking back I realize that I was in fact the one who were gaslighted in combination with word salad. Also my narc ex would often blame me (or someone else) for being the cause of why they did something stupid and inconsiderate. Happy to be out of that mess now! Thanks for a great video Christina!
Right. They'll "forget" they did or said something. They'll say that alcohol makes them "forget." They'll "apologize" then hit you with the ol "but" (I'm sorry I did that, BUT...). AND YES, they'll claim that it's you "gaslighting" them, when it is indeed THEM that's trying their damndest to change your perception of what really happened.
My dude, literally a couple of hours ago, told me I was trying to "brainwash" him because I tried telling him the -literal factual events- of how a situation actually happened instead of just accepting and believing the impossible story he'd spun. I feel like I'm losing my mind 😭
He used to apologize, I think now he realizes he has lies so much now that he is just PURE RAGE!
"I didnt say it exactly like that"..then what did you say?..."i dont remember"
I'll say what did you say to the boss yesterday?
Dead on point. Accuse me of playing detective and being insecure when i found out she was having an emotional affair on me when got a hold of her phone records.
Our inner spirit/gut feeling never lies!! Now we know to listen to that inner voice💪
Yes ... I was told I have a " monitoring spirit"
"You don't appreciate me and what I do for you." and "You always have to nag me when I do something wrong, can't you just let it go once in a while?" were my ex's favorite phrases not to take responsibility for his crappy behaviour.
Narc talk for sure.
Mine would say...' you make something up and then you believe it and the best one ever..... I saw him checking his texts which were full of hearts and kisses. when I challenged him about then he first tried to say they were from his daughter. when I didn't go for that he said....' I know one thing! I'm never looking at my phone in front of you again. Yep unbelievable...and even more unbelievable is the fact that I stayed with him. God how stupid was I?????
@@jag28jj Don't blame yourself... they're so good at gaslighting that you end up gaslighting yourself. Mine did something similar and discarded me. I still got back together with him and would convince myself everyday that I was making things up and that I needed to move on (exactly like he told me), until I was brave enough to look at his Messenger on his computer while he was away. That's when I couldn't gaslight myself anymore because the truth was right in front of me... and I left him. Don't put so much blame and pressure onto yourself. We leave when we're ready and that doesn't mean we're stupid. It means we were abused, period.
@@beatitcreep. l eventually got into his phone (cant believe that I actually did that. it isn't the person I am and I'm actually ashamed of myself for doing that but the level of betrayal I found there devastated me yet ...STILL I STAYED!! I still hung on and probably would still be hanging on if he hadn't ghosted me 6 months ago. I don't know where I found the strength not to contact him . He is still in my head but not in my life. I hope that it won't be too long before I begin to see that he did me a favour. cant see it at the moment tho.
@@jag28jj I feel you! I never thought I'd look through someone's phone one day either! It's really out of character for me, I did it once and I hope I never do it again. I used to feel a lot of shame, too. I asked all the questions to my ex and I tried to communicate, but he would always tell me that she was "just a friend" and that I needed to move on. Let me tell you, she wasn't just a friend! So, I feel like finding out for myself was pretty much my only option at that point and I'm glad I did it.
He definitely did you a favor. No one deserves to be treated like that! But, I know how you feel... I broke up with my ex a year ago and sometimes I still feel guilty and wonder if he would have turned into the narcissistic monster that he was if I had done things differently... Healing from a narcissistic relationship takes a lot of work and a lot of time. Hang in there!
I know this is a little late but the phrase, "I'm doing this for you. I would never do anything to hurt you. I work so hard to try to do everything you ask me to do."
Thanks for the vid, lots of your seven rang true as well.
I always got “stop putting words in my mouth,” when what I am upset about was literally what he said.
Or, you’re so insecure it’s almost to the point of paranoia, after catching him in a lie.
@@karenknapp7184everything you said is so on point 👉 heard the same
"I dont want to talk about it" a narc stuck for words.
Totally crazy making to live with someone like this.....and
Exhausting
The one the narc said lots of time was "I'm just going to say yes to what your accusing me of because when I say no, you never believe me and keep questioning me so theres no point in saying no" or "I'm just going to say no for everything because u keep bugging me "
I'll just confront them a lot of time. Its really simple
I got this exact type of response from my wife when I caught her. Denied it all. The story changed and changed and changed.
Haahhaah I got the exact same!!!!! They still want to keep you as supply and keep you in place with all their other tactics. Thanks to this channel I see this now ! Honestly
Or "it's insulting that you would think that!" when I tell them the truth and I'm aware of it.
This people have no filter. They just say whatever they want and don't feel bad.
Video completely bang on!! It is mind boggling the length of time we tolerate the word salad, denying, blame shifting etc ... And the tone of a grade 4 bratty kid saying "no I didn't" coming from a grown 50 something man ... ugh, gross!!
Or woman. It happens to us all unfortunately. Hope you're better off now 🙏
"I can't believe you would accuse me of such a thing after all I have done for you."
This video is so true. Some examples of my covert Narcissist former friend. She would often make passive aggressive comments that I often ignored rather than start a fight. 1) She lived in a neighboring town. We are driving together in my car. She says " I really like (name of my town).....(pause)....."a lot of white trash live here though" 2) I took her on vacation to Hawaii where we stayed with friends of mine who live there. She did not know them. She had been doing some things to annoy me and can be very controlling. We are driving to dinner...all four of us. She made an insulting comment about me in front of my friends trying to be funny. At this point it had been building in me. I usually let things go. As we were walking in, I took her aside. We were alone. I didn't want to make embarrass her as she did me. I quietly and calmly said to her "I didn't appreciate that comment" Well she immediately acted SO OFFENDED and said " NO.. NO... No I can't believe this!"....she got loud. I quietly and calmly said to her...."Let's talk about this" She loudly said "NO! I NEED TIME!"......(I'm thinking time for what? how did this become about her? this is completely irrational) She would not speak to me at dinner and for 3 days while we were staying with my friends. I was thinking what the hell just happened. She insults me and then she twists it around to make it my fault. She is waiting for me to apologize. We still had several days left of vacation and a LONG ride home. I had to apologize to at least have some peace. Truthfully I wanted to get away from her immediately. It was completely bizarre and totally irrational. If I had said something that hurt someone's feelings and they let me know, I would be like OMG I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I wasn't thinking.....etc. That to me is a normal response of a rational person. I have many more examples but there was a final incident where the friendship ended. She said something insulting again, I calmly and respectfully called her out on it and she acted again SO OFFENDED and In shock. She twisted everything and tried to gaslight me as if it was my fault. She gave me the silent treatment again waiting for an apology............well she is still waiting. LOL I'm busy and done with her mind games and controlling behavior. My other close friends are well adjusted, positive, and supportive. They do not behave this way. I'm done.
The way you're friend reacted in your story sounds all too familiar. I'm glad you got out of that relationship before things had time to escalate even more!!
@@shiniemi2754 True. She was controlling. She would often do me favors which I didn't ask for. They were nice gestures but later came to realize there were strings attached. She wanted me to do what she wanted. My schedule is extremely busy and she had a lot of free time on her hands. If I told her I didn't feel like doing something or didn't have time, I was an ungrateful friend. She even wrote me a long email on how I have to change my life lol. ....sorry I have bills to pay and I'm caring for my sick mother. She was SUPER hypersensitive. She could make little passive aggressive comments and give me advice of what to do on EVERYTHING but if I dared to call her out on it no matter how calmly or respectfully she would get extremely offended and give the silent treatment until I apologized. That is toxic and I don't want to be around that. Life is too short. My other friends are nothing like that. Very positive and supportive.
I remember vividly being told I was taking something out of context..which was confusing to me at the time because their was no context..only the facts.
"Maybe I should be like your best friend's husband and leave you for a younger model. Well if you gave me something to come home to, I'd be more attentive. You just want me to be whipped into shape like your brother is."
Oh, I've heard so many of all these responses and reactions. I'm convinced these people are evil, evil, evil.
"a younger model," like he's buying a car. He's admitting he sleeps with "possessions" rather than seeing them as people. Ugh
@@cindys9491 That's something I hadn't thought of... like a new car... a possession. Now, none of his comments affect me. Coming from him, they mean nothing.
Yes i was told this too...
Great video!
Everything you said was spot on!
They will never admit they are wrong and would never apologize if they did.
Their idea of an apology is “I regret that....blah blah blah”. The only reason they “feel” regret is when your stonewalling them has caused some sort of inconvenience to them.
I Totally agree with you
They dont want to aaddrss any Situation when confronted I feel they want to be babied
Ha… After the 22 years of marriage - i now see your top 7 list was the basis of our circular arguments which he claimed was the reason we could never resolve our problems and we kept arguing about the same issues.
Ditto! Was with a covert narc for 5 years and same happened to me. Circular conversations that were absolutely crazy-making!
It's an endless cycle. They're already perfect, what flaw can they possibly change? Bless you for putting it up with it, you shouldn't ever have to... onwards n upwards
Thanks for ur comment… I’ve gone around and around for two years he wanted to get married … the loneliness makes it hard to leave but I knew he wouldn’t change.
Yup... uh huh... yeah... mm hmm... Batting 1000 on this one! How about "prove it"? Ugh! Clearly that was his all time favorite. This was a great vid, thank you. 😊
If we let them get away with their chump excuses, they keep doing the
same ol' stuff over and over again... Because they can!
Mine planned a trip with me for July 4th weekend. About 10 days before that disappeared for a day and went sailing mysteriously and the next morning told me she couldn't go on the trip cuz she had to work. She ended up going on the trip with her girlfriend and obviously met somebody else who she was love bombing after the sailing trip because she asked me for space. Anyway I confronted her about it with actual receipts from the trip with her signature and her friend signature and she screamed at me for 5 minutes straight and I've never heard her scream before. Thank God she's gone. Careful everybody.
The #1 immature baby response:
"I don't know."
Yes! Ugh
My brother often said "I don't remember!" when he'd done something awful.
When I insisted he did in fact remember, he'd start yelling . "Wait, wait , wait! Hold on! Hold on! What about the time you...."
and he try to come up with something I or someone had done. I really hadn't done anything bad to him so he'd come up with nonsense about him feeling disrespected by something a family member had done from 40 years ago. I know full well he remembered what he'd done just a few weeks ago. Eventually I realized it was just too exhausting to deal with all his silliness and uproar creating and denying. So I've gone gray rock with very little (and only superficial) contact. I don't need to serve as his conscious!
Mine frequently uses the expression "I didn't know I had to run my schedule by you", I will just start logging my every move for you". This comes up when we've had plans, and he omits information.
Oh yeah. They don't consider omission to be a lie. But it still constitutes a lie.
Mine also used to try that stupid "but I just go to work, come home, sleep, I don't go out, I don't go to bars".
He forgot the part that when he comes home, he feeds his alcohol and porn addictions and completely ignores me.
And blame shifting when I was spot on to his behavior. And I learned to do it lovingly and calmly. Still-- he's try to flip the script and look for something, anything, he could pin on me.
Well, okay. I'm worth far more than that sort of treatment.
Done, done, on to the next one, to quote the Foo Fighters.
And the next one I'm moving on to is MYSELF. ❤️🌻
@@phoenixmode6909 holy shit - my narc said the exact same thing ! I go to work, I come home, I sleep! But he omitted all the other woman “supply” he was meeting on nights he would disappear and turn his phone off.
“I still can’t understand it nor figure out where it’d come from. You’re the only girl I’ve been with, and I know the truth so it hurts tremendously that you won’t accept the truth”
My ex after I caught him red handed cheating.
He's been caught lying so many times over those 20 yrs I can't even remember all the lies! When I watch these videos it just brings back those thoughts. He discarded me for the last time 3 months ago. I'm trying to heal now.
My Ex said, "Most men when they cheat don't even tell their wives. You are lucky I told you". Which he did not tell me. I found out by talking with his friend who was covering for him. Then I wasn't allowed to ever bring it up again. He even took me to therapy and I was told I had to change if I wanted to stay with him. Somehow I got put on medication. He turned my entire family against me. Except my Dad who was a cheater himself so he Knew what he was up to. And funnily enough my sister's weren't in communication with him because he left my mom. Luckily my ex finally confessed on a mission trip we took. And of course the entire Church got up and hugged him and left me siting there by myself. Then my Sister's finally believed me. But too little too late. They never recovered complete faith in me. So now that I am in the situation again they are doubting me. But I don't care. I know the truth.
My wife treated me like absolute garbage for 2 months while we were moving into a new house, it was supposed to be a positive new chapter for us, at least in my mind. There has been SOOO many red flags but 8 days ago she decided to just not come home... like blamed me for not texting her the right way and decided she needed a separation to "work on herself" I was supposed to meet her at a wedding yesterday and that would have been our first time seeing each other in a week. I haven't slept or eaten right in 2 months and the night before the wedding I just couldn't sleep at all and finally I logged into our shared cell phone account records. Shes been texting this guy literally hundreds of times a day. In the past 2 months there is at least 7000 incoming/outgoing texts between them. Late night phone calls that went on for hours when she was "with friends".
I am absolutely disgusted. It feels good to know because it answers sooo many questions but the fact that I had asked her gently and calmly multiple times if there is something going on, seeing or talking to someone else to just let me know because we can either work it out or figure out who gets what and all that for the divorce...Nothing, nope. "I'm not seeing anyone I just need to figure myself out and my heart and mind aren't communicating"
The morning of the wedding I call her out and let her know how dumb I feel for not checking earlier. No response. I check the records the next day and the number is being texted back and forth all day until 5 o'clock when the wedding starts and there's no communication all night. She obviously has her new bf come as her guest. This morning she texts me how I am so dumb for jumping to conclusions and that the number is just a close girlfriend she's been texting with about our issues. I call her out multiple times and she still goes on with the lie. She finally gives me her reason for starting this affair and says how she started "confiding in her friend because she doesn't take any shit and can see both sides of the story" she is seriously still saying "she" when it's obviously her new love while she's telling me all the wrong things I did to cause her to start an affair. "I didn't think it'd ever come to this" she says. Just horrible.
These people are absolute monsters. They will strike you down absolutely unexpected and make your life a living hell. I have never been more miserable in my life and I did combat tours overseas. Good luck to all of you suffering at the hands of one of these people that supposedly loves you. We were together for 7 years and married for 3. She left me with all this extra debt with the new mortgage and strung me along like she was planning on staying with me while I spent so much money getting things together here. Heart is shattered.
I can feel your pain bro ,stay strong . move on .
"im sorry you feel that way" would drive me insane.
“You’re crazy, this is all your fault. Thanks for breaking up the family.”
My narcissist told me I was sick and that I needed help when I presented him with text evidence 😅
Yup.... was told the same
I used to get “You’re the one who…”
I think I have figured a lot of people who have been in my life out watching all these videos. I love how clear you make your videos. Some people are hard to follow even if what they are saying is spot on. Thank you for your time and effort of reaching out for people who you don't know across the world🙏💞
"It's not like we are dating or anything... You are blowing this way out of proportion!!" Narc ex after I caught fooling around with my friend, 2 days after breaking up with me...🙄
" How Dare You " Perfect !00% Spot on .... Thanks !
When my narcissistic brother was confronted with a two-hour triangulating tirade against me (he had no idea the recipient was autistic with a verbatim memory), he replied, "Oh, that was just joking, you know my sense of humour..." Yes, saying he expected me to die first and leave him everything was such a hoot - NOT!
what about just complete blanking and then blocking when confronted with the evidence... waiting for you to apologise and take it back...
I visited him at his work place, and he noticed I d seen he had another cell phone. One that I didn't know he had.
He tried to hide it and when I called him out, he got furious and desperate and just broke it with a hammer.😣😓🤦🏻♀️
I'm being unfair to him, not the other way around
Sad and funny at the same time 😐
I wish I'd had this info in the past 🤔
It makes me happy to realize it was not just me or just in my head ... thanks 👍
My hubby always says when approached about doing wrong or stealing my property, I DID NOT DO IT OR PROVE IT WITH A HORRIBLE GLEEFUL LOOK IN HIS EYES. He also has been spiking my food and cosmetics etc for many years keeping me unwell and confused, suggesting to my family that I need to be in care because he is so worried about me
Or they say nothing at all! I have seen the rage when you catch them off guard.
Thank you for great info.!
"I dont want to talk about it".
Heard them all. Also put some sense with a new one he always used “You Don’t Love Me” omg I wish I had a nickel for everytime I heard that, I’d be a millionaire. He would even say it in a little boy voice. 🤨
My narc when I ask about possible cheating
me : “ Who sent you kiss 💋 emoji to you ?can’t be your mates ( peeking at his messages”
narc “ ( hiding his phone) Are you accusing me again? I thought you stopped doing this!!! Your therapy for insecurity is not working at all. You are so abusive and sabotaging our relationship I’m trying to grow with your toxic behaviour!!! “ … narc walks out . 🤯
Had the same ...
“You never let me finish speaking” “remember the time you did ____”
“This isn’t going to work”
I hear constantly … I need to get out of this!
They say your the only one who feels that way no respect. Very abusive
Yep! She immediately deflected! Went into a rage cuz she didn't like being called out. It was crazy how she picked out something so minor that I said to quickly put blame on ME! There was no way she was gonna take accountability for actions. I was in such disbelief i thought to myself.... who are you?? I hung out with her for a Lil over a year trying to convince myslef she was NOT a NARC. Wth was i thinking! She was one hell of an actress she had me so fooled into believing she was this amazing friend. When all along i was just being used for her supply. I was just living in a world that revolved around HER. 😢😮😂 i need to start paying attention to the RED FLAGS alot sooner.
One such reply the narc gave me was - "I didn't do/say that, someone lied to you" & soon after they started tightening up everyone (their supplys -group of my contacts they formed against me) covertly using all their dirty tricks/tactics & led another bout of malicious, false smear campaign against me.
Omg that seed of doubt is the biggest one... I hate it. Just own up and move on. You are so on point with this!!!
It's so frustrating 🙏❤
Love how they always sound like Steve Urkil.”Did I do that?”
The main thing I hear is "oh well that's the past I changed."( But still doing the same stuff as before).... Or I hear" I'm sorry you thought I said what you said I said"
"You should be ashamed that I had to do this, and that you had to witness it,
because I did it for your sake. You should thank me."
I'm just testing that to see if that is some sort of thing that a narcissist would say. Not that I ever actually heard anyone say that.
My sister's favorite line is, "Thats your opinion."
And you can say: "everyone has one" which version of the
truth do you want to hear... Narcissism is never having to say you're sorry.
I forgot about this one! 🤣🤪
My ex used the first and the last one. After his addiction came out, he would be the whole time angry with me and made my and our children's life a nightmare. I didn't know at that time that anger is to cover his shame, so I put myself in doubt everytime he mocked and accused me. Even a completely new marriage counselor asked him, after hearing both of us, "how comes you don't find any positive thought for your wife?!" He also told, with this attitude, there isn't much I can do.
My narc sister always says "my conscience is clear". She says this everytime she's caught out, whilst trying to put the blame back on to me.
*gets caught cheating. He even had a fb dating account that he was still actively using "well what kind of crazy psycho goes through another person's phone. You went looking so you're automatically going to assume these conversations with all these other women are me hitting on them" (and for the record it took me weeks of getting the guts to go through his old phone which was still linked to his current accounts and about 6 months of me asking and begging to just tell me if something's going on so I could just get on with my life. And during all this, he blamed me saying I thought it was my intuition but it was actually just paranoia because of past relationships. And saying he didn't appreciate being compared to bad men. So...double wammy.)
Oh yes, the lack of remorse hints towards narcissism. It's tough, you can act like it doesn't bother you... yet deep down it eats you up alive
You just described almost to a tee what happened…so grateful to be free of the insanity. I love my boundaries and get to choose me to be first, second and third. (Which I learned from another UA-cam channel about what order I need to come in). I want to thank you for posting this comment it helps for us to share our common experience and today we get to say we made it through the fire!!🔥🔥🔥
same thing happened to me but I'm the guy and my ex was the girl & she'd guilt me saying privacy and whatever & I just did a phone tester (MGTOW thing)
I asked to see her phone for if she really meant it with me and wanted to be serious, there'd be nothing to hide & she broke down asap... not even a joke.
She cheated on me the first time (Edit: first time she dated me) and then tried saying she changed the second time and I said the phone would prove otherwise if she really wanted me.
I feel you on the other thing "You're gonna assume me hitting on them"
In my opinion, that just sounds like gaslighting & them stating that even if they are initiating the conversation, they are STILL entertaining the conversation nonetheless.
If they were faithful, they'd nip it in the bud to anyone and state they're in a relationship/ don't want no funny business elsewhere.
my ex did the same thing and gaslit me accusing me of "jealous" "controlling" "insecure"
some dude straight up was flirting with her and she told me and then after complaining about it then defended him calling him "a friend"
he'd tell her provacative stuff too,
we broke up and she "came to her senses" when he started being super forward saying "when we gonna smash"
and after 3 months into the breakup she calls me on "No caller ID" saying I was right about her "friend" when she missed me... delusional people I swear.
given all the facts in front of them and still choose to be delusional.
I believe in privacy but if anyone were to ask me I wouldn't hesitate. I'd say sure, here you go. I mean unless it really was a control thing where they would constantly demand my phone and never find anything.
Familiar with all of those... But the raging is just maddening. No. More.
You pushed me away
But won't tell you *how*
I caught him on a dating site. No accountability as usual with everything. It’s my fault he did this. I treated him bad. I didn’t love him. Etc etc. my anger was always his stupidity on how he would judge everyone. Make me feel less then. Always comparing me to others. And no empathy. No accountability to nothing wrong in our relationship. It was bad. Any direction on someone to talk to to work thru this ASAP. I am struggling. My heart is so broken tho I know he is not right for me. I known this a long time. I am an empath. Huge target I know.
Yes! It was my fault that he kept cheating on me because I had broken up with him six months ago the first time I caught him cheating and he met another woman while we were apart. So it's my fault he kept seeing her behind my back when we reconciled 🤦.
All supply .... only love themselves
Yes I have& yes it's more too this one? He has his mother ex"s family & BAF & other women's.this situation just a mess!!
The malignant narcissist ex I divorced has a “ tell” whenever I knew he was lying and caught him he would instantly rage on me just by bringing anything up he was guilty of.
Soon to follow were…
Denials, deflecting, word salad,gaslighting, blame shifting, projecting,stonewalling , berating insults, death threats, physical abuse, ……the list goes on….
And of course he would then play the victim
Setting me up or anyone else, usually my children as the villains
Justifying his deranged reasoning to leave and abandon us
While he’s off smear campaigning our reputations reframing reality to fit his delusional false narratives and spreading these
Pathological lies to triangulate others against us
They will say ur crazy I’m not cheating ur insecure !!!
Yup! 🙏❤
They don't care how you feel
Thanks for breaking the excuses down. I love the word salad reference. I got it!
When I confronted him, he said 'I dont want to defend myself'.... 🙄🙄
I found the proof and they discarded me at the worst time
I saw him getting off the Northbound train, and he stayed inside the station 15 minutes until the Southbound train pulled in. He came smiling over and begin lying about where he had been. I said that I SAW him, and he said, " you were mistaken, sweetheart."
There was a Dr. Phil where the fiancé catches her man red handed fully cheating all the way and he starts screaming and shrieking that it’s not what it looks like.
Uh-huh.
This grown man had such a toddler fit he climbed on the hood of the car fiance was driving away in to pound it that they can get through this and he’s so devoted to her that she’s the only one he loved… blah blah blah
The whole time shrieking like a little kid and pounding after throwing himself on the hood.
Who would want to work things out like that?
It was so creepy and sad, but woke the poor woman up to the reality she was facing and you know Dr. Phil gave her resources of support so she probably came out on top of that breakup.
I mean, the cheating was documented by the camera crew. So, the guy had no leverage.
At least they hadn’t had kids.
Here was a great one
“I just thought you liked to exercise and I would get in shape too.” Blaming me for gaining weight and being unhealthy!!
I dont want to talk about it.
Thank you for your channel. My mom is a narcissist and all of these are my childhood. So now I'm learning so I can better protect myself when and if I decide to interact with her again
It's always good to be prepared 🙏❤
Ditto
A good question to ask a narcissist....."tell me....which is more important....my wants and needs.....or yours???"
Oh, I LOVE this one… if you are going to accuse me of cheating I might as well be.👍👍👍😂😂😂 and then unbelievable rage calling me all kinds of names and telling me I can just get the F out of his house now.
One thing he definitely does is the first two. Not so much the rest tho. He will keep lying even though he knows you know! Right into a corner! Sick!
Your so so good at explaining
Everything you say about the subject. Thank you for doing these videos.
Thank you 🙏❤
thanks for this info & I hope you're having a good week - Steve
Hey Christina,
This was such a good podcast and fitting with a surprise unmasking of a narcissist. Your podcast appears to have nailed they way narcissists respond when caught in some wrongdoing.
Do they honestly think they save face with denial of the absolute obvious???? 😂
It’s utterly infuriating but at least there is no doubt any longer the person you are dealing with DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU…
Nobody with respect for you or your feelings blatantly lies to your face and attempts to twist their callous attitude back on you…but a narcissist.
Thanks for the podcast Christina. ❤️
I was told " You're the type of woman that if somebody told you I was cheating you would believe them".
They just ignore it! Come back like it never happened. Any reference to the event and nothing. Divert. Gaslighting.
Brilliant video! Well done and spot on!
He flirts openly and doesn't respect me. When I tried to explain to him how his behavior made me feel. I was verbally abused and he grabbed my arms . Three days later they are still sore.
I had a friend say...
I'm not concious of what I'm saying. Then lie about sorting it out, ghost me. Then I find out from her husband that we are no longer friends.
The whole thing was coward like behaviour. And very disappointing.