Hello there Penelope! His name is Alain de Botton. One of the greatest thinkers of our time. Besides he is the best " teacher of life" one can imagine:-) His entire work has a life changing quality. You can read his books, listen to his talks and watch his documentaries too. He has another youtube channel where you can find those documentaries. Just search for the one called " Status Anxiety" or " The Art of Travel" , to find the channel. If you want to start with one book, I would highly recommend " The Consolations of Philosophy". All the best:-)
My ex-wife did this. She apparently had the hots for another man and I was a poor substitute in her eyes. I divorced her to her begging and pleading that she finally loved me and that the other man was gone out of her life. The truth was the man she had the hots for had married another woman and had moved to another city far away. I divorced her anyway.
Flournoy mason I’m glad you left her, you deserve to be a woman’s number one man, not second best. I promise you you will find a woman whom will love you unconditionally.
@Jose Diaz She might be a dickhead but not worthless, as she still is a human being. On the other hand why should loyalty only be an importent property as a woman? It is the same thing the other way around.
You might not be aware of it but hormones have a huge impact on the way we feel and think, we are not conscious in that aspect. I'm not looking for a fight in a comment section, as you point out in a large part the relationship crisis was due to lack of understanding, but I think that the lack of sex and the negative impact that feeling not wanted was having on him was of crucial importance as well.
The problem is that it can come across as though it was about sex. Picture the scenario You try to initiate and then she (or him) comes up with a non extraordinary excuse (tiredness or stress, for instance) and immediately you're flooded with feelings of rejection and frustration. You can try to convey your feelings to them but they could interpret those as a way for you to emotionally manipulate them to have sex with you (presumably out of shame or guilt) In my experience it's terrible when it happens but I also think that trying to stress how important sex might be to your side of the coin should be spoken in a different manner and under different circumstances. Doing it at the pictured moment can make them lose respect for you. That´s just my take on the subject...
It's about a woman getting a guy to go to a (female) therapist to make him accept that sex is the number between five and seven. Her job now "makes her not be in the mood". But now he's learned to blame getting his needs not met on painful episodes in his past. She's exempted from doing things she doesn't want to do (can you imagine him being allowed to pot out when she wants to vent about Rachel in the next cubicle?) and probably thought she wouldn't have to do any more once she got that all-important commitment.
@@shuttleluis Maybe. It's also possible Rachel discusses how pathetic Johnny's attempts at emotional honesty and vulnerability are with the guy she *is* fucking.
I wish i had the same. But my hand keeps hitting me and calling me names :C My therapist says i have serious mental issues. I am the victim here and still get the blame...
And keep in mind that this isn’t about men only. I feel the same way with my boyfriend right now. In his eyes I am a nymphomaniac. All I ask for is the intimacy back.
Same with my gf … sex is my love language and she rejects it most of the time. I feel very unloved. And that’s bothering my daily activities (because of my hypersexuality). I feel like she is controlling me with this. 😕
I have enough respect for sex, the female, and even myself, to never beg for it or buy it. In the meantime, I continue to starve for it. What an existential madness it is.
this is more touching than I would have expected, even halfway through the short video I didn't expect it to be as meaningful as it was. This story doesn't have much to do with anything that I am facing, but the meaning behind it can be applied to such a broad range of situations.
Any...other dudes here all teary-eyed and googling "Sexual rejection" because you're wondering if you're the problem and not attractive anymore to the mrs?
I was married for 6 yrs. and at the end my wife told me she had been faking it all the time, never pleased her. Now why in the world would any sane person do that? Here I am stuck with Rosie Palm and her Five Sisters and they always keep me within reach:) I think they really love me too!
A womens pleasure is mostly her body, and mind. No satisfaction = her problem. She probably watched porn or had a personality or attachment disorder. ??
There's this discussion here about women losing their attraction to you once you become vulnerable and open up about your insecurities. And yes, while vulnerability is a key ingredient for a loving relationship, it depends on the way you communicate your thoughts, I think. If you are crying, wailing or complaining about your insecurities, she will perceive it as unattractive and lose interest in you. On the other hand, if you communicate them in a strong, confident manner, that you have these problems and it is ok, that you try your best to go on in life despite them, if you show strength despite the circumstances. I think that turns women on on the other hand. A friend of mine asked a lot of girls why they broke up with their boyfriends. A very large percentage said it was because they whined and complained about their lives.
Tfw watching this as an ex Marine who grew up with an alcoholic mother in Chicago and is dealing with this same issue currently.... The world is weird.
It goes both way to fix a relationship/friendship. If one side is patient and the other is getting triggered every second and refuses to listen.... then it won't work.
Having the same issue at home. I understand that my husband has a stressful job but its hard being the one with the higher libido, we’re in our late 20s and we maybe do it twice a month, im the one that’s always flirting with him, getting the cute lingerie, trying to role-play, and granted, He’s an incredible husband, works hard gets paid little but he never wants it or initiates it. I’ve started reading alot of romance novels to find an escape these days, its hard to be present anymore I can’t always be the one initiating. Marriage is HARD.
Increase protein intake less carbs and make sure you have some form of exercise every other day at minimum exercise increases testosterone and other hormones
Hey, someone else on the twice-a-month plan. Fun, isn't it? It's another form of "breadcrumbing", just throwing enough out there to give us hope and keep us paying our half of the bills.
Of course you can. In the Army they do it all the time. In the corporate world imo we're all Asexual. Genuine desire is stupid and only holds you back and breaks your heart in this world.
@@hellstromcarbunkle8857 It has nothing to do with reward. It has everything to do with respect. If everyone were to just do whatever they want with genuine sexual desire, there would be a lot of issues in society. Do me a favor and keep it in your pants will you? No more bobs and vegane for you, alright?
@@hellstromcarbunkle8857 True... But does freedom mean do whatever you want to people whether they like it or not? Nature could be argued to be the most free, because it is chaotic and unregulated by order. Once you institute order, pure freedom is curtailed. If you mean freedom as an orderly concept that is regulated and regimental in nature and not the actual freedom of biology and mammalian carnality, I might agree with you. Are the birds, stray cats, and stray dogs free? If so, we are not free on the same level. Is man free? Then whence comes the idea of freedom in nature?
Basically most problems arise from the absence of sex, but sex is not the solution at all. Communication and sexual involvement is a very important tool as long as used together.
It is not about sex. It is about intimacy. Intimacy is rare. Intimacy is what everyone craves for. It is about being able to be vulnerable in front of that one person when being strong is mandatory in outside world. We all give into it
@@gonzacollao rather universal health care system should pay them. Of course it depends on country. Here psychiatrist has to recommand theraphy and then it is covered by healthcare system. Not sure if couple theraphy is included thou.
You have to realize that there can be a serious power imbalance when someone opens up. Johny is already in a vulnerable place and could get hurt further
I ♡ this video. It explains a man's emotional hurt behind his strong exterior. I've share this video with a friend and tears was flowing down after he watch it. Highly recommend for any married couples or couples in committed relationships. It's an uncomfortable topic that need to be discuss for the health of any relationship.
I can relate to this... Although my parents never really abandoned me, in a sense of responsibility they did. My father was never home because of work and my mother gave more attention to work than her family. I always jokingly say that I learned my basic life skills out of necessity. It didn't help the fact that my parents were in a loveless marriage and now, after 23 years, they decided on divorcing. Honestly, because of this I am a detached and nomadic person, I don't think I honestly create a lot of permanent ties because deep down I know things are just going to end.
Efrain G. Torres Cardona you are probably right. But nothing has to be forever. Im sure that there is a video about it from the School of Life uploaded this year.
Efrain G. Torres Cardona i have a situation like that too in house ..except that my parents are always just threatining each other with divorce and that is a hell of a stress ..i'm 24 years old and their personal relationship keeps me busy more than mine .
I relate to this comment intensely. The way you said "nomadic" really hit me deep. My parents issues translated to me having issues and subsequently, I have an intensely difficult time staying attached to people. It always feels like things end. Though, as I grow older, I feel a little safer in my friendships.
Like in the video you should see therapy, I don't mean that in bad way. Even the most healthy people need to get their struggles off their chest. I hope you find a good bond with someone in life whether that be a lover or friend.
Hello again Muskee! If I am not mistaken you speak Spanish, don't you? I happen to know two excelent books of therapy stories in Spanish you could enjoy reading: 1.Historias de Divan by Gabriel Rolon 2. Dejame que te cuente by Jorge Bucay. They both are from Argentina. The country which hast the most number of psychoanalysts per capita:-) Have a nice evening!
You seem like a very interesting person to talk to, Lua. Heck, you reply to almost every one's comments AND you do it in a very positive way, always contributing to the conversation. I'm really impressed, keep doing that :)
Hey Leo, thank you so much! You are so kind... You know, if I sound positive may be it is because of this "Mindfulness Training" thing that I am doing since four years. Because indeed I am just as melancholic as any person I know from the Middle East:-) But meditation teaches you how to deal with it and much more! I once watched a lesson on youtube from Yale University on the subject. The professor there recommended these guided meditation podcasts, which you can find on Itunes if you search for: UCLA Hammer Meditation. There are several episodes, but I use everyday one of these two: Deepen your concentration Using Meditation Anchor Recently I have heard an interview on the Tim Ferriss podcasts with the youngest philosophy professor in the world, William MacAskill. He teaches at Oxford. I don't think people's titles are important, but what really impressed me about this boy is that he was extremely modest and very dedicated to help people. When he was asked what was the book he gave as present the most he said it is " Mindfulness" by Mark Williams ( a psychology prof. from Oxford) . I am reading the book now and it is really wonderful. It is an 8 week program to teach you how to live a more aware, more fulfilled life. It is a lot of fun to read and to practise! You can download the CD that accompanies the book for free online. So Leo, I hope all is going well with you. Boa noite!
***** you see, that's what I mean! Look at the size of this comment, you always have something interesting to say!! hahaha I sure will check these podcasts and the book. I've always done meditation too; my family has always been into this, and I feel the same as you about it. I think meditation is pretty great for life in general.... anyways, thanks for enriching my life a little more :) ps: I didn't know you lived in the Middle East, i thought you were from Europe.
@@ohirchak Yes. Sex makes marriage/partnership different from sibling/parental/familial/collegial relations. It is reasonable to expect it to be a sine qua non in marriages/partnerships. If people agree to forego it, that's one thing, but withholding-----which is really what was happening in this video------is wrong and sufficient cause to end a relationship.
It’s not even about sex it’s about knowing your value and worth as a human being. Sex never holds a marriage together neither does emotions. Knowing who you are and not expecting someone to fill your expectation tank.
i'm gonna show this to my boyfriend- it's perfect because my mom has the same issues with alcoholism and i deal with a load of rejection issues. we've been fighting a lot more, but i don't get aggressive like the man did i just become depressed. thank you sooo much for making this video. it helps tremendously.
Men opening up to that extent doesn't necessarily work out well for relationships, it really, REALLY depends on the character of the woman to be understanding. Some women out there really are gems, wife-material who are capable of doing so, but they're not a dime a dozen. The moment man opens up and talks about his true feelings, the woman's image of him is tainted, he's weaker, less attractive, far less sexually exciting. Sure, she might have pity and feel genuine sorrow for him, but that effectively reduces sexual chemistry to point where much work is needed to build it up again. Sometimes the damage is irreversible. This reality is EXACTLY why men find it difficult to open up, to the point they're better off keeping it to themselves, either as something to just get over by themselves or to ignore. If we were truly open to communication, men wouldn't feel the need to stay bottled up.
Pheromone you're absolutely right and this is just really sad. Actually, this issue is a weird way of sexism and there need to be a lot more women to understand that men are just human too. I like your comment, you said it well.
I don't understand it in the slightest, nor do I see how a woman's image of her spouse would be so fragile that she can't bear the thought of him being anything but perfect. Because how could she call herself tolerant, compassionate and equal then? Is love in relationships not based on mutual respect? Not like this..
Then don't settle for a dime a dozen partner, be choosy. I think the temporary woes of a break-up are much less extreme than resentment growing inside oneself, causing them to be someone they never wanted to be (in Johnny's case, violent).
Right on the spot. This is probably terrible advice to men. Women don't want us to be weak, whether you like it or not. If you need to talk, talk to your friends. Hate incoming.
I think there are three options in which number 2 and 3 almost always occur with number 1. One: the women grow up in an environment that learns that men should be 'the man'. (typical western behaviour btw) It's a learned role-model. Two: the women themselfs have problems with their own feelings and vulnerability and therefor dislike a men with feelings. Three: it has to do with the fact that the women don't feel strong and able themselfs, so they search for it in their partner. Someone who is 'strong' and can handle difficult times, because the women thinks she is too weak to do it herself. To be really honest I recognize number three a bit from myself as well. It's root cause is not feeling good/strong enough yourself. But you have to understand that that's often ALSO a learned role-model. Many women learn(ed) that they are weaker, especially in an emotional way. It would help if we stop stigmatising eachother and see eachother as what we are; all different in some way.
Johnny was willing to put himself in a very vulnerable situation when he explained to his girlfriend what it felt like to be rejected. I'm glad that Rachel was able and willing to listen and understand him and that it only reinforced their relationship. Bizarre, considering all she needed was to realize that Johnny wasn't ''some macho guy'' but instead a ''lost, scared boy who she actually cried for.'' I was always under the impression that women want their men tough, and that a ''lost, scared boy'' is far from sexy. Accurate at it may be, that description is extremely unflattering for a man, especially in this context for obvious reasons.
In my personal experience, the women I have dated lose all attraction they once had for me when I share my more vulnerable side, discuss some of my problems and insecurities. It's like I'm no longer a viable sexual partner, no longer a man, just a boy with too many feelings. Is the problem me, or them? I would love to know.
Josh Wunderly How old are you Josh? because younger women may well have an unrealistic ideal they are trying to find in a partner. After they have been married and have children, a bit of life experience, they realise people are people and that if you are a good person and share thier values, are attractive to them and they have feelings for you, insecurities are fully acceptable. Young women think they live in a movie, as do the guys.
I'm 23. It may very well be true that many young women are trying to live fiction, and is the source of the problem. The problem with your example, however, is whom did they marry? The unemotional, stoic slab of granite that I feel many women want? I've spent some time on the red pill subreddit and they swear up and down that you cannot be emotional with women, especially young women, because this instantly kills attraction.
courtney harris she was already rejecting him in the first place. She didn't seem that attracted to him either. Not as much as she used to anyway. It was a sinking chip. Transparency was the only option there. You can't just keep punching walls and expect your relationship to end well.
Jesus I love these videos. They're open, critical but not criticizing. this video especially made me feel my own insecurities in a open light instead of the usual judgey feeling I get from my insecurities.
U are not alone my dear... Its been over a year for me.. I sleep alone..he sleeps in another room.... He turns me down all the time.... I am constantly being turned down. I goes to bed crying a lot... Here I am up 2:36am. . Because I can't SLP. There are certain time of the month I truly get these Urge's. But nothing..
Nice video! It's very interesting to imagine what might have happened on your childhood to make you behave the way you do now days. I have some troubles that I need to solve, and I'm trying my best! (I'm brazilian, sorry if I wrote something wrong.)
thats Why I want to become a #therapist (insA): "through conversations with a therapist, people have a chance to understand themselves better and to lead happier, less anxious lives."
I'm watching this because I really don't want to cheat on my wife but at the same time I'm tired of constantly having to ask for sex only to get hear an excuse. If this marriage does not work I will never get married again.
Point taken! Also grab these 6 sex manuals in one bundle, FIRST result on google when you copy-paste search the key-phrase: COUPLES SEX GUIDE 6 BOOKS BUNDLE SEXGUIDEPROS
For friends who are looking for more psychotherapy tales, here is a little list of books: 1. " Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy" by Irvin Yalom. There are many people suffering from love pain in that book and Yalom says that dealing with patients who are "in love" is the most difficult and uncomfortable part of his work. Because you have to " wake them up" first and deprive them of all the illusions that gave them refuge and comfort till then... 2. Yalom's latest book called " Creatures of a day" is excellent. Imagine that he wrote it when he was 81. I mean after 50 years of listening to people's problems and helping them! It is a treasure really. By the way in that book he recommends to several patients, Marcus Aurelius's " Meditations". 3. Gabriel Rolon's Historias de Divan is a great book too. One fascinating story after another. It is translated into Brazilian Portuguese and German. The German title is: " Auf der Couch". 4. "Palabras Cruzadas" is another book of therapy sessions by Rolon. Very heavy stuff though...Don't read it now if you are depressed or something. I had to take a break after that book.( It is translated into German with the title " Trauer, Panik, Leidenschaft: Geschichten aus der Psychotherapy". ) 5. Historias Inconscientes, Gabriel Rolon 6. " The Examined Life, How We Lose and Find Ourselves" by Stephen Grosz. ( I haven't read this one yet. But people say it's great.) 7. " Let me tell you a story" by Jorge Bucay. It is about a teenager who goes to a psychotherapist. At every session he talks about something that troubles him , and the therapist tells him a story that can be helpful. Some of those stories are great! 8. There are these " What's troubling you" series by the psychotherapist Philippa Perry on Guardian Culture channel on youtube. Every video begins with someone leaving a message about a very serious problem. Then you hear Philippa's very wise and tender advices. The animations are great too. It is really very scary , but also fascinating to see that the story of your life is indeed something quite different than the story you are believingly telling to yourself and to others. Things that happened way back in the past will determine a great deal of your future and you most probably will have no idea about it....That's why I love reading books of psychotherapy tales! They seem to me even more exciting than the best detective stories:-)
It’s best for some single people to reject sex at a certain point. Casual sex means more to some people than you think. Some think it’s a down payment on marriage or prolonged interest. While others see it as a physical release.
Therapy is amazing. I really think everyone should do it but there's such a stigma attached. We need to remove the shame from asking for help. Imagine all the shitty things in the world and how happier our lives would be if everyone had the opportunity to get help.
Wow, I watch a lot of School of Life videos, but this one had me totally engrossed. I generally think I'm pretty good with my dealings with people. I can actually say I never get angry. I've always thought I had no real issues, but a couple of days ago I kind of hinted at a girl I liked that I wanted to eat food with her after we'd been hanging out for a while. She paused to think and said she wanted to go home instead. My internal and external response was pretty similar, pretty calm and cool like it was no big thing, but as I walked her to the train station I started to feel a creeping sense of disappointment. It'd only been 4 or 5 minutes after said she wanted to go home but my mind was already starting to feel glazed over. We chatted but I don't remember any of what we said, then before I said goodbye I kind of just stood frozen, covering my face with my jacket, hoping we wouldn't have to part straight away. After she left to go to her platform I walked off the opposite way and just neglected catching my own train and instead put my head against a window and stared out of it. For the next few hours I complained to myself that it was because I was infatuated with her and so I was kind of over-analysing things and my worries were being intensified. But when I think about it, it might totally just be because I felt rejected. I wanted her to want to hang out with me. I made myself vulnerable by asking if she wanted to hang around longer with me and she didn't reciprocate the desire. I just felt inadequate and totally dejected. I know I've felt this in the past as well, but only very rarely. The rarity is probably due to the fact that I usually totally avoid relationships. All of this could be rooted in some fear of rejection, or if not then something similar along those lines. I have no clear idea of what it is, but it's only until now that I've realised I'm not as perfect as I thought I was haha. I could really benefit from some self analysis. So far I've always just thought, "Oh damn it's infatuation again, cruel random infatuation". Never thought to point the blame at some flaw in myself. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
It's very nice to hear that so many people finally can feel understood and heard watching this video and I also agree that communication is key! Especially because sometimes the rejection also happens for a reason and this video sadly doesn't explain any of that. Sexual anxiety is a real issue and deserves treatment just as well. Some people feel so pressured into having sex even though their body is clearly showing signs of panic and fear. Not wanting to reject your partner because you love them and having painful sex ignoring your own feelings can hurt and destroy you and it gets more painful with every time. I know it might be hard to understand this. But difficult times can completely kill your sex drive and communication is the only way to solve this.
If your significant other rejects or denies you sex, go find it somewhere else. If they didn't want it in the first place you aren't taking anything of value away from them anyway.
It would be interesting if you guys covered that in most societies males are expected to act macho and stray away from what fixed the issue in the vid.
I don't want to discourage anyone, who need to a therapist, from going to a therapist. I would just like to tell the problems I experienced with it. My doctor send me because of a mental disorder. The therapist was very talented and he helped me but for me, it was a very slow process. After four months, I didn’t have any money left. The therapy was simply too expensive, and he wasn’t even a particular expensive one compared to other therapists. My economy has become better again but my mood is worse. I have pulled myself together to ask for help, but there’s no help I can get without companionship of dark consequences :’( It may sound pathetic, but I cry as I write this.
That’s a good question, Abhilash S. A few times, I’ve told a friend about how I feel; sometimes because of necessity, sometimes because I feel confidential enough with that person. Every time I’ve done so it has destroyed a companionship, but it has been in different ways. I’ve seen people not knowing cutting ties with me, maybe because they don’t know how to react, maybe because I’ve misinterpreted the situation, maybe because they think I’m trying to fraud them. I don’t know why. If someone doesn’t cut ties with me after I’ve told how I feel, our companionship has changed to the worse, like they begin seeing me like an ill creature rather than the person I am. This is what I mean, when I say 'companionship of dark consequences'. I mean what is left if they don’t cut ties after I’ve told about my feelings. I could have said ‘negative consequences’ but the word ‘dark’ is very close to how I feel.
this is exactly the situation of me and my ex bf. i wish i could show this to him. for us it was the other way around.. he never understood me even when i talked calm.. so sad
A great overture for a more in depth piece on the fears, desire and dysfunction (social misinterpretation, sexual biases, distorted expectations) of intimacy
rachel pulled all the strings in that relationship and when they got married it became a sexless marriage after a few years, as she clearly is leading the sexual flow, control, dominance, power. useing his insecurities against him after he opened up to her
My father is around, and I appreciate that- not everyone can say the same, but he's what I call a 'user'. He doesn't provide for the family and spends his money on frivolous things. It would even still be fine if he only spent his money, but he takes my mother's money, and now that I've started working he takes my money. He spends it on things to make himself appear rich, buying all the latest suits and he even bought a Lexus. Once again no problem - if he had a good paying job that could buy him these things. He always lied and said that he'd work to get a better job; but he didn't and doesn't. He earns less than I do, and I just graduated high school this year. Instead he digs himself and, consequently, the family into more and more debt. My mom is basically a single mother with 3 children and an extra money-sucking grown child in the house. The debt is so bad, I couldn't even apply for a student loan for college because my potential co-signers have very bad credit. My mother is trying very hard, but with everything it just isn't enough. Then, when you question him at all - about anything- he gets angry and tries to act like an 'alpha-male' saying that he "...doesn't have to be so kind." Meanwhile, he wants to go on a trip and is borrowing money from his mother (my grandmother). I don't think anyone can fix this problem, but it feels good to get it off my chest.
@@GingiviticCinemaMaya Typical woman, only interested in sex. Where is that concept of love you, women, are so craving for? The typical men world is when when women (girlfriends and wifes) reject their men on a regular basis. Maybe he had some problems with work or you're nagging him to much in the day? Maybe he had depression? A WHOLE BUNCH of guys are normally virgins at 22 or even older. 28% of young men (18 - 30 years old) are virgins in US, according to statistics.
@@GingiviticCinemaMaya Well, being raised in a very strict family can be hard, but that doesn't mean you should think now like you wrote: "All I want now, is sex and friendship." There are enough thots in the world, so you don't have to make yourself one of them. Sleeping around (I do not say: don't have sex at all, just one night stands are harmful) may destroy your (applies both to men and women, but women are even more sensitive to this, because men's and women's psyche isn't exactly the same) ability to form a stable relationship later. I am a 25 year old man and virgin too and it isn't my goal to sleep with anybody, as fast as possible.
@@GingiviticCinemaMaya don't listen to the other guy he's so stupid.He doesn't understand there are both men and women who can have high and low levels of sex drive and have different beliefs about sex. I'm 20 and a Virgin too and I've high sex drive and I've always wished to have a friends with benefits as well but never had one since i was always shy to ask anyone about it in real life.Ive never been much interested in dating anyone tho.I think it's ok to want to have sex often and you shouldn't feel ashamed about it, I'm gonna be honest I wouldn't mind having you as my fwb for real.
It is impossible for me to be rejected in any way or form. My method is infallible. I ask nobody for anything. I have no friends, no girlfriend. Thus, I will be asking nobody for sex. I keep my life very simple. I am the only one in my life. There is no conflict, no liars, no fake girlfriends, no false friends, no enemies, in my life. Nobody is in my life to reject me.
@@Ryan-mq2mi Then, I will make no effort. I am very safe in my social isolation. It is impossible to be rejected, used, betrayed, and abandoned if I keep my distance from all. Being alone is not horrible. Being around liars, hypocrites, users, backstabbers, and traitors is way worse than being alone. Thus, no girlfriend, nor friends, for me.
Summary: it's always the man's fault. There's hope for this guy, he's just her boyfriend, no divorce. Go, leave. She is pissed because he won't marry her. He won't marry her because she's a crappy lover. Mollycoddling the girl is stupid. Real women are nearly extinct and so is love, adoration, uninhibited glorious sex. Psychiatry has made peopla crazy.
Very informative ! Notice how Johnny was a "work in progress", but she was already seemingly some sort of masterpiece... He had the issues, she did not ? It's crazy how it ends up being the man's fault no matter which route you take...
Because the moment a man starts to open up, it's just another step towards the woman pulling away... I wouldn't expect you to understand unless you have been through it... But maybe try.
Their relationships are failing because we aren't allowed to be men. Hang out with the lads, be a bit rough and ready. Nope it's not accommodating enough for the woman and we get all frustrated . To which the solution is to sit and talk about it...... like a fucking woman.
I can totally relate to Johnny, but the problem is that I opened up to my Rachel and she doesn't care to change anything. So, I remain rejected and self-loathing and the world continues to turn. The moral here is this: not all partners react like Rachel, and when they don't, it becomes even more devastating than when you began.
@@scimza actually, after I made this comment 5 years ago our 14-year relationship ended just a few months later. I did in fact find someone new, remarried, and never would have imagined someone could make me as happy as she does. It was a good life lesson though, sometimes things have to get a LOT worse before you can come out the other side for something better.
@@majoraslayer64 Man getting a conclusion to a 5 year long story is kinda satisfying in a way haha, feels good to know that another person (you) is out there thriving even though you've had let downs before.
@@majoraslayer64 holy shit bro, i never comment but THIS! i dont know you but i am so happy for you :)) you give me hope, have a beautiful life ahead mate .
While this story focuses on Johnny's inability to express his emotions - or have them understood, Johnny's girlfriend was a tad bit insensitive too. She failed to notice how her behavior (passive aggression) might have been triggering his anger and never bothered to ask him what was really going on. Simple things like spending more time with him in romantic settings would've given him the comfort to talk about his past that might've been a reason he was angry. This is what couples do for each other. If this wasn't tried Johnny should've moved on and lived in solitude or found someone better for himself - for the sake of his own sanity and peace of mind.
withoutmalicexo why does she have to be the one to initiate at all? Johnny should try to arouse her by playful banter or doing anything that would entice her. Each should take turns to bed each other. I find it sexy when a man can build or make something with his hands or do something that reflects that he has confidence in himself. It's not hard for a woman to get men in bed but when you find different ways to flirt that when you make things even hotter. Being someone's therapist or someone's mom kills that.
It's not a competition or a game of "whose fault is it?". If one of them sees a therapist and that helps to resolve the problem, I think everyone's a winner. Also, Rachel had reasons to refuse (not to bully him or to make him feel worthless), and it was Johnny who got upset about it.
Okay, but this video shows that Johnny is the one who needs help whereas Rachel is not at fault whatsoever... This video clearly blames Johnny, What about Rachel? If her work didn't get in the way, no one would have been in this situation. Shouldn't be told to do something about it? Shouldn't be called a workaholic? Shouldn't she also see someone about her problem or is her career more important to her than Johnny?
Johnny was the one with the problem, not Rachel. The root cause of the situation was Johnny's abandonment issues, which Rachel knew nothing of and Johnny wasn't able to convey properly. Rachel not being in the mood for sex may have brought it up, but that's not her fault, and if Johnny hadn't been abandoned by his mother as a boy, it likely wouldn't even have been such a big issue.
The School of Life is the most valuable thing on my UA-cam feed... thank your for sharing your wisdom... you have helped me to better understand myself & others.... Thank you thank you thank you.
So WHAT? Johny is not gonna get more sex with Rachel? You told us that he just gave up with trying, that he is cool with having no sex. Is that really a happy ending?
Opening up doesn’t solve a lack of attraction. In fact, when a man shows a woman vulnerability in this situation it only turns her off more and makes him look weak and emasculated. Strangely, the best method of making a woman want you more seems to be displaying less interest in her and showing her that you have other priorities and options. I remember one particular thing my girl said to me “I only want the things I can’t have.” It wasn’t in the context of sex or relationships, but I think it illuminates just how women-and in many ways people in general-think. After all, you can’t long for something if you already possess it. So in short, distance, space and reprioritising what is important in your life is the fix to this dilemma. Once she sees that you’ve stopped chasing her and you can get your needs fulfilled by yourself and elsewhere it will reignite her attraction for you in most cases.
Could you guys do a video on abstinence or restraining from sex due to insecurity or trauma, waiting 'til marriage? I've been in a relationship for a year and a half, yet I can't see myself having sex any time soon at all. What are the benefits? The disadvantages? I appreciate your videos, I'd love to hear your ideas. I find myself struggling and feeling selfish for wanting to wait, other times I feel proud, strong, and superior to my peers.
if you were able to always look at yourself honestly and form a different perspective than the one you tend to interpret your emotions with, then maybe. Depends on the problem honestly.
As one who has done more or less this for many years, yes. But it is also, often, cyclical. Consider everything you observe in others - from the detached perspective, and then consider, honestly, whether you'd be willing, or even able, to objectively see yourself from an honest outside point of view. The key word being honest. A lot of what we consider honest is often not.
I strongly disagree (to "It is possible, but we strongly believe therapy is key"). I'm completely unqualified to make any claims as I'm not a psychologist or a therapist but I've always advocated the importance of self-recognition and self-evaluation. Whenever I have a problem, I always take a good hard look at myself and this sort of critical evaluation is what makes me try to be better. I make a habit to continually try and solve my problems and I think this has made me a much more functional and strong human being. Without this sort of self-checking ability, I think your problems just keep on existing with limited ability to change. We shouldn't need to rely on other people's input to understand ourselves, because often it is we who understand ourselves best. That being said, sometimes hearing a third opinion can help you in a way you can't do for yourself, simply because they may introduce an idea that you never would have considered. Sometimes our way of thinking is limited so we need that third party. But I think self-reflection is so important and it is DEFINITELY possible to understand yourself better through self-reflection.
I've been shot down for almost two decades, maybe because I'm just plain dumb when it comes to this. But I get the message, society has rejected me so I reject society in turn.
I commented on your last video and I am going to comment again, so that SOL sees this. Please make a video on loneliness and how to deal with it. As a person who enjoys social company, it becomes a little unbearable to not be around people of my age group and talk and share a few drinks. Also, I would want to know as to what particular incident triggered his interest in the area of Romanticism. Please do reply.
I can completely relate to the unbearable loneliness. I've never figured out the dealing with it part. I so often just try to come across as abrasive as possible to signify that I have 'chosen' to be on my own, to mitigate that feeling of vulnerability, like you're walking around without any skin on. I'd honestly just rather have some close friends on a similar wavelength to me than master how to live with the loneliness. Uni thus far has not lent itself readily to finding such friends to alleviate the situation.
i fully agree. Every video in a way helps so many emotions and feelings. I watch them multiple times to get a real grasp of how i feel. Each time i watch, and carefully listen, i pick up on new things to help myself, that maybe not even SOL intended me to find. Thank you guys. In a world where therapy is expensive, i can turn to a few small videos and get the same experience, all while training myself to find my own issues and resolve them properly.
"I so often just try to come across as abrasive as possible to signify that I have 'chosen' to be on my own, to mitigate that feeling of vulnerability, like you're walking around without any skin on." This hit closer to home than I'd like.
I love that you make these videos and this has been the most touching one by far. I don't know what you did here, but it really hit the nail on the head. It's so realistic and such an important story to tell.
I literally don’t want to be in a relationship anymore because it requires to much Sex and my job drains me and when I reject it causes arguments so , I’m just over the whole thing.
That's how my relationship is right now, we haven't had sex in over a year and I have been compassion, caring, loving, and understanding. And it's understandable if a woman is one her period, cramping, constantly nauseous, sleep, and being in the funk but that don't last forever. Plus she's had menopause. Honestly, it is frustrating and it has thinned my patience so that puts me in an unhappy place when I don't have that heart to heart touch with the person I love.
Have you to told her that?. If she's gone through menopause then her libido more than likely be zero. Maybe get as a couple to the Dr who specialises in sexual health perhaps they can put her on some hormones to get it going again. All the best.
@@lonestarsurvivalist447 That's good you have that open communication, does she make up for it in other way's ie: tells you she's thankful for being so understanding and caring?. Acknowledges how frustrated you feel?. Is she able to, or willing to perhaps show you physical intimacy in other way's without intercoarse?.
You got it wrong. She got interested when he opened up his inner feelings, when he expressed his emotions, when he communicated with her in a deeper level as a grown adult.
Any feeling of pressure or obligation is enough to take the fun from sex. important to be very understanding when a partner falls asleep although you've been looking forward to an "early night in" all day as you had both planned. All my opinion of course.
But it sucks when you open up to your partner about how the constant sexual rejection feels & you get your head bitten off for making them feel pressured & inadequate
You are spot on! My fiance wants sex at least like twice a day he says. If we don't have vaginal sex he expects mostly anal but oral sex as well. Regardless if I'm tired or not he'll ejaculate on my face or continuously rub it on my butt until he finishes. He will text me if I'm in the other room saying he's horny etc. If I explain to him that I'm tired, or my stomach hurts etc. He'll get irritable and if I don't stay away from him he could blow up over the smallest thing and we'll argue, I'll get pissed and in my feelings and it'll take like a day sometimes two or three for us to be intimate again. I usually can get him to finish from oral sex but on the rare occasion that I can't because something is making him take too long, I'll tell him I'm tired (I mean even after it being down my throat numerous times, I'm sweating, eyes watering) and he still gets irritable and expects me to do something else to compensate. He does not take no for an answer. When I explain to him that I feel like I'm just being used for sex he goes to the extreme and says that he just won't bother me ever again. Other than all of this he is good to me except for him being disrespectful to me in general. He has never cheated on me and even when I get frustrated and tell him to just go fuck someone else he refuses to. He is a family man who takes pride in his family. It's a lot of pressure and makes me not want to do anything at all. He thinks that because I never initiate and use my toy when I want a release that I must not be attracted to him and I must want to cheat. Really it's because I know that once I finish with my toy, it's over. I'm not expected to keep going and going, being in super uncomfortable positions, talk dirty to him when I'm just trying to get through anal when it hurts etc. all of the time like I do with him.
j4k2 that sounds terrible... you might want to look into ‘codependency no more’ There ARE guys out there that actually CARE about you and won’t be like that at all... too often sex is warped due to many men’s use of porn and how it skews things horribly. I’d get therapy, get away from any man that’s abusive like that...and when you do want a relationship with respectful sex, look into kerezza method...or the like. Sex is ultimately about connection on a deeper level, and too many times it’s too goal oriented (like getting off) and people cheapen the experience, due to so many warped influences and false narratives....it’s like eating cardboard, when you can actually have a 10 course, farm to table, all over sensory meal... no comparison. Stop settling for cardboard
Depends. Do you think you need some therapy? If so, as long as it takes. What matters in therapy is finding the right man or woman. All the others are useless (for you). Also do trying a therapist of a different gender than the two you tried. (if you haven't already) If you don't think you need therapy, you could stop now.
That's fine because therapy isn't for everyone. A lot of the time you have to find the right therapist. If you don't find them, then that's okay. Try another way to be helped out.
The wife and I had an argument tonight about this exact scenario. I found this video to help explain how I was feeling, and it didn't work worth a shit. Welp at least I tried again to explain my feelings and emotional support needs as well as sexual/intimate rejection. I'll keep trying! I love my wife
so sad. i did the same exact thing. and like always she turned it around and now shes the victim. I love mine too. After we had the ¨talk. a couple days later i let her know that sex only 1-2 nights a week is not something im wiolling to accept. So then i was acused of threatening her lol. All i know is i let her know on seperate occasions how i felt. if she does nothing about it then i will have no other choice
@@chrispee5786 sounds about the same. We did counseling for a couple years and all that but that didn't help with the positive attention, affection, and intimacy. I have a high sex drive and my wife has known that since before we were officially dating, and she understands how much I enjoy sex, it's just sad that it is mostly going to waste. I hope you and your wife get it figured out where the both of you are happy, and satisfied.
What women don't bother to learn or understand is that men express love through sex. Women say, "He only wants sex!" as if there is something wrong with wanting sex. If she understood that the man is expressing his love for her, a lot of marriages would be a whole lot better. Women love sex, but they will still withhold sex from their partner. This compounds the problem.
Do more of these videos. It's nice to delve into the psychology and philosophy of the dynamics of 'the social', like a lot of the videos on this channel, but it's only ever under of the umbrella of an observing intellectual mind. Sometimes one needs anecdotal stories like this to ground yourself so you can personally learn from the ideas. I need therapy. Last time I tried it it didn't help. It didn't help because everything I told the therapist about myself was fiction. I didn't want an answer to my problems, I wanted answers to problems that didn't involve me at all. Problems about relationships I've never been, but wanted to be, in. This video helped me. I've never been in Johnny's position, but for some reason it helped anyway. Do more of these videos.
I tried everything. Waited, cried, fussed, you name it. Never complimented me on anything. Blames me bc he is overweight and I worked hard and dropped my weight. He is jealous. He hates me. I have to get out of here
8 months.... Have watched this video and others tried everything. I set a dead line for myself to leave in 4 weeks now, if shit hasnt changed i just cant anymore. I dont want to be in a sexless relationship so will unfortunately have to call it a day. I think i have been more than fair waiting.
This narrator has the most soothing voice I've ever heard.
Alain de Botton, he's probably done his audiobooks too.
I find the speech rate a bit fast. A little slow and it would've been much greater.
Hello there Penelope! His name is Alain de Botton. One of the greatest thinkers of our time. Besides he is the best " teacher of life" one can imagine:-) His entire work has a life changing quality. You can read his books, listen to his talks and watch his documentaries too. He has another youtube channel where you can find those documentaries. Just search for the one called " Status Anxiety" or " The Art of Travel" , to find the channel. If you want to start with one book, I would highly recommend " The Consolations of Philosophy". All the best:-)
How do you get a voice like his?
Wrong, Morgan Freeman has the best voice ever. That is an undisputed fact!
My ex-wife did this. She apparently had the hots for another man and I was a poor substitute in her eyes. I divorced her to her begging and pleading that she finally loved me and that the other man was gone out of her life. The truth was the man she had the hots for had married another woman and had moved to another city far away. I divorced her anyway.
@Jose Diaz tf why only women's?
@@lenitadsouza8302 Because if you deny a women sex she can cheat easier.
Flournoy mason I’m glad you left her, you deserve to be a woman’s number one man, not second best. I promise you you will find a woman whom will love you unconditionally.
@@merietnext9183 how should cheating be easier for women?
@Jose Diaz She might be a dickhead but not worthless, as she still is a human being.
On the other hand why should loyalty only be an importent property as a woman? It is the same thing the other way around.
This isn't even about sex, it's the lack of understanding in the relationship as well as communication.
You might not be aware of it but hormones have a huge impact on the way we feel and think, we are not conscious in that aspect. I'm not looking for a fight in a comment section, as you point out in a large part the relationship crisis was due to lack of understanding, but I think that the lack of sex and the negative impact that feeling not wanted was having on him was of crucial importance as well.
The problem is that it can come across as though it was about sex. Picture the scenario
You try to initiate and then she (or him) comes up with a non extraordinary excuse (tiredness or stress, for instance) and immediately you're flooded with feelings of rejection and frustration. You can try to convey your feelings to them but they could interpret those as a way for you to emotionally manipulate them to have sex with you (presumably out of shame or guilt)
In my experience it's terrible when it happens but I also think that trying to stress how important sex might be to your side of the coin should be spoken in a different manner and under different circumstances.
Doing it at the pictured moment can make them lose respect for you.
That´s just my take on the subject...
Fuck you
It's about a woman getting a guy to go to a (female) therapist to make him accept that sex is the number between five and seven. Her job now "makes her not be in the mood". But now he's learned to blame getting his needs not met on painful episodes in his past. She's exempted from doing things she doesn't want to do (can you imagine him being allowed to pot out when she wants to vent about Rachel in the next cubicle?) and probably thought she wouldn't have to do any more once she got that all-important commitment.
@@shuttleluis Maybe. It's also possible Rachel discusses how pathetic Johnny's attempts at emotional honesty and vulnerability are with the guy she *is* fucking.
i've been having sex with my hand for the last 10 years and never got into a fight.
you in the club with your girl and a beefy black guy smacks your hand. what do you do ?
Same. It never cheated on me either.
I wish i had the same. But my hand keeps hitting me and calling me names :C
My therapist says i have serious mental issues. I am the victim here and still get the blame...
we'd both hate to see that happen
join NoFap.com
And keep in mind that this isn’t about men only. I feel the same way with my boyfriend right now. In his eyes I am a nymphomaniac. All I ask for is the intimacy back.
This is me and I’m so not taking it well
Same with my gf. It sucks.
@@DisJawnBeOut Same
@@nonamesinnombre666 same with my boyfriend.. it's the worst
Same with my gf
… sex is my love language and she rejects it most of the time. I feel very unloved. And that’s bothering my daily activities (because of my hypersexuality). I feel like she is controlling me with this. 😕
It isn't all about the sex act. It's more about respect,intimacy,trust and being a partner and not just a roommate
Exactly. All these simps in here are idiots
My wife is a roommate and that's it.
Some people reject their partners solely because it gives them a sense of power over their partner.
That's very true...my partner does it all the time, she lectures me, non stop, I've had sex once this year..
Go ahead in mess with other chicks my guy simple
@@andrewrees8749 Don't be a simp, dump her.
@@andrewrees8749 Take it from someone who stuck around way to long move on
I've dumped her last wk ,feel so much better , 6 yes I put up with her crap ,
I have enough respect for sex, the female, and even myself, to never beg for it or buy it. In the meantime, I continue to starve for it. What an existential madness it is.
In the meantime, use your hand and a little foam while taking a hot bath
Men aren’t the only ones starving. And this video made me laugh. I’ve had the calm/why talk SEVERAL TIMES. The shit sucks. Oh well. Find another.
I just move on to the next betch
I agree that women don't owe men sex.
Yeah, the op still wants it alright. But only because he's forced to want it. Nature and all that.
When little Johnny started running after the taxi I shed a tear
The School of Life so the story is fake
+Im Batman Why o.O?
+Im Batman
That comes across as harsh. Do you want to talk about the death of your parents now?
Bruce Dunn wtf man why you have to do that to me.
I'm so sorry, that's too sudden. Let's address your inability to sustain long term relationships. Specifically, the one between you and Selina Kyle.
I'm 17 and I learnt a lot more from here than my school
I love vids about self love and relationship, learn how to love before loving other.
Ain't that just the way.
神詩人 that's because UA-cam has BECOME school. Now we just need a good way to vet out the junk and put the important stuff to the forefront :D
school is nothing more than daycare while parents are at work.
Yeah don't be like richeal then 🤣🤣
this is more touching than I would have expected, even halfway through the short video I didn't expect it to be as meaningful as it was. This story doesn't have much to do with anything that I am facing, but the meaning behind it can be applied to such a broad range of situations.
Any...other dudes here all teary-eyed and googling "Sexual rejection" because you're wondering if you're the problem and not attractive anymore to the mrs?
Na just see prostitutes regularly.
I'm in the same position and I'm a woman. Wishing you happiness and peace
Nothing's wrong with you. Xx
I feel you man. So hard.
Me it’s my husband..
I'm not even in any relationship and still think I'm sexual rejection lol
I was married for 6 yrs. and at the end my wife told me she had been faking it all the time, never pleased her. Now why in the world would any sane person do that? Here I am stuck with Rosie Palm and her Five Sisters and they always keep me within reach:) I think they really love me too!
Look up erotic intelligence with Esther Perel. She explains thoroughly the lack of willingness towards having sex in some couples.
A womens pleasure is mostly her body, and mind. No satisfaction = her problem. She probably watched porn or had a personality or attachment disorder. ??
I’m sorry that happened to you
There's this discussion here about women losing their attraction to you once you become vulnerable and open up about your insecurities.
And yes, while vulnerability is a key ingredient for a loving relationship, it depends on the way you communicate your thoughts, I think.
If you are crying, wailing or complaining about your insecurities, she will perceive it as unattractive and lose interest in you.
On the other hand, if you communicate them in a strong, confident manner, that you have these problems and it is ok, that you try your best to go on in life despite them, if you show strength despite the circumstances. I think that turns women on on the other hand.
A friend of mine asked a lot of girls why they broke up with their boyfriends. A very large percentage said it was because they whined and complained about their lives.
“The meaning of lack of sex” between them was lovingly explained and opened up healing. This is often the core of the marital problem.
Tfw watching this as an ex Marine who grew up with an alcoholic mother in Chicago and is dealing with this same issue currently....
The world is weird.
2 years on, and I'm curious if you're still out there in the ether... hello? How'd that work out for you?
It goes both way to fix a relationship/friendship. If one side is patient and the other is getting triggered every second and refuses to listen.... then it won't work.
Having the same issue at home. I understand that my husband has a stressful job but its hard being the one with the higher libido, we’re in our late 20s and we maybe do it twice a month, im the one that’s always flirting with him, getting the cute lingerie, trying to role-play, and granted, He’s an incredible husband, works hard gets paid little but he never wants it or initiates it. I’ve started reading alot of romance novels to find an escape these days, its hard to be present anymore I can’t always be the one initiating. Marriage is HARD.
Send digits I'll sort you out 😜
Same here sis 😞
girl i feel you
Increase protein intake less carbs and make sure you have some form of exercise every other day at minimum exercise increases testosterone and other hormones
Hey, someone else on the twice-a-month plan. Fun, isn't it? It's another form of "breadcrumbing", just throwing enough out there to give us hope and keep us paying our half of the bills.
We are all deeply scarred by our childhoods, even if it's only in subtle, psychological ways...
You cannot negotiate genuine sexual desire.
Of course you can. In the Army they do it all the time. In the corporate world imo we're all Asexual.
Genuine desire is stupid and only holds you back and breaks your heart in this world.
@@pythonanywhere3392 Wow. I'm so sorry you are you, never to find reward for your wants.
@@hellstromcarbunkle8857 It has nothing to do with reward. It has everything to do with respect. If everyone were to just do whatever they want with genuine sexual desire, there would be a lot of issues in society.
Do me a favor and keep it in your pants will you? No more bobs and vegane for you, alright?
@@pythonanywhere3392 Better still, MORE freedom is always better than less. ALWAYS.
@@hellstromcarbunkle8857 True... But does freedom mean do whatever you want to people whether they like it or not?
Nature could be argued to be the most free, because it is chaotic and unregulated by order.
Once you institute order, pure freedom is curtailed. If you mean freedom as an orderly concept that is regulated and regimental in nature and not the actual freedom of biology and mammalian carnality, I might agree with you.
Are the birds, stray cats, and stray dogs free?
If so, we are not free on the same level.
Is man free?
Then whence comes the idea of freedom in nature?
This channel has really taught me that we're just kids, still.
My wife does this and gets mad if i take matters into my own hand then goes the guilt trip😣 she means the world to me its not just sex its love making
Basically most problems arise from the absence of sex, but sex is not the solution at all. Communication and sexual involvement is a very important tool as long as used together.
It is not about sex. It is about intimacy. Intimacy is rare. Intimacy is what everyone craves for. It is about being able to be vulnerable in front of that one person when being strong is mandatory in outside world. We all give into it
And the therapist bought a new house and a car thanks to Johnny
Then I guess... everybody wins? What's your point?
@@interdimensionalsteve8172 therapy expensive
@@Nosteponsneksss uh huh, and so are prostitutes. But of you can afford it, everybody gets something from it and everybody wins.
So a therapist should work for free?
@@gonzacollao rather universal health care system should pay them. Of course it depends on country. Here psychiatrist has to recommand theraphy and then it is covered by healthcare system. Not sure if couple theraphy is included thou.
You have to realize that there can be a serious power imbalance when someone opens up. Johny is already in a vulnerable place and could get hurt further
@Craig F. Thompson 😂 u petty
I ♡ this video. It explains a man's emotional hurt behind his strong exterior. I've share this video with a friend and tears was flowing down after he watch it. Highly recommend for any married couples or couples in committed relationships. It's an uncomfortable topic that need to be discuss for the health of any relationship.
I can relate to this... Although my parents never really abandoned me, in a sense of responsibility they did. My father was never home because of work and my mother gave more attention to work than her family. I always jokingly say that I learned my basic life skills out of necessity. It didn't help the fact that my parents were in a loveless marriage and now, after 23 years, they decided on divorcing. Honestly, because of this I am a detached and nomadic person, I don't think I honestly create a lot of permanent ties because deep down I know things are just going to end.
Efrain G. Torres Cardona you are probably right. But nothing has to be forever. Im sure that there is a video about it from the School of Life uploaded this year.
Efrain G. Torres Cardona i have a situation like that too in house ..except that my parents are always just threatining each other with divorce and that is a hell of a stress ..i'm 24 years old and their personal relationship keeps me busy more than mine .
I relate to this comment intensely. The way you said "nomadic" really hit me deep. My parents issues translated to me having issues and subsequently, I have an intensely difficult time staying attached to people. It always feels like things end. Though, as I grow older, I feel a little safer in my friendships.
FU 2 Thanks dude I'll remember that.
Like in the video you should see therapy, I don't mean that in bad way. Even the most healthy people need to get their struggles off their chest. I hope you find a good bond with someone in life whether that be a lover or friend.
What an emotional story, could you do more like this? My eyes are tearing
Muskee your comment and your pic 😀
Hello again Muskee! If I am not mistaken you speak Spanish, don't you? I happen to know two excelent books of therapy stories in Spanish you could enjoy reading:
1.Historias de Divan by Gabriel Rolon
2. Dejame que te cuente by Jorge Bucay.
They both are from Argentina. The country which hast the most number of psychoanalysts per capita:-) Have a nice evening!
You seem like a very interesting person to talk to, Lua. Heck, you reply to almost every one's comments AND you do it in a very positive way, always contributing to the conversation. I'm really impressed, keep doing that :)
Hey Leo, thank you so much! You are so kind... You know, if I sound positive may be it is because of this "Mindfulness Training" thing that I am doing since four years. Because indeed I am just as melancholic as any person I know from the Middle East:-) But meditation teaches you how to deal with it and much more! I once watched a lesson on youtube from Yale University on the subject. The professor there recommended these guided meditation podcasts, which you can find on Itunes if you search for:
UCLA Hammer Meditation.
There are several episodes, but I use everyday one of these two:
Deepen your concentration
Using Meditation Anchor
Recently I have heard an interview on the Tim Ferriss podcasts with the youngest philosophy professor in the world, William MacAskill. He teaches at Oxford. I don't think people's titles are important, but what really impressed me about this boy is that he was extremely modest and very dedicated to help people. When he was asked what was the book he gave as present the most he said it is " Mindfulness" by Mark Williams ( a psychology prof. from Oxford) . I am reading the book now and it is really wonderful. It is an 8 week program to teach you how to live a more aware, more fulfilled life. It is a lot of fun to read and to practise! You can download the CD that accompanies the book for free online.
So Leo, I hope all is going well with you. Boa noite!
***** you see, that's what I mean! Look at the size of this comment, you always have something interesting to say!! hahaha
I sure will check these podcasts and the book. I've always done meditation too; my family has always been into this, and I feel the same as you about it. I think meditation is pretty great for life in general.... anyways, thanks for enriching my life a little more :)
ps: I didn't know you lived in the Middle East, i thought you were from Europe.
In case of sexual rejection: break up - seriously do it
can it really be a reason to end the relationship?
I’m trying to do it. It’s making me so unhappy.
If a woman rejects sex with a man she was never his woman
@@ohirchak Yes. Sex makes marriage/partnership different from sibling/parental/familial/collegial relations. It is reasonable to expect it to be a sine qua non in marriages/partnerships. If people agree to forego it, that's one thing, but withholding-----which is really what was happening in this video------is wrong and sufficient cause to end a relationship.
@@douglaspresler1954 Thank you Douglas
It’s not even about sex it’s about knowing your value and worth as a human being. Sex never holds a marriage together neither does emotions. Knowing who you are and not expecting someone to fill your expectation tank.
If a person treats you like crap .it kills the desire for sex with them
i'm gonna show this to my boyfriend- it's perfect because my mom has the same issues with alcoholism and i deal with a load of rejection issues. we've been fighting a lot more, but i don't get aggressive like the man did i just become depressed. thank you sooo much for making this video. it helps tremendously.
We're so pleased!
Men opening up to that extent doesn't necessarily work out well for relationships, it really, REALLY depends on the character of the woman to be understanding. Some women out there really are gems, wife-material who are capable of doing so, but they're not a dime a dozen.
The moment man opens up and talks about his true feelings, the woman's image of him is tainted, he's weaker, less attractive, far less sexually exciting. Sure, she might have pity and feel genuine sorrow for him, but that effectively reduces sexual chemistry to point where much work is needed to build it up again. Sometimes the damage is irreversible.
This reality is EXACTLY why men find it difficult to open up, to the point they're better off keeping it to themselves, either as something to just get over by themselves or to ignore. If we were truly open to communication, men wouldn't feel the need to stay bottled up.
Pheromone you're absolutely right and this is just really sad. Actually, this issue is a weird way of sexism and there need to be a lot more women to understand that men are just human too. I like your comment, you said it well.
I don't understand it in the slightest, nor do I see how a woman's image of her spouse would be so fragile that she can't bear the thought of him being anything but perfect. Because how could she call herself tolerant, compassionate and equal then? Is love in relationships not based on mutual respect? Not like this..
Then don't settle for a dime a dozen partner, be choosy. I think the temporary woes of a break-up are much less extreme than resentment growing inside oneself, causing them to be someone they never wanted to be (in Johnny's case, violent).
Right on the spot. This is probably terrible advice to men. Women don't want us to be weak, whether you like it or not. If you need to talk, talk to your friends.
Hate incoming.
I think there are three options in which number 2 and 3 almost always occur with number 1.
One: the women grow up in an environment that learns that men should be 'the man'. (typical western behaviour btw) It's a learned role-model.
Two: the women themselfs have problems with their own feelings and vulnerability and therefor dislike a men with feelings.
Three: it has to do with the fact that the women don't feel strong and able themselfs, so they search for it in their partner. Someone who is 'strong' and can handle difficult times, because the women thinks she is too weak to do it herself.
To be really honest I recognize number three a bit from myself as well. It's root cause is not feeling good/strong enough yourself. But you have to understand that that's often ALSO a learned role-model. Many women learn(ed) that they are weaker, especially in an emotional way. It would help if we stop stigmatising eachother and see eachother as what we are; all different in some way.
Johnny was willing to put himself in a very vulnerable situation when he explained to his girlfriend what it felt like to be rejected. I'm glad that Rachel was able and willing to listen and understand him and that it only reinforced their relationship. Bizarre, considering all she needed was to realize that Johnny wasn't ''some macho guy'' but instead a ''lost, scared boy who she actually cried for.'' I was always under the impression that women want their men tough, and that a ''lost, scared boy'' is far from sexy. Accurate at it may be, that description is extremely unflattering for a man, especially in this context for obvious reasons.
voicedify vulnerable to what?
In my personal experience, the women I have dated lose all attraction they once had for me when I share my more vulnerable side, discuss some of my problems and insecurities. It's like I'm no longer a viable sexual partner, no longer a man, just a boy with too many feelings. Is the problem me, or them? I would love to know.
Josh Wunderly
How old are you Josh? because younger women may well have an unrealistic ideal they are trying to find in a partner.
After they have been married and have children, a bit of life experience, they realise people are people and that if you are a good person and share thier values, are attractive to them and they have feelings for you, insecurities are fully acceptable.
Young women think they live in a movie, as do the guys.
I'm 23. It may very well be true that many young women are trying to live fiction, and is the source of the problem. The problem with your example, however, is whom did they marry? The unemotional, stoic slab of granite that I feel many women want? I've spent some time on the red pill subreddit and they swear up and down that you cannot be emotional with women, especially young women, because this instantly kills attraction.
courtney harris she was already rejecting him in the first place. She didn't seem that attracted to him either. Not as much as she used to anyway. It was a sinking chip. Transparency was the only option there. You can't just keep punching walls and expect your relationship to end well.
Jesus I love these videos. They're open, critical but not criticizing. this video especially made me feel my own insecurities in a open light instead of the usual judgey feeling I get from my insecurities.
I am turned down all the time by my husband. It's sucks so bad.
Marissa Renee I feel for u ):
Hugs
U are not alone my dear...
Its been over a year for me..
I sleep alone..he sleeps in another room....
He turns me down all the time....
I am constantly being turned down.
I goes to bed crying a lot...
Here I am up 2:36am. .
Because I can't SLP.
There are certain time of the month I truly get these Urge's. But nothing..
@Dreymon Green .these are real ppl..
with real problems.. Ppl who need encouragement, get lost loser....
@@joansamaroo2461
See bless feel bad for you never been a lucky man decided to become a Monk Instead In a few years to come.
Nice video! It's very interesting to imagine what might have happened on your childhood to make you behave the way you do now days. I have some troubles that I need to solve, and I'm trying my best! (I'm brazilian, sorry if I wrote something wrong.)
thats Why I want to become a #therapist (insA):
"through conversations with a therapist, people have a chance to
understand themselves better and to lead happier, less anxious lives."
I'm watching this because I really don't want to cheat on my wife but at the same time I'm tired of constantly having to ask for sex only to get hear an excuse. If this marriage does not work I will never get married again.
When someone you used to share a regular loving sex life with 'friend zones' you, it's time to get up and go...x
Norla Vine thank you 🙏🏾
That's exactly right. If you aren't gonna put effort into a relationship, and that includes sex, that relationships over.
Point taken! Also grab these 6 sex manuals in one bundle, FIRST result on google when you copy-paste search the key-phrase: COUPLES SEX GUIDE 6 BOOKS BUNDLE SEXGUIDEPROS
For friends who are looking for more psychotherapy tales, here is a little list of books:
1. " Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy" by Irvin Yalom. There are many people suffering from love pain in that book and Yalom says that dealing with patients who are "in love" is the most difficult and uncomfortable part of his work. Because you have to " wake them up" first and deprive them of all the illusions that gave them refuge and comfort till then...
2. Yalom's latest book called " Creatures of a day" is excellent. Imagine that he wrote it when he was 81. I mean after 50 years of listening to people's problems and helping them! It is a treasure really. By the way in that book he recommends to several patients, Marcus Aurelius's " Meditations".
3. Gabriel Rolon's Historias de Divan is a great book too. One fascinating story after another. It is translated into Brazilian Portuguese and German. The German title is: " Auf der Couch".
4. "Palabras Cruzadas" is another book of therapy sessions by Rolon. Very heavy stuff though...Don't read it now if you are depressed or something. I had to take a break after that book.( It is translated into German with the title " Trauer, Panik, Leidenschaft: Geschichten aus der Psychotherapy". )
5. Historias Inconscientes, Gabriel Rolon
6. " The Examined Life, How We Lose and Find Ourselves" by Stephen Grosz. ( I haven't read this one yet. But people say it's great.)
7. " Let me tell you a story" by Jorge Bucay. It is about a teenager who goes to a psychotherapist. At every session he talks about something that troubles him , and the therapist tells him a story that can be helpful. Some of those stories are great!
8. There are these " What's troubling you" series by the psychotherapist Philippa Perry on Guardian Culture channel on youtube. Every video begins with someone leaving a message about a very serious problem. Then you hear Philippa's very wise and tender advices. The animations are great too.
It is really very scary , but also fascinating to see that the story of your life is indeed something quite different than the story you are believingly telling to yourself and to others. Things that happened way back in the past will determine a great deal of your future and you most probably will have no idea about it....That's why I love reading books of psychotherapy tales! They seem to me even more exciting than the best detective stories:-)
It’s best for some single people to reject sex at a certain point. Casual sex means more to some people than you think. Some think it’s a down payment on marriage or prolonged interest. While others see it as a physical release.
Therapy is amazing. I really think everyone should do it but there's such a stigma attached. We need to remove the shame from asking for help. Imagine all the shitty things in the world and how happier our lives would be if everyone had the opportunity to get help.
JomoWhore also therapy costs money. not everyone can afford it
I know, it sucks. There are some that offer discounts if you can't afford it though.
Learning to use nonviolent communication is an alternative that's afforable: www.cnvc.org/
Wow, I watch a lot of School of Life videos, but this one had me totally engrossed.
I generally think I'm pretty good with my dealings with people. I can actually say I never get angry. I've always thought I had no real issues, but a couple of days ago I kind of hinted at a girl I liked that I wanted to eat food with her after we'd been hanging out for a while. She paused to think and said she wanted to go home instead. My internal and external response was pretty similar, pretty calm and cool like it was no big thing, but as I walked her to the train station I started to feel a creeping sense of disappointment. It'd only been 4 or 5 minutes after said she wanted to go home but my mind was already starting to feel glazed over. We chatted but I don't remember any of what we said, then before I said goodbye I kind of just stood frozen, covering my face with my jacket, hoping we wouldn't have to part straight away. After she left to go to her platform I walked off the opposite way and just neglected catching my own train and instead put my head against a window and stared out of it. For the next few hours I complained to myself that it was because I was infatuated with her and so I was kind of over-analysing things and my worries were being intensified.
But when I think about it, it might totally just be because I felt rejected. I wanted her to want to hang out with me. I made myself vulnerable by asking if she wanted to hang around longer with me and she didn't reciprocate the desire. I just felt inadequate and totally dejected.
I know I've felt this in the past as well, but only very rarely. The rarity is probably due to the fact that I usually totally avoid relationships. All of this could be rooted in some fear of rejection, or if not then something similar along those lines. I have no clear idea of what it is, but it's only until now that I've realised I'm not as perfect as I thought I was haha. I could really benefit from some self analysis. So far I've always just thought, "Oh damn it's infatuation again, cruel random infatuation". Never thought to point the blame at some flaw in myself.
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Thanks for sharing your story
Tldr Jesus Christ
Wow ! You're very insightful. Thank you for sharing your analysis.your strength lf character is impressive:)
It's very nice to hear that so many people finally can feel understood and heard watching this video and I also agree that communication is key! Especially because sometimes the rejection also happens for a reason and this video sadly doesn't explain any of that. Sexual anxiety is a real issue and deserves treatment just as well. Some people feel so pressured into having sex even though their body is clearly showing signs of panic and fear. Not wanting to reject your partner because you love them and having painful sex ignoring your own feelings can hurt and destroy you and it gets more painful with every time. I know it might be hard to understand this. But difficult times can completely kill your sex drive and communication is the only way to solve this.
Thank you for saying this. I wish other people could understand.
If your significant other rejects or denies you sex, go find it somewhere else. If they didn't want it in the first place you aren't taking anything of value away from them anyway.
It would be interesting if you guys covered that in most societies males are expected to act macho and stray away from what fixed the issue in the vid.
I'm a high libido man with ED.
Well although i agree. Im a female and i still have the same issue with my guy. Inverted roles tho
I had the same discussion and it accomplished nothing. everything became my fault and now we just never have sex..
Dumb her sorry ass
Exactly
Yup thats what i fear
You cant get desire by words...no talk will help.
I don't want to discourage anyone, who need to a therapist, from going to a therapist. I would just like to tell the problems I experienced with it.
My doctor send me because of a mental disorder. The therapist was very talented and he helped me but for me, it was a very slow process. After four months, I didn’t have any money left. The therapy was simply too expensive, and he wasn’t even a particular expensive one compared to other therapists.
My economy has become better again but my mood is worse. I have pulled myself together to ask for help, but there’s no help I can get without companionship of dark consequences :’(
It may sound pathetic, but I cry as I write this.
cimmik not sure but there are online forums where you can talk to people for free. It may help. Nothing wrong in trying. Good luck and stay strong.
cimmik What do you exactly mean 'companionship of dark consequences'?
That’s a good question, Abhilash S. A few times, I’ve told a friend about how I feel; sometimes because of necessity, sometimes because I feel confidential enough with that person. Every time I’ve done so it has destroyed a companionship, but it has been in different ways. I’ve seen people not knowing cutting ties with me, maybe because they don’t know how to react, maybe because I’ve misinterpreted the situation, maybe because they think I’m trying to fraud them. I don’t know why. If someone doesn’t cut ties with me after I’ve told how I feel, our companionship has changed to the worse, like they begin seeing me like an ill creature rather than the person I am.
This is what I mean, when I say 'companionship of dark consequences'. I mean what is left if they don’t cut ties after I’ve told about my feelings.
I could have said ‘negative consequences’ but the word ‘dark’ is very close to how I feel.
this is exactly the situation of me and my ex bf. i wish i could show this to him. for us it was the other way around.. he never understood me even when i talked calm.. so sad
This channel is making me a better person one video at a time. Thank you.
A great overture for a more in depth piece on the fears, desire and dysfunction (social misinterpretation, sexual biases, distorted expectations) of intimacy
rachel pulled all the strings in that relationship and when they got married it became a sexless marriage after a few years, as she clearly is leading the sexual flow, control, dominance, power. useing his insecurities against him after he opened up to her
My father is around, and I appreciate that- not everyone can say the same, but he's what I call a 'user'. He doesn't provide for the family and spends his money on frivolous things. It would even still be fine if he only spent his money, but he takes my mother's money, and now that I've started working he takes my money. He spends it on things to make himself appear rich, buying all the latest suits and he even bought a Lexus. Once again no problem - if he had a good paying job that could buy him these things. He always lied and said that he'd work to get a better job; but he didn't and doesn't. He earns less than I do, and I just graduated high school this year. Instead he digs himself and, consequently, the family into more and more debt. My mom is basically a single mother with 3 children and an extra money-sucking grown child in the house. The debt is so bad, I couldn't even apply for a student loan for college because my potential co-signers have very bad credit. My mother is trying very hard, but with everything it just isn't enough. Then, when you question him at all - about anything- he gets angry and tries to act like an 'alpha-male' saying that he "...doesn't have to be so kind." Meanwhile, he wants to go on a trip and is borrowing money from his mother (my grandmother). I don't think anyone can fix this problem, but it feels good to get it off my chest.
that sounds awful....hope things work out
That's awful! A father should provide for his family and be dependent on them :(
Thanks everyone. I hate him. But what can I do? I and my Mom are thinking of moving away with my siblings - we'll see how things go.
Hey, I'm kinda late to this comment, but I'm sorry that happened. My brother-in-law is the same way. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
Good Lord, this is exhausting. I'm glad I'm single.
@@GingiviticCinemaMaya Typical woman, only interested in sex. Where is that concept of love you, women, are so craving for? The typical men world is when when women (girlfriends and wifes) reject their men on a regular basis. Maybe he had some problems with work or you're nagging him to much in the day? Maybe he had depression? A WHOLE BUNCH of guys are normally virgins at 22 or even older. 28% of young men (18 - 30 years old) are virgins in US, according to statistics.
@@GingiviticCinemaMaya Well, being raised in a very strict family can be hard, but that doesn't mean you should think now like you wrote: "All I want now, is sex and friendship." There are enough thots in the world, so you don't have to make yourself one of them. Sleeping around (I do not say: don't have sex at all, just one night stands are harmful) may destroy your (applies both to men and women, but women are even more sensitive to this, because men's and women's psyche isn't exactly the same) ability to form a stable relationship later. I am a 25 year old man and virgin too and it isn't my goal to sleep with anybody, as fast as possible.
You'd be even glad-der if you went MGTOW
RIGHT?!
@@GingiviticCinemaMaya don't listen to the other guy he's so stupid.He doesn't understand there are both men and women who can have high and low levels of sex drive and have different beliefs about sex. I'm 20 and a Virgin too and I've high sex drive and I've always wished to have a friends with benefits as well but never had one since i was always shy to ask anyone about it in real life.Ive never been much interested in dating anyone tho.I think it's ok to want to have sex often and you shouldn't feel ashamed about it, I'm gonna be honest I wouldn't mind having you as my fwb for real.
It is impossible for me to be rejected in any way or form. My method is infallible. I ask nobody for anything. I have no friends, no girlfriend. Thus, I will be asking nobody for sex. I keep my life very simple. I am the only one in my life. There is no conflict, no liars, no fake girlfriends, no false friends, no enemies, in my life. Nobody is in my life to reject me.
@@Ryan-mq2mi Then, I will make no effort. I am very safe in my social isolation. It is impossible to be rejected, used, betrayed, and abandoned if I keep my distance from all. Being alone is not horrible. Being around liars, hypocrites, users, backstabbers, and traitors is way worse than being alone. Thus, no girlfriend, nor friends, for me.
@@Ryan-mq2mi 5 years of rejection makes you not care. Zero expectations = Zero hurt
As far as I'm concerned the libido is the cruelest joke that Nature ever played on the human being.
Agree
Summary: it's always the man's fault. There's hope for this guy, he's just her boyfriend, no divorce. Go, leave. She is pissed because he won't marry her. He won't marry her because she's a crappy lover. Mollycoddling the girl is stupid. Real women are nearly extinct and so is love, adoration, uninhibited glorious sex. Psychiatry has made peopla crazy.
Uninhibited, GLORIOUS, Sex can be found in Oculus Rift ® #INCELlife
boboraxo Okay incel.
All this Johnny stuff is hitting home a little hard, guys.
Very informative !
Notice how Johnny was a "work in progress", but she was already seemingly some sort of masterpiece... He had the issues, she did not ? It's crazy how it ends up being the man's fault no matter which route you take...
It's funny many guys will be like "what's the point of expressing your emotions" and then wonder why their relationships are failing.
Starbee ha a women does not want a weak man. Talking things over never helps long term. It’s just a temporary fix.
I would only open up to my guy friends
Because the moment a man starts to open up, it's just another step towards the woman pulling away... I wouldn't expect you to understand unless you have been through it... But maybe try.
Starbee yes and many guys express their emotions and that CAUSES their relationships to fail. Nothing is foolproof unless it's "right"
Their relationships are failing because we aren't allowed to be men. Hang out with the lads, be a bit rough and ready. Nope it's not accommodating enough for the woman and we get all frustrated . To which the solution is to sit and talk about it...... like a fucking woman.
I can totally relate to Johnny, but the problem is that I opened up to my Rachel and she doesn't care to change anything. So, I remain rejected and self-loathing and the world continues to turn. The moral here is this: not all partners react like Rachel, and when they don't, it becomes even more devastating than when you began.
Hope you dumped her/ him and found a better love-life.
@@scimza actually, after I made this comment 5 years ago our 14-year relationship ended just a few months later. I did in fact find someone new, remarried, and never would have imagined someone could make me as happy as she does. It was a good life lesson though, sometimes things have to get a LOT worse before you can come out the other side for something better.
@@majoraslayer64 Man getting a conclusion to a 5 year long story is kinda satisfying in a way haha, feels good to know that another person (you) is out there thriving even though you've had let downs before.
@@majoraslayer64 holy shit bro, i never comment but THIS! i dont know you but i am so happy for you :)) you give me hope, have a beautiful life ahead mate .
@@krishnavgarg my current wife is the best thing to ever happen to me. I hope you can find that someone that completes you too.
While this story focuses on Johnny's inability to express his emotions - or have them understood, Johnny's girlfriend was a tad bit insensitive too. She failed to notice how her behavior (passive aggression) might have been triggering his anger and never bothered to ask him what was really going on. Simple things like spending more time with him in romantic settings would've given him the comfort to talk about his past that might've been a reason he was angry. This is what couples do for each other. If this wasn't tried Johnny should've moved on and lived in solitude or found someone better for himself - for the sake of his own sanity and peace of mind.
withoutmalicexo why does she have to be the one to initiate at all? Johnny should try to arouse her by playful banter or doing anything that would entice her. Each should take turns to bed each other. I find it sexy when a man can build or make something with his hands or do something that reflects that he has confidence in himself. It's not hard for a woman to get men in bed but when you find different ways to flirt that when you make things even hotter. Being someone's therapist or someone's mom kills that.
Because she’s in the relationship too not just Johnny.
So Rachel refused sex but it's Johnny who needed therapy? Somebody tell me I missed something...
I think it's more to do with his violence and the fact he punched a hole in the wall.
Okay, but tell me that Rachel needs help too...
It's not a competition or a game of "whose fault is it?". If one of them sees a therapist and that helps to resolve the problem, I think everyone's a winner. Also, Rachel had reasons to refuse (not to bully him or to make him feel worthless), and it was Johnny who got upset about it.
Okay, but this video shows that Johnny is the one who needs help whereas Rachel is not at fault whatsoever... This video clearly blames Johnny, What about Rachel? If her work didn't get in the way, no one would have been in this situation. Shouldn't be told to do something about it? Shouldn't be called a workaholic? Shouldn't she also see someone about her problem or is her career more important to her than Johnny?
Johnny was the one with the problem, not Rachel. The root cause of the situation was Johnny's abandonment issues, which Rachel knew nothing of and Johnny wasn't able to convey properly. Rachel not being in the mood for sex may have brought it up, but that's not her fault, and if Johnny hadn't been abandoned by his mother as a boy, it likely wouldn't even have been such a big issue.
The School of Life is the most valuable thing on my UA-cam feed... thank your for sharing your wisdom... you have helped me to better understand myself & others....
Thank you thank you thank you.
So WHAT? Johny is not gonna get more sex with Rachel? You told us that he just gave up with trying, that he is cool with having no sex. Is that really a happy ending?
It's a happy ending for therapist who had been getting paid for the whole year to change nothing.
Johnny could have just hooked up with his therapist, then he would have gotten a REAL happy ending if ya' know what I mean
Right. He needs to find another person.
Yes it is... An Happy ending....
The arguments started again once it was revealed to his partner he would have to sell the house to pay for a years worth of therapy sessions.
Opening up doesn’t solve a lack of attraction. In fact, when a man shows a woman vulnerability in this situation it only turns her off more and makes him look weak and emasculated. Strangely, the best method of making a woman want you more seems to be displaying less interest in her and showing her that you have other priorities and options. I remember one particular thing my girl said to me “I only want the things I can’t have.” It wasn’t in the context of sex or relationships, but I think it illuminates just how women-and in many ways people in general-think. After all, you can’t long for something if you already possess it.
So in short, distance, space and reprioritising what is important in your life is the fix to this dilemma. Once she sees that you’ve stopped chasing her and you can get your needs fulfilled by yourself and elsewhere it will reignite her attraction for you in most cases.
Most cases not all
Some women want to have emotional connection
O.K., I officially think I'm starting to notice a pattern to this channel.
what pattern would that be?
On the same subject, ad infinitum.
I relate to Johnny, I wanna hug him
Well, last time I was early Socrates was still alive.
So how much was the bill at the end of that year?
NOOO Johnny!!! Don't do that to yourself!!! Poor, poor man.
Could you guys do a video on abstinence or restraining from sex due to insecurity or trauma, waiting 'til marriage? I've been in a relationship for a year and a half, yet I can't see myself having sex any time soon at all. What are the benefits? The disadvantages? I appreciate your videos, I'd love to hear your ideas. I find myself struggling and feeling selfish for wanting to wait, other times I feel proud, strong, and superior to my peers.
Sexual rejection means move on to the next one until sexual rejection ,then move on to the next one and so on
Is it possible too understand yourself better, like you would with a therapist, through self reflection? And resolve your troubles by yourself?
if you were able to always look at yourself honestly and form a different perspective than the one you tend to interpret your emotions with, then maybe. Depends on the problem honestly.
now school of life is turning into a business and that's the point that everything goes down!
now you're a seller and that's sad.
Olly Azgtraz read the book "" awaken the giant within ""
As one who has done more or less this for many years, yes. But it is also, often, cyclical. Consider everything you observe in others - from the detached perspective, and then consider, honestly, whether you'd be willing, or even able, to objectively see yourself from an honest outside point of view. The key word being honest. A lot of what we consider honest is often not.
I strongly disagree (to "It is possible, but we strongly believe therapy is key"). I'm completely unqualified to make any claims as I'm not a psychologist or a therapist but I've always advocated the importance of self-recognition and self-evaluation. Whenever I have a problem, I always take a good hard look at myself and this sort of critical evaluation is what makes me try to be better. I make a habit to continually try and solve my problems and I think this has made me a much more functional and strong human being. Without this sort of self-checking ability, I think your problems just keep on existing with limited ability to change. We shouldn't need to rely on other people's input to understand ourselves, because often it is we who understand ourselves best.
That being said, sometimes hearing a third opinion can help you in a way you can't do for yourself, simply because they may introduce an idea that you never would have considered. Sometimes our way of thinking is limited so we need that third party.
But I think self-reflection is so important and it is DEFINITELY possible to understand yourself better through self-reflection.
DEHM... damn damn damn. THIS IS SO HELPFUL FOR PEOPLE! Most folks don't have this kind of insight! I guess this is why you study to be a therapist.
Dammit you make me cry again
The school of life helps me a lot. So glad my friend introduced it to me
I hate how bad childhood is never leaving it just never stops haunting
I haven't smoked weed in 4 days and I just got some kill kill and now I'm soo high it's wonderful
I've been shot down for almost two decades, maybe because I'm just plain dumb when it comes to this. But I get the message, society has rejected me so I reject society in turn.
I commented on your last video and I am going to comment again, so that SOL sees this. Please make a video on loneliness and how to deal with it. As a person who enjoys social company, it becomes a little unbearable to not be around people of my age group and talk and share a few drinks. Also, I would want to know as to what particular incident triggered his interest in the area of Romanticism. Please do reply.
Thanks a lot, School of Life. I am happy that loneliness is on your radar, cause NO ONE is on my radar, if you get what I mean.
I can completely relate to the unbearable loneliness. I've never figured out the dealing with it part. I so often just try to come across as abrasive as possible to signify that I have 'chosen' to be on my own, to mitigate that feeling of vulnerability, like you're walking around without any skin on. I'd honestly just rather have some close friends on a similar wavelength to me than master how to live with the loneliness. Uni thus far has not lent itself readily to finding such friends to alleviate the situation.
i fully agree. Every video in a way helps so many emotions and feelings. I watch them multiple times to get a real grasp of how i feel. Each time i watch, and carefully listen, i pick up on new things to help myself, that maybe not even SOL intended me to find. Thank you guys. In a world where therapy is expensive, i can turn to a few small videos and get the same experience, all while training myself to find my own issues and resolve them properly.
Fd as Fapping helps...
"I so often just try to come across as abrasive as possible to signify that I have 'chosen' to be on my own, to mitigate that feeling of vulnerability, like you're walking around without any skin on."
This hit closer to home than I'd like.
I love that you make these videos and this has been the most touching one by far. I don't know what you did here, but it really hit the nail on the head. It's so realistic and such an important story to tell.
I literally don’t want to be in a relationship anymore because it requires to much Sex and my job drains me and when I reject it causes arguments so , I’m just over the whole thing.
This is an EXTREMELY specific example of this issue really more about communication which isn’t always the issue.
That's how my relationship is right now, we haven't had sex in over a year and I have been compassion, caring, loving, and understanding. And it's understandable if a woman is one her period, cramping, constantly nauseous, sleep, and being in the funk but that don't last forever. Plus she's had menopause. Honestly, it is frustrating and it has thinned my patience so that puts me in an unhappy place when I don't have that heart to heart touch with the person I love.
Have you to told her that?. If she's gone through menopause then her libido more than likely be zero. Maybe get as a couple to the Dr who specialises in sexual health perhaps they can put her on some hormones to get it going again. All the best.
@@DjStanceZ I told her, open communication does help and copes with our relationship and it eases my frustration
@@lonestarsurvivalist447 That's good you have that open communication, does she make up for it in other way's ie: tells you she's thankful for being so understanding and caring?. Acknowledges how frustrated you feel?. Is she able to, or willing to perhaps show you physical intimacy in other way's without intercoarse?.
@@DjStanceZ no not really and it's understandable, I learn to control my frustration and be more considerate.
Honestly she isn't attracted to you anymore..cold truth
School of life being my virtual therapist for the last 4+ years
so she got interested again once he turned back into a little boy. sick
He did not turned in to a littel boy. He turnt in to a person with weak spots.
You got it wrong. She got interested when he opened up his inner feelings, when he expressed his emotions, when he communicated with her in a deeper level as a grown adult.
i see an adult turning into a little boy 3:00
sheepnoisebah I detect irony here
Do you mistake childishness for vulnerability? Sorry for you.
fantastic work as always. I'd love to share for a script but my problems are less Freudian and more existential.
This is almost exactly like me and my girlfriend except with the genders reversed. This was so heartwarming
Any feeling of pressure or obligation is enough to take the fun from sex.
important to be very understanding when a partner falls asleep although you've been looking forward to an "early night in" all day as you had both planned.
All my opinion of course.
But it sucks when you open up to your partner about how the constant sexual rejection feels & you get your head bitten off for making them feel pressured & inadequate
I agree, i feel pressured all the time.
You are spot on! My fiance wants sex at least like twice a day he says. If we don't have vaginal sex he expects mostly anal but oral sex as well. Regardless if I'm tired or not he'll ejaculate on my face or continuously rub it on my butt until he finishes. He will text me if I'm in the other room saying he's horny etc. If I explain to him that I'm tired, or my stomach hurts etc. He'll get irritable and if I don't stay away from him he could blow up over the smallest thing and we'll argue, I'll get pissed and in my feelings and it'll take like a day sometimes two or three for us to be intimate again. I usually can get him to finish from oral sex but on the rare occasion that I can't because something is making him take too long, I'll tell him I'm tired (I mean even after it being down my throat numerous times, I'm sweating, eyes watering) and he still gets irritable and expects me to do something else to compensate. He does not take no for an answer. When I explain to him that I feel like I'm just being used for sex he goes to the extreme and says that he just won't bother me ever again. Other than all of this he is good to me except for him being disrespectful to me in general. He has never cheated on me and even when I get frustrated and tell him to just go fuck someone else he refuses to. He is a family man who takes pride in his family. It's a lot of pressure and makes me not want to do anything at all. He thinks that because I never initiate and use my toy when I want a release that I must not be attracted to him and I must want to cheat. Really it's because I know that once I finish with my toy, it's over. I'm not expected to keep going and going, being in super uncomfortable positions, talk dirty to him when I'm just trying to get through anal when it hurts etc. all of the time like I do with him.
@@TheJavacia Damn I feel super bad for you. It makes my issue seem small my wife is just tired but Its constant I always feel the rejection.
j4k2 that sounds terrible... you might want to look into ‘codependency no more’
There ARE guys out there that actually CARE about you and won’t be like that at all... too often sex is warped due to many men’s use of porn and how it skews things horribly.
I’d get therapy, get away from any man that’s abusive like that...and when you do want a relationship with respectful sex, look into kerezza method...or the like.
Sex is ultimately about connection on a deeper level, and too many times it’s too goal oriented (like getting off) and people cheapen the experience, due to so many warped influences and false narratives....it’s like eating cardboard, when you can actually have a 10 course, farm to table, all over sensory meal... no comparison. Stop settling for cardboard
I went to therapy. It did nothing.
The end
You need to find the right therapist for you and give him the chance of at least a few months.
Depends. Do you think you need some therapy? If so, as long as it takes. What matters in therapy is finding the right man or woman. All the others are useless (for you). Also do trying a therapist of a different gender than the two you tried. (if you haven't already) If you don't think you need therapy, you could stop now.
Edit: You were not ready to change.
The end
Yes because obviously it was my fault and obviously everything can change if we really want it
sigh
That's fine because therapy isn't for everyone. A lot of the time you have to find the right therapist. If you don't find them, then that's okay. Try another way to be helped out.
The wife and I had an argument tonight about this exact scenario. I found this video to help explain how I was feeling, and it didn't work worth a shit. Welp at least I tried again to explain my feelings and emotional support needs as well as sexual/intimate rejection. I'll keep trying! I love my wife
so sad. i did the same exact thing. and like always she turned it around and now shes the victim. I love mine too. After we had the ¨talk. a couple days later i let her know that sex only 1-2 nights a week is not something im wiolling to accept. So then i was acused of threatening her lol. All i know is i let her know on seperate occasions how i felt. if she does nothing about it then i will have no other choice
@@chrispee5786 sounds about the same. We did counseling for a couple years and all that but that didn't help with the positive attention, affection, and intimacy. I have a high sex drive and my wife has known that since before we were officially dating, and she understands how much I enjoy sex, it's just sad that it is mostly going to waste. I hope you and your wife get it figured out where the both of you are happy, and satisfied.
Get a clue, Johnny! Rachel is having an affair!
Thank you!
it made me cry! no the “happy” ending but him opening up.
What women don't bother to learn or understand is that men express love through sex. Women say, "He only wants sex!" as if there is something wrong with wanting sex. If she understood that the man is expressing his love for her, a lot of marriages would be a whole lot better.
Women love sex, but they will still withhold sex from their partner. This compounds the problem.
Maybe men should explain that rather than expect women to read their minds.
I hate sex
I don't watch all your guys videos, but when I do they are really fantastic. Good job, keep it up
Me too, I watch all the educational channels I can get hands on, but I watch this channel in small doses. I think you have to be in a reflecting mood.
So all of that and the poor man still dident get any
Good
He still got some, just not all the time
@@chae1557he's gonna end up in a sexless marriage with a failure of a wife
Do more of these videos. It's nice to delve into the psychology and philosophy of the dynamics of 'the social', like a lot of the videos on this channel, but it's only ever under of the umbrella of an observing intellectual mind. Sometimes one needs anecdotal stories like this to ground yourself so you can personally learn from the ideas.
I need therapy. Last time I tried it it didn't help. It didn't help because everything I told the therapist about myself was fiction. I didn't want an answer to my problems, I wanted answers to problems that didn't involve me at all. Problems about relationships I've never been, but wanted to be, in.
This video helped me. I've never been in Johnny's position, but for some reason it helped anyway.
Do more of these videos.
I tried everything. Waited, cried, fussed, you name it. Never complimented me on anything. Blames me bc he is overweight and I worked hard and dropped my weight. He is jealous. He hates me. I have to get out of here
8 months.... Have watched this video and others tried everything.
I set a dead line for myself to leave in 4 weeks now, if shit hasnt changed i just cant anymore. I dont want to be in a sexless relationship so will unfortunately have to call it a day.
I think i have been more than fair waiting.