but it isn't, and that's what the video talks about, sex isn't this simples, this is just one "form" of it (a bad one, imho), and thinking on sex in other terms is, by itself, a sexual form of liberation of this pressure (social pressure as you said)
Do you know anyone that thinks that way? Like, seriously? I have never met anyone who thought that a guy having sex is great and a woman having sex is awful. And if you ever have met someone like that, they are firmly in the minority of people living in the western world and not worth the time of thought you're giving them.
+Aleks Mcallister +Aleks Mcallister as someone thats still in high school, im surrounded by teen boys that parade around school talking about how many girls theyve had sex with while girls are bashed for just sexting. of course everyone here is a minor and doesnt fully understand the concept of sex and reality yet but i still think its stigma prevalent in alot of schools and should be worked on
+Marissa Where do you live if you don't mind me asking? Because that's completely ass backwards. I mean, I have never encountered that kind of thinking in all my life honestly. The only places I've ever seen that sort of thing have been shitty American high school films.
I feel that something people often neglect when discussing sex is not related to having peculiar fantasies or performance anxiety and such. Rather, it is the conflicts people face with emotional attachment and sex. It is very common and actively encouraged nowadays to embrace sex with no strings attached and not feel guilty or at odds with it. That is all good and well, but as a female with many female friends the reoccurring pattern I see is pain and hurt when a man no longer shows interest after being physically intimate, and also how we associate a woman being "strong & liberated" when she enjoys sex with multiple strangers frequently. We do not discuss the risk of pregnancy, the way we feel about condoms and how for many men they are icky, and generally the conflict between our modern societal standards and our body's responses and instincts. Another thing we don't discuss is how often men climax (during casual sex) with little to no interest in truly tuning into the female body and being sensitive as a lover. Yes, rough is nice, but it is almost frowned upon to enjoy gentle sex more because it makes you boring or less liberated. I could go on and on. Just wanted to mention some things which could be discussed more openly! x
Thank You for saying this! I feel, the handling and honesty with emotional attachment is mirrored in our sex life and needs to be adressed if we want to grow in it any way.
I guess I must be the only one who doesn't get this, every time I've had sex I've felt absolutely nothing. No matter how good our relationship is I never felt like I was bonding with the other person, I just felt dirty.
I think too much emphasis is placed on sex. It's every where and our bodies are no longer sacred. Liberation cannot happen without respect, dignity, and boundaries.
But what if I only want "normal" sex in a safe and trusting environment? Am I still not liberated despite the fact that I seem to match the norms that is a healthy monogamous relationship?
Being liberated means being able to communicate without shame or repression about your desires and being able to listen without moral judgment to the desires of others. It says nothing about specific desires. Even if you want no sex at all you can still be liberated sexually.
+Brian Bors yes, I do understand. So I am liberated, and I'm open to hearing the desires of others without absolute moral judgement. Obviously I would choose to be close to those with similar fundamental values as it simply works out better for my mental health. I just feel that this video is generalising a bit too much over values and desires.
Wibin You are right. The video could have certainly used a line similar to "Hey. if you have no such feelings that is perfectly fine to we are just concentrating on those that do have those feelings for the duration of this video."
+Brian Bors well no, I didn't mean it quite like that. Most videos here aim to apply to everyone and so should this. Rather I do believe that the central message should include that people want to be liked more than to show who they really are - which is universal and not just about sexual preferences. The society, however, is liberated to a great degree, and members of the LGBT are not necessarily looked down upon. Hiding your fetishes etc. are just examples of conformity driven action - not an issue of sexual liberation per se. And yes, the distinction is very nuanced, but it shows in videos like this where they claim sexual non-liberation but talk about universal issues of conformity and wanting to be liked. My point: I want to be liked, I do conform, but I also feel sexually liberated. This video talks about the two first issues but does not address them directly (other videos do), but rather pins it on sexual liberty (or lack of there of)
Wibin Are you married? I think this kind of trap that he is speaking about here only unfolds as you start to grow into a very long term relationship. As you start to change as people. Something unpleasant can unfold even to those who think they are quite liberated.
What a great video. I struggled with this because I got married a virgin, but it turned out talking to my husband about what my sexual desires were was the hardest but best thing I ever did for our sex life.
Hi,This is so true! I've been in the closet for fifty years and even with all progress that has been made in the last few decades I still can't find the courage to come out.I've been alone and desperately lonely for my whole life because of fear:( never even been out for coffee with someone nor had any kind of relationship.The fear of social stigma was just too great.I wish I could take that step and find someone who needs me as much as I need them.Just having someone to listen and talk to who can know the real me would make my life so much better.Never having loved or been loved ,I have to say that a life without love is no way to live.
Who feels the same, be brave and seek for understanding. Don't seek to be understood totally, you will still remain the unique You, don't worry too much about giving yourself away. Not in our complexity, but in our range of emotions and in our burdens we can be understood and it helps either side amd gives relief to be heard and seen. Don't think, you are the only black sheep, the only shaded soul. Be sensitive, everybody, and make the world a softer place!
Yea, take your time so ya don't set yourself up for failure and then totally give up. It's not better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
i think that kind of anxiety misses the point of this video. if you become liberated sexually, you reach a point where you own your sexuality despite what other people may think of it. i think in some real world sense, there is some merit in be cautious of who knows what, but even then, it's still something you have to own to really accept your ever changing self
there are no absolutes in life. but I still feel it's always worse to regret not doing stuff. you won't stop traveling on an airplane because people died doing that. the same logic applies in this case. at least to me.
The more you mistrust and think poorly of other people, the more often you will live around and meet people like that. If you think positively of people and put trust in them, sometimes they will rise to the occasion. That's what humanism is about. It's a calculated risk, and the payout is a better world.
Prometheus720 Thats wishful thinking, and will bite you when you least expect it. Being naive and seeing the world through rose colored glasses is fine until you end up being screwed, in jail, injured, or dead... But some folks need to learn the hard way.
+The School of Life , Although in all effect I agree to this video, a major question keeps creeping up; That a person can be loving, respectful and caring towards their partner yet the sexual scenarios which excites the individual often involves restraints, domination or even humiliation (somewhat) and pain to their partner. And despite these preferences, a person can actually be in all practicality a 'good guy'. Why is the person host to such conflicting ideas and thoughts? Do these preferences in sexual scenarios seeded in something 'deeper' in the person's mind? Do these ideas reflect who the individual is, on some level? A video on this would do wonders.
sex is catharsis. even if you consider sex a component of love, it contains a disturbingly big amount of violence (even the most normal sex, it's just jamming it into the bird)
It's rather simple actually. Most of these things exist in all of us to a certain degree: some of them are emotional scars and components of our hardwired animal instincts; in general, most of them are transformed aspects and manifestations of fear of death. In early childhood, even before we get a personal sense of morals and ethics, we learn to repress them to avoid social complications (such as "I don't want to upset Mom"). But since everybody experiences emotional pain, feelings of frustration, oppression, fear, anger, powerlessness, the desire to get back at someone, to control, to act "out of character", etc., rather regularly, these feelings and urges tend to accumulate. The more they accumulate, the stronger they grow. The more repressed they are-essentially, the more a person consciously attempts to avoid enacting that kind of behavior in social situations-the more they tend to excite us, often sexually as well. There are two main* ways to alleviate these urges before they become harmful and/or find their way into the real world: 1) personally acting them out in a deliberately staged, controlled environment (such as during sex, a therapy session, or playing a game), 2) experiencing them vicariously (watching/reading something that realistically portrays the practice, talking to people who have engaged in it, etc.). (#1 is why humanity actually needs oversexualized and/or violent protagonists in fiction and videogames, by the way. It is by their presence and point of view that we're able to live out experiences that we wouldn't necessarily want to live out in reality. If we won't be able to do that in a fictional world where it's safe to do so, it will be a *lot* harder to avoid doing so in a real one.) As to why that happens at all, I refer you to Sigmund Freud, as he's had the most elaborate theories on the matter, although there's no conclusive answer to things like these. * There are other ways, but they're a lot harder in practice and/or can fuck you up big time. If you can't immediately tell what the other methods are, you don't have any business there for sure.
I've been involved in the kink scene for years and this is the biggest question. I think it's actually one of the biggest questions in all of psychology. There isn't so much overlap between the scene and true science, because scientist kinksters can't tell you about their day job and because lots of scientists can't get grants (or don't want to get grants) to study kink. But I actually think the answer exists and it is a concept which experienced doms (and some subs) seem to understand intuitively but never can put into words. I try my best to do it but my answer evolves every time and it takes a long conversation to really handle this topic properly. So I'll just give you a slice of the pie. I'd suggest asking reddit.com/r/bdsmcommunity (NSFW LINK!) if you're really interested. They're super friendly and nice, even to newcomers. I would draw attention to the lingo that we use. Sex tools are not tools, they are toys. We do not have roleplay scenarios, we create scenes. A sex room is not always a dungeon, it is sometimes called a playroom. We might refer to kinky sex as playing in some way. "Can you play tonight? ;)" Kink is a sort of theatrical game (not necessarily even requiring sex), and it revolves around temporary exchanges of power between people. That is the broadest way to describe it and it's correct. But when you go further in and refine things, you start to have this problem where you try and find one reason to play these games or one set of rules or guidelines. It's not so organized as that. There are dozens of reasons why people practice kink, and hundreds or thousands of ways they do it. There is no ONE answer, or even one BEST answer. Are your hypotheses correct? Absolutely, but so are many others.
Although I really enjoy school of life, I think this topic needs to be threaded very lightly. Porn has completely and fully SKEWED the average persons perception of sex. Most men masturbate much more then they have sex, and the cocktail or hormones associated and released during and after orgasm are important to sexual development. Porn induced erectile dysfunction for example. I would SURLY NOT tote Polyamory as a good and or proper thing for society. For two reasons. 1. The natural reaction in a large majority of humans regardless of background or culture to cheating is a feeling of painful rejection. If you don't believe in that appeal to nature, then understand that oxytocin is released after sex, a bonding chemical. "Love" chemical if you will. Further, the nature of sex is procreation, and evidence points to family's together are better then family's apart. But if that weren't true, we could all be step-parents and not have a problem with it. But that's not the case. In closing, the problem isn't we don't have enough sexual liberation, its educating ourselves that our fetishes do not define us. Aren't an important part of us, just as anger, or bitterness, or selfishness aren't an important part of us. And that we all have emotional problems that might be buried and not addressed. Sexuality and emotions are closely tied. It's important that we treat it that way. Thanks for reading.
What an interesting approach, certainly after reading your latest novel "The Course of Love". Sex and relationships still represent one of the toughest matters to solve before reaching our complete sense of full, mindful and mutual understanding. Thanks for the reflection!
Dude , if you feel so strongly, make a video presentation , and post it on all the school of life comment section , if it is any good I am sure you will gain traction and the world will reward your effort . One love
Maybe sex is more than having fun and doing whatever you want, and liberation won't come to society via scandalousness. Maybe people don't know what is best for them, and those insane/dogmatic religions have a point. Maybe we are always slaves to something, and we should chose the best master, and liberation is partially an illusion.
I did this around a friend with other friends who already knew.. I was very immature about it and even if everyone in the room knew about it, it was wrong. We were a group that constantly jabbed even personal jabs so it didnt seem like a big deal to me.. He also constantly made personal jabs at me even when I asked him to stop and would always gossip. Years later, the dust settled and we both apologized but never really saw us friends in the future because I'm rather bold and direct.. as he dropped out, got into shitty schemes and what not, he became another person and we havent ever been the same. He told me it bugged him years later and I felt like such shit, apologized and never ever did it again. On behalf of him and anybody else, sorry about the ignorance and immaturity out there.
Sometimes I wonder if something's wrong with me. Where are all my deep dark secrets and dirty desires? Where's my thirst for stranger ass? I just want to be close to a man I love and figure out what works between us. I guess monogamy and sexual faithfulness are their own kinks or something, in which case I'm one freaky fox.
i don't have any exotic desires, but i don't sleep with anyone i haven't first connected with on an intelectual level; which is the real reason why i haven't slept with many people.
The trick is finding someone that either has the same fetishes as you, or won't think negatively of you for having them and vice versa. Me and my fiancé have been having sex regularly for nearly 10 years and it feels like it gets more enjoyable every time, and I think that is helped by the fact that we talk about our sex often. There may come a point when we find the need to experiment with substances and devices, but there's no shame in wanting to try stuff like that as long as you're both comfortable.
I believe sex became complicated because of the "liberation". Sex has become so unsacred, so easily accessed that weird fetishes have been developed due to such widespread access (for example: somebody realizes they want to have sex with dogs because they can watch hundreds of videos of dog sex). Fetishes are shamed for a reason. I have zero desires for bondage, petplay or threesomes. If my partner wants to do that, not only will I be repulsed, I'll have a very different view of them. Do I have to accept something that utterly disgusts me?
That's 100% okay that those things disgust you, but you have to understand that there are a lot of people who are into them (with the exception of bestiality because it's not between consenting adults and harms animals), and those people shouldn't be made to feel bad about themselves so that you can be comfortable.
I don't think you've explained why you have your position so much as you have explained what your position is. Why would you feel repulsed? And what is the reason for shaming fetishes?
I'm sorry but people have all sorts of immoral and disgusting fantasies and the relativism with which we are encouraged to engage them is not respectable. Some level of shame is a GOOD thing, it is needed to keep the very damaging, insulting, and unconscious elements of us in check. Charlie has a perfectly fine point.
Shiva Ash Again, you're not really saying why, you're just saying it. Like what fantasies? Would you say people need to admit that they have those bad things? Perhaps the bedroom isn't the right place in your mind, but shouldn't there be some way they can express those immoral desires without actually harming people? Maybe therapy?
People who possess fetishes such as dehumanization, crushing, etc. have legitimate mental issues if they are aroused by the pain and humiliation of others. BDSM and petplay are levels of dehumanization as mentioned above, and for me, threesomes reduce sex to a carnal activity instead of a method for bonding and deeper emotional appreciation. If I found out my boyfriend liked pouring hot oil on his penis, I would be repulsed because I would find his fetish to be a flag for a deeper layer of perversion. Crude terms, it's fucked up. Therapy for one thing. But allowing someone to brutally torture someone for "sexual arousement" is the same excuse McKamey Manor runs on when they call their hedonistic torture house an "extreme haunted house", when in reality it is a bunch of people who really like torturing and found a way to do it legally.
You mentioned that topic often before and it confuses me over an over - sounds like everyone had a fetish, but I myself, in all honesty, I'm not interested in anything but being 'physically loved', with care and affection and soul. I don't even have other fantasies than that. Maybe I'm more interested in the expansion of my feelings for a touch, in the HOW of the same touch, than in real actions...
Maybe you just percieve your own fetishes and fantasies as "normal". I mean, there must be stuff you absolutely don't want to do in bed, right? So there must be preferences either.
Not all your desires are good. Justifying your sexual preferences because it coexists with 'who you are' is a clever way of normalizing any and all sexual behavior. This is why civilizations have a downfall when they become obsessed with sex. Sex has much deeper consequences than you realize.
this statement confuses me, i want to achieve sexual freedom because it is what i desire but is unable to because of the norms and consequences, i really just want to express my kinks pls
Why do you think they call it fantasy? We’re not supposed to act on every deviant thought or inclination we may have. People these days think they’re supposed to get every possible pleasure realtor imagined. I happen to realize I’d rather chew on some broken glass than to actually DO some things that I may fantasize about on occasion. It’s not ALL MEANT TO ACT UPON..
it's just that ppl nowadays are pushed by society to be concerned about their sex life. Sex is the most natural thing to do for two persons who love each other. Now ppl are getting poisoned by the expectations of society about what good sex is, the number of positions, the performance, the influence of porn. The medias keep talking about it all the time cuz it's an easy topic to get readers. SAD.
But isn't keeping these desires a secret or for ourselves what make us human . I mean not from ur partner , but just wanting to have sex with somebody else maybe , its maybe hurtful to ur partner ... why would you discuss that . I think about fucking other people , doesn't mean I'm gonna do it , doesn't mean its right , doesn't mean its something that should be openly discussed with people . If giving in to every desire you have is liberation that what does anything mean ... why have any constructs , laws , relationships .
That was not the point of the video. The point is that we should accept our urges, not neccessary act on them. I sometimes think about fucking a girl other than my girlfriend. If she asks me, I admit that there are also other girls that turn me on, just as she is not reluctant to tell me that there are other guys she finds hot. Does either of us sleep with other people? Of course not. And both of us would be deeply hurt if we would get betrayed like that. But surpressing those feelings only make it worse, only make us wanting to act on them more. The human being is bound to want what it doesn't have, and not want what it does have. Only by admitting that we want something, we can ever want it less.
The overly sexual media, acceptance of pornography, and the encouragement to masterbate aren't exactly improving psychological or sexual health, though. Pornography and master action can exclude a person's partner from the equation, it can diminish people's confidence in their sexual performance, it can make one forgetful or unaware of their partner's needs. Also, the prevalence of sex in the media really trivializes it. It's no longer this intimate and living act between two people, but a few physical motions whose end is as simple as eating a slice of apple pie: instant gratification.
I think it also implies tolerance towards different inclinations, and that one shouldn't be judged by others because of them, at least not institutionally.
Getting annoyed by some of the commenters here. It's not about seeking the permission to sleep with someone else or to do something ridiculous, that obviously goes against our basic code of conduct. But it's about the goal of expressing our temptations, and then have our partner validate the most perverse parts of our minds as normal. That is ultimate liberation.
There is also a critical need for sexual education. I have met too many adults who lack, what should be, general knowledge about sex. If they know nothing about sex other than they want it, then the difficult conversation about the nuances of sexual fantasies can be impossible. Sex ed is crucial.
But to love someone, as true love, and then desire someone else, then i don't think it is love anymore, just attachment. sure, find another person attractive, but to want to have sex with them so badly you'd do it presented the opportunity... Either love is not real, or extremely temporal and conditional, and cannot be confused with friendship and natural attachment, in which case I'm actually just going to fkn kill myself
MrPelafio I completely disagree. My husband and I are passionately in love, and we enjoy an incredible relationship. We also like to have sex with other people. In fact, it's what makes our marriage so sustainable. It's natural for sexual interest to wander, and so few of us get to be so open sexually. Our glimpses into other people's lives make us appreciate the bond we have. Love does not equal desire. They can be linked, but they are not intertwined.
Yeah. We're a disgusting species because we made up romantic ideals of "love" and "faithfulness" and inside we're all just cheating, lying bastards. :(
What I feel is that we live in a generation where sex reached the opposite status of, say, the middle ages, but still hasn't left the spot of "the subject you can't discuss or question". Before it was "sex is bad" now it's "sex is life" but that's all, you don't talk about it, because the subject is now "good" but it's still a taboo. To me this was a huge problem because I'm asexual, and all I've learned my life was that we don't talk about sex, we don't discuss it, it's just a thing that unavoidably will happen and that's all. Needless to say, I developed a lot of self-hatred during my adolescence because I thought I was broken or crazy or sick, looking for medical solutions, having nightmares over spending the rest of my life in a mad house, because people don't talk about sex, because no one question sex. The fact that I was lucky enough to find out about it before it got worse made me actually more "sexually liberated" that a lot of non-ace people I know even though I don't do it, but I talk about it more naturally than them, I'm more comfortable with the subject, because I know it's important to talk about sex, and I know that sex isn't such a big deal, it's not the boogeyman, it's just a thing some people do.
I cite their comment: "Recognising a desire doesn’t mean you should act on it. The crucial distinction that needs exploring isn’t between denial and action, as if we must act on everything we avow. It’s between denial and avowal WITHOUT ACTION. The logic of denial says: if something is immoral, then I can't have wanted it. The better logic of acceptance runs: I want something which would be catastrophically immoral for others. I will and must therefore put up with not meeting my desires (and keep clear in my mind the very sensible reasons for not trying to have a relationship which would harm others). We can reflect sadly on the deep strangeness and unsatisfactoriness of the human condition."
Yea, I am here to reply with a similar sentiment. As a person who endures unwanted desires, I've realized they are not immoral desires. Putting them into action is immoral due to the inevitable suffering and torment they cause, but unwanted thoughts and emotions themselves are nothing to worry about.
Honestly I don't see this with my relationship, I've been with my boyfriend for six years and we're incredibly honest with each other about our fetishes, it's just something that we've never found shame in because we trust each other enough to know that neither will judge the other for what they really want. I can't even imagine being happy in a relationship where something as important as that was neglected.
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The animation was just amazing. Give that animator a Cookie! what a work of art this is.
freedom does not come free. man must compromise in some way in order to get the freedom that he needs. think of the social construct. so in a way we r indeed sexually liberated. some sexual thoughts of others might compromise the freedom of another. i find the arguments in this video to be incomplete, biased, n in all honestly relatively immature. one has to first define what FREEDOM is. and how we can sustain freedom in a society.
Hi,No you really don't want to die. You just want love,caring and a bit of understanding Always remember that Somethingness is always better than nothingness.Thanks.
That reasoning is actually the reason I want to die right now. If someone is in unnecessary uncontrollable torment, and they're gonna die anyway, why not help them die right now?
I have been genuinely attracted to the same person for almost 10 years. And I believe a large piece of that is I truly love them. Those fetishes and moments of weakness (how I see them) cause embarrassment because in my opinion they are more a result of unhappiness or stress than a legitimate sexual need.
Not everybody has repressed sexual desires. It's common yes, but it's also not necessarily the norm. It's videos like these that actually used to make me paranoid there was something wrong with me for /not/ secretly having some specific fantasies. It used to make me wonder whether everyone else had, and it caused a great deal of trust issues in my early years of sexual activity. Trust issues that were unnecessary. If one is open and not disapproving about anything sexual towards their partner, it's very possible to have no secrets for each other. Me and my partner have our kinks, yes, but we are open about those, experiment, and have no issues with these secret sexual fantasies that are constantly talked about in The School of Life. It would be good if you guys stopped pushing that so much. I am in a circle of friends where everyone is very open about their sexuality, and while there are plenty friends that have some very specific fetishes that are quite out there, there are also plenty that don't really have any specific fetish-like desire either. Both can have perfectly fine and exciting sex lives. Not having a specific fantasy/fetish does not make you boring, and being someone without any specific desires you can even have a good sex life with someone who does have a fetish. As long as you are both just open and accommodating. Just wanted to get this out there.
But the real question should be if it is really necessary to be completely liberated. I don't really see the freedom in promiscuity and living out all of your fantasies because once you do it you will find out how dull it is. After all it might be only with another person or in another position, which doesn't mean it gives you another, better feeling as in your mind. Sometimes fantasies are just good to remain fantasies. And so the sexual non-liberation can be something to strive for.
Because we have a cultural injunction towards sex that goes beyond the simple biological compulsion. Living in an authentically liberated society would mean feeling free NOT to enjoy sex without damage to ones ego or social status.
As long as the desire and the actions done through that desires don't hurt themselves or anyone else, I don't see why you should be stopped from doing it. There are desires others have that I would never choose to do, but as long as the desire are unharmful to anyone involved in it it should none of my business what they do.
This video would not have been possible without the sexual revolution occurring first. I agree with many points but all the problems it describes are the result of an incomplete sexual education. The fact that it takes many people so long to reach a balance between emotions and sex drive just shows how badly we are educated on sex. We mostly have to discover all this for ourselves and then rediscover it in the context of other people. Better sex education that takes into account men's, women's and lgbt's feelings would eradicate the "problems" with sexual liberation for the immediately next generation. Knowledge is power.
My fetishes, kinks, and desires only revolve around my longtime boyfriend, I mean I think others are attractive and stuff but I don't think about them sexually.. it's not that I'm a prude, it's just that it doesn't spark my interest or even enter my mind unless brought up by someone else. Is that really that uncommon?
To be completely honest, the more sexually liberal I've become, the less I think/obsess about sex. I definitely endorse exploring bisexual and polyamorous situations. I wish people could just pursue what they desire with honesty and not betrayal.
The most incredible, and I mean this literally, "love scene" in the movies is the one in which Ed Wood tells his girlfriend on their first or second date that he likes to wear women's clothes, and she says "OK". That's got to be a one in 100,000 chance. I think most people are conflicted about sex because inside of a loving, committed relationship, it's about GIVING love, and outside of that, it's about TAKING pleasure. Since it's hard to be sure whether your partner is giving or taking, that creates tension. There is a wide spectrum of attitudes about your partner ranging from "piece of meat" to "true love", and if you and your lover are at different points on the spectrum, you are both in serious trouble. Oh, and did I mention that there is still the fear of pregnancy and STD's? Because that's big, too.
Thank you so much for your these videos. They're mature, well constructed, and thoughtful; designed in just a calm manner! Without a doubt my fave creations on UA-cam in a long time.
So maybe instead of saying "sexual liberation didn't happen" it would be more accurate to say "sexual liberation isn't complete yet"? Also, what if total sexual liberation is achieved? Won't that be the death of eroticism? If anything goes, nothing has the thrill of taboo anymore. Won't this limitless gratification make desire obsolete?
This makes a blanket statement about "society". Rather, I think it's more accurate to say SOME people still feel this way due to upbringing, personality, individual preferences, etc. From my experience, most people don't, though, especially in today's overtly sexualized society.
I don't feel comfortable having sex unless it is with a women I would be married to. And I'm a guy. Yet, such feelings I have for sex are natural and I cannot be good for my sexual partner unless I practice sex myself. It is a conundrum
Not every sexual desire should be pursued. Some should be right out extinguished. Like the desire to sexually be with another person when you are in a committed relationship. It is not liberation to encourage this desire, it is slavery because the cost of pursuing such a desire, far outweigh the benefits. Our desires should not control us, we should control them.
PrinceofGreatness Monogamy isn't for everybody. While polygamy isn't something I agree with, it is something I have studied and spoken to multiple people about whom prefer that love lifestyle. Try to keep an open mind.
Obviously this an unpopular opinion of mine and it very recently became the conviction I stand by today but here it is: Life is an amazing and sacred phenomenon. Sex is meant to produce life, and having sex without the intention of procreation is simply an act of appeasement to the ego. A temporary high. By wasting the amazing potential of life that would be from such an act for the sake of personal gain is corrupt, selfish behavior. The fallacies of consequence are obviously silly and untrue, but at their core were meant to prevent those who can't understand from damning themselves to a shallow life of eternal wanting.
Our identities are not static throughout our lives. We can be whoever we want to be. The real question is what do we want to be and is it worth it, in spiritual terms?
I hugely agree with the concept of the video, I thinks a world were people can be open and unashamed about their sexual desires; however, I disagree with the statement that monogamy is impossible.
This is catharsis theory and catharsis theory is simply wrong from beginning to end. Completely giving in to all your desires does not in fact relieve the desires. It increases them, at an ever increasing price and diminishing rate of return.
Obviously momentary desire is satiated in the moment. But it doesn't stop there. You have to give in more and more to keep getting the same high from anything which is based on releasing powerful endorphins like that. People who go overboard with it, who head toward things like S&M have to keep getting more extreme to keep getting the same excitement. It's how people end up becoming pedophiles, necrophiliacs, whatever crazy thing they end up doing. This is all just brain chemistry stuff. I am not saying people should never have sex. That would be ridiculous. I am only saying people do have to observe some limits, to stop going into all that crazy stuff which really can be harmful. That it is a good thing to have at least some limits. Letting yourself go completely in whatever perverted direction will change you over time to get worse and worse.
What's normal is that people have *some* limits. I am describing what happens with people who completely get rid of all limits. That is a very unusual thing to do and its results are not pretty. It does become an addiction yes.
I kinda agree with you here, good example most people are aware of is porn... I bet most people were sexually arroused by just seeing naked breasts for the first time on internet/tv, and over time things need to be more and more extreme to grab your interest
Sex consists of more than having some emotional liberation/connection. Every sexual act has its consequences, so does every communication about one's preferences.
1:45 hit me hard. sex doesn't seem to match up with love from the variety of relationships I've had with people thus far in my 21 years of life experiences. now I shall go hide in my closet and have a little psychological breakdown. .
Sexual repression is the reason there are so many problems within monogamous relationships. There should be no topic taboo. Your partner should be your safest place to be. There is zero reason to go outside of a committed relationship for sex. In a marriage, You and your partner are one, it should be discussed openly. Going outside of the relationship is very simply cheating and being a cheater and not loving your partner at all. No way around it. If sex is MORE important than your partner, then there is an enormous problem to contend with that may require counceling, sex addictions, porn use, confusion, fear of real love and intimacy, detachment, honestly, trust, unknown fears, anger and other strongholds that are keeping a person from a healthy, open, fun and real committed sex life with their selected partner/spouse.
This is the only one video from School of Life I'm kinda hard to agree. (As I am living and was raised in very conservative way), but the idea of having it to be "common" when it is done by absolute majority, it just doesnt seem right for me. For I believe that some can be traced to our animal instinct, such as inability to monogamy or desire to be overpowered over one's being. However, for very distinguished sexual behavior, such as mechafilia or necrophilia, simply I cannot transcribe it to any valid reason, and still, although it maybe a little judgemental, one's must aware that it is a counterback of being nurtured in a very abnormal way. I'm open to any opinion about this, if one might feel that I'm confused, please do enlight me.
We are not all weird kinky people with suppressed S&M fetishes. Lots of us just want to have normal sex with the people we are married to and have no problem talking about that.
This! I honestly find it far easier to stand naked in front of a crowd then to openly share my deepest thoughts and desires wich are not even necessarily sexual in nature
Im trying to understand to which fetishes the video reffers ? Clearly bdsm but what about other, more uncommon fetishes like animals, objects disabled or old people, and so on.
This info its so helpfull ! I went straight to talk with my partner after watching this i feel happy , Clear and like i really learned something ! Thanks
The animator is a genius! Quality work!
agree! he should get an award!
I agree!!!
as always !
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Agree! He's awesome!
I don't like the societal pressure to have sex tho and the notion that sex is a triumph for a man and degradation for a woman
i agree
but it isn't, and that's what the video talks about, sex isn't this simples, this is just one "form" of it (a bad one, imho), and thinking on sex in other terms is, by itself, a sexual form of liberation of this pressure (social pressure as you said)
Do you know anyone that thinks that way? Like, seriously? I have never met anyone who thought that a guy having sex is great and a woman having sex is awful. And if you ever have met someone like that, they are firmly in the minority of people living in the western world and not worth the time of thought you're giving them.
+Aleks Mcallister +Aleks Mcallister as someone thats still in high school, im surrounded by teen boys that parade around school talking about how many girls theyve had sex with while girls are bashed for just sexting. of course everyone here is a minor and doesnt fully understand the concept of sex and reality yet but i still think its stigma prevalent in alot of schools and should be worked on
+Marissa Where do you live if you don't mind me asking? Because that's completely ass backwards. I mean, I have never encountered that kind of thinking in all my life honestly. The only places I've ever seen that sort of thing have been shitty American high school films.
I feel that something people often neglect when discussing sex is not related to having peculiar fantasies or performance anxiety and such. Rather, it is the conflicts people face with emotional attachment and sex. It is very common and actively encouraged nowadays to embrace sex with no strings attached and not feel guilty or at odds with it. That is all good and well, but as a female with many female friends the reoccurring pattern I see is pain and hurt when a man no longer shows interest after being physically intimate, and also how we associate a woman being "strong & liberated" when she enjoys sex with multiple strangers frequently. We do not discuss the risk of pregnancy, the way we feel about condoms and how for many men they are icky, and generally the conflict between our modern societal standards and our body's responses and instincts. Another thing we don't discuss is how often men climax (during casual sex) with little to no interest in truly tuning into the female body and being sensitive as a lover. Yes, rough is nice, but it is almost frowned upon to enjoy gentle sex more because it makes you boring or less liberated. I could go on and on. Just wanted to mention some things which could be discussed more openly! x
Exactly. Biologically we are meant to be attached to the ones we have sex with which makes sex such a private thing. Yet people deny
Thank You for saying this!
I feel, the handling and honesty with emotional attachment is mirrored in our sex life and needs to be adressed if we want to grow in it any way.
I guess I must be the only one who doesn't get this, every time I've had sex I've felt absolutely nothing. No matter how good our relationship is I never felt like I was bonding with the other person, I just felt dirty.
Thank you for the perspective. It’s enlightening
I think too much emphasis is placed on sex. It's every where and our bodies are no longer sacred. Liberation cannot happen without respect, dignity, and boundaries.
Amen, freedom without discipline leads to degeneracy
Yeah as a culture we place so much attention sex that one would think it was our only pleasure.
@@HerveyShmervy Based. So many degenerates here though.
agree amiga.
Proper sex ed should also add these things into account
This video was some of the best animation I've ever seen, huge props
I was searching the comments for someone who agreed with me. This is my favorite animation of all these videos.
I agree, amazingly well done
Yeah, animation was great!!
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That's exactly what I came to say: this is their best animation to date IMHO. Very fitting that I got to click like #69 for this comment too ;)
But what if I only want "normal" sex in a safe and trusting environment? Am I still not liberated despite the fact that I seem to match the norms that is a healthy monogamous relationship?
Being liberated means being able to communicate without shame or repression about your desires and being able to listen without moral judgment to the desires of others. It says nothing about specific desires. Even if you want no sex at all you can still be liberated sexually.
+Brian Bors yes, I do understand. So I am liberated, and I'm open to hearing the desires of others without absolute moral judgement. Obviously I would choose to be close to those with similar fundamental values as it simply works out better for my mental health.
I just feel that this video is generalising a bit too much over values and desires.
Wibin You are right. The video could have certainly used a line similar to "Hey. if you have no such feelings that is perfectly fine to we are just concentrating on those that do have those feelings for the duration of this video."
+Brian Bors well no, I didn't mean it quite like that. Most videos here aim to apply to everyone and so should this. Rather I do believe that the central message should include that people want to be liked more than to show who they really are - which is universal and not just about sexual preferences. The society, however, is liberated to a great degree, and members of the LGBT are not necessarily looked down upon. Hiding your fetishes etc. are just examples of conformity driven action - not an issue of sexual liberation per se. And yes, the distinction is very nuanced, but it shows in videos like this where they claim sexual non-liberation but talk about universal issues of conformity and wanting to be liked.
My point: I want to be liked, I do conform, but I also feel sexually liberated. This video talks about the two first issues but does not address them directly (other videos do), but rather pins it on sexual liberty (or lack of there of)
Wibin Are you married? I think this kind of trap that he is speaking about here only unfolds as you start to grow into a very long term relationship. As you start to change as people. Something unpleasant can unfold even to those who think they are quite liberated.
What a great video. I struggled with this because I got married a virgin, but it turned out talking to my husband about what my sexual desires were was the hardest but best thing I ever did for our sex life.
Hi,This is so true! I've been in the closet for fifty years and even with all progress that has been made in the last few decades I still can't find the courage to come out.I've been alone and desperately lonely for my whole life because of fear:( never even been out for coffee with someone nor had any kind of relationship.The fear of social stigma was just too great.I wish I could take that step and find someone who needs me as much as I need them.Just having someone to listen and talk to who can know the real me would make my life so much better.Never having loved or been loved ,I have to say that a life without love is no way to live.
I'm sorry to hear that. I see your comment was made 5 years ago. Has anything changed perhaps...? Ik hope you have foud a fulfilling love...
Who feels the same, be brave and seek for understanding. Don't seek to be understood totally, you will still remain the unique You, don't worry too much about giving yourself away. Not in our complexity, but in our range of emotions and in our burdens we can be understood and it helps either side amd gives relief to be heard and seen. Don't think, you are the only black sheep, the only shaded soul. Be sensitive, everybody, and make the world a softer place!
Be careful about opening up too much to someone else, if things go south, as they usually do, they'll use it against you.
Yea, take your time so ya don't set yourself up for failure and then totally give up.
It's not better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
i think that kind of anxiety misses the point of this video. if you become liberated sexually, you reach a point where you own your sexuality despite what other people may think of it. i think in some real world sense, there is some merit in be cautious of who knows what, but even then, it's still something you have to own to really accept your ever changing self
there are no absolutes in life. but I still feel it's always worse to regret not doing stuff. you won't stop traveling on an airplane because people died doing that. the same logic applies in this case. at least to me.
The more you mistrust and think poorly of other people, the more often you will live around and meet people like that. If you think positively of people and put trust in them, sometimes they will rise to the occasion.
That's what humanism is about. It's a calculated risk, and the payout is a better world.
Prometheus720
Thats wishful thinking, and will bite you when you least expect it. Being naive and seeing the world through rose colored glasses is fine until you end up being screwed, in jail, injured, or dead... But some folks need to learn the hard way.
Heh... I liked the animation a lot. I also admire the fact that you guys are aways trying new visuals.
ikr. Experimental with art. ^_^
Suggestion: You guys should do a podcast
That would be interesting!
I'm down
Thats what i thought too. In fact, despite those great animations, i only listened to this video for the most part. This voice ist just amazing.
and slightly depressing.... haha
yeaaa
That was legitimately some of the best original animation I've ever seen online.
+The School of Life , Although in all effect I agree to this video, a major question keeps creeping up; That a person can be loving, respectful and caring towards their partner yet the sexual scenarios which excites the individual often involves restraints, domination or even humiliation (somewhat) and pain to their partner. And despite these preferences, a person can actually be in all practicality a 'good guy'. Why is the person host to such conflicting ideas and thoughts? Do these preferences in sexual scenarios seeded in something 'deeper' in the person's mind? Do these ideas reflect who the individual is, on some level? A video on this would do wonders.
I want to know the answer to this !!!
sex is catharsis. even if you consider sex a component of love, it contains a disturbingly big amount of violence (even the most normal sex, it's just jamming it into the bird)
It's rather simple actually. Most of these things exist in all of us to a certain degree: some of them are emotional scars and components of our hardwired animal instincts; in general, most of them are transformed aspects and manifestations of fear of death. In early childhood, even before we get a personal sense of morals and ethics, we learn to repress them to avoid social complications (such as "I don't want to upset Mom"). But since everybody experiences emotional pain, feelings of frustration, oppression, fear, anger, powerlessness, the desire to get back at someone, to control, to act "out of character", etc., rather regularly, these feelings and urges tend to accumulate. The more they accumulate, the stronger they grow. The more repressed they are-essentially, the more a person consciously attempts to avoid enacting that kind of behavior in social situations-the more they tend to excite us, often sexually as well.
There are two main* ways to alleviate these urges before they become harmful and/or find their way into the real world:
1) personally acting them out in a deliberately staged, controlled environment (such as during sex, a therapy session, or playing a game),
2) experiencing them vicariously (watching/reading something that realistically portrays the practice, talking to people who have engaged in it, etc.).
(#1 is why humanity actually needs oversexualized and/or violent protagonists in fiction and videogames, by the way. It is by their presence and point of view that we're able to live out experiences that we wouldn't necessarily want to live out in reality. If we won't be able to do that in a fictional world where it's safe to do so, it will be a *lot* harder to avoid doing so in a real one.)
As to why that happens at all, I refer you to Sigmund Freud, as he's had the most elaborate theories on the matter, although there's no conclusive answer to things like these.
* There are other ways, but they're a lot harder in practice and/or can fuck you up big time. If you can't immediately tell what the other methods are, you don't have any business there for sure.
wtf are you a mormon? That's the most retarded view of sex ive ever heard. It's fun, not violent
I've been involved in the kink scene for years and this is the biggest question. I think it's actually one of the biggest questions in all of psychology. There isn't so much overlap between the scene and true science, because scientist kinksters can't tell you about their day job and because lots of scientists can't get grants (or don't want to get grants) to study kink.
But I actually think the answer exists and it is a concept which experienced doms (and some subs) seem to understand intuitively but never can put into words. I try my best to do it but my answer evolves every time and it takes a long conversation to really handle this topic properly. So I'll just give you a slice of the pie. I'd suggest asking reddit.com/r/bdsmcommunity (NSFW LINK!) if you're really interested. They're super friendly and nice, even to newcomers.
I would draw attention to the lingo that we use. Sex tools are not tools, they are toys. We do not have roleplay scenarios, we create scenes. A sex room is not always a dungeon, it is sometimes called a playroom. We might refer to kinky sex as playing in some way. "Can you play tonight? ;)"
Kink is a sort of theatrical game (not necessarily even requiring sex), and it revolves around temporary exchanges of power between people. That is the broadest way to describe it and it's correct. But when you go further in and refine things, you start to have this problem where you try and find one reason to play these games or one set of rules or guidelines.
It's not so organized as that. There are dozens of reasons why people practice kink, and hundreds or thousands of ways they do it. There is no ONE answer, or even one BEST answer.
Are your hypotheses correct? Absolutely, but so are many others.
Although I really enjoy school of life, I think this topic needs to be threaded very lightly. Porn has completely and fully SKEWED the average persons perception of sex. Most men masturbate much more then they have sex, and the cocktail or hormones associated and released during and after orgasm are important to sexual development. Porn induced erectile dysfunction for example. I would SURLY NOT tote Polyamory as a good and or proper thing for society. For two reasons. 1. The natural reaction in a large majority of humans regardless of background or culture to cheating is a feeling of painful rejection. If you don't believe in that appeal to nature, then understand that oxytocin is released after sex, a bonding chemical. "Love" chemical if you will.
Further, the nature of sex is procreation, and evidence points to family's together are better then family's apart. But if that weren't true, we could all be step-parents and not have a problem with it. But that's not the case.
In closing, the problem isn't we don't have enough sexual liberation, its educating ourselves that our fetishes do not define us. Aren't an important part of us, just as anger, or bitterness, or selfishness aren't an important part of us. And that we all have emotional problems that might be buried and not addressed. Sexuality and emotions are closely tied. It's important that we treat it that way. Thanks for reading.
What an interesting approach, certainly after reading your latest novel "The Course of Love". Sex and relationships still represent one of the toughest matters to solve before reaching our complete sense of full, mindful and mutual understanding. Thanks for the reflection!
Dude , if you feel so strongly, make a video presentation , and post it on all the school of life comment section , if it is any good I am sure you will gain traction and the world will reward your effort . One love
I concur, brother! Hai sa fim si noi recunoscuti pentru bine, nu numai marginalizati pentru greseli.
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I think it's fetishes that people feel ashamed to admit. I also think that a lot has to do with how supportive or judgemental a partner is.
This animation was slightly disturbing.
You finding it disturbing is what the video is about
Yeah, I know. My point
It's art dammit, *ART*!!
I loved the animation. It was fluid like sexuality.
+Merederai Arts goal can be to disturb, i didnt say its bad or useless, just that i found it disturbing, which adds to the video topic.
Maybe sex is more than having fun and doing whatever you want, and liberation won't come to society via scandalousness. Maybe people don't know what is best for them, and those insane/dogmatic religions have a point. Maybe we are always slaves to something, and we should chose the best master, and liberation is partially an illusion.
Or maybe not.
Dominic Waters: Thank you for saying that. I agree totally :)
SockTaters III Indeed. Maybe means maybe
"maybe those insane/dogmatic religions have a point."
Maybe Paris is in a bottle., maybe the earth is flat...
"maybe we are always slaves to something and we should chose the best master"... I like that.
i remember when i told someone about my 'preferences'. they continued using it as a joke later. never stopped until i broke them off.
I did this around a friend with other friends who already knew.. I was very immature about it and even if everyone in the room knew about it, it was wrong. We were a group that constantly jabbed even personal jabs so it didnt seem like a big deal to me.. He also constantly made personal jabs at me even when I asked him to stop and would always gossip. Years later, the dust settled and we both apologized but never really saw us friends in the future because I'm rather bold and direct.. as he dropped out, got into shitty schemes and what not, he became another person and we havent ever been the same. He told me it bugged him years later and I felt like such shit, apologized and never ever did it again. On behalf of him and anybody else, sorry about the ignorance and immaturity out there.
Sometimes I wonder if something's wrong with me. Where are all my deep dark secrets and dirty desires? Where's my thirst for stranger ass? I just want to be close to a man I love and figure out what works between us. I guess monogamy and sexual faithfulness are their own kinks or something, in which case I'm one freaky fox.
i don't have any exotic desires, but i don't sleep with anyone i haven't first connected with on an intelectual level; which is the real reason why i haven't slept with many people.
I'm not convinced sexual liberation (as it happened in the previous century) was actually a change for the better.
The trick is finding someone that either has the same fetishes as you, or won't think negatively of you for having them and vice versa. Me and my fiancé have been having sex regularly for nearly 10 years and it feels like it gets more enjoyable every time, and I think that is helped by the fact that we talk about our sex often. There may come a point when we find the need to experiment with substances and devices, but there's no shame in wanting to try stuff like that as long as you're both comfortable.
I believe sex became complicated because of the "liberation". Sex has become so unsacred, so easily accessed that weird fetishes have been developed due to such widespread access (for example: somebody realizes they want to have sex with dogs because they can watch hundreds of videos of dog sex).
Fetishes are shamed for a reason. I have zero desires for bondage, petplay or threesomes. If my partner wants to do that, not only will I be repulsed, I'll have a very different view of them. Do I have to accept something that utterly disgusts me?
That's 100% okay that those things disgust you, but you have to understand that there are a lot of people who are into them (with the exception of bestiality because it's not between consenting adults and harms animals), and those people shouldn't be made to feel bad about themselves so that you can be comfortable.
I don't think you've explained why you have your position so much as you have explained what your position is. Why would you feel repulsed? And what is the reason for shaming fetishes?
I'm sorry but people have all sorts of immoral and disgusting fantasies and the relativism with which we are encouraged to engage them is not respectable. Some level of shame is a GOOD thing, it is needed to keep the very damaging, insulting, and unconscious elements of us in check. Charlie has a perfectly fine point.
Shiva Ash
Again, you're not really saying why, you're just saying it. Like what fantasies?
Would you say people need to admit that they have those bad things? Perhaps the bedroom isn't the right place in your mind, but shouldn't there be some way they can express those immoral desires without actually harming people? Maybe therapy?
People who possess fetishes such as dehumanization, crushing, etc. have legitimate mental issues if they are aroused by the pain and humiliation of others. BDSM and petplay are levels of dehumanization as mentioned above, and for me, threesomes reduce sex to a carnal activity instead of a method for bonding and deeper emotional appreciation.
If I found out my boyfriend liked pouring hot oil on his penis, I would be repulsed because I would find his fetish to be a flag for a deeper layer of perversion. Crude terms, it's fucked up.
Therapy for one thing. But allowing someone to brutally torture someone for "sexual arousement" is the same excuse McKamey Manor runs on when they call their hedonistic torture house an "extreme haunted house", when in reality it is a bunch of people who really like torturing and found a way to do it legally.
You mentioned that topic often before and it confuses me over an over - sounds like everyone had a fetish, but I myself, in all honesty, I'm not interested in anything but being 'physically loved', with care and affection and soul. I don't even have other fantasies than that. Maybe I'm more interested in the expansion of my feelings for a touch, in the HOW of the same touch, than in real actions...
Maybe you just percieve your own fetishes and fantasies as "normal". I mean, there must be stuff you absolutely don't want to do in bed, right? So there must be preferences either.
Not all your desires are good. Justifying your sexual preferences because it coexists with 'who you are' is a clever way of normalizing any and all sexual behavior. This is why civilizations have a downfall when they become obsessed with sex.
Sex has much deeper consequences than you realize.
this statement confuses me, i want to achieve sexual freedom because it is what i desire but is unable to because of the norms and consequences, i really just want to express my kinks pls
Why do you think they call it fantasy? We’re not supposed to act on every deviant thought or inclination we may have. People these days think they’re supposed to get every possible pleasure realtor imagined. I happen to realize I’d rather chew on some broken glass than to actually DO some things that I may fantasize about on occasion. It’s not ALL MEANT TO ACT UPON..
it's just that ppl nowadays are pushed by society to be concerned about their sex life. Sex is the most natural thing to do for two persons who love each other. Now ppl are getting poisoned by the expectations of society about what good sex is, the number of positions, the performance, the influence of porn. The medias keep talking about it all the time cuz it's an easy topic to get readers. SAD.
How does this channel posts hard truths that are honestly admissible at the same time non-shareable to any one in the circle .👏🏾👏🏾
But isn't keeping these desires a secret or for ourselves what make us human . I mean not from ur partner , but just wanting to have sex with somebody else maybe , its maybe hurtful to ur partner ... why would you discuss that . I think about fucking other people , doesn't mean I'm gonna do it , doesn't mean its right , doesn't mean its something that should be openly discussed with people . If giving in to every desire you have is liberation that what does anything mean ... why have any constructs , laws , relationships .
That was not the point of the video. The point is that we should accept our urges, not neccessary act on them. I sometimes think about fucking a girl other than my girlfriend. If she asks me, I admit that there are also other girls that turn me on, just as she is not reluctant to tell me that there are other guys she finds hot. Does either of us sleep with other people? Of course not. And both of us would be deeply hurt if we would get betrayed like that. But surpressing those feelings only make it worse, only make us wanting to act on them more.
The human being is bound to want what it doesn't have, and not want what it does have. Only by admitting that we want something, we can ever want it less.
The overly sexual media, acceptance of pornography, and the encouragement to masterbate aren't exactly improving psychological or sexual health, though. Pornography and master action can exclude a person's partner from the equation, it can diminish people's confidence in their sexual performance, it can make one forgetful or unaware of their partner's needs. Also, the prevalence of sex in the media really trivializes it. It's no longer this intimate and living act between two people, but a few physical motions whose end is as simple as eating a slice of apple pie: instant gratification.
What exactly does being democratic about sex mean (specifically the democratic part)? As in, majority rules?
I wondered that too. 9/10 people enjoy gangrape.
In all seriousness i think he was referring to equality and all that jazz.
I think it also implies tolerance towards different inclinations, and that one shouldn't be judged by others because of them, at least not institutionally.
As always, I'm really impressed by the sutile way you use to adress these polemic topics.
De Botton, you're one of the great breaths of fresh air in this world. Thank you.
People are pointing out how good the animation is, which is true, but also the sound design was great :D
Getting annoyed by some of the commenters here.
It's not about seeking the permission to sleep with someone else or to do something ridiculous, that obviously goes against our basic code of conduct. But it's about the goal of expressing our temptations, and then have our partner validate the most perverse parts of our minds as normal. That is ultimate liberation.
There is also a critical need for sexual education.
I have met too many adults who lack, what should be, general knowledge about sex. If they know nothing about sex other than they want it, then the difficult conversation about the nuances of sexual fantasies can be impossible.
Sex ed is crucial.
But to love someone, as true love, and then desire someone else, then i don't think it is love anymore, just attachment. sure, find another person attractive, but to want to have sex with them so badly you'd do it presented the opportunity... Either love is not real, or extremely temporal and conditional, and cannot be confused with friendship and natural attachment, in which case I'm actually just going to fkn kill myself
Exactly ^ LOL thank you
MrPelafio I completely disagree. My husband and I are passionately in love, and we enjoy an incredible relationship. We also like to have sex with other people. In fact, it's what makes our marriage so sustainable. It's natural for sexual interest to wander, and so few of us get to be so open sexually. Our glimpses into other people's lives make us appreciate the bond we have. Love does not equal desire. They can be linked, but they are not intertwined.
this video made me want to die a bit
Yeah. We're a disgusting species because we made up romantic ideals of "love" and "faithfulness" and inside we're all just cheating, lying bastards. :(
this was one of the best animations on this channel
Everytime I look at a history book I think we are more repressed and that our ancestors were more liberated.
What I feel is that we live in a generation where sex reached the opposite status of, say, the middle ages, but still hasn't left the spot of "the subject you can't discuss or question". Before it was "sex is bad" now it's "sex is life" but that's all, you don't talk about it, because the subject is now "good" but it's still a taboo. To me this was a huge problem because I'm asexual, and all I've learned my life was that we don't talk about sex, we don't discuss it, it's just a thing that unavoidably will happen and that's all. Needless to say, I developed a lot of self-hatred during my adolescence because I thought I was broken or crazy or sick, looking for medical solutions, having nightmares over spending the rest of my life in a mad house, because people don't talk about sex, because no one question sex. The fact that I was lucky enough to find out about it before it got worse made me actually more "sexually liberated" that a lot of non-ace people I know even though I don't do it, but I talk about it more naturally than them, I'm more comfortable with the subject, because I know it's important to talk about sex, and I know that sex isn't such a big deal, it's not the boogeyman, it's just a thing some people do.
In place of the sinful and the immoral, we now have the weird, the awkward, the cringy and the not cool.
Helluva progress!
sex Is still a huge problem for most social contexts
Especially if you are into spanking Hitler like @ 4:04
But what if someone is attracted to things which are subjectively immoral like pedophilia and zoophilia
I cite their comment:
"Recognising a desire doesn’t mean you should act on it. The crucial distinction that needs exploring isn’t between denial and action, as if we must act on everything we avow. It’s between denial and avowal WITHOUT ACTION. The logic of denial says: if something is immoral, then I can't have wanted it. The better logic of acceptance runs: I want something which would be catastrophically immoral for others. I will and must therefore put up with not meeting my desires (and keep clear in my mind the very sensible reasons for not trying to have a relationship which would harm others). We can reflect sadly on the deep strangeness and unsatisfactoriness of the human condition."
The W.O.N. no, not really
Kilian Troidl good answer, thanks
Yea, I am here to reply with a similar sentiment. As a person who endures unwanted desires, I've realized they are not immoral desires. Putting them into action is immoral due to the inevitable suffering and torment they cause, but unwanted thoughts and emotions themselves are nothing to worry about.
+Kilian Troidl I think gay will fall on the same category as pedophile etc
Honestly I don't see this with my relationship, I've been with my boyfriend for six years and we're incredibly honest with each other about our fetishes, it's just something that we've never found shame in because we trust each other enough to know that neither will judge the other for what they really want. I can't even imagine being happy in a relationship where something as important as that was neglected.
The animation was just amazing. Give that animator a Cookie! what a work of art this is.
freedom does not come free. man must compromise in some way in order to get the freedom that he needs. think of the social construct. so in a way we r indeed sexually liberated. some sexual thoughts of others might compromise the freedom of another. i find the arguments in this video to be incomplete, biased, n in all honestly relatively immature. one has to first define what FREEDOM is. and how we can sustain freedom in a society.
I feel as if freedom and social culture are entirely different things.
I wanna die.
You will. No need to speed up this process.
Hi,No you really don't want to die. You just want love,caring and a bit of understanding Always remember that Somethingness is always better than nothingness.Thanks.
+Michael Pesavento you cannot be aware of that nothingness I find the idea comforting, I can't wait to die.
That reasoning is actually the reason I want to die right now.
If someone is in unnecessary uncontrollable torment, and they're gonna die anyway, why not help them die right now?
you preach it brotha
I have been genuinely attracted to the same person for almost 10 years. And I believe a large piece of that is I truly love them.
Those fetishes and moments of weakness (how I see them) cause embarrassment because in my opinion they are more a result of unhappiness or stress than a legitimate sexual need.
Not everybody has repressed sexual desires. It's common yes, but it's also not necessarily the norm. It's videos like these that actually used to make me paranoid there was something wrong with me for /not/ secretly having some specific fantasies. It used to make me wonder whether everyone else had, and it caused a great deal of trust issues in my early years of sexual activity. Trust issues that were unnecessary. If one is open and not disapproving about anything sexual towards their partner, it's very possible to have no secrets for each other. Me and my partner have our kinks, yes, but we are open about those, experiment, and have no issues with these secret sexual fantasies that are constantly talked about in The School of Life. It would be good if you guys stopped pushing that so much. I am in a circle of friends where everyone is very open about their sexuality, and while there are plenty friends that have some very specific fetishes that are quite out there, there are also plenty that don't really have any specific fetish-like desire either. Both can have perfectly fine and exciting sex lives. Not having a specific fantasy/fetish does not make you boring, and being someone without any specific desires you can even have a good sex life with someone who does have a fetish. As long as you are both just open and accommodating. Just wanted to get this out there.
Dude, not everybody is into S&M. Some of us just like sex.
But the real question should be if it is really necessary to be completely liberated. I don't really see the freedom in promiscuity and living out all of your fantasies because once you do it you will find out how dull it is. After all it might be only with another person or in another position, which doesn't mean it gives you another, better feeling as in your mind. Sometimes fantasies are just good to remain fantasies. And so the sexual non-liberation can be something to strive for.
I always had performance anxiety. I don't know I think porn had alot to do with that. I feel better about it without porn.
Why not just not have sex?
+Walter Slaughter You apparently didn't fully comprehend what you read. Please read it again and think.
This is called PIED, check it out.
Because we have a cultural injunction towards sex that goes beyond the simple biological compulsion. Living in an authentically liberated society would mean feeling free NOT to enjoy sex without damage to ones ego or social status.
This videos make me feel like i'm the one odd out, because i have a healthy relationship with my partner, it's ironic.
A bigger question is,should we act on our ever desire?And does that make you liberated?
As long as the desire and the actions done through that desires don't hurt themselves or anyone else, I don't see why you should be stopped from doing it.
There are desires others have that I would never choose to do, but as long as the desire are unharmful to anyone involved in it it should none of my business what they do.
@@islamsucksalways I've seen people on drugs act on their non harmful desire and suffer from low dopamine and depression
@@daboxingscholar "suffer from low dopamine and depression".. Isn't it harmful to them? I have mentioned that slef harm should not be encouraged.
@@islamsucksalways that's my point 👉
Really love the animations in this one!
This video would not have been possible without the sexual revolution occurring first. I agree with many points but all the problems it describes are the result of an incomplete sexual education. The fact that it takes many people so long to reach a balance between emotions and sex drive just shows how badly we are educated on sex. We mostly have to discover all this for ourselves and then rediscover it in the context of other people. Better sex education that takes into account men's, women's and lgbt's feelings would eradicate the "problems" with sexual liberation for the immediately next generation. Knowledge is power.
I've long awaited for this video, great work!
My fetishes, kinks, and desires only revolve around my longtime boyfriend, I mean I think others are attractive and stuff but I don't think about them sexually.. it's not that I'm a prude, it's just that it doesn't spark my interest or even enter my mind unless brought up by someone else. Is that really that uncommon?
To be completely honest, the more sexually liberal I've become, the less I think/obsess about sex. I definitely endorse exploring bisexual and polyamorous situations. I wish people could just pursue what they desire with honesty and not betrayal.
samuel johnson That just means that your mind became dulled, and sex became a meaningless sensation to you.
The most incredible, and I mean this literally, "love scene" in the movies is the one in which Ed Wood tells his girlfriend on their first or second date that he likes to wear women's clothes, and she says "OK". That's got to be a one in 100,000 chance. I think most people are conflicted about sex because inside of a loving, committed relationship, it's about GIVING love, and outside of that, it's about TAKING pleasure. Since it's hard to be sure whether your partner is giving or taking, that creates tension. There is a wide spectrum of attitudes about your partner ranging from "piece of meat" to "true love", and if you and your lover are at different points on the spectrum, you are both in serious trouble. Oh, and did I mention that there is still the fear of pregnancy and STD's? Because that's big, too.
Thank you so much for your these videos. They're mature, well constructed, and thoughtful; designed in just a calm manner! Without a doubt my fave creations on UA-cam in a long time.
So maybe instead of saying "sexual liberation didn't happen" it would be more accurate to say "sexual liberation isn't complete yet"?
Also, what if total sexual liberation is achieved? Won't that be the death of eroticism? If anything goes, nothing has the thrill of taboo anymore. Won't this limitless gratification make desire obsolete?
This is good stuff, knowledge helps everything!
This makes a blanket statement about "society". Rather, I think it's more accurate to say SOME people still feel this way due to upbringing, personality, individual preferences, etc. From my experience, most people don't, though, especially in today's overtly sexualized society.
A lovely message for a hyper-sexualized culture.
right but sometimes the desires can be really, really bad. like rape, violence, torture, misery, and so on
what are you supposed to do then?
Very well done. One of your best to the topic, imo. And a very important topic it is.
I don't feel comfortable having sex unless it is with a women I would be married to. And I'm a guy. Yet, such feelings I have for sex are natural and I cannot be good for my sexual partner unless I practice sex myself. It is a conundrum
Not every sexual desire should be pursued. Some should be right out extinguished. Like the desire to sexually be with another person when you are in a committed relationship. It is not liberation to encourage this desire, it is slavery because the cost of pursuing such a desire, far outweigh the benefits. Our desires should not control us, we should control them.
PrinceofGreatness Monogamy isn't for everybody. While polygamy isn't something I agree with, it is something I have studied and spoken to multiple people about whom prefer that love lifestyle. Try to keep an open mind.
Does having an "open mind" in this situation require me to sacrifice my morals?
I agree. Like the desire to be kidnapped and abused only works as a fantasy but not in real life.
Is this a suggestion for open relationships?
dis some dope ass animation son
idk i feel that if you just want "normal" sex it makes you "boring" and some people act like they are into fetishes just to seem interesting
Love your video SoL. They have helped me so much over the last year.
even tho this video came on with auto play. I gotta admit I was pissed off about something and your mellow tone calmed me down
Amazing channel but nothing on Carl Jung yet? Also it wouldn't hurt to do one on Carl Sagan. The Carls need love too!
beautiful animation, what software was used?
i Would like to know the name of the song you play at 3:26
that void-like sexual tension music
Obviously this an unpopular opinion of mine and it very recently became the conviction I stand by today but here it is: Life is an amazing and sacred phenomenon. Sex is meant to produce life, and having sex without the intention of procreation is simply an act of appeasement to the ego. A temporary high. By wasting the amazing potential of life that would be from such an act for the sake of personal gain is corrupt, selfish behavior. The fallacies of consequence are obviously silly and untrue, but at their core were meant to prevent those who can't understand from damning themselves to a shallow life of eternal wanting.
Fantastic video and the animation was awesome!!
in addition to this, I recommend you watching a film called "the little death", which also deals about what is spoken of in this video.
great video, just bought myself some prompt cards to hopefully get my mind in the right place
Our identities are not static throughout our lives. We can be whoever we want to be. The real question is what do we want to be and is it worth it, in spiritual terms?
I hugely agree with the concept of the video, I thinks a world were people can be open and unashamed about their sexual desires; however, I disagree with the statement that monogamy is impossible.
This is catharsis theory and catharsis theory is simply wrong from beginning to end. Completely giving in to all your desires does not in fact relieve the desires. It increases them, at an ever increasing price and diminishing rate of return.
Obviously momentary desire is satiated in the moment. But it doesn't stop there. You have to give in more and more to keep getting the same high from anything which is based on releasing powerful endorphins like that. People who go overboard with it, who head toward things like S&M have to keep getting more extreme to keep getting the same excitement. It's how people end up becoming pedophiles, necrophiliacs, whatever crazy thing they end up doing. This is all just brain chemistry stuff.
I am not saying people should never have sex. That would be ridiculous. I am only saying people do have to observe some limits, to stop going into all that crazy stuff which really can be harmful. That it is a good thing to have at least some limits. Letting yourself go completely in whatever perverted direction will change you over time to get worse and worse.
What's normal is that people have *some* limits. I am describing what happens with people who completely get rid of all limits. That is a very unusual thing to do and its results are not pretty. It does become an addiction yes.
I kinda agree with you here,
good example most people are aware of is porn...
I bet most people were sexually arroused by just seeing naked breasts for the first time on internet/tv, and over time things need to be more and more extreme to grab your interest
I totally agree with you but majority do not.
This video is not about catharsis theory.
Hahahaha!! Is that Hitler enjoying being gently slapped on his booty at 4:02?
Sex consists of more than having some emotional liberation/connection. Every sexual act has its consequences, so does every communication about one's preferences.
1:45 hit me hard. sex doesn't seem to match up with love from the variety of relationships I've had with people thus far in my 21 years of life experiences.
now I shall go hide in my closet and have a little psychological breakdown. .
One of the best ones so far
Sexual repression is the reason there are so many problems within monogamous relationships. There should be no topic taboo. Your partner should be your safest place to be. There is zero reason to go outside of a committed relationship for sex. In a marriage, You and your partner are one, it should be discussed openly. Going outside of the relationship is very simply cheating and being a cheater and not loving your partner at all. No way around it. If sex is MORE important than your partner, then there is an enormous problem to contend with that may require counceling, sex addictions, porn use, confusion, fear of real love and intimacy, detachment, honestly, trust, unknown fears, anger and other strongholds that are keeping a person from a healthy, open, fun and real committed sex life with their selected partner/spouse.
This is the only one video from School of Life I'm kinda hard to agree. (As I am living and was raised in very conservative way), but the idea of having it to be "common" when it is done by absolute majority, it just doesnt seem right for me. For I believe that some can be traced to our animal instinct, such as inability to monogamy or desire to be overpowered over one's being. However, for very distinguished sexual behavior, such as mechafilia or necrophilia, simply I cannot transcribe it to any valid reason, and still, although it maybe a little judgemental, one's must aware that it is a counterback of being nurtured in a very abnormal way.
I'm open to any opinion about this, if one might feel that I'm confused, please do enlight me.
We are not all weird kinky people with suppressed S&M fetishes. Lots of us just want to have normal sex with the people we are married to and have no problem talking about that.
it's sad that in order to touch someone you need to engage for things deeper than what you actually need.
I would really like to see a video of the "making of" of such video. Would that be possible?
I tried listening to the School of life and then my girlfriend broke up with me
Dylan Adams tell her, religeon is a lie to keep away from the wonder and the logical life it is.
She wasn't the one, dude
This!
I honestly find it far easier to stand naked in front of a crowd then to openly share my deepest thoughts and desires wich are not even necessarily sexual in nature
Relevant thoughts, beautiful animation!
Im trying to understand to which fetishes the video reffers ?
Clearly bdsm but what about other, more uncommon fetishes like animals, objects disabled or old people, and so on.
This info its so helpfull ! I went straight to talk with my partner after watching this i feel happy , Clear and like i really learned something ! Thanks
the animation is so beautiful!!!!