Childhood neglect + no friends as an adult is hard. Very hard. I speak from experience... Props to that woman for having the strength to keep going. Sending love her way 💜
Showing up as yourself is the only way to make long lasting friends. I only got close friends at 24, when I had healed enough to finally open up to others.
This is so relatable. This girl was treated so badly. Consider going no contact. Cut these people out of your life and create the life you deserve. Start over, and know you can do it. You are so worthy and valuable. Grieve the loss of your childhood and the family you never had, and give yourself the life and the love you deserve. I wish you the best and I know you can do it!
My heart goes out to this woman. Being rejected by your own mother is so hard. I hope Josie finds her tribe, im so glad she wrote to you, i know this will help her.
God and I thought I had it hard 😢… Dear God, please bless this amazing strong and beautiful woman 🤍🤍🤍🙏🙏🙏 let her know how beautiful valuable and loved and wanted she is!!!!!
One thing I wanna say… often when people speak about being emotionally abused and/or neglected? Most people tend to overlook that by default! But people (and rightly so) will react STRONGLY when hearing about physical and sexual abuse which is obviously horrific and should be strongly condemned and punished greatly!!!! But I can remember being on a therapists chair expressing some of my challenges in childhood and this therapist was trying to get a STORY out of me to explain why I had the diagnosis I did, and I couldn’t really say that I had extreme physical abuse, so she automatically wrote it off assuming that I guess it was nothing that horrific example she gave like I had someone put a lit up cigarette on me or I wasn’t brutally raped or beaten physically…. So it’s one of those lighter situations or nothing all that traumatic or tragic and extreme. Sure I can understand her point! But still this is a licensed professional who are insinuating this stuff??
my family is no longer part of my life, it was the hardest decision I have made in my entire life. It left a weight on my heart forever. But it is easier than me trying to continue the strain relationship. I am better off without them, decades later, I still remember their birthdays etc. I love them, but I don't trust or like them. Josie, you are worth it, never ever forget that
I think reading these stories out loud is so enlightening for many of us because we may not fully recognize what we have been through or how to deal with it, but when we hear other's stories we can understand because we are not in the middle of it. When something in someone else's story resonates with us we can understand more clearly how to proceed. What happened to you was not okay Josie. You deserved and still deserve better.
You will free up so much cognitive space when you give up hope that they'll ever turn into good people, Josie. CHF is right about this. I honestly think you really should just enjoy life in your city far away and phase them out of your life. You can keep light contact with the sibs if you want, but let your parents go.
I cried. I’d love to be her second mother and boundary advocate friend. Even while I’m working on my own with my mother as I recently went no contact and navigate what things look like going forward.
Josie's letter made me cry. I can't understand how some parents can be that way. I admire her resilience and tremendous courage and I want to send her a big hug. Josie, every time you feel "dysregulated" just think of all the people here behind you. We believe in you, keep going! ❣
That kind of sadness and feeling of loneliness is so hard to fix, it needs so much understanding, patience, self-love and lots of lots of therapy... How to love yourself when your family doesn't love and care about you? The hardest thing is to learn how to accept that. Because when you don't have family who loves and understands you, when you don't have friends and partner, you feel like a mistake, like an alien. I hope to see more videos about family estrangement, and how to cope with severe depression all alone, without friends and someone you can turn to... Thank you so much for posting this video and for the warm words of kindness ❤️
My story is very similar to Josie's. Most of my adult life, I'd realized my friends treated me better than my "family." I tell people I have "relatives" but not "family." I feel bad walking away from them, but they don't care about me or support me. Thank you for this video.
Dear first letter writer, your resilient spirit and strength is such an inspiration. Your story is very close to the story of my husband, who also comes from an immigrant family and is the oldest. My mother in the law is a malignant narcissist and made me realize the presence of narcissism all throughout in my life, although she is by far the worst case. My biggest goal, more than career and any other ambition, is to give myself and husband the loving and nurturing family we never had. I'm 37 and only now realized I want to work towards this goal. You sound like a wonderful person. I know you will find the family and supportive circle of loved ones who will reflect back to you your good qualities and fierce love and dedication you have for all. I'm rooting for you and wishing you all the best!!
Josie you are stronger than you know. Put your energy into yourself and positive people. Dont waste energy on those that drain you and drag you down. You can find friends...good friends. Let good people in. Dont be scared.
What is the most saddening aspect of this poor woman's shabby treatment by her mother, is that her mother didn't learn her lessons from the awful treatment she had received from HER mother. She repeated her mother's mistakes and behaviours.
Ugh 😩 I’m crying with this story because I’ve been thru the same thing. Being the black sheep but also not being society’s standards of beauty. I wish I knew people like this in real life. Sweet people who can relate in this way so we can support each other. It’s so lonely. I try to explain this to the people in my life but they just make it seem like because I’m older I should be used to it and stop complaining. 😢 sending a big cyber hug to this lady. if u read this, I know how u feel and u are seen! ❤
Anna, sadly this is very common among families of color. It’s a cultural dynamic. I work with primary Hispanic/Latina client’s, who bring this trauma dynamic. Women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond who struggle with self esteem and self worth and setting boundaries because of traumatic abuse. It’s hard to have healthy detachment but very necessary. Maybe going to Al-Anon for support and learning how to gain some perspective. These stories are never easy to hear. I find myself wanting to take her under my wing. I’m really glad she sent a letter to you Anna. Thank you for sharing such wisdom with us.
This poor woman has been so emotionally abused, it's a wonder she's functioning. Maybe most of us here have been, and we all NEED help. I'm sending so much love to everyone that feels the pain from abusive childhood.
So sorry for Josie. I'm the middle child of three siblings but the oldest girl. My older brother was in football and judo and other activities; my younger sister was coddled and protected and kept by my mother; i knew in my mind i wasnt worthy of dance or gymnastics, etc and so i never asked. I eventually learned in my 30s that I was a scapegoat for all my mother's misery. My experiences are not as extreme as Josie, though 😞 Gradually as I continue to value and respect myself, I make more and more boundaries which exclude and break myself from my family. Yes, life is very difficult without any supportive, safe family members, yet I continue to learn detaching from family members is best for my personal well-being. I've been working on trusting myself and developing friendships with people around me where I live, work, volunteer, etc. In my late 50s I finally have and trust friends and feel happy and not alone (most of the time). It's very hard, yet I recommend Josie letting go of her biological family members... Josie deserves supportive, loving, caring people in her life... we all do!
Josie ❤ you are NOT the problem. You are remarkable! My own mom acts like my hyper independence was a choice o stead of a trauma response from so much neglect and abuse. You didn’t deserve that treatment. Keep fighting for your great life - you deserve it 🤗
Josie, I have had similar circumstances. I am so thankful for the wonderful friends that came into my life 4 years ago. I had spent so much time not believing that anyone would want to be my friend if members of my family couldn't even accept me, so I had a hard time being vulnerable enough to build close, intimate friendships. I always wanted people to invite me into their lives or make the first move. I realized when I was reading the Bible that it really started with me. Proverbs 18:24 "A man who has friends must himself be friendly". I bet you would make a great friend, and I hope you find quality friends that treat you with love and respect. You may have to make the first move, but it's worth the risk. I now have friends that would pick me up from the hospital, if fact they have, and I have done the same for them. What a blessing.
My heart seriously broke for this girl. So much so this is probably the first story to bring tears to my eyes. I hope she reads these comments and knows how much love she deserves, and still deserves, and will always deserve. I love you, kind stranger ❤ Please continue take care of yourself, but know that there are moments in life people should take care of you. You need hugs, good friends and a new family (even if it is found family). You deserve a good partner, and you deserve to love yourself. ❤❤❤
I cried when Anna read this letter. It’s unimaginable how much heartbreak this lady experienced in her life. What family is this. I didn’t have a good childhood either but this is a different level. I so much hope that this lovely lady who wrote the letter can nurture and reparent herself and find good loving people in her life.
My mother verbally abused me and neglected me when I was a child. I would fight back and when I was in my thirties I would tell her that she couldn't treat me like that. She would answer back 'that's the way I was treated.' I didn't have the presence of mind to ask if she liked it. How could she be self aware enough that she was abused as a child and lhen visit that same abuse on her beautiful little daughter?
This story is the most sad and incredibly maddening story Ive heard on your channel. I Love how you spoke to this person. So kind and strong. Oh my god I feel so incredibly bad for her and also very proud of her!
I saw this documentary about a Filipino family where the American son made a movie about his auntie, this non-biological woman who on paper was referred to as his "aunt" and spent her life as the caretaker of the family (nanny, housekeeper, etc.). It turns out she was a slave, gifted to his mother when both mom and the auntie were teenagers. His mom came from a wealthy family and slavery was not uncommon in their region. He grew up with this woman in their lives, taking care of him even when they immigrated to the US. He saw how his parents mistreated her, but also "loved" her as a family member. Only as a young man did he realize how wrong the situation was and how conditioned he had been. He was trying to reconcile his love for his parents with their literal enslavement of this woman. The woman seemed unperturbed about her situation and the domestic slavery she'd done her whole life and loved the family very much. She never questioned her place except for a few times over the year (e.g. when she got a crush on a boy, but never pursued it and remained a virgin and childless her whole life). The letter reminded me of that documentary for some reason
This reminds me of the friendship/servitude in "The Kiterunner", where one boy is essentially the servant of the other but also kind of a friend, so it's a really complex relationship.
Thank you for sharing this story. I have friends and family from a different culture where it seems that women and girls were valued for their domestic labor, child bearing abilities, colorism (fair skin is best), attractiveness, and industriousness. The first daughters tend to be the mother’s helper or spare caretaker. Their wants and needs are often overlooked as their essential function is as the author described. My heart goes out to her because it sounds like a very lonely, limited role to occupy in the family system. One that she did not choose. Healing from such family systems is possible and especially with technology and communities such as this.
This sounds so heartbreaking. I have cptsd and a lot of issues and didn't experience anything to this extent. I really hope the most beautiful souls come into your life soon.
I definitely had the thought that this woman had a different father. You see that all the time with step parents preferring their biological kids. But her mother's attitude makes me wonder if this woman was born out of bad circumstances that left her mother hateful towards her (e.g. rape, a bad relationship with the biological father, born out of wedlock, anything that brought the mother a deep sense of shame). This of course isn't the daughter's fault, but I hope she can learn more about her parentage and past, because ultimately it was never about her. It was about her parent's shame. All children are innocent.
So heartbreaking what Josey went through as a neglected child. As the scapegoat of our family, this triggers me to the many memories of being overlooked which lingers long past the actual physical abuses. I spent much of my adulthood trying to get my siblings to love me, and the more I heal the more I realize that that is not going to happen. The beautiful part of healing is that I am realizing I don’t need them to love me in order to be loved. Thank you Jesus for all the helpers you bring me along the way to help me realize this. Thank you Anna for creating this space for all of us on this journey of healing.
Josie, i feel for you. That sounds so hard. You are so strong, i feel thats why you're deemed a threat by your mother. Im working through feelings of unworthiness and being unloveable my self. Im 39 and just becoming aware of amount of damage done by my upbringing. Its very difficult for me to accept that i will never have the relationship with my parents that i deserved as a child. My therapist has me working on radical acceptance. For me this brings up many emotions. I grieve the loss of the life ill never have. For me this grief brought up alot of feelings of anger towards my parents. The more i process the anger and accept it for what it is the less often i fantasize about the relationship that could have been. You got this Josie, you are worth it. Love you.
"Its totally normal for people who had a rageful dad to drink" - never knew this lightbulb moment. ✨️ 💡 THANK YOU CCFairy 🧚♂️ 💛 ps: I look forward to the loneliness help live tomorrow 😊 !
Sounds like you just found a whole bunch of friends. I have never felt such strength shining and persevering through a letter. Amazing that you know yourself so well and I wish you all the best with your job. You're amazing.
This is heartbreaking. I can only image your day to day, living with the narratives that were created by people who don’t have the capacity to love you. I pray that you find the esteem and healing that you deserve
My mother always was saying to me nasty comments about my skin tone because it was darker than my sister and about the shape of my head and that she was more charming like me. I can relate so much 😢
Anna, I listen to you every night before i sleep, your words are lullaby for me, as i never had my mom's love, and Dr Gabor Mate for my dad's love, your wisdom and advice have woken me from my depressed slumber, thanks Mom.
Josie, whatever your real name is, you are such a strong person. What happened to you wasn't fair but I also hope you are proud of how you've raised yourself into a successful, kind, caring person who is working on healing. Everyone would be lucky to be your friend! I know I would be.
Can so relate to all the dysfunction. It really touched me about you not having people in your life when you needed to go to the hospital. I can remember the feelings of not feeling I had anyone to count on. It’s painful and numbing but that is why it’s important to start reaching out and creating the life we need for connection ❤
Josie, you are enough! It is not your fault! I wish I could hug you. I want to remind you that you have so much worth and there is so much left for you to learn about how amazing you really are!
The Crappy Childhood Fairy suggested that the first writer might have a different father, but I believe the situation may involve a different mother altogether, with the child being taken from her true biological mother. In some cultures, custody isn’t granted but rather taken by one party, often with the belief that the child belongs with the father due to cultural norms and lack of education. This explains why the mother is treating her poorly; she had to be a mother to an unwanted child. In these cultures, the biological mother did not willingly give up the baby. Instead, the child was truly taken from her. This truly explains why she has been taken advantage of and treated as a second-class citizen.
This letter made me so mad, mad at the family and mum especially for being so cruel. Eye opening that people can be like that. I’m amazed at the author and her resilience. At age 36 you are still have loads of time to have a full and amazing life. Go get it!
The sender of the letter has great courage ... I am glad she is expressing herself but if i were here i could cut these people off and leave them behind me and develop good relationships with good people who are supportive ... Let them go honey love urself the way u wished they did... Love urself
This is the first time that I've been angry listening to a letter, directed towards the mother of this story. Appalling malicious neglect. "Josie" I'm rooting for you! I mean this truly, I'm sitting here in my living room with tears in my eyes, fists in the air (triumph) and smiling as if you are running the last 5 miles of a marathon. I want you to know that a kind stranger on the internet is REALLY hoping the best for you and arm so proud of you getting this new job. YOU DID THAT! This is how you know your mother's behavior was so cruel, because you and I know how easy it is to support others. I understand that you want to stay in your mother's life and I want you to know that she doesn't deserve it. Even if you stay connected, which is your choice, she doesn't deserve it. You deserved a loving mother and family, which she took away from you. She will never give you the love, thought, concern or care you deserve. I hope you will work to fully understand this and know there isn't anything you can do. I know that you will find friends that deserve your friendship. Ones that are so special you may consider them your chosen family. We all need family and it's okay to find a new one!
Josie girl I am so sorry that you had to go through and endure such abuse from your parents! I want to say that often in Black families one child is noticeably lighter or darker and/or has different textured hair from the other siblings. It's just in our genes. I felt like I was adopted because I was light skinned with kinky hair and the rest of my family is darker with looser curls than me. I felt like the "black sheep" just because of my hair & skin color. Embrace your beauty! I really think that finding a church community would be another positive way to find friends and a substitute family in your life. I had to do the same thing where my parents didn't love me how I wanted to be loved, and I have found brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers at church. The more positive groups that you can be a part of, the more people you can share your wonderful beautiful heart with. May God continue to bless you with your your gentle and sincere heart!💖
I'm so sorry Josie still yearns for the connection and love of her family. I was in tears listening - her letter is so articulate, kind, thoughtful yet still believes in these despicable people who appear to have none of her qualities. They have betrayed her so much and she still holds hope for them. Maybe letting go will be very hard for her but she will feel much better about herself when she does. Josie, you sound like a dear, wonderful person - you could have choose bitterness and sadness yet you choose in focussing on the goodness in people, still - you deserve good friends and a full life! I think remaining in touch with your family will hold you back and keep you stuck. Please look after yourself - as Anna, says, THE WORLD NEEDS YOU. You deserve to be well, cherished and thriving. I am sending you all my love and good vibes, may the divine creator take special care of you.
I believe Josie was from the same family and darker skinned and kinky hair- (exotic). 😊 The family (Mom), just felt threatened and cast all her shame on the “different” child. My prayer is that all the disowned children who are adults with brokenness learn to shine like the sun ☀️ and heal. I truly believe through our cracks comes the most beautiful light and love. ❤❤❤
Josie - thank you for sharing your 💔experience. I am praying for you and hope you find a new family 💜that loves you as much as you deserve 💗 Thank you Anna for Standing up for her & all of us 😊
Your comments towards the end about autistic or drug-addicted people being sometimes those who are as a group often better able to deal with a partner's prickliness because they don't notice them as much as others ... it occurred to me that being in an international relationship is another type which for structural reasons can "accidentally" go very well (or very poorly) ... if you don't share all the cultural and linguistic references, then your various dissatisfactions can fly under the radar (until hopefully you've dealt with them) and you have more chances to either communicate more explicitly or decide to drop it ... both valuable.
Sending you a massive amount of love Josee!! I truly admire your strength and I am very sorry that all of that was done to you. I hope you find the family/tribe you deserve!
📜 Psalm.13:1How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? 2How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? 3Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, 4and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. 5But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me
00:00 🛑 Childhood neglect can deeply impact self-esteem and emotional well-being. 01:10 💔 Being overlooked and neglected by family members can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy. 02:33 💡 Some individuals cope with neglect through delusion and self-reliance, creating their own celebrations and support systems. 03:32 💰 Financial struggles compounded by family neglect can exacerbate emotional distress and trigger past traumas. 05:37 🤕 Emotional distress from past neglect can manifest as physical symptoms, impacting overall well-being. 06:49 🚶 Seeking advice on maintaining productivity and emotional stability while dealing with family neglect and past traumas. 10:12 🤔 Reflecting on family dynamics and potential underlying issues such as internalized racism or narcissism. 15:03 💔 Discovering the truth about past neglect, such as denial of medical insurance coverage, can be profoundly painful. 17:38 💪 Facing the reality of past trauma and its ongoing effects is crucial for healing and moving forward in life. 18:48 🏥 Recognize the impact of childhood neglect on forming a support network. 19:57 🤝 Building a community of supportive friends is essential for healing from trauma. 21:20 💔 Accepting the unchanging nature of difficult family dynamics can lead to less emotional pain. 22:31 🛡 Establishing boundaries with difficult family members can protect your sense of self. 25:34 🧠 Seek support from communities like 12-step programs to connect with others who understand. 28:07 🤝 Prioritize building friendships over seeking validation from toxic family members. 32:46 🔄 Recognize and challenge habits, decisions, and perceptions formed from past trauma to heal self-esteem. 36:51 🔑 Take ownership of your healing journey by focusing inward and changing yourself, rather than waiting for apologies or validation from others. 37:45 🧠 Childhood trauma can lead to difficulties in predicting risks and making decisions due to neurological stress. 39:11 🔄 Learning to notice and regulate when experiencing emotional dysregulation can help manage symptoms of CPTSD. 40:47 🛠 Working on behaviors and habits, such as re-regulating emotions and improving decision-making, is key to improving self-esteem. 41:15 💔 Childhood neglect and trauma can lead to self-doubt, people-pleasing behavior, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships in adulthood. 46:47 🔄 Healing from childhood trauma involves facing emotions, expressing oneself honestly, and seeking support from healthy relationships and therapy. 52:10 💡 Recognizing self-worth and deserving healthy relationships is essential for healing from childhood trauma and forming fulfilling connections in adulthood. 55:40 🌱 Sobriety, therapy, support groups, and self-help programs like the speaker's membership program can provide valuable tools for healing and personal growth. 57:42 🔄 Recognize the turning point when you decide to take action for positive change in your life. 58:38 💔 Childhood experiences of neglect can lead to chasing after unfulfilling relationships in adulthood. 59:32 🔄 Love is more than just a word; it's about actions that show care and consideration for your well-being. 01:00:25 📚 Abandonment trauma, as described by Pete Walker, can deeply affect relationships and self-perception. 01:01:51 💔 Recognize the pattern of limerence and attachment wounds driving unhealthy relationship dynamics. 01:02:48 🔄 Beware of codependent tendencies that prioritize helping others over protecting yourself. 01:03:28 💪 Embrace becoming your authentic self and expressing your needs and emotions honestly. 01:04:37 🔄 Don't rationalize staying in a miserable relationship; prioritize your own well-being. 01:05:20 💡 Being single and sober can provide a valuable opportunity for self-reflection and growth. 01:06:15 💪 Feelings of shame and dissatisfaction can be fuel for personal transformation and growth.
Could happen my oldest son was not covered under my ex's health insurance. But no healthcare happens .Wisconsin nearly killed me and my sons. We need to get a group here ladies.
This letter was so disturbing. Personally, I'd rather have no family than the family she described. I'd cut ties with all of them, and they'd never hear from, or see me again. I'd also get therapy to heal the damage, too. One thing I noticed in the letter is she talked about how an ex boyfriend humiliated her, possibly because she broke up with him. I noticed that she talked about him in the present tense as if he is still a friend. Someone who intentionally humiliates you is not a friend. I'm concerned that she's going to allow people to disrespect her, and she will tolerate it, because she's trying to hang on to people, even when they treat her poorly. I really hope she gets the help that she needs and finds true friends and loved ones.
Three very important things for the victims of abuse: 1) Go fully no contact. This is the only way. Don't listen to ANYBODY and stay fully no contact. 2) If you think there was no favoritism in your family, then you were not the favorite child. Only the favorite children know that they were favored. 3) See how despite continued terrible abuse, the victims hold on to their families? This is because childhood abuse destroys "alarm/warning systems" in the brain. This was a coping mechanism as a child, BUT the victim continues to tolerate abuse from family and spouse well into adulthood. Their alarm/warning systems in the brain are out of whack and they continue to justify and tolerate continued abuse from family/spouse well into adulthood and beyond. So, recognize abuse and/or child favoritism in family early and go fully no contact.
I just said something I don't remember saying. My mom and brother both told me I said something like : "I am glad I am sick or not healthy". I don't remember saying that. Why do I have memory issues? Is that also a symptom of complex ptsd? I don't find myself anywhere.
We should make a community altogether and a meet up 💗 or an event where all healing people can meet like minded people from this community 💗 I also want and look for deep friendships
I am speechless. Too many similarities. People can be so cruel. So many lies and deceit, because of hidden truth. These generational patterns need to stop. Abusive
I think Josie's story would make an amazing modern-day "Snowwhite" as a thriller, only here we have neglect, not poisoned apple. It would also be great that Josie was darker than her family - it's trendy these days to rethink traditional characters. I hope if Josie reads this, she'll feel like a princess in a fairy-tale story with an inevitable happy ending!
Since an invitation was given to viewers to say what they see, I’m going to go ahead. It is internalized racism, and it’s a survival technique used by the parents (and possibly siblings) to cast you as the one who will hold their pain. Everything that they were made to believe about themselves, you will hold. Thats the role they decided you would play. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. No, there is nothing you can do to make it better for them. Except maybe love yourself against all odds. Defy the casting. This MAY give them permission to defy their own casting. But that’s up to them. Just love yourself and accept yourself in every way you can. 💛
this letter is heart wrenching, I claim she finds her tribe immediately!! was her mother born in the 1950's those women aren't happy. and colorism is real, it's a byproduct of racism. and it's ugly. imagine being the lightest in the family and your skin called yellow. and growing up believing you were ugly and didn't belong. whew...the damaged that has caused. Yes, the child of the same gender and who may look like the parent is met with resentment and jealousy etc. It truly is nothing you did, it was all her. Dear Sister, do your best to love yourself. do your best to keep your distance from her. because they get older and while age and their needs soften them, they are still monsters and it their resentment/jealousy etc doesn't soften.
Dear "Josie". I don't know if this will make sense, but sometimes [we] have too look at our (toxic) family of origin and declare them an "accident of birth". Maybe your friends (that you will make - you will make some) will be your chosen and loving family. :) I am literally starting new (no friends or family to where I have just relocated). I joined a beginner curling league. There is a bowling league I'll sign up for next fall (it runs Sept to Apr). In between, I'm looking at organizations I can volunteer to get plugged into to meet people. Some ideas for you to consider. Remember, holidays are but a "day" on the calendar. Sometimes we have to create our own traditions. Mine is I don't have a tradition anymore. But if I am on my own over one particular holiday, it involves a stack of movies, the box of chocolates I ask my kids to get me, and tortiere (and a fat glass of wine). I am sending you a massive virtual fluffy bear hug.
It sounds to me that Josie's mother may have been jealous of her daughter. I know it sounds odd to say, but the first daughter can instinctively pose a threat to the mother's relationship with her husband (as alpha female), hence blacksheeping the daughter. Josie, it seems was born with a beautiful aura and light within her, and her beauty both inner and outer was downplayed and put down because of her mother's jealousy of her. Her strength of spirit and love shows that she holds a beautiful essence and inner power to overcome adversity and to be in peace and love with others. May she remain ever true to the beauty and love that is within her, and just simply accept that when one holds such light, darkness comes to meet them. Just accept them as they are, let them be as they are without regret or anger. And to truly see the beauty and love in you that they were afraid you would find out about yourself. It seems to me that Josie's heart health was due to her broken heart, and its important to see that the more we pursue the love of others , the more injury we cause to our heart. The negative treatment by Josie's family was not really about Josie, it was their inner reaction to her beautiful loving light she carried within. Relax your heart gently, care for it with beautiful fragrances like roses, take swims in the ocean waters, and sincerely and genuinely tell your heart how much you love it and how beautiful it is. I hope you find some inner peace so that you can move on and be with your family without needing their love, knowing that your power for love is within you and it is your strength.
Okay... ok this video of yours is one of the closest i can relate too. Processing here... Whats interesting to me is not that i can relate to Josie... But that i needed to hear what you said...
My take on Jess being ostracised by her family in part because of her « cola » skin Color is a cultural issue more than some racism resulting from infidelity. She said she was of an immigrant family, a light skin in a lot of Asian, South Asia, south east Asia countries is culturally praised because 1/ it is synonymous to « aristocracy » as opposed to people working in the fields (hence the dark skin). Having a darker skin for a girl in a patriarchal society also means « bad marriage » back in their country. I.m half french half Indonesian, I always saw irony in half my family looking for golden brown skin during summer and the other half buying whitening cosmetics throughout the year to maintain that visible social status. Lots of love to you all, I also am struggling and find comfort in the CCFairy’s video. ❤
Numerous parties they never invited me to unless they knew I was in a bad place they created for me then they would invite me to family things only once that happened tho
18:08 ❤ You don't need their love, but it's understandable to wish for it. Find a new community. While you look, you can pretend to be your own friend/mom - might sound silly, but use your "delusion" mindset to help yourself by being a friend to yourself. As if you are your own best friend that you need to protect from abusive relationships. Healthy parasocial relationships and listening to other people talk plainly about how to keep these boundaries will help remind yourself. Find online communities that are supportive! Your people are out there, and you deserve healthy relationships! ❤
Do you qualify for any 12 step programs? I have gone for years like over 40 so I am certain there is something very healing there. Josie please find a way to learn healthy boundaries. We women needs each other to heal. Maybe plan small conversations with family members. Small short visits with them and have a way to leave if it gets too emotionally painful.We in recovery are in emotional kindergarden. Its humbling to accept but we can put one foot in front of the other and after some really good moments become hours etc YOU deserve love and people who care.Some do not have families that do that and that sucks big time.
10:59 My thoughts exactly. Or maybe her mom isn't her bio mom or both. Another option would be some kind of a medical condition that affects the heart and the looks of a person? Though it's extremely unlikely, as she's visited multiple doctors and a "darker than your siblings' skin and hair" isn't really a symptom.
I keep crying. This mother is extremely mentally disturbed. So is mine. My story can’t be the same but it’s in the same category. Finger cut off by her slamming it in the door. Making me stand with my 2year old hand in it. Kicked me down stairs. Starved. Never bathed. Never ever tucked in or hugged. They call it Munschausens by proxy but it’s so much more. I was under my mom’s control til last year. After she tried poisoning me AGAIN after so many times when I was young. She tried it again at age 90 because I had money and wouldn’t hand it over to her. (She doesn’t need it and I do.) It took me so much meditation time to re-set my brain to see her realistically. My heart is torn in two listening to this glimpse into what this monster…MONSTER does. I have no advice but whatever happens, that monster better not win.
This is so hard to listen to. It's like a script the mother wrote and everyone figured out and just play along. "No but you were just big sis" (just!). God, it will take a long time to deprogram even the family members. It does explain why in my family, including aunt and uncle, everyone defended my neglect and still cannot be convinced it happened. Josie wants love and recognition, but she will have to find both in herself for the most part it seems.
Am 34 and had been verbally psychologically and emotionally abused by my mom and i suffered both emotional neglect and abuse as a kid and now at 34 i have no friend no love life i failed in my all relationships and keep being with psychpaths narcissistic partners who abuse me ... Am tired of all of my life and i suffer to just survive ive always felt like different an outsider that there is no place for me that i am rejected unwanted i look at people friends married couples and wonder how can i have that?
I encourage you to try Daily Practice (a free course). It can be a good first step to healing. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
Is there any way I could get ANY TYPE of contact info for her. Nothing that would make her vulnerable?? I would really like to positively interact with her. Please?
Anna, I have a question for you. Are you opposed to medication? In your videos giving your advice for healing CPTSD, I've often heard you say that you need to be sober from all substances except coffee to be able to work with your nervous system. I've been diagnosed and medicated for ADHD for a few years, and recently my mom has been diagnosed with ADHD as well at 50. This honestly explains a lot of her parenting issues as I was growing up, aside from just the codependency with my horrible father. Now it seems to me that you identify as neurotypical, and my issue is this. If I have ADHD and I take your advice in good faith and decide not to pursue medication, what if it doesn't work for me? What if it wasn't ADHD and was instead bipolar disorder? My uncle has that and he often goes on bouts of not taking his meds because of how difficult it can be to rely on them, and it always ends poorly. If what I have is CPTSD, and the odds of finding a genuine trauma informed therapist in the wild aren't great, and the likelihood of being misdiagnosed is high, what if I take your advice and conclude that I don't have CPTSD because I'm still not getting better when it's the true root of my problems? Maybe this seems pedantic but I'm sure you understand how hard it is to add your own caveats to the advice you hear when you're suffering from CPTSD and can't trust parts of yourself. It's like how you say the problem is that we're often missing the extremely elementary answers to life that we just never learned from our parents and can't get now because people don't understand what it is to be missing them. I just feel like your advice fails to consider someone like me, my mom, or my uncle. Medications aren't just a black and white switch, like, they are substances. It is like using drugs, just, for a purpose. It's not like your mental illness cancels out the drug and makes it like you're sober. Medications do have an effect on your neurology and that's pretty significant. It's hard. So idk. I just feel like there's more considerations to be had there and I'd be really glad if you touched on this in one of your videos in the future
In my membership, we have a secret Facebook group, which is moderated, lively and full of peer-led Zoom meetings and fun. Consider joining the Membership program! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/membership
Thank you for reading her whole letter. It hits home. Thanks for your videos and your help.
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Childhood neglect + no friends as an adult is hard. Very hard. I speak from experience... Props to that woman for having the strength to keep going. Sending love her way 💜
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I didn’t know being neglected made it difficult to make friends… this has been true for me at different seasons of my life… 🫶🏼🥹
True, it’s hard and I need help
Showing up as yourself is the only way to make long lasting friends. I only got close friends at 24, when I had healed enough to finally open up to others.
This is so relatable. This girl was treated so badly. Consider going no contact. Cut these people out of your life and create the life you deserve. Start over, and know you can do it. You are so worthy and valuable. Grieve the loss of your childhood and the family you never had, and give yourself the life and the love you deserve. I wish you the best and I know you can do it!
Thank you 🙏🏼
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I agree with no contact
Heart-breaking... No child deserves to be treated with such malignant neglect 😭😭😭
My heart goes out to this woman. Being rejected by your own mother is so hard. I hope Josie finds her tribe, im so glad she wrote to you, i know this will help her.
Thank you for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
God and I thought I had it hard 😢… Dear God, please bless this amazing strong and beautiful woman 🤍🤍🤍🙏🙏🙏 let her know how beautiful valuable and loved and wanted she is!!!!!
One thing I wanna say… often when people speak about being emotionally abused and/or neglected? Most people tend to overlook that by default! But people (and rightly so) will react STRONGLY when hearing about physical and sexual abuse which is obviously horrific and should be strongly condemned and punished greatly!!!! But I can remember being on a therapists chair expressing some of my challenges in childhood and this therapist was trying to get a STORY out of me to explain why I had the diagnosis I did, and I couldn’t really say that I had extreme physical abuse, so she automatically wrote it off assuming that I guess it was nothing that horrific example she gave like I had someone put a lit up cigarette on me or I wasn’t brutally raped or beaten physically…. So it’s one of those lighter situations or nothing all that traumatic or tragic and extreme. Sure I can understand her point! But still this is a licensed professional who are insinuating this stuff??
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
my family is no longer part of my life, it was the hardest decision I have made in my entire life. It left a weight on my heart forever. But it is easier than me trying to continue the strain relationship. I am better off without them, decades later, I still remember their birthdays etc. I love them, but I don't trust or like them. Josie, you are worth it, never ever forget that
Thank you for sharing this with us :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Hi Anna, I would like that very much. Once I read your reply I was trigged, and I was not able to reply right away
I think reading these stories out loud is so enlightening for many of us because we may not fully recognize what we have been through or how to deal with it, but when we hear other's stories we can understand because we are not in the middle of it. When something in someone else's story resonates with us we can understand more clearly how to proceed.
What happened to you was not okay Josie. You deserved and still deserve better.
Thank you for watching and for your kind words towards the letter writer.
Nika@TeamFairy
My gosh, Josie's letter is heart wrenching. I'm sending so much love to her.
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You will free up so much cognitive space when you give up hope that they'll ever turn into good people, Josie. CHF is right about this. I honestly think you really should just enjoy life in your city far away and phase them out of your life. You can keep light contact with the sibs if you want, but let your parents go.
I cried. I’d love to be her second mother and boundary advocate friend. Even while I’m working on my own with my mother as I recently went no contact and navigate what things look like going forward.
Josie's letter made me cry. I can't understand how some parents can be that way. I admire her resilience and tremendous courage and I want to send her a big hug. Josie, every time you feel "dysregulated" just think of all the people here behind you. We believe in you, keep going! ❣
That kind of sadness and feeling of loneliness is so hard to fix, it needs so much understanding, patience, self-love and lots of lots of therapy... How to love yourself when your family doesn't love and care about you? The hardest thing is to learn how to accept that. Because when you don't have family who loves and understands you, when you don't have friends and partner, you feel like a mistake, like an alien. I hope to see more videos about family estrangement, and how to cope with severe depression all alone, without friends and someone you can turn to...
Thank you so much for posting this video and for the warm words of kindness ❤️
Thank you for watching! And never forget: healing is possible! You might like Daily Practice (free course): bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
My story is very similar to Josie's. Most of my adult life, I'd realized my friends treated me better than my "family." I tell people I have "relatives" but not "family." I feel bad walking away from them, but they don't care about me or support me. Thank you for this video.
Dear first letter writer, your resilient spirit and strength is such an inspiration. Your story is very close to the story of my husband, who also comes from an immigrant family and is the oldest. My mother in the law is a malignant narcissist and made me realize the presence of narcissism all throughout in my life, although she is by far the worst case. My biggest goal, more than career and any other ambition, is to give myself and husband the loving and nurturing family we never had. I'm 37 and only now realized I want to work towards this goal. You sound like a wonderful person. I know you will find the family and supportive circle of loved ones who will reflect back to you your good qualities and fierce love and dedication you have for all. I'm rooting for you and wishing you all the best!!
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
Josie you are stronger than you know. Put your energy into yourself and positive people. Dont waste energy on those that drain you and drag you down. You can find friends...good friends. Let good people in. Dont be scared.
Thanks for sharing these words of encouragement for the letter-writer :) -Calista@TeamFairy
What is the most saddening aspect of this poor woman's shabby treatment by her mother, is that her mother didn't learn her lessons from the awful treatment she had received from HER mother. She repeated her mother's mistakes and behaviours.
Ugh 😩 I’m crying with this story because I’ve been thru the same thing. Being the black sheep but also not being society’s standards of beauty. I wish I knew people like this in real life. Sweet people who can relate in this way so we can support each other. It’s so lonely. I try to explain this to the people in my life but they just make it seem like because I’m older I should be used to it and stop complaining. 😢 sending a big cyber hug to this lady. if u read this, I know how u feel and u are seen! ❤
Anna, sadly this is very common among families of color. It’s a cultural dynamic. I work with primary Hispanic/Latina client’s, who bring this trauma dynamic. Women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond who struggle with self esteem and self worth and setting boundaries because of traumatic abuse. It’s hard to have healthy detachment but very necessary. Maybe going to Al-Anon for support and learning how to gain some perspective. These stories are never easy to hear. I find myself wanting to take her under my wing. I’m really glad she sent a letter to you Anna. Thank you for sharing such wisdom with us.
19:25 I suddenly broke down and started crying, unexpectedly. This is me too and Josey, I cry for you too.
This poor woman has been so emotionally abused, it's a wonder she's functioning. Maybe most of us here have been, and we all NEED help. I'm sending so much love to everyone that feels the pain from abusive childhood.
So sorry for Josie. I'm the middle child of three siblings but the oldest girl. My older brother was in football and judo and other activities; my younger sister was coddled and protected and kept by my mother; i knew in my mind i wasnt worthy of dance or gymnastics, etc and so i never asked. I eventually learned in my 30s that I was a scapegoat for all my mother's misery. My experiences are not as extreme as Josie, though 😞
Gradually as I continue to value and respect myself, I make more and more boundaries which exclude and break myself from my family. Yes, life is very difficult without any supportive, safe family members, yet I continue to learn detaching from family members is best for my personal well-being.
I've been working on trusting myself and developing friendships with people around me where I live, work, volunteer, etc. In my late 50s I finally have and trust friends and feel happy and not alone (most of the time). It's very hard, yet I recommend Josie letting go of her biological family members... Josie deserves supportive, loving, caring people in her life... we all do!
Josie ❤ you are NOT the problem. You are remarkable! My own mom acts like my hyper independence was a choice o stead of a trauma response from so much neglect and abuse. You didn’t deserve that treatment. Keep fighting for your great life - you deserve it 🤗
Good luck Josie remember you are worthy and loveable. Be your own best friend.
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Josie, I have had similar circumstances. I am so thankful for the wonderful friends that came into my life 4 years ago. I had spent so much time not believing that anyone would want to be my friend if members of my family couldn't even accept me, so I had a hard time being vulnerable enough to build close, intimate friendships. I always wanted people to invite me into their lives or make the first move. I realized when I was reading the Bible that it really started with me. Proverbs 18:24 "A man who has friends must himself be friendly". I bet you would make a great friend, and I hope you find quality friends that treat you with love and respect. You may have to make the first move, but it's worth the risk. I now have friends that would pick me up from the hospital, if fact they have, and I have done the same for them. What a blessing.
My heart seriously broke for this girl. So much so this is probably the first story to bring tears to my eyes. I hope she reads these comments and knows how much love she deserves, and still deserves, and will always deserve. I love you, kind stranger ❤ Please continue take care of yourself, but know that there are moments in life people should take care of you. You need hugs, good friends and a new family (even if it is found family). You deserve a good partner, and you deserve to love yourself. ❤❤❤
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I cried when Anna read this letter. It’s unimaginable how much heartbreak this lady experienced in her life. What family is this. I didn’t have a good childhood either but this is a different level. I so much hope that this lovely lady who wrote the letter can nurture and reparent herself and find good loving people in her life.
Thank you for sharing your kindness towards the letter writer. We appreciate you here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Listening to some of the people who write to Anna makes me realize that my crappy childhood wasn't nearly as terrible as it could've been❤❤❤❤
My mother verbally abused me and neglected me when I was a child. I would fight back and when I was in my thirties I would tell her that she couldn't treat me like that. She would answer back 'that's the way I was treated.' I didn't have the presence of mind to ask if she liked it. How could she be self aware enough that she was abused as a child and lhen visit that same abuse on her beautiful little daughter?
That must have been very difficult. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
This story is the most sad and incredibly maddening story Ive heard on your channel. I Love how you spoke to this person. So kind and strong. Oh my god I feel so incredibly bad for her and also very proud of her!
I saw this documentary about a Filipino family where the American son made a movie about his auntie, this non-biological woman who on paper was referred to as his "aunt" and spent her life as the caretaker of the family (nanny, housekeeper, etc.). It turns out she was a slave, gifted to his mother when both mom and the auntie were teenagers. His mom came from a wealthy family and slavery was not uncommon in their region. He grew up with this woman in their lives, taking care of him even when they immigrated to the US. He saw how his parents mistreated her, but also "loved" her as a family member. Only as a young man did he realize how wrong the situation was and how conditioned he had been. He was trying to reconcile his love for his parents with their literal enslavement of this woman. The woman seemed unperturbed about her situation and the domestic slavery she'd done her whole life and loved the family very much. She never questioned her place except for a few times over the year (e.g. when she got a crush on a boy, but never pursued it and remained a virgin and childless her whole life). The letter reminded me of that documentary for some reason
This reminds me of the friendship/servitude in "The Kiterunner", where one boy is essentially the servant of the other but also kind of a friend, so it's a really complex relationship.
@@WowUsernameAvailable totally! And weren't they also secret half brothers?
I've seen that, also.. the woman was so loyal.. & the mother was so conflicted & snarky.
Thank you for sharing this story. I have friends and family from a different culture where it seems that women and girls were valued for their domestic labor, child bearing abilities, colorism (fair skin is best), attractiveness, and industriousness. The first daughters tend to be the mother’s helper or spare caretaker. Their wants and needs are often overlooked as their essential function is as the author described. My heart goes out to her because it sounds like a very lonely, limited role to occupy in the family system. One that she did not choose. Healing from such family systems is possible and especially with technology and communities such as this.
Wts the name of the doc?
This sounds so heartbreaking. I have cptsd and a lot of issues and didn't experience anything to this extent. I really hope the most beautiful souls come into your life soon.
Thank you for all of your fairy wisdom 💜💙💚❤🧡
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I definitely had the thought that this woman had a different father. You see that all the time with step parents preferring their biological kids. But her mother's attitude makes me wonder if this woman was born out of bad circumstances that left her mother hateful towards her (e.g. rape, a bad relationship with the biological father, born out of wedlock, anything that brought the mother a deep sense of shame). This of course isn't the daughter's fault, but I hope she can learn more about her parentage and past, because ultimately it was never about her. It was about her parent's shame. All children are innocent.
So true well said 😢😢😢😢😢
So heartbreaking what Josey went through as a neglected child. As the scapegoat of our family, this triggers me to the many memories of being overlooked which lingers long past the actual physical abuses. I spent much of my adulthood trying to get my siblings to love me, and the more I heal the more I realize that that is not going to happen. The beautiful part of healing is that I am realizing I don’t need them to love me in order to be loved. Thank you Jesus for all the helpers you bring me along the way to help me realize this. Thank you Anna for creating this space for all of us on this journey of healing.
Josie, i feel for you. That sounds so hard. You are so strong, i feel thats why you're deemed a threat by your mother. Im working through feelings of unworthiness and being unloveable my self. Im 39 and just becoming aware of amount of damage done by my upbringing. Its very difficult for me to accept that i will never have the relationship with my parents that i deserved as a child. My therapist has me working on radical acceptance. For me this brings up many emotions. I grieve the loss of the life ill never have. For me this grief brought up alot of feelings of anger towards my parents. The more i process the anger and accept it for what it is the less often i fantasize about the relationship that could have been. You got this Josie, you are worth it. Love you.
Anna you are truly helping the consciousness of the planet increase amazing work ❤️🙏🏻🇬🇧
"Its totally normal for people who had a rageful dad to drink" - never knew this lightbulb moment. ✨️ 💡 THANK YOU CCFairy 🧚♂️ 💛 ps: I look forward to the loneliness help live tomorrow 😊 !
Sounds like you just found a whole bunch of friends. I have never felt such strength shining and persevering through a letter. Amazing that you know yourself so well and I wish you all the best with your job. You're amazing.
This is heartbreaking. I can only image your day to day, living with the narratives that were created by people who don’t have the capacity to love you. I pray that you find the esteem and healing that you deserve
Your kindness for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
My mother always was saying to me nasty comments about my skin tone because it was darker than my sister and about the shape of my head and that she was more charming like me. I can relate so much 😢
Anna, I listen to you every night before i sleep, your words are lullaby for me, as i never had my mom's love, and Dr Gabor Mate for my dad's love, your wisdom and advice have woken me from my depressed slumber, thanks Mom.
Josie, whatever your real name is, you are such a strong person. What happened to you wasn't fair but I also hope you are proud of how you've raised yourself into a successful, kind, caring person who is working on healing. Everyone would be lucky to be your friend! I know I would be.
Thank you for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Joshie , Sending you love ❤. Hope you find some inner peace. All the best for your healing.
Thank you for sharing your kindness to the letter writer! All the best to you too!
Nika@TeamFairy
Can so relate to all the dysfunction. It really touched me about you not having people in your life when you needed to go to the hospital. I can remember the feelings of not feeling I had anyone to count on. It’s painful and numbing but that is why it’s important to start reaching out and creating the life we need for connection ❤
Thank you for watching and for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
Josie, you are enough! It is not your fault! I wish I could hug you. I want to remind you that you have so much worth and there is so much left for you to learn about how amazing you really are!
Thanks for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Josie is amazing. Wish her ALL the BEST. 😊
The Crappy Childhood Fairy suggested that the first writer might have a different father, but I believe the situation may involve a different mother altogether, with the child being taken from her true biological mother. In some cultures, custody isn’t granted but rather taken by one party, often with the belief that the child belongs with the father due to cultural norms and lack of education. This explains why the mother is treating her poorly; she had to be a mother to an unwanted child. In these cultures, the biological mother did not willingly give up the baby. Instead, the child was truly taken from her. This truly explains why she has been taken advantage of and treated as a second-class citizen.
That would certainly explain the mothers hostility towards her!
This letter made me so mad, mad at the family and mum especially for being so cruel. Eye opening that people can be like that.
I’m amazed at the author and her resilience. At age 36 you are still have loads of time to have a full and amazing life. Go get it!
The sender of the letter has great courage ... I am glad she is expressing herself but if i were here i could cut these people off and leave them behind me and develop good relationships with good people who are supportive ... Let them go honey love urself the way u wished they did... Love urself
This is the first time that I've been angry listening to a letter, directed towards the mother of this story. Appalling malicious neglect. "Josie" I'm rooting for you! I mean this truly, I'm sitting here in my living room with tears in my eyes, fists in the air (triumph) and smiling as if you are running the last 5 miles of a marathon. I want you to know that a kind stranger on the internet is REALLY hoping the best for you and arm so proud of you getting this new job. YOU DID THAT! This is how you know your mother's behavior was so cruel, because you and I know how easy it is to support others. I understand that you want to stay in your mother's life and I want you to know that she doesn't deserve it. Even if you stay connected, which is your choice, she doesn't deserve it. You deserved a loving mother and family, which she took away from you. She will never give you the love, thought, concern or care you deserve. I hope you will work to fully understand this and know there isn't anything you can do. I know that you will find friends that deserve your friendship. Ones that are so special you may consider them your chosen family. We all need family and it's okay to find a new one!
Josie girl I am so sorry that you had to go through and endure such abuse from your parents! I want to say that often in Black families one child is noticeably lighter or darker and/or has different textured hair from the other siblings. It's just in our genes. I felt like I was adopted because I was light skinned with kinky hair and the rest of my family is darker with looser curls than me. I felt like the "black sheep" just because of my hair & skin color. Embrace your beauty!
I really think that finding a church community would be another positive way to find friends and a substitute family in your life. I had to do the same thing where my parents didn't love me how I wanted to be loved, and I have found brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers at church. The more positive groups that you can be a part of, the more people you can share your wonderful beautiful heart with. May God continue to bless you with your your gentle and sincere heart!💖
Thank you for sharing your kindness with the letter writer!
Nika@TeamFairy
I hurt for the lady in the letter. This is a wonderful comforting song
This one was hard. Family that "loves" you when you don't feel you have anywhere else to go is a very difficult road.
I'm so sorry Josie still yearns for the connection and love of her family. I was in tears listening - her letter is so articulate, kind, thoughtful yet still believes in these despicable people who appear to have none of her qualities. They have betrayed her so much and she still holds hope for them. Maybe letting go will be very hard for her but she will feel much better about herself when she does.
Josie, you sound like a dear, wonderful person - you could have choose bitterness and sadness yet you choose in focussing on the goodness in people, still - you deserve good friends and a full life! I think remaining in touch with your family will hold you back and keep you stuck.
Please look after yourself - as Anna, says, THE WORLD NEEDS YOU. You deserve to be well, cherished and thriving.
I am sending you all my love and good vibes, may the divine creator take special care of you.
Thanks for sharing these kind words for the letter-writer :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks Calista! I get a lot of comfort from Anna's videos. And her words help me make sense of a lot of things!
I believe Josie was from the same family and darker skinned and kinky hair- (exotic). 😊 The family (Mom), just felt threatened and cast all her shame on the “different” child. My prayer is that all the disowned children who are adults with brokenness learn to shine like the sun ☀️ and heal. I truly believe through our cracks comes the most beautiful light and love. ❤❤❤
What appalling and criminal neglect of this intelligent, generous, resourceful and courageous girl.
Josie - thank you for sharing your 💔experience. I am praying for you and hope you find a new family 💜that loves you as much as you deserve 💗
Thank you Anna for Standing up for her & all of us 😊
Your comments towards the end about autistic or drug-addicted people being sometimes those who are as a group often better able to deal with a partner's prickliness because they don't notice them as much as others ... it occurred to me that being in an international relationship is another type which for structural reasons can "accidentally" go very well (or very poorly) ... if you don't share all the cultural and linguistic references, then your various dissatisfactions can fly under the radar (until hopefully you've dealt with them) and you have more chances to either communicate more explicitly or decide to drop it ... both valuable.
Josie, you're amazing! Do Ana's journaling. Work on yourself and enjoy the process. You deserve to be loved! You are lovely, loved and lovable.
Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
Sending you a massive amount of love Josee!! I truly admire your strength and I am very sorry that all of that was done to you. I hope you find the family/tribe you deserve!
Josie 💗💗 I’ll be your friend! Your not alone out there! Let’s be friends 💗💗 from one healing person to another
📜 Psalm.13:1How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
2How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me
Your body language changed as you read this. Very disturbing letter.
❤ thank you very much for this - perfect timing CC Fairy ❤
We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You nailed it right there, I also think she has a different dad to her siblings
I’m new to channel so thanks for the story.
Welcome to the channel :) -Calista@TeamFairy
00:00 🛑 Childhood neglect can deeply impact self-esteem and emotional well-being.
01:10 💔 Being overlooked and neglected by family members can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy.
02:33 💡 Some individuals cope with neglect through delusion and self-reliance, creating their own celebrations and support systems.
03:32 💰 Financial struggles compounded by family neglect can exacerbate emotional distress and trigger past traumas.
05:37 🤕 Emotional distress from past neglect can manifest as physical symptoms, impacting overall well-being.
06:49 🚶 Seeking advice on maintaining productivity and emotional stability while dealing with family neglect and past traumas.
10:12 🤔 Reflecting on family dynamics and potential underlying issues such as internalized racism or narcissism.
15:03 💔 Discovering the truth about past neglect, such as denial of medical insurance coverage, can be profoundly painful.
17:38 💪 Facing the reality of past trauma and its ongoing effects is crucial for healing and moving forward in life.
18:48 🏥 Recognize the impact of childhood neglect on forming a support network.
19:57 🤝 Building a community of supportive friends is essential for healing from trauma.
21:20 💔 Accepting the unchanging nature of difficult family dynamics can lead to less emotional pain.
22:31 🛡 Establishing boundaries with difficult family members can protect your sense of self.
25:34 🧠 Seek support from communities like 12-step programs to connect with others who understand.
28:07 🤝 Prioritize building friendships over seeking validation from toxic family members.
32:46 🔄 Recognize and challenge habits, decisions, and perceptions formed from past trauma to heal self-esteem.
36:51 🔑 Take ownership of your healing journey by focusing inward and changing yourself, rather than waiting for apologies or validation from others.
37:45 🧠 Childhood trauma can lead to difficulties in predicting risks and making decisions due to neurological stress.
39:11 🔄 Learning to notice and regulate when experiencing emotional dysregulation can help manage symptoms of CPTSD.
40:47 🛠 Working on behaviors and habits, such as re-regulating emotions and improving decision-making, is key to improving self-esteem.
41:15 💔 Childhood neglect and trauma can lead to self-doubt, people-pleasing behavior, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships in adulthood.
46:47 🔄 Healing from childhood trauma involves facing emotions, expressing oneself honestly, and seeking support from healthy relationships and therapy.
52:10 💡 Recognizing self-worth and deserving healthy relationships is essential for healing from childhood trauma and forming fulfilling connections in adulthood.
55:40 🌱 Sobriety, therapy, support groups, and self-help programs like the speaker's membership program can provide valuable tools for healing and personal growth.
57:42 🔄 Recognize the turning point when you decide to take action for positive change in your life.
58:38 💔 Childhood experiences of neglect can lead to chasing after unfulfilling relationships in adulthood.
59:32 🔄 Love is more than just a word; it's about actions that show care and consideration for your well-being.
01:00:25 📚 Abandonment trauma, as described by Pete Walker, can deeply affect relationships and self-perception.
01:01:51 💔 Recognize the pattern of limerence and attachment wounds driving unhealthy relationship dynamics.
01:02:48 🔄 Beware of codependent tendencies that prioritize helping others over protecting yourself.
01:03:28 💪 Embrace becoming your authentic self and expressing your needs and emotions honestly.
01:04:37 🔄 Don't rationalize staying in a miserable relationship; prioritize your own well-being.
01:05:20 💡 Being single and sober can provide a valuable opportunity for self-reflection and growth.
01:06:15 💪 Feelings of shame and dissatisfaction can be fuel for personal transformation and growth.
Wow thanks you ❤
Thank you so much ❤
You can love people from a distance!
Anna, you are an angel❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Could happen my oldest son was not covered under my ex's health insurance. But no healthcare happens .Wisconsin nearly killed me and my sons. We need to get a group here ladies.
This letter was so disturbing. Personally, I'd rather have no family than the family she described. I'd cut ties with all of them, and they'd never hear from, or see me again. I'd also get therapy to heal the damage, too. One thing I noticed in the letter is she talked about how an ex boyfriend humiliated her, possibly because she broke up with him. I noticed that she talked about him in the present tense as if he is still a friend. Someone who intentionally humiliates you is not a friend. I'm concerned that she's going to allow people to disrespect her, and she will tolerate it, because she's trying to hang on to people, even when they treat her poorly. I really hope she gets the help that she needs and finds true friends and loved ones.
Three very important things for the victims of abuse:
1) Go fully no contact. This is the only way. Don't listen to ANYBODY and stay fully no contact.
2) If you think there was no favoritism in your family, then you were not the favorite child. Only the favorite children know that they were favored.
3) See how despite continued terrible abuse, the victims hold on to their families? This is because childhood abuse destroys "alarm/warning systems" in the brain. This was a coping mechanism as a child, BUT the victim continues to tolerate abuse from family and spouse well into adulthood. Their alarm/warning systems in the brain are out of whack and they continue to justify and tolerate continued abuse from family/spouse well into adulthood and beyond.
So, recognize abuse and/or child favoritism in family early and go fully no contact.
Thank you!
I just said something I don't remember saying. My mom and brother both told me I said something like : "I am glad I am sick or not healthy". I don't remember saying that. Why do I have memory issues? Is that also a symptom of complex ptsd? I don't find myself anywhere.
Yes it is. Trauma scrambles our brains 🧠.
We should make a community altogether and a meet up 💗 or an event where all healing people can meet like minded people from this community 💗 I also want and look for deep friendships
I am speechless. Too many similarities. People can be so cruel. So many lies and deceit, because of hidden truth. These generational patterns need to stop. Abusive
I think Josie's story would make an amazing modern-day "Snowwhite" as a thriller, only here we have neglect, not poisoned apple. It would also be great that Josie was darker than her family - it's trendy these days to rethink traditional characters. I hope if Josie reads this, she'll feel like a princess in a fairy-tale story with an inevitable happy ending!
Since an invitation was given to viewers to say what they see, I’m going to go ahead. It is internalized racism, and it’s a survival technique used by the parents (and possibly siblings) to cast you as the one who will hold their pain. Everything that they were made to believe about themselves, you will hold. Thats the role they decided you would play. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. No, there is nothing you can do to make it better for them. Except maybe love yourself against all odds. Defy the casting. This MAY give them permission to defy their own casting. But that’s up to them. Just love yourself and accept yourself in every way you can. 💛
this letter is heart wrenching, I claim she finds her tribe immediately!! was her mother born in the 1950's those women aren't happy. and colorism is real, it's a byproduct of racism. and it's ugly. imagine being the lightest in the family and your skin called yellow. and growing up believing you were ugly and didn't belong. whew...the damaged that has caused. Yes, the child of the same gender and who may look like the parent is met with resentment and jealousy etc. It truly is nothing you did, it was all her. Dear Sister, do your best to love yourself. do your best to keep your distance from her. because they get older and while age and their needs soften them, they are still monsters and it their resentment/jealousy etc doesn't soften.
Thats my family, this letter i never had a birthday party or was celebrated ever by the entire unit. They all hated me and said similar things
Yp 100percent
Hang in there!
Nika@TeamFairy
Dear "Josie". I don't know if this will make sense, but sometimes [we] have too look at our (toxic) family of origin and declare them an "accident of birth". Maybe your friends (that you will make - you will make some) will be your chosen and loving family. :) I am literally starting new (no friends or family to where I have just relocated). I joined a beginner curling league. There is a bowling league I'll sign up for next fall (it runs Sept to Apr). In between, I'm looking at organizations I can volunteer to get plugged into to meet people. Some ideas for you to consider. Remember, holidays are but a "day" on the calendar. Sometimes we have to create our own traditions. Mine is I don't have a tradition anymore. But if I am on my own over one particular holiday, it involves a stack of movies, the box of chocolates I ask my kids to get me, and tortiere (and a fat glass of wine). I am sending you a massive virtual fluffy bear hug.
It sounds to me that Josie's mother may have been jealous of her daughter. I know it sounds odd to say, but the first daughter can instinctively pose a threat to the mother's relationship with her husband (as alpha female), hence blacksheeping the daughter. Josie, it seems was born with a beautiful aura and light within her, and her beauty both inner and outer was downplayed and put down because of her mother's jealousy of her. Her strength of spirit and love shows that she holds a beautiful essence and inner power to overcome adversity and to be in peace and love with others. May she remain ever true to the beauty and love that is within her, and just simply accept that when one holds such light, darkness comes to meet them. Just accept them as they are, let them be as they are without regret or anger. And to truly see the beauty and love in you that they were afraid you would find out about yourself.
It seems to me that Josie's heart health was due to her broken heart, and its important to see that the more we pursue the love of others , the more injury we cause to our heart. The negative treatment by Josie's family was not really about Josie, it was their inner reaction to her beautiful loving light she carried within. Relax your heart gently, care for it with beautiful fragrances like roses, take swims in the ocean waters, and sincerely and genuinely tell your heart how much you love it and how beautiful it is. I hope you find some inner peace so that you can move on and be with your family without needing their love, knowing that your power for love is within you and it is your strength.
Okay... ok this video of yours is one of the closest i can relate too. Processing here... Whats interesting to me is not that i can relate to Josie... But that i needed to hear what you said...
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
My take on Jess being ostracised by her family in part because of her « cola » skin Color is a cultural issue more than some racism resulting from infidelity. She said she was of an immigrant family, a light skin in a lot of Asian, South Asia, south east Asia countries is culturally praised because 1/ it is synonymous to « aristocracy » as opposed to people working in the fields (hence the dark skin). Having a darker skin for a girl in a patriarchal society also means « bad marriage » back in their country. I.m half french half Indonesian, I always saw irony in half my family looking for golden brown skin during summer and the other half buying whitening cosmetics throughout the year to maintain that visible social status.
Lots of love to you all, I also am struggling and find comfort in the CCFairy’s video. ❤
I was told by my family i was adoped and treated just like her. But yet was never really adoped
Numerous parties they never invited me to unless they knew I was in a bad place they created for me then they would invite me to family things only once that happened tho
18:08 ❤ You don't need their love, but it's understandable to wish for it. Find a new community. While you look, you can pretend to be your own friend/mom - might sound silly, but use your "delusion" mindset to help yourself by being a friend to yourself. As if you are your own best friend that you need to protect from abusive relationships. Healthy parasocial relationships and listening to other people talk plainly about how to keep these boundaries will help remind yourself. Find online communities that are supportive! Your people are out there, and you deserve healthy relationships! ❤
Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment.
Nika@TeamFairy
Do you qualify for any 12 step programs? I have gone for years like over 40 so I am certain there is something very healing there. Josie please find a way to learn healthy boundaries. We women needs each other to heal. Maybe plan small conversations with family members. Small short visits with them and have a way to leave if it gets too emotionally painful.We in recovery are in emotional kindergarden. Its humbling to accept but we can put one foot in front of the other and after some really good moments become hours etc
YOU deserve love and people who care.Some do not have families that do that and that sucks big time.
10:59 My thoughts exactly. Or maybe her mom isn't her bio mom or both.
Another option would be some kind of a medical condition that affects the heart and the looks of a person? Though it's extremely unlikely, as she's visited multiple doctors and a "darker than your siblings' skin and hair" isn't really a symptom.
I keep crying. This mother is extremely mentally disturbed. So is mine. My story can’t be the same but it’s in the same category.
Finger cut off by her slamming it in the door. Making me stand with my 2year old hand in it. Kicked me down stairs. Starved. Never bathed. Never ever tucked in or hugged.
They call it Munschausens by proxy but it’s so much more.
I was under my mom’s control til last year. After she tried poisoning me AGAIN after so many times when I was young. She tried it again at age 90 because I had money and wouldn’t hand it over to her. (She doesn’t need it and I do.)
It took me so much meditation time to re-set my brain to see her realistically.
My heart is torn in two listening to this glimpse into what this monster…MONSTER does.
I have no advice but whatever happens, that monster better not win.
No words so ❤
This is so hard to listen to. It's like a script the mother wrote and everyone figured out and just play along. "No but you were just big sis" (just!). God, it will take a long time to deprogram even the family members.
It does explain why in my family, including aunt and uncle, everyone defended my neglect and still cannot be convinced it happened. Josie wants love and recognition, but she will have to find both in herself for the most part it seems.
Am 34 and had been verbally psychologically and emotionally abused by my mom and i suffered both emotional neglect and abuse as a kid and now at 34 i have no friend no love life i failed in my all relationships and keep being with psychpaths narcissistic partners who abuse me ... Am tired of all of my life and i suffer to just survive ive always felt like different an outsider that there is no place for me that i am rejected unwanted i look at people friends married couples and wonder how can i have that?
I encourage you to try Daily Practice (a free course). It can be a good first step to healing. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
My family told me so many horrible things and they turn and say things like I do not like them.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
❤ Amen 🙏😊
Is there any way I could get ANY TYPE of contact info for her. Nothing that would make her vulnerable??
I would really like to positively interact with her.
Please?
Anna, I have a question for you. Are you opposed to medication? In your videos giving your advice for healing CPTSD, I've often heard you say that you need to be sober from all substances except coffee to be able to work with your nervous system. I've been diagnosed and medicated for ADHD for a few years, and recently my mom has been diagnosed with ADHD as well at 50. This honestly explains a lot of her parenting issues as I was growing up, aside from just the codependency with my horrible father. Now it seems to me that you identify as neurotypical, and my issue is this. If I have ADHD and I take your advice in good faith and decide not to pursue medication, what if it doesn't work for me? What if it wasn't ADHD and was instead bipolar disorder? My uncle has that and he often goes on bouts of not taking his meds because of how difficult it can be to rely on them, and it always ends poorly. If what I have is CPTSD, and the odds of finding a genuine trauma informed therapist in the wild aren't great, and the likelihood of being misdiagnosed is high, what if I take your advice and conclude that I don't have CPTSD because I'm still not getting better when it's the true root of my problems? Maybe this seems pedantic but I'm sure you understand how hard it is to add your own caveats to the advice you hear when you're suffering from CPTSD and can't trust parts of yourself. It's like how you say the problem is that we're often missing the extremely elementary answers to life that we just never learned from our parents and can't get now because people don't understand what it is to be missing them. I just feel like your advice fails to consider someone like me, my mom, or my uncle. Medications aren't just a black and white switch, like, they are substances. It is like using drugs, just, for a purpose. It's not like your mental illness cancels out the drug and makes it like you're sober. Medications do have an effect on your neurology and that's pretty significant. It's hard. So idk. I just feel like there's more considerations to be had there and I'd be really glad if you touched on this in one of your videos in the future
Where do we send letters to you?
You can write in to Anna here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Calista@TeamFairy
Can’t believe with the Cola thing. I am so unspeakably sorry for you
❣
Anna can't we create a chat room so we can talk to each other?
In my membership, we have a secret Facebook group, which is moderated, lively and full of peer-led Zoom meetings and fun. Consider joining the Membership program! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/membership