Narcissist Devalues, Discards What He Craves Most: Shared Fantasy as Reaction Formation
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- Опубліковано 23 лют 2024
- The narcissist’s shared fantasy is a form of reaction formation: s/he ends up devaluing and discarding that which s/he craves most.
The narcissist is conditioned as a child to expect love only subject to performance and the suspension of the self. So, s/he dispenses with what s/he craves most - a maternal figure - in order to earn some love.
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narc and Borderline personality explained concisely by this man . Champion 🏆 Content Always
When he’s good, he’s good.
A narcissist told me he sometimes feels like fire evolving in him. Then he starts atomic bombs, destroying everything around to protect himself and then he hides himself in himself. Is this such a splitting move? Is this how it feels to split and flee from all bad feelings into the idealised fake-self?
Beautifully explained the problems of parenting and sadness of children in the middle class societies in the last few decades! Wonderful insights! Professor Vanknin re-evaluates and explains the relevance of Freud beautifully! My sincere thanks!
Vaknin.
@samvaknin huh, youtube translate to English turns Vaknin to "the awakening".
Seems appropriate!
Being able to name what you feel is already half of the healing done; and, sometimes finding the words to pin point and name what is going on in my very deep internal landscape is usually difficult especially since Reaction Formation happened when I was 5 years old and younger when my vocabulary and awareness of the world wasn't extensive. Thank you so much for pin pointing and giving the words and vocabulary to my deep, internal, landscape of self; it is extremely helpful. My internal, deep, landscape of self, my emotions, no longer feels like this thick, muddy, viscous substance that I can't dissolve no matter how much water of clarity I pour onto it anymore. I'm afraid to heal and be free and strong (I was also bullied in school for showing up boldly and confidently), but I'll be brave and pursue my deep desire for freedom and having no inhibitions.
So if I understand what Im reading correctly, reaction formation CAN be a healthy defense mechanism that the ego uses to act socially acceptable. It only becomes a problem in situations where the parents are too critical of the kid's needs.
Wonderful talk re negating the self to earn “.love” and approval. Especially poignant after showing that impulse control is hallmark of mental health. Are we doomed? I am reminded that once a prostitute was asked underlying motive of clients in her profession. She said: “the dream of love”. The soft landing spot of acceptance is being sought. It’s all so sad. The endless exhaustiing goals of winning love. It’s like a giant tug of war, this cycle. Parents weren’t loved, and they pass that emptiness on to their children.
Professor Vaknin what you have unearthed is what elusive is made of .. surreal mind blowing content..which says .. truth is stranger than fiction....
Question Professor: My teen nephew is a victim of household narcissistic abuse from multiple adults. Is there a way for me to spend time with him and inject positive self image as a mentor that he may learn self love and self-assuredness?
I have observed his lack of confidence in school sports, dating and overall sense of self which is painful for me to watch because he’s intelligent, handsome and athletic with a good honest heart. Obviously shielding him of the knowledge that he’s being abused of course. I await your response.
Ps: Your channel is a powerful tool that’s helping me understand my own narcissistic abuser. Thank you
Yes. Search the channel for “model”.
@@samvaknin Thank you
A child is to be seen and not heard and be discipline in everything and if I say something stupid you will be ignored. child hood memories lol
same here, I'm 66. I am invisible
Damn this is exactly what I've battled in life
Extremely grateful for this video
Reaction Formation
Got it.
Thank you .
Professor Sam has a good sense of humor that can make me laugh, thank you Professor Sam 😊
Amazing video. Very informative and now things makes sense. Thank you!
Whoa!! You continue to amaze me! I am so captivated by your explanations. Wish I could study this full time- haha but secretly I am - you’re the first person I search on most days!! Thank you for helping us delve deeper into the mystery of human relations and experience. Great ending ;)
I idolise my mother Always trying to make her proud yet when i fail i feel i have let her down shes a great mother not narcasistic the oppersite she's codependant she loves me i know that deep down but i have to feel i need attention to get a reaction of love rejection is not my thing to be rejected is to shut down theres so much to it that id be here all day but regardless she's my world i always wanted to be like my mother she is powerful strong and loving yet i am weak stupid and lack achievements. Thankx Sam
Super fascinating.
Just. Wow.
Dear Dr. Vaknin,
If psychopaths don‘t have a false self and no true self either - what is it that’s grandiose?
Thank you for answering!
They do have a true self.
Thank you Profesor
Professor, i am really trying to grasp how to raise a healthy child into a healthy functioning adult. But sometimes it seems that the parent/s need to completely revolve all of their time and attention into the child in order to do this. Won't this unintentionally create a narcissist, because the child ends up thinking the world should revolve around them? Don't they need to understand that actually, it doesn't work that way, yes the parents love you and will give you emotional support and attention, but parents also need to enjoy their own time too? Or am i narcissistic in thinking that? 😂
I absolutely love your content, thank you for your work and knowledge you provide 🙏🏼
Search the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
Thank you professor 🙏
Profesor Vaknin; In the absence of reaction compulsion due to healthy parental upbringing, how would one react to stressful situations later in life? Would he/she be less inclined to revert to brutal instinct?
Reaction formation. Yes.
Love your work as always Professor. I would like to know why you default to "mother" when describing the narcissist's parent. Surely many in your audience had or have a father who acted in the same role.
Professor Vaknin has repeatedly expressed and indicated, in a vast array of his videos, that it’s the role of the mother, not necessarily the actual mother. However, traditionally and predominantly it is , of course, the actual mother. It is the primary caregiver, the biological mother, an adoptive mother, a foster mother, a grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, etc…It is the mother or whoever is playing or played this maternal role in the child’s life, whether it is the actual mother who is a “dead mother” or an alternate stand-in in this role, when it was or was not the actual mother. The maternal role.
Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
So, my Reaction Formation occurred due to my father being a dead father, and those are the issues that I'm dealing with specifically currently and am working on healing from the root. In light of what you've just shared, how does that relate to my father being a dead father?@@clarecatherine1488
Prof. Vaknin, Question: what if the narcissist is indigent, doesn't have his own money, or a place to live, car, etc.. he uses his partner whom he married. Will he still discard ? if so where would he go? or would he not abuse the partner because thats his meal ticket? Therefore he acts right. if you did a video on this , where can I find it?
Search the channel for "financial".
Shoshonims vaknonims
my whole life is trashed by a narc or lets say some narcs in family and so called friends
Говори что-нибудь на каком-нибудь языке 😊