Damn man. As someone who has studied philosophy and abstract systems eng for a few years now, I'm completely blown away with your use of some concepts that overlap into these subjects in your presentation about personality disorders. No joke, this is probably one of the best videos on this subject on the internet.
I agree. Best videos on this subject. But due to my own masochistic and selfsabotaging traits his advice not to listen up even before going to bed, yeah ops. I've done it sometimes, after taking notes on the subjects in the evening :D
He is the ONLY one that has made me understand, in his way, exactly why I was devalued and discarded. I simply could not conceive of someone saying they love you, then destroying you down to the dirt.
Am I the only one who has been abused by a narcissist for years who finds some comfort in learning more about who and what they are. It somehow comforts me to know that all these years I was dealing with a sick person that I wasn't the crazy unstable one.
I believe that nowadays it is easy for women to fall into the manipulation of a narcissist. Normal men in general are more withdrawn and have little initiative when it comes to conquest. The character that the narcissist represents in love bombing is what most women hope to find and for this reason it is necessary to be careful. narcissists are Machiavellian, run away from them
No you are not the only one! But I learned that with these people you have to set boundaries and say no. Be in charge of yourself. You dont need them they need you. You are better off without these toxic people. So be happy you got out.
@@deborahserafin8253we are unconditionally loving empaths and the narcissists are drawn to our light and our strong desire to help and heal others. They wear a false mask and are able to shape shift when the need arises. One of life’s most difficult lessons to learn is to love ourselves unconditionally, to honour & respect ourselves. Only allow people, places & things into our lives that serve our highest good. Boundaries & reciprocity. We need to trust our intuition and walk away when we see the red flags. Who knew that such people exist in this world…self love, courage & take back our power. From another who has travelled down that dark & lonely road. Your spirit team is guiding you on your Divine journey. Clear your path to make room for loving soul family to enter into your life. Remain in faith🙏☀️✨. Remember, you are the author of your story. You are the captain of your vessel😌
I love this guy. I’ve learned so much. So very interesting. I blast him loud on my speaker and binge watch his videos while cooking. A favorite pastime. Thanks, Professor Vaknin.
I listen to you many hours throughout my day . You’ve helped me unravel the craziness I’ve endured from the menagerie of mental disorders of people in my life . Grateful for you !
Yep 🤣 Mine used to say: We just called them batshit crazy and bad news. And we ran for the hills. She used to make me laugh with her down to earth comments. That said, I find Mr. Vaknin’s explanations highly interesting.
This video blew my mind. It makes so much sense when I observe people’s behavior that before confused me as hell. Thank you for your time and knowledge!
I have Borderline as well as Bipolar disorder. I think I will buy and read all of your books just to understand myself better. I’Ve been on therapy for more than two years but always keep learning more with you.
Over the last two days I have consumed about 10 hours of your content and in my mind you are now the Jordan Peterson of Cluster B shenanigans. Thank you for your service.
I'm only 13 minutes in and this theory makes the most sense in my experience. I've spent hours, weeks, months, years trying to pinpoint which cluster B fits some people best because their behavior bounces between all of them.
I have listened to several videos about Narcissims almost 6 years, but only your program makes sense to truly understand how a narcissistic person created and functioning. Thank you somuch.
Occams razor: 1:03 All cluster B PD'S are a single phenomenon and clinical entity: 2:16 All personality disorders and majority of mental health disorders have to do with confusion between external and internal objects: 4:28 - Psychosis: 6:04 - Narcissism: 6:43 Cluster B disorders as a single disorder: 7:55 - Covert Narcissist: 13:58, 16:29 - Collapsed Narcissist: 20:04 - Overt/classic Narcissist:
Well done. After 28 years with mine, I struggle to imagine how to extricate myself and 4 kids from him and his dysfunction. Encouraging to know it is possible, even after decades.
I am so glad that I found this channel. Thank you, Sam Vaknin, for elucidating the generally misunderstood subject of personality disorders. I agree with your theory of a “single entity” Personality Disorder with “overlays” and the transition between states. I have had personal experience with this very topic. Your knowledge, intelligence, and insight amaze me.
Omg to sit in the same room with you would be the most intriguing , intense, stimulating, confusing, hysterical, sarcastic , intelligent , very very in awe of a human experince of my life! Omg am i overt BPD 😊
I love listening to your videos - I have learned so much! You are so funny at times, too! I appreciate how you can turn complex descriptions into a clear & practical explanation. I work in an industry that is filled with narcissists so your teachings are arming me with knowledge to associate with them appropriately. Thank you so much.
Excellent Sam I have never heard such supreme knowledge of the Covert Borderline. This explained my ex narcissist to a T. I so enjoy all your videos and the knowledge you share with us. Thank you!
Look at Sam making jokes and smiling at the start of the video. :) Thank you, Sam, for your body of knowledge. I've learned so much from you that has accelerated my healing.
Besides helping me understand some of the people in my world, you make me laugh, and I enjoy listening to the way you verbalize your thoughts on these subjects. Thanks so much for these videos.
Yes,I am grateful your here for soooooooo many questions I have now. IT is a un- confusing & I have lots to learn & absorb !!❤❤ Thank you,your a Godsend,I AM going to heal,everyday a bit more,I yell myself ,everyday.!!Your healing our souls & giving our hearts back to us ❤❤❤❤ !!
Abuse, neglect trauma that’s all that simple, inward outward. I can only understand simple concepts I am got BPD and they tell me I have two BPD is borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder and I believe that I have been in a on and off lifetime relationship with a cover, narcissist, boy things to get confusing and you know it is only natural for me to have a crush on you, so it is what it is thank you so much Professor I am forever in your debt.
You are funny. Love the way you explain. Living with narcissistic for 30 years, started at the age of 19, arranged marriage. In order to know him, I have discovered myself.
Thank you so much for imparting all your knowledge. Your humor is also greatly appreciated! Now to find the video in which you said overt, collapsed, and covert even faster!
I thank you for giving me the knowledge of NPD, I finally figured out what I've been living with for 38 years, always trying to fix the problems in our marriage, as I realize I'm working alone, it's so damn disturbing!! I can't wait to be free from this toxic person
WOW!!! THANK YOU, FOR ALL OF THIS INTERESTING, COMPLEX, DETAILED, INFORMATION!!! WHILE I WAS LISTENING, I KEPT TRYING TO "ANALYZE" MY RECENT "EX-GIRL FRIEND's " complicated "personality disorder!!... I suspected that she was sa "borderline", and a "covert narcissist", but now you've introduced a few more colors to the palate, and I will have to study the nuances!! Whoa!!...
I completly agree with you! And it make so much sense now! And Hopefully the ability to understand now Will make me more able to manage situationspeacefully and wizely
I’m one of the dummies who didn’t know how to search UA-cam channels 😅 but I found a UA-cam video and apparently you have to do it on the browser, not in the app. Weird. Anyway! Another riveting lecture to help me understand a couple of people in my life causing huge issues for no apparent reason.
I've listened to about 15 hours of your videos with my headphones while I'm sleep doing housework all of it I agree you are the Jordan Peterson of cluster B you actually answered a lot of my lifelong questions I think you're brilliant
Excellent and clearly presented description of this condition. I have a question,could you remind us what a "normal " human being with a balanced mental health looks and sounds like? I fear they no longer exist 🙂🙏
Normal is a tricky word,I think healthy or balanced person sounds more accurate.a healthy person is some one who can regulate him/her self mainly internally,who loves them self (now their credit) and last but not least has self awareness not live in fantasy and d’illusions have a realistic expectations of them selves and others.By the way ,this was mentioned by Sam on a video I forgot the title 🤓.
Your theory described at 8:00-12:00 is the best description I have heard of my narc's behavior. I saw behaviors of all the cluster B types at different times, which of course is very confusing and makes it hard to recognize which PD applies.
Having been among the "spiritual" community for many years, I would have to agree about the assessment of teachers, coaches, activists, etc., within this sector.
You mentioned that even healthy people can slide into these states given the right circumstances, and that this all may be a societal induced situation (correct me if I heard wrong as well). It seems like those who don’t have personality disorders recognize mistreatment and abuse and walk away, instead of trying to extrinsically control the situation, which sounds like what those with personality disorders do. It sounds like personality disorders exhibit learned helplessness, but in different ways, and then try to regain control through different means as well, that are extrinsically focused, instead of creating that environment for themselves. Based off of what you said, it almost seems like each state may be a form of the flight (internal locus of control where one puts responsibility for their own safety and happiness in their own hands), fight (grandiose), freeze (collapsed), and fawn (covert) responses. It seems like they are stuck in trauma, which does change the brain and creates behaviors that align with those exhibited within personality disorders. It also seems like even within safe environments, that a personality disordered person may recreate the abuse, almost in anticipation to old abuse, as a form of self preservation presenting as self sabotage. Did I understand this all correctly? Is this how a healthy person can become a personality disordered individual? If they stay in prolonged abuse, is this the result, because they gained learned helplessness?
Sam, you are a treasure. Over the years I have looked to you to manage my expectations and know how to react or not. I do want to act ethically and to look at myself as well. About a month ago, I viewed a video by a nasty man who acted and spoke as though he wanted to scare and play on feelings of powerlessness. So I quit watching. I applaud you for your humanity. Thank you dear.
I love your coffee mug :) Would love to be at one of your teachings one day, would be interesting to hear some of your wife's seems like she lived a lot in her own life smart woman
Having said that, if anybody was doubtful of your expertise and cluster be all they need to do is watch this video because I’ve never had anybody explain it so thoroughly and efficiently. And knowledgeably for that matter, I know clinical psychologists that don’t understand the overlay hierarchy as it were, as well as you do. I Learn More now in an hour, then five years, watching what I now know to be pseudo autism/intellectual throw up
Thanks for sharing! As a beloved Dr. Seus said 'sometimes the answers are simple and the questions are complicated', we complicate our lives with a myriad of questions when sometimes it's the answer we should be looking at and reformulating that question in a simpler manner to get there faster
Oh my effing God I cannot believe this time is going by without the knowledge on how to type. You’re a godsend, Mr. man I can’t believe that you been holding the secret knowledge in your ivy league tower all this time how dare you 😊
My husband has been diagnosed cluster B personality disorder. Your videos are far more educational than anything else I find online. In this particular video I heard much of him. However, I also heard me in your description of women who longer are women. Due to abuses by my husband and even a bit from a rape as a child I have taken on a masculine persona as a means of protecting myself. Do you have a video that goes more indepth on that topic? After a childhood molestation and rape by an older adopted brother I became promiscuous as a teen with the mindset that I could devalue what was stolen from me by spreading the wealth so to speak. In my 20s I learned to love and value myself enough to end that destructive behavior. Then in my 30s I met and married my cluster B PD husband. Now I have become quite "butch" in my mannerisms & passions. Challenging men on their own masculinity and covertly & overtly intimidating them in order to protect myself. I would greatly appreciate any clarity and guidance on how to understand & end this unhealthy mindset. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and I find your humor entertaining as well.
If I may, to be a bit more specific on my current state, I deal with body image issues such as anorexia. I become reclusive & avoid people, yet challenge men when around them. I have yet to reach the point of trying to create jealousy or infidelity. I am not a shopper by any means, but I do compulsively clean, need organization & an uncluttered environment. Only with my husband do I cower. I feel largely due to his abuse (mental, emotional, verbal, physical & sexual). I do have PTSD and diagnosed Battered Woman Syndrome. I am habitually defiant towards corrupt authoritative males (*corrupt being a key word). I dress very "butch", do not wear makeup nor do my hair/nails. I have very low self-esteem & now avoid sex & touch at all cost. The sexual aspect really gets to me as I previously fed off sexual conquests & I felt healthier then than I do now despite knowing my previous mindset was unhealthy.
This was very enlightening. Thank you for taking the time to explain this complex subject. This makes a lot more sense than the traditional model. I was married over 20 years to a man who seemed to pick at random from the cluster B's, but doesn't completely fit any of them 100%.
As I listened to the first 30 minutes of your video, I indeed saw where I had narcissist emotional responses to different occasions in my life. I've been in a community of substance recovery for 31 years, and am frequently "forced" to look at my perceptions and emotional responses, rely on other actual outside input in one form or another, and to keep one foot on the earth 🙂. If I imagine myself in the mind of the narcissistic leaning person, I can empathize (forgive the term🙂) with that person. But, having on the "supply" side, I believe I must be more cautious and discerning in close relationships. That seems to deflate that sense of spontaneity that comes with the limmerance that we like to experience. It's a balancing act for me. I thank you for your videos. I'm a mild information gatherer...for things pertinent to my own life.
Good afternoon Sam, I was born in the Netherlands, mother Dutch father Turkish, and he is a mix as well, Laz/Kurdish, I had my education in the Netherlands and I was raised without a religion, both parents are convinced that religion is not important in life, do you see differences within different cultures with personalitiy disorsers? Thank you for putting an effort on sharing your knowledge with all of us in need for answers
I am a longest living survivor of narcissism, as i recently discovered, not only 40 years of marriage but my mother, grandmother and my elder sister were narcissist and i found refuge in a marriage with one at the age of 17, who discarded me at the age of 55, i left empty handed as i felt threatened for my life, my children refuse to help.(i stayed for them for so long, but of no use) i am 57 now, 'only if i knew, what was happening to me' i am alive to tell what i didn't know, so it does not happen to anyone else. What should I do Dr Sam??????
Dr. Sam Vankin, can you do a series or video on the children of narcissists. Particularly the scapegoated and pitfalls that an adult has to navigate around when seeking an intimate partner?
I love your voice and humour, however hearing you so accurately describe my life experience is very confronting. Is there any advice/help there for someone deep in a collapse, socially withdrawing and suicidal? To hear my condition so succinctly explained is agonising at 55. Utterly mortified.
Your intelligence in content, and yr impressive speaking with a twist of humor that makes me laugh, and your elegant vocabulary makes you sexy to me 😊 You single ?! Ha ha ( but I'm serious😮) I listen to you for hours this past week. I have barely survived a twelve year relationship with a narcissist so bad it almost killed me. I won't go into the destruction I'm sorry you already know-- I've gone NO CONTACT for quite a while now. I found you on here and you're the only one I watch in my study of what happened to me. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart ❤
I dated a woman with these problems. I was always very nice to her but I had to end the relationship when she became a whore. I didn't do anything wrong that would have triggered her. It was surprising to me since we both had promised to be monogamous. I asked her to remove her things from my apartment. She did but the whole time she acted innocent and misunderstood.
Phenomenal phenomenal absolutely phenomenal. Thank you sir I was watching your student or one of actually the good looking British man that I guess I have some kind of disorder. I forget his name but he is too very very knowledgeable. I see where he gets it brother
Has there been any study in the difference between abused coverts and spoiled coverts? I think when you said the spoiled narc goes out into the real world and gets handed a slice of reality, that's when he collapses into a covert. But I'm also wondering if after that, they appear differently than those who were abused into narcissism.
Thank you, I believe you are exactly right, the over lap of disorders and different states explains and answers so much that has tormented me now for 6 years now. The saddest thing for me is that I had a child with a borderline psychopath which I have had to walk away from to regain my owe sanity and normality. Our child is only 6 years old now, I was going to run away to another town or country to get as far away from the covert/narcissist/histrionic/borderline/psychopath mother. Do you have any advice or video relating to shared parenting after devoicing one of these destructive people? I feel lost and unable to steep-up to be there for my daughter. Mental health services in New Zealand is nonexistent and the family courts are courts of family destruction at best. Worst of all the psychological harm towards children due to family court and social worker involvement is far worse than what any borderline or psychopath parent could ever achieve from what I have experience. Although it is more often than not that a mentally-ill parent will initiate and use the courts and social services to their advantage, which hopefully and eventually back fires, but the psychological damage to the children including the parents is prolonged and permanently damaging. The family court system takes far to long, usually makes the wrong judgements, only accelerating the creation of the next generation of mentally-ill adults, who will often end up in the criminal court or jail. We live in a ridiculous naive world that has a sad future if it keeps heading in the direction it is going.
I would think I was a narcissistic teenager. But at age 18 after a crisis I decided I wanted to be more real, lose the fake front. I wonder if that was narcissistic collapse. I have been through a full battery of tests and had therapy. Was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. When threatened I can be pretty fierce though I've never been violent. It's mostly how I look that scares people. Any comments would be welcome.
I have been dealing with a covert for 2 years now..being a super nova empath and a DV and rape survivor he scouted me out over the course of 5 yrs pinpointing every weakness and insecurity boy did he have me pegged..I fell right in line with living in his world because of my own mirroring and codependent behaviours...in all my years observing correlating interacing and participating in all sorts of diverse interpersonal relationshipe... I never met someone like my ex...the apitamy of evil..putting me through the worst hell on a daily basis extreme mental torture physical outbursts of rage when called out or challenged...the thing he forgot to factor in when trying to manifest his perfect delusion called a relationship was in his dreams the other person wasn't a claravoyant and super empath and while yes he came close to extinguishing this light physically trapping me in the moments of my worst fears on a daily so I'd literally emite the same energy as an severely abused child would...stuck in shame because of my inability to fight him as an adult..knowing he was literally feeding off my victim energy....sick so sick and just evil...and allowed to roam free with nothing but hate pain fear and envy driving them...
My question, though not intelligent, is there a “safe” way to separate from a person with cluster b personality disorders? Also is the speed at which the person is cycling through these states and overlays of significance? Is there an expected outcome once the switching has increased exponentially and the person is at an all time high rate of delusion, and psychopathic behavior? Are they institutionalized? Is it possible to be helped with anti-psychotics(if they took the medication, I mean) or no effect? I have watched 10 or 12 of your videos, I intend on watching as many as possible. I was hoping to get more of an experience opinion, what is the most common outcome for a person who leaves person with the cluster b personality disorder (not intimate partner, but adult child of or other family member)
Thank you for pointing me in the right direction for my topic. I should’ve just asked that. I’m certain you are told all the time, but I appreciate when a genius is capable of presenting complex material in a way that can be digested by the average. Thanks for knowing your shit.
Dr. Vaknin, first and foremost, thank you for the elaborating on the difficult topic of personality disorders. Secondly, I find your elaborates and work utmost fascinating, specially due to the personality such as yours. I have many questions, that are definitely not appropriate to be written on UA-cam. I was wondering if you have, or will be having lectures in EU since I would like to attend them. Having been in the contact with a diagnosed borderline in my family, and not having any kind of education in psychology, but with a degree in educational and developmental education, I find it really interesting to have some insight in functions and, well, malfunctions in human mind, and it would be my honour to be allowed to listen some of your lections. Thank you for the answer and the work you do in the line of personality disorders and types.
how can one deal with all this hyper sensitivity of judgment and accept the reality of the self without the need of creating a false self to function within the society. is there a way for these people to walk with self acceptance?
Helping them understand that the rest of the world doesn't think and act like the people they grew up around and dismantling all of the negative worldviews they've grown up hearing can help. Schema therapy and tfp seems to help. Teaching them how to get their needs met in ways that don't involve rage and manipulation and getting them out of their heads an into their bodies( Dbt). Theyre frightened kids operating from the place that the world is not safe and everyone is just waiting to mess them over while at the same time starving for validation from those very same people believing if those people behave in a way they imagine they should everything will be okay. Once they learn to give them selves care and validation it could help them chill the fuck out. But that involves self awareness of how their behaviors impact others and ultimately their own lives. Vankin is absolutely correct about the introjects. Letting the abusive words of someone from your past live rent free in your head and dictate your behavior is like someone calling you a coke can and living your life doing everything in your life to disprove to those ghosts and others that you aren't a coke can while assuming everyone thinks you're a coke can. You fail to question if the words of the introject were even true in ther first place and forget that their words maybe the thoughts of an equally mentaly unhealthy person.
i think im a incurable bipolor psychopath narcacist . im suffering colapse and realization. yet no dr are accepting me. is it that pointless and incurable?
Damn man. As someone who has studied philosophy and abstract systems eng for a few years now, I'm completely blown away with your use of some concepts that overlap into these subjects in your presentation about personality disorders. No joke, this is probably one of the best videos on this subject on the internet.
I agree. Best videos on this subject. But due to my own masochistic and selfsabotaging traits his advice not to listen up even before going to bed, yeah ops. I've done it sometimes, after taking notes on the subjects in the evening :D
Yes. I have Dr. Vaknin s books too. I have learned so much from the videos past 3 years
He is the ONLY one that has made me understand, in his way, exactly why I was devalued and discarded. I simply could not conceive of someone saying they love you, then destroying you down to the dirt.
Am I the only one who has been abused by a narcissist for years who finds some comfort in learning more about who and what they are.
It somehow comforts me to know that all these years I was dealing with a sick person that I wasn't the crazy unstable one.
You were not the crazy, unstable one. You were the one filled with light & goodness. That’s why the narc went after you. 💪🏼💪🏼❤️
I believe that nowadays it is easy for women to fall into the manipulation of a narcissist. Normal men in general are more withdrawn and have little initiative when it comes to conquest. The character that the narcissist represents in love bombing is what most women hope to find and for this reason it is necessary to be careful. narcissists are Machiavellian, run away from them
I was with one for 20 years and separated now it's like a hobby to me trying to figure them out but it's like a spawn of Satan and can't be
No you are not the only one!
But I learned that with these people you have to set boundaries and say no. Be in charge of yourself. You dont need them they need you. You are better off without these toxic people. So be happy you got out.
@@deborahserafin8253we are unconditionally loving empaths and the narcissists are drawn to our light and our strong desire to help and heal others. They wear a false mask and are able to shape shift when the need arises. One of life’s most difficult lessons to learn is to love ourselves unconditionally, to honour & respect ourselves. Only allow people, places & things into our lives that serve our highest good. Boundaries & reciprocity. We need to trust our intuition and walk away when we see the red flags. Who knew that such people exist in this world…self love, courage & take back our power. From another who has travelled down that dark & lonely road. Your spirit team is guiding you on your Divine journey. Clear your path to make room for loving soul family to enter into your life. Remain in faith🙏☀️✨. Remember, you are the author of your story. You are the captain of your vessel😌
I love this guy. I’ve learned so much. So very interesting. I blast him loud on my speaker and binge watch his videos while cooking. A favorite pastime. Thanks, Professor Vaknin.
Same here. He is so knowledgeable
Your lessons brought me through the worst time of my life. Love your humor
I listen to you many hours throughout my day . You’ve helped me unravel the craziness I’ve endured from the menagerie of mental disorders of people in my life . Grateful for you !
Agreed.
I’m with you. I’ve been able to sort out a lot.
What about a covert narcissist doubled with a bipolar disorder? I have been in close contact with such a man
My grandma used to call it “all kinds of crazy” thanks grandma 🙏🏾🌹
Yep 🤣 Mine used to say: We just called them batshit crazy and bad news. And we ran for the hills.
She used to make me laugh with her down to earth comments. That said, I find Mr. Vaknin’s explanations highly interesting.
“There are always transitions because reality is merciless, absolutely merciless”
This video blew my mind. It makes so much sense when I observe people’s behavior that before confused me as hell. Thank you for your time and knowledge!
“Confused me as hell” 😂 lmaooo
ishootbishez well, isn’t it true? 😂
@@salovas7264 you can say that again…
I have Borderline as well as Bipolar disorder. I think I will buy and read all of your books just to understand myself better. I’Ve been on therapy for more than two years but always keep learning more with you.
Over the last two days I have consumed about 10 hours of your content and in my mind you are now the Jordan Peterson of Cluster B shenanigans. Thank you for your service.
The best response I’ve heard yet, you made me laugh 😂, spot on👍🏻!!!
I Love Jordan Peterson ❤🎉☘️👍🏻🥰🕊🎚️💎👏
I love Jordan . i love Sam ❤❤❤
Peterson is a peckerhead
Jordan Peterson on par with Prof Sam? I encourage you to watch it a second time. Maybe a third.
I'm only 13 minutes in and this theory makes the most sense in my experience. I've spent hours, weeks, months, years trying to pinpoint which cluster B fits some people best because their behavior bounces between all of them.
I have listened to several videos about Narcissims almost 6 years, but only your program makes sense to truly understand how a narcissistic person created and functioning. Thank you somuch.
Occams razor: 1:03
All cluster B PD'S are a single phenomenon and clinical entity: 2:16
All personality disorders and majority of mental health disorders have to do with confusion between external and internal objects: 4:28
- Psychosis: 6:04
- Narcissism: 6:43
Cluster B disorders as a single disorder: 7:55
- Covert Narcissist: 13:58, 16:29
- Collapsed Narcissist: 20:04
- Overt/classic Narcissist:
Thank you helpful stranger!! 🙇🏻♀️
So fascinating. Having dealt with one of these people, it’s so interesting to hear how their brains actually work in such detail.
Thank you for all the information !Married with s narcissist for 20 years!Now i am free !
Thanks
Wow good for you
Freedom
Well done. After 28 years with mine, I struggle to imagine how to extricate myself and 4 kids from him and his dysfunction. Encouraging to know it is possible, even after decades.
@@silverfish8059 im in the same. Working on exit plan, he's acting like a perfect husband now. Total dissonance
Maybe we need to inform and teach others, until it gets better? Great job Vaknin!
Supremely the best expert on narcissism/BPD/CPD and more.
"taught to ignore reality, and occupy the parental fantastic space" - Great takeaway.
I am so glad that I found this channel. Thank you, Sam Vaknin, for elucidating the generally misunderstood subject of personality disorders. I agree with your theory of a “single entity” Personality Disorder with “overlays” and the transition between states. I have had personal experience with this very topic. Your knowledge, intelligence, and insight amaze me.
Omg to sit in the same room with you would be the most intriguing , intense, stimulating, confusing, hysterical, sarcastic , intelligent , very very in awe of a human experince of my life! Omg am i overt BPD 😊
I love everything this man has to say. I wish I could be a student and learn more and just have a long conversation.
Was researching for building a character and hit this gold mine. Just brilliant! I am a nobody to be impressed by Professor, but I truly am.
Thanks Prof Vaknin for educating us. I really appreciate your effort and wisdom in sharing the truth about personality disorders. 👍
I love listening to your videos - I have learned so much! You are so funny at times, too! I appreciate how you can turn complex descriptions into a clear & practical explanation.
I work in an industry that is filled with narcissists so your teachings are arming me with knowledge to associate with them appropriately. Thank you so much.
As someone who calls themselves a "cluster B clusterfuck" this makes so much sense to me! Thanks for sharing.
Hahaha! What a hot mess. Lol! Better that than a not hot mess.
😂😂
Typing....an old art form. I love this man!
Excellent Sam I have never heard such supreme knowledge of the Covert Borderline. This explained my ex narcissist to a T. I so enjoy all your videos and the knowledge you share with us. Thank you!
Look at Sam making jokes and smiling at the start of the video. :) Thank you, Sam, for your body of knowledge. I've learned so much from you that has accelerated my healing.
Absolutely on the mark. Narcissists waver between overlays dependent on their current circumstances.
Besides helping me understand some of the people in my world, you make me laugh, and I enjoy listening to the way you verbalize your thoughts on these subjects. Thanks so much for these videos.
Yes,I am grateful your here for soooooooo many questions I have now. IT is a un- confusing & I have lots to learn & absorb !!❤❤ Thank you,your a Godsend,I AM going to heal,everyday a bit more,I yell myself ,everyday.!!Your healing our souls & giving our hearts back to us ❤❤❤❤ !!
Tell myself,Not yell at myself,He did that enough for the next hundred years!!😊 ❤❤❤
This is a brilliant video. I've had difficulty differentiating between the behaviours of NPD and BPD, such is the overlap in mannerisms.
Abuse, neglect trauma that’s all that simple, inward outward. I can only understand simple concepts I am got BPD and they tell me I have two BPD is borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder and I believe that I have been in a on and off lifetime relationship with a cover, narcissist, boy things to get confusing and you know it is only natural for me to have a crush on you, so it is what it is thank you so much Professor I am forever in your debt.
You are funny. Love the way you explain. Living with narcissistic for 30 years, started at the age of 19, arranged marriage. In order to know him, I have discovered myself.
Thank you for your work on this!!
I believe it was you my mom referred to years ago when she was trying to explain this to me
Thank you so much for imparting all your knowledge. Your humor is also greatly appreciated! Now to find the video in which you said overt, collapsed, and covert even faster!
I thank you for giving me the knowledge of NPD, I finally figured out what I've been living with for 38 years, always trying to fix the problems in our marriage, as I realize I'm working alone, it's so damn disturbing!! I can't wait to be free from this toxic person
Wow this man is best at this topic, explaining is really good
WOW!!! THANK YOU, FOR ALL OF THIS INTERESTING, COMPLEX, DETAILED, INFORMATION!!! WHILE I WAS LISTENING, I KEPT TRYING TO "ANALYZE" MY RECENT "EX-GIRL FRIEND's " complicated "personality disorder!!... I suspected that she was sa "borderline", and a "covert narcissist", but now you've introduced a few more colors to the palate, and I will have to study the nuances!! Whoa!!...
I completly agree with you! And it make so much sense now! And Hopefully the ability to understand now Will make me more able to manage situationspeacefully and wizely
I’m one of the dummies who didn’t know how to search UA-cam channels 😅 but I found a UA-cam video and apparently you have to do it on the browser, not in the app. Weird. Anyway! Another riveting lecture to help me understand a couple of people in my life causing huge issues for no apparent reason.
Wrong. You can search the channel on the app (the magnifying glass).
So good explained so that it's possible to understand the content (what applies to the content of all your accounts). Cool. Thx, Prof Vaknin.
I've listened to about 15 hours of your videos with my headphones while I'm sleep doing housework all of it I agree you are the Jordan Peterson of cluster B you actually answered a lot of my lifelong questions I think you're brilliant
Thank you for your great teachings! Im so grateful for you 🙏 Stay safe and healthy Professor Vaknin ⚘
Excellent and clearly presented description of this condition. I have a question,could you remind us what a "normal " human being with a balanced mental health looks and sounds like? I fear they no longer exist 🙂🙏
Normal is a tricky word,I think healthy or balanced person sounds more accurate.a healthy person is some one who can regulate him/her self mainly internally,who loves them self (now their credit) and last but not least has self awareness not live in fantasy and d’illusions have a realistic expectations of them selves and others.By the way ,this was mentioned by Sam on a video I forgot the title 🤓.
Marshal Rosenberg is a psychologist that focused his research on ... Healthy people! His work is great. Check it out.
Your theory described at 8:00-12:00 is the best description I have heard of my narc's behavior. I saw behaviors of all the cluster B types at different times, which of course is very confusing and makes it hard to recognize which PD applies.
Having been among the "spiritual" community for many years, I would have to agree about the assessment of teachers, coaches, activists, etc., within this sector.
You mentioned that even healthy people can slide into these states given the right circumstances, and that this all may be a societal induced situation (correct me if I heard wrong as well). It seems like those who don’t have personality disorders recognize mistreatment and abuse and walk away, instead of trying to extrinsically control the situation, which sounds like what those with personality disorders do. It sounds like personality disorders exhibit learned helplessness, but in different ways, and then try to regain control through different means as well, that are extrinsically focused, instead of creating that environment for themselves. Based off of what you said, it almost seems like each state may be a form of the flight (internal locus of control where one puts responsibility for their own safety and happiness in their own hands), fight (grandiose), freeze (collapsed), and fawn (covert) responses. It seems like they are stuck in trauma, which does change the brain and creates behaviors that align with those exhibited within personality disorders. It also seems like even within safe environments, that a personality disordered person may recreate the abuse, almost in anticipation to old abuse, as a form of self preservation presenting as self sabotage. Did I understand this all correctly? Is this how a healthy person can become a personality disordered individual? If they stay in prolonged abuse, is this the result, because they gained learned helplessness?
Sam, you are a treasure. Over the years I have looked to you to manage my expectations and know how to react or not. I do want to act ethically and to look at myself as well.
About a month ago, I viewed a video by a nasty man who acted and spoke as though he wanted to scare and play on feelings of powerlessness. So I quit watching. I applaud you for your humanity. Thank you dear.
are you talking about H.G. Tudor? it's good info, just very raw and from the narc perspective.
Your rigour is a great antidote
I love your coffee mug :) Would love to be at one of your teachings one day, would be interesting to hear some of your wife's seems like she lived a lot in her own life smart woman
Having said that, if anybody was doubtful of your expertise and cluster be all they need to do is watch this video because I’ve never had anybody explain it so thoroughly and efficiently. And knowledgeably for that matter, I know clinical psychologists that don’t understand the overlay hierarchy as it were, as well as you do. I Learn More now in an hour, then five years, watching what I now know to be pseudo autism/intellectual throw up
Thanks for sharing! As a beloved Dr. Seus said 'sometimes the answers are simple and the questions are complicated', we complicate our lives with a myriad of questions when sometimes it's the answer we should be looking at and reformulating that question in a simpler manner to get there faster
I formulated the answer in 1995 with my “no contact” strategy. And then people started to ask questions.
Sam Vaknin and that's when things got complicated yet once again I'm guessing
Oh my effing God I cannot believe this time is going by without the knowledge on how to type. You’re a godsend, Mr. man I can’t believe that you been holding the secret knowledge in your ivy league tower all this time how dare you 😊
Thank you for sharing your work. This has been a godsend to me!
Fascinating insights and some good humour.
I'm so grateful for all I've learned from your content 🙏
A few of us in 12 steps talk about your theories on Narcs and helps us understand what our abusers did to us.
Alcoholics Anonymous is it called of narcissists. Shamers victim blamers and 13th steppers. It is even worse than the cluster B untreated
My husband has been diagnosed cluster B personality disorder. Your videos are far more educational than anything else I find online.
In this particular video I heard much of him. However, I also heard me in your description of women who longer are women. Due to abuses by my husband and even a bit from a rape as a child I have taken on a masculine persona as a means of protecting myself. Do you have a video that goes more indepth on that topic? After a childhood molestation and rape by an older adopted brother I became promiscuous as a teen with the mindset that I could devalue what was stolen from me by spreading the wealth so to speak. In my 20s I learned to love and value myself enough to end that destructive behavior. Then in my 30s I met and married my cluster B PD husband. Now I have become quite "butch" in my mannerisms & passions. Challenging men on their own masculinity and covertly & overtly intimidating them in order to protect myself.
I would greatly appreciate any clarity and guidance on how to understand & end this unhealthy mindset.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and I find your humor entertaining as well.
If I may, to be a bit more specific on my current state, I deal with body image issues such as anorexia. I become reclusive & avoid people, yet challenge men when around them. I have yet to reach the point of trying to create jealousy or infidelity. I am not a shopper by any means, but I do compulsively clean, need organization & an uncluttered environment. Only with my husband do I cower. I feel largely due to his abuse (mental, emotional, verbal, physical & sexual). I do have PTSD and diagnosed Battered Woman Syndrome. I am habitually defiant towards corrupt authoritative males (*corrupt being a key word). I dress very "butch", do not wear makeup nor do my hair/nails. I have very low self-esteem & now avoid sex & touch at all cost. The sexual aspect really gets to me as I previously fed off sexual conquests & I felt healthier then than I do now despite knowing my previous mindset was unhealthy.
This was very enlightening. Thank you for taking the time to explain this complex subject. This makes a lot more sense than the traditional model. I was married over 20 years to a man who seemed to pick at random from the cluster B's, but doesn't completely fit any of them 100%.
This was useful ..... and quite humorous! 😂
This was very informative! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us! :)
You are so funny Dr. Vaknin. I like listening to your lectures.
thank you for making me laugh and have fun while learning ..
Enjoy your videos very much!
As I listened to the first 30 minutes of your video, I indeed saw where I had narcissist emotional responses to different occasions in my life. I've been in a community of substance recovery for 31 years, and am frequently "forced" to look at my perceptions and emotional responses, rely on other actual outside input in one form or another, and to keep one foot on the earth 🙂.
If I imagine myself in the mind of the narcissistic leaning person, I can empathize (forgive the term🙂) with that person. But, having on the "supply" side, I believe I must be more cautious and discerning in close relationships. That seems to deflate that sense of spontaneity that comes with the limmerance that we like to experience. It's a balancing act for me. I thank you for your videos. I'm a mild information gatherer...for things pertinent to my own life.
Good afternoon Sam, I was born in the Netherlands, mother Dutch father Turkish, and he is a mix as well, Laz/Kurdish, I had my education in the Netherlands and I was raised without a religion, both parents are convinced that religion is not important in life, do you see differences within different cultures with personalitiy disorsers? Thank you for putting an effort on sharing your knowledge with all of us in need for answers
Personality disorders manifest differently in different cultures.
I would love to be your student but this is the next best thing 🥰
I am a longest living survivor of narcissism, as i recently discovered, not only 40 years of marriage but my mother, grandmother and my elder sister were narcissist and i found refuge in a marriage with one at the age of 17, who discarded me at the age of 55, i left empty handed as i felt threatened for my life, my children refuse to help.(i stayed for them for so long, but of no use) i am 57 now, 'only if i knew, what was happening to me' i am alive to tell what i didn't know, so it does not happen to anyone else. What should I do Dr Sam??????
Write a book
Dr. Sam Vankin, can you do a series or video on the children of narcissists. Particularly the scapegoated and pitfalls that an adult has to navigate around when seeking an intimate partner?
Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
To me cluster B, as an example, seems like a continuum until attempting to differentiate is just trying split hairs so I would have to agree.
Thanks to this video I now know that anyone who has ever wronged me is a narcissist.
Lovely coffee cup 😁❤
Thank you so much for sharing your research! I have learnt so much...now, time to process:)
I love your voice and humour, however hearing you so accurately describe my life experience is very confronting.
Is there any advice/help there for someone deep in a collapse, socially withdrawing and suicidal?
To hear my condition so succinctly explained is agonising at 55.
Utterly mortified.
Watch the therapies playlist.
Yes, Mr. Vaknin you indeed appear in my nightmares 🤣 yet appreciate your lectures. Thanx!
Your intelligence in content, and yr impressive speaking with a twist of humor that makes me laugh, and your elegant vocabulary makes you sexy to me 😊 You single ?! Ha ha ( but I'm serious😮)
I listen to you for hours this past week. I have barely survived a twelve year relationship with a narcissist so bad it almost killed me. I won't go into the destruction I'm sorry you already know-- I've gone NO CONTACT for quite a while now. I found you on here and you're the only one I watch in my study of what happened to me. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart ❤
I dated a woman with these problems. I was always very nice to her but I had to end the relationship when she became a whore. I didn't do anything wrong that would have triggered her. It was surprising to me since we both had promised to be monogamous. I asked her to remove her things from my apartment. She did but the whole time she acted innocent and misunderstood.
Narks all cheat but doesn't really have to do with sex. And doesn't have anything to do with you and what you did or didn't do...
My covert female ex partner’s phone is filled with so many numbers. Honestly…i had no idea how and when she had the time. But clinical definition is 💯
My sense of what my world has been is completely depressed
Phenomenal phenomenal absolutely phenomenal. Thank you sir I was watching your student or one of actually the good looking British man that I guess I have some kind of disorder. I forget his name but he is too very very knowledgeable. I see where he gets it brother
“And his role model is Donald Trump.” Didn’t see that coming. Best laugh all day!
Trump 2024 🎉
in last minute you have perfectly described my so called female partner, sadly she is also mother of my two sons.. I grately thank you for this
I'm sorry.
I think that's a great idea - to have a single diagnosis with over-lays. It would make things so much easier to understand.
Thank you Professor Vaknin
I wish I could have watched this video years ago.
Actually I have started to have your videos playing as I go to sleep 🤣
Has there been any study in the difference between abused coverts and spoiled coverts? I think when you said the spoiled narc goes out into the real world and gets handed a slice of reality, that's when he collapses into a covert. But I'm also wondering if after that, they appear differently than those who were abused into narcissism.
Collapse is a universal narcissistic experience and overrides any differences in upbringing.
Thank you, I believe you are exactly right, the over lap of disorders and different states explains and answers so much that has tormented me now for 6 years now. The saddest thing for me is that I had a child with a borderline psychopath which I have had to walk away from to regain my owe sanity and normality. Our child is only 6 years old now, I was going to run away to another town or country to get as far away from the covert/narcissist/histrionic/borderline/psychopath mother.
Do you have any advice or video relating to shared parenting after devoicing one of these destructive people?
I feel lost and unable to steep-up to be there for my daughter. Mental health services in New Zealand is nonexistent and the family courts are courts of family destruction at best. Worst of all the psychological harm towards children due to family court and social worker involvement is far worse than what any borderline or psychopath parent could ever achieve from what I have experience.
Although it is more often than not that a mentally-ill parent will initiate and use the courts and social services to their advantage, which hopefully and eventually back fires, but the psychological damage to the children including the parents is prolonged and permanently damaging.
The family court system takes far to long, usually makes the wrong judgements, only accelerating the creation of the next generation of mentally-ill adults, who will often end up in the criminal court or jail. We live in a ridiculous naive world that has a sad future if it keeps heading in the direction it is going.
I would think I was a narcissistic teenager. But at age 18 after a crisis I decided I wanted to be more real, lose the fake front. I wonder if that was narcissistic collapse. I have been through a full battery of tests and had therapy. Was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. When threatened I can be pretty fierce though I've never been violent. It's mostly how I look that scares people. Any comments would be welcome.
I have been dealing with a covert for 2 years now..being a super nova empath and a DV and rape survivor he scouted me out over the course of 5 yrs pinpointing every weakness and insecurity boy did he have me pegged..I fell right in line with living in his world because of my own mirroring and codependent behaviours...in all my years observing correlating interacing and participating in all sorts of diverse interpersonal relationshipe... I never met someone like my ex...the apitamy of evil..putting me through the worst hell on a daily basis extreme mental torture physical outbursts of rage when called out or challenged...the thing he forgot to factor in when trying to manifest his perfect delusion called a relationship was in his dreams the other person wasn't a claravoyant and super empath and while yes he came close to extinguishing this light physically trapping me in the moments of my worst fears on a daily so I'd literally emite the same energy as an severely abused child would...stuck in shame because of my inability to fight him as an adult..knowing he was literally feeding off my victim energy....sick so sick and just evil...and allowed to roam free with nothing but hate pain fear and envy driving them...
My question, though not intelligent, is there a “safe” way to separate from a person with cluster b personality disorders? Also is the speed at which the person is cycling through these states and overlays of significance? Is there an expected outcome once the switching has increased exponentially and the person is at an all time high rate of delusion, and psychopathic behavior? Are they institutionalized? Is it possible to be helped with anti-psychotics(if they took the medication, I mean) or no effect?
I have watched 10 or 12 of your videos, I intend on watching as many as possible. I was hoping to get more of an experience opinion, what is the most common outcome for a person who leaves person with the cluster b personality disorder (not intimate partner, but adult child of or other family member)
Watch the NA healing playlist.
Thank you for pointing me in the right direction for my topic. I should’ve just asked that.
I’m certain you are told all the time, but I appreciate when a genius is capable of presenting complex material in a way that can be digested by the average. Thanks for knowing your shit.
Please address alters in splitting along with PTSD?
Dr. Vaknin, first and foremost, thank you for the elaborating on the difficult topic of personality disorders. Secondly, I find your elaborates and work utmost fascinating, specially due to the personality such as yours. I have many questions, that are definitely not appropriate to be written on UA-cam. I was wondering if you have, or will be having lectures in EU since I would like to attend them. Having been in the contact with a diagnosed borderline in my family, and not having any kind of education in psychology, but with a degree in educational and developmental education, I find it really interesting to have some insight in functions and, well, malfunctions in human mind, and it would be my honour to be allowed to listen some of your lections.
Thank you for the answer and the work you do in the line of personality disorders and types.
Seminar, April 12, 2022, Budapest. To participate in the seminar, write to: Barbara Gyura narciszcoach@gmail.com
@@NWDEVA I will no longer be giving seminars and lectures. Too many haters and crazies out there.
My common law of 4 months killed her 2 kids, tried to burn the house down then killed herself. Thanks for the videos
half way through the mask of sanity, reading your book next:)
It is available for free download online, but not sure which edition (the last one is the fifth).
En Savoir PLUS lol i got the newest edition of the mask of sanity paperback on amazon for 50$ but the hardcovers are like ~100 or more
Simply brilliant!!!
how can one deal with all this hyper sensitivity of judgment and accept the reality of the self without the need of creating a false self to function within the society. is there a way for these people to walk with self acceptance?
Helping them understand that the rest of the world doesn't think and act like the people they grew up around and dismantling all of the negative worldviews they've grown up hearing can help. Schema therapy and tfp seems to help. Teaching them how to get their needs met in ways that don't involve rage and manipulation and getting them out of their heads an into their bodies( Dbt). Theyre frightened kids operating from the place that the world is not safe and everyone is just waiting to mess them over while at the same time starving for validation from those very same people believing if those people behave in a way they imagine they should everything will be okay. Once they learn to give them selves care and validation it could help them chill the fuck out. But that involves self awareness of how their behaviors impact others and ultimately their own lives. Vankin is absolutely correct about the introjects. Letting the abusive words of someone from your past live rent free in your head and dictate your behavior is like someone calling you a coke can and living your life doing everything in your life to disprove to those ghosts and others that you aren't a coke can while assuming everyone thinks you're a coke can. You fail to question if the words of the introject were even true in ther first place and forget that their words maybe the thoughts of an equally mentaly unhealthy person.
Loved the video! Thank you.
The separation is artificial 100% . The DSM5 needs changing.
Professor, you rock!
i think im a incurable bipolor psychopath narcacist . im suffering colapse and realization. yet no dr are accepting me. is it that pointless and incurable?