@@cheems6193 where does the hypothesis that bpd (and other mental illnesses) have a genetic component come from? Researchers have observed that BPD runs in families. If your parents have BPD, you and your siblings are more likely to have BPD too. It really is this dumb. By this logic, being a lawyer or a doctor is genetic too, since it tends to run in families. I think the hypothesis that BPD stems from childhood abuse and neglect (let's be honest, us BPD folks aren't the best parents, nor do we have the best partners nor support networks) makes so much more sense.
As a male borderline it's very clear to me what the dynamic was: a genetic predisposition to emotional sensitivity, an emotionally neglectful environment in childhood, constant invalidation of my emotions and scapegoating in my teens leading to confusion an instability and outbursts of rage which worsened the dynamic of how I relate to myself and how others relate to me. And this is how it's been since. Essentially I have not been able to grow out of feeling like a confused and misunderstood teenager, even though I am now 35 years old. I get life together as best as I can and soldier on, but eventually the stress of just surviving gets too much, I self destruct and drive everyone away.
When I hear myself saying “I want to go home” (a sign that you feel unsafe or have no place to rest your soul) I just answer with “I know, it’s okay to feel like that”. This simple acknowledgment helps me to get up and carry on with my day.
I had moved into a different county left my home town behind at first it really crushed me went to therapy im ok now but i still get days and i say i want to go home i feel im on vacation im tired all i want is my home thank you for sharing the statement above im gonna use it
I’m going to give this a try when I am at work next time because I struggle so hard being present there. Mentally/emotionally I’m always tired and just wanna go home
I was literally today thinking that the emptiness I experience inside was caused by faulty mirroring from my distracted/addicted father who also struggled with unhealed childhood traumas and emotionally immature parents.
I’m 66 and was given the bpd diagnosis at 33. I had a severe case but I pretty much denied it for the next 20 years, partly because I had serious medical problems and I didn’t have money for therapy. Once Obama care came along I went to therapy at 55, I stayed in it for 8 years, I saw my therapist 2 times a week plus group and NA meetings, we did dbt and emdr, all the early childhood abuse that I had stuffed came out and I dealt with it. It saved my life, I’m So much better now! I still have medical issues that are hard but I cope with them I believe in a healthy way. All the drugs, eating disorders and reckless living of my past did not help my health! I continue to work on my mental health mostly now through my lifestyle which includes a healthy diet, a sleep schedule that supports good sleep, getting out in nature, daily walks and some home exercise like yoga and strengthening, my dog brings me joy, I live very simply and do not stress over anything, I enjoy meditation and reading and listening to educational podcasts. I literally am not the same person! I do give myself a lot of self love and compassion and I practice radical forgiveness for self and others (no matter what) I work hard on keeping myself balanced and know it is something I have to do the rest of my life.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable s0urce here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, kayes_tripz. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Growing up I connected deeply with the 1982 Annie movie. I spent many a free time wishing my real parents would come get me. My dad still feels like he did his job. Roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back. I should be grateful. My mother was volatile. My dysregulation would always upset her. Everything was my fault and on purpose. If there was stuff on my floor or walked out with bed head, she would get sick to her stomach. When I became a mother the only advice she gave me was, "don't do what I did?" But how? I had nothing to go on and ended up in an emotionally abusive marriage that compounded my issues, and in turn I ended up losing my shit on my girls too much. I tried really hard. And when i went homeless and thry went into foster care, they were given the healining resources, and i learned more by watching them step back from situations and calm down. I'm so proud of them and i hope our cycle ends with them.
Yeah, I always wonder why people want to be my friend. And it happens with disturbing frequency. Why do they want to hang out with me? I don't even want to hang out with me most of the time (and the odds are pretty good that I don't want to hang out with you, either).
@@heedmydemandsThat's the exact the fear we have. We say to ourselves "oh cool Im just some TV show for them then you'll just drop me once youre bored". Or maybe it's "ok? You say that now, then you'll realize I'm just some ordinary person bcuz that is what I am then you'll drop me".
Your description of BPD fits me super well. I’ve felt I had something other than depression and anxiety. Often when I try to think what I want for my future, I can’t think past “what’s allowed?”
My mother had BPD. She had the diagnosis late, when I was around 17, and after a rough divorce and a burnout (I think the additional stressors of all that change, including my mental health issues showing through anorexia, were like the last straw). Both the stigma and the issues were very real. I know her parents failed her, in so many ways. Besides all her "shenanigans" (she had alcohol and medical drug abuse issues too. And I'm absolutely convinced she did that to "feel calmer". SHe learned it young. In fact her mother literally taught her so at age 16. "Have a glass of wine and you'll feel better"...) I allways felt deep empathy for her. Maybe even too much concerning my own boundaries and wellbeing. I have severe issues myself (AVPD and more. I can relate to a lot in this video, but react very differently to most of it), partly for what my childhood was like in return. (I'll end the circle by not having children) I'm a little worried bout my 2 nieces (my sister's, who is my only sibling, daughters). They are only 19m and 4y, and their dad allways seems rather unpatient and not too empathetic around them. Like telling the 4 yo things like "nobody in the whole world cares about what you have to say". Both their parents are quite rough with language too (Like "shut up!" even to the 19m). Yeah, and they have loose hands.... Breaks my heart every time. And reminds me so painfully of my own childhood. I shower these sweet little beans with love and attention whenever I can. But I'm digressing. Sorry for that. Sending a big package of empathy to all you BPD people out there. I've witnessed first hand how much of a struggle that condition can be.
I think I'm always sabotaging my relationship because of my childhood trauma. And I'm always with people who are just like my primary caregiver. They aren't kind, they don't see me and they abandon me when I show emotions. I struggle with suicidal thoughts a lot. While I was working I uses to spend a lot on clothes, and I felt like that is not normal. Now I spend a lot of time in bed, depressed. I've isolated myself from the world.
please start by forgiving yourself for what you consider to be "failure", then validate and affirm your need to do what you do-whatever it is. You needed to replicate your original hurtful relationships in the hope of resolving them, but being in them in your "child part", you weren't going to resolve them. Start by being with yourself in your depression and listen to yourself.
Neglect is abuse. Plain & simple. People do not grow up able to cope with life unless there is extended family or friends or kind neighbours who can notice & care for a child or children.
In Norway, BPD is now referred to as "emotionally unstable personality disorder". It seems to me that trouble regulating feelings is the main description, and that fear or abandonment and rejection comes "second" sort of.
@@TheOGOrangeCatMaybe but also people think Borderline means we're manipulative and threaten people and get violent and commit acts of self harm if they try to leave. I have bpd and cptsd and the abandonment despiration I don't have. I'm so used to being hurt I end up pushing people away and isolating. So the stigma that we will go extreme if there is a perception of abandonment is hurtful as well. People thinking those with bpd are evil, manipulative, and violent is a bigger stigma that's really hurtful. We do have emotional dysregulation. It's more of a true description than borderline which refers to neurosis and psychosis. Which most people in society have a even bigger misconception about.
@@AtLeastMyDawgyLovesMe Girl stfu. No one asked for your warped ass non scientific broad explanation about people with cluster disorders. Are you only talking about cluster b? The most stigmatized group? They're talking about BPD which is trauma induced and severe, inescapable trauma at that. Your sense of self is decimated before it can grow. And then you just generalize and stigmatize people with BPD even more. On a channel who talks about BPD so well too. Go watch or rewatch some videos. It's like telling a person with cptsd which a lot of people with bpd also have. That they are attention seeking and sensitive for having triggers and struggling to trust people. Idk who hurt you but go to therapy and work it out. Your pain isn't your fault but your healing is your responsibility.
Great video. I cried. So many memories. But really it is a good video. Sadly I've been trying to heal for decades. Nothing works for me, therapy and meds. It's led me to have chronic active obsessive SI and many attempts. I started to think about it at a very young age. I turned to some of the worst coping methods to keep myself from being overwhelmed by the hopelessness and emptiness and physical/emotional pain. Intense pain. Idk. My life was filled with distrust, neglect, 6 years of SA starting at 5yrs old, physical abuse like beatings and such, no friends, being treated like I'm a burden to everyone, and all around a hell childhood. I was unwanted, told many times about that. A mistake, as my mom told me. On a "family" road trip, my mom dragged me out of the van and told me to stay there. That I was "Deadname nobody." They then left me on the side of a highway that was over 1,000 miles away from where we lived. 10 to 15 minutes later they came back for me. But I was like 7. Teen years was slightly better, I wasn't experiencing SA at least. School was a shit show. Again, no friends. No partners. I spent all my time with teachers and helping them. I cleaned the science classes gerbil cage almost every 3 or so days for like, an entire school year? Idk. Lol. Um, since, my mom had a stroke. Recovered from it. I tried to join the US Marines, messed up my knees and back. Then met a partner who had a new born daughter, I helped to raise her (honestly I did everything for her over the two years I was with them both while her mother played games on PC and talking to men) but that little girl was my daughter. And, her mom took her away from me but only after she cheated on me with another person while I watched our daughter in the other room. Next day I made an attempt to jump but was stopped by police who shot me with a taser and then charged me with the crime of lying to police. And, like, I was literally in a mental breakdown and they still are like, yup, throw the book at that person. It made things worse on me. Idk. I still live with my mom. It's been another 10+ years since all this. Idk. I'm in a completely hopeless place now. I have a pain all over my body. Back and knees are the worst of course. Migraines. I'm allergic to everything. I'm AMAB and trying to get treatment for that but I'm looking at another 3 to 5 years. Idk. I hate my face. I can't look in the mirror. I hate my body. I HATE my genitals and have been considering taking a knife to them. I hate everything about me. And I've been thinking about stopping it all lately. Just, I want the pain to stop. I want to be free. I need to be free. I don't think anyone can realize how much tranquility I feel as I look over the edge after such a long time of feeling empty or sad or hopeless or pain. So much pain. And not knowing who you are. I have no personality. I play games all day. I do nothing now. I'm worthless. I still feel like a child. I don't think I ever grew up. I fear everything. Shadows in the night. Fear that he is going to find me. I have a severe fear of men. Sex repulses me. Idk. Anyway, thanks for the video. I can totally relate to so much of what was said. But, I'm gonna stop writing now. It's already long enough. Hope all of you, Kati and everyone else, have a wonderful and pleasant rest of your summer and great holidays throughout the rest of the year. Take care!
@@linnealeora thank you. its going to be rough. i can tell. im trying to find the courage to actually go into the hospital voluntarily. im being told im in danger. and. i just feel weird about the idea of going into the hospital and wasting space and resources.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this information. I used to struggle so much with just accepting the diagnosis of BPD. Then a therapist friend explained to me thst BPD is a response to abuse so that was when my thoughts about my diagnosis finally shifted more towards acceptance...i still struggle because of the stigma of having BPD but i have always been a "quiet " bpd. I always turned things on myself and attacked myself more than lashing out at other people. I spent a couple years in dbt therapy and I am able to manage my suicidal thoughts much better now even though I'm still in therapy but im ok with thst and my therapist is very supportive of m. I just moved out of adult foster care after 6 years and I know that ill be able to stay safe now.
I remember my mother ignoring many things that happened to me at age 3,4,5,6,7,8 and later. She had money and was more concerned about looking like Zsa Zsa Gabor than her little boy feeling abandoned and scared. My father never showed emotional support. He only yelled at me or severely beat me. I have abandonment issues even at 69 years of age. Though no stranger to psychotherapy, it saddens me that I still have significant issues. I'm also very bright-observant and find most people to be very average in intelligence. This makes me feel even more alone. I can not relate to people that don't have the intelligence to "Notice Things". I notice everything. That can be an asset and a liability.
@@heedmydemands Me too but I can't change it. Thank You! It was so wrong. So many people are clueless about being parents. They often have children to conform and fit it with others but do not really want children. I will move forward though as I always have. Sometimes it is not easy but that goes without saying.
@@heedmydemands Autism? I don't think that this would fit me. I was just very observant and feeling. I could read about autism. I'm curious if it fits at all. Thanks again.
@@heedmydemands I was the youngest in my class and in 7th & 8th grade was put in an advanced class for brighter 7th and 8th graders. I don't think that autism would apply unless you know something that I do not.
That would explain it. I try to avoid as many people as possible to reduce risk of it being proven again. So now I beat myself up. Good luck with the next few decades. YOU ARE loved despite not seeing it.
I like doing visualizations. I imagine (almost cartoon like) my head has a lid and I can take the lid off and purge out all of the icky feelings like anxiety or depression. Sometimes I bring in a hose and spray around just to be sure all of the icky feelings are cleaned out. Then I see this tiny little me inside cleaning me out and giving me love like literally hugging my inside cavity walls. It helps.
I don't have BPD but some of the symptoms I can relate to I'm glad you share this because it help me to know what I have to work on and learn to understand more❤ eversins I start to watch your video I am getting better because your videos help me to see my problems I still struggle and need some work but I'm better I'm working on my anger and I am learning to stay more calm now
It’s not a coincidence that BPD humans have trouble connecting with people so we struggle with addictions and intimacy so we to tend seek quick dopamine rush the thumbnail is a bit triggering but anything for views I see you Kati 😏 (before watching) Well it definitely worked for 😂 I needed this video this resonated the heck out of me thanks Kati (after)
Thanks so much, Kati. Listening to you balances out the UA-cam comments and articles that are so critical and blaming. It's lovely to have someone explain things.
This was-yes, a hard pill to swallow since i empathize with so much of it but also really comforting and validating. I would love to see more videos on BPD. Thank you for your dedication and care towards these heavy subjects.
Can you dive into how genetics can be a contributing factor to us that are diagnosed with BPD? My father is 64 years of age & recently begun therapy. He has since been diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder. I notice that this diagnosis has some similarities to BPD, so I am even more curious now as to how genetics play a role in our symptoms. Thanks for all you do Katie!
Kati, you put your heart out there. I feel what you say as a sufferer of BPD my parents one an alcoholic and the other a covert narcissist. You describe me in my childhood to a tee 12 years of dissociation and being invisible, the crazy things I did in my young adult years drinking, teenage pregnancy's, risky driving . I'm in my sixtys now and I was hypervigalent up until a few years ago but understanding what happened to me is so enlightening for so long I didn't understand why .thankyou for your sincerity
@Katimorton I have BPD and had an overall great childhood. My parents didn't abuse or neglect me but I do remember putting my guard up whenever they would try to soothe me. I remember trying to stuff my upset down to prove my strength. I believe I saw how they judged others, including their friend, family members, and even my siblings. Not sure if I have a question lol I just feel like my parents did what they could but I was very emotional and scared to show that because everybody in my family joked or looked down on that sort of stuff. During adolescents my dad was diagnosed with and battled cancer for three years. They were very much the "everything will be ok" type and "give it to God, he will provide"
I don’t really have fear of abandonment but I have bucket loads of emptiness. I feel like I just simply exist with no real reason or purpose and have no empathy . I can have a close friend or relative cry to me that they’ve lost someone for example and I just think to myself ‘why are you crying? People die it happens’ and I start to get internally angry that they have the audacity to cry in front of me as if I want to share in their weakness. To me they just look pathetic because I can’t empathise with them, I haven’t cried for 7 years, 6 months and 8 days (the fact I know that probably says something idk) and I don’t think I ever will or will be able to for that matter again. Like I last my nan/grandma 10 days ago and I felt nothing just kind of ah that’s a shame she was nice but people kept saying ‘I’m really sorry’ to me and it just made me so uncomfortable I hate it. Being like this makes life so dull and lonely and it sucks 😔
it took me 6 years to come to terms that i was BPD i was really bad with it in my younger days everything it describes i was took a good therapist i except i have it i own it when things creep up like old habits i look at it work with it but there are times depending what going on it hits me hard lost mom at 5 sexual abuse same age 5 dad was a drunk remarried a woemn who drank emtional abuse from her feeling unwanted got older slept around drank drugs really bad uncontrolled BPD didnt know why but now i do thank you for this video there is help we can change but it take s alot of work
This was great! I feel like impulsive behavior helps keep me in that hyper vigilant state that feels safe. Feeling relaxed was dangerous. I also was diagnosed with DID, which i know shares many similarities with BPD. It's so interesting!
Thank you for taking the time to go into explanations about BPD and it's causes. I'm still working on and with my "quiet" BPD. I'm still coming to terms that not everything is my fault and that any individual mistake is not going to have people abandon me. I still get angry at myself but I am improving. Also working on decreasing the passive SI thinking. DBT and schema therapy continue to help. It's a long road.
Tysm! this came to me at the right time, I have been struggling and it's been getting really bad lately, and this ACTUALLY gave me hope! And it also helped me see how sometimes I could be hurting my own kids, which my whole existence is to be different from my mother so well you get it! So glad I found u! Ty for the validation! Subscribed! ❤🥰😭
Thank you, you just answered one of my biggest questions and concerns. I can’t remember the abuse, but my goodness I know it was there and I know it happened. Because I can’t remember exactly what happened, I would ruminate and question the authenticity of my condition, almost as if I were doubting the reality because I was too young to recall or I had blocked so much out. Now that you explain that it’s totally normal not to remember, I feel like so many of those doubts have just evaporated. Thank you KM.
Everything you've said Katy refers to me.l suffer quite badly,but l am in counselling and also have phsycologist so hope it will help.BPD is not nice.l also have the void,emptiness,and recurrent suicidal thoughts.Hopefully some light in all this is not far away.Kati, your videos are so inspiring❤️!
I have watched a lot of videos on bpd. This one is superb! Thank you for doing an excellent concise easy to understand “causes the whys and what happens. Years of therapy my “abandonment issues” were profoundly clinically severe. Outweighing all the other stuff by far. Like the silent killer…. I have not been here in awhile Katy its nice too be back Thank you❤️
i have trauma from multiple forms of emotional neglect/abuse, but i can't even remember if it happened in my childhood or just in my teenagehood... does it still count if it's in your teenage years but not childhood? (still cant remember much of how my dad was towards me in my childhood.. but he was emotionally abusive towards my mom. all i remember as a child was feeling oervasively uncomfortable being alone with my dad, and much heavily preferred my mom, whom i still felt inclined to hide my emotions from)
Emotional neglect, check. Emotional abuse, check. Physical abuse, check. Pretty much everything in this video is me, although I think my moods are a bit more stable because I am on extended release Seroquel, as well as a couple antidepressants and an anti anxiety medication.
12:00 Wow yeah this was something that was bubbling up to my awareness but this video made it even more clear. I did this a lot as a child/teen. I would go out and do dramatic things like go for a long walk in the rain or something, or get reckless to self-destruct. I guess part of it really was to feel something.
while I am definitely an adult child of an abusiive, neglectful home, I did not relate to very many of the characteristics of bpd--just the part about not knowing who I am and needing others to tell me. I learned a lot from a therapy called "inner family systems" (a variation of bowen's family systems), and it's been very helpful for me. The book I read about it is titled: "Altogether Me".
I struggled throughout my whole life with anxiety and depression and I always felt this heavy weight on my chest I always felt like a wound that was constantly sore and I felt very easily hurt so I went to so much therapy but i still felt miserable, I read books your books also to try and comprehend why I always felt broken and nothing ever made me feel permanently better it was always a constant struggle with ups and heavier downs and it wasn’t until I accepted Jesus Christ and trusted him to take my sorrows my anxious thoughts and feelings that I started to feel much better. nothing in this world is ever going to be enough to take away pains God and only God can take away everything if you give yourself to the lord.
In the beginning I can relate extremely to being a child and not knowing different. When I hear what others have been thru my life just was what I knew. I even suffer with that at 39 because my life's struggle's are mine. I hate to see anyone in the pain I have been and want to be that 1 person I needed in a hard time.
Not sure if Schema-Focused Therapy is the same as Life Trap Therapy, but it is absolutely amazing. A well known book and resource I could recommend is “Reinventing Your Life” by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko
You mention getting overly attached to teachers. I’m 33 and I’m back in school taking anatomy and physiology (killing it with an A) and my teacher talks to us about her kids and it’s so endearing. So back to the point about me being 33 and you know how kids sometimes accidentally call their teachers mom? Yea I referred to my teacher as my sister. 😶
So I'm not diagnosed with bpd but I strongly connect with the symptoms I've felt empty my whole life Had addict older siblings and mom now I find k self struggling despite being out of the situation I try to explain this to my tgrpost but it's hard to emote properly This video helped me not feel as alone do thank you for that I don't usually comment but felt like I should today
I don't understand the utility of trying to connect BPD to emotional neglect. Since BPD is highly heritable and most people with BPD have not experienced neglect or abuse in childhood, doesn't pointing the finger at parents create more interpersonal conflict and estrange a potential source of support? Genuinely asking. I don't get how it is helpful to do this.
My wife has started having rage episodes that last 6-8 hours. Her dad died and she was emotionally and physically abuse by him. She doesn’t want me out of her sight. Every time I’m gone she gets so insecure and she often tells me that she doesn’t know who she is. I love her so much, but it isn’t easy when she is having her BPD symptoms.
Hmm... I'm not a therapist or anything, but try telling her that you hate to see her in so much pain due to rage, and that she doesn't deserve to feel that way. Then bring up therapy / dbt.
Interesting, because I just finished a degree in counselling psychology, and everything I read clearly stated that the key difference between CPTSD and BPD is that CPTSD comes from trauma (duh) and BPD does not. Now, hearing this, it sounds like they're the same thing, or that there are a lot of people being diagnosed with BPD who actually have CPTSD.
As someone with C-PTSD who has worked with those diagnosed with BPD, I think the two get conflated because they both have origins in childhood trauma (it’s still possible to develop C-PTSD in adulthood). Many people with BPD probably also have C-PTSD but most with C-PTSD don’t have BPD. To me, one of the defining features of BPD is black-and-white thinking or splitting which fuels emotional dysregulation, distinguishing it from C-PTSD where emotional dysregulation happens due to trauma-related triggers.
Does this apply if only one parent was emotionally neglectful since early childhood but the other parent wasn’t? The level of emotional care my good parent gave me was inconsistent and didn’t meet my high needs as a highly emotional person. I’m also the middle child and was extremely quiet so was often ‘forgotten’ thanks Kati ❤
It's pretty obvious, since bpd always includes abandonment issues, that abandonment is the root. It's a wonder that any of us still have a conscience, even if it's just those of us with qbpd.
1- Instead of dissociating, I'm a maladaptive daydreamer (dont remember if they are in the similar category). I've created many many imaginary lives in my head to the point of "ooh I should write it down as if it was a book". Just to escape reality a bit. 2- You were talking about talking to ourselves like we would've want our parents to talk to us. For me, I have my characters in my stories to do that, does that count?
Is bordeline discard inevitable? My ex of 9 years kicked me out over a heated argument and never let me back in. I tried to be very reasonable with her over the years, you cannot win an argument with her.
Is there research that discusses how parents with BPD- continue the cycle? For example, they may have been neglected- but then they hold on to their kids in super controlling ways, with extreme outbursts of anger and over the top punishments - as well as some level of deflecting (i.e I'm not ill...you are and can even have their own kid falsely instuitionalised for a period of time). I hear that we need sympathy for those with BPD...but how can you deal with the damage they are causing, especially if they are in denial.
BPD, happening every single day to most children when they get dropped off to daycare institutions away from their mum and dad/family, and left there without mum/dad at a young age, including babies, for a whole day, wondering WTF, and yearning for their mum and dad/family to come and get them thanks to a system that has been created that effectively shoehorns families into needing to work 2 jobs, long hours just to get by and feed their family/house their family. it's so evil. Sad for all the little ones in the world that go through their daily BPD when they get left behind at these places.
I'll tell you right now that childhood emotional abuse and neglect coming from both parents DOES cause BPD especially if you're energetically sensitive and you pick up on the abuse and feel it a lot.
Join my Childhood Emotional Neglect workshop, on sale this week only: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/childhood-emotional-neglect
Hi madam
Yeah this is the biggest cause of my BPD and it's so frustrating how much people minimise emotional abuse and neglect!
Including ourselves?
Same
Uh what? I thought it was genetics...? I'm so confused
@@cheems6193 where does the hypothesis that bpd (and other mental illnesses) have a genetic component come from? Researchers have observed that BPD runs in families. If your parents have BPD, you and your siblings are more likely to have BPD too. It really is this dumb. By this logic, being a lawyer or a doctor is genetic too, since it tends to run in families. I think the hypothesis that BPD stems from childhood abuse and neglect (let's be honest, us BPD folks aren't the best parents, nor do we have the best partners nor support networks) makes so much more sense.
As a male borderline it's very clear to me what the dynamic was: a genetic predisposition to emotional sensitivity, an emotionally neglectful environment in childhood, constant invalidation of my emotions and scapegoating in my teens leading to confusion an instability and outbursts of rage which worsened the dynamic of how I relate to myself and how others relate to me. And this is how it's been since. Essentially I have not been able to grow out of feeling like a confused and misunderstood teenager, even though I am now 35 years old. I get life together as best as I can and soldier on, but eventually the stress of just surviving gets too much, I self destruct and drive everyone away.
I'm also stuck feeling like a teenager internally, I'm 25
Reminds me of the last girlfriend I had.
When I hear myself saying “I want to go home” (a sign that you feel unsafe or have no place to rest your soul) I just answer with “I know, it’s okay to feel like that”. This simple acknowledgment helps me to get up and carry on with my day.
I had moved into a different county left my home town behind at first it really crushed me went to therapy im ok now but i still get days and i say i want to go home i feel im on vacation im tired all i want is my home thank you for sharing the statement above im gonna use it
I’m going to give this a try when I am at work next time because I struggle so hard being present there. Mentally/emotionally I’m always tired and just wanna go home
I think that so often. Thank you for sharing your way of managing it.
@@vivienbeal391 thanks for your reply
@@therose_youtube thanks for replying
I was literally today thinking that the emptiness I experience inside was caused by faulty mirroring from my distracted/addicted father who also struggled with unhealed childhood traumas and emotionally immature parents.
I’m 66 and was given the bpd diagnosis at 33. I had a severe case but I pretty much denied it for the next 20 years, partly because I had serious medical problems and I didn’t have money for therapy. Once Obama care came along I went to therapy at 55, I stayed in it for 8 years, I saw my therapist 2 times a week plus group and NA meetings, we did dbt and emdr, all the early childhood abuse that I had stuffed came out and I dealt with it. It saved my life, I’m So much better now! I still have medical issues that are hard but I cope with them I believe in a healthy way. All the drugs, eating disorders and reckless living of my past did not help my health! I continue to work on my mental health mostly now through my lifestyle which includes a healthy diet, a sleep schedule that supports good sleep, getting out in nature, daily walks and some home exercise like yoga and strengthening, my dog brings me joy, I live very simply and do not stress over anything, I enjoy meditation and reading and listening to educational podcasts. I literally am not the same person! I do give myself a lot of self love and compassion and I practice radical forgiveness for self and others (no matter what) I work hard on keeping myself balanced and know it is something I have to do the rest of my life.
Wow, congrats! Gives me hope.🙏🥰
This gives me hope (diagnosed 3 months ago at 54; finally, I have answers!)
fantastic job! ❤
I'm happy for you
Some of these traits sounds like "quite borderline personality" as well reactive and explosive.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable s0urce here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, kayes_tripz. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. Kayes_tripz
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Growing up I connected deeply with the 1982 Annie movie. I spent many a free time wishing my real parents would come get me. My dad still feels like he did his job. Roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back. I should be grateful.
My mother was volatile. My dysregulation would always upset her. Everything was my fault and on purpose. If there was stuff on my floor or walked out with bed head, she would get sick to her stomach. When I became a mother the only advice she gave me was, "don't do what I did?" But how? I had nothing to go on and ended up in an emotionally abusive marriage that compounded my issues, and in turn I ended up losing my shit on my girls too much. I tried really hard. And when i went homeless and thry went into foster care, they were given the healining resources, and i learned more by watching them step back from situations and calm down. I'm so proud of them and i hope our cycle ends with them.
I try to offer myself self compassion, but I always get this huge, booming voice in my head telling me that I dont deserve it. . .
O no. Yeah it's hard. That voice isn't your friend
Yeah, I always wonder why people want to be my friend. And it happens with disturbing frequency. Why do they want to hang out with me? I don't even want to hang out with me most of the time (and the odds are pretty good that I don't want to hang out with you, either).
@@inspectre27 maybe they think u r interesting
@@heedmydemandsThat's the exact the fear we have. We say to ourselves "oh cool Im just some TV show for them then you'll just drop me once youre bored". Or maybe it's "ok? You say that now, then you'll realize I'm just some ordinary person bcuz that is what I am then you'll drop me".
@@Kyruusstatic well personally I find people endlessly fascinating, if they let me know them enough to see interesting things continually
Your description of BPD fits me super well. I’ve felt I had something other than depression and anxiety. Often when I try to think what I want for my future, I can’t think past “what’s allowed?”
My mother had BPD. She had the diagnosis late, when I was around 17, and after a rough divorce and a burnout (I think the additional stressors of all that change, including my mental health issues showing through anorexia, were like the last straw). Both the stigma and the issues were very real. I know her parents failed her, in so many ways. Besides all her "shenanigans" (she had alcohol and medical drug abuse issues too. And I'm absolutely convinced she did that to "feel calmer". SHe learned it young. In fact her mother literally taught her so at age 16. "Have a glass of wine and you'll feel better"...) I allways felt deep empathy for her. Maybe even too much concerning my own boundaries and wellbeing. I have severe issues myself (AVPD and more. I can relate to a lot in this video, but react very differently to most of it), partly for what my childhood was like in return. (I'll end the circle by not having children)
I'm a little worried bout my 2 nieces (my sister's, who is my only sibling, daughters). They are only 19m and 4y, and their dad allways seems rather unpatient and not too empathetic around them. Like telling the 4 yo things like "nobody in the whole world cares about what you have to say". Both their parents are quite rough with language too (Like "shut up!" even to the 19m). Yeah, and they have loose hands.... Breaks my heart every time. And reminds me so painfully of my own childhood. I shower these sweet little beans with love and attention whenever I can.
But I'm digressing. Sorry for that.
Sending a big package of empathy to all you BPD people out there. I've witnessed first hand how much of a struggle that condition can be.
I think I'm always sabotaging my relationship because of my childhood trauma. And I'm always with people who are just like my primary caregiver. They aren't kind, they don't see me and they abandon me when I show emotions. I struggle with suicidal thoughts a lot. While I was working I uses to spend a lot on clothes, and I felt like that is not normal. Now I spend a lot of time in bed, depressed. I've isolated myself from the world.
please start by forgiving yourself for what you consider to be "failure", then validate and affirm your need to do what you do-whatever it is. You needed to replicate your original hurtful relationships in the hope of resolving them, but being in them in your "child part", you weren't going to resolve them. Start by being with yourself in your depression and listen to yourself.
I don't remember being neglected, but being a farm family it is easy to focus in what needs to be done before your wants or needs
Neglect is abuse. Plain & simple. People do not grow up able to cope with life unless there is extended family or friends or kind neighbours who can notice & care for a child or children.
Can confirm.
In Norway, BPD is now referred to as "emotionally unstable personality disorder". It seems to me that trouble regulating feelings is the main description, and that fear or abandonment and rejection comes "second" sort of.
same as here in Australia
Same in Canada. It’s an awful ‘rebrand’; way more stigmatizing,
@@TheOGOrangeCatMaybe but also people think Borderline means we're manipulative and threaten people and get violent and commit acts of self harm if they try to leave. I have bpd and cptsd and the abandonment despiration I don't have. I'm so used to being hurt I end up pushing people away and isolating. So the stigma that we will go extreme if there is a perception of abandonment is hurtful as well. People thinking those with bpd are evil, manipulative, and violent is a bigger stigma that's really hurtful. We do have emotional dysregulation. It's more of a true description than borderline which refers to neurosis and psychosis. Which most people in society have a even bigger misconception about.
I think that’s a better description of it
@@AtLeastMyDawgyLovesMe Girl stfu. No one asked for your warped ass non scientific broad explanation about people with cluster disorders. Are you only talking about cluster b? The most stigmatized group? They're talking about BPD which is trauma induced and severe, inescapable trauma at that. Your sense of self is decimated before it can grow. And then you just generalize and stigmatize people with BPD even more. On a channel who talks about BPD so well too. Go watch or rewatch some videos. It's like telling a person with cptsd which a lot of people with bpd also have. That they are attention seeking and sensitive for having triggers and struggling to trust people. Idk who hurt you but go to therapy and work it out. Your pain isn't your fault but your healing is your responsibility.
Great video. I cried. So many memories. But really it is a good video.
Sadly I've been trying to heal for decades. Nothing works for me, therapy and meds. It's led me to have chronic active obsessive SI and many attempts. I started to think about it at a very young age. I turned to some of the worst coping methods to keep myself from being overwhelmed by the hopelessness and emptiness and physical/emotional pain. Intense pain. Idk.
My life was filled with distrust, neglect, 6 years of SA starting at 5yrs old, physical abuse like beatings and such, no friends, being treated like I'm a burden to everyone, and all around a hell childhood. I was unwanted, told many times about that. A mistake, as my mom told me. On a "family" road trip, my mom dragged me out of the van and told me to stay there. That I was "Deadname nobody." They then left me on the side of a highway that was over 1,000 miles away from where we lived. 10 to 15 minutes later they came back for me. But I was like 7.
Teen years was slightly better, I wasn't experiencing SA at least. School was a shit show. Again, no friends. No partners. I spent all my time with teachers and helping them. I cleaned the science classes gerbil cage almost every 3 or so days for like, an entire school year? Idk. Lol.
Um, since, my mom had a stroke. Recovered from it. I tried to join the US Marines, messed up my knees and back. Then met a partner who had a new born daughter, I helped to raise her (honestly I did everything for her over the two years I was with them both while her mother played games on PC and talking to men) but that little girl was my daughter. And, her mom took her away from me but only after she cheated on me with another person while I watched our daughter in the other room. Next day I made an attempt to jump but was stopped by police who shot me with a taser and then charged me with the crime of lying to police. And, like, I was literally in a mental breakdown and they still are like, yup, throw the book at that person. It made things worse on me. Idk.
I still live with my mom. It's been another 10+ years since all this. Idk. I'm in a completely hopeless place now. I have a pain all over my body. Back and knees are the worst of course. Migraines. I'm allergic to everything. I'm AMAB and trying to get treatment for that but I'm looking at another 3 to 5 years. Idk. I hate my face. I can't look in the mirror. I hate my body. I HATE my genitals and have been considering taking a knife to them. I hate everything about me. And I've been thinking about stopping it all lately. Just, I want the pain to stop. I want to be free. I need to be free. I don't think anyone can realize how much tranquility I feel as I look over the edge after such a long time of feeling empty or sad or hopeless or pain. So much pain. And not knowing who you are. I have no personality. I play games all day. I do nothing now. I'm worthless. I still feel like a child. I don't think I ever grew up. I fear everything. Shadows in the night. Fear that he is going to find me. I have a severe fear of men. Sex repulses me.
Idk. Anyway, thanks for the video. I can totally relate to so much of what was said. But, I'm gonna stop writing now. It's already long enough.
Hope all of you, Kati and everyone else, have a wonderful and pleasant rest of your summer and great holidays throughout the rest of the year. Take care!
Wishing you peace & healing
@@linnealeora thank you. its going to be rough. i can tell. im trying to find the courage to actually go into the hospital voluntarily. im being told im in danger. and. i just feel weird about the idea of going into the hospital and wasting space and resources.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I’m in DBT therapy (helps a lot) and I’ve been thinking about this very topic a lot! Thank you 🙏🏽
Aww yay! So glad it's been helping!! xoxo
Thank you so much for sharing this information. I used to struggle so much with just accepting the diagnosis of BPD. Then a therapist friend explained to me thst BPD is a response to abuse so that was when my thoughts about my diagnosis finally shifted more towards acceptance...i still struggle because of the stigma of having BPD but i have always been a "quiet " bpd. I always turned things on myself and attacked myself more than lashing out at other people. I spent a couple years in dbt therapy and I am able to manage my suicidal thoughts much better now even though I'm still in therapy but im ok with thst and my therapist is very supportive of m. I just moved out of adult foster care after 6 years and I know that ill be able to stay safe now.
I remember my mother ignoring many things that happened to me at age 3,4,5,6,7,8 and later. She had money and was more concerned about looking like Zsa Zsa Gabor than her little boy feeling abandoned and scared. My father never showed emotional support. He only yelled at me or severely beat me. I have abandonment issues even at 69 years of age. Though no stranger to psychotherapy, it saddens me that I still have significant issues. I'm also very bright-observant and find most people to be very average in intelligence. This makes me feel even more alone. I can not relate to people that don't have the intelligence to "Notice Things". I notice everything. That can be an asset and a liability.
Have u ever learned about autism. It's very interesting and has a lot about noticing things to it
I'm so sorry that happened to u
@@heedmydemands Me too but I can't change it. Thank You! It was so wrong. So many people are clueless about being parents. They often have children to conform and fit it with others but do not really want children. I will move forward though as I always have. Sometimes it is not easy but that goes without saying.
@@heedmydemands Autism? I don't think that this would fit me. I was just very observant and feeling. I could read about autism. I'm curious if it fits at all. Thanks again.
@@heedmydemands I was the youngest in my class and in 7th & 8th grade was put in an advanced class for brighter 7th and 8th graders. I don't think that autism would apply unless you know something that I do not.
That would explain it. I try to avoid as many people as possible to reduce risk of it being proven again. So now I beat myself up. Good luck with the next few decades. YOU ARE loved despite not seeing it.
I like doing visualizations. I imagine (almost cartoon like) my head has a lid and I can take the lid off and purge out all of the icky feelings like anxiety or depression. Sometimes I bring in a hose and spray around just to be sure all of the icky feelings are cleaned out. Then I see this tiny little me inside cleaning me out and giving me love like literally hugging my inside cavity walls. It helps.
I don't have BPD but some of the symptoms I can relate to I'm glad you share this because it help me to know what I have to work on and learn to understand more❤ eversins I start to watch your video I am getting better because your videos help me to see my problems I still struggle and need some work but I'm better I'm working on my anger and I am learning to stay more calm now
It’s not a coincidence that BPD humans have trouble connecting with people so we struggle with addictions and intimacy so we to tend seek quick dopamine rush the thumbnail is a bit triggering but anything for views I see you Kati 😏 (before watching)
Well it definitely worked for 😂 I needed this video this resonated the heck out of me thanks Kati (after)
Thanks so much, Kati. Listening to you balances out the UA-cam comments and articles that are so critical and blaming. It's lovely to have someone explain things.
This was-yes, a hard pill to swallow since i empathize with so much of it but also really comforting and validating. I would love to see more videos on BPD. Thank you for your dedication and care towards these heavy subjects.
Unfortunatly I experienced all of these. I was diagnosed Bipolar and BPD shortly after. Being in the moment has helped.
Can you dive into how genetics can be a contributing factor to us that are diagnosed with BPD? My father is 64 years of age & recently begun therapy. He has since been diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder. I notice that this diagnosis has some similarities to BPD, so I am even more curious now as to how genetics play a role in our symptoms. Thanks for all you do Katie!
Kati, you put your heart out there. I feel what you say as a sufferer of BPD my parents one an alcoholic and the other a covert narcissist. You describe me in my childhood to a tee 12 years of dissociation and being invisible, the crazy things I did in my young adult years drinking, teenage pregnancy's, risky driving . I'm in my sixtys now and I was hypervigalent up until a few years ago but understanding what happened to me is so enlightening for so long I didn't understand why .thankyou for your sincerity
Yesssss! The TIPP skill works wonders!!!
@Katimorton I have BPD and had an overall great childhood. My parents didn't abuse or neglect me but I do remember putting my guard up whenever they would try to soothe me. I remember trying to stuff my upset down to prove my strength. I believe I saw how they judged others, including their friend, family members, and even my siblings. Not sure if I have a question lol I just feel like my parents did what they could but I was very emotional and scared to show that because everybody in my family joked or looked down on that sort of stuff. During adolescents my dad was diagnosed with and battled cancer for three years. They were very much the "everything will be ok" type and "give it to God, he will provide"
I don’t really have fear of abandonment but I have bucket loads of emptiness. I feel like I just simply exist with no real reason or purpose and have no empathy . I can have a close friend or relative cry to me that they’ve lost someone for example and I just think to myself ‘why are you crying? People die it happens’ and I start to get internally angry that they have the audacity to cry in front of me as if I want to share in their weakness. To me they just look pathetic because I can’t empathise with them, I haven’t cried for 7 years, 6 months and 8 days (the fact I know that probably says something idk) and I don’t think I ever will or will be able to for that matter again. Like I last my nan/grandma 10 days ago and I felt nothing just kind of ah that’s a shame she was nice but people kept saying ‘I’m really sorry’ to me and it just made me so uncomfortable I hate it. Being like this makes life so dull and lonely and it sucks 😔
it took me 6 years to come to terms that i was BPD i was really bad with it in my younger days everything it describes i was took a good therapist i except i have it i own it when things creep up like old habits i look at it work with it but there are times depending what going on it hits me hard lost mom at 5 sexual abuse same age 5 dad was a drunk remarried a woemn who drank emtional abuse from her feeling unwanted got older slept around drank drugs really bad uncontrolled BPD didnt know why but now i do thank you for this video there is help we can change but it take s alot of work
While my husband has never been dx'd w/BPD, I see so many attributes of it in him. And I just found out that he was, in fact, sexually abused😢
This was great! I feel like impulsive behavior helps keep me in that hyper vigilant state that feels safe. Feeling relaxed was dangerous.
I also was diagnosed with DID, which i know shares many similarities with BPD. It's so interesting!
This is so valuable Kati ❤
Thank you for taking the time to go into explanations about BPD and it's causes.
I'm still working on and with my "quiet" BPD. I'm still coming to terms that not everything is my fault and that any individual mistake is not going to have people abandon me. I still get angry at myself but I am improving. Also working on decreasing the passive SI thinking.
DBT and schema therapy continue to help. It's a long road.
Tysm! this came to me at the right time, I have been struggling and it's been getting really bad lately, and this ACTUALLY gave me hope! And it also helped me see how sometimes I could be hurting my own kids, which my whole existence is to be different from my mother so well you get it! So glad I found u! Ty for the validation! Subscribed! ❤🥰😭
Due to the impulsive nature of borderline... I often do not know how to differentiate impulse from intuition...
Thank you so much for this video! I found it very helpful!💝💝💝
Thank you, you just answered one of my biggest questions and concerns. I can’t remember the abuse, but my goodness I know it was there and I know it happened. Because I can’t remember exactly what happened, I would ruminate and question the authenticity of my condition, almost as if I were doubting the reality because I was too young to recall or I had blocked so much out. Now that you explain that it’s totally normal not to remember, I feel like so many of those doubts have just evaporated. Thank you KM.
Everything you've said Katy refers to me.l suffer quite badly,but l am in counselling and also have phsycologist so hope it will help.BPD is not nice.l also have the void,emptiness,and recurrent suicidal thoughts.Hopefully some light in all this is not far away.Kati, your videos are so inspiring❤️!
This is so motivating for me. Have been in a rollercoaster ride of living healthy and being in a rut.
I have watched a lot of videos on bpd. This one is superb! Thank you for doing an excellent concise easy to understand “causes the whys and what happens. Years of therapy my “abandonment issues” were profoundly clinically severe. Outweighing all the other stuff by far. Like the silent killer…. I have not been here in awhile Katy its nice too be back Thank you❤️
Omg ty kati!!! Ilysm! I’m always telling ppl about ur channel!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Aww thank you so much :) xoxo
This was very insightful, Kati. Would you mind making a video comparing and contrasting BPD and CPTSD, including their respective treatments. Thanks!
Internal Family Systems is rlly helpful for me I’ve just begun looking into it
This video makes me feel so seen. Thank you 🫶🏼
I believe this was 100% the cause of my BPD - I never felt connected to my parents growing up. Loneliness was the predominant theme of my childhood.
EMDR therapy works, too!
I'll be starting that soon. Glad it helped you!
I checked every box on the list. Time to seek help. Thank you.
Kati, I really needed this today, thank you 😢❤
i have trauma from multiple forms of emotional neglect/abuse, but i can't even remember if it happened in my childhood or just in my teenagehood... does it still count if it's in your teenage years but not childhood? (still cant remember much of how my dad was towards me in my childhood.. but he was emotionally abusive towards my mom. all i remember as a child was feeling oervasively uncomfortable being alone with my dad, and much heavily preferred my mom, whom i still felt inclined to hide my emotions from)
My mother had bpd… and she ruined my life.
Emotional neglect, check.
Emotional abuse, check.
Physical abuse, check.
Pretty much everything in this video is me, although I think my moods are a bit more stable because I am on extended release Seroquel, as well as a couple antidepressants and an anti anxiety medication.
TFP - Transference Focused Psychotherapy - Dr Diana Diamond - UA-cam Channel “Borderliner Notes.” I’m a big believer.
12:00 Wow yeah this was something that was bubbling up to my awareness but this video made it even more clear. I did this a lot as a child/teen. I would go out and do dramatic things like go for a long walk in the rain or something, or get reckless to self-destruct. I guess part of it really was to feel something.
(I don’t think I didn’t the walk in the rain thing specifically, though I did something similar I think. I’ve lost a lot of memories)
Eye opening and informative, thank you!
Inner family system therapy changed my life
finally someone talks about it !!
while I am definitely an adult child of an abusiive, neglectful home, I did not relate to very many of the characteristics of bpd--just the part about not knowing who I am and needing others to tell me. I learned a lot from a therapy called "inner family systems" (a variation of bowen's family systems), and it's been very helpful for me. The book I read about it is titled: "Altogether Me".
Love your videos!❤
I cannot say a lot cause I'm crying but I can say thank you❤
I struggled throughout my whole life with anxiety and depression and I always felt this heavy weight on my chest I always felt like a wound that was constantly sore and I felt very easily hurt so I went to so much therapy but i still felt miserable, I read books your books also to try and comprehend why I always felt broken and nothing ever made me feel permanently better it was always a constant struggle with ups and heavier downs and it wasn’t until I accepted Jesus Christ and trusted him to take my sorrows my anxious thoughts and feelings that I started to feel much better. nothing in this world is ever going to be enough to take away pains God and only God can take away everything if you give yourself to the lord.
In the beginning I can relate extremely to being a child and not knowing different. When I hear what others have been thru my life just was what I knew. I even suffer with that at 39 because my life's struggle's are mine.
I hate to see anyone in the pain I have been and want to be that 1 person I needed in a hard time.
You nailed it @Kati
Kati any thing you wear really make a new Kati .. there aren’t many ppl like you … all colors suit you
Not sure if Schema-Focused Therapy is the same as Life Trap Therapy, but it is absolutely amazing. A well known book and resource I could recommend is “Reinventing Your Life” by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko
You mention getting overly attached to teachers. I’m 33 and I’m back in school taking anatomy and physiology (killing it with an A) and my teacher talks to us about her kids and it’s so endearing. So back to the point about me being 33 and you know how kids sometimes accidentally call their teachers mom? Yea I referred to my teacher as my sister. 😶
So I'm not diagnosed with bpd but I strongly connect with the symptoms
I've felt empty my whole life
Had addict older siblings and mom now I find k self struggling despite being out of the situation
I try to explain this to my tgrpost but it's hard to emote properly
This video helped me not feel as alone do thank you for that
I don't usually comment but felt like I should today
I don't understand the utility of trying to connect BPD to emotional neglect. Since BPD is highly heritable and most people with BPD have not experienced neglect or abuse in childhood, doesn't pointing the finger at parents create more interpersonal conflict and estrange a potential source of support? Genuinely asking. I don't get how it is helpful to do this.
What’s the difference between CPTSD and BPD?
I have a video about this on my channel 🫶
When I was a child this was my biggest fear. My mama has a nervous breakdown in the 70s and had shock therapy.
My wife has started having rage episodes that last 6-8 hours. Her dad died and she was emotionally and physically abuse by him. She doesn’t want me out of her sight. Every time I’m gone she gets so insecure and she often tells me that she doesn’t know who she is. I love her so much, but it isn’t easy when she is having her BPD symptoms.
Hmm... I'm not a therapist or anything, but try telling her that you hate to see her in so much pain due to rage, and that she doesn't deserve to feel that way. Then bring up therapy / dbt.
❤ Thanks for sharing this!
No problem 😊
Thank you so much for this video💟
You are so welcome!
Interesting, because I just finished a degree in counselling psychology, and everything I read clearly stated that the key difference between CPTSD and BPD is that CPTSD comes from trauma (duh) and BPD does not. Now, hearing this, it sounds like they're the same thing, or that there are a lot of people being diagnosed with BPD who actually have CPTSD.
As someone with C-PTSD who has worked with those diagnosed with BPD, I think the two get conflated because they both have origins in childhood trauma (it’s still possible to develop C-PTSD in adulthood). Many people with BPD probably also have C-PTSD but most with C-PTSD don’t have BPD. To me, one of the defining features of BPD is black-and-white thinking or splitting which fuels emotional dysregulation, distinguishing it from C-PTSD where emotional dysregulation happens due to trauma-related triggers.
@@edwong4178 This is helpful, thank you.
Does this apply if only one parent was emotionally neglectful since early childhood but the other parent wasn’t? The level of emotional care my good parent gave me was inconsistent and didn’t meet my high needs as a highly emotional person. I’m also the middle child and was extremely quiet so was often ‘forgotten’ thanks Kati ❤
You must have known my therapist was on med leave this week 😅
I have BPD, I have hurt so many people, I abandon or reject them because I don't want them to see the real me.
It's pretty obvious, since bpd always includes abandonment issues, that abandonment is the root. It's a wonder that any of us still have a conscience, even if it's just those of us with qbpd.
If someone in the midst of an emotional rage or episode, how can they find the clarity or be convinced to do something like taking a cold shower?
Thank you. Just thank you.
Honestly dead Kati I would love to hear about the 60-70-80 percent of ppl who didn’t have this connection then those who had. Is it possible
The stigma is so bad about BPD that if I get diagnosed with that I would never work with a therapist honestly. I got diagnosed with CPTSD.
1- Instead of dissociating, I'm a maladaptive daydreamer (dont remember if they are in the similar category). I've created many many imaginary lives in my head to the point of "ooh I should write it down as if it was a book". Just to escape reality a bit.
2- You were talking about talking to ourselves like we would've want our parents to talk to us. For me, I have my characters in my stories to do that, does that count?
Is bordeline discard inevitable?
My ex of 9 years kicked me out over a heated argument and never let me back in. I tried to be very reasonable with her over the years, you cannot win an argument with her.
All of the above and then some
Yes again I say Amen 😢
There is no "bad day" with this disorder. The emotions change with each tick of the clock.
Is there research that discusses how parents with BPD- continue the cycle? For example, they may have been neglected- but then they hold on to their kids in super controlling ways, with extreme outbursts of anger and over the top punishments - as well as some level of deflecting (i.e I'm not ill...you are and can even have their own kid falsely instuitionalised for a period of time). I hear that we need sympathy for those with BPD...but how can you deal with the damage they are causing, especially if they are in denial.
BPD, happening every single day to most children when they get dropped off to daycare institutions away from their mum and dad/family, and left there without mum/dad at a young age, including babies, for a whole day, wondering WTF, and yearning for their mum and dad/family to come and get them thanks to a system that has been created that effectively shoehorns families into needing to work 2 jobs, long hours just to get by and feed their family/house their family.
it's so evil. Sad for all the little ones in the world that go through their daily BPD when they get left behind at these places.
Yep, my mom was ice cold.
What about quiet BPD?
It is very relieving to not have Darth Vader's voice in my head however I was more productive when I did.
Obrigada, ja odiava a minha genitora, agora odeio o dobro!🇧🇷❤
I'll tell you right now that childhood emotional abuse and neglect coming from both parents DOES cause BPD especially if you're energetically sensitive and you pick up on the abuse and feel it a lot.
Is it possible to substitute agoraphobia and misanthropy for BPD and have it still be accurate?
10:53 EU😢💔💔💔💔
11:27
Thank you!
Thank you for the like!