Signs You’ve Experienced Parental Alienation (CHILD POV)
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- It can often take until adulthood to recognize psychological abuse. Here are some signs you’ve experienced parental alienation from the POV of a child survivor.
Welcome to The Anti-Alienation Project, where I discuss all things parental alienation from the POV of an adult child who's been through it. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm that glad you're here:)
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#parentalalienation #parenting #recovery #divorce #ptsd #healing #healingjourney #mystory #alienation #childhoodtrauma
You should know that you’re quickly becoming a rock star to us alienated parents. We can never express our true gratitude for what you do!!!
omg you’re so sweet... thank you!
I couldn’t agree more. I just discovered this channel and it’s literally giving me hope that I haven’t had for three years.
@@grantjohnson2481 oh my gosh, I’m so humbled …. Thank you. This makes it all worth it
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject you are doing so many parents and kids such a solid! My 15-year-old is being given permission to ignore me after being so close to her for the first 13 years of her life
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s terrible abuse for the parent & child both. @@grantjohnson2481
This video should be mandatory for families of separation and divorce to watch, especially for the kids.
Thank you
It is mandatory to take divorce class in Florida. Does no good for the alienator.
Exactly! Required by my state too. No help at all
@@hueydueyandluey1 It is "mandatory" in California as well, but if one of the parents fails to take it (in my case the alienator), the courts don't do anything about it.
As a father, after intently listening to a couple of your videos, it certainly becomes blatantly obvious why your dad hung-in there over all those years until you had your own epiphany-and “saw the light”, and are now walking in it…you are a tribute to TRUE transformation…may you(and your family)have many decades of pure delight with your dad❗️
Well said.
It is so cruel how the pathological parent uses the love a child has for their parents as a weapon against them. Kids should NEVER feel bad about caring for their parents and family. Not ever!
It’s sick. It’s so sick that the child never considers it’s a possibility.
@@TheAnti-AlienationProjectsaw w was was was😂
@@jeanbaaden4900 lol did I stutter? I wouldn’t be surprised. I have to edit lol
No
@@TheAnti-AlienationProjectI ,sincerely,hope that you carry on with this clarity on this "dark" fraction of reality.
I’m so glad to see more kids come out about this ….I hope my daughter will seek the truth
I help alienated parents, alienated children and alienating parents. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this, in such a calm, eloquent and caring way. You are a miracle!
I need help
@akiyohattori3298 how do you help and are you located in the U.S.?
I'm need a counselor or doctor...I need help as a targeted parent to an adult child. I can't find one. Help
Their also teaching you to hate yourself because the alienated parent is part of that child.
I'm needing to find help for my daughter who is dealing with this
I lost my daughter as a direct result of a lifetime of parental alienation. Everything you said in your presentation rings true. I wish I could have my daughter see this.... sadly she has gone full NC with me. It is absolutely heartbreaking. BTW - thank you so much for making this video, I'm sure it will help so many who are suffering... bless you !
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s devastating for child and parent alike. I’m sorry she’s gone NC. I did that several times with my dad over the years. I believe Parental Alienation is the ultimate test of unconditional love. Never give up!!
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject -- I love my daughter. My heart is always open to a reconciliation and I always remain hopeful. Thanks again !
@@TheRealJerseyJoe how long has it been mate , mine went LC about 4 months ago , she occasionally sends me wild accusations , like she struggled to make convo with me and we never went clothes shopping or didn't have much to look forward to even though we did something every weekend
@@mercenary1881 -- Hi thanks for reaching out. Sadly my daughter hasn't spoken to me now in more than 2 years. We had what I "thought" was a good relationship, having reestablished contact with one another after a very long time. My daughter is now grown (26 yrs old) has a good job and is living on her own. Oddly enough after my ex spent an extended holiday with her my daughter cut off all communication with me. I have NO idea exactly why or if my ex had any influence on her decision but I can only imagine. My daughter has now gone completely NC with me and wrote a letter to a friend of mine saying that she doesn't wish to think of or speak to me ever again and does not wish to have any discussion about the reasons for her decision. I'm devastated obviously but there is little that I can do about the situation as my daughter is a grown woman who doesn't wish to have any relationship whatsoever with her father. It's bloody heartbreaking. Trust me, I feel for you and can understand how you feel. My daughter also has also made wild statements to me that were absolutely not true...however the brainwashing has been so complete that it's impossible for me to convince her otherwise. Parental alienation is a terrible thing and I would not wish this experience on anyone.... it's truly evil.
So sorry
Coming from the perspective of a parent who is currently being alienated, thank you for this video. You are exactly right, and I hope you're able to bring more exposure to this very real issue.
I’m so glad you found my video helpful!’ Thanks for the support :)
I wish I could show this to my 14 year-old, but I don't think she's ready for it. I'm afraid it would crush her. And there's the irony of being alienated: her dad can tell her anything, characterize me as bad, pathetic unreliable, make up stories about me and she just accepts it all because of the psycho-emotional hold he has on her. And I have to hold my tongue and let her go because I love her too much to make her hurt more than she already is. 💔
I’m going through this with my daughter too. She’ll be 14 in November.
Going through with my 15 yrs old daughter but to make matters worse…when her father can’t control his emotions and communicate with her..he leaves her for months at time, she gets depressed and doesn’t want to go to school and the school is looking ar me..like what’s going on. She’s still “team dad.” He has such a hold on her. She won’t talk to a therapist. She refuses. I’m at such a lost. I feel so alone in this.
@janinespencer7169 did you alienate her from him?
Sounds like you have her 100% of the time, so you arent alienated. What's the problem? This video is about parental alienation.
@RedheadedStepChild85 what age do you think is appropriate to share knowledge like this?
@@seamusmcmanus3089 maybe you are new to the community of alienated parents. This happens no matter what the custody arrangements are. It's not the same as interference with custody, although that can also be a factor. Parents can and have alienated the children from the parent who spends most of the time with them, sometimes using their smear campaign to gain custody and then interfere with the parenting time of the formerly custodial parent. Either way, it's child abuse. If your children have been alienated, I hope you are soon reunited 🙏🏻
"A healthy parent will do everything to make their child feel secure and loved, and would never tell their child that the other parent doesn't love them, even if its true. Why? Because they want to protect their child and make them feel secure." This! This is so true and spot-on. Thank you for this wonderful, enlightening and educational video. ❤🙏🏼
Thanks so much:)
Amen! It hurts the child so deeply.
Your service to society is needed and wanted by many, many Parents. Thank you so much, hoping your messages reach far and wide.
You’re so welcome! Thank you!!!
Madi ... THIS VIDEO has to ALWAYS be at the TOP OF THE PAGE on your UA-cam home page. This video gives the best explanation of parental alienation, without legalese, without psychobabble, without the ranting of deniers, that any child victim of parental alienation or parent can understand. Its just the real story from someone who has lived it. Make it easy for kids to find.
Wow! What a powerful video and moving story you've shared here. This takes a lot of courage to do - but thank you so much for doing this. I am so fortunate that I didn't experience this as a child and my kid's mom is not keeping me away from my daughter, but both of my uncles experienced terrible abuse and alienation from their ex wives. When are people going to realize and understand that part of the reason why the male suicide rate is so high is because of parental alienation and fathers losing time and the bond with their children.
As a targeted parent of parental alienation, I have not once spoken bad about my ex. I have not seen my kids since 2009. My ex wife even got my son to call me a failure as a father for being in a wheelchair, for being a double amputee. I pray one day my kids choose to make contact with me.
You made some really great points here Maddie. I love that you brought up dependence on the "good parent" when it comes to making decisions. That is even true for the targeted parent when they were in a relationship with them. At least it was for me. That's a great eye-opening point to make. Your "Do you ever feel...?", and "Have you ever felt..?" questions are beautiful. Thank you❤️
Thank you so much!!! I’m so glad you got something out of this video :)
This needs to be heard. I experienced this as a child. By the time I'd figured it out, I'd went out into this big world and allowed myself to be found by a person just like them and married them. Now I'm the alienated parent.
This video is actively helping us help our triangulated daughter understand what she has been through. Madi - thank you for the bottom of my heart. This describes our kids' experiences to the tee. I feel so bad that you had to go through this.
I’m so glad you guys are finding it helpful!!! I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
Thank you so much for this channel!
My partner was an alienated dad. We are on the other side after 8 years going through family courts. He is now a coach for alienated dads & I am a coach for stepmoms. His kiddos have a long road ahead but they get to spend equal time with both parents & they have BLOSSOMED ❤
Someday, they may come across your videos and I would be thrilled for them to hear your very gentle approach to talking about this very complicated subject ✨
Heck yes! My stepkids still call their dad by his first name since their parents separated. Their mom also told them they were left for another family. It's sad that some people feel so threatened that they will try to destroy the other parent. Adults have a hard time with this obviously but to do this to children is the saddest thing because they don't see it for what it is.
Yes!! It’s all rooted in insecurity I think... and I’ve learned that 95% of alienators have personality disorders...
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject Absolutely. There's a strong link between narcissistic personality disorder and parental alienation. Narcissists don't want children to develop their own identities (something which would please a healthy parent). They see the child as an extension of themselves, not as a person in their own right. Anyone who threatens that dynamic will find themselves being alienated from the child.
Pathological parents, living in a delusional disorder, believe that if the target parent is an ex spouse they MUST BECOME an EX PARENT.
this is just so sad on so many levels.. I feel very sorry you have gone through this. As a father of two beautiful girls - I'm in this exact same position of total alienation. I wish more than anything they could see this video and understand what has been done to them... even if we never connect again.. so at least they could see their father loved them and cared for them. Eight years and I haven't been able to tell them that I love them, hug them or be there when they need someone to care. It is the most horrible existence... not only for me but my beautiful daughters. Every day gone can never be recovered .. it's just gone..
the name change and referring by first name and so many of the things you have mentioned have happened. All I wish is absolute happiness for them. Thank you for posting this, I'm sure it wasn't easy and I wish you all the happiness in the world
Thank you so much for posting your experiences and your thoughts and feelings about Parental Alienation. This affects SO MANY families!! You are making a difference and providing such great awareness!!
You’re so welcome!! Thanks for the support 🤗
The reason why she, your mum used targeted you and not your siblings that much- Two reasons I can think of as possibilities..... 1. You being the eldest- could influence the others to also participate in the alienating of their dad. 2. Emotional crux extraordinaire.... Yup, don't think the others could do that for her.... so don't be too hard on yourself for not being able to see past the facade..... You were also targeted. 🙏
Stay strong and keep the voice alive, much needed knowledge for all parents and children out there in similar situations. This is one of the most courageous and influential videos ever.
Thank you! I am still dealing with “Parental Alienation” for over two years now and I am still fighting to talk to my teen daughter & teen son) God with us all still ❤️🤘✝️
Try 7 years and counting. 3 teenagers.
THANK YOU, I'm alienated mom of 13 Years , my daughter is 27 and just married October 14th, my ex not allow me there. Tears of happy to hear you describe it and you woke up.
It's so nice to see awareness about parental alienation growing. Just knowing that there is a term and process behind it is extremely helpful for anyone going through it.
I would add "parentification" as a very cloaely related topic which you touched on in the video. Parentification "is a role reversal that occurs when a child is expected to provide emotional or practical support for a parent, instead of receiving that support themselves."
Absolutely your best work yet. The target audience being the currently conflicted victim is so wonderful to see. First direct content I’ve see. For the child (whether adult now or not)
The more you tell your story and the true negative impact it had on you I feel will be able to have the most effect and light bulb moments for those suffering.
There is trust because you’ve been there, lived it, and delivered from perhaps a sibling or 3rd party to the child I think this is more powerful than most anything.
I’m so proud of you. Speak loud, speak YOUR story, as real as possible and how you felt, and what things became hard for you. How your trust in others, or self confidence, or view of the world or relationships was impacted. And how now you can still love your mother but are aware that what she did was severely damaging to you and selfish. Anyhow, just ruminating as all I think about is how to reach the next child currently wanting so deeply to love their missing parent but feels trapped and isn’t old enough to yet realize and and be fully informed. Messages like this, messages from you, can honestly save lives, change lives, and help reunite love. And perhaps even more importantly, it can let the isolated and alone child know someone gets them, they are not alone with their thoughts late at night or when things constantly remind them of the once loved and adored parent.
Way too long I know, BUT, I love you, am proud of you, and thank you!!!
Thank you so much! Read this whole comment. Means so much to me
I am the alienated parent of my youngest daughter. She’s last of the 4….31 yr old. I just found you on UA-cam this evening. I’ve listened to other professionals discussions on this subject but yours are the best. You’ve explained better than all of the rest what the issues were/are w my daughter. We ve both decided we want our relationship healed but I don’t know how to go about it. After watching just 2 of your entries I now see and understand my mistakes. I’ll be watching and note taking all of your entries. You be given me great insight and I can’t thank you enough! When she decides to discuss this I’ll be open and ready. I have done unto her many wrongs thinking the entire time I was protecting her. Thanks go you I now can now see it from her perspective. Invaluable info and insight.
What an amazing episode!
Thank you!!!
My ex WAS a bad parent. The first thing he did after he left, was try to evict us. Then he told us to pay rent. He was the breadwinner. He spent two years AWOL keeping us broke. When he figured out that he could use the kids as tools against me, he threw my kids American Express, card, and custom cars. Overwhelmed from the stress that he was putting us under, they jumped at financial freedom, because my God, there was less stress and I don’t blame them.
I am still trying to get my children back and I’m facing homelessness. He is in a $4 million house across town because he lied to the court about his income and our lifestyle. Unfortunately, for me, the judge believed him. I cannot take him back to court. This was meant for the children, not just me. Some parents are just pure evil.
There ARE bad parents‼️
I'm sharing your stuff on Twitter. Looks like there's a decent amount of people talking about it there. 👍
Thank you!! I want to reach as many people as I can. I want to wake up people who don’t know the truth because you can’t heal until you know what you’re supposed to be healing from
You are so eloquent and a huge source of support for targeted parents out there… thank you for doing this
I remember my husband's ex in law's just visibility hating to hear my step daughter have a great time. This happened a lot to the point we could see how it was stressing her out. It made her nauseated to go back so we would give her some ginger ale for our switching point. It's an abuse that needs to be addressed and it looks like it's not uncommon.
YES!!!!! Wow, that’s so odd. My physical health issues (starting with headaches and stomach aches) began at the age of 9, which is the same time the alienation was solidified. I now know this isn’t a coincidence.
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject Stress can bring on physical, mental issues or both. It's no surprise.
Thank you so much for putting this out there ❤ I only wish I had this growing up..at 55 yrs I’m still getting comments like- I can’t trust u while ur still in contact with ur father, I wish you and all other abused people out there the best life ahead!
This “good parent” enmesh their children
Almost everything that you said in the video has hit closed to home for me.
Thank you for sharing. I grew up in the way you describe here. I know first hand what alienation does to a child and how it affects their future. My kid's mom is currently alienating me from my children after she uprooted them from me and moved out of state. I have always been a great dad and proud of being a father. The effects are heartbreaking as my oldest is beginning to reject me. I have never been abusive or mean, but always shown love, respect and try to teach my 2 girls everything I can about preparing for the real world. I have always supported my girls and being cut off from them is the most painful thing I have experienced. I try not to show emotion about it, but I still reach out to my girls almost every day in attempt to maintain a positive relationship with them. I have a team working on helping me achieve that and hope the state takes into careful consideration the situation at hand. Your video gives me hope and something to relate to. Thank you for sharing your story!
Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry you’ve been through this as a kid too… and now going through it as a parent!! I’ve created a support group for child survivors. If you’d like to join please e-mail me!! You’re not alone!
theantialienationproject@gmail.com
I was alienated from my daughter throughout her life, and I did not comprehend what was happening. I was unable to recognize who I was married to. After I finally realized who and what he was, and I left, to my surprise my daughter turned her back on him. He blamed me, but I did not talk with her about him, nor did I understand why she did it. She did not tell me why, and I did not pressure her to do or say anything. After the divorce was final, she began to tell me things he told her about me, even when she was little, and what he did after we separated. It was horrifying, and everything finally made sense. For those whose children are alienated, keep your heart open to your child as long as you can safely do so. Do not give up your hope that your child may see the truth eventually. ☮️
great seeing the channel grow. Excellent work!!!
thank you!!!! :)
This is absolute Gold Dust. ❤
Yes this so common, I'm an alienated father & still can't get my head around it. Losing a living child is something I never envisaged having to deal with. The courts have ordered Family therapy which like shared custody is not facilitated by the Good Parent. All the evidence is such therapy whilst still living with the GP doesnt work. I suspect the emotional damage of weaponizing a child is up there with actual violence & sexual abuse. Neither the courts nor CP in oz take it seriously. Once the child hits 12 sometimes earlier, their alleged uninfluenced views are considered informed consent. Also the idea of a child rejecting a parent completely is almost unheard of in together parents even when that relationship is acrimonious. The attitude of the ignorant & the courts seems to be no smoke without fire. A great video I think, thanks! Reminded me Ill be dead or morbidly incapacitated if our child ever returns to her Dad?
My 15 year old daughter went from a daddy's girl to behaving like someone controlled by ISIS within 3 weeks, haven't seen her for 4 months now , it's the weirdest thing I've ever experienced , she occasionally sends me wild accusations that make no sense. Like she struggled to get convo out of me, (when we literally do nothing but chat and laugh) I'm apparently also not interested in her even though ive turned up for everything. I send you peace & prosperity friend
@@mercenary1881Yes this story is international & the core them seems to be the same for all acrimonious separations where kids & a psychopathologic parent are involved? Usually the custodial parent parent post separation has but one weapon, the child/children. First & foremost they have lost control. Weaponizing the child/ren regains control, punishes the other parent, satiates vengence, but destroys the psyche of their child/ren. The cost, ie destruction of the child/ren, is immaterial. Their short term gain is the reward enough, they are obsessed with winning. In my case my ex has never been quite so successful at getting people to fall inline. Having our child totally support her narrative & completely reject the childs other parent is the opium of the psychopathologic parent & their entirely addicted. Rehab will never be an option cause they did nothing wrong, they never have. Alienation is a vile insidious evil, up there with pedophilia.
I appreciate what you are doing. You are on a mission and I hope you continue to receive support. I had not realized that my ex was attempting this with our children 17 years ago during our divorce, until I began working with those in the industry of high conflict divorces... and then met someone who shared her story. Then, during my research, I read the list of things the alienating parent does. UGH. I was skating on thin ice and had no idea. My oldest was 8... it started then. My youngest was 1. I am so sorry you went through this. But I truly appreciate what you are doing to support others by sharing your story.
Thank you for this. It is something I worried about as I’m not alienating the other parent, and now I have a reference for what I’m NOT doing. Our situation is very complicated and there is a lot I couldn’t protect my child from but I don’t tolerate bad talk and I’ve always reminded her that her dad deeply loves her he just has a serious illness that makes him unsafe to be around at times 3:03 eta 8:13 omfg it just keeps getting worse 💔I’m SO SORRY you went thru this 😢
it's s possible I missed it in the video ... the one important thing that I don't think I heard mentioned is for folks to remember this:
As an adult try to not dwell on the '"how did I not see this?" Parents have a definite leg up on their ability to manipulate and as an adult you shouldn't feel guilty for how you may have treated the bad parent. I realize that's like telling someone not to think about an elephant and then that's all they can do... but the blame falls squarely on the "good" parent.
Yes you’re so right . I told my kids we love them even if mom anc dad Are not together . That wouldn’t change the love for them
My brother is an alienated child who lives with my dad. Luckily I was aware of what was going on so I got out from the situation, ran away to my mums and stopped going to my dad’s. A few years after that, my brother went there one day and never came back. It’s been 11 years and it’s devastating for me because I have lost a brother over absolutely nothing. I have tried going round to the house but my dad said that he doesn’t want to see me or my mum (even though we haven’t done anything). We’ve tried finding where he works, waiting outside of his work but he just walked off without explanation and told us to go away. I hold out hope that he will snap out of it and come back but it’s so tough to deal with. Especially when it’s such a rare situation. We need to raise awareness of this issue and your channel will make a massive difference so thank you 🙏
I’m so proud of you & how you’ve grown & mature. Great job & I really appreciate you putting from the child perspective plus covering all of it in a nutshell. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Thank you so much!!
Yeah I’m living this now. Haven’t seen my two young sons in 3 years. They don’t answer calls or texts. They were told I didn’t even fight for them. Truth being she hired them their own child lawyer and the courts say at 11 and 13 they’re able to make their own choices. She removed my name “dad” out of their phones and put my full formal name. The youngest child said “there are repercussions dad to what you did” this is called “borrowed language” all in all there’s a special place in hell for these abusive parents.
Thank you so much for being so vulnerable! I am a targeted parent, and I coach alienated parents and parents with estranged children. But my own children are in a transition right now, so I’m seeking new information. My 17 year old just moved out to go to college, but my 20 year old is still with his father (I think he feels the obligation; the excuse is the 85 year old grandmother). I want to educate myself on what my children have been through from an inside perspective for when the time comes. I hope my children will see. My 20 year old texted me the other day he doesn’t want to hate me forever. As painful as that is, I know it’s progress!
All of the questions you asked, my dad’s ex (my siblings’ mom) has done & still does. My dad has never spent one holiday or one birthday with my siblings in 3 years since the divorce. Their mom has purposely made plans or taken them out of town so he has to celebrate at a later time. She also questions them about their time with our dad. The RAGE is REAL. It’s an adult temper tantrum. Prior to my dad going no contact with her, they were at a swim meet & my sister (who we are alienated from) was sitting next to her mom. My dad went up to them to say hi/be the bigger person & his ex (in public) starting screaming, “If you don’t walk away I am going to call the police!” My sister witnessed it all. While I’m sad she had to see that, I’ve always maintained that the crazier the alienating parent is & the more the kids see the rage, the better it is for the alienated parent. Because hopefully the kids will put the pieces together that none of this normal!
One another example: last year my dad showed up at my sister’s dance performance. His ex didn’t know he was going, saw him in the hallway, & literally shoved his arm from behind & cursed at him in public all because SHE didn’t want him there & also because him showing up would contradict the lies she’s been telling my sister that he’s a “bad dad.” It’s sad to almost want them to rage but the rage isn’t normal or justified so I pray my siblings realize it’s not okay & the pieces of the puzzle start to come together.
Your videos are so spot on & are helping immensely. Thank you Madi for all you do!!! ❤️🩹
What a great video and project that you have embarked yourself upon. The world needs more people like you. I'll be watching your every video and thank you for doing what you're doing.
thanks so much!! I appreciate your support:)
I've been going thru this for years with my children. Praise God I'm still in their lives, but the pain is very real, and watching my children go through this is awful. Thank you for sharing your story because it helps us suffering through this. With that said, I'm so sorry you've gone through this nightmare. It's so very sad, but you are so strong! God bless you! ❤
Bravo to a brave, bright and beautiful young woman! What incredible insight you have gained from your experience. I hope my girls can get to this place so they can pick up this important work as well, but they’re still not clear on what even happened to them. Thank the gods the alienation part ended but it remains a touchy subject for us. This is excellent information that will help me approach them with these tough conversations when I sense they are ready to have them. ❤️
Thank you so much!!
Your amazing.. so pleased you were able to see the light. From an alienated mother..
This project is going to be huge! Thank you for speaking up the truth.
Your mother sounds like she ran a lot of the same games my daughter's mother likes to run.. Her mother has cultivated that same kind of relationship with our daughter; daughter, best friend and confidante. I have pushed hard through the court system to establish regular visitation and enjoyed, for at least the first 8 years of her life, a good relationship. I think my daughter knows deep down that I love her, but this conflicts with everything her mom needs her to feel about me. She was able to terminate visits during COVID-19 and I had no recourse through family court. When we resumed visits she was different, very listless and uninterested in things. She didn't want to go to the zoo or the park or do any of the fun stuff we used to do. One thing her mother always did I suspect is grill our daughter about our visit as soon as she got home. I think my daughter felt the need to tell her something she did not particularly enjoy about the visit and her mother would talk about that part of the visit as if it were the most significant or only thing that happened and mark it as proof that I am a lousy father. It's like she rewrote her memories.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If she knew the truth, everything would be different
Your right they do rewrite our children’s memories..
I pray all our alienated children find this 🙏
SO many of those question fit what I have experienced. As a result I have no relationship with my mother and still carry a lot of guilt about everything that happened, although it was not my fault at all. It's terrible how parents do that to their children! It marks you forever in a way that you will never completely get rid of those scars. Even though I have a happy life and a wonderful partner now, I still sometimes break out in tears over the fact that I don't have a real family and never had a real mother. It's heartbreaking, really. Thank you for your calm and kind words! It's a great work that you do and should be talked about way more!
Omg- I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too!!! Please reach out to me if you’d like to talk. I’ve started a support group for adults like us. I’d love to chat and see if that’s something you’d be interested in
I would also say that it's not just "parents" who get alienated from children they love. The same thing is happening to me with regard to my niece, whose mother is a malignant narcissist and who broke off contact because I was a positive influence in the child's life, encouraging her to develop her own identity and critical thinking skills, as is normal for children her age who are beginning to individuate. But the narcissist mother only wants a child she can control, who reflects herself, agrees with all her opinions and feeds her ego in exchange for parental affection.
I lost a niece the same way. To a narcissist, anyone who would encourage the child's independence is clearly an enemy.
Sorry to hear that 😞@@kevinhornbuckle
This was the dynamic in my home. I begged my mom to get friends, get professionals but find someone other than me to dump on.
She would say sorry and continue to do it again and again. I feel so unheard and not valued. Unless I’m a willing participant she doesn’t know how to engage with love or joy for my life.
It’s hard when u lost a childhood because your parents saw you as their therapist.
I’m the firstborn so add 4 more siblings to take care of.
And…people wonder why I don’t have kids!🤯🤯🤯🤯
I'm an alienated parent. 2 of my adult children have come back to me. 4 of my children are now adults (my 4th turned 18 about 6 months ago), and my youngest alienated child is 16. My oldest didn't believe her dad and attempted to maintain a relationship with me. She was punished for it, had all means of communication taken from her, her email accounts were all monitored. She borrowed phones from friends at school to contact me. My second one did believe him, but decided to reach out this past August when the memories she began to have after moving out didn't align with what she had always believed. We now have a growing relationship. She made me My favorite kind of cake for my birthday and decorated it with candied lemon spelling out "mom" above a raspberry heart. I know that the candied lemon "mom" was huge for her, as for me, because I was called by my first name and denigrated by their dad for for over 10 years. She didn't see me as anything other than "bad" until now. It was her sign to me that she understands I love her.
What I want to know is how do I respond to my adult child speaking ill of her dad? My oldest prefers not to speak of him with me. I respect that. When they were children and we were going through the divorce, they lived with me. I was accused of intent to alienate. That was enough to convince the judge to grant him custody. Within a few years I was completely alienated. Throughout the divorce, I refused to let them know anything about what was going on. I shielded them from the ugliness. After visiting their dad, they always knew a twisted version of what had happened in court. My response was always along the lines of "you don't need to worry about all of that. Your dad and I will figure it out".
Now, as an adult who experienced not only alienation but also severe emotional abuse and frequent physical abuse and neglect (these are the problems that led to the divorce, the accusation of intent to alienate, and the request for full custody to be granted to me), my second daughter wants to talk about him. She wants the details of what really happened when I was married to him, and through the divorce. I don't know how to respond to a lot of her comments about him.
So, how should I as an alienated parent now rebuilding a relationship with my adult child, respond to her bringing up her feelings of him and questions of what happened? I don't want to come across as someone trying to alienate in the other direction, but I feel I would be lying or denying her desire to feel validated in her feelings and experiences if I don't tell her the truth. I didn't tell her anything at 8, but she's not 8 anymore. She's 22.
I feel your pain with that story wow .
In short I would definitely answer her questions but still be guarded -you’re building a bridge with her . Truth is power, let her work through keep it very confidential between her and you .
Thank you for being brave enough to share!
You are so welcome!
THANK YOU so much. Thank you. Anything I can do to support and join your cause. I want to show my daughters your video but I am afraid they are not ready to accept it.
Crying. 🥺😓😭
Maybe a video for kids still trapped in the "good parent"s home?
Thank you for everything you do and i would love to participate in any way I can.
I've seen it first hand and was also a victim of a mild alienation campaign years ago when I divorced my children's father. It didn't take in my case - I told my son that what he was saying was coming from his father and his father's family, that it isn't true, and that he needs to stop speaking to me that way. He ultimately did stop talking to me for 4 years, but eventually came back. The person in my family who is experiencing this now is suffering, along with the children, who are treating her very badly. We have to develop ways to put a stop to this. I hate standing by, doing nothing, while the alienating parent destroys everyone. How are we allowing this!? And why do they get to dictate to the rest of us? It's heartbreaking to watch.
I wish all children who may be going through this see your video.
Im going to send this to my son. I am hoping he will want to see me after watching this😢
As an alienated parent.
Young lady, you have opened the Pandora box . This has been happening to me since my children were 12 and 9. They are 19 and 16 now..
My children would say my first name . My ex would say stuff, and how I know is because the children would say mum reckons you did this when they stayed with me..
I would just laugh and say when you are 18, then I will divulge what has happened..
I'm glad you woke up at your age. They say children wake up between 17 right up to 30 years of age with what has been happening.
They disengage with the parent / family that has been causing it.
Thank you so much for your important topic on PA ,this will help a lot of parents and children who have and going through this madness, thank you and God bless you 🙏
Mick from Ireland
Thank you so much:)
thank God you are sharing! I pray my children will understand
thank you for fighting for us
Thank you so much for this, I just hope my daughter will be allowed to listen to this before she gets pulled away from me and my wife (her step mom) once an for all.
Her moms dad died when she was 12 years old, and now our daughter is 13, and her Mom is digging, and the 10 years of tactics are having a very drastic effect.
I am a "bad parent"...
I cannot explain in words how it feels to not be able to see my little angel daughter. She misses me. I miss her like crazy... But the "good parent" won't let us connect.
Excellent. Thank you. May every wounded heart and mind be healed and restored to health.
You’re so welcome!!
I am so glad I found your channel . I am a alienated father of 2 daughters I have havent seen in 8 years .. they are almost 9 and 8 . I was given a child support and medical insurance to pay and she left . Unknown where .. She has a state card that the state refills every month with my support..
I know they are taught to fear me.. I have such anxiety that they may never want to know about me or they already HATE me .. They have no memory of me. I am a ghost .. All I can hope for is they come looking fo me when they are older.. I watched your video on how alienaition is CULT behavior and Im positive the mother is doing this. Her mother did it to her..
Thank you so much for this VDO…. My daughter is 13 and she is not allowed to see my family and friends. 😭😭😭 my heart crying for you and crying for my baby girl 😭😭😭😊I’m so glad that you survived
Thank you for your work. My ex-wife took my 5 kids off me and has begun alienating them one by one against me. It is pure evil.
Thank you for speaking out about this insidious form of psychological and emotional abuse. How can I help you further your mission? Thank you a million times over and may God bless you in every way for the work you are doing ❤
I'm going through this hell right now. My poor daughter is only four.
Thank you Maddie. Please continue to help kids and their family. God Bless You❤️✝️
Thank you for sharing it is helping me to figured out a lot. Two divorces, 3 kids of 21, 13 and 10. I have been almost schrapt from my first dougthers life. Ive make many mistakes. Ive sick help in years of therapy. Today, I realized I kind of run away the continuous paim pursuing my goals such as build a new family . Now I have to face it again since divorce. But even with therapy and bagage just a victim child can see trough an other victm child . Im speaking from Belgium but Im brazilian so forgive me for the english. Im feeling gratefull for all I heard. Never give up!
Working on a podcast right now on this. My son is a victim of Parental Alienation. Thanks for bringing awareness into this.
Thank you for taking the time to share this experience. This is helpful.
You are so welcome!
I am almost in the same position as you. I am 27 and have no relationship with my dad since 12. Congratulations on reuniting with your dad. I would love to see a video on how you went about restarting your relationship.
My daughter is 15 and has been alienated from me for over 6 months, she has never expressed her feelings to me vocally. I only get texts from her phone and her father’s texts that communicate her wants/feelings. We are in the middle of family court proceedings, where she believes this is all my fault when I only filed a petition to enforce our custody agreement. I am so hopeless right now, I wish I could share your video with her.
Such good information 😊
Thank U So Very Much for yr channel. My children & I suffered this & now they have no relationship with me. I won custody & nvr got them home. Their brains were poisoned against me. It is soul crushing. It feels like they've died. I can't even explain it.
Thank you for this video and for sharing your experience! In a future video will you address the fact that some parents who are of the more sociopathic variety (usually alienating fathers) will NOT obviously badmouth the other parent, because that would make them look bad, especially if they are in a white collar professional field. Instead they will drop hints, ask leading questions, and encourage the child to badmouth the "bad" parent in more subtle ways. Which is totally crazy making becuse it's essentially undetectable to almost everyone.
I'm sorry for what you went through and so excited for you that you're figuring it out so you can be the mama your own daughters deserve.
Hi Dear,
the most prominent sign can be see in your eyes.
The pain and hurt is reflected in the eyes.
My advice is , never give any glory to single mothers (unless husband died)
The parent who were there with you may be the evil. Not the one you were not allowed to connect in a healthy way
Thx for your video. I have felt lost through this process. After my divorce 6 years ago my children, whom I fully raised and stayed at home with now will not speak with me or call me mom. They call their new stepmom of 3 years mom and call my by first name. It has been beyond painful. They are 14 & 17 They now act like the don't like me, don't remember anything from their upbringing, and hate everything about me and my family. I pray for a change as they mature..
I am SO sorry to hear this. So sorry you’re going through this.
What’s great is that it sounds like you were able to build a strong foundation. That’s inside of them, whether subconscious or not.
I truly believe that once kids move out of the home and get some distance from the alienator, that’s when they can start to question the “reality” they’ve been brainwashed to believe. *hugs*
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject thank you so much for your words. Worst part of this experience is feeling like I am a terrible person and also confusion on how or what has happened. It gives me hope and self releasing of beating myself up at this point in my time with my children. Thank you :)
I raised my daughter for 12 years. He’s was absent, didn’t help financially. I paid for visitations for them. That’s all forgotten now. She’s 14 and I have been brutally alienated from her. The cruelest things have been said to me. It’s going be okay. You’re going to be okay. One day at a time.
I've experienced this same torment. Mine are now 25-30 yrs old and Still it's not changed
I just discovered you on Instagram and love your content. What about a mother who didn’t love you and I thought I was alone until I met a friend of mine, who grew up almost exactly the same way. And then a father, who did love you but very inappropriately. Still working on all this at 63.
Thank you, and God bless you for your wisdom and honesty. It helps me as I try to heal from the years of fear while trying to have a relationship with my only child. I will continue to love her a the distance that was created many years ago and pray that one day she gain the insight to who I really am and who I am.
I'm here for 1st contact. 8 years I miss my daughter and stopped payments to her mother who pushed her relentlessly against me. She was 12 and said she never wants to see me again in he life, simply for telling her truths about me - she took as negative about her mother. I left because of controlling and very bad behaviour. The manipulation campaign was in full swing!
I am the “targeted parent”. Thank you for sharing this. As the targeted parent (“bad parent”), I would only add one thing. Knowing that the other parent is abusing your child, the healthy parent (“bad parent”) may want to protect the child and may not want them to spend equal time with the abusive parent. It’s not that they want the child all for themselves. It’s just they want to protect the child from environments where there is known abuse. Parental alienation IS abuse. Sadly, many family courts don’t make the decision which truly is in the child’s best interest. That being said, the healthy parent (“bad parent”) would still never get the child involved in their emotions or decisions, or talk badly about the other parent. Since family courts are not making the right decision in these cases, sadly the damage gets done to the child and to the targeted “bad parent”.
AMEN! And this fact is used to "prove" to the child that the targeted parent is "bad"... as in, "only a bad parent wouldn't want their kid to have 50/50 custody." It's mindblowing.
Courage Courage Indeed
I wish my children could see this.
it's the lonliest fight ive ever had :( nearly always, its a personality disordered person that does this to someone, is what ive learned.. its dehumanising
I just sent this to my 13yo who is being alienated against me. Thank you for this through explanation and gentle approach
Oh my gosh. I really hope he’s receptive to hearing it. I’d love to hear how this goes. I’ve been talking with lots of former alienated children. I’m beginning to believe there is a time and place where it’s certainly worth it to send your kids a video or an article. Good luck!
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject it was a bit rough at first. She felt “attacked” or like I was “forcing her to choose a side”. But we watched your video together and had a discussion afterwards. Most points do point to her dad. Some points were irrelevant (didn’t relate to either dad or I) and a few points called me out. After we watched the video, she said “well, if you have both “bad” parents, than what?”
It was a challenging conversation and I have been working on setting her up with a counselor. Which is how i replied to her “if you’re both bad, than what” question- “well”, I said, “that just means you need a good therapist” and “when we are aware of our behaviors, we can do the work to change them”.
Basically, in hindsight, I did not send the video at the right time / at a good time. So that did make the conversation a bit challenging to navigate through. But by the end, she said that she felt like there was hope for us in fixing our relationship. She agreed that her dad should not be talking to her about all his feelings and talking to her like an adult. And she wanted (really really wanted) me to send the link to this video for him to watch. And she emphasized “and tell him I agree!”
He has only been obviously alienating her since around March of this year so it is relatively new. Some damage has been done. But it wasn’t as rooted as yours was. But that is why I had a sense of urgency in nipping this in the bud before the “roots” of this alienation matured and her mental health was even more effected. I was already seeing changes in her behavior and she was already starting to act in a way that was against her personal core values.
Thank you again for your content 🩷
@@RedheadedStepChild85Just as a warning... I got my child a therapist and my child told the therapist all kinds of terrible things about me. The other parent attended the therapy more than once, himself, too. It wasn't long before the therapist became an ally of the alienator. I haven't seen my child now in years, and I'm told that the therapist believes I am the abusive parent, not the other way around. I've heard this same story from countless other alienated parents.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. As the wife of an alienated parent, I feel so seen. ❤
I’m so glad!!!