“What can I do to get my child back?” (Formerly alienated adult child POV)
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- Опубліковано 9 вер 2024
- Giving you insider info (what happens behind closed doors during parental alienation) so that, hopefully, you'll have more ammunition against this terrible form of child ab*se.
Please leave your thoughts or other tips in the comments below! I'd love to hear from you!
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#parenting #parentalalienation #divorce #custody
I last held my son when he was 6 months old. He celebrated his 25th birthday last year. The pain never lessens 😢
Omg. I’m SO sorry
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject🙏
@@tinman10 I feel your pain. May God heal your relationship with your child soon.
Sorry I know the feeling too well. This is so painful everything else in your life see not important. I miss my kids sooooo much!
Psychologist here, and your advice is spot-on and so psychologically healthy! So glad you emerged healthy, thriving, and finding your purpose here. I will point all my alienated adult children and parents to your channel for healing and understanding. May God richly bless you and your relationship with your father, and I also pray for restoration with your mother, in whatever healthy capacity that entails. I always say, "Hurt people hurt people." And that's clearly what she did. I pray for her ultimate healing, if that is possible (as we know sometimes it is not, especially with untreated Axis II diagnoses). Thank you for sharing your truth and your channel. God speed ❤🙏🏼
Parental Alienation is an offshoot of addiction and alcoholism.
So well said
@@kimparke6653 where did you get that information please
As an alienated mother, I cannot thank you enough for sharing, and helping to increase awareness!!
I was married for 26 years by the time the divorce was finalized. I have two sons, the oldest is 29 and was adopted by my ex at 4 years old. The youngest just turned 26. They were both alienated from me at one point. Thankfully, the oldest and I have reconnected, have been learning, growing, and healing for about 3 1/2 years now.
My youngest is still deeply entrenched in the lies, manipulations, and control. I was not at all aware of the covert abuse that was happening throughout the marriage, nor the parental alienation. After educating myself, I now realize the PA was going on pretty much their entire lives but escalated when I filed for divorce the first time. They were 10 and 12 years old at that point.
As with many abusive situations, it took me multiple "tries" to finally break away. I even moved out of the home for 10 months at one point, then moved back. Our sons were triangulated against me, there was reverse hierarchy going on. I was eventually treated like I was the dirt on the bottoms of all of their shoes.
My youngest is now engaged, will be married next year in September. I sadly have never met his fiance. I pray he will open his heart just a little so that I can show him I am not the person he perceives me to be. I will be devastated if I miss out on seeing him get married, we have already missed so much together.
Again, thank you so much for being vulnerable, and helping to bring awareness to this horrendous form of child abuse!
Wow... Your story sounds so complex, and I'm really sorry you're still experiencing PA. I'd love to talk with you further and perhaps do an interview. I'm so interested to hear what it's like for a former alienated parent to reconnect with their child.
Thank you for your sweet comment
@TheAnti-AlienationProject I would love to talk more with you! Growing up, my mother attempted to alienate my brother and I from our father. She would spew "your father walked out on you when you were 2 1/2 weeks old" to me over and over again. At 16 years old, I finally told her, "he didn't KNOW me, he left YOU!!" Unfortunately, you know first hand what this does to a child's self-esteem and self-worth as our targeted parent is part of us.
When I became a mother, and wife, I swore I would NEVER do this to my children. Instead, I always told them and enforced that they listen to and respect their father. Unknowingly, I helped groom them for his parental alienation to take hold.
I didn't realize I had married someone who was mentally unhealthy. In fact, 20 years into our marriage, after I had filed for divorce twice, moved out of the home, and reluctantly agreed to marriage counseling with our 3rd counselor, he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
I didn't start to become aware of what I was dealing with until I made it through nursing school, and was seeking training as a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (24 years into the marriage). A presenter showed and explained the cycle of abuse. A light bulb went off for me, as I had been seeing my marriage as a roller coaster ride! The cycle of abuse explained thoroughly what I had been experiencing for all those years.
So yes, it's VERY complex, and I would LOVE to talk more with you!!
I realize this happens to both genders, but I've never heard a similar story from a woman. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I pray your son will come around soon.
Your journey learning about the cycle of abuse is eye opening, and I wish it was taught in school at the appropriate age.
I believe if we love them unconditionally, time and truth will catch up to each other and they'll understand what they didn't before. As targeted parents, we have the disadvantage of walking on eggshells against a biased precedent that's formed, so we have to endure with our best composure at all times, because they've been taught to test us and judge us so harshly. Sending hugs and support
Wow thanks for you input and story. I too am a woman and going thru alienation for my teens. I went into depression thinking I was a bad person or what did I do wrong? It has been hard bc I have thought I am all alone. I know realize what is happening and pray o too can someday see my children They are 14 & 17 now
Wow, @tammylea … your story sounds so similar to mine. I was married 26 years by the time the divorce was finalized. I have three now-adult sons (30, 28, 25) who I’ve been alienated from for almost 11 years. I hear from the youngest one when he wants money, saying I “owe” him. His emails are harsh and hurtful. I know he’s hurting… they all are… but as long as they’re still living under their father’s roof, I have little hope that they’ll ‘see the light’. It’s heartbreaking, as you well know. I’m happy you’ve been able to reunite with one of your sons, and I pray your other son will find his way back to you as well.
I applaud you, Madi, for all you’re doing to help both the alienated children and us targeted moms and dads. Thank you! ❤
I'm the father of 8 adult alienated children and 3 minors that I was able to get back using the criminal route. I love what you're doing.
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate ir
I am happy you got them back.Mine are adult last time I went to invite him for Easter Sunday and he called the police, it’s heartbreaking 💔
Something I feel important to mention…. this is just as, if not more, confusing for the targeted parent. As they are also being manipulated…. Not just by the alienator but by the child as well ..via the alienator. Unless there is direct proof… and often also due to gaslighting… it can be difficult for the target not to be 100% confident that this is mot coming from the child or to second guess the situation.
What is the criminal route if you don’t mind sharing?
@@noapologiesX There's civil route (courts) and criminal route (police/criminal law) and maybe others? Every state has in it's penal code (criminal law, not civil) law about interference with child custody. (This regards minor children, not adults). In Texas, where I'm from, it's TX Penal Code 25.03 Interference with Child Custody. The police are supposed to enforce all criminal law. Typically, they don't want to enforce Interference with Child Custody, a state jail felony in many states, perhaps cause they don't want to get involved in something so complicated, or they don't want to send a parent to jail cause it can be difficult for children, or they have a hard time proving in some cases that there is intent to interffere... as an alienating parent can lie and say "the child doesn't want to go with other parent", etc. Anyway, in my case, I was just persistent. Every time I was supposed to pick up my kids, I went to the exchange, waited ... of course letting mom know I was there for the kids according to court orders... kids would say they don't want to go with me. I'd call the police non emergency number, officers would come out, talk to the mom, the mom would manipulate them to believe i was bad and scary, police would take her side. They would say, it's a civil matter... call an attorney. Finally, mom put kids in a charter school instead of homeschooling and the exchange became the school. First time i was to pick them up , kids refused, admins said they were in the library refusing to go with me, they said i could go be with them, later one of them said mom is coming in 3 minutes (He had called her), I got mom on video picking up the kids during my time.. I called police, showed my video (which showed INTENT to interfere), showed my official court order, visitation schedule, i suggested it was Penal Code 25.03 and I'd like an offence report, got it. Mom then under investigation. Following week when I went to pick up kids from school, they refused again, admins called police, they told me to park my car by the entrance, they got my kids to my car, youngest got in, older two would not, just stood near the door of the car, mom was nearby watching and kids were watching her. Police, admins, myself, all there encouraging kids to get in my car... police said i could give them a nudge as in TX parents are allowed to discipline. After him 3 times telling me, I asked him to please get mom out of view cause I thought she putting pressure on kids to not go with me, he did with lights blaring. All it took was a small nudge to get them in my car. I think the kids needed for the choice to get in my car to NOT be their choice, so they wouldn't get in trouble from mom. First 30 minutes rough but they settled down, anxiety passed quickly. I was calm, did not reprimand in any way, just was kind and loving and went about normal things like supper, watching a movie, etc... with the kids. It's been over a year and a half since this happened and no problems, kids voluntarily get in my car. I think the alienator realized she needed to not interfere or she could go to jail or have other on criminal record. I believe narcissists will do whatever they think they can get away with, so we need to be persistent. This is criminal method in a nutshell.
I know my 31 year old daughter who I adore couldn't consent at 13 while she was being bribed and manipulated, and now I don't know her family, my grandson's, I am their Grandmother, so many losses. Appreciate you sneaking about this horror.
God bless you 🙏. 🙏 ❤
Do the tips that she has explained here
Keep apologising over and over. Don't ever stop, even after they say that's enough. U know u wish u had seen them every day.
It's so healing
Either use her tips or give up
I am not giving up and have apologized many times even though I don't know what I am saying sorry for.
@@stevesayers2471something to be aware of is that apologies can be overused too. My mom who I have a relationship with gets triggered and lashes out and then apologizes all the time, but nothing changes at all it's just wash rinse and repeat without any actual work to change. So my recommendation is showing change in behavior is more effective as actions speak louder than words.
@@kimparke6653 exactly. You didn't do anything. And how do you know how they feel or what is going through their hearts and minds. It is so insidious and the brainwashing is completely damaging. There is no truth in what they have experienced and they carry the lies as if it is truth.
Burdens like financial or others should never be put on a child
What's even harder if your children have completed blocked from your life.. you cant call .. you cant email ..they avoid or run away from you when they see you in the street. In my case over eight years .. I haven't been able to speak to them... so trying to contact them or start the process is impossible. this is the hopelessness of this situation. We all don't live forever... My greatest fear is I will die and not get a chance to tell my story or give them a chance to hear the truth. To die and still be alienated is beyond reckoning. To think your children have been brain washed and yet the truth doesn't get out is just terrible. Thanks for your videos and best wishes to all alienated mothers, fathers and children. We all share something terrible ...someone has stolen something from us and often we cant do a single thing about it.
I've actually thought about this. I'm 57, and it bothers me immensely that I may never get the opportunity to let me 3 awesome boys the reality of parental alienation. It's been 7+ years.
You and I. Or anyone should make a video or write a long letter, in the event we don't get the opportunity to speak our truth.
What I have started doing is writing letters to my son in a notebook with the hope to give it to him one day when he is older. He is 7 years old and stays with the father that has brain washed him. It's hurts to have the only child you have in this world be taken away from you in that manner.
4 years without contact, 3 major trials, mom doesnt listen to the orders, courts dont care
Yes, it can be brutal and you are not alone. Peace
What it feels like to be an alienated parent (now over 20 years for me with zero contact), it feels like a death. My first son died of SIDS, my other two kids have "died" from parental alienation. That is what it feels like. You long for a relationship that feels like the loss of a death but you know they are alive, living without you just miles away. That is difficult to reconcile. Is there ever an age where, if the opportunity ever arises, that you should tell them the truth and stand up for yourself, where in my case there is no longer a third party that can do it for you? I know other long term alienated parents that believe they will just have to violate this unwritten code and tell their adult alienated child the truth even if it causes more harm. They believe they have nothing more to lose and they hope the adult child can handle the truth or at least listen. It is a very difficult decision.
I saw your interview on Maddie channel. Bless you and may you have more peace throughout your journey 🙏
U just want happiness for your child, why would you put extra stress on them....
@@stevesayers2471 huh?
@@stevesayers2471 I don't get what you are saying? So my kids are 34 and 36 and they don't deserve to know the truth, if...IF...they ever even reconnect with me! They are supposed to just continue to believe all the lies, believe all the BS their mother told about me?! Not sure a lot of us long term alienated parents can agree with that.
I just saw an excellent video on the Families Divided channel about the effects of Alienation on the child's brain.
Apparently the effects can be seen in MRIs. If there is a concrete test that can show the brain damage caused by the narcissistic parent, maybe they can begin to see reality.
But it's going to be difficult. The courts that allowed the Alienation should pay for the testing. And still, would we be causing more harm?
Their only hope of healing is to have exposure to reality and truth, reconnect with their primary caregiver. It's such a tricky thing
We are in the middle of this. I lost my older 2 to parental alienation. My oldest daughter was kidnapped from me. I fought in court but still lost due to the lies. My oldest son “chose” the other parent based on lies. They both dropped out of school and their life went to drugs. I haven’t seen my older son in over 3 years. Please keep speaking out for them and help us. Thank you!!!
Courts are❤ giving leverage to One parent, then the OTHER PARENT chases the CHILD❤ ITS HOW CROOKED LAWYERS & JUDGES PICK pocket, but on a deeper level: ASSAULT IS CRIMINAL ACTIVITY
Please Help us🙏
I have lost my children. All three of them. I’m looking for support in my attempt to get them back. I had no idea this was existent. If I could get you to keep up with my story or hear it one day maybe I could feel like I could get them back bc this is EXACTLY what is happening to my children! Oh my gosh! I just started a page and so did you. Your my kids in the situation I could not figure out. I’m in tears thinking how damn blind I am!
I’ve been baffled for years as to why my kids treat me with such contempt. It all makes sense now and I am so grateful to have found your videos. Priceless ❤
You are so welcome! Im so sorry you’re experiencing this
Thank you for this video. A lot of divorced dads suffered from Parental Alienation Syndrome like myself. After almost 10 years, the pain continues from the separation. The divorced dads almost always looked like the bad guys in this society, and the divorced moms are almost always viewed as the victims. Unfortunately, it's very hard for the victimized dad to get people to believe him in this scenario.
I am binge watching your content. You are so articulate and smart, it shows vividly when you speak. Please keep telling your story.
I dont know what your goals for your channel are. I'm sure you will be incredibly successful. Topics like this arent usually about making money. But, I hope in your journey to spread awareness, you see some monetary gain to help make telling your story a little easier. Maybe this was meant to put you in that place? I hope so.
I AM ROOTING FOR YOU ALL THE WAY!!!
Thank you so much! This means a lot
As a father of 2 alienated boys, thank you for confirming what I have been experiencing and have known for 10 long years. The big issue that needs to be addressed is that once the child “wakes up” they are faced with the reality that their so called savor was actually their abuser. What then? Do you cut the abusive parent off? That is a difficult proposition as they may be the emotional and physical provider as the state has put them in this position.
I think that although the child knows who is abusive and who is not, they are going to side with the controller. It is extremely rare for the child to go against the abuser, a well know example of this is 14 year old Parker from Texas……look it up, heart wrenching. I can see the emotional damage that has been done and it is difficult to stand by and watch someone do this to your child.
I have so much to say about this... I’m going live tonight on UA-cam (7:30 PM ... mountain time). I’m going to address your first paragraph and that tricky situation in my live Q and A tonight.
This because we are naturally afraid of dying, or we do not want to die (get killed by the abuser). I did everytning not to die. I even said: "I do everytning you want just don't kill me". That is because I was not a Christian. Now I am no longer afraid of dying and would never ever follow my abuser's will (my son's earthly farher's will) if It was against G-d's will. I would prefer to die. Becoming a Christian Is the answer It makes you bold like a Lion.
You are so correct! I’m a mom of an adult alienated adult daughter. My ex husband was my daughters step dad. I married him when my daughter was 22 years old. She’s now 31. I filed for divorce in Dec 2019, and saw a different behavior in my daughter and her husband towards me. I had no idea what was going on. Their behaviors got worse until both blocked me completely everywhere online. My daughter and her husband also cut me from my grandchildren’s lives. I started doing research and got a coach to help me through everything.. it’ll be 2 years this coming August since they cut contact.
I am so happy that you’ve decided to share your story. I’m sure it been hard for you also. Your insight can help alienated parents on what’s going on in their children’s minds through all this… thank you so much
Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's painful for everyone involved. So sad because it doesn't need to happen. Thank you for watching :)
Thank you for giving this a voice from your perspective. I miss and love my daughter so much, patiently waiting for the vail to fall off.
I feel seen.. for the first time in nearly 6 years. I feel seen
Wow. Thanks for making me cry on the way to work. Your entire talk not only was spot on but shows the exact structure/process that every alienator uses to manipulate their child and what actions are needed to fight this abuse. Brilliantly done!!!❤
thanks so much!!! Unfortunately, I understand alienation so well, on a very intimate level, but I wish I never had to!
Great work. I was an alienated kid, and am now an alienated dad. It's so painful. 3yrs and she's in college overseas. I appreciate your perspective and love hearing the recovering kids point of view. I'm glad you are back with your loving dad.
I’m so sorry to hear that!! Thanks for your support :)
I, too, was alienated from my dad as a child; and now am an alienated parent. I’m working my way through it and trying to use my inner compass to guide me. Of course, there are no rule books. I love seeing adults too who have found their way back to their alienated parent. So much love to all going through this, parents and children.
Thank you! Thank you!!!!!! I am on day 42 of being alienated from my kids. I let them go to their dad’s house for extra visitation time. When I went to pick up children, he refused to return them.
I am the mother who is being alienated from my children by my ex husband an his wife. On 4/1/24 during a phone call my son lashed out in anger towards me, blaming me. I’m so hurt. I’m so lost. I’m so devastated. My children are 15 and 14 and we were always so close. I homeschooled them their whole life. I began seeing attitude shifts the last several months when they came home from their visits.
Any videos on teenage alienation would be awesome!
More do’s a don’ts videos for me!!!
I want my children back!!!
I want normal back!
I want what I once had, back!
I want my children back.
I am so so sorry. I too am a mother who’s battled through this the past 2.5 years since my ex husband with addictions and affairs walked out. He swiftly started the alienation but looking back he’d been at it for years before he left.
To make my situation even more unbearable, my highly Narcissistic mother who we’d been NC with, swooped in, welcomed my ex husband into the family with open arms, and kicked me out but also told my daughter she was welcome but I was not. My daughter is 18 but 16 when this all started. There has been Police involvement for the way my ex husband treats my daughter but still she goes back to him. She has BPD & I foolishly tried to defend myself to her 3 months ago…. As a result I’ve been completely blocked out of her life…. Leading up to this she had been in contact with me for 15 months & hardly saw her Dad. I’m struggling with unemployment & don’t even see the point of going on anymore….
Thank you very much for the wise and important words.
I am so happy for you and your father that you managed to come back despite everything.
I really appreciate your work on this painful issue.
I was an alienated child who grew up, married a narcissist, and have had my children turned against me. I am fortunate to still have my kids in my life but the cost has been me taking continuing abuse from their father who I divorced 14 years ago. 2 of my kids are in therapy and I have hard days but I have hope. I wish you all the best and I pray you get your babies back. Take it a day at a time
You are spot on in so many ways, at least in my case. Saying sorry as a parent, even if you think it should be the other way around, is a good idea. I have never apologized for things that didn't happen, despite my daughter's conviction to the contrary. However, I have apologized for things such as not seeing how she was feeling much earlier, that I wished I had been more attentive, etc. As a parent, I have had to play by my daughter's rules even though it goes against common sense. I don't want to encourage destructive behavior, but nothing about alienated children is intuitive. Put any anger aside. Think and act contrary to your instinct.
You confirm what I have feared for a long time, that it is a waiting game. With that in mind, I am convinced that the strategy above is a possible way to go.
Many of your tips and testimonials are invaluable.
thank you for taking the time out of your day to type this out. I really appreciate your thoughtful response!! She will figure out the truth one day and realize you were there trying to love her the whole time.
It hurts so bad 😞 I don't want to lose my son 🙏❤️
Great video once again Madi! You come across as a humble young woman who clearly wants to help others with an agonizing situation. You're giving hope to thousands of targeted parents!!
I just came across your content and I love it! Thank you for speaking up! I am myself an alienated father of a 9 year old daughter. I believe my case is mild although it fluctuates up and down. At least I still see my daughter at least once a week and been able to counteract the alienation by showing her unconditional love and being very creative in my approach. You are absolutely right, this is a waiting game. Again, thank you for sharing from the alienated kid's perspective, it gives us fathers a lotta insight and hope! 🙏🏼✨️
You’re so welcome! Thank you for this comment:)
Keep apologising and doing all the tips she recommended
Oh my gosh every single thing you said is what my dad has gone through / is going through. Girl you are so spot on. I sent him your channel to watch everything. His ex loves to compare!! I actually chuckled when you said that because it’s so true. She compares vacations, activities, etc. And she LOVES playing the victim!! The smear campaign is real. Before my dad went no contact (which has been a game changer to a more peaceful life), he would send me screenshots of her texts & I would get boiling mad (literally shaking) at what she would say to him with my teenage siblings copied. She was damaging their mental health with her lies & verbal abuse. And my dad’s! I kept thinking: “No normal mother/human would say these things.” I kept saying something is wrong with her brain. I truly believe she has narcissistic personality disorder. I pray my sister gets out of this alienation soon 🙏🏼 Thank you again for sharing all of this!! I’m so happy you saw the light & can now spend time with your dad 🩵
I’m so sorry!! It’s crazy because they seem to have a playbook & operate in similar pathological ways. As a mother myself, I constantly find myself thinking, “I don’t understand how a mother could…”
I’m sorry you’ve been affected by PA.
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject Exactly!! For the first two years I lived in a state of bafflement until I educated myself & googled certain things. Her behavior & actions (extremely controlling, manipulative, lying about things you can fact check, etc) were just so bizarre. There is a wacky playbook for sure!! I couldn’t believe everything you said was literally our situation.
So helpful!!
Great suggestions in this episode for parents. Especially the one that warns against talking negatively about the alienating parent. Even if we think and believe it, we don't want to hear our parents disrepect eachother, ever. We can't carry that burden for either of them.
Good Job Maddie!
So proud of you and for you.
This is great what your doing. Being alienated has been the hardest thing I've ever and still am going through. I wish I could put you on the phone with my 12 year old daughter and just speak from your heart. Shes so lost. I fear for her future. I'm heartbroken over and over by the constant attack on our relationship. I never imagined this was possible for us but it is. We live in a very sick world its so sad
Hi I'm also alienated from my daughter I mean no contact at all:(
My daughter is also 12 years old. I never imagined we'd be going through this horrific nighnare!!
I also wish I could arrange for Maddie to talk to my father.... And also get my daughter to genuinely listen
My ex told my kids all of these things and more period she would tell them that I cheated on her, that I abused her, That when I was late it meant I didn't care, If I talked or played with one sibling it meant I didn't care about the others, That I hurt their pets, that I had no empathy, that I was a narcissist, That I love my girlfriend and her kids more than I love them... All of this used to try to get them to be afraid of me... And 2 years later, I have still not seen my kids.
It is great that you have noticed what was happening. Please don’t hate your mum. Just have clear boundaries.
Thank you for everything you are doing bringing PA to light from an alienated adult child’s perspective. This is extremely helpful for us fighting the PA battle right now. All of this information has helped us see the light at the end of the tunnel someday and to know there is some hope they figure it all out one day. Your experience is extremely relatable, so keep up all of the hard work in your journey and I’m so happy you figured it out. 🥰🤗❤️
Thank you so much! You’re so sweet!! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I appreciate your support :)
That was awesome. You should collab with DSD and others in this space. Its a pretty small community on UA-cam. Crappy views numbers for everyone . But so needed.
Who is DSD? Yes, I've realized there are hardly any adult children speaking out. I really hope that changes soon!
Thank you 🙏💖
As somebody who has lived the shoes of the alienated child and my parents divorce and even continuing as I am 57 years old.... And also live the shoes of the targeted alienated parent.. And my own mother and stepfather and brother assisted with that and made sure that I was missing out on everything in my kids lives as they were not missing out on anything....
I am so grateful that you have the mature capacity you do to even care to share from your perspective and others perspective and to do something out of care for everyone to try too. Make a difference for the better for everyone. I am so grateful and proud of you. If I could hug you I would hug you. So consider this a virtual hug. I adore my sons and they have been going through this for 16 years along with me. And of course it's something that feels impossible for all of us to navigate on all sides. And we all make mistakes because Even when we try to get help, people don't believe us or they decide we're crazy or they don't understand it and they shut us down. Down. The more we hurt, the more we get desperate to stop and change something for the better for all of us and the more sometimes we make mistakes. We don't realize we're making... Out of love and care and even understanding when it felt like to be ourselves and the shoes of where our children are now. Knowledge is power and the power of knowledge has the ability to create a momentum to cause change to eradicate and unnecessary experience for too many of us and for future potential. Innocent, naive, unsuspecting others. I love you for making this. I don't have to know you personally to feel 100%. I love the person you are and I love you for making this and for caring to and even for having the maturity to see, there's more than one side to everything and to understand the shoes of your parent that has been hurting and alienated. You are admirable and I greatly appreciate you. I am grateful for so many reasons for crossing this video as I am yet having another sleepless night with my love for my kids swirling in my brain Even more, when the world gets dark and quiet.
One of the things that has helped me along the way from the shoes of abuse on both sides on the impact of it... It affected my health and as you know, like everybody else everything in my life....
What saved me and has helped me and even help me sort and process more and problem solve and just release were a couple of different things
Doesn't matter if you are the parent or the child caught in this.. children...
First thing that is most empowering and healthy and helpful is to go outside. Get outside into nature. Get away from the noise and computers and the mainstream world that doesn't understand and the four walls of a home that make everything bigger than life and harder. Go outside. Think of what is done with babies when they have colic... Just going outside. Calm some down. I used to run at night... The benefit tonight versusing the daytime is you have the whole world to yourself and you can cry. You can scream. You can run with all your might. You can wear yourself out and when you're done you sleep better and you wake up the next morning. Feeling better and more in control and even just lighter in every way.
I've also had reiki and found great power in it. It is energy healing. If you don't release the trauma, it affects most of us in our guts first and most. And if you think of it, that's where the umbilical cords are connected that connect us between generations. Go experience the power of reiki and even with that, understand that with every reiki master will be a different experience and one size does not fit all.
Find things that are about allowing yourself self-love
The other thing that I do is I go for therapeutic massages. The stress and strain that affects our brain and knots or muscles down our neck and our shoulders and just knots us up in so many ways.... Allowing yourself time to have somebody else pampering you and doing a therapeutic massage that is actually helping move things and lighten them around your body and read them.. Also is helpful in so many ways, even for your spirit.
And it's crazy as this may sound or as simple as this may sound, also a person Epsom salt baths every night. Help your brain and everything else and your immune system but it's also relaxing and water is therapy. It's like being enveloped in a hug when you are soaking in a hot tub of Epsom salts and it releases a lot of the stress that you are carrying.
These methods have been tried and true by me for many, many years. I also bought a bike. There's something about the power of getting on a bike and riding it. That is so different than everything else
It's like faster further freer azure feeling like you have just the world feeling happy and you're getting exercise and your brain is relaxing and the breeze and the sun feels good and you can get to places on a bike that you can't get to on foot or by car...
Anybody experiencing on either side this very difficult and painful syndrome, consider trying what I mentioned above
Even find a way to go camping in nature where you're just laying in a tent. Listening to the papers looking up at the stars and allowing yourself to just breathe and be and forget about everything else.
The power of people who feel for other people... I know the value of it and the strength of it and the benefit of it.
Thank you for sharing. You are wonderful 🫶
They’ve been weaponized. Thank You for this reframe
❤️❤️❤️ Get both parents and children an AFCC court therapist to help you navigate what’s best for the kids. AFCC therapists are not profiting on children misfortune, and their goal is to reunite children with both parents. All AFCC court therapists on the case can talk to each other ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve been searching for kids that have been alienated. Ty so much for this. My mother is alienating my kids from me. I came to California to get help for the abuse my mother inflicted onto me.
My son was alienated from me when he was also 9. I literally cry every night and have for the past 10 years. At first I would call, text and try to contact my son and every time I was told my son didn’t want to talk to me and that he is afraid of me. My son and I were so close I coslepted with him till he was 5. He went from loving me to hating me overnight. He would text me to stop msging him ( at 9 yrs old ) that he hated me. I can’t tell you how many times he told me he hated me and after a while I stopped msging him back, because to hear those words…hurt so very much. I became so depressed and sunk into a very dark place for many years. He still doesn’t want me in his life. He is 20 now, the only time he will msg is at Christmas and although I am so happy to hear from him, I wonder if it’s only because he knows I will send him money. He calls me by my first name and hasn’t told me he loves me. I miss him so much. I hope one day he will see the truth. Thank you so much for doing what you are doing and giving these kids a voice. I wish there was some way I could also help.
Awesome.....so glad you are doing this!!!
My sons are 21 and 22. They are just starting to respond to me. Thank you for helping me understand what they have and are going through. I see everything you say in them. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
I’m an adult child of verbal alienation and also, and more devastatingly, an alienated Mom of two girls. My eldest just left for college and she is speaking with me now but for years she lives with her dad, even though I still had joint custody. The effects of this pathology are far and wide. Thank you for speaking out and creating a platform that educates on this subject.
I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too. Thank you for your support 🤍🤍
Thanks for speaking out, you are one of the few alienated children that has seen the trurh and escaped the grasp of deception which runs deep. Good point about our victim loving culture, unfortunately many embrace it rather than be ashamed of it which makes the alienation worse. My oldest daughter has cut me off, praying for some external source to show her the truth.
I am a father of 3 alienated children. My oldest son lives with me. He saw through his mother before i did, he became her scapegoat and she hasnt spoken to him for 2 yrs. My younger adult son hasnt spoken to me for 2 yrs, he lives with her. My teo
Minor daughters i get to see on weekends but they are not kind to me most of time. I was accused of sexual abuse which I finally proved flase. It was imbedded in their mind for years and they believed but no memory of it. I have never bad mouthed their mom ever. I try to live in a way that removed all doubt. It doesnt seem to be working. I will never give up. I pray one day they figure out reality and what their told do not align. My heart goes out to all of you going theough this. It is evil
Exactly what is going on. My ex has enlisted everyone in my daughter’s world against me. All lies. Even her pediatrician
Thank you for speaking and standing up for yourself. You are standing up as well for an army of silently suffering dads. It puts you in a unique position. As female domestic abuse is largely a taboo in our society. Ridiculed and laughed at at best. If men speak up they risk being shamed humiliated and abused even more.
Thank you for speaking out and I’m so sorry you had to go through this experience. I’m an alienated mom and I appreciate you sharing your experiences. Much love to you.
You are so welcome! Thank you!!
This information is so valuable that even adult children need to hear this , lots of children are crying inside not able to make healthy decisions due to this type behavior iam so happy adult children are reaching out to help other children good job
Thanks so much for doing this! As you do, I wish the court system would get that this is abuse. My son was allowed to determine his fate at the age of 13. I haven’t seen or heard from him since and he is now 21. I was focusing my energies on the anger and decided to focus on what I can and use this as a learning experience and creating a podcast on tips for optimizing mental health as for me, it’s been a huge identity hit and many of us who are alienated, suffer. Thanks for your words and advocacy. I wish I could send my son this video and alas, he needs to be ready to see the truth. 18:24
you’re so welcome! I’m glad you find it helpful. Thanks for your support :)
THE COURT SYSTEM IS A JOKE NEEDS REVAMPING
Thanks you so so much!!! This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced, I really appreciate your thoughts. It's only been 330 days after an application for an intervention order was thrown out in May. My child doesn't respond to me but I am glad shes in contact with my family...... thanks for doing what you are doing
You’re so welcome!!
I love what you are doing! We have 2 kids we haven’t had in our lives for several years now. So heartbreaking for our family!
thanks for your videos ! my daughters are 16 and 15 and I've not been able to speak to them in 3 years the court system completely let me although I could easily prove that I was a very involved father and had them for 13 years her manipulation one and I have lost everything financially fighting I reach out in the same manner you explained your dad does so thank you for getting me hope that that my daughter's might recognize that
I'm an alienated parent from my daughter by her dad for 10 years. I wish my daughter could listen to all of your videos and get to know about this project of yours.
Thank you for sharing your experience with the world. Your videos are very very helpful. I hope my daughters will watch these and learn from you too. ❤
Thank you for putting out these videos. My daughter has been alienated from me for 8 years. In that time, I've had no contact whatsoever except for letters that I send to her fiance's mother who passes them on for me. I don't know if she reads them or not, because I never hear back. She has cut off contact not just with me, but with my mother and father, her grandparents and my siblings, her aunt and uncle, and all her cousins. I am heartbroken, but I know it's not her fault and that she has been alienated by her Dad. He recently told me to stop trying to contact her because she was terrified of me. That made no sense to me until I read how alienated children are taught to fear the alienated parent. She is 27 now, almost the same age as you. I would love for her to see your videos. I so appreciate your point of view as someone who has been through this. I wish she could see your videos, but not sure if she will watch them if I am the one to send her a link. She is so close in age to you, I think she could really relate to what you are saying. Thank you for what you are doing.
you’re very welcome!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Congratulations on seeing the truth and taking the time of sharing it with other children and especially with the targeted parents who’s lives are excruciatingly impacted and uprooted.
I hope that through your voice, message and project you are able to expose this truth to other children who are still living under these tragic circumstances.
I truly hope that your message will be heard by other alienated children and their families; and that you are able to help heal some of the millions of children who still live and suffer just like you.
I pray that you heal and that your message will help many other children (like you) to understand that their targeted parent loves them and wants nothing more than to always reunite with them, be emotionally present in their children’s lives and have a healthy peaceful relationship with them despite what they may believe.
You can do this one child at a time!!!
I hope my 3 children eventually come across your content and will also be brave enough and be inspired to break the cycle.
I offer you my most heartfelt prayers for your project.
Keep up the great work of being a voice for these children.
I love your channel as a targeted parent that someone is talking about this from the child and targeted parents perspective. Dorcy Proter has a very helpful channel for those struggling for solutions on HOW to get your young or adult kids back. She also offers classes and other services. Some of them cost money but she has great family court experience and they aren’t that expensive compared to the hell most of us are going through. I just think the more resources the better to make this issue go mainstream! I support everyone (except the Abusers) and grateful for the content! Save & Reunite Families!! ❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Thank you so much for this important video. Thank you for fighting for the Truth with so much empathy and love. You really understand what the victimized parent goes through. You are incredibly intelligent. Sorry this has happened to you. Please forgive your mother. G-d bless you
Wish your Life will be Ideal from now on and the relations with your parents perfect. It Is possibile for things to get better. It has för us. All thanks to G-d. All good things come from G-d, the Bible says. G-d Is love!!!
I loved your video. It really clarified what my children are going through for me. And helped me recognize the truth.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank u so so much for what ure doing. It’s so incredibly hard to handle as the targeted parent. Keep going knowing just how much ur dad has always loved you ❤❤❤
What I wouldnt give to have my daughter ( 30 in 2 months) talk to you....I would do anything! Madi, thank you so much for starting this. You are making a difference. I'm sorry you had to go through this but grateful you are brave enough to put yourself out there to help the victims of this horrific evil abuse, I just love you for this!
So accurate! It was so textbook now that I hear you share this from your perspective. Thank you.
Thank you for your guidance today. I pray every day for my daughter. It breaks my heart to think of what the realization will do to her. It’s just not fair. Thank you for your outlook. Keep up the good work. ✨🩵✨🕊🕯️
You are EXCELLENT!! I Love Your Truth!! Thank you!!... I love when you are telling the steps and have moments of clarity, insight, perspective- new realizations organically as you're talking!! Makes it even more real & hits home. It's great seeing your personal growth through doing this!!❤ Thank You Again and Again!
Wow, thank you! You’re so welcome. I’m free now. It’s the least I can do!
Nobody cares about the parents especially men/fathers. I think you are a hero for putting yourself out there. I wish more people who have experienced what you have would come out. This is way bigger than a parent child relationship. It's the destruction society and our future adults. Which effects every fabric of our lives our personal and community health.
Thank you soooo much for your work and encouraging words. You have helped me lately with my mindset. It has been 7 years since I have seen my daughter; she is 12 now. I spent thousands of dollars to get railroaded in the court system. I have been awarded reunification only to hear the expected roadblocks from Mom and I will have more money and move into mediation. Your page really helps, I can not say it enough.
The family & friends get manipulated into the preditory lies about alienated parent. Or just complicit & willfully blind to the pain the children & isolated parent are induring.
Thank you for this from the bottom of heart.
You’re so welcome
Dear Madi
First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH !❤
Only three days ago, I learned of the term parental alienation.
I think I have slept maximum 10 hours since then.
I searched on “how to undo brainwashing” a week ago .. and somehow finally parental alienation, showed up. I’ve been bench watching all information available since.
Your work on UA-cam as a child gone through this, gives me so much clarity.
I myself was alienated from my father, but it didn’t affect me the same awful way, I guess I just accepted it. ((Or maybe it’s because I was “held down” and wasn’t allowed to feel anger, still to this day I have a hard time feeling that emotion, who knows .. it really doesn’t matter, the important thing is what my kids are going through .. and they are suffering bad))
Your videos that represent all the hurt my kids are living, putting words on it, the result has been that I haven’t felt this calm or have been filled with some sort of wholeness, like i am now, in the last six years since my three kids moved (no contact, though I saw my youngest the first 3 1/2 years every second weekend, feeling him slipping away and getting more and more distant every time we saw each other).
To make you understand where I’m coming from; It’s the first time in six years, I want to live again.. what have kept me alive, has been reading stories from survivors from war and captivity (DDR & Russia).. this has been the only people I somehow could mirror myself through. This is how severe it is, or has been for me.
My location is in Europe Scandinavia, but I can see our legal systems play by almost same rules.
You ask in the end of this video, that if anyone has ideas to wake the kids up from the slumber they have been put in, to contact you.
I have a specific idea.
I think that if you make some changes in one of the videos you already have made, plus with the targeted parent co-working with that video, it may be possible.
I really hope to hear from you !
Again a deep heart felt Thank you ♥️
/I know that this may sound a little off and maybe even weird, but I am so proud of you! The way you put yourself out there, the strength of that, the calmness you show, and loving empathy you hold shines through, it must be so hard with the family you’ve been raised in watching on the side, but I do believe that no one could have done this better.
Lots of motherly love from Scandinavia, you deserved so much more and better.
Merry Christmas 🌲
Loise Löhr
Thank you SOOOO much for sharing.
Thank you so much for doing what your doing. It is so helpful and insightful, you ARE an expert as you’ve first hand experience along with a great understanding of the processes you’ve been put through. I’m an alienated parent from my young adult autistic son. Keep doing what your doing
omg you're so sweet... Thank you so much! I'm really, really sorry you're going through this.
I relate to everything you mentioned here. I was alienated from my father and now I’m alienated from my 3 young adult children. Pathological lies have been told through my ex and recruited flying monkeys via former family and friends to spread rumors with a notorious smear campaign. I grieve daily for my children. It feels like a death. I have no clue how to get through to them.
Your comments and suggestions help SOOOO MUCH!!!
Thank you so much for speaking out. You are so brave. ❤
In order to get my children to even see me again after 35 years, I confessed that I indeed have character flaws like anybody, but I also have many character positives that they know nothing about anymore. I told them, that since I had recently outlived my father, that it had been cause for me to have introspection.
Btw, you are a blessing. Even though my issue is estrangement, what you said was helpful! I do SO want to understand where my daughters are coming from, and you are in between the ages of my two girls. It is helpful to hear things from the youngers perspective - and it sounds like you have made peace with and understand much from your past!
You’re breaking the cycle! Good for you❤ My step daughter is 10 and it’s been really difficult to see the narcissistic hate come from her mother and how sad and frustrating to watch the alienation. I worry for her but seeing you speak about your experience gives me hope that she may be able to see more clearly one day as you are working on. Again, GOOD FOR YOU and thank you for helping others.
I would LOVE to talk to you. Im in the thick of it with my children after 3 years of not seeing them. Finally have visitation rights and just like you said “they’re not my children” and that sincerely hurts. The worst part of all of this is when I started understanding that I was being alienated from my children it opened to my eyes on what had happened to me all the years growing up…. So I get it from both sides of the coin and it really really hurts!! It needs to end.
Thank you for making these videos. I’m about to embark on a legal journey to regain access to my 2 children, at which point I will take them into therapy with me to try to undo the damage already done. My daughter is 12. Would you consider making a video that we as alienated parents could show to our child?
I would say “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing” or “you don’t have to worry about me, I’m an adult, you have fun and enjoy your time”
I knew from the get go that they were being brainwashed.
He told them I’m not their mom because I had an egg donation.
I pray they come back to me.
I’m soooo sorry!!!!! That’s terrible!
My daughter is 37 yrs old and still hates me and turned my son against me as well. But their dad stop talking to them yrs ago😢
Its not only that i want them back in my life. I Want them to not be abused. Its a child protection issue not a child custody issue
Exactly this
@@SkyussValley78 best wishes warmest regards for you and yours 🪂💙
@@concious.co-parent16 to you also xx
Hello Maddy,, thank you so much for talking on your very unfortunate childhood experience with parental alienation.
I have been alienated from my two teen kids, boy 12 and daughter 14. my ex had been brainwashing them for years even before our separation however , like you mentioned , its hard to fight against something you don't know is going on. It has been extremely devastating to me as their father. so many things you mentioned about happening really hit home for me. I enjoyed listening to your video and will look for more. I appreciate your courage in talking about your experience
I’m so sorry you’re going through this!!!!
Very helpful as usual … thanks 🙏🏼
I definitely feel validated after listening to this. I'll hold on to hope. Thank you
😢thank you and sorry it happened to but I'm glad you here to help me with this
This is so helpful.
I’m so glad you found it helpful!!
Thank you for your work🙏.
I truly appreciate what you are doing❤. We sure need help desperately.
My daughter is now trying to alienate my grandchildren from me "to protect them" because she's hurt that I pointed out that maybe my sister-in-law needed support taking care of Grandma (instead of calling adult protective services on her like DD did) because she was overwhelmed, just like DD needs help taking care of her kids because she's feeling overwhelmed. She said that she doesn't take nearly as bad a care of her kids as my sister-in-law did of grandma. So I pointed out that I've had to give the girls impromptu haircuts because their hair was so matted from not being brushed that it turned into felt and literally can't be combed, and had to buy them clothes and shoes when they don't have any that fit or weren't full of holes. "If you're just doing your best but overwhelmed, maybe SIL was doing her best but just overwhelmed." DD got nasty, saying she'd die before she'd take as bad a care of the kids as SIL did of grandma. Seriously? I didn't bring any of this up, but Grandma never ran out of meds like the kids have because DD forgets to get the scripts filled. Grandma never missed a doctor's appointment like the kids do because DD forgets to take them. Grandma always had clothes that were clean and that fit. And I swear the only time my granddaughters brush their teeth is when we go someplace and I hand out disposable toothbrushes in the car. They're always coming to my house to get maxi pads, band-aids and Neosporin, and OTC meds because DD runs out. No, you don't take as bad a care of your kids as SIL did of Grandma. You take worse care. The person they need to be protected from is YOU. If she keeps this up I'm contacting CPS. EDITED TO ADD: I never badmouth my daughter to the girls. I just address the problem. "Do you have any pants that don't have holes in them?" "No." "Let's go buy you some." or I'd hand them a hair brush and when they're done I'll finish up. And if there's a mat I can't get out I explain that it needs to be cut out. I never say, "It's a shame your mother doesn't take care of you," or "If your mother really cared, she'd take care of this stuff."
U are a good grandmother, u are there for your daughter and grand daughter.
That's what u are supposed to do
That's the whole point
Omg!! Please let's do an interview I think my story would open alot of eyes! It's not about the other parent but a grandparent living out her childhood trauma in my son...hes 11 now! But this started when he turned 6!! I'd love to talk to you more and do an interview!! ❤
thank you so much for your courrage and inasight about what is PA from a child prospective
Excellent initiative, your channel can save relationships. I was wondering if you still have a relationship with your Mother?
Thank you!!
We no longer speak. I want the best for her, and I truly hope she can find happiness and peace.
I think I understand, I didn’t speak to my Mother for the last 5 years and I am struggling to forgive her. She alienated me from my Dad and he passed away before I can reunited with him. I didn’t know anything about alienation and I believe my Mom 100% I was so wrong. Thank you for you work.
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject❤❤❤
@@TheAnti-AlienationProject
Thank you for sharing the alienated childrens perspective; it is so hard to understand what's going on in their minds.
With regards to your mother - can you see/understand how she became the pathological parent she turned out to be?
Thank you so much for sharing your personal insight. I think I’m on the right track.
3 years since my now nearly 15 yr old daughter said she wanted no contact with me for no justifiable reason. There’s been false accusations , orchestrated conflict, incentives, playing the victim etc I’ve continually reached out to her and just drip fed genuine love. I see her fairly regularly but I’m still walking on eggshells and if he’s angry because he feels he’s losing control in matters, he ups his games again. I then see a decline in contact and her behaviour towards me.
Things are getting worse at his house and she’s struggling. She doesn’t want to move in with his girlfriend & has told my eldest daughter that she knows she can move back in with me but she don’t want to upset her dad.
There’s an awful lot more involved but I’ll end up waffling forever! 😂
I’m worried for her emotional well-being as I think her eyes are being opened as he’s getting more and more desperate for full custody of both my younger children & the tactics really are dirty.
How will she work it out or do I just carry on with what I’m doing and wait? She’s so loyal and I think she knows if she goes against him, he will reject her completely.
I know she’s aware that I love her unconditionally and I’ve recently and bravely (as I’ve withheld from making things more difficult for her) told her that I would like her to live with me and other positive things. She even said thank you….
Any other suggestions as to what I can do? X
I wish there were someone like you to help parents like me understand estrangement!!! I believe in forgiveness, letting things go... I KNOW I did some not Okay things when I was younger, but I HAVE changed! Also, there WERE SO many GOOD things in the family, but those seem to be forgotten 😢
You're an angel 😇
Hi, thank you for your video, I am an alienated parent and I found your advice incredibly valuable. I want to share that the organization, one moms battle, is fighting the same fight as you. The term alienation is being used and viewed from a different perspectives, but the ideology is the same. OMB addresses how the abusive parent falsely accuses the safe parent of alienation in effort to gaslight the children and the courts into awarding custody to the abusive parents (which is very real). You’re addressing the same thing but using alienation to describe what actually happened (opposite of what was told to you - which is exactly what OMB is trying to help the world understand). I hope this helps. Those of us still in this need people like you and OMB to share your stories and support. Thank you
Good job!!! 👍🏼
Thank you!! 😁
I can’t thank you enough for sharing. The fruit of the tree shows the truth. My buddy lives by that rule. Unfortunately he lives that goal more than anything. It’s sad, but I get his motivation.
Thank you SO MUCH for this info. If I ever get a CHANCE to talk w my son, I will ask him to check out your site. I'm not angry at my son(even know he's being so cruel), but I get so angry at his father for even doing this to his own son! And me,! We had this child together! Why does he need so much attention, that he can't share the love from the our child w his wife!! MAKES NO SENSE to me! Both of our lives are messed up from this. Thank you for your advice!
Might I suggest finding an acronym to catch attention? Perhaps a videoo entitiled "What a parent should know about AAC (adult alienated child.) There are videos that I wouldn't have watched if I had understood the title. One video has been extremely informative and helpful. Said video stimulated my quest to inform myself and began the healing process. Another acronym might be ACC (alienated child coping.)