I'm American and i know a lot of this content is directed towards Aussies but I still get a lot of value from it & I'm gonna sign up for the patreon. Thanks for all the free content to get me started in bettering myself ❤
I went to a class on how to make new friends. A person came up to me with a big smile and asked me how I was. I screamed at them to STFU as I was there trying to learn about how to make friends. I didn’t want to miss anything.
7:16 Howdy Jordan, long time viewer with a biology degree here. Horses and hippos aren't actually very closely related at all. Horses are perissodactyls, or odd toed ungulates, meaning they're a kind of hoofed mammal that has either one or three toes. They're more closely related to things like rhinos and tapirs than they are to things like hippos. This is because hippos are Artiodactyls or even toed ungulates, and actually a part of whippomorpha, which is the group of hoofed animals that contains hippos and whales. This means that hippos aren't so much "river horses" as the name hippopotamus implies, but are in fact, land whales. As for ponies, they're more or less just a type of breed of horse, and actually look more like wild types of horse and older breeds than relatively modern tall horse breeds. Hope this has been helpful, good vid as always.
@@Vivi_9 don't patronise people. Let the dude express himself FFS. Me personally I'll wear the status of no friends basket......but I'm now so cynical that I'm going to call myself a looser? I'm an empath so I open myself up to being used and exploited by narcissists...... So I'm withdrawn because the locality i live in is abundant with narcissistic egotistical culture. I don't find it difficult being likeable I find it difficult finding friends that aren't superficial and have the personally of a potato
Do other people think you're a loser, or do you think you're a loser? If it's other people, ah well, bugger em and move on, can't please everyone. But if you yourself think you're a loser, that's what you gotta work on first mate. It's not easy for someone to like someone who doesn't like themselves.
Thank you, I used to have a neighbour who was extremely socially intelligent and great at connecting with people, and I realised he was very much like the traits you advised in this video. The next step is to stop watching videos on this and actually get out there and talking to people! You're awesome Jordan!
A big part of becoming proper friends is repeatedly seeing each other. I host friends a lot for various events and its usually the only time i see some of them cuz they are holed up at home. Built a good group up and iys always fun to have new people come.
I’m actually diagnosed autistic and the fact that there are as many people out there that can’t conceptualise empathy and genuine interest in other people is pretty fucking scary
I’m autistic. I put years of my life into trying to better understand people and never tried to pretend I was good at it. I see many others who are good at connecting by instinct, never bother to work on their skills, and think they’re social geniuses when they really aren’t
Learn to appreciate yourself and find reasons to be grateful for the relatively short time we have to live, and loneliness becomes extremely valuable solitude.
No you really aren't friendless. It's about perception. There are always people whom you think are better than you: you wanna be friends with them, but they ain't friends with you. While you wallowing in self doubt, there are people who are invisible to you bc you don't see anything in common in them or you might be a snob like me thinking I'm still better than "them". Well these are your potential friends. When you have humility, everyone can be your friend.
I knew a woman who worked at the door of a nightclub. She seemed very snobby. One day I said to her "You know, that's the first time you ever smiled at me." She instantly melted from an ice queen to a regular human being. She explained she didn't know she was doing that. She turned into a good friend who is absolutely hilarious. So I agree with you on this one.
Totally. I can count the people on one hand who I know in real life who seem decently interested in having an actual back and forth conversation. Most people just want to one up and make it about them.
@@revivedfears the art of having a deep convo at social events or even at the pub has gone! Even at interviews I cringe due to the poor communication skills of many.
One extra thing those people do that also helps establish the connection is, whether on purpose or just as a part of who they are, they actively want people to engage and try to give people the opportunity to. Especially in group settings. It's how introverts are better making friends with extroverts than other introverts, stereotypically speaking introverts are too in their head to make as many connections with other introverts in a short period, but an extrovert can encourage them enough for it to happen.
Without drugs involved, there is no 'connection' that will hit you over the head and make right or wrong answers. Rational choices, regarding people, over time grow into connections. Like most things, consistently show up ( if wanting friends this means be there for/with them) and the rest will happen naturally.
There are two ways a person will exit a friend ship before it even starts a person constantly talking them self up and a person constantly talking over them
22 yo is an age where you're usually leaving college/uni, and now you have to learn to make friends when not locked into the same spaces all the time with people the same age
J. This was a hard watch. I feel you. I utterly understand the utter pointlessness of the fight. But the fight for truth and freedom (in that order) is paramount. I can't do it. You can. Keep doing you.
16:39 - 16:50, yep I agree , also being able to "connect "or as I would say read the room , you have to be weary of the ones that are out for themselves , for one main reason that you can see through there shit and they know it and will do what they can to get you gone. but at the end of the day, best thing to do is be yourself, just be real.
Nice one Jordan. I didn’t take you seriously until I actually sat down and watched a video of yours. I had no idea that this is what you are about. Much respect.
Putting the obligatory smugness and sarcasm aside, Jordy realy seemed genuinly emotionaly invested into this topic. Wish you all the best Jordy. Your service is aprecciated
1. Ask 10x more questions (emotional ones, and not sad ones) 2. Enter peoples worlds, put yourself in their shoes. 3. Be a little self depricating, let people feel like its okay to be chill and not too serious (balance this dont always be a downer about the things you do) 4. Match the mood 😀😂😭amazingl! Hahaha, awww. 142 comments no one summarised 😭😭 Atleast copy and paste this into youe notes if youre too busy crying from the bashing 😂😂.. Like and sub for more, a better you starts today!!!
I am a self-confessed loner and prefer it that way for the most part. Socialising is good and I enjoy it in moderation, but by hell does it tire me out.
first, i am a high school student, so my thoughts really dont matter that much, but i really need to put these somewhere, for someone to at least see. i think there are 2 reasons i feel so lonely, 1. im isolated from most of the school 2. i am not happy. im isolated from most of the school because i am disabled, queer, and trans (i should try gambling im so lucky). a few years ago some kids found out that i am trans, and from that they guessed i was probably queer as well, after that there was a little bit of general bullying and some physical stuff, but thats past now and now im just isolated from most people but my small group. i would be fine with just this small group, if i could at least interact and feel safe around more people im around. some of the stuff that was done to me has made me scared to step foot in the bathrooms and i dont really talk to people anymore, i mean now that i think about it this is probably a good part of why i am not happy but eh. when you cant talk to the majority of people around you out of fear you just feel alone, it sucks. the reason im not happy is mostly because i am trans. i came out to my parents and am incredibility incredibly lucky to have accepting parants who let me go to the GP to get refereed to the gender clinic, i was so so exited to finally start doing something to transition, but the wait list is three years, i dont even know if they will let me do the childrens gender clinic at this point, i will be over 18 by the time i can get a first appointment, so will probably need a new referral to go to a different one, it sucks so fucking bad. i get home every day and check the mailbox hoping that i got lucky and there is a appointment for the clinic but all thats ever there is dominoes ads and appointments to the childrens hospital for my disability. i dont think i will ever be happy with myself at this rate. it really does not help that alot of media at the moment is about how evil trans people are and how trans kids a product of abuse, assault ect. i dont know it does not matter, this point in my life will either be insignificant or very very significant.
It matters to you that you have love and support of your parents, many people of all kinds don't have that. Show them all the love and help you can in return.
Ive had a lot of shit people around me in the past and just don't trust anyone. I know there are plenty of good people out there but I have grown sick and tired...
This video is a perfect highlight of why Jordan is qualified to talk about this, if only because I want to and do give him the benefit of the doubt that it isn't staged when he could die and an alarm goes off saying that he might die, but he self-deprectingly makes fun of keeping on going "for the content".
I did neither of those things in school. I was the loner kid that couldnt figure out why other kids didnt like me while i reminded the teacher about the homework while simultaneously picking my nose and eating it.
What if the other person doesn't ask any questions in return? Eternal-one-sided-deep-and-meaningfuls that just are not meaningful; you end up a bystander in their speech, no identity, just a gigantic flailing ear.
Master your aloneness, your thoughts and dreams are your best friend, you are married to you for life. Work hard, work smart, and live with passion and dreams. Chase your growth and become your happiest future self. Now go get em tiger!
I’m kinda similar but I exclusively make friends by hanging out with people a lot. My charisma is -1 but I have 4 friends I’d trust my life to. Everyone I’ve had a romantic encounter with has been a friend or acquaintance. My actual point though is most people are boring as fuck to me. I do ask heaps of questions to people who interest me and I have connection with them but my immediate suggestion is try your best to involve yourself with people who actually interest you. You’ll get connection without forcing it then.
Trust issues are definitely justified in a lot of cases, but I've seen many cases of actual friendships where both people actually care for eachother (of course from a 3rd-person perspective, I clicked on this video for a reason)
This is a video I needed. I’m 23 and a woman, but struggle to make connections because I’m not like the stereotypical woman. Any of the friends I make are through my partner (same age as me) and I only talk to them when he’s there too (they’re also all nearly 30 or over). I’m an introvert for sure, and I find myself feeling the exact same as the guy who asked this question.
Alright this is about to be acoustic as hell but tbh, I became more socially intelligent as an adult because I felt misunderstood constantly as a child. So when I grew up and started working retai etcl, I was literally paid to help people. Why is helping friends/family any different than being paid to help a stranger? You still get to see someone's face light up because you care about their thing. Plus you learn so many new things by talking to other people. It's just being part of a community.
My partner is a super connector, whereas I just have 1 close friend. One difference I see between us is that she is a good listener and is genuinely interested in how another person is feeling. However, I am mostly interested in certain topics and won't entertain people if I find them boring. I think that makes a big difference simple as that.
Well, personally, I did have a police background, just a couple of years. Every time I try to ask question, people either feel offended or feel interrogated.
The questions advice for initial interactions is good, but it can go too far. I knew this kid who clearly had adopted this strategy from some type of self help thing, but we never got close because, he didn't answer reciprocal questions, he was wishy washy on almost all ideas, and it just felt contrived(and at times like a one sided interrogation, especially when he would do this while we were drinking a little, it made it feel weird that I shared so much info about myself(more loosely than default since we were drinking) but would not organically provide any himself/was evasive if i returned a question/would change the subject when I asked my own questions). I think: 1. If you ask a generalizable question you should answer that same question afterwards or relate their answer to your answer 2. If you ask a specific question, you should respond by relating the subject to something interesting you can talk about that is interesting and is a subject between/related to the other person's interests 3. You should do the question format at the start, but after a few different convos across time, just talk normally. 4. Along with the self deprecating thing, you can disagree, express a different opinion or interest as long as you do it with tact and aren't being rude, merely disagreeing or offering a specific personal opinion is not offensive in itself. Like heres an example, if you ask a person what their friend group was like in undergrad, and they respond "oh i had a somewhat weirdly defined friend group built around a punk music booking org, and a bike shop, it was cool and i have a lot of great memories of shows and doing diy stuff but also sometimes made me too much of a public figure and made me responsible for my friend group" rather than just asking "what do you mean, please expand on that" depending on whats true you can say "oh i was also involved in music in school, the org i was involved in was focused on electronic music though" or "oh i really like some punk music, like the ramones but ive not got deep into it, is that the type of music you were booking?" Or "oh i had a similar experience with friends, my school had frats so there was a big social connection with this sort of formal org and i get what you mean" or "oh thats interesting, i guess my friend group was people i knew from classes and meeting them at events, but we didnt have like a specific thing we were doing, do you think that makes a big difference?" or "oh i like doing diy stuff, i quilt blankets and do textile art, what types of diy stuff would you all do?" And go from there. As much as the 'getting people to emotionally connect' thing is true, making concrete interest connections is also HUGE for landing a hangout invite(or to offer one yourself) because you both know what types of activities might interest both of you(e.g. oh theres this punk show this weekend i was thinking about going to, wanna go too? Oh i was going to carve pumpkins for halloween, wanna come by and do that? Etc) with my example guy, I never even got a sense of what music he liked, so I didn't really invite him to any shows I was going to, cuz he didn't come to mind when I thought 'who's in the area that also like this music'.
I have great friends, and we love each other, with no expectation. I understand where you are coming from. I don't know what you were on. Please seek help. I know you've had a shit time . It is not a failure to ask for help. I have been here too.
Yeah I've met your fiancé once and in a 10 minute conversation like 5 years ago I can say she is absolutely that good at this as you say. Since its not second nature to me, even when I was using it frequently I find it very taxing.
Around 10 years ago at likely the age of 22 I’d been at a table of older, and better traveled people. One had stories of the time he’d met with Gaddafi. I had nothing to contribute. Didn’t want to feel that again.
I think the answer to that is to try to live the most interesting life as you can so you can one day be the one telling the most interesting stories at the table?
People throw the word friend around too much these days... There is a massive difference between acquaintances(which is what this yields) and actual quality friends who you can trust and rely on. Asking someone 20 questions is going to magically make them give a fuck if your dog dies or something.
(Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg). Thankyou, I’ve enjoyed the recap of the key points and I like the way you make the key messages accessible. Wish I’d heard this about 50 years ago.
What if my life is genuinely so fucked and disorganised and I’m exhausted I can’t even be in a situation around people bc I am so poor and restricted bc I’m 21 and doing uni 😆
i need to bite the bullet and move to New York or Boston so I can meet local age appropriate people. Realistically back to DC where most of my friends are located. This town is sort of an in between uni and career stage of life. The friends at the poppin restaurant worked were fine but it was more like we would drink a bunch together every once in a while and I left that job
How do you make friends if you have difficulty speaking? I was diagnosed with autism when I when I was a child and communicating verbally is not something I am very good at.
If you struggle with something, just keep trying until you get better at it. The important thing is to not give up when it goes wrong, just try again and again, you’ll get better each time
![How We Became the Loneliest Generation [Documentary]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I19btmIBhx0/mqdefault.jpg)
Jim Rohn tier - 1 extra vid Wayne Dyer tier 2 extra vids Tony Robbins 3 extra vids - see you there - www.patreon.com/jordanshanks
I'm American and i know a lot of this content is directed towards Aussies but I still get a lot of value from it & I'm gonna sign up for the patreon. Thanks for all the free content to get me started in bettering myself ❤
You dropped the ball by not titling it friendless jordies
damn.
That's the only reason I clicked
I’m appalled 😒
If my name was Paul I would have said APauled.
I went to a class on how to make new friends.
A person came up to me with a big smile and asked me how I was.
I screamed at them to STFU as I was there trying to learn about how to make friends. I didn’t want to miss anything.
You should write for Famy Guy
Famy
A BETTER YOU STARTS TODAY
YADOT STRATS UOY RETTEB A
@@delighla1936ZBEPU TUSBUT VPZ SFUUFC B
TODAY STARTS YOU BETTER A
then he comes from behind and SHANKS YOU
Wait did my initial comments got removed ? I literally just shifted each letter by 1 like a code lol
7:16
Howdy Jordan, long time viewer with a biology degree here. Horses and hippos aren't actually very closely related at all.
Horses are perissodactyls, or odd toed ungulates, meaning they're a kind of hoofed mammal that has either one or three toes. They're more closely related to things like rhinos and tapirs than they are to things like hippos.
This is because hippos are Artiodactyls or even toed ungulates, and actually a part of whippomorpha, which is the group of hoofed animals that contains hippos and whales. This means that hippos aren't so much "river horses" as the name hippopotamus implies, but are in fact, land whales.
As for ponies, they're more or less just a type of breed of horse, and actually look more like wild types of horse and older breeds than relatively modern tall horse breeds. Hope this has been helpful, good vid as always.
Wow. I bet your fun at parties....🥳 🎉
@@Walker_Texas_Danger Biology facts can always be fun :-)
I appreciate these facts, and I love that you answered the question. Biology IS cool!
This guy could skip the video, absolute king
@@Walker_Texas_DangerHe seems funner than you
The difference is, I'm not a loser with no friends, I'm a loser with no significant or meaningful relationship. Full stop
You don't need to type full stop after you put the full stop.
@@Vivi_9 FULL STOP
@@Vivi_9 don't patronise people. Let the dude express himself FFS.
Me personally I'll wear the status of no friends basket......but I'm now so cynical that I'm going to call myself a looser? I'm an empath so I open myself up to being used and exploited by narcissists...... So I'm withdrawn because the locality i live in is abundant with narcissistic egotistical culture.
I don't find it difficult being likeable I find it difficult finding friends that aren't superficial and have the personally of a potato
Do other people think you're a loser, or do you think you're a loser? If it's other people, ah well, bugger em and move on, can't please everyone. But if you yourself think you're a loser, that's what you gotta work on first mate. It's not easy for someone to like someone who doesn't like themselves.
@@Vivi_9................hi
Thank you, I used to have a neighbour who was extremely socially intelligent and great at connecting with people, and I realised he was very much like the traits you advised in this video. The next step is to stop watching videos on this and actually get out there and talking to people! You're awesome Jordan!
Jordan Shanks once again saving Australian society one UA-cam video at a time. But seriously, this country needs you
Jordies fixing Australian productivity issues all on his own
A big part of becoming proper friends is repeatedly seeing each other. I host friends a lot for various events and its usually the only time i see some of them cuz they are holed up at home. Built a good group up and iys always fun to have new people come.
I’m actually diagnosed autistic and the fact that there are as many people out there that can’t conceptualise empathy and genuine interest in other people is pretty fucking scary
You are describing 'normal'. Fact is, in our fucked normality, and with normalised distrust, it is now normal to not form trusting relationships.
I’m autistic. I put years of my life into trying to better understand people and never tried to pretend I was good at it. I see many others who are good at connecting by instinct, never bother to work on their skills, and think they’re social geniuses when they really aren’t
Learn to appreciate yourself and find reasons to be grateful for the relatively short time we have to live, and loneliness becomes extremely valuable solitude.
No you really aren't friendless.
It's about perception.
There are always people whom you think are better than you: you wanna be friends with them, but they ain't friends with you. While you wallowing in self doubt, there are people who are invisible to you bc you don't see anything in common in them or you might be a snob like me thinking I'm still better than "them". Well these are your potential friends.
When you have humility, everyone can be your friend.
I knew a woman who worked at the door of a nightclub.
She seemed very snobby.
One day I said to her "You know, that's the first time you ever smiled at me."
She instantly melted from an ice queen to a regular human being.
She explained she didn't know she was doing that.
She turned into a good friend who is absolutely hilarious.
So I agree with you on this one.
im 46 and i find too many people are too quick to respond while in conversation to then talk about them selves
Totally. I can count the people on one hand who I know in real life who seem decently interested in having an actual back and forth conversation. Most people just want to one up and make it about them.
@@revivedfears the art of having a deep convo at social events or even at the pub has gone! Even at interviews I cringe due to the poor communication skills of many.
Agree
Be like Geralt of Rivia. Nodding and grunting has got me through a lot of client deals 😂
Asking the right questions and listening goes hard.
Yeah I think the same. This one time I was ….. hey wait on!
If you are one that was able to successfully keep the dots connected throughout this information, congratulations, you have mastered the art of focus.
One extra thing those people do that also helps establish the connection is, whether on purpose or just as a part of who they are, they actively want people to engage and try to give people the opportunity to. Especially in group settings. It's how introverts are better making friends with extroverts than other introverts, stereotypically speaking introverts are too in their head to make as many connections with other introverts in a short period, but an extrovert can encourage them enough for it to happen.
Without drugs involved, there is no 'connection' that will hit you over the head and make right or wrong answers. Rational choices, regarding people, over time grow into connections. Like most things, consistently show up ( if wanting friends this means be there for/with them) and the rest will happen naturally.
I am what is termed as “friendless”, but I am that way by design. My work life gives me more than enough social interaction.
There are two ways a person will exit a friend ship before it even starts a person constantly talking them self up and a person constantly talking over them
22 yo is an age where you're usually leaving college/uni, and now you have to learn to make friends when not locked into the same spaces all the time with people the same age
😂😂😂 maybe for Silver spoon rich kids that waste their time/parents money at uni becoming social fuckin weirdos.
And if you have no friends in high school or college?
J. This was a hard watch. I feel you. I utterly understand the utter pointlessness of the fight. But the fight for truth and freedom (in that order) is paramount.
I can't do it. You can.
Keep doing you.
this video is a textbook example of why editing is a must
Taking friendship advice from a man who has had multiple murder attempts on his life dude literally got fire bombed and was in hiding lol
oh that's just an aussie cultural thing, if someone firebombs your house it means they like you.
16:39 - 16:50, yep I agree , also being able to "connect "or as I would say read the room , you have to be weary of the ones that are out for themselves , for one main reason that you can see through there shit and they know it and will do what they can to get you gone. but at the end of the day, best thing to do is be yourself, just be real.
A better you starts today
FIANCE!? Congratulations!
Nice one Jordan. I didn’t take you seriously until I actually sat down and watched a video of yours. I had no idea that this is what you are about. Much respect.
Jordan continuing to record while the building threatened to burn down around him was the highlight of this one.
Putting the obligatory smugness and sarcasm aside, Jordy realy seemed genuinly emotionaly invested into this topic. Wish you all the best Jordy. Your service is aprecciated
1. Ask 10x more questions (emotional ones, and not sad ones)
2. Enter peoples worlds, put yourself in their shoes.
3. Be a little self depricating, let people feel like its okay to be chill and not too serious (balance this dont always be a downer about the things you do)
4. Match the mood 😀😂😭amazingl! Hahaha, awww.
142 comments no one summarised 😭😭 Atleast copy and paste this into youe notes if youre too busy crying from the bashing 😂😂..
Like and sub for more, a better you starts today!!!
3a. Jordan made it clear we shouldn't expect others to depricate each other or hold themselves to a lower standard.
3ish. ignore fire alarms because it's probably just a drill
@@GingerNingerGamesI hate it when my drill sounds like a fire alarm
My spouse is a super connector and i am one of those people that clung the him for the warmth my parents never gave me.
I had too many schools to have learnt how to connect with people in the typical connection style
I am a self-confessed loner and prefer it that way for the most part. Socialising is good and I enjoy it in moderation, but by hell does it tire me out.
you've actually been encouraging me to get better. Sorta subconciously cus it's not me taking direct advice (believe me i try).
first, i am a high school student, so my thoughts really dont matter that much, but i really need to put these somewhere, for someone to at least see. i think there are 2 reasons i feel so lonely,
1. im isolated from most of the school
2. i am not happy.
im isolated from most of the school because i am disabled, queer, and trans (i should try gambling im so lucky). a few years ago some kids found out that i am trans, and from that they guessed i was probably queer as well, after that there was a little bit of general bullying and some physical stuff, but thats past now and now im just isolated from most people but my small group. i would be fine with just this small group, if i could at least interact and feel safe around more people im around. some of the stuff that was done to me has made me scared to step foot in the bathrooms and i dont really talk to people anymore, i mean now that i think about it this is probably a good part of why i am not happy but eh. when you cant talk to the majority of people around you out of fear you just feel alone, it sucks.
the reason im not happy is mostly because i am trans. i came out to my parents and am incredibility incredibly lucky to have accepting parants who let me go to the GP to get refereed to the gender clinic, i was so so exited to finally start doing something to transition, but the wait list is three years, i dont even know if they will let me do the childrens gender clinic at this point, i will be over 18 by the time i can get a first appointment, so will probably need a new referral to go to a different one, it sucks so fucking bad. i get home every day and check the mailbox hoping that i got lucky and there is a appointment for the clinic but all thats ever there is dominoes ads and appointments to the childrens hospital for my disability. i dont think i will ever be happy with myself at this rate. it really does not help that alot of media at the moment is about how evil trans people are and how trans kids a product of abuse, assault ect.
i dont know it does not matter, this point in my life will either be insignificant or very very significant.
It matters to you that you have love and support of your parents, many people of all kinds don't have that. Show them all the love and help you can in return.
You are not trans. Nobody is trans. You are your sex. Learn to accept reality.
second the above comment
^
Thank you jordies I appreciate your social skills crash course for all the autists and otherwise socially awkward people
evil jordies be like a worse me stops tomorrow
get them to remember happy memories and they'll associate you with happy memories
I do all of these naturally but still feel like I don't have any close connections
the path to losing the super connector status is to identify you're a super connector
"it is a curse" - truest line. i want real.
Ive had a lot of shit people around me in the past and just don't trust anyone. I know there are plenty of good people out there but I have grown sick and tired...
Same
Humans? I don't need them I have 3x AI's to play with and they act more moral, less delusional and more logical than most humans too which is fkn sad
I enjoyed this video and learnt a lot
feel like jordan is the physical manifestation of my inner ADHD dialogue. Love you shanks
This video is a perfect highlight of why Jordan is qualified to talk about this, if only because I want to and do give him the benefit of the doubt that it isn't staged when he could die and an alarm goes off saying that he might die, but he self-deprectingly makes fun of keeping on going "for the content".
Fun Fact: Shetland Ponies have a height to the shoulder of 7 to 11 hands.
A 10 hands high Shetland pony is quite common.
I did neither of those things in school. I was the loner kid that couldnt figure out why other kids didnt like me while i reminded the teacher about the homework while simultaneously picking my nose and eating it.
Good advice. Fantastic location, I hope you slapped on the UVB block to protect that great complexion.
Listen, thats the real key, be interested, dont worry if you say something stupid, thats life. Stop thinking of what to say next.
🤗Its Sprinkling 🌧 Here In Newcastle 630pm 🙃
What if the other person doesn't ask any questions in return? Eternal-one-sided-deep-and-meaningfuls that just are not meaningful; you end up a bystander in their speech, no identity, just a gigantic flailing ear.
Master your aloneness, your thoughts and dreams are your best friend, you are married to you for life.
Work hard, work smart, and live with passion and dreams.
Chase your growth and become your happiest future self.
Now go get em tiger!
I’m kinda similar but I exclusively make friends by hanging out with people a lot. My charisma is -1 but I have 4 friends I’d trust my life to. Everyone I’ve had a romantic encounter with has been a friend or acquaintance. My actual point though is most people are boring as fuck to me.
I do ask heaps of questions to people who interest me and I have connection with them but my immediate suggestion is try your best to involve yourself with people who actually interest you. You’ll get connection without forcing it then.
Lots of OPEN questions
I dont trust people and i think friendship is an illusion
Trust issues are definitely justified in a lot of cases, but I've seen many cases of actual friendships where both people actually care for eachother (of course from a 3rd-person perspective, I clicked on this video for a reason)
This is a video I needed. I’m 23 and a woman, but struggle to make connections because I’m not like the stereotypical woman.
Any of the friends I make are through my partner (same age as me) and I only talk to them when he’s there too (they’re also all nearly 30 or over).
I’m an introvert for sure, and I find myself feeling the exact same as the guy who asked this question.
10 hands is a small horse.
That's a pony basically.
For anyone who was curious.
Alright this is about to be acoustic as hell but tbh, I became more socially intelligent as an adult because I felt misunderstood constantly as a child. So when I grew up and started working retai etcl, I was literally paid to help people. Why is helping friends/family any different than being paid to help a stranger? You still get to see someone's face light up because you care about their thing. Plus you learn so many new things by talking to other people. It's just being part of a community.
Thank-you stooge. Perth show was great as usual
My partner is a super connector, whereas I just have 1 close friend. One difference I see between us is that she is a good listener and is genuinely interested in how another person is feeling. However, I am mostly interested in certain topics and won't entertain people if I find them boring. I think that makes a big difference simple as that.
Okay I was just at the start of your video and you said exactly what my comment says 😂 swear I was a minute in
Well, personally, I did have a police background, just a couple of years. Every time I try to ask question, people either feel offended or feel interrogated.
The questions advice for initial interactions is good, but it can go too far. I knew this kid who clearly had adopted this strategy from some type of self help thing, but we never got close because, he didn't answer reciprocal questions, he was wishy washy on almost all ideas, and it just felt contrived(and at times like a one sided interrogation, especially when he would do this while we were drinking a little, it made it feel weird that I shared so much info about myself(more loosely than default since we were drinking) but would not organically provide any himself/was evasive if i returned a question/would change the subject when I asked my own questions).
I think:
1. If you ask a generalizable question you should answer that same question afterwards or relate their answer to your answer
2. If you ask a specific question, you should respond by relating the subject to something interesting you can talk about that is interesting and is a subject between/related to the other person's interests
3. You should do the question format at the start, but after a few different convos across time, just talk normally.
4. Along with the self deprecating thing, you can disagree, express a different opinion or interest as long as you do it with tact and aren't being rude, merely disagreeing or offering a specific personal opinion is not offensive in itself.
Like heres an example, if you ask a person what their friend group was like in undergrad, and they respond "oh i had a somewhat weirdly defined friend group built around a punk music booking org, and a bike shop, it was cool and i have a lot of great memories of shows and doing diy stuff but also sometimes made me too much of a public figure and made me responsible for my friend group" rather than just asking "what do you mean, please expand on that" depending on whats true you can say "oh i was also involved in music in school, the org i was involved in was focused on electronic music though" or "oh i really like some punk music, like the ramones but ive not got deep into it, is that the type of music you were booking?" Or "oh i had a similar experience with friends, my school had frats so there was a big social connection with this sort of formal org and i get what you mean" or "oh thats interesting, i guess my friend group was people i knew from classes and meeting them at events, but we didnt have like a specific thing we were doing, do you think that makes a big difference?" or "oh i like doing diy stuff, i quilt blankets and do textile art, what types of diy stuff would you all do?" And go from there. As much as the 'getting people to emotionally connect' thing is true, making concrete interest connections is also HUGE for landing a hangout invite(or to offer one yourself) because you both know what types of activities might interest both of you(e.g. oh theres this punk show this weekend i was thinking about going to, wanna go too? Oh i was going to carve pumpkins for halloween, wanna come by and do that? Etc) with my example guy, I never even got a sense of what music he liked, so I didn't really invite him to any shows I was going to, cuz he didn't come to mind when I thought 'who's in the area that also like this music'.
a life changing sermon, wish they preached this kind of stuff in church
I’m shitting to this 🎉
Never tell me what to do
Same
🧻
Username checks out
We getting out of the bathroom stall with this one 🔥🔥🔥
I have great friends, and we love each other, with no expectation.
I understand where you are coming from. I don't know what you were on.
Please seek help.
I know you've had a shit time .
It is not a failure to ask for help.
I have been here too.
I'm not lonely, my problem is that shelter is too expensive. I would love to be able to comfortably live alone but it costs me an arm and aa leg.
Hahahaha bro that start of this was hilarious and relatable 😂😂
Thanks, a better me does start today.
Seriously J. And i'm not being frivolous... Are you ok? You are never alone.
I’ve got heaps of mates it’s just that nobody else can see them
The sitting in a circle and bitching is SO SO TRUE!!!
a better me starts today bc i actually know how to talk to people meaningfully 😮
This is the missing link to my tupperware parties being a farken success
Yeah I've met your fiancé once and in a 10 minute conversation like 5 years ago I can say she is absolutely that good at this as you say.
Since its not second nature to me, even when I was using it frequently I find it very taxing.
I feel like I didn’t need to get insulted there at the end just because I don’t need your advice on making friends… „Jordan“
Cant believe he made a video about my life!
What an opening line lmao
Around 10 years ago at likely the age of 22 I’d been at a table of older, and better traveled people. One had stories of the time he’d met with Gaddafi. I had nothing to contribute. Didn’t want to feel that again.
I think the answer to that is to try to live the most interesting life as you can so you can one day be the one telling the most interesting stories at the table?
Jordan Shanks’ “Bashing Your Friends” available now on Spotify!
I’m belligerent and annoying.
I’ve made my choice…
But I don't care about other people's lives. What ever shall i do
pretend
P-funk Wright thinking. Every day, learn something new.. Roll with the changes.
I'm about to have a full pandemic argument with you and felling like cunts. You've helped me out alot. I want more.....
People throw the word friend around too much these days...
There is a massive difference between acquaintances(which is what this yields) and actual quality friends who you can trust and rely on.
Asking someone 20 questions is going to magically make them give a fuck if your dog dies or something.
My horse is 15 hands high and his name is Webster 🧐🐎
Me Myself and I are great company 👍🏽
Friends are like time, have too much or too little either way makes you kind of an odd person.
(Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg). Thankyou, I’ve enjoyed the recap of the key points and I like the way you make the key messages accessible. Wish I’d heard this about 50 years ago.
What if my life is genuinely so fucked and disorganised and I’m exhausted I can’t even be in a situation around people bc I am so poor and restricted bc I’m 21 and doing uni 😆
I've always wanted to be better at accomplishing things 😯
i need to bite the bullet and move to New York or Boston so I can meet local age appropriate people. Realistically back to DC where most of my friends are located. This town is sort of an in between uni and career stage of life. The friends at the poppin restaurant worked were fine but it was more like we would drink a bunch together every once in a while and I left that job
what if you don’t like most people? Are people who are generally unwilling to develop their social skills still welcome in your community? 😐
How do you make friends if you have difficulty speaking? I was diagnosed with autism when I when I was a child and communicating verbally is not something I am very good at.
If you struggle with something, just keep trying until you get better at it. The important thing is to not give up when it goes wrong, just try again and again, you’ll get better each time
Heres a question ; the background wheres that? Im going to guess port douglas or bali hehe
Aaaahhhh, quick evacuate the island!
Watch out for that pony lobby, seinfeld didn't think anyone had a pony too
10 hands is short for a horse. 4 inches make a hand. 3 hands make a foot
I can relate to this so much I am 25. It's just hard.
As above
So below